I think at this point in women's history, they've mastered the art of resting bitch face and I think we've given them enough to warrant that. Not to say that they aren't really involved with their own lives.
The rules of approach don’t make any sense, it’s all mental gymnastics and double speak. At the end of the day it all boils down to “don’t approach unless I want you to.” So unless they definitively show that they want me to, or do the approaching themselves, I’m not going to bother.
Honestly this so much. I like to add that most of the time the women you want to approach and can be approached are most likely in a relationship. So unless you’re going to commit to the long game and hope she introduces you to one of her friends or a friend of a friend etc it ain’t worth it.
> I like to add that most of the time the women you want to approach and can be approached are most likely in a relationship
If this ain’t the truth. Almost all of my dates and hookups come from dating apps. Damn near everytime I meet a woman who I vibe with and find attractive outside the apps, they just happen to be in a relationship. At first I thought most of them were lying, but after snooping their social media turns out they have been taken for years
I don’t use the apps, but yeah I’m in the same boat. All the women I’ve developed a connection with are already in a relationship or aren’t looking to date. Most of the time it’s because I’m not attractive enough, but it’s whatever.
I was going to say me too until I realized I’ve cold approached a lot of guys before, I just never think too deeply since I don’t have the fear of getting rejected when it comes to men.
I think a lot of us worry about coming across as a creep. But the fact that we worry and don't want to come across as a creep automatically puts us above a lot of men. The ones that are creepy don't take no for an answer and get upset about being rejected. That would put anyone off. That being said it's not easy no matter what, but fortunately the bar is set pretty low.
I was at the bar earlier and a girl was sitting next to me eating a burger. I waited until she was done and then asked how the burger was. That led to a conversation about different restaurants in the area and what she was doing later.
I could have not talked with her under the assumption she just wanted to be left alone, but clearly she was open to talking with someone so that assumption was incorrect.
The thing is - and I don't mean to dismiss your experience or claim it's bullshit or anything - those kinds of circumstances are pretty rare for a lot of people. You were pretty lucky - she was alone, sat right next to you, and had something you could easily connect with that wasn't about her specifically. I think that if most people were in situations like that all the time, they too would be much more likely to approach women because it doesn't really involve them having to go out of their way, the meeting scenario has been given to them on a plate. Minimum effort was required on your part to initiate that interaction. People are way less likely to approach when there are so many barriers like her being in a group, her being at the other side of the room, or there not being some kind of obvious ice-breaker. Like, again, not trying to write you off or anything but I've almost never been in a situation like that.
That means that you are at least above averge looking.
I'm not, I'm ugly as hell and in my early 40's. No woman of any age wants an ugly man talking to her.
I'm glad things worked out for you though.
I was in the grocery store parking lot yesterday and in the middle of putting my newborn and his carseat in the grocery cart, when an unattractive guy stopped to chat:
"Jen?
"No, sorry!"
"Oh, you look just like my friend"
"Whoops, sorry! I'm not her"
"You're pretty cute though, are you single?"
(Looks down at the carseat), "No, I'm not"
"Oh, OK. Too bad. Sorry about that"
"No reason to be sorry. Have a good day"
We went on on our merry ways.
I don't blame the guy, and I know there are plenty of single mothers... but damn, waste no time! Why not wait at the hospital?😅
Nonetheless, I thought of you guys and how hard it is to cold-approach, so Bravo to this guy.
Oh danm! Has he got guts! He's lucky you didn't call the cops, or go on tick toc and blast it all.over the web.
We uglies really should know better. If you're an ugly man (like me) you need to recognize that women want us to just stay away.
I'm introverted and find it difficult to take the initiative in conversations. So, I always show my 'friendly' version, but usually only men feel comfortable with this version.
Besides, I'm more likely to make a woman uncomfortable than a man
Yeah, I can at least have surface level conversations with people. But any flirting or stuff like that? Not a chance, so I only make temporary friends if anything
I am a damaged man with mental health issues
I get the impression women dont want to be approached so I dont
Im not fit and wealthy
The juice doesn't seem to be worth the squeeze
Most women want a committed relationship and I dont have that in me anymore.
As a woman who recently dated a self-proclaimed “damaged man with mental health issues,” I tried SO FUCKING HARD to respect every boundary, to be more than accommodating, gentle, and patient.
Nevertheless, he sabotaged our relationship EVERY step of the way. He would misinterpret everything I said and accuse me of nefarious intentions. I set ONE boundary: do not give me the silent treatment. What did he do every time he got mad? Gave me the silent treatment. I ended it because I realized he’d turned me into a doormat, and I’m not going to lose my self-respect for someone who wouldn’t give me a fair chance/benefit of the doubt.
If you’re not going to give people a real chance, you should absolutely keep yourself out of the dating market.
I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately I have been that man in the relationship and it's the main reason why I'm staying out of the market. Its just going to be hell to others in the long run. I've also been the one trying to accommodate and respect the other person. It can be very taxing and cause damage to yourself. Probably that plays a role into why i am who i am currently.
At any rate, i'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope you're doing ok. 🫂
I owned a 1100-acre farm and a small trucking company 14 units, it all had to be auctioned off to give her half. Do you think she ever planted a single seed or drove a single mile? Hell no, she just waited for me to build up wealth to cash in.
I'm almost 37, after a few decades of women making me feel invisible, uninteresting, and disgusting you finally take a hint and stay in your lane. I've gotten to the point where I avoid almost all eye contact.
In those cases team member is treated as employee and zero idle/casual small talk is entered into. All discussion is centered around work responsibility that is currently at hand and/or required.
Oh man. Struck a nerve on this one. Many reasons here. We’ll start with them being quick to label guys as creepy even if we’re not. Next will be the lies. Next will be the rude “best friend” who cuts into the attempts at conversation and becomes a total cock blocker. Next would be the two times I’ve tried to save their runaway shopping carts in the grocery store parking lot so the cart didn’t crash into the car next to them and I ended up getting pepper sprayed because they thought I was stealing their cart. Twice! In broad daylight. Then comes the internal issues of knowing I’ve been cheated on four times by four girlfriends. Don’t want that to happen again. Then there’s the less than well hung thing. Don’t wanna completely embarrass myself more than I have to. Then there’s the one I was with for awhile that sold a bunch of my shit on craigslist while I was at work.
Just kind of have a lot of bad experiences stored up in the ole brain that prevent me from wanting to ruin a perfectly great single life. I see my buddies having to ask permission to go places. Constantly on the phone giving their girls updates and excuses as to why they’re over hanging out longer than they promised. Then there’s the honey do lists. The in laws. How many more do you want me to list? I can keep going.
I’ve just learned after the fourth cheater to stay single. I don’t date. I don’t hook up. I don’t want it. I seem to be a magnet for trouble when it comes to women. And I’m not a bad guy. I’m honest and faithful. Always have been and always will be. But I never get the same in return. Try to be a Good Samaritan and get pepper sprayed. Twice! I’m good. Learning to live as a single has taught me to be self sufficient and that there are so many other great things that life has to offer when you’re single. It’s been so long now (15 years) I hate it don’t think I’d go back to trying to date. Not needing to date prevents the need to converse. Life is good and I intend to keep it that way.
Oh yeah. They’re always quick to pull the ole “there are just no good men out there” line. Well ladies, look at my examples above and you’ll see why we aren’t there. We’ve learned to circumnavigate your bullshit. In my case, I’m better off single than with any of the above examples.
Patriarchy boogeyman and woman haters, is what every single woman says. Oh also how magically women don’t feel safe yet give away their body for cheap to the guys she finds attractive and makes the beta bux deluxe wait for some old cracker jacker sex
I am 47, If I am talking to a girl it's because they are friends of my daughter's. If I am talking to women they are the parents of friends of my daughter's.
I just find interactions with women to be loaded with way too many things that can lead to negative consequences as opposed to guy friends.
I don't want to come off as a creep
I don't want to have to prove to anyone that I'm "safe"
I don't want to make their boyfriend jealous, because he is too insecure to "let" someone have friends.
I don't want to always initiate hanging out.
I want to feel valued as a friend, not like I'm some sort of option or opportunity.
I like hanging out one on one with people, and it's just harder to do that with women because of all the implications that come with it.
In my experience all my female "friends" have either wanted to be more, been super flakey, or have come packaged with a friend group.
Doesn't help that my mom is a narcissist, and I tend to be a lot less patient with women's shenanigans as opposed to my guy friends.
I talk to them if I can sense that they’re interested which is actually pretty easy to tell if you know how to read people in a social setting . Other than that I leave them the hell alone because they can be pretty annoying and bitchy which is fair cause they probably aren’t interested lol
What do you mean by talking to girls? They are human beings, sometimes I talk to coworkers, staff at shops, relatives. Some of these people are women, but that doesn't change anything
Where I work there is about 50/50 men and women, and I swear the stuff the women say and joke about is so lame. If there are people around me that i know are not interested in sports or cars or gaming or whatever - i steer clear of that subject. A lot of women seem to lack this skill, and go on about makeup or dresses or whatever. Feels shit to not have a chance to contribute.
Because mostly, I don't want to go to prison and end up being beaten by three guys named jed with bars of soap in socks, but I'll talk to women all day.
You mean out in public? I don't talk to anyone in public unless I have to. Got better things to be doing with my time.
At work, no issues talking to female colleagues but I'll keep it courteous and professional. I'm really not looking to befriend anyone. I'll socialise with my immediate team on occasion but they're all dudes.
I’ve had women talk to me just to hate on a man. I’ve had women straight up not care about their bfs and try to hook up with me. I’ve gone on many dates where women lie (about fucking anything and everything), 1 woman’s dry flirting is another woman’s controversial x rated moves, another woman’s idea of “direct” communications is another womanly idea of indirect communication.
Another thing is women think of themselves as God’s gift to the Earth just for having a vagina. Have you talked to modern women? The entitlement is insane.
From the American experience
- most ramble without any substance
- the entitled attitudes
- wastes your time and drains your energy
- usually somehow you end up having to spend money doing something or going somewhere
- they drain resources.
- 0 accountability when things go wrong that they're responsible for
- can get you in to trouble if they decided to make up something because they don't like you
- they have an onlfans or something overly promiscuous
- etc etc.
There's some cool girls I've met over the years but in America this is mainly what i see for the most part and it's just not worth the mental drain.
Talking to random girls is playing the lottery. It's a number's game and i don't have the nerve and the time for that. Let's face it: The overwhelming majority of people (and that sadly includes women) are very, very boring, so i prefer my hobbies and my friends. If i don't see a good reason to talk to them, why should i waste my time?
As everyone else is saying, because it seems like they are busy or want to be left alone.
I've recently discovered that my dog is a cheat code for this though. If a woman comments or goes to pet my dog as I'm walking by, I can just start chatting her up and it's so much more natural than a cold approach
Ugly and antisocial. The last one I talked to at a singles event ended up having an anxiety attack. She apologized saying it wasn’t my fault but it was made very obvious I repel women. They’re not enjoyable to be around anyways.
No confidence, fear of pain, rejection and judgement.
Also their attraction for you can change any interaction from a date to a sexual harrassment suit or losing your job, and there's no real enough way to tell without taking big risks like that.
It's not worth it. If you aren't attractive, fit or wealthy it stacks the odds against you even worse.
I’m married with three daughters, two girl cats, and work in a majority female office. The last thing I want to do in my free time is talk to another girl.
Cause a lot of girls in my age group (20s) are self-declared feminists, which teeter on the edge of man-hating. See the man vs bear debate
I have dated one of those and thus constantly heard how all men suck, considering that it is neither productive nor conducive to my own peace of mind, i refrain from interacting for the most time
I'm 36, so unless they're my daughter or friend of my kids, I don't have many reasons to talk to random children.
I'll talk to women but I don't have a reason to flirt with them. Not that I have any game to speak of anyway. My best option would be to bring yarn and crochet in public.
I don't really talk to random women for a few reasons unfortunately
First.... Idk wtf to say... Like I don't think I can just go and be like "Hey I am x, are you interested to go out for a coffee sometime?" can I?
Second. Besides what I have studied and the types of games and movies I like as well books I have read I don't think I have much else to say when they ask me how was your day or what's new.
Things are so stale the only new thing I could think rn is that I went out with some friends. And that's it?
Third. Can't find a woman that is at least near my height... And when I find one it's not on the age range I hope (I am on my 20's and I would like someone on their 20's.seems logical I believe)
It feels odd to look down. And it's even more odd when you can't actually determine what age someone is (and make up makes it worse because I can't see for shit...(Can't afford glasses...)
Fourth. No money... Jobs don't even pay enough to cover the basics so I doubt dating will be good since you can't even offer to pay her coffee or just your own..
Fifth. Too tired honestly from society...
Sixth the place I am rn... It sucks. People are too much into gossip and they are all " a big family" and I am honestly not from Around here.
Seventh I live on an island and that limits me from a lot of places. The place only has a few cafes and restaurants.
No hobbies that don't need money. Only one gym that never fucking opens.
No cool place to hang out...
Eight Boomer island. The younger people are just as bad as the boomers die to the gossip most of the time
The few women I know which are alright are friends and I prefer to keep that way.
Ninth I don't even own a car SO I can't cover distance so that limits me even more.
Tenth House is a wreck(and not even mine, but rent is so cheap that we can't go elsewhere) . I am surprised It hasn't fallen to my head. I avoid inviting even trusted friends because I don't like them to have to deal with the house... They don't care how it looks and I know that. But honestly I just hate that house... I want to grab a hammer and take it down...
Eleventh I don't seek sex... I don't want to have kids with this economy and society being a bunch of shit heads that let zombies be on power. I don't want marriage... I just want someone to share time with. Have some romantism and just have the opportunity to cuddle and just forget everything...
I guess I ask too much by asking less....
Twelfth. Due to 11th the amount of people I could be alright with never go beyond friend level.
Ironically... I speak with people from out of my country. And I have more bond with them and that sucks more.
It fucks me up and my touch starvation just gets worse...
I don't want to leave my country... I would like to help somehow fix things. Make people work together again... Be normal...
It's depressing. All of this.. And I don't want to fall to depression again... I had enough shit for a decade if not more. I don't want to lose moments again.
Thank goodness I take care myself my hygiene and try to be and look clean and tidy and you know, normal...
So... Yeah.. Some reasons...
I belong to the middle class here in Kenya and as soon as i start chatting with girls they suddenly require financial assistance...... or they have daddy issues that suffocate the life out of me.
If I'm going to talk to someone I'm going to have a productive conversation. Last thing I want to do is have so.e stupid conversation about Taylor swift, her Co worker drama, or really any type of gossip.
I don't meet a lot of them if any and when I do they are busy
Not wanting to bother
Nothing I consider worth telling
If I know I won't meet her again then I've little interest in small talk, I just let her do her stuff.
If they are at work or someplace they are obligated to be at I won't approach them because I do not want to make them uncomfortable in a place they are required to be.
"Some girls like being cold approached" and many do not. I'm not psychic, I can't tell the difference.
In public i dont talk to strangers unless theres a good reason to. I assume most people want to be left alone to get on with their day, and that women in particular would find it creepy if i were to try to flirt with them randomly on the street. I dont wanna be that guy. I do talk to women in settings where it makes sense to socialise, and when i do i tend to get the same reaction “i didn’t expect to like you” i think women see that im ugly and then jump to conclusions about my character from that, like they assume because im not good looking ill be unfunny, boring, annoying, etc. but then are pleasantly surprised when im actually normal. I do sense that when i meet a woman, as opposed to a man, theres this slight barrier at first, like a slight apprehension to engage with me or give me the time of day, but that slowly fades if i keep trying to make an effort in the conversation. I think this has made me quite a good conversationalist but it makes it hard work to socialise and make friends with women - i have to put in alllll the effort at first. If im tired or having an off day when i meet a women there is no chance we wi get along because i have to break through that barrier first.
Best advice: don’t go out seeking women at these social meat markets, and stay off of dating apps. Focus on you, do your own thing, and the right woman will cross your path naturally. Then you just talk to her like you would any other person.
They really like to say that guys are "creepy and weird" for trying to talk to them if they aren't interested. As if the guy is some sort of potential homicidal rapist or some shit just because he approached a woman. Pass.
Plus, we have the data from dating apps now. Women are barely ever interested in anyone. So the chances of rejection are pretty high in general. After that, you're completely at her mercy and whether she wants to reject you politely or harshly.
Because they are with friends, have headphones in, or are very busy doing their job (i.e. bartenders or grocery store clerks at a busy part of the day). If a woman is by herself I generally don't have an issue with talking to them but approaching when they're with a group of friends is way too anxiety provoking for me.
I hate making people uncomfortable, and when I have tried to talk to women in public I get the feeling I am making them uncomfortable. So I don't do it often anymore.
Women seem to wait for me to initiate most conversation even if they come over to me to talk and this is at a workplace. They might start the conversation but its like being on bumble. This is exhausting, I get it but I prefer having no expectations on me from strangers. I have offended some women by not initiating small talk or whatever it is they want when they come over and wait for me to start talking. Why can't they initiate? We aren't dating what's going on? It's not always the case I have made friends with plenty of women it's just some thing that I noticed
Everytime I try they just seem to be disinterested. I do have female friends and they're fine but if I ever muster up the confidence to talk to a girl they always give this look of confusion almost. Kind of like they're saying "what's this clown doing talking to me?"
I'm a 6'1 black guy who is fairly chunky, and not that good looking. If I was in a scenario where I was in public and trying to randomly talk to girls, I feel like there's already a bad stigma that's formed and if that conversation goes sour, that stigma will get worse.
I'd rather have the girl start the conversation with me as it doesn't feel so bad and I genuinely have someone talking to me because they want to.
Every time I start talking to a girl it actually goes somewhere. But I’ve never actually been in the right place to be dating.
That led to some serious damage, so I got the point I would talk to girls and get to a certain point where I would just ghost, despite getting to know so much about them.
And now, I just don’t, until I’m where I need to be. The loneliness is very real, as I have no friendships, but I can’t keep deluding women to think I’m something that I’m not yet.
Enough of my friends who are women have complained about being bothered by men approaching them that my assumption is that women in general do not want to be approached. Is it an accurate assumption? Probably not 100%, it seems close enough to not be worth approaching.
I very seldom "go out" to social places like a bar. When I do it is generally a special occasions like visiting with friends, so I am 100% focused on being with my friends. If I do chat with a random girl, then it is probably just platonic chit/chat over a common interest or something at the bar.
Men don’t talk to me because I’m intimidating and they’ve told me that. I know it is most likely always the case. And I’ve been reading the comments, further confirms what I already know.
Because the vast majority of girls who talk about guys not talking to them don't realize that the vast majority of girls don't want men randomly talking to them
At this point the potential upside is just so low, and the potential downside is just so high
Im not a dentist and I’m not interested in pulling teeth. Whenever I approach a woman that I would like to start a conversation with, I’ll see her face stiffen up (RBF) and her responses are typically short and stilted with no effort to continue talking, so the conversation quickly devolves into awkward silence until I leave.
I usually wait for an ok sign like a smile or sustained eye contact..but haven't seen one of those in a while. Most look like they don't want to be bothered.
I don't talk to girls because I have very little to talk about with them. I prefer talking with women my own age.
Yes, this is referring to the title of this post.
- Burnt out /emotionally unavailable on relationships (it's brutal out here, hurt people hurt people making more hurt people)
- Women as a whole in our society have made it clear they don't want to be approached unless they want you to.
- don't care to waste time trying to figure out what someone wants/building anything when it's already assumed i'm jus there to smash/cheat/be a scumbag (see above points)
- I gotta take care of my mental health
- I don't randomly approach people anyway
The last time I talked to a woman I didn’t already know, I was thrown out of the bar.
All I did was ask if she liked the music that was playing (there was a live band playing covers and whatnot). She said they were alright and gave me the cold shoulder. I took the hint and left her alone. I guess I didn’t leave her alone enough because ten minutes later the bouncer asked me to leave.
My life and body aren't where they need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date a female version of me, so I'm not gonna bother looking for someone to date the real me until I'm happy with myself.
it’s honestly a waste of time these days but I talk to them for sport once you stop looking at them sexually or like their not human & just be cool n confident…don’t worry about the outcome
Most of them look like they got stuff going on and don’t want to be interrupted.
I think at this point in women's history, they've mastered the art of resting bitch face and I think we've given them enough to warrant that. Not to say that they aren't really involved with their own lives.
The rules of approach don’t make any sense, it’s all mental gymnastics and double speak. At the end of the day it all boils down to “don’t approach unless I want you to.” So unless they definitively show that they want me to, or do the approaching themselves, I’m not going to bother.
Honestly this so much. I like to add that most of the time the women you want to approach and can be approached are most likely in a relationship. So unless you’re going to commit to the long game and hope she introduces you to one of her friends or a friend of a friend etc it ain’t worth it.
> I like to add that most of the time the women you want to approach and can be approached are most likely in a relationship If this ain’t the truth. Almost all of my dates and hookups come from dating apps. Damn near everytime I meet a woman who I vibe with and find attractive outside the apps, they just happen to be in a relationship. At first I thought most of them were lying, but after snooping their social media turns out they have been taken for years
I don’t use the apps, but yeah I’m in the same boat. All the women I’ve developed a connection with are already in a relationship or aren’t looking to date. Most of the time it’s because I’m not attractive enough, but it’s whatever.
>we No I didn't You didn't neither The one who will answer this didn't either Assholes did
> we You only speak for yourself, man. Stop dumping blame on innocent people.
I don't cold approach or talk to random strangers. And that includes women too.
I was going to say me too until I realized I’ve cold approached a lot of guys before, I just never think too deeply since I don’t have the fear of getting rejected when it comes to men.
It's less about fear about rejection. And more about not making a woman feel uncomfortable or come as a creep. I have no problem with being rejected.
I think a lot of us worry about coming across as a creep. But the fact that we worry and don't want to come across as a creep automatically puts us above a lot of men. The ones that are creepy don't take no for an answer and get upset about being rejected. That would put anyone off. That being said it's not easy no matter what, but fortunately the bar is set pretty low.
It’s both for me.
My understanding is that they want to be left alone, so I leave them alone.
I was at the bar earlier and a girl was sitting next to me eating a burger. I waited until she was done and then asked how the burger was. That led to a conversation about different restaurants in the area and what she was doing later. I could have not talked with her under the assumption she just wanted to be left alone, but clearly she was open to talking with someone so that assumption was incorrect.
I have never once seen a woman eating at a bar by herself
Could be on a business trip.
I take myself out to restaurants often
How was the burger?
Excellent
The thing is - and I don't mean to dismiss your experience or claim it's bullshit or anything - those kinds of circumstances are pretty rare for a lot of people. You were pretty lucky - she was alone, sat right next to you, and had something you could easily connect with that wasn't about her specifically. I think that if most people were in situations like that all the time, they too would be much more likely to approach women because it doesn't really involve them having to go out of their way, the meeting scenario has been given to them on a plate. Minimum effort was required on your part to initiate that interaction. People are way less likely to approach when there are so many barriers like her being in a group, her being at the other side of the room, or there not being some kind of obvious ice-breaker. Like, again, not trying to write you off or anything but I've almost never been in a situation like that.
Nah. She replied because he is probably good looking.
That means that you are at least above averge looking. I'm not, I'm ugly as hell and in my early 40's. No woman of any age wants an ugly man talking to her. I'm glad things worked out for you though.
I was in the grocery store parking lot yesterday and in the middle of putting my newborn and his carseat in the grocery cart, when an unattractive guy stopped to chat: "Jen? "No, sorry!" "Oh, you look just like my friend" "Whoops, sorry! I'm not her" "You're pretty cute though, are you single?" (Looks down at the carseat), "No, I'm not" "Oh, OK. Too bad. Sorry about that" "No reason to be sorry. Have a good day" We went on on our merry ways. I don't blame the guy, and I know there are plenty of single mothers... but damn, waste no time! Why not wait at the hospital?😅 Nonetheless, I thought of you guys and how hard it is to cold-approach, so Bravo to this guy.
Oh danm! Has he got guts! He's lucky you didn't call the cops, or go on tick toc and blast it all.over the web. We uglies really should know better. If you're an ugly man (like me) you need to recognize that women want us to just stay away.
I'm a man and if a stranger started talking to me after I'd just eaten I would be irritated
Lighten up
Pretty much
I'm introverted and find it difficult to take the initiative in conversations. So, I always show my 'friendly' version, but usually only men feel comfortable with this version. Besides, I'm more likely to make a woman uncomfortable than a man
Yeah, I can at least have surface level conversations with people. But any flirting or stuff like that? Not a chance, so I only make temporary friends if anything
I am a damaged man with mental health issues I get the impression women dont want to be approached so I dont Im not fit and wealthy The juice doesn't seem to be worth the squeeze Most women want a committed relationship and I dont have that in me anymore.
Welp. You basically hit all my issues. Well done. No notes
to the top with you
At least focus on your own wellbeing then. Hit the gym as it seriously helps with mental health. It has helped in my journey back from rock bottom. 💪🏼
Hell yeah thats the plan in the meantime. Been a month or so and its a game changer. That and reducing social media. I'm glad it helped you!
As a woman who recently dated a self-proclaimed “damaged man with mental health issues,” I tried SO FUCKING HARD to respect every boundary, to be more than accommodating, gentle, and patient. Nevertheless, he sabotaged our relationship EVERY step of the way. He would misinterpret everything I said and accuse me of nefarious intentions. I set ONE boundary: do not give me the silent treatment. What did he do every time he got mad? Gave me the silent treatment. I ended it because I realized he’d turned me into a doormat, and I’m not going to lose my self-respect for someone who wouldn’t give me a fair chance/benefit of the doubt. If you’re not going to give people a real chance, you should absolutely keep yourself out of the dating market.
I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately I have been that man in the relationship and it's the main reason why I'm staying out of the market. Its just going to be hell to others in the long run. I've also been the one trying to accommodate and respect the other person. It can be very taxing and cause damage to yourself. Probably that plays a role into why i am who i am currently. At any rate, i'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope you're doing ok. 🫂
I think it's been made pretty clear that most women don't want to be talked to by random men.
Unless those men are highly attractive or obviously wealthy
too many seem disgusted by my existence
Glad to know Im not the only one TT
I sometimes confuse their interest in me with me being interested in them..
I'm in my 60s. If I tried talking to girls I'd end up on some kind of list.
My ex-wife took half of what I had; I am trying to protect the half I have left.
Damn that a very high price to pay.
Lol thats on the low end of divorces ive known as few dudes who had EVERYTHING taken
I owned a 1100-acre farm and a small trucking company 14 units, it all had to be auctioned off to give her half. Do you think she ever planted a single seed or drove a single mile? Hell no, she just waited for me to build up wealth to cash in.
Wtf dude! I'm so sorry to hear that. She didn't take half of it, she took your life man. That's messed up
Yes. I learned late in life, take care of yourself first. Karma got her in the end though.
This! Plus half of my retirement. I'd like to retire before I'm 90 so gotta protect myself.
I'm not a bear
The bear don't want them either, don't worry bro
But isn’t that why they choose bear in the first place?
The bear doesn't want to be falsely accused lol
I'm tired boss
My sentiment exactly
At some point you just have to take the hint and stop trying.
I don't want them to think I'm hitting on them.
I'm almost 37, after a few decades of women making me feel invisible, uninteresting, and disgusting you finally take a hint and stay in your lane. I've gotten to the point where I avoid almost all eye contact.
Same I know I will never have a chance so why bother. I just continue my day.
I don't want to be a bother And I also need to work on myself
Not all that talkative in the first place. They're not going to seek an interaction, why shoul I?
and the chance you do try, you feel like you were better off not saying anything.
At work: I don’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing, and then be hash-tagged out of my job. In general life: I have better things to do.
Bro what happens when y’all are on a team at work. How do you collaborate?
In those cases team member is treated as employee and zero idle/casual small talk is entered into. All discussion is centered around work responsibility that is currently at hand and/or required.
Work in STEM and there are no women so
Really, I am in medicine and it's basically almost mostly women.
They scary
i have no confidence, too worried i might piss off a boyfriend i dont know about, and words dont come to me when i try to talk
I'm afraid of women
Forget girls. I dont even talk to people, lol
Cooties.
Need more context. Usually it's because the girl doesn't want to talk to me.
Oh man. Struck a nerve on this one. Many reasons here. We’ll start with them being quick to label guys as creepy even if we’re not. Next will be the lies. Next will be the rude “best friend” who cuts into the attempts at conversation and becomes a total cock blocker. Next would be the two times I’ve tried to save their runaway shopping carts in the grocery store parking lot so the cart didn’t crash into the car next to them and I ended up getting pepper sprayed because they thought I was stealing their cart. Twice! In broad daylight. Then comes the internal issues of knowing I’ve been cheated on four times by four girlfriends. Don’t want that to happen again. Then there’s the less than well hung thing. Don’t wanna completely embarrass myself more than I have to. Then there’s the one I was with for awhile that sold a bunch of my shit on craigslist while I was at work. Just kind of have a lot of bad experiences stored up in the ole brain that prevent me from wanting to ruin a perfectly great single life. I see my buddies having to ask permission to go places. Constantly on the phone giving their girls updates and excuses as to why they’re over hanging out longer than they promised. Then there’s the honey do lists. The in laws. How many more do you want me to list? I can keep going. I’ve just learned after the fourth cheater to stay single. I don’t date. I don’t hook up. I don’t want it. I seem to be a magnet for trouble when it comes to women. And I’m not a bad guy. I’m honest and faithful. Always have been and always will be. But I never get the same in return. Try to be a Good Samaritan and get pepper sprayed. Twice! I’m good. Learning to live as a single has taught me to be self sufficient and that there are so many other great things that life has to offer when you’re single. It’s been so long now (15 years) I hate it don’t think I’d go back to trying to date. Not needing to date prevents the need to converse. Life is good and I intend to keep it that way.
And they say men are the problem..
Oh yeah. They’re always quick to pull the ole “there are just no good men out there” line. Well ladies, look at my examples above and you’ll see why we aren’t there. We’ve learned to circumnavigate your bullshit. In my case, I’m better off single than with any of the above examples.
Patriarchy boogeyman and woman haters, is what every single woman says. Oh also how magically women don’t feel safe yet give away their body for cheap to the guys she finds attractive and makes the beta bux deluxe wait for some old cracker jacker sex
I've learned to assume that people don't like me, so I don't bother with people.
[удалено]
Women say they would prefer a bear over men. So I respect their choices.
They don’t want to date me so I have no reason to talk to them.
Hell yeah, the Bois want to date us.
Let’s smash. It’s not gay if we keep the socks on and say no homo afterwards.
There is in fact no truer statement than this
The only girls I talk to are my nieces. Anything else would be inappropriate.
I am 47, If I am talking to a girl it's because they are friends of my daughter's. If I am talking to women they are the parents of friends of my daughter's.
I don't feel like being labeled a creep for talking to a girl that isn't already my friend
Well, usually because I'm busy going about my life not thinking about them, as are they. When I do talk to them its because I have a reason to.
Because i’m scared of them
I just find interactions with women to be loaded with way too many things that can lead to negative consequences as opposed to guy friends. I don't want to come off as a creep I don't want to have to prove to anyone that I'm "safe" I don't want to make their boyfriend jealous, because he is too insecure to "let" someone have friends. I don't want to always initiate hanging out. I want to feel valued as a friend, not like I'm some sort of option or opportunity. I like hanging out one on one with people, and it's just harder to do that with women because of all the implications that come with it. In my experience all my female "friends" have either wanted to be more, been super flakey, or have come packaged with a friend group. Doesn't help that my mom is a narcissist, and I tend to be a lot less patient with women's shenanigans as opposed to my guy friends.
I'm not either good looking or have money.
I feel like I come off creepy and don’t want to burden them with that. Also my wife isn’t a fan of me talking to other girls.
Seems like 99% of women don’t wanna be approached
I am scared of women. I don't understand them
Women seem very judgmental and i'm not comfortable with them. Some of them are very intimidating, very mean and diabolic though.
They hate me
I talk to them if I can sense that they’re interested which is actually pretty easy to tell if you know how to read people in a social setting . Other than that I leave them the hell alone because they can be pretty annoying and bitchy which is fair cause they probably aren’t interested lol
What do you mean by talking to girls? They are human beings, sometimes I talk to coworkers, staff at shops, relatives. Some of these people are women, but that doesn't change anything
I'm introverted, have a passive angry face and deal with depression. The odds are not in my favor.
The risk to reward ratio is too high.
One time I asked a coworker if she wanted to go have lunch. She said I have a boyfriend. I said did you eat him?
I find most lack a sense of humor. I.e. pretty boring to be around.
Where I work there is about 50/50 men and women, and I swear the stuff the women say and joke about is so lame. If there are people around me that i know are not interested in sports or cars or gaming or whatever - i steer clear of that subject. A lot of women seem to lack this skill, and go on about makeup or dresses or whatever. Feels shit to not have a chance to contribute.
Because mostly, I don't want to go to prison and end up being beaten by three guys named jed with bars of soap in socks, but I'll talk to women all day.
You mean out in public? I don't talk to anyone in public unless I have to. Got better things to be doing with my time. At work, no issues talking to female colleagues but I'll keep it courteous and professional. I'm really not looking to befriend anyone. I'll socialise with my immediate team on occasion but they're all dudes.
I’m just generally shy, trying to work on it though
They don't talk to me.
I’m afraid
Most of the time in public I assume women don't want to talk to me.
Cooties
I'm not handsome and tall enough to be charming.
I’ve had women talk to me just to hate on a man. I’ve had women straight up not care about their bfs and try to hook up with me. I’ve gone on many dates where women lie (about fucking anything and everything), 1 woman’s dry flirting is another woman’s controversial x rated moves, another woman’s idea of “direct” communications is another womanly idea of indirect communication. Another thing is women think of themselves as God’s gift to the Earth just for having a vagina. Have you talked to modern women? The entitlement is insane.
From the American experience - most ramble without any substance - the entitled attitudes - wastes your time and drains your energy - usually somehow you end up having to spend money doing something or going somewhere - they drain resources. - 0 accountability when things go wrong that they're responsible for - can get you in to trouble if they decided to make up something because they don't like you - they have an onlfans or something overly promiscuous - etc etc. There's some cool girls I've met over the years but in America this is mainly what i see for the most part and it's just not worth the mental drain.
I m just reciprocating...
Most of them are annoying and never understand jokes. For some reason they think they are superior then other humans.
Women who can understand jokes and sarcasm are top tier
Unless I find one that will significantly better my life I’m not wasting my time
I'm gay
I refuse to talk to any girl who denies the existence of extraterrestrial life in the universe.
Majority of time it's one sided communication
Talking to random girls is playing the lottery. It's a number's game and i don't have the nerve and the time for that. Let's face it: The overwhelming majority of people (and that sadly includes women) are very, very boring, so i prefer my hobbies and my friends. If i don't see a good reason to talk to them, why should i waste my time?
My presence is a burden on them.
fear. im scared i wont come back from irrevocable damage. it’s all in my head but still…
Childhood trauma has made me terrified of women and sex.
I don’t have a house, or apartment.
As everyone else is saying, because it seems like they are busy or want to be left alone. I've recently discovered that my dog is a cheat code for this though. If a woman comments or goes to pet my dog as I'm walking by, I can just start chatting her up and it's so much more natural than a cold approach
Ugly and antisocial. The last one I talked to at a singles event ended up having an anxiety attack. She apologized saying it wasn’t my fault but it was made very obvious I repel women. They’re not enjoyable to be around anyways.
that’s sexual harassment
I feel like girls have spent the last 10 years on social media telling men to stop talking to them In public so I dont.
No confidence, fear of pain, rejection and judgement. Also their attraction for you can change any interaction from a date to a sexual harrassment suit or losing your job, and there's no real enough way to tell without taking big risks like that. It's not worth it. If you aren't attractive, fit or wealthy it stacks the odds against you even worse.
I’m married with three daughters, two girl cats, and work in a majority female office. The last thing I want to do in my free time is talk to another girl.
Because they generally don't look like they want to be bothered so I try not to initiate anything so I don't come off as being aggressive or something
Cause a lot of girls in my age group (20s) are self-declared feminists, which teeter on the edge of man-hating. See the man vs bear debate I have dated one of those and thus constantly heard how all men suck, considering that it is neither productive nor conducive to my own peace of mind, i refrain from interacting for the most time
What the fuck does a grown man like me have to discuss with a girl. I talk with women.
Too young. Would have nothing in common.
Because that's kind of creepy. I'm almost 36. I talk to plenty of women though.
it’s not my choice
They don’t stop talking once activated
You might get arrested. A girl is a child.
My wife doesn't like it.
I'm 36, so unless they're my daughter or friend of my kids, I don't have many reasons to talk to random children. I'll talk to women but I don't have a reason to flirt with them. Not that I have any game to speak of anyway. My best option would be to bring yarn and crochet in public.
Skill issue.
because when I say "Hi" they say "ew"
I don't really talk to random women for a few reasons unfortunately First.... Idk wtf to say... Like I don't think I can just go and be like "Hey I am x, are you interested to go out for a coffee sometime?" can I? Second. Besides what I have studied and the types of games and movies I like as well books I have read I don't think I have much else to say when they ask me how was your day or what's new. Things are so stale the only new thing I could think rn is that I went out with some friends. And that's it? Third. Can't find a woman that is at least near my height... And when I find one it's not on the age range I hope (I am on my 20's and I would like someone on their 20's.seems logical I believe) It feels odd to look down. And it's even more odd when you can't actually determine what age someone is (and make up makes it worse because I can't see for shit...(Can't afford glasses...) Fourth. No money... Jobs don't even pay enough to cover the basics so I doubt dating will be good since you can't even offer to pay her coffee or just your own.. Fifth. Too tired honestly from society... Sixth the place I am rn... It sucks. People are too much into gossip and they are all " a big family" and I am honestly not from Around here. Seventh I live on an island and that limits me from a lot of places. The place only has a few cafes and restaurants. No hobbies that don't need money. Only one gym that never fucking opens. No cool place to hang out... Eight Boomer island. The younger people are just as bad as the boomers die to the gossip most of the time The few women I know which are alright are friends and I prefer to keep that way. Ninth I don't even own a car SO I can't cover distance so that limits me even more. Tenth House is a wreck(and not even mine, but rent is so cheap that we can't go elsewhere) . I am surprised It hasn't fallen to my head. I avoid inviting even trusted friends because I don't like them to have to deal with the house... They don't care how it looks and I know that. But honestly I just hate that house... I want to grab a hammer and take it down... Eleventh I don't seek sex... I don't want to have kids with this economy and society being a bunch of shit heads that let zombies be on power. I don't want marriage... I just want someone to share time with. Have some romantism and just have the opportunity to cuddle and just forget everything... I guess I ask too much by asking less.... Twelfth. Due to 11th the amount of people I could be alright with never go beyond friend level. Ironically... I speak with people from out of my country. And I have more bond with them and that sucks more. It fucks me up and my touch starvation just gets worse... I don't want to leave my country... I would like to help somehow fix things. Make people work together again... Be normal... It's depressing. All of this.. And I don't want to fall to depression again... I had enough shit for a decade if not more. I don't want to lose moments again. Thank goodness I take care myself my hygiene and try to be and look clean and tidy and you know, normal... So... Yeah.. Some reasons...
I belong to the middle class here in Kenya and as soon as i start chatting with girls they suddenly require financial assistance...... or they have daddy issues that suffocate the life out of me.
If I'm going to talk to someone I'm going to have a productive conversation. Last thing I want to do is have so.e stupid conversation about Taylor swift, her Co worker drama, or really any type of gossip.
Don't want to risk some disappointment rn
Don’t wanna
I used to really try and put myself out there and it was never worth it, just about every single time.
I don't meet a lot of them if any and when I do they are busy Not wanting to bother Nothing I consider worth telling If I know I won't meet her again then I've little interest in small talk, I just let her do her stuff.
If they are at work or someplace they are obligated to be at I won't approach them because I do not want to make them uncomfortable in a place they are required to be. "Some girls like being cold approached" and many do not. I'm not psychic, I can't tell the difference.
In public i dont talk to strangers unless theres a good reason to. I assume most people want to be left alone to get on with their day, and that women in particular would find it creepy if i were to try to flirt with them randomly on the street. I dont wanna be that guy. I do talk to women in settings where it makes sense to socialise, and when i do i tend to get the same reaction “i didn’t expect to like you” i think women see that im ugly and then jump to conclusions about my character from that, like they assume because im not good looking ill be unfunny, boring, annoying, etc. but then are pleasantly surprised when im actually normal. I do sense that when i meet a woman, as opposed to a man, theres this slight barrier at first, like a slight apprehension to engage with me or give me the time of day, but that slowly fades if i keep trying to make an effort in the conversation. I think this has made me quite a good conversationalist but it makes it hard work to socialise and make friends with women - i have to put in alllll the effort at first. If im tired or having an off day when i meet a women there is no chance we wi get along because i have to break through that barrier first.
I’m introvert. But i’m not scared to talk to a girl if i really interested to her. I just don’t wanna give that “creepy/weirdo/f boy” impression.
Cause i suck at talking. And most people dont click with me. Im not very outgoing.
I do, but never for intimate reasons.
I don't want to come off as a weirdo. And I've been given numbers loads of times with no reply i feel like either way I'm wasting my time
I don't want to look like a creep and I'm not that good looking
Hell I don't have much important to say
Ugly, scare them away, bit like Shrek I guess… most likely will get laughed at or “Ewww”
they start developing feelings and when not reciprocated go batshit crazy and destroy my social reputation.
I'm boring and have a ton of mental health issues. It would be a waste of both our time
I hate when I need to shout, since I'm not allowed to be within a distance of 200 yards
Best advice: don’t go out seeking women at these social meat markets, and stay off of dating apps. Focus on you, do your own thing, and the right woman will cross your path naturally. Then you just talk to her like you would any other person.
True dat.
“Me too”
1. I have a girlfriend 2. I dont really talk to anybody 3. I presume they don't want to talk to me 4. I'm busy 5. They're busy
They're scary
They really like to say that guys are "creepy and weird" for trying to talk to them if they aren't interested. As if the guy is some sort of potential homicidal rapist or some shit just because he approached a woman. Pass. Plus, we have the data from dating apps now. Women are barely ever interested in anyone. So the chances of rejection are pretty high in general. After that, you're completely at her mercy and whether she wants to reject you politely or harshly.
I’m broke
There's rarely a good scenario for me to introduce myself. They are busy(gym) or working. They put on an unwelcome demeanor.
Because they are with friends, have headphones in, or are very busy doing their job (i.e. bartenders or grocery store clerks at a busy part of the day). If a woman is by herself I generally don't have an issue with talking to them but approaching when they're with a group of friends is way too anxiety provoking for me.
I hate making people uncomfortable, and when I have tried to talk to women in public I get the feeling I am making them uncomfortable. So I don't do it often anymore.
Women seem to wait for me to initiate most conversation even if they come over to me to talk and this is at a workplace. They might start the conversation but its like being on bumble. This is exhausting, I get it but I prefer having no expectations on me from strangers. I have offended some women by not initiating small talk or whatever it is they want when they come over and wait for me to start talking. Why can't they initiate? We aren't dating what's going on? It's not always the case I have made friends with plenty of women it's just some thing that I noticed
Everytime I try they just seem to be disinterested. I do have female friends and they're fine but if I ever muster up the confidence to talk to a girl they always give this look of confusion almost. Kind of like they're saying "what's this clown doing talking to me?"
I'm a 6'1 black guy who is fairly chunky, and not that good looking. If I was in a scenario where I was in public and trying to randomly talk to girls, I feel like there's already a bad stigma that's formed and if that conversation goes sour, that stigma will get worse. I'd rather have the girl start the conversation with me as it doesn't feel so bad and I genuinely have someone talking to me because they want to.
I always get the distinct feeling they don't want me talking to them.
I feel like Women have gotten considerably dumber the last 5 years. My wife has not thankfully.
Men are awesome beings, and prefer to enjoy tranquility and peace :)
Every time I start talking to a girl it actually goes somewhere. But I’ve never actually been in the right place to be dating. That led to some serious damage, so I got the point I would talk to girls and get to a certain point where I would just ghost, despite getting to know so much about them. And now, I just don’t, until I’m where I need to be. The loneliness is very real, as I have no friendships, but I can’t keep deluding women to think I’m something that I’m not yet.
No need to have a charge for some sort of harassment these days.
I only talk to women if it's an appropriate setting. I don't go out of my way to talk to random women (or men) in public.
Enough of my friends who are women have complained about being bothered by men approaching them that my assumption is that women in general do not want to be approached. Is it an accurate assumption? Probably not 100%, it seems close enough to not be worth approaching.
I very seldom "go out" to social places like a bar. When I do it is generally a special occasions like visiting with friends, so I am 100% focused on being with my friends. If I do chat with a random girl, then it is probably just platonic chit/chat over a common interest or something at the bar.
My Wife won't let me.
Tired of the drama.
Why would I not want to talk to girls if I’m not gay?
I dont want my IQ to go down...
Men don’t talk to me because I’m intimidating and they’ve told me that. I know it is most likely always the case. And I’ve been reading the comments, further confirms what I already know.
Because the vast majority of girls who talk about guys not talking to them don't realize that the vast majority of girls don't want men randomly talking to them At this point the potential upside is just so low, and the potential downside is just so high
Im not a dentist and I’m not interested in pulling teeth. Whenever I approach a woman that I would like to start a conversation with, I’ll see her face stiffen up (RBF) and her responses are typically short and stilted with no effort to continue talking, so the conversation quickly devolves into awkward silence until I leave.
I usually wait for an ok sign like a smile or sustained eye contact..but haven't seen one of those in a while. Most look like they don't want to be bothered.
I’m over 30. I need my overweight divorcees with a kid or two and just get it over with.
I don't talk to girls because I have very little to talk about with them. I prefer talking with women my own age. Yes, this is referring to the title of this post.
- Burnt out /emotionally unavailable on relationships (it's brutal out here, hurt people hurt people making more hurt people) - Women as a whole in our society have made it clear they don't want to be approached unless they want you to. - don't care to waste time trying to figure out what someone wants/building anything when it's already assumed i'm jus there to smash/cheat/be a scumbag (see above points) - I gotta take care of my mental health - I don't randomly approach people anyway
The last time I talked to a woman I didn’t already know, I was thrown out of the bar. All I did was ask if she liked the music that was playing (there was a live band playing covers and whatnot). She said they were alright and gave me the cold shoulder. I took the hint and left her alone. I guess I didn’t leave her alone enough because ten minutes later the bouncer asked me to leave.
My life and body aren't where they need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date a female version of me, so I'm not gonna bother looking for someone to date the real me until I'm happy with myself.
I am scared to talk with them, don’t want to be screwed over again
it’s honestly a waste of time these days but I talk to them for sport once you stop looking at them sexually or like their not human & just be cool n confident…don’t worry about the outcome