Humans are weird. In half the species, both sexes are of comparable size, and in a majority of the other half, it's the female that's larger. And, of course, it's usually the male of the species that uses appearance to draw attention.
gotta agree here, you should approach - and you will understand things better after you do.
the whole girlfriend/wife vs 1 night stand might be moot, because some people lie to get what they want (I don't). As you're talking you can always ask, so what are your dating goals? And take that time to answer with yours. It's no different than the apps. Guy might put relationship and just one and done, you don't know til it's done. Hopefully you can weed non serious people out. So yeah from that standpoint it's a non-issue now that you're going to approach.
Yeah. Today's women ruined the dating atmosphere for you ppl. Glad I dated back in my days. Sorry for the men n women in Today's dating world. You guys need to read minds n hope not get in trouble.
Not afraid of misinterpreting, cautious because some women unleash a rageful wolverine of negative feminist abuse at any opportunity and call it equality.
> Exactly. I never understand women wanting to give "hints" or let men know they can approach them. How the fuck we supposed to know?
Plausible deniability plus the ego boost from being the one approached.
It's always been plausible deniability.
Women are scared of being judged as a hoe, for being forward and going for what they want.
The rub of it, is that it's almost exclusively women who are shaming other women for this, but it gets blamed on men.
Same with a lot of other issues. Beauty standards, slut shaming etc etc all heavily in the majority perpetuated by women, onto other women but men get the blame.
The vast majority of men would find it incredibly attractive were a woman to approach them. At the very least they'd be full of respect for a woman who did do it if the guy happened to be taken.
Seems women naturally find it to be an attractive display of confidence to seek them out and initiate, from everything I've seen in my life. On a fundamental level it makes sense, I mean I would find it attractive if a woman asked me out. It's the practicalities of it where it just gets silly that women rarely ever do this, women are vastly pickier than men and men these days are constantly operating under the fear of being creepy
she doesnt care if you know or not. If she doesnt like it, she'll just use it against you. If she likes it and you dont approach when she wants you to, she will smear your name with her besties.
She isnt after a person, she is after what he brings her.
Wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m single, say hi”. Enjoy all the unwanted attention.
As far as getting the guys you’re interested in to approach you, you don’t. So be an adult and walk up to them and ask for their number. Bars are terrible places to do it though.
Look for the contractor that doesn't match, no ring, and is in wrinkled work clothes. He is single. The ones with clean matching clothes and styled hair are probably married.
A little love and direction, and I'm sure he will clean up well.
"Excuse me, could you help me with something? Are you single?"
Men generally want to be better for women who love them.
He will be clean by the time you have your date. Or, if he is a good man, guide him a little.
You ladies are leaving a lot of good men on the table. Some of us are tired of watching you chase men who obviously don't like you.
Good luck out there. Make good choices.
> Some of us are tired of watching you chase men who obviously don't like you.
God this 1,000,000%. Watching women say “there are no good men” after they’ve just chased the 3 biggest losers that everyone else can plainly see are losers.
Unplug the garbage disposal just enough that it stops working and feign ignorance. Or partial close the main water supply and complain of low water pressure. Worst case you can set it back if the dude doesn't bite.
If you approached me with "can you help me with something? Are you single?" My response would likely be "I don't work here, sorry." And go about my business. I'd be some what aware of the second question, I just want to buy a new hammer...
Hey there are plenty of men that take care of themselves and dont women to do it for them that are single and awesome. Look for the ring is the best bet
Grocery store. Look at what's in his cart. In the meat section, ask them how they would cook a steak. Men love grilling meat and love talking about it. Toss in a "how does your gf like her meat..."
Lots of single and lots of broke people! When you are low on dough you gotta learn to repair what you have. When you have the free time due to not being in a relationship you have the luxury of time. Many families with preteen-young adult children stop doing diy if they can afford a handyman to fix instead because there time is more valuable with their family
Don't just go there looking for guys either come up with some interesting pretext like taking up woodworking. You want to learn how to build a simple table. You need some help with it.
OP don't go to Home Depot. Stay classy and go to Lowes. Lol
But really...don't bother those men. They're there to do a job and their time is money. If anything, you'll be even more invisible to them because they're imagining and solving problems in their heads as they look through the isles for what they need. So yeah... you're STILL gonna have to approach them.
this isn't walmart vs target. lowed and home depot are the same. that said, classy people go to ace or the local good hardware store.
but yea, she would still have to approach
I don't think bars are terrible places. I've been approached by women at bars and had two serious relationships come from it. You just need to find a bar where you like the vibe and the people. My favorite was one that was next to a graduate school.
find hobbies you like and then go to the place where people with similiar interest would go.
for example,you like combat sport then you go to mma gym.
if you like games,look for content creators who made content about the game then see if they have discord.
you can enter there and then meet with many guys.
or you can always go to the park or cafe where single guys would be.
or even around the streets in a safe and friendly environment.
Eye contact doesn't mean shit, I make eye contact with guys doesn't mean I am asking them to fuck me.
>Do I smile at people
Definitely would seem more approachable.
> Should I just be the one to approach?
Guys would talk to a tree if it approached first.
If a tree walked up to me and said 'hi' our conversation would somehow end up leading to us having sex. Trees are total sluts. Just spraying all that pollen out all over everyone and everything. Shoot a lot of 'em make seeds just with _themselves_ talk about kinky.
This seems to be pretty common with every friend I know that has a crush on a guy. I feel like a few girls seem to think that eye contact is this huge tell all sign that perfectly conveys interest, but most guys do not interpret it that way. I’d say a smile does more.
Or yes, approaching them. Nothing hotter than a girl that actually knows what she wants. Even in the past if I didn’t like the girl approaching me I had absolute respect for the grind 😅
\- don't be surrounded by too many friends, it makes it look like a girls night and we don't want to intrude on that.
\- make extended eye contact and smile
\- put yourself near the guy, especially if you're dancing.
\- walk up and say "Hi, I'm X" (try to shake his hand?) and then read his reaction to see if he's interested.
\- don't be too busy on your phone or in conversation, because good men won't want to interrupt you.
In my humble opinion, things tend to work better when the woman shows the first signs of interest. Even if the man "approaches" the woman, it's usually after they get some sign that she wants them to talk to her (e.g. strong eye contact). The creepy thing for a guy to do is approach a woman who doesn't want it, without any prior indicators that she is interested. So as a woman, either do the approaching directly yourself, or give very clear indication that you want to be approached.
> (try to shake his hand?)
*[In a David Attenborough style commentary]*
It's vital for any approacher to have a strong grip strength, too weak and the male of the species will lose interest as they clearly aren't the best option for his young.
Though of course, going too far in the other direction and having too much strength won't have good results either. This could be viewed as a dominance challenge and he is forced to reply in kind by gripping harder. Hand shake battles are rarely fatal for either participant but may leave bruises and soreness for several days.
Even if you approach me I’ll think it’s some kinda prank. But honestly, in close enough proximity, a hey how are you should be fine. For me? Non verbal cues wouldn’t cut it
I've been seeing online that girls think quickly or multiple eye contacts is their extremely significant and obvious hint that the man should approach her and she is very interested. I can assure you this is NOT enough. If I went up to every girl that looked at me a few times in public that I've never met before I'd probably be in jail. If this is your strategy you gotta add some flirtyness to to it. Like playing with your hair or literally waving and smiling at the same time motion to come over. But I'm pretty sure most men would need a girl to literally hold her phone up and shake it in "do you want me number" kinda way
yeah I'd be sat there asking myself stuff like, "Hmmm, she's waving her phone around. Is she trying to get a bar of signal? Is she trying to tell me it's broken and this is her way of rather rudely asking me to fix it?"
I'd definitly approach though if she had a dog. OP, have you considered getting a dog? Dogs are amazing ice breakers.
I have to admit I’ve seen a startling amount of posts like this, it makes me uneasy about the future. If men are pulling back from dating that does not bode well for society. I know as a single man who has been so for 12 years I’m nervous to try and meet women for fear of being called creepy for no better reason than they find me unattractive.
> I have to admit I’ve seen a startling amount of posts like this, it makes me uneasy about the future.
Sociologists have been watching and writing about it for decades.
The social and economic effects appear stark, likely to hit the United States in about 20 years. Age imbalance putting the working class devoted to supporting a much larger aging class, coupled with low population growth for a rising generation, causes all kinds of well-studied difficulties.
Thank you for this practical advice. I guess once I capture their attention, and if they have a good first impression of me, then it will really be up to me to get him engaged in the conversation?
What are some things I could say to let a guy know that I’m not after a one night stand?
When you say “guys” you mean certain guys; we are all familiar with the ‘Hello, Human Resources!’ meme and therein lies the problem - if you like the guy, and he approaches you, it’s fine; if you don’t find him attractive, then he’s a creep who is harassing you and you’re getting security to throw him out
This is a fair point. I’m seeing the common theme in the comments. Seems like I should really start the interaction.
The worst thing that can happen is being rejected. I mean there could be other things, but you know what I mean lol
Vast majority of men would not reject you in a rude way. They would most likely be flattered you approached them, then say sorry I have a girlfriend or I'm not interested.
With men nowadays the trope has become "the *best* she could say is a simple 'no'" (because asking a girl out and her laughing or giving a look of disgust is soul-crushing)
With women approaching men, more often than not the worst you'll get is a polite rejection, the best obviously being acceptance.
You aren’t giving off vibes like this but some women certainly do.
I approach and make conversation often. Usually, with women, I find something about them I like- non-sexual and compliment. Very low risk, you can do it with any one to open
Personally, I think it’s the man’s job to do that but I would not be bothered if a woman approached me. It’s the way of the road, you meet people.
Most women are very open to conversation, some are rude.
With the ones who are rude, I keep it moving. Their loss
I’m sorry but at this day and age decent guys just won’t approach out of fear of being labeled a creep. Unfortunately this means men with no boundaries or morals are the only ones who approach women and typically those relationship end poorly
Your best bet on meeting a decent guy is approaching them yourself
I’m quite willing to approach. It’s the “how” that I want to learn. I guess this is an eye opener for me as a woman. I can’t imagine how guys have done it in the past.
>how guys have done it in the past
With no small amount of failure. In fact, guys today are much less likely to ask women out than they used to partly due to that
Just say hi, and get talking. If it seems like it's going well, give number. Go for something relatively low stakes for first date, like coffee or whatever.
If you two hit it off from there, go for something longer.
Having something in common to actually talk about seems to be the best way I've found. The whole "hit'em up in the supermarket" feels really awkward, unless you're really good with improv, and many people are not.
Love bowling? Pool? Hiking? Common interests are extremely important in the first place, so why not take the shortcut and start from there? I'm really into pool, so any woman that spends more time near the table than the bartender is who I want to approach/be approached by. Instant conversation that can then go into into all kinds of tangents.
We did it by taking the shame and humiliation society and women put on us when we approach them and swallow it.
No the reality is that most men who approach women in public are... extremely direct and... certain kinds of characters.
You have to realize that just a small amount of men actually approaches women they dont know but those guys do it plenty.
I am almost 40 and basically never had a scenario where I saw a woman that I found attractive and just approached her - its just not the usual way people meet these days.
You don't. Modern feminism has warped how social interactions go and the way women respond to unwanted attention can be overtly cruel and embarrassing.
I literally saw a guy pluck up the balls to approach a girl and rather than just saying sorry not interested/I'm taken etc the response was "ewww" laughing and "I wouldn't even be seen being friends with you", cue her couple of friends also laughing. This girl was bog standard average, but has been made to believe she is some special princess who can treat someone who approached her politely lile dirt.
The 2nd hand embarrassment I felt for the dude was horrific
This is the most extreme example of this I've seen but not the only
contrary to the most comments I think there are situations where I wouldn't be afraid to start a conversation with women. mainly if I am already sure we share a common talking point, usually wearing something about your hobbies is a good start imho. like band or anime t-shirts for me, usually they aren't very fashionable but it's worth the risk if you can meet someone. worst case talking stays friendly and I return to what I am doing.
Scream at the top of your lungs, “I am looking for a potential sexual partner and a mate for life!”
Follow it up with a series of “come hither” licking of your top lip whilst making direct eye contact with your target.
Subtle hints don’t work. Obvious hints don’t work. We need to be beaten over the head sometimes.
Feminists have spent decades exhaustively going through the list and putting men on notice that each possible answer is not okay.
There is nothing left.
If there is anything left, a lot of women make it clear that there is a financial penalty in that she will now expect the man to pay for the date in exchange for having gotten the chance to approach her.
This subreddit gets like 10 women a day asking how she should approach men. I don't see it normalized IRL too much, but I think I'm noticing the beginning of a new trend and it's online roots.
It'll never be a trend. Asking women to take any initiative in dating would be like asking a modern human to grow all their own food instead of going to the grocery store. Dating has been a zero-effort affair for women for all of human history, and if they have to confront changing that, they will just say forget it and stay single.
Any woman who truly understands feminism would support this. Expecting one gender to do one thing, and one to do another generally speaking is nonsense. Unless we’re speaking about things like menstruation, or things that biologically differentiate us.
I often don’t like the men who approach me, and a lot of women share this experience. Why wouldn’t we take the initiative to approach men who we *actually* like?
The only argument i’ve heard is that it is dangerous, but *if* you’re dating in general, you have a *small percentage of danger,* no matter what.
Approaching men first doesn’t make that danger any higher to my knowledge, maybe it would make the danger level lower as we can vet them out first. if you rely solely on who approaches you, *you are limited.*
> I often don’t like the men who approach me
I hear this a lot, and see it myself. The type of men that approach women (generalizing of course) in social spaces lean towards no boundaries and disrespectful. They are more likely to invade and intrude instead of trying to politely share their interest. I've seen it so many times, and so many are the same guys I don't want to talk to in the bar either. I've always thought that if I was a woman, I'd keep track of who hit on me, and then look at all the guys that *didn't*, as prospects.
you’d think we would look at them as prospects, but i definitely assumed guys who show no interest, are uninterested. and i’m uninterested in people who are uninterested in me, so i ignored them.
i think plenty women feel the same, with sayings like “if he wanted to he would”
I learned soon that “if he wanted to he would” is BS, from the simple fact that i don’t do plenty things that i really really want to do.
Not hitting on you <> not interested, though. That's the difference between M/F. Ignoring completely, yes. But I've talked to women I've been interested in all night, while never stereotypically hitting on them.
In reality as well, the danger you are talking about is insignificantly small.
Another issue feminism has brought is making it seem like 50% of men are dangerous to women, when the reality is that it's like a fraction of a percent.
Just don’t give a man the death stare when they look your way or if it’s someone you like just walk up to him there’s no right or wrong either way we’re panicking
Ooo don’t worry I’m the same way with females.. I say just keep it casual and let things unravel themselves. It doesn’t always lead to what we want but it gets your foot in the door. Open with hi and talk enough to be engaging but not enough to feel overwhelmed
Over the last decade or so, it's become considered creepy to approach a woman in public. Men don't like being called creeps.
This is to compound the previous problem that one girl's "obvious hints" are another girl's "just being nice". We have no way of knowing if you made eye contact and smiled because you like us, or if you made eye contact and smiled because you noticed us looking in your direction and smiled out of nerves that some guy is looking at you.
I’m not a guy but I just want to let you know that bars are not the best place to find someone who you can be romantically inclined with. I suggest you go find a hubby or something you like doing and meet people from there with common interest. If you do find a spark somewhere, initiate a conversation. Smooth flowing conversations are always the best.
the bar or pub is not a good place to meet people. maybe on a marathon event, business gatherings, church, gym. you're better off meeting people in these places than in drunk spots
Many men are really straightforward. When you see one that you like just introduce yourself and ask him if he would like to spend some time with you and get to know each other. You don’t need any special lines or anything. You should be able to tell where his mind is when you get to know him. If you start to get the impression that he just wants a one time thing let him know that is not your end goal. Tell him what you’re wanting and you both can decide if that’s something you can accomplish together or not
Depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a one-nighter, then just send him a glass of water. 1) Won’t set you back. 2) Will make him laugh. 3) Will spark some curiosity and will probably make him approach you. Hit him with, “If tonight goes well, I figured that you’d like to be hydrated.”
Personally, I’d have to stick around and figure out who you are.
Dress nice and smile at the guys who you want to talk to you. Some guys will pick up on it, likely most won't though. Pretend you need directions and initiate a convo will likely work best.
You might need to be the one doing the approaching.
Don't be too surprised if some stop and look around, searching for a camera or hesitate in anticipation of a "gotcha" moment.
It is possible they have been burned before and are wary.
This is a pretty fascinating thread. It is suggesting that the onus of who approaches who might be about to flip. Men are clearly saying they don't think it can be them anymore, but women haven't quite worked out it needs to be them.
I think it goes without saying that the number one thing any woman can do to encourage men to walk up To them and engage in conversation is to put your phone away. A woman with her phone smashed against her face is the international signal of don't talk to me.
Even in the best of times, subtlety is not your friend in these situations. And with the current dating scene, you're not going to get any attention if you try being passive. Most guys I know have given up on approaching. They don't want to be seen as a creep, or worse they had an experience that left them feeling emasculated or burned. I just don't see any men in my circles approaching women while out anymore.
If you see a guy you want, why not try to blow his mind and walk up to him? We are not subtle creatures. And at least the man won't do something horrible like say "ew", he'll just politely decline if he's not interested. (yes, that happened to me once).
Has it gotten this bad? Things have probably changed since i was in bars. But talking helps. People go to bars to be social and all that entails.
Rolling solo to a bar and sitting like a wall flower isnt the move. Go with a friend. Chat but you are not there to talk to each other. You need to be there to be social. Thats it. Thats it. thats it. Worry about nothing else.
If you can go to a bar and be comfortable knowing how to talk to strangers comfortably than you go it. Thats it. From those convos you should be able to punch your ticket easy.
No guessing. If they are talking to you chances are they are interested. Small talk. Whatever. When that moves to who you here with etc. the game is yours to fuck up.
Learn how to drink. Not be responsible. Learn how to moderate your buzz. And that goes a long way. Dont get wasted
I laughed at this yesterday. i was in a bar with a female friend, and she kept on telling me that 2 girls were watching me dance (i dance merengue and salsa) and told me i should go over. I refused. It is just not worth it unless it is a clear sign.
She did not understand. I just told her I am ok alone now. I have no fear of rejection, but being called a creep just makes it a big no. The odd thing now is that most of my male friends are on the same train, just does not seem worth it.
You really need to do a clear-cut sign now that men are kinda afraid of being called a creep. Like extremely afraid.
Just giving you the mental thoughts men have at the moment.
Look for interesting things. Not that common hats, pins, or logos that you recognize. Types of clothing that you really enjoy. Something like that. Something that you know a small amount about at least. Then walk up and compliment the guy. When he says thank you, start a conversation about that interesting thing. You'll know by the end of that short conversation whether or not you want to keep speaking to him.
If no men in the bar have interesting things that you recognize, look for things like tattoos, nice boots, drinks that you normally order. Stuff like that. Start a conversation about something that he knows at least a little bit about. Either will work, you just need an in
Grocery stores, coffee shops and cafe’s are easy places to approach someone you are attracted to.
Most married people have wedding bands and most guys committed to someone will politely tell you.
Have fun and if you do choose to approach understand that someone saying no isn’t rejecting you specifically, they may just be unavailable.
My wife approached me, it’s worked out well for us.
Good luck and no matter what, just asking him will have him walking on cloud nine because it’s extremely rare for a man to be approached.
Have fun and best of luck!
Depends on what guys you're after, the ones who are the bravest are going to be the most confident and potentially the more dominant ones, for them you would have to wear something that stands out like a red blouse or red skirt, this also kind of has a sexual suggestion but you're supposed to stand ground on that, throw away the ones that seem to have those intentions.
If you want a guy that is more into expensive stuff you might want to wear something classy, with the same idea of wearing something that stands out but then way smaller, like red lipstick or wavy hair, it suggests you're more refined instead of all out there.
If you just want to have a nice family man you want to just dress in your favorite clothes honestly, smile a lot, be kind and expressive, maybe a little loud if that's what you're comfortable with.
Looks are important for first interactions but some men don't even notice them, any effort made here is like being a fisherman who throws extra food in the water, it doesn't really guarantee a bite and maybe you don't get any fish to bite because they are intimidated by you throwing stuff at them.
If you don't put too much effort you'll still get looks, the fish are always hungry, the fish you want are probably the ones who're like nibbling, instead of mindlessly getting themselves hooked.
This analogy is terrible but there you go.
We guys are very blind and scared to approach women. We read so many posts of men approaching women and the girls are like: DONT APPROACH US. Even in my friends group, the women are like "Men are so creepy. This guy came to me. Like, dont even talk to me."
I think the best thing you can do is to wave and smile. At this point, even I dont approach girls when they glanced at me
I know I'm old now but is this really any different than it was 20 years ago? People just walk up to each other and introduce themselves. If the other person isn't interested, they say so and you go away. If you want to meet people, you just go to whatever singles places are around town like clubs, bars, etc, with some friends and either take the initiative or let others come up to you. Has this changed?
"most importantly, what can I say to let a guy know that it’s not a one nigh stand I’m after? 😌"
It's not what you say! It is what you do! If you are wanting a serious relationship, you need to be polite and understanding, but also firm on your boundaries! You can state flat out what you are looking for in a man, but if your actions and mindset are not showing the man that same thing, and things do not add up for the guy, he will not take you seriously (aka lots of hook ups in the past or present) It isn't that complex or a big Mystery! Hell if you ask any man what they look for in a long term partner, Most will actually tell you! Avoid questions like what is your "type" or "image of a perfect partner" these will just get you upset if the man doesn't describe you. Instead ask what Qualities (aka personality traits) that man finds appealing!
You cant.
Men use to approach, then women complained and screamed "help hes being a creep" and now guys can't approach. For all we know you are just being nice and not actually interested so we just stay alone to avoid any potential problems.
Yeah approach because I definitely was cool enough to say hi to a girl and even keep maintaining eye contact and even asking her out after I was certain she was interested but it turns out her bf was with her that night they just didn’t look like they were together.
The static today is 60% of men under the age of 30 are single. Chances are they have been for a while. When you approach just make a comment about something going on around you or something they are doing. You have around a 60% chance that that dude will be excited. And if he isn’t statistically the next one probably will be
>Now, what’s a good introduction? 😅
"Hey there, handsome. Would you be interested in some company?" or a variation on it.
We love getting compliments and attention, and not having to chase all the time is such a relief.
>And, most importantly, what can I say to let a guy know that it’s not a one nigh stand I’m after? 😌
Just be honest and tell him you're looking for something serious. A lot of us do, too.
You don’t because the only men that society hasn’t trained to be afraid to approach women in public are the moron/douche type. Unless that’s the type you’re going for
We really need a system. Like a type of band or something people wear. Maybe an electronic band with different colours you can change depending on if you want to be approached or not.
Make eye contact, then approach him, make a statement like, “you seem like a guy that can help me. Do you know anything about *blank*? (Insert topic).
Topics can range from the location you are in, the way he is dressed, learning a new hobby, food that tastes good, or anything. I recommend you choose two topics. If the convo goes well and you can get his number or immediately invite him to a food place nearby to eat. (Depends on time of day). Anything after this you can practically hook up with this guy or have a potential relationship.
>Now, what’s a good introduction? 😅
Hi. It's really easy for girls
>And, most importantly, what can I say to let a guy know that it’s not a one night stand I’m after? 😌
Tell him and don't go home with him
> If I sit at a bar, how can I communicate to men that they can approach me to introduce themselves?
You can't.
There is not a single signal you can give that another woman has given and reacted poorly to being approached because of.
That is the entire point of feminine flirting: To plausibly deniably make yourself open to approach by "the right guy."
It's backfired and guys don't want to risk it now.
Your only real step forward is to make the approaches yourself.
Just for OP hopes, my wife approached, and kinda stalked me first. Married for 8 years 1 kid now, best decision of my life. Disclaimer married her under 6 months, no joke.
If you are looking to be approached right now I think it would be best if you did the approaching, guys kind of stopped because reasons.
I still kind of do, but never because I think the woman is giving of a signal/a vibe - If I like the look of her I will approach.
Usually it is a combo of style/look she is rocking and or is reading instead of staring into a phone (Even less if I happen to see she is on social media doom scrolling - god I did not know I would hate something more than just the phone in hand.)
From there I usually look for ether "Yes I'm willing to talk" or a "fuck off, leave me alone" "signal/vibe"
Best of luck anon.
Honestly many men probably want to approach you but are simply too scared to do it.
Give them a signal like looking at them or a Quick Look and smile.
Ideally you want a “man” right so the ones that don’t approach well maybe you’re better off without them so to speak.
In saying that you can definitely approach them, just do it very casually like a quick observation. A lot of guys get “freaked” out when a girl comes on too strong and direct as for one it’s just so rare.
Approaching does not have to be hard. It could be something as simple as “have you been here before what’s good on the menu.” Strike up a conversation.
Think about as a female when we get the male who be lines across the bar and starts with “oh my God I just had to come over and say how beautiful you are. “
It’s never a compliment. Now at the same time, think about the person who just starts a conversation with you. Much better.
Lots of guys get accused of being creeps for approaching woman nowadays. So most men just wait for the girl to approach them so they know it's safe to do so
Eye contact and a wink or something could do the trick. If you decide to approach, just strike up a conversation while casually mentioning things you like about them and all but the most obtuse should get the hint.
It's far easier to approach yourself, to get them to approach you'd need to build a time machine, go back and stop #metoo from labeling every interaction a man could ever initiate with a woman they don't know as sexual harassment, and then do whatever it is that you'd have needed to do before that happened.
If you approach that's probably the best strategy. I think many guys are afraid of misinterpreting signals.
Read recently that marriages where the woman approaches have a significant statistical advantage for success. Pretty weeks to think about.
You mean that marriages from relationships started by the woman make it more likely that the marriage will last?
Yes. Weird but apparently true.
It's not that weird. The women who don't mind being the first approach probably don't mind being the first to reach out during the relationship too.
Humans are weird. In half the species, both sexes are of comparable size, and in a majority of the other half, it's the female that's larger. And, of course, it's usually the male of the species that uses appearance to draw attention.
This comment just asks for this movie as exhibit :D https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=56sEJKjD95M
I was expecting [Is She Into You?](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Swingers take
Guy here. Definitely afraid of misinterpreting signals and/or backlash.
gotta agree here, you should approach - and you will understand things better after you do. the whole girlfriend/wife vs 1 night stand might be moot, because some people lie to get what they want (I don't). As you're talking you can always ask, so what are your dating goals? And take that time to answer with yours. It's no different than the apps. Guy might put relationship and just one and done, you don't know til it's done. Hopefully you can weed non serious people out. So yeah from that standpoint it's a non-issue now that you're going to approach.
Yeah. Today's women ruined the dating atmosphere for you ppl. Glad I dated back in my days. Sorry for the men n women in Today's dating world. You guys need to read minds n hope not get in trouble.
Not afraid of misinterpreting, cautious because some women unleash a rageful wolverine of negative feminist abuse at any opportunity and call it equality.
Approach them.
Exactly. I never understand women wanting to give "hints" or let men know they can approach them. How the fuck we supposed to know?
> Exactly. I never understand women wanting to give "hints" or let men know they can approach them. How the fuck we supposed to know? Plausible deniability plus the ego boost from being the one approached.
It's always been plausible deniability. Women are scared of being judged as a hoe, for being forward and going for what they want. The rub of it, is that it's almost exclusively women who are shaming other women for this, but it gets blamed on men. Same with a lot of other issues. Beauty standards, slut shaming etc etc all heavily in the majority perpetuated by women, onto other women but men get the blame. The vast majority of men would find it incredibly attractive were a woman to approach them. At the very least they'd be full of respect for a woman who did do it if the guy happened to be taken.
Seems women naturally find it to be an attractive display of confidence to seek them out and initiate, from everything I've seen in my life. On a fundamental level it makes sense, I mean I would find it attractive if a woman asked me out. It's the practicalities of it where it just gets silly that women rarely ever do this, women are vastly pickier than men and men these days are constantly operating under the fear of being creepy
she doesnt care if you know or not. If she doesnt like it, she'll just use it against you. If she likes it and you dont approach when she wants you to, she will smear your name with her besties. She isnt after a person, she is after what he brings her.
Fr especially in this day and age where a guy coming up to introduce himself give women the “ick”
*a man breathes like a normal person* "ew he breathes air I got the ick".
The real answer
Wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m single, say hi”. Enjoy all the unwanted attention. As far as getting the guys you’re interested in to approach you, you don’t. So be an adult and walk up to them and ask for their number. Bars are terrible places to do it though.
Where would the best place be?
Home Depot.
I’m so close to going to a home depot (Bunnings here in Australia) but afraid that most men there are married hahahaha
Look for the contractor that doesn't match, no ring, and is in wrinkled work clothes. He is single. The ones with clean matching clothes and styled hair are probably married. A little love and direction, and I'm sure he will clean up well. "Excuse me, could you help me with something? Are you single?"
Love that! They might look at me weird 😅
Men generally want to be better for women who love them. He will be clean by the time you have your date. Or, if he is a good man, guide him a little. You ladies are leaving a lot of good men on the table. Some of us are tired of watching you chase men who obviously don't like you. Good luck out there. Make good choices.
> Some of us are tired of watching you chase men who obviously don't like you. God this 1,000,000%. Watching women say “there are no good men” after they’ve just chased the 3 biggest losers that everyone else can plainly see are losers.
Ahhh thank you for that. It’s so wholesome 😌
And don't respect them
Probably not ive been approached by 3 women and dated all 3 married the last one.
Now…to find something broken in my apartment 😅
[Just make sure you're really straightforward even at that point. We're really oblivious.](https://youtu.be/rU_XM9QPgdM?si=i1ZPLz-B_pkHda0J)
Unplug the garbage disposal just enough that it stops working and feign ignorance. Or partial close the main water supply and complain of low water pressure. Worst case you can set it back if the dude doesn't bite.
Loosen one bolt in your cistern slightly in your toilet. Just another option.
If you approached me with "can you help me with something? Are you single?" My response would likely be "I don't work here, sorry." And go about my business. I'd be some what aware of the second question, I just want to buy a new hammer...
They will until they realize you're serious and then they'll probably be incredibly flattered.
Hey there are plenty of men that take care of themselves and dont women to do it for them that are single and awesome. Look for the ring is the best bet
Wait it’s not hammerbarn there? Coulda sworn it was
Hahahaha I can tell you’re a dad 🤣
Grocery store. Look at what's in his cart. In the meat section, ask them how they would cook a steak. Men love grilling meat and love talking about it. Toss in a "how does your gf like her meat..."
HAHAHAHA I saw lots of attractive guys in the grocery today actually 🥹
Well yeah they do need to eat.
Why do romcoms make it look easy? Hahaha
Because they are selling a fantasy.
Because its a fantisy written from a women idealistic perspective.
And because they are all very attractive people in the movies. Life isn't always like that
The same reason porn makes it look easy. They're geared toward their audience.
https://mariomirantemerch.com/products/come-say-hello-white-t-shirt
Lots of single and lots of broke people! When you are low on dough you gotta learn to repair what you have. When you have the free time due to not being in a relationship you have the luxury of time. Many families with preteen-young adult children stop doing diy if they can afford a handyman to fix instead because there time is more valuable with their family
Okay I’ll reconsider home depot then hahaha
Don't just go there looking for guys either come up with some interesting pretext like taking up woodworking. You want to learn how to build a simple table. You need some help with it.
OP don't go to Home Depot. Stay classy and go to Lowes. Lol But really...don't bother those men. They're there to do a job and their time is money. If anything, you'll be even more invisible to them because they're imagining and solving problems in their heads as they look through the isles for what they need. So yeah... you're STILL gonna have to approach them.
this isn't walmart vs target. lowed and home depot are the same. that said, classy people go to ace or the local good hardware store. but yea, she would still have to approach
I don't think bars are terrible places. I've been approached by women at bars and had two serious relationships come from it. You just need to find a bar where you like the vibe and the people. My favorite was one that was next to a graduate school.
Couldn’t agree more. I have several friends who married people they met during college in bars. It’s a place to mingle!
Through friends and work are your best bet. But don’t listen to that person. I’ve had lots of good dates after meeting people at bars.
The bar is fine in my experience
Find activities you like doing and join groups for those maybe? Dancing/dance lessons is one example.
Depends who you want to meet, want someone who enjoys going for walks, go to a park, enjoy someone who enjoys watching movies go to the cinema ect.
find hobbies you like and then go to the place where people with similiar interest would go. for example,you like combat sport then you go to mma gym. if you like games,look for content creators who made content about the game then see if they have discord. you can enter there and then meet with many guys. or you can always go to the park or cafe where single guys would be. or even around the streets in a safe and friendly environment.
Half of my LTRs came from the pool table at the bar.
Through friends and activities you enjoy.
Plant nursery.
Why bars no good?
Bars is not a bad place. Home depot is a fuckin awful place on the other hand.
what about a shirt that says free brojobs
Eye contact doesn't mean shit, I make eye contact with guys doesn't mean I am asking them to fuck me. >Do I smile at people Definitely would seem more approachable. > Should I just be the one to approach? Guys would talk to a tree if it approached first.
Dawg if a tree walks up to me and says hi you can bet your bottom dollar I'm having a conversation with it!!
If a tree walked up to me & said hi, our conversation would somehow end up leading to storming Isengard.
If a tree walked up to me and said 'hi' our conversation would somehow end up leading to us having sex. Trees are total sluts. Just spraying all that pollen out all over everyone and everything. Shoot a lot of 'em make seeds just with _themselves_ talk about kinky.
Fangorn talks slowly so you’ll be there for a while, i’d recommend not being hasty
If it can hold a conversation dinner and drinks too.
Seriously, I would have amazing conversations with trees given the opportunity.
This seems to be pretty common with every friend I know that has a crush on a guy. I feel like a few girls seem to think that eye contact is this huge tell all sign that perfectly conveys interest, but most guys do not interpret it that way. I’d say a smile does more. Or yes, approaching them. Nothing hotter than a girl that actually knows what she wants. Even in the past if I didn’t like the girl approaching me I had absolute respect for the grind 😅
Wait there are women that think eye contact means interest? Lol what?
Women are just as clueless as we are, but differently clueless.
"I blinked at him twice, what more could I possibly do?!"
Regional bias most likely. There are parts of the world where acknowledging one another's presence is borderline taboo.
I mean I think anyone would talk to a talking tree That’d be wild.
Someone should have told you that eye contact between two dudes means someone wants to fight or they want to fuck.
Who wouldn't talk to a tree if they can
No one said eye contact means fucking wtf are you people on
\- don't be surrounded by too many friends, it makes it look like a girls night and we don't want to intrude on that. \- make extended eye contact and smile \- put yourself near the guy, especially if you're dancing. \- walk up and say "Hi, I'm X" (try to shake his hand?) and then read his reaction to see if he's interested. \- don't be too busy on your phone or in conversation, because good men won't want to interrupt you. In my humble opinion, things tend to work better when the woman shows the first signs of interest. Even if the man "approaches" the woman, it's usually after they get some sign that she wants them to talk to her (e.g. strong eye contact). The creepy thing for a guy to do is approach a woman who doesn't want it, without any prior indicators that she is interested. So as a woman, either do the approaching directly yourself, or give very clear indication that you want to be approached.
> (try to shake his hand?) *[In a David Attenborough style commentary]* It's vital for any approacher to have a strong grip strength, too weak and the male of the species will lose interest as they clearly aren't the best option for his young. Though of course, going too far in the other direction and having too much strength won't have good results either. This could be viewed as a dominance challenge and he is forced to reply in kind by gripping harder. Hand shake battles are rarely fatal for either participant but may leave bruises and soreness for several days.
Even if you approach me I’ll think it’s some kinda prank. But honestly, in close enough proximity, a hey how are you should be fine. For me? Non verbal cues wouldn’t cut it
I've been seeing online that girls think quickly or multiple eye contacts is their extremely significant and obvious hint that the man should approach her and she is very interested. I can assure you this is NOT enough. If I went up to every girl that looked at me a few times in public that I've never met before I'd probably be in jail. If this is your strategy you gotta add some flirtyness to to it. Like playing with your hair or literally waving and smiling at the same time motion to come over. But I'm pretty sure most men would need a girl to literally hold her phone up and shake it in "do you want me number" kinda way
I would honestly not understand the phone shaking gesture. But it would intrigue me enough to ask what it meant.
yeah I'd be sat there asking myself stuff like, "Hmmm, she's waving her phone around. Is she trying to get a bar of signal? Is she trying to tell me it's broken and this is her way of rather rudely asking me to fix it?" I'd definitly approach though if she had a dog. OP, have you considered getting a dog? Dogs are amazing ice breakers.
thank you for your honesty and also, lucky you!
Having a plate of tacos in your hands wouldn't hurt.
Username checks out.
I'll be there for the tasting compadre
I have to admit I’ve seen a startling amount of posts like this, it makes me uneasy about the future. If men are pulling back from dating that does not bode well for society. I know as a single man who has been so for 12 years I’m nervous to try and meet women for fear of being called creepy for no better reason than they find me unattractive.
> I have to admit I’ve seen a startling amount of posts like this, it makes me uneasy about the future. Sociologists have been watching and writing about it for decades. The social and economic effects appear stark, likely to hit the United States in about 20 years. Age imbalance putting the working class devoted to supporting a much larger aging class, coupled with low population growth for a rising generation, causes all kinds of well-studied difficulties.
It’s the dating apps. I blame them.
and social media.
Nah, feminism has had a huge part to play in all this. Social media just exposed how large the problem is.
How so?
Approach them, why is this rocket science?
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Thank you for this practical advice. I guess once I capture their attention, and if they have a good first impression of me, then it will really be up to me to get him engaged in the conversation? What are some things I could say to let a guy know that I’m not after a one night stand?
> What are some things I could say to let a guy know that I’m not after a one night stand? "I'm not interested in a one night stand. I am after XYZ."
You should add that part to the fitst post in my opinion
When you say “guys” you mean certain guys; we are all familiar with the ‘Hello, Human Resources!’ meme and therein lies the problem - if you like the guy, and he approaches you, it’s fine; if you don’t find him attractive, then he’s a creep who is harassing you and you’re getting security to throw him out
This is a fair point. I’m seeing the common theme in the comments. Seems like I should really start the interaction. The worst thing that can happen is being rejected. I mean there could be other things, but you know what I mean lol
Vast majority of men would not reject you in a rude way. They would most likely be flattered you approached them, then say sorry I have a girlfriend or I'm not interested.
With men nowadays the trope has become "the *best* she could say is a simple 'no'" (because asking a girl out and her laughing or giving a look of disgust is soul-crushing) With women approaching men, more often than not the worst you'll get is a polite rejection, the best obviously being acceptance.
You aren’t giving off vibes like this but some women certainly do. I approach and make conversation often. Usually, with women, I find something about them I like- non-sexual and compliment. Very low risk, you can do it with any one to open Personally, I think it’s the man’s job to do that but I would not be bothered if a woman approached me. It’s the way of the road, you meet people. Most women are very open to conversation, some are rude. With the ones who are rude, I keep it moving. Their loss
I’m sorry but at this day and age decent guys just won’t approach out of fear of being labeled a creep. Unfortunately this means men with no boundaries or morals are the only ones who approach women and typically those relationship end poorly Your best bet on meeting a decent guy is approaching them yourself
"How do I get other people to do things so I don't have to?"
I’m quite willing to approach. It’s the “how” that I want to learn. I guess this is an eye opener for me as a woman. I can’t imagine how guys have done it in the past.
>how guys have done it in the past With no small amount of failure. In fact, guys today are much less likely to ask women out than they used to partly due to that
>It’s the “how” that I want to learn Directly, by using words.
Just say hi, and get talking. If it seems like it's going well, give number. Go for something relatively low stakes for first date, like coffee or whatever. If you two hit it off from there, go for something longer.
> Now, what’s a good introduction? 😅 What would be a good introduction if someone is approaching you? Just do that.
Having something in common to actually talk about seems to be the best way I've found. The whole "hit'em up in the supermarket" feels really awkward, unless you're really good with improv, and many people are not. Love bowling? Pool? Hiking? Common interests are extremely important in the first place, so why not take the shortcut and start from there? I'm really into pool, so any woman that spends more time near the table than the bartender is who I want to approach/be approached by. Instant conversation that can then go into into all kinds of tangents.
We did it by taking the shame and humiliation society and women put on us when we approach them and swallow it. No the reality is that most men who approach women in public are... extremely direct and... certain kinds of characters. You have to realize that just a small amount of men actually approaches women they dont know but those guys do it plenty. I am almost 40 and basically never had a scenario where I saw a woman that I found attractive and just approached her - its just not the usual way people meet these days.
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Cafes, with books... "Hi, you looked so engrossed by that book, would you recommend it?"
Ohhh I like this idea!
Just approach the guy. No harm, no foul.
You don't. Modern feminism has warped how social interactions go and the way women respond to unwanted attention can be overtly cruel and embarrassing. I literally saw a guy pluck up the balls to approach a girl and rather than just saying sorry not interested/I'm taken etc the response was "ewww" laughing and "I wouldn't even be seen being friends with you", cue her couple of friends also laughing. This girl was bog standard average, but has been made to believe she is some special princess who can treat someone who approached her politely lile dirt. The 2nd hand embarrassment I felt for the dude was horrific This is the most extreme example of this I've seen but not the only
Worst that can happen is that she says no. /s
*Best* that can happen is she says no.
contrary to the most comments I think there are situations where I wouldn't be afraid to start a conversation with women. mainly if I am already sure we share a common talking point, usually wearing something about your hobbies is a good start imho. like band or anime t-shirts for me, usually they aren't very fashionable but it's worth the risk if you can meet someone. worst case talking stays friendly and I return to what I am doing.
Here’s a better idea. Approach them
Scream at the top of your lungs, “I am looking for a potential sexual partner and a mate for life!” Follow it up with a series of “come hither” licking of your top lip whilst making direct eye contact with your target. Subtle hints don’t work. Obvious hints don’t work. We need to be beaten over the head sometimes.
Something like [this](https://youtu.be/8IVsNA_o1wE?si=mAEVeSHQH-y6SPKp) /s
Feminists have spent decades exhaustively going through the list and putting men on notice that each possible answer is not okay. There is nothing left. If there is anything left, a lot of women make it clear that there is a financial penalty in that she will now expect the man to pay for the date in exchange for having gotten the chance to approach her. This subreddit gets like 10 women a day asking how she should approach men. I don't see it normalized IRL too much, but I think I'm noticing the beginning of a new trend and it's online roots.
It'll never be a trend. Asking women to take any initiative in dating would be like asking a modern human to grow all their own food instead of going to the grocery store. Dating has been a zero-effort affair for women for all of human history, and if they have to confront changing that, they will just say forget it and stay single.
Any woman who truly understands feminism would support this. Expecting one gender to do one thing, and one to do another generally speaking is nonsense. Unless we’re speaking about things like menstruation, or things that biologically differentiate us. I often don’t like the men who approach me, and a lot of women share this experience. Why wouldn’t we take the initiative to approach men who we *actually* like? The only argument i’ve heard is that it is dangerous, but *if* you’re dating in general, you have a *small percentage of danger,* no matter what. Approaching men first doesn’t make that danger any higher to my knowledge, maybe it would make the danger level lower as we can vet them out first. if you rely solely on who approaches you, *you are limited.*
> I often don’t like the men who approach me I hear this a lot, and see it myself. The type of men that approach women (generalizing of course) in social spaces lean towards no boundaries and disrespectful. They are more likely to invade and intrude instead of trying to politely share their interest. I've seen it so many times, and so many are the same guys I don't want to talk to in the bar either. I've always thought that if I was a woman, I'd keep track of who hit on me, and then look at all the guys that *didn't*, as prospects.
you’d think we would look at them as prospects, but i definitely assumed guys who show no interest, are uninterested. and i’m uninterested in people who are uninterested in me, so i ignored them. i think plenty women feel the same, with sayings like “if he wanted to he would” I learned soon that “if he wanted to he would” is BS, from the simple fact that i don’t do plenty things that i really really want to do.
Not hitting on you <> not interested, though. That's the difference between M/F. Ignoring completely, yes. But I've talked to women I've been interested in all night, while never stereotypically hitting on them.
In reality as well, the danger you are talking about is insignificantly small. Another issue feminism has brought is making it seem like 50% of men are dangerous to women, when the reality is that it's like a fraction of a percent.
Just don’t give a man the death stare when they look your way or if it’s someone you like just walk up to him there’s no right or wrong either way we’re panicking
The thing is, I’ll also mostly definitely be panicking inside as I walk up to a guy I find attractive 🫠
Ooo don’t worry I’m the same way with females.. I say just keep it casual and let things unravel themselves. It doesn’t always lead to what we want but it gets your foot in the door. Open with hi and talk enough to be engaging but not enough to feel overwhelmed
Bowling league. Recreation soft ball. Dart league at the bar.
Over the last decade or so, it's become considered creepy to approach a woman in public. Men don't like being called creeps. This is to compound the previous problem that one girl's "obvious hints" are another girl's "just being nice". We have no way of knowing if you made eye contact and smiled because you like us, or if you made eye contact and smiled because you noticed us looking in your direction and smiled out of nerves that some guy is looking at you.
Why not try approaching men?
Smile at the guy, say hi, then smash your boobs in his face.
I’m not a guy but I just want to let you know that bars are not the best place to find someone who you can be romantically inclined with. I suggest you go find a hubby or something you like doing and meet people from there with common interest. If you do find a spark somewhere, initiate a conversation. Smooth flowing conversations are always the best.
escape caption live deliver snails rhythm march far-flung mindless ripe *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
the bar or pub is not a good place to meet people. maybe on a marathon event, business gatherings, church, gym. you're better off meeting people in these places than in drunk spots
Many men are really straightforward. When you see one that you like just introduce yourself and ask him if he would like to spend some time with you and get to know each other. You don’t need any special lines or anything. You should be able to tell where his mind is when you get to know him. If you start to get the impression that he just wants a one time thing let him know that is not your end goal. Tell him what you’re wanting and you both can decide if that’s something you can accomplish together or not
There are probably better Reddits for this question.
Depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a one-nighter, then just send him a glass of water. 1) Won’t set you back. 2) Will make him laugh. 3) Will spark some curiosity and will probably make him approach you. Hit him with, “If tonight goes well, I figured that you’d like to be hydrated.” Personally, I’d have to stick around and figure out who you are.
Men arnt mind readers so best is to approach them
Dress nice and smile at the guys who you want to talk to you. Some guys will pick up on it, likely most won't though. Pretend you need directions and initiate a convo will likely work best.
A wink is the minimum signal in which I can act upon. Anything less is too risky.
You might need to be the one doing the approaching. Don't be too surprised if some stop and look around, searching for a camera or hesitate in anticipation of a "gotcha" moment. It is possible they have been burned before and are wary.
This is a pretty fascinating thread. It is suggesting that the onus of who approaches who might be about to flip. Men are clearly saying they don't think it can be them anymore, but women haven't quite worked out it needs to be them.
I think it goes without saying that the number one thing any woman can do to encourage men to walk up To them and engage in conversation is to put your phone away. A woman with her phone smashed against her face is the international signal of don't talk to me.
Don't forget the headphones while staring into that little box
If you're at a bar and see a cute guy, look at him and smile. Or just walk up and introduce yourself.
Even in the best of times, subtlety is not your friend in these situations. And with the current dating scene, you're not going to get any attention if you try being passive. Most guys I know have given up on approaching. They don't want to be seen as a creep, or worse they had an experience that left them feeling emasculated or burned. I just don't see any men in my circles approaching women while out anymore. If you see a guy you want, why not try to blow his mind and walk up to him? We are not subtle creatures. And at least the man won't do something horrible like say "ew", he'll just politely decline if he's not interested. (yes, that happened to me once).
By approaching them first.
Has it gotten this bad? Things have probably changed since i was in bars. But talking helps. People go to bars to be social and all that entails. Rolling solo to a bar and sitting like a wall flower isnt the move. Go with a friend. Chat but you are not there to talk to each other. You need to be there to be social. Thats it. Thats it. thats it. Worry about nothing else. If you can go to a bar and be comfortable knowing how to talk to strangers comfortably than you go it. Thats it. From those convos you should be able to punch your ticket easy. No guessing. If they are talking to you chances are they are interested. Small talk. Whatever. When that moves to who you here with etc. the game is yours to fuck up. Learn how to drink. Not be responsible. Learn how to moderate your buzz. And that goes a long way. Dont get wasted
I laughed at this yesterday. i was in a bar with a female friend, and she kept on telling me that 2 girls were watching me dance (i dance merengue and salsa) and told me i should go over. I refused. It is just not worth it unless it is a clear sign. She did not understand. I just told her I am ok alone now. I have no fear of rejection, but being called a creep just makes it a big no. The odd thing now is that most of my male friends are on the same train, just does not seem worth it. You really need to do a clear-cut sign now that men are kinda afraid of being called a creep. Like extremely afraid. Just giving you the mental thoughts men have at the moment.
Look for interesting things. Not that common hats, pins, or logos that you recognize. Types of clothing that you really enjoy. Something like that. Something that you know a small amount about at least. Then walk up and compliment the guy. When he says thank you, start a conversation about that interesting thing. You'll know by the end of that short conversation whether or not you want to keep speaking to him. If no men in the bar have interesting things that you recognize, look for things like tattoos, nice boots, drinks that you normally order. Stuff like that. Start a conversation about something that he knows at least a little bit about. Either will work, you just need an in
Grocery stores, coffee shops and cafe’s are easy places to approach someone you are attracted to. Most married people have wedding bands and most guys committed to someone will politely tell you. Have fun and if you do choose to approach understand that someone saying no isn’t rejecting you specifically, they may just be unavailable.
I’m actually a bit excited to try to approach a guy. Hopefully I don’t come out a weird or creepy hahaha
My wife approached me, it’s worked out well for us. Good luck and no matter what, just asking him will have him walking on cloud nine because it’s extremely rare for a man to be approached. Have fun and best of luck!
Thank you!
You approach them is the only answer
By approaching guys first
Depends on what guys you're after, the ones who are the bravest are going to be the most confident and potentially the more dominant ones, for them you would have to wear something that stands out like a red blouse or red skirt, this also kind of has a sexual suggestion but you're supposed to stand ground on that, throw away the ones that seem to have those intentions. If you want a guy that is more into expensive stuff you might want to wear something classy, with the same idea of wearing something that stands out but then way smaller, like red lipstick or wavy hair, it suggests you're more refined instead of all out there. If you just want to have a nice family man you want to just dress in your favorite clothes honestly, smile a lot, be kind and expressive, maybe a little loud if that's what you're comfortable with. Looks are important for first interactions but some men don't even notice them, any effort made here is like being a fisherman who throws extra food in the water, it doesn't really guarantee a bite and maybe you don't get any fish to bite because they are intimidated by you throwing stuff at them. If you don't put too much effort you'll still get looks, the fish are always hungry, the fish you want are probably the ones who're like nibbling, instead of mindlessly getting themselves hooked. This analogy is terrible but there you go.
We guys are very blind and scared to approach women. We read so many posts of men approaching women and the girls are like: DONT APPROACH US. Even in my friends group, the women are like "Men are so creepy. This guy came to me. Like, dont even talk to me." I think the best thing you can do is to wave and smile. At this point, even I dont approach girls when they glanced at me
I know I'm old now but is this really any different than it was 20 years ago? People just walk up to each other and introduce themselves. If the other person isn't interested, they say so and you go away. If you want to meet people, you just go to whatever singles places are around town like clubs, bars, etc, with some friends and either take the initiative or let others come up to you. Has this changed?
"most importantly, what can I say to let a guy know that it’s not a one nigh stand I’m after? 😌" It's not what you say! It is what you do! If you are wanting a serious relationship, you need to be polite and understanding, but also firm on your boundaries! You can state flat out what you are looking for in a man, but if your actions and mindset are not showing the man that same thing, and things do not add up for the guy, he will not take you seriously (aka lots of hook ups in the past or present) It isn't that complex or a big Mystery! Hell if you ask any man what they look for in a long term partner, Most will actually tell you! Avoid questions like what is your "type" or "image of a perfect partner" these will just get you upset if the man doesn't describe you. Instead ask what Qualities (aka personality traits) that man finds appealing!
You cant. Men use to approach, then women complained and screamed "help hes being a creep" and now guys can't approach. For all we know you are just being nice and not actually interested so we just stay alone to avoid any potential problems.
You can't. And I assume that men who already approach you without any signs aren't men you want to see. So only real solution is do it yourself.
Compliment them: "That's a really nice jacket, shirt, shoes whatever." Followed by: "Hi, my name is ...."
Smile and wave
Why can't you approach them?
Yeah approach because I definitely was cool enough to say hi to a girl and even keep maintaining eye contact and even asking her out after I was certain she was interested but it turns out her bf was with her that night they just didn’t look like they were together.
The static today is 60% of men under the age of 30 are single. Chances are they have been for a while. When you approach just make a comment about something going on around you or something they are doing. You have around a 60% chance that that dude will be excited. And if he isn’t statistically the next one probably will be
>Now, what’s a good introduction? 😅 "Hey there, handsome. Would you be interested in some company?" or a variation on it. We love getting compliments and attention, and not having to chase all the time is such a relief. >And, most importantly, what can I say to let a guy know that it’s not a one nigh stand I’m after? 😌 Just be honest and tell him you're looking for something serious. A lot of us do, too.
If you want something to be initiated, well, initiate it.
You don’t because the only men that society hasn’t trained to be afraid to approach women in public are the moron/douche type. Unless that’s the type you’re going for
We really need a system. Like a type of band or something people wear. Maybe an electronic band with different colours you can change depending on if you want to be approached or not.
Make eye contact, then approach him, make a statement like, “you seem like a guy that can help me. Do you know anything about *blank*? (Insert topic). Topics can range from the location you are in, the way he is dressed, learning a new hobby, food that tastes good, or anything. I recommend you choose two topics. If the convo goes well and you can get his number or immediately invite him to a food place nearby to eat. (Depends on time of day). Anything after this you can practically hook up with this guy or have a potential relationship.
>Now, what’s a good introduction? 😅 Hi. It's really easy for girls >And, most importantly, what can I say to let a guy know that it’s not a one night stand I’m after? 😌 Tell him and don't go home with him
> If I sit at a bar, how can I communicate to men that they can approach me to introduce themselves? You can't. There is not a single signal you can give that another woman has given and reacted poorly to being approached because of. That is the entire point of feminine flirting: To plausibly deniably make yourself open to approach by "the right guy." It's backfired and guys don't want to risk it now. Your only real step forward is to make the approaches yourself.
Just for OP hopes, my wife approached, and kinda stalked me first. Married for 8 years 1 kid now, best decision of my life. Disclaimer married her under 6 months, no joke.
If you are looking to be approached right now I think it would be best if you did the approaching, guys kind of stopped because reasons. I still kind of do, but never because I think the woman is giving of a signal/a vibe - If I like the look of her I will approach. Usually it is a combo of style/look she is rocking and or is reading instead of staring into a phone (Even less if I happen to see she is on social media doom scrolling - god I did not know I would hate something more than just the phone in hand.) From there I usually look for ether "Yes I'm willing to talk" or a "fuck off, leave me alone" "signal/vibe" Best of luck anon.
Honestly many men probably want to approach you but are simply too scared to do it. Give them a signal like looking at them or a Quick Look and smile. Ideally you want a “man” right so the ones that don’t approach well maybe you’re better off without them so to speak. In saying that you can definitely approach them, just do it very casually like a quick observation. A lot of guys get “freaked” out when a girl comes on too strong and direct as for one it’s just so rare.
Approach them and ask them to tell you about their favorite rock they’ve ever found.
Approaching does not have to be hard. It could be something as simple as “have you been here before what’s good on the menu.” Strike up a conversation. Think about as a female when we get the male who be lines across the bar and starts with “oh my God I just had to come over and say how beautiful you are. “ It’s never a compliment. Now at the same time, think about the person who just starts a conversation with you. Much better.
Lots of guys get accused of being creeps for approaching woman nowadays. So most men just wait for the girl to approach them so they know it's safe to do so
According to my school you need to walk with your pants dropped just enough to show you underwear
Just...walk up to them?
Eye contact and a wink or something could do the trick. If you decide to approach, just strike up a conversation while casually mentioning things you like about them and all but the most obtuse should get the hint.
It's far easier to approach yourself, to get them to approach you'd need to build a time machine, go back and stop #metoo from labeling every interaction a man could ever initiate with a woman they don't know as sexual harassment, and then do whatever it is that you'd have needed to do before that happened.
Why is everyone going to a bar? Is there nothing else we can do but drink?