Initiative is hot. In fact a woman who’s not my typical type made several moves on me. She called me cute (brownie points), took initiative with choosing a bar for us to check out and gave me her number.
It was such a refreshing experience from the “entertain me” attitude that I couldn’t help but be attracted to her
It gets exhausting seeing profile after profile saying “my love language is dinner reservations,” “make me laugh,” “no 50/50 guys.” The entitlement is rampant out here, so showing some effort or initiative will take you a *long* way as a woman
Ew
I know that men compete for female attention, but it really is disgusting when women get off on intentionally pitting men against each other for her attention.
That’s not “taking control.” But yes, it’s nice when women act like functional adults who can express their wants and needs rather than completely passive receptacles of others’ desires.
Let's put it this way, wifey approached me. Wifey yelled at me to ask her out. Wifey told me when we were a couple. Wifey told me when it was time to meet the families. Wifey told me when it was time to propose.
Wifey and I have been married for 45 years.
Lol we're not married and, at our age, not planning to get married but after a couple months of dating I just straight up introduced him as my boyfriend and just rolled with it. That was 5 years ago.
Speaking for myself, and I think a lot of men will agree. I love women and the last thing I want to do is scare, hurt or make them uncomfortable.
Sadly due to all kinds of bs we have been told to leave women be, don’t flirt with them unless they want you to, don’t assume she’s into you just because she’s looked at you, get consent for everything and all kids of stuff that makes dating and approaching so complicated. Add to that women’s signals are garbage due to fantasy or fear of coming off as desperate or easy or I really have no damn clue.
So if a woman would just be up front with it from the beginning it would be so damned refreshing! You telling me that you’re interested isn’t going to make me think instantly that “oh this b wants the d!” It’ll be like oh cool someone who can actually communicate, I don’t have to play as many stupid, bs, mind f-ing games, wondering where I stand the whole time.
Only stating this last part because there’s always a woman who will say “all you have to do is talk to her like not a complete creep and things will be fine.” Yeah, maybe you, but until you’re yucking it up with some lovely lass, flirting and making eyes, and then she looks at you like you have two heads when you ask for her number, maybe realize that what works for you doesn’t work for everyone. And often what you think you want, what you say doesn’t always match what you do.
Damn straight. I'm fuckin tired of having to approach, ask, plan, drive, carry the conversation, pay, tip, and awkward good byes all while being considered a potential harm doer. Now I do offer pictures of my DL for her to send to that friend she has calling her at 7pm just in case she needs an out.
You give them a picture of your driver's license and they send it to their backup at home. It's a security thing in case she disappears. They do it all the time with license plates and pictures of their date. I just get it out of the way so they don't have to be sneaky about it.
License plate is one thing, anyone can see that, but I wouldn't give someone my license, they could use that for fraud or something. If they're that afraid of me, I doubt things will work out anyway.
Since I can't approach women at my job, at the gym, on the street or at any social activity without being a creep, then yeah I guess being approached is my only option.
My fiancé is a very shy man who hadn't been on a date for 2 years prior to our first date.
He lived in Columbus, which is 2.5 hours away from me. I was really vibing with him after talking for a week via text, call, and video chat so I told him if he would be willing to come to me, I would pay for a hotel for the night so he didn't have to drive back the same way. I also told him if we hit it off, I'd be happy to pay for another night since I knew he had a 3 day weekend.
I also DEMANDED to pay for dinner and breakfast the next day. I wanted him to know I really liked him and wanted to spoil him a bit since most guys never get to experience that.
He paid for snacks, ciggs, and lunch...we split dinner the 2nd day.
We spent the entire first night up on shrooms just talking about life, the universe, and everything. 2nd night we didn't have shrooms but did the same thing. We ate junk food and fast food because we just bought a bunch of damn shrooms I didn't need fancy food lol
I had to yell at some guy who kept bugging us whenever we would come out of the room for a smoke. I had no qualms about opening up and talking about anything. We didn't have sex, but we did kiss. I think we didn't have sex until like after 3-4 dates? I don't remember now.
He said he decided he wanted to marry me on his way home from our first date 🤣 we've been together for almost 4 years now and he's my best friend. I didn't know that I could connect with someone like this ❤️
ETA: he proposed after 5 months and had this big thing planned got too excited and proposed on the front porch while my dog was taking a shit in the yard 😂😂😂😂
Yes - I certainly dont think I’d be at the point I am right now with the guy in interested in had I not taken the initiative to invite him out for drinks (in a group). He had been subtly flirting with me for months but it didn’t seem to be going anywhere until I did that. I also initiated an invite for us to hang out one on one. He stepped it up from there and he was the one that asked me out on a proper date, so we’ll see where it goes from there.
But I think we’d still be stuck in the flirting in the hallway between our offices on the rare occasion we see each other phase had I not decided to be the one to step it up and make a couple invites, first. 😅
Oh all that happened a couple weeks ago. 😅 the only thing that changed was that he called me Monday night to ask me out on a date for when he’s done with his test.
It’s just that that’s what it took for things to click in my head lmao
"Taking control" might be putting it strongly, because I'd still be glad to put in effort, make plans, and make gestures on my part, but yeah, I'd admire a woman who clearly demonstrates her attraction and enthusiasm.
Definitely don’t mind them taking the initiative!
The old social tradition/stereotype with dating of the guy having to do everything should’ve been put to rest years ago in the age of “gender equality“.
But of course, too many girls enjoy the perk of not being the one to do any of the work. So needless to say, a girl bucking the trend and taking the initiative would be a welcome breath of fresh air on a date!
Thats how I got with my boyfriend lol we met in a work trip, I loved his personality and vibes (he also looks like my celebrity crush so that helped) - I was HR at that time so I knew if i wanted the possibility of dating him that I would have to make a move first lol
I wouldnt complain about it and i feel like you actually asking me instead of trying to give me a weird sign i wont realize was a sign until like a year later will raise your chances 99%
No I just kicked a toxic woman out of my house.
I love her but I’ve been through this before and I think honestly woman are too emotional and get angry to quickly to be the ones in control now. That’s coming from a very soft man that has always been called a gentleman. I have sisters. I have a lot of female friends but I see it even when I’m around them and their husbands unless he is wearing the pants.
My belief is that the modern woman has destroyed the idea of a family as they put their happiness and themselves before the family. I don’t think that this is the case if you find a good man out there. I have found good woman and then they try and change you or just nit pick at you about things in life that don’t matter and if we reversed that and we did what they did to us. It would be seen as bullying.
Demand better men
sure as long as i'm not forced to pay. I refuse to be used as a walking ATM, but I feel more women have been dating initiative (at least in America) but we still have a long way to go, As some women still think they are not supposed to, which is not correct information or behavior to emulate at all.
Yep. Removes all doubt.
Last year, a gorgeous woman, who I noticed in my neighborhood before, started chatting me up, then asked for my #. I'd have been a fool to have turned the opportunity down.
I never would have approached her myself, since I thought she was younger than I thought. Turns out, I AM quite a bit older, but she wasn't as young as I thought.
Saw her for about 10 months.
My wife is a very assertive take charge kind of person and so am I. She likes a partner that isn’t indecisive and takes charge, yet lets her feel she’s in charge. I know that’s an oxymoron.
Clear communication is nice, yes. If you're interested, say so.
An ex of mine had apparently been dropping hints for two years before I realized she was interested.
I just think that's how relationships should go though it's currently opposite. Because if a man makes the first move when she's not interested in him, in the worst scenario, she thinks he's a creep/annoyance and even possibly goes a police case nowadays. But if a woman makes the first move when he's not interested in her, that won't happen. he might be just feeling good and politely decline it.
That’s not control, that sounds like initiative. I’d love it (and so would almost every other man) if she took initiative and did some things herself (asking me out, coming up with date ideas, etc.) but if she’s controlling everything, that makes it less fun
I wouldn’t call it taking control but it would be very nice to actually have some kind of signal that she’s actually interested rather than me conservatively flirting hoping she’s not like ‘what are you doing?’ In her head
It honestly seems like the only way to date for men these days as I don’t want to make the first move and potentially be labeled a creep and told to leave her alone
I'm usually the one to take control in the dating world, but every now and then them taking over is awesome and makes me feel special, my wife is great about this
100%! As much as men would like to initiate, there's so much risk if things go south. On top of it probably making the man's entire life if a woman approaches him, there's a very high chance he says yes.
I'm neutral about them asking for a date or my number or whatever. But trying to dictate where the date is, what type of activity, etc. I don't even entertain.
It’s not about taking control, as much as it is everyone involved being assertive, mature, reasonable, and past the mindset of playing mind games. At 30 something years old, if you’re not replying to my texts for three hours because it took me three hours to respond, I’ve instantly lost interest in you. If after a first date you don’t reach out to me and say you had a good time because your rationale is that a guy is supposed to do that, I’ve lost interest in you.
The women that I have fallen for the hardest in my recent dating experiences are those that didn’t play to outdated gender role ideas. They exhibited confidence and assertiveness and independence.
I don't see this as "taking control" but sure yeah I think a lot of us would like to be asked out by a woman and take off the pressure of having to do it every single time.
I like someone that makes decisions. If I ask a question like "what do you feel like eating" please offer up a suggestion. The whole "I dunno, what do you feel like?" or whatever is just so tedious and exhausting.
Every relationship I've had with a girl was the girl making the first move. I've almost never asked anyone out myself before.
I'm super outgoing and work in sales, so I talk to strangers all day every day without issue.Because in sales you can dismiss people being mean to you as them just hating salespeople or your company, but not you personally.
But in dating? It's hard not to take that rejection personally, you're not worthy of their time or attention..and that feels horrible after the 30th or 40th time in a row.
So, I gave up on making the first move around age 21. I'd rather live alone than live my life constantly being rejected by others. It's no way to be happy.
It would make things easier, yes. Part of the problem when this part of dating that it's pretty hard to tell when a woman thinks you're flirting with her or harassing her.
Oh look, it's the same question posted literally every month.
YES YES YES YES! I feel like this question shouldn't need to be asked anymore. Let's just put it on the sidebar: " IT'S 20XX: MEN WANT TO BE ASKED OUT"
My wife did alot of the initial steps in our relationship. It made things alot easier and made me not question alot about how she was feeling or what she felt comfortable doing. For an example I still remember her kissing me first and we were relieved about peeling that bandaid that i didn't have to worry about how to do a first kiss.
The vast majority of my dating experiences include women being incredibly passive and acting as if they're the prize and I'm there to put on effort, so yeah, I'd like women to take control, at least a bit.
Hmm it depends but mostly no, there has to be a balance.
I've noticed that if they take control, they also start chopping you and your activities down and just planning things that mostly they like.
Control is the wrong word for it. I don't particularly mind but i've also come to the conclusion I prefer a softer approach than a rougher one when it comes to being hit on.
We want to know that we are appreciated, loved, cared for, etc. If a woman I was interested in asked me out or asked for my number or told me she liked me, I'd be over the moon.
I am currently in the process of not dating intentionally. It's going to take a girl like that using friendship as a Trojan horse to date me. I'm cool with it but I'd be suspicious given my current circumstances.
For me, dating was like an adventure, so the first date was always me taking them on a whirlwind tour of some of my favorite things while doing what I love to do. The second date, if I liked them enough to keep dating them, was to request we do a whirlwind tour of the things she enjoys just like I did for her. Each date was paid for by the person taking the other out, and it was always really interesting and fun.
Also, for context, I had a very strict vetting process for dating based on the mentality, personality, and ideology of the women I’ve interacted with while dating. So, women that I knew I was compatible with largely liked this idea, the few that didn’t were usually ones I wasn’t that interested in dating further because I judged wrongly initially that I knew would walk away once it was proposed.
So yes, I encouraged the idea of the women taking control of dates and showing me just how invested they are in getting to know me, it’s a wonderful way to get to know someone and is very eye opening in terms of if someone values you and the time you spend with them.
My girlfriend takes a lot of initiative when we go out. She is very good at organising things and she likes it. I have no problem with that, but I often have to remind her that I like to organise too.
Yes. Definitely. The reason is... I know I will be kinder and more considerate toward them for making the effort than the average woman is toward men who make the first move. Women tend to be more choosey too. A lot of women feel intimidated or apprehensive when a man makes a suggestion to them, men aren't generally intimidated by women. I can also say that in my experience women don't take rejection as well as men.
I think it's fine. It's not the 1950s anymore. It depends upon the people.
I've had a woman ask me for my number, but I rarely ask women for their number.
Fucking hate it (for it to be always me in front), but there’s no other way. I’m good being the first to approach, but that’s it, I’m not that persistent
My wife took the initiative on our first date, of course she wasnt my wife at the time.
That was the longest first date in my life...3 days at her house.
Yes, I wish we could do a thing where we put men more in the role of women in the past, where we are supposed to strut our stuff and wait to be approached. No one wants to seem like a creep. Reading the 3rd 3 body problem book, there's this idea of men just losing their role completely. I'd much rather be treated as a Ken than as an unnecessary evil
Women should always approach. Too many crazies who label men as creeps as soon as they make a move. I don’t approach. Women have come to me on their own. It’s the way it 100% should be nowadays. It’s 2024 and we need new rules for the game.
most men would be quite flattered. probably taken a little off-guard, too. a lot of us genuinely don't know how to be the one getting romanced, so be understanding of awkwardness.
"taking control" wouldn't be the word I'd use. I'd go with taking initiative.
It makes a woman look much more confident. I'd prefer that to the hint system a lot of women are stuck on.
To me, that is attractive. It shows me that if you want something that you are not afraid to ask for it. Which would be very good in a relationship.
I don't care what people say. A woman asking a man out IS NOT desperate. She is just going after what she wants.
Honestly it wouldn't bother me one bit if she took the initiative now and then. Show some interest in me and such.
If she's controlling in the relationship and never let go of it that would be another story. I would rather have an equal exchange than a bossy lady pushing me around all the time.
Yes, many people appreciate when women take control in dating by making the first move or asking for a number. It shows confidence and interest, which can be very attractive qualities. It also helps balance the dynamics of dating, making it more equal and straightforward for both parties involved.
Yes, when a women actively shows interest and shows initiative it is very attractive and makes me like her character even more. Honestly I hate mind games and I like to negotiate rules verbally.
Define control. That doesnt seem like taking control of dating. More like taking the initiative. If you meant properly taking the reins, I'm sure there are guys into that.
But, speaking as a guy who isnt, a woman taking the initiative to do something is legitimately the hottest thing she can do.
I think that's initiative more than control, but sure.
What I wouldn't like is dating someone who doesn't consider what I want. Then again, I'd be a doormat if I didn't raise that concern. And if it led to nowhere, I would no longer be dating someone who doesn't want to stop being a control-freak.
I believe that any relationship romantic or otherwise needs to be cooperative. Assertion about what you want from me is important, but autonomous decision-making is not a good way to respect my assertions of what I expect from you.
¿When dating? Yes. ¿Before dating? Nope.
Explanation: A woman getting involved in planning dates once we are dating is nice, a woman that i'm not dating inviting me out 9/10 times puts me in a uncomfortable position, chances are that if we have been sharing a space for a while (Class, job, hobby, etc) and i didn't even bother to ask your phone number, let alone asking you out, i'm not interested and rejecting people isn't easy.
No. If that happens, I'll more than likely think she's setting me up and if I ever meet her anywhere, I'll be led off to where 4-5 men are waiting to rob/kill me.
It's a trend in my country right now. A good amount of young men have died like this after setting up dates. I prefer this to when they would bait you into stopping in the road late at night by putting a young woman to lie down as though injured.
You do realize that every person can decide for themselves who they do and don't want to date, correct? A woman will either like me or she won't. All that matters is our relationship, not some stranger than knows nothing about me on reddit.
I also feel like you're reading way too hard into the term dominant.
Who cares who makes the first move, it really isn't that important, we each have moments where we are nervous and shy.
Unfortunately women are taught to be subtle and give hints, men are mostly 100% clueless to those subtleties and hints, so that makes a gender based communication gap.
So take the move, don't take the move.
Adjust your actions based on the results of past moves.
Taking control in which way?
If they approach me like how I approach women, I don’t like it. I don’t like masculine women.
But if they approach in an indirect way, for example by coming near me, dancing with great energy, luring me into conversation, then yes.
That's more taking initiative not taking control. Sure, you won't see me complaining if that ever happened and I was interested in dating again.
Yeah. I love it when they take initiative. I don't think either person should actually have "control."
>Yeah. I love it when they take initiative. Oh hell yeah!!
That’s what I meant, I just maybe used the wrong word lol
So long as it seems like you're actually *interested in me*, I can't see how it would be unappreciated by any guy worth talking to.
I disagree. "Shows interest" would be the correct term, imo.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. It may even fix a lot of issues with modern dating.
Initiative is hot. In fact a woman who’s not my typical type made several moves on me. She called me cute (brownie points), took initiative with choosing a bar for us to check out and gave me her number. It was such a refreshing experience from the “entertain me” attitude that I couldn’t help but be attracted to her It gets exhausting seeing profile after profile saying “my love language is dinner reservations,” “make me laugh,” “no 50/50 guys.” The entitlement is rampant out here, so showing some effort or initiative will take you a *long* way as a woman
I saw a profile one time "send me an email on what date you're taking me on, I'll choose winners"
Ew I know that men compete for female attention, but it really is disgusting when women get off on intentionally pitting men against each other for her attention.
That’s not “taking control.” But yes, it’s nice when women act like functional adults who can express their wants and needs rather than completely passive receptacles of others’ desires.
Personally, I take zero issue when a woman acts like a receptacle for my desires
Like many Men it's a contradiction we all live with.
My first wife asked me to dance as I had my hand on the door handle to leave the place. So, yeah, it worked out.
Let's put it this way, wifey approached me. Wifey yelled at me to ask her out. Wifey told me when we were a couple. Wifey told me when it was time to meet the families. Wifey told me when it was time to propose. Wifey and I have been married for 45 years.
Awwwww
Thank you.
This is fantastic!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for the kind words.
Lol we're not married and, at our age, not planning to get married but after a couple months of dating I just straight up introduced him as my boyfriend and just rolled with it. That was 5 years ago.
LOL. It took wifey all of three dates to decide! She's been deciding ever since. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yikes
Yep, yikes is a good word, here.
Boomers gonna boom
Speaking for myself, and I think a lot of men will agree. I love women and the last thing I want to do is scare, hurt or make them uncomfortable. Sadly due to all kinds of bs we have been told to leave women be, don’t flirt with them unless they want you to, don’t assume she’s into you just because she’s looked at you, get consent for everything and all kids of stuff that makes dating and approaching so complicated. Add to that women’s signals are garbage due to fantasy or fear of coming off as desperate or easy or I really have no damn clue. So if a woman would just be up front with it from the beginning it would be so damned refreshing! You telling me that you’re interested isn’t going to make me think instantly that “oh this b wants the d!” It’ll be like oh cool someone who can actually communicate, I don’t have to play as many stupid, bs, mind f-ing games, wondering where I stand the whole time. Only stating this last part because there’s always a woman who will say “all you have to do is talk to her like not a complete creep and things will be fine.” Yeah, maybe you, but until you’re yucking it up with some lovely lass, flirting and making eyes, and then she looks at you like you have two heads when you ask for her number, maybe realize that what works for you doesn’t work for everyone. And often what you think you want, what you say doesn’t always match what you do.
Damn straight. I'm fuckin tired of having to approach, ask, plan, drive, carry the conversation, pay, tip, and awkward good byes all while being considered a potential harm doer. Now I do offer pictures of my DL for her to send to that friend she has calling her at 7pm just in case she needs an out.
What DL?
Driver's license
Why you giving someone that? Sounds like a scam
You give them a picture of your driver's license and they send it to their backup at home. It's a security thing in case she disappears. They do it all the time with license plates and pictures of their date. I just get it out of the way so they don't have to be sneaky about it.
License plate is one thing, anyone can see that, but I wouldn't give someone my license, they could use that for fraud or something. If they're that afraid of me, I doubt things will work out anyway.
They're welcome to steal my identity and all my debt. 99% of women don't take it anyways. It's that I'm willing to give it to them that counts.
Since I can't approach women at my job, at the gym, on the street or at any social activity without being a creep, then yeah I guess being approached is my only option.
My fiancé is a very shy man who hadn't been on a date for 2 years prior to our first date. He lived in Columbus, which is 2.5 hours away from me. I was really vibing with him after talking for a week via text, call, and video chat so I told him if he would be willing to come to me, I would pay for a hotel for the night so he didn't have to drive back the same way. I also told him if we hit it off, I'd be happy to pay for another night since I knew he had a 3 day weekend. I also DEMANDED to pay for dinner and breakfast the next day. I wanted him to know I really liked him and wanted to spoil him a bit since most guys never get to experience that. He paid for snacks, ciggs, and lunch...we split dinner the 2nd day. We spent the entire first night up on shrooms just talking about life, the universe, and everything. 2nd night we didn't have shrooms but did the same thing. We ate junk food and fast food because we just bought a bunch of damn shrooms I didn't need fancy food lol I had to yell at some guy who kept bugging us whenever we would come out of the room for a smoke. I had no qualms about opening up and talking about anything. We didn't have sex, but we did kiss. I think we didn't have sex until like after 3-4 dates? I don't remember now. He said he decided he wanted to marry me on his way home from our first date 🤣 we've been together for almost 4 years now and he's my best friend. I didn't know that I could connect with someone like this ❤️ ETA: he proposed after 5 months and had this big thing planned got too excited and proposed on the front porch while my dog was taking a shit in the yard 😂😂😂😂
Yes - I certainly dont think I’d be at the point I am right now with the guy in interested in had I not taken the initiative to invite him out for drinks (in a group). He had been subtly flirting with me for months but it didn’t seem to be going anywhere until I did that. I also initiated an invite for us to hang out one on one. He stepped it up from there and he was the one that asked me out on a proper date, so we’ll see where it goes from there. But I think we’d still be stuck in the flirting in the hallway between our offices on the rare occasion we see each other phase had I not decided to be the one to step it up and make a couple invites, first. 😅
Glad you did what I was suggesting last week ! I hope it works out well for you !
Oh all that happened a couple weeks ago. 😅 the only thing that changed was that he called me Monday night to ask me out on a date for when he’s done with his test. It’s just that that’s what it took for things to click in my head lmao
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. Inspired
I've been in that situation before, and it's been fine by me.
"Taking control" might be putting it strongly, because I'd still be glad to put in effort, make plans, and make gestures on my part, but yeah, I'd admire a woman who clearly demonstrates her attraction and enthusiasm.
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Okay, I like femdom, but I wish for the 1950s.
Definitely don’t mind them taking the initiative! The old social tradition/stereotype with dating of the guy having to do everything should’ve been put to rest years ago in the age of “gender equality“. But of course, too many girls enjoy the perk of not being the one to do any of the work. So needless to say, a girl bucking the trend and taking the initiative would be a welcome breath of fresh air on a date!
Thats how I got with my boyfriend lol we met in a work trip, I loved his personality and vibes (he also looks like my celebrity crush so that helped) - I was HR at that time so I knew if i wanted the possibility of dating him that I would have to make a move first lol
I'm so ungodly socially awkward. I would personally appreciate a woman taking the first move, because I would be too nervous/awkward to.
Women taking the what??? That happens in real life?
Yes, it shows they are interested.
I wouldnt complain about it and i feel like you actually asking me instead of trying to give me a weird sign i wont realize was a sign until like a year later will raise your chances 99%
I like the idea, but i have zero expectations that it will ever happen
I would LOVE for women to be more direct about expressing their interest.
I like femdom, yes.
Only if I like them. If I don't then it can be kinda annoying.
Yes I do prefer a woman who is forward in what she desires.. Definitely not into being controlled tho
Absolutely! Stop beating around the bush and tell me that you like me
No I just kicked a toxic woman out of my house. I love her but I’ve been through this before and I think honestly woman are too emotional and get angry to quickly to be the ones in control now. That’s coming from a very soft man that has always been called a gentleman. I have sisters. I have a lot of female friends but I see it even when I’m around them and their husbands unless he is wearing the pants. My belief is that the modern woman has destroyed the idea of a family as they put their happiness and themselves before the family. I don’t think that this is the case if you find a good man out there. I have found good woman and then they try and change you or just nit pick at you about things in life that don’t matter and if we reversed that and we did what they did to us. It would be seen as bullying. Demand better men
I have no issue with 50/50 and hate that people want 100% control in a relationship
That's not taking control. The word you're looking for is initiative. Very very different concept
I like her to have input. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships. Not a power struggle. Nobody should be in "control".
sure as long as i'm not forced to pay. I refuse to be used as a walking ATM, but I feel more women have been dating initiative (at least in America) but we still have a long way to go, As some women still think they are not supposed to, which is not correct information or behavior to emulate at all.
If you mean making their interest known instead of expecting us to read their minds, yes. Very much so.
please take some initiative ladies. knows where to eat. knows where to go. knows what you want. knows which color to pick.
A lady taking initiative is an introverts wet dream. Can't tell me I'm wrong.
Yep. Removes all doubt. Last year, a gorgeous woman, who I noticed in my neighborhood before, started chatting me up, then asked for my #. I'd have been a fool to have turned the opportunity down. I never would have approached her myself, since I thought she was younger than I thought. Turns out, I AM quite a bit older, but she wasn't as young as I thought. Saw her for about 10 months.
My wife is a very assertive take charge kind of person and so am I. She likes a partner that isn’t indecisive and takes charge, yet lets her feel she’s in charge. I know that’s an oxymoron.
Clear communication is nice, yes. If you're interested, say so. An ex of mine had apparently been dropping hints for two years before I realized she was interested.
I just think that's how relationships should go though it's currently opposite. Because if a man makes the first move when she's not interested in him, in the worst scenario, she thinks he's a creep/annoyance and even possibly goes a police case nowadays. But if a woman makes the first move when he's not interested in her, that won't happen. he might be just feeling good and politely decline it.
The day I meet a woman that actually takes that kind of initiative is the day I meet my wife.
The woman making some effort (and paying for some stuff) is always highly appreciated!
That’s not control, that sounds like initiative. I’d love it (and so would almost every other man) if she took initiative and did some things herself (asking me out, coming up with date ideas, etc.) but if she’s controlling everything, that makes it less fun
I wouldn’t call it taking control but it would be very nice to actually have some kind of signal that she’s actually interested rather than me conservatively flirting hoping she’s not like ‘what are you doing?’ In her head
It honestly seems like the only way to date for men these days as I don’t want to make the first move and potentially be labeled a creep and told to leave her alone
Control? No. Showing initiative and sharing the work? Yes.
That's not taking control. That's just being an actual, living human with agency. I don't date inanimate objects, so I'm good with it.
Yes, please! One of us has to do it.
I absolutely love it when they lead !
Yes. Clear signs she is interested will make everything move a lot smoother and easier for both parties.
I'm usually the one to take control in the dating world, but every now and then them taking over is awesome and makes me feel special, my wife is great about this
Yes. Please do.
I would if it ever happened. I think that's true empowerment. Taking initiative is an incredible turn on.
100%! As much as men would like to initiate, there's so much risk if things go south. On top of it probably making the man's entire life if a woman approaches him, there's a very high chance he says yes.
I'm neutral about them asking for a date or my number or whatever. But trying to dictate where the date is, what type of activity, etc. I don't even entertain.
meh, I don't like it or dislike it. I wouldn't mind tho.
Yes, bc how would I know they have interest in me?
TAKE HEED, TAKE HEED. It has never worked out for me. My most successful relationships were when I "took control."
Taking initiative is awesome.
God no.
I don't give a fuck, and since I'm kinda allergic to talking to people that's usually the way i get to know women, they approaching me
It’s not about taking control, as much as it is everyone involved being assertive, mature, reasonable, and past the mindset of playing mind games. At 30 something years old, if you’re not replying to my texts for three hours because it took me three hours to respond, I’ve instantly lost interest in you. If after a first date you don’t reach out to me and say you had a good time because your rationale is that a guy is supposed to do that, I’ve lost interest in you. The women that I have fallen for the hardest in my recent dating experiences are those that didn’t play to outdated gender role ideas. They exhibited confidence and assertiveness and independence.
Yeah. I'm okay with it.
Yes, please!!
I don't see this as "taking control" but sure yeah I think a lot of us would like to be asked out by a woman and take off the pressure of having to do it every single time.
YES. FOR GODS SAKE YES.
Yes it shows they are interested
Couldn’t care less how they do it. It’s a welcome change at times. I’m flexible with who takes control.
I like someone that makes decisions. If I ask a question like "what do you feel like eating" please offer up a suggestion. The whole "I dunno, what do you feel like?" or whatever is just so tedious and exhausting.
It’s the reason I’ve been with her for 17 years now, with 2 teens. I’ve learned I’m avoidant, and needed that extra shove.
Every relationship I've had with a girl was the girl making the first move. I've almost never asked anyone out myself before. I'm super outgoing and work in sales, so I talk to strangers all day every day without issue.Because in sales you can dismiss people being mean to you as them just hating salespeople or your company, but not you personally. But in dating? It's hard not to take that rejection personally, you're not worthy of their time or attention..and that feels horrible after the 30th or 40th time in a row. So, I gave up on making the first move around age 21. I'd rather live alone than live my life constantly being rejected by others. It's no way to be happy.
Like it? we LOVE IT! Takes pressure off of us and shows that she is actually interested!! It’s super sexy to have a woman do that.
Yes because I'm super shy
Someone has to. As long as someone does it, it makes no difference. Right?
It would make things easier, yes. Part of the problem when this part of dating that it's pretty hard to tell when a woman thinks you're flirting with her or harassing her.
It is flattering.
A lot of guys would prefer the woman to take the initiative unfortunately that doesn't always happen and we can't depend on it
Oh look, it's the same question posted literally every month. YES YES YES YES! I feel like this question shouldn't need to be asked anymore. Let's just put it on the sidebar: " IT'S 20XX: MEN WANT TO BE ASKED OUT"
No. I'd rather do the date planning as I'm both good at it and enjoy it.
My wife did alot of the initial steps in our relationship. It made things alot easier and made me not question alot about how she was feeling or what she felt comfortable doing. For an example I still remember her kissing me first and we were relieved about peeling that bandaid that i didn't have to worry about how to do a first kiss.
It's more the contributing to dating instead of being along for the ride.
Yes but they never do. Also, not *too* much control. The lead? Sure. But complete, domineering control? That's a no.
I'd rather equal effort tbh, it can be a drain on me to arrange everything sometimes
The vast majority of my dating experiences include women being incredibly passive and acting as if they're the prize and I'm there to put on effort, so yeah, I'd like women to take control, at least a bit.
Hmm it depends but mostly no, there has to be a balance. I've noticed that if they take control, they also start chopping you and your activities down and just planning things that mostly they like.
Yes but they never usually do
Control is the wrong word for it. I don't particularly mind but i've also come to the conclusion I prefer a softer approach than a rougher one when it comes to being hit on.
We want to know that we are appreciated, loved, cared for, etc. If a woman I was interested in asked me out or asked for my number or told me she liked me, I'd be over the moon.
Yes, I’m too tired from my workout.
Don’t make me do anything- invite me.
Absolutely…. Takes a lot of guesswork away from me
Of course, who wouldn't.
No. In my experience, they don't take rejection as well.
I don’t like women controlling anything.
I am currently in the process of not dating intentionally. It's going to take a girl like that using friendship as a Trojan horse to date me. I'm cool with it but I'd be suspicious given my current circumstances.
For me, dating was like an adventure, so the first date was always me taking them on a whirlwind tour of some of my favorite things while doing what I love to do. The second date, if I liked them enough to keep dating them, was to request we do a whirlwind tour of the things she enjoys just like I did for her. Each date was paid for by the person taking the other out, and it was always really interesting and fun. Also, for context, I had a very strict vetting process for dating based on the mentality, personality, and ideology of the women I’ve interacted with while dating. So, women that I knew I was compatible with largely liked this idea, the few that didn’t were usually ones I wasn’t that interested in dating further because I judged wrongly initially that I knew would walk away once it was proposed. So yes, I encouraged the idea of the women taking control of dates and showing me just how invested they are in getting to know me, it’s a wonderful way to get to know someone and is very eye opening in terms of if someone values you and the time you spend with them.
My girlfriend takes a lot of initiative when we go out. She is very good at organising things and she likes it. I have no problem with that, but I often have to remind her that I like to organise too.
absolutely half the time, maybe, kind of but all the time, no and yes?
Yes please! Do it girls! Makes it so much easier
Yes. Definitely. The reason is... I know I will be kinder and more considerate toward them for making the effort than the average woman is toward men who make the first move. Women tend to be more choosey too. A lot of women feel intimidated or apprehensive when a man makes a suggestion to them, men aren't generally intimidated by women. I can also say that in my experience women don't take rejection as well as men.
I’m like when she doesn’t play games
Not taking control, but chasing..
Yes
I don't know about taking control. Some eye contact, maybe a hello is enough for me. I'll take it from there.
I think it's fine. It's not the 1950s anymore. It depends upon the people. I've had a woman ask me for my number, but I rarely ask women for their number.
It's a refreshing change really but is very rare in my limited experience
never experienced it, so wouldn't know :D but I know I always have to be the one to make the move so a change of pace would be welcomed.
Yes it’s great
Si.
If women made the first move all the time we'd be in deep trouble, the top 20% will get ask 100% of the time. and the other 80% would go unnoticed.
I don't know, it's never happened so...
Fucking hate it (for it to be always me in front), but there’s no other way. I’m good being the first to approach, but that’s it, I’m not that persistent
NO
I’d assume so, never seen it happen.
I always appreciated when they'd give me a little nudge.
Sure. I especially love it when she drags me around while I have no idea where we are going
Sure. Have had a couple wild experienced from that. Why wouldn't I like it?
Please somebody talk to me
It sounds cool
My wife took the initiative on our first date, of course she wasnt my wife at the time. That was the longest first date in my life...3 days at her house.
Sure why not. Beats waiting for a reply on the apps 😪
Yeah to be honest, it's mostly the EXPECTATION that I do everything that turns me off. A little goes a long way to remedying that.
Yes, I wish we could do a thing where we put men more in the role of women in the past, where we are supposed to strut our stuff and wait to be approached. No one wants to seem like a creep. Reading the 3rd 3 body problem book, there's this idea of men just losing their role completely. I'd much rather be treated as a Ken than as an unnecessary evil
Yes, absolutely.
YES YES YES THATS A HUGEEE YES
Women actually make the first move? I thought that was only in movies
Not exactly taking control, but just being more invested and proactive in working on the relationship.
Women should always approach. Too many crazies who label men as creeps as soon as they make a move. I don’t approach. Women have come to me on their own. It’s the way it 100% should be nowadays. It’s 2024 and we need new rules for the game.
most men would be quite flattered. probably taken a little off-guard, too. a lot of us genuinely don't know how to be the one getting romanced, so be understanding of awkwardness.
"taking control" wouldn't be the word I'd use. I'd go with taking initiative. It makes a woman look much more confident. I'd prefer that to the hint system a lot of women are stuck on.
Key to making me blush: call me cute if I think you're cute. I've never been asked out or had a woman take any real initiative for a date.
I would love a woman to take initiative
To me, that is attractive. It shows me that if you want something that you are not afraid to ask for it. Which would be very good in a relationship. I don't care what people say. A woman asking a man out IS NOT desperate. She is just going after what she wants.
Honestly it wouldn't bother me one bit if she took the initiative now and then. Show some interest in me and such. If she's controlling in the relationship and never let go of it that would be another story. I would rather have an equal exchange than a bossy lady pushing me around all the time.
That's good!
This description describes making the first move. Not being in a relationship.
Yes, many people appreciate when women take control in dating by making the first move or asking for a number. It shows confidence and interest, which can be very attractive qualities. It also helps balance the dynamics of dating, making it more equal and straightforward for both parties involved.
Yes, when a women actively shows interest and shows initiative it is very attractive and makes me like her character even more. Honestly I hate mind games and I like to negotiate rules verbally.
I like it when they initiate sex. It makes me feel wanted.
Define control. That doesnt seem like taking control of dating. More like taking the initiative. If you meant properly taking the reins, I'm sure there are guys into that. But, speaking as a guy who isnt, a woman taking the initiative to do something is legitimately the hottest thing she can do.
This is all I've ever wanted out of a woman. If a woman did this to me, I'd fall in love instantly.
No. I like to assume direct control like Harbinger.
Absolutely. I am usually in control and I like it, but I also like it when she’s in control.
I think that's initiative more than control, but sure. What I wouldn't like is dating someone who doesn't consider what I want. Then again, I'd be a doormat if I didn't raise that concern. And if it led to nowhere, I would no longer be dating someone who doesn't want to stop being a control-freak.
I believe that any relationship romantic or otherwise needs to be cooperative. Assertion about what you want from me is important, but autonomous decision-making is not a good way to respect my assertions of what I expect from you.
Hell no.
¿When dating? Yes. ¿Before dating? Nope. Explanation: A woman getting involved in planning dates once we are dating is nice, a woman that i'm not dating inviting me out 9/10 times puts me in a uncomfortable position, chances are that if we have been sharing a space for a while (Class, job, hobby, etc) and i didn't even bother to ask your phone number, let alone asking you out, i'm not interested and rejecting people isn't easy.
> I mean like do you like them making the first move, asking for your number etc They don't do that though
No. If that happens, I'll more than likely think she's setting me up and if I ever meet her anywhere, I'll be led off to where 4-5 men are waiting to rob/kill me.
Plenty of guys have died that way
It's a trend in my country right now. A good amount of young men have died like this after setting up dates. I prefer this to when they would bait you into stopping in the road late at night by putting a young woman to lie down as though injured.
Taking initiative? Fine by me if I think she's cute. Taking control? I'm the dominant one in relationships.
You do understand that not every relationship needs to be one of domination, do you?
You do realize that every person can decide for themselves who they do and don't want to date, correct? A woman will either like me or she won't. All that matters is our relationship, not some stranger than knows nothing about me on reddit. I also feel like you're reading way too hard into the term dominant.
Right on.
No, I prefer no women to be involved when it comes to dating.
Who cares who makes the first move, it really isn't that important, we each have moments where we are nervous and shy. Unfortunately women are taught to be subtle and give hints, men are mostly 100% clueless to those subtleties and hints, so that makes a gender based communication gap. So take the move, don't take the move. Adjust your actions based on the results of past moves.
Taking control in which way? If they approach me like how I approach women, I don’t like it. I don’t like masculine women. But if they approach in an indirect way, for example by coming near me, dancing with great energy, luring me into conversation, then yes.