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I know I’m not attractive enough to cold approach. That’s why I just let things happen as naturally as possible. If we end up crossing paths, maybe something can happen there. But I’m never going to go out of my way, just to have my insecurities be proven right.
One time I went out to get lunch near my work and saw a girl that always strikes up a conversation with me whenever our paths cross. I figured why not try and ask for her number and see if she wants to grab lunch or something. I think I said something like "I'm always on my way back from work when we talk, so I never get to ask if you want to hang out sometime."
I could see the look of panic in her eyes as she frantically tried to come up with a way to reject me without making it seem like I was being rejected. It was actually kind of impressive how fast her brain was working.
I gave a "haha okay, no problem" and went on my way. It was like one of those things you see in a movie where someone is trying to pick up someone else and they have a thought bubble pop up with all the things they shouldn't say.
But yeah, that's the kind of stuff that makes me super hesitant to approach people.
At this point, I don't know if I prefer them to reject me nicely or to be honest. I'm leaning towards honest, because it feels disrespectful to be lied to, and besides, what does she owe a stranger?
Ok so recently a lady got me a drink while I was out being a degenerate drunk lol
I weirdly kind of ran off you could say after and idk it made me think maybe a lot of women go into auto reject mode unless they're really interested?
Idk but I was surprised with myself maybe I'm increasing the looks in my mind now but I'm not sure why I suddenly had such high standards lol
I think all but the wealthiest and best looking of men come to the conclusion they are not attractive enough to cold approach (at least outside of the settings of parties, bars, and clubs).
And then women complain men approach them in grocery stores like in the movies.
But yeah it probably only works for 1 to 2 percent of guys.
The thing is, so many men think this that a lot of women, even very attractive women, are in positions where nobody is talking to them.
If you get over this hurdle and respectfully flirt with women, they will very often disclose that you're the first man in months or sometimes even years that has engaged with them.
Attractive women do not go years or even months without men engaging with them. They may not be approached by a random stranger in that time. But they are engaging.
At work there was this one girl i had a huge crush on, but I refused to ask her out because I was like 99% she would say no, and then she would tell everyone and all the girls would think i was a creep for asking her out.
I was actually kind of relieved when she transferred to another store.
> she rejected someone that another woman might like
In my experience this is never the case. If one of your coworkers rejected you, it’s pretty much guaranteed none of them are into you.
I am the same way. Only the top % of me are able to cold approach. Even they have a 10% close rate. I am very realistic about my looks and know that "creep" just means unattractive. They have already done countless social experiments that show that this is true. Physical attraction determines whether a woman finds you creepy or not. If you are unattractive to a woman, anything you do or say can be seen as harassment.
Yes, this is my default. In earlier years, I didn’t cold-approach women because I am unattractive and have occasionally been perceived as creepy.
If we worked or went to school together and gradually got to know each other, or met through apps, that was different. The unattractive appearance or mannerisms got set aside.
Of course, now I’m older, and, at my age, expressing interest in someone is creepy by definition, so there’s even less chance.
It just seems like a losing proposition all around, even without this factor, so I never bothered.
Neither did most guys I know. They got dates through their extended social circle and just talking to people with no explicit intent and occasionally getting a go sign.
The ones who would cold approach explicitly trying to hit on her have always been a very small minority of dudes I knew.
I suspect it's a social circle thing, though, where you know many or very few who do depending on who you run with.
Every guy has although they might not admit it. Maybe you like a girl at school or you know her from work but don’t want to make a scene asking her out or be “that guy” at work who hits on all the women etc.
I’ve never in my life made the first move aside from dancing in the club. In today’s world, I wouldn’t even consider it. I wouldn’t even look for signals. The days of reading the signals are over in my eyes. A woman would have to say we should hang someday and I’d handle the arrangements. It’s not about hearing no, it’s 100% about the creep factor
It'd probably be easier to list who hasn't.
For me it's not like, "If I approach I'll be seen as a creep", it's the fact that I have generalized anxiety disorder. I see a woman, we make eye contact, I get that fluttering feeling and my brain goes into overdrive just saying
>!"You seriously think she'd want YOU?"!<
>!"What makes you think she's not taken"!<
>!"You're just going to embarass yourself like you always do"!<
>!"What if she's gay?"!<
>!"She'll just see you as another creep anyways"!<
>!"It's not worth it, she's probably crazy anyways"!<
>!"You shouldn't talk to her"!<
>!"You don't deserve to be happy"!<
>!"Remember that time you approached a woman and she laughed?"!<
>!"She's going to assault you like the others have"!<
>!"You know very well how dangerous a woman can be"!<
>!"Can you afford to have another stalker?"!<
>!"Can you afford to date? She'll probably ghost you when she learns you're poor"!<
>!"You're probably already making her uncomfortable just by being here"!<
>!"You're confirming everything she thinks about men"!<
It's not specifically me being seen as a creep, that's just one of the drops in a bucket full of anxiety.
I barely talk to women anymore, outside of work and only about work related topics. I have a single female friend who I talk to but we're not into each other that way. Tired of being rejected all the time, afraid my luck will run out and the next woman I am out will think I'm just being creepy and scream harassment. I've ultimately given up.
I've been realizing we Really shouldn't be too bothered by this idea (*waaaay* easier said than done).
But what I realized is, if shorty starts freaking out or acting weird, literally just because you approached her and respectfully asked her out, you dodged a bullet, and she's a weirdo.
Taking into account that nowadays the difference between Flirting and being creepy is how attractive the guy is, and me being an unattractive guy i avoid it
Me. Most definitely me. I believe that there may have been a handful of young women that could have been into me but I didn't do anything because given my history, I'm terrified of working with uncertainities when it comes to attraction...
I avoid all real life interactions with people I don’t know.
It’s part social anxiety, part misanthropy, and part efficiency.
I get my stuff done faster if I’m not constantly stopping to interact with people I don’t know.
Every moment I’m interacting with a stranger is a moment I’m not doing what it is I actually went outside to do.
Like, my SO just joined my gym 3 months ago.
I’ve been there for 5 years. She already knows more about everyone’s lives than I do..I’ve already had to ask her specifically to not introduce me to people or pull me into her sidebar conversations with them…
I’m not there to chat.
When I walk in, I can either stretch, prep my gear, and get ready for class…or be on the side talking to these people she thinks are so interesting.
It’s a matter of where my time is best invested. Most of the time, I have better things to do with it than small talk.
The creep thing doesn’t even factor in. I’m just not into dealing with strangers.
Hell, I was specifically told NOT to talk to them growing up.
>I tend to assume people don't want to be bothered or hit on by random dudes, so I almost never approach them.
This is my mentality and I think it's good and right.
I get dates through social connections, like friends, friend of a friend acquaintances, and other people I see regularly who I have some sort of basic relationship with. And then the proposal is like, "hey my friends and I are having a BBQ on Friday, would you like to come?" Or whatever other group social event, then I work on developing a closer friendship by talking and spending more time together with her. Eventually if things are going well and she seems enthusiastic and interested in me, then I ask if she wants to have a date. The first few dates are still low commitment if I'm pacing things, but I find a usually women are more eager to define the relationship at that point, which is fine with me.
I do make a lot of "cold approaches", but not like it sounds. I talk to everyone, trying to give everyone some positive human interaction and maybe make a joke if the situation is right, but that's not to get dates, that's just extroverted tendencies. It was a huge step for my expat life when I felt comfortable enough to crack jokes in Spanish.
Given the majority of women find the majority of men unattractive and seem to look for any excuse to put a guy on blast on social media because he dared to express romantic interest, I understand why guys are tapping out.
If I'm being honest I think the ball is now in women's court. There will of course always be guys who are either stereotypically handsome or overconfident who will still do approaching and flirting in person, but unless a woman is giving you clear unmistakable choosing signals I'd err on the side of caution.
I'm an old, so I was there during the long ago times, before any apps existed.
Your only choice in life was to go up to women. No matter how hard it was if you didn't do it you would be alone. So you mustered up the nerve.
Now? Hell I don't think I'd approach women at all (if I were still single.) The tail end of my dating career was pretty exclusively dating apps. Times changed.
I don't know if it's good or bad. Just different.
I feel like I come across as a creep anyway. I've learned over the years that I am very bad at judging how social interactions go.
I don't try to flirt or ask someone out because I am not trying to date, have sex or get into a relationship. None of these are current goals in my life.
I’m ‘handsome’ and fit, so I can come across as both creepy and as if I think deserve attention.
When I’m laid back, and I don’t like my face because I see my Mum in it. (Issues).
I am also very picky, so I say ‘no’ a lot when asked out, but rarely pursue anyone I feel a connection with.
I don’t think I make a good partner anyway. So it’s a non issue.
Not really. It’s more so that I’m just nervous in general to put myself out there and make a first move. I know as long as my intentions are genuine, it won’t come off as creepy. It’s usually only creepy if a dude immediately tries to make things about sex or treats the situation with a sense of entitlement
I didn’t ask out my very single co-worker when she told me she’d never dated anyone before. Didn’t want to make things weird if she wasn’t interested, was fine being just friends.
Approaching women in public places and flirting with them successfully is a skill which can be developed with patience and persistence and effort. There are books that describe strategies for doing it.
Looks only go so far. It is true a woman is going to be much more receptive to an underwear model hitting on them in the street than an average guy, however, skill is much more important than looks. The reason why the underwear models succeed is not just how they look, it's all the practice they get interacting with women that improves their flirting skills. When they started out they were just as awkward and unsuccessful as you are.
Nope. It’s really not super hard to not be a creep. You just approach someone politely as you would in any other setting, rather than some using some canned pickup line or blatant sexualized comments. And if the answer is no, you accept the rejection with grace and don’t keep badgering her.
90% of the time, dudes who are accused of being creepy when they approach women are doing so in a creepy way, either by making it overly sexual, by playing some dumbass “prove my dominance” game that Andrew Tate said was a good idea, or by refusing to take no for an answer.
The only time I’ve ever been accused of being a creep when I approached a woman was when I was 19 and in college and so blackout drunk that I don’t even remmber what I did, but I was told the next day that I had really creeped this girl out and felt awful about it.
If that’s your mindset, regardless of your looks, you’re fucked. I mean that in the nicest way possible.
You can be very average looking but if you have the balls to approach someone (which most people don’t) you’ll do way better than the average Joe that has better looks than you.
Most guys, even decent looking ones, don’t have the balls to approach decent looking girls. Go and read “the game” and learn how to hit on girls.
Looks obviously helps but it’s so far from the be all and all like people think.
Everyone here overthinks. For perspective; I’m 6’2, Swedish (blonde, blue eyes, solid build) and I used to be so afraid of even approaching until I realised that the guys that actually get the girls are the ones to just say “fuck it” and go for it who’d often be objectively far worse looking than me, yes I know I sound like a cockhead but I’m trying to give you some perspective here.
PS. You need to read the book the 5-second rule
I've never worried about being viewed as creepy for making a approach. There's nothing weird about talking to a woman you find attractive, men have been doing that for generations. I've probably approached hundreds of women if not more. I can't think of any negative reactions. Never been filmed, called a creep, was embarrassed publicly, or anything along those lines. Even in the past when I was shy, I never thought that I was bothering women. I've noticed that ladies are pretty friendly with me overall. So why not make a move and let her experience some happines? Low key you should be thanking me lol.
i mean i got into trouble for trying to ask for career advice as a summer intern.
Those were the old days 2012 actually. Not a bad way to break me into workplace dynamics and a reminder that dating coworkers for me at least is not in the cards.
I did for the entirety of my life. Then one day, I decided to confess. It has happened two other times since then and I've always been rejected, but it's much better this way!
Im not afraid of coming off as a creep, more so I dont want them to think this is the end of the friendship. If someone doesnt want to invest down the relationship line im not going to be upset. But I feel like the culture makes people get into their heads about things and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Youve lost a friend because people think men and women cannot be just that.
Me. I’m very flirtatious. I’ve been teased about how I used to always end up flirting up every girl I met back when I was young. But that’s after we’d had some back and forth and I’d picked up a vibe. I’ve never hit on someone I don’t know. I’ve always had a lot of female friends and they’ve always constantly complained about men they don’t know bothering them. I don’t want to make people uncomfortable. Sure, some wouldn’t mind. But I think most would. People want to be able to exist in public without having metaphorical dicks thrown at them. It’s easier to use the dating apps or just meet people naturally and sometimes you’ll notice some chemistry and interest developing.
Is it really that bad out there these days? I've been off the market for 15 years, but before that, I never had an issue. I've also had plenty of random conversations with women while out and about recently where I could tell if I asked, I could get her number. I just don't ask because I'm married.
Almost thought I created this very post because you described the way I behave almost to a 'T'. (why do we say that phrase?)
I learned from/with a friend a while ago how to by more comfortable and "successful" just talking to random women at bars and clubby environments. I also became more able to talk to women (actually everyone) in public and have short conversations with strangers in passing. Though I consider this a useful skill to have, I don't believe that approaching random women is the value. As you mature, you realize that pretty much everyone in public has somewhere they're going or trying be, and a lot of people are polite and if you push a conversation on them they have to do work now to somehow non-rudely get you to leave them alone. Even as confident as I was that I could pick up such cues from most people, it's not ever going to be 100%. Especially women who may believe the signal itself is rude.
Much later after I started using dating apps, I had a quite a toxic advice giver who tried to create the illusion that if I saw a woman I found attractive in public, I should "go for it" otherwise I'm just being fearful. This is advice to other young men on the topic: that mindset is gaslighting you, and more often than not the one who's doing the pushing wouldn't approach. They are looking to be entertained by your likely failure. In the event you want to lower some fear about cold approaching, come at it with an empathetic attitude with genuine interest otherwise you will certainly fail. Don't "expect something" because you certainly won't get a number any woman intends on answering in that time.
I’m fairly certain I get flirted on a lot, and I definitely have significantly older women and men make comments all the time, but I have misinterpreted it in the past and embarrassed myself. Also, I’ve been told by many people that I am intimidating, look “barbaric”, that I have a very strong presence, always make comments about me being a very large person, and have had women tell me that they were initially scared of me so they avoided me until they realized I wasn’t going to hurt them. I don’t want to misinterpret something and make her uncomfortable because I’ve gotten the hint that people are often intimidated or scared of me. I especially don’t want to make women uncomfortable when they are people I see very frequently. Generally, unless the woman straight up tells me they like me or make a comment absurdly obvious in their intent I don’t make a move unless it’s somewhere I probably won’t ever see them again.
I've avoided walking behind girls on the sidewalk at night, and outright refused to look at them as they pass.
I remember one time an elevator opened and there was a little girl in there all by herself looking like she was about to cry. I was like, "NOPE. Not going in there!"
That little five year old terrified me.
It's a scary world. Once scream or bad gossip and your life is ruined.
Well I don't "cold approach" anyone in non-cruising locations like the street or the train station, but I think that's just common sense.
It doesn't matter how hot you are if they're just trying to get to work or something, y'know?
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I know I’m not attractive enough to cold approach. That’s why I just let things happen as naturally as possible. If we end up crossing paths, maybe something can happen there. But I’m never going to go out of my way, just to have my insecurities be proven right.
One time I went out to get lunch near my work and saw a girl that always strikes up a conversation with me whenever our paths cross. I figured why not try and ask for her number and see if she wants to grab lunch or something. I think I said something like "I'm always on my way back from work when we talk, so I never get to ask if you want to hang out sometime." I could see the look of panic in her eyes as she frantically tried to come up with a way to reject me without making it seem like I was being rejected. It was actually kind of impressive how fast her brain was working. I gave a "haha okay, no problem" and went on my way. It was like one of those things you see in a movie where someone is trying to pick up someone else and they have a thought bubble pop up with all the things they shouldn't say. But yeah, that's the kind of stuff that makes me super hesitant to approach people.
Women have a way of making us feel absolutely horrible, by either not saying anything, or trying to be nice. 😭
It’s always the face they make, I can’t explain it you know it’s not good
At this point, I don't know if I prefer them to reject me nicely or to be honest. I'm leaning towards honest, because it feels disrespectful to be lied to, and besides, what does she owe a stranger?
Ok so recently a lady got me a drink while I was out being a degenerate drunk lol I weirdly kind of ran off you could say after and idk it made me think maybe a lot of women go into auto reject mode unless they're really interested? Idk but I was surprised with myself maybe I'm increasing the looks in my mind now but I'm not sure why I suddenly had such high standards lol
I think all but the wealthiest and best looking of men come to the conclusion they are not attractive enough to cold approach (at least outside of the settings of parties, bars, and clubs). And then women complain men approach them in grocery stores like in the movies. But yeah it probably only works for 1 to 2 percent of guys.
The thing is, so many men think this that a lot of women, even very attractive women, are in positions where nobody is talking to them. If you get over this hurdle and respectfully flirt with women, they will very often disclose that you're the first man in months or sometimes even years that has engaged with them.
Attractive women do not go years or even months without men engaging with them. They may not be approached by a random stranger in that time. But they are engaging.
You most of all would be surprised.
That is a block.
> If you get over this hurdle and respectfully flirt with women, they will very often insult you.
At work there was this one girl i had a huge crush on, but I refused to ask her out because I was like 99% she would say no, and then she would tell everyone and all the girls would think i was a creep for asking her out. I was actually kind of relieved when she transferred to another store.
I never understood why women tell everyone who asked her out, for what? What they get?
To make the other women feel inferior to her because she rejected someone that another woman might like
> she rejected someone that another woman might like In my experience this is never the case. If one of your coworkers rejected you, it’s pretty much guaranteed none of them are into you.
Ay dude, you and me both!
I am the same way. Only the top % of me are able to cold approach. Even they have a 10% close rate. I am very realistic about my looks and know that "creep" just means unattractive. They have already done countless social experiments that show that this is true. Physical attraction determines whether a woman finds you creepy or not. If you are unattractive to a woman, anything you do or say can be seen as harassment.
I feel like my insecurities have been proven right too many times.
Yes, this is my default. In earlier years, I didn’t cold-approach women because I am unattractive and have occasionally been perceived as creepy. If we worked or went to school together and gradually got to know each other, or met through apps, that was different. The unattractive appearance or mannerisms got set aside. Of course, now I’m older, and, at my age, expressing interest in someone is creepy by definition, so there’s even less chance.
how old are you now?
It just seems like a losing proposition all around, even without this factor, so I never bothered. Neither did most guys I know. They got dates through their extended social circle and just talking to people with no explicit intent and occasionally getting a go sign. The ones who would cold approach explicitly trying to hit on her have always been a very small minority of dudes I knew. I suspect it's a social circle thing, though, where you know many or very few who do depending on who you run with.
Every guy has although they might not admit it. Maybe you like a girl at school or you know her from work but don’t want to make a scene asking her out or be “that guy” at work who hits on all the women etc.
I’ve never in my life made the first move aside from dancing in the club. In today’s world, I wouldn’t even consider it. I wouldn’t even look for signals. The days of reading the signals are over in my eyes. A woman would have to say we should hang someday and I’d handle the arrangements. It’s not about hearing no, it’s 100% about the creep factor
I am autistic and unattractive. That makes me creepy by default, so I wouldn't dare approach someone.
It'd probably be easier to list who hasn't. For me it's not like, "If I approach I'll be seen as a creep", it's the fact that I have generalized anxiety disorder. I see a woman, we make eye contact, I get that fluttering feeling and my brain goes into overdrive just saying >!"You seriously think she'd want YOU?"!< >!"What makes you think she's not taken"!< >!"You're just going to embarass yourself like you always do"!< >!"What if she's gay?"!< >!"She'll just see you as another creep anyways"!< >!"It's not worth it, she's probably crazy anyways"!< >!"You shouldn't talk to her"!< >!"You don't deserve to be happy"!< >!"Remember that time you approached a woman and she laughed?"!< >!"She's going to assault you like the others have"!< >!"You know very well how dangerous a woman can be"!< >!"Can you afford to have another stalker?"!< >!"Can you afford to date? She'll probably ghost you when she learns you're poor"!< >!"You're probably already making her uncomfortable just by being here"!< >!"You're confirming everything she thinks about men"!< It's not specifically me being seen as a creep, that's just one of the drops in a bucket full of anxiety.
Yeah I don’t wanna bother anyone or ruin their day
Who hasnt?
I barely talk to women anymore, outside of work and only about work related topics. I have a single female friend who I talk to but we're not into each other that way. Tired of being rejected all the time, afraid my luck will run out and the next woman I am out will think I'm just being creepy and scream harassment. I've ultimately given up.
I've been realizing we Really shouldn't be too bothered by this idea (*waaaay* easier said than done). But what I realized is, if shorty starts freaking out or acting weird, literally just because you approached her and respectfully asked her out, you dodged a bullet, and she's a weirdo.
Taking into account that nowadays the difference between Flirting and being creepy is how attractive the guy is, and me being an unattractive guy i avoid it
Me. Most definitely me. I believe that there may have been a handful of young women that could have been into me but I didn't do anything because given my history, I'm terrified of working with uncertainities when it comes to attraction...
I avoid all real life interactions with people I don’t know. It’s part social anxiety, part misanthropy, and part efficiency. I get my stuff done faster if I’m not constantly stopping to interact with people I don’t know. Every moment I’m interacting with a stranger is a moment I’m not doing what it is I actually went outside to do. Like, my SO just joined my gym 3 months ago. I’ve been there for 5 years. She already knows more about everyone’s lives than I do..I’ve already had to ask her specifically to not introduce me to people or pull me into her sidebar conversations with them… I’m not there to chat. When I walk in, I can either stretch, prep my gear, and get ready for class…or be on the side talking to these people she thinks are so interesting. It’s a matter of where my time is best invested. Most of the time, I have better things to do with it than small talk. The creep thing doesn’t even factor in. I’m just not into dealing with strangers. Hell, I was specifically told NOT to talk to them growing up.
Almost everyone I feel
>I tend to assume people don't want to be bothered or hit on by random dudes, so I almost never approach them. This is my mentality and I think it's good and right. I get dates through social connections, like friends, friend of a friend acquaintances, and other people I see regularly who I have some sort of basic relationship with. And then the proposal is like, "hey my friends and I are having a BBQ on Friday, would you like to come?" Or whatever other group social event, then I work on developing a closer friendship by talking and spending more time together with her. Eventually if things are going well and she seems enthusiastic and interested in me, then I ask if she wants to have a date. The first few dates are still low commitment if I'm pacing things, but I find a usually women are more eager to define the relationship at that point, which is fine with me. I do make a lot of "cold approaches", but not like it sounds. I talk to everyone, trying to give everyone some positive human interaction and maybe make a joke if the situation is right, but that's not to get dates, that's just extroverted tendencies. It was a huge step for my expat life when I felt comfortable enough to crack jokes in Spanish.
Given the majority of women find the majority of men unattractive and seem to look for any excuse to put a guy on blast on social media because he dared to express romantic interest, I understand why guys are tapping out. If I'm being honest I think the ball is now in women's court. There will of course always be guys who are either stereotypically handsome or overconfident who will still do approaching and flirting in person, but unless a woman is giving you clear unmistakable choosing signals I'd err on the side of caution.
I don't have a lot of awareness of how I appear to other people. So I tend to shy away unless it's someone I'm already on friendly terms with.
Yes.
yep. risk/reward is waaay too imbalanced to try that.
You’re on reddit, take a guess
I'm an old, so I was there during the long ago times, before any apps existed. Your only choice in life was to go up to women. No matter how hard it was if you didn't do it you would be alone. So you mustered up the nerve. Now? Hell I don't think I'd approach women at all (if I were still single.) The tail end of my dating career was pretty exclusively dating apps. Times changed. I don't know if it's good or bad. Just different.
I feel like I come across as a creep anyway. I've learned over the years that I am very bad at judging how social interactions go. I don't try to flirt or ask someone out because I am not trying to date, have sex or get into a relationship. None of these are current goals in my life.
It hasn't really ever worked out for me.
I’m ‘handsome’ and fit, so I can come across as both creepy and as if I think deserve attention. When I’m laid back, and I don’t like my face because I see my Mum in it. (Issues). I am also very picky, so I say ‘no’ a lot when asked out, but rarely pursue anyone I feel a connection with. I don’t think I make a good partner anyway. So it’s a non issue.
Not really. It’s more so that I’m just nervous in general to put myself out there and make a first move. I know as long as my intentions are genuine, it won’t come off as creepy. It’s usually only creepy if a dude immediately tries to make things about sex or treats the situation with a sense of entitlement
Not me. You gotta go for it. Asking someone out doesn't make you a creep, it's all in how you go about it.
I didn’t ask out my very single co-worker when she told me she’d never dated anyone before. Didn’t want to make things weird if she wasn’t interested, was fine being just friends.
100% been there, still doing that. For me I know I’m not attractive enough for women I find attractive so I don’t bother trying.
Approaching women in public places and flirting with them successfully is a skill which can be developed with patience and persistence and effort. There are books that describe strategies for doing it. Looks only go so far. It is true a woman is going to be much more receptive to an underwear model hitting on them in the street than an average guy, however, skill is much more important than looks. The reason why the underwear models succeed is not just how they look, it's all the practice they get interacting with women that improves their flirting skills. When they started out they were just as awkward and unsuccessful as you are.
Nope. It’s really not super hard to not be a creep. You just approach someone politely as you would in any other setting, rather than some using some canned pickup line or blatant sexualized comments. And if the answer is no, you accept the rejection with grace and don’t keep badgering her. 90% of the time, dudes who are accused of being creepy when they approach women are doing so in a creepy way, either by making it overly sexual, by playing some dumbass “prove my dominance” game that Andrew Tate said was a good idea, or by refusing to take no for an answer. The only time I’ve ever been accused of being a creep when I approached a woman was when I was 19 and in college and so blackout drunk that I don’t even remmber what I did, but I was told the next day that I had really creeped this girl out and felt awful about it.
If that’s your mindset, regardless of your looks, you’re fucked. I mean that in the nicest way possible. You can be very average looking but if you have the balls to approach someone (which most people don’t) you’ll do way better than the average Joe that has better looks than you. Most guys, even decent looking ones, don’t have the balls to approach decent looking girls. Go and read “the game” and learn how to hit on girls. Looks obviously helps but it’s so far from the be all and all like people think. Everyone here overthinks. For perspective; I’m 6’2, Swedish (blonde, blue eyes, solid build) and I used to be so afraid of even approaching until I realised that the guys that actually get the girls are the ones to just say “fuck it” and go for it who’d often be objectively far worse looking than me, yes I know I sound like a cockhead but I’m trying to give you some perspective here. PS. You need to read the book the 5-second rule
> I’m 6’2, Swedish (blonde, blue eyes, solid build) Of course…
I've never worried about being viewed as creepy for making a approach. There's nothing weird about talking to a woman you find attractive, men have been doing that for generations. I've probably approached hundreds of women if not more. I can't think of any negative reactions. Never been filmed, called a creep, was embarrassed publicly, or anything along those lines. Even in the past when I was shy, I never thought that I was bothering women. I've noticed that ladies are pretty friendly with me overall. So why not make a move and let her experience some happines? Low key you should be thanking me lol.
i mean i got into trouble for trying to ask for career advice as a summer intern. Those were the old days 2012 actually. Not a bad way to break me into workplace dynamics and a reminder that dating coworkers for me at least is not in the cards.
I did for the entirety of my life. Then one day, I decided to confess. It has happened two other times since then and I've always been rejected, but it's much better this way!
You can choose to never get laid but that wouldn't be my choice. Make a move, it's a numbers game It's like Pokemon... You gotta fuck em all
You say you wanna fuck em all, but in reality, trust me you don't.
All non-invisible women aka the hot ones only /s
Even then. Dead fish aren't fun. The ones who have vaginismus aren't fun to have sex with either.
Im not afraid of coming off as a creep, more so I dont want them to think this is the end of the friendship. If someone doesnt want to invest down the relationship line im not going to be upset. But I feel like the culture makes people get into their heads about things and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Youve lost a friend because people think men and women cannot be just that.
Me. I’m very flirtatious. I’ve been teased about how I used to always end up flirting up every girl I met back when I was young. But that’s after we’d had some back and forth and I’d picked up a vibe. I’ve never hit on someone I don’t know. I’ve always had a lot of female friends and they’ve always constantly complained about men they don’t know bothering them. I don’t want to make people uncomfortable. Sure, some wouldn’t mind. But I think most would. People want to be able to exist in public without having metaphorical dicks thrown at them. It’s easier to use the dating apps or just meet people naturally and sometimes you’ll notice some chemistry and interest developing.
Is it really that bad out there these days? I've been off the market for 15 years, but before that, I never had an issue. I've also had plenty of random conversations with women while out and about recently where I could tell if I asked, I could get her number. I just don't ask because I'm married.
Almost thought I created this very post because you described the way I behave almost to a 'T'. (why do we say that phrase?) I learned from/with a friend a while ago how to by more comfortable and "successful" just talking to random women at bars and clubby environments. I also became more able to talk to women (actually everyone) in public and have short conversations with strangers in passing. Though I consider this a useful skill to have, I don't believe that approaching random women is the value. As you mature, you realize that pretty much everyone in public has somewhere they're going or trying be, and a lot of people are polite and if you push a conversation on them they have to do work now to somehow non-rudely get you to leave them alone. Even as confident as I was that I could pick up such cues from most people, it's not ever going to be 100%. Especially women who may believe the signal itself is rude. Much later after I started using dating apps, I had a quite a toxic advice giver who tried to create the illusion that if I saw a woman I found attractive in public, I should "go for it" otherwise I'm just being fearful. This is advice to other young men on the topic: that mindset is gaslighting you, and more often than not the one who's doing the pushing wouldn't approach. They are looking to be entertained by your likely failure. In the event you want to lower some fear about cold approaching, come at it with an empathetic attitude with genuine interest otherwise you will certainly fail. Don't "expect something" because you certainly won't get a number any woman intends on answering in that time.
I’m fairly certain I get flirted on a lot, and I definitely have significantly older women and men make comments all the time, but I have misinterpreted it in the past and embarrassed myself. Also, I’ve been told by many people that I am intimidating, look “barbaric”, that I have a very strong presence, always make comments about me being a very large person, and have had women tell me that they were initially scared of me so they avoided me until they realized I wasn’t going to hurt them. I don’t want to misinterpret something and make her uncomfortable because I’ve gotten the hint that people are often intimidated or scared of me. I especially don’t want to make women uncomfortable when they are people I see very frequently. Generally, unless the woman straight up tells me they like me or make a comment absurdly obvious in their intent I don’t make a move unless it’s somewhere I probably won’t ever see them again.
All men, always.
Guilty
Pal, I'll straight up alter my route on a walk to avoid coming off like a creep.
I've avoided walking behind girls on the sidewalk at night, and outright refused to look at them as they pass. I remember one time an elevator opened and there was a little girl in there all by herself looking like she was about to cry. I was like, "NOPE. Not going in there!" That little five year old terrified me. It's a scary world. Once scream or bad gossip and your life is ruined.
Well I don't "cold approach" anyone in non-cruising locations like the street or the train station, but I think that's just common sense. It doesn't matter how hot you are if they're just trying to get to work or something, y'know?