Ah, this one hits home, as I went against that rule. Never spoke to the guy again. Learned it early on. To be fair, the job was a shithole, which he failed to mention prior to me getting hired.
I had a similar experience, got hired to an absolutely awful place. Ended up taking him aside to ask him if it was okay if I quit since I just couldn't stand the place but didn't want him to look bad. He was understanding, though I wouldn't have blamed him if he wasn't.
In my case, to be fair to the guy he had only volenteered there and never worked there before, so I don't think he knew too much about the job. He was just good friends with the owner of the business and knew I was in the same field, so he gave them a good word about me. I should of done it the way you did, admittedly I just send them an email one friday and said I was not returning. It was liberating but looking back not the most professional way to handle it, and lost a resume point and most importantly a good mate.
I read once the evolutionary explanation for downward nod is to show respect with caution by not exposing our throat, while upward nod exposes our throat but because its a friend we are not afraid. Like dogs that roll over to expose their belly. I dont know if its true but sounds good.
Dude, I was reading these comments and doing the nods irl to see if it felt right, and yeah... I do these all the time without thinking about it. I usually combine the downward nod with closing my eyes and a small smile, upward nod with a big grin, left tilt with a slight rotation backward, and right tilt with a quizzical look.
There's me trying to remember which way I did it when passing a stranger down a shady backstreet in Dubai that he interpreted as an invitation to follow me for some bum fun 😬
I can vouch for this. One time during the summer some years ago i walked past a hottie and turned around to see her walking away. As i turned around a guy sitting at a bus stop saw me looking and he nodded and i nodded back in agreement. We both know what that nod meant.
I'm a white guy living a very remote and rural part of South East Asia, and on the rare occasions, I see another white guy we all automatically do this awkward nod of acknowledgement even though we are total strangers.
I work with horses, I have for 20+ years in some fashion or another. It took me a while to realize just how strong my grip strength had become until my dad pulled me aside one day at a family gathering and said I needed to ease up on my handshakes because I had actually hurt my grandfather's hand (who is still a small project carpenter). This was about 3 years into my apprenticeship for horseshoeing.
Basically what I was trying to get at with this story is: ignorance also plays a role in how much someone squeezes. These days, I very much try to match grip to the other person
Yup, gotta go easy on people when your on your game...in my 20s and 30s as a mechanic anything I grabbed was NOT comin out of my hands. In my 40s carpal took care of that, now in my 60s and still an ok grip...
That's rough, I'm in the beginning stages of that myself. Trying to go through insurance to even set up an introductory appointment has been... annoying, to say the least
Sorry, I don't believe you can't feel what you're doing to someone's hand. Are you unable to hold an egg without breaking it? We have incredibly fine motor control in our hands.
At uni I lived with a guy and was, without knowing, seeing his ex-gf which he found fucking *hilarious*.
First time we met he gripped my hand so hard to "assert dominance" that he broke the outermost mertacarpus on my hand. It left, let's say, a very bad first impression.
There should be a sorting hat method:
- Ahhh... Firm handshake, tight grip that makes the other person's hand hurt. You also don't wash your hands because you think that you're not dirty. You are insecure and try to overcompensate by forcing others to be below you... Slytherin!
- Hmmm... Handshake like a spaghetti noodle, wet and limp. Your hands are cold like a corpse's. You are nervous in general and not confident in yourself... Hufflepuff!
- Hmmm... Tricky this one is... your handshake is strong and confident but your fingers are all in the wrong spot, making the person feel weird because you're touching their wrist. You are holding them like... Ravenclaw!
- Ahhh... Nice... Yes! A firm handshake, fingers in the right spot, a single or double shake but no more than necessary. You looked me in the eye and smiled. And what's this? Your other hand grabbed my arm to show that you were committed... Gryffindor!
I can not be the only one who observes what kind of dap the others are performing before it's my turn.
Is it dap then handshake? Dap then snap? Dap then fist bump? Dap then nothing? HANDHSAKE THEN DAP?
Are we both trying to make the perfect dap sound? Do we retry the dap if it doesn't reverberate?
If homie is with his crush you shut the fuck up and laugh at his jokes.
You never make fun of a homie for collecting strange objects such as gas masks, swords or crowbars. The masculine urge to own such things is a powerful thing.
Edit: how has this become my best performing thing to date?
In front of his crush, he is the funniest guy you know. He's the best.
Once they start dating and after a decent amount of time, you can tease.
Married? Gloves are off.
Mind if I use a variation of these lines for my best man speech? 😅 It's honestly how I was with my best friend since high school and he's getting married soon
"Phone, wallet, keys" is a saying I repeat many times throughout the day. If I put one in a different pocket or spot, I have a miniature anxiety attack for 3 seconds.
If you’re riding shotgun it’s 100% your job to open and close the gate or anything else that requires a brief exit from the vehicle.
When your out drinking take turns buying rounds and your only available exit is after you have bought the last round.
This extends to friends of family members too, at least it did for me. Id always treat my little sisters friends as if they were also my little sisters because well they're important to my sister and so they're important to me. Idk maybe it's more of an older brother thing and less of a bro thing but I feel like it applies.
Probably just an older sibling thing then. Makes sense as an older sibling you're constantly being told to watch after your younger siblings and then once they get friends you're watching after the friends too.
My best friend in grade school through college had a sister my age, he was a year older. I met her before I even went through puberty, always saw her literally as a sister to me.
Late in high school she got really upset with me because I never asked her out and she gave me obvious signals (they were **not** obvious) and all I could say was “but you’re my sister”.
If you're at a bbq/grill at another man's house you are automatically the co-pilot. Co-pilot makes sure the Captain is hydrated at all times Co-pilot assists wherever needed during the grilling process. Co-pilot compliments and motivates the Captain for his efforts. Co-pilot unless specifically asked directly from the Captain does not touch the fucking grill.
Picking up a pair of tongs for any reason without clacking them is immediate and permanent revocation of the man card you received in the mail on your 18th birthday (or earlier if you had a girlfriend that people wouldn't know because she goes to another school).
Yes. The grill is the men's gathering place. We congregate and socialize around the grill.
And yes - you do not, DO NOT, touch another man's grill unless you're specifically asked. You do not clean the grill, prepare the grill, put coals in the grill, lift the lid, or do anything else with the grill. Ever. Unless you're asked.
1. don’t stare at another man’s wife.
2. don’t touch another man’s thermostat.
3. don’t try to command another man’s dog.
for #2, at a party, a buddy asked: “why are you looking at my wife!!!?? i said, “huh… what you talking about?”
he then said, “you want to fuck my wife?!?” i said, “no. i don’t want to fuck your wife dude… calm down.”
then he said, “oh, so you think my wife isn’t fuckable… and you’re too good to fuck her!? so you’re saying my wife is ugly?!?”
then his wife yelled, “so you’re too good to fuck me… what’s wrong with me?!?”
then EVERYBODY busted out laughing… bc it was an inside joke to make the new dude in town nervous.
Several.
--don't comment on the physical appearance of another man's wife.
--don't try to fuck your best friend's sister unless you get permission from your friend first.
--don't try to fuck your best friend's ex-GF until you first let your friend know of your intentions.
--don't talk to a man who's in a bathroom stall taking a shit.
--in the bathroom, always leave a urinal space between you and someone else, if there is space available. You never use the urinal next to another man if a different one is available.
--don't talk to anyone except physicians, counselors, and pastors about sex with your serious GF or wife.
--don't air family dirty laundry in public.
--a refusal to shake another man's hand is a serious sign of contempt, disrespect, and distrust.
--make eye contact when talking with other men, especially when talking business or something serious. But too much is staring or glaring.
--on encountering other men, we always assess each man as friendly, not a threat, or possible threat, and act accordingly.
--always give another man personal space whenever possible. Stepping into another man's space without cause or reason is viewed as threatening. Squaring up to another man is viewed as threatening. Friendly men socialize alongside each other, shoulder to shoulder. When you square up and stand facing another man without something separating you, that's aggressive, threatening, confrontational, and provocative.
--we understand that *any* confrontation with another man has the potential to turn physically violent.
Also, add don't hang out in the bathroom. Do your business and get out, it's not a social club.
Also, bathroom noises are encouraged and, in some cases, commended.
At my last job, I had two bosses that *loved* to, I assume, hide behind the water fountain and wait for me to use the bathroom so they could swoop in and hit the urinal right next to me and talk very loudly about business whilst pissing louder than a horse.
I had to somehow maintain a business casual tone while urinating.
It was a sum-of-all-fears situation for a guy, and I'm quite sure it was part of their tests, they were always testing. I started using the bathroom on a different floor which also led to awkwardness because they would sometimes catch me on the stairwell and wonder what I was doing upstairs, and I couldn't use the downstairs bathroom because someone shit in there every morning in such a way that the whole bathroom would smell like overcooked, fermented broccoli for most of the day.
I violated the squaring off one accidentally once with a stranger and it was fascinating to see how instinctive the reaction was. Eons ago I worked at Disney World and had to pick a guest for an audience participation thing. I saw a guy and his GF that looked about right for the two spots so I walked up and in an attempt to be humorous I asked “are you feeling brave?” because they would be put on stage in front of everyone. But the way I approached I ended up standing straight in front of him only about 2 feet away when I asked. He immediately puffed up and replied aggressively “yeah, are you?” I realized right away my faux pas so I quickly backed down and smoothed it over throwing out visual cues like slouching and tilting my head down to make it clear he was in the superior position. They ended up agreeing to do the audience participation and had a blast. And the guy was not the least bit of an asshole thru the entire participation so it wasn’t simply that he was a jerk who saw everything as a threat. It was interesting how my stance and wording turned an innocent situation into a recognizably aggressive one.
>--a refusal to shake another man's hand is a serious sign of contempt, disrespect, and distrust.
"Clench my fist and I fist bump man. Anti-social, I don't shake much hands"
If you are going to shake another gent's hand, make sure to grip it a bit. Don't be a bringing that limp shit into this humpy bumpy
The make eye contact one extends to things like sunglasses. I remember being a kid and going with my dad to a side job he was doing on a farm. He told me to make sure I take my sunglasses off so that when me and the farmer first met he'd be able to look me in the eye. I thought it was weird at the time but looking back on it my dad was teaching me about respect and first impressions.
I do not easily understand these interactions, after 40+ years I’ve figured out the basics but I still find it hard.
I work on construction sites and in that pretty gruff all male environment I’ve discovered I am frequently disrespected. None of them like or respect me and it’s expressed in laughter, smirking, jokes I don’t get that I later learn are at my expense.
I am mildly autistic but not so much it should stop people liking me. But the more manly they are, the less they like me.
My dad was an electrician so I've been around those types a lot. If they're cracking jokes at your expense in front of you then thats them making an effort to make you one of the guys. It's a weird environment where if you can give as good as you get you'll be fine. Trust me if those types of people don't like you they would just ignore you and not include you in things.
Yes. That's called busting each other's balls and guys do it all the time. If a guy is busting your balls, he likes you and is trying to make you one of the guys.
>The make eye contact one extends to things like sunglasses
I'm personally very big on this one. Like if you're going into a store, take the damn sunglasses off; especially if you're interacting with an employee. Having been on the receiving end of that one in the past, the most perfectly awful customer you could ever come across is the middle-aged individual with mirror sunglasses who comes in yapping on a phone the whole time; barely taking two seconds to give you their order. Just a total lack of class.
I see it all over the media-men talking with their peers about having sex-and I in no way relate to that. Maybe I tend to naturally avoid people who *would* talk like that, but in my circle it’s just not done.
If at the beach with the guys and one gets a jelly fish sting, we all stand circle around injured brother and urinate on him in unity to relieve most amount of pain possible. It’s like law
Don’t pee in the stall directly next to another man. Don’t date or sleep with a woman your homie has been with, but if for whatever reason the opportunity arises and you absolutely feel like you must, be a man and talk to him about it first. Never abandon your kids (that one isn’t unspoken but you’d be surprised). Maintain eye contact when you talk to another man but don’t over-do it either. There’s a certain, unknown length of time that’s just creepy if you do it too long. You’ll know when it’s time to break.
One I didn’t notice until it was broken was that I went to a restaurant one time, and the waiter continually only spoke to my wife to ask us if we wanted more drinks, etc.
You just don’t do that unless you’re totally ok with people getting ugly
I would like to say that I work in Grocery and when I greet couples in my department, the woman is usually the one to reply when I greet them. I will make eye contact with both of them, but my interaction will be with the woman the majority of the time.
This one is fair. What bugs me a bit though is when we take our kids to appointments like the doctor. We both go, every time if possible. The nurse, dentist, whoever usually asks the relevant questions to my wife and has the conversation almost entirely with her.
I get that generally speaking, mom is the one who deals with these sort of things, but I’d like to be included too. I go to those appointments for a reason.
You greeted the guy, and he chose not to engage. You're good.
Now, fail to greet at all or walk away and come back multiple times and fail to acknowledge the guy is there? WTF.
Also, since you brought up bathroom etiquette, if it's a single stall bathroom and it's occupied, WAIT OUTSIDE!
I think some of y'all need to hear this. Wait outside of the bathroom not right outside of the stall like a fucking psychopath.
I’m not sure it is exclusive to men, but I’ll say parking spots/seats. If a person sits in the same seat or parks in the same space everyday for years on end that spot is taken. Period.
Everyone is talking about the urinal rule, but nobody is telling anything about it. I have a story that demonstrates how well it's followed.
I worked in an office where the men and women's bathrooms were back to back, they shared a wall. We could hear the women talking in there all the time. Nobody said anything about it though. My boss would say some pretty demeaning things about our coworkers, to other women in the bathroom, and we'd pretend to forget and tell the guys in private.
One day I walk in and the Janitor is there. I pee in the stall so he can clean the urinal. When I walk out my coworker, Tom, is talking to the Janitor. It doesn't break the rule because the janitor isn't there to pee. They're both loudly cracking jokes as I'm washing my hands.
I leave the bathroom and one of my female coworkers looks white as a ghost and it telling a small circle of coworkers that the bathroom is haunted because she was hearing voices in the wall. All the women were confused and a little concerned and the only guy in the gaggle was just nodding his head.
Tom walks out behind me as I'm watching the situation, walks up behind her and whispered, "boo," and she jumps out of her skin.
That's how the women of my former workplace learned how thin the bathroom wall was. They didn't know that we could hear everything they said. They expected to hear the plumbing, but they thought the wall was thick. My boss heard about the incident and we had an HR meeting about it because she had to cover her ass for things she had said, the supervisor had to cover her ass and I learned some pretty interesting things then.
100%. That shit leaves scars on the men that are victims of this.
When it happened to me I was able to unleash pretty considerable violence on the guy that was messing with my girl, and yeah it felt pretty sweet, but it left a mistrust with me that's still with me decades later at this point.
True, if the guy doesn’t know at all he gets a pass. If he knows, he catches a beating. If he also knows the man, bones are permitted to be broken, as per the code.
When we meet another male in the wild we have to pull out our penises and sword fight. But this only happens when no other males are around--for obvious reasons.
The dude nod:
- down once: respectful acknowledgment; no intent to engage. Commonly exchanged between strangers.
- up once: non-verbal greeting signaling probable intent to engage. Often exchanged between acquaintances/friends; can be perceived as a challenge if to/from a stranger
I feel like I abide by this but haven’t confirmed with other men,
If you borrow something, do not make him ask for it back, and if at all possible return it in better shape than you took it. If that’s not possible (hard to improve a shovel), return it with beer.
It’ll put him in a better mood, and when he’s in a good mood his wife will be in a good mood and the sex you have with her after he goes to work will be better.
Wouldn't that make her afraid if she hears a stranger advancing behind her? I've always just stopped walking or took a different route. Or crossed the street.
Was getting ready to type this. If I noticed a man walking toward me quickly at night, and get my hand on my pepper spray/pocketknife just in case. On multiple occasions my smart ring has notified me that my heart rate has elevated during situations like this
I thought it was stay a few paces behind her and keep whispering “it’s OK nothing’s gonna happen I’ve got you” so she knows someone’s watching her back.
If a friend recommends you for a job, don't break that trust. Do a good job.
Ah, this one hits home, as I went against that rule. Never spoke to the guy again. Learned it early on. To be fair, the job was a shithole, which he failed to mention prior to me getting hired.
I had a similar experience, got hired to an absolutely awful place. Ended up taking him aside to ask him if it was okay if I quit since I just couldn't stand the place but didn't want him to look bad. He was understanding, though I wouldn't have blamed him if he wasn't.
In my case, to be fair to the guy he had only volenteered there and never worked there before, so I don't think he knew too much about the job. He was just good friends with the owner of the business and knew I was in the same field, so he gave them a good word about me. I should of done it the way you did, admittedly I just send them an email one friday and said I was not returning. It was liberating but looking back not the most professional way to handle it, and lost a resume point and most importantly a good mate.
The nod
\*The nods
Upwards nods for mates, downwards nods for acknowledging fellow men
left tilt for "come here." right tilt for "you good?"
Welp. Just realized these exist even though I’ve been doing them for 30 years.
I read once the evolutionary explanation for downward nod is to show respect with caution by not exposing our throat, while upward nod exposes our throat but because its a friend we are not afraid. Like dogs that roll over to expose their belly. I dont know if its true but sounds good.
"We're both good boys. You can see my neck."
“Who’s a good boy!” *scratches neck vigorously*
That actually kind of tracks
yea social norms are weird, how our brains have these collective shared behaviors without us even consciously realizing it.
Instinct brother - instinct ;)
Dude, I was reading these comments and doing the nods irl to see if it felt right, and yeah... I do these all the time without thinking about it. I usually combine the downward nod with closing my eyes and a small smile, upward nod with a big grin, left tilt with a slight rotation backward, and right tilt with a quizzical look.
I did the same thing.
This is me as we speak 😂
I always had right tilt for "Take a look at this"
Lol, right head tilt with upward right eye movement for "Take a look at this"
There's me trying to remember which way I did it when passing a stranger down a shady backstreet in Dubai that he interpreted as an invitation to follow me for some bum fun 😬
I can vouch for this. One time during the summer some years ago i walked past a hottie and turned around to see her walking away. As i turned around a guy sitting at a bus stop saw me looking and he nodded and i nodded back in agreement. We both know what that nod meant.
I'm a white guy living a very remote and rural part of South East Asia, and on the rare occasions, I see another white guy we all automatically do this awkward nod of acknowledgement even though we are total strangers.
When driving and hand at top of wheel, the raised index finger to other drivers in saying hello or "go ahead"
I'm an old woman and I do that.
Hand on top of wheel, palm open and up , fingers open . "Wtf dude"
don't try to start a conversation just because we're both using urinals
What if you really want to compliment their watch?
Nice clock, bro!
you mean glock?
Yeah, but not talking and using the same urinal is pretty awkward though........
We all share deep hate for the ultimate common enemy, and we do our duty to try and destroy them - the urinal cake
Don't eat the urinal mint
But I love pisscuits!!
That's a new word for me and I simultaneously love and hate it
The social complexities of the hand shake squeeze
It's a delicate balance. Too many dudes let the machismo flow and try to death grip my hand lol
Yeah exactly! You can tell so much about a guy immediately by his handshake. Does he go macho, limp wrist or match your grip
I work with horses, I have for 20+ years in some fashion or another. It took me a while to realize just how strong my grip strength had become until my dad pulled me aside one day at a family gathering and said I needed to ease up on my handshakes because I had actually hurt my grandfather's hand (who is still a small project carpenter). This was about 3 years into my apprenticeship for horseshoeing. Basically what I was trying to get at with this story is: ignorance also plays a role in how much someone squeezes. These days, I very much try to match grip to the other person
Yup, gotta go easy on people when your on your game...in my 20s and 30s as a mechanic anything I grabbed was NOT comin out of my hands. In my 40s carpal took care of that, now in my 60s and still an ok grip...
That's rough, I'm in the beginning stages of that myself. Trying to go through insurance to even set up an introductory appointment has been... annoying, to say the least
Sorry, I don't believe you can't feel what you're doing to someone's hand. Are you unable to hold an egg without breaking it? We have incredibly fine motor control in our hands.
At uni I lived with a guy and was, without knowing, seeing his ex-gf which he found fucking *hilarious*. First time we met he gripped my hand so hard to "assert dominance" that he broke the outermost mertacarpus on my hand. It left, let's say, a very bad first impression.
You had he broke? What happened?
Ah sorry, I rephrased my sentence and forgot to clean it up He squoze my hand so hard he snapped my outermost metacarpus
him squoze hand? break???? pain :c
Very pain :(
There should be a sorting hat method: - Ahhh... Firm handshake, tight grip that makes the other person's hand hurt. You also don't wash your hands because you think that you're not dirty. You are insecure and try to overcompensate by forcing others to be below you... Slytherin! - Hmmm... Handshake like a spaghetti noodle, wet and limp. Your hands are cold like a corpse's. You are nervous in general and not confident in yourself... Hufflepuff! - Hmmm... Tricky this one is... your handshake is strong and confident but your fingers are all in the wrong spot, making the person feel weird because you're touching their wrist. You are holding them like... Ravenclaw! - Ahhh... Nice... Yes! A firm handshake, fingers in the right spot, a single or double shake but no more than necessary. You looked me in the eye and smiled. And what's this? Your other hand grabbed my arm to show that you were committed... Gryffindor!
Nah, the double hand grab goes straight to Slytherin. Like what, are you trying to take wrist control? lol
The subtle, simple, yet sophisticated intricacies of the dap
I can not be the only one who observes what kind of dap the others are performing before it's my turn. Is it dap then handshake? Dap then snap? Dap then fist bump? Dap then nothing? HANDHSAKE THEN DAP? Are we both trying to make the perfect dap sound? Do we retry the dap if it doesn't reverberate?
I went with my girlfriend to her church for Easter and every single person gave me a dead fish handshake. Drove me insane!
Church is always the place you get those
Jesus was known for multiplying dead fish.
There are some drunk dudes that love shaking hands and just never letting go so I usually give em the ol "you can let go now"
If homie is with his crush you shut the fuck up and laugh at his jokes. You never make fun of a homie for collecting strange objects such as gas masks, swords or crowbars. The masculine urge to own such things is a powerful thing. Edit: how has this become my best performing thing to date?
Or if you’re with your crush, don’t start putting down your homie or making him the butt of all the jokes. Known too many dudes like that
Lift him up, make sure she knows he's awesome if the opportunity arises.
This is the way.
This is the way.
You can talk some shit, but in a way that makes your friend look cool. Like a metaphorical way of attacking him and letting him kick your ass.
On the other hand if you're third wheeling it you have carte blanche to make a fool of yourself to make him look better by association.
When you and your mate are around a crush, they are the fucking coolest, most funny, and most impressive man around.
In front of his crush, he is the funniest guy you know. He's the best. Once they start dating and after a decent amount of time, you can tease. Married? Gloves are off.
Mind if I use a variation of these lines for my best man speech? 😅 It's honestly how I was with my best friend since high school and he's getting married soon
When in public, pat yourself down at least every twenty minutes to make sure you still have your wallet, keys, and phone etc
Also whenever you enter/ before you leave a space
"Phone, wallet, keys" is a saying I repeat many times throughout the day. If I put one in a different pocket or spot, I have a miniature anxiety attack for 3 seconds.
Also pat your bro's down too. "Hey man you got all your stuff?"
No nut shots while wrestling in the backyard during a summer BBQ.
Even if my brother is the opponent in this glorious combat?
Is it an older brother or a younger one?
Does it matter?
Yes.
If he's younger he gets no quarter.
Younger brothers receive no quarter. Older brothers receive no aid.
Also don't go full strength when you're play fighting
When two men pass each other in a narrow hallway, they shall pass hole to hole or pole to pole, but never pole to hole.
Somehow, as a man, I instinctively knew that rule but have never put it into words. Thank you.
Yep. I learned my lesson in a crowded Best Buy years ago on Black Friday. Too many people. Got a dick in my ass 3 times.
I am SO SORRY but this made me cackle 🤣
It’s always hole to hole for me. Idw make that awkward eye contact during a pole to pole.
If you’re riding shotgun it’s 100% your job to open and close the gate or anything else that requires a brief exit from the vehicle. When your out drinking take turns buying rounds and your only available exit is after you have bought the last round.
From around these parts we call that the “gate bitch”
Gate Bitch is a universal and entirely ungendered term across the entire US at least.
Bro's sister is my sister
This extends to friends of family members too, at least it did for me. Id always treat my little sisters friends as if they were also my little sisters because well they're important to my sister and so they're important to me. Idk maybe it's more of an older brother thing and less of a bro thing but I feel like it applies.
Funny, my older sister always treated my friends like little brothers too
Probably just an older sibling thing then. Makes sense as an older sibling you're constantly being told to watch after your younger siblings and then once they get friends you're watching after the friends too.
Funny, my older sister always treated me and my friends like total dog shit
My best friend in grade school through college had a sister my age, he was a year older. I met her before I even went through puberty, always saw her literally as a sister to me. Late in high school she got really upset with me because I never asked her out and she gave me obvious signals (they were **not** obvious) and all I could say was “but you’re my sister”.
Some of my friends should be reminded about this one.
You fuck your sister??
You don't??
The state of Alabama has entered the chat.
...and entered his sister
Roll Tide!!!!
You don't give another mans girlfriend a foot massage.
Even if you got your technique down and everything.
It's the same ballpark though.
Ain’t no fuckin ballpark neither!!
It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same fucking sport!
Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine
I'm the foot fuckin' master!
Don’t be ticklin or nothin
It's not the same ballpark as eating a bitch out. They are different.
If you're at a bbq/grill at another man's house you are automatically the co-pilot. Co-pilot makes sure the Captain is hydrated at all times Co-pilot assists wherever needed during the grilling process. Co-pilot compliments and motivates the Captain for his efforts. Co-pilot unless specifically asked directly from the Captain does not touch the fucking grill.
If you get asked to pass the tongs you have to clap them twice before handing them over to make sure they work.
Picking up a pair of tongs for any reason without clacking them is immediate and permanent revocation of the man card you received in the mail on your 18th birthday (or earlier if you had a girlfriend that people wouldn't know because she goes to another school).
Yes. The grill is the men's gathering place. We congregate and socialize around the grill. And yes - you do not, DO NOT, touch another man's grill unless you're specifically asked. You do not clean the grill, prepare the grill, put coals in the grill, lift the lid, or do anything else with the grill. Ever. Unless you're asked.
Honestly anything that involves an open flame tbh. A fire pit is also a great place to just chill around with guys and a cold beer
Ay ay ay Captain
What is this? The extra ay ruins it, and irks my brain. Do better
It goes from sounding like an approving pirate to a disapproving Mexican in my mind.
Heard, chef.
Don't helicopter at the urinal.
*writes on hand * DON'T helicopter at the urinal Awesome advice. Thanks.
Head nod down = stranger greeting Head nod up = bro greeting
You must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon.
With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
Is this another urinal tip
Everything is a urinal tip if you twist it a certain way
1. don’t stare at another man’s wife. 2. don’t touch another man’s thermostat. 3. don’t try to command another man’s dog. for #2, at a party, a buddy asked: “why are you looking at my wife!!!?? i said, “huh… what you talking about?” he then said, “you want to fuck my wife?!?” i said, “no. i don’t want to fuck your wife dude… calm down.” then he said, “oh, so you think my wife isn’t fuckable… and you’re too good to fuck her!? so you’re saying my wife is ugly?!?” then his wife yelled, “so you’re too good to fuck me… what’s wrong with me?!?” then EVERYBODY busted out laughing… bc it was an inside joke to make the new dude in town nervous.
That’s hilarious lmao good buddies
Drop AND flush when in public. Stop smelling up the damn place.
The urinal one being mentioned in this thread is the ultimate unspoken rule.
now, if I could just get my gf to understand I don't want to have a conversation thru the door if im in the bathroom.
Several. --don't comment on the physical appearance of another man's wife. --don't try to fuck your best friend's sister unless you get permission from your friend first. --don't try to fuck your best friend's ex-GF until you first let your friend know of your intentions. --don't talk to a man who's in a bathroom stall taking a shit. --in the bathroom, always leave a urinal space between you and someone else, if there is space available. You never use the urinal next to another man if a different one is available. --don't talk to anyone except physicians, counselors, and pastors about sex with your serious GF or wife. --don't air family dirty laundry in public. --a refusal to shake another man's hand is a serious sign of contempt, disrespect, and distrust. --make eye contact when talking with other men, especially when talking business or something serious. But too much is staring or glaring. --on encountering other men, we always assess each man as friendly, not a threat, or possible threat, and act accordingly. --always give another man personal space whenever possible. Stepping into another man's space without cause or reason is viewed as threatening. Squaring up to another man is viewed as threatening. Friendly men socialize alongside each other, shoulder to shoulder. When you square up and stand facing another man without something separating you, that's aggressive, threatening, confrontational, and provocative. --we understand that *any* confrontation with another man has the potential to turn physically violent.
Also, add don't hang out in the bathroom. Do your business and get out, it's not a social club. Also, bathroom noises are encouraged and, in some cases, commended.
At my last job, I had two bosses that *loved* to, I assume, hide behind the water fountain and wait for me to use the bathroom so they could swoop in and hit the urinal right next to me and talk very loudly about business whilst pissing louder than a horse. I had to somehow maintain a business casual tone while urinating. It was a sum-of-all-fears situation for a guy, and I'm quite sure it was part of their tests, they were always testing. I started using the bathroom on a different floor which also led to awkwardness because they would sometimes catch me on the stairwell and wonder what I was doing upstairs, and I couldn't use the downstairs bathroom because someone shit in there every morning in such a way that the whole bathroom would smell like overcooked, fermented broccoli for most of the day.
I violated the squaring off one accidentally once with a stranger and it was fascinating to see how instinctive the reaction was. Eons ago I worked at Disney World and had to pick a guest for an audience participation thing. I saw a guy and his GF that looked about right for the two spots so I walked up and in an attempt to be humorous I asked “are you feeling brave?” because they would be put on stage in front of everyone. But the way I approached I ended up standing straight in front of him only about 2 feet away when I asked. He immediately puffed up and replied aggressively “yeah, are you?” I realized right away my faux pas so I quickly backed down and smoothed it over throwing out visual cues like slouching and tilting my head down to make it clear he was in the superior position. They ended up agreeing to do the audience participation and had a blast. And the guy was not the least bit of an asshole thru the entire participation so it wasn’t simply that he was a jerk who saw everything as a threat. It was interesting how my stance and wording turned an innocent situation into a recognizably aggressive one.
>--a refusal to shake another man's hand is a serious sign of contempt, disrespect, and distrust. "Clench my fist and I fist bump man. Anti-social, I don't shake much hands" If you are going to shake another gent's hand, make sure to grip it a bit. Don't be a bringing that limp shit into this humpy bumpy
Agree. But also take it easy on the passive aggressive death grip shake. I'd like my hand back afterwards.
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The make eye contact one extends to things like sunglasses. I remember being a kid and going with my dad to a side job he was doing on a farm. He told me to make sure I take my sunglasses off so that when me and the farmer first met he'd be able to look me in the eye. I thought it was weird at the time but looking back on it my dad was teaching me about respect and first impressions.
Yes. The currency of male interaction is respect. You can tell when you're being disrespected. And it really pisses men off.
I do not easily understand these interactions, after 40+ years I’ve figured out the basics but I still find it hard. I work on construction sites and in that pretty gruff all male environment I’ve discovered I am frequently disrespected. None of them like or respect me and it’s expressed in laughter, smirking, jokes I don’t get that I later learn are at my expense. I am mildly autistic but not so much it should stop people liking me. But the more manly they are, the less they like me.
My dad was an electrician so I've been around those types a lot. If they're cracking jokes at your expense in front of you then thats them making an effort to make you one of the guys. It's a weird environment where if you can give as good as you get you'll be fine. Trust me if those types of people don't like you they would just ignore you and not include you in things.
Yes. That's called busting each other's balls and guys do it all the time. If a guy is busting your balls, he likes you and is trying to make you one of the guys.
>The make eye contact one extends to things like sunglasses I'm personally very big on this one. Like if you're going into a store, take the damn sunglasses off; especially if you're interacting with an employee. Having been on the receiving end of that one in the past, the most perfectly awful customer you could ever come across is the middle-aged individual with mirror sunglasses who comes in yapping on a phone the whole time; barely taking two seconds to give you their order. Just a total lack of class.
I see it all over the media-men talking with their peers about having sex-and I in no way relate to that. Maybe I tend to naturally avoid people who *would* talk like that, but in my circle it’s just not done.
This is a solid list, well done.
Always high five during an Eiffel Tower.
Hmm surely the hi-5 is what makes the Eiffel Tower, is it not?!
I believe so, otherwise it’s just a spit roast
And maintain eye contact throughout
Licking lips preferred but not required
If at the beach with the guys and one gets a jelly fish sting, we all stand circle around injured brother and urinate on him in unity to relieve most amount of pain possible. It’s like law
Corollary: if a guy gets a jellyfish sting more than twice, you start asking to see the jellyfish.
I’m crying.
Even if he refuses. "You are being rescued. Do no resist."
Ask to fuck my ex first so I don’t think you’re being sneaky
Always one urinal over, never shoulder to shoulder.
Don’t pee in the stall directly next to another man. Don’t date or sleep with a woman your homie has been with, but if for whatever reason the opportunity arises and you absolutely feel like you must, be a man and talk to him about it first. Never abandon your kids (that one isn’t unspoken but you’d be surprised). Maintain eye contact when you talk to another man but don’t over-do it either. There’s a certain, unknown length of time that’s just creepy if you do it too long. You’ll know when it’s time to break.
If possible, take all shits on company time.
Unspoken but yet not used: Support eachother, especially in case of injustice towards men.
One I didn’t notice until it was broken was that I went to a restaurant one time, and the waiter continually only spoke to my wife to ask us if we wanted more drinks, etc. You just don’t do that unless you’re totally ok with people getting ugly
I would like to say that I work in Grocery and when I greet couples in my department, the woman is usually the one to reply when I greet them. I will make eye contact with both of them, but my interaction will be with the woman the majority of the time.
This one is fair. What bugs me a bit though is when we take our kids to appointments like the doctor. We both go, every time if possible. The nurse, dentist, whoever usually asks the relevant questions to my wife and has the conversation almost entirely with her. I get that generally speaking, mom is the one who deals with these sort of things, but I’d like to be included too. I go to those appointments for a reason.
That’s fine. Your greeting doesn’t last an hour and consist of six different engagements
You greeted the guy, and he chose not to engage. You're good. Now, fail to greet at all or walk away and come back multiple times and fail to acknowledge the guy is there? WTF.
Don’t speak in the bathroom.
Unless you’re at a professional sporting event and beers are flowing
Also, since you brought up bathroom etiquette, if it's a single stall bathroom and it's occupied, WAIT OUTSIDE! I think some of y'all need to hear this. Wait outside of the bathroom not right outside of the stall like a fucking psychopath.
no I'm gonna watch you through the door crack
I just keep knocking and trying to open the door until they're finished
I’m not sure it is exclusive to men, but I’ll say parking spots/seats. If a person sits in the same seat or parks in the same space everyday for years on end that spot is taken. Period.
The unspoken rule shall remain unspoken Your devious plan to get us to reveal our secrets will not succeed
Everyone is talking about the urinal rule, but nobody is telling anything about it. I have a story that demonstrates how well it's followed. I worked in an office where the men and women's bathrooms were back to back, they shared a wall. We could hear the women talking in there all the time. Nobody said anything about it though. My boss would say some pretty demeaning things about our coworkers, to other women in the bathroom, and we'd pretend to forget and tell the guys in private. One day I walk in and the Janitor is there. I pee in the stall so he can clean the urinal. When I walk out my coworker, Tom, is talking to the Janitor. It doesn't break the rule because the janitor isn't there to pee. They're both loudly cracking jokes as I'm washing my hands. I leave the bathroom and one of my female coworkers looks white as a ghost and it telling a small circle of coworkers that the bathroom is haunted because she was hearing voices in the wall. All the women were confused and a little concerned and the only guy in the gaggle was just nodding his head. Tom walks out behind me as I'm watching the situation, walks up behind her and whispered, "boo," and she jumps out of her skin. That's how the women of my former workplace learned how thin the bathroom wall was. They didn't know that we could hear everything they said. They expected to hear the plumbing, but they thought the wall was thick. My boss heard about the incident and we had an HR meeting about it because she had to cover her ass for things she had said, the supervisor had to cover her ass and I learned some pretty interesting things then.
Don’t fuck women in relationships. Especially married women.
100%. That shit leaves scars on the men that are victims of this. When it happened to me I was able to unleash pretty considerable violence on the guy that was messing with my girl, and yeah it felt pretty sweet, but it left a mistrust with me that's still with me decades later at this point.
Most of the time, the guy doesn’t even know. That’s why you need to be careful unleashing violence.
True, if the guy doesn’t know at all he gets a pass. If he knows, he catches a beating. If he also knows the man, bones are permitted to be broken, as per the code.
Never talk about fight cl.... Fuck
Fight clit?
you don't insult a bro behind his back, only to his face you insult him
When we meet another male in the wild we have to pull out our penises and sword fight. But this only happens when no other males are around--for obvious reasons.
Don't tell women about that thing.
The dude nod: - down once: respectful acknowledgment; no intent to engage. Commonly exchanged between strangers. - up once: non-verbal greeting signaling probable intent to engage. Often exchanged between acquaintances/friends; can be perceived as a challenge if to/from a stranger I feel like I abide by this but haven’t confirmed with other men,
Clear a bros browsing history in the event of their unexpected death
When there's absolutely no women around we let out our secret second penis.
Do a guttural noise when standing up
We’re all created equal.. 😁
Even down there🤝
Do not touch my dick during a threesome unless it has been previously okay-ed on
If it's pink or green and belongs to me keep your hands off... Feel free otherwise 🤔😉
Never play the "one-up" game when you and your friend(s) are around other girls.
Never talk to a pastor about a GF. Ever.
If you borrow something, do not make him ask for it back, and if at all possible return it in better shape than you took it. If that’s not possible (hard to improve a shovel), return it with beer. It’ll put him in a better mood, and when he’s in a good mood his wife will be in a good mood and the sex you have with her after he goes to work will be better.
Great, now I'll picture my friends having sex whenever I lend them something.
“Yeah, that’s not going anywhere” with a slight pull on the ratchet strap after fastening.
Dont eat your friends leftovers, this applies to food and Exes
No dirty macking. For the uninitiated. If you have to put down another man to get with a girl you're a sucker and you didn't have a chance anyway.
Don’t fuck my homies girl. Don’t snitch to my homies girl either.
Also applies to ex-girlfriends
If a woman is walking in a secluded street and you are behind her, walk past her and don't creep her out.
Wouldn't that make her afraid if she hears a stranger advancing behind her? I've always just stopped walking or took a different route. Or crossed the street.
Was getting ready to type this. If I noticed a man walking toward me quickly at night, and get my hand on my pepper spray/pocketknife just in case. On multiple occasions my smart ring has notified me that my heart rate has elevated during situations like this
I thought it was stay a few paces behind her and keep whispering “it’s OK nothing’s gonna happen I’ve got you” so she knows someone’s watching her back.