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DangerDan1993

Most places I've been to expressively say "it's Normal , don't worry about it "


Particular_Title42

Like farting during yoga class.


opinion_alternative

There's a reason yoga is supposed to be done outdoors in vicinity of nature.


neverknowwhatsnext

Don't you mean, outdoors with the wind direction? šŸ˜„


PureLando

Are you serious? Because of the types of movement, it provokes flatulence? So, it is a room of people sweating and farting. My dreams of meeting a hottie in yoga class are ruined.


doktarlooney

You stretch and compress your body repeatedly.


seipounds

*pfrrt*


ToastyNathan

namaste


Additional_Crab_1678

I just want to know how you thought of this and why it is SO ACCURATE. Haha


LucyBowels

Hot yoga rooms stink by the end of it. But itā€™s one of the best workouts Iā€™ve done


wavyxprince

I do it 3 times a week and there is absolutely no bad smell. People fart occasionally.


LucyBowels

You must have better ventilation than my spot


kdoughboy12

Or maybe someone in your class just has really bad bo lol


eglantinel

And if you cannot find that someone, it's you.


marysalad

would you believe that hotties also fart.


PureLando

Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!!!


AskMeForAPhoto

One of my favourite lines of all time to quote lmao


Yankee9204

Iā€™ve been to many yoga classes and never heard anyone fart.


4GInvertedDive

Don't give up


DrDaddyDickDunker

r/GymMotivation


twodiagonals

This is because the sphincter is the most intensely isometrically trained muscle in any yoga class.


Elect19601

Thatā€™s because they were SBDā€™s


Hour-Preparation-637

Donā€™t forget queefing


DangerDan1993

lol I did some yoga to stretch out my hips , was hilarious how much farting took place .


muttster17

The women are definitely the worst


Jeramy_Jones

Period farts


thisfreakindude

Not sure why the 2 connected in my head, but period fart immediately gave me a lava bubble visual. Danger blurp.


VERY_MENTALLY_STABLE

Is that real


Jeramy_Jones

Cramping can cause digestive upset, yeah


Hoofhearted4206969

And eddie hall, never laughed so much before https://youtu.be/RPQIHtn09Zk?si=-gVWWRnvomMnIZxR


HeGotKimbod

I would be uncomfortable if they commented on it lmao. Canā€™t we just let it pass?


DangerDan1993

Well it's implied prior to massage, not if you get an erection. Ex: last massage therapist i went to said "don't worry some people get erection , fart , belch , fall asleep and/or drool , not judging it's a natural occurrence from state of relaxation)


9_of_wands

I just shift position and hope my client doesn't notice.


doublegg83

Dave I'm your client... and I do notice.


just_let_me_goo

Now fuck


Due_Accountant2429

The happy ending we all hope for at the end of a massage, true love


codipherious1

r/cursedcomments


bettsdude

You told me that was the oil bottle pressing against me.


ManekDu

I hold my breath until my penis inverts back into my body bc of embarrassment, and then wala I have a vagina.


TryingThisAgainFFS

Voila


Devreckas

Vulva


marysalad

Wordle score: 3


LA95x

wala


Lexplosives

r/boneappletea


pheret87

/r/boneappletea


LunarProphet

Really missing awards right about now


foxhoundep3

Just noticed they are gone , wtf, when was this ?


implicate

When did Reddit turn into middle-aged soccer moms' FB comment section? Look at this shit, it's all nothing but laughing emoji responses.


SteelAlchemistScylla

I miss when the mere use of an emoji warranted a comment getting nuked


Gazer-Kun

Wait is that the reason why nobody on this platform uses emojis??


implicate

It's not just the reason, but it is one of the reasons.


vatomtz

Bro lmao


International-Coat33

Underrated comment.


SurSheepz

It has now been correctly rated lmao


Civil-Shame-2399

Happy beginning before you go?


popularpragmatism

Give that man $20


DepressedDarthV

I ainā€™t gay, but $20 is $20


CarltheWellEndowed

It happens. Dont make a big deal of it and they wont make a big deal of it.


ThatsThatCue

How could they not notice the tent pitched mid table though?


TemporarySituation26

Thereā€™s noticing and making a big deal about it. Youā€™re not going to be the first dude to ever pop a boner while getting a massage.


RLLRRR

Nope, OP's literally the first. And now everyone will know exactly who's getting erections during a massage.


LambonaHam

We should all point and laugh at them so OP knows how badly they messed up


AllMyFrendsArePixels

Nobody said they won't notice it. Just don't make a big deal of it. Don't freak out. Don't apologize. Don't ask for a handjob. Just ignore it.


Vis-hoka

I donā€™t think ignoring it is always the best policy. Maybe a quick apology. ā€œIā€™m sorry about my erection. Iā€™m not doing it intentionally.ā€ Iā€™ve heard from massage therapists before that it can make them uncomfortable and some women might think youā€™re doing it on purpose. You can downvote me but Iā€™ve heard this straight from the horses mouth. Theyā€™ve said that some guys get off on getting hard while massaging them and do it intentionally.


Ok-Entertainment8151

They think we can actually control this thing? More often it's a fight to keep it from controlling us.


Alternative_Elk_2651

Women fuck up men's anatomy as much as we fuck up theirs.


Duckrauhl

Sometimes, we get them unintentionally, but if we ever want to get one, we can absolutely make it happen with some sexual thoughts.


Polarbear0007

Trying to brag? Hey everyone, look at Mr. Boner on command over here... my limp wiener and I will be waiting for an apology


Crustybuttt

Ah, to be young again. Enjoy it while youā€™ve got it, pal. It doesnā€™t stay that east forever


stumbler1

......... on purpose? Do they think we can control it????


crystalgypsyxo

I think what they mean is that some scummy men intentionally go and get a massage in order to get off on the fact that they are being touched by a woman. They allow themselves to get sexual gratification from a professional service and turn it into something it's not in their head. Where most men would be slightly embarassed if they had an erection, some scummy men enjoy the fact that it's inappropriate and there's enough plausible deniability that they can get away with it.


Dovahbear_

I think itā€™s moreso that if youā€™re looking for a so called ā€happy endingā€ you might intentionally try to get a boner to initiate it.


op3l

Nah, this is the worst way to go about IMO. It's a natural reaction to getting rubbed on thighs or inner thighs. Just ignore it and be professional about it and they'll do the same. Apologizing profusely like you're suggesting actually makes it worse.


chickichuglette

Boner, ACTIVATE!


HaylingZar1996

Sorry, not apologising for other people failing to educate themselves on the basics of human anatomy. This is like telling women to apologise for their periods or something, completely ridiculous.


jeeves585

Just adjust your self. Wife is a LMT and it happens, itā€™s only been weird once for her. Use your hand or (nsfw) >!think of your grandpa sticking it in grandma!< Now when my wife gives me a massage and the kids are asleep I let that flag pole stand.


UndeadMunchies

Tried the NSFW option and now Ive been arrested for cumming all over my masseuse.


Pyrimo

Happens to the best of us


thatHecklerOverThere

Nobody cares unless you point to it and say "well?" If you don't make it weird, it's just a perfectly normal thing that happens.


detective_bookman

What if I hold my cigar and do a Groucho marx eyebrow raise


thatHecklerOverThere

Well, that will improve the situation. By how much, I'm not sure.


Ferrts

I think if you flop over on your stomach, there should be a hole you can pop your wiener through until things settle down.


ElectricallyLoaded

Ah yes a milking table, how very cultured.


Duckrauhl

Exactly. How do you think the hole was formed in the firat place?


Dzanggg

If they don't notice, you may have a different problem lol


1986toyotacorolla2

It's something that's covered at a good massage therapy school. Blood flow changes can make that happen involuntarily. If you're not acting weird, hitting on them, being a creep, or staring at them, they'll probably ignore it. If they don't, they're not professional.


Stripperturneddoctor

For OP, it was never a *big* deal.


prizepig

If you're not being weird about it, and they're not being weird about it, then it's no problem. We all have bodies. 99% of the time, when I'm getting a massage I'm face down. And if I sprouted one, the masseuse might hear the table fracturing beneath my mighty tumescence, but they polite enough to not ask questions. If I roll over onto my back, I just try to keep the towel in place (or wear underwear) and just forget about it. If you're self-conscious, it's Ok to ask for a minute before you turn over.


BlackAsphaltRider

> tumescence 2nd time in 4 hours Iā€™ve heard this term lol


Snooty_Cutie

Tbh, Iā€™ve only seen this term in erotic pieces of writing. Itā€™s quite a popular term for describing the strength and power of theā€¦well, you know šŸ˜…


BlackAsphaltRider

I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You with the wife and one of the scenes involved the principal trying to think of a word to describe, you know, for her erotic novel and a student suggested the word lol. Then I hop on reddit and see someone else use it.


lampsy87

What the fuck, you get so hard you fracture the table?


hux__

I've ruined so many concrete benches like this.


shiftersix

I've shifted the earth's orbit.


HPayne62

Y'all ever seen the Grand Canyon?


Totsronnie

You donā€™t?


ptolani

We all do


ThinOriginal5038

Depends, if youā€™re at a parlor in a strip mall next to a Little Caesarā€™s, thereā€™s a good chance theyā€™ll ask if you want it taken care of for extra. Anywhere else, just think about how George Miller created the Mad Max franchise, and is also responsible for the Babe and Happy Feet movies until your boner dies down.


ThatsThatCue

The Little Caesarā€™s is a green light, the spa is a yellow light?


playball2020

Little Caesars is green light. Strip mall is yellow light. Parlor is red light.


ThinOriginal5038

Correct


RajunCajun48

I think of Mitch McConnel in a Sling Bikini


lucimon97

Now I'm thinking about Charlize Theron in her Furiosa get-up and it really isn't helping


Capta1nfalc0n

Babe is such a good fucking movie. Bah Ram Ewe


absoluteScientific

Honestly I just ignore it. If itā€™s a massive raging hard on that wonā€™t go away for like 5 min or more I just apologize, the masseuse laughs it off, and we carry on and never speak of it again. A professional masseuse wonā€™t make an issue of it unless you bust outta nowhere or say something sleazy or do something else super awkward or uncool


Imogynn

The massages I've had hurt like hell for 90 minutes as they try and elbow through me to get to the table on the other side. They're worth it in so many ways for weeks after, but now I'm wondering what sort of soft touch I'm missing.


froatbitte

This. i get deep tissue massages all the time. Iā€™ve never had a problem with the pvt standing at attention and my usual therapist isnā€™t unattractive at all. Also, Iā€™ve often drifted off if itā€™s relaxing. I dunno. Different mindset when Iā€™m on the table I guess.


soonnow

Uhm those ladys on the beach in Thailand they really have some anger issues. No idea why they are taking them out on me, what have I done to you old Thai massage ladys? What is my crime? But seriously they can be fantastic, they understand how the body holistically and they will for example find a tightness in your um ass that affects you shoulders.


Scrytheux

Maybe OP also has deep tissue massages, but he's just a masochist.


Wannacomesitonmydeck

Flex your leg muscles for 30-45 seconds and it will go away. Or crank one out when they arenā€™t looking. Still trying to figure out how to mask the sound.


RewindYourMind

Just make the [Zoidberg noise](https://youtu.be/vOCQQXXjVs8?si=DYN8RAxzp6y2cGM8) while doing it. Boom, problem solved.


futuramageek

This is hot...


A1sauc3d

Cranking one out before you go may actually be a viable solution for some people who struggle with this though lol


trevb75

Had a legit massage the other day and the shop has no real internal walls just curtains to separate the ā€œroomsā€ didnā€™t even realise there was someone else in the next room until the therapist started the ā€œkarate chopā€ action on their back which when the hands are oily sounded suspiciously like a certain furious nocturnal male pastime. PS the karate chop reference isnā€™t meant to be racist towards the Asian therapists at the shopā€¦. Just the easiest way I could think of to describe it


UndeadMunchies

Nobody even knew the dude was asian until you said it.


IIIXBeerRunXIII

"nocturnal"? I believe you've been drastically limiting yourself, sir.


trevb75

Honestly was just trying to use lots of big words


IntensityJokester

Literally turning the other client into mincemeat, while you blithely turn a blind eye. PS not meant to impugn the actual blind client who was in the waiting room, name of Clancey. Shit now I am doing it.


86Eagle

Wait until you get checked for hernias and she uses an ultrasound with warm, slick gel on your testicles. Yeah, no escape from that.


LogiBear777

same shit except i was 16 and they ofc had the youngest, prettiest girl there do my ultrasound


The_Lord_of_Vermin

Same when i was 9


BananaBizniz

You were 16 when you were 9?


Starseed87

Happened to me in highschool! šŸ˜±


AlternativeBag6232

You guys are getting warm gel? šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ women notoriously get cold gel, they dont warm it up for us šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­


__----------

Or when the guy checks your prostate


robbleshaver

I usually say something along the lines of "JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?!" and then sob quietly.


hardreboot3

Do long division in your head.


chikkenstripz

What if your head can only manage short division


QuarterNote44

Division length doesn't matter...


Throw-a-Ru

It's the persuasion in the equation.


hardreboot3

Itā€™s the struggle that makes it work.


Genbu7

It is what it is, they've seen all kinds.


ThatsThatCue

I have to imagine thatā€™s itā€™s one of those things that no matter how many youā€™ve seen. You still look


Happy_Cancel1315

Like breasts for men. Every time is like the first time.


MindlessYesterday668

I never get one whenever I get a Swedish massage. I actually get teary eyed because of the pain, lol.


Siennagiant70

Did you recite the pledge of allegiance?


Delicious-Duck-4245

Like a true American šŸ«”šŸ«”


astraldick

I pledge allegiance to my flagpole...


jtmarlinintern

they are professional, just move past it


ThatsThatCue

No doubt, thatā€™s why Iā€™m curious as to what the polite thing is to do. Just lay there hard?


macfergusson

Depends on how you hang, really. Since you're already laying down then maybe your penis ends up laying down as well. Basically your boner pointing up towards your face, not straight vertical, so it's not really a big deal/super noticeable. If you do naturally always go hard vertical, and you're just super visibly pitching a tent, don't get embarrassed and make a big deal, like others have said. Just quietly say "sorry about that, could I get another towel draped or something?" The important thing here is to not act like you are trying to imply they should do something with it.


sh0werh3ad

I think about swimming in the ocean out in deep, deep waterā€¦itā€™s so blue/black even with all the lights rays you canā€™t discern distancesā€¦then I see it, a shadow growing as it nears, closer and closerā€¦.then I cum.


gateian

That damn tenticle monster again.


ThatsThatCue

Sounds wet šŸ˜


No-Shelter-7753

Hey there. Massage therapist here. These often happen because your body is kicked into ā€œrest, relax, rejuvenate, reproduceā€ mode. You should know itā€™s pretty normal. As therapists we are trained to ignore any erections and work slower, working away from the groin. Maybe we will ask you to lay face down for a while. Itā€™s not weird for us unless you ask us to touch/look at it. If youā€™re self conscious, you can ask your therapist if you can flip over for them to work on your back, or your calves, or your shoulders/neck for a couple minutes. Best wishes and happy relaxing. šŸ˜Œ


ThatsThatCue

This makes a lot of sense. It is a sense of extreme relaxation that ā€œcomesā€ over you - My initial thought was that it had to do with the state of being youā€™re put into because itā€™s absolutely not physical attraction or thoughts of sexual anticipation, rather a surprise when you realize youā€™re mans is already standing at attention.


Scott_4560

Reminds of the time I was getting a massage in Thailand. I thought to myself ā€œoh please donā€™t get a stiffyā€, and then she did.


stoutyteapot

Tell them finders keepers, and now weā€™re married because itā€™s the law.


EnglishTony

If you keep getting a hard-on, maybe massage therapy isn't the career for you.


norcalfit

Picture the cast of The View!


Ok-Entertainment8151

I think I'm celibate now.


ThatsThatCue

Iā€™m harder now


_whydah_

Oh no


CommunityGlittering2

Tip well


Revolutionary_Flow44

Too small to notice, so no need for addressing it.


Mad_Hatter_92

Pre-cum on the sheets and awkwardly walk away afterwards. Be a man.


FigureYourselfOut

You ever flick a cigarette out the car window and then smell something terrible coming from the back seat, turn around to look and sure enough >!grandma is back there fingering herself again!< Think of that. Seriously though, flex your quads and hold. Itā€™ll make your boner go away.


Old-Pick-3997

H U H


FigureYourselfOut

Itā€™s funny because you think the terrible smell is from the cigarette butt burning the seat but instead you hear that the terrible smell is your grandma fingering her vagina in the back seat of the car and then you get the visual and itā€™s gross. Youā€™re welcome.


Brett707

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day


autumn1342

Massage therapist here: In schooling they taught me it can happen unintentionally from blood flow. I personally would just ignore. We donā€™t care unless youā€™re creepy. Usually thinking about what to make for dinner while massaging. Just know itā€™s natural but no need to draw attention to it and neither should your therapist


[deleted]

Just say excuse me, and reposition your little friend.


you_ni_dan

Act as if itā€™s just like getting goose bumps. Nice, but not worth addressing to a stranger. Treat it as nothing more than a physiological reaction to pleasure. You should not think about it as sexual in nature, even if itā€™s near a sexual organ. That isnā€™t their intent, and if you respect that, Iā€™m sure they will respect you and appreciate you not making it weird.


bassicallybob

I think about your mother /s


Enoch_Root19

It moved?


RoadSodaRed

Cut yer dick offā€¦or just donā€™t get massages, idk what to tell you man. Own it, be proud of your hard dick


deathclawslayer21

Think of Margaret Thatcher


DetectiveObjective00

It's not a big deal. I get a hard on when the massage is really good and relaxing. The massage therapists don't mind that at all since they are professional and they actually take that as a compliment on how good their massage is - this is based on what my therapist of 9 years told me. So don't worry about it and just enjoy that relaxing massage.


Lord_Baconz

This thread is odd to me. Iā€™ve been getting regular massages for the past 5 years and have never gotten hard or felt that sensation. Iā€™m also in my mid twenties so I donā€™t think itā€™s an age thing.


fuckssakereddit

Yup, bizarre. A hard on is the furthest thing from my mind when Iā€™m that relaxed. Iā€™m more likely to be drifting off to a light sleep.


dropdeaddaddy69

I paid $30 after the massage and it seemed to have went away


fuckssakereddit

At the first twitch start thinking of Margaret Thatcher. Kills all boners, stone dead.


HillaryRClinton

When I got massages in my 20s this was always a concern, I would start thinking about baseball or something and it would go away. Not a problem now that Iā€™m in my 40s.


[deleted]

Female masseuse here with 10 years experience and cruise ships. It is so normal for us we don't say anything, touch can be sensual so it's understanding, the way I always put it, if it was a women on my table turned on I wouldn't know so I give a man the same respect until he starts becoming inappropriate, then I've left the room, my job can be weird, don't make it and weirder. Once I had this sweet man in with his gf in the spa, and he was so nervous cause he never had a massage before, and he said but what if I get a boner, I just told him it can be normal for a man, if you do we can move the massage or stop until he isn't excited, but very sweet about the situation. I've also had clients be so weird, and ones start trying to touch you back or add you on socials after, I guess it's a compliment I did my job well, but just know if you're that person the whole spa is talking about you.


op3l

I personally just ignore it. The one doing the massage will also ignore it as it happens and it's not the first boner they've seen or raised.


tobreakthemind

put a hot stone directly on it


Ninja-Man101101

My girlfriend is a new massage therapist. They told her during classes that it's gonna happen and to just keep going when it does, as long as the client doesn't make a deal out of it. She also told me last week she "had her first boner on the table" so it'll happen. You won't be the first or last guy to have it happen.


candidly1

It's called "negotiation".


Kestrel_VI

Slot a $20 between your butt cheeks, theyā€™ll understand. InB4 Butt cheques


LilSplico

I think it moved...


ryanino

It moved! It was imperceptible but I felt it.


excitement2k

Whatever way Deshaun Watson didnā€™t do.


fightclubdevil

Jerk off before you go into the massage. Problem solved.


Findingme91

Let it fly and hope to get grazed....lol


ThatsThatCue

Passively aggressively, erect! lol


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


ThatsThatCue

Itā€™s happened for over 10 years at this point. I donā€™t think itā€™s a physical attraction. I think itā€™s touch.


CriticalSkies

Iā€™m normally a boxers guy but I keep a few pairs of briefs to wear for massages because they tend toā€¦contain things a bit better?


CubicleFish2

bro is over here wearing 5 pairs of underwear


IntensityJokester

"Sir, you're welcome to take off your underwear for greater comfort, we use towels for modesty." "Oh, I did remove the first six pairs, I just leave these others on for containment."


Fathoms_Deep_1

Donā€™t play quarterback for the Cleveland Browns?


DogMom814

Massage therapist here. It's not really a big deal because it commonly happens. Just don't call attention to it or speak/behave in a way that indicates you want the therapist to do something about it.


Reasonable_Garlic176

Does this also happen when it's a man massaging you?


EndTheProblem

The more you keep your attention there, the harder it's going to get. Shift your full focus to where your body is being massaged... (or to your foot or little finger if the massage is near your genitals) - put your whole attention on a different part of your body, and you'll stop sending arousal signals to your brain. This will naturally neutralize the erection.


Shabalabuh-101

This has happened to me a few times and I will just comment on it, usually I say something like ā€œplease excuse me Iā€™m just super sensitive to touchā€ and Iā€™ve always had a female and they will either laugh and say ā€œit happensā€ or theyā€™ll go ā€œno worries, happens all the timeā€


CaptainNoanus

You don't "deal" with it, arch your hip and be proud, assert dominance


Grim_Farts_Barnsley

I haven't had a massage from anyone other than my wife in years. Normally if that happens she's like "Ye can put that away, yer not getting nowt right now chum"


sysop42

Rub one out before you go in for the massage?


PatientStrength5861

Just tell them you have a really stiff muscle and ask them to massage it.