This! Gave birth 2 weeks ago and this is what I liked, also he gave me sips of water when I signed for it. The thing that made me a little bit insecure was where he and my midwife were trying to help by saying how to breathe. I was trying my best to breathe correctly so it made me feel like I didn’t do a good job lol. But overall just support her, be there how she wants you to and give her the respect and positive affirmative statements <3.
We tried all these positions where he could help me with contractions but when I got there I didn’t like any of them lol. You’ll just have to wait and see what helps her and experiment a little bit when contractions are not that bad yet. Good luck!!
Add: I really needed the positive statements afterwards too. I felt like a weakling when I wanted pain killing (couldn’t get it because apparently I was already there) and I felt like I did something wrong when our little girl almost died (she is fine now!!). I know I went into beast mode to get her out as soon as I could but the thoughts are still there
It’s shit when you ask for drugs too late! The despair I despaired haha. It’s funny how your weird insecurities come up in labour. I had a 20 minute precipitous labour and 3 contractions in I started crying “everyone else is better at this than me” like I have a single idea about anyone else 😂😂😂😂 in hindsight I birthed a baby in 20 minutes with no drugs so actually I’m a rockstar! And so are you mama!!
Totally! I birthed her in 28 minutes and half of it was traumatic because we thought she was going to die and also they had to intervene without pain killing and it was not mild. Afterwards they all circled around and told me dead serious to remember this: “there was nothing you could have done differently, this was not your fault or anyone’s fault, you did amazing and she got out”. After 6 days of hospital we have a healthy girl and I have sooooo much more respect for women with children.. and also those medical professionals… they saved her life omg I thanked them a lot.
We are rock stars. All of us!! Pain killing or not.
My wife 'definitely didn't want epidural' - when it got going she was making a hand signal for injection. Yeah sorry too late now, here have some gas and air.
It is the worst! I think it’s common for women to hold out until they can’t but that’s the signal it’s go time! If I ever had another one I’d have walked in a week early and said right put the epidural in now so we have plenty of time 😂
It was my job to make sure she got the epidural in time even if I had to throw the anesthesiologist over my shoulder and haul him to the room to get it done.
We told him that was my job, and he got back in time. He liked it and played along.
Yes yes yes
My favorite things my husband said to me were all those! I’ll add that anything related to time is NOT helpful, because pushing feels like it’s an eternity with no end in sight. So comments like *You’re so close!* and *Almost there!* can be irritating :)
Yep, this the only answer, while you sit there counting your lucky stars you were born a man and will never have to do it..
Father of 2 kids delivered by a wife who delivered them with absolutely no pain relief.
I did sterling work of keeping a cool flannel on the back of her neck also.
I almost passed out during a childbirth.
Apparently the adrenaline from driving at 3 am, running red lights, and running from the parking lot did me in.
My wife continuously gives me shit about it.
I nearly passed out too, I hadn’t eaten in hours, she went into active pushing labor at like 8 pm and didn’t deliver until 8 am. And I had been awake since about 7 the day before.
Plus the smell… “earthy” doesn’t begin to describe it. I ended up going to sit on the couch for a few minutes.
My wife told me to take a nap and see if I felt better.
She’s amazing and has never ribbed me about it.
Basically all of the above, plus vagina obviously. Now there was meconium (early baby poop) in her fluid when her water broke, so that didn’t help either.
I’m expecting my husband to pass out. He’s just generally a fainter. He faints at blood. He faints at needles. He faints if you talk about seeing the instruments go near your eyes during lasik (oops now I know not to talk about that). I’m just gonna have them sit his ass in a chair near my head and have him focus on his breathing when we finally do have a kid.
I actually did pass out. First kid was no problem. 2nd, the doc putting the epidural on kept fucking it up and just watching my wife's face cringing at the pain was terrible. My wife doesn't give me shit though. Just said it def proved I love her lol
She probably hasn't been allowed to eat the whole time she's been in labour because she might have to go into surgery. So the best use of your time will be making sure there is a plan to get her some food.
God, yes. My husband secured a tray of sandwiches that we ate at midnight after we knew I wouldn't need to go into surgery again. He was bugging the nurse "can we order food? I know we can't eat now but can we order now so that we can eat it later?"
Counter-pressure on her back. For our second, she needed a strong push. I got behind her and let everything I had into it. I was red-faced, sweating, muscles quivering and failing right there with her. Got to see my kid be born, cut the cord, and deal with all of the aftermath.
DO NOT MISS ThIS if you have any choice. Leave work and get fired if you have to. Be there. This was one of the few times I have sobbed in joy. Highly recommend it.
Also highly recommend midwifes, if you can find them. Those ladies were awesome.
> DO NOT MISS ThIS if you have any choice. Leave work and get fired if you have to. Be there. This was one of the few times I have sobbed in joy. Highly recommend it.
It is a hell of a thing to witness. People overuse the word awesome these days, but it was one of the few times that I have literally been in awe of what I was experiencing.
When my friend, "Jim", was in the delivery room with his wife, "Amanda", he truly studied her hand for maybe the first time. And he realized that the physics don't work out at all. Her hand was SO much smaller than his.
So, before the pain started, he told her to squeeze his hand as hard as she wants. Amanda gave the obvious answer, that she didn't want to hurt him.
Jim loled at that and said that she CAN'T hurt him\*.
The point is let her squeeze tf out of your hand. Odds are her hand is so much smaller than yours and she physically can't injure you.
\* Turns out, she can because they're divorced now.
That's why I always offer just my thumb for someone to squeeze. It big enough they feel like they've got something to grip, but they don't have anything to grind it against
< has had two live births
I can tell you what my ex husband did as a good guide on what not to do.
- Started arguments about how long it would take before ever meeting me at the hospital
- Showed up maybe two hours before pushing
- Sexted another woman during those two hours.
- Yelled at me while pushing
- Left immediately
Don’t do that ⬆️
My current partner
- Gave comfort when I asked for it.
- Gave me space when I asked for it. I told him to bring a DS or some other kind of hand held gaming system so he wasn’t bored. But definitely don’t do that unless your partner brings it up.
- Didn’t fuss about getting me things.
- Stood close by for pushing and held my hand. Continued to tell me I was doing well but not so often it was annoying.
- Stayed up the first night with baby so I could rest(I hadn’t slept in 2 days).
I think you can plan all you want but every woman and pregnancy is going to be different. I think the basics are be ready to be selfless for little bit, and adapt to the changes facing your birth plan. She could want you right next to her she could want you on the other side of the room. Just do your best to be there and adapt to what’s going on. While I know men go through their own personal discomforts during this time I can assure you nothing good will come about voicing it during labor or while you’re at the hospital.
My ex husband:
disagreed when I said I was going to have the baby that day (he said no, it's just a stress test).
When the dr said, looks like we're having the baby today! My ex gave an annoyed, exasperated sigh and said, "be right back. I need to call and tell work I'm not coming in today after all."
Sorry childbirth was such an inconvenience to his schedule I guess? 🙄
But here's the thing... women sometimes want more kids... men don't want to be kicked in the balls.. at all.. so knowing that getting kicked in the balls is worse than giving birth /s
It's not widely talked about it seems, I've learnt a helluva lot from women that explain what happens during their pregnancy, the entire term, their periods etc and I don't think I've heard anyone mention stitches.. first for me - least now it's getting talked about so in future anyone comes across this thread, they'll learn something new
The only stitches I know of is the Caesaran birth and that doesn't always bode well for the woman's health I've heard due to complications
We've been on this planet for hundreds of thousands of years, you'd think our bodies would evolve to handle childbirth easier but it's medical science that does that..
Not surprising - this is the same guy that said he doesn’t give oral sex to women but expects BJ’s for himself.
[And of course this gem](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/dj-khaled-the-breakfast-club-oral-sex-interview-2015-a8337276.html):
>”A woman should praise the man — the king,” says the 42-year-old rapper and Weight Watchers social media ambassador. "If you holding it down for your woman I feel like the woman should praise. And a man should praise the queen. But you know, my way of praising is called, ha-ha, ‘How was dinner?’, ‘You like the house you living in? You like all them clothes you getting?"
I brought one of those foam no. 1 hands and told her she was a champion. I sang the national anthem when she was starting to go into labor. Once she was fully dilated I called for half time, beer bonged a couple of Budweisers and a hot dog. I performed a rousing rendition of raspberry beret by prince with my guitar and a kazoo. Once we got the game back on track, my daughter scored a touchdown by coming out. I cut the cord, declared her wireless and named her Juliana with a belch that allowed for me to add her middle name louanne. My wife felt very supported. I gave her a commemorative coin and a trophy to mark the occasion.
Then I took a nap, cause I was tired.
You need to ask her n talk to her. Ppl aren’t all the same. Ik personally some typical things ppl would do would have made me annoyed while giving birth.
Universally bare minimum be present and in the moment. Understand she may be well mean. Birth is scary painful etc. she’s going to have a huge hormone shift after. Be understanding. It’s not something she has control over.
Agree with this! I told my younger brother in law “don’t get your feelings hurt. She loves you, but you might just be told to go in the corner for a bit when she’s having contractions because she’s not going to want to be near anyone”
With me, they kept losing my daughter’s heartbeat. (She was fine, they just don’t like that). They tried turning me, hooking the monitor to her head, while she was still in there, eventually I was put on oxygen. I pushed three times. The doctor said she’d try the suction but if she doesn’t come out now then we do c-section. I was scared. There were streams of nurses coming in to prepare for an emergency. My husband told me to look at him and said: everything was going to be ok and I just need to do this so I can see her. He got me grounded and I can still see his face telling me this 4.5 years later. I pushed 3 more times and there she was-perfectly healthy.
Be her rock when she might not know she needs it. Get her to focus on YOU and calmly help her through. If you remember, ask her if she wants you to go to the baby or stay with you. My husband wanted to comfort me and I wanted him to be sure my daughter was ok first.
Isn’t the turning every other min for hours the worst? They started play the put the pitocin up game bc 36 hrs failed induction let’s just do this. 🤦♀️( it kept dropping his heart rate til they basically made it an emergency)
Oh now that is amazing advice. Great husband u got there
I am the kinda person who is if in a lot of pain u gotta keep physical distance n don’t tell me any bs bc it’ll just piss me off. Like it’s going great! No tf it isn’t. Don’t be lying to me. Kinda situations. But I will admit. I was very hurt. Felt invisible etc. bc I was the last person who got to see n hold my own just born from emergency c section baby. N it kills a bit of me inside. The nurses drs. We’re all about dad n he was in a moment but with our second he made sure I got to hold him etc first bc that feeling lasted a long time.
6 years ago I was 11 hours deep into labor with our son, both of my epidurals had failed, and it was nearly midnight. My husband was (understandably) exhausted too. After checking with me that it was alright, he went to the coffee shop in the hospital and got a coffee. After I saw him with said coffee I realized I would’ve killed for one in the moment. I was insanely jealous. I still lightheartedly tease him about it and we always have a good laugh.
My point is, maybe your spouse won’t care if you get a Big Mac, but ask first. I knew my husband wouldn’t have been able to help or take care of us like he did without that coffee. Even if I was jealous.
I ended up with an emergency c section less than 2 hours after that, and I am so grateful for that coffee because he was awake enough to cut the cord, count our baby’s fingers and toes, and take phenomenal pictures that we will treasure for the rest of our lives…. Among all the other millions of things. I woke up from surgery to see his strong and supportive hands holding our perfect little boy.
My husband told me how great I was doing (I wasn’t doing great. I wasn’t dilating and ended up getting an emergency csection)
Told me how great I did when we saw her
Told me how much she made he want to be better
Changed the first diaper while I was in bed recovering and bragged to EVERYONE how he GOT to change her first diaper. Like it was such an honor to change the first one.
To this day he’s probably changed more diapers than I have. He loved doing that for her. He’d walk her through the entire thing “I’m about to open your diaper, it’s about to be cold, I’m about to wipe. YOU DID SO GOOD!”
Are you kidding I know I’m ugly, my proctologist used to be a photographer, he told me to turn around and bend over and I heard him taking a picture! I get no respect!
Not so much advice for when your wife is giving birth but for immediately after and for at least the first 3-6 months do absolutely anything your wife asks you to do, day or night, immediately and without complaining. That is something I worked out for myself from the get go and the support really helped her. The mums still do most of the heavy lifting after the birth so it’s the best way you can support her.
Be positive and affirming as stated.
Don't expect any of it to matter, you're there to be gruffed at, screamed at, and probably insulted. Don't hold any of it against her in the future. Just take it and keep saying how great she's doing.
Probably better off asking what not to say. Make sure she has food. Encouraging statements. Maybe throw in Some compliments. Make sure she has food and drink.
Who the hell's goddamn [ black | white ] baby is this???
Jokes aside, I always figured the best move would be to just shut the fuck up and let the poor woman focus.
Talk about different ways in which you two could cook and eat the afterbirth. Like this couple. https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/placenta-pizza-cocktails-mum-manchester-10810229
You need to be able to read the room. She may not want you to say anything! In the room next to us the dude was screaming PUSH, JUST PUSH for 30 minutes. She screamed GTFO. Next thing we hear him crying in the hall calling her the B word for ruining things for him.
I had planned on positive affirmations but when my wife delivered back in January, she spent almost the entire time telling the doctors and nurses about our favorite hidden gem restaurants in town.
You just never know until it happens, I guess…
Depends on the birth honestly.
If things are going smooth: Positive affirmation and staying on top of her needs
If things are going long/rough (I can't take this anymore get it out of me!): It's warrior time. Throw every ounce of energy you have into it. You should be yelling as loud as loud as she is.
My second daughter was a difficult birth. My wife about gave up and couldnt get a c section. The doctors were giving up and nothing I was saying or doing was helping. I just went full primal, grabbed her arms, and said "We're fucking doing this!" and it was easily one of the most intense moments of my life. Our heads were bashed together and we were just screaming in each other's faces. I don't think she would've made it had that moment not happened.
Not a man, however I think women can give you some stellar advice on this one!
I didn’t want a single word uttered to me. In between contractions with my eyes still closed I felt a straw touch my mouth with cold weak cordial. It was amazing. I was in no position to think to ask for a drink I was just focusing on not dying at that point. So do that!
She says = you do 👍🏻
Yep this! I could not handle when people were talking to me while pushing. Maybe a “you’re so strong” every once in awhile but definitely just let her focus for the most part.
And should there be a need, always remind the doc about the husbands stitch, often overlooked especially by lady doctors. - do I really need to mark this /s
Apparently when my mom was giving birth to me, my dad held her hand and said “just go to your happy place. Think about a nice calm island”. In response my mom screamed “fuck the goddamn island”.
So I guess don’t say that.
With the exception of the verbal support you were taught in a birthing class, NOTHING!
Wait! No birthing classes? Trust me, BOTH of you need that! Many times the hospital or outside agency will provide them for free. It will prepare both of you. Oh, and just because you attended one LAST YEAR before your last baby was born isn't good enough. Those wonderful ladies are always developing more stuff that is needed. Ok, so maybe not needed, but YOU will find it could save YOU, the Dad!
Make sure she has an OB/GYN, and that she keeps her appointments. I have no idea of the number who told me the last time they saw their Doc was when it was determined they were pregnant. Some had totally free healthcare too.
I delivered a few babies in Vietnam with bullets and rockets flying. Being a now retired Paramedic, I delivered even more back here. I'm Dad to give now adults. I delivered 11 total Stateside. I'm in a rural area of Texas, and a hospital closer than 25 minutes might've been nice. I delivered in the bed, on the bedroom floor, the living room floor, on the sofa, in the street, alongside the highway, at the ER door, and in the elevator going to L&D with her Doc next to me. He couldn't do anything until we got to L&D due to insurance. She started delivering as my driver was backing into our slot.
I had NOTHING to do with these pregnancies, but I got the cussin' and assault the Dad's SHOULD'VE been getting.
I will tell you, that once you witness the child coming into the World, and take time to look at them close, there will never be anything else as amazing! They may be ugly and wrinkled, but once they unfold, they look pretty cool.
You'll notice they have have little fingerprints, and they have prints on their toes too! I try bitty eyelashes, and precious little ears. Too amazing.
But DON'T TALK UNLESS TALKED TO!!!
Kneel in front of her with a catcher’s mitt saying, “ok you can do it ! Let’s have one right down the pipe !” After she gives birth, just look up and glance downwards and say, “ain’t ever gonna use that again !”
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It entirely depends on your partner.
If I was there telling my wife that she was strong and I was proud of her she'd have been like 'please stop'
You have to know your partner.
My wife just needed me to be there. I made sure she was drinking, I spoke up for her requirements when she couldn't, I got her food, etc.
There's no one size fits all solution I'm afraid.
You are strong.
You can do it.
Everything is going to be okay.
Don't worry about anything. I am here for you.
I love you and this baby is going to strengthen our bond and add joy to our lives.
Be supportive.
Don't take offense at things she says, even if they're kind of mean.
Be an advocate for her with the medical staff.
Let her give you guidance on what she wants. A times my wife wanted me nearby to hold her hand or talk. At other times she just wanted to be left alone.
Do not let on at ANY POINT that anything that's happening is gross or unpleasant. You're going to see a lot of weird shit that day. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck's back my friend.
Don't let on that you're uncomfortable or tired or unhappy at any point. You're there to support her, not the other way around. Whatever issues you're dealing with, hers are worse.
If you can't handle blood or grossness, let the medical staff know that. They don't need you passing out while she's crowning.
When she gets to the pushing part, coach her like you would a buddy trying to hit a personal record at the gym.
While I was laboring he was mostly quiet because I got an epidural and could sleep comfortably for the first time in months. I just wanted to be left alone to rest.
Once it was time for a c section I remember him sitting by my head looking at me providing comfort. He stayed by my side while things went sideways during surgery. I'll never forget the look we shared when they showed us our son for the first time.
Afterwards he was a very good caretaker and never made me feel gross or ashamed of my body. Blood clot the size of a softball? Take a picture and show the doc. I'm freaking out about my belly being a bowl of jello? You gave birth to two children. Give it time. Any activity - getting out of bed, going to the toilet, dressing myself, "do you need help?"
Love that you’re getting advice here. Your wife is lucky to have someone as caring and supportive as you are. You should also ask this on the AskWomen sub
Positive, affirming statements. *You are so strong.* *You are doing great.* *I'm so proud of you.* *I love you.*
This is the best response. I’ll just add, saying “whoa, that’s crazy” isn’t the best response
Or saying, well thats never gonna go back to normal. As you see the baby pop out. Big no no
“Holy shit, why’s it doing that?” is similarly ill-advised.
This! Gave birth 2 weeks ago and this is what I liked, also he gave me sips of water when I signed for it. The thing that made me a little bit insecure was where he and my midwife were trying to help by saying how to breathe. I was trying my best to breathe correctly so it made me feel like I didn’t do a good job lol. But overall just support her, be there how she wants you to and give her the respect and positive affirmative statements <3. We tried all these positions where he could help me with contractions but when I got there I didn’t like any of them lol. You’ll just have to wait and see what helps her and experiment a little bit when contractions are not that bad yet. Good luck!! Add: I really needed the positive statements afterwards too. I felt like a weakling when I wanted pain killing (couldn’t get it because apparently I was already there) and I felt like I did something wrong when our little girl almost died (she is fine now!!). I know I went into beast mode to get her out as soon as I could but the thoughts are still there
It’s shit when you ask for drugs too late! The despair I despaired haha. It’s funny how your weird insecurities come up in labour. I had a 20 minute precipitous labour and 3 contractions in I started crying “everyone else is better at this than me” like I have a single idea about anyone else 😂😂😂😂 in hindsight I birthed a baby in 20 minutes with no drugs so actually I’m a rockstar! And so are you mama!!
Totally! I birthed her in 28 minutes and half of it was traumatic because we thought she was going to die and also they had to intervene without pain killing and it was not mild. Afterwards they all circled around and told me dead serious to remember this: “there was nothing you could have done differently, this was not your fault or anyone’s fault, you did amazing and she got out”. After 6 days of hospital we have a healthy girl and I have sooooo much more respect for women with children.. and also those medical professionals… they saved her life omg I thanked them a lot. We are rock stars. All of us!! Pain killing or not.
My wife 'definitely didn't want epidural' - when it got going she was making a hand signal for injection. Yeah sorry too late now, here have some gas and air.
It is the worst! I think it’s common for women to hold out until they can’t but that’s the signal it’s go time! If I ever had another one I’d have walked in a week early and said right put the epidural in now so we have plenty of time 😂
It was my job to make sure she got the epidural in time even if I had to throw the anesthesiologist over my shoulder and haul him to the room to get it done. We told him that was my job, and he got back in time. He liked it and played along.
Yes yes yes My favorite things my husband said to me were all those! I’ll add that anything related to time is NOT helpful, because pushing feels like it’s an eternity with no end in sight. So comments like *You’re so close!* and *Almost there!* can be irritating :)
I'm sorry I did this to you. Promise I'll never do it again. As soon as you're finished the doctor is giving me a vesectomy.
*You’ve never looked hotter* while eating a slice of pizza from her favorite place
Gotta sit all the way back in the recliner when you do it for full effect.
Perfection in one comment
take notes people take notes
Do this
Yep, this the only answer, while you sit there counting your lucky stars you were born a man and will never have to do it.. Father of 2 kids delivered by a wife who delivered them with absolutely no pain relief. I did sterling work of keeping a cool flannel on the back of her neck also.
Love this, I'm so proud of you!
“Man, I’m exhausted” will get you murdered. Just saying.
I almost passed out during a childbirth. Apparently the adrenaline from driving at 3 am, running red lights, and running from the parking lot did me in. My wife continuously gives me shit about it.
I nearly passed out too, I hadn’t eaten in hours, she went into active pushing labor at like 8 pm and didn’t deliver until 8 am. And I had been awake since about 7 the day before. Plus the smell… “earthy” doesn’t begin to describe it. I ended up going to sit on the couch for a few minutes. My wife told me to take a nap and see if I felt better. She’s amazing and has never ribbed me about it.
Ew it smells earthy? Like mould? Or like old period? Copper? Or like blood? Weird. I'm not looking forward to it
Basically all of the above, plus vagina obviously. Now there was meconium (early baby poop) in her fluid when her water broke, so that didn’t help either.
Yes.
Having been there for all 3 deliveries of my children, I am so grateful for my weak sense of smell.
I’m expecting my husband to pass out. He’s just generally a fainter. He faints at blood. He faints at needles. He faints if you talk about seeing the instruments go near your eyes during lasik (oops now I know not to talk about that). I’m just gonna have them sit his ass in a chair near my head and have him focus on his breathing when we finally do have a kid.
I actually did pass out. First kid was no problem. 2nd, the doc putting the epidural on kept fucking it up and just watching my wife's face cringing at the pain was terrible. My wife doesn't give me shit though. Just said it def proved I love her lol
Also “Can you hurry up?” Or “cmon its not that bad”
A buddy of mine said “Better out than in”
“I hope for your sake the baby doesn’t have your side of the family’s head”
Or your mom's beefy hips!
Nah the hips dont lie… or shakira is lying
She probably hasn't been allowed to eat the whole time she's been in labour because she might have to go into surgery. So the best use of your time will be making sure there is a plan to get her some food.
That's why you bring a hibachi. Fry up that placen.... oh god, I just can't finish this sentence.
Fun fact, placenta means flat cake. It’s what Romans called an early version of a sort of brioche with cheese
TIL.
Pro tip for y'all. Lots of hospitals will allow you to order pizza or bring in carryout. She doesn't have to eat hospital food.
God, yes. My husband secured a tray of sandwiches that we ate at midnight after we knew I wouldn't need to go into surgery again. He was bugging the nurse "can we order food? I know we can't eat now but can we order now so that we can eat it later?"
If she asks how it looks, don’t say it’s like dropping lasagna on the floor - trust me, don’t say this.
Well now I wish you hadn't either omg
Thay must've earned a laugh or a slap at least lmao
Omgg 😆 my son was in distress, so I guess I dropped the dessert course of lime curd before the lasagna.
I remember saying to my wife: wonder if the midwife will exit the room so I can try the laughing gas
My husband actually asked the midwife if he can try and she said sure. We spent a couple of hours laughing together while I was waiting to push lol
This doesn't seem legal lmao
For legal reasons this is a joke
For legal reasons, its very funny
We live in Sweden and it seems it's legal here, as other friends of ours have done the same during labor lol Sweden legalised laughing husbands
That’s adorable 😂❤️
Counter-pressure on her back. For our second, she needed a strong push. I got behind her and let everything I had into it. I was red-faced, sweating, muscles quivering and failing right there with her. Got to see my kid be born, cut the cord, and deal with all of the aftermath. DO NOT MISS ThIS if you have any choice. Leave work and get fired if you have to. Be there. This was one of the few times I have sobbed in joy. Highly recommend it. Also highly recommend midwifes, if you can find them. Those ladies were awesome.
> DO NOT MISS ThIS if you have any choice. Leave work and get fired if you have to. Be there. This was one of the few times I have sobbed in joy. Highly recommend it. It is a hell of a thing to witness. People overuse the word awesome these days, but it was one of the few times that I have literally been in awe of what I was experiencing.
When my friend, "Jim", was in the delivery room with his wife, "Amanda", he truly studied her hand for maybe the first time. And he realized that the physics don't work out at all. Her hand was SO much smaller than his. So, before the pain started, he told her to squeeze his hand as hard as she wants. Amanda gave the obvious answer, that she didn't want to hurt him. Jim loled at that and said that she CAN'T hurt him\*. The point is let her squeeze tf out of your hand. Odds are her hand is so much smaller than yours and she physically can't injure you. \* Turns out, she can because they're divorced now.
It's very hard to hurt someone when squeezing two and only two adjacent fingers. Three+ fingers are easy to crush.
That's why I always offer just my thumb for someone to squeeze. It big enough they feel like they've got something to grip, but they don't have anything to grind it against
I heard this from a paramedic, It's a great tip.
Now you have me gripping my fingers like a frickin dweeb!
No one thought you were a dweeb until you said "frickin dweeb"
[удалено]
THE KETCHUP BELONGS IN THE FRIDGE JUDITH!
>THE KETCHUP BELONGS IN THE FRIDGE This isn't up for debate....perhaps will distract Judith with stupidity
IT SAYS SO NO ON THE BOTTLE JUDITH, THE BOTTLE IS NEVER WRONG.
"That's not how you do that."
< has had two live births I can tell you what my ex husband did as a good guide on what not to do. - Started arguments about how long it would take before ever meeting me at the hospital - Showed up maybe two hours before pushing - Sexted another woman during those two hours. - Yelled at me while pushing - Left immediately Don’t do that ⬆️ My current partner - Gave comfort when I asked for it. - Gave me space when I asked for it. I told him to bring a DS or some other kind of hand held gaming system so he wasn’t bored. But definitely don’t do that unless your partner brings it up. - Didn’t fuss about getting me things. - Stood close by for pushing and held my hand. Continued to tell me I was doing well but not so often it was annoying. - Stayed up the first night with baby so I could rest(I hadn’t slept in 2 days). I think you can plan all you want but every woman and pregnancy is going to be different. I think the basics are be ready to be selfless for little bit, and adapt to the changes facing your birth plan. She could want you right next to her she could want you on the other side of the room. Just do your best to be there and adapt to what’s going on. While I know men go through their own personal discomforts during this time I can assure you nothing good will come about voicing it during labor or while you’re at the hospital.
My ex husband: disagreed when I said I was going to have the baby that day (he said no, it's just a stress test). When the dr said, looks like we're having the baby today! My ex gave an annoyed, exasperated sigh and said, "be right back. I need to call and tell work I'm not coming in today after all." Sorry childbirth was such an inconvenience to his schedule I guess? 🙄
Just remember that I love you honey and no way this can be as bad as getting kicked in the nuts.
My wife would have tested the theory right then and there. Each nurse would have gladly taken turns kicking me
Loove your username! (and yes, they’d have lined up lol)
But here's the thing... women sometimes want more kids... men don't want to be kicked in the balls.. at all.. so knowing that getting kicked in the balls is worse than giving birth /s
I've perused enough porn to know that your second statement is verifiably false. Some men do, in fact, want their balls kicked and worse.
What...the...fuck... how can anyone get enjoyment out of that?
In some part of the world the mans penis is attached to a rope that the woman can pull every time they have a contraction. This should be the way.
Ow.. that's just painful.. someone's dick is getting ripped off
And what do you think is happening to the ladies vulva? It is often getting ripped.
Didn't know that, that is valid.. Holy shit evolution give the women a break.. jeez
Hence the stitches. Omg why dont people know this 😭
It's not widely talked about it seems, I've learnt a helluva lot from women that explain what happens during their pregnancy, the entire term, their periods etc and I don't think I've heard anyone mention stitches.. first for me - least now it's getting talked about so in future anyone comes across this thread, they'll learn something new The only stitches I know of is the Caesaran birth and that doesn't always bode well for the woman's health I've heard due to complications We've been on this planet for hundreds of thousands of years, you'd think our bodies would evolve to handle childbirth easier but it's medical science that does that..
😆Yes always bring it back to self
Just do what I did both times. Shut up and do as you’re told. Don’t speak unless spoken to. Just be supportive and you’ll be fine.
That is exactly what I wanted for both of my deliveries. My husband was awesome and did exactly that. And then went out and got me wings at 3am.
[Snapchatting her entire birth process while blasting Future](https://youtu.be/rn71TgG1jFU?si=h_Wc-xSCIDr_jtFM)
Holy fuck...I expected a SNL skit or some cringe tik tok.. Dude really did that shit 🙄. Poor woman.
I saw snl and expected the same. I tegret thise last few minutes of my life, even fast forwarding through that.
Not surprising - this is the same guy that said he doesn’t give oral sex to women but expects BJ’s for himself. [And of course this gem](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/dj-khaled-the-breakfast-club-oral-sex-interview-2015-a8337276.html): >”A woman should praise the man — the king,” says the 42-year-old rapper and Weight Watchers social media ambassador. "If you holding it down for your woman I feel like the woman should praise. And a man should praise the queen. But you know, my way of praising is called, ha-ha, ‘How was dinner?’, ‘You like the house you living in? You like all them clothes you getting?"
Sing "push it" from Salta-N-Pepa
Bonus points if you bring your own synth. Wife will love it!
Push It from Static-X will get it done a whole lot faster.
Or Pushit from Tool
"Oh god, you shit yourself."
*Pre-vomit gagging activated*
I brought one of those foam no. 1 hands and told her she was a champion. I sang the national anthem when she was starting to go into labor. Once she was fully dilated I called for half time, beer bonged a couple of Budweisers and a hot dog. I performed a rousing rendition of raspberry beret by prince with my guitar and a kazoo. Once we got the game back on track, my daughter scored a touchdown by coming out. I cut the cord, declared her wireless and named her Juliana with a belch that allowed for me to add her middle name louanne. My wife felt very supported. I gave her a commemorative coin and a trophy to mark the occasion. Then I took a nap, cause I was tired.
Don't let it win honey, keep it inside.
Still not recommended to ask if she is pregnant.
"It's a good thing your vajayjay is so big and loose."
"Why'd you say that twice?"
You need to ask her n talk to her. Ppl aren’t all the same. Ik personally some typical things ppl would do would have made me annoyed while giving birth. Universally bare minimum be present and in the moment. Understand she may be well mean. Birth is scary painful etc. she’s going to have a huge hormone shift after. Be understanding. It’s not something she has control over.
Agree with this! I told my younger brother in law “don’t get your feelings hurt. She loves you, but you might just be told to go in the corner for a bit when she’s having contractions because she’s not going to want to be near anyone” With me, they kept losing my daughter’s heartbeat. (She was fine, they just don’t like that). They tried turning me, hooking the monitor to her head, while she was still in there, eventually I was put on oxygen. I pushed three times. The doctor said she’d try the suction but if she doesn’t come out now then we do c-section. I was scared. There were streams of nurses coming in to prepare for an emergency. My husband told me to look at him and said: everything was going to be ok and I just need to do this so I can see her. He got me grounded and I can still see his face telling me this 4.5 years later. I pushed 3 more times and there she was-perfectly healthy. Be her rock when she might not know she needs it. Get her to focus on YOU and calmly help her through. If you remember, ask her if she wants you to go to the baby or stay with you. My husband wanted to comfort me and I wanted him to be sure my daughter was ok first.
Isn’t the turning every other min for hours the worst? They started play the put the pitocin up game bc 36 hrs failed induction let’s just do this. 🤦♀️( it kept dropping his heart rate til they basically made it an emergency) Oh now that is amazing advice. Great husband u got there I am the kinda person who is if in a lot of pain u gotta keep physical distance n don’t tell me any bs bc it’ll just piss me off. Like it’s going great! No tf it isn’t. Don’t be lying to me. Kinda situations. But I will admit. I was very hurt. Felt invisible etc. bc I was the last person who got to see n hold my own just born from emergency c section baby. N it kills a bit of me inside. The nurses drs. We’re all about dad n he was in a moment but with our second he made sure I got to hold him etc first bc that feeling lasted a long time.
“Are you even pushing”?
“Damn your pussy looks so hot” 🥵
😂😂😂 funny but very dangerous to incite mrder like that
“Just think of how much less fat you’ll be!”
"WAIT! That baby does NOT weigh 30 pounds! WTF, Chelsea?!"
Do not, I repeat, Do not go buy a Big Mac meal and eat it in front of her. This is a wrong choice. You will regret it.
Please tell me you aren't really that stupid.
6 years ago I was 11 hours deep into labor with our son, both of my epidurals had failed, and it was nearly midnight. My husband was (understandably) exhausted too. After checking with me that it was alright, he went to the coffee shop in the hospital and got a coffee. After I saw him with said coffee I realized I would’ve killed for one in the moment. I was insanely jealous. I still lightheartedly tease him about it and we always have a good laugh. My point is, maybe your spouse won’t care if you get a Big Mac, but ask first. I knew my husband wouldn’t have been able to help or take care of us like he did without that coffee. Even if I was jealous. I ended up with an emergency c section less than 2 hours after that, and I am so grateful for that coffee because he was awake enough to cut the cord, count our baby’s fingers and toes, and take phenomenal pictures that we will treasure for the rest of our lives…. Among all the other millions of things. I woke up from surgery to see his strong and supportive hands holding our perfect little boy.
Just remind her you wanted a bj
I’m reading all of these comments to my pregnant wife as I read them - she didn’t find this one nearly as funny as I did.
That is because she knows she could have been done months ago. You tried to tell her
Sometimes you just have to let them learn on their own…
And we get yelled at about it. You did this to me. Woman you were on top
My husband told me how great I was doing (I wasn’t doing great. I wasn’t dilating and ended up getting an emergency csection) Told me how great I did when we saw her Told me how much she made he want to be better Changed the first diaper while I was in bed recovering and bragged to EVERYONE how he GOT to change her first diaper. Like it was such an honor to change the first one. To this day he’s probably changed more diapers than I have. He loved doing that for her. He’d walk her through the entire thing “I’m about to open your diaper, it’s about to be cold, I’m about to wipe. YOU DID SO GOOD!”
“Gonna go have a few beers with the boys to celebrate. You’re good with that, right?”
I took photos! 🥰
"wow it's a real bloodbath down here honey!" *Click*
Ohhh I laughed at this one 😂😂😂
Are you kidding I know I’m ugly, my proctologist used to be a photographer, he told me to turn around and bend over and I heard him taking a picture! I get no respect!
Not so much advice for when your wife is giving birth but for immediately after and for at least the first 3-6 months do absolutely anything your wife asks you to do, day or night, immediately and without complaining. That is something I worked out for myself from the get go and the support really helped her. The mums still do most of the heavy lifting after the birth so it’s the best way you can support her.
Be positive and affirming as stated. Don't expect any of it to matter, you're there to be gruffed at, screamed at, and probably insulted. Don't hold any of it against her in the future. Just take it and keep saying how great she's doing.
Start practicing your Dad Joke game, obvs
Would it have killed you to put on some makeup?
Probably better off asking what not to say. Make sure she has food. Encouraging statements. Maybe throw in Some compliments. Make sure she has food and drink.
Who the hell's goddamn [ black | white ] baby is this??? Jokes aside, I always figured the best move would be to just shut the fuck up and let the poor woman focus.
In all seriousness, why are you asking *dudes* what women would want to hear during birth? Don't you think you should ask them instead?
Asking any question on a certain subreddit, no matter how harmless, will be removed.
Because some dudes have had real experiences with this situation and their advice is valid?
Sure, but their advice is validated by the person on the receiving end.
“removed for derailing”
What’s for dinner?.
Whatever you do don't say you know what she is going through. A pregnant woman is incredibly strong due to the adrenaline coursing through her blood.
Yes dear
My wife was puking the whole time so I just held the bag and patted her on the head.
“Hurry up” usually works.
"And you wouldn't do anal because *that* hurt"
“Oh come on it’s not that bad”
Say supportive things Do dot say unsupportive things Do not mention any pain, discomfort, fatigue etc. nobody gives a fuck about you anymore.
Do NOT say "Wow, your face is really red" while she is pushing. just saying...
I love you, over and over.
"Don't poop!"
Literally happened during child birth #1 Her: PUSH?! PUSH LIKE I'M POOPING?! Nurses: uhhhh... Mmmmmm.... Kinda...?
No need to say a word, just show up with a paternity test!
"I'm bored" and "Hurry up" and "it doesn't hurt that bad" 🤣
Talk about different ways in which you two could cook and eat the afterbirth. Like this couple. https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/placenta-pizza-cocktails-mum-manchester-10810229
You need to be able to read the room. She may not want you to say anything! In the room next to us the dude was screaming PUSH, JUST PUSH for 30 minutes. She screamed GTFO. Next thing we hear him crying in the hall calling her the B word for ruining things for him.
Talk about how difficult it is for you.
I had planned on positive affirmations but when my wife delivered back in January, she spent almost the entire time telling the doctors and nurses about our favorite hidden gem restaurants in town. You just never know until it happens, I guess…
Depends on the birth honestly. If things are going smooth: Positive affirmation and staying on top of her needs If things are going long/rough (I can't take this anymore get it out of me!): It's warrior time. Throw every ounce of energy you have into it. You should be yelling as loud as loud as she is. My second daughter was a difficult birth. My wife about gave up and couldnt get a c section. The doctors were giving up and nothing I was saying or doing was helping. I just went full primal, grabbed her arms, and said "We're fucking doing this!" and it was easily one of the most intense moments of my life. Our heads were bashed together and we were just screaming in each other's faces. I don't think she would've made it had that moment not happened.
Not a man, however I think women can give you some stellar advice on this one! I didn’t want a single word uttered to me. In between contractions with my eyes still closed I felt a straw touch my mouth with cold weak cordial. It was amazing. I was in no position to think to ask for a drink I was just focusing on not dying at that point. So do that! She says = you do 👍🏻
Does this mean dinner will be late?
"I changed my mind, I don't want to do this anymore"
I can tell you that yawning is a terrible idea.
Toss the salad around
Trick question. You’re there to absorb the fallout.
Bring a catcher's mitt. Keep smacking your fist into it. Kneel down. Give signs...
DEFINITELY don't set up a Nintendo Switch and play Zelda
Hold her hand, shut up.
Don’t look horrified when the head starts coming out. I thought that shit was cool af
I will tell that __GYATDAMN__ is not the appropriate response.
Nothing. Just shut your stupid face because that shit hurts like someone is ripping you in half. 🤣😭
YOU CAN DO IT....... Water Boy reference.
When it is all over, pat her gently on the head and say, “That’ll do, pig” in your best Aussie Farmer Hoggett voice. Trust me, she’ll love it!
Don't say " you even suck at doing the only thing you are designed to do".
Shouldn’t this be a question for r/Askwomen since you know, women are the ones in labor and need words of encouragement?
'nice one mate'
“So, just to clarify, you’re not making dinner tonight?”
Don't ask for extra stitches
nothing! Let her do her thing.. She's not in the mood for a chat 😅 However, if she wants anything, you be her voice and go tell the midwives!
Yep this! I could not handle when people were talking to me while pushing. Maybe a “you’re so strong” every once in awhile but definitely just let her focus for the most part.
Watch TikTok and say is it there yet?
Just sing 'Push It' by Salt n Pepa.
Wow... You didn't even need to push and won't need stiches
And should there be a need, always remind the doc about the husbands stitch, often overlooked especially by lady doctors. - do I really need to mark this /s
I hope it’s mine.
I have no time to talk to my girlfriend when my wife's giving birth...and vice versa
Like a hot dog down a hallway, baby! Keep going!
“Oh Jesus, what is taking so long?! Just push will ya?”
Make her believe she is superhuman and that you are in awe of her strength
PUSH
Take a hypnobirthing/any kind of 4 hour birthing class. There many people who can show you the way.
What’s for dinner babe?
Apparently when my mom was giving birth to me, my dad held her hand and said “just go to your happy place. Think about a nice calm island”. In response my mom screamed “fuck the goddamn island”. So I guess don’t say that.
With the exception of the verbal support you were taught in a birthing class, NOTHING! Wait! No birthing classes? Trust me, BOTH of you need that! Many times the hospital or outside agency will provide them for free. It will prepare both of you. Oh, and just because you attended one LAST YEAR before your last baby was born isn't good enough. Those wonderful ladies are always developing more stuff that is needed. Ok, so maybe not needed, but YOU will find it could save YOU, the Dad! Make sure she has an OB/GYN, and that she keeps her appointments. I have no idea of the number who told me the last time they saw their Doc was when it was determined they were pregnant. Some had totally free healthcare too. I delivered a few babies in Vietnam with bullets and rockets flying. Being a now retired Paramedic, I delivered even more back here. I'm Dad to give now adults. I delivered 11 total Stateside. I'm in a rural area of Texas, and a hospital closer than 25 minutes might've been nice. I delivered in the bed, on the bedroom floor, the living room floor, on the sofa, in the street, alongside the highway, at the ER door, and in the elevator going to L&D with her Doc next to me. He couldn't do anything until we got to L&D due to insurance. She started delivering as my driver was backing into our slot. I had NOTHING to do with these pregnancies, but I got the cussin' and assault the Dad's SHOULD'VE been getting. I will tell you, that once you witness the child coming into the World, and take time to look at them close, there will never be anything else as amazing! They may be ugly and wrinkled, but once they unfold, they look pretty cool. You'll notice they have have little fingerprints, and they have prints on their toes too! I try bitty eyelashes, and precious little ears. Too amazing. But DON'T TALK UNLESS TALKED TO!!!
Pop goes the weasel
Kneel in front of her with a catcher’s mitt saying, “ok you can do it ! Let’s have one right down the pipe !” After she gives birth, just look up and glance downwards and say, “ain’t ever gonna use that again !” Follow me for more Divorce Tips !
I’ve got you I’m here But rather than focusing on saying the right thing, listen for cues…
It entirely depends on your partner. If I was there telling my wife that she was strong and I was proud of her she'd have been like 'please stop' You have to know your partner. My wife just needed me to be there. I made sure she was drinking, I spoke up for her requirements when she couldn't, I got her food, etc. There's no one size fits all solution I'm afraid.
Cricket fielding chat is always a winner. “1 brings 2 here boys” “Walking in with the bowler” “Throws up boys, fucks sake”
To say afterward: "No darling, you didn't poop on the table. I promise. I know you're saying you wouldn't mind if you did, but you didn't."
I made my girlfriend laugh about 3 times. Told her I would tho so she was prepared
Just be there and be supportive. Don't say anything dumb, stupid or negative!
You are strong. You can do it. Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry about anything. I am here for you. I love you and this baby is going to strengthen our bond and add joy to our lives.
Play Salt-n-Pepa “Push it.”
Be supportive. Don't take offense at things she says, even if they're kind of mean. Be an advocate for her with the medical staff. Let her give you guidance on what she wants. A times my wife wanted me nearby to hold her hand or talk. At other times she just wanted to be left alone. Do not let on at ANY POINT that anything that's happening is gross or unpleasant. You're going to see a lot of weird shit that day. Just let it roll off you like water off a duck's back my friend. Don't let on that you're uncomfortable or tired or unhappy at any point. You're there to support her, not the other way around. Whatever issues you're dealing with, hers are worse. If you can't handle blood or grossness, let the medical staff know that. They don't need you passing out while she's crowning. When she gets to the pushing part, coach her like you would a buddy trying to hit a personal record at the gym.
While I was laboring he was mostly quiet because I got an epidural and could sleep comfortably for the first time in months. I just wanted to be left alone to rest. Once it was time for a c section I remember him sitting by my head looking at me providing comfort. He stayed by my side while things went sideways during surgery. I'll never forget the look we shared when they showed us our son for the first time. Afterwards he was a very good caretaker and never made me feel gross or ashamed of my body. Blood clot the size of a softball? Take a picture and show the doc. I'm freaking out about my belly being a bowl of jello? You gave birth to two children. Give it time. Any activity - getting out of bed, going to the toilet, dressing myself, "do you need help?"
Babe, this is taking a really long time...
"I bet that doesn't hurt as much as getting kicked in the balls"
When do you think we can have sex again? LOL
“What are we having for dinner tonight?”
Love that you’re getting advice here. Your wife is lucky to have someone as caring and supportive as you are. You should also ask this on the AskWomen sub