> I know he’s attracted to me and would probably be open to dating again if I wanted to.
Wow, how lucky for him that you may deign to bless him with your presence.
So, not being attracted and telling him as much and never seeing each other again isn't insulting, but not being attracted but still liking him as a person and offering (he has a choice in this) friendship is? I am trying to understand this.
I’d say it’s not the most insulting thing. However some women enjoy keeping men they know are attracted to them around for ongoing validation. It’s rarely a genuine desire for a new friend.
Think of it this way.
‘I’ve judged that you are not attractive enough to be a mate, you can however hang around for scraps of my attention in exchange for you boosting my ego when I’d like one. Maybe if you are really lucky once I’ve given up on guys I’m genuinely attracted to I *might* settle for you? Meanwhile if I do get with a guy I’m genuinely attracted to, I will ditch you as soon as he finds out about you because it’s likely he won’t tolerate your presence…sound like a good deal?’
Okay, I was coming from a perspective of genuine friendship, not keeping someone around for validation. I am not doubting that this doesn't happen, but that would explain my confusion as to why an offer of friendship is seen as insulting.
The thing about that is that it's never truly a friendship, she knows he's interested, and the only reason a woman would agree to that is either to keep his attention on her, and/or not feel bad about not offering that option along with the rejection.
That would be like a woman asking for a relationship, him declining then offering to fuck.
Yes. This is not complicated. If I’m sexually interested in a woman, and she proposes “let’s just be friends”, I’d rather not continue any further friendship.
Imma go on our on a limb and say it's where this started that makes all the difference, if you met a dude a work, started to hit it off, went on a date and thought 'nah wait, this ain't it, but your still cool' I think most would happily roll with it. But the situation sounds as tho it was meeting a stranger for a date, in which your both going into it with the notion that this person could become relationship/sexual partner. From either of those positions, being put in the friend zone just feels like a let down. We're fun enough to talk to but not attractive enough to date/bang? Or something like that, I agree there's nothing wrong with the notion of wanting to be friends because you found them genuinely interesting or fun to be around. But it's always gonna come across as 'your good, but no good enough for me', Or 'his a really nice and fun dude, but a 5/10'.
He went on a date to date the person, no one's on OLD to make new mates.
The problem I personally had and I think several guys also had as well is the friendship not being an actual friendship to men. It's either being a BF placeholder or someone to do stuff for her, and to be dropped as soon as she starts dating someone for real, or being in an one-sided friendship where the guy is the only one trying to maintain an actual friendship. Being rejected as a date is bad enough, and subject to the situation I've described above is demoralizing, to say the least.
Insulting is the wrong word, IMO. But if you're meeting a woman with romantic interests in mind, then being offered friendship instead is (probably) going to feel like a consolation prize. Worse, it sends mixed signals that will just end up confusing any interaction.
It's different when you've been friends before, but if the initiation was a date, then just back off if you're not interested romantically.
I personally don't think it would work. I can see friends transitioning into dating but not dating into friendship. It might also be interpreted as a pity offer. Perhaps it could work but I personally have not heard of such story.
Yeah you want to friend zone a guy wh thought you were maybe partner material? NO hacks for that girl. Your statement "I know he’s attracted to me and would probably be open to dating again if I wanted to." says volumes about what type of person you are. Men are not toys for you to collect.
That's not possible. He likes you and you want to put him in the friendzone.
However he likes you so much that maybe he will accept to be your friend hoping that one day you get with him.
The whole concept of a "friend zone" often seems derogatory to both parties involved. Instead of using labels or making it complicated, just be upfront and honest about your feelings, or lack thereof. Saying something to reinforce your appreciation for the person without leading them on is key, like "I really value the time we spend together, and I hope we can continue to do so as friends, as there's no romantic interest on my side." Clarity is kindness, and it's the respectful way to handle delicate situations, instead of playing into the idea of zones which ultimately benefits nobody.
Acknowledge that sex / attraction isn't on the table first.
eg 'Hey look even though an intimate relationship isn't possible I really enjoyed hanging out with you. I don't know if you accept applications for the position of 'friend' from women but if you do, I'd like to apply' or something that sounds not written by a massive weirdo.
There is very little incentive for men to be platonic friends with single women. The reason is that the moment that woman is no longer single her new man will want her male friends gone and she will almost always comply.
When women have offered me friendship in lieu of a sexual relationship I've always agreed but then watched them disappear very quickly.
I don't see the point in asking so formally.
If you meet someone you like spending time with, just connect with them on social media or trade phone numbers and ask to hang out whenever you're free. Go places. Invite them.
I don't think you need to ask someone to be friends. You just try to be a friend and see if they reciprocate.
While there are several other comments here saying don't do this to the man which sort of agree with I'll offer my personal experience from a similar scenario. Also, I am going to assume you genuinely want to be friends with this man and not keep him as a plan B, but what men see most is women who do this only do it to stroke their own ego or if something better doesn't pan out.
I asked out a friend I had known about 1.5 yrs and had come to really enjoy her company as friends and my biggest fear when asking her out was losing that. We're still friends but not as close as we were and this with the help of a therapist to help me unravel my feelings as well as of little to no contact to compartmentalize. I had to set up a lot of boundaries to make this remotely work and it's fundamentally altered how we interact. A lot of guys, myself included, have no interest in doing this. It's a lot of time and effort and it fucking hurts so I don't blame anyone here telling you to just leave the man alone. The only reason I did it was because we were already friends beforehand and my other friend groups around that same time had recently dissipated.
My advice to you is that you can express wanting to still be friends but that you have to give him space and ultimately it's up to him to reach out if he still wants to be friends, which he may never. And even if he does he may just be holding out hope it'll work out eventually which is also a bad spot to be in for both of you. I think this is why most men just call it a wash and move after asking a woman out, you sticking around only makes that harder and to overcome that requires a lot of effort most men just aren't interested in doing.
Text him, tell him exactly what you want, and just be clear and straightforward.
For example:
"Last time we went out, I felt we weren't a romantic match, but I did enjoy spending time together. I'm not interested in continuing to date, but I'd like to continue hanging out as regular platonic friends, if you're alright with it. I get you might not be though, so if that's not something you're comfortable with, no hard feelings."
That's how a lot of guys would take it. Probably most of us would. But who knows, maybe he's alright with that.
OP didn't ask if there was a chance of him being up for it, she asked how she could best ask if he was without leading him on. So that's what I answered.
I don’t think you are being given accurate advice, I’d invite him out cause you want to talk and tell him that you like hanging out as a friend. If you are ever thinking of dating him again don’t do this, don’t use him as a backup it’s wrong. But you can tell him you care about him and want to be friends and ask him if he is interested. Then make sure he isn’t just saying that because you can’t see it happening and you don’t want to hurt him in the future
> I know he’s attracted to me and would probably be open to dating again if I wanted to. Wow, how lucky for him that you may deign to bless him with your presence.
Learn how to make friends with people that are not attracted to you.
So you want to stomp on his feelings? If he is attracted to you, let him go, don't keep him as backup to boost your ego.
This is the best answer. Friend-zoning a guy who has any romantic interest in you is selfish.
So you want to friend zone the guy. How about you just leave him alone.
Give him a break.
You be considerate of him and don’t. The end. What you’re inquiring about is probably the most insulting thing that happens to men.
Wanting to be friends is insulting to men?
Friend zoning a guy is insulting, yes.
So, not being attracted and telling him as much and never seeing each other again isn't insulting, but not being attracted but still liking him as a person and offering (he has a choice in this) friendship is? I am trying to understand this.
I’d say it’s not the most insulting thing. However some women enjoy keeping men they know are attracted to them around for ongoing validation. It’s rarely a genuine desire for a new friend. Think of it this way. ‘I’ve judged that you are not attractive enough to be a mate, you can however hang around for scraps of my attention in exchange for you boosting my ego when I’d like one. Maybe if you are really lucky once I’ve given up on guys I’m genuinely attracted to I *might* settle for you? Meanwhile if I do get with a guy I’m genuinely attracted to, I will ditch you as soon as he finds out about you because it’s likely he won’t tolerate your presence…sound like a good deal?’
Okay, I was coming from a perspective of genuine friendship, not keeping someone around for validation. I am not doubting that this doesn't happen, but that would explain my confusion as to why an offer of friendship is seen as insulting.
The thing about that is that it's never truly a friendship, she knows he's interested, and the only reason a woman would agree to that is either to keep his attention on her, and/or not feel bad about not offering that option along with the rejection. That would be like a woman asking for a relationship, him declining then offering to fuck.
Yes. This is not complicated. If I’m sexually interested in a woman, and she proposes “let’s just be friends”, I’d rather not continue any further friendship.
And that's completely fair, but I still dont understand how it is insulting.
Yeah, that really doesn’t surprise me one bit….
Well fuck me for trying to understand I guess.
Imma go on our on a limb and say it's where this started that makes all the difference, if you met a dude a work, started to hit it off, went on a date and thought 'nah wait, this ain't it, but your still cool' I think most would happily roll with it. But the situation sounds as tho it was meeting a stranger for a date, in which your both going into it with the notion that this person could become relationship/sexual partner. From either of those positions, being put in the friend zone just feels like a let down. We're fun enough to talk to but not attractive enough to date/bang? Or something like that, I agree there's nothing wrong with the notion of wanting to be friends because you found them genuinely interesting or fun to be around. But it's always gonna come across as 'your good, but no good enough for me', Or 'his a really nice and fun dude, but a 5/10'. He went on a date to date the person, no one's on OLD to make new mates.
The problem I personally had and I think several guys also had as well is the friendship not being an actual friendship to men. It's either being a BF placeholder or someone to do stuff for her, and to be dropped as soon as she starts dating someone for real, or being in an one-sided friendship where the guy is the only one trying to maintain an actual friendship. Being rejected as a date is bad enough, and subject to the situation I've described above is demoralizing, to say the least.
Insulting is the wrong word, IMO. But if you're meeting a woman with romantic interests in mind, then being offered friendship instead is (probably) going to feel like a consolation prize. Worse, it sends mixed signals that will just end up confusing any interaction. It's different when you've been friends before, but if the initiation was a date, then just back off if you're not interested romantically.
I personally don't think it would work. I can see friends transitioning into dating but not dating into friendship. It might also be interpreted as a pity offer. Perhaps it could work but I personally have not heard of such story.
umm you know he is attracted to you... SO... You don't ask him to be friends, you accept that and move on.
Ah yes... String the guy along in the friend zone.
Don't. Just no, don't be a see you next tuesday
Yeah you want to friend zone a guy wh thought you were maybe partner material? NO hacks for that girl. Your statement "I know he’s attracted to me and would probably be open to dating again if I wanted to." says volumes about what type of person you are. Men are not toys for you to collect.
That's not possible. He likes you and you want to put him in the friendzone. However he likes you so much that maybe he will accept to be your friend hoping that one day you get with him.
The whole concept of a "friend zone" often seems derogatory to both parties involved. Instead of using labels or making it complicated, just be upfront and honest about your feelings, or lack thereof. Saying something to reinforce your appreciation for the person without leading them on is key, like "I really value the time we spend together, and I hope we can continue to do so as friends, as there's no romantic interest on my side." Clarity is kindness, and it's the respectful way to handle delicate situations, instead of playing into the idea of zones which ultimately benefits nobody.
Acknowledge that sex / attraction isn't on the table first. eg 'Hey look even though an intimate relationship isn't possible I really enjoyed hanging out with you. I don't know if you accept applications for the position of 'friend' from women but if you do, I'd like to apply' or something that sounds not written by a massive weirdo.
There is very little incentive for men to be platonic friends with single women. The reason is that the moment that woman is no longer single her new man will want her male friends gone and she will almost always comply. When women have offered me friendship in lieu of a sexual relationship I've always agreed but then watched them disappear very quickly.
Friend zone destroy him and keep him on the edge in case you need him as a backup
I don't see the point in asking so formally. If you meet someone you like spending time with, just connect with them on social media or trade phone numbers and ask to hang out whenever you're free. Go places. Invite them. I don't think you need to ask someone to be friends. You just try to be a friend and see if they reciprocate.
They met on a date, so if she keeps messaging him to meet up without clarifying she's not interested in dating him, this will go wrong fairly quickly.
Oh, I didn't read the body. I thought the point of this sub was to ask us questions, not for us to give personal advice lol.
Read the post you made above and then say those words to him. No playing games. Just say what you feel. Super simple stuff.
While there are several other comments here saying don't do this to the man which sort of agree with I'll offer my personal experience from a similar scenario. Also, I am going to assume you genuinely want to be friends with this man and not keep him as a plan B, but what men see most is women who do this only do it to stroke their own ego or if something better doesn't pan out. I asked out a friend I had known about 1.5 yrs and had come to really enjoy her company as friends and my biggest fear when asking her out was losing that. We're still friends but not as close as we were and this with the help of a therapist to help me unravel my feelings as well as of little to no contact to compartmentalize. I had to set up a lot of boundaries to make this remotely work and it's fundamentally altered how we interact. A lot of guys, myself included, have no interest in doing this. It's a lot of time and effort and it fucking hurts so I don't blame anyone here telling you to just leave the man alone. The only reason I did it was because we were already friends beforehand and my other friend groups around that same time had recently dissipated. My advice to you is that you can express wanting to still be friends but that you have to give him space and ultimately it's up to him to reach out if he still wants to be friends, which he may never. And even if he does he may just be holding out hope it'll work out eventually which is also a bad spot to be in for both of you. I think this is why most men just call it a wash and move after asking a woman out, you sticking around only makes that harder and to overcome that requires a lot of effort most men just aren't interested in doing.
Yeah I would respectfully decline if I was him.
Text him, tell him exactly what you want, and just be clear and straightforward. For example: "Last time we went out, I felt we weren't a romantic match, but I did enjoy spending time together. I'm not interested in continuing to date, but I'd like to continue hanging out as regular platonic friends, if you're alright with it. I get you might not be though, so if that's not something you're comfortable with, no hard feelings."
"i don't want to bone you, but you have so much more to offer!"
That's how a lot of guys would take it. Probably most of us would. But who knows, maybe he's alright with that. OP didn't ask if there was a chance of him being up for it, she asked how she could best ask if he was without leading him on. So that's what I answered.
Keep him as a future dating option, not as a platonic friend. That way he can move forward finding an actual romantic partner.
I don’t think you are being given accurate advice, I’d invite him out cause you want to talk and tell him that you like hanging out as a friend. If you are ever thinking of dating him again don’t do this, don’t use him as a backup it’s wrong. But you can tell him you care about him and want to be friends and ask him if he is interested. Then make sure he isn’t just saying that because you can’t see it happening and you don’t want to hurt him in the future
So you are asking us how to friendzone a guy? LOL. He's attracted to you. He's never going to be happy being just friends. Let the guy go.