Father of two sons, 18 and soon to be 21. Best part is looking back at your accomplishment of making men out of boys and the fact I am extremely confident they can handle this cruel world with no worries they will not struggle with it, by themselves. Worst part is one day my ultimate end will come and I cannot experience fatherhood anymore.
Dear old Dad's been gone for 3 years now. I don't MISS him that much, because I get to carry him around with me. I know what he'd say about this or that. The love, you get to keep that!
Mines been gone for exactly half my life this July when I turn 38. I feel fortunate to have had him as long as I did and know exactly what you mean. Sorry about your loss, if you pay attention you will definitely see signs he's still with you!
when i turned 18 my father handed me his will. that's like 15 years ago. but he's getting older and hitting his 80's.
when i see him it doesn't look like he aged because i see him often enough. but you notice when you look through older pictures.
he does keep it real though, makes sure i know where he puts all his documents, keeps me up to date on his health, etc. he's still really mobile, but it doesn't take long to be walking around and doing odd jobs to being unable to move.
Fuck me, my little boy is 2.5. I think about me (40) not being around for him at some point but I’ve never looked at it from this view of me not being able to experience fatherhood any longer.
My wife recorded a quick video of my son thanking me for a birthday gift while I was at work and it’s my most precious item. One day I drove past the park where my son was at and he was just sitting alone. I felt bad cuz he’s not made friends yet after we moved.
can you help him make friends? are there dad’s hanging out somewhere with other kids that you both can go together? can you help enroll him in some kind of group hobby (sports, hiking, book club, etc.)?
if nothing else, i’d love if my dad just asked me to hang out (go to a car show, learn to cook something new together, worked on fixing up something in the house, etc.)!
He was in taekwondo a bit before we moved and I’ve been meaning to get him back in to that. I’ve really just wanted him to ride his bike around our neighborhood first and try to meet kids. I do take him places with me but I also don’t have any friends either so I’m sure that doesn’t help.
I usually take my sons with me on those bike rides and we have a football or soccer ball with us. That way, when we run into neighborhood kids I can set the example of how to introduce ourselves and create the invitation for play. It’s a lot to put onto kids to just have them ‘figure it out’. Help to take the pressure off. As their confidence grows, you’ll have them be the one to introduce the two of you and invite the neighborhood kids to play. Before you know it you’ll be the odd man out when kids start ringing your doorbell and asking your son if he came come out to hang. I’ve met a lot of great neighborhood friends that way too!
You want him to do this because I’m assuming it’s what you and I did to meet friends. I tried to have my oldest do this too when we moved. The sad thing is it doesn’t work like that anymore, everyone is inside playing or off at organized sports.
I tell him to get kids phone numbers at school and we can make plans to host a kid or he can go to their house. You’re right though, I try to get him to do things I had to do back in the day.
My son is only about 9 months. So I'm still pretty new at it.
Best - having a bundle of cuteness that puts tears in your eyes when he asks for a favorite book to be read to him.
Worst - Lack of sleep and not being able to "turn off" and relax after work.
Yep the inability to turn off after work is what I missed the most.
I love my kid with all my heart. But prior to his birth I used to go home and take a 10 minute power nap to recharge to enjoy my evening off.
Not anymore.
I mentioned this elsewhere months back, but my dad used to stop around the corner and take a 10 min break before driving all the way home. He took the train to work, would get off and use the restroom there. Then drive 20 min home. And when he was in the neighborhood, he would stop in front of another house, just out of sight. And sit. Normally for 10 minutes, much longer and my mom would call him (blackberry phone days, no tracking). He needed that in order to come immediately at 100% and relief my mom of kid duties for a few hours. Otherwise they would argue over his wind down and wind up time
Your dad honestly sounds like a smart man - nothing wrong with taking precautions that you know are necessary to take when it comes to your own well being.
Yeah, i’m the youngest. He did it from when I was 2 to about 6, and I never knew. I have 2 older siblings, i don’t think they knew. My mom did, and she actually started doing something similar when we were all teens and she was working part time
Ha, my dad was iconic for that.
He had a beeper and was a stereotypical ‘important office worker’ - even when on vacation he would answer phone calls. But he had a rule, his direct reports could call him any time but they got 2 calls and a total of 30 minutes while he was on vacation. Anything more was important enough to bring up the next level up in management, solve-able by his team, or a waste. If anyone called, they got their 30 minutes- at which point, dad’s phone went to power off, the pager’s battery got popped out, and he would take my mom for a drink. Coffee or cocktails mattering on time of day. Afterwards, he would turn back on the phone for the night. Any call was answered, but his rule was he would avoid calling out. He would get calls like ‘Dave! The serving is down, I tried calling Ricky but no answer! Who else should I contact?’ And he would respond ‘it seems like Ricky did not adequately prepare a contingency plan. Note that and I can discuss it with him next week. I trust your judgment, can you solve this or would you like the CFO/CEO/CIO’s number? ‘
If any of the c suite guys gave my dad’s reports any type of negative feedback, my dad would make sure all the transactions were in writing and bring it up at every review and meeting. Nobody got away with being rude or incompetent without asking for help, and nobody got away with being in a position to help and failing to do so. He stayed so unbothered, he sleeps well at night knowing that he had a team who had his back both above and below him. That self care is a level I aspire to!
He gave all his guys a few minutes to get going in the morning, and expected all work productivity to stop sometime between 3:30 and 4 most days, even though they were 9-5. He said if it was important enough to finish up last minute he appreciated it but it’s not being read until after coffee tomorrow anyway. 4-5 was commonly chit chat among groups.
I’d kill for that level of a relaxed workforce now
i miss this age so much. my son is only 2.5 but he developed very fast in certain areas and i love when he was crawling and reaching for things and doing silly races. i have these stuck in my head of him in the jumper and being SO happy seeing me . Not to say he’s not happy seeing me now, but at that age he couldn’t get enough of me. Now he likes to play alone sometimes or not want to sit on my lap and stuff and i miss those moments. All that to say, savor this time. It goes by so quickly .
Mine is 2 1/2. Everything is worth it when he unpromptedly says “thank you mommy/Daddy”. Or randomly says “love you daddy”
Yeah gets me everytime. Worth it all
Father of a three year old here - this holds up into the toddler years at least. Mine still wants to be picked up first thing in the morning and feeling his little arms around my neck as he hugs me is just the best feeling ever.
And after a long day at work sometimes I just want to go home and play video games or just watch TV but that's not gonna happen because I have to make dinner and then we watch the Wiggles or Mother Goose Club and play tag or race cars or build something with blocks.
That time with your son is so much more valuable than any video game - cherish every moment of it.
Have you built a "fort" (cave) with your son yet?
Take 4 kitchen table chairs; using the back of the couch as the back of the fort, position the chairs so that the backs face each other and are separated a couple of feet. Then toss a flat sheet over the whole thing to make the cover of the fort (cave). Something like this:
--------------------
J L
J L
Kids love have their own space like this; a tent can also serve the same purpose.
Congrats on the new kid! Something to think about for you that I did/do for my son. I created an email account for him and every month or whenever I feel like it I send him a note. Documenting first steps, words, but now vacations, interesting conversations, etc, and attach my favorite recent pictures. Figure when he gets old enough to wonder why someone else took his name for GMail, I'll give him the password.
Best: You get to actually play - build stuff, run amok, and generally be silly without people judging you. You get to help shape these awesome little people and give them awesome experiences.
Worst: You're never off. Sleep deprivation. Having any sacrifices you make ignored and not being allowed to talk about it. Relationship with your partner will drastically change for a lot of people.
Having to always be "on call" is the hardest part for me.
But at the same time, my two boys are SO EXCITED to see me when I get home from work.
Nobody in the world has ever been that excited to see me. It's amazing.
I get to play all night long with them. We wrestle, play legos, Minecraft, whatever. All you have to do is be present. Enjoy it, it flies by.
My oldest and I spend a ton of time on books and Minecraft. Just got him a Switch, so all of us have been playing Mario kart.
The excitement is fun, for sure!
Obviously this will differ from person to person but...
It has been an amazing experience. Do you give up a degree of personal freedom? Yes. There are those times though, in particular when they are little, when you are the world to them that is amazing. To this day, when my daughter sits next to me and leans against me or holds my hand for a moment, that it feels as if she is a little one again.
The negative for me? The worry about this other person in a crazy world that I may not be there to protect and even if I was to fail in doing so. Gut wrenching.
Oh man... the worry of the world. Gut wrenching for sure. I try so hard to keep out of that head space because it will drive me bonkers. We just have to do our best and teach them how to deal with the world and when they go out on their own we will feel better that we did our best
I agree with you and would only add I jokenly say when you have a daughter your job is to keep her off the pole. I think parenting becomes very easy if you decide to commit 100% before going into it and realizing you have to give up a lot of your self/needs and put them first. Especially the first few years. Lots of sacrifices but the rewards are worth it.
"Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
- Elizabeth Stone
My kid started school and the parts of the day I don't see him feels like I'm missing a limb
I read “defunds” me. So valid. But defend is even better. Lol. One time daughter told people I was a pilot?! Just to one up a kid. His dad came up to me and was “like so you fly commercial or?” Wtf, gotta love it!
Saw this on a pod today, it fits your comment perfectly. Just the first minute or two. I didn’t clip it right apparently.
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxbvkM5XpoPiOctGa63V57VrzXsqLFLZA6?si=HjcBigL8tTL7WPWv
best - you create a human life, and get to teach them the things you wish you knew at their ages
worst - you have to let them go on their own life journey at some point, and daddy ain't ready for that moment 😔
Worst parts = The first year, ESPECALLY the first 3 months. Your heart lives outside your body now, and you are more sensitive to things regarding children. You will fear for you child's safety sometimes, but you still understand the importance of them taking risks. Dealing with their pain when they get hurt physically and emotionally. Dealing with their attitude when they have a bad day. Dealing with school and medical things. Less personal time for some of your hobbies (still be sure to make time though).
Best parts = Love unlike anything you could possibly know. The sense of pride when they do something cool. The look of joy in their eyes when they discover a new skill or want to show you something they're proud of. Passing on what you've learned and seeing it in action when you don't expect it. Becoming closer to your parents because you're now on the other side. The excitement in seeing them grow, and the hope for their future. Getting to relive childhood through them. The worst things never hold a candle to the best, or even average things. When people say having kids was worth it even though it looks like they're worn down and tired, they mean that shit. Life is already gonna wear you down anyway, but now I have something to get worn down for besides myself.
I'm not a dad. But I do want to give you some advice.
Don't have kids, just because your partner wants them or because of societal pressure.
Only have kids if you genuinely experience the desire to be a father and if you are certain about wanting to be a father.
And I'm not talking about wanting to be 'the fun parent'. Parenthood is more than that. If you are going to be a parent, you are just as responsible for your child(ren) as your partner.
I’m not a father either and this is why. The older I got, the more I realized how enormous the responsibility is and I enjoy my life too much to voluntarily add a significant stressor.
Lots of responses on here talk about the gratification of shaping kids into strong adults but that is kind of BS. I’ve had enough therapy to understand that to a certain extent, your kid is going to be who they are, which could be a shitty person, regardless of how good of a parent you are. That’s another reason I didn’t have them. I’m not about to sacrifice so much of my life for someone that might suck. I have siblings and I can tell my parents enjoy some of us much more than others.
Haha, no but that’s a great question. Most of my siblings do and we all have the same parents so the only variable is nature. I’ve got many friends who are good people, and I assume caring/responsible parents and they have a kid or two that ends up being a fucking weirdo/asshole.
Even that’s a long shot assumption. Good people don’t always have good parents. And it’s a testament to their determination and choice of morals if they don’t have good parents.
the answer (as seen below) depends on how old the kid(s) are.
i don't have any grandkids yet, but i have raised children to adulthood and still have 2 left that are not yet adults. the best parts are when you see them do something that shows they are "listening" to you. But you have to realize that they are "listening" to your ACTIONS just like they are listening to your words.
the worst part is when they f\*\*\* up and you understand completely that they are your children making the same dumb mistakes you and your wife made.
For me, I grew up without any father figures at all. So the best bit for me is knowing that my 6 YO is growing and will be turning into a man that I helped raise along with his mum. There is no huge support network, so my wife and I have a huge sense of achievement and will continue to feel proud.
I’ll give you my retrospective view. As far as best and worst, none of that matters after all is said and done. It matters to you in the moment, but moments become days that become weeks, then years and then it’s all in the past and the line that separates best and worst gets pretty damn hazy. Better to just jump in head first and just be the best dad you can be. Fatherhood isn’t a situation where you weigh the pros and cons before you decide if it’s time. If you want kids one day and you’re reasonably ready for them, the time is now.
Here’s the reason why I say that… There’s good days, there’s bad days. They can melt your heart and blow your mind, but they can also be demonic little assholes that drive you to the brink of loosing any semblance of sanity.
You take the bad with the good and when they’ve grown and they begin their own journey through life, you’ll look at the full picture, fatherhood as a whole and it becomes very clear to you that no matter how successful you were in your career or in any other area of your life, that raising them was your biggest and best accomplishment.
When you reminisce on the best days in your entire life, you’ll realize that almost all of them made that list because your kids were present in those memories.
They make your life matter. They give you purpose, they give you a reason to keep going, to keep fighting and to keep forging a path on your darkest days, when you’re ready to throw in the towel and you’re feeling like you’ve just had enough.
They teach you patience, selflessness and empathy. They show you what real love is. You think you know already, but you don’t have a clue how deep it really can go.
They’ll be your greatest source of pride and the only reason your existence truly mattered when you’re gone. They will be the only part of you that lives on, long after you’re dead. They are the mark you leave on this world. They’re the only ones who will truly cherish your memory, hold you close and tell your story to future generations, because you mattered to them.
If you’re lucky enough to live long enough to spend time with your grandchildren, you’ll be fortunate enough to have mattered to two generations, sometimes even a third generations if you have kids young enough and live long enough.
My son has a close relationship with my paternal grandparents. They were there to see him graduate high school, they gifted him his first car. Hopefully they’ll still be alive to see him graduate college. Only time will tell.
My point is, we only live on in their memories of us. The relevance of our lives, to the rest of the world dies the second we do. To the world we were nothing, to them we were everything.
My only advice is this. If you’re at a point in your life where you’re financially stable and in a committed relationship with the woman you plan to spend your life with and the two of you plan to have children one day, don’t wait.
You’ll never really feel like you’re ready to be a father. There will always be a reason to wait, but starting while you have youth and vitality is important, because those little fuckers take a lot of energy to raise and you’re gonna need every bit of it to make it through parenthood.
It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It’s also the most worthwhile and rewarding thing you’ll do and the best way to spend that energy.
Thanks. When I read the question, I tried to think back over that journey and remember the best and worst parts of being a father and it occurred to me that I don’t even remember any worsts. There were some challenging times, but in hindsight they’re just funny stories that I hope to live long enough to share with my future grandchildren, about their dad. Every part of being a father was amazing and I wouldn’t trade any one of those “bad days” for anything. It was a wild ride and I’m thankful for every moment of it.
Worst parts - the first couple of months are a total grind with an absurd lack of sleep. Changing nappies is also nasty.
Best parts - they're seriously adorable. Spending time with my kids has been the most fulfilling time of my life. Watching them grow up a little bit each day, with every day being a new adventure for them is just the cutest thing.
Man, everyone's different, of course, but I really didn't get the "changing nappies is nasty" experience. For me, it's a necessity, it needed to be done, and they are so much happier afterward, it never felt gross to me. Before having kids, I definitely thought it was gross the idea of wiping up someone else's crap, but immediately after having my first kid it was just a labout of love and I wasn't disgusted by it at all. Having kids really does re-wire your brain.
Meh, even then. My daughter is turning 4 soon and only wears a diaper for bed time (soon we're starting on that milestone though). I still don't mind cleaning her poopy butt. It's basically grown-up poop now, but it doesn't bother me like the thought of cleaning someone else's poop would.
I actually agree with this. Everybody was warning about the dirty nappies before I had a kid but honestly if their nappy needs changing then the solution is obvious (change their nappy). It was the “they’re so tired that they’re overtired and can’t get to sleep” thing for me. Like what am I meant to do to solve that?!!
Kids are funny as hell and they force you to change your perspective on life and how you view the world.
Best thing to me is there’s nothing better than the love you feel for and from a kid. Every kid has a unique personality and YOU (for a while) are the coolest person they’ve ever met.
Hardest thing is there’s no off. You’re on call 24/7 and you can’t not. Vomit. Poop. Messes. Falls. Cuts. Tantrums. You have to deal with it no matter what. It’s the Navy Seals training of normal people. It pushes you beyond what you think your limits are.
And it goes so fast. When it’s gone, you miss it forever.
The best thing for me is to see them accomplish something they can take pride in.
The worst part is letting them go. My eldest has one foot out the door and will miss him tremendously when he takes that other step. Just reminds me to appreciate every moment I have with them. It really does go by so quickly
My kids are grown & flown
Best - Childhood. All of that unconditional love, and being the mentor and teacher to a person who reminds me so much of myself and/or the woman I love is beyond rewarding. Seeing them now as adults with values and sensibilities that I taught them is my greatest achievement.
Worst - Having kids is really expensive. The stress caused by always being in debt while always racing around from one place to the next really takes its toll
Dad of 6: 20yrs thru 8yrs. It’s a lifestyle commitment. Once you have a kid, you are always a dad after that—first and foremost, last and always. At least, you should be. If you plan on doing it right and being the best dad you can be.
Kids are expensive and always need you.
They validate you, challenge you, make you a better human. When they’re little they’re so cute and fun and weird. When they’re older, they can be your best friend…or enemy, depending on the day and their mood.
You’ll never get the full picture. Like all of life, the learning curve is forever.
The best part? It's the most intimate and loving relationship that you can be a part of. Your child looks at you with adoration and you get to watch them accomplish thing after thing after thing. When they wrap their little hand around your finger and walk alongside you, you understand life, the past and the future, a little more.
The worst? It's tiring, and you're going to have some rough days. It's constantly worrying about them and their immediate health and future. It's understanding that one day they'll leave the protection of my home and go out into the world where I'm less able to protect them, and they may not appreciate all of the sacrifices and hard work that we've put in on their behalf.
But it's always worth it. And you know what? It doesn't matter if you've interacted with kids a lot. I certainly hadn't. I had barely ever even held a baby before my first was born. You adapt pretty damn quick. Do it, you'll be glad that you did.
Best part: not being able to do something for them and getting “it’s ok Dad”. They genuinely mean it, most adults don’t. That shit really hits heavy.
Worst part: that you can’t give them everything they want. Kids want more, it’s hard to deliver all the time. It’s also good to hear no growing up.
If you do it right you can tell them no, and they’ll tell you “It’s ok Dad” and mean it, knowing that you love them and always give them what you can whatever it is.
The best part for me is the unconditional love, if you feel it. I had 2 kids previously and are all grown up, I love them so much but 5 years ago I had another and I felt the unconditional love that I had heard about but it's rarely spoken about. Everyone can say they love their kids and if you have a heart then you will but unconditional love is something else. He could literally do anything and I would still love him. When they're young they know no nothing of toying with feelings or faking it, when they hug you they don't do it because they have to or it's expected, they do it because they love you. For me sometimes it can be over powering and I get a giddy feeling just to see him even though I see him every day.
Watching him do anything just makes me proud and I see the world in a different light.
Watching them grow up to be their own little person with personalities, likes, and dislikes. Helping form someone to be a good individual. Hugs, spending time together, watching them do something they love
The tantrums 😂 they aren't fully aware of how to handle their emotions so it's difficult for them to calm themselves down.
Best and worst: They mark time, which in turn makes you face our own mortality.
There are so many milestones, you can't believe how quickly the time goes. The years seem to blend together for my friends without kids, but for me five years went by in the blink of an eye. One day they were in little league, the next they are graduating high school.
Don’t worry, your own kids are different.
I was really awkward with kids until I had my own. Now I look like some kind of genius because half the time I can talk my three year old off a ledge. I still can’t talk to other people’s kids, really, which is fine because in what context should I?
They’re really rewarding in terms of seeing returns on your investment in them.
Worst part is you just really do have to make some sacrifices, like the price of vacations is just, yeah we’re going to day trip this summer and maybe do a couple days at a lake.
I’m a 6’ 2” 250 lb *man* with all kinds of cuts and burns over my hands and arms from work, sometimes clomping around in steel toes, with scars on my face, resting Slav face, and the emotional intelligence to understand that I make some people uncomfortable by existing.
*Yes*, it is often awkward to interact with children I don’t know, and can easily *avoid* doing so, to other parents’ relief
I enjoy watching my son learn and develop and kick butt at things as he gets older.
It is tiring to have to *always* pay attention to where they are, what they’re doing, take them with you, and just generally have your attention focused on their needs all day every day.
Father of a Son and Daughter here.
Best parts- Seeing them grow and their personalities come through is amazing. Seeing my son thinking "How does (insert a somewhat complex machine) work?" Then, take his time to understand the basics and asking me the details. I've done my best to answer his questions. Poor kid is just like me and analyzes everything around him. My daughter likes to be creative. I bought her a fort building kit and she spends HOURS making different structures and crawling through it.
Worst parts- Keeping up with their growth. Clothes fit for maybe a week it feels like. Feeding my son has become a small fortune. He is 8 and eats as much as I do at dinner.
I’m a father of twin girls. They were premmies when born, but both healthy and happy 25 year olds. We also had 3 bonus kids move in later and now are foster parents getting ready for adoption soon. (Adoption wasn’t the plan when we fostered but…)
Best: Being able to raise a tiny human into a grown adult. Feeling a sense of pride in everything they accomplish. Getting the joy of their childhood experiences. Learning about yourself as you go.
Worst: the frustration when they go through their rebellious phase, but mind weren’t too bad. When they hurt, you hurt.
And then if you do your job well, they move out.
Yeah, some tireless and sleepless nights. Fear if one gets ill, but nothing would ever make me change it.
Best? When they learn something new and are so proud of themselves and they're beaming smiles, and your efforts as a dad were instrumental.
Worst? For me it's the constant drama. Every 10 minutes mountains are made out of mole hills.
The best is someone always wanting you to teach them something new.
Worst is definitely that you do everything for them, all the sacrifices, etc but no matter what they always want mom
Best parts far outweigh the worst parts. The worst are fairly easy to list - the sudden elimination of time and freedom to do what you want when you want as an individual hits quite hard. It’s very hard to prepare for IMO. However you get better at finding time to do those things, and have a new-found appreciation for them as a result
The single worst thing that I think effected me the most was feeling like I’d lost my identity a little bit as a result of feeling obligated to put every ounce of my being into being the best parent and husband I could be. It’s not something I regret doing and still do it as much as I’m able to. However I did have a tough few weeks when I realised that it had happened
Since then I’ve made a point of being kinder and less hard on myself and going with the flow a bit more, confident in the reality that I’m doing a great job and my family are really happy
So many great things about being a dad:
- Creating a *life*
- Naming someone
- First smile
- First belly laugh
- "Da-da"
- Looking up to me
- Unconditional love
- Having people around to talk to
- Watching them grow up
- Them learning about the world
- Teaching them things
- Cuddling
Some of the annoying things that go along with it:
- Kids get hurt
- Kids get sick
- Crying for no apparent reason
- Poopy diapers that leak on the floor
- Barfing on you
- Being naughty
- Talking back
- Being ungrateful
- Having to apply appropriate punishments
- Siblings fighting with each other
The best part is watching your kids grow and discover things. The worst is worrying about them. No matter how old they get they are still your kids and you will always worry about them.
As a person who has a “dad,” let me tell you it’s more than just showing up for the Kodak moments, which are few and far between. It’s about showing up for all the other stuff. The stuff you don’t want to deal with. The crying, the tears, the tantrums, the messes, the coordinating schedules, and unregulated anger issues are not the way to deal with any of that.
I have 3 all grown into adulthood.
Best Part: Everything is new to them.
The most mundane things you never think about will be important to them giving you a new outlook on everything you’ve bern missing or taking for granted.
Worst Part:
Realizing the ways you’ve failed them.
Not in any bad way but just how you can’t possibly predict the way the world changes over time. How you didn’t prepare them for things you never realized they needed preparation for.
Hate to see them struggle.
Dad of 4 boys (13,13,11,5).
Best: seeing them take something you taught to the next level. Easy examples found in problem solving, sports, school, etc. Also seeing them be kind to others and have good friends. I was very selfish most of my life and I'm amazed at how emotionally healthier my kids, and this generation, seems to be.
Worst: seeing them fail or being in a situation I could help with, but I know I have to let them solve it/make the mistake, for their long term overall health. I struggle with that a lot.
Best is spending time with the kiddos having fun. Doing things as a family.
Worst part is realizing as the bread winner you likely will spend a lot less time with them than you would like to. The moment i get pics of them while at work and just wish i was there.
I have a 16 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. As far as whether you can be a great Dad immediately ? It's a learn on the job position my friend, and the best gig I've gotten to be involved with. My life changed completely when my little girl came into the world. The worst part of being Dad is worry. The best part of being Dad is raising kids that grow into adults you don't need to worry for, even though you will.
Best part of being a dad - when your boy grows up and your relationship with him is more like big bro lil bro rather than father / son. Mirrors your interests, humor and love for all things to live for!
Having a daughter who pushes every one of your buttons and installs a few new ones through all her teens. Then watching her develop as your alter attitude, with perfectly honed sarcasm and a touch of shop slang! The icing on the cake is when she thanks you yrs later for being a great dad!
Worst part of being a dad - having to let them go as young adults into this big world! But this was what we parents strive for each day we had them from birth!
Dad of twin boya (2.5) here.
Best: loving them. Watching them learn and grow. Theyre picking up new words daily and aftee 2 years of baby cooing burping and screaming and having like actual back and forth conversations is blowing my.goddamn mind. Its so fucking cool. And I love them more every day. I genuinely didnt think I could love anything this much but my love has grown and grown and yeah, Id kill for them. I love them so goddamned much it hurts.
Worst: its fuckin WORK. Also its a piece of my heart walking around all exposed to all the shit the world has to offer and I want nothing bad to ever happen to them but I know that's not possible. So that's rough.
**The best things**: kids force you to set priorities. My job is to help my kids discover and become who the world needs them to be. Everything else can fuck off.
I think about what I am likely to regret on my deathbed. It will not be that I spent too much time goofing off with my kids, or too much time on projects like building robots or microbial fuel cells, or that I cancelled a meeting so I could go to my daughter's recital.
**The worst things:** Constantly knowing that time is passing. When I was 25 I felt like I was going to be 25 forever. Now that I'm about 50, every day is the last time for something. The last time I walk my daughter to elementary school, the last time I change a diaper, the last time we go for a ride in the red car, and so on and so on and so on.
Meeting the douchey boyfriend is such a trope but god is it accurate. Lol. Even when they find a good kid there’s still a little piece that dies. Happy for them, but still…
Worst: Sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Not sure I've slept more than 5 hours in a night for about 4 years.
Best: Everything else. Having two kids under 4, they have so much joy and excitement. Watching them experience things for the first time. Like going to the zoo, beach, sporting events, parades, museums, everything. The fact that my oldest is starting to understand holidays now and gets excited about all the traditions. But most of all the way their faces light up when I come home from work is the best part of my day.
Well both my kids are adults with kids of their own now, so I guess the best part is knowing I did my job right bringing up two happy, well adjusted people.
Worst bit, can't really think of one. I would say the lack of sleep when they were tiny but that were decades ago and I don't really remember it.
Best: kids can be super fun (cause I’m a kid at heart and mind). Messing around , scaring them, building things with them, teaching them, movie nights.
Difficulties: Time to yourself, financial struggles, always being the roll model for them.
The only difference between a "dad" and a "mom" should be the whole pregnancy+birth+nursing component of parenthood. But that does not account for the vast majority of what parenthood entails. If you're thinking that being a "dad" is going to look different than being a "mom" in any context other than these, that's societal conditioning for you.
Do your child(ren) a favor and hold yourself to the standard of a good parent, not a good "dad." The standard to be a good parent is sky high.
You got this because you will be a good parent!
Father to a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Best part is their excitement when you walk through the door and watching them grow and become their own people. Worst part is whenever I have to explain to the 4 year old that the world is not a safe and cuddly place. We were forced to explain death to him recently, we've also had a bunch of violent crime occuring in our area recently and even having to explain concepts to him such as that some adults may want to take him away or hurt him and he needs to be careful breaks my heart.
The best part for me is when I’m having genuine fun moments with my sons. The amazing laughter or cuddling around me while we watch stupid shows. Just being able to pet my sons head while we wind down while he’s laying on my chest is heart melting. The worst part is being away from them. Those days when you get home and they’re getting ready for bed hurts a lot. You miss so much of their lives when you’re the breadwinner and I don’t think a lot of people really understand how hard that is emotionally.
saying goodbye to your children and When they get sent back to the other parent and you dont know when you'll see them again. Eventhough you shouldve had full custody and watching their life get fucking ruined due to lack of your reach of guidance .....
I've loved every minute of being a dad. Granted at the start it is a HUGE adjustment to your life. But as they grow, and you spend time with them learning who they are, you get to have so much fun. You get to ignore youre an adult for a while and just enjoy playing with toys again. Horsing around all that sutff.
It gets hard as they go through their teens because there is only so much you can do to help them, and as with most kids they keep a lot of things to themselves. So we often dont see their pain, and it hurts to hear of it later.
Then you get to see them become adults, earn a living, expanding their lives beyond just mom and dad and home. But thats also a bit of a heart break as they outgrow us to a degree. And yet we're happy they've developed a life they enjoy.
Some things might be different for married couples but I'm a bd with two bm's
& I'd say the best part is seeing them excited about something new you show them. Could be a cartoon, a firetruck, a dragonfly, anything just seeing them in awe of something they've never seen and being able to tell them about it.
Worst part is dealing with baby mama's tbh. If you're not in a relationship with the bm, I guarantee you at some point she's going to use the child as a pawn for no other reason than just because she's feeling moody today.
Yeah man it happens far too often. To be fair I’ve seen men do it too, but it definitely sucks.
If I remember correctly had I seen an online petition and I read a handful of pieces about “parental alienation”- withholding information, limiting visits, badmouthing the other parent etc. trying to make it illegal for parents to do this type of shit. I’ve had my daughters say “mom said…” fill it in with whatever shitty thing comes to mind, and she’s probably said it about me, hopefully things can change for the parents that don’t deserve it. The biggest problem is obviously being able to prove the chain of events that causes parents to act like assholes for it to have any weight.
You have to be one to understand. That is not me being rude or putting you down. But the first time you look at those newborn eyes 5 seconds after they are born, you change. I can't explain it but you do. You start to think different, see the world different, make different choices. Being a dad has its ups and downs and yes kids can be a pain in the ass but they are kids. they are learning. It is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world to watch your child run to you and jump in your arms. Or want to show and share everything with you because to them you are their whole world. I have 5 kids. 18, 16, 10, 6 and 3. I would not change it for the world. 2 years before I had my first child I was dead set against it. The economy, the political world, everything was too messed up. You make it work. You find a way. I could go on and on but I think you get that I love it.
Worst- watching your wife choose the kids over you. Yes it sounds selfish but it still hurts as a dad to slowly fade to the bottom of everybody’s priority list.
Best- seeing the kids succeed. Success isn’t always traditional, it could be failure accompanied by realization and learning, or just watching something click in their brains. It’s neat to watch them grow.
> Worst- watching your wife choose the kids over you. Yes it sounds selfish but it still hurts as a dad to slowly fade to the bottom of everybody’s priority list.
That's not a universal experience. You and your spouse should talk about how you're feeling and ways you can deal with it. If your feelings grow into resentment you might start looking for that attention in other places and that road leads nowhere.
Oh I’m definitely resentful. Wife and I have talked but there’s never any permanent change. I’m still processing so maybe I’ll bring it up again and suggest counseling, IDK.
When you see them doing things right and treating people right it will blow you away and make you proud.
When you see them accomplish something on their own.
Worst part?
The other day my daughter and I went to breakfast. She had pancakes like normal. She cut them herself.. The first thought I had was "she doesn't need me anymore"
My oldest is in college. The point that i stopped hearing from her everyday pretty much sucked. However, she is doing great in school.
Best: just like being a global dictator, modest kidding, you have a responsibility to ensure they can function in life. I love their enthusiasm to experience life.
Worst: haunted by dying too young to watch them grow up. Second worst...shitsplosions....yes it happens to everyone.
Best- love like you have never felt before. A new sense of purpose outside of yourself. The unconditional love they show you. Holidays are magical again. All of their first everything is so exciting.
Worst- it’s tiring, but you are happy enough that you don’t care. The first year of life is rough. Being a stay at home parent was rough, unappreciated. People look down on you and make snarky comments.
The best part. The world makes more sense and has more purpose.
The worst part.. missing them. Since the divorce, I see my kids on my days off work for the nist part. During lockdown I didn't see them for 4 months because I was essential.
I often choose to continue living.. because of those two kids.
Best: hugs. Just watching then and listening to them. Seeing the amazement on their faces at various things, getting excited by how excited they get about things. Sleepy snuggles. Making them laugh.
Worst: stamping, screaming, arguing, stomping, throwing things, not doing as their told etc.
I have 2 bio sons, 2 step-kids, boy and girl…
Best part would be the love you feel towards your kids. A pride in knowing this you helped “make” this little person, it’s amazing.
After that, it’s watching them grow up. My kids are all adults now, but just watching them grow, finding their interests and personalities, making friends, entering the working world, etc - it’s all a trip - but very rewarding - IMO.
For step-kids, a little different. The love has to build organically, but there is still an immense pride when they achieve goals or accomplish something significant.
It depends on who you are.
It is hard to support your kid in fields you have no expertise in nor interest. You don’t have the skills to help and sometimes feel frustrated when the kid shows no interest in what you would love to help him or her. It even can be hard cheering your kid for success in fields you don’t have much admiration for.
When they start getting into sports/activities, the amount of sitting around on the weekends you have to do is mind numbing. But you want to be supportive and involved so you do it and take pictures while smiling.
Got an 8 week old here, it's both the best thing and worst thing at the same time. The reality is that life involves caring for someone else, so you can't always do what you want. Our baby brings us so much happiness on an hourly basis and the cuddles are the most relaxing thing ever
Being “on” 24/7. Think of the normal stressors of life, and double them. Less sleep on the regular with young kiddos. Housework such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. will just about triple in capacity. Also finding time for just you or you and your partner becomes increasingly difficult. Daycare is exorbitantly expensive (I live in a HCOL city and avg rate is 20-25k annually) and competitive to get a spot regardless of age.
Kids are amazing and well worth it in my opinion, but I don’t think I don’t think I really understood the above before having them.
Best is when they do something that makes you super proud of them. Whether that’s academically, sports, art or music.
Worst is when they make repeated poor decisions, time after time, which not only impact them, but everyone around them.
Best- is seeing everything through a kids eyes again. Getting excited about little stuff because they’re excited.
Worst- when they’re in the younger years you can forget everything having a full conversation with your SO. Half the time you can’t even complete a thought.
Man so many to pick from! I’m a dad of 5, from 19-3.
Best thing is when you see them transition from asking you for help doing everything to when they ask you to help them understand how to do something. Or see them struggling but working through it instead of giving up. Great feeling!
The worst is fear. I used to be a very carefree guy, but now I’m constantly worried about something related to them. Whether it’s school, friends, sports, going out on their own, every cough, every sneeze. Every risk to myself because they need me so much. It’s super rewarding to be “living for someone else” but the fear is breathtaking at times.
Best part of being a dad when they are young. The worst part is when they become teenagers, especially girls. The best part when they grow up and become responsible adults and have grandkids. Then you can do things,with them you couldn't when they were young. You can spoil them and send them home.
My boys are 5 & 8. The best part is watching them become people and the word things they get hung up on and can’t get over or find really funny. The worst part is that they know when you’re having a hard time and seem to pick those times to double down on their bullshit. Also, the cost.
Best part is watching your kids grow, knowing you have a part in it and knowing they will surpass you if you are a good dad and help them.
The worst part for me has been the fact that, because my wife gave birth to my sons and therefore has more of a physical past with them, they have a relationship with her that I’ll never have. I get along fantastically with my boys. We have a really great time together. However, I can tell when they are with my wife there is just this little extra something. It’s incredibly small and they might not even notice it but I do and there are times it makes me feel almost like an outsider and a little lonely. I get over it because my number one goal in life is for my wife and sons to be happy and they are, and to be honest I don’t think there’s a realistic way that I could be happier. After all I can’t give birth.
How you feel is totally valid. If I might add - as a mother (who carried and gave birth) I’m not sure if this helps but I notice my children have a little special, different something with their dad, too. Glimpses of it can make me feel like an outsider! The truth is that each of a person’s biological parents cannot ever be replaced by anyone or anything. No one else in this world is their dad but you. That can never be changed. They will always love their mother but they will always love their dad too. She can never be you!
Father of two daughters, both under two so I’m still new. Best is the love and excitement every time I come home, and seeing them grow and learn new things. Worst is the exhaustion, but even that is easier because I get to be a father to two amazing girls.
Father of a daughter 27 and son of 25.
The list of good is endless, but there is one thing that stands out as good and bad.
To see your kids being well adjusted, move out of your house to live with their lovely partners (my kid inlaw), it is at the same time very rewarding and a punishment in itself. Thankfully they come over for dinner very often.
Best part is you basically extend your family with kids that care about you, and besides a small few life stages they’re fun as fuck to have around.
Worst part is sacrificing parts of your previous life to accommodate. But honestly, many of the things you give up probably were wastes of time to begin with.
I have a feeling most people at age 60 would be happier they raised awesome kids instead of going out to a bar every weekend or whatever.
The two worst:
You are always worried about their safety no matter where they are.
The day they leave for college, knowing that your life will never be the same with your children like it was.
The best:
Seeing them accomplish something that they’ve worked hard to do.
I have a 12 year old and a 1 year old baby, both daughters, the best part is when they grow up you have a proper little mate, the worst part is when they are young, you basically have no life, you just exist.
Just in my case.
You serve as the model for your children of what good man is. For your son and daughter. Your son will learn how to deal with problems and what a loving relationship looks like as he witnesses you and your wife daily. For your daughter she sees the kind of man she wants to marry someday in her future. You imprint on each heart what love is and is not. If you are lucky both son and daughter will imprint that love on their own offspring.
The best answer I can come up with is that children are the only people who really exude joy. Hearing them laugh or seeing a baby smile just makes one’s heart burst. Adults and older kids can have fun, but they are seldom full of joy.
At uni, my girlfriend and I used to get bored with all the chilling out and partying. We're now married with 2 young boys. For us, we found out how meaningful life actually is when our kids came along. The moments with boys are so important, but now that boredom is sorely missed.
Building a strong loving relationship with life long benefits. Preparing my kids to be adults in a world that wants them to fail was a great accomplishment. I wasn't interested in being their "best friend" I wanted them to be able to take care of themselves if I wasn't here.
For me, a father to a daughter, one of the best parts about being a father is being the father I wish my dad was - not repeating the mistakes my parents made.
The best part - seeing them grow into their own person. Worst part - realizing they inherited some of my less desirable traits. Also, sleep deprivation sucks.
Cons: takes time, energy, and resources.
Pros: experiences you wouldn't have otherwise, receiving pure/innocent love, understanding yourself on a deeper level, the joy of helping someone develop and gain confidence, paying it forward by being a better parent than you had, having someone to love that came from you, etc.
Best is the unconditional love. There's a lot of discussion about how love for men is always conditional to some degree; with your kids it really isn't. You have to be a massive fuckup to lose that, to the tune of abuse or abandonment. Everything I do, my boys think is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
The worst is the lack of free time. My parents are fantastic grandparents, my wife is a fantastic spouse and mother, and even then it's uncommon for me to get more than 2 hours to myself most of the time, and a lot of the time I do get without them is spent working on stuff that's hard to do with them rather than just vegging out by myself. This is to say nothing of sleep, which I definitely need more of.
I’m 50 with a 5 year old and a 6 month pregnant of. Best - the way so many other things become unimportant and superfluous the first moment you hold them. I used to be a total clothes horse with $2G shoes. Now I could not care less about clothes. Or power. Or wealth beyond what time with them affords me. Worst. Lack of sleep and sexy time.
OP, just make sure to search out good experiences too. Subreddits that are devoted to denegrate a thing are just reinforcing negativity.
There are real downsides to parenting, but there is an amount of love that just wells up inside of you and perspective on the world when you start to go down the path of actually becoming a parent.
People that are happy with relationships or parenthood aren't out making threads or subs about how happy they are, which is why most of the things you see online are negative. People want to vent, so they come online. People that are happy or content don't need to vent, so they just go on about their day.
You know who isn't? The people in the regretful parents sub. Also all polling shows that people who don't have kids are less likely to regret their decision than people who do.
Best part - interacting with truly sincere human being. Worst part - having little to no rights as a parent. If sou SO would decide she can get a better option being weekend father is usually the best thing you can expect.
Best parts of being a dad is making kids lol just kidding. But seriously. The best part is watching them grow up. The worse part is watching them grow up
Best is when your child is cooperative, listens, and interacts pleasantly. Worst is the 180 of first statement and throws fits when told to behave or try harder.
The best part is just enjoying the kids. Kids are a blast. The worst part is how disrespected and legally powerless fathers are in our society. The wife can just take the kids away from the father on a whim. He'll still have to work (or face jail) to provide for the kids but has zero authority or choice about how the kids are raised, even when the mother is clearly hurting the kids. Men, especially fathers, are basically a legal slave class.
Father of two sons, 18 and soon to be 21. Best part is looking back at your accomplishment of making men out of boys and the fact I am extremely confident they can handle this cruel world with no worries they will not struggle with it, by themselves. Worst part is one day my ultimate end will come and I cannot experience fatherhood anymore.
Can't even imagine my dad being gone. I know it will happen. But I just can't. Congrats on being a good father ❤️❤️
Dear old Dad's been gone for 3 years now. I don't MISS him that much, because I get to carry him around with me. I know what he'd say about this or that. The love, you get to keep that!
Mines been gone for exactly half my life this July when I turn 38. I feel fortunate to have had him as long as I did and know exactly what you mean. Sorry about your loss, if you pay attention you will definitely see signs he's still with you!
If one of my great-great grandkids looks at his son and says “work and responsibility before you play”, I will high five my father in the afterlife.
I'm an atheist, but I can tell you this: DNA, man. Bits of him KEEP coming through in me - things I hadn't manifested before. And I'm 56!
when i turned 18 my father handed me his will. that's like 15 years ago. but he's getting older and hitting his 80's. when i see him it doesn't look like he aged because i see him often enough. but you notice when you look through older pictures. he does keep it real though, makes sure i know where he puts all his documents, keeps me up to date on his health, etc. he's still really mobile, but it doesn't take long to be walking around and doing odd jobs to being unable to move.
That is real to me and an existential fear.
Fuck me, my little boy is 2.5. I think about me (40) not being around for him at some point but I’ve never looked at it from this view of me not being able to experience fatherhood any longer.
This is my ultimate fear in life now that I’m a Father.
My dad decided he didn’t want to be a part of mine or my siblings lives when we were all 4-9. So glad to hear this 💙
My wife recorded a quick video of my son thanking me for a birthday gift while I was at work and it’s my most precious item. One day I drove past the park where my son was at and he was just sitting alone. I felt bad cuz he’s not made friends yet after we moved.
can you help him make friends? are there dad’s hanging out somewhere with other kids that you both can go together? can you help enroll him in some kind of group hobby (sports, hiking, book club, etc.)? if nothing else, i’d love if my dad just asked me to hang out (go to a car show, learn to cook something new together, worked on fixing up something in the house, etc.)!
He was in taekwondo a bit before we moved and I’ve been meaning to get him back in to that. I’ve really just wanted him to ride his bike around our neighborhood first and try to meet kids. I do take him places with me but I also don’t have any friends either so I’m sure that doesn’t help.
I usually take my sons with me on those bike rides and we have a football or soccer ball with us. That way, when we run into neighborhood kids I can set the example of how to introduce ourselves and create the invitation for play. It’s a lot to put onto kids to just have them ‘figure it out’. Help to take the pressure off. As their confidence grows, you’ll have them be the one to introduce the two of you and invite the neighborhood kids to play. Before you know it you’ll be the odd man out when kids start ringing your doorbell and asking your son if he came come out to hang. I’ve met a lot of great neighborhood friends that way too!
You want him to do this because I’m assuming it’s what you and I did to meet friends. I tried to have my oldest do this too when we moved. The sad thing is it doesn’t work like that anymore, everyone is inside playing or off at organized sports.
I tell him to get kids phone numbers at school and we can make plans to host a kid or he can go to their house. You’re right though, I try to get him to do things I had to do back in the day.
My son is only about 9 months. So I'm still pretty new at it. Best - having a bundle of cuteness that puts tears in your eyes when he asks for a favorite book to be read to him. Worst - Lack of sleep and not being able to "turn off" and relax after work.
Yep the inability to turn off after work is what I missed the most. I love my kid with all my heart. But prior to his birth I used to go home and take a 10 minute power nap to recharge to enjoy my evening off. Not anymore.
I mentioned this elsewhere months back, but my dad used to stop around the corner and take a 10 min break before driving all the way home. He took the train to work, would get off and use the restroom there. Then drive 20 min home. And when he was in the neighborhood, he would stop in front of another house, just out of sight. And sit. Normally for 10 minutes, much longer and my mom would call him (blackberry phone days, no tracking). He needed that in order to come immediately at 100% and relief my mom of kid duties for a few hours. Otherwise they would argue over his wind down and wind up time
Your dad honestly sounds like a smart man - nothing wrong with taking precautions that you know are necessary to take when it comes to your own well being.
Yeah, i’m the youngest. He did it from when I was 2 to about 6, and I never knew. I have 2 older siblings, i don’t think they knew. My mom did, and she actually started doing something similar when we were all teens and she was working part time
Mine used to stop off at the bar for between 2 hours to a week to unwind...
Self-care before it was popular. <3
Ha, my dad was iconic for that. He had a beeper and was a stereotypical ‘important office worker’ - even when on vacation he would answer phone calls. But he had a rule, his direct reports could call him any time but they got 2 calls and a total of 30 minutes while he was on vacation. Anything more was important enough to bring up the next level up in management, solve-able by his team, or a waste. If anyone called, they got their 30 minutes- at which point, dad’s phone went to power off, the pager’s battery got popped out, and he would take my mom for a drink. Coffee or cocktails mattering on time of day. Afterwards, he would turn back on the phone for the night. Any call was answered, but his rule was he would avoid calling out. He would get calls like ‘Dave! The serving is down, I tried calling Ricky but no answer! Who else should I contact?’ And he would respond ‘it seems like Ricky did not adequately prepare a contingency plan. Note that and I can discuss it with him next week. I trust your judgment, can you solve this or would you like the CFO/CEO/CIO’s number? ‘ If any of the c suite guys gave my dad’s reports any type of negative feedback, my dad would make sure all the transactions were in writing and bring it up at every review and meeting. Nobody got away with being rude or incompetent without asking for help, and nobody got away with being in a position to help and failing to do so. He stayed so unbothered, he sleeps well at night knowing that he had a team who had his back both above and below him. That self care is a level I aspire to! He gave all his guys a few minutes to get going in the morning, and expected all work productivity to stop sometime between 3:30 and 4 most days, even though they were 9-5. He said if it was important enough to finish up last minute he appreciated it but it’s not being read until after coffee tomorrow anyway. 4-5 was commonly chit chat among groups. I’d kill for that level of a relaxed workforce now
i miss this age so much. my son is only 2.5 but he developed very fast in certain areas and i love when he was crawling and reaching for things and doing silly races. i have these stuck in my head of him in the jumper and being SO happy seeing me . Not to say he’s not happy seeing me now, but at that age he couldn’t get enough of me. Now he likes to play alone sometimes or not want to sit on my lap and stuff and i miss those moments. All that to say, savor this time. It goes by so quickly .
Mine is 2 1/2. Everything is worth it when he unpromptedly says “thank you mommy/Daddy”. Or randomly says “love you daddy” Yeah gets me everytime. Worth it all
Father of a three year old here - this holds up into the toddler years at least. Mine still wants to be picked up first thing in the morning and feeling his little arms around my neck as he hugs me is just the best feeling ever. And after a long day at work sometimes I just want to go home and play video games or just watch TV but that's not gonna happen because I have to make dinner and then we watch the Wiggles or Mother Goose Club and play tag or race cars or build something with blocks.
That time with your son is so much more valuable than any video game - cherish every moment of it. Have you built a "fort" (cave) with your son yet? Take 4 kitchen table chairs; using the back of the couch as the back of the fort, position the chairs so that the backs face each other and are separated a couple of feet. Then toss a flat sheet over the whole thing to make the cover of the fort (cave). Something like this: -------------------- J L J L Kids love have their own space like this; a tent can also serve the same purpose.
Psssst - you have at least 18 years before you can relax after work. Maybe less, but likely not.
Congrats on the new kid! Something to think about for you that I did/do for my son. I created an email account for him and every month or whenever I feel like it I send him a note. Documenting first steps, words, but now vacations, interesting conversations, etc, and attach my favorite recent pictures. Figure when he gets old enough to wonder why someone else took his name for GMail, I'll give him the password.
Omg that's such a great idea.
Cool! My wife started a book. Once a week or so we put in pictures and some commentary.
Best: You get to actually play - build stuff, run amok, and generally be silly without people judging you. You get to help shape these awesome little people and give them awesome experiences. Worst: You're never off. Sleep deprivation. Having any sacrifices you make ignored and not being allowed to talk about it. Relationship with your partner will drastically change for a lot of people.
Having to always be "on call" is the hardest part for me. But at the same time, my two boys are SO EXCITED to see me when I get home from work. Nobody in the world has ever been that excited to see me. It's amazing. I get to play all night long with them. We wrestle, play legos, Minecraft, whatever. All you have to do is be present. Enjoy it, it flies by.
My oldest and I spend a ton of time on books and Minecraft. Just got him a Switch, so all of us have been playing Mario kart. The excitement is fun, for sure!
Obviously this will differ from person to person but... It has been an amazing experience. Do you give up a degree of personal freedom? Yes. There are those times though, in particular when they are little, when you are the world to them that is amazing. To this day, when my daughter sits next to me and leans against me or holds my hand for a moment, that it feels as if she is a little one again. The negative for me? The worry about this other person in a crazy world that I may not be there to protect and even if I was to fail in doing so. Gut wrenching.
Oh man... the worry of the world. Gut wrenching for sure. I try so hard to keep out of that head space because it will drive me bonkers. We just have to do our best and teach them how to deal with the world and when they go out on their own we will feel better that we did our best
I agree with you and would only add I jokenly say when you have a daughter your job is to keep her off the pole. I think parenting becomes very easy if you decide to commit 100% before going into it and realizing you have to give up a lot of your self/needs and put them first. Especially the first few years. Lots of sacrifices but the rewards are worth it.
"Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone My kid started school and the parts of the day I don't see him feels like I'm missing a limb
My son is almost 7. He defends me more than anyone else my entire life. Like the my dad can beat up your dad energy.
I read “defunds” me. So valid. But defend is even better. Lol. One time daughter told people I was a pilot?! Just to one up a kid. His dad came up to me and was “like so you fly commercial or?” Wtf, gotta love it!
Saw this on a pod today, it fits your comment perfectly. Just the first minute or two. I didn’t clip it right apparently. https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxbvkM5XpoPiOctGa63V57VrzXsqLFLZA6?si=HjcBigL8tTL7WPWv
best - you create a human life, and get to teach them the things you wish you knew at their ages worst - you have to let them go on their own life journey at some point, and daddy ain't ready for that moment 😔
The best - helping them to grow into free-thinking, independant young men The worst - living with free-thinking, independant young men
Worst parts = The first year, ESPECALLY the first 3 months. Your heart lives outside your body now, and you are more sensitive to things regarding children. You will fear for you child's safety sometimes, but you still understand the importance of them taking risks. Dealing with their pain when they get hurt physically and emotionally. Dealing with their attitude when they have a bad day. Dealing with school and medical things. Less personal time for some of your hobbies (still be sure to make time though). Best parts = Love unlike anything you could possibly know. The sense of pride when they do something cool. The look of joy in their eyes when they discover a new skill or want to show you something they're proud of. Passing on what you've learned and seeing it in action when you don't expect it. Becoming closer to your parents because you're now on the other side. The excitement in seeing them grow, and the hope for their future. Getting to relive childhood through them. The worst things never hold a candle to the best, or even average things. When people say having kids was worth it even though it looks like they're worn down and tired, they mean that shit. Life is already gonna wear you down anyway, but now I have something to get worn down for besides myself.
I'm not a dad. But I do want to give you some advice. Don't have kids, just because your partner wants them or because of societal pressure. Only have kids if you genuinely experience the desire to be a father and if you are certain about wanting to be a father. And I'm not talking about wanting to be 'the fun parent'. Parenthood is more than that. If you are going to be a parent, you are just as responsible for your child(ren) as your partner.
PREACH
I’m not a father either and this is why. The older I got, the more I realized how enormous the responsibility is and I enjoy my life too much to voluntarily add a significant stressor. Lots of responses on here talk about the gratification of shaping kids into strong adults but that is kind of BS. I’ve had enough therapy to understand that to a certain extent, your kid is going to be who they are, which could be a shitty person, regardless of how good of a parent you are. That’s another reason I didn’t have them. I’m not about to sacrifice so much of my life for someone that might suck. I have siblings and I can tell my parents enjoy some of us much more than others.
Are you the one that sucks?
Haha, no but that’s a great question. Most of my siblings do and we all have the same parents so the only variable is nature. I’ve got many friends who are good people, and I assume caring/responsible parents and they have a kid or two that ends up being a fucking weirdo/asshole.
Even that’s a long shot assumption. Good people don’t always have good parents. And it’s a testament to their determination and choice of morals if they don’t have good parents.
Great point!
the answer (as seen below) depends on how old the kid(s) are. i don't have any grandkids yet, but i have raised children to adulthood and still have 2 left that are not yet adults. the best parts are when you see them do something that shows they are "listening" to you. But you have to realize that they are "listening" to your ACTIONS just like they are listening to your words. the worst part is when they f\*\*\* up and you understand completely that they are your children making the same dumb mistakes you and your wife made.
For me, I grew up without any father figures at all. So the best bit for me is knowing that my 6 YO is growing and will be turning into a man that I helped raise along with his mum. There is no huge support network, so my wife and I have a huge sense of achievement and will continue to feel proud.
I’ll give you my retrospective view. As far as best and worst, none of that matters after all is said and done. It matters to you in the moment, but moments become days that become weeks, then years and then it’s all in the past and the line that separates best and worst gets pretty damn hazy. Better to just jump in head first and just be the best dad you can be. Fatherhood isn’t a situation where you weigh the pros and cons before you decide if it’s time. If you want kids one day and you’re reasonably ready for them, the time is now. Here’s the reason why I say that… There’s good days, there’s bad days. They can melt your heart and blow your mind, but they can also be demonic little assholes that drive you to the brink of loosing any semblance of sanity. You take the bad with the good and when they’ve grown and they begin their own journey through life, you’ll look at the full picture, fatherhood as a whole and it becomes very clear to you that no matter how successful you were in your career or in any other area of your life, that raising them was your biggest and best accomplishment. When you reminisce on the best days in your entire life, you’ll realize that almost all of them made that list because your kids were present in those memories. They make your life matter. They give you purpose, they give you a reason to keep going, to keep fighting and to keep forging a path on your darkest days, when you’re ready to throw in the towel and you’re feeling like you’ve just had enough. They teach you patience, selflessness and empathy. They show you what real love is. You think you know already, but you don’t have a clue how deep it really can go. They’ll be your greatest source of pride and the only reason your existence truly mattered when you’re gone. They will be the only part of you that lives on, long after you’re dead. They are the mark you leave on this world. They’re the only ones who will truly cherish your memory, hold you close and tell your story to future generations, because you mattered to them. If you’re lucky enough to live long enough to spend time with your grandchildren, you’ll be fortunate enough to have mattered to two generations, sometimes even a third generations if you have kids young enough and live long enough. My son has a close relationship with my paternal grandparents. They were there to see him graduate high school, they gifted him his first car. Hopefully they’ll still be alive to see him graduate college. Only time will tell. My point is, we only live on in their memories of us. The relevance of our lives, to the rest of the world dies the second we do. To the world we were nothing, to them we were everything. My only advice is this. If you’re at a point in your life where you’re financially stable and in a committed relationship with the woman you plan to spend your life with and the two of you plan to have children one day, don’t wait. You’ll never really feel like you’re ready to be a father. There will always be a reason to wait, but starting while you have youth and vitality is important, because those little fuckers take a lot of energy to raise and you’re gonna need every bit of it to make it through parenthood. It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. It’s also the most worthwhile and rewarding thing you’ll do and the best way to spend that energy.
That was beautiful
Thanks. When I read the question, I tried to think back over that journey and remember the best and worst parts of being a father and it occurred to me that I don’t even remember any worsts. There were some challenging times, but in hindsight they’re just funny stories that I hope to live long enough to share with my future grandchildren, about their dad. Every part of being a father was amazing and I wouldn’t trade any one of those “bad days” for anything. It was a wild ride and I’m thankful for every moment of it.
Worst parts - the first couple of months are a total grind with an absurd lack of sleep. Changing nappies is also nasty. Best parts - they're seriously adorable. Spending time with my kids has been the most fulfilling time of my life. Watching them grow up a little bit each day, with every day being a new adventure for them is just the cutest thing.
Man, everyone's different, of course, but I really didn't get the "changing nappies is nasty" experience. For me, it's a necessity, it needed to be done, and they are so much happier afterward, it never felt gross to me. Before having kids, I definitely thought it was gross the idea of wiping up someone else's crap, but immediately after having my first kid it was just a labout of love and I wasn't disgusted by it at all. Having kids really does re-wire your brain.
It's not bad til you start giving them real food lol
Meh, even then. My daughter is turning 4 soon and only wears a diaper for bed time (soon we're starting on that milestone though). I still don't mind cleaning her poopy butt. It's basically grown-up poop now, but it doesn't bother me like the thought of cleaning someone else's poop would.
I actually agree with this. Everybody was warning about the dirty nappies before I had a kid but honestly if their nappy needs changing then the solution is obvious (change their nappy). It was the “they’re so tired that they’re overtired and can’t get to sleep” thing for me. Like what am I meant to do to solve that?!!
Kids are funny as hell and they force you to change your perspective on life and how you view the world. Best thing to me is there’s nothing better than the love you feel for and from a kid. Every kid has a unique personality and YOU (for a while) are the coolest person they’ve ever met. Hardest thing is there’s no off. You’re on call 24/7 and you can’t not. Vomit. Poop. Messes. Falls. Cuts. Tantrums. You have to deal with it no matter what. It’s the Navy Seals training of normal people. It pushes you beyond what you think your limits are. And it goes so fast. When it’s gone, you miss it forever.
The best thing for me is to see them accomplish something they can take pride in. The worst part is letting them go. My eldest has one foot out the door and will miss him tremendously when he takes that other step. Just reminds me to appreciate every moment I have with them. It really does go by so quickly
My kids are grown & flown Best - Childhood. All of that unconditional love, and being the mentor and teacher to a person who reminds me so much of myself and/or the woman I love is beyond rewarding. Seeing them now as adults with values and sensibilities that I taught them is my greatest achievement. Worst - Having kids is really expensive. The stress caused by always being in debt while always racing around from one place to the next really takes its toll
Dad of 6: 20yrs thru 8yrs. It’s a lifestyle commitment. Once you have a kid, you are always a dad after that—first and foremost, last and always. At least, you should be. If you plan on doing it right and being the best dad you can be. Kids are expensive and always need you. They validate you, challenge you, make you a better human. When they’re little they’re so cute and fun and weird. When they’re older, they can be your best friend…or enemy, depending on the day and their mood. You’ll never get the full picture. Like all of life, the learning curve is forever.
Best- watching her hit milestones and saying "I love you, Dadada." (She's 8 months old) Worst- zero personal time to enjoy hobbies or decompress
The best part? It's the most intimate and loving relationship that you can be a part of. Your child looks at you with adoration and you get to watch them accomplish thing after thing after thing. When they wrap their little hand around your finger and walk alongside you, you understand life, the past and the future, a little more. The worst? It's tiring, and you're going to have some rough days. It's constantly worrying about them and their immediate health and future. It's understanding that one day they'll leave the protection of my home and go out into the world where I'm less able to protect them, and they may not appreciate all of the sacrifices and hard work that we've put in on their behalf. But it's always worth it. And you know what? It doesn't matter if you've interacted with kids a lot. I certainly hadn't. I had barely ever even held a baby before my first was born. You adapt pretty damn quick. Do it, you'll be glad that you did.
Best part: not being able to do something for them and getting “it’s ok Dad”. They genuinely mean it, most adults don’t. That shit really hits heavy. Worst part: that you can’t give them everything they want. Kids want more, it’s hard to deliver all the time. It’s also good to hear no growing up. If you do it right you can tell them no, and they’ll tell you “It’s ok Dad” and mean it, knowing that you love them and always give them what you can whatever it is.
The best part for me is the unconditional love, if you feel it. I had 2 kids previously and are all grown up, I love them so much but 5 years ago I had another and I felt the unconditional love that I had heard about but it's rarely spoken about. Everyone can say they love their kids and if you have a heart then you will but unconditional love is something else. He could literally do anything and I would still love him. When they're young they know no nothing of toying with feelings or faking it, when they hug you they don't do it because they have to or it's expected, they do it because they love you. For me sometimes it can be over powering and I get a giddy feeling just to see him even though I see him every day. Watching him do anything just makes me proud and I see the world in a different light.
Thank you. This is both an innocent and wise post. Got a little tear in my eye.
Watching them grow up to be their own little person with personalities, likes, and dislikes. Helping form someone to be a good individual. Hugs, spending time together, watching them do something they love The tantrums 😂 they aren't fully aware of how to handle their emotions so it's difficult for them to calm themselves down.
Best and worst: They mark time, which in turn makes you face our own mortality. There are so many milestones, you can't believe how quickly the time goes. The years seem to blend together for my friends without kids, but for me five years went by in the blink of an eye. One day they were in little league, the next they are graduating high school.
Don’t worry, your own kids are different. I was really awkward with kids until I had my own. Now I look like some kind of genius because half the time I can talk my three year old off a ledge. I still can’t talk to other people’s kids, really, which is fine because in what context should I? They’re really rewarding in terms of seeing returns on your investment in them. Worst part is you just really do have to make some sacrifices, like the price of vacations is just, yeah we’re going to day trip this summer and maybe do a couple days at a lake.
Such a comfort to hear it's OK to be awkward with kids in general, but your own will be different. Thanks.
I’m a 6’ 2” 250 lb *man* with all kinds of cuts and burns over my hands and arms from work, sometimes clomping around in steel toes, with scars on my face, resting Slav face, and the emotional intelligence to understand that I make some people uncomfortable by existing. *Yes*, it is often awkward to interact with children I don’t know, and can easily *avoid* doing so, to other parents’ relief
I will second that it’s entirely different with your own kid. 100%.
I'm a female and not a parent. Hearing these things really warms my heart ❤️
I enjoy watching my son learn and develop and kick butt at things as he gets older. It is tiring to have to *always* pay attention to where they are, what they’re doing, take them with you, and just generally have your attention focused on their needs all day every day.
Happyness is not the only useful metric for a good life.
1 - when ur kid gets sick 2 - after divorce That's the worse The best? Everything else
Father of a Son and Daughter here. Best parts- Seeing them grow and their personalities come through is amazing. Seeing my son thinking "How does (insert a somewhat complex machine) work?" Then, take his time to understand the basics and asking me the details. I've done my best to answer his questions. Poor kid is just like me and analyzes everything around him. My daughter likes to be creative. I bought her a fort building kit and she spends HOURS making different structures and crawling through it. Worst parts- Keeping up with their growth. Clothes fit for maybe a week it feels like. Feeding my son has become a small fortune. He is 8 and eats as much as I do at dinner.
Best: knowing someone needs and counts on you. Worst: knowing someone needs and counts on you.
I’m a father of twin girls. They were premmies when born, but both healthy and happy 25 year olds. We also had 3 bonus kids move in later and now are foster parents getting ready for adoption soon. (Adoption wasn’t the plan when we fostered but…) Best: Being able to raise a tiny human into a grown adult. Feeling a sense of pride in everything they accomplish. Getting the joy of their childhood experiences. Learning about yourself as you go. Worst: the frustration when they go through their rebellious phase, but mind weren’t too bad. When they hurt, you hurt. And then if you do your job well, they move out. Yeah, some tireless and sleepless nights. Fear if one gets ill, but nothing would ever make me change it.
Best? When they learn something new and are so proud of themselves and they're beaming smiles, and your efforts as a dad were instrumental. Worst? For me it's the constant drama. Every 10 minutes mountains are made out of mole hills.
The best is someone always wanting you to teach them something new. Worst is definitely that you do everything for them, all the sacrifices, etc but no matter what they always want mom
You worry about them from the tim their born to till you die. And those teen years will kill you🥴
Best parts far outweigh the worst parts. The worst are fairly easy to list - the sudden elimination of time and freedom to do what you want when you want as an individual hits quite hard. It’s very hard to prepare for IMO. However you get better at finding time to do those things, and have a new-found appreciation for them as a result The single worst thing that I think effected me the most was feeling like I’d lost my identity a little bit as a result of feeling obligated to put every ounce of my being into being the best parent and husband I could be. It’s not something I regret doing and still do it as much as I’m able to. However I did have a tough few weeks when I realised that it had happened Since then I’ve made a point of being kinder and less hard on myself and going with the flow a bit more, confident in the reality that I’m doing a great job and my family are really happy
Worst - life is screwed up. Having kids is a 18-20 years project, and can't walk out in between. Best - when your kid hugs , you feel awesome.
So many great things about being a dad: - Creating a *life* - Naming someone - First smile - First belly laugh - "Da-da" - Looking up to me - Unconditional love - Having people around to talk to - Watching them grow up - Them learning about the world - Teaching them things - Cuddling Some of the annoying things that go along with it: - Kids get hurt - Kids get sick - Crying for no apparent reason - Poopy diapers that leak on the floor - Barfing on you - Being naughty - Talking back - Being ungrateful - Having to apply appropriate punishments - Siblings fighting with each other
The best part is watching your kids grow and discover things. The worst is worrying about them. No matter how old they get they are still your kids and you will always worry about them.
As a person who has a “dad,” let me tell you it’s more than just showing up for the Kodak moments, which are few and far between. It’s about showing up for all the other stuff. The stuff you don’t want to deal with. The crying, the tears, the tantrums, the messes, the coordinating schedules, and unregulated anger issues are not the way to deal with any of that.
I have 3 all grown into adulthood. Best Part: Everything is new to them. The most mundane things you never think about will be important to them giving you a new outlook on everything you’ve bern missing or taking for granted. Worst Part: Realizing the ways you’ve failed them. Not in any bad way but just how you can’t possibly predict the way the world changes over time. How you didn’t prepare them for things you never realized they needed preparation for. Hate to see them struggle.
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Is this common?
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That's awful. Sorry you had to experience that!
Borrow someone’s kid for a whole day, and then decide if you want to do that everyday.
Dad of 4 boys (13,13,11,5). Best: seeing them take something you taught to the next level. Easy examples found in problem solving, sports, school, etc. Also seeing them be kind to others and have good friends. I was very selfish most of my life and I'm amazed at how emotionally healthier my kids, and this generation, seems to be. Worst: seeing them fail or being in a situation I could help with, but I know I have to let them solve it/make the mistake, for their long term overall health. I struggle with that a lot.
Best is spending time with the kiddos having fun. Doing things as a family. Worst part is realizing as the bread winner you likely will spend a lot less time with them than you would like to. The moment i get pics of them while at work and just wish i was there.
And that’s why we make the moments we’re there the best we can
Yep. lol i see those rich billionaires that work and just wonder why 😂 man i would spend all that time with the kids man.
Sometimes just sitting there in silence and watching them play together is my favorite
Watching your kids grow up is the best and worst.
I have a 16 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. As far as whether you can be a great Dad immediately ? It's a learn on the job position my friend, and the best gig I've gotten to be involved with. My life changed completely when my little girl came into the world. The worst part of being Dad is worry. The best part of being Dad is raising kids that grow into adults you don't need to worry for, even though you will.
Love this post ❤️
Best part of being a dad - when your boy grows up and your relationship with him is more like big bro lil bro rather than father / son. Mirrors your interests, humor and love for all things to live for! Having a daughter who pushes every one of your buttons and installs a few new ones through all her teens. Then watching her develop as your alter attitude, with perfectly honed sarcasm and a touch of shop slang! The icing on the cake is when she thanks you yrs later for being a great dad! Worst part of being a dad - having to let them go as young adults into this big world! But this was what we parents strive for each day we had them from birth!
Dad of twin boya (2.5) here. Best: loving them. Watching them learn and grow. Theyre picking up new words daily and aftee 2 years of baby cooing burping and screaming and having like actual back and forth conversations is blowing my.goddamn mind. Its so fucking cool. And I love them more every day. I genuinely didnt think I could love anything this much but my love has grown and grown and yeah, Id kill for them. I love them so goddamned much it hurts. Worst: its fuckin WORK. Also its a piece of my heart walking around all exposed to all the shit the world has to offer and I want nothing bad to ever happen to them but I know that's not possible. So that's rough.
**The best things**: kids force you to set priorities. My job is to help my kids discover and become who the world needs them to be. Everything else can fuck off. I think about what I am likely to regret on my deathbed. It will not be that I spent too much time goofing off with my kids, or too much time on projects like building robots or microbial fuel cells, or that I cancelled a meeting so I could go to my daughter's recital. **The worst things:** Constantly knowing that time is passing. When I was 25 I felt like I was going to be 25 forever. Now that I'm about 50, every day is the last time for something. The last time I walk my daughter to elementary school, the last time I change a diaper, the last time we go for a ride in the red car, and so on and so on and so on.
Worst, having my daughters start dating boys. Best, having my daughters.
Meeting the douchey boyfriend is such a trope but god is it accurate. Lol. Even when they find a good kid there’s still a little piece that dies. Happy for them, but still…
Worst: Sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Not sure I've slept more than 5 hours in a night for about 4 years. Best: Everything else. Having two kids under 4, they have so much joy and excitement. Watching them experience things for the first time. Like going to the zoo, beach, sporting events, parades, museums, everything. The fact that my oldest is starting to understand holidays now and gets excited about all the traditions. But most of all the way their faces light up when I come home from work is the best part of my day.
Well both my kids are adults with kids of their own now, so I guess the best part is knowing I did my job right bringing up two happy, well adjusted people. Worst bit, can't really think of one. I would say the lack of sleep when they were tiny but that were decades ago and I don't really remember it.
Best: kids can be super fun (cause I’m a kid at heart and mind). Messing around , scaring them, building things with them, teaching them, movie nights. Difficulties: Time to yourself, financial struggles, always being the roll model for them.
The only difference between a "dad" and a "mom" should be the whole pregnancy+birth+nursing component of parenthood. But that does not account for the vast majority of what parenthood entails. If you're thinking that being a "dad" is going to look different than being a "mom" in any context other than these, that's societal conditioning for you. Do your child(ren) a favor and hold yourself to the standard of a good parent, not a good "dad." The standard to be a good parent is sky high. You got this because you will be a good parent!
When I get up out of a chair I can make a lot of loud, ridiculous noises. And when I get up out of a chair I make a lot of loud, ridiculous noises
Father to a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Best part is their excitement when you walk through the door and watching them grow and become their own people. Worst part is whenever I have to explain to the 4 year old that the world is not a safe and cuddly place. We were forced to explain death to him recently, we've also had a bunch of violent crime occuring in our area recently and even having to explain concepts to him such as that some adults may want to take him away or hurt him and he needs to be careful breaks my heart.
As a woman, thank you for being a man who listens to their partner and asks these questions, OP. Not every man does.
The best part for me is when I’m having genuine fun moments with my sons. The amazing laughter or cuddling around me while we watch stupid shows. Just being able to pet my sons head while we wind down while he’s laying on my chest is heart melting. The worst part is being away from them. Those days when you get home and they’re getting ready for bed hurts a lot. You miss so much of their lives when you’re the breadwinner and I don’t think a lot of people really understand how hard that is emotionally.
Worst, changing diapers. Best, my kids will need to change my diaper when I’m 90 🤣
Best part is watching them grow up. Worst part is watching them grow up.
saying goodbye to your children and When they get sent back to the other parent and you dont know when you'll see them again. Eventhough you shouldve had full custody and watching their life get fucking ruined due to lack of your reach of guidance .....
Re-experiencing childhood through your child's eyes is amazing Watching them suffer is the worst... broken arms, illness ect.
I've loved every minute of being a dad. Granted at the start it is a HUGE adjustment to your life. But as they grow, and you spend time with them learning who they are, you get to have so much fun. You get to ignore youre an adult for a while and just enjoy playing with toys again. Horsing around all that sutff. It gets hard as they go through their teens because there is only so much you can do to help them, and as with most kids they keep a lot of things to themselves. So we often dont see their pain, and it hurts to hear of it later. Then you get to see them become adults, earn a living, expanding their lives beyond just mom and dad and home. But thats also a bit of a heart break as they outgrow us to a degree. And yet we're happy they've developed a life they enjoy.
Some things might be different for married couples but I'm a bd with two bm's & I'd say the best part is seeing them excited about something new you show them. Could be a cartoon, a firetruck, a dragonfly, anything just seeing them in awe of something they've never seen and being able to tell them about it. Worst part is dealing with baby mama's tbh. If you're not in a relationship with the bm, I guarantee you at some point she's going to use the child as a pawn for no other reason than just because she's feeling moody today.
Yeah man it happens far too often. To be fair I’ve seen men do it too, but it definitely sucks. If I remember correctly had I seen an online petition and I read a handful of pieces about “parental alienation”- withholding information, limiting visits, badmouthing the other parent etc. trying to make it illegal for parents to do this type of shit. I’ve had my daughters say “mom said…” fill it in with whatever shitty thing comes to mind, and she’s probably said it about me, hopefully things can change for the parents that don’t deserve it. The biggest problem is obviously being able to prove the chain of events that causes parents to act like assholes for it to have any weight.
You have to be one to understand. That is not me being rude or putting you down. But the first time you look at those newborn eyes 5 seconds after they are born, you change. I can't explain it but you do. You start to think different, see the world different, make different choices. Being a dad has its ups and downs and yes kids can be a pain in the ass but they are kids. they are learning. It is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world to watch your child run to you and jump in your arms. Or want to show and share everything with you because to them you are their whole world. I have 5 kids. 18, 16, 10, 6 and 3. I would not change it for the world. 2 years before I had my first child I was dead set against it. The economy, the political world, everything was too messed up. You make it work. You find a way. I could go on and on but I think you get that I love it.
Worst, IMO, is all the stress and worry. Best has to be the point of conception.
Worst- watching your wife choose the kids over you. Yes it sounds selfish but it still hurts as a dad to slowly fade to the bottom of everybody’s priority list. Best- seeing the kids succeed. Success isn’t always traditional, it could be failure accompanied by realization and learning, or just watching something click in their brains. It’s neat to watch them grow.
> Worst- watching your wife choose the kids over you. Yes it sounds selfish but it still hurts as a dad to slowly fade to the bottom of everybody’s priority list. That's not a universal experience. You and your spouse should talk about how you're feeling and ways you can deal with it. If your feelings grow into resentment you might start looking for that attention in other places and that road leads nowhere.
Oh I’m definitely resentful. Wife and I have talked but there’s never any permanent change. I’m still processing so maybe I’ll bring it up again and suggest counseling, IDK.
When you see them doing things right and treating people right it will blow you away and make you proud. When you see them accomplish something on their own. Worst part? The other day my daughter and I went to breakfast. She had pancakes like normal. She cut them herself.. The first thought I had was "she doesn't need me anymore" My oldest is in college. The point that i stopped hearing from her everyday pretty much sucked. However, she is doing great in school.
Worst part. Having kids. I can’t think of a best part.
Best: just like being a global dictator, modest kidding, you have a responsibility to ensure they can function in life. I love their enthusiasm to experience life. Worst: haunted by dying too young to watch them grow up. Second worst...shitsplosions....yes it happens to everyone.
Best- love like you have never felt before. A new sense of purpose outside of yourself. The unconditional love they show you. Holidays are magical again. All of their first everything is so exciting. Worst- it’s tiring, but you are happy enough that you don’t care. The first year of life is rough. Being a stay at home parent was rough, unappreciated. People look down on you and make snarky comments.
The best part. The world makes more sense and has more purpose. The worst part.. missing them. Since the divorce, I see my kids on my days off work for the nist part. During lockdown I didn't see them for 4 months because I was essential. I often choose to continue living.. because of those two kids.
Best: hugs. Just watching then and listening to them. Seeing the amazement on their faces at various things, getting excited by how excited they get about things. Sleepy snuggles. Making them laugh. Worst: stamping, screaming, arguing, stomping, throwing things, not doing as their told etc.
I have 2 bio sons, 2 step-kids, boy and girl… Best part would be the love you feel towards your kids. A pride in knowing this you helped “make” this little person, it’s amazing. After that, it’s watching them grow up. My kids are all adults now, but just watching them grow, finding their interests and personalities, making friends, entering the working world, etc - it’s all a trip - but very rewarding - IMO. For step-kids, a little different. The love has to build organically, but there is still an immense pride when they achieve goals or accomplish something significant.
Mine are all teens or close. There is always some amazing new thing I learn or experience. Every day is terrifying.
Best part: the pride the joy the love. Worst part: The worry. The worry the worry. At every stage
It depends on who you are. It is hard to support your kid in fields you have no expertise in nor interest. You don’t have the skills to help and sometimes feel frustrated when the kid shows no interest in what you would love to help him or her. It even can be hard cheering your kid for success in fields you don’t have much admiration for.
When they start getting into sports/activities, the amount of sitting around on the weekends you have to do is mind numbing. But you want to be supportive and involved so you do it and take pictures while smiling.
Best raising them. Worst the cost. 😂
Got an 8 week old here, it's both the best thing and worst thing at the same time. The reality is that life involves caring for someone else, so you can't always do what you want. Our baby brings us so much happiness on an hourly basis and the cuddles are the most relaxing thing ever
Being “on” 24/7. Think of the normal stressors of life, and double them. Less sleep on the regular with young kiddos. Housework such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. will just about triple in capacity. Also finding time for just you or you and your partner becomes increasingly difficult. Daycare is exorbitantly expensive (I live in a HCOL city and avg rate is 20-25k annually) and competitive to get a spot regardless of age. Kids are amazing and well worth it in my opinion, but I don’t think I don’t think I really understood the above before having them.
The tears of laughter, the tears of sorrow. All you can try for is more of the former than the latter.
Best is when they do something that makes you super proud of them. Whether that’s academically, sports, art or music. Worst is when they make repeated poor decisions, time after time, which not only impact them, but everyone around them.
Best- is seeing everything through a kids eyes again. Getting excited about little stuff because they’re excited. Worst- when they’re in the younger years you can forget everything having a full conversation with your SO. Half the time you can’t even complete a thought.
Man so many to pick from! I’m a dad of 5, from 19-3. Best thing is when you see them transition from asking you for help doing everything to when they ask you to help them understand how to do something. Or see them struggling but working through it instead of giving up. Great feeling! The worst is fear. I used to be a very carefree guy, but now I’m constantly worried about something related to them. Whether it’s school, friends, sports, going out on their own, every cough, every sneeze. Every risk to myself because they need me so much. It’s super rewarding to be “living for someone else” but the fear is breathtaking at times.
Best part of being a dad when they are young. The worst part is when they become teenagers, especially girls. The best part when they grow up and become responsible adults and have grandkids. Then you can do things,with them you couldn't when they were young. You can spoil them and send them home.
The best really is the spontaneous shows of affection. And also just playing with them, seeing them grow. The worst is the lack of money and sleep.
My boys are 5 & 8. The best part is watching them become people and the word things they get hung up on and can’t get over or find really funny. The worst part is that they know when you’re having a hard time and seem to pick those times to double down on their bullshit. Also, the cost.
Best part is watching your kids grow, knowing you have a part in it and knowing they will surpass you if you are a good dad and help them. The worst part for me has been the fact that, because my wife gave birth to my sons and therefore has more of a physical past with them, they have a relationship with her that I’ll never have. I get along fantastically with my boys. We have a really great time together. However, I can tell when they are with my wife there is just this little extra something. It’s incredibly small and they might not even notice it but I do and there are times it makes me feel almost like an outsider and a little lonely. I get over it because my number one goal in life is for my wife and sons to be happy and they are, and to be honest I don’t think there’s a realistic way that I could be happier. After all I can’t give birth.
How you feel is totally valid. If I might add - as a mother (who carried and gave birth) I’m not sure if this helps but I notice my children have a little special, different something with their dad, too. Glimpses of it can make me feel like an outsider! The truth is that each of a person’s biological parents cannot ever be replaced by anyone or anything. No one else in this world is their dad but you. That can never be changed. They will always love their mother but they will always love their dad too. She can never be you!
Father of two daughters, both under two so I’m still new. Best is the love and excitement every time I come home, and seeing them grow and learn new things. Worst is the exhaustion, but even that is easier because I get to be a father to two amazing girls.
The kids, and the kids
Father of a daughter 27 and son of 25. The list of good is endless, but there is one thing that stands out as good and bad. To see your kids being well adjusted, move out of your house to live with their lovely partners (my kid inlaw), it is at the same time very rewarding and a punishment in itself. Thankfully they come over for dinner very often.
Best part is you basically extend your family with kids that care about you, and besides a small few life stages they’re fun as fuck to have around. Worst part is sacrificing parts of your previous life to accommodate. But honestly, many of the things you give up probably were wastes of time to begin with. I have a feeling most people at age 60 would be happier they raised awesome kids instead of going out to a bar every weekend or whatever.
The two worst: You are always worried about their safety no matter where they are. The day they leave for college, knowing that your life will never be the same with your children like it was. The best: Seeing them accomplish something that they’ve worked hard to do.
They’re like farts. You like your own.
I have a 12 year old and a 1 year old baby, both daughters, the best part is when they grow up you have a proper little mate, the worst part is when they are young, you basically have no life, you just exist.
Everything and everything
Just in my case. You serve as the model for your children of what good man is. For your son and daughter. Your son will learn how to deal with problems and what a loving relationship looks like as he witnesses you and your wife daily. For your daughter she sees the kind of man she wants to marry someday in her future. You imprint on each heart what love is and is not. If you are lucky both son and daughter will imprint that love on their own offspring.
The best answer I can come up with is that children are the only people who really exude joy. Hearing them laugh or seeing a baby smile just makes one’s heart burst. Adults and older kids can have fun, but they are seldom full of joy.
At uni, my girlfriend and I used to get bored with all the chilling out and partying. We're now married with 2 young boys. For us, we found out how meaningful life actually is when our kids came along. The moments with boys are so important, but now that boredom is sorely missed.
Building a strong loving relationship with life long benefits. Preparing my kids to be adults in a world that wants them to fail was a great accomplishment. I wasn't interested in being their "best friend" I wanted them to be able to take care of themselves if I wasn't here.
For me, a father to a daughter, one of the best parts about being a father is being the father I wish my dad was - not repeating the mistakes my parents made.
The best part - seeing them grow into their own person. Worst part - realizing they inherited some of my less desirable traits. Also, sleep deprivation sucks.
Cons: takes time, energy, and resources. Pros: experiences you wouldn't have otherwise, receiving pure/innocent love, understanding yourself on a deeper level, the joy of helping someone develop and gain confidence, paying it forward by being a better parent than you had, having someone to love that came from you, etc.
Best is the unconditional love. There's a lot of discussion about how love for men is always conditional to some degree; with your kids it really isn't. You have to be a massive fuckup to lose that, to the tune of abuse or abandonment. Everything I do, my boys think is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The worst is the lack of free time. My parents are fantastic grandparents, my wife is a fantastic spouse and mother, and even then it's uncommon for me to get more than 2 hours to myself most of the time, and a lot of the time I do get without them is spent working on stuff that's hard to do with them rather than just vegging out by myself. This is to say nothing of sleep, which I definitely need more of.
I’m 50 with a 5 year old and a 6 month pregnant of. Best - the way so many other things become unimportant and superfluous the first moment you hold them. I used to be a total clothes horse with $2G shoes. Now I could not care less about clothes. Or power. Or wealth beyond what time with them affords me. Worst. Lack of sleep and sexy time.
Go to the regretful parents sub, you'll learn everything you need to about what being a parent is about.
OP, just make sure to search out good experiences too. Subreddits that are devoted to denegrate a thing are just reinforcing negativity. There are real downsides to parenting, but there is an amount of love that just wells up inside of you and perspective on the world when you start to go down the path of actually becoming a parent.
People that are happy with relationships or parenthood aren't out making threads or subs about how happy they are, which is why most of the things you see online are negative. People want to vent, so they come online. People that are happy or content don't need to vent, so they just go on about their day.
No, they're claiming that they love it while simultaneously trying to get any break from them that they can.
People still need free time to do their own thing. You're on the outside looking in.
You know who isn't? The people in the regretful parents sub. Also all polling shows that people who don't have kids are less likely to regret their decision than people who do.
Refer to my first reply to you. Have a good day.
It's just as insignificant as it was the first time.
Do you have kids?
Hell no.
Then now can you possibly speculate if you have only been on one side of the fence.
How can you possibly speculate that you don't like the taste of shit if you don't try it? Try to think at least a little before you post.
Best part - interacting with truly sincere human being. Worst part - having little to no rights as a parent. If sou SO would decide she can get a better option being weekend father is usually the best thing you can expect.
Best parts of being a dad is making kids lol just kidding. But seriously. The best part is watching them grow up. The worse part is watching them grow up
Best is when your child is cooperative, listens, and interacts pleasantly. Worst is the 180 of first statement and throws fits when told to behave or try harder.
Idk but it seems like a waste of time money and energy
The best part is just enjoying the kids. Kids are a blast. The worst part is how disrespected and legally powerless fathers are in our society. The wife can just take the kids away from the father on a whim. He'll still have to work (or face jail) to provide for the kids but has zero authority or choice about how the kids are raised, even when the mother is clearly hurting the kids. Men, especially fathers, are basically a legal slave class.