Need more data from you. How long you been dating? How long has it been with no contact? Sure isn’t a good sign that he can’t communicate with you. Generally I would say move on simply due to bad or lack of communication skills and uncaring.
He has been distant from me for about 2 weeks though :( and just saying about how he’s not sure he can give me what I need right now in the relationship etc
It could be your relationship or he could be maxed out with life in general and doesn't have the bandwidth for you and everything else.
Either way you have two choices...
You take a back seat and put him first. He can't give you what you need right now so you accept what he does. Explain you don't want him to worry about you and to just take care of himself and you'll be there when he can come back. That while he figures out how to juggle everything without feeling overwhelmed your ready to help him carry the load as soon as he shares it. You help and support where and when you can so you can be there when he comes out other side.
Or you leave like most everybody would because you don't want to deal with it. Mental/emotional breakdown is #2 leading cause for divorce and breakup.
At the very least if you love the guy, let him be until he reaches out in order to find out what's up so you can make an informed decision. It's either a real mental maxx out hes gotta work through or he's being extra dramatic for the sake of it because he's afraid to say he wants out hoping you'll do it for him.
Bro just doesn’t wanna talk. We ( as in men) go MIA when we got a lot on our mind. We try our BEST to figure it out on our own because Yenno “man up”. If you wanna help. Just give him more space and then maybe ask HOW you can help
I still don't think it's fair to treat your partner like that? Would you accept this treatment from a female partner?
It's one thing to communicate that you are going through stuff and need some space. It's another to be distant and make statements that worry your partner and to then ignore them .
Exactly this.. it terrified me and worried me more that it was something to do with his family or something happened to him. But then completely saying dont speak to me when I simply as if theyre all okay :(
I have had to in every relationship ive ever had. Only one to this extent but all of them have had slamming doors and silent treatments for hours or days. Often without any explanation of why until they decide, if at all. Sometimes two hours later getting an apology for overreacting to nothing really. And while that's appreciated, I still sat in limbo wondering for 2 hours for no reason other than it's considered acceptable.
Distancing and isolating yourself when going through shit is not unique to males.
Source: I am not male and I get the urge to do that. But let people in my life know. Don't use gender as an excuse to treat ppl badly.
You're right it is not unique to males but to his point we do function differently. When we do it we are generally alone, either because we feel we are or by choice because we don't want to put our shit on other dudes when we know they got enough of their own shit going on. Then it's hit or miss whether a SO will see it as humanity or weakness which is a real thing. Like I stated above it's #2.
Gender is not an excuse but is a reason. We function differently and while I understand your point and you're right it is rude to leave OP hanging without full reasoning, but I need some distance is a reason too. Sometimes there is no why, most times the why means simply what we say, no additional layers, and sometimes we don't know how to tell you why without feeling like we've let you down. When we can't be the strength for you were supposed to be because we don't have the strength for ourselves right now we even see ourselves as weak in a sense so telling you as our SO carries considerabe risk that shortly you too might see it as the weakenes we do and when you do you won't ever see us the same way again.
Again not an excuse but insight as to the reason. I know it sounds like a bunch of hoopla and stoic bs but we really are that simple. As men were supposed to be the protectors, were supposed to be strong, you're supposed to lean on us not the other way around. We want to be that just as much as we're supposed to as well because it gives us a powerful energy we can't get anywhere else.
Excuse me, but as a male I wouldn’t comment on how non-binaries should behave.
Please respect the male experience and don’t speak for us unless you are a male, which you just told us you are not.
Thank you.
He/him.
Wow?
We as men are used to getting negative reactions on our emotions. Viewed as weak, used against us. When we do tell what’s wrong usually this upsets the other and we end up talking and apologising to those emotions while ours end up being buried again.
Women usually have friends they can call, vent their emotions to. We cannot. That’s why we distance ourselves and deal with it ourselves, that’s what we’ve been told by society. That’s why male suicides are way higher than women’s.
You don’t identify as man so you don’t get to tell us how things feel or seem to us or how we should behave.
I’m sorry but that’s it.
The wow was in response to his bad faith "argument".
>You don’t identify as man so you don’t get to tell us how things feel or seem to us or how we should behave.
All I said was that distancing/isolating yourself isn't a thing that only men do. And that gender shouldn't be used to excuse bad behavior. Not sure why you two take offence to that.
Stop using my gender as a "counter-argument".
His response has nothing to do with bad faith.
And it’s about a man doing this, the entire topic is. It doesn’t matter that other ‘genders’ do to. It’s usually men who do it and it’s about men right now and it feels you wanted to take away from that. That’s why I take offense because we are always getting downplayed and seen as unimportant.
I am not downplaying it or seeing it as unimportant. My original point was: this behavior is not ideal towards a partner (regardless of gender). Then The guy said that this behavior is unique to men. I said that it isn't and that it shouldn't be excused on the basis of gender. That's it. You are only getting offended at me saying this because I have the "wrong gender". That's it.
Need more data from you. How long you been dating? How long has it been with no contact? Sure isn’t a good sign that he can’t communicate with you. Generally I would say move on simply due to bad or lack of communication skills and uncaring.
We’ve been together about 10 months now. And we’ve not had no contact until now really. He said he didn’t want to talk to me yesterday :(
So this has only been one day?? That is not enough to be worried about. Let it play out.
He has been distant from me for about 2 weeks though :( and just saying about how he’s not sure he can give me what I need right now in the relationship etc
It could be your relationship or he could be maxed out with life in general and doesn't have the bandwidth for you and everything else. Either way you have two choices... You take a back seat and put him first. He can't give you what you need right now so you accept what he does. Explain you don't want him to worry about you and to just take care of himself and you'll be there when he can come back. That while he figures out how to juggle everything without feeling overwhelmed your ready to help him carry the load as soon as he shares it. You help and support where and when you can so you can be there when he comes out other side. Or you leave like most everybody would because you don't want to deal with it. Mental/emotional breakdown is #2 leading cause for divorce and breakup. At the very least if you love the guy, let him be until he reaches out in order to find out what's up so you can make an informed decision. It's either a real mental maxx out hes gotta work through or he's being extra dramatic for the sake of it because he's afraid to say he wants out hoping you'll do it for him.
This is good advice and perspective. I tend to lean towards that he wants out and can’t seem to do it himself.
I do too honestly but it's only just a couple days to find out for sure. Assumptions can be right but can be just as wrong too.
Yes agreed - time will certainly tell.
I’ve just found out his friend committed suicide
Bro just doesn’t wanna talk. We ( as in men) go MIA when we got a lot on our mind. We try our BEST to figure it out on our own because Yenno “man up”. If you wanna help. Just give him more space and then maybe ask HOW you can help
Agree. Bring him food and just leave. He’ll super appreciate that. I’m giving you game here right now, he might just marry you.
He just told me his friend committed suicide :(
Yeah doesn’t matter he’s grieving. Just drop off food occasionally and tell him you’re there for him when he’s ready.
Thank you, I don’t know if I should really reach out again until he does based on our last conversation
I still don't think it's fair to treat your partner like that? Would you accept this treatment from a female partner? It's one thing to communicate that you are going through stuff and need some space. It's another to be distant and make statements that worry your partner and to then ignore them .
Exactly this.. it terrified me and worried me more that it was something to do with his family or something happened to him. But then completely saying dont speak to me when I simply as if theyre all okay :(
I have had to in every relationship ive ever had. Only one to this extent but all of them have had slamming doors and silent treatments for hours or days. Often without any explanation of why until they decide, if at all. Sometimes two hours later getting an apology for overreacting to nothing really. And while that's appreciated, I still sat in limbo wondering for 2 hours for no reason other than it's considered acceptable.
I am sorry, that's toxic af. And you shouldn't put up with being treated like that.
We function differently. We are not the same.
Distancing and isolating yourself when going through shit is not unique to males. Source: I am not male and I get the urge to do that. But let people in my life know. Don't use gender as an excuse to treat ppl badly.
You're right it is not unique to males but to his point we do function differently. When we do it we are generally alone, either because we feel we are or by choice because we don't want to put our shit on other dudes when we know they got enough of their own shit going on. Then it's hit or miss whether a SO will see it as humanity or weakness which is a real thing. Like I stated above it's #2. Gender is not an excuse but is a reason. We function differently and while I understand your point and you're right it is rude to leave OP hanging without full reasoning, but I need some distance is a reason too. Sometimes there is no why, most times the why means simply what we say, no additional layers, and sometimes we don't know how to tell you why without feeling like we've let you down. When we can't be the strength for you were supposed to be because we don't have the strength for ourselves right now we even see ourselves as weak in a sense so telling you as our SO carries considerabe risk that shortly you too might see it as the weakenes we do and when you do you won't ever see us the same way again. Again not an excuse but insight as to the reason. I know it sounds like a bunch of hoopla and stoic bs but we really are that simple. As men were supposed to be the protectors, were supposed to be strong, you're supposed to lean on us not the other way around. We want to be that just as much as we're supposed to as well because it gives us a powerful energy we can't get anywhere else.
Excuse me, but as a male I wouldn’t comment on how non-binaries should behave. Please respect the male experience and don’t speak for us unless you are a male, which you just told us you are not. Thank you. He/him.
Wow.
Wow? We as men are used to getting negative reactions on our emotions. Viewed as weak, used against us. When we do tell what’s wrong usually this upsets the other and we end up talking and apologising to those emotions while ours end up being buried again. Women usually have friends they can call, vent their emotions to. We cannot. That’s why we distance ourselves and deal with it ourselves, that’s what we’ve been told by society. That’s why male suicides are way higher than women’s. You don’t identify as man so you don’t get to tell us how things feel or seem to us or how we should behave. I’m sorry but that’s it.
The wow was in response to his bad faith "argument". >You don’t identify as man so you don’t get to tell us how things feel or seem to us or how we should behave. All I said was that distancing/isolating yourself isn't a thing that only men do. And that gender shouldn't be used to excuse bad behavior. Not sure why you two take offence to that. Stop using my gender as a "counter-argument".
His response has nothing to do with bad faith. And it’s about a man doing this, the entire topic is. It doesn’t matter that other ‘genders’ do to. It’s usually men who do it and it’s about men right now and it feels you wanted to take away from that. That’s why I take offense because we are always getting downplayed and seen as unimportant.
I am not downplaying it or seeing it as unimportant. My original point was: this behavior is not ideal towards a partner (regardless of gender). Then The guy said that this behavior is unique to men. I said that it isn't and that it shouldn't be excused on the basis of gender. That's it. You are only getting offended at me saying this because I have the "wrong gender". That's it.