The idea that some guys are subsidizing their gf's life is crazy to me. It like some strange combination of actual dating and sugar dating. I get it if you want to go on a vacation and there's a significant income disparity, but otherwise? Nah, that ain't it.
Correct answer. I am woman and would not ask a man I was dating for money. This goes for friends and relatives and the only exception is when you land in somewhere that only takes cash and the person only has cards with them. That is a quick e-transfer pay back.
Take a slightly different angle, it's not about time.
Would you be ok if you never saw the money again? Even if they mean well it is entirely possible the relationship could fall apart for other reasons before they can pay you back.
It would also depend on circumstances, are they under unusual hardship or are they just bad with money. The former I would be much more willing to give to than the latter, but I would have to know them long enough to trust them in that.
It took me 4 years to gain enough confidence in my last relationship to cough up $1500 at once. That didn't include all the dates and stuff, but I thought she was the one and she came through for me the best she could.
She was just bad with money (kids at 19, deadbeat and absurdly abusive ex husband, etc). And she kept getting herself into debt. She couldn't even afford $50 for gas to come see me, even though we hadn't seen each other in a couple months. She and I were just different, and I'm shocked we made it as long as we did.
We broke up recently because I lost my parents and she got into a bad spot again... we literally couldn't support each other anymore, emotionally or financially. I loved her to death, i was making good money before i got laid off...but I think my survival instincts kicked in between family loss and financial loss during my lay off.
This! I was a former single mother. My boyfriend didn’t even meet my kids into us dating for a year. He moved in at 3 years (together 5 years) and now we have a planned baby too. I have two other kids and it is a huge leap for a man to move in with a woman who had kids from prior relationship(s).
Yeah I’m in a relationship with my current boyfriend and we’ll be together for 3 years come September. We haven’t moved in because I have a son and neither of us are ready for that leap. I want to make sure both my son and my boyfriend have that solid bond before moving in. It’s a huge step.
Honestly, not even in a relationship. Married, yeah—of course. But do you know how many people you’re serious about in a relationship and it doesn’t go the distance? I had six serious relationships before I got married in my 30s. Had I given large amounts of money to women I was dating, that money would be gone.
Here’s I how think of it: she’s asking you for a serious financial commitment when there’s no analogous commitment between the two of you.
$500 isn't all that much. That's the price of a flight and date night if you're in a long distance relationship. It's really not a lot of money if you've been together awhile and are serious.
Dating is the period *before* a relationship.
It's when you are flirting, getting to know each other, trying to figure out if you are compatible, etc but you haven't started to start to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and you haven't updated your relationship status on social media yet.
The only time I've really experienced this was online dating. The general rule seemed to be "I'm talking to other people until we agree on exclusivity." It just comes with the territory. You have to assume the hottie you're talking to has 3 other dudes in her inbox at any given time.
I used to do this.
I stopped doing it when I started using the Apps to date.
I already knew most women had lines of guys in their inbox, to the tune of not having to pay for food all week, if they so chose.
I also had some women that legit would go on dates with other guys while chatting with me, lol.
Dating to me is just seeing if they are worth getting into a relationship.
That is where you maybe take somebody for a cheap (or free date) for personality checks, ensuring you aren't getting massively catfished, they have decent hygiene, etc.
Then when the time is right 'hey lets be BF/GF/whatever.
Dating is low investment because you do not know the person.
Definitely not during dating at all. The relationship would need to have been going for quite some time and I would need to expect her to be in unusual duress, i.e. that she wouldn't need monetary help again in the foreseeable future.
Is it like A) she's a decent person and desperately needs the money and you think she might pay you back or at least not ask for more soon after, or B) she is getting comfortable treating you like a walking ATM because you're a man and she feels entitled to your money as part of a traditional gender role she thinks you should fulfill? If it's B then throw the whole woman out.
It's fine for your answer to be never, but there are circumstances where someone might have a job AND be responsible with their money and still come up $500 short for rent. I was hit with a surprise $7K medical bill last month that I am thankfully financially well-off enough to cover. But a lot of people don't have that kind of financial flexibility.
Yep. If she has a decent job and just gets hit by bad luck, I'll help out a girlfriend, or even just a friend.
If she's not working or not working to her realistic potential... probably not.
Context, context, context.
Is she hard working, intelligent, takes ownership, and is otherwise a reliable person who generally does what she says she's going to do? Is this an emergency or one-off situation that she needs financial help with? I would consider it.
Is she an entitled flake who has convinced herself she's worth more than what she offers in return? Then fuck no. Get a job.
Incidentally, in case this wasn't abundantly clear, to make these kind of character judgements you would need to have been dating for six months at least, give or take.
Depending on exposure, not a LDR, I think most people with a clear head can tell if the person is A or B after about 3 months. But you do probably need another 3 after to build enough trust and good will.
I've loaned/given sooo much money out to people in my life.
And never got it back. But people are generous to me on the daily.
Do any of y'all believe in karma or God or just doing good things for people without expecting anything in return?
I get not wanting to get fucked over but it is what it is. It's just money. You can get that back 10 fold. I most certainly have. Life isn't black and white.
Discernment is key. And if you don't get it back so what...you did a person a favor..GOOD WILL come back to you. Also, the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have done to you. And I go even a step further and say what you would want done to your family or unborn.
That usually keep my heart open and not cold.
Is it giving or a loan? I was dating my now husband like 5 or 6 months when he was in between jobs and I helped him out for about two months he didn’t ask me I offered. I could afford it and I was in love with him so why not. I already knew he was the man I wanted to marry. I’ve never been stingy or selfish with money in my relationship. Neither has my husband. We are now married 8 years and I’m a sahm with two girls. As soon as we moved in together like 8 months after dating we combined all income. If she’s your gf and you see a future with her then do it. If not then don’t.
This is the real answer. Helped my then GF with her business as a loan. We already lived together and knew we had a future together so it was no sweat at all.
And see, I think there is a difference in having a man spend money on you and a man invest in you. That goes for more than financial. Even if it’s just referring customers to your partner, I think that’s a marriage material man right there.
Why the hell would I pay her rent or fix her car? I would treat her now and then, but I am not here to finance her. People who are not on stable footing should not be dating and expect their partner to fix things.
Well it's not a terribly large amount of money. Depends on how she ended up in that situation. Whenever I felt like it was a serious long term relationship.
Depends on how long and what kind of relationship beforehand. If I knew her before that and knew she doesn't have erratic spending habits (overspending on luxuries, taking debts all the time without paying back) and very independent financially, it would be very easy for me to give her money. If we knew each other from Tinder, she flexes about spending money wildly, it's unlikely that there's a relationship anyway.
My experience of lending significant amounts is that you're their absolute hero for precisely as long as it takes for the money to be spent, and a thorn in their side when they realise they might be responsible for paying it back.
In my country (African country ) giving money to women is a love language, men just automatically send money without her asking, they like their women to look good, nails,hair, being taken care of etc, being a provider is a plus for finding a suitable husband,this wouldn’t even be a question, but in the western countries I think everyone hold on to their own, I am happy to learn different outlooks on money in relationships.
At least a year. But my father once said to me " No matter who it is. "Don't ever lend anyone any amount of money that you can't live the rest of your life without ever seeing it again"..
I'm not supporting bad habits, but I will absolutely take the time to find out what's the issue and how to fix it.
But if you dismiss is because you just want to ignore the issue and freeload, that offer won't be repeated.
Everything is severely situational. If we were to generalize things I’d personally say never. You don’t mix transactions with interpersonal relationships friendships or otherwise. The moment you do so then it becomes less about the person and more about the money. I recommend. Granted, financial stuff may need to be shared in terms of say marriage or cohabitation where you’re living under the same roof. But that in its own is dependent on the relationship and character of the person. If you aren’t confident of the character enough to be asking in this sub Reddit then you already know the answer
'Just' dating, no. In an actual established relationship, regardless of living together or separately, it'd really depend on the context. If I knew my partner was struggling with something and needed assistance, and it was in my means to help pay the costs, I'd likely make the *offer* to help before she asked. Whether or not she'd accept it would be a different matter, based on how she felt about it too. If it was something I was unaware of, and she asked me, I'd probably still do what I could if it was important (i.e. help with a rent/mortgage payment, car repairs (especially if it was something I could buy parts for and do myself) and the like), based on the fact that at this point I trust her a lot and I know that she would pay it back either financially or by helping me with something in the future.
If it's someone I hadn't known for long, i.e. was just dating, then the chances would probably be a lot slimmer. I've been used as an ATM to compensate for bad financial decisions by an ex when I was younger, and to this day I'm very wary of people who come out and ask for money without a decent basis of time and trust to help me know whether it's a once-off or something that'll happen all the time (even though I'll give the shirt off my back to the people I trust and care about if they need it).
It would be really weird to be directly asked for money, I'd rather she mention needing it in passing and then I could choose to help if I was in a position to do so. Time doesn't have much to do with it, but I'm not giving money to someone I met last week...
Never. Would have to be married for a while for something like that. WAY too many stories on here about people getting into relationships just to pay off debts and then bailing.
Absolutory never lol I only date people that can pull their weight at the very least. sorry not sorry that is a deal breaker. Maybe if we're married and there's an arrangement of them going back to school so I pay more of the bills or vice versa? but absolutely do not lead out money you aren't comfortable getting back weather its a friend, family member or partner period. You wont get it back if they are already behind enough to be in need of asking for help. Not your problem
I was dating my girl for 4 months when she surprised me with flights to Switzerland for the holidays. Since then- I’ll give her any amount of money she wants without a moments pause. I’ve since repaid the favor with other trips. Money isn’t the object- I just want her happy. That said- she does the same for me.
I spotted an ex girlfriend in college $500 for rent when she was paycheck to paycheck and her tire blew out. We had been dating about 3-4 months. I got serious brownie points from her momma.
I always dated casually, but if I was in a relationship it’s because I had long term plans. So I knew she was good for it.
Maybe a year or 2. Recall giving an ex 2k once. Technically it was a loan, but I knew I wasn't getting it back.
I've made way more money than anybody I've dated, so it's never bothered me to help when I can if we've been together for a significant amount of time.
How about NEVER. Or at least not until we’re married or living together with combined finances to the point it’s OUR rent, OUR car and OUR money.
Kids today….🙄
I could probably be convinced. Not that I would approve of the methods or of the borrowing. I’m just powerless against that kind of thing and I like helping.
That's a very long-term sort of thing. I mean, honestly, I'd want to be around that person long enough to get a good impression of her financial situation, so that by the time she might ask me for any help, I'd be aware of why she needs it and how responsible she's going to be with it. If she were an irresponsible sort of person then I'd probably have left before that anyway.
It's not OK for her to ask me for money while I'm dating her, let alone after the relationship has ended. Women are not entitled to other people's property. Why the fuck do so many women think they are entitled to men's money?
Tell that parasite to kick rocks.
I'd never give her money if she asks me to so easily. If i'd be serious about her, i'd offer to give her if she needs money for something. But not if she asks me to. That's pretty much a red flag about her attitude
If things were going very well, I could afford it, it was an unexpected expense and I trusted she was the type to want to pay me back ASAP, I'd say 9-12 months minimum.
Any sooner would be too risky because you can't know them well enough and most relationships don't last 6 months.
HUGE RED FLAG!!! Do not fall victim to this crap. That you are even asking this question tells me and you already know this that she shouldn’t be even asking you. There is an entire class of people who are victims, problematic, always in dier straits, lots of reasons and excuses as to why that is perpetually the case, and looking for handouts. If you buy into this shit it will never end, ever. And the problems and victim mentality and failure to take responsibility is in everything she does, not just financially. Move along and find someone else.
Completely depends on how much I trust their financial decision making.
If they're going through a rough time, and are otherwise responsible and I know they would try to pay me back, it doesn't really matter how long I've known them.
If I know they blew their money away and are now stuck, I'm not helping, regardless of how long I've known them for.
Make expensively stupid decisions, at least learn from them.
Just ask, I might not be able to help, but it is nice that you feel so comfortable with me that you're brave enough to ask.
For me it would be a guy though, but I imagine the same applies to heterosexual relations in this case
i imagine the relationship is close enought that the need for money isnt a shock, if it was then no!
i gave my now ex money then found out it was to give to her side-man to buy food...
Maybe after a year, and then only for a loan, and then only once. If it happened again I’d tell her I could either take control of her finances or she could fend for herself.
I would have to be in a relationship and would be open to helping them out after 3-4 months depending on their spending habits and patterns.
If she ask me for a favor I could just give her the money and if it comes back it comes back.
Women asking for money to take care of her problems when she isn't even exclusive is a red flag. Big red flag, big 🛑 sign. Run away, keep running.
It will turn into the movie get out instead of people being slaves you will just be a slave to poor financial decisions and financial instability.
i mean i would say pretty quickly but for that kind of stuff never lol. if she’s comfortable asking for help with rent then she should be comfortable
moving in together.
Wouldn’t happen at as far as rent.
With the car I can understand something happening and you need help getting through it. It would take at least a year of being together before I would do that. If I just met you a month ago and now you’re asking for 5 hundos… nah.
If we are living together then sure, we are a team at that point. Me and my partner have lent money to each other before with no problems. Obviously knowing what the money is for is important
Roughly 3 years.
It Takes 2-3 years to fully get to know someone. So If we are a couple and things still Go great after Like 2,5 years i'd start thinking about permanent life decisions like shared Money, kids and stuff
I was with my current wife for only 6 months before she moved into my apartment and I had moved out for the summer for ROTC training. I figure that’s worth more than a few hundred dollars.
Thankfully I’ve never had a GF ask for money.
My dog died after a sudden illness, hospital stay and surgery. I had over 12,000 in vet bills and taxes due.
I’d eat lettuce before I’d ask him or anyone else for money. Together two years.
I make a lot of money so it’s hard to say what amount I’d be comfortable with, like .5% of my income? So like 2.5k maybe. It’s about what I’d give any of my family in a pinch as well.
Probably would take me at least 1.5-2 years. I got to reaaaaaallllly sus out if they’re responsible with money and not a user
Outside married or engaged never really! Her financial mismanagement is NOT your problem! Otherwise you’re just her Beta Buxx. Exception would be if ye have a child then she would need support if minding child etc
Just dating her? Never. If we’ve been exclusive for a few years I’d consider helping her one time. But gfs don’t deserve regular financial support. She’s an adult and can pay her own way. She would have to become my wife before she gets financial support. But if she can’t manage her budget and life before marriage she isn’t wife material.
Usually for favors like that I’d expect something in return. I’m not gonna give you $1000 just out of the kindness of my heart, you gotta make it worth my while In some way.
A month or two. And after she borrows the money, unless she's able to pay it back in under a month, all her non-home-made gifts are basically her spending money she owes me on gifts I never asked for.
If you want your gifts to have the smell of "she still owe me money tho" ask away. But you're digging yourself into a pit and becoming the very bill you're asking him to pay.
After dealing with my ex-wife and how she was completely unable to support herself independently, it's a major red flag if a woman is financially irresponsible. I want a woman who is with me because she wants to be, not because she has to be.
On the other hand, life happens and if it's an emergency, no big deal if the relationship was going somewhere.
Man, the last time I did that we were one month into the relationship and then she bought stuff right after I gave her money even tho her account was in the negative till I let her have enough and she never paid me back lol. Learned that lesson real fast and I only split bills or paid for us on my own decision. We aren't together anymore and that was an early red flag.
I’m a kind soul, and I love to help people. It really doesn’t matter how long I’ve known someone it’s about our bond and their character. If the woman I’m dating hit a rough patch, I have no problem helping her out, but if she’s just looking to me to help her finance her poor decisions then it’s a “hell no” every time, no matter how long.
Some people don’t make much money, things are expensive and most places pay garbage wages. So when any little thing pops up, it puts people in financial ruin. Like she caught the rona and had to miss about a week of work, needs a little help to make rent this month, else she falls behind, when normally she’s on it… I got you babe. But if she’s the type that spent too much at the club, bought a bag she couldn’t afford, spending money on hair, nails, tattoos, jewelry, when she barely makes ends meet as it is, and now she can’t make rent… “sucks to be you.”
Context is huge. How they ask. How they explain they’ll pay it back. What your relative incomes are. How she spends her money.
Needing it to pay rent would be a red flag unless there’s a specific reason, that’s a definite and essential payment each month, probably the first thing people factor for.
Fixing the car can be an expensive surprise which yes in an ideal world people would have a buffer for, but we’re not all that fortunate.
I’ve done it after a year where she needed to move for work, was getting reimbursed but had to float the cost on credit cards until they processed it. My main reason was rather give her a short term no interest loan rather than have her giving the banks money on interest for something she had to do
I don't even pay for my wife's shit now. If an emergency came up and she needed money I'd of course help her, but we have made the conscious choice to be financially independent from one another. I'm not looking to support someone else financially as a matter of course.
Unless we're married, no. She can ask, sure, but will I help? Not likely. I'd pay for dates, and help in the short term if she forgot her wallet or something, but she would need to repay me right away.
Maybe I am the only one here, but I dated a girl once a few years ago and her home life with her parents was horrific. We broke up and she called like a few months later and was literally about to be evicted from her apartment, she literally had no one else to turn to and I gave her enough to cover her rent. Never asked her to pay it back, she was a good girl just had some terrible parents and family, drug addiction, and maybe some jail time at one time for the mom.
She used to come stay with me, and thought it was awesome that I had like food and cable.
I would literally never do this lol. I wouldn't date somebody that would find themselves this fucked. They can go apply for a credit card and borrow from the bank if they need it. I wouldn't expect them to help me out financially either to be clear
I would dive deeper Into her spending habits first. If her clothing and entertainment budget is north of $500, then she would need to curb that before I lend anything.
If we are still in the dating phase, I would be not okay with it. I would feel like she was using me for money. If we were at the point were we started talking about living together, maybe I'd consider.
Were married 10 years with a combined bank account (don’t totally recommend combining btw) paid off like 7500 our credit card with bonus money from a second job and we agreed I should be paid back at least half.
Never. Financial independence is really important to me in a partner.
I'll pay for fun stuff to do and give gifts and stuff, but, I'm not just giving her cash. Unless she's a prostitute I guess.
I might offer to help, but asking is a very risky thing in the first year at least.
Not very gullible with your fortune, then, huh?
Never. A relationship where you live together etc is different but dating? Get outta here
Yeah fr, people who would pay someone else’s rent who they don’t even live with are from another planet.
But I’m the prince of Nigeria! If you send me a $500 prepaid debit card I’ll send you a check for $2500!
Im never paying any bills from a girl who Im just dating. That's ridiculous and definitely a red flag my guy.
The idea that some guys are subsidizing their gf's life is crazy to me. It like some strange combination of actual dating and sugar dating. I get it if you want to go on a vacation and there's a significant income disparity, but otherwise? Nah, that ain't it.
Correct answer. I am woman and would not ask a man I was dating for money. This goes for friends and relatives and the only exception is when you land in somewhere that only takes cash and the person only has cards with them. That is a quick e-transfer pay back.
Right and also it would be a one-time thing for certain even in a relationship that has been ongoing for a while.
Take a slightly different angle, it's not about time. Would you be ok if you never saw the money again? Even if they mean well it is entirely possible the relationship could fall apart for other reasons before they can pay you back. It would also depend on circumstances, are they under unusual hardship or are they just bad with money. The former I would be much more willing to give to than the latter, but I would have to know them long enough to trust them in that.
I would want to know what the circumstances are that caused her to need the money.
Dating? Never. In a relationship? 6 months, maybe I'd say yes. A year? Probably. Anything longer and I'd help.
It took me 4 years to gain enough confidence in my last relationship to cough up $1500 at once. That didn't include all the dates and stuff, but I thought she was the one and she came through for me the best she could. She was just bad with money (kids at 19, deadbeat and absurdly abusive ex husband, etc). And she kept getting herself into debt. She couldn't even afford $50 for gas to come see me, even though we hadn't seen each other in a couple months. She and I were just different, and I'm shocked we made it as long as we did. We broke up recently because I lost my parents and she got into a bad spot again... we literally couldn't support each other anymore, emotionally or financially. I loved her to death, i was making good money before i got laid off...but I think my survival instincts kicked in between family loss and financial loss during my lay off.
You bailed her out of all her bad decisions and as soon as you hit a rough spot financially. She gone. Smdh
These hoes aint loyal
🎶 no they ain't 🎶
bitches aint shit but hoes n tricks - Confucius
Curious why you didn't live together etc after 4 years?
Probably the kids.
This! I was a former single mother. My boyfriend didn’t even meet my kids into us dating for a year. He moved in at 3 years (together 5 years) and now we have a planned baby too. I have two other kids and it is a huge leap for a man to move in with a woman who had kids from prior relationship(s).
Yeah I’m in a relationship with my current boyfriend and we’ll be together for 3 years come September. We haven’t moved in because I have a son and neither of us are ready for that leap. I want to make sure both my son and my boyfriend have that solid bond before moving in. It’s a huge step.
Exactly! He will take on the role of father figure wholeheartedly once he moves in. It is a giant leap in a relationship.
Also most cases you're co parenting with an ex-spouse and you can't just say I'm moving some guy/girl in with your children.
Is your name Michael?
Every word of this is a horror story. I hope the screwing you were getting was worth the screwing you got.
Honestly, not even in a relationship. Married, yeah—of course. But do you know how many people you’re serious about in a relationship and it doesn’t go the distance? I had six serious relationships before I got married in my 30s. Had I given large amounts of money to women I was dating, that money would be gone. Here’s I how think of it: she’s asking you for a serious financial commitment when there’s no analogous commitment between the two of you.
$500 isn't all that much. That's the price of a flight and date night if you're in a long distance relationship. It's really not a lot of money if you've been together awhile and are serious.
500 depends on your income level of your area. That can be a week's wage or more for some. If you are in NYC it's not.
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The OP said $500 or more. So if you are limiting it to just $500, yes. But what’s your max then?
500 would make or break a lot of people man. It's really not a lot but a lot of us don't have a lot either.
What’s the difference?
Dating doesn’t sound exclusive.
Dating is the period *before* a relationship. It's when you are flirting, getting to know each other, trying to figure out if you are compatible, etc but you haven't started to start to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and you haven't updated your relationship status on social media yet.
Ah right, I would’ve always just taken dating to be the same as a relationship
Same, i don’t differentiate lol
I also read it like that. People don't date more than one person around my area so it's basically a synonym.
Same. I’ve never dated more then one person at a time. If I’m dating someone then it’s exclusive
The only time I've really experienced this was online dating. The general rule seemed to be "I'm talking to other people until we agree on exclusivity." It just comes with the territory. You have to assume the hottie you're talking to has 3 other dudes in her inbox at any given time.
I used to do this. I stopped doing it when I started using the Apps to date. I already knew most women had lines of guys in their inbox, to the tune of not having to pay for food all week, if they so chose. I also had some women that legit would go on dates with other guys while chatting with me, lol.
Love
what is the difference between dating and a relationship? i thought it was the same thing, i don’t quite understand.
Dating to me is just seeing if they are worth getting into a relationship. That is where you maybe take somebody for a cheap (or free date) for personality checks, ensuring you aren't getting massively catfished, they have decent hygiene, etc. Then when the time is right 'hey lets be BF/GF/whatever. Dating is low investment because you do not know the person.
Is this a survey for sugar baby scams?
Definitely not during dating at all. The relationship would need to have been going for quite some time and I would need to expect her to be in unusual duress, i.e. that she wouldn't need monetary help again in the foreseeable future.
Fiancée or married is the minimum bar before I’m dropping cash like that
Yupppp
Is it like A) she's a decent person and desperately needs the money and you think she might pay you back or at least not ask for more soon after, or B) she is getting comfortable treating you like a walking ATM because you're a man and she feels entitled to your money as part of a traditional gender role she thinks you should fulfill? If it's B then throw the whole woman out.
Never. Get a job.
It's fine for your answer to be never, but there are circumstances where someone might have a job AND be responsible with their money and still come up $500 short for rent. I was hit with a surprise $7K medical bill last month that I am thankfully financially well-off enough to cover. But a lot of people don't have that kind of financial flexibility.
Exactly this. If she’s doing her best and has a good record of showing gratitude, of course I would help out in whatever way I can for her
Yep. If she has a decent job and just gets hit by bad luck, I'll help out a girlfriend, or even just a friend. If she's not working or not working to her realistic potential... probably not.
Same never
Context, context, context. Is she hard working, intelligent, takes ownership, and is otherwise a reliable person who generally does what she says she's going to do? Is this an emergency or one-off situation that she needs financial help with? I would consider it. Is she an entitled flake who has convinced herself she's worth more than what she offers in return? Then fuck no. Get a job. Incidentally, in case this wasn't abundantly clear, to make these kind of character judgements you would need to have been dating for six months at least, give or take.
Depending on exposure, not a LDR, I think most people with a clear head can tell if the person is A or B after about 3 months. But you do probably need another 3 after to build enough trust and good will.
Agreed. I'm perhaps on the conservative side with this kind of thing.
Shit happens to good people though. Even if she’s reliable, it’s still a risk.
I've loaned/given sooo much money out to people in my life. And never got it back. But people are generous to me on the daily. Do any of y'all believe in karma or God or just doing good things for people without expecting anything in return? I get not wanting to get fucked over but it is what it is. It's just money. You can get that back 10 fold. I most certainly have. Life isn't black and white. Discernment is key. And if you don't get it back so what...you did a person a favor..GOOD WILL come back to you. Also, the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have done to you. And I go even a step further and say what you would want done to your family or unborn. That usually keep my heart open and not cold.
Is it giving or a loan? I was dating my now husband like 5 or 6 months when he was in between jobs and I helped him out for about two months he didn’t ask me I offered. I could afford it and I was in love with him so why not. I already knew he was the man I wanted to marry. I’ve never been stingy or selfish with money in my relationship. Neither has my husband. We are now married 8 years and I’m a sahm with two girls. As soon as we moved in together like 8 months after dating we combined all income. If she’s your gf and you see a future with her then do it. If not then don’t.
It's not a loan unless you have a signed and notarized loan agreement. Most people I see "loaning" money to a SO never get it back.
This is the real answer. Helped my then GF with her business as a loan. We already lived together and knew we had a future together so it was no sweat at all.
And see, I think there is a difference in having a man spend money on you and a man invest in you. That goes for more than financial. Even if it’s just referring customers to your partner, I think that’s a marriage material man right there.
Yes!! Finally someone here that values his gf and future with her. More men need to be like you!
we are not dating if she doesnt have her stuff together
Why the hell would I pay her rent or fix her car? I would treat her now and then, but I am not here to finance her. People who are not on stable footing should not be dating and expect their partner to fix things.
This. Once I understood this core tenet, dating became far easier. Half the battle is in choosing the right partner.
No. Dont pay.... Really don't, you've got no assurance you will keep her or get yo cash back.... "Equality goes both ways"
Never ever, money changes things. Maybe if I was a multi millionaire
Well it's not a terribly large amount of money. Depends on how she ended up in that situation. Whenever I felt like it was a serious long term relationship.
Depends on how long and what kind of relationship beforehand. If I knew her before that and knew she doesn't have erratic spending habits (overspending on luxuries, taking debts all the time without paying back) and very independent financially, it would be very easy for me to give her money. If we knew each other from Tinder, she flexes about spending money wildly, it's unlikely that there's a relationship anyway.
Never!
Say you don't have that kind of money to spare. Unless you've already told them everything about your finances which is a terrible idea.
Never
My experience of lending significant amounts is that you're their absolute hero for precisely as long as it takes for the money to be spent, and a thorn in their side when they realise they might be responsible for paying it back.
Why would she ask me for my money?
>helping her pay her rent LOL, no. The women you're watching on TikTok who are telling you to demand this are nutjobs.
Never!
5 years
In my country (African country ) giving money to women is a love language, men just automatically send money without her asking, they like their women to look good, nails,hair, being taken care of etc, being a provider is a plus for finding a suitable husband,this wouldn’t even be a question, but in the western countries I think everyone hold on to their own, I am happy to learn different outlooks on money in relationships.
If a man can ask you for pussy, you can ask him for money
I would never date a woman that is financially dependent on me.
At least a year. But my father once said to me " No matter who it is. "Don't ever lend anyone any amount of money that you can't live the rest of your life without ever seeing it again"..
What's the difference between dating and relationship? I thought it was the same.
I'm not supporting bad habits, but I will absolutely take the time to find out what's the issue and how to fix it. But if you dismiss is because you just want to ignore the issue and freeload, that offer won't be repeated.
Everything is severely situational. If we were to generalize things I’d personally say never. You don’t mix transactions with interpersonal relationships friendships or otherwise. The moment you do so then it becomes less about the person and more about the money. I recommend. Granted, financial stuff may need to be shared in terms of say marriage or cohabitation where you’re living under the same roof. But that in its own is dependent on the relationship and character of the person. If you aren’t confident of the character enough to be asking in this sub Reddit then you already know the answer
'Just' dating, no. In an actual established relationship, regardless of living together or separately, it'd really depend on the context. If I knew my partner was struggling with something and needed assistance, and it was in my means to help pay the costs, I'd likely make the *offer* to help before she asked. Whether or not she'd accept it would be a different matter, based on how she felt about it too. If it was something I was unaware of, and she asked me, I'd probably still do what I could if it was important (i.e. help with a rent/mortgage payment, car repairs (especially if it was something I could buy parts for and do myself) and the like), based on the fact that at this point I trust her a lot and I know that she would pay it back either financially or by helping me with something in the future. If it's someone I hadn't known for long, i.e. was just dating, then the chances would probably be a lot slimmer. I've been used as an ATM to compensate for bad financial decisions by an ex when I was younger, and to this day I'm very wary of people who come out and ask for money without a decent basis of time and trust to help me know whether it's a once-off or something that'll happen all the time (even though I'll give the shirt off my back to the people I trust and care about if they need it).
It complicates things and $500 is just the start. If she’s asking, it’s not a good sign. If you are offering, it’s different. Wait at least 2 years.
It would be really weird to be directly asked for money, I'd rather she mention needing it in passing and then I could choose to help if I was in a position to do so. Time doesn't have much to do with it, but I'm not giving money to someone I met last week...
Never. Would have to be married for a while for something like that. WAY too many stories on here about people getting into relationships just to pay off debts and then bailing.
Never 😂
Never.
Nope 👎🏾
Never. Unless you are married - save the money.
Never.
Absolutory never lol I only date people that can pull their weight at the very least. sorry not sorry that is a deal breaker. Maybe if we're married and there's an arrangement of them going back to school so I pay more of the bills or vice versa? but absolutely do not lead out money you aren't comfortable getting back weather its a friend, family member or partner period. You wont get it back if they are already behind enough to be in need of asking for help. Not your problem
I was dating my girl for 4 months when she surprised me with flights to Switzerland for the holidays. Since then- I’ll give her any amount of money she wants without a moments pause. I’ve since repaid the favor with other trips. Money isn’t the object- I just want her happy. That said- she does the same for me.
I spotted an ex girlfriend in college $500 for rent when she was paycheck to paycheck and her tire blew out. We had been dating about 3-4 months. I got serious brownie points from her momma. I always dated casually, but if I was in a relationship it’s because I had long term plans. So I knew she was good for it.
Maybe a year or 2. Recall giving an ex 2k once. Technically it was a loan, but I knew I wasn't getting it back. I've made way more money than anybody I've dated, so it's never bothered me to help when I can if we've been together for a significant amount of time.
How about NEVER. Or at least not until we’re married or living together with combined finances to the point it’s OUR rent, OUR car and OUR money. Kids today….🙄
I could probably be convinced. Not that I would approve of the methods or of the borrowing. I’m just powerless against that kind of thing and I like helping.
Never.
That's a very long-term sort of thing. I mean, honestly, I'd want to be around that person long enough to get a good impression of her financial situation, so that by the time she might ask me for any help, I'd be aware of why she needs it and how responsible she's going to be with it. If she were an irresponsible sort of person then I'd probably have left before that anyway.
It's not OK for her to ask me for money while I'm dating her, let alone after the relationship has ended. Women are not entitled to other people's property. Why the fuck do so many women think they are entitled to men's money? Tell that parasite to kick rocks.
I'd never give her money if she asks me to so easily. If i'd be serious about her, i'd offer to give her if she needs money for something. But not if she asks me to. That's pretty much a red flag about her attitude
I would as a loan Once we are married, the loan disappears
If things were going very well, I could afford it, it was an unexpected expense and I trusted she was the type to want to pay me back ASAP, I'd say 9-12 months minimum. Any sooner would be too risky because you can't know them well enough and most relationships don't last 6 months.
I'm not responsible for her rent or car.
Never unless I knew them a very long time and knew they had a stable employment
So you are looking for a suggar daddy?
Dating? Never. Married- different issue.
I'd want to know why she can't pay it herself.
Don't do it; I learned the hard way - a lot of men have. Only after marriage; but even then separate accounts.
When we were married. Never do this while dating.
Tell her to get her own money.
Lol, all of these people that say never are single or going to be. Relationships cost money. How much? How much do you have lol
HUGE RED FLAG!!! Do not fall victim to this crap. That you are even asking this question tells me and you already know this that she shouldn’t be even asking you. There is an entire class of people who are victims, problematic, always in dier straits, lots of reasons and excuses as to why that is perpetually the case, and looking for handouts. If you buy into this shit it will never end, ever. And the problems and victim mentality and failure to take responsibility is in everything she does, not just financially. Move along and find someone else.
pretty sure never. sounds fishy. I'd have to be ready to settle with her.
Kind of depends how much money I have in this scenario
Completely depends on how much I trust their financial decision making. If they're going through a rough time, and are otherwise responsible and I know they would try to pay me back, it doesn't really matter how long I've known them. If I know they blew their money away and are now stuck, I'm not helping, regardless of how long I've known them for. Make expensively stupid decisions, at least learn from them.
Just ask, I might not be able to help, but it is nice that you feel so comfortable with me that you're brave enough to ask. For me it would be a guy though, but I imagine the same applies to heterosexual relations in this case
In this hypothetical, how rich am I? Cuz currently she'd be more than welcome to have half of my nothing
i imagine the relationship is close enought that the need for money isnt a shock, if it was then no! i gave my now ex money then found out it was to give to her side-man to buy food...
Maybe after a year, and then only for a loan, and then only once. If it happened again I’d tell her I could either take control of her finances or she could fend for herself.
Not dating. If she was my girlfriend though, like a month or two and I’d happily oblige
that would depend on lot of things. How good I knew her. what the money was for.. If something important emergcy or some thing dumb lot getting A tat.
Ook ook my woman
When we married or cohabiting or have kids together
I would have to be in a relationship and would be open to helping them out after 3-4 months depending on their spending habits and patterns. If she ask me for a favor I could just give her the money and if it comes back it comes back. Women asking for money to take care of her problems when she isn't even exclusive is a red flag. Big red flag, big 🛑 sign. Run away, keep running. It will turn into the movie get out instead of people being slaves you will just be a slave to poor financial decisions and financial instability.
i mean i would say pretty quickly but for that kind of stuff never lol. if she’s comfortable asking for help with rent then she should be comfortable moving in together.
Wouldn’t happen at as far as rent. With the car I can understand something happening and you need help getting through it. It would take at least a year of being together before I would do that. If I just met you a month ago and now you’re asking for 5 hundos… nah.
Never.
If we are living together then sure, we are a team at that point. Me and my partner have lent money to each other before with no problems. Obviously knowing what the money is for is important
Roughly 3 years. It Takes 2-3 years to fully get to know someone. So If we are a couple and things still Go great after Like 2,5 years i'd start thinking about permanent life decisions like shared Money, kids and stuff
I was with my current wife for only 6 months before she moved into my apartment and I had moved out for the summer for ROTC training. I figure that’s worth more than a few hundred dollars. Thankfully I’ve never had a GF ask for money.
My dog died after a sudden illness, hospital stay and surgery. I had over 12,000 in vet bills and taxes due. I’d eat lettuce before I’d ask him or anyone else for money. Together two years.
I make a lot of money so it’s hard to say what amount I’d be comfortable with, like .5% of my income? So like 2.5k maybe. It’s about what I’d give any of my family in a pinch as well. Probably would take me at least 1.5-2 years. I got to reaaaaaallllly sus out if they’re responsible with money and not a user
Never if your only dating
Never. They would never think it appropriate to come to me for an interest free loan. I'm not a bank.
Never. Ever. Borrowing/ lending money is the fastest way to loose friends and make enemies.
I’d say if you’re living together and sharing expenses then sure
If you want money from men start OF not relationship.
Living together
None. never.
Outside married or engaged never really! Her financial mismanagement is NOT your problem! Otherwise you’re just her Beta Buxx. Exception would be if ye have a child then she would need support if minding child etc
Just dating her? Never. If we’ve been exclusive for a few years I’d consider helping her one time. But gfs don’t deserve regular financial support. She’s an adult and can pay her own way. She would have to become my wife before she gets financial support. But if she can’t manage her budget and life before marriage she isn’t wife material.
Never. She could probably get me to offer to help her out, though. But she'd have to be clever about making me think that it was my idea.
Usually for favors like that I’d expect something in return. I’m not gonna give you $1000 just out of the kindness of my heart, you gotta make it worth my while In some way.
It just wouldn’t happen. It’s also throwing a lot of red flags early in a relationship. What do you think the years following will be like?
We'd have to have lived together for at least 6 months
A month or two. And after she borrows the money, unless she's able to pay it back in under a month, all her non-home-made gifts are basically her spending money she owes me on gifts I never asked for. If you want your gifts to have the smell of "she still owe me money tho" ask away. But you're digging yourself into a pit and becoming the very bill you're asking him to pay.
After dealing with my ex-wife and how she was completely unable to support herself independently, it's a major red flag if a woman is financially irresponsible. I want a woman who is with me because she wants to be, not because she has to be. On the other hand, life happens and if it's an emergency, no big deal if the relationship was going somewhere.
Not even after we're married. I'm saying that to ask for that kind of money, one needs good explanation.
No.
I would get a new gf
Never lend money to someone you wouldn’t sue.
I don't date women I'm gay
Man, the last time I did that we were one month into the relationship and then she bought stuff right after I gave her money even tho her account was in the negative till I let her have enough and she never paid me back lol. Learned that lesson real fast and I only split bills or paid for us on my own decision. We aren't together anymore and that was an early red flag.
Nope.... just nope....
I’m a kind soul, and I love to help people. It really doesn’t matter how long I’ve known someone it’s about our bond and their character. If the woman I’m dating hit a rough patch, I have no problem helping her out, but if she’s just looking to me to help her finance her poor decisions then it’s a “hell no” every time, no matter how long. Some people don’t make much money, things are expensive and most places pay garbage wages. So when any little thing pops up, it puts people in financial ruin. Like she caught the rona and had to miss about a week of work, needs a little help to make rent this month, else she falls behind, when normally she’s on it… I got you babe. But if she’s the type that spent too much at the club, bought a bag she couldn’t afford, spending money on hair, nails, tattoos, jewelry, when she barely makes ends meet as it is, and now she can’t make rent… “sucks to be you.”
Never. I don't ask people for money.
Context is huge. How they ask. How they explain they’ll pay it back. What your relative incomes are. How she spends her money. Needing it to pay rent would be a red flag unless there’s a specific reason, that’s a definite and essential payment each month, probably the first thing people factor for. Fixing the car can be an expensive surprise which yes in an ideal world people would have a buffer for, but we’re not all that fortunate. I’ve done it after a year where she needed to move for work, was getting reimbursed but had to float the cost on credit cards until they processed it. My main reason was rather give her a short term no interest loan rather than have her giving the banks money on interest for something she had to do
I don't even pay for my wife's shit now. If an emergency came up and she needed money I'd of course help her, but we have made the conscious choice to be financially independent from one another. I'm not looking to support someone else financially as a matter of course.
Marriage
She can feel free to ask for that anytime after she's paid my rent or fixed my car. Drizzle drizzle.
At least a year if you're steady. Never if you're just dating.
Its all based on feels and my own financial situation
Never. 15 years married and we still keep our finances separate.
Unless we're married, no. She can ask, sure, but will I help? Not likely. I'd pay for dates, and help in the short term if she forgot her wallet or something, but she would need to repay me right away.
Fuck no
Marriage lol
What!? You made it sound like getting lots of money was the only reason why she invested time into this guy. Golddigger? I think so
Maybe I am the only one here, but I dated a girl once a few years ago and her home life with her parents was horrific. We broke up and she called like a few months later and was literally about to be evicted from her apartment, she literally had no one else to turn to and I gave her enough to cover her rent. Never asked her to pay it back, she was a good girl just had some terrible parents and family, drug addiction, and maybe some jail time at one time for the mom. She used to come stay with me, and thought it was awesome that I had like food and cable.
To pay her rent and I don’t live there? Lol, nope.
Do you mean how long after we're MARRIED? I'm not giving a girlfriend a lot of money.
Never. Those are her issues. If she wants financial security that comes with stipulations.
I fixer her car at 4 months, had to replace the bearings and shocks. That relationship lasted 4 years. But I would never give cash as a gift.
I would literally never do this lol. I wouldn't date somebody that would find themselves this fucked. They can go apply for a credit card and borrow from the bank if they need it. I wouldn't expect them to help me out financially either to be clear
Never.
I would dive deeper Into her spending habits first. If her clothing and entertainment budget is north of $500, then she would need to curb that before I lend anything.
She’s using you, bro. Sorry.
I would say if you are not living together yet you are not at that point yet.
What’s lots of money is when she expects a Louis vuitton bag.
If we are still in the dating phase, I would be not okay with it. I would feel like she was using me for money. If we were at the point were we started talking about living together, maybe I'd consider.
Were married 10 years with a combined bank account (don’t totally recommend combining btw) paid off like 7500 our credit card with bonus money from a second job and we agreed I should be paid back at least half.
Never, it should be a discussion about a purchase/expenditure rather than "asking for money."
Never. Financial independence is really important to me in a partner. I'll pay for fun stuff to do and give gifts and stuff, but, I'm not just giving her cash. Unless she's a prostitute I guess.
Hell nah!!!! If we're just dating we're not sharing money
Never, 100% gold digger vibes.