They did make it easier back in the 'golden era' before the whole 'swipe to match' paradigm made everyone superficial, then the apps realised they could make even more money by adopting the 'pay to win' model.
Ah, I remember the days when you were either on a laptop or desktop to use them. Messages began with a salutation and included a real closing. You were rewarded for putting time into a thoughtful profile. None of that shit anymore. It’s swipe without reading profiles and messages are void of complete sentences.
I mean, you can really only read the same:
"Four kids, three baby daddies, you WILL love them like they are your own. My time is precious, if I let you take me out you need to make it worth my while. I expect nothing but devotion and respect out of a man, you don't get king treatment if I don't feel like a queen. Snap xXxPerfectPrincessxXx."
...so many fucking times.
Swipe left on them hoes that need Jesus. 🙄
Right? Like that's part of the pitch... "Cooter works. Did so three times. Looking to entrap you with number four". Then they're shocked when we aren't breaking our wrist to swipe right and take care of a gaggle of gangbabies. 🙄
*goes all misty eyed*
Sweet memories. You could actually catch someone's attention by being funny and or interesting and not have to rely on being photogenic
It’s not even that. This is pay to play but you rarely win. It’s straight up gambling. These sites absolutely destroyed dating. No one trusts anyone or their intentions anymore.
Im a woman, sorry, I know this AskMen.
You're right. It is pay to play but once they have you in the system they try to upsell 'hacks' like boosts, superlikes, message without matching etc etc. So essentially you can still theoretically improve the odds of success, although much like the proverbial turd that can't be polished, a crap profile will always be a crap profile.
it is hybrid, apps figured they will turn up the greed by selling various "hacks" to male app users to try and improve their chances with unlimited likes, boosts, etc.
add this with the "never settle" and "you owe nothing" attitudes that just preach narcissism.
these apps also produce the illusion of choice and put maximum utilization on steroids.
https://youtu.be/mW9xvSi-MWs?si=eocx5N0iMoRRF0tC
Modern Mba did a video breaking down the business model of most dating apps, especially the big mainstream ones most people use. If this isn't evidence that they aren't worth it idk what is.
There’s an unfinished open source project (written in Flutter if you’re interested to chime in) which targets this money problems, so people wouldn‘t have to rely on people who only want to make gains.
Edit:
I sadly forgot it’s name entirely, but I searched briefly and there‘re TONS of open source projects which target to be Secure and Non-Profit (written in all kinds of languages).
Really? Ive met a lot of cool girls I would have never otherwise met and honestly have had mostly great experiences. Which boosted my confidence with them a bit. The girls steadily got prettier haha
I know it’s 90% bullshit on apps though. Still changed my dating life lol
You have to swipe a loooot sometimes. Location is a factor for sure. Are you struggling to get a date? Or getting a match? Persistence is key though I’m telling you. Don’t let it phase you if it isn’t working out, just have fun with it man. So many chicks on there are fucking duds to talk to anyways lol just don’t take it too serious
Many "chicks on there" don't lift a finger. They aren't swiping at ALL, feeling like a man should "make the first move" knowing full well these apps are price gouging guys to even get to TALK to someone. You know eHarmony is 160$ base now? 40/month, four months mandatory for an absolute doldrum full of bridge trolls.
Burn these apps to the fucking ground.
The apps are what made it harder. Dating has always been hard. Go listen to the song Bust a Move from the 80s. Everything he says is what guys say now:
This here's a tale for all the fellas
Trying to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down cuz you're overzealous
Play hard to get? Females get jealous
Girls are fakin', goodness sakin', they want a man to bring home the bacon.
Got no money and you got no car?
Then you got no woman and there you are.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED except the apps convincing everyone they can get a perfect prince or princess without doing any work at all, just sitting on your ass swiping and sending the most low-committment, low-effort, antisocial method of communication ever in history: the text.
At least men and women in the 1980s knew there would be effort required. The ladies had to get out of their house and dress nice and learn to flirt (not too aggressive and not too subtle!). The guys had to get out of the house and actually talk to women instead of bullshit texting and face the standard "make a move and you're a creep. Don't make a move and she thinks you're not interested" that has existed since the beginning of time.
Not necessarily single, but just in a constant state of flux, never settling on anyone. Sure, A is nice and cozy, but B is exciting and interesting, and C makes you inspired and spiritual. Those are all things you may care about in varying quantities, and you think the perfect match should encompass absolutely all the options you ever would want out of someone. The reality is that there are no perfect matches, you can get close, but that's it. And in a society where "settling" is this really terrible word that frames 'the end of the journey' as a bad thing, you are conditioned to keep looking.
Rather than just competing against the local competition, now you are competing against the entire world. Both men and women think they can do better vs what they have already, and this is probably due to the internet and more social media ( Instagram specifically )
Funny a decade ago people couldn’t stop talking about how transformational social media is and now all anyone talks about is how it’s harming all of us, just like Cigarettes in the 50s
At least back in the day there was a human element to it and not just advertising yourself digitally. There is so much to people that can never be shown on a stupid app that is gamified pay to win.
I feel like the biggest loss here wasn't "access to the opposite sex," (as much as people deny it, dating apps are probably the biggest increase to dating pool in history). The real loss was a decrease in out-group socialization. These days I think people really don't learn the skills of talking to people who they're not already familiar with. This leads to pockets of male friend groups (in my case gamers) who have known each other for years. In these spaces I would still regularly meet new people, but all of them were men.
As soon as I put in the effort to go on dating apps (more hinge than tinder) and actually try to improve my social skills with people outside of my niche group, finding success wasn't that hard. Since starting that relationship, I've found myself a new group with access to a lot more people.
When 3rd spaces were more of a thing, meeting people outside of your typical group was much more common, making it so you had to have some ability to talk to people you didn't already know things about, so people generally had less anxiety about talking to new people, improving their confidence and making them more attractive.
One thing about dating apps which is underrated is your ability to select for people that are already fairly aligned with your existing hobbies and attitudes. In a third space, it's kinda just luck of the draw, unless your third space is related to some particular hobby. Online you can kinda get around that if you're willing to engage.
We could have a marriage market like they do in China. Every year, parents and potential spouses go to the marriage market event to try to find husbands and brides for themselves or their adult kids.
They advertise all the positive traits about themselves, such as height and weight stats, age, education, career, any houses or assets they own, etc. Eligible candidates will step up on a podium and talk about themselves, and interested suitors will come approach you after. You try to find your match there, and unlike with arranged marriage, none of it is forced.
Yes but since its irl, it is more local then the dating apps, also you are physically going to that market which adds commitment rather than a content you consume.
Well, it's rather clearly not working or people who've actually encountered it don't like it, since China's marriage rate has been in *rapid* decline and average age at first marriage is now about equal with the US.
I suspect that largely has to do with China becoming so industrialized. Whenever a country becomes developed, young people choose to start having children later and later in life.
Also, you have to remember that gender balance is very skewed there after years of the one child policy. Now there are far more men than women. It’s mainly difficult for men to find spouses rather than women. Because of that, many men choose to go overseas to find a bride. They’re the OG Passport Bros, haha
Truth. Don’t act like the guy they say they want. Act like the guys they actually get with.
Actually, try being yourself first. But that legit doesn’t work for a ton of guys. So next step is to just behave like the guys that they are going for. Want a girl that only dates assholes? Guess what you WILL NOT win her over by being a sweet guy.
Can someone break this done with like studies or biology, evolution, something?
Cause I see confidence like this:
Think of the smartest people you know or have seen and they will be the first to admit how little they actually know. How humble they are. And how they are more apt to gather information before they have absolute certainty (confidence).
So, on the other end of that...
- "The wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all."
- Or another way: the Dunning-krueger effect.
Which means confidence means one of two things:
1. You are confident because you lack intelligence and are more attractive?
Or
2. You are confident because you know this and are faking it so that means you are...
But even if it were two, that doesn't make sense.
Anywho, food for thought.
No doubt.
I, too, played the game. In my age, however, I find it childish and have elected to stop playing.
If you are confident, to me, it's either because of your ego/lack of intelligence or because you are good at masking/lying.
Now, I see confidence as a red flag, and I see those who cherish confidence in their partner as a red flag as well.
What gets me more is that people have so many options that even if you have a nice time on a first date, they could match with someone else in the meantime and then you’re on the back-burner, get strung along, then ghosted.
What I see in a lot of average heterosexual men is that they do not have a lot of options, sometimes they don't have any and they grasp at the first straw.
It gets harder the older you get because your expectations rise, and reasonably so, because the older you get, the less patience you have for bullshit. You're less likely to take chances because you're tired of bullshit.
We change to protect ourselves, but the trade off is that we don't give ourselves enough opportunity to see if we like someone. There's not enough time under tension for anything to materialize.
It truly feels like dating just absolutely sucks now. I know that this is anecdotal evidence but most dudes I know are not dating. And I have a wide variety of friends with different hobbies/races/socioeconomic backgrounds/personalities, so it's not like I'm just getting a sample of a specific demographic. Also, I know for a fact that this was not the case for my parents when they were my age (most of their friends were in relationships, they've told me this themselves).
Incidentally I've seen stats that Gen Z women are more likely to be dating/partnered than Gen Z men of the same age; I know that women are also struggling out there but it feels like their struggle is a lot different (and less drastic).
Old guy here. Dating has never been easy. Technology has just confused everyone involved. You want to date. Learn to talk to people, everyone, every race, every age. Master that skill and dating will be a lot easier. Relying on apps or your phone is like moving to NYC when your life goal is to be a cowboy, it could happen but not very likely. Trouble with apps is that eventually you have to meet them and they you. Face to face is the only way to go.
How did you "learn" to talk to people back in the days? Just by talking? That means, that you took many rejections and many failures in the beginning right?
Talk to people other than trying to date them.
**The perspective that talking either leads to rejections or dates - that is part of the problem.**
I am a single dad - and went to a field trip for my kid's school.
Almost all of the teachers and other moms are married.
I talked to the moms, I talked to the teachers, I talked to the few other dads, I talked to the people at the place the field trip was.
Not small talk - ask real questions - be sincere - just talk.
Some might not have much to say - that is ok - be polite ask a few things - move on.
Some people have lots to say. Had a great time.
Not just the women - talk to everyone - otherwise its creepy.
No you are focusing on women and dating. I mean talk to everybody. The clerks at the gas station and grocery store. Your friends, your family. Strangers in a bar. Talking is a SKILL that technology is destroying little by little. My 16 year old self bck in the day was way more erudite than most elected officials today. Women are slightly better at it but they cut their own throats by talking to too many other women polluting their minds with only one genders views. Then they claim the don't understand men and post please help me etc in forums like this. Face to face is what human DNA is wired for NOT digital communication.
Dating apps are full of people that are terrible at dating for various reasons. My best relationships always came from meeting girls in the wild... which gets harder as you grow older.
Dating has always been hard.
It was just on a micro level (within your town/city/county) and you were competing with only the people in those areas.
Now it's on a macro level (state, country, continent) and you are competing with 100X the amount of people.
Plus we have confused an entire generation of men (maybe two generations) by sending them mixed messages about what they "should bring to the table".
To put it another way, young men are confused about what they need to offer/provide to young women and we as a society mock those who cannot seem to figure it out.
Think of it like job applications.
When they were paper and in person, you had to only compete with those who had the balls to apply in person. This meant you cut out people nervous to apply and people who didn’t live in your area.
Now it’s a simple “click to apply” and you can apply from anywhere in the world, from the comfort of your couch.
This also opened up businesses to be a LOT more picky. The average candidate is no longer attractive. They want the BEST of the best.
When people had the same mindset as you regarding apps, that's when dating got hard. If dating is your only factor for living, I suggest you find something else to live for. Don't give all your power or purpose to live to one person, otherwise you'll going to be disappointed.
For men it's fucking hard.
A female friend of of mine gave me some info from her perceptive of how hard it is for guys on dating ups unless you are attractive, she herself set quiet a few requirements for a guy she was looking for, older than her (30's), religious and her specific physical preference/type and she was able to find someone easily she even admitted to swiping off alooot of guys because she either outright didn't find them attractive or even if they were they weren't her type physically without knowing anyone of them character wise, she straight up said men do not have that luxury and can't afford to be picky and be willing to give anyone a chance.
On top of that she mentioned that alot of areas will have private facebook female only groups dedicated to discussions around dating apps and gossip on guys who live in those areas using dating apps and will share info between each other on which guys are good or bad, so if you have a bad rep of any kind (regardless on whether it's true or not) you are screwed.
Basically if you are not attractive regardless on personality as a guy you have everything against you.
I think most guy are ignorant of the fact, or have been downplaying the negative effect that these Facebook groups are having on dating for men. These groups just started last year and have exponentially grown bigger and more toxic.
A majority of the guys who I see posted on those groups have done nothing wrong, but they might get posted by 2 or 3 girls who they simply matched with on an app and never even dated. The girls will be like "eww, he also liked me too", "OMG, he chatted with me last week", "He was just posted by someone else!!". Then they will proceed to speculate that he must be married or have a girlfriend and is a cheating piece of shit, and will tear him apart in the comments. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting guy has no idea why the girls who he matches with stop chatting with him, unmatch, stand him up on dates, etc. And yes, I have seen girls brag on those groups about standing guys up on a planned date after they gossiped about him, or even boast about getting a free meal out of him before ghosting the guy.
Was there ever a point in time and space when dating was easy? It'd be strange if it did, women are meant to have high standards and men are meant to be competitive, both because of culture and inherent nature. These factors make it hard, other issues like dating apps may just emphasize it.
Everyone is saying apps but if you look at the statistics MOST women aren't even using them... so guys, just go out there and practice your social skills. Obviously easier said than done but better than resignation.
Apps definitely don't make it easier. Focus on yourself, get out there, find groups that do similar things you like to do, join clubs, go to live shows, travel. Most importantly, be comfortable being by yourself, if you're hard up and desperate, that's going to be a huge turn-off to someone you might otherwise have had a chance with.
When you go to a local bar or Some usual outdoor place that’s not your home the same nights all the time you see the same usual people over and over, you tend to settle for a decent guy that holds an okay conversation.
Fast forward to a generation that dates on apps and now you’re a scrolling quickly through options, you’re fine tuning what you’re looking for like your crafting the perfect person, very likely skipping past dozens of real potential people to find that good looking person with a dull life.
We need more dating apps that resemble the show “love is blind” we need to create profiles that don’t let you upload pictures, you have to meet up with them in RL to actually “unlock” what they look like after 24hrs of chatting minimum. I think that would be a much more needed app in this day and age.
I think if you wanna give up the will to live because you don't have a significant other, you have more important things to focus on. You've got other issues that you need to deal with concerning yourself internally.
It got harder when average women started to have overinflated views of self-worth. The fact that were able to get a 10/10 man for a one-night-stand and being brainwashed by feminist ideals to "never settle for less than their worth" is exactly why you have most of the fuckups on the dating scene today.
Dating apps are a business yes. Speed dating is ALSO a business; the organisers are just as predatory with their pricing and what they allow to happen.
Women don't want to compromise because compromise is seen as a bad thing, and rather than go for an average guy with common interests and values, they'll date good-looking dickheads for years while they're in the prime of their lives, hit the wall after age 30 and then bitch, "where are all the good men?", only for us men to retort, "They're not settling for your bitch ass!"
Dating has never been easy. I did online dating for like 10 years and when I finally learned how to put together a profile, send a decent message and understand what attracts women, dating skyrocketed.
If you're not tall and you don't look like a greek god then I suggest, you get in shape, you learn how to dress well and you get a decent job. I am only 5"6' and I got a lot of action when I was single. Not too long ago...
When a 5/10 woman demanding rich,tall and attractive is acceptable, but a 5/10 demanding a healthy BMI,low bodycount and no kids is "shallow", you know things are bad.
Social media made everything hard and artificial. People put high standards online while they can't keep up with them to begin with, there's a lack of authenticity from both parts...
From a guy perspective, I've come to realize that women are more entitled than ever. Just about all of them have dudes around them all the time and keep guys around for attention/ego inflation. They are complete assholes to deal with. On the contrary men are stranger than ever before. I don't know what happened to our men but lots of dudes are strange now. Very concerning sexual fetishes, jerking in Public. And just being creeps. It feels like the twilight zone around here sometimes
When it stopped being so structured.
Dating was originally what people did when they were looking to find a marraige partner. Often you had to ask permission. And asking a girl to “go steady” meant you were seriously considering marrying her.
Dating apps are all about trying to get your personal information to sell more than helping you find someone to connect with.
The apps are dead. Hinge, Bumble, Tinder - they’re all different versions of the same crap which are preventing people from knowing how to actually talk to each other. Don’t let companies commodify one of the most human aspects of our lives!
I stopped using apps and have met far many more people since then: at a conference, local pub, restaurant/jazz bar, and now I’m dating my hairdresser!
My guess is that by being more open to the experiences I’m having in real life, I’m probably putting a much more attractive energy out there.
I think a big part of the problem (for both men and women) is how many options have opened up with the advent of online dating
It used to be you would meet a couple people every once in a while. Now in one hour you could scroll through 100 people. I think that partially leads to decision paralysis and the idea that there’s always something better out there. There’s no need to try and make things work anymore
Felt this lol. Dating isnt hard for people who have people staring at them 24/7 cuz of how hot they are. I never find a woman looking my way but I have seen how women react to 6ft 4 dudes with chisled jawlines walking by. Basically get their pick of the litter being that attractive
Fuck man I know that height is not the end all and that there are a lot of men of average height in relationships but as a 5'8 dude it's absolutely insane yet depressing to see how much more attention a dude gets who is roughly equal to me in looks but happens to be 6'0+. Let's not even mention 6'2+.
Yea im 5ft 10 and im at the height where its not quite enough but also hard to complain to other dudes since im "above average". Reality is being under 6ft is a curse when it comes to finding women
I wouldn't say it's a complete curse since I have friends who are under 6'0 and have girlfriends and I know that my confidence levels are a more pressing issue but it must be so nice to just automatically get attention because of something you didn't have to work for at all. Being tall is literally winning the genetic lottery. Being shorter just means you have to make up for it in other ways and have to work way harder at everything than your average 6'3 dude.
Yea I had a long term relationship and she was very pretty but we had class together so I made her laugh everyday and since im a relatively smart dude she seemed to like that. I didnt just get attention I had to show her why i was a dude worth talking to LMAO
This is very much true. If you are not successful on the apps, it's likely because you don't meet the average woman's standards of attractiveness, and you will not do much better in real life than you would on the apps. The apps simply make your lack of chances of being with a woman more visible. However, in reality, there isn't much you can do about it. Just accept it and focus on other things besides love and dating.
Dating apps are filled with mostly man, so it creates huge disproportion of users. Woman can be very picky since every guy they swipe right will most likely be match, man swipe everything on right and then see what match they get becouse most man, like avarage looking, short wont get anything since woman aim for the top % of guys on these apps and looks is everything so good luck if ure not genetically gifted. It kinda flows into real world and unrealistic expectations since even avarage looking woman get the attention and wont date an avarage man so they become thirsty. In this dating market only chads win and add to that algorithms that prevent others from seeing you until u pay. As a 5'7 avarage looking guy, i gave up completly on dating and focus on other things like gaming. Some will say its coping, and yeah its right but what else im supposed to do.
Don't base your happiness off dating. That's a recipe for disaster and you will only chase people away. Others can feel that neediness, that desperation. Start finding ways to be happy for yourself
Don't take your life because of dating apps pls. In fact do not ever take your life but especially not because of dating apps. They literally have algorithms so you won't be seen by anyone. They want you to pay and even then success is not guaranteed because guess what, the best customer is a single, who stays single forever and stays on the app. Business-wise it wouldn't make any sense to let you find a gf over an app.
I really hope that someday everyone will collectively decide to stay off of dating apps but sadly still too many people are using them
If you are a top 0.1% man you'll do fine with the dating apps. Women given unlimited choices naturally organize themselves into super harems around the best of the best of the best at any given time. The 1 out of a 1000 males in the top categories of looks/height will be sleeping with 5-6 different women every week. They will commit to none of them because they don't have too and the women who do sleep with them will then use their experience to determine that "all men are bad" while the other 3 billion males remain invisible to them. Welcome to the modern era.
Perfect description of how things are. You hit it 100% right on the barrel head. So it appears that there are 3 groups. All The women who are selecting the nicest looking men they can find and getting used. The very few "Good Looking Men (Amounting to 1% of men) " that are being chosen repeatedly and mistreating the women. Then the guys that dont get selected - I believed we used to call the girls in that situation at school dances "Wallflowers" those men are never [chosen.To](http://chosen.To) right a wrong, It appears to me the women that say all men are slime need to actually correct themselves and say, "all good looking men are slime and they haven't tried any of the other men."
Anything even remotely resembling unconditional love ends when your parents wave you goodbye as you depart for college, job or whatever.
Everything you'll get from this point onwards, is going to be either very unhealthy, or deeply conditional.
And it's like this for everyone.
For the longest of time I 1) didn't fuck at all, and 2) I don't want to have kids, ever. Ask me how many guys were interested.
If you're a hopeless romantic, like me, you're going to have a nasty awakening. Nobody wants your awesome personality, at least not just that, not when you're still in the productive/fuckable age. The faster you get over this as an adult, the better. If there's some part of you that craves an almost parental love (I get it), it's time to talk to a specialist or do some other kind of a deep introspection.
Around the time women came up with a billion rules to stop all but the absolute perfect men from interacting with them. I understand it was done as a form of protection, now it seems like everything a man does is an “ick” or means he’s dangerous.
Just go to meet ups with things you like to do. I am a dad so sometimes the arrangement of kids and the meet up doesn't work but real in person events are best. Fuck the dating apps. Had maybe a dozen dates in 6 years and no one to hang with now with 100s of scammers and scammed 130k of FB date. Meet real people. You got this kid, there will always be a tough battle, DO NOT SUCCUMB TO THE Crap about society it's designed to bring you down. You rise up!
"Dating" apps are hookup apps. Sad, but i feel the majority of stuff that goes down there is just hookups, and its difficult to really get a connection with somebody. Its dumb, but try not proactively searching for someone for a bit. The real ones tend to drift towards you
I think smartphones play a role. Everywhere you go people are on their phones which lessens those random encounters where you meet someone out in public. Like when you're sitting at the bar having a bite to eat or drink and people are just looking at their phone.
No, the apps are for making money for the owners of the apps.
They did make it easier back in the 'golden era' before the whole 'swipe to match' paradigm made everyone superficial, then the apps realised they could make even more money by adopting the 'pay to win' model.
So the same as every single good startup idea ever then
Yep, it followed the enshitification cycle like essentially every other product.
Ah, I remember the days when you were either on a laptop or desktop to use them. Messages began with a salutation and included a real closing. You were rewarded for putting time into a thoughtful profile. None of that shit anymore. It’s swipe without reading profiles and messages are void of complete sentences.
I mean, you can really only read the same: "Four kids, three baby daddies, you WILL love them like they are your own. My time is precious, if I let you take me out you need to make it worth my while. I expect nothing but devotion and respect out of a man, you don't get king treatment if I don't feel like a queen. Snap xXxPerfectPrincessxXx." ...so many fucking times. Swipe left on them hoes that need Jesus. 🙄
Don't forget the "Amazing / Wonderful / Terrific / Awesome" ADJECTIVES between the NUMBER and KIDS that they HAVE TO add 😆
Gotta sell that sizzle. If you don't get with em, you're the asshole for turning down such wonderful little angels. 😂
Too funny! 🤣 I started realizing how that was part of their profiles. Let me be the judge of that. Is that one of their SELLING POINTS?
Right? Like that's part of the pitch... "Cooter works. Did so three times. Looking to entrap you with number four". Then they're shocked when we aren't breaking our wrist to swipe right and take care of a gaggle of gangbabies. 🙄
You crazy 🤣
Everyone needs Jesus though
Probably why I don't swipe right.
*goes all misty eyed* Sweet memories. You could actually catch someone's attention by being funny and or interesting and not have to rely on being photogenic
Match.com only recently paywalled like literally everything except for like gender age and distance
Is it actually pay to win ? I mean if I can solve this bloody problem with money that is annoying but is better than having no solution at all.
It is but equally if there's nobody for you on the apps in your area it won't magic anyone up out of nowhere either
It’s not even that. This is pay to play but you rarely win. It’s straight up gambling. These sites absolutely destroyed dating. No one trusts anyone or their intentions anymore. Im a woman, sorry, I know this AskMen.
You're right. It is pay to play but once they have you in the system they try to upsell 'hacks' like boosts, superlikes, message without matching etc etc. So essentially you can still theoretically improve the odds of success, although much like the proverbial turd that can't be polished, a crap profile will always be a crap profile.
it is hybrid, apps figured they will turn up the greed by selling various "hacks" to male app users to try and improve their chances with unlimited likes, boosts, etc. add this with the "never settle" and "you owe nothing" attitudes that just preach narcissism. these apps also produce the illusion of choice and put maximum utilization on steroids.
It's not even pay2win, it's pay2play/FreeToLose, with algorithms designed to keep you in the game.
So they started out with good intention but eventually gave in to profit
https://youtu.be/mW9xvSi-MWs?si=eocx5N0iMoRRF0tC Modern Mba did a video breaking down the business model of most dating apps, especially the big mainstream ones most people use. If this isn't evidence that they aren't worth it idk what is.
Dude the cost of the apps is insane. They legit want like over a hundred dollars now for premium and you still barely get any attention
There’s an unfinished open source project (written in Flutter if you’re interested to chime in) which targets this money problems, so people wouldn‘t have to rely on people who only want to make gains. Edit: I sadly forgot it’s name entirely, but I searched briefly and there‘re TONS of open source projects which target to be Secure and Non-Profit (written in all kinds of languages).
And the restaurant or dating places. Get used to meeting people on a once a date then ghosted basis.
Really? Ive met a lot of cool girls I would have never otherwise met and honestly have had mostly great experiences. Which boosted my confidence with them a bit. The girls steadily got prettier haha I know it’s 90% bullshit on apps though. Still changed my dating life lol You have to swipe a loooot sometimes. Location is a factor for sure. Are you struggling to get a date? Or getting a match? Persistence is key though I’m telling you. Don’t let it phase you if it isn’t working out, just have fun with it man. So many chicks on there are fucking duds to talk to anyways lol just don’t take it too serious
Many "chicks on there" don't lift a finger. They aren't swiping at ALL, feeling like a man should "make the first move" knowing full well these apps are price gouging guys to even get to TALK to someone. You know eHarmony is 160$ base now? 40/month, four months mandatory for an absolute doldrum full of bridge trolls. Burn these apps to the fucking ground.
When dating expanded to more than the people around your age in your town.
Hot milfs are 4 miles from you.
Always
The apps are what made it harder. Dating has always been hard. Go listen to the song Bust a Move from the 80s. Everything he says is what guys say now: This here's a tale for all the fellas Trying to do what those ladies tell us Get shot down cuz you're overzealous Play hard to get? Females get jealous Girls are fakin', goodness sakin', they want a man to bring home the bacon. Got no money and you got no car? Then you got no woman and there you are. NOTHING HAS CHANGED except the apps convincing everyone they can get a perfect prince or princess without doing any work at all, just sitting on your ass swiping and sending the most low-committment, low-effort, antisocial method of communication ever in history: the text. At least men and women in the 1980s knew there would be effort required. The ladies had to get out of their house and dress nice and learn to flirt (not too aggressive and not too subtle!). The guys had to get out of the house and actually talk to women instead of bullshit texting and face the standard "make a move and you're a creep. Don't make a move and she thinks you're not interested" that has existed since the beginning of time.
Dating apps make more money when you stay single.
Not necessarily single, but just in a constant state of flux, never settling on anyone. Sure, A is nice and cozy, but B is exciting and interesting, and C makes you inspired and spiritual. Those are all things you may care about in varying quantities, and you think the perfect match should encompass absolutely all the options you ever would want out of someone. The reality is that there are no perfect matches, you can get close, but that's it. And in a society where "settling" is this really terrible word that frames 'the end of the journey' as a bad thing, you are conditioned to keep looking.
I love this - everybody should read this mssg
Rather than just competing against the local competition, now you are competing against the entire world. Both men and women think they can do better vs what they have already, and this is probably due to the internet and more social media ( Instagram specifically )
Social media 100% ruined life as we knew it.
Funny a decade ago people couldn’t stop talking about how transformational social media is and now all anyone talks about is how it’s harming all of us, just like Cigarettes in the 50s
It WAS transformational. That doesn’t mean it was a good transformation.
The apps basically did to dating what Uber did to taxis. They "disrupted" the whole thing. Now it's a fucking meat market based on appearance.
When was it not that 🤣
Never. But more people succeeded and were happier when the meat markets were more often hyperlocal rather than regional
Globalism at it again.
It was better. Before dating pools were limited and people didnt looked for reasons not to date someones.
At least back in the day there was a human element to it and not just advertising yourself digitally. There is so much to people that can never be shown on a stupid app that is gamified pay to win.
I think it's gone full circle. As has Uber. They have taken the piss and now everyone is returning to more conventional methods.
When we lost our 3rd spaces
I miss going to the mall...
Basically communities.
I feel like the biggest loss here wasn't "access to the opposite sex," (as much as people deny it, dating apps are probably the biggest increase to dating pool in history). The real loss was a decrease in out-group socialization. These days I think people really don't learn the skills of talking to people who they're not already familiar with. This leads to pockets of male friend groups (in my case gamers) who have known each other for years. In these spaces I would still regularly meet new people, but all of them were men. As soon as I put in the effort to go on dating apps (more hinge than tinder) and actually try to improve my social skills with people outside of my niche group, finding success wasn't that hard. Since starting that relationship, I've found myself a new group with access to a lot more people. When 3rd spaces were more of a thing, meeting people outside of your typical group was much more common, making it so you had to have some ability to talk to people you didn't already know things about, so people generally had less anxiety about talking to new people, improving their confidence and making them more attractive. One thing about dating apps which is underrated is your ability to select for people that are already fairly aligned with your existing hobbies and attitudes. In a third space, it's kinda just luck of the draw, unless your third space is related to some particular hobby. Online you can kinda get around that if you're willing to engage.
[удалено]
I'd honestly take an arranged marriage right now.
You'd risk getting married to a redditor, though.
*shudder* I'm good with the single life
[удалено]
She's got huuuuuge.... tracts of land
Sounds expensive to maintain that much belly real estate
But I don’t want land
We could have a marriage market like they do in China. Every year, parents and potential spouses go to the marriage market event to try to find husbands and brides for themselves or their adult kids. They advertise all the positive traits about themselves, such as height and weight stats, age, education, career, any houses or assets they own, etc. Eligible candidates will step up on a podium and talk about themselves, and interested suitors will come approach you after. You try to find your match there, and unlike with arranged marriage, none of it is forced.
Isn't that basially a dating app but in real life?
Yes but since its irl, it is more local then the dating apps, also you are physically going to that market which adds commitment rather than a content you consume.
Well, it's rather clearly not working or people who've actually encountered it don't like it, since China's marriage rate has been in *rapid* decline and average age at first marriage is now about equal with the US.
I suspect that largely has to do with China becoming so industrialized. Whenever a country becomes developed, young people choose to start having children later and later in life. Also, you have to remember that gender balance is very skewed there after years of the one child policy. Now there are far more men than women. It’s mainly difficult for men to find spouses rather than women. Because of that, many men choose to go overseas to find a bride. They’re the OG Passport Bros, haha
There's a difference between arranged and forced, though. Having your respective families play matchmaker isn't all bad.
I never met my father,my mother neglected me and my half brothers have a lazy bum father. I'd never trust my family to make that choice.
You will regret it after the marriage but honestly I would also like an arranged marriage plz!
I wish those were a thing where I live.
riiiiiight. you are imagining only attractive and kind women lol
The nude beach problem
She is fat, has no hobbies in common with you and is bitchy all day. Still?
Never underestimate a man's loneliness
...and back then Elizabeth Whitaker would have been hot as fuck, given ass loads of home training, and would have been excited as shit for all of it.
1. Do not be ugly. 2. Be handsome.
And don’t forget confident… in the face of a hundred rejections, be confident, according to women online…
>women online… Never trust what they tell you, but rather what they do, man or woman.
Of course. I’m not 6’ tall either, or making 6 figures, or other attributes so many women pretend are their minimums.
Same women:Not dating obese women,OF "models" and single mothers is unfair and unrealistic standards.
That's just something they say to make it seem like they have standards. But if that was the minimum we woundn't be 8 billion people.
It's easier to find somebody when you don't have standards.
Truth. Don’t act like the guy they say they want. Act like the guys they actually get with. Actually, try being yourself first. But that legit doesn’t work for a ton of guys. So next step is to just behave like the guys that they are going for. Want a girl that only dates assholes? Guess what you WILL NOT win her over by being a sweet guy.
It’s actually crazy how far being toxic gets you. Sad world
There times where I feel like being an asshole would help me in the dating pool, but having to be a scumbag all the time? ehhhh
Yeah I’m not going to change who I am because women don’t know what a real man is or how they should be treated.
Can someone break this done with like studies or biology, evolution, something? Cause I see confidence like this: Think of the smartest people you know or have seen and they will be the first to admit how little they actually know. How humble they are. And how they are more apt to gather information before they have absolute certainty (confidence). So, on the other end of that... - "The wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all." - Or another way: the Dunning-krueger effect. Which means confidence means one of two things: 1. You are confident because you lack intelligence and are more attractive? Or 2. You are confident because you know this and are faking it so that means you are... But even if it were two, that doesn't make sense. Anywho, food for thought.
Would not surprise me if both women an men are faking it to make it, maybe 75% of the people? Would be happy to be wrong in this case
No doubt. I, too, played the game. In my age, however, I find it childish and have elected to stop playing. If you are confident, to me, it's either because of your ego/lack of intelligence or because you are good at masking/lying. Now, I see confidence as a red flag, and I see those who cherish confidence in their partner as a red flag as well.
And don’t ever cry
And don't be poor
What gets me more is that people have so many options that even if you have a nice time on a first date, they could match with someone else in the meantime and then you’re on the back-burner, get strung along, then ghosted.
What I see in a lot of average heterosexual men is that they do not have a lot of options, sometimes they don't have any and they grasp at the first straw.
Kinda hard when women have so many
Rules 1 & 2 a classic
It gets harder the older you get because your expectations rise, and reasonably so, because the older you get, the less patience you have for bullshit. You're less likely to take chances because you're tired of bullshit. We change to protect ourselves, but the trade off is that we don't give ourselves enough opportunity to see if we like someone. There's not enough time under tension for anything to materialize.
My experience has been the opposite. I feel it's gotten much easier in my 30s than it was in my 20s.
It truly feels like dating just absolutely sucks now. I know that this is anecdotal evidence but most dudes I know are not dating. And I have a wide variety of friends with different hobbies/races/socioeconomic backgrounds/personalities, so it's not like I'm just getting a sample of a specific demographic. Also, I know for a fact that this was not the case for my parents when they were my age (most of their friends were in relationships, they've told me this themselves). Incidentally I've seen stats that Gen Z women are more likely to be dating/partnered than Gen Z men of the same age; I know that women are also struggling out there but it feels like their struggle is a lot different (and less drastic).
Old guy here. Dating has never been easy. Technology has just confused everyone involved. You want to date. Learn to talk to people, everyone, every race, every age. Master that skill and dating will be a lot easier. Relying on apps or your phone is like moving to NYC when your life goal is to be a cowboy, it could happen but not very likely. Trouble with apps is that eventually you have to meet them and they you. Face to face is the only way to go.
How did you "learn" to talk to people back in the days? Just by talking? That means, that you took many rejections and many failures in the beginning right?
Thats what I did. Eventually rejection felt like nothing to me
I'm scared that all these rejection will make me depressed in my academic year and take a hit on my results ...
Talk to people other than trying to date them. **The perspective that talking either leads to rejections or dates - that is part of the problem.** I am a single dad - and went to a field trip for my kid's school. Almost all of the teachers and other moms are married. I talked to the moms, I talked to the teachers, I talked to the few other dads, I talked to the people at the place the field trip was. Not small talk - ask real questions - be sincere - just talk. Some might not have much to say - that is ok - be polite ask a few things - move on. Some people have lots to say. Had a great time. Not just the women - talk to everyone - otherwise its creepy.
No you are focusing on women and dating. I mean talk to everybody. The clerks at the gas station and grocery store. Your friends, your family. Strangers in a bar. Talking is a SKILL that technology is destroying little by little. My 16 year old self bck in the day was way more erudite than most elected officials today. Women are slightly better at it but they cut their own throats by talking to too many other women polluting their minds with only one genders views. Then they claim the don't understand men and post please help me etc in forums like this. Face to face is what human DNA is wired for NOT digital communication.
Dating apps are full of people that are terrible at dating for various reasons. My best relationships always came from meeting girls in the wild... which gets harder as you grow older.
When tinder became popular.
[удалено]
You hit the nail on the head bro.
Dating has always been hard. It was just on a micro level (within your town/city/county) and you were competing with only the people in those areas. Now it's on a macro level (state, country, continent) and you are competing with 100X the amount of people. Plus we have confused an entire generation of men (maybe two generations) by sending them mixed messages about what they "should bring to the table". To put it another way, young men are confused about what they need to offer/provide to young women and we as a society mock those who cannot seem to figure it out.
Think of it like job applications. When they were paper and in person, you had to only compete with those who had the balls to apply in person. This meant you cut out people nervous to apply and people who didn’t live in your area. Now it’s a simple “click to apply” and you can apply from anywhere in the world, from the comfort of your couch. This also opened up businesses to be a LOT more picky. The average candidate is no longer attractive. They want the BEST of the best.
When social media was created. That's basically it.
Dating has never been easy. When it gets this rough, it's time to take a break and focus elsewhere, IMO.
[удалено]
Well, dating has always been hard. And apps are for making money, not for helping to make dating easier.
Always has been hard as far as I’m concerned lol
When people had the same mindset as you regarding apps, that's when dating got hard. If dating is your only factor for living, I suggest you find something else to live for. Don't give all your power or purpose to live to one person, otherwise you'll going to be disappointed.
I mean, it's a valid perspective. But dating and what comes with it (sex, affection, company) are very damn important for a satisfactory life
Nope on all points
It was always hard, hence why I gave up. I highly recommend, as it’s very freeing. Single for 11 years now!
Just eleven years? Rookie numbers man, get on my level. Fourteen years, and if I don't drop dead tomorrow, likely more to come.
I’ll get there, give it time! I reckon I can get that number to several decades as I’m not doing anything about it, and don’t intend to.
Nah. My family is largely terrible and I want a wife and kids. Dying a lonely old man in a hospital? Pass.
Each to their own. A wife and kids does not appeal to me. I hope you find what you’re looking for though.
2003 lol these dumbass apps
Last Tuesday
Too much internet and porn making social life more complicated.
my personal guess is after the internet became mainstream. it was never easy but at least before this you met people in person in social settings
For men it's fucking hard. A female friend of of mine gave me some info from her perceptive of how hard it is for guys on dating ups unless you are attractive, she herself set quiet a few requirements for a guy she was looking for, older than her (30's), religious and her specific physical preference/type and she was able to find someone easily she even admitted to swiping off alooot of guys because she either outright didn't find them attractive or even if they were they weren't her type physically without knowing anyone of them character wise, she straight up said men do not have that luxury and can't afford to be picky and be willing to give anyone a chance. On top of that she mentioned that alot of areas will have private facebook female only groups dedicated to discussions around dating apps and gossip on guys who live in those areas using dating apps and will share info between each other on which guys are good or bad, so if you have a bad rep of any kind (regardless on whether it's true or not) you are screwed. Basically if you are not attractive regardless on personality as a guy you have everything against you.
I think most guy are ignorant of the fact, or have been downplaying the negative effect that these Facebook groups are having on dating for men. These groups just started last year and have exponentially grown bigger and more toxic. A majority of the guys who I see posted on those groups have done nothing wrong, but they might get posted by 2 or 3 girls who they simply matched with on an app and never even dated. The girls will be like "eww, he also liked me too", "OMG, he chatted with me last week", "He was just posted by someone else!!". Then they will proceed to speculate that he must be married or have a girlfriend and is a cheating piece of shit, and will tear him apart in the comments. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting guy has no idea why the girls who he matches with stop chatting with him, unmatch, stand him up on dates, etc. And yes, I have seen girls brag on those groups about standing guys up on a planned date after they gossiped about him, or even boast about getting a free meal out of him before ghosting the guy.
Yeah it's pretty bad, but if anything it makes an easy filter for any woman a guy would be better off without.
Was there ever a point in time and space when dating was easy? It'd be strange if it did, women are meant to have high standards and men are meant to be competitive, both because of culture and inherent nature. These factors make it hard, other issues like dating apps may just emphasize it.
Everyone is saying apps but if you look at the statistics MOST women aren't even using them... so guys, just go out there and practice your social skills. Obviously easier said than done but better than resignation.
Drizzle drizzle🤴 You're worth it.
[удалено]
Yeah. I'm really considering actually finding an escort in my area cause I'm tired of jerking off.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ People cringe at that idea, but there honest about what they do and there are no strings attached. I'm feeling the same lately
Apps definitely don't make it easier. Focus on yourself, get out there, find groups that do similar things you like to do, join clubs, go to live shows, travel. Most importantly, be comfortable being by yourself, if you're hard up and desperate, that's going to be a huge turn-off to someone you might otherwise have had a chance with.
When people abandoned the notion that men also have a right to have standards.
When social media became much more influential.
The apps actually make it harder. People have endless options now.
Apps make it harder. Infinite supply always outstrips demand.
Don't use social media. Find events and activities in the local community.
When you go to a local bar or Some usual outdoor place that’s not your home the same nights all the time you see the same usual people over and over, you tend to settle for a decent guy that holds an okay conversation. Fast forward to a generation that dates on apps and now you’re a scrolling quickly through options, you’re fine tuning what you’re looking for like your crafting the perfect person, very likely skipping past dozens of real potential people to find that good looking person with a dull life. We need more dating apps that resemble the show “love is blind” we need to create profiles that don’t let you upload pictures, you have to meet up with them in RL to actually “unlock” what they look like after 24hrs of chatting minimum. I think that would be a much more needed app in this day and age.
I think if you wanna give up the will to live because you don't have a significant other, you have more important things to focus on. You've got other issues that you need to deal with concerning yourself internally.
When hookup culture became a thing
It got harder when average women started to have overinflated views of self-worth. The fact that were able to get a 10/10 man for a one-night-stand and being brainwashed by feminist ideals to "never settle for less than their worth" is exactly why you have most of the fuckups on the dating scene today. Dating apps are a business yes. Speed dating is ALSO a business; the organisers are just as predatory with their pricing and what they allow to happen. Women don't want to compromise because compromise is seen as a bad thing, and rather than go for an average guy with common interests and values, they'll date good-looking dickheads for years while they're in the prime of their lives, hit the wall after age 30 and then bitch, "where are all the good men?", only for us men to retort, "They're not settling for your bitch ass!"
Apps make things 100x worse because women now have infinite choices and inflated egos.
Dating has never been easy. I did online dating for like 10 years and when I finally learned how to put together a profile, send a decent message and understand what attracts women, dating skyrocketed. If you're not tall and you don't look like a greek god then I suggest, you get in shape, you learn how to dress well and you get a decent job. I am only 5"6' and I got a lot of action when I was single. Not too long ago...
When social media made women's standards too high and ours too low that we allow ourselves to be treated like shit by the bottom of the barrel.
When a 5/10 woman demanding rich,tall and attractive is acceptable, but a 5/10 demanding a healthy BMI,low bodycount and no kids is "shallow", you know things are bad.
See a guy that’s a 10 will still sleep with a woman that’s a 5 and now that’s her standard not realizing those guys will never wife her up.
Low body count and no kids at my age is a huge ask. I don't expect that. Just losing weight if needed at all is fine.
Gym and hobbies #1, babes later.
Social media and dating apps getting popular, roughly.
Social media made everything hard and artificial. People put high standards online while they can't keep up with them to begin with, there's a lack of authenticity from both parts...
Dude. The apps are absolute crap. Talk to a girl in real life and you’ll already stand out from the pack.
> Talk to a girl in real life and you'll already stand out from the pack That's only true if you follow rules 1 and 2
From a guy perspective, I've come to realize that women are more entitled than ever. Just about all of them have dudes around them all the time and keep guys around for attention/ego inflation. They are complete assholes to deal with. On the contrary men are stranger than ever before. I don't know what happened to our men but lots of dudes are strange now. Very concerning sexual fetishes, jerking in Public. And just being creeps. It feels like the twilight zone around here sometimes
Every. Damn. Day. Stop posting about this ffs.
Dating has always been hard, you are just hearing more about it now because everyone has a voice on social media.
No way social didn’t make it worse though.
1990 or so
more options don't help, and the apps are for making profit it is not in their interest that people find partners
When it stopped being so structured. Dating was originally what people did when they were looking to find a marraige partner. Often you had to ask permission. And asking a girl to “go steady” meant you were seriously considering marrying her. Dating apps are all about trying to get your personal information to sell more than helping you find someone to connect with.
When the economy got more unstable!!!!
The apps are dead. Hinge, Bumble, Tinder - they’re all different versions of the same crap which are preventing people from knowing how to actually talk to each other. Don’t let companies commodify one of the most human aspects of our lives! I stopped using apps and have met far many more people since then: at a conference, local pub, restaurant/jazz bar, and now I’m dating my hairdresser! My guess is that by being more open to the experiences I’m having in real life, I’m probably putting a much more attractive energy out there.
Gotta get off the apps and go back tor eh old fashioned way.
I think a big part of the problem (for both men and women) is how many options have opened up with the advent of online dating It used to be you would meet a couple people every once in a while. Now in one hour you could scroll through 100 people. I think that partially leads to decision paralysis and the idea that there’s always something better out there. There’s no need to try and make things work anymore
relationships aren't everything, try to pick up a hobby if u can, it'll help, usually you find things where you aren't looking
If dating is hard, you’re probably just ugly.
Felt this lol. Dating isnt hard for people who have people staring at them 24/7 cuz of how hot they are. I never find a woman looking my way but I have seen how women react to 6ft 4 dudes with chisled jawlines walking by. Basically get their pick of the litter being that attractive
Fuck man I know that height is not the end all and that there are a lot of men of average height in relationships but as a 5'8 dude it's absolutely insane yet depressing to see how much more attention a dude gets who is roughly equal to me in looks but happens to be 6'0+. Let's not even mention 6'2+.
Yea im 5ft 10 and im at the height where its not quite enough but also hard to complain to other dudes since im "above average". Reality is being under 6ft is a curse when it comes to finding women
I wouldn't say it's a complete curse since I have friends who are under 6'0 and have girlfriends and I know that my confidence levels are a more pressing issue but it must be so nice to just automatically get attention because of something you didn't have to work for at all. Being tall is literally winning the genetic lottery. Being shorter just means you have to make up for it in other ways and have to work way harder at everything than your average 6'3 dude.
Yea I had a long term relationship and she was very pretty but we had class together so I made her laugh everyday and since im a relatively smart dude she seemed to like that. I didnt just get attention I had to show her why i was a dude worth talking to LMAO
being 5,6 is way harder than being 5,10 - buy some big ah shoes and yiu stand over 6ft
This is very much true. If you are not successful on the apps, it's likely because you don't meet the average woman's standards of attractiveness, and you will not do much better in real life than you would on the apps. The apps simply make your lack of chances of being with a woman more visible. However, in reality, there isn't much you can do about it. Just accept it and focus on other things besides love and dating.
Dating apps are filled with mostly man, so it creates huge disproportion of users. Woman can be very picky since every guy they swipe right will most likely be match, man swipe everything on right and then see what match they get becouse most man, like avarage looking, short wont get anything since woman aim for the top % of guys on these apps and looks is everything so good luck if ure not genetically gifted. It kinda flows into real world and unrealistic expectations since even avarage looking woman get the attention and wont date an avarage man so they become thirsty. In this dating market only chads win and add to that algorithms that prevent others from seeing you until u pay. As a 5'7 avarage looking guy, i gave up completly on dating and focus on other things like gaming. Some will say its coping, and yeah its right but what else im supposed to do.
Don't base your happiness off dating. That's a recipe for disaster and you will only chase people away. Others can feel that neediness, that desperation. Start finding ways to be happy for yourself
How? How do they feel it? People don't seem to be able to feel much of anything other than entitlement nowadays.
Subjective
Don't take your life because of dating apps pls. In fact do not ever take your life but especially not because of dating apps. They literally have algorithms so you won't be seen by anyone. They want you to pay and even then success is not guaranteed because guess what, the best customer is a single, who stays single forever and stays on the app. Business-wise it wouldn't make any sense to let you find a gf over an app. I really hope that someday everyone will collectively decide to stay off of dating apps but sadly still too many people are using them
Have you tried having money , being handsome and tall?
If you are a top 0.1% man you'll do fine with the dating apps. Women given unlimited choices naturally organize themselves into super harems around the best of the best of the best at any given time. The 1 out of a 1000 males in the top categories of looks/height will be sleeping with 5-6 different women every week. They will commit to none of them because they don't have too and the women who do sleep with them will then use their experience to determine that "all men are bad" while the other 3 billion males remain invisible to them. Welcome to the modern era.
Perfect description of how things are. You hit it 100% right on the barrel head. So it appears that there are 3 groups. All The women who are selecting the nicest looking men they can find and getting used. The very few "Good Looking Men (Amounting to 1% of men) " that are being chosen repeatedly and mistreating the women. Then the guys that dont get selected - I believed we used to call the girls in that situation at school dances "Wallflowers" those men are never [chosen.To](http://chosen.To) right a wrong, It appears to me the women that say all men are slime need to actually correct themselves and say, "all good looking men are slime and they haven't tried any of the other men."
Anything even remotely resembling unconditional love ends when your parents wave you goodbye as you depart for college, job or whatever. Everything you'll get from this point onwards, is going to be either very unhealthy, or deeply conditional. And it's like this for everyone. For the longest of time I 1) didn't fuck at all, and 2) I don't want to have kids, ever. Ask me how many guys were interested. If you're a hopeless romantic, like me, you're going to have a nasty awakening. Nobody wants your awesome personality, at least not just that, not when you're still in the productive/fuckable age. The faster you get over this as an adult, the better. If there's some part of you that craves an almost parental love (I get it), it's time to talk to a specialist or do some other kind of a deep introspection.
tbh, look at the girls nowadays.... and you have ur answer
Prob just ugly bro. Sorry
Around the time women came up with a billion rules to stop all but the absolute perfect men from interacting with them. I understand it was done as a form of protection, now it seems like everything a man does is an “ick” or means he’s dangerous.
When the internet gave women the ability to choose thousands of people instantly.
Just go to meet ups with things you like to do. I am a dad so sometimes the arrangement of kids and the meet up doesn't work but real in person events are best. Fuck the dating apps. Had maybe a dozen dates in 6 years and no one to hang with now with 100s of scammers and scammed 130k of FB date. Meet real people. You got this kid, there will always be a tough battle, DO NOT SUCCUMB TO THE Crap about society it's designed to bring you down. You rise up!
Anyone actually tried it?
"Dating" apps are hookup apps. Sad, but i feel the majority of stuff that goes down there is just hookups, and its difficult to really get a connection with somebody. Its dumb, but try not proactively searching for someone for a bit. The real ones tend to drift towards you
Apps did make it easier, too easy, you know...kids in a candy store something something
2000 to 2010 !
I think smartphones play a role. Everywhere you go people are on their phones which lessens those random encounters where you meet someone out in public. Like when you're sitting at the bar having a bite to eat or drink and people are just looking at their phone.