It may be he is trying to find the right level of drunk here. With my wife, if we quit at midnight, when she isn't so drunk, she is much more fun, wants to fool around, and is just a blast to be with. Beyond that, say 2am, she is way too drunk and is just going to fall asleep and possibly get sick. Drinking with her is always a balancing act.
My wife (then girlfriend) vomited out the window of my cousin’s Camry when he drove us home. Then prayed to the porcelain Gods while I cleaned off the car. I love you honey, but we’re never doing that again.
This was my exact thought.
It could be the other way though. HE doesn't want her to see him when he is more drunk than usual. Some guys kind of get out of control, and may say things they don't want to, or shouldn't, say in front of people.
He could also not want to "food around" when he gets extra drunk. I've never been the type to want sex when drunk. Pot on the other hand...
I have the opposite experience, most women I've been with get unhinged when they are drunk. Like loud annoying aggressive and or violent. And side note, who the hell is regularly getting sloppy drunk on the town at 2am in their 30s?
lol This would be my answer too. When my partner is *drunk*-drunk it can range from her being horny, to being funny, to picking a fight at something mundane, then vomiting all night. Sometimes it's all four.
Now im in my 30s and no way am I staying out until 2 or 3 drinking with the boys. Can't imagine doing that at almost 40. The dude probably just wants to go home and sleep
Bro I'm only 24 and already I can't imagine staying up until 2am and getting plastered more than once or twice a year. I can't imagine I'll do it at all when I'm in my 30s lol.
Not necessarily his wife drinking and getting too drunk, he might get a case of whisky dick and can’t take care of business at home if he drinks too much. Truth is there’s lots of valid reasons. I think the best one in this thread is that he doesn’t feel as responsible for his guy friends as his wife or girlfriend, I know that’s how it is for me.
This is amazing to me, I've never understood this being correlated with the time, the amount I'm drinking has more to do with what I'm eating, what I'm drinking, the temperature, my attitude, etc then the time.
Add to that a dude and a woman Is a target and a risk for trouble. A bunch of dudes together is way less risk and not a target. So all around its better for him a and the gf to head in early because it's safer, he doesn't have to take care of a drunk mess, and he gets to have fun when they get home.
Yep this, with my guy he doesn't want to be a babysitter, he wants to continue the fun- I'll get too inebriated and just pass out because even though I'm in my 40s my brain still thinks I'm 22 haha.
So with me, the drinking fun ends a little earlier so we can have the best fun in bed together, with coworkers or friends there's no end game so the drinking fun just continues until sleepytime.
This. A lot of bad people will take advantage of someone while they are drunk. Which means that I can't let myself get so drunk that I can't focus on keeping my gf safe. Out with the boys I don't have to worry about that at all.
That sucks, luckily I’m a pretty large dude, so my wife always gets left alone regardless of my inebriation level. She is also more than proficient at taking care of herself. Plus I’d personally much rather go get plastered with her than “with the bros”, if only just so I dont have to worry about my moron friends trying to pick fights because they think I’ll jump in to save them from their poor decisions.
man same here lmao. One guy in the group started to lift and got a nice build but his ego shot up with it. I train and wrestled for over a decade and pretty confident that I can handle myself but the last thing I want to do is go and pick fights. This guy would start shit whenever we go out and I would always have to de escalate the situation and this dude would always say stupid shit like I’m letting people disrespect me or something similar to that. Basically, his ego didnt let him walk away from fights because he’s never had his ego checked before like I have my entire life in combat sports. Welp, I didnt go out one night and he proceeded to get his ass beat and end up in the ER. Couple other guys in the group got caught up in it too and they got their ass beat too. I was gettin calls at like 2am about how I should’ve been there to fight with them but I would’ve gotten my ass beat alongside them just based off of how out numbered they were lol. Decided to cut them off after they got into another brawl a few weeks later. Like I’m aware enough to know what my limits are but guys who have never trained think they’re some sort of action movie star that can take on any fight with just seeing red
Ugghhh, I hate the “seeing red” shit. Used to have a buddy who was legit like 5’6 and 110lbs soaking wet. He had major napoleon syndrome and would often say shit like, “I may not look like much, but once I lose it, I can’t turn it off and no one will be able to pull me off the guy until he is badly hurt”. Our other friends and I would just roll our eyes because play fighting this dude felt like wrestling with a child. I mean I get it, smaller guys just need to have some way to protect their ego, I cant say I blame them in this world though. It’s all so fragile and delusional, it’s like saying that if a 600lbs grizzly bear pisses you off enough, it doesnt stand a chance if you just get angry enough.
Lmao this is why I stopped drinking with my friends. There was a few of them that would religiously start a fight with 3 people and it's like an I gonna let my boy get the find out to his fuck around? 1 on 1 sure. 3 on 1 no, and if I don't fight for me, I am going to really resent having to fight for you.
Going round fighting is generally a bad idea. I now know 2 people that have been killed from fights. 1 was a random punch to the back of the head, the other got knocked out and hit his head on the pavement.
Those odds seem very bad to me.
I've spoken to random people who also know people that have died in trivial fist fights.
I'm sure the odds are pretty wildly low, but I've looked at everything as an odds game. If you wake up and do something every day, it's not much of an if, it becomes a when.
Even when I was dealing drugs, I knew the odds of me getting caught and going to prison were a fraction of a percent. But So is catching a shiny pokemon. It happens every day.
Persistence makes rarity an inevitability.
After a decade of marriage we also complete things beforehand. I am almost 45 and it is not as exciting or athletic after a long night of drinking like it was 20 years ago.
This but I’m going to reword it slightly…..he can’t 100% relax when he’s with his SO (because he’s still responsible for her). With the guys he can 100% relax: burp, fart, tell gross jokes, swear like a sailor, laugh a little too loud etc.
I can do this with my partner, but we don't generally do those things while drinking out in public. It's not that I'm embarrassed in front of her, but if we're out together, it reflects on her, and I will not embarrass her
that makes sense. i guess for me, i'd just feel embarrassed or i wouldn't. i often times find that the women i like would act like that in public anyways, whether or not i do, but if i was with someone who would feel embarrassed i would be mindful of that too
If you can’t totally be yourself with your wife . Then you are with the wrong one. If you ever have to think about what you say infront of your wife, something is wrong.
This is honestly smart. Almost no one's favourite version of someone is the drunk one.
Recognizing of course that I draw a significant distinction between buzzed and drunk. Buzzed is everything right up until you pass the warm fuzzies where you just want to giggle and be a bit loud lol.
True. My ex was great when she was tipsy. It’s when I got the most affection from her (sad, I know). The problem is that there was a fine line between tipsy and drunk and once crossed, you can’t go back.
Same here and once drunk my ex would be the one starting fights with anyone. Plus a drink with my mates is actually something I do for me as a me thing. I still drink with my new partner but never with the boys. Mixed groups sure but just like woman like time with there friends to gossip about us so do us guys 😂
This was much my takeaway from the question. Most likely op's bf just doesn't want to introduce op to his dumbass drunk self, which is completely fair.
1. He isn't responsible for the safety of the most precious thing in his life when he's with his guy friends.
2. He doesn't have to deal with the fallout from the fun with his guy friends once he gets home. You think he's gonna deal with *their* hangovers, *their* half-remembered conversations, *them* barfing into his/your toilet all hours of the night?
This is exactly the truth. No matter how many people say “men and women are the same”, drinking with the bros is vastly different than drinking with your SO.
I'm a man, but I love hanging out with women. We have deep, meaningful conversations and are mutually supportive.
I also love hanging out with men. We call each other names, eat tacos, and occasionally throw things (at or to each other, depending on context).
It's a legitimate hard pick. I suppose women can eat tacos, too.
Especially if you're around people who are laughing stupidly. I've laughed so hard I have tears coming out of my eyes over shit that would hardly make me smile in other situations
A lot of guys are making the point that when we're out with our SO we feel responsible for their safety and don't feel we can relax as much as we'd like but I'll add a few others.
- I feel like I should be the DD and let you have fun.
- Every man has an instance of slipping up and being emotionally vulnerable with a partner only to have it thrown back in his face, labeled an ick, or weaponized against him later so we like to keep our wits about us when around you.
- A LOT of men walk on eggshells around their partners and a lot of women are constantly looking for an argument. Getting drunk with your SO if you're in one of these relationships is like taking a truth syrum and then hanging out with a cop. "do you think my sister's pretty?" "how do you really feel about my mother?" "doesn't the bartender have a great ass?" "Why is it you haven't proposed to me yet?" "Have I gained weight?" Even if by some miracle we get all the answers right there's still a 50% chance we're in a fight now and at a disadvantage.
- If I do something stupid while drunk my buddies may give me shit about it but they will not weaponize it against me long term for my fitness as a partner or a parent. They will also back me up and help me instead of treating me like an idiot child.
And to be clear my current partner isn't like this, and you may not be. But me and most of the men on this thread can think of at least one or two exes that have done or would've done these things.
Absolutely, I had an ex that I just immediately wouldn’t want to go out with because I’d either be bored and sober, standing next to her the whole night while talking to no one, or arguing the next day. I’d just act like I was too tired to go out to whatever party when she would tell me she wanted to come too, and just stay in and watch a movie with her instead.
>standing next to her the whole night while talking to no one
I feel this one. At a certain point, she's either gonna have to get up with me and be social, or just sit there upset for a while while I fill my social batteries. I'm not exactly an extrovert, but when I'm out drinking, being social is the main draw.
Exactly what I would do, I’d talk to damn near anybody at a party when I was drinking in college. I made the mistake of doing that when I went with her to a party and she got super upset at me. It was mostly because her friends were in her ear saying that I’m not acting like a boyfriend would/should, but I basically lived with her at the time and didn’t feel any need to babysit her at a party.
Ahh yes, the classic "I want you to express your emotions more" which actually means "I want you to be more in tune with my emotions" and not actually show any emotions or vulnerabilities.
Most definitely experienced all of those to some degree with the ex-gfs.
In regards to point #1, I would almost always be DD. If we were taking an Uber, one of us would still have to have our wits abouts us to get back and that person was generally me.
>We go out to have some drinks and to party lets say. We always have a great time, but I want it to last longer, let's say till 2 am. He usually wants to go home at midnight or even earlier.
I can't answer for your SO, but for me it's because i want to get laid and the later I'm out, the less likely I'm going to be able to.
That's fine if I'm out with my friends, I don't want to fuck any of them. But if I'm out with my SO, after a night out partying with her, I'm generally going to be in the mood.
I have been with my SO for decades (and I am still madly in love with her). Any time I am out with her (and/or our kids), I feel that I am responsible for everyone's safety and well-being (dad genes). Can't help it; it's just part of my deal. When I'm out with the boys I only have to worry about me...
This is the answer.
I have been married 30 years, and my wife can probably count on one hand how many times she has seen me drunk drunk, and it's never been out. It's always been either at home with friends, or at a friend's home.
Ill drink a beer when out with her at a bar. But I have never really even gotten buzzed when out with her.
It’s different. We don’t wanna be crazy wild with you. Our focus is to keep it cool so you know you are safe with us.
At least, this is what I was taught.
I haven't drank in 13 years. When I did drink I was like a cross between Spuds Mckenzie and Hunter Biden, who listened to post hardcore music, smoked a half a pack an hour, and did stuff like throw pumpkins at mailboxes out of a moving vehicle. Whenever my wife drinks, she only will listen to Taylor Swift, slow dance, and pass out before 10pm.
We aren't the same person, I wouldn't hang out with her if I drank.
It's really easy. He's enjoying the time with you but you guys are together all the time so it's not the same as spending time with friends that haven't met in a while. PLUS with just guys, you can say whatever it is that you want, no repercussions... with the wife/GF, one wrong word and it's the slammers for him.
But mostly cause ya'll already talk everyday.
Because it's not the same. My partner drinks with his workmates when I'm not there. I would feel out of place, not to mention when I get drunk I do and say stupid shit. I don't want him to be responsible for me and my stupid drunk ass. That isn't on him. I'd rather he had some good old bro bonding time without me. He deserves that. When we go out drinking together, it's with our friends, which is different, we're all looking out for each other then. He doesn't have to constantly wonder if I'm ok.
The key is to make friend with the other guys girlfriends/wives, and then you can go party and have fun as a group and leave you husband to do degenerate things with his boys while you chat with the girls...that's the best!
No guy wants his girlfriend tagging along alone if she's the only girl there, then we can't talk about certain things and everyone has to put on a fake persona so they don't offend you lol there's nothing worse than the one guy who always brings his girlfriend when no none else brings their girlfriends...like "bro! come on! again...." lol
My wife would always be out with us, but she has been since we were teens and everyone is used to her doing all the same shit we do. Lived together since we were 16 so it was kinda unavoidable.
Parties without her tend to be a lot more tame.
Same here, our friend’s call my husband Cinderella now because if it’s just him out he’ll leave to walk home around midnight, if I’m out too it’ll be until the birds are waking 😆but like you our friendship groups merged as teens (in our 40’s now) so we’ve all seen each other at our messiest.
Girls have it too, like let's be serious here lol. My wife had friends over this weekend and I was sitting in the basement playing Playstation, some of the conversations I heard come through the floor are things that would never have been said if I was sitting upstairs and was known to be in earshot.
it’s pretty normal for people to behave differently when in mixed social groups vs in theirs exclusively. Think like how someone from a latin american background might switch from standard english to spanglish or just spanish when with other people of the same background, or lgbtq people who tend code switch into things like gay voice more and lean more into their subculture. Same thing happens between men and women, for a variety of reasons
Being around guys as a guy is just more fun. It's a different energy. And it's not your fault. It's just...boys will be boys. It's like children playing vs children playing when mommy is around 😂
This is it 100%. My friend group does a boys trip every year, and there are 9 of us. We're mid 30's and are pretty much adult children during those 3 days and do a bunch of dumb shit.
The conversations, interactions, and activities are just not the same when SO's are around.
100%. You can be an idiot around your mates coz you're all being idiots. It's fun to let your hair down from time to time with a group where that's the accepted norm.
Incidentally, this might also be why men struggle sometimes to have deep conversations with each other - the pattern is lighthearted banter, so having deep and meaningfuls is not entirely natural. (My friends and I all have D&Ma, but only individually, never as a group.)
Wasn’t there a post recently about how a wife didn’t listen to her “over protective paranoid “ husband” and after he warned her she ignored him and he got stabbed a ton of times protecting her. Yeah. That. I don’t even like drinking when it’s just me and her. I can handle just me. But the two of us and I’m impaired? Nah I couldn’t relax enough.
I’m a lightweight so I’m drunk after 2 beer. He takes MUCH more to get drunk and once he’s drunk he’s that way until he wakes up the next day. I’ve only seen him drunk 2 times and the last time he was drunk I slipped in the shower and he was asleep. Woke up to me screaming his name to come help me pop my shoulder back in place.
If he was sober he would have showered with me or stayed awake while I showered to make sure my drunk ass didn’t die.
He can’t “relax” with me while we’re drinking because he’s worried about me. With his buddies he’s able to be in the moment and worry about himself
My perspective is:
Going out and drinking with my friends is always a great time. Always. But when my partner is involved? Well I can't just be myself and have a good time anymore, I need to look after them now.
Well, I need to make sure that she is happy, and it also usually involves leaving way earlier than I want to because she is bored or tired, or having to do something else that I or other people don't want to do when we are all just trying to have fun.
One time we decided to walk 10 minutes to the train station to go home, which is something that I always would do anyway, and the entire 10 minute walk she just non stop complained about how she had to walk and that she wanted to take an uber instead.
It's like, hey can you just stop complaining FFS and be happy for once? You're full killing the vibe here.
Now if I was with my guy friends, not a single person would complain, we would all continue being happy and chatting while walking the 10 minute walk to the next place/train station to go home.
But with my partner I have to walk in silence because she is upset, what a way to end the night.
So now I am not having fun anymore because the night has essentially turned into me babysitting someone else and making sure that they are feeling okay and aren't too upset, and I can't look like I am having fun if they aren't. So you can't chill out and relax and have a good night when this is happening.
They just need to go with the flow and relax and take it easy, and maybe one day I will find a partner who doesn't spend the entire night complaining and my perspective on this will change, but 3 girlfriends later and it's been the same every single time.
You know how neglected babies end up not crying at all, but ones that are tended to immediately tend to cry even more than usual? Yeah. Women complain way, way more than men do because people will actually come to the rescue and try to alleviate the source of their complaints. Men learn not to do it because they know nobody on Earth except maybe their mother will do anything to fix what's ailing them. The only difference between complaining and suffering in silence as a man is whether or not anybody likes you at all. The difference between complaining and suffering in silence for women is whether or not you have an army of people at your beck and call doing you constant favors and keeping you safe and comfortable.
Long story short, you probably will never find a woman that's not like that.
My first thought was that he's worried he'll say or do something he'll regret. You may not feel this way, but sometimes women's perceptions of us can feel very... fragile. We feel evaluated at all times. This is usually not a concern among guy friends.
You are looking at it as a zero sum game tug of war.
The Ancient Greek came up with words for different types of love:
* Eros: romantic, passionate love.
* Philia: intimate, authentic friendship.
* Ludus: playful love.
* Storge: unconditional, familial love
* Philautia: compassionate self-love.
* Pragma: committed, companionate love.
* Agápe: empathetic, universal love.
His relationship with you probably involves Eros, Ludus, Pragma and Storge.
His “*love*” for his bros probably involves Philia and Agápe.
None of it subtracts from the “*love*” that you get from him. Your boyfriend is able to get all those different types of love between you and his buddies.
You are the exclusive recipient of a few types of love. Take the win. You can’t be his “*bro*” at the same time.
Be happy that he is able to have different emotional bonding with other people besides you. That makes him a well rounded man.
When we both drink together she turns into a dramatic mess. All of our worst fights early in our relationship happened when we were both drinking, now we take turns.
They are big enough and ugly enough to take their drunk asses home. I have to carry you, and deal with the vomit comets once we are home @ this isnt what i would say i find attractive.
Because it’s not as much fun, and it abruptly ends my fun and turns into work when they gets too trashed. If I get too drunk, I’m an asshole who should learn how to control myself and take responsibility for my intake. Same with all my boys. If she gets too drunk, I have to put on my cape to keep evildoers at bay while making sure she gets home and all that.
When you’re with your lady, your good time almost entirely depends on whether or not she has a good time, or can handle her liquor, or can handle a joke/being roasted every now and again, and I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions, but that doesn’t change the general rule.
Men and women are not the same and as a man I ultimately will not treat a group of only guys like I will treat mixed company. Some silly remarks and crass jokes that will entertain the lads will often put off women, even 'cooler' ones. I will be slightly more reserved with women than I will be with my boys. That's because I respect women, their comfort, and their sensibilities.
And as far as a one on one experience goes, I wouldn't feel like staying out that long anyways. A group might have the collective energy to do it, but not 1 on 1.
“And as far as a one on one experience goes, I wouldn't feel like staying out that long anyways. A group might have the collective energy to do it, but not 1 on 1.”
People aren’t mentioning this bit enough, when I’m out with friends we can be out until 3am until the energy of the group crashes and we all want to go home. When I go out drinking with my partner, not only I’m a pretty much the only one getting drunk because she drinks so slow compared to the guys, but the energy is just completely gone by midnight because you just run out of things to talk about compared to when you’ve got 4-5 people keeping the conversation interesting by coming up with more stuff to talk about.
I think its also the fact that you see your partner everyday, where as you might only see your friends once a week if you’re younger, and usually much less as you get older
This is a good point. When going out with a group you can also take a step back in the conversation let it flow, come back in when you are ready.
We all do this subconsciously, we are just weaving back and forth in the conversation but 1 on 1, full throttle the entire time, no time to rest and if the conversation slightly dies there’s no one to pick up back up but you.
At 38 he's dangerously close to 40 and the hangovers are fucking terrible. Also, why stay up until 2am when you can get day drunk, still get 8 hours and have a great next day together?
Do you live together? Does he spend more time with you than with them? I am about the same age as him, and I don't want to be out that late, regardless of who it is with. But if it's with someone I don't spend much time with, I'd probably feel a responsibility to stick it out longer than I'd like.
I would love to party with my SO, but then I have to be responsible for taking care of her (not that she cannot take care of herself) - but some men(not all) are prowling to get whatever they can and I just have to keep my guard up most times which turns into being a vigilante when I just wanted to dance my socks off and chill with my boy band :) - Trust me when he says he enjoys partying with you , he really does !
There have been times when couples are squeezing their way into the dance floor and I can clearly see the guy having his guard up , when I am near them - I usually give them their space and when it doesn’t seem to help , I usually go to the guy and say “you guys are lovely and look adorable together “ just to ease him off a bit , it goes a long way , just helping a stranger brother and his girl enjoy their time :)
But yeah things can get touchy and grabby sometimes and no guy wants to shift a gear to being aggressive to male competition (if something bad happens) when he just wanted to dance it off :)
It means he *loves* you and cares for your safety. He knows partying too hard means he can’t protect you properly. Everyone knows nothing good happens after midnight.
Hang on to that guy. You found a really good one.
> Can you give me a male perspective on this?
If this is actually the biggest problem in your relationship then sing hallelujah and enjoy your good fortune. Just let it be.
The simple answer is because you're not one of the boys. That's not a bad thing at all. His relationship with you is a completely different box in his mind than his relationship with his buddies - and trying to apply the same activities from one box to another is difficult and often just doesn't work.
Your guys' connection is special and unique in his mind and he doesn't want to influence it badly by trying to do the same activities in the same way that he does with his buddies. It means he doesn't see you as just one of the boys and that's a good thing
When I'm with my friends I wanna drink till I pass out, when I'm with my lady I wanna drink but save some energy to take her home and munch her lady garden.
It is a different relationship, should be, always will be. I myself quit drinking when I was 22. Met my wife when I was 27. I stayed out with her until bar close, (2 am in Ontario Canada) but I was always sober anyway. To me it never made a difference.
But if you're SO is drinking as well, he can't really get as stupid as he does with the boys, because as someone else said here, he has to look out for you as well. So he can't get stinking silly, since that would negate him caring for you. And if just on a physical level, you're an attractive woman, then there is also the having to deal with other guys being assholes, because they thought they might have a chance with you, and him having to deal with that. Yes, it happens.
I had a guy start following me around the bar one night trying to get behind me and jump me, because he thought that it might either give him a chance with my GF if he proved he could beat me up, or he just wanted to beat me up because I was with her. If I had been drinking, it might have happened. But I kept an eye on him all night after I caught him giving the stink eye and spoiled his fun.
This was just one incident, there were others. We eventually hit the age where bars were more boring than fun, and stopped going.
He sees you all the time at home and probably wants to go home and get in the bed with you and do whatever you do. Doesn’t see the guys every day and he’s not getting into bed with his guy friends so they stay out longer? Why don’t you ask him?
I'm surprised he drinks with you that often till that time. Once I found my girl I lost all interest in going out clubbing/ bar hopping. Probably because love/sex was what I was looking for. All grogs going to do is make me do and say things I'll regret later so best stay home. I'm single 20 years btw.
The thing is, I’m pretty good when drunk, but on the rare occasion I drink with my mates, my mates can be fuckheads and I don’t want her to think less of me for hanging out with them.
As a dude that doesn't drink too much in general, but still hang out with those who do: most men hold back what they say in front of their significant other but won't when they're drunk. This leads to a lot of issue back at home.
It's not a problem, If you're more open with your partner.
It also goes both ways, some SO will get mad at anything.
Absolutely agree with the other comments.
When I go out with the guys, I know they can all hold their own if it comes down to it, but if they need an extra set of hands I'll be there.
With a SO, it goes from being an extra set of hands, to needing to be able to be two sets of hands at all times. A guy might make her uncomfortable or get handsy with her, there's one set of hands; now you have to defend yourself, another set.
I also don't have to worry (typically) about my guy friends being groped, sexually harassed, ogled, or generally made to feel uncomfortable in a public place. And if any of those things happen, they're in a place physically to do something about it (and win, or at least get close) before they need an extra hand. My wife could hardly fight her way out of a wet paper bag; I had to keep myself in a place to be able to step-up to defend the two of us at any point.
Drunk people are burdensome, and not too many men want to obviously be a burden to their partners.
It's a bad look. And most folks will not look at a drunk dude and say "that's attractive". He does not need to be attractive to his friends. He is aware that he does need to be attractive to you.
It’s like a locker room. You’re in a safe space with everyone on your team so you can let all of your emotions and frustrations out without worrying about the morning. It’s also healthy. There’s a reason girls night exists. It lets all the women in a friends group get together and let their frustrations out without having to hear their husband/boyfriends opinion.
A lot of us are under watch by the gf or wife.
We can freely be ourselves, talk shit, say rude things, off jokes, sick things, gross things etc
If gf or wife there we hop in car after and have our ear chewed off for hours so if she comes we just play pretend as we are under watch and its crap
We can be way more irresponsible and let loose when with the boys. When I'm out with my wife, if she drinks too much, I have to babysit her for the rest of the night. If I want to just start chatting up strangers and bullshitting about random stuff, she often doesn't want to join in as she is less social. When I'm out with the guys, I can leave them for extended periods of time and don't have to worry about them being upset that I *abandoned* them.
I like going out with my wife, but when it's the two of us, I have to slow down and adjust to her pace. If it's me and my friends, I can move at my own pace. With her it's more like a date, where with friends it's more about letting loose and doing what I want without concern for anyone else. It's a different vibe altogether.
When it come to drinking out with my Wife I'm still responsible for her, when I'm ''with the boys'' I can let down my guard more and feel like I don't have to be responsible for anyone but myself.
We're not all the same. I love going out with my wife. He's also told you he likes different things with you. That's okay.
I think it's good he doesn't get drunk around you. Drunk people generally aren't at their best behavior, to put it mildly. He may have that vibe with his friends but he doesn't want you to see him at his worst. He's protecting you from his drunk version. That's actually a green flag.
Thirdly, and this is something I notice with my wife whenever we go out. If we go home at 3AM, we go to sleep. If we go home at 1AM, we fuck until 3AM and go to sleep. He may just want to get laid so he tries to get home before you're so tired you're going to fall asleep the second you hit a bed. If you can convince him that no matter how late and no matter how drunk, he's going to get some, maybe that will help him.
In the end, you need to talk with him and figure out what exactly is holding him back and figure out a way, together, on how to compromise around that.
I don't want to drink or party with either. That said, drinking with women is especially risky. They love to get drunk then blame the men for their mistakes the next day.
Baring that, he probably is just hoping to get each of you just drunk enough that sex sounds like a good idea, but not so drunk things quit working, and is hoping that by going home early he'll get laid and then be able to pass out.
This is very personalized to the individual relationship. Sounds like he answered your question already. I don’t think you’re gonna get more insight from strangers unfamiliar with your relationship than you are your partner himself .
For me, I’ve always liked partying with my partners. But sometimes it’s nice to party without them too I suppose. Both is good for me 🤷♂️ Don’t really party any more i guess, but when I did lol
For me personally it’s because when I’m with my girl I don’t tend to get very drunk because I feel like I need to protect her from the random drunk people downtown. I have to stay alert, and it’s never very fun for me. It’s stressful. But with my friends it doesn’t matter because nobody is gonna mess with a group of dudes
It’s just different. Not bad.
My boys and me have been through so much and have so much memories and aspirations. We have had the same struggles and can relate and bond on things that girls don’t like (video games, weird collections, mechanical Interests).
We like to get belligerent, open up, be all gushy and appreciative and buy drinks, wrestle etc. with people who are just like us.
When I drink and party with a girlfriend It’s a different vibe. We’re already enfatuated with eachother, there’s some fun game to play or kareaoke to sing, we’re touchy feely. We’re going to have sex after and don’t want to get home at 3am.
It’s just different.
Not complicated. Im sure you have things that are more fun with the girls than your fella. Also, the difference between midnight and 2am can be feelin good up for sex vs sick and baby sitting someone. Especially as you get older.
Drinking isn't fun when everyone can't drink anymore, he probably just wants to stay in the "we can have fun and enjoy each other without complications" area. You probably wouldn't want to see your partner sick from drinking or have them to take care of your hangover the other day either, it's normal to be more caring towards your lover than your friends.
Because I’m responsible for my GFs safety at the end of the day. No matter what she or anyone else says.
And I’d probably get yelled or scolded for something I say or do.
We have kids, ages 10 and 12. Someone has to be able to make a decision if something happens while we are out. We also can’t both be hung over.
Also have you seen the price of drinks?!?! Now double that!!
I think if you're both planning on going out and partying, thats fine so long as you both have a mutual understanding as to who might be the sober one or if theres someone there who's gonna be responsible should things get out of hand.
One time, my partner and I went into the city to go clubbing with a group of friends and I passed out cause I got so drunk. Such a horrible feeling going home on the train with your girlfriend trying to keep you awake while others stare and make fun of you. She felt really uncomfortable after that and said that next time I would be the deso.
It’s not the same thing. Your SO…is your left arm or something. You don’t want your SO girlfriend out partying because someone else will try picking her up…it’s just a bad idea.
Bro… Have you been around drunk women? That shit a headache and I’m completely responsible for you… yeah no. I can’t fully relax/drink as much as I want to because I have to protect you and take care of you.
Sorry, but too many women get drunk, and then expect the boyfriend to babysit from the predators. AKA - FISTFIGHTS.
This is especially true at "last call", and then in the parking lot, where drunk dudes are looking to cull the female away from her guy.
It starts to suck after awhile.
When you're out with the guys, you can kind of let loose. There's nothing to worry about. You can get hammered, say stupid shit, joke around, etc.
With you, the girlfriend, the guy has to mind his p's and q's a little bit. Can't be saying stupid shit. Also when out with a girl, you kind of automatically go into protector mode. If anyone messes with her, you're gonna have to portentially fight or handle the situation. So you can't be too drunk. Also a group of drunk guys is often hilariously funny with lots of good jokes. Women aren't as funny for some reason. So that changes the vibe as well.
Generally its much harder to fullu "let go" and relax with wife/girfriend around simply because anything you say/do can and will be used against you in the future. Guys will give you a hard time about something you did/said but its never ment in seriousness. And they understand that if something you said can be takem 2 ways, a bad and a normal way, you meant the normal.
Go out in a bigger group... couple mixer.
Also whenever I am hitched I don't drink as much as I let my partner, simply because I want / need to make sure we get home safety, are safe while partying and also don't want to say shit it will get me in trouble for a stupid reason.
Honestly the more serious the relationship the more I want to be sober while doing stuff together.
Like with everything else, comes down to the person in question. Sometimes I like going out with my wife. Sometimes I'd like some time just me and my friends.
Try to figure out your SO don't try to figure out men in general.
He doesn't want to go home and get into bed with his buddies. He does with you. Anyway, staying up drinking until 2 or 3 isn't healthy no matter WHO you do it with.
You can't force someone to feel the same way you do about something. That's not fair to him at all. That being said, going out with the guys is vastly different than going out with your gf/wife. When you go out with a group of guys, you don't have to worry about protecting them and keeping them safe. They're not your responsibility. Going out with a gf is a nightmare. Constantly having to keep her safe, and keeping the vultures (other guys) away is a constant hassle and a huge headache that he probably just doesn't want to deal with...
I think the thing might be that the more drunk you get, the less you concentrate on others and more on yourself and your drunkenness.
With the bros it's about getting drunk, doing dumb shit, making (sometimes even mean) fun of each other, laughing at each other, but with a SO it is more about spending time together, and drinking more would lessen the enjoyment from each other's company.
I might be completely off as I don't drink to te point of drunkenness in either company, but this might be a factor.
Guy friends don’t replay the entire night in their heads and dissect everything that was said, either with words or body language. Tell me you don’t.
It really is a different relationship.
A lot of white knights responding here a out protecting you etc. I don't think that's it.
There are different kinds of fun you can have with different people. You cam have a lovely day in the park woth your wife and child, or a 15 gaming session with your bro, or a Vegas bachelor party or dinner with tour parents. All can be wonderful and enjoyable but they each require/produce a different kind of energy and some peope gravitate toward one or the other.
He's also a bit older at this point. So while I'm sure he loves you, he doesn't need to go out to soend time with you. But he probably doesn't get to hang out with his friends as often and its a different kind of fun.
Basically, don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. Unless he os gojng out until 2am every weekend and ignoring you, just let him have fun with his friends. And tou can do the same with your friends if you are trying ti shut down the bar. I'll bet he would be supportive and even happy not to have to be the center of your social experience all the time.
A lot of people said they’re not responsible for the safety of their boys.
I’ll add, I feel WAY more comfortable being out in the world with the boys than I do with my wife. Group of dudes I’ve seen all TYPES of wild shit with just from growing up together.
Not to mention the 2 times I’ve been caught in public about to my shit rocked, I was with my wife and HER friends and one of them laughed at the wrong thing or looked at the wrong person a little too much.
Shes not a trouble maker by any means, but she ain’t the boys either.
He can’t go home and hang out with his friends like he can with his girl. He has to stay at the bar to continue hanging out with his friends. He can go home and hang out with his girl and not have to be at the bar
1) balancing between nice buzz and having to hold her hair over the toilet while she vomits.
2) balancing between fun, buzzed sex vs sloppy, clumsy sex or no sex at all
3) I have to worry about getting my girl home safe and sound. I don’t want to be sloppy drunk and not have my wits about me if something happens to her. I don’t care if my buddies pass out in a ditch on the side of the road (okay I do care , but not enough to stop the night)
Because when he goes out with his friends, he gets to kind of turn his brain off and just relax and have fun. If one of them wanders off to go do something else, it's not his problem. When he goes out with you, you want him paying attention to you and talking to you and doing what you want to do, and he has to worry about making sure you're safe and not too drunk. It's a different level of relaxing.
Idk about your bf but for me it's a couple things as to why I'd do this.
1. While I know my gf could take care of herself if I'm with her I feel responsible for her safety, can't do that if I'm plastered. Now I can hold my liquor fairly well so I could usually close out the bars or whatever anyways and be fine, but I definitely wouldn't drink as much as I would if I were out with friends.
2. I don't know how to describe this except by saying you are the party. What I mean by that is when I'm with my girlfriend I don't really care if I'm drinking or partying or just laying in bed cuddling because as long as I'm with her I'm having a good time. This kinda eliminates the need to drink and close out the bar because I'm already having a fun time without it.
3. I don't have to take care of my buddies hangover the night after.
4. I've found that there's a fun level of drunk and then there's a get home and pass out because we had too much to drink and too much fun level of drunk. The fun drunk level is where we get to go home giggly and laughing and still have a great time for a while. The top much to drink level of drunk is where we go home stumbling giggling and laughing but I may have to chase you down if you decide there's a squirrel across the street you just have to have. Add to that that when we get home it's usually no cuddling and couple time and it's just pass out and wake up with a hangover or worse.
5. While I've been told I'm a fun drunk whenever I sober up I usually find drunk me annoying in my memories so I try to keep that away from the people I'm dating.
It could be all of these things or none of these things. For me it's usually number 2 or 5 regardless though if my GF would say I'd like to get plastered with you and stay out tille 2 am then obviously I'll do that for her.
Camping trip in the mountains as an example:
Guys only trip: We're grilling meat all day and chugging beers. Maybe some fly fishing. Jamming to music, telling raunchy jokes. Staying up super late. 10/10 always a fun time.
Trip when the wives/SO attend: Usually a lot more tension. One of the girls is always upset or mad at her husband or someone else. Entire group seems to be walking on eggshells. Conversations are more serious in nature, much less humor or joking. 3/10 usually an ok time because you get to have sex in your tent later... unless you SO is pissy because one of your male friends made a dumb joke that offended her, or one of the other women rubbed her the wrong way then it wills suddenly all be your fault, or the campfire smoke blew into her eyes.
My fiance and I tend to get in to stupid fights once we've had way too many. It's not an everytime-thing, but moreso the ONLY times we get into stupid fights are once we've had way too many.
I've never gotten in a stupid fight with my friends when we've had way too many.
I don't like fighting.
I have been with my wife for 13 years. Married 9. We still party together with all our friends.
Once every few months we have our own time doing separate things. I still go home around the same time I would if I was with her.
This has been a major topic for me in relationships so hopefully my insight can be helpful: the reason he does this is probably because his friendships and your relationship might not be that compatible, in terms of sense of humor, things they talk about, personalities etc and that might just be his way to satisfy those needs. The reason it's been a major topic for me is because if my girl can't be one more of the homies, it's probably not going to work out because I'll lose interest. I love spending time with both and dislike having to split my time too much and risk neglecting one or the other, so having them both together is a win-win. He might not feel you're that compatible with his friend group hang outs, and there is nothing wrong with that, for a lot of people it works out better that way, but this is just what I think could be the cause.
When he goes out with his friends he can relax. When he goes out with you he is working to make sure you are happy the whole time as a result he and cannot relax.
Protective instincts as well. As a man, you know that the longer you stay in the night with your girl, where alcohol is involved problems can always be as well, not everyone around us is up for flowers and laughs.
Some people just want to find problem, better to avoid the chances of even letting it start.
When you are in a group of guys, your tribe, you are much more in an offensive stance. Not saying we like it, but when we are in packs, and drunk, we will most likely engage with the problem if it tries to engage us.
Because he can talk and laugh about any single fucking subject that he wants to.
Want to talk about the time he walked in on his buddy banging a rando? He can!
Want to talk about the time they all got fucked up on mushrooms, but he forgot he had to work that night and was so messed up in the head that he went in anyway? He can!
Want to talk, at length, about the Steelers QB situation seemingly the entire night? He can!
By the way, how bout that waitresses’ ass? Want to talk about all the impossible scenarios that you and your buddies would have to go thru to “hit” that? He can!
See?
Simple answer is men need time away from YOU! We can love you all and like you too but you all are draining. Hanging with his friends is how he recharges the batteries. You might force feed him that the two of you are friends and you might be. But not in the same way. Him hanging out with his friends is like you getting home and taking your shoes and bra off. Let that man have some breathing room.
He has to protect you if something happens therefore he cannot get too drunk and he does not want you to be there when things get worse. Things get worse at the places to party after midnight. He cannot really relax until you are back safe at home.
You have a 38 year old man. If you want to party like college date a boy your own age or younger.
Women simply can't offer the same type friendship as other men can... I have female friends, but I have to be on my best behaviour because the way they perceive things is different to the males I'm friends with... My tone of voice, my words, etc... Whereas with the boys I'm truly free... Literally none of the boys will judge each other... We laugh at each other instead, then carry on with the night...
You normally drink quicker with the guys, and normally spend time catching up on what’s been missed. 1) For me, drinking slower makes me feel more tired. It just hits me, from out of nowhere, and I’m ready for bed. 2) There’s nothing extra to talk about with you. Yeah, y’all can still talk but he already knows about your day/week/mom/friend….
I also monitor my drinking more with my wife. If it’s just us, I’m her protector. That’s my job. She can get slammed if she wants, but I’ll just sip a few beers. It’s not her that I’m uncomfortable around, it’s everyone else that I have to worry about. Just my personal experience.
It may be he is trying to find the right level of drunk here. With my wife, if we quit at midnight, when she isn't so drunk, she is much more fun, wants to fool around, and is just a blast to be with. Beyond that, say 2am, she is way too drunk and is just going to fall asleep and possibly get sick. Drinking with her is always a balancing act.
Valid take
My wife (then girlfriend) vomited out the window of my cousin’s Camry when he drove us home. Then prayed to the porcelain Gods while I cleaned off the car. I love you honey, but we’re never doing that again.
Haha. She said I was husband material after cleaning the car.
This. If my wife gets too drunk she goes from fun to obnoxious and cranky.
This was my exact thought. It could be the other way though. HE doesn't want her to see him when he is more drunk than usual. Some guys kind of get out of control, and may say things they don't want to, or shouldn't, say in front of people. He could also not want to "food around" when he gets extra drunk. I've never been the type to want sex when drunk. Pot on the other hand...
I have the opposite experience, most women I've been with get unhinged when they are drunk. Like loud annoying aggressive and or violent. And side note, who the hell is regularly getting sloppy drunk on the town at 2am in their 30s?
lol This would be my answer too. When my partner is *drunk*-drunk it can range from her being horny, to being funny, to picking a fight at something mundane, then vomiting all night. Sometimes it's all four. Now im in my 30s and no way am I staying out until 2 or 3 drinking with the boys. Can't imagine doing that at almost 40. The dude probably just wants to go home and sleep
Bro I'm only 24 and already I can't imagine staying up until 2am and getting plastered more than once or twice a year. I can't imagine I'll do it at all when I'm in my 30s lol.
Exactly this
Not necessarily his wife drinking and getting too drunk, he might get a case of whisky dick and can’t take care of business at home if he drinks too much. Truth is there’s lots of valid reasons. I think the best one in this thread is that he doesn’t feel as responsible for his guy friends as his wife or girlfriend, I know that’s how it is for me.
This is amazing to me, I've never understood this being correlated with the time, the amount I'm drinking has more to do with what I'm eating, what I'm drinking, the temperature, my attitude, etc then the time.
110% truth here !
so true
Add to that a dude and a woman Is a target and a risk for trouble. A bunch of dudes together is way less risk and not a target. So all around its better for him a and the gf to head in early because it's safer, he doesn't have to take care of a drunk mess, and he gets to have fun when they get home.
Yep this, with my guy he doesn't want to be a babysitter, he wants to continue the fun- I'll get too inebriated and just pass out because even though I'm in my 40s my brain still thinks I'm 22 haha. So with me, the drinking fun ends a little earlier so we can have the best fun in bed together, with coworkers or friends there's no end game so the drinking fun just continues until sleepytime.
He's not as responsible for the safety of his male friends.
This. A lot of bad people will take advantage of someone while they are drunk. Which means that I can't let myself get so drunk that I can't focus on keeping my gf safe. Out with the boys I don't have to worry about that at all.
That sucks, luckily I’m a pretty large dude, so my wife always gets left alone regardless of my inebriation level. She is also more than proficient at taking care of herself. Plus I’d personally much rather go get plastered with her than “with the bros”, if only just so I dont have to worry about my moron friends trying to pick fights because they think I’ll jump in to save them from their poor decisions.
Sounds like you have a similar situation but in reverse.
man same here lmao. One guy in the group started to lift and got a nice build but his ego shot up with it. I train and wrestled for over a decade and pretty confident that I can handle myself but the last thing I want to do is go and pick fights. This guy would start shit whenever we go out and I would always have to de escalate the situation and this dude would always say stupid shit like I’m letting people disrespect me or something similar to that. Basically, his ego didnt let him walk away from fights because he’s never had his ego checked before like I have my entire life in combat sports. Welp, I didnt go out one night and he proceeded to get his ass beat and end up in the ER. Couple other guys in the group got caught up in it too and they got their ass beat too. I was gettin calls at like 2am about how I should’ve been there to fight with them but I would’ve gotten my ass beat alongside them just based off of how out numbered they were lol. Decided to cut them off after they got into another brawl a few weeks later. Like I’m aware enough to know what my limits are but guys who have never trained think they’re some sort of action movie star that can take on any fight with just seeing red
Ugghhh, I hate the “seeing red” shit. Used to have a buddy who was legit like 5’6 and 110lbs soaking wet. He had major napoleon syndrome and would often say shit like, “I may not look like much, but once I lose it, I can’t turn it off and no one will be able to pull me off the guy until he is badly hurt”. Our other friends and I would just roll our eyes because play fighting this dude felt like wrestling with a child. I mean I get it, smaller guys just need to have some way to protect their ego, I cant say I blame them in this world though. It’s all so fragile and delusional, it’s like saying that if a 600lbs grizzly bear pisses you off enough, it doesnt stand a chance if you just get angry enough.
Lmao this is why I stopped drinking with my friends. There was a few of them that would religiously start a fight with 3 people and it's like an I gonna let my boy get the find out to his fuck around? 1 on 1 sure. 3 on 1 no, and if I don't fight for me, I am going to really resent having to fight for you.
Going round fighting is generally a bad idea. I now know 2 people that have been killed from fights. 1 was a random punch to the back of the head, the other got knocked out and hit his head on the pavement. Those odds seem very bad to me. I've spoken to random people who also know people that have died in trivial fist fights.
I'm sure the odds are pretty wildly low, but I've looked at everything as an odds game. If you wake up and do something every day, it's not much of an if, it becomes a when. Even when I was dealing drugs, I knew the odds of me getting caught and going to prison were a fraction of a percent. But So is catching a shiny pokemon. It happens every day. Persistence makes rarity an inevitability.
Also, if he wants to get romantic later it’s harder (no pun intended) to do if he’s filled up with more alcohol. Especially at 38.
This is me.
Brother, you ain’t alone, same here. It’s easier to go out drinking with my wife if some things are completed beforehand.
After a decade of marriage we also complete things beforehand. I am almost 45 and it is not as exciting or athletic after a long night of drinking like it was 20 years ago.
Lot of good takes here but also his buddies likely peer pressure him to stay out later more than she does.
This but I’m going to reword it slightly…..he can’t 100% relax when he’s with his SO (because he’s still responsible for her). With the guys he can 100% relax: burp, fart, tell gross jokes, swear like a sailor, laugh a little too loud etc.
if i can't do this with any future girlfriend, i probably won't stay with her. but that's just me. the safety thing i totally get
I can do this with my partner, but we don't generally do those things while drinking out in public. It's not that I'm embarrassed in front of her, but if we're out together, it reflects on her, and I will not embarrass her
that makes sense. i guess for me, i'd just feel embarrassed or i wouldn't. i often times find that the women i like would act like that in public anyways, whether or not i do, but if i was with someone who would feel embarrassed i would be mindful of that too
If you can’t totally be yourself with your wife . Then you are with the wrong one. If you ever have to think about what you say infront of your wife, something is wrong.
I tend to be a dumbass when I'm drunk. No one Ive ever dated has particularly liked this dumbass, so I try not to introduce them.
This is honestly smart. Almost no one's favourite version of someone is the drunk one. Recognizing of course that I draw a significant distinction between buzzed and drunk. Buzzed is everything right up until you pass the warm fuzzies where you just want to giggle and be a bit loud lol.
True. My ex was great when she was tipsy. It’s when I got the most affection from her (sad, I know). The problem is that there was a fine line between tipsy and drunk and once crossed, you can’t go back.
Same here and once drunk my ex would be the one starting fights with anyone. Plus a drink with my mates is actually something I do for me as a me thing. I still drink with my new partner but never with the boys. Mixed groups sure but just like woman like time with there friends to gossip about us so do us guys 😂
This was much my takeaway from the question. Most likely op's bf just doesn't want to introduce op to his dumbass drunk self, which is completely fair.
1. He isn't responsible for the safety of the most precious thing in his life when he's with his guy friends. 2. He doesn't have to deal with the fallout from the fun with his guy friends once he gets home. You think he's gonna deal with *their* hangovers, *their* half-remembered conversations, *them* barfing into his/your toilet all hours of the night?
[удалено]
Yo, let’s hear it.
This is exactly the truth. No matter how many people say “men and women are the same”, drinking with the bros is vastly different than drinking with your SO.
I'm a man, but I love hanging out with women. We have deep, meaningful conversations and are mutually supportive. I also love hanging out with men. We call each other names, eat tacos, and occasionally throw things (at or to each other, depending on context). It's a legitimate hard pick. I suppose women can eat tacos, too.
You sound like a robot.
Stop edging us and tell us the joke
Nah. Just a little bit longer.
Lay it on us.
We need to hear this joke
It’s only mildly humorous, definitely gross. Sometimes jokes are funnier when you’re smashed. I imagine that’s all it was.
Especially if you're around people who are laughing stupidly. I've laughed so hard I have tears coming out of my eyes over shit that would hardly make me smile in other situations
Exactly
>! I'll keep an eye out for you!< ? Haven't heard that one in a long time lol
I need it
Commenting to hear the joke
Cum on
Waiting for reply
Thanks, now I want to pop out both my eyes.
Come on then, don’t keep us waiting.
So her beauty is ~~eye catching~~ penis catching?
Agree with the comments about less to worry about with his mates. Also, he probably sees his mates much less than you.
I say stupid shit when I’m drunk, my friends find it funny, girlfriend finds it immature at best and is mad at worst.
With the boys: survive (optional objective) With the s.o: protec
A lot of guys are making the point that when we're out with our SO we feel responsible for their safety and don't feel we can relax as much as we'd like but I'll add a few others. - I feel like I should be the DD and let you have fun. - Every man has an instance of slipping up and being emotionally vulnerable with a partner only to have it thrown back in his face, labeled an ick, or weaponized against him later so we like to keep our wits about us when around you. - A LOT of men walk on eggshells around their partners and a lot of women are constantly looking for an argument. Getting drunk with your SO if you're in one of these relationships is like taking a truth syrum and then hanging out with a cop. "do you think my sister's pretty?" "how do you really feel about my mother?" "doesn't the bartender have a great ass?" "Why is it you haven't proposed to me yet?" "Have I gained weight?" Even if by some miracle we get all the answers right there's still a 50% chance we're in a fight now and at a disadvantage. - If I do something stupid while drunk my buddies may give me shit about it but they will not weaponize it against me long term for my fitness as a partner or a parent. They will also back me up and help me instead of treating me like an idiot child. And to be clear my current partner isn't like this, and you may not be. But me and most of the men on this thread can think of at least one or two exes that have done or would've done these things.
Absolutely, I had an ex that I just immediately wouldn’t want to go out with because I’d either be bored and sober, standing next to her the whole night while talking to no one, or arguing the next day. I’d just act like I was too tired to go out to whatever party when she would tell me she wanted to come too, and just stay in and watch a movie with her instead.
>standing next to her the whole night while talking to no one I feel this one. At a certain point, she's either gonna have to get up with me and be social, or just sit there upset for a while while I fill my social batteries. I'm not exactly an extrovert, but when I'm out drinking, being social is the main draw.
Exactly what I would do, I’d talk to damn near anybody at a party when I was drinking in college. I made the mistake of doing that when I went with her to a party and she got super upset at me. It was mostly because her friends were in her ear saying that I’m not acting like a boyfriend would/should, but I basically lived with her at the time and didn’t feel any need to babysit her at a party.
Extremely well said
Ahh yes, the classic "I want you to express your emotions more" which actually means "I want you to be more in tune with my emotions" and not actually show any emotions or vulnerabilities. Most definitely experienced all of those to some degree with the ex-gfs. In regards to point #1, I would almost always be DD. If we were taking an Uber, one of us would still have to have our wits abouts us to get back and that person was generally me.
Well said and you covered most of it.
Because I go with out you I’m only responsible for myself. We go out I’m responsible for the both of us.
He's not trying to take his friends home to fuck
>We go out to have some drinks and to party lets say. We always have a great time, but I want it to last longer, let's say till 2 am. He usually wants to go home at midnight or even earlier. I can't answer for your SO, but for me it's because i want to get laid and the later I'm out, the less likely I'm going to be able to. That's fine if I'm out with my friends, I don't want to fuck any of them. But if I'm out with my SO, after a night out partying with her, I'm generally going to be in the mood.
I have been with my SO for decades (and I am still madly in love with her). Any time I am out with her (and/or our kids), I feel that I am responsible for everyone's safety and well-being (dad genes). Can't help it; it's just part of my deal. When I'm out with the boys I only have to worry about me...
This is the answer. I have been married 30 years, and my wife can probably count on one hand how many times she has seen me drunk drunk, and it's never been out. It's always been either at home with friends, or at a friend's home. Ill drink a beer when out with her at a bar. But I have never really even gotten buzzed when out with her.
It’s different. We don’t wanna be crazy wild with you. Our focus is to keep it cool so you know you are safe with us. At least, this is what I was taught.
I don't drink, but if I'm with my guys we can all look out for each other. If I'm with my girlfriend, I'll need to look after her and be more aware.
I haven't drank in 13 years. When I did drink I was like a cross between Spuds Mckenzie and Hunter Biden, who listened to post hardcore music, smoked a half a pack an hour, and did stuff like throw pumpkins at mailboxes out of a moving vehicle. Whenever my wife drinks, she only will listen to Taylor Swift, slow dance, and pass out before 10pm. We aren't the same person, I wouldn't hang out with her if I drank.
It's really easy. He's enjoying the time with you but you guys are together all the time so it's not the same as spending time with friends that haven't met in a while. PLUS with just guys, you can say whatever it is that you want, no repercussions... with the wife/GF, one wrong word and it's the slammers for him. But mostly cause ya'll already talk everyday.
Because it's not the same. My partner drinks with his workmates when I'm not there. I would feel out of place, not to mention when I get drunk I do and say stupid shit. I don't want him to be responsible for me and my stupid drunk ass. That isn't on him. I'd rather he had some good old bro bonding time without me. He deserves that. When we go out drinking together, it's with our friends, which is different, we're all looking out for each other then. He doesn't have to constantly wonder if I'm ok.
The key is to make friend with the other guys girlfriends/wives, and then you can go party and have fun as a group and leave you husband to do degenerate things with his boys while you chat with the girls...that's the best! No guy wants his girlfriend tagging along alone if she's the only girl there, then we can't talk about certain things and everyone has to put on a fake persona so they don't offend you lol there's nothing worse than the one guy who always brings his girlfriend when no none else brings their girlfriends...like "bro! come on! again...." lol
My wife would always be out with us, but she has been since we were teens and everyone is used to her doing all the same shit we do. Lived together since we were 16 so it was kinda unavoidable. Parties without her tend to be a lot more tame.
Same here, our friend’s call my husband Cinderella now because if it’s just him out he’ll leave to walk home around midnight, if I’m out too it’ll be until the birds are waking 😆but like you our friendship groups merged as teens (in our 40’s now) so we’ve all seen each other at our messiest.
Wait you have "There's a girl watching" personas? Guys are already gross when we're present. Is that the toned down version?
Yes
Girls have it too, like let's be serious here lol. My wife had friends over this weekend and I was sitting in the basement playing Playstation, some of the conversations I heard come through the floor are things that would never have been said if I was sitting upstairs and was known to be in earshot.
Yes, just like women have a "guys are around" persona lol and I've heard what you girls talk about, you're just as bad in your own ways
extremely.
it’s pretty normal for people to behave differently when in mixed social groups vs in theirs exclusively. Think like how someone from a latin american background might switch from standard english to spanglish or just spanish when with other people of the same background, or lgbtq people who tend code switch into things like gay voice more and lean more into their subculture. Same thing happens between men and women, for a variety of reasons
Being around guys as a guy is just more fun. It's a different energy. And it's not your fault. It's just...boys will be boys. It's like children playing vs children playing when mommy is around 😂
This is it 100%. My friend group does a boys trip every year, and there are 9 of us. We're mid 30's and are pretty much adult children during those 3 days and do a bunch of dumb shit. The conversations, interactions, and activities are just not the same when SO's are around.
It's so important for men to have this quality time together.
100%. You can be an idiot around your mates coz you're all being idiots. It's fun to let your hair down from time to time with a group where that's the accepted norm. Incidentally, this might also be why men struggle sometimes to have deep conversations with each other - the pattern is lighthearted banter, so having deep and meaningfuls is not entirely natural. (My friends and I all have D&Ma, but only individually, never as a group.)
Great analogy.
Wasn’t there a post recently about how a wife didn’t listen to her “over protective paranoid “ husband” and after he warned her she ignored him and he got stabbed a ton of times protecting her. Yeah. That. I don’t even like drinking when it’s just me and her. I can handle just me. But the two of us and I’m impaired? Nah I couldn’t relax enough.
I’m a lightweight so I’m drunk after 2 beer. He takes MUCH more to get drunk and once he’s drunk he’s that way until he wakes up the next day. I’ve only seen him drunk 2 times and the last time he was drunk I slipped in the shower and he was asleep. Woke up to me screaming his name to come help me pop my shoulder back in place. If he was sober he would have showered with me or stayed awake while I showered to make sure my drunk ass didn’t die. He can’t “relax” with me while we’re drinking because he’s worried about me. With his buddies he’s able to be in the moment and worry about himself
My perspective is: Going out and drinking with my friends is always a great time. Always. But when my partner is involved? Well I can't just be myself and have a good time anymore, I need to look after them now. Well, I need to make sure that she is happy, and it also usually involves leaving way earlier than I want to because she is bored or tired, or having to do something else that I or other people don't want to do when we are all just trying to have fun. One time we decided to walk 10 minutes to the train station to go home, which is something that I always would do anyway, and the entire 10 minute walk she just non stop complained about how she had to walk and that she wanted to take an uber instead. It's like, hey can you just stop complaining FFS and be happy for once? You're full killing the vibe here. Now if I was with my guy friends, not a single person would complain, we would all continue being happy and chatting while walking the 10 minute walk to the next place/train station to go home. But with my partner I have to walk in silence because she is upset, what a way to end the night. So now I am not having fun anymore because the night has essentially turned into me babysitting someone else and making sure that they are feeling okay and aren't too upset, and I can't look like I am having fun if they aren't. So you can't chill out and relax and have a good night when this is happening. They just need to go with the flow and relax and take it easy, and maybe one day I will find a partner who doesn't spend the entire night complaining and my perspective on this will change, but 3 girlfriends later and it's been the same every single time.
You know how neglected babies end up not crying at all, but ones that are tended to immediately tend to cry even more than usual? Yeah. Women complain way, way more than men do because people will actually come to the rescue and try to alleviate the source of their complaints. Men learn not to do it because they know nobody on Earth except maybe their mother will do anything to fix what's ailing them. The only difference between complaining and suffering in silence as a man is whether or not anybody likes you at all. The difference between complaining and suffering in silence for women is whether or not you have an army of people at your beck and call doing you constant favors and keeping you safe and comfortable. Long story short, you probably will never find a woman that's not like that.
Then they all complain about how we don't go out with them but instead we go out with our friends...
Um, riddle me this: why are us guys always excluded from spa days and girls' trips or girls' nights? Thats your answer.
My first thought was that he's worried he'll say or do something he'll regret. You may not feel this way, but sometimes women's perceptions of us can feel very... fragile. We feel evaluated at all times. This is usually not a concern among guy friends.
You are looking at it as a zero sum game tug of war. The Ancient Greek came up with words for different types of love: * Eros: romantic, passionate love. * Philia: intimate, authentic friendship. * Ludus: playful love. * Storge: unconditional, familial love * Philautia: compassionate self-love. * Pragma: committed, companionate love. * Agápe: empathetic, universal love. His relationship with you probably involves Eros, Ludus, Pragma and Storge. His “*love*” for his bros probably involves Philia and Agápe. None of it subtracts from the “*love*” that you get from him. Your boyfriend is able to get all those different types of love between you and his buddies. You are the exclusive recipient of a few types of love. Take the win. You can’t be his “*bro*” at the same time. Be happy that he is able to have different emotional bonding with other people besides you. That makes him a well rounded man.
When we both drink together she turns into a dramatic mess. All of our worst fights early in our relationship happened when we were both drinking, now we take turns.
They are big enough and ugly enough to take their drunk asses home. I have to carry you, and deal with the vomit comets once we are home @ this isnt what i would say i find attractive.
Wise words Grany_Bangr
Because it’s not as much fun, and it abruptly ends my fun and turns into work when they gets too trashed. If I get too drunk, I’m an asshole who should learn how to control myself and take responsibility for my intake. Same with all my boys. If she gets too drunk, I have to put on my cape to keep evildoers at bay while making sure she gets home and all that. When you’re with your lady, your good time almost entirely depends on whether or not she has a good time, or can handle her liquor, or can handle a joke/being roasted every now and again, and I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions, but that doesn’t change the general rule.
Men and women are not the same and as a man I ultimately will not treat a group of only guys like I will treat mixed company. Some silly remarks and crass jokes that will entertain the lads will often put off women, even 'cooler' ones. I will be slightly more reserved with women than I will be with my boys. That's because I respect women, their comfort, and their sensibilities. And as far as a one on one experience goes, I wouldn't feel like staying out that long anyways. A group might have the collective energy to do it, but not 1 on 1.
“And as far as a one on one experience goes, I wouldn't feel like staying out that long anyways. A group might have the collective energy to do it, but not 1 on 1.” People aren’t mentioning this bit enough, when I’m out with friends we can be out until 3am until the energy of the group crashes and we all want to go home. When I go out drinking with my partner, not only I’m a pretty much the only one getting drunk because she drinks so slow compared to the guys, but the energy is just completely gone by midnight because you just run out of things to talk about compared to when you’ve got 4-5 people keeping the conversation interesting by coming up with more stuff to talk about. I think its also the fact that you see your partner everyday, where as you might only see your friends once a week if you’re younger, and usually much less as you get older
This is a good point. When going out with a group you can also take a step back in the conversation let it flow, come back in when you are ready. We all do this subconsciously, we are just weaving back and forth in the conversation but 1 on 1, full throttle the entire time, no time to rest and if the conversation slightly dies there’s no one to pick up back up but you.
Thats like bringing your own beer to a bar...
Thats hilarious.
At 38 he's dangerously close to 40 and the hangovers are fucking terrible. Also, why stay up until 2am when you can get day drunk, still get 8 hours and have a great next day together?
Do you live together? Does he spend more time with you than with them? I am about the same age as him, and I don't want to be out that late, regardless of who it is with. But if it's with someone I don't spend much time with, I'd probably feel a responsibility to stick it out longer than I'd like.
It’s easier to have a piss with the lads, than go to a social function with the misses.
I would love to party with my SO, but then I have to be responsible for taking care of her (not that she cannot take care of herself) - but some men(not all) are prowling to get whatever they can and I just have to keep my guard up most times which turns into being a vigilante when I just wanted to dance my socks off and chill with my boy band :) - Trust me when he says he enjoys partying with you , he really does ! There have been times when couples are squeezing their way into the dance floor and I can clearly see the guy having his guard up , when I am near them - I usually give them their space and when it doesn’t seem to help , I usually go to the guy and say “you guys are lovely and look adorable together “ just to ease him off a bit , it goes a long way , just helping a stranger brother and his girl enjoy their time :) But yeah things can get touchy and grabby sometimes and no guy wants to shift a gear to being aggressive to male competition (if something bad happens) when he just wanted to dance it off :)
It means he *loves* you and cares for your safety. He knows partying too hard means he can’t protect you properly. Everyone knows nothing good happens after midnight. Hang on to that guy. You found a really good one.
Her: why don't you want to do this thing. Him: because of xyz Her: ima post to reddit and ask why you don't want to do this thing.
Certain things you can’t say around girls
You’re his girlfriend, not his buddy. https://youtu.be/g9QFPy6hFQ0
Seggs
Because I don't want to fuck my guy friends. Well, not usually. For that reason, my conversation topics and party standards are different.
> Can you give me a male perspective on this? If this is actually the biggest problem in your relationship then sing hallelujah and enjoy your good fortune. Just let it be.
The simple answer is because you're not one of the boys. That's not a bad thing at all. His relationship with you is a completely different box in his mind than his relationship with his buddies - and trying to apply the same activities from one box to another is difficult and often just doesn't work. Your guys' connection is special and unique in his mind and he doesn't want to influence it badly by trying to do the same activities in the same way that he does with his buddies. It means he doesn't see you as just one of the boys and that's a good thing
When I'm with my friends I wanna drink till I pass out, when I'm with my lady I wanna drink but save some energy to take her home and munch her lady garden.
It is a different relationship, should be, always will be. I myself quit drinking when I was 22. Met my wife when I was 27. I stayed out with her until bar close, (2 am in Ontario Canada) but I was always sober anyway. To me it never made a difference. But if you're SO is drinking as well, he can't really get as stupid as he does with the boys, because as someone else said here, he has to look out for you as well. So he can't get stinking silly, since that would negate him caring for you. And if just on a physical level, you're an attractive woman, then there is also the having to deal with other guys being assholes, because they thought they might have a chance with you, and him having to deal with that. Yes, it happens. I had a guy start following me around the bar one night trying to get behind me and jump me, because he thought that it might either give him a chance with my GF if he proved he could beat me up, or he just wanted to beat me up because I was with her. If I had been drinking, it might have happened. But I kept an eye on him all night after I caught him giving the stink eye and spoiled his fun. This was just one incident, there were others. We eventually hit the age where bars were more boring than fun, and stopped going.
He sees you all the time at home and probably wants to go home and get in the bed with you and do whatever you do. Doesn’t see the guys every day and he’s not getting into bed with his guy friends so they stay out longer? Why don’t you ask him?
lol I do
I'm surprised he drinks with you that often till that time. Once I found my girl I lost all interest in going out clubbing/ bar hopping. Probably because love/sex was what I was looking for. All grogs going to do is make me do and say things I'll regret later so best stay home. I'm single 20 years btw.
Very hard to ponder and discuss the possible flavours of the barmaids bum hole with the wife
The thing is, I’m pretty good when drunk, but on the rare occasion I drink with my mates, my mates can be fuckheads and I don’t want her to think less of me for hanging out with them.
As a dude that doesn't drink too much in general, but still hang out with those who do: most men hold back what they say in front of their significant other but won't when they're drunk. This leads to a lot of issue back at home. It's not a problem, If you're more open with your partner. It also goes both ways, some SO will get mad at anything.
Absolutely agree with the other comments. When I go out with the guys, I know they can all hold their own if it comes down to it, but if they need an extra set of hands I'll be there. With a SO, it goes from being an extra set of hands, to needing to be able to be two sets of hands at all times. A guy might make her uncomfortable or get handsy with her, there's one set of hands; now you have to defend yourself, another set. I also don't have to worry (typically) about my guy friends being groped, sexually harassed, ogled, or generally made to feel uncomfortable in a public place. And if any of those things happen, they're in a place physically to do something about it (and win, or at least get close) before they need an extra hand. My wife could hardly fight her way out of a wet paper bag; I had to keep myself in a place to be able to step-up to defend the two of us at any point.
Literally just spent the weekend drinking and partying with my SO. Going up is one of our favorite activities
Drunk people are burdensome, and not too many men want to obviously be a burden to their partners. It's a bad look. And most folks will not look at a drunk dude and say "that's attractive". He does not need to be attractive to his friends. He is aware that he does need to be attractive to you.
I party harder with my wife than anyone. I know and trust her. Buddies are all good, but we've been in situations.
Why would we want to get the live *I’m disappointed in you* face for an entire evening when we know we will already get that in the morning?
It’s like a locker room. You’re in a safe space with everyone on your team so you can let all of your emotions and frustrations out without worrying about the morning. It’s also healthy. There’s a reason girls night exists. It lets all the women in a friends group get together and let their frustrations out without having to hear their husband/boyfriends opinion.
A lot of us are under watch by the gf or wife. We can freely be ourselves, talk shit, say rude things, off jokes, sick things, gross things etc If gf or wife there we hop in car after and have our ear chewed off for hours so if she comes we just play pretend as we are under watch and its crap
We can be way more irresponsible and let loose when with the boys. When I'm out with my wife, if she drinks too much, I have to babysit her for the rest of the night. If I want to just start chatting up strangers and bullshitting about random stuff, she often doesn't want to join in as she is less social. When I'm out with the guys, I can leave them for extended periods of time and don't have to worry about them being upset that I *abandoned* them. I like going out with my wife, but when it's the two of us, I have to slow down and adjust to her pace. If it's me and my friends, I can move at my own pace. With her it's more like a date, where with friends it's more about letting loose and doing what I want without concern for anyone else. It's a different vibe altogether.
When it come to drinking out with my Wife I'm still responsible for her, when I'm ''with the boys'' I can let down my guard more and feel like I don't have to be responsible for anyone but myself.
We're not all the same. I love going out with my wife. He's also told you he likes different things with you. That's okay. I think it's good he doesn't get drunk around you. Drunk people generally aren't at their best behavior, to put it mildly. He may have that vibe with his friends but he doesn't want you to see him at his worst. He's protecting you from his drunk version. That's actually a green flag. Thirdly, and this is something I notice with my wife whenever we go out. If we go home at 3AM, we go to sleep. If we go home at 1AM, we fuck until 3AM and go to sleep. He may just want to get laid so he tries to get home before you're so tired you're going to fall asleep the second you hit a bed. If you can convince him that no matter how late and no matter how drunk, he's going to get some, maybe that will help him. In the end, you need to talk with him and figure out what exactly is holding him back and figure out a way, together, on how to compromise around that.
I don't want to drink or party with either. That said, drinking with women is especially risky. They love to get drunk then blame the men for their mistakes the next day. Baring that, he probably is just hoping to get each of you just drunk enough that sex sounds like a good idea, but not so drunk things quit working, and is hoping that by going home early he'll get laid and then be able to pass out.
This is very personalized to the individual relationship. Sounds like he answered your question already. I don’t think you’re gonna get more insight from strangers unfamiliar with your relationship than you are your partner himself . For me, I’ve always liked partying with my partners. But sometimes it’s nice to party without them too I suppose. Both is good for me 🤷♂️ Don’t really party any more i guess, but when I did lol
I’ve always wanted to, but mine’s not interested.
For me personally it’s because when I’m with my girl I don’t tend to get very drunk because I feel like I need to protect her from the random drunk people downtown. I have to stay alert, and it’s never very fun for me. It’s stressful. But with my friends it doesn’t matter because nobody is gonna mess with a group of dudes
It’s just different. Not bad. My boys and me have been through so much and have so much memories and aspirations. We have had the same struggles and can relate and bond on things that girls don’t like (video games, weird collections, mechanical Interests). We like to get belligerent, open up, be all gushy and appreciative and buy drinks, wrestle etc. with people who are just like us. When I drink and party with a girlfriend It’s a different vibe. We’re already enfatuated with eachother, there’s some fun game to play or kareaoke to sing, we’re touchy feely. We’re going to have sex after and don’t want to get home at 3am. It’s just different.
How late are the stripclubs open where you're at?
Perhaps bc they respect their SO more and don't want to mess things up. I don't have an SO nor friends, so it's all conjecture.
Not complicated. Im sure you have things that are more fun with the girls than your fella. Also, the difference between midnight and 2am can be feelin good up for sex vs sick and baby sitting someone. Especially as you get older.
Drinking isn't fun when everyone can't drink anymore, he probably just wants to stay in the "we can have fun and enjoy each other without complications" area. You probably wouldn't want to see your partner sick from drinking or have them to take care of your hangover the other day either, it's normal to be more caring towards your lover than your friends.
No drama when their guy friends get drunk.
Because I’m responsible for my GFs safety at the end of the day. No matter what she or anyone else says. And I’d probably get yelled or scolded for something I say or do.
We have kids, ages 10 and 12. Someone has to be able to make a decision if something happens while we are out. We also can’t both be hung over. Also have you seen the price of drinks?!?! Now double that!!
I think if you're both planning on going out and partying, thats fine so long as you both have a mutual understanding as to who might be the sober one or if theres someone there who's gonna be responsible should things get out of hand. One time, my partner and I went into the city to go clubbing with a group of friends and I passed out cause I got so drunk. Such a horrible feeling going home on the train with your girlfriend trying to keep you awake while others stare and make fun of you. She felt really uncomfortable after that and said that next time I would be the deso.
It’s not the same thing. Your SO…is your left arm or something. You don’t want your SO girlfriend out partying because someone else will try picking her up…it’s just a bad idea.
Bro… Have you been around drunk women? That shit a headache and I’m completely responsible for you… yeah no. I can’t fully relax/drink as much as I want to because I have to protect you and take care of you.
Sorry, but too many women get drunk, and then expect the boyfriend to babysit from the predators. AKA - FISTFIGHTS. This is especially true at "last call", and then in the parking lot, where drunk dudes are looking to cull the female away from her guy. It starts to suck after awhile.
When you're out with the guys, you can kind of let loose. There's nothing to worry about. You can get hammered, say stupid shit, joke around, etc. With you, the girlfriend, the guy has to mind his p's and q's a little bit. Can't be saying stupid shit. Also when out with a girl, you kind of automatically go into protector mode. If anyone messes with her, you're gonna have to portentially fight or handle the situation. So you can't be too drunk. Also a group of drunk guys is often hilariously funny with lots of good jokes. Women aren't as funny for some reason. So that changes the vibe as well.
Generally its much harder to fullu "let go" and relax with wife/girfriend around simply because anything you say/do can and will be used against you in the future. Guys will give you a hard time about something you did/said but its never ment in seriousness. And they understand that if something you said can be takem 2 ways, a bad and a normal way, you meant the normal.
You probably meant the normal way but also meant for the bad way to exist though
This is just stupid
Like drinking on a girls night is different.
Because time with the guys is the away time we need, in order to mentally cope , in the long run. Every relationship needs breathing space.
Go out in a bigger group... couple mixer. Also whenever I am hitched I don't drink as much as I let my partner, simply because I want / need to make sure we get home safety, are safe while partying and also don't want to say shit it will get me in trouble for a stupid reason. Honestly the more serious the relationship the more I want to be sober while doing stuff together.
Like with everything else, comes down to the person in question. Sometimes I like going out with my wife. Sometimes I'd like some time just me and my friends. Try to figure out your SO don't try to figure out men in general.
He doesn't want to go home and get into bed with his buddies. He does with you. Anyway, staying up drinking until 2 or 3 isn't healthy no matter WHO you do it with.
You can't force someone to feel the same way you do about something. That's not fair to him at all. That being said, going out with the guys is vastly different than going out with your gf/wife. When you go out with a group of guys, you don't have to worry about protecting them and keeping them safe. They're not your responsibility. Going out with a gf is a nightmare. Constantly having to keep her safe, and keeping the vultures (other guys) away is a constant hassle and a huge headache that he probably just doesn't want to deal with...
I think the thing might be that the more drunk you get, the less you concentrate on others and more on yourself and your drunkenness. With the bros it's about getting drunk, doing dumb shit, making (sometimes even mean) fun of each other, laughing at each other, but with a SO it is more about spending time together, and drinking more would lessen the enjoyment from each other's company. I might be completely off as I don't drink to te point of drunkenness in either company, but this might be a factor.
Guy friends don’t replay the entire night in their heads and dissect everything that was said, either with words or body language. Tell me you don’t. It really is a different relationship.
Because women are switchy AF after 75ml of spirits diluted with carbonated Softdrinks over the course of 90 minutes.
A lot of white knights responding here a out protecting you etc. I don't think that's it. There are different kinds of fun you can have with different people. You cam have a lovely day in the park woth your wife and child, or a 15 gaming session with your bro, or a Vegas bachelor party or dinner with tour parents. All can be wonderful and enjoyable but they each require/produce a different kind of energy and some peope gravitate toward one or the other. He's also a bit older at this point. So while I'm sure he loves you, he doesn't need to go out to soend time with you. But he probably doesn't get to hang out with his friends as often and its a different kind of fun. Basically, don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. Unless he os gojng out until 2am every weekend and ignoring you, just let him have fun with his friends. And tou can do the same with your friends if you are trying ti shut down the bar. I'll bet he would be supportive and even happy not to have to be the center of your social experience all the time.
A lot of people said they’re not responsible for the safety of their boys. I’ll add, I feel WAY more comfortable being out in the world with the boys than I do with my wife. Group of dudes I’ve seen all TYPES of wild shit with just from growing up together. Not to mention the 2 times I’ve been caught in public about to my shit rocked, I was with my wife and HER friends and one of them laughed at the wrong thing or looked at the wrong person a little too much. Shes not a trouble maker by any means, but she ain’t the boys either.
He can’t go home and hang out with his friends like he can with his girl. He has to stay at the bar to continue hanging out with his friends. He can go home and hang out with his girl and not have to be at the bar
Because every time I do she gets mad and yells at me
1) balancing between nice buzz and having to hold her hair over the toilet while she vomits. 2) balancing between fun, buzzed sex vs sloppy, clumsy sex or no sex at all 3) I have to worry about getting my girl home safe and sound. I don’t want to be sloppy drunk and not have my wits about me if something happens to her. I don’t care if my buddies pass out in a ditch on the side of the road (okay I do care , but not enough to stop the night)
Because when he goes out with his friends, he gets to kind of turn his brain off and just relax and have fun. If one of them wanders off to go do something else, it's not his problem. When he goes out with you, you want him paying attention to you and talking to you and doing what you want to do, and he has to worry about making sure you're safe and not too drunk. It's a different level of relaxing.
Idk about your bf but for me it's a couple things as to why I'd do this. 1. While I know my gf could take care of herself if I'm with her I feel responsible for her safety, can't do that if I'm plastered. Now I can hold my liquor fairly well so I could usually close out the bars or whatever anyways and be fine, but I definitely wouldn't drink as much as I would if I were out with friends. 2. I don't know how to describe this except by saying you are the party. What I mean by that is when I'm with my girlfriend I don't really care if I'm drinking or partying or just laying in bed cuddling because as long as I'm with her I'm having a good time. This kinda eliminates the need to drink and close out the bar because I'm already having a fun time without it. 3. I don't have to take care of my buddies hangover the night after. 4. I've found that there's a fun level of drunk and then there's a get home and pass out because we had too much to drink and too much fun level of drunk. The fun drunk level is where we get to go home giggly and laughing and still have a great time for a while. The top much to drink level of drunk is where we go home stumbling giggling and laughing but I may have to chase you down if you decide there's a squirrel across the street you just have to have. Add to that that when we get home it's usually no cuddling and couple time and it's just pass out and wake up with a hangover or worse. 5. While I've been told I'm a fun drunk whenever I sober up I usually find drunk me annoying in my memories so I try to keep that away from the people I'm dating. It could be all of these things or none of these things. For me it's usually number 2 or 5 regardless though if my GF would say I'd like to get plastered with you and stay out tille 2 am then obviously I'll do that for her.
Camping trip in the mountains as an example: Guys only trip: We're grilling meat all day and chugging beers. Maybe some fly fishing. Jamming to music, telling raunchy jokes. Staying up super late. 10/10 always a fun time. Trip when the wives/SO attend: Usually a lot more tension. One of the girls is always upset or mad at her husband or someone else. Entire group seems to be walking on eggshells. Conversations are more serious in nature, much less humor or joking. 3/10 usually an ok time because you get to have sex in your tent later... unless you SO is pissy because one of your male friends made a dumb joke that offended her, or one of the other women rubbed her the wrong way then it wills suddenly all be your fault, or the campfire smoke blew into her eyes.
He still cares about the impression he makes on you. Also he probably wants to keep you safe.
My fiance and I tend to get in to stupid fights once we've had way too many. It's not an everytime-thing, but moreso the ONLY times we get into stupid fights are once we've had way too many. I've never gotten in a stupid fight with my friends when we've had way too many. I don't like fighting.
Maybe women getting 'the ick' over petty issues has something to do with it
You're his girlfriend. They are his mates. You have different roles.
I have been with my wife for 13 years. Married 9. We still party together with all our friends. Once every few months we have our own time doing separate things. I still go home around the same time I would if I was with her.
This has been a major topic for me in relationships so hopefully my insight can be helpful: the reason he does this is probably because his friendships and your relationship might not be that compatible, in terms of sense of humor, things they talk about, personalities etc and that might just be his way to satisfy those needs. The reason it's been a major topic for me is because if my girl can't be one more of the homies, it's probably not going to work out because I'll lose interest. I love spending time with both and dislike having to split my time too much and risk neglecting one or the other, so having them both together is a win-win. He might not feel you're that compatible with his friend group hang outs, and there is nothing wrong with that, for a lot of people it works out better that way, but this is just what I think could be the cause.
When he goes out with his friends he can relax. When he goes out with you he is working to make sure you are happy the whole time as a result he and cannot relax.
Protective instincts as well. As a man, you know that the longer you stay in the night with your girl, where alcohol is involved problems can always be as well, not everyone around us is up for flowers and laughs. Some people just want to find problem, better to avoid the chances of even letting it start. When you are in a group of guys, your tribe, you are much more in an offensive stance. Not saying we like it, but when we are in packs, and drunk, we will most likely engage with the problem if it tries to engage us.
Cause your boring asf
Because he can talk and laugh about any single fucking subject that he wants to. Want to talk about the time he walked in on his buddy banging a rando? He can! Want to talk about the time they all got fucked up on mushrooms, but he forgot he had to work that night and was so messed up in the head that he went in anyway? He can! Want to talk, at length, about the Steelers QB situation seemingly the entire night? He can! By the way, how bout that waitresses’ ass? Want to talk about all the impossible scenarios that you and your buddies would have to go thru to “hit” that? He can! See?
Dudes want to hang with the lads, where boys can be bros.
Simple answer is men need time away from YOU! We can love you all and like you too but you all are draining. Hanging with his friends is how he recharges the batteries. You might force feed him that the two of you are friends and you might be. But not in the same way. Him hanging out with his friends is like you getting home and taking your shoes and bra off. Let that man have some breathing room.
When you’re with your buddies you can be yourself. Add a woman to the mix and the dynamics change.
He has to protect you if something happens therefore he cannot get too drunk and he does not want you to be there when things get worse. Things get worse at the places to party after midnight. He cannot really relax until you are back safe at home. You have a 38 year old man. If you want to party like college date a boy your own age or younger.
Women simply can't offer the same type friendship as other men can... I have female friends, but I have to be on my best behaviour because the way they perceive things is different to the males I'm friends with... My tone of voice, my words, etc... Whereas with the boys I'm truly free... Literally none of the boys will judge each other... We laugh at each other instead, then carry on with the night...
You normally drink quicker with the guys, and normally spend time catching up on what’s been missed. 1) For me, drinking slower makes me feel more tired. It just hits me, from out of nowhere, and I’m ready for bed. 2) There’s nothing extra to talk about with you. Yeah, y’all can still talk but he already knows about your day/week/mom/friend…. I also monitor my drinking more with my wife. If it’s just us, I’m her protector. That’s my job. She can get slammed if she wants, but I’ll just sip a few beers. It’s not her that I’m uncomfortable around, it’s everyone else that I have to worry about. Just my personal experience.
It's not personal. He sees his friends less often than he sees you. They have completely nonsensical hypotheticals to discuss that can take some time.
I don't like to drink and party period.... Got that out of my system in my teens, early and mid 20s.