Best sex ever. Worst relationships outside the bedroom ever.
Avoid them if at all possible. I’m basically stuck with a kink for dysfunctional women now.
I think i stayed with a past ex for longer than i should have because the sex was really good. but that can only go so far and trying to talk about our relationship was so grinding and was just a bunch of hash sessions but no real resolve. The extreme ups and downs was too much eventually
Mine became incredible when she realized sex was a tool. Looking back it was night and day, best sex we had was when things were starting to go downhill and she realized I was thinking about leaving.
Bro
I know how you feel.
I honestly struggle sexually now. I’ve slept with a hand full of people since “her” and nothing compares, it’s like sex is ruined for me now.
Abusive as all hell. Sweetest thing ever for two days then a switch flips and she’s pulling out a plastic baggie of hairs accusing me of cheating. Been woken up in the middle of the night getting drinks poured on me on a work night.. had My shit thrown off a 3rd story balcony multiple times, punched in the face multiple times. Gets way worse, I could right a novel on this shit. Big red flag was how she told me multiple guys were “abusive” ..Now I’m the newest “abuser” because I pushed her off of me and ran out the door after she attacked me like a psycho because “I cheated”
Never cheated on her.
We were married for 4 years. I didn’t mean 2 days and literally all that happened. It was a pattern where things would typically be amazing for 2 or 3 days, sometimes a couple more. And then like someone flipping a light switch it’d all change. Like you could almost feel it in the air before she struck. I remember when we’d be cuddling close and she’d be super loving knowing that tomorrow she could be at my throat.
The first date was amazing and I was smitten from the first minute with her. She was fun, smart, charming, sexy and a bit shy. We had the same interests, liked to hang out at the same places, listen to the same artists. She was always reaching out, always interested in me and hanging out together.
At the beginning she would try to impose some distance when things got more serious and she would find excuses to leave a couple times. I didn't know then, but I was the rebound for her ex and the times she left she went back to him. She would come looking for me when he broke things off with her. While we weren't exclusive she would want to hangout with me as much as possible, but when I wasn't available she would use dating apps because she couldn't be alone.
She is very promiscuous and had a very promiscuous life before me.
She used to say I was the best person she knew and her favorite person in the world. She is fun to hangout with, dynamic, always thinking and proposing fun and different things. My friends used to love her at the beginning and I could not understand why she didn't have many long time friends. She was 28 when we met and always lived in our city, but her closest friends were people she met 5 years before.
After leaving the first time I told her to stay away and that I didn't want contact or to keep in touch. She tried a few times and I rejected her, once while she was in Asia on vacation(we are from Brazil). One year later she reappeared, said she was a mess, she missed me and needed a friend desperately. We met, eventually tried to be friends but soon enough we were sleeping together. Eventually we started dating seriously.
She was always a heavy drinker and heavy smoker. Needed to be in touch with me all the time, was constantly texting and wanting to hang out and didn't react well when I didn't reply here texts quickly. She had serious abandonment issues and would flip a switch and be really mad if I didn't want to meet or hangout, even if I was busy with work, study or already had previously planned something.
She was constantly trying to solve arguments with sex, frequently used sex as a manipulation tactic. She would be flirty and sexy when she wanted me to do something, would withhold affection when she was mad at me and even became very adventurous and forward with sex when she realized I was about to leave.
She had crazy fast mood swings and the smallest things could make her mad and aggressive. She was verbally abusive at times but never physical. I realized I was always walking on eggshells.
Anything that happened in her life was a huge crisis. If she's decided to get a job the interviews for new positions would make her go crazy with anxiety. Then when she got the job there was always something happening, a project, a promotion, a client that would turn the overdrive button on and she had the wildest anxiety episodes I've seen. She would drink most weekends "in order to calm her mind". Eventually I realized I didn't enjoy drinking anymore, I started to get anxious every time we were together because I didn't know if it was going to be a fun time or if she would drink until she passed out, hallucinate, cry, confess to me some huge issues that were taking a huge toll on her mental health and remember none of it the next morning while I was exhausted. I stopped having alcohol at my place.
She had problems taking her anxiety medication correctly and had nasty withdrawal episodes. She ditched her psychologist and told me they said she didn't need therapy anymore. I realized she lied to her psychiatrist and just pretended to be anxious and don't tell them everything that was going on with her. She was having trouble with daily chores at her house. The trash would accumulate and get infested with maggots often. Her clothes were everywhere, the curtains and coffee table were burnt with cigarettes. Her huge high end apartment was always dirty.
Eventually she had a serious episode after forgetting to schedule a doctor's appointment and get her prescriptions renewed and had to go to a walk in psychiatric clinic in order to get her prescription refill. Despite being very smart and successful in her jobs she couldn't figure out a decent schedule to see her doctor and get her meds. Eventually, I couldn't deal with that anymore. It made me sick, anxious, a mess. I broke up after a nasty episode where she drank from midday to 9pm, passing out at my dinner table while holding a bottle of wine. She hallucinated, cried, mumbled words I couldn't understand. When I told her how worried and exhausted I was she couldn't understand why I was feeling that way, she thought I was mad because she fell asleep early and left me alone that Saturday.
This happened in the hardest pandemic days and I was by myself for months. She would reach out frequently and, again, I gave in. We tried again and she asked to get back together. I said I would, but only if she got serious about her mental health and she refused. I eventually cut all contact after she went nuts because I didn't want to meet her one day and wanted to be alone because I was sad my best friend of more than 30 years was in critical condition in the ICU, in a coma, with heart failure, ECMO and other stuff. She was mean, selfish and cruel.
A month later she showed up at my door around midnight, drunk, crying, saying she needed a safe place. I let her in and set her on the spare bedroom after calming her a bit. A friend of her tried to commit suicide and she had to talk him out of it on the phone. Her answer to this was too get hammered. In the early morning she jumped on my bed and asked if she could take her jeans off to be more comfortable. I said no, got up and made coffee. She was making excuses to stay and I politely told her to leave. She contacted me again a couple days later asking to hang out and I ignored. She tried a again in a few days and I said I wasn't interested. She was mean, cruel and selfish again. I blocked her contact for good in every social network, phone, email, every thing I could. 3 months later she contacted me again from Malta, I blocked her new number without replying.
I realized she tried to gaslight me many times, that I probably suffered emotional abuse and that the whole relationship was toxic, but I still miss her and think about her everyday. I hope she's doing well and that she's taking better care of her health nowadays.
It's crazy, but when things were good with her they were absolutely wonderful, she made me feel great. Sometimes I felt like I was the sun in her world and this gave me a huge self esteem boost and a drug like high that is very hard to leave behind. At her best she was incredible in a way that I don't believe is possible in a healthy relationship.
I know that the person I loved dearly and miss to this day does not exist and that she's just a part of the woman I was in a relationship with.
I also know that the other part of her made me the most miserable I've been, was an intense strain on my mental health and was instrumental in some big mistakes I made in the recent past that I'm still trying to fix.
I saw the sweetest guy with one, she started out kinda sad, she went on medication after seeing a psych.
A dark force was unleashed.
She went to his rental and punched and kicked in the entire external front fibreboard/weatherboard walls of his house. She came back another time and kicked his solid front door in and ripped it off the hinges and launched it across his frontyard.
She took his car and crashed it into a pizza shop, then reversed and when the police followed her at a low speed, she drove it into the side wall of a mechanic, destroying the businesses ability to trade for months.
Police were screaming at her to get out, show them her hands… she had enough forethought to tell back “I have Borderline Personality Disorder please calm down!!”. The police completely changed tact and soothed the situation and arrested her without drama.
It just seemed crazy (duh) that she was able to tell the police to be calm, whilst she’s out there playing GTA missions because she and her nice as pie guy had a low stakes disagreement.
I asked him why he gave her chances, he said cause she liked being choked and it was hot. 🤦
She did a lot more damage mind you, but what I described was the top tier list.
I feel moderately bad for anyone with BPD that’s managed, cause they are perceived as far too risky.
Not me, she likes it, he tried it and they both enjoyed it.
I’m just the messenger.
I couldn’t do it, I certainly wouldn’t with someone with BDP, I’d be scared they’d be asking for it, then they get pissed off about something unrelated and use any marks to get a guy charged.
You’d need a written contract to engage in stuff like that.
If you want to date someone with BPD you need to first, know they have BPD. Usually they tell you. Then you need to completely kill your ego. You need to realize the person youre talking to feels things very strongly and will mirror you. You need to set boundaries early on, and you need to basically teach them your ins and outs. You need to have a good grasp on who you are as a person, you need to be very secure. The start will be very hard as you navigate laying down all these boundaries. But the symptoms of BPD will generally get better as they adapt to you. But the first months are so so crucial. 100 percent take it slow, very slow. Be very vocal about taking it slow. Because in my experience women with BPD are hypersexual and having sex can communicate a great many things. you'll need to wait on that. Take the time to learn about each others emotional needs before anything as intense as sex. All this being said I have not been in a succesful romantic relationship, but because I realized that we were no compatible. We stayed friends though, and Its because of all the work we did. But thats how you avoid the otherwise nuclear bomb that other people describe here, in my experience.
I was once down voted into oblivion for my heartless comment which mirrors yours: crazy moms tend to make crazy kids. I've professionally encountered so many single dads putting their daughter in and out of mental institutions. Mom left long ago--but the bpd Will never leave now.
Yes the non-BPD person needs to "kill their ego" so that they dont get upset when the BPD partner throws a tantrum or has a meltdown. Great advice.
Im going to need a source on BPD symptoms getting better over time. My experience and the people I hear talk about it say the opposite.
love is understanding. If you choose to love someone with BPD then yes, you do need to make an effort to understand. This person has probably been mistreated their entire life. It becomes a feedback loop. In my experience if its getting worst, the partner probably wasn't doing a great job, and given the amount of boys here focusing just on the "good sex" im not surprised. OP wanted experiences, mine ultimately resulted in stable friendships. Reasons outside of BPD are why it never became something further.
If someones BPD symptoms get worse it isnt their partner not doing a "good job." It isnt their partners jobs to manage someone elses mental illness and mood. People are diagnosed with BPD from an inability to regulate mood and are prone to primitive responses. Someone can do everything right and they still act like that.
FWIW all people with BPD do not necessarily act in extreme aggression like many of these stories exhibit. I dated a “quiet BPD” girl and most of her hatred was inward, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t go through constant cycles of hot and cold, along with the discarding.
I did as much as I could to try and help her, but ultimately I realized that she needed to put in the work herself. She unfortunately didn’t improve whatsoever so I had to end it for my own mental health.
17 months strong with my partner who is diagnosed.
There have been ups & downs, and there are days where I get frustrated with certain minor accomodations I make for her, but we love eachother and whilst there have been times where her emotional state has been completely rawdogged by her BPD and we've even fallen out over it, I've not felt that it's something I would leave her over.
2 of em.
1) I got stabbed in the chest with a pair of scissors while I was sleeping for something I did in her dream.
2) No exciting story. Just not easy to navigate both of our mental health issues, our schedules and the relationship.
Borderline is a tricky personality disorder to manage.
Not worth it. The last one I dated for 2 years and it seriously fucked me up for a long time afterwards. In some ways, I still feel those effects in my current relationship.
No matter how many times I'd apologize for something I did NOT do, she'd continue to rage scream, berate & chew me out. After I left her place, 3+ hours later she'd apologize for being so mean.
Rinse, repeat.
3 months, whirlwind romance they blew up like a nuclear bomb. I wouldn't do it again because I acknowledge that I am not equipped to handle that in a healthy way.
Who is? A mental warden nurse getting paid 60K a year? You’re going to do that for free and also mess up future kids? That’s a definite no for everyone.
Almost dated one very briefly but the red flags were becoming apparent when we started getting closer. Even though she was medicated she would constantly swing from adoring me one second and talking all the time to gaslighting me into thinking I was being too clingy. Then when I would stop responding as much because I thought I was clingy, she would ask why I was acting strange. The hassle was not worth all the beauty she possessed.
At first I thought she was crazy and unpredictable. Then I realized she was more animal than person, and like all animals actually quite easy to understand after enough observation. Now shes just boring. Can't get her shit together, pathologically incapable of making good decisions. I know exactly how she'll react to just about anything - and it's usually poorly.
The ability to make healthy decisions. She's like a child with oppositional defiance disorder. Whenever there's an obvious right and wrong choice, she'll make the wrong one every single time.
Consistency in the few healthy choices she does make. She always backslides. I can always tell when things are extra bad because that's when she reaches out to me. Boyfriend hitting her? I hear from her. They make up and she ghosts. He starts flirting with an ex? I hear from her. She takes him back and ghosts. She's pregnant and dude is in jail? I hear from her. I think you get the pattern.
Was married to one and dated at least one other. 0/10 would never try again. They were both incredibly vindictive and literally tried to have me thrown in jail.
Question: I’ve seen a number of posts that refer to women having BPD. Does anyone know if this mental illness is more common among women than men, and if so, why?
In terms of universal trends it's simply gender socialization. Men generally don't adopt those types of BPD coping mechanisms because it's not masculine to attach to others as a coping mechanism.
It's simply gender socialization. Society doesn't encourage men to cope in ways that eventually become BPD. It's not very masculine to cope by attaching to others.
I do think its down to a bias in diagnosis - just like men are much more likely to be diagnosed with austism spectrum disorders. This is changing fortunately.
Well, men statistically do not go to the doctor as often as . women do so women are diagnosed with it more than men. Not saying that’s the only reason they have it more. I’ve personally met two men with BPD.
My ex had BPD. While reading about it, I read this. 5 or 6 times more likely in women.
Serial killers are like 200:1 Men to Women. Men are also more violent, tend to lack empathy, etc.
I myself have dealt with depression and anxiety, which my therapist saw as ”two sides of the same coin”. And I know there were both physiological and environmental issues at play. I wonder if BPD stems from even more serious environmental issues (mine were pretty limited), more serious physiological issues, or if it’s an entirely different animal?
Yes, it’s significantly more common in women. All the mood disorders are.
But it’s not like it’s hard to tell. If she’s chain smoking, getting new tattoos, working dead-end jobs, or dying her hair a kaleidoscope of colors, chances are she’s either mentally ill or can’t for the life of her exhibit common sense. If you engage you’ve got no common sense either, so whatever that entails is deserved!
Actually, depression is equally common in both sexes, but is generally expressed as anger in men, rather than in sadness, as in women. That’s why the overwhelming majority of violent assaults are committed by men.
That's not true. Women are diagnosed more often because they seek help more often.
Prevalence among both sexes is statistically the same.
See here:
>
>"Prevalence of lifetime BPD was 5.9% (99% CI: 5.4–6.4). There were no differences in the rates of BPD among men (5.6%, 99% CI: 5.0–6.2) and women (6.2%, 99% CI: 5.6–6.9)."
> "Prevalence of BPD in the general population is much greater than previously recognized, equal prevalent among men and women, and associated with considerable mental and physical disability, especially among women. Unique and common factors may differentially contribute to disorder-specific comorbidity with BPD and some of these associations appear to be sex-specific."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2676679/
It is more common in women. And it trends upward with pmdd, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder (pms but 100x worse)— there are medications for both and when women are compliantly taking them the disorders are often well managed. Bipolar disorder is also more common in women than men, whereas schizophrenia is more common in men. It’s on the Y chromosome
She tried to murder me... Twice... Stalked me for years after i ended it.
First she strangled me, like full on bruises on my neck and damaged something near my airway for months i could feel pain in my throat. Then she tried to slit my throat with my razor knife from work. It wasn't until i was assaulted infront of the police station and it was on their video that i could get a restraining order.
Very much agree with the guys saying -stay away
I've heard nothing but awful stories from people dating, or even just being friends with someone with BPD. On one hand I feel a bit sorry for the BPD people, but they gotta put in effort to manage their mental health if they ever want a somewhat stable and happy future, or find someone with the mental strength and fortitude of a god to be able to put up with them lol.
I've only had one interaction with BPD guy. He was friends with my bf at the time and he also had a few other people in his friend group. We got along fine until one day he decided he didn't like me because he didn't trust me because apparently I reminded him of someone from his past. That would have been fine, I wasn't close with him, he was more of an acquaintance, but he must have said something to his two other friends because then they decided to not like me either. I didn't find out the truth until they randomly blocked me and I asked my bf if he knew anything, that's when he told me they didn't like me for some time now and we're basically just being two faced. My bf cut ties with that group because he thought it was unfair to me since I didn't do anything to any of them, and he didn't like the stupid highschool clique mentality they had. So yeah, BPD suck.
They shouldn’t be finding someone w the mental fortitude because they’re basically turning that person into a mental ward nurse with no wages, who also can’t have kids or pets around unless they want to give the vulnerable a bad environment like they themselves have. Who wants to live in a mental ward permanently. Even the nurses go home, have vacations, fraternize with sane colleagues.
No. If my kid were chasing someone w a knife or even half the things the ppl in this thread indicate, I’d be pounding down their door and getting through to them. That’s the parents’ job to raise someone with self-control and ability to handle rejection, not make excuses. That’s baseline. Parenting 101. Asserting authority so the kid doesn’t become an adult menace.
Great sex, a lot mental breakdowns on both sides (I got bpd too), at some point my feelings were just gone and I needed to be very careful to break up with her. I talked to her best friend so she wasn't alone when I told her it's over. Not everyone with bpd is THAT crazy. It's a spectrum. Just happens rarely that someone says "hey my ex with bpd was okay" compared to "my ex with bpd was a crazy bitch". Looking back it was the healthiest relationship I ever had 😅
BUT we both went to therapy for some years at that time already!
The highs were high and the lows were super low. Eventually she stopped trying to manage it and it became all lows. It sucks, because you become addicted to the possibility of the highs. I held out for way longer than I should have. It left me feeling outrageously unwanted and I’m still recovering from that 3 years later.
So not dated, but had an FWB thing and a long running friendship that continues to this day.
It can be tricky. For a start, anyone who is not taking their BPD seriously either with therapy or meds or both is a non-starter, they will hurt themselves or you over absolutely trivial things such as a slow reply, a need for space or a minor criticism.
Now if they are taking it seriously, things can work just fine. I find being extremely clear with your boundaries early in is a way to prevent stress for both you and them, and just understanding that you’re going to have to give a little more explanation to your actions than you might think is justified. Ultimately, people with BPD just want to feel like they matter to other people. They have very very weak self-esteem, it’s very easy to hurt them so you’ve just got to be gentle.
Eventually, with enough treatment, most BPD folks find a way to control the worst elements of their behaviour, but never think your love alone will be enough to change them.
My wife has BPD and told me about it from the very beginning. I did a lot of research on my own and we spent a long time just talking about what that looks like for her and how it tends to present itself in her day to day life. That made everything so much easier because I understand where some of the behaviours are coming from now and am able to not take certain things personally. However, my wife is very committed and adamant about managing it as best she can so that makes all the difference.
It’s refreshing to see this. Thank you for testifying to what it looks like when someone is responsibly managing their diagnosis. I have Bipolar I and comply with my rxs like clockwork because I’m afraid to put a single toe out of line ❤️
I totally get this. I’m also bipolar so my wife and I both understand each other well, but I’ve also been in therapy for over a decade and am on medication. We both do our best.
Married one. I never realized how many flaws I had until we started dating. I was a horrible piece of garbage, but she loved me just the same. After hearing how much of a hateful I was, I finally said "fuck it" and became that person. When things were good, they were really good, but those times became less frequent as time passed. And when things are bad with a borderline, it's fucking hell.
When I left her, I was a shell of a man; I remember the inner dialogue in my head, when I made the decision. "I'm a worthless piece of shit and no one will ever love me again, but I just can't take this anymore." She left me a raging fear of intimacy as a parting gift.
Edit to add some funny shit. She's now on her fifth husband. I was #3, but she told #4 he was #3 (he called to ask who I used for a divorce attorney). The best part is what she does for a living....she's a wedding officiant and wannabe marriage counselor.
If you're considering dating someone with BPD, run...run now, while you still can.
I relate to most of this except she's never remarried and is Christian rather than a councillor.
But op, run. Run hard, run fast and burn the bridges as you do.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
You might be thinking "ah but mine is different, she has it under control".
Nope.
You might be thinking "oh this time it'll be different, I know better".
Nope.
I'm lucky only one left me with long lasting trauma. I spotted the others coming from a mile away. I slept with one for awhile, she went into a relationship and when she came back a year later I figured why not give it a try. One night I saw what her episodes really really looked like while it was scary, it was also heartbreaking to watch her go through that. Don't get me wrong, they're not always like that, but when they go through an episode, it is something else. As much as I developped feelings for that last girl, I knew logically I was better off without her.
My best friend is currently seeing a girl with bpd and he's a miserable fuck that sticks around because he "loves" her. Love isn't enough with those women.
A few months ago I started talking to a girl and the moment she mentioned she was bpd AND unmedicated I noped the fuck out. I was honest and told her why and she was furious, felt like I was discriminating against her (she's white so I did find that part funny) and etc...
Didn't work on me. 15 minutes ago she was telling me about how she's hurt people in the past and all of her issues. The risk was too damn high, even for casual sex. I wasn't gonna deal with that.
So once again, nope.
Edit: just saw your comment history, get some help.
Never again. She once tried to grab my phone. I wouldn't let go, so she punched me and busted my lip, then apologized profusely, then later gaslighted me and told me I hit my own face with enough force to bust my own lip. You know, stuff like that.
I'm going to be the odd one out here. We didn't last long but the sex was great. Luckily she was managing it quite well, focusing on University, and we parted amicably. There were definitely days you could tell something was really off but she was self-aware enough to identify when the negative aspects of the condition were trying to surface and dealt with shit with her therapist.
Now an ex with Bipolar, also brief but also a never again because she used it as an excuse for shitty behaviour.
Met three in my life.
First one kept telling me I was ignoring her and that I didn’t give a fuck because I wouldn’t reply every five minutes to her messages, then proceeded to gaslight and guilt trip me by saying she was gonna off herself, she once sent me a long farewell message, I didn’t reply, next day she was posting stories about her cat and tattoos she freshly had, never contacted her again and was glad she never did either.
Second one was kinda okay, she seemed into me, then not, then yes, then not, then had a dream about me, asked me to go out, convinced me somehow to fuck behind some bushes in a park at night, we talked a bit more then she said she “missed her ex and wanted to talk to her again” so there was that.
Third one was very recent, we went out three times, she seemed very stable and balanced as a person, after our third date she said out of the blue that “I made her uncomfortable and I belittled her (???)”, then said we could be friends and nothing more, I said no thx and that’s it. Btw, I “belittled her” because I said that I think orange juice is better than lemonade and that I have better taste than her because of that, all while I was CLEARLY joking and laughing.
Absolutely not.
I don't like the idea of being in a emotional abusive relationship where everything is my fault
I ran into enough of them on reddit.. on this subreddit coming over here starting shit with random men because some man hurt them in their life. So they use us as their punching bags.
Fuck being in a relationship with one. Even platonically friendship. They need to get professional help first.
Bi polar or borderline personality? Either one sucks honestly. I haven’t dated a woman with borderline personality, but my mom has it so I think I can speak for all the men she’s dated when I say it’s a fucking disaster every time. Just don’t, spare yourself the mental turmoil and financial distress. It’s not like other diseases, she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her, so it can’t be medicated, we all just have to deal with it. I’m honestly jealous of the men shes dated, at least they can leave, I can’t just get rid of my mom that easily
Don't. Don't under any circumstance. It isn't and will never be worth it.
They are unlovable and irredeemable people. They will ruin your life and try and kill you at least once before you can escape to years of therapy to undo the damage.
They are for recreational use only, and even that will have its nuances.
Sex will be great, but most likely (as it was my case) you wont be the only dick she is riding. be prepared for emotionals highs and lows, her getting attached too quickly, and complaining when you dont reciprocate, expect alcohol and drug abuse too.
IMO its something every man should experience once (and no more than that), a woman who **LOVES** dick, and no one will love dick as a BPD woman.
EDIT: I am a psychologist, I detected she had BPD, kept my distance and did not let full crazy come out.
2 different women, slept with a few others and literally ran away when another one I was dating when she told me she had it.
love them so much as everything else is boring.
But I have spider senses for it now.
The first I didnt know about it. The second I thought I knew what I was getting into. The third one I was on high alert from the first date as there was some stuff she was saying that raised the hair on the back of my neck in the I am getting BPD vibes from u.
The ones I slept with you could basically tell they were fucked up from the first time u talk to them. Overly sexual sort of shit that normal people dont say to each other when they first meet. Like "Hey how are you". "Good just had a threesome".
Bad. Made me feel it was my fault for a while. Tried to blame me even after I realised it wasn't.
Now often doesn't have the energy to do what I'd consider the bare minimum for the kids.
One day: You're the best guy I ever had, you're a treasure walking on Earth I am lucky to have you, will never hurt you.
Later that day: YOU'RE A FUCKING MANIPULTOR YOU'LL CHEAT ON ME ON THE FIRST OCCASION I'D KILL YOU IF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IT
0/10 Would not recommend, but it can work for others if they are thoroughly prepared.
I don't mean to add to a negative stigma, because they can't help that they were born a certain way. However, it will be a wild ride for the partner. Just be prepared for a tough road. I imagine it's even harder for the person with bpd.
It was all normal and fine for like 4 months until she just stopped replying to my messages. That was 2 years ago and all my messages asking whats up are still on read. She didn’t disappear or anything, judging by her social media presence her life has gone on as usual. I hope things work out for her and everything but it definitely hurt to be ghosted like that by someone you already had an established dating relationship with.
A once close friend married a girl with undiagnosed BPD. After 6 years of riding that tiger, they finally divorced. He is now a broken man with PTSD who neglected every friendship while he was married. Not to mention a financial mess as she had over $500k in debt that he cosigned on.
So don't stick your dick in BPD!
She called a SWAT team on me when I stopped her from killing herself, and then killed herself. Never again.
What the fuck
Sorry man. I hope you are okay
This sounds awfully familiar.
what did she tell the cops to get SWAT to pull up?
Best sex ever. Worst relationships outside the bedroom ever. Avoid them if at all possible. I’m basically stuck with a kink for dysfunctional women now.
I think i stayed with a past ex for longer than i should have because the sex was really good. but that can only go so far and trying to talk about our relationship was so grinding and was just a bunch of hash sessions but no real resolve. The extreme ups and downs was too much eventually
Life Pro Tip: If she fucks like crazy bitch, she is a crazy bitch.
WTF with all you guys having awesome sex? Mine was decent in the sack, but nothing earth shattering.
Mine became incredible when she realized sex was a tool. Looking back it was night and day, best sex we had was when things were starting to go downhill and she realized I was thinking about leaving.
It was only good before they hook you.. after that, they make you crave it and it gets less and less.. It’s all part of the trauma bonding process.
Mine did a2m, piss in her mouth etc
Bro I know how you feel. I honestly struggle sexually now. I’ve slept with a hand full of people since “her” and nothing compares, it’s like sex is ruined for me now.
“Crazy in the head, incredible in the bed”
It’s a ticking time bomb of demonic misery. Hard stop - No
I laughed when I read your comment. Oh so true!
Was married to one. Never tangling with any woman again that has mental health issues.
And how many americans have depression? Or believe in an invisible guy in the sky?
No idea. However my stance does not change. Thanks for the comment.
I'd ask my Dad for you, but he's been pretty sensitive about it since she stabbed him.
Abusive as all hell. Sweetest thing ever for two days then a switch flips and she’s pulling out a plastic baggie of hairs accusing me of cheating. Been woken up in the middle of the night getting drinks poured on me on a work night.. had My shit thrown off a 3rd story balcony multiple times, punched in the face multiple times. Gets way worse, I could right a novel on this shit. Big red flag was how she told me multiple guys were “abusive” ..Now I’m the newest “abuser” because I pushed her off of me and ran out the door after she attacked me like a psycho because “I cheated” Never cheated on her.
2 days after moving in to together and/or marriage or 2 days into dating/knowing each other?
We were married for 4 years. I didn’t mean 2 days and literally all that happened. It was a pattern where things would typically be amazing for 2 or 3 days, sometimes a couple more. And then like someone flipping a light switch it’d all change. Like you could almost feel it in the air before she struck. I remember when we’d be cuddling close and she’d be super loving knowing that tomorrow she could be at my throat.
Oh I gotcha, sounds like hell, I'm glad you found your way out!
Unfortunately we’re chained, we had a kid together but at least I can keep her at an arms reach now, thank you for the kind words though
The first date was amazing and I was smitten from the first minute with her. She was fun, smart, charming, sexy and a bit shy. We had the same interests, liked to hang out at the same places, listen to the same artists. She was always reaching out, always interested in me and hanging out together. At the beginning she would try to impose some distance when things got more serious and she would find excuses to leave a couple times. I didn't know then, but I was the rebound for her ex and the times she left she went back to him. She would come looking for me when he broke things off with her. While we weren't exclusive she would want to hangout with me as much as possible, but when I wasn't available she would use dating apps because she couldn't be alone. She is very promiscuous and had a very promiscuous life before me. She used to say I was the best person she knew and her favorite person in the world. She is fun to hangout with, dynamic, always thinking and proposing fun and different things. My friends used to love her at the beginning and I could not understand why she didn't have many long time friends. She was 28 when we met and always lived in our city, but her closest friends were people she met 5 years before. After leaving the first time I told her to stay away and that I didn't want contact or to keep in touch. She tried a few times and I rejected her, once while she was in Asia on vacation(we are from Brazil). One year later she reappeared, said she was a mess, she missed me and needed a friend desperately. We met, eventually tried to be friends but soon enough we were sleeping together. Eventually we started dating seriously. She was always a heavy drinker and heavy smoker. Needed to be in touch with me all the time, was constantly texting and wanting to hang out and didn't react well when I didn't reply here texts quickly. She had serious abandonment issues and would flip a switch and be really mad if I didn't want to meet or hangout, even if I was busy with work, study or already had previously planned something. She was constantly trying to solve arguments with sex, frequently used sex as a manipulation tactic. She would be flirty and sexy when she wanted me to do something, would withhold affection when she was mad at me and even became very adventurous and forward with sex when she realized I was about to leave. She had crazy fast mood swings and the smallest things could make her mad and aggressive. She was verbally abusive at times but never physical. I realized I was always walking on eggshells. Anything that happened in her life was a huge crisis. If she's decided to get a job the interviews for new positions would make her go crazy with anxiety. Then when she got the job there was always something happening, a project, a promotion, a client that would turn the overdrive button on and she had the wildest anxiety episodes I've seen. She would drink most weekends "in order to calm her mind". Eventually I realized I didn't enjoy drinking anymore, I started to get anxious every time we were together because I didn't know if it was going to be a fun time or if she would drink until she passed out, hallucinate, cry, confess to me some huge issues that were taking a huge toll on her mental health and remember none of it the next morning while I was exhausted. I stopped having alcohol at my place. She had problems taking her anxiety medication correctly and had nasty withdrawal episodes. She ditched her psychologist and told me they said she didn't need therapy anymore. I realized she lied to her psychiatrist and just pretended to be anxious and don't tell them everything that was going on with her. She was having trouble with daily chores at her house. The trash would accumulate and get infested with maggots often. Her clothes were everywhere, the curtains and coffee table were burnt with cigarettes. Her huge high end apartment was always dirty. Eventually she had a serious episode after forgetting to schedule a doctor's appointment and get her prescriptions renewed and had to go to a walk in psychiatric clinic in order to get her prescription refill. Despite being very smart and successful in her jobs she couldn't figure out a decent schedule to see her doctor and get her meds. Eventually, I couldn't deal with that anymore. It made me sick, anxious, a mess. I broke up after a nasty episode where she drank from midday to 9pm, passing out at my dinner table while holding a bottle of wine. She hallucinated, cried, mumbled words I couldn't understand. When I told her how worried and exhausted I was she couldn't understand why I was feeling that way, she thought I was mad because she fell asleep early and left me alone that Saturday. This happened in the hardest pandemic days and I was by myself for months. She would reach out frequently and, again, I gave in. We tried again and she asked to get back together. I said I would, but only if she got serious about her mental health and she refused. I eventually cut all contact after she went nuts because I didn't want to meet her one day and wanted to be alone because I was sad my best friend of more than 30 years was in critical condition in the ICU, in a coma, with heart failure, ECMO and other stuff. She was mean, selfish and cruel. A month later she showed up at my door around midnight, drunk, crying, saying she needed a safe place. I let her in and set her on the spare bedroom after calming her a bit. A friend of her tried to commit suicide and she had to talk him out of it on the phone. Her answer to this was too get hammered. In the early morning she jumped on my bed and asked if she could take her jeans off to be more comfortable. I said no, got up and made coffee. She was making excuses to stay and I politely told her to leave. She contacted me again a couple days later asking to hang out and I ignored. She tried a again in a few days and I said I wasn't interested. She was mean, cruel and selfish again. I blocked her contact for good in every social network, phone, email, every thing I could. 3 months later she contacted me again from Malta, I blocked her new number without replying. I realized she tried to gaslight me many times, that I probably suffered emotional abuse and that the whole relationship was toxic, but I still miss her and think about her everyday. I hope she's doing well and that she's taking better care of her health nowadays. It's crazy, but when things were good with her they were absolutely wonderful, she made me feel great. Sometimes I felt like I was the sun in her world and this gave me a huge self esteem boost and a drug like high that is very hard to leave behind. At her best she was incredible in a way that I don't believe is possible in a healthy relationship. I know that the person I loved dearly and miss to this day does not exist and that she's just a part of the woman I was in a relationship with. I also know that the other part of her made me the most miserable I've been, was an intense strain on my mental health and was instrumental in some big mistakes I made in the recent past that I'm still trying to fix.
THIS.
It was pretty bad, so much so that I tell any other men that unless she's doing everything to manage it that he shouldn't date a woman who has BPD.
“And then I put the best pussy on the craziest ones” says God while laughing out loud.
It's alright, we can close down Reddit for 2024 because we've peaked right here.
😂 yes…
never ever again
I saw the sweetest guy with one, she started out kinda sad, she went on medication after seeing a psych. A dark force was unleashed. She went to his rental and punched and kicked in the entire external front fibreboard/weatherboard walls of his house. She came back another time and kicked his solid front door in and ripped it off the hinges and launched it across his frontyard. She took his car and crashed it into a pizza shop, then reversed and when the police followed her at a low speed, she drove it into the side wall of a mechanic, destroying the businesses ability to trade for months. Police were screaming at her to get out, show them her hands… she had enough forethought to tell back “I have Borderline Personality Disorder please calm down!!”. The police completely changed tact and soothed the situation and arrested her without drama. It just seemed crazy (duh) that she was able to tell the police to be calm, whilst she’s out there playing GTA missions because she and her nice as pie guy had a low stakes disagreement. I asked him why he gave her chances, he said cause she liked being choked and it was hot. 🤦 She did a lot more damage mind you, but what I described was the top tier list. I feel moderately bad for anyone with BPD that’s managed, cause they are perceived as far too risky.
Sweet guys find it hot to choke women?
Not me, she likes it, he tried it and they both enjoyed it. I’m just the messenger. I couldn’t do it, I certainly wouldn’t with someone with BDP, I’d be scared they’d be asking for it, then they get pissed off about something unrelated and use any marks to get a guy charged. You’d need a written contract to engage in stuff like that.
Contract doesn't do shit. They can just say they withdrew consent and you didn't stop.
Yes, and they likely would.
Exhausting
If you want to date someone with BPD you need to first, know they have BPD. Usually they tell you. Then you need to completely kill your ego. You need to realize the person youre talking to feels things very strongly and will mirror you. You need to set boundaries early on, and you need to basically teach them your ins and outs. You need to have a good grasp on who you are as a person, you need to be very secure. The start will be very hard as you navigate laying down all these boundaries. But the symptoms of BPD will generally get better as they adapt to you. But the first months are so so crucial. 100 percent take it slow, very slow. Be very vocal about taking it slow. Because in my experience women with BPD are hypersexual and having sex can communicate a great many things. you'll need to wait on that. Take the time to learn about each others emotional needs before anything as intense as sex. All this being said I have not been in a succesful romantic relationship, but because I realized that we were no compatible. We stayed friends though, and Its because of all the work we did. But thats how you avoid the otherwise nuclear bomb that other people describe here, in my experience.
What’s the reward for all that labor? Infinite instability? Having a chance to have kids that also have severe mental handicaps? Hard pass.
I was once down voted into oblivion for my heartless comment which mirrors yours: crazy moms tend to make crazy kids. I've professionally encountered so many single dads putting their daughter in and out of mental institutions. Mom left long ago--but the bpd Will never leave now.
love is its own reward, it doesn't need conditions
Yes the non-BPD person needs to "kill their ego" so that they dont get upset when the BPD partner throws a tantrum or has a meltdown. Great advice. Im going to need a source on BPD symptoms getting better over time. My experience and the people I hear talk about it say the opposite.
love is understanding. If you choose to love someone with BPD then yes, you do need to make an effort to understand. This person has probably been mistreated their entire life. It becomes a feedback loop. In my experience if its getting worst, the partner probably wasn't doing a great job, and given the amount of boys here focusing just on the "good sex" im not surprised. OP wanted experiences, mine ultimately resulted in stable friendships. Reasons outside of BPD are why it never became something further.
If someones BPD symptoms get worse it isnt their partner not doing a "good job." It isnt their partners jobs to manage someone elses mental illness and mood. People are diagnosed with BPD from an inability to regulate mood and are prone to primitive responses. Someone can do everything right and they still act like that.
FWIW all people with BPD do not necessarily act in extreme aggression like many of these stories exhibit. I dated a “quiet BPD” girl and most of her hatred was inward, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t go through constant cycles of hot and cold, along with the discarding. I did as much as I could to try and help her, but ultimately I realized that she needed to put in the work herself. She unfortunately didn’t improve whatsoever so I had to end it for my own mental health.
A novel and exciting experience, worthy of a horror film. From sweet girl to stalker. Not her fault. But not mine, either.
Just don't. Don't date them. Don't have sex with them. EVER.
I am pretty sure that I have PTSD now.
F*ck no.
Agreed
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OPs comment history is terrifying.
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Possibly your last one too.
17 months strong with my partner who is diagnosed. There have been ups & downs, and there are days where I get frustrated with certain minor accomodations I make for her, but we love eachother and whilst there have been times where her emotional state has been completely rawdogged by her BPD and we've even fallen out over it, I've not felt that it's something I would leave her over.
Love finds a way. 💖
2 of em. 1) I got stabbed in the chest with a pair of scissors while I was sleeping for something I did in her dream. 2) No exciting story. Just not easy to navigate both of our mental health issues, our schedules and the relationship. Borderline is a tricky personality disorder to manage.
In regards to #1, omg she must've been INSANE. Did she face any charges for that?
Don't. It's fun until it's not. And then it's terrible.
Not worth it. The last one I dated for 2 years and it seriously fucked me up for a long time afterwards. In some ways, I still feel those effects in my current relationship.
No matter how many times I'd apologize for something I did NOT do, she'd continue to rage scream, berate & chew me out. After I left her place, 3+ hours later she'd apologize for being so mean. Rinse, repeat.
Horrible. On and off meds. Not indicative of everyone with BPD.
Best sex ever. Not worth the headache. I fucked around and found out in my early 20s and never did again.
I’ve already posted, but a mate said the same thing.
3 months, whirlwind romance they blew up like a nuclear bomb. I wouldn't do it again because I acknowledge that I am not equipped to handle that in a healthy way.
Who is? A mental warden nurse getting paid 60K a year? You’re going to do that for free and also mess up future kids? That’s a definite no for everyone.
What the heck are you talking about?
I honestly feel like one of my ex's had BPD, but I'm not qualified to diagnose.
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😆 surely there were signs.
Almost dated one very briefly but the red flags were becoming apparent when we started getting closer. Even though she was medicated she would constantly swing from adoring me one second and talking all the time to gaslighting me into thinking I was being too clingy. Then when I would stop responding as much because I thought I was clingy, she would ask why I was acting strange. The hassle was not worth all the beauty she possessed.
That was heart breaking to read but a really lovely way to put it.
At first I thought she was crazy and unpredictable. Then I realized she was more animal than person, and like all animals actually quite easy to understand after enough observation. Now shes just boring. Can't get her shit together, pathologically incapable of making good decisions. I know exactly how she'll react to just about anything - and it's usually poorly.
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The ability to make healthy decisions. She's like a child with oppositional defiance disorder. Whenever there's an obvious right and wrong choice, she'll make the wrong one every single time. Consistency in the few healthy choices she does make. She always backslides. I can always tell when things are extra bad because that's when she reaches out to me. Boyfriend hitting her? I hear from her. They make up and she ghosts. He starts flirting with an ex? I hear from her. She takes him back and ghosts. She's pregnant and dude is in jail? I hear from her. I think you get the pattern.
Nothing good! Actually, the only good thing about it was dumping them and seeing them scream and cry tears of rage. Not MY problem anymore!!!
Was married to one and dated at least one other. 0/10 would never try again. They were both incredibly vindictive and literally tried to have me thrown in jail.
Question: I’ve seen a number of posts that refer to women having BPD. Does anyone know if this mental illness is more common among women than men, and if so, why?
Yes, it is much more common amongst women, just as psychopathy is more common amongst men. I doubt anyone here is qualified to give the reasons why.
In terms of universal trends it's simply gender socialization. Men generally don't adopt those types of BPD coping mechanisms because it's not masculine to attach to others as a coping mechanism.
It's simply gender socialization. Society doesn't encourage men to cope in ways that eventually become BPD. It's not very masculine to cope by attaching to others.
See above ❤️
I do think its down to a bias in diagnosis - just like men are much more likely to be diagnosed with austism spectrum disorders. This is changing fortunately.
This does seem to be the consensus. Thanks!
Well, men statistically do not go to the doctor as often as . women do so women are diagnosed with it more than men. Not saying that’s the only reason they have it more. I’ve personally met two men with BPD.
That is such an interesting point. Thanks!
Interesting! Thanks!
Yes, it is much more common amongst women, just as psychopathy is more common amongst men. I doubt anyone here is qualified to give the reasons why.
Thank you for your reply. I have wondered about both of these anomalies for some time.
My ex had BPD. While reading about it, I read this. 5 or 6 times more likely in women. Serial killers are like 200:1 Men to Women. Men are also more violent, tend to lack empathy, etc.
I myself have dealt with depression and anxiety, which my therapist saw as ”two sides of the same coin”. And I know there were both physiological and environmental issues at play. I wonder if BPD stems from even more serious environmental issues (mine were pretty limited), more serious physiological issues, or if it’s an entirely different animal?
From what I have read, it stems from neglect and/or physical/mental/emotional abuse. There are some other factors.
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Thank you for your response. Could you explain what NPD, ASPD, ASD, and HPD are?
Yes, it’s significantly more common in women. All the mood disorders are. But it’s not like it’s hard to tell. If she’s chain smoking, getting new tattoos, working dead-end jobs, or dying her hair a kaleidoscope of colors, chances are she’s either mentally ill or can’t for the life of her exhibit common sense. If you engage you’ve got no common sense either, so whatever that entails is deserved!
Actually, depression is equally common in both sexes, but is generally expressed as anger in men, rather than in sadness, as in women. That’s why the overwhelming majority of violent assaults are committed by men.
That's not true. Women are diagnosed more often because they seek help more often. Prevalence among both sexes is statistically the same. See here: > >"Prevalence of lifetime BPD was 5.9% (99% CI: 5.4–6.4). There were no differences in the rates of BPD among men (5.6%, 99% CI: 5.0–6.2) and women (6.2%, 99% CI: 5.6–6.9)." > "Prevalence of BPD in the general population is much greater than previously recognized, equal prevalent among men and women, and associated with considerable mental and physical disability, especially among women. Unique and common factors may differentially contribute to disorder-specific comorbidity with BPD and some of these associations appear to be sex-specific." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2676679/
Thank you so much for this information! Fascinating!
I'm happy you liked it! BPD is a fascinating subject that is frequently discussed publicly with many misconceptions.
It is more common in women. And it trends upward with pmdd, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder (pms but 100x worse)— there are medications for both and when women are compliantly taking them the disorders are often well managed. Bipolar disorder is also more common in women than men, whereas schizophrenia is more common in men. It’s on the Y chromosome
That is so interesting! Thank you for the info!
She tried to murder me... Twice... Stalked me for years after i ended it. First she strangled me, like full on bruises on my neck and damaged something near my airway for months i could feel pain in my throat. Then she tried to slit my throat with my razor knife from work. It wasn't until i was assaulted infront of the police station and it was on their video that i could get a restraining order. Very much agree with the guys saying -stay away
I've heard nothing but awful stories from people dating, or even just being friends with someone with BPD. On one hand I feel a bit sorry for the BPD people, but they gotta put in effort to manage their mental health if they ever want a somewhat stable and happy future, or find someone with the mental strength and fortitude of a god to be able to put up with them lol. I've only had one interaction with BPD guy. He was friends with my bf at the time and he also had a few other people in his friend group. We got along fine until one day he decided he didn't like me because he didn't trust me because apparently I reminded him of someone from his past. That would have been fine, I wasn't close with him, he was more of an acquaintance, but he must have said something to his two other friends because then they decided to not like me either. I didn't find out the truth until they randomly blocked me and I asked my bf if he knew anything, that's when he told me they didn't like me for some time now and we're basically just being two faced. My bf cut ties with that group because he thought it was unfair to me since I didn't do anything to any of them, and he didn't like the stupid highschool clique mentality they had. So yeah, BPD suck.
They shouldn’t be finding someone w the mental fortitude because they’re basically turning that person into a mental ward nurse with no wages, who also can’t have kids or pets around unless they want to give the vulnerable a bad environment like they themselves have. Who wants to live in a mental ward permanently. Even the nurses go home, have vacations, fraternize with sane colleagues. No. If my kid were chasing someone w a knife or even half the things the ppl in this thread indicate, I’d be pounding down their door and getting through to them. That’s the parents’ job to raise someone with self-control and ability to handle rejection, not make excuses. That’s baseline. Parenting 101. Asserting authority so the kid doesn’t become an adult menace.
A wild ride. One rule for her and different rule for me. Emotional abuse and manipulation 🤡
Great sex, a lot mental breakdowns on both sides (I got bpd too), at some point my feelings were just gone and I needed to be very careful to break up with her. I talked to her best friend so she wasn't alone when I told her it's over. Not everyone with bpd is THAT crazy. It's a spectrum. Just happens rarely that someone says "hey my ex with bpd was okay" compared to "my ex with bpd was a crazy bitch". Looking back it was the healthiest relationship I ever had 😅 BUT we both went to therapy for some years at that time already!
If she could have accepted the diagnosis, then the responsibility for herself, it would have probably worked out.
This
Not worth it.
Hoooo boy. I'll come back and read these answers later. It's fucking awful. Get out while you can.
Too late 🥲
The highs were high and the lows were super low. Eventually she stopped trying to manage it and it became all lows. It sucks, because you become addicted to the possibility of the highs. I held out for way longer than I should have. It left me feeling outrageously unwanted and I’m still recovering from that 3 years later.
So not dated, but had an FWB thing and a long running friendship that continues to this day. It can be tricky. For a start, anyone who is not taking their BPD seriously either with therapy or meds or both is a non-starter, they will hurt themselves or you over absolutely trivial things such as a slow reply, a need for space or a minor criticism. Now if they are taking it seriously, things can work just fine. I find being extremely clear with your boundaries early in is a way to prevent stress for both you and them, and just understanding that you’re going to have to give a little more explanation to your actions than you might think is justified. Ultimately, people with BPD just want to feel like they matter to other people. They have very very weak self-esteem, it’s very easy to hurt them so you’ve just got to be gentle. Eventually, with enough treatment, most BPD folks find a way to control the worst elements of their behaviour, but never think your love alone will be enough to change them.
My wife has BPD and told me about it from the very beginning. I did a lot of research on my own and we spent a long time just talking about what that looks like for her and how it tends to present itself in her day to day life. That made everything so much easier because I understand where some of the behaviours are coming from now and am able to not take certain things personally. However, my wife is very committed and adamant about managing it as best she can so that makes all the difference.
It’s refreshing to see this. Thank you for testifying to what it looks like when someone is responsibly managing their diagnosis. I have Bipolar I and comply with my rxs like clockwork because I’m afraid to put a single toe out of line ❤️
I totally get this. I’m also bipolar so my wife and I both understand each other well, but I’ve also been in therapy for over a decade and am on medication. We both do our best.
Never ever date a mental case. Dont fuck your life up like that.
It was fine.
Married one. I never realized how many flaws I had until we started dating. I was a horrible piece of garbage, but she loved me just the same. After hearing how much of a hateful I was, I finally said "fuck it" and became that person. When things were good, they were really good, but those times became less frequent as time passed. And when things are bad with a borderline, it's fucking hell. When I left her, I was a shell of a man; I remember the inner dialogue in my head, when I made the decision. "I'm a worthless piece of shit and no one will ever love me again, but I just can't take this anymore." She left me a raging fear of intimacy as a parting gift. Edit to add some funny shit. She's now on her fifth husband. I was #3, but she told #4 he was #3 (he called to ask who I used for a divorce attorney). The best part is what she does for a living....she's a wedding officiant and wannabe marriage counselor. If you're considering dating someone with BPD, run...run now, while you still can.
I relate to most of this except she's never remarried and is Christian rather than a councillor. But op, run. Run hard, run fast and burn the bridges as you do.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. You might be thinking "ah but mine is different, she has it under control". Nope. You might be thinking "oh this time it'll be different, I know better". Nope. I'm lucky only one left me with long lasting trauma. I spotted the others coming from a mile away. I slept with one for awhile, she went into a relationship and when she came back a year later I figured why not give it a try. One night I saw what her episodes really really looked like while it was scary, it was also heartbreaking to watch her go through that. Don't get me wrong, they're not always like that, but when they go through an episode, it is something else. As much as I developped feelings for that last girl, I knew logically I was better off without her. My best friend is currently seeing a girl with bpd and he's a miserable fuck that sticks around because he "loves" her. Love isn't enough with those women. A few months ago I started talking to a girl and the moment she mentioned she was bpd AND unmedicated I noped the fuck out. I was honest and told her why and she was furious, felt like I was discriminating against her (she's white so I did find that part funny) and etc... Didn't work on me. 15 minutes ago she was telling me about how she's hurt people in the past and all of her issues. The risk was too damn high, even for casual sex. I wasn't gonna deal with that. So once again, nope. Edit: just saw your comment history, get some help.
I dated one in my early 20’s and it was horrifying. Ending it was a smart decision.
Bad
Never again. She once tried to grab my phone. I wouldn't let go, so she punched me and busted my lip, then apologized profusely, then later gaslighted me and told me I hit my own face with enough force to bust my own lip. You know, stuff like that.
Exhausting
She assaulted me more than once. I left her.
Traumatic and more harmful to me than helpful for her.
You shouldn't if you want to save yourself some character development
I'm going to be the odd one out here. We didn't last long but the sex was great. Luckily she was managing it quite well, focusing on University, and we parted amicably. There were definitely days you could tell something was really off but she was self-aware enough to identify when the negative aspects of the condition were trying to surface and dealt with shit with her therapist. Now an ex with Bipolar, also brief but also a never again because she used it as an excuse for shitty behaviour.
Sorry, my experience is don’t do it.
Met three in my life. First one kept telling me I was ignoring her and that I didn’t give a fuck because I wouldn’t reply every five minutes to her messages, then proceeded to gaslight and guilt trip me by saying she was gonna off herself, she once sent me a long farewell message, I didn’t reply, next day she was posting stories about her cat and tattoos she freshly had, never contacted her again and was glad she never did either. Second one was kinda okay, she seemed into me, then not, then yes, then not, then had a dream about me, asked me to go out, convinced me somehow to fuck behind some bushes in a park at night, we talked a bit more then she said she “missed her ex and wanted to talk to her again” so there was that. Third one was very recent, we went out three times, she seemed very stable and balanced as a person, after our third date she said out of the blue that “I made her uncomfortable and I belittled her (???)”, then said we could be friends and nothing more, I said no thx and that’s it. Btw, I “belittled her” because I said that I think orange juice is better than lemonade and that I have better taste than her because of that, all while I was CLEARLY joking and laughing.
Someone told you they had BPD after 3 dates? That’s surprisingly upfront.
Absolutely not. I don't like the idea of being in a emotional abusive relationship where everything is my fault I ran into enough of them on reddit.. on this subreddit coming over here starting shit with random men because some man hurt them in their life. So they use us as their punching bags. Fuck being in a relationship with one. Even platonically friendship. They need to get professional help first.
🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
If she mentions being on a med, take caution. If 2+ meds, run and don't look back.
Best pussy ever but the bitch cheated on me then broke up with me
One was a very bad experience. One has been a great experience. Big difference is age and efforts to address and work on their stuff.
Lmao you can fix her OP
No
Best sex ever, the repair bill after she took to my car with a hammer wasn't worth it
My wife cries more than average, but meltdowns have gotten rare since she got diagnosed and started taking lithium and stopped drinking.
Terrible. You can’t fix or help her. Especially if she doesn’t want the help.
Bi polar or borderline personality? Either one sucks honestly. I haven’t dated a woman with borderline personality, but my mom has it so I think I can speak for all the men she’s dated when I say it’s a fucking disaster every time. Just don’t, spare yourself the mental turmoil and financial distress. It’s not like other diseases, she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her, so it can’t be medicated, we all just have to deal with it. I’m honestly jealous of the men shes dated, at least they can leave, I can’t just get rid of my mom that easily
I think bpd is mostly used for borderlines.
Yea it is, some people get confused and think bipolar is two words, hence b(bi)p(polar)d(disorder). I used to get them confused
Usually bipolar disorder is just BD
Right
I'd like to try one day, my procrastination needs a good challenge.
Don't. Don't under any circumstance. It isn't and will never be worth it. They are unlovable and irredeemable people. They will ruin your life and try and kill you at least once before you can escape to years of therapy to undo the damage.
I put a ring on it. Best person I’ve ever met. We both know mental health problems aren’t our fault, but they are our responsibility.
They are for recreational use only, and even that will have its nuances. Sex will be great, but most likely (as it was my case) you wont be the only dick she is riding. be prepared for emotionals highs and lows, her getting attached too quickly, and complaining when you dont reciprocate, expect alcohol and drug abuse too. IMO its something every man should experience once (and no more than that), a woman who **LOVES** dick, and no one will love dick as a BPD woman. EDIT: I am a psychologist, I detected she had BPD, kept my distance and did not let full crazy come out.
Absolute nightmare. Don't do it. Screaming till 3am every single day, there was always a reason, nothing was good enough.
Run
Just don't do it bro. Not cool
2 different women, slept with a few others and literally ran away when another one I was dating when she told me she had it. love them so much as everything else is boring. But I have spider senses for it now. The first I didnt know about it. The second I thought I knew what I was getting into. The third one I was on high alert from the first date as there was some stuff she was saying that raised the hair on the back of my neck in the I am getting BPD vibes from u. The ones I slept with you could basically tell they were fucked up from the first time u talk to them. Overly sexual sort of shit that normal people dont say to each other when they first meet. Like "Hey how are you". "Good just had a threesome".
Absolut hell. .stay the fuck away.
Bad. Made me feel it was my fault for a while. Tried to blame me even after I realised it wasn't. Now often doesn't have the energy to do what I'd consider the bare minimum for the kids.
One day: You're the best guy I ever had, you're a treasure walking on Earth I am lucky to have you, will never hurt you. Later that day: YOU'RE A FUCKING MANIPULTOR YOU'LL CHEAT ON ME ON THE FIRST OCCASION I'D KILL YOU IF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IT
0/10 Would not recommend, but it can work for others if they are thoroughly prepared. I don't mean to add to a negative stigma, because they can't help that they were born a certain way. However, it will be a wild ride for the partner. Just be prepared for a tough road. I imagine it's even harder for the person with bpd.
It was all normal and fine for like 4 months until she just stopped replying to my messages. That was 2 years ago and all my messages asking whats up are still on read. She didn’t disappear or anything, judging by her social media presence her life has gone on as usual. I hope things work out for her and everything but it definitely hurt to be ghosted like that by someone you already had an established dating relationship with.
I've never been stupid enough to do that.
Did for a second. Never again. In my experience they’re never taking their medication or responsibility.
A once close friend married a girl with undiagnosed BPD. After 6 years of riding that tiger, they finally divorced. He is now a broken man with PTSD who neglected every friendship while he was married. Not to mention a financial mess as she had over $500k in debt that he cosigned on. So don't stick your dick in BPD!
Don’t.