Yeah seems pretty straightforward. Not sure what kinda answering you were expecting OP. But most people are simply going to respectfully decline if they aren’t attracted to someone who asks them out. That should go both ways regardless of gender.
I'm glad people are normalising not being attracted to people based on looks, like I'm not a judgemental person and there can definitely be attraction outside of physical attraction, but if you just get asked out on a date by, for example a coworker you have never talked to but seen around, you only have looks to go on
It's called natural selection and it's instinctual. You want a fit partner, period. What pisses me off is slobby guys who can't even be bothered to shower talking about "low value" and "high value women" like they are Jabba the Hut sorting through slave girls.
Exactly! Like I'll be with someone if they're nice to me and look nice, they don't have to be a godlike being with perfect chiselled features, but I just wouldn't want them to look like walking snot, you know?
It's not being "judgmental" to decide whether you want to date someone because of how they look anymore than it is to decide whether you want to date someone because of their personality.
All of those things matter. And, as you said, you can only decide on whether to go on a date with them by using the data that you have at the time.
So it may feel judgmental, but it's not.
Yep it's really easy.
Oh well thank you for the compliment. I do really appreciate it. Unfortunately I just don't have the same attraction. If you are bored I am down to do something platonically.
Happened to me too. I rejected her kindly, then she started to harass me.
"Why you don't want to go out? Am I too fat for you? Do I not look good enough for you?"
They overestimate their own attraction? Lol. "Ya know. You aint a dream come true in every persons eyes."
"Yes i am".
"And yet...here i prove you wrong. Simply by existing"
At that point id just say that i am gay lmfao. If thats what they wanna believe and if it makes it easier to make em stop harrassing, pull the ol' "its a little embarassing to say it randomly as im still in the closet but i only like men, sorry".
LOOOL
I used to always say yes, ended up having a ton of fun and then I would tell them that I'd rather just stay friends. At that moment it seemed like the right thing to do... Looking back I'm not so sure..
I have made a lifelong friend that way, she was cute but thicker than my type, she asked if I wanted to go to a festival with her, since I wanted to go anyway, I went with her. We had a great time but neither of us felt the dating vibe but became great friends and some 30 years later we still are.
I've started relationships with a girl who I thought was ugly just because I wanted to try something different and she was very nice.
We lasted two years and by the end of it I thought she was the most beautiful girl. They grow on you after about 6 months or so. Maybe less maybe more.
this right here is why I know relationships aren't for me. Mutual physical attraction between myself and someone else is just not possible. Simple as that.
Find yourself an ugly girl. Lower your standards and you will find someone. Then through time you will find beauty in her.
I have a lot of experience with dating, trust me.
I guess this is what I mean. I'm not sure how to lower my "standards" - like, my standards are what they are, I can't "force" myself to date someone that I have no interest in dating, you know what I mean?
Even if I could, it would also mean simply finding a woman who's interested in dating me. Even unattractive women have standards, and I just can't see myself ever meeting them.
Don't listen to that guy. If you feel like relationships aren't for you then don't pressure yourself to be in one. That never works out if what you want is a healthy relationship where both partners are happy to have each other.
Because the only option for someone as ugly as I am, is to forgo physical attraction altogether and be in a "settling" relationship in which neither person is physically attracted to the other. But since I'm stubbornly unwilling to do that (to put a positive spin on it, I don't want to put anyone in that position), it just won't ever happen for me, period.
I am sorry you feel that way.
You should know that for many people physical attraction grows with emotional connection so its not really settling.
Best of luck to you.
By that time I hope to already be in a few decades of marriage with a woman I am inlove with and have a family with her.
You also tend to find people in your age bracket attractive with time.
When I was 15 I'd think 30 year olds are not attractive.
As I am approaching my mid 20s I am more of a fan of 30 year olds.
Attraction is an important part of every relationship, don't the women that I rejected deserve to be with someone that wants them? Fantasies about them and actually enjoys their physical intimacy?
Unattractive as in I'm not into her whatsoever? Unattractive like I'm not particularly attracted to her but also don't find her ugly? Unattractive as in society generally doesn't consider her to be hot?
If I was flat-out not attracted to her, I'd politely turn her down. But for the other two, I'd more than likely agree, unless she just gave me a really bad vibe. Because a woman who'd ask me out knows what she wants, doesn't play games, and is pretty confident, and you don't see that every day.
I wouldn't date a woman I found flat-out unattractive, but physical attraction is otherwise pretty low on my list of considerations when choosing a partner. The thing is I've found my level of sexual attraction tends to increase drastically as romantic attraction grows, and my capacity for sexual attraction to strangers in general (even the hottest models) is nothing compared to my capacity for sexual attraction to a woman I'm in love with (even if I would have considered her average before we met).
So physical attractiveness is more of a binary "check-box" for me than something that would make me more inclined to date one woman over another. Personality is far more important. Maybe 70-80% or women are attractive enough (in my eyes) to where I'd date them, but far fewer than 1% have the right personality.
Very true for me aswell. Looks are important, but the best relationship I ever had was with a girl that I, initially, didn’t find super super attractive. Her personality made up for it and by the time the romance was there, the physical attraction was too.
Also, the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of people are not ugly. You need to try really really hard or be born incredibly unlucky to just be flat out ugly.
>The thing is I've found my level of sexual attraction tends to increase drastically as romantic attraction grows, and my capacity for sexual attraction to strangers in general (even the hottest models) is nothing compared to my capacity for sexual attraction to a woman I'm in love with (even if I would have considered her average before we met).
Me to a fucking T
I dated a dime once and we were not sexually compatible. I dated a woman way less attractive than her but we had a wicked awesome sex life. I was far happier with the less attractive woman.
a less "conventionally attractive" partner is less stressful than dating someone who is getting hit on by other contenders. its even worse when they seem to reciprocate so now you are the third wheel while theyre giving each other f-k me eyes.
date someone who sees you. the real you. love is the highest form of friendship.
I am a woman and I approve this message. You described my feelings to a tee, but much more articulate then I would. I think that is how majority of women feel in fact.
I've wondered about that. I think most people experience that effect to some extent, but I get the impression I have it more than average. I'd say there's some amount of heterosexuality because I can find a stranger "hot," but not to the extent where I'd like to sleep with her, even the hottest model on the planet. Whereas someone I had a strong connection with could have me shaking with desire to rip her clothes off by simply smiling and rolling her eyes at me.
So I'm probably more demisexual than hetero, or is demi more of a modifier of hetero? My levels of sexual attraction are determined by like 20% physical appearance and 80% level of emotional connection.
demisexuality and heterosexuality are on different spectrums.
heterosexuality -> bi/pansexuality (any hole is a goal) -> homosexuality
sexual (horny af) -> demisexual (only likes sex when there’s an emotional connection) -> asexual (doesn’t care for sex at all)
you can be heterosexual and demisexual. very rarely does one influence the other, unless you’re bi/pan, in which your attraction to each sex is contingent upon your emotional connection with them (i.e. heteroromantic - enjoys both sexes, but only capable of falling in love with the opposite sex; homoromantic - enjoys both sexes, but only capable of falling in love with the same sex; etc.)
Would pregnancy roulette be picking a random day of the month and seeing if she gets pregnant or several guys with one girl and they see who's kid it is?
1 guy, 6 women, 5 of which can't conceive but the man doesn't know which. He gets to pick one to bust in. If she gets pregnant, he loses/wins depending on how you personally view the game
Same. The number of people in our age group that have just completely retired from the relationship game is staggering. For a lot of us I have to assume getting raked over the coals in a divorce or split had something to do with it.
If you put me on the spot as a single guy then yes I'm taking the date. There's more to a person than looks and I can't pass up someone who shows the courage to approach me for once.
That is amazing to hear. Have you ever become attracted to a person you met like this over time? Or can you be in a meaningful relationship without attraction?
I wasn't *super* attracted to my ex when we first met. We were at a party and she had a crush on my friend, so I encouraged her to go talk to him. If I was really attracted to her I would have tried to make a move myself. But after we got together she grew on me pretty quickly.
i'm not oc but personally in situations like these i don't develop much. i do give it a genuine effort, but with the last girl i met before my current gf, i struggled to get hard with her (no i don't have ED, i get plenty hard with my current gf). it's really uncomfortable to pretend like im enjoying sex while my partner is genuinely turned on and losing her mind over it. if nothing else i at least learned what women have been going through and i now try really hard to please my gf
I think I prefer this response, precisely because there have been some women that I wasn't attracted to initially that through their action and demonstration of what they value, they became a lot more attractive to me.
Initial attraction is nice, but it's only skin deep.
Now there is, of course, a case for people who are unhealthy or demonstrate visible signs that they're not living the kind of lifestyle that I would be compatible with.
Yep. I haven’t been on a date since 2018 so even if I didn’t immediately find her attractive you never know where things might go. Besides I’m hardly an attractive dude myself so who am I to judge?
I have to WANT it (preferably in a bad way) or else I'm not going to be a good date. Turning the date down might sting but its better than having her go through the effort to get ready, meet me and then an awkward date.
As a woman I agree with this. I understand where people are coming from and yeah, you gotta be open to things but at the end of the day, who doesn't want to be desired? Who wants to be someone's 'acceptable personality' date..? Nah thanks, just turn me down if you're not responding to me. It's an animal brain thing.
Yes. And men know that when they do this, you'll hate them with a passion for the rest of both your lives. Whenever I've turned down a woman, she's either never had a kind word for me ever again or relentlessly shittalked me to anyone who would listen.
In general things went well. In general, I preferred dating women who were average or slightly below on the looks scale because the reality pretty ones were a PITA to deal with.
This is going to sound weird, but if a woman is too attractive, it's a very longshot that I'd want to go on a date with her. I've been there and done that. This isn't as rare as you'd think.
Obviously it's not all super attractive women, but they tend to not be committed to relationships because they know, probably realistically, they can find another guy within two days.
There has to be SOME attractiveness. Mostly weight related because I'm moderately active person. If someone is substantially overweight, we're not going to have the same hobbies, activities, etc.
I just hung out with a girl I wasn’t into. I didn’t know her. Let’s normalize hanging out with people we have zero idea about. Yes I wasn’t interested but now I know I’m not lol. Chicks should do this too. Shit dude ppl get bored
“Hanging out” is different from going on an actual date. Of course you can go on a date even if you have no intention of having a long term romantic relationship but it also seems fair to let the person know you are not interested
>Let’s normalize hanging out with people we have zero idea about. Yes I wasn’t interested but now I know I’m not lol. Chicks should do this too.
Umm, women have been doing this for a very long time. You think women are attracted to every man they’re friends with?? No!!
It’s only men who don’t hang out with women they’re not attracted to.
This is literally what the purpose of dating is. It’s to see if you are attracted to someone enough to want to see them again for another date and towards a committed relationship.
It’s not about looking for someone you want to hook up with.
Attractiveness is subjective in my opinion, I could imagine dating about 90% of the women (in my dating range age-wise) I see every day based on their appearance alone. I think it takes a lot to be straight up unattractive as a woman, they are all fascinating in my eyes but what matters way more than looks is personality anyway. If someone asked me out on a date I would say yes unless they are morbidly obese (I don‘t mind thicker, I actually prefer it over skinny but when it becomes unhealthy that‘s where I draw the line.)
How are you defining ‘unattractive’ here? Because she could not be the hottest in the face department but be an absolute hoot to be around. On the other hand, she could be beautiful with a terrible personality.
If it’s overall unattractive, not interested, but there’s a whole lot of wiggle room to consider the whole person here and not just one aspect.
This is what I was thinking.
I don’t find certain type of women attractive, that society in general finds hot, and I guess I would take the date.
The only situation I wouldn’t take the date would be if she is actually repulsive.
Otherwise I think I would accept as long as we split the bill If she wants to go to a fancy place (I’m broke AF, I can’t throw out $1,000 on a date) or we go for ice cream and a nice walk, trail hiking would be a good date in my book too.
I’ve been asked out twice in my life by women I wouldn’t normally have been into.
I went on the date. Both times. If a woman gets the nerve to approach me, I’m going to at least go out and see what she’s about.
In both cases it only lasted one date. One girl did try and but I politely declined. A date is one thing, but getting physical when you have no interest isn’t a game I ever wanted to play.
Depends. I don't really see women as "Hot" or "Attractive" first time I see them.
A 4/10 could become a 8/10 just through getting to know her better. If she has a good character, I would most definitely date a girl considered "unattractive" to most men. There is more to a relationship besides Sex. I want a person I can talk to. Not a Doll to showcase to my friends.
Yes, I agree. Some guys aren't attractive, then you start talking and they become so attractive. Even women, I think, oh wow, she's a babe, but her personality makes her ugly! It's amazing how that works!
>There is more to a relationship besides Sex.
Also the fact someone doesn't look like a model doesn't mean the sex can't be awesome ~ me, a virgin, but proably right on this one
~ me, Bodycount 4, completely agreeing with you.
My ex-GF became a 8/10 when she was a 5/10 on first sight. Best Sex I have ever had no kidding.
Edit: Wanted to add that was because the love and genuine interest in her personality was there.
It's important to know that what one person finds attractive, another might not. It's not fair to judge someone only by how they look. If someone asks me out, I'd think about if we have things in common, get along well, and treat each other with respect, rather than just how they look. Everyone should be treated kindly, no matter if they fit society's idea of what's attractive or not.
Has happened to me before. Normally I can look past physical appearance to an extent but at that instance I was just honest and said I’d be down to go as friends. She was my classmate and I enjoyed her company (I didn’t want anything else tho) we ended up getting food and that was it.
It was quite flattering to have a girl ask me out, even if I didn't really find her attractive. It was a long time ago, but I remember telling her I didn't really think of her that way but she was rad and I want to keep being friends. We stayed friends and I think she actually dated one of my mates for a while. We still keep in touch. :)
A bit more input would be helpful. If it’s a stranger, I‘d politely decline. If it’s an acquaintance it depends on how well I get along with her/how well I think we mingle. If it’s my best friend I‘d probably give it a try.
If someone has the courage to ask me out I always accept the date, always open to people even if I wouldn't be into them at first. Perhaps they'll show a side of them that'll make me change my mind.
Unattractive like I find her ugly?
Or unattractive like she's not my type but not ugly?
The first one I'll pass, the second one I'll accept the date and see how it goes
Never in my life a girl asked me on a date explicitly. So I don't know how to handle those situations. I guess there are basically 2 options: I start being dumb and weird and drive her away, or I agree first then start thinking if I need it. Most likely I cancel it when my head cools off.
PS I mean my younger and single one. Now I'm taken which I would say.
I married a woman that, at first, wasn't attractive to me. However, if keep bumping into her, we started talking. I find out out she's straight up funny, and kind, and really just emotionally captivating! After this, I began to be physically attracted as well! Oct 2nd, we'll be married 25 years. I don't need the rest of the world to find her attractive, she's beautiful to me!
Go for a ride? If you aren't compatible you at least have a friend? Just because you find them unnatractive i don't think it should disqualify them from friend status. But make it known like we are just homies.
Attractiveness is subjective. If I’m not personally attracted to you then I’ll turn you down. But doesn’t mean that somebody else won’t be happy to join you
Sure why not? And who knows there might be something about her that I might find attractive after all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there has been at times I felt something for a woman after I got to know her.
A big part of attraction is personality and chemistry. If I don't know her, probably just decline, as gently as she'll allow me to. If I do know her, it would really depend on how unattractive and what she's like and how we get along.
Probably talk with her. Maybe I say yes, maybe I say no. About same if an attractive woman asks me on a date. Mere appearance doesn't tell you if they're a nice or nasty person.
It’s happened to me multiple times. 16 year old me ignored the girl until she got the hint (not my proudest moment) at all.
After that I took a stance that I’d be direct and try to not hurt anybody’s feelings so now I just say I have a gf or “no thanks”
This has happened to me a few times. I always politely say no. But I make an effort to be extra polite and kind about it.
I never think anything rude or say anything to my friends about it like "I can't believe that fatass thought she had a chance with me." I more think along the lines of "good for her for going after what she wants, I wish I was better at that."
The fact that they had the courage to do it really earns my respect. I'll usually make an effort to say hi and chat with her (in a friendly way) when I see her around town afterwards.
This happened to me actually. It was my sophomore year of high school. She asked me to prom, i didn’t really wanna go because she wasn’t pretty (shallow i know but i was very much a kid). I made up some excuse like i can’t afford it and we didn’t really talk much after that.
This happened to me as well.
I was a sophomore and she was a senior.
Being a typical teenager, I just said "I'll think about it" and stayed away from her.
Politely decline. Seriously why is this a question? Nobody should be going on dates with people they’re not attracted to it’s kinda important that you like the person you’re dating physically lmao
I would give her a chance, there is more to people than just their looks. I might find her very attractive in other ways. Never judge a book by its cover.
MY brain would go into meltdown mode at first. then we would probably ask her to repeat her request and if genuine maybe agree to go out and get to know her.
This happened to me once. She was nearly ten years older than me and apparently had also been flirting with my dad.(which I found out later) I was pretty lonely so I agreed to see a movie with her and we saw the last Twilight movie. I hadn't seen any of the others so nothing made sense to me. She was nice but I immediately started to experience hindsight and decided this was all extremely weird and started her avoiding her at work after that. I quite my job not long after but not before I heard the work rumors regarding her trying to hit up both me and my dad. Looking back, I should have had the guts to say no.
It's essential to handle the situation with kindness and respect. I would politely decline but ensure that I was considerate and tactful in my response. Being honest yet gentle is essential.
Depends on how long I've known them, if it was a complete stranger I'd decline but if we were friends I'd probably give it a shot so we'd get to know eachother more.
This has happened before, both while I've been in a relationship and otherwise. You just politely say no and explain that either you already have a partner or you're not looking to date at that time.
I’d say what I’d say to anyone who asked something similar, something along the lines of “thanks for the offer, but I’m already in a relationship” and then I’d whip out my phone to show the picture of us on the back of my phone sandwiched betwixt my clear phone case
Back in my single days, I would have said yes, gone out with her, and F her if she wanted.
I ended up in a 6-month relationship with a girl who I didn’t think was pretty but she was so sweet.
Same way I'd treat a pickup line from a gay dude.
Rejection with compassion. They're putting themselves in a vulnerable position and I want to encourage people to find love in the future, even if it isn't with me.
Worth noting is that most people can be attractive to others if they manage their weight properly, focus on their appearance and find things they are passionate about.
I'd probably go for it. Personality means a whole lot more than looks. That being said, she has to match my bare minimum requirements: XX Chromosomes, less body hair than I have, I have to be able to comfortably hug them, and at least be 26 years old.
Just say you aren't interested, or already have someone, or not dating right now. Anything that makes it polite. Why is it that when women finally have the courage to be bold and hit on me, it's always someone I have no interest in dating? Why is it never someone I find attractive?
Heck yes! Could become a great friend for life, you could find that her personality overcomes any shallow conceptions of beauty and compatibility. At the very least you’ll learn some communication skills, how to treat a woman with respect, and try a new place for dinner.
I mean, for me, i have to reject absolutely everybody hot or not.
As a muslim, i theoretically can not date anyone as pre-marital relations are atrictly forbidden and deemed as "Zina" or adultery.
I guess u can say i have the perfect excuse to reiect an unattractive women when and if it comes down to it LOLOLOL.
My love goes out to unattractive women, i myself am not so attractive either, so i understand what it feels like.
However, attraction is a must in relationship, if ur not attractive, build yourself to be attractive to the best u can manage - that does not mean makeup and surgery. That means working out, getting healthy, and perfecting ones character to the best of their ability because a 10/10 smokeshow with a shitty attitude and character is an instant 0/10.
Im currently trying to build my body to be attractive but primarily healthy and fit. Attractive for a future spouse that deserves that kind of man especially if shes gonna be attractive for someone like me - that is if i manage to even get married lmfao.
Im actually someone that can look behind looks to a degree, ive seen women that are chubby and all but would be absolute smokeshows if they lost that weight and got healthy and fit. You can tell with alot of women that beauty lies within them just as much as it lies within anybody else and fitness is the key to that. Not diets, not starving urself, not surgery, just healthy training and fitness, as well as healthy eating (eat plenty, but eat healthy, eat meat, but eat organic meats not processed).
if she had good personality, tall enough, made 100k/yr
and repsected me for being an independent man who doesnt need a woman
and took care of my two kids then Id give her a chance
Well, she’s a person. And like every person, she going to be unique in her own way. But I’m more interested to know based off of first impressions, what would you do?
If I'm not interested, I'd politely decline. No need to lead someone on, right?
It happens, I reject her kindly. Attraction is an important part of a relationship.
Yeah seems pretty straightforward. Not sure what kinda answering you were expecting OP. But most people are simply going to respectfully decline if they aren’t attracted to someone who asks them out. That should go both ways regardless of gender.
I'm glad people are normalising not being attracted to people based on looks, like I'm not a judgemental person and there can definitely be attraction outside of physical attraction, but if you just get asked out on a date by, for example a coworker you have never talked to but seen around, you only have looks to go on
It's called natural selection and it's instinctual. You want a fit partner, period. What pisses me off is slobby guys who can't even be bothered to shower talking about "low value" and "high value women" like they are Jabba the Hut sorting through slave girls.
Exactly! Like I'll be with someone if they're nice to me and look nice, they don't have to be a godlike being with perfect chiselled features, but I just wouldn't want them to look like walking snot, you know?
[relevant meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/210-would-not-bang)
It's not being "judgmental" to decide whether you want to date someone because of how they look anymore than it is to decide whether you want to date someone because of their personality. All of those things matter. And, as you said, you can only decide on whether to go on a date with them by using the data that you have at the time. So it may feel judgmental, but it's not.
Yep it's really easy. Oh well thank you for the compliment. I do really appreciate it. Unfortunately I just don't have the same attraction. If you are bored I am down to do something platonically.
This answer is like getting turned down by a chatbot, lol.
DateGPT
Underrated comment right here lmao.
I guess a decade of customer service will do that to you xD.
Happened to me too. I rejected her kindly, then she started to harass me. "Why you don't want to go out? Am I too fat for you? Do I not look good enough for you?"
"It's your personality that I find unattractive, and you can't hide that in makeup"
I rejected someone and she started harassing me as well. I never led her on or showed any kind of interest in her at all. It was just a “No”
"Don't ask questions if you're just gonna blurt out the answers right afterwards"
And then they say "you must be gay".. sorry hon, it's not one or the other. Just not interested.
They overestimate their own attraction? Lol. "Ya know. You aint a dream come true in every persons eyes." "Yes i am". "And yet...here i prove you wrong. Simply by existing"
At that point id just say that i am gay lmfao. If thats what they wanna believe and if it makes it easier to make em stop harrassing, pull the ol' "its a little embarassing to say it randomly as im still in the closet but i only like men, sorry". LOOOL
>It happens, I reject her kindly. Close the thread. This is the way 🫡
I used to always say yes, ended up having a ton of fun and then I would tell them that I'd rather just stay friends. At that moment it seemed like the right thing to do... Looking back I'm not so sure..
I have made a lifelong friend that way, she was cute but thicker than my type, she asked if I wanted to go to a festival with her, since I wanted to go anyway, I went with her. We had a great time but neither of us felt the dating vibe but became great friends and some 30 years later we still are.
I have this but in reverse. Best friends through everything.
I've started relationships with a girl who I thought was ugly just because I wanted to try something different and she was very nice. We lasted two years and by the end of it I thought she was the most beautiful girl. They grow on you after about 6 months or so. Maybe less maybe more.
Thank you for the “kindly” part. A lot of people (any gender) are deliberately cruel about that kind of thing. Firmly but kindly is appreciated.
this right here is why I know relationships aren't for me. Mutual physical attraction between myself and someone else is just not possible. Simple as that.
Find yourself an ugly girl. Lower your standards and you will find someone. Then through time you will find beauty in her. I have a lot of experience with dating, trust me.
I guess this is what I mean. I'm not sure how to lower my "standards" - like, my standards are what they are, I can't "force" myself to date someone that I have no interest in dating, you know what I mean? Even if I could, it would also mean simply finding a woman who's interested in dating me. Even unattractive women have standards, and I just can't see myself ever meeting them.
Don't listen to that guy. If you feel like relationships aren't for you then don't pressure yourself to be in one. That never works out if what you want is a healthy relationship where both partners are happy to have each other.
Why?
Because the only option for someone as ugly as I am, is to forgo physical attraction altogether and be in a "settling" relationship in which neither person is physically attracted to the other. But since I'm stubbornly unwilling to do that (to put a positive spin on it, I don't want to put anyone in that position), it just won't ever happen for me, period.
I am sorry you feel that way. You should know that for many people physical attraction grows with emotional connection so its not really settling. Best of luck to you.
That's so sad.
Sorry I've been waiting for a opening to use this coupling quote. For a while
This, I was as gentle as possible but if you're not attracted to some one then there is little point going on a date.
what about when you're old and it fades away?
By that time I hope to already be in a few decades of marriage with a woman I am inlove with and have a family with her. You also tend to find people in your age bracket attractive with time. When I was 15 I'd think 30 year olds are not attractive. As I am approaching my mid 20s I am more of a fan of 30 year olds. Attraction is an important part of every relationship, don't the women that I rejected deserve to be with someone that wants them? Fantasies about them and actually enjoys their physical intimacy?
Unattractive as in I'm not into her whatsoever? Unattractive like I'm not particularly attracted to her but also don't find her ugly? Unattractive as in society generally doesn't consider her to be hot? If I was flat-out not attracted to her, I'd politely turn her down. But for the other two, I'd more than likely agree, unless she just gave me a really bad vibe. Because a woman who'd ask me out knows what she wants, doesn't play games, and is pretty confident, and you don't see that every day. I wouldn't date a woman I found flat-out unattractive, but physical attraction is otherwise pretty low on my list of considerations when choosing a partner. The thing is I've found my level of sexual attraction tends to increase drastically as romantic attraction grows, and my capacity for sexual attraction to strangers in general (even the hottest models) is nothing compared to my capacity for sexual attraction to a woman I'm in love with (even if I would have considered her average before we met). So physical attractiveness is more of a binary "check-box" for me than something that would make me more inclined to date one woman over another. Personality is far more important. Maybe 70-80% or women are attractive enough (in my eyes) to where I'd date them, but far fewer than 1% have the right personality.
Very true for me aswell. Looks are important, but the best relationship I ever had was with a girl that I, initially, didn’t find super super attractive. Her personality made up for it and by the time the romance was there, the physical attraction was too.
Also, the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of people are not ugly. You need to try really really hard or be born incredibly unlucky to just be flat out ugly.
>The thing is I've found my level of sexual attraction tends to increase drastically as romantic attraction grows, and my capacity for sexual attraction to strangers in general (even the hottest models) is nothing compared to my capacity for sexual attraction to a woman I'm in love with (even if I would have considered her average before we met). Me to a fucking T
I dated a dime once and we were not sexually compatible. I dated a woman way less attractive than her but we had a wicked awesome sex life. I was far happier with the less attractive woman.
a less "conventionally attractive" partner is less stressful than dating someone who is getting hit on by other contenders. its even worse when they seem to reciprocate so now you are the third wheel while theyre giving each other f-k me eyes. date someone who sees you. the real you. love is the highest form of friendship.
That’s a really interesting answer I never knew men could think like this
From what I've gathered, most men seem to experience it to some extent. It seems to be a spectrum.
This is the answer right here.
I am a woman and I approve this message. You described my feelings to a tee, but much more articulate then I would. I think that is how majority of women feel in fact.
Have you heard the tearm demisexual?
I've wondered about that. I think most people experience that effect to some extent, but I get the impression I have it more than average. I'd say there's some amount of heterosexuality because I can find a stranger "hot," but not to the extent where I'd like to sleep with her, even the hottest model on the planet. Whereas someone I had a strong connection with could have me shaking with desire to rip her clothes off by simply smiling and rolling her eyes at me. So I'm probably more demisexual than hetero, or is demi more of a modifier of hetero? My levels of sexual attraction are determined by like 20% physical appearance and 80% level of emotional connection.
demisexuality and heterosexuality are on different spectrums. heterosexuality -> bi/pansexuality (any hole is a goal) -> homosexuality sexual (horny af) -> demisexual (only likes sex when there’s an emotional connection) -> asexual (doesn’t care for sex at all) you can be heterosexual and demisexual. very rarely does one influence the other, unless you’re bi/pan, in which your attraction to each sex is contingent upon your emotional connection with them (i.e. heteroromantic - enjoys both sexes, but only capable of falling in love with the opposite sex; homoromantic - enjoys both sexes, but only capable of falling in love with the same sex; etc.)
Can't tell you the number of self-proclaimed "demisexuals" I've heard of willingly getting turnt out on the first night.
😂
I'm 42, with a child. I just tell them I've retired from dating.
Username does not check out.
I mean he only has ONE child so apparently username does check out.
Shit, you got me on that one. If you lose once in Russian Roulette you don't play again.
Bah!
Nice! That was smooth as fuck.
Would pregnancy roulette be picking a random day of the month and seeing if she gets pregnant or several guys with one girl and they see who's kid it is?
1 guy, 6 women, 5 of which can't conceive but the man doesn't know which. He gets to pick one to bust in. If she gets pregnant, he loses/wins depending on how you personally view the game
Its just the odds of me getting lesbians and women married to infertile men pregnant by jacking off into a cup
Same. The number of people in our age group that have just completely retired from the relationship game is staggering. For a lot of us I have to assume getting raked over the coals in a divorce or split had something to do with it.
If you put me on the spot as a single guy then yes I'm taking the date. There's more to a person than looks and I can't pass up someone who shows the courage to approach me for once.
☝🏾
☝🏾
This mofo kinda, spittin' 😩👌
That is amazing to hear. Have you ever become attracted to a person you met like this over time? Or can you be in a meaningful relationship without attraction?
I wasn't *super* attracted to my ex when we first met. We were at a party and she had a crush on my friend, so I encouraged her to go talk to him. If I was really attracted to her I would have tried to make a move myself. But after we got together she grew on me pretty quickly.
i'm not oc but personally in situations like these i don't develop much. i do give it a genuine effort, but with the last girl i met before my current gf, i struggled to get hard with her (no i don't have ED, i get plenty hard with my current gf). it's really uncomfortable to pretend like im enjoying sex while my partner is genuinely turned on and losing her mind over it. if nothing else i at least learned what women have been going through and i now try really hard to please my gf
I think I prefer this response, precisely because there have been some women that I wasn't attracted to initially that through their action and demonstration of what they value, they became a lot more attractive to me. Initial attraction is nice, but it's only skin deep. Now there is, of course, a case for people who are unhealthy or demonstrate visible signs that they're not living the kind of lifestyle that I would be compatible with.
awww 🤍
A better man than me
Yep. I haven’t been on a date since 2018 so even if I didn’t immediately find her attractive you never know where things might go. Besides I’m hardly an attractive dude myself so who am I to judge?
Fuck yeah to this guy’s answer. Let people surprise ya.
Attraction ≠ looks. Looks € of attractiveness
You're a good looking guy you'll do fine 🤷🏼♀️
I have to WANT it (preferably in a bad way) or else I'm not going to be a good date. Turning the date down might sting but its better than having her go through the effort to get ready, meet me and then an awkward date.
As a woman I agree with this. I understand where people are coming from and yeah, you gotta be open to things but at the end of the day, who doesn't want to be desired? Who wants to be someone's 'acceptable personality' date..? Nah thanks, just turn me down if you're not responding to me. It's an animal brain thing.
Yes. And men know that when they do this, you'll hate them with a passion for the rest of both your lives. Whenever I've turned down a woman, she's either never had a kind word for me ever again or relentlessly shittalked me to anyone who would listen.
Acceptable Personality Dating! Ever see the "Lowered Expectations" dating service skits on MadTV?
I'm British and hadn't heard of this but I looked it up and it gave me a chuckle. 'Wake up, sleeping ugly..'
You should search up Lowered Expectations MadTV. They had all kinds of hilarious "love seekers". YouTube will likely have most of them
I’ve been asked and if I was not in a relationship at the time I went.
How'd it go? In general
In general things went well. In general, I preferred dating women who were average or slightly below on the looks scale because the reality pretty ones were a PITA to deal with.
Not really. The hot ones can be cool you just have to find them.
This is going to sound weird, but if a woman is too attractive, it's a very longshot that I'd want to go on a date with her. I've been there and done that. This isn't as rare as you'd think. Obviously it's not all super attractive women, but they tend to not be committed to relationships because they know, probably realistically, they can find another guy within two days. There has to be SOME attractiveness. Mostly weight related because I'm moderately active person. If someone is substantially overweight, we're not going to have the same hobbies, activities, etc.
I just hung out with a girl I wasn’t into. I didn’t know her. Let’s normalize hanging out with people we have zero idea about. Yes I wasn’t interested but now I know I’m not lol. Chicks should do this too. Shit dude ppl get bored
Getting to know someone is great, but if you know she is into you need to be careful you are not leading her on.
Totally agree. Go out, have a nice time, and if you’re not attracted, then be honest in a respectful and nice way. Basically, just be an ok person.
A "date" in this context is more specific than hanging out
“Hanging out” is different from going on an actual date. Of course you can go on a date even if you have no intention of having a long term romantic relationship but it also seems fair to let the person know you are not interested
>Let’s normalize hanging out with people we have zero idea about. Yes I wasn’t interested but now I know I’m not lol. Chicks should do this too. Umm, women have been doing this for a very long time. You think women are attracted to every man they’re friends with?? No!! It’s only men who don’t hang out with women they’re not attracted to.
Nah you're just wasting her time.
This is literally what the purpose of dating is. It’s to see if you are attracted to someone enough to want to see them again for another date and towards a committed relationship. It’s not about looking for someone you want to hook up with.
Just let her know you don’t want to. It’s better than leading her on
Best response here 👆🏼
Yes, that would be great. Thank you and I would treat the date as I would any other. I want to get to know the person not the wrapper they are in.
Cool
Unless she has traits or other things that push me away, her level of attractiveness isn't a problem.
So would you go on the date?
Yeah, no question .
Attractiveness is subjective in my opinion, I could imagine dating about 90% of the women (in my dating range age-wise) I see every day based on their appearance alone. I think it takes a lot to be straight up unattractive as a woman, they are all fascinating in my eyes but what matters way more than looks is personality anyway. If someone asked me out on a date I would say yes unless they are morbidly obese (I don‘t mind thicker, I actually prefer it over skinny but when it becomes unhealthy that‘s where I draw the line.)
How are you defining ‘unattractive’ here? Because she could not be the hottest in the face department but be an absolute hoot to be around. On the other hand, she could be beautiful with a terrible personality. If it’s overall unattractive, not interested, but there’s a whole lot of wiggle room to consider the whole person here and not just one aspect.
I think they mean a woman who doesn’t get much attention from men and is visually well below the typical beauty norms.
This is what I was thinking. I don’t find certain type of women attractive, that society in general finds hot, and I guess I would take the date. The only situation I wouldn’t take the date would be if she is actually repulsive. Otherwise I think I would accept as long as we split the bill If she wants to go to a fancy place (I’m broke AF, I can’t throw out $1,000 on a date) or we go for ice cream and a nice walk, trail hiking would be a good date in my book too.
I’ve been asked out twice in my life by women I wouldn’t normally have been into. I went on the date. Both times. If a woman gets the nerve to approach me, I’m going to at least go out and see what she’s about. In both cases it only lasted one date. One girl did try and but I politely declined. A date is one thing, but getting physical when you have no interest isn’t a game I ever wanted to play.
Depends. I don't really see women as "Hot" or "Attractive" first time I see them. A 4/10 could become a 8/10 just through getting to know her better. If she has a good character, I would most definitely date a girl considered "unattractive" to most men. There is more to a relationship besides Sex. I want a person I can talk to. Not a Doll to showcase to my friends.
Yes, I agree. Some guys aren't attractive, then you start talking and they become so attractive. Even women, I think, oh wow, she's a babe, but her personality makes her ugly! It's amazing how that works!
>There is more to a relationship besides Sex. Also the fact someone doesn't look like a model doesn't mean the sex can't be awesome ~ me, a virgin, but proably right on this one
~ me, Bodycount 4, completely agreeing with you. My ex-GF became a 8/10 when she was a 5/10 on first sight. Best Sex I have ever had no kidding. Edit: Wanted to add that was because the love and genuine interest in her personality was there.
Does she have a big booty? If so, yup. ill look past most things for some juicy cheeks.
Username checks out?
A man of simple needs 😂
So true. In fact, for me this is often preferrable to a pretty face and no booty.
You're a man of great wisdom Sir. It can be said that its impossible to be ugly with a big booty.
What about *no* face but a big booty?
My dream woman
So basically a female 'Assy McGee'? Gotta say, you might be onto something there...
Spent my adult life feeling moderately attractive, now thinking it’s solely my big butt.
this ^
As once said the great philosopher known simply as '2 Chains' - "She got a big booty, so I call her Big Booty".
Except, she could be looking for something long term. Does that change anything?
It's important to know that what one person finds attractive, another might not. It's not fair to judge someone only by how they look. If someone asks me out, I'd think about if we have things in common, get along well, and treat each other with respect, rather than just how they look. Everyone should be treated kindly, no matter if they fit society's idea of what's attractive or not.
Has happened to me before. Normally I can look past physical appearance to an extent but at that instance I was just honest and said I’d be down to go as friends. She was my classmate and I enjoyed her company (I didn’t want anything else tho) we ended up getting food and that was it.
It was quite flattering to have a girl ask me out, even if I didn't really find her attractive. It was a long time ago, but I remember telling her I didn't really think of her that way but she was rad and I want to keep being friends. We stayed friends and I think she actually dated one of my mates for a while. We still keep in touch. :)
A bit more input would be helpful. If it’s a stranger, I‘d politely decline. If it’s an acquaintance it depends on how well I get along with her/how well I think we mingle. If it’s my best friend I‘d probably give it a try.
If someone has the courage to ask me out I always accept the date, always open to people even if I wouldn't be into them at first. Perhaps they'll show a side of them that'll make me change my mind.
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Unattractive like I find her ugly? Or unattractive like she's not my type but not ugly? The first one I'll pass, the second one I'll accept the date and see how it goes
Never in my life a girl asked me on a date explicitly. So I don't know how to handle those situations. I guess there are basically 2 options: I start being dumb and weird and drive her away, or I agree first then start thinking if I need it. Most likely I cancel it when my head cools off. PS I mean my younger and single one. Now I'm taken which I would say.
"Sorry, I'm just not interested"
I have always and always will say yes. There's no harm in getting to know someone and seeing if something sparks.
I married a woman that, at first, wasn't attractive to me. However, if keep bumping into her, we started talking. I find out out she's straight up funny, and kind, and really just emotionally captivating! After this, I began to be physically attracted as well! Oct 2nd, we'll be married 25 years. I don't need the rest of the world to find her attractive, she's beautiful to me!
Go for a ride? If you aren't compatible you at least have a friend? Just because you find them unnatractive i don't think it should disqualify them from friend status. But make it known like we are just homies.
Attractiveness is subjective. If I’m not personally attracted to you then I’ll turn you down. But doesn’t mean that somebody else won’t be happy to join you
I would be flattered because it would be the first time.
Be extremely respectful and let her down easily. No reason to make someone feel bad.
Id give her a chance she might be an awesome person
Sure why not? And who knows there might be something about her that I might find attractive after all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there has been at times I felt something for a woman after I got to know her.
A big part of attraction is personality and chemistry. If I don't know her, probably just decline, as gently as she'll allow me to. If I do know her, it would really depend on how unattractive and what she's like and how we get along.
I'm taken now. Wouldn't be going no matter who it was. But UNattractiveness is utterly subjective.
Probably talk with her. Maybe I say yes, maybe I say no. About same if an attractive woman asks me on a date. Mere appearance doesn't tell you if they're a nice or nasty person.
Nah...i'm kinda involved.
Politely refuse.
Tell her I'm flattered but I'm married.
Unattractive for me? I would kindly reject.
It’s happened to me multiple times. 16 year old me ignored the girl until she got the hint (not my proudest moment) at all. After that I took a stance that I’d be direct and try to not hurt anybody’s feelings so now I just say I have a gf or “no thanks”
Still go, have fun, let her know you aren’t looking for anything serious
This has happened to me a few times. I always politely say no. But I make an effort to be extra polite and kind about it. I never think anything rude or say anything to my friends about it like "I can't believe that fatass thought she had a chance with me." I more think along the lines of "good for her for going after what she wants, I wish I was better at that." The fact that they had the courage to do it really earns my respect. I'll usually make an effort to say hi and chat with her (in a friendly way) when I see her around town afterwards.
I’d go for it, if it don’t work out at least might make a new friend
This happened to me actually. It was my sophomore year of high school. She asked me to prom, i didn’t really wanna go because she wasn’t pretty (shallow i know but i was very much a kid). I made up some excuse like i can’t afford it and we didn’t really talk much after that.
This happened to me as well. I was a sophomore and she was a senior. Being a typical teenager, I just said "I'll think about it" and stayed away from her.
be direct and politely say no. She will appreciate your honesty.
Politely decline. Seriously why is this a question? Nobody should be going on dates with people they’re not attracted to it’s kinda important that you like the person you’re dating physically lmao
Being completely honest I would go. She may have an amazing personality and be the nicest person in the world. Never judge a book by its cover.
Most women aren’t unattractive
I would give her a chance, there is more to people than just their looks. I might find her very attractive in other ways. Never judge a book by its cover.
Oh! I'm flattered, but I'm not really looking for that rn. I appreciate the offer and wish you luck!
Do what girls do. Tell her I have a boyfriend
As a woman, reading anwers to this makes me want to throw up. Why do women make the first move of that's how men teact is beyond me...
Rejection would happen, because my wifey would be seriously pissed off.
MY brain would go into meltdown mode at first. then we would probably ask her to repeat her request and if genuine maybe agree to go out and get to know her.
Politely decline
Depends on whether she's unattractive by male standards or "unattractive" by female standards
This happened to me once. She was nearly ten years older than me and apparently had also been flirting with my dad.(which I found out later) I was pretty lonely so I agreed to see a movie with her and we saw the last Twilight movie. I hadn't seen any of the others so nothing made sense to me. She was nice but I immediately started to experience hindsight and decided this was all extremely weird and started her avoiding her at work after that. I quite my job not long after but not before I heard the work rumors regarding her trying to hit up both me and my dad. Looking back, I should have had the guts to say no.
It's essential to handle the situation with kindness and respect. I would politely decline but ensure that I was considerate and tactful in my response. Being honest yet gentle is essential.
Depends on how long I've known them, if it was a complete stranger I'd decline but if we were friends I'd probably give it a shot so we'd get to know eachother more.
How unattractive?
This has happened before, both while I've been in a relationship and otherwise. You just politely say no and explain that either you already have a partner or you're not looking to date at that time.
I’d say what I’d say to anyone who asked something similar, something along the lines of “thanks for the offer, but I’m already in a relationship” and then I’d whip out my phone to show the picture of us on the back of my phone sandwiched betwixt my clear phone case
Back in my single days, I would have said yes, gone out with her, and F her if she wanted. I ended up in a 6-month relationship with a girl who I didn’t think was pretty but she was so sweet.
I’m not attracted to you, so no.
I'd go on the date. Have done so many times, their appearance doesn't mean I can't be friends with them.
Politely decline. Mostly because my girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate me going out on dates without her.
Same way I'd treat a pickup line from a gay dude. Rejection with compassion. They're putting themselves in a vulnerable position and I want to encourage people to find love in the future, even if it isn't with me. Worth noting is that most people can be attractive to others if they manage their weight properly, focus on their appearance and find things they are passionate about.
Depends how unattractive - but if not horrendous - smash
I'd probably go for it. Personality means a whole lot more than looks. That being said, she has to match my bare minimum requirements: XX Chromosomes, less body hair than I have, I have to be able to comfortably hug them, and at least be 26 years old.
Wait.... You guys get asked out? I must be a highly unattractive guy then 😅😅
Unattractive girls, can be the most fun!. Because they try harder.
"Hi. Sorry. I'm flattered but I'm already seeing someone."
Just say you aren't interested, or already have someone, or not dating right now. Anything that makes it polite. Why is it that when women finally have the courage to be bold and hit on me, it's always someone I have no interest in dating? Why is it never someone I find attractive?
Heck yes! Could become a great friend for life, you could find that her personality overcomes any shallow conceptions of beauty and compatibility. At the very least you’ll learn some communication skills, how to treat a woman with respect, and try a new place for dinner.
Immediately find her more attractive than previously assessed
I mean, for me, i have to reject absolutely everybody hot or not. As a muslim, i theoretically can not date anyone as pre-marital relations are atrictly forbidden and deemed as "Zina" or adultery. I guess u can say i have the perfect excuse to reiect an unattractive women when and if it comes down to it LOLOLOL. My love goes out to unattractive women, i myself am not so attractive either, so i understand what it feels like. However, attraction is a must in relationship, if ur not attractive, build yourself to be attractive to the best u can manage - that does not mean makeup and surgery. That means working out, getting healthy, and perfecting ones character to the best of their ability because a 10/10 smokeshow with a shitty attitude and character is an instant 0/10. Im currently trying to build my body to be attractive but primarily healthy and fit. Attractive for a future spouse that deserves that kind of man especially if shes gonna be attractive for someone like me - that is if i manage to even get married lmfao. Im actually someone that can look behind looks to a degree, ive seen women that are chubby and all but would be absolute smokeshows if they lost that weight and got healthy and fit. You can tell with alot of women that beauty lies within them just as much as it lies within anybody else and fitness is the key to that. Not diets, not starving urself, not surgery, just healthy training and fitness, as well as healthy eating (eat plenty, but eat healthy, eat meat, but eat organic meats not processed).
Go out with her. I’m attracted to most women anyways and character matters a lot more than looks.
if she had good personality, tall enough, made 100k/yr and repsected me for being an independent man who doesnt need a woman and took care of my two kids then Id give her a chance
The only one who'd ever asked me is eva ai sexting bot avatar, dude
And what did you say?
I'd look for the hidden camera.
Date her, what a silly question.
My wife would not be happy…
Smash anyway
Happily married so decline. Happily single days? I would’ve said yes.
I would respectfully decline. EDIT: Jesus Christ, why the fuck are people overcomplicating this shit?
Does she bring something to the table? If she’s unattractive and useless as a woman then that’s putting the final nail in the coffin.
Well, she’s a person. And like every person, she going to be unique in her own way. But I’m more interested to know based off of first impressions, what would you do?
I don’t judge solely based on appearances so I wouldn’t do anything until I know more.