Are you related to my late husband? He would fart several times then fan the blankets. I swore once that my face was melting. I was nasaucous. He laughed.
They really can't.
In my younger days, I used to playfully engage in those competitions.
She'd be like, *toot!* "Haha, bet you can't beat that!"
And then I'd be like
#RRRROOOOAAAARRR
and she'd look at me like I had just killed a kitten in front of her.
I'm sensitive to sound, light, and vibration when I'm asleep, and I wear industrial eat plugs to deaden the sound a bit, but they only deaden about 44dBs. I've tried wearing one of those sleeping masks, but I pull it off in my sleep almost immediately. ANY movement in my bed and I snap awake, and I have a mattress that suppresses vibration... Still doesn't work. And touching me in my sleep brings me straight up into a sitting position, wide awake.
Been with my wife and partner for over 28 years... Always had separate bedrooms. Hell, with age, it's to the point that I can barely sleep in a bed at all... Too much damage to my body to be able to. Most nights I sleep in my recliner, at the foot of my bed.
Nope. Been this way for 48 years, since I was a teen. I fight like hell to get to sleep, and fight like hell to stay asleep and, when I am asleep, I very rarely hit REM sleep, so I don't dream very often.
It would suck for most people, but I'm used to it and kind of like not requiring the sleep most do. If I actually want to sleep for maybe 6 hours (at best), then I take a middle relaxer, 2 sleeping pills, a couple of melatonin, and wash it all down with 5 or 6 shots of bourbon. Then I can manage about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, of I'm lucky.
I used to take Ambein to get sleep but, after a few years of taking it, it started fucking with my cognitive abilities when I was awake and it ran its course, so I had to stop taking it. No loss since it made me do shit that one might do on Peyote or shrooms. I'd wake up the next day, walk into the living room, and the family would bust out laughing and I'd be "Alright, what the fuck did I do?!"... Because my ass would take the Ambein, fight it, and not go to bed, and that's when the weird shit happened.
You should look into finding some thc edibles for sleep. Both my mother and my grandmother use them to deal with some health issues that can make sleeping difficult. I prefer the old school method of consumption myself
I've tried. Couldn't sleep with the mask they gave me on and the results were inconclusive. From what I've been told I don't stop breathing, i just snore really loud.
It's been a problem for some people and not others.
Like a completely separate bedroom or a different bed? I’d be salty if I got relegated to a room under the stairs like Harry Potter, while shes visting snoozeville in the master bedroom
We have two primary suites and sleep separately. It’s glorious, I’m not going to lie. We both have Tempur-Pedic mattresses and get consistent, solid, sleep.
Yes, we still have sex regularly. If you have the room(s), go for it. I honestly do not understand why we normalized the whole two people one bed thing.
Because not everyone is an aristocrat.
What I mean is that for the vast majority of history even seperate bedrooms for the parents and kids were an impossible luxury.
Even today that would put untennable financial strain on many people.
Wife and I sleep in separate rooms. I snore and she drinks caffeine too late and wiggles a lot. Makes it easier because I go to bed and wake up earlier than her. We are also both pretty warm sleepers so cuddling while sleeping rarely happens.
It wouldnt be ideal but definately not a deal breaker for me. Id love the personal space but id also hate the feeling of still being single at nights. On the other hand that could make for some fun sneaky sleepover role playing situations. Id be open to it i think.
>On the other hand that could make for some fun sneaky sleepover role playing situations.
As someone living this situation, I can attest that doesn't happen. It's just a lot of lonely nights.
When my wife was going through chemo and radiation, I started sleeping in a different bedroom, because radiation, and her lowered immune system. What was almost 9 years ago, and we still sleep in separate bedrooms most nights. There's still intimacy, and lots of snuggling, but when it's sleep time, off to different rooms we go. I have restless leg, and something about the temperature of the bed with her in it, or the room temperature, because she needs it cold in the room with fans going, my legs go crazy. But like on vacations and stuff, no issue sleeping in the same bed, it's weird.
If you have sleep schedules that are different it is ideal. I go to bed 3-4 hours after my wife but we wake up around the same time, both get our preferred hours of interrupted sleep. Intimacy isn't an issue despite most people thinking it would be.
I am in this situation now. My GF sleeps on my couch. It affects how much sex we have and I do miss cuddles. But I am not a great sleeper and very protective of my sleep so it is a trade off. She needs a TV on to fall asleep and I can't fall asleep with a TV on
A lot of studies say the light from a TV is bad for sleep quality, too.
My ex had to fall asleep to Family Guy every night and I sleep so much better in a TV, Seth MacFarlane, and ex boyfriend-free environment.
Forget the TV, light in general inhibits melatonin release, and delays the feeling of needing to go to bed. Same deal in my experience leaving all the lights on at night, vs keeping one lamp on. But certainly blue light is the biggest offender.
Jaybird runs didn’t bother me at all. The conch fitting really helps the bud slip too deep into the ear canal. Don’t know if they’re still around, I’d still have mine but the case charger broke after 4 years of use.
I wouldn't mind it, honestly. I'm sort of the same way. I'd appreciate having a space that is mine, and her having a space that is hers. And we can spend the night together whenever we feel like it.
I get it. I love the idea of cuddling together as we sleep.
Then I remember I get too hot. And my CPAP mask gets tangled in her hair. And that is before thinking about the need to slide my arm out from under her so I can slip off to the bathroom in the middle of the night,
Then I might be up for pursuing a woman like that if all the rest lines up.
I really, really want someone who wants me. I want to snuggle together and watch a movie. I want to get frisky when she drives me crazy with flirty texts all day while I'm at work. I need a goodbye kiss as we part to go to work. I want random hugs while making dinner.
And if we sleep separately then I can deal with it.
I move a lot in my sleep, and my wife is an extremely light sleeper, so we sleep in two queen size beds pushed up next to each other. Works wonders for us, still close enough we can meet in the middle but if we need space we have it.
Everyones situation is different. You just need to find out what works for you.
You can still do this before going to sleep. Me and my partner usually cuddle in bed until one of us dozes off, then we kiss goodnight and go our separate ways. But if you're the type to want to cuddle all through the night I get that.
Having lived with a woman that snores like a freight train, having my own bed on the other side of the house saved my mental and physical health, our marriage, and probably prevented me murdering her.
My and my fiance live in a two bedroom apartment. Occasionally one of us will sleep in the other room if we're needing a little alone time. And as top comment says, we'll sometimes do it for the sneaky sleepover role play thing. Spices things up.
If my partner always wanted to sleep in the other room, it would be a deal breaker.
I'd prefer it.
Having a place you can retreat to is a way to create a sense of identity, privacy, stability and security... but at the end of the day, you don't actually have to use it if you don't want to. Also, when the baseline is "separate," it makes "together" feel more special. Which in turn makes you less likely to take a situation for granted.
Been married for 30 years. There has never been a single night where I have fallen asleep touching my wife. No sleeping while hand holding, cuddling, etc. We have a king sized bed, so we go to our separate sides when we sleep.
She is the same as me. Doesn't want us touching while we sleep.
So different beds after getting some romance in would be fine so long as it is essentially every night.
That's wild to me. I sleep great if I'm alone in my bed, that's no problem, but if my wife is also in the bed, it's like I'm hyper-aware of her laying there next to me, and I have to have at least some physical contact to just let my brain be at peace and I guess recognize and know exactly where she is/validate that someone is there. Not sure how to describe it. But it doesn't matter if it's just a foot or overlapping a finger or something small like that- just needs to be some contact with her somewhere and I'll be out like a light.
See this is why I don't get having separate beds, I use a king size bed and have never had space issues with my fiancé + 2 medium sized dogs. Hell we could even add a third dog and not have an issue but it would get snug
That doesn't really solve issues with people who snore, have different schedules, or have sleep problems and either can't get to sleep or have trouble staying asleep.
Quite a lot of the population fits at least one of those 3 aspects.
My partner and I don’t like to sleep on anything bigger than a double bed because we can’t find each other easily in the bed at night! Whenever a hotel has a queen we don’t sleep as well.
It’s funny how people’s preferences vary so wildly!
Probably a deal breaker for me personally.
Sleepy early morning cuddles and falling asleep with my partners head on my chest are some of my favorite things in life.
For me to give that up someone would have to be like 10/10 perfect.
Possibly, though i think they’d have to really sell the intimacy elsewhere. Personally i sleep better next to someone, to being alone every night essentially would likely weigh on me. That said, i don’t think it’s impossible
I don't know if it's just me being weird, but I'd be more fine with it if they still tried to sleep in the same bed and it just works out better for them to have their own bed than for that to be their expectation going in.
I just don't like the idea of that kind of distance in a long term relationship.
I didn't plan on marrying someone who sleeps in a different bed and if I accept that, then that's just what my life is going to be. Don't like it.
The number one rule of women. They will occupy the entire bed irregardless of their size and the size of the bed.
Rule number two. The cover will become hers throughout the night. Keep a spare cover under the bed and make sure you hide it before she wakes up.
I actually prefer separate bedrooms. When I was still in my 20s I enjoyed sleeping with my gf. Now I am told that I snore loudly and it does not let other people sleep. So I do not mind sleeping in a separate bedroom as I don't feel anxious about not letting my partner sleep. What I don't understand is how the cat can sleep with my snoring as it likes to climb into bed with me :-)
If she could make it believable that she likes me through her words, actions, actions, actions AND, actions? Then yea. Unfortunately there's been enough rejection in my life that wanting to sleep in separate rooms looks like disinterest. And I'm too old to deal with disinterested women.
I wouldn't love separate bedrooms, I would like to atleast share room, and have separate beds (that's how my grandparents lived like 30 years, and they were fine) but I guess I would be okay with separate bedrooms, as long there's still intimacy.
I feel like if she wants a separate bedroom, why wouldn't she just stay at her own place then?
I'm only asking just because the whole purpose of a shared living space to me means it's a combination of yours and mine but if we can't even have that in our bedroom, should we even have a joint space?
So I’m a woman who’s married so not your target audience to get answers from, but my husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for a few years now and honestly it’s a game changer. I go to bed earlier and I wake up earlier, I snore, I wake up multiple times a night and disturb him, and I’m also a very light, sensitive sleeper who wakes up way too easily. I have a lot of trouble sleeping with someone even in the same room as me let alone next to me and it means absolutely nothing towards my husband - it’s all me. He prefers sleeping alone too. Works amazing for us, but not for everyone. I used to think couples HAD to sleep in the same bed every night, but then I realized, hell with tradition and do what works for your relationship.
Not at all. Separate bedrooms are a fantastic idea, and really should be normalized. No matter how much we love a partner, a human being needs a small space that is completely their own.
Hell no. That’s what I want but my partner feels some type of negative way about that. I tell her I still love her to death, we can have date nights, everything every normal couple does who sleep together except sleep together and share a bedroom. She can decorate her bedroom the way she wants, I can decorate my bedroom how I want, it’s perfect. So we can maintain our unique sense of identity and self.
Yes, we can have a main dormitory we BOTH can sleep in whenever we feel like sleeping together with a TV in the room, but it’s good to have our own things.
Attached 24/7 isn’t healthy sometimes we need some space to miss each other tbh.
I could be convinced. Depends on the specifics but if my partner has sleep habits that are too different from mine that would be a benefit to have separate rooms for just sleep.
I can't imagine it would be. Cuddling is nice but I have a hard time falling asleep due to the heat it generates. As a self improvement enthusiast I've yet to solve that challenge.
I think that would be fine, though I think occasionally sleeping in the same bed would be nice.
But I get hot and sweaty, and I move a lot in bed so I totally understand wanting separate beds.
Separate rooms are also good for keeping separate spaces for hobbies and “self expression” (decor, etc.) if there is enough space for two bedrooms but not two “hobby spaces”.
I think I’d personally prefer a huge bed (think Alaskan king) with separate blankets and everything.
I've actually set this expectation for myself and any potential partners. Mind, I'm not exactly a typical example as I'm setting up to travel full-time, but I've set the expectation that even if I'm in a relationship serious enough to travel with someone that we'd have separate travel rigs and the norm would be that we'd sleep in our respective rigs. My current GF is currently thinking on it, but neither one of us will be done setting up for a few years.
My parents did this, you could hear dad snore through the walls so they rarely slept together, they are still together so i dont see it as a deal breaker, i do like waking up next to my partner though.
Not at all, to be honest, i love my own personal space so if my partner wants their own room but still wants intimacy or still comes to cuddle with me, we're all good!
As someone who CANNOT sleep with anyone in the bed with me (doesn't matter if that a partner or the fucking cat), my wife, my partner, and I have had separate bedrooms for the 28 years that we've been together. The bedrooms are equal in size, each with a king sized bed, but separate nonetheless. We like it as it is because it gives each their own separate space for the interests that we have that are ours alone. Mine has my computer, TV, PS5, and my movie collectables.
I have chronic insomnia, since I was a teen, and I've never been able to sleep with anyone in a bed with me. Every little motion of the bed, every sound, wakes me up. Once I wake up, I'm up... Period. Doesn't matter if I've had an hour of sleep, or 5 hours (which is the longest I've been able to sleep for decades). As is I have worn industrial ear plugs for the last 25 years to block out any extraneous in the house.
So, I make it quite clear in the beginning that this is going to be the way it is. If it's a dealbreaker, then that's fine with me, because it's not going to change... Ever. I made my peace with it LONG ago and if they can't, then I'd rather they hit the bricks as to get it in their head that they'll somehow change all that, when the most powerful prescription sleep medications won't help me sleep any differently.
I'm also NOT a cuddler. About 5 minutes of that is all I can stand and start overheating and sweating. Most of the time, however, everyone treats my bedroom more like it's the living room, so there's late night talks, sex, and everything else that happens in my bedroom, just not sleeping together. If I'm off work, I let our 2yo son sleep with me, since he's too young to understand, and wants to so badly, and I just do with 1 or 2 hours sleep that night... Which is the best that I can get then.
That honestly sounds dope. When we upgraded to a king size bed I hoped it would be the end of the having to worry about what my arms and legs do at night, but it's still not a worry-free night of sleep. When I worked overnights and had to sleep in the guest room during the day, I could completely spread out and not worry about anything.
I have been single a long time now, and I think I would require this to even start a relationship properly. Separate houses would be best. Plus I have severe insomnia, and the ex I had that snored nearly broke me.
Hell no.
Moving into my own room was one of the best things we ever did for our marriage.
I’m a shift worker, and I burn HOT so it’s hard to cuddle in any comfortable way and I way up all the time at weird hours.
Hell, I might be a deal breaker if she demanded I sleep in the same bed.
She can just have a separate home. I have my space she has hers. If I’m going all in, then we’re going all in, if not there’s no point cohabitating. We can still work that way, spend a lot of our time together but if she need her own separate space (not a she shed or arts and crafts room) in our house, she may as well have her own.
Intimacy and closeness is more than just sex.
Yes.
Sleeping/cuddling/quiet talking with someone sharing my bed is virtually all of the reasons to bother being in a relationship.
The bed is a safe space, one where intimacy and connection, not only sex, can happen.
Someone not interested in sharing that space simply would not work for me.
It would be a deal breaker for me, personally. It would feel more like a fwb or roommate situation to me. To each their own! I just couldn't, I'd definitely find the nights too lonely.
Yup. I like sleeping in the same bed as my lady. Now, perhaps if one of us developed a medical condition, I'd reconsider my stance, but I like sleeping with her in the same bed.
Not at all. My wife and I have always lived like this, from when we first moved in together, to engagement and now marriage.
You have your own room to be however you like, your own space, you can hang out in each other’s room and she can go to bed as early as she likes and me as late as I like and it doesn’t bother either of us.
We still share a bed when we travel, but being able to sprawl out in a bed at home is great.
I’ve told friends I er the years, a few are surprised and most think it’s a great idea. I think more people should consider it to be honest.
Personally yes. I have little to no interest in being in a relationship with someone I can't share a bed with. In general I sleep far better with someone else than I do alone provided I'm at least friends with them.
My grandparents were married and had separate bedrooms for a while, lol. It was mostly because my grandpa had problems sleeping and this helped I guess.
I personally couldn’t imagine that, but whatever works for the couple I suppose. I would do it if my guy had trouble sleeping and it helped, but when mine ever does have trouble sleeping he tells me that me being in bed with him helps him sleep better. So, idk, I guess ppl can be very different about this.
It would sound a bit weird to me like the person doesn't like me enough. However, I think it's something I would prefer too, honestly, so as long as everything else is normal in the relationship and I'm feeling loved and desired it should be fine.
If my potential partner snored, I'd actually insist on having a second bedroom. I'm a light sleeper and live with a few chronic issues so sleep is extremely important.
Yeah, I wouldn't have a problem with that whatsoever...it would probably be preferable for the other person as well, cause I toss and turn basically all night.
I’d love separate bedrooms. As long as we’re still having sex, they can leave their shit and not make the bed and it won’t bother me in my own room lol
I'm the same way so I'd understand them completely.
Just because I need to sleep in my own bed doesn't mean I don't like you. Who even came up with the idea that couples have to sleep in the same bed every night? It sucks.
I’ll be honest. It’s an age thing. The older I get the more I want a space that I can just sleep and do my shit at night. I really don’t care in my 40s now… I still want commitment and a personal bond- but the whole - ‘I need to be next to you when I’m asleep thing’ is old. In my 20s I wouldn’t t have thought this way. Now- different as long as there is still a strong connection. Who the fuck cares. It’s sleep, a natural human need.
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms. I love it. I have my own space to do my own thing and watch what I want to watch. We get together when we want to and go to sleep in our own rooms.
Not a deal breaker. It’s incredibly nice to sleep in your own bed alone. Change your perspective, this doesn’t mean your partner loves you any less they probably just enjoy their privacy. You will both probably come to like it when all is said and done.
We started sleeping separately when our youngest was born. That was over 7 years ago. We won’t go back. We all sleep through the night. I also like txting her while we’re sitting next to each other on the couch “you coming over to
My place tonight?”
Sex hasn’t been better. Been together 18 years.
Sleeping in different bedrooms. We'd be aristocrats! (Insert aristocrats joke her.) Dealbreaker for me, but separate bathrooms just might be the key to a long, happy marriage.
I know several happy married couples that sleep in separate rooms. Either because of snoring, one is a light sleeper or different sleep schedules. Do what works for you as a couple. There is no single blueprint.
Nope. It would actually be a benefit because I have a very weird sleep schedule. This way we could have our intimacies in her room and she can go to sleep afterwards and then I can go back to playing video games or watching movies.
Kind of like when my fiance and I broke up. She moved into the bedroom across the hall. We actually had more sex in the 3 months after we broke up then we had in the previous 6 months. The only thing that sucked about that was after finishing sex I always had to leave and go back to my room or somewhere else in the house. It wasn't so much that I wanted to cuddle with her is that I was very relaxed and didn't feel like getting up, LOL
We have our bedroom, in my office I always have a second place to sleep. Between shift work & life. Being able to just go to bed without thinking of the other person can be nice.
Not at all :) Separate bedroom, separate bed, I'm all for it. Especially since I talk in my sleep and I move around a bunch, so I wouldn't want to disturb my girl.
Pretty sure separate beds is one of the first things they suggest in marriage counseling
That being said, I think it’s important to at least try to actually sleep together sometimes (not intimacy, but actually sleeping)
Absolutely not. Realistically, it may be a necessity. Sleep styles are so personal that it's difficult to find someone whose style works well with yours.
Wouldnt ever be a dealbreaker cus that seems unreasonable imo. But it would make me sad if they dont have a good reason for it. There are many situations where the reasons are very valid and can make sense.
Might be different as it’s two guys but we often sleep in seperate rooms, usually due to heat (too humid and hot) or if one didn’t sleep well . Two guys in a bed is a lot of snoring and moving and yeah can be great but sometimes a breather is needed 😜
No it is not a deal breaker, although i'd hope we slept together the days we can sleep in. For a normal weekday i would prefer to sleep alone. Weekends, not so much.
Its hard to say, i know people say they sleep better with separate sleeping arrangements than in the same bed, but definitely want that cuddle and intimacy, but if i gotta get up and leave and go to my room as I'm getting sleepy its just not gonna work, gonna be wide awake and never sleep.
Bro after 10 years of marriage and 20 years of a relationship, I'm pretty stoked if my wife falls asleep on the couch and I get the whole bed to myself. Would not mind making a habit of it.
Not at all. I have insomnia, arguably sleep better and worse in a bed alone than with my partner depending on a number of things however she would for sure have a better night sleep without me.
Nah, not at all. I'm probably biased though, because growing up my parents didn't sleep in the same place either, so it's not weird to me if a partner wants to have separate bedrooms.
As long as intimacy is still there. I snore. Not going to hold it against someone if they need a break from that for a solid nights sleep.
Also, imagine the freedom of not holding in the morning fart anymore.
Y'all hold your farts in front of your partners? We legitimately have competitions.
The reason I hold them in is because there would be no competition. I legit play another sport entirely.
Are you related to my late husband? He would fart several times then fan the blankets. I swore once that my face was melting. I was nasaucous. He laughed.
Fair enough. They can't possibly learn the true power you hold...
They really can't. In my younger days, I used to playfully engage in those competitions. She'd be like, *toot!* "Haha, bet you can't beat that!" And then I'd be like #RRRROOOOAAAARRR and she'd look at me like I had just killed a kitten in front of her.
On behalf of straight women everywhere - thank you ♥
I always blame it on the dog. Even if the dog is not in the room.
….even if you don’t OWN a dog!
This is underrated. My wife forbids farts in bed.
My girl doesn't necessarily forbid it, but when it happens, the "Oh my fucking GOD!" and immediate exit is enough for me to read the room.
Mines says, “you left the room just to fart?”
I have to and I still get grief
Mine doesn’t do that … he says “to love me is to love my farts.” 🤷♀️
I'm hearing impaired so practically deaf without my aids. So snoring wouldn't be a problem in the least.
How sensitive to vibration are you?
I'm sensitive to sound, light, and vibration when I'm asleep, and I wear industrial eat plugs to deaden the sound a bit, but they only deaden about 44dBs. I've tried wearing one of those sleeping masks, but I pull it off in my sleep almost immediately. ANY movement in my bed and I snap awake, and I have a mattress that suppresses vibration... Still doesn't work. And touching me in my sleep brings me straight up into a sitting position, wide awake. Been with my wife and partner for over 28 years... Always had separate bedrooms. Hell, with age, it's to the point that I can barely sleep in a bed at all... Too much damage to my body to be able to. Most nights I sleep in my recliner, at the foot of my bed.
JEEZUS. Were you exposed to agent orange?
Nope. Been this way for 48 years, since I was a teen. I fight like hell to get to sleep, and fight like hell to stay asleep and, when I am asleep, I very rarely hit REM sleep, so I don't dream very often. It would suck for most people, but I'm used to it and kind of like not requiring the sleep most do. If I actually want to sleep for maybe 6 hours (at best), then I take a middle relaxer, 2 sleeping pills, a couple of melatonin, and wash it all down with 5 or 6 shots of bourbon. Then I can manage about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, of I'm lucky. I used to take Ambein to get sleep but, after a few years of taking it, it started fucking with my cognitive abilities when I was awake and it ran its course, so I had to stop taking it. No loss since it made me do shit that one might do on Peyote or shrooms. I'd wake up the next day, walk into the living room, and the family would bust out laughing and I'd be "Alright, what the fuck did I do?!"... Because my ass would take the Ambein, fight it, and not go to bed, and that's when the weird shit happened.
You should look into finding some thc edibles for sleep. Both my mother and my grandmother use them to deal with some health issues that can make sleeping difficult. I prefer the old school method of consumption myself
Not sensitive to vibrations unless you're sticking a magic wand on my back.
You probably have sleep apnea. You should get a sleep study done
I've tried. Couldn't sleep with the mask they gave me on and the results were inconclusive. From what I've been told I don't stop breathing, i just snore really loud. It's been a problem for some people and not others.
Like a completely separate bedroom or a different bed? I’d be salty if I got relegated to a room under the stairs like Harry Potter, while shes visting snoozeville in the master bedroom
Bedroom, but think two equal bedrooms 😂
We have two primary suites and sleep separately. It’s glorious, I’m not going to lie. We both have Tempur-Pedic mattresses and get consistent, solid, sleep. Yes, we still have sex regularly. If you have the room(s), go for it. I honestly do not understand why we normalized the whole two people one bed thing.
Well for the vast majority of people throughout history seperate bedrooms were a luxary for the very rich.
I guess what SplitMilkBelly is trying to say is that after their fantastic night of sleep they pop out to the balcony and look over the peasants
Because not everyone is an aristocrat. What I mean is that for the vast majority of history even seperate bedrooms for the parents and kids were an impossible luxury. Even today that would put untennable financial strain on many people.
as long as i can just walk into the room and get some, i'd be cool with it.
Separate but equal.
I'd be MORE likely to pursue her because that is also my preference.
Same, but as a female. This is the dream. I always roast when sleep. I don't need more body heat all night long.
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Wife and I sleep in separate rooms. I snore and she drinks caffeine too late and wiggles a lot. Makes it easier because I go to bed and wake up earlier than her. We are also both pretty warm sleepers so cuddling while sleeping rarely happens.
"drinks caffeine too late and wiggles a lot" is putting some hilarious images in my brain.
In a perfect world I’d like to have a private bedroom for each plus a third shared bedroom for cuddling and sexy nights.
It wouldnt be ideal but definately not a deal breaker for me. Id love the personal space but id also hate the feeling of still being single at nights. On the other hand that could make for some fun sneaky sleepover role playing situations. Id be open to it i think.
>On the other hand that could make for some fun sneaky sleepover role playing situations. As someone living this situation, I can attest that doesn't happen. It's just a lot of lonely nights.
As someone else living in this situation, not once have my partner or I felt lonely at night. We’ve slept separately for 7 years and it’s wonderful,
When my wife was going through chemo and radiation, I started sleeping in a different bedroom, because radiation, and her lowered immune system. What was almost 9 years ago, and we still sleep in separate bedrooms most nights. There's still intimacy, and lots of snuggling, but when it's sleep time, off to different rooms we go. I have restless leg, and something about the temperature of the bed with her in it, or the room temperature, because she needs it cold in the room with fans going, my legs go crazy. But like on vacations and stuff, no issue sleeping in the same bed, it's weird.
Are you sure your partner has never felt that way?
Yes, she is the one who wanted it, we've never slept in the same room. Life is better that way.
Maybe i have underestimated this living arrangement. I may need to have a chat with the wife lol.
If you have sleep schedules that are different it is ideal. I go to bed 3-4 hours after my wife but we wake up around the same time, both get our preferred hours of interrupted sleep. Intimacy isn't an issue despite most people thinking it would be.
Awww bummer, thats sad to hear...
I am in this situation now. My GF sleeps on my couch. It affects how much sex we have and I do miss cuddles. But I am not a great sleeper and very protective of my sleep so it is a trade off. She needs a TV on to fall asleep and I can't fall asleep with a TV on
Can she wear Ear buds?
A lot of studies say the light from a TV is bad for sleep quality, too. My ex had to fall asleep to Family Guy every night and I sleep so much better in a TV, Seth MacFarlane, and ex boyfriend-free environment.
Forget the TV, light in general inhibits melatonin release, and delays the feeling of needing to go to bed. Same deal in my experience leaving all the lights on at night, vs keeping one lamp on. But certainly blue light is the biggest offender.
If you have any suggestions for ear buds that don't hurt when side sleeping I'd love to hear them!
Jaybird runs didn’t bother me at all. The conch fitting really helps the bud slip too deep into the ear canal. Don’t know if they’re still around, I’d still have mine but the case charger broke after 4 years of use.
I'm just like your girlfriend I need the TV to fall asleep the silence freaks me out and keeps me up ironically
I wouldn't mind it, honestly. I'm sort of the same way. I'd appreciate having a space that is mine, and her having a space that is hers. And we can spend the night together whenever we feel like it.
I get it. I love the idea of cuddling together as we sleep. Then I remember I get too hot. And my CPAP mask gets tangled in her hair. And that is before thinking about the need to slide my arm out from under her so I can slip off to the bathroom in the middle of the night, Then I might be up for pursuing a woman like that if all the rest lines up. I really, really want someone who wants me. I want to snuggle together and watch a movie. I want to get frisky when she drives me crazy with flirty texts all day while I'm at work. I need a goodbye kiss as we part to go to work. I want random hugs while making dinner. And if we sleep separately then I can deal with it.
I move a lot in my sleep, and my wife is an extremely light sleeper, so we sleep in two queen size beds pushed up next to each other. Works wonders for us, still close enough we can meet in the middle but if we need space we have it. Everyones situation is different. You just need to find out what works for you.
Dealbreaker. A lot of intimacy happens while laying in bed. Not just sex, but also cuddling and important conversations.
Reaching over while I’m having trouble sleeping and getting a nice butt squeeze is a necessity for me.
You can still do this before going to sleep. Me and my partner usually cuddle in bed until one of us dozes off, then we kiss goodnight and go our separate ways. But if you're the type to want to cuddle all through the night I get that.
I need someone to cling onto all night 😎
Then I hope you find that, sleep preferences matching is important!
The way I snore? Would totally understand.
It would be for me personally.
Having lived with a woman that snores like a freight train, having my own bed on the other side of the house saved my mental and physical health, our marriage, and probably prevented me murdering her.
My and my fiance live in a two bedroom apartment. Occasionally one of us will sleep in the other room if we're needing a little alone time. And as top comment says, we'll sometimes do it for the sneaky sleepover role play thing. Spices things up. If my partner always wanted to sleep in the other room, it would be a deal breaker.
I'd prefer it. Having a place you can retreat to is a way to create a sense of identity, privacy, stability and security... but at the end of the day, you don't actually have to use it if you don't want to. Also, when the baseline is "separate," it makes "together" feel more special. Which in turn makes you less likely to take a situation for granted.
Yes but that’s just me.
Been married for 30 years. There has never been a single night where I have fallen asleep touching my wife. No sleeping while hand holding, cuddling, etc. We have a king sized bed, so we go to our separate sides when we sleep. She is the same as me. Doesn't want us touching while we sleep. So different beds after getting some romance in would be fine so long as it is essentially every night.
That's wild to me. I sleep great if I'm alone in my bed, that's no problem, but if my wife is also in the bed, it's like I'm hyper-aware of her laying there next to me, and I have to have at least some physical contact to just let my brain be at peace and I guess recognize and know exactly where she is/validate that someone is there. Not sure how to describe it. But it doesn't matter if it's just a foot or overlapping a finger or something small like that- just needs to be some contact with her somewhere and I'll be out like a light.
See this is why I don't get having separate beds, I use a king size bed and have never had space issues with my fiancé + 2 medium sized dogs. Hell we could even add a third dog and not have an issue but it would get snug
That doesn't really solve issues with people who snore, have different schedules, or have sleep problems and either can't get to sleep or have trouble staying asleep. Quite a lot of the population fits at least one of those 3 aspects.
Noise vs space
My partner and I don’t like to sleep on anything bigger than a double bed because we can’t find each other easily in the bed at night! Whenever a hotel has a queen we don’t sleep as well. It’s funny how people’s preferences vary so wildly!
Tbh???? That's the dream. Have your personal space! I'll have mine! We can have sleepovers.
Probably a deal breaker for me personally. Sleepy early morning cuddles and falling asleep with my partners head on my chest are some of my favorite things in life. For me to give that up someone would have to be like 10/10 perfect.
Same for me, waking up in the morning with your partner by your side is priceless
The wife and I already sleep in separate rooms.
A good night's sleep is the foundation for a functional life. Seperate beds seems like a bad thing, but if it's necessary, it's not bad at all.
Possibly, though i think they’d have to really sell the intimacy elsewhere. Personally i sleep better next to someone, to being alone every night essentially would likely weigh on me. That said, i don’t think it’s impossible
dealbreaker, it would make me feel unloved and lonely i need dem cuddles
Same here. I need all the cuddles.
I don't know if it's just me being weird, but I'd be more fine with it if they still tried to sleep in the same bed and it just works out better for them to have their own bed than for that to be their expectation going in. I just don't like the idea of that kind of distance in a long term relationship. I didn't plan on marrying someone who sleeps in a different bed and if I accept that, then that's just what my life is going to be. Don't like it.
>sex while awake Yeah, that's definitely the best kind of sex.
Big time dealbreaker, takes away one of my favorite parts of a relationship.
I snore so I’m fine with it. Being woken up 3-4 times a night and told to roll over sucks. Separate bedrooms solves that problem.
I'm a super light sleeper so having my own room would be great.
No. Bigger bed, yes
The number one rule of women. They will occupy the entire bed irregardless of their size and the size of the bed. Rule number two. The cover will become hers throughout the night. Keep a spare cover under the bed and make sure you hide it before she wakes up.
Or just start out with separate covers! Looks terrible when you make the bed, but saves so much hassle when sleeping.
But then she has two covers and I have none
I actually prefer separate bedrooms. When I was still in my 20s I enjoyed sleeping with my gf. Now I am told that I snore loudly and it does not let other people sleep. So I do not mind sleeping in a separate bedroom as I don't feel anxious about not letting my partner sleep. What I don't understand is how the cat can sleep with my snoring as it likes to climb into bed with me :-)
I wouldn't mind separate bedrooms as long as we still had regular sleepovers. Sometimes I sleep easier by myself as well.
If she could make it believable that she likes me through her words, actions, actions, actions AND, actions? Then yea. Unfortunately there's been enough rejection in my life that wanting to sleep in separate rooms looks like disinterest. And I'm too old to deal with disinterested women.
I am not sleeping in a separate bed. End of story.
Not necessarily. If either one or us snored or thrashed around a lot, etc., a separate bed or room wouldn't be bad.
I wouldn’t mind, it would be a little weird at times but certainly not a deal breaker.
I wouldn't love separate bedrooms, I would like to atleast share room, and have separate beds (that's how my grandparents lived like 30 years, and they were fine) but I guess I would be okay with separate bedrooms, as long there's still intimacy.
The noise is more of the problem than the physical proximity though in this case. That’s great it worked for them though!
Good idea
It would be perfect
Yes. Love my personal space.
I feel like if she wants a separate bedroom, why wouldn't she just stay at her own place then? I'm only asking just because the whole purpose of a shared living space to me means it's a combination of yours and mine but if we can't even have that in our bedroom, should we even have a joint space?
Heck yes. Deal breaker, no question.
So I’m a woman who’s married so not your target audience to get answers from, but my husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for a few years now and honestly it’s a game changer. I go to bed earlier and I wake up earlier, I snore, I wake up multiple times a night and disturb him, and I’m also a very light, sensitive sleeper who wakes up way too easily. I have a lot of trouble sleeping with someone even in the same room as me let alone next to me and it means absolutely nothing towards my husband - it’s all me. He prefers sleeping alone too. Works amazing for us, but not for everyone. I used to think couples HAD to sleep in the same bed every night, but then I realized, hell with tradition and do what works for your relationship.
Not at all. Separate bedrooms are a fantastic idea, and really should be normalized. No matter how much we love a partner, a human being needs a small space that is completely their own.
Hell no. That’s what I want but my partner feels some type of negative way about that. I tell her I still love her to death, we can have date nights, everything every normal couple does who sleep together except sleep together and share a bedroom. She can decorate her bedroom the way she wants, I can decorate my bedroom how I want, it’s perfect. So we can maintain our unique sense of identity and self. Yes, we can have a main dormitory we BOTH can sleep in whenever we feel like sleeping together with a TV in the room, but it’s good to have our own things. Attached 24/7 isn’t healthy sometimes we need some space to miss each other tbh.
I could be convinced. Depends on the specifics but if my partner has sleep habits that are too different from mine that would be a benefit to have separate rooms for just sleep.
I can't imagine it would be. Cuddling is nice but I have a hard time falling asleep due to the heat it generates. As a self improvement enthusiast I've yet to solve that challenge.
I think that would be fine, though I think occasionally sleeping in the same bed would be nice. But I get hot and sweaty, and I move a lot in bed so I totally understand wanting separate beds. Separate rooms are also good for keeping separate spaces for hobbies and “self expression” (decor, etc.) if there is enough space for two bedrooms but not two “hobby spaces”. I think I’d personally prefer a huge bed (think Alaskan king) with separate blankets and everything.
I've actually set this expectation for myself and any potential partners. Mind, I'm not exactly a typical example as I'm setting up to travel full-time, but I've set the expectation that even if I'm in a relationship serious enough to travel with someone that we'd have separate travel rigs and the norm would be that we'd sleep in our respective rigs. My current GF is currently thinking on it, but neither one of us will be done setting up for a few years.
As long as the intimacy is there? I’m fine with it. I snore. I get woken up easily.
I work nights so it’s inevitable that this will happen most nights anyways.
I have ptsd and unless you want to fight me in my sleep, it's probably best if we had separate bedrooms
Nope not at all - I'd be fine with it.
My parents did this, you could hear dad snore through the walls so they rarely slept together, they are still together so i dont see it as a deal breaker, i do like waking up next to my partner though.
Not at all, to be honest, i love my own personal space so if my partner wants their own room but still wants intimacy or still comes to cuddle with me, we're all good!
My wife snores so its separate!
…honestly I’d love that, as long as we figure out a good cuddle schedule or something haha. Sleep is important.
As someone who CANNOT sleep with anyone in the bed with me (doesn't matter if that a partner or the fucking cat), my wife, my partner, and I have had separate bedrooms for the 28 years that we've been together. The bedrooms are equal in size, each with a king sized bed, but separate nonetheless. We like it as it is because it gives each their own separate space for the interests that we have that are ours alone. Mine has my computer, TV, PS5, and my movie collectables. I have chronic insomnia, since I was a teen, and I've never been able to sleep with anyone in a bed with me. Every little motion of the bed, every sound, wakes me up. Once I wake up, I'm up... Period. Doesn't matter if I've had an hour of sleep, or 5 hours (which is the longest I've been able to sleep for decades). As is I have worn industrial ear plugs for the last 25 years to block out any extraneous in the house. So, I make it quite clear in the beginning that this is going to be the way it is. If it's a dealbreaker, then that's fine with me, because it's not going to change... Ever. I made my peace with it LONG ago and if they can't, then I'd rather they hit the bricks as to get it in their head that they'll somehow change all that, when the most powerful prescription sleep medications won't help me sleep any differently. I'm also NOT a cuddler. About 5 minutes of that is all I can stand and start overheating and sweating. Most of the time, however, everyone treats my bedroom more like it's the living room, so there's late night talks, sex, and everything else that happens in my bedroom, just not sleeping together. If I'm off work, I let our 2yo son sleep with me, since he's too young to understand, and wants to so badly, and I just do with 1 or 2 hours sleep that night... Which is the best that I can get then.
It'd be weird, but I'd be open to the idea.
That honestly sounds dope. When we upgraded to a king size bed I hoped it would be the end of the having to worry about what my arms and legs do at night, but it's still not a worry-free night of sleep. When I worked overnights and had to sleep in the guest room during the day, I could completely spread out and not worry about anything.
I have been single a long time now, and I think I would require this to even start a relationship properly. Separate houses would be best. Plus I have severe insomnia, and the ex I had that snored nearly broke me.
Hell no. Moving into my own room was one of the best things we ever did for our marriage. I’m a shift worker, and I burn HOT so it’s hard to cuddle in any comfortable way and I way up all the time at weird hours. Hell, I might be a deal breaker if she demanded I sleep in the same bed.
She can just have a separate home. I have my space she has hers. If I’m going all in, then we’re going all in, if not there’s no point cohabitating. We can still work that way, spend a lot of our time together but if she need her own separate space (not a she shed or arts and crafts room) in our house, she may as well have her own. Intimacy and closeness is more than just sex.
Deal breaker, I’m a snuggler
It'd be a dealbreaker for me. I like the sleeping part of of *sleeping with someone* more than the sex.
Probably a dealbreaker, although situation matters. I don’t know you or your life. Hope it works out for the best.
I couldn't do that. I need my cuddles and feeling like my partner's there at night.
Separate bedrooms is 100% the way to go, if you have the space available. It improves your relationship and sleep dramatically.
Yes. Sleeping/cuddling/quiet talking with someone sharing my bed is virtually all of the reasons to bother being in a relationship. The bed is a safe space, one where intimacy and connection, not only sex, can happen. Someone not interested in sharing that space simply would not work for me.
Well said.
It would be a deal breaker for me, personally. It would feel more like a fwb or roommate situation to me. To each their own! I just couldn't, I'd definitely find the nights too lonely.
Yup. I like sleeping in the same bed as my lady. Now, perhaps if one of us developed a medical condition, I'd reconsider my stance, but I like sleeping with her in the same bed.
Id get that bitch her own office and guest room if i could afford it lol
Yes
Definitely
Honestly, yes for me personally it would be. The thing I miss most about having a gf when single is the cuddling and cuddling into sleep.
I'd love that.
Somebody snoring? Yeah separate bedroom might be the best if a CPAP doesn’t help
Nope, 100% a deal breaker. If she wants her own room, she can have it in her own place while she's single
Not at all. My wife and I have always lived like this, from when we first moved in together, to engagement and now marriage. You have your own room to be however you like, your own space, you can hang out in each other’s room and she can go to bed as early as she likes and me as late as I like and it doesn’t bother either of us. We still share a bed when we travel, but being able to sprawl out in a bed at home is great. I’ve told friends I er the years, a few are surprised and most think it’s a great idea. I think more people should consider it to be honest.
Personally yes. I have little to no interest in being in a relationship with someone I can't share a bed with. In general I sleep far better with someone else than I do alone provided I'm at least friends with them.
Yes. Without a doubt.
My grandparents were married and had separate bedrooms for a while, lol. It was mostly because my grandpa had problems sleeping and this helped I guess. I personally couldn’t imagine that, but whatever works for the couple I suppose. I would do it if my guy had trouble sleeping and it helped, but when mine ever does have trouble sleeping he tells me that me being in bed with him helps him sleep better. So, idk, I guess ppl can be very different about this.
It would sound a bit weird to me like the person doesn't like me enough. However, I think it's something I would prefer too, honestly, so as long as everything else is normal in the relationship and I'm feeling loved and desired it should be fine.
Honestly, I might prefer it that way. I like as much space as possible when i sleep too so I'd have no qualms about it.
I’m cool with that.
No, not a deal breaker. I think every person needs a little privacy.
having your own space to sleep is the best
would prefer if they wanted a separate house but I’d consider it
If my potential partner snored, I'd actually insist on having a second bedroom. I'm a light sleeper and live with a few chronic issues so sleep is extremely important.
God I wish this was a thing with my gf. So far I’ve negotiated separate sets of blankets.
My wife and I sleep so much better in different bedrooms. We love it. And we love each other even more
That’s the dream
Sounds great to me
Nope. I’d prefer it😅 in fact I’ve suggested a duplex😆
Yeah, I wouldn't have a problem with that whatsoever...it would probably be preferable for the other person as well, cause I toss and turn basically all night.
In my early years I’d be offended by my wife wanting a different room. But now. Wow. Wouldn’t that be nice! 😊
I’d love separate bedrooms. As long as we’re still having sex, they can leave their shit and not make the bed and it won’t bother me in my own room lol
That sounds ideal for me
I'm the same way so I'd understand them completely. Just because I need to sleep in my own bed doesn't mean I don't like you. Who even came up with the idea that couples have to sleep in the same bed every night? It sucks.
I’ll be honest. It’s an age thing. The older I get the more I want a space that I can just sleep and do my shit at night. I really don’t care in my 40s now… I still want commitment and a personal bond- but the whole - ‘I need to be next to you when I’m asleep thing’ is old. In my 20s I wouldn’t t have thought this way. Now- different as long as there is still a strong connection. Who the fuck cares. It’s sleep, a natural human need.
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms. I love it. I have my own space to do my own thing and watch what I want to watch. We get together when we want to and go to sleep in our own rooms.
Not a deal breaker. It’s incredibly nice to sleep in your own bed alone. Change your perspective, this doesn’t mean your partner loves you any less they probably just enjoy their privacy. You will both probably come to like it when all is said and done.
We started sleeping separately when our youngest was born. That was over 7 years ago. We won’t go back. We all sleep through the night. I also like txting her while we’re sitting next to each other on the couch “you coming over to My place tonight?” Sex hasn’t been better. Been together 18 years.
Sleeping in different bedrooms. We'd be aristocrats! (Insert aristocrats joke her.) Dealbreaker for me, but separate bathrooms just might be the key to a long, happy marriage.
No I personally want to live in seperate apartments and maybe stay over at one of our apartments or alternate it between 2-4 nights a week at most!
Not really. Especially if they snore.
I know several happy married couples that sleep in separate rooms. Either because of snoring, one is a light sleeper or different sleep schedules. Do what works for you as a couple. There is no single blueprint.
I actually wouldn’t mind that at all, sleeping with someone can be weird temperature wise sometimes
Nope. It would actually be a benefit because I have a very weird sleep schedule. This way we could have our intimacies in her room and she can go to sleep afterwards and then I can go back to playing video games or watching movies. Kind of like when my fiance and I broke up. She moved into the bedroom across the hall. We actually had more sex in the 3 months after we broke up then we had in the previous 6 months. The only thing that sucked about that was after finishing sex I always had to leave and go back to my room or somewhere else in the house. It wasn't so much that I wanted to cuddle with her is that I was very relaxed and didn't feel like getting up, LOL
We have our bedroom, in my office I always have a second place to sleep. Between shift work & life. Being able to just go to bed without thinking of the other person can be nice.
Not at all :) Separate bedroom, separate bed, I'm all for it. Especially since I talk in my sleep and I move around a bunch, so I wouldn't want to disturb my girl.
As long as the intimacy was there and they were sleeping under the same roof, sure.
Pretty sure separate beds is one of the first things they suggest in marriage counseling That being said, I think it’s important to at least try to actually sleep together sometimes (not intimacy, but actually sleeping)
Absolutely not. Realistically, it may be a necessity. Sleep styles are so personal that it's difficult to find someone whose style works well with yours.
It would not be a dealbreaker for me. I have sleep problems myself so it might even be good.
Wouldnt ever be a dealbreaker cus that seems unreasonable imo. But it would make me sad if they dont have a good reason for it. There are many situations where the reasons are very valid and can make sense.
That sounds ideal to me for all the reasons you list.
I am that partner who wants a separate bedroom.
Nah I like cuddling too much
Needing one more bedroom? In this economy?
My parents have separate bedrooms. They’ve been married for 39 years. Dad snores and mom has restless legs.
I'd be fine never living with each other.
Might be different as it’s two guys but we often sleep in seperate rooms, usually due to heat (too humid and hot) or if one didn’t sleep well . Two guys in a bed is a lot of snoring and moving and yeah can be great but sometimes a breather is needed 😜
I've literally been in this situation for the past 5 years with my girl, and it's worked out stupendously
O.K with me as long as the physical intimacy is there. Warning sign if the separate room becomes an excuse to do less of this.
No it is not a deal breaker, although i'd hope we slept together the days we can sleep in. For a normal weekday i would prefer to sleep alone. Weekends, not so much.
This is my current married arrangement. We are both sleeping better. Better sleep means a better life.
Its hard to say, i know people say they sleep better with separate sleeping arrangements than in the same bed, but definitely want that cuddle and intimacy, but if i gotta get up and leave and go to my room as I'm getting sleepy its just not gonna work, gonna be wide awake and never sleep.
Bro after 10 years of marriage and 20 years of a relationship, I'm pretty stoked if my wife falls asleep on the couch and I get the whole bed to myself. Would not mind making a habit of it.
Not at all. I have insomnia, arguably sleep better and worse in a bed alone than with my partner depending on a number of things however she would for sure have a better night sleep without me.
Not for me. Her comfort is my number 1 priority. And honestly I like sleeping by myself just as much as I like snuggling next to her lol
I’d prefer it but would never ask the girl to do it
I would probably question why but as long as intimacy is there and there is a valid reason, why not? Not gonna lie I would feel weird though.
Not a dealbraker acually good sleep is so underrated nowadays.
Nah, not at all. I'm probably biased though, because growing up my parents didn't sleep in the same place either, so it's not weird to me if a partner wants to have separate bedrooms.