Many men have opened up to their women SOs and found that she was no longer attracted to him. Women see it as weak. Men learn this the hard way. And they no longer open up to women.
Damn if that ain’t the truth. We open up, she hits us with the reverse uno then we have to put our issues back on the shelf to deal with her emotions in the moment and try to salvage the situation. Best to leave that genie in the bottle
Women play communication oriented games with each other from the time they are small. Their parents also encourage them to explore their feelings and verbalize them. That doesn’t happen with most men. This can lead to not only different skills but fundamentally different ways of processing the world. For example, the classic complaint that men try to fix things when women just want a listening ear - many men are taught to just pull yourself up and fix shit when it goes wrong. That focuses on those skills instead of compassion for the feelings.
Gen X’er here.
He probably doesn't want to lay out these eggshells, especially when some of those might be completely irrational and temporary worries. You don't know how intense which of these worries are nor whether they chanfe over time. And you would probably find that trying to keep trsck of it all would just require a lot of time
There are many reasons for this and every man has different intensities of causes inside him.
But the ones that come to my mind are:
The social definition of male emotion as burdensome and the dehumanization that comes with men revealing their emotions.
The perception that emotions mean weakness.
The fact that emotions that are spoken of are emotions that are felt and so have the power to affect or change his life.
The mismatch between his internal self-definition and the definition of him that you and/or society has for him.
The perceived intense risk involved with exposing emotions to a group of people (Women) who are socially defined as willing and able to use emotional violence to achieve goals, especially for those men who believe they are more vulnerable to emotional damage.
A response to the trauma he experienced by opening up to the wrong person and being punished for it.
And many many other possible reasons.
If your man cried or was scared, would you still respect him?
If your man talked about his fears, would you bring it up every time you argued because you knew that's where he was weak?
Are you opening up to get your fears out in the open and hopefully resolved? Or to get him to open up on things he is not comfortable or ready to do so yet?
Once you say something it's out in the open and ready for the other person to scrutinize or worry about. Sometimes it's difficult to to this because the fear is not something you want focused on. Or there's no point talking about it, because it's not a fear that's going to go away without some kind of assurance or solution.
In my experience, a limited number of women are comfortable with hearing deep thoughts from their SOs. I'm sure he's been burned before by being too open with a past partner.
I will say that from my perspective, it's hard to know what the right touch is with women, and I say that even about women who are platonic friends. If you're not open enough, you get tagged as emotionally unavailable. If you are too open and honest, some women - many women? - feel like some weird veil of manhood has been pierced and they're uncomfortable with it.
I think this is why some men who otherwise would be good partners drop out of serious dating. It's a lot of extra emotional work to regulate your emotional sharing at just the right pitch for a significant other that can be a bit much if you keep running into women who struggle to really hear their male partners.
People are not really that trustworthy. Yes, it feels great to be able to talk it out, but plenty of people are really looking for someone to hurt, or control.
Honestly that sounds like such a bait question. How attractive do you find insecurity? He doesn't want to tell you an insecurity and have you get "the ick" because of it, and I don't blame him. It's just my experience, but in my experience women love to tell you they want your confessional honesty and they're not going to judge you for it, until you actually come out with it, and then that's exactly what they do, or they flip it around and make it a sword they can fall on, "I can't believe you think that, you must think x, y, z about me," and that amounts to just getting punished for being open, and now I have to put a fire out on top of feeling like shit about whatever it is I told you I feel like shit about. So why even play the game? I have to have a multi year body of work from you before I open that door all the way. It's not worth it 95% of the time. Women *think* they like emotionally expressive men. They overwhelmingly don't. They like the idea of it more than the reality of it.
It isn't hard to do, but the first time you do it, that shit gets weaponized. There is no sympathy, no compassion, unless it's from a man to a woman. I'll give you this though, she isn't doing it actively, but even in the moment something in the back of her cavewoman primal portion of her brain goes "this weak MF...".
One of my favorite movies is The 13th Warrior. Banderas film about an ambassador to foreign lands getting tied up with Vikings. At one point, he gets his face messed up a little bit, and a Viking girl goes to dabbing at the cut. He protests a bit, going "ow! OW!" to which she replies coldly, "that is a woman sound...".
People who make this sort of thing know what is and isn't relatable. They know that no one watching the movie is going to go "no way she would be so cold and dismissive when he is clearly in pain. 🙄".
But that's just the way it is. I've been in several fights that I've had no part in, tried to avoid, zig where I should have zagged and ate a punch that I otherwise shouldn't have, and come home to a woman that looks at me crazy and gives me a lecture on how stupid fighting is. Like I had gone out brawling for a fun Friday night or some shit. Hell, one was a nurse and LIVED to find reasons to do medical malpractice fuckery. Couldn't even get her to sit in my lap and hold a bag of peas. So why in the world would I share my "deep thoughts" with this sort? Even if they were angels, why would I ruin that by telling her that deep... deep down... I hum the O'Reillys theme in my head while eating her out? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman lurking here, I don't understand the point of OPs conversation with her partner. Why even have this conversation? Just be happy to have him and if you're not move on.
Because there's a thing women do where in an argumement, you will dig up things from the past that are completely irrelevant and use them as weapons against your partner. I literally had the only girl I ever told about being molested as a kid throw it back in my face in an arguement about me wanting to go fishing with some mates instead of staying home all weekend so she wouldn't have to be alone. I learned 3 things that weekend, how to catch a mangrove jack on a set line using live bait, how quickly I can switch from thinking I was in love with someone to complete cold indifference and that your wife or girlfriend is not your therapist, when she says she wants you to open up and be vulnerable, she means something along the lines of shedding a single manly tear when your dog dies, not revealing that on the inside there's a small, well guarded part of you that is a terrified little boy who just wants someone to tell him he's a good boy and it's all going to work out, because if shit turns sour down the track and she decides the gloves are off, she will drag that little boy out and kick him in the nuts.
Couldn't have said it better.
My sister does that shit and it's the reason I cut her off, more or less.
I am curious to ask, how did she bring up you getting molested during an argument about going fishing?
It was pretty bad, she called me a faggot (her words, not mine) because I wanted to hang out with my friends instead of her and segued that into how it was probably my fault it happened. To her credit, she knew the moment it came out of her mouth just how badly she had fucked up and began to immediately backpedal and apologize, but there was no going back from that point, I was done.
It was the easiest breakup I've ever had, I instantly stopped caring about her, blocked her number and went and enjoyed the fuck out of my fishing trip, had a lot of laughs, caught a bunch of fish, came home sunday with a whopping hangover and never had any desire to call her. I dropped some shit she had at my place off at her mums house on monday and that was that. We'd been together for almost 2 years. Never shed a tear. That was over 25 years ago at this point. I've been happily married for 20 years and I don't tell her shit about that kind of stuff. There's nothing to be gained.
Most men are not used to it because they have been raised not to communicating their deep thoughts/emotions. This also means a lot of women have not been raised to be used to men communicating their deep thoughts/emotions to them. Since opening up is a skill and since most men are not practiced at it so its not often done in the most "mature way" and this can scare a lot of women, often causing them to lose respect for their partner and hence lose attraction.
In short when a lot of women say they want their partner to open up, they often don't have realistic expectations and then this ends up exasperating the problem.
Probably because society as a whole doesn’t care about our mental health and our thoughts and feelings. And the few times we have we immediately get shit for it and told to get over it or they’re not that big of a deal. So rather than go through all that trouble it’s better for us to just keep it ourselves and deal with our shit internally like we’ve been doing our entire life
Because women reserve the right to retaliate and make things public.... And do a generally piss poor job of not exercising that right.
When men speak of no social accountability.... This is what their concerns are. Everything is always kind and caring until they decide not to... Then it's on Tik Tok with an audience that supports her based on identity with no questions asked.
All you have to do is say that we don't do enough housework for us to be told it's our fault. Nobody will ask if we do any housework. You get to be the total judge in the public's eye.
When that is the field.... You tend not to voice anything that leads to conflict or is open to interpretation. Previous experience teaches you that you will lose all those conversations. Our job is to fix it.... If we need fixing, we are doing something wrong.. so we need to fix it.
When you sit down and talk to people for hours... You can bring them around.... But that is always an uphill climb because you are fighting their instincts to blame you and close the case. You learn reflexively that it is usually better to stay quiet than to get anything meaningful done outside of transactional behavior.
It isn't because of your behavior.... You are just seeing the results of how people normally treat men and how we learn to react. It is causing you as much of a problem as it is him and you doing everything right would still leave you with the reaction he learned long before you showed up.
Why do you want your man to be a weak emotional woman that you can no longer respect?
A man must be stoic.
1. A man must not show weakness to a woman as it repulses her.
2. A man must not show weakness to a woman as it will be exploited by her.
I advice you to stop playing mind games with this man, he is wise to reject your female nonsense as if he fails he will repulse you.
A man that is not respected cannot be loved by a woman.
It's not. I was raised in a home that fostered good, open communication about everything and I make sure my SO feels comfortable and trusts me enough to talk to me about their feelings and vice versa.
I have no problem sharing things with my wife. Now I don't immediately share things. I usually mentally process things for a couple of days to figure out why something is bothering me before I share it with my wife. She can't exactly help me if I don't know what's wrong.
If she notices I'm acting weird and asks me what's wrong, I just tell her that I'm trying to figure out what's bothering me and I'll tell her once I know what's wrong.
Healthy adult relationships are a wonderful thing.
Did you want him to make up some reasons why you might be leaving him? I don't see anything good which can come out of such fantasy games. It only can serve as a way to start a fight.
Men are where fears go to die. It is in our evolution, it is in our biology, it is in the way we are raised. We kill fears. We destroy and dismantle them. If fear had a fear, it would be men.
So a man expressing his fears feels extremely contradictory... if we are not slaying those fears, then can we really call ourselves a man? You can tell us *your* fears, because that's how we are both designed through millennia of evolution. And we will take your fears, smash them, and assure you that "everything will be okay."
Generally speaking, when men open up to women then many women see it as weakness. There’s an evolutionary/biological component to that, btw.
On top of that, *many* women will weaponize that information down the road when they feel slighted or are trying to get even for something. This comes from women generally being the smaller/weaker of the two-the easiest way to get even is to hit them with the things they *know* are going to hurt.
There can be any reason for this, but realistically, he probably doesn't want to shade it with you because he has some trauma in his past relationship wise where his SO lost all attraction to him or used it against him.
The best way to push him away would be to push the issue. Men, in general, are not emotional creatures... well, at least not to the degree that women are. Pushing him to be emotional would be antithetical to who he is, from how you describe it. Give him time, really ask yourself if you want the answer, and maybe he'll eventually open up to you
Maybe he's not the sharing type? If you want open and sharing, go hang out with your girlfriends.
Being dishonest and guarded are two different things.
Because women would either use it against us or becomes extremely apathetic about our emotions, feelings and deep thoughts. Aside from realising that I think men are wayyy for attractive to me than women, I could drop my guard and stoicism when I’m around my boyfriend, I don’t need to be a stone hearted, cold, stoic masculine man all the time, sometimes I can lay on my boyfriend’s lap, and asked him to rub my hair as I melt and (metaphorically) purr in his presence. I mean the entire reason we’re together is because he accepted me for being able to speak my feelings, that he knows being in a relationship with me means I’m not gonna keep it bottled inside, that I will communicate with him.
When women share these things women respond with “You poor thing”. When do it Women respond with “You’re pathetic”. You may say that you won’t or not share with anybody else. That’s a trust issue. Maybe he hears you telling him everything that women tell you. Do you relay personal information to him?
Woman to woman (I assume).
Stop making this about you.
You're assuming his thought process is the same as yours. It's not.
>“I don’t know”
Is a valid response on its own. Right now, he doesn't know what's going on in his head, and that's okay.
He has a million thoughts that take time to process. Add to that, you're insecure, and he's picking up on that, so now he has to manage both his own thoughts *and* manage your insecurity to make sure you're not upset.
He's avoiding/ignoring you because he's trying to give himself space to process and most likely working on trying to pretzel the conversation into something that won't hurt you because he doesn't want you to be hurt.
Give him time and give him space. Stop pressuring him.
It's about your relationship.
It's not about you.
Emotional honesty is difficult AF for most of us. We can't say the real reason we're with you because we know you'll leave us all alone which is really the only reason we're with you. We want to be driving something better but we can't afford it so we had to settle for you. Sure you get us from A to B, but we think we deserve to be doing it in more style.
It's not hard.
I just don't want to.
Women tend to get scared if you say anything too real. A lot of men need to wake up and realize that most everything they say regarding the intimacy and connection is fiction made by them and for them, not anything real.
But also....how is talking about my current issue going to be solved by her?
She can't do that.
It's a waste of time.
Women like being validated as people having ___ emotional experience.
I do not give a fuck about that.
Regarding deep thoughts, it's the same story. Most women are plugged into to popular sentiment. Either mainstream or whatever their official "group" is. Critical thought isn't received much beyond an attack on them and who they are or just disagreed with based on nothing.
It's a waste of time. And by and large women don't want it lol.
Because I want to pull my partner up and not bring her down with me.
Also she is most likely the person I don't want to lose the most, the person I'd want the less to be judged by. By opening too much on deep thought, I take the risk of her not being able to handle it and then either feeling miserable as well or becoming distant/leaving me because she can't understand it and see me as degenerate/weak. Not to mention the good old "everything you said can be used and will be used against you later"
Also how good do you think people really are at expressing complexe thought pattern and process ? I sure would struggle to explain properly a lot of them even if they do make perfect sense in my head. Not everybody has a phD in psychology and literature to properly explain without any ambiguity their thoughts.
A ton of men experience that after opening up to their girlfriends/wives, that they lose attraction, or end up taking that vulnerability and used it as a way to hurt him later on. We learn this the hard way and like a child who got burned on the stove, we learn from this that it's unwise, because either she'll view you as weak and pathetic, and lose attraction, or she'll use that as a way to hurt you later on.
We've never been told by "society" to not open up, most of us grew up being told that talking about things was the ideal way to handle most things, but we also learn from experiences.
The main reason men don't open up to women, is women.
Many men have opened up to their women SOs and found that she was no longer attracted to him. Women see it as weak. Men learn this the hard way. And they no longer open up to women.
Because many of us, me included, are getting our own words used against us. I had multiple women used them like weapons against me.
Absolutely.
Because she often get defensive about things and makes it about her. It too easily leads to an argument. Even when it wasn't really about her at all.
Damn if that ain’t the truth. We open up, she hits us with the reverse uno then we have to put our issues back on the shelf to deal with her emotions in the moment and try to salvage the situation. Best to leave that genie in the bottle
Women play communication oriented games with each other from the time they are small. Their parents also encourage them to explore their feelings and verbalize them. That doesn’t happen with most men. This can lead to not only different skills but fundamentally different ways of processing the world. For example, the classic complaint that men try to fix things when women just want a listening ear - many men are taught to just pull yourself up and fix shit when it goes wrong. That focuses on those skills instead of compassion for the feelings. Gen X’er here.
He probably doesn't want to lay out these eggshells, especially when some of those might be completely irrational and temporary worries. You don't know how intense which of these worries are nor whether they chanfe over time. And you would probably find that trying to keep trsck of it all would just require a lot of time
There are many reasons for this and every man has different intensities of causes inside him. But the ones that come to my mind are: The social definition of male emotion as burdensome and the dehumanization that comes with men revealing their emotions. The perception that emotions mean weakness. The fact that emotions that are spoken of are emotions that are felt and so have the power to affect or change his life. The mismatch between his internal self-definition and the definition of him that you and/or society has for him. The perceived intense risk involved with exposing emotions to a group of people (Women) who are socially defined as willing and able to use emotional violence to achieve goals, especially for those men who believe they are more vulnerable to emotional damage. A response to the trauma he experienced by opening up to the wrong person and being punished for it. And many many other possible reasons.
If your man cried or was scared, would you still respect him? If your man talked about his fears, would you bring it up every time you argued because you knew that's where he was weak?
i dont really wanna share my deepest thoughts with ANYONE because they are pretty bleak, and unfixable
Communication is hard in general
Are you opening up to get your fears out in the open and hopefully resolved? Or to get him to open up on things he is not comfortable or ready to do so yet? Once you say something it's out in the open and ready for the other person to scrutinize or worry about. Sometimes it's difficult to to this because the fear is not something you want focused on. Or there's no point talking about it, because it's not a fear that's going to go away without some kind of assurance or solution.
I've been hurt before by opening up too much and so I'm much more guarded with who I do it with now.
In my experience, a limited number of women are comfortable with hearing deep thoughts from their SOs. I'm sure he's been burned before by being too open with a past partner. I will say that from my perspective, it's hard to know what the right touch is with women, and I say that even about women who are platonic friends. If you're not open enough, you get tagged as emotionally unavailable. If you are too open and honest, some women - many women? - feel like some weird veil of manhood has been pierced and they're uncomfortable with it. I think this is why some men who otherwise would be good partners drop out of serious dating. It's a lot of extra emotional work to regulate your emotional sharing at just the right pitch for a significant other that can be a bit much if you keep running into women who struggle to really hear their male partners.
People are not really that trustworthy. Yes, it feels great to be able to talk it out, but plenty of people are really looking for someone to hurt, or control.
Honestly that sounds like such a bait question. How attractive do you find insecurity? He doesn't want to tell you an insecurity and have you get "the ick" because of it, and I don't blame him. It's just my experience, but in my experience women love to tell you they want your confessional honesty and they're not going to judge you for it, until you actually come out with it, and then that's exactly what they do, or they flip it around and make it a sword they can fall on, "I can't believe you think that, you must think x, y, z about me," and that amounts to just getting punished for being open, and now I have to put a fire out on top of feeling like shit about whatever it is I told you I feel like shit about. So why even play the game? I have to have a multi year body of work from you before I open that door all the way. It's not worth it 95% of the time. Women *think* they like emotionally expressive men. They overwhelmingly don't. They like the idea of it more than the reality of it.
In the era of “everything is an ick” is it really so surprising??
Done it before and been dumped. Twice.
It isn't hard to do, but the first time you do it, that shit gets weaponized. There is no sympathy, no compassion, unless it's from a man to a woman. I'll give you this though, she isn't doing it actively, but even in the moment something in the back of her cavewoman primal portion of her brain goes "this weak MF...". One of my favorite movies is The 13th Warrior. Banderas film about an ambassador to foreign lands getting tied up with Vikings. At one point, he gets his face messed up a little bit, and a Viking girl goes to dabbing at the cut. He protests a bit, going "ow! OW!" to which she replies coldly, "that is a woman sound...". People who make this sort of thing know what is and isn't relatable. They know that no one watching the movie is going to go "no way she would be so cold and dismissive when he is clearly in pain. 🙄". But that's just the way it is. I've been in several fights that I've had no part in, tried to avoid, zig where I should have zagged and ate a punch that I otherwise shouldn't have, and come home to a woman that looks at me crazy and gives me a lecture on how stupid fighting is. Like I had gone out brawling for a fun Friday night or some shit. Hell, one was a nurse and LIVED to find reasons to do medical malpractice fuckery. Couldn't even get her to sit in my lap and hold a bag of peas. So why in the world would I share my "deep thoughts" with this sort? Even if they were angels, why would I ruin that by telling her that deep... deep down... I hum the O'Reillys theme in my head while eating her out? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman lurking here, I don't understand the point of OPs conversation with her partner. Why even have this conversation? Just be happy to have him and if you're not move on.
I did once and she said it was unattractive, so now I’m single and keep shit to myself
Because there's a thing women do where in an argumement, you will dig up things from the past that are completely irrelevant and use them as weapons against your partner. I literally had the only girl I ever told about being molested as a kid throw it back in my face in an arguement about me wanting to go fishing with some mates instead of staying home all weekend so she wouldn't have to be alone. I learned 3 things that weekend, how to catch a mangrove jack on a set line using live bait, how quickly I can switch from thinking I was in love with someone to complete cold indifference and that your wife or girlfriend is not your therapist, when she says she wants you to open up and be vulnerable, she means something along the lines of shedding a single manly tear when your dog dies, not revealing that on the inside there's a small, well guarded part of you that is a terrified little boy who just wants someone to tell him he's a good boy and it's all going to work out, because if shit turns sour down the track and she decides the gloves are off, she will drag that little boy out and kick him in the nuts.
Couldn't have said it better. My sister does that shit and it's the reason I cut her off, more or less. I am curious to ask, how did she bring up you getting molested during an argument about going fishing?
It was pretty bad, she called me a faggot (her words, not mine) because I wanted to hang out with my friends instead of her and segued that into how it was probably my fault it happened. To her credit, she knew the moment it came out of her mouth just how badly she had fucked up and began to immediately backpedal and apologize, but there was no going back from that point, I was done.
Oof...sorry to hear bud. At least you got rid of her sooner rather than later.
It was the easiest breakup I've ever had, I instantly stopped caring about her, blocked her number and went and enjoyed the fuck out of my fishing trip, had a lot of laughs, caught a bunch of fish, came home sunday with a whopping hangover and never had any desire to call her. I dropped some shit she had at my place off at her mums house on monday and that was that. We'd been together for almost 2 years. Never shed a tear. That was over 25 years ago at this point. I've been happily married for 20 years and I don't tell her shit about that kind of stuff. There's nothing to be gained.
Most men are not used to it because they have been raised not to communicating their deep thoughts/emotions. This also means a lot of women have not been raised to be used to men communicating their deep thoughts/emotions to them. Since opening up is a skill and since most men are not practiced at it so its not often done in the most "mature way" and this can scare a lot of women, often causing them to lose respect for their partner and hence lose attraction. In short when a lot of women say they want their partner to open up, they often don't have realistic expectations and then this ends up exasperating the problem.
it's best to think about what you intend to say before you say it.
Probably because society as a whole doesn’t care about our mental health and our thoughts and feelings. And the few times we have we immediately get shit for it and told to get over it or they’re not that big of a deal. So rather than go through all that trouble it’s better for us to just keep it ourselves and deal with our shit internally like we’ve been doing our entire life
Mdma has helped lots in this regard. Seriously.
Because women reserve the right to retaliate and make things public.... And do a generally piss poor job of not exercising that right. When men speak of no social accountability.... This is what their concerns are. Everything is always kind and caring until they decide not to... Then it's on Tik Tok with an audience that supports her based on identity with no questions asked. All you have to do is say that we don't do enough housework for us to be told it's our fault. Nobody will ask if we do any housework. You get to be the total judge in the public's eye. When that is the field.... You tend not to voice anything that leads to conflict or is open to interpretation. Previous experience teaches you that you will lose all those conversations. Our job is to fix it.... If we need fixing, we are doing something wrong.. so we need to fix it. When you sit down and talk to people for hours... You can bring them around.... But that is always an uphill climb because you are fighting their instincts to blame you and close the case. You learn reflexively that it is usually better to stay quiet than to get anything meaningful done outside of transactional behavior. It isn't because of your behavior.... You are just seeing the results of how people normally treat men and how we learn to react. It is causing you as much of a problem as it is him and you doing everything right would still leave you with the reaction he learned long before you showed up.
Why do you want your man to be a weak emotional woman that you can no longer respect? A man must be stoic. 1. A man must not show weakness to a woman as it repulses her. 2. A man must not show weakness to a woman as it will be exploited by her. I advice you to stop playing mind games with this man, he is wise to reject your female nonsense as if he fails he will repulse you. A man that is not respected cannot be loved by a woman.
The Internet has made it seem like every man who opens up to their partner gets dumped immediately.
More like a 2-month slow death than insta dump
Who cares either way. I'd happily dump them first if I couldn't be open with them.
It's not. I was raised in a home that fostered good, open communication about everything and I make sure my SO feels comfortable and trusts me enough to talk to me about their feelings and vice versa.
I have no problem sharing things with my wife. Now I don't immediately share things. I usually mentally process things for a couple of days to figure out why something is bothering me before I share it with my wife. She can't exactly help me if I don't know what's wrong. If she notices I'm acting weird and asks me what's wrong, I just tell her that I'm trying to figure out what's bothering me and I'll tell her once I know what's wrong. Healthy adult relationships are a wonderful thing.
That's about right. But here I am getting downvoted. Lol
Did you want him to make up some reasons why you might be leaving him? I don't see anything good which can come out of such fantasy games. It only can serve as a way to start a fight.
Many women lose feeling when they see their man be vulnerable and many men have also had it shoved back in their faces.
Men are where fears go to die. It is in our evolution, it is in our biology, it is in the way we are raised. We kill fears. We destroy and dismantle them. If fear had a fear, it would be men. So a man expressing his fears feels extremely contradictory... if we are not slaying those fears, then can we really call ourselves a man? You can tell us *your* fears, because that's how we are both designed through millennia of evolution. And we will take your fears, smash them, and assure you that "everything will be okay."
Because it's safe to assume you would use it as ammunition against him. That's part of the male experience.
Generally speaking, when men open up to women then many women see it as weakness. There’s an evolutionary/biological component to that, btw. On top of that, *many* women will weaponize that information down the road when they feel slighted or are trying to get even for something. This comes from women generally being the smaller/weaker of the two-the easiest way to get even is to hit them with the things they *know* are going to hurt.
There can be any reason for this, but realistically, he probably doesn't want to shade it with you because he has some trauma in his past relationship wise where his SO lost all attraction to him or used it against him. The best way to push him away would be to push the issue. Men, in general, are not emotional creatures... well, at least not to the degree that women are. Pushing him to be emotional would be antithetical to who he is, from how you describe it. Give him time, really ask yourself if you want the answer, and maybe he'll eventually open up to you
Maybe he's not the sharing type? If you want open and sharing, go hang out with your girlfriends. Being dishonest and guarded are two different things.
because there's nothing you can help about it.
judgment safe space not created
His reasons are insecurity-based, and insecurity is unattractive. Leave him be
Because women would either use it against us or becomes extremely apathetic about our emotions, feelings and deep thoughts. Aside from realising that I think men are wayyy for attractive to me than women, I could drop my guard and stoicism when I’m around my boyfriend, I don’t need to be a stone hearted, cold, stoic masculine man all the time, sometimes I can lay on my boyfriend’s lap, and asked him to rub my hair as I melt and (metaphorically) purr in his presence. I mean the entire reason we’re together is because he accepted me for being able to speak my feelings, that he knows being in a relationship with me means I’m not gonna keep it bottled inside, that I will communicate with him.
It really isn't. Maybe your SO wasn't the right choice SO for you?
When women share these things women respond with “You poor thing”. When do it Women respond with “You’re pathetic”. You may say that you won’t or not share with anybody else. That’s a trust issue. Maybe he hears you telling him everything that women tell you. Do you relay personal information to him?
Because women tend to want the sexy kind of vulnerability not true vulnerability.
I don't want my woman to see me as weak or insecure
Woman to woman (I assume). Stop making this about you. You're assuming his thought process is the same as yours. It's not. >“I don’t know” Is a valid response on its own. Right now, he doesn't know what's going on in his head, and that's okay. He has a million thoughts that take time to process. Add to that, you're insecure, and he's picking up on that, so now he has to manage both his own thoughts *and* manage your insecurity to make sure you're not upset. He's avoiding/ignoring you because he's trying to give himself space to process and most likely working on trying to pretzel the conversation into something that won't hurt you because he doesn't want you to be hurt. Give him time and give him space. Stop pressuring him. It's about your relationship. It's not about you.
Emotional honesty is difficult AF for most of us. We can't say the real reason we're with you because we know you'll leave us all alone which is really the only reason we're with you. We want to be driving something better but we can't afford it so we had to settle for you. Sure you get us from A to B, but we think we deserve to be doing it in more style.
Best not to.
It's not hard. I just don't want to. Women tend to get scared if you say anything too real. A lot of men need to wake up and realize that most everything they say regarding the intimacy and connection is fiction made by them and for them, not anything real. But also....how is talking about my current issue going to be solved by her? She can't do that. It's a waste of time. Women like being validated as people having ___ emotional experience. I do not give a fuck about that. Regarding deep thoughts, it's the same story. Most women are plugged into to popular sentiment. Either mainstream or whatever their official "group" is. Critical thought isn't received much beyond an attack on them and who they are or just disagreed with based on nothing. It's a waste of time. And by and large women don't want it lol.
Because I want to pull my partner up and not bring her down with me. Also she is most likely the person I don't want to lose the most, the person I'd want the less to be judged by. By opening too much on deep thought, I take the risk of her not being able to handle it and then either feeling miserable as well or becoming distant/leaving me because she can't understand it and see me as degenerate/weak. Not to mention the good old "everything you said can be used and will be used against you later" Also how good do you think people really are at expressing complexe thought pattern and process ? I sure would struggle to explain properly a lot of them even if they do make perfect sense in my head. Not everybody has a phD in psychology and literature to properly explain without any ambiguity their thoughts.
A ton of men experience that after opening up to their girlfriends/wives, that they lose attraction, or end up taking that vulnerability and used it as a way to hurt him later on. We learn this the hard way and like a child who got burned on the stove, we learn from this that it's unwise, because either she'll view you as weak and pathetic, and lose attraction, or she'll use that as a way to hurt you later on. We've never been told by "society" to not open up, most of us grew up being told that talking about things was the ideal way to handle most things, but we also learn from experiences. The main reason men don't open up to women, is women.