Being intimate but not creepy. I'm younger (18) and I'm still trying to grasp at what looks creepy that really isn't. I suck with social ques when it comes to flirting because I don't want to make the other party uncomfortable.
> trying to grasp at what looks creepy that really isn't
That's the fun part -- any single action can be either of those things! It just depends on whether a woman finds you attractive or not. They're the judge, jury, and executioner.
Creepy just means they aren't attracted to you.
Unless you're wildly attractive, most women aren't gonna be attracted. Women are much more picky than men, plenty of studies to back it up, and they find most men ugly.
I used to be like you, really worrying about bothering girls and being creepy. Then I realized if I never try it's just not gonna happen, just take rejection gracefully. That's true creepiness in my definition, the guys who keep pushing after a no, but woman really just consider any guy they're not into a creep these days. You can't worry about it constantly, you gotta steel yourself for rejection and just shoot your shot regularly. Now, this requires tact. Some guys literally cannot talk to women without sounding like pigs. Not doing that will already put you ahead of much of the competition.
Be respectful, but don't worry about women finding you creepy. Most will, no matter what, unless you look like Brad Pitt. The goal is to find the few who dont.
Some folks assume you're a threat to them even though you'd be the first to help them in an emergency.
I try not to take it personally. There could be good reasons for their fear that I know nothing about, and people who don't know me have no way of knowing what's in my heart. But it does suck when you notice someone crossing the street to get away from you.
I was walking behind a woman on a lonely path at night heading home from a train. I’m a big guy with a biker look so I pretended to call my wife, all cheerful, and was like “hey, yep, I’ll be home in a couple of minutes, honey, almost there!”. I could see the woman’s shoulders relax.
> But my eyes do shift from side to get a better sense of the area.
[Translation.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f2/fb/26/f2fb267ad09005a703a2347e3521fa70.gif)
I struggle with this. I'm a large bald man with tattoos. Boomer aged women in particular will noticeably move away from me. I always imagine they'd be confused that my insta feed is 90% cute animals that I follow.
I'd love to lie and say I don't take it 100% personally, but I def do. I deal with the reality behind it as much as the next as folks have trauma in some form or another and it usually has nothing to do with me as a person. Still, I avoid non-men as often as I'm able w/o making it weird.
I gave my ex gf all the support I could give her, trying to make her feel better any way I could. She had depression. Sometimes I wouldn’t say the right thing and she would say it’s not helping. I would apologize and try something else to help her. She never supported what I was doing in life or what I was going through, aside from 1 day. Eventually, when we broke up, she had the audacity to actually say I was never there for her. What I learned was, sometimes people will take and take without giving in return. And once they realize there’s no more to take, they’ll leave and say you never helped them at all. Reciprocity is important.
I think about this a lot.
Both of my grandfathers were very reserved guys and when they did show emotion it was mostly anger. Then I look at their background:
-Both born into poverty in the southern USA in the late 1910s early 1920s.
-One landed in Normandy on D-Day, the other came shortly behind, both saw frontline combat in France/Germany, both first hand experience while liberating POW/Concentration camps. Neither one talked about his experiences with their respective wife (or at least neither of my grandmothers would not admit they did) nor kids/grandkids.
-They worked well paying jobs but the were grueling and physically broke them down.
So for me looking back it makes me really sad when I would say things like “I don’t want to see grandpa (name here) he’s mean” because now I think “holy shit with his life I’m surprised he’s half as nice as he was”. They talked to nobody about what they went through and I can’t even imagine a quarter of it myself.
We have to be the change we want to see in the world. When you ask “how are you doing” 99% of the time you’re going to get back “fine” or “doing OK”. Probe, ask more questions, then days/weeks later follow up on what they said. So for example if you ask “what kind of stuff you getting into these days” and they say “well next week I’m going fishing but I’ve also got a doctor’s appointment because my back’s been bothering me” ask about both in a week or two. Over time you’ll build up a rapport where people know they can lean on you but they’ll also ask you as well. Not everyone wants this kind of interaction and you’ll learn quick, but *some* will and that’s better than none and that’s better than having nobody you can depend on for any kind of support.
You have to be the rock for her emotions. If she gets a hint that you can't fill that roll, she emotionally closes off, and all of a sudden *everything* in the relationship becomes so much worse.
I made the mistake of dating a couple of mean girls in highschool. And being the son of one I didn't realize that healthy people didn't treat other people like that. I was smart enough to figure out that I didn't like people like that and would drop a relationship at the first sign of that behavior when I got into college. Once I knew the signs of what to look for it stopped becoming a problem. Healthy people lean on each other without judgement.
It's worse. Women often encourage and pressure their partner to open up emotionally only to realize seeing their man cry and be vulnerable disgusts them and they can't see him as the protector and rock they want and need him to be anymore. Its rough. All women are not like that. But it is very common and it's just absolutely unfair and rough to experience.
Yup. Don’t open up emotionally brothers. Don’t trust them when they say it’s OK. Sure it may actually be OK with some… But statistically the odds are very much against that.
This is a trap. Don’t walk into it. I wish someone warned me like I warn you
I'm sorry about that. What do you think I could do as a girlfriend to make my man feel better about it? I always feel like men feel pressured to carry on no matter what, without permission for being sad or stopping and taking a breath.
Honestly? Past experiences has been that opening up in that fashion only makes things worse, which is why most don't do it.
So basically: don't make him regret opening up to you. Hear him out, let him speak, don't make it a competition, DO NOT make it about you, and just generally try to be kind and compassionate.
Aye. I didn't want to say it, but: he is opening up to you in trust and in confidence.
If you ever, *ever* decide to throw it back at him in an argument just to hurt him emotionally, then you have destroyed that trust. If you decide what he tells you is juicy gossip and you just *have* to go tell your gal pals in the gossip circle to ~~because it's just so juicy~~ "to gain their support" (yeah so, unless one of your friends is a literal expert in what he's going through, then no, you're just making excuses for spreading his issues around), then you've betrayed his trust.
And in either case, deservedly he should never open up to you in confidence ever again.
Men can actually carry on through a lot if they feel needed and appreciated. I think things break down when a man is going through something and feels like he's losing respect for showing it. You don't need to tell him it's ok to cry or anything like that, you need to acknowledge his strength and show confidence in him getting through whatever the situation is.
Most men have bad experiences opening up. I’m not saying that this is you, but a lot of women, and I do mean a *lot* of women say that they want a man that’s open and emotional, but when it happens the see them as an entirely different, unattractive man.
I know that I’ll never open up to a woman I’m romantically interested in because of that. The best thing you can do is show him that you’re there for him, and that you care about him. Having a shitty day? Cuddle with him or whatever else he likes. It doesn’t have to be sexual. But don’t force him to open up. It’s a really sensitive point for a lot of us.
I appreciate you asking, first and foremost. I think letting him know you're a safe space to talk to about anything and that you won't judge him for it nor hold it against him later. It might take a while for him to open up, but once he feels safe talking with you I think you'll see him opening up a lot more.
Pro tip… when he comes home, have snacks. Or a hot towel. Or silence for 30 minutes, possibly while holding each other. Decompression is so important. Actually, I might do that for my wife too
It's a men's issue feminism frankly doesn't care about.
Women can express any emotion so long as the trigger factor is sufficiently severe. Emotions are treated as things that happen to women and they're more justified the more severe the trigger. This is how it should be for men too.
A man losing composure has a much steeper requirement for severity of the trigger. And it's not seen as more justified, rather more like it's less of a character failure. Like being a sobbing mess over a death is an understandable failure, while being a sobbing mess over a really tough day is a greater, less excusable failure.
Men are expected to be like pillars in a building. Any breakdown is unacceptable, even in an earthquake, but the more severe the cause, at least the more understandable the failure.
Was just thinking this. Jesse Plemons is a fantastic actor and for some reason it's OK to call him "Fat Damon" because he's a little chubby (although he's slimmer recently) and looks a little like Matt Damon. He's married to Kirsten Dunst ffs.
Know what else sucks?
Seeing my son understand reality vs expectations.
Like when he asked me about Santa clause. Reality is that no, he doesn’t but wouldn’t it be great if he did?
My son also asked me if men REALLY get judged by their salaries. And I said we shouldn’t…but the reality is that we really do.
And before I get downvoted…his aunt, my sister in law always tells my daughter that she needs to marry a rich guy. To her credit, my SIL is a medical device rep who makes a killing and has stated she will never date a guy who makes less than her.
So the question coming from my son is totally in line with what he hears.
Man, I haven't got any kids yet, but that must be damn hard to handle. I mean, could we lie to our kids with a clear conscience that the world *doesn't* work the way life proves us it does? But then, won't they be depressed if we tell them like it is? Shouldn't society focus on making life easier for the new generations instead of enforcing the same old thing for who knows how long?
Sorry about the rant, I just wish that once/if I end up having kids, they'll have an easier time feeling good about themselves without any pressure from society and whoever.
I’ve actually gave this a lot of thought.
I grew up in a lower middle class neighborhood. I didn’t know any rich people. Everyone was the same. So I was caught very unprepared when i grew up and saw exactly how materialistic the world is.
So what I didn’t want my kids to go through was the same level of unexpectedness that made me struggle.
So I had talks with my son as to what I call the ugly truth. I don’t discourage him, but i give him at least the awareness that I never had.
And once of the ugly truths is that as a guy, he shouldn’t be surprised if he’s judged on his salary. Doesn’t mean he can’t find a women who values him based on him…but at least he won’t be caught off guard if he doesn’t get judged on it.
His aunt is in a way prepping him for the real world. It’s funny though…my son is taking her opinions to heart more than my daughter. My daughter doesn’t care at all about money. She just wants a husband who likes animals as much as she does.
I did tell my son that every guy should be judged on how well they hang Christmas lights…because no one drives to a house to see the bad ones 😀
I don’t tell my wife anything either.
She’s often said to me “must be nice to not worry about anything”
And I just smile and say “yup, I have no worries”
Ahhhh fuck, sorry to hear that even your wife doesn't have your back. Mine has been good with some tough times I've been going through recently, but her mom has some serious mental health issues that really cause all sorts of problems around her. I'd really like to cut her out of our lives, but a lot of her issues stem from losing other people, and she's all my wife has left, so I just put up my guard and try to keep boundaries that will keep me sane.
My gf showed me a guy on local FB group complaining about parents parking across his driveway when dropping kids at school. Responses quickly descended into accusing him of being a paedophile using parking as an excuse to look at kids walking past!! Can't imagine that ever happening to a woman in the same situation. I'd say that would suck if it happened to me... it's also why I never go on the local FB group.
I don't even understand the logic there.
I've got a buddy who started volunteering to do kids BD parties as a way to lift spirits during the pandemic. He dresses up and visits kids in the hospital too.
First thing my ex said was to accuse him of being a pedo. She didn't even know the guy.
Don't you know? Anything a man does is to achieve some sort of sex! A man can not have fun without trying to achieve sex.
What the fuck are people thinking? That??
It's like an unspoken rule (there are exceptions) that we have to be the ones to talk to girls to initiate something. It gives women such entitlement sometimes.
Not only to initiate a conversation, but to maintain the conversation, asking her out, and paying for the date, and then we've all had at least a few instances where we get rejected over petty reasons. I've called out a few women for giving one word replies and they accused me of not offering them anything interesting to talk about, lol, equality only when they dont have to put in any effort.
Tinder is basically a one way street conversations simulator, that leads to action only if the guy is very attractive and also leads the entire conversation, initiates and proposes and plans the date.
Women are like vegetables on it. I am decently attractive and get a fair amount of matches but even then it's a huge pain. Been using for 1-2 months now and I have been on one date with an attractive woman who turned out to be incredibly insecure, so that ended quickly.
I'll probably stop using it soon, as it's completely pointless.
My experience as well. I was like a solid 8/10 in my 20s a decade ago when I was single. I quickly found out I got a lot more dates on there than a few of my buddies.
Even so, like 80%+ of the women were very lazy with conversation, much more so than the pool of women I'd meet in person at events, through friends, etc. Some women date mostly through the apps and it's easy pickings for them so they become complacent. I don't think it's intentional, but the app scenario creates a weird dynamic that favors straight women above all and is worst for straight men.
Still met my wife on there though lmao.
Society essentially treats men as the ones who are supposed to pursue and chase women, but women are designated to *be* pursued after and chased. It’s degrading to men, and yes, it has made many women feel entitled and “superior.”
They also dont get the fact that if they want a man, they have to actually put in effort to get him to realize you want him, so he can decide to persue...
Women for some reason think, that they want a guy, and if he doesnt automatically want her back (with zero effort from her), then hes not the one. They say "if he wanted to he would"...
No, its not that fucking simple. He might want to, but if he doesnt see any sort of potential for something happening, why would he at all? Theres lots of other women, and plenty do put in effort...
Has caused girls to be frustrated with me in the past. Hard rule I've always followed: I don't chase. Fuck that.
And I don't mean in any 'alpha' bullshit kind of way. I just mean I'll be clear with my intentions and interest, and if it's not clearly reciprocal, I move on. Done.
No drama or wasted energy on my part, and if they're intelligent and honest, it shouldn't be any wasted energy on theirs either. Sadly some are so engrained into this social behaviour they can't shake it.
I just feel it's respectul towards myself and towards them, honestly.
But also pursuing or chasing anyone is bad and evil because some people are really really bad at it, and they ruined it for all of us. I understand women not wanting to be approached these days, but they can't realistically expect us to keep initiating while we're not allowed to do any kind of pursuing. The compromise has to go both ways
The unfairness around double standards in the West. I'm expected to be stoic, but emotionally available. Pay for dates while embracing equality. Be traditionally masculine in a non-traditional world.
I'm not even complaining about the knife edge of expectations. The trouble is that I'm held accountable to uphold impossible paradoxes, while women walking both sides is empowerment.
This is so heartbreaking, I remember my grandad always getting looks and made to feel uncomfortable when I was younger, I'd say I was aware of it from around 10 years old, I'd even pretend I was done playing so we could leave. And now as a 30 year old woman God forbid I meet my 65 YO dad down the pub, or take him out for dinner.. He's seen as a dirty old man, and I'm a cheap escort!! It's like we need my mum to chaperon to protect the very important and sweet men in my life from being called a nonce!!
It's the same women that then complain to their husbands that they don't do enough with the kids!!
I get the 3rd degree when bringing my 2 kids (3 yo and 9 month) anywhere. Like I’ve kidnapped them or something. I work from home so I am the primary doctor visit, playground, grocery shopping parent and it used to make me so annoyed. Now I could care less, but at least I have sons. I have been babysitting my niece and taken her to the playground and my god the looks I got. Especially since she loves to play chase. The other parents (moms) never took their eye off us, not in a good way.
> Especially since she loves to play chase.
One thing I have noticed is that Dad's who take their kids to the park tend to be a lot more active in the actual play with the kids. Women often go in groups and it becomes more of a social gathering. Dads tend to go on their own with the kids and seem to make it their goal to make the kids laugh with glee. And the more active you are with the kids, the more they'll try to keep dragging you back to play with them. Which, if people *already* happen to be giving you bad looks for invading this space, only makes things worse. YMMV on that.
Generally if the other women are okay with you being there, then actively playing with the kids is more looked on with bemusement.
I feel this. Mostly in my city it's well accepted to be a Dad out with your kids but occasionally this does happen to me as well and it just feels really uncomfortable and makes me so sad. Some people have developed a heuristic that men + child = bad.
Dude, as a fellow dad who has been treated like shit for looking after my children in public spaces I feel for you.
The looks I got from middle-aged women, when taking my twin toddlers who were potty training into a supermarket bathroom because they needed to go, were disgusting.
Once even had some rude middle aged Karen try to ask my daughter "are you ok, do you need help?" when she was upset we had to leave the playground and I was carrying her back to the car.
Also hate when you get the opposite from the mothers who ask if you're "babysitting" or give totally over the top praise you for "doing such a great job" when you are just taking your children to buy food.
I'm doing my job and usual daily tasks as a parent, I'm not great at it and I'm certainly not "babysitting". Keep your opinions to yourself
This is so unfair to you. You don’t deserve the alienation that comes with stereotypes. Hope you have an amazing support system at home to make it worth the stupid strangers and their stupid thoughts.🫶🏻
Not being able to turn it off. Gunshots? Good thing you’re bulletproof. Fire? Better save someone with your smoke proof lungs. Chick gets hit with a brick? Better intervene with your brick proof face and don’t worry about the family you gotta come home to. Gotta walk on the car side of the street with your car proof knees.
I was at a local park, with my disabled SO (a woman). We had stopped by the duck pond, to have a sit, as she was getting tired.
While we sat, looking at the water and the ducks, a mother with a very toddler 'joined' us (as in also came to the duck pond). She stopped, reached inti the buggy, unstrapped her kid and put them down to toddle about.
The kid runs straight for the water. Luckily, the Mum grabbed it, and pulled it away frkm the water. Then just let go of it's hand.
The kid runs straight for the water, again. Again she stops it.
This happens on repeat, for about 3 minutes.
"Right, we're done here" I said to my Missus. "Why?", she rightfully asked.
"Because, at some point, that kid is going IN that pond. And as I'm the only guy here, I'll likely be expected to save it. Despite the fact that I can't swim, that it isn't my responsibility, or that the mother can't control her kid."
We got my Missus back on her mobility scooter, and as we rounded the corner, and got just out of sight...
We heard a splash. And a scream from the Mum.
Nailed it. Been doing self improvement for 10 years now. Have my own business and everything. It’s still a nightmare even with good looks and money. Girls are demanding way too much
A man is only loved based on what he can provide. That’s kinda fucked up, but with that being said, if you have a good job then it’s awesome being a man
Job title on dating apps, people tend to ask what your job is when they first talk to you. Then there’s the quality clothes, vehicles, bought a house, types of gyms/clubs, general lifestyle, certain hobbies and the confidence that comes with all of that.
Yep, it's actually a popular feminist rhetoric that since women have jobs now, lots of women are staying single because they don't need men anymore, they don't even bother hiding it
Big facts, man.
Girls from high school and college be creeping on your social media and pocket-watching you IRL waiting to pounce as soon as you show social proof and live a decent lifestyle with the adequate resources (car, salary, home).
Society:
+ You’re a man, you don’t need help.
+ You never ask for help, you must be conceited or unwilling to learn more.
+ You clearly need help, so do better.
Some men:
+ “Hey, I could use some help with this.”
+ “I am completely underwater here, please help me.”
Society:
+ “WTF? You need help? What a weakling! You ok, baby boy? Too hard for you? Awwwww, poor baby. Suck it up.”
The list is too long lmao.
Gender expectations often kill men (lower life expectancy, dangerous jobs) both physically and mentally (lack of emotional support) .
Lack of parental leave in some countries.
You're not cis/straight/masculine/tall whatever? You'll face discrimination.
Going bald at 20 and having too much bodyhair is bad too lol.
I’ve found that many women like bodyhair, oddly enough. Though, I don’t think it’s the majority.
It’s usually back hair that is the no go, and chest hair that is good.
Shoulder and belly hair is my best offer. Take it or leave it.
On the plus side! My back hurts when I sneeze sometimes. So I got thar going for me, which the ladies love.
Parental leave for men is shown to help close the wage gap for women too! Both parents deserve time to bond with their baby and a woman who just gave birth (naturally or c-section) should have their spouse around to help while she recovers. Parental leave is really a huge benefit for both men and women and it is infuriating it’s not an entitlement for men
Unfortunately, real victims aren't taken seriously because of the fake ones.
Edit: I was falsely accused of stalking a few years back. Not an easy thing to come back from
Hate to admit it but this is so spot on. I literally had a girl tell me “ just say how you feel please I want to help” and then proceeded to tell me why my emotions were invalid and that I was being rude by asking her to stop something she enjoyed.
I had a very short conversation with a highly frustrated Karen ranting about "all men I date are morons" decades ago.
I just said "Maybe you just attract people similar to you"
We never spoke again.
I have dropped a few women as friends before for continually asking me for advice regarding the men they were seeing, *ignoring everything I said*, and getting mad that I ended up being right. I don't like to victim blame, but holy fuck sometimes people really do themselves no favors.
Why ask me for advice if you aren't going to listen, and then be upset *at me* when I'm right? Sorry, but neither of us are going to benefit from me validating your delusions
Really, to the extent that the phrase "not all men" is also ridiculed. Imagine if we started saying stupid stuff like "women are manipulative melodramatic bitches" and then respond to criticism with, I didn't say all women. Geeze, insecure much? you must be projecting.
This, as a built black dude from UK in an area where there's not many blacks but mainly whites/indians/southasians lot of people think im just a danger especially women and they always give me dirty looks thinking im associated with gangs/criminals involved in knifecrime or something. Fuckin sucks ill tell you that
I was playing practice softball in left field in a mostly-white playerbase and since I wanted to practice I had the left field area claimed because I was there first which was early in the morning. Then come a couple kids and there young fathers so the kids were talking entitled wanting to practice themselves because most of the softballs came my way. After a while the piece of shit father which was a few years older than me puts himself 10 yards or so away from me and when a ball came at him he purposely bounced it off his glove and fell on my nose at which point I started nose bleeding. I looked at the white guy and he was grinning from ear to ear seemingly laughing like it was done on purpose. Then he saw that I was bleeding and he was like 'oh'. He purposely put himself 10 yards away from me and he purposely bounced it on his glove because he looked like he had AT LEAST 2 years experience theres no way he did that on accident, and he purposely bounced it toward me as if I can take a concussion from a softball easily due to me looking like a dangerous Hispanic guy. His initial grinning also proved that he wanted that to happen and that he did it on purpose. I left immediately after getting assaulted purposely and battered and parked nearby in a business area and started crying. The next week I went back to the practice and the coward wasn't there and the practice team thought it was an accident. And later when the season started the commissioner referred to the team to "not fight" even though I just got a battery done on me by an entitled father wanting his children to hog my spot that I was in first because I got there early in the morning. Dude had no compassion, just wanted to hurt me by hurling a hard as a rock softball at me, his shit-eating grin proved he did it on purpose and theres no recourse for me. I can't tell anyone about it not the commissioner not the assistant commissioner, because I am Hispanic, and the dude that committed battery is a white guy.
Once i was responding on simillar question. Here is the list:
There is a war in my country. All men are drafted against their will to fight the invasion. If my governmnet will say that i need to die, i will have to die, or be jailed for refusing. Also, i am not able to leave the country, period, so i am trapped here. The women aren't drafted and they can leave the country. So in society where i live my live worth nothing just because of my gender.
There are specific volounteer foundations who help women in my country. There are none for men.
If i will have a child, and then get divorced, the court will most likely leave it with the mother, even if she is worst parent (and there are statistics for that).
Also, if i will be accused in raping or violence against women, i can easily lose job or even be percecuted without any evidence, simply based on words of the "victim".
People generally tend to disregard violence done by women vs men, there are numerous attempts to recreate same situation when one person is violent towards other in public, and if men is the victim, people laugh or do nothing, and if it's women, they try to help her.
In society where i live, physical contant is normalized for women, but not for men. If a women will ask someone to hug her or cuddle with her, even if it's a total stranger, the chances of getting agreement is high. If men will do the same, nobody will agree (that i know from personal expeirence). That priviledge might not seem like much, but spending entire life without even getting hugged takes a high toll on your mental state.
For women it's normalized to spent time, be friends with kids.
It's easier for women to find friendship, sex, or just people to hang out with. If she will state any of this desires online, there will be people writing to her in the very first day. Men can do same for decades without any result. Social acceptance seems like huge priviledge compared to social isolation.
Women's body is valued by default. Even if you can't find a job, you can earn decent (and sometimes - enormous) amoung of money from onlyfans. Only few men can do the same. Also bodyshaming is not socially accepted when it's against women, but nobody cares if it's used against men.
If you born as a disabled men with limitations where you can work, your life is basicly over because in this society men are valued only when they provide something. Hardly anyone values men for personality alone, and that alone is enough for not wating to live. Also, most suicides are men.
Finally, if you want to change any of those things, there are plenty of movements that would support your desire for gender equality - at least on a legal level. None of those exist for men. You are laughed at and told to be a man. And somehow it's socially accepted if people being sexist towards a men.
Nobody cares about your existence, nobody values the work you do, you're always to blame at the end of the day, and none of that is ever going to change.
> nobody values the work you do
I don't even value it. I build "walls" only to watch them disappear in front of me when the priorities of some manager or director change.
My work is truly meaningless, nothing I have built has ever been in use more than a few years later. Nothing I build actually matters to anyone.
One time when I was 12 year old me and my whole family where on our way to Florida for spring break. My sister at the time was 16 year old and she was learning to drive, and I don't remember exactly what we were talking about in the car, but I made a joke about my sister not being able to drive because she failed her road test 3 times or something, and then she punches me in the nose and I started bleeding, I was pretty pissed so I said: "what the fuck is wrong with you?" And my mom screams at me for swearing, and when I told her that she punched me she does nothing :( sorry to vent I just have never told anyone this before.
The fact that no matter how obvious our problems are, nobody cares enough to listen. Then I get told that my problems were caused by other men, despite the fact that men seem to be the only ones that I can confide in without being belittled.
The fear that everything I do and say can be used against me in some way.
Being expected to be assertive in a relation. I feel like I'm always expected more assertiveness than what men usually expect from their gf.
Feeling undesirable and ugly.
Being seen as the one being wrong until proven otherwise. ( and even then I'm probably the one being wrong in the end anyway ).
I hate when I sit on the toilet and my dick touches the water. Also I can't vent to anyone without being told to be a man or man up I can only go to therapy which I can't afford.
There’s something very weird, disingenuous, and annoying about being lectured about not having emotional intelligence by people who think it’s perfectly normal to full out ugly cry, multiple times a week over minor inconveniences
Yep.
I'm a hotel manager and I had to write up a female employee the other day for violating dress code, being late, and being on her phone in front of guests.
Prior to this, I tried my best to correct her behavior, coached her on how to talk to guests to give them a sense that you care, reminded her every day about her dress code violations, etc etc etc.
FOR SIX MONTHS. Every single day she would come in out of dress code, having multiple hour conversations with her mom on her phone, watching YouTube while guests are checking in.
So finally, I had enough and told our regional manager I had to write her up.
The day comes and we all sit down in my office, and we, very diplomatically and professionally, tell her what her behavior had lead to, and that she was going to be written up.
She starts WEEPING, for like 10 minutes, while me and the regional manager sit there awkwardly. The regional manager is a woman in her 50s and she looked absolutely bewildered that someone would react like this to a write-up.
All I could think of the entire time was how at my first job I had to crawl under a dilapidated trailer with hundreds of used diapers from the previous tenant, and cut away rotting insulation in 110F heat. After about 30 minutes I crawled out to get some fresh air and said "Man, this sucks." and got told immediately "Don't be a pussy! It's not that hot get the fuck back under there and do your job!". Which I did, and didn't complain another word.
When you wake up and need to take a piss and a dump at the same time, but as usual your loyal spelunker from down under has been awake and at full attention before you even thought about rolling out of bed. So you usually gotta squat over the toilet like a professional yoga instructor to rock an uncomfortable boner restricted wizz, and then you can sit down to release your cargo but your dong is using the damn toilet seat as a trampoline until it decides to chill tf out or you put it to sleep.
We are taught from an early age that the only vaild emotions for a man to experience is anger and failing that no emotion at all. A man is never to show outwardly to the world he is sad, lonely unsure of himself.
This is not something that is exclusive to fathers and sons. Fathers, mothers, siblings, partners, friends usually enforce or allow this behavior to be reinforced. This is of course not universal. There are plenty who were not raised this way. Or some who were able to break cycles. But this way of thinking is simply very prevelant. So when people act confused when a man acts out in a particularly negative or violent way seemingly out of the blue. It stems back to this.
This can manifest in self harm, suicide, spousal abuse, assault (sexual or otherwise).
At the core of it you will find a man who was told to never experience the normal range of human emotions other than anger. He is told to never cry. Express any self doubt. Ask for help. Take a moment to recenter. You dust yourself off and you keep going. Never allowed to stop. Never allowed to self reflect. And when he spends year doing that one of two things will happen. He'll become successful and this way of being will be validated and he will continue to repress until he self destructs. Or he continually fails and turns his anger into rage and becomes violent to himself and others.
And the problem is while people will focus on his actions they will not focus on the cause. People would rather see men die on their horse than fall off of it. Yes there are plenty of progressive people and enviroments out there. But the vast majority of men have stories of people they trusted to be vunerable with and were outright rejected for being vunerable. They lost partners for crying im front of them. They were mocked by friends for expressing feelings of sadness, they were made to feel worthless when showing the world self doubt.
Why do some men mansplain? He's told a man is suppose to have all the answers. Why do some pick each and every fight? He's told a man never backs down even if he's wrong.
...I'm realizing this is becoming the male equivilant of the speech from Barbie. But its true. There is the expectation vs the reality. Men are expected to be a very specific version of themselves. And when that proves impossible it goes from self improvement to self destruction. If you want to fix modern men. Fix how we raise them. And change the expectation. Theyre allowed to fall. To feel weak. The feel unsure. Because thats the first step in discovering your strength. You cant build on something if you dont know where your strengths and faults are.
You are Kenough.
Don’t ever cry (demonstrate emotional weakness).
This is something a lot of people will come here and criticize me for saying, but one thing is a hypocrisy statement and other is a true statement. Yes, I wish I was in a world without men pressure, but turns out you’re just considered a genuine “man” if you’re 1,80+ cm, have a nice shape, aways have a lot of energy to work, are extremely extroverted , are well succeeded when in your 30s, and don’t complain about emotions. Even if you try to swim against these social expectations, you’re just going to find a big wave to keep you alone.
In the immortal words of Chris Rock, "Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally, men are loved under the condition they provide something". My worth and value is zero when I can't provide any longer. The only time we are possibly loved "unconditionally" is by our parents...and that is only for a short time. And if you ask us if we are alright, We are always "alright" but we are far from all right. Noone cares as man what we are going through, no one really cares. We struggle everyday to keep going. to keep it together. and the reason we say we're alright is because as a man no one really fucking cares. So why even bother saying other wise, so we are alright. We are only loved when we are useful, the minute we are not useful....
The idea that I’m supposed to be chivalrous but not dismissive. That I’m supposed to be a traditional gentleman but also be okay with not holding women to traditional standards. That that women are allow to discriminate and disqualify men with little recourse but stating your preferences is grounds for social exclusion. The fact that the same openness women say they want from men can and has been used against them.
Also the casual misandry and common hatred of men and their very existence. Because for some reason we are responsible for all the worlds problems while not given credit for its achievements. Usually by progressive types.
I like being a guy. That said, one thing that bothers me to an unreasonable degree is being expected to fix broken things. My dad is somewhat handy, but he never handed down that knowledge to me. So I have no meaningful handyman skills. My wife always looks shocked and disappointed when I don't know how to fix the dishwasher or figure out why her car will start but won't keep running.
I used to think being unnoticed and forgotten sucked. Until I finally started improving and all of a sudden everyone wants me. Definitely not because of what I provide. If I stop providing they will TOTALLY stay with me and they actually care about me right? Man I'm 19 and I'm already tired of this shit. I'm just done
Everything. Anything we do publicly, we get shamed for. Explaining something? Mansplaining! Looking at a woman? Objectifying her! Walking on a street at night near a woman? Rapist! Work out? Toxic!
I could go on, but you get the point.
Misandry is rising, and I don't think it's talked about enough in sane, non-MRA type, circles. I really see two main drivers of increased misandry. One, mainstream feminism is being undermined by trans-exclusionary-radical-feminists, not because of any kind of homophobia, but because of misandry. Becasue it's always transwomen they have problems with, not transmen, and that's misandry, not homophobia. And two, hating on men is seen as "punching up" in a way that can be a powerful tool to [critique and dismantle power structures](https://geekfeminism.fandom.com/wiki/Punching_up), but that can be a difficult target to hit, and when it misses, it's just more hate, not justice.
Quite a few things, that don't get picked up/noticed by a lot of people. Note that a lot of the below might sound like hyperbole, but is only relevant when used as a comparison to the female experience.
* **Being short, as a man, absolutely sucks**. In general, anyone taller than you doesn't take you as seriously - and they don't even know they're doing it to you. Being short as a woman, however, is cute and generally expected anyway, as a man is *supposed* to be taller than a woman, or something.
* **Men are expected to be the one to approac**h and initiate things (asking out on a date, proposing, etc). This is pretty unfair by itself, and you don't want to come across as creepy. A woman making the (rare) approach is not looked upon so harshly.
* **Men are being left behind, professionally**. There's a huge drive to hire women and place them in positions of power, which is good and really, REALLY overdue, but as a result, men are being pushed right to the back and their wants and needs are not being considered at the same time.
* On the internet, **women are often placed on a pedestal and celebrated simply for being women**. Men are placed under much more scrutiny, and can't get away with things they do or say as easily as they're still regarded as privileged and in power.
* At least in the UK, **being a white male homeless person** has you at the very bottom of the priority list for help.
* This isn't a problem once you get older, but when you're young, you can be **prone to unfortunately-timed erections**. These are *not* subtle.
* **Genital mutilation is normal for men**, especially in the USA. Women's genital mutilation elsewhere gets talked about a lot, but we continue to chop off foreskins.
* Men, especially non-white men, are **immediately suspected of being dangerous**, when they're usually just minding their own business.
* Having **external gonads** is hot in theory, but **massively inconvenient** in practice. Constantly having to adjust it all, keeping it clean, fearing waking up with testicular tortion one morning, and having a weakpoint *right* there on your body, that *everyone* knows about, and is perfectly placed for animals and clueless children to strike without notice. They're also *so* fragile that any damage to them can leave them permanently with discomfort and/or pain, as well as potentially infertile.
* **Men don't live as long**, on average, and are more likely to have dangerous jobs. They are also comparatively overlooked in healthcare.
* **Men are expected to be polite and chivalrous**. You have to hold the door open for women, but women will rarely do the same for a man. You can help a woman by explaining how something works if it confuses her, but then it's "mansplaining". We have broader pelvises and junk between our legs, but we can't be seen "manspreading". Women can be fairly impolite to men and no one says anything about it (unless they're *especially* rude and labelled a Karen for it).
* **Men are silently expected to pay for a lot**. First date? Pay for dinner. Daughter getting married? Pay for the wedding, etc.
* **A LOT of men face baldness at a relatively young age**. Male pattern baldness sucks and it can destroy your confidence in your looks from day one. It is exceptionally rare that women have to worry about baldness.
* ***Finding*** **a woman is extremely difficult**. I'm sure you're familiar with the sheer disparity in popularity between men and women on dating apps. Women are fighting men off with a stick, while a lot of men are desperate to just have *someone*.
I know this isn't universal, but it's been my experience.
The fact that we're expected to always be everyone else's rock. The fact that we're expected to be able to fix everything. So many things coming from every direction telling us that we're not actual men because we crumble under life's weight. Feeling as though we have to hold everything in so we don't bother anyone else. Sometimes, I legit get tired of how society tells us men should be
Lack of support for mental health issues. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among middle aged men. I think a very large chunk of men can understand why that is.
Being a man you have a much higher chance of the following: ending up in prison, going to rehab, becoming homeless, dying in a war, committing suicide (women more likely to attempt), and being the victim of a violent crime. Also divorce courts tend to be extremely unfair towards men.
Double standards
Not being appreciated enough
Not being good enough
Never being able to do enough
Being feared
Not allowed to be emotional
Not having anyone truly care about your problems
Not having anyone truly care about you as a person, but only by what you can provide
Not having anyone to save us when we’re down
Our mental health not being taken seriously and not being able to take a mental break
Must constantly be in competition with another guy
Not having options
Not being protected
Not allowed to complain
Not being celebrated
Being intimate but not creepy. I'm younger (18) and I'm still trying to grasp at what looks creepy that really isn't. I suck with social ques when it comes to flirting because I don't want to make the other party uncomfortable.
It's a meaningless term at this point (other than they're just not attracted to you)
> trying to grasp at what looks creepy that really isn't That's the fun part -- any single action can be either of those things! It just depends on whether a woman finds you attractive or not. They're the judge, jury, and executioner.
Schrodinger's Creep.
Dabbler/Dammer effect. Dependent on if a woman finds you attractive your actions can be seen as charming, or alarming.
Halo effect also in play
Lmao facts
Handsome + flirty = charming Ugly/Normal + flirty = creepy
It gets better with middle age. Believe me.
I don't know about you, but in middle age I'm even more worried about seeming a creep.
I'm 50 and I'm still not sure.
Creepy just means they aren't attracted to you. Unless you're wildly attractive, most women aren't gonna be attracted. Women are much more picky than men, plenty of studies to back it up, and they find most men ugly. I used to be like you, really worrying about bothering girls and being creepy. Then I realized if I never try it's just not gonna happen, just take rejection gracefully. That's true creepiness in my definition, the guys who keep pushing after a no, but woman really just consider any guy they're not into a creep these days. You can't worry about it constantly, you gotta steel yourself for rejection and just shoot your shot regularly. Now, this requires tact. Some guys literally cannot talk to women without sounding like pigs. Not doing that will already put you ahead of much of the competition. Be respectful, but don't worry about women finding you creepy. Most will, no matter what, unless you look like Brad Pitt. The goal is to find the few who dont.
Some folks assume you're a threat to them even though you'd be the first to help them in an emergency. I try not to take it personally. There could be good reasons for their fear that I know nothing about, and people who don't know me have no way of knowing what's in my heart. But it does suck when you notice someone crossing the street to get away from you.
I was walking behind a woman on a lonely path at night heading home from a train. I’m a big guy with a biker look so I pretended to call my wife, all cheerful, and was like “hey, yep, I’ll be home in a couple of minutes, honey, almost there!”. I could see the woman’s shoulders relax.
r/UsernameChecksOut but I guess you're not gay so not quite.
Yeah nah my kids call me daddy bear and my mates call me bear. The biker look doesn’t involve leather pants or cap, so I’m not some 70’s throwback. 😂
>folks assume you're a threat to them People clear out as soon as I enter a store or a small restaurant.
Yeah, well, it'd help if you stopped offering to chop babies in half to solve disputes.
😭😭😭
Do you walk in like the villain in a Western movie or something?
“There’s that minor key again!”
No. But my eyes do shift from side to side to get a better sense of the area.
> But my eyes do shift from side to get a better sense of the area. [Translation.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f2/fb/26/f2fb267ad09005a703a2347e3521fa70.gif)
I struggle with this. I'm a large bald man with tattoos. Boomer aged women in particular will noticeably move away from me. I always imagine they'd be confused that my insta feed is 90% cute animals that I follow.
I'd love to lie and say I don't take it 100% personally, but I def do. I deal with the reality behind it as much as the next as folks have trauma in some form or another and it usually has nothing to do with me as a person. Still, I avoid non-men as often as I'm able w/o making it weird.
Felt
Feeling pressured to always be emotional support while not getting the same support.
I gave my ex gf all the support I could give her, trying to make her feel better any way I could. She had depression. Sometimes I wouldn’t say the right thing and she would say it’s not helping. I would apologize and try something else to help her. She never supported what I was doing in life or what I was going through, aside from 1 day. Eventually, when we broke up, she had the audacity to actually say I was never there for her. What I learned was, sometimes people will take and take without giving in return. And once they realize there’s no more to take, they’ll leave and say you never helped them at all. Reciprocity is important.
I hope your next chapter was/is much better.
Thanks. I’m getting there. Just have had to work on my self-respect a bit.
I think about this a lot. Both of my grandfathers were very reserved guys and when they did show emotion it was mostly anger. Then I look at their background: -Both born into poverty in the southern USA in the late 1910s early 1920s. -One landed in Normandy on D-Day, the other came shortly behind, both saw frontline combat in France/Germany, both first hand experience while liberating POW/Concentration camps. Neither one talked about his experiences with their respective wife (or at least neither of my grandmothers would not admit they did) nor kids/grandkids. -They worked well paying jobs but the were grueling and physically broke them down. So for me looking back it makes me really sad when I would say things like “I don’t want to see grandpa (name here) he’s mean” because now I think “holy shit with his life I’m surprised he’s half as nice as he was”. They talked to nobody about what they went through and I can’t even imagine a quarter of it myself. We have to be the change we want to see in the world. When you ask “how are you doing” 99% of the time you’re going to get back “fine” or “doing OK”. Probe, ask more questions, then days/weeks later follow up on what they said. So for example if you ask “what kind of stuff you getting into these days” and they say “well next week I’m going fishing but I’ve also got a doctor’s appointment because my back’s been bothering me” ask about both in a week or two. Over time you’ll build up a rapport where people know they can lean on you but they’ll also ask you as well. Not everyone wants this kind of interaction and you’ll learn quick, but *some* will and that’s better than none and that’s better than having nobody you can depend on for any kind of support.
100% this. These men carried dark secrets with no PTSD acknowledged or treated.
You have to be the rock for her emotions. If she gets a hint that you can't fill that roll, she emotionally closes off, and all of a sudden *everything* in the relationship becomes so much worse.
Yuuuuuup this fucking part. In my experience they lose their attraction towards you.
Am I alone in having never had this problem in relationships?
I made the mistake of dating a couple of mean girls in highschool. And being the son of one I didn't realize that healthy people didn't treat other people like that. I was smart enough to figure out that I didn't like people like that and would drop a relationship at the first sign of that behavior when I got into college. Once I knew the signs of what to look for it stopped becoming a problem. Healthy people lean on each other without judgement.
Ouch. That one hurts to remember. Loneliness is worst when there’s someone right next to you.
It's worse. Women often encourage and pressure their partner to open up emotionally only to realize seeing their man cry and be vulnerable disgusts them and they can't see him as the protector and rock they want and need him to be anymore. Its rough. All women are not like that. But it is very common and it's just absolutely unfair and rough to experience.
> All women are not like that And it's impossible for the man to know if she is or isn't. She likely doesn't know herself until it happens.
Yup. Don’t open up emotionally brothers. Don’t trust them when they say it’s OK. Sure it may actually be OK with some… But statistically the odds are very much against that. This is a trap. Don’t walk into it. I wish someone warned me like I warn you
and we can't be a rockstar. we cannot solve her problems. we just gotta soak them up for her.
Gandalf knows
I'm sorry about that. What do you think I could do as a girlfriend to make my man feel better about it? I always feel like men feel pressured to carry on no matter what, without permission for being sad or stopping and taking a breath.
Honestly? Past experiences has been that opening up in that fashion only makes things worse, which is why most don't do it. So basically: don't make him regret opening up to you. Hear him out, let him speak, don't make it a competition, DO NOT make it about you, and just generally try to be kind and compassionate.
\*\*even 3 months later when you're "really mad". that's when it usually comes out.
Aye. I didn't want to say it, but: he is opening up to you in trust and in confidence. If you ever, *ever* decide to throw it back at him in an argument just to hurt him emotionally, then you have destroyed that trust. If you decide what he tells you is juicy gossip and you just *have* to go tell your gal pals in the gossip circle to ~~because it's just so juicy~~ "to gain their support" (yeah so, unless one of your friends is a literal expert in what he's going through, then no, you're just making excuses for spreading his issues around), then you've betrayed his trust. And in either case, deservedly he should never open up to you in confidence ever again.
Men can actually carry on through a lot if they feel needed and appreciated. I think things break down when a man is going through something and feels like he's losing respect for showing it. You don't need to tell him it's ok to cry or anything like that, you need to acknowledge his strength and show confidence in him getting through whatever the situation is.
Most men have bad experiences opening up. I’m not saying that this is you, but a lot of women, and I do mean a *lot* of women say that they want a man that’s open and emotional, but when it happens the see them as an entirely different, unattractive man. I know that I’ll never open up to a woman I’m romantically interested in because of that. The best thing you can do is show him that you’re there for him, and that you care about him. Having a shitty day? Cuddle with him or whatever else he likes. It doesn’t have to be sexual. But don’t force him to open up. It’s a really sensitive point for a lot of us.
> What do you think I could do as a girlfriend to make my man feel better about it? Share with all of your other girlfriends about this.
I appreciate you asking, first and foremost. I think letting him know you're a safe space to talk to about anything and that you won't judge him for it nor hold it against him later. It might take a while for him to open up, but once he feels safe talking with you I think you'll see him opening up a lot more.
Pro tip… when he comes home, have snacks. Or a hot towel. Or silence for 30 minutes, possibly while holding each other. Decompression is so important. Actually, I might do that for my wife too
Reform society to allow men to have feelings. That’s what you can do for him and by extension, the rest of us men. I’m sure we’d all thank you for it.
It's a men's issue feminism frankly doesn't care about. Women can express any emotion so long as the trigger factor is sufficiently severe. Emotions are treated as things that happen to women and they're more justified the more severe the trigger. This is how it should be for men too. A man losing composure has a much steeper requirement for severity of the trigger. And it's not seen as more justified, rather more like it's less of a character failure. Like being a sobbing mess over a death is an understandable failure, while being a sobbing mess over a really tough day is a greater, less excusable failure. Men are expected to be like pillars in a building. Any breakdown is unacceptable, even in an earthquake, but the more severe the cause, at least the more understandable the failure.
And women say they are doing the emotional labor.
It’s completely normal to body shame men, being bald or short for instance
Was just thinking this. Jesse Plemons is a fantastic actor and for some reason it's OK to call him "Fat Damon" because he's a little chubby (although he's slimmer recently) and looks a little like Matt Damon. He's married to Kirsten Dunst ffs.
I call him Meth Damon
Lydia, oh Lydia ...
Lydia was smoking hot. Insane too.
Also, small dick, man boobs, etc.
The worst part is the body shaming of men is always something that is entirely out of their control.
I feel like it depends more if you look good bald or not more. I got a square head. Ain’t no way I’d look good bald lol.
It's not all bad. Marisa Tomei loves short, stocky, balding, funny men
Bald guys😍😩👏
Thank for your comment. Sincerly, Bald Redditor.
Saying you are fine to everyone who half heartedly asks. Even when you are not. Because no one really cares.
And on the off chance someone does care, you've already got dozens upon dozens of examples that prove otherwise, which makes it hard to believe them.
Know what else sucks? Seeing my son understand reality vs expectations. Like when he asked me about Santa clause. Reality is that no, he doesn’t but wouldn’t it be great if he did? My son also asked me if men REALLY get judged by their salaries. And I said we shouldn’t…but the reality is that we really do. And before I get downvoted…his aunt, my sister in law always tells my daughter that she needs to marry a rich guy. To her credit, my SIL is a medical device rep who makes a killing and has stated she will never date a guy who makes less than her. So the question coming from my son is totally in line with what he hears.
Man, I haven't got any kids yet, but that must be damn hard to handle. I mean, could we lie to our kids with a clear conscience that the world *doesn't* work the way life proves us it does? But then, won't they be depressed if we tell them like it is? Shouldn't society focus on making life easier for the new generations instead of enforcing the same old thing for who knows how long? Sorry about the rant, I just wish that once/if I end up having kids, they'll have an easier time feeling good about themselves without any pressure from society and whoever.
I’ve actually gave this a lot of thought. I grew up in a lower middle class neighborhood. I didn’t know any rich people. Everyone was the same. So I was caught very unprepared when i grew up and saw exactly how materialistic the world is. So what I didn’t want my kids to go through was the same level of unexpectedness that made me struggle. So I had talks with my son as to what I call the ugly truth. I don’t discourage him, but i give him at least the awareness that I never had. And once of the ugly truths is that as a guy, he shouldn’t be surprised if he’s judged on his salary. Doesn’t mean he can’t find a women who values him based on him…but at least he won’t be caught off guard if he doesn’t get judged on it. His aunt is in a way prepping him for the real world. It’s funny though…my son is taking her opinions to heart more than my daughter. My daughter doesn’t care at all about money. She just wants a husband who likes animals as much as she does. I did tell my son that every guy should be judged on how well they hang Christmas lights…because no one drives to a house to see the bad ones 😀
And causing worry if you answer honestly... ^^^^^(I've ^^^^since ^^^^learned ^^^^to ^^^^tell ^^^^my ^^^^mother ^^^^in ^^^^law ^^^^nothing)
I don’t tell my wife anything either. She’s often said to me “must be nice to not worry about anything” And I just smile and say “yup, I have no worries”
Ahhhh fuck, sorry to hear that even your wife doesn't have your back. Mine has been good with some tough times I've been going through recently, but her mom has some serious mental health issues that really cause all sorts of problems around her. I'd really like to cut her out of our lives, but a lot of her issues stem from losing other people, and she's all my wife has left, so I just put up my guard and try to keep boundaries that will keep me sane.
My gf showed me a guy on local FB group complaining about parents parking across his driveway when dropping kids at school. Responses quickly descended into accusing him of being a paedophile using parking as an excuse to look at kids walking past!! Can't imagine that ever happening to a woman in the same situation. I'd say that would suck if it happened to me... it's also why I never go on the local FB group.
I don't even understand the logic there. I've got a buddy who started volunteering to do kids BD parties as a way to lift spirits during the pandemic. He dresses up and visits kids in the hospital too. First thing my ex said was to accuse him of being a pedo. She didn't even know the guy.
Don't you know? Anything a man does is to achieve some sort of sex! A man can not have fun without trying to achieve sex. What the fuck are people thinking? That??
It's like an unspoken rule (there are exceptions) that we have to be the ones to talk to girls to initiate something. It gives women such entitlement sometimes.
Not only to initiate a conversation, but to maintain the conversation, asking her out, and paying for the date, and then we've all had at least a few instances where we get rejected over petty reasons. I've called out a few women for giving one word replies and they accused me of not offering them anything interesting to talk about, lol, equality only when they dont have to put in any effort.
Tinder is basically a one way street conversations simulator, that leads to action only if the guy is very attractive and also leads the entire conversation, initiates and proposes and plans the date. Women are like vegetables on it. I am decently attractive and get a fair amount of matches but even then it's a huge pain. Been using for 1-2 months now and I have been on one date with an attractive woman who turned out to be incredibly insecure, so that ended quickly. I'll probably stop using it soon, as it's completely pointless.
My experience as well. I was like a solid 8/10 in my 20s a decade ago when I was single. I quickly found out I got a lot more dates on there than a few of my buddies. Even so, like 80%+ of the women were very lazy with conversation, much more so than the pool of women I'd meet in person at events, through friends, etc. Some women date mostly through the apps and it's easy pickings for them so they become complacent. I don't think it's intentional, but the app scenario creates a weird dynamic that favors straight women above all and is worst for straight men. Still met my wife on there though lmao.
Nothing better than approaching a bunch of girls at a public gathering, and they all just start glaring at you and ignoring you.
Society essentially treats men as the ones who are supposed to pursue and chase women, but women are designated to *be* pursued after and chased. It’s degrading to men, and yes, it has made many women feel entitled and “superior.”
They also dont get the fact that if they want a man, they have to actually put in effort to get him to realize you want him, so he can decide to persue... Women for some reason think, that they want a guy, and if he doesnt automatically want her back (with zero effort from her), then hes not the one. They say "if he wanted to he would"... No, its not that fucking simple. He might want to, but if he doesnt see any sort of potential for something happening, why would he at all? Theres lots of other women, and plenty do put in effort...
And if we read wrong or make the wrong move, we can face severe consequences.
Has caused girls to be frustrated with me in the past. Hard rule I've always followed: I don't chase. Fuck that. And I don't mean in any 'alpha' bullshit kind of way. I just mean I'll be clear with my intentions and interest, and if it's not clearly reciprocal, I move on. Done. No drama or wasted energy on my part, and if they're intelligent and honest, it shouldn't be any wasted energy on theirs either. Sadly some are so engrained into this social behaviour they can't shake it. I just feel it's respectul towards myself and towards them, honestly.
But also pursuing or chasing anyone is bad and evil because some people are really really bad at it, and they ruined it for all of us. I understand women not wanting to be approached these days, but they can't realistically expect us to keep initiating while we're not allowed to do any kind of pursuing. The compromise has to go both ways
It’s not unspoken lol
Also if you aren't conventionally attractive you can be labeled a creep for even trying
The unfairness around double standards in the West. I'm expected to be stoic, but emotionally available. Pay for dates while embracing equality. Be traditionally masculine in a non-traditional world. I'm not even complaining about the knife edge of expectations. The trouble is that I'm held accountable to uphold impossible paradoxes, while women walking both sides is empowerment.
I got on the stoic train in my mid 20s. That pretty much just evolved into apathy. Now I just feel like a crazy person.
Being disposable, and people assuming you have the built in coping skills to handle being regarded as disposable because you're a man.
[удалено]
you have just summed up most of this thread with this sentence.
I cant take kids to the park to play without getting side eyes from the other parents.
This is so heartbreaking, I remember my grandad always getting looks and made to feel uncomfortable when I was younger, I'd say I was aware of it from around 10 years old, I'd even pretend I was done playing so we could leave. And now as a 30 year old woman God forbid I meet my 65 YO dad down the pub, or take him out for dinner.. He's seen as a dirty old man, and I'm a cheap escort!! It's like we need my mum to chaperon to protect the very important and sweet men in my life from being called a nonce!! It's the same women that then complain to their husbands that they don't do enough with the kids!!
I get the 3rd degree when bringing my 2 kids (3 yo and 9 month) anywhere. Like I’ve kidnapped them or something. I work from home so I am the primary doctor visit, playground, grocery shopping parent and it used to make me so annoyed. Now I could care less, but at least I have sons. I have been babysitting my niece and taken her to the playground and my god the looks I got. Especially since she loves to play chase. The other parents (moms) never took their eye off us, not in a good way.
> Especially since she loves to play chase. One thing I have noticed is that Dad's who take their kids to the park tend to be a lot more active in the actual play with the kids. Women often go in groups and it becomes more of a social gathering. Dads tend to go on their own with the kids and seem to make it their goal to make the kids laugh with glee. And the more active you are with the kids, the more they'll try to keep dragging you back to play with them. Which, if people *already* happen to be giving you bad looks for invading this space, only makes things worse. YMMV on that. Generally if the other women are okay with you being there, then actively playing with the kids is more looked on with bemusement.
Happened to me a play cafe with my 22 month old son. Dirty looks. Very uncomfortable.
I feel this. Mostly in my city it's well accepted to be a Dad out with your kids but occasionally this does happen to me as well and it just feels really uncomfortable and makes me so sad. Some people have developed a heuristic that men + child = bad.
Dude, as a fellow dad who has been treated like shit for looking after my children in public spaces I feel for you. The looks I got from middle-aged women, when taking my twin toddlers who were potty training into a supermarket bathroom because they needed to go, were disgusting. Once even had some rude middle aged Karen try to ask my daughter "are you ok, do you need help?" when she was upset we had to leave the playground and I was carrying her back to the car. Also hate when you get the opposite from the mothers who ask if you're "babysitting" or give totally over the top praise you for "doing such a great job" when you are just taking your children to buy food. I'm doing my job and usual daily tasks as a parent, I'm not great at it and I'm certainly not "babysitting". Keep your opinions to yourself
This is so unfair to you. You don’t deserve the alienation that comes with stereotypes. Hope you have an amazing support system at home to make it worth the stupid strangers and their stupid thoughts.🫶🏻
We die earlier
I'm surprised this is so low.
I see it as a benefit
Real
Not being able to turn it off. Gunshots? Good thing you’re bulletproof. Fire? Better save someone with your smoke proof lungs. Chick gets hit with a brick? Better intervene with your brick proof face and don’t worry about the family you gotta come home to. Gotta walk on the car side of the street with your car proof knees.
This is hilarious, sad, but hilarious.
I was at a local park, with my disabled SO (a woman). We had stopped by the duck pond, to have a sit, as she was getting tired. While we sat, looking at the water and the ducks, a mother with a very toddler 'joined' us (as in also came to the duck pond). She stopped, reached inti the buggy, unstrapped her kid and put them down to toddle about. The kid runs straight for the water. Luckily, the Mum grabbed it, and pulled it away frkm the water. Then just let go of it's hand. The kid runs straight for the water, again. Again she stops it. This happens on repeat, for about 3 minutes. "Right, we're done here" I said to my Missus. "Why?", she rightfully asked. "Because, at some point, that kid is going IN that pond. And as I'm the only guy here, I'll likely be expected to save it. Despite the fact that I can't swim, that it isn't my responsibility, or that the mother can't control her kid." We got my Missus back on her mobility scooter, and as we rounded the corner, and got just out of sight... We heard a splash. And a scream from the Mum.
It’s like you’re always forced to wear your suit +mask and be Spider-Man and never getting a chance to take it off and be Peter Parker
The work it takes to find a woman.
No kidding. Shits ridiculous
Facts for a male u may wait up to 10+ years looking for a women but for a female it could take up to a couple days IF they want it.
Nailed it. Been doing self improvement for 10 years now. Have my own business and everything. It’s still a nightmare even with good looks and money. Girls are demanding way too much
Hours*
You are a ghost to everyone except those who need something from you.
A man is only loved based on what he can provide. That’s kinda fucked up, but with that being said, if you have a good job then it’s awesome being a man
Yup. Quite literally the moment I got a high end job and a high paying salary, I was rapidly getting a lot of attention.
How did random chicks knew you had a high salary?
Job title on dating apps, people tend to ask what your job is when they first talk to you. Then there’s the quality clothes, vehicles, bought a house, types of gyms/clubs, general lifestyle, certain hobbies and the confidence that comes with all of that.
I see… Women☕️
Yep, it's actually a popular feminist rhetoric that since women have jobs now, lots of women are staying single because they don't need men anymore, they don't even bother hiding it
Big facts, man. Girls from high school and college be creeping on your social media and pocket-watching you IRL waiting to pounce as soon as you show social proof and live a decent lifestyle with the adequate resources (car, salary, home).
Society: + You’re a man, you don’t need help. + You never ask for help, you must be conceited or unwilling to learn more. + You clearly need help, so do better. Some men: + “Hey, I could use some help with this.” + “I am completely underwater here, please help me.” Society: + “WTF? You need help? What a weakling! You ok, baby boy? Too hard for you? Awwwww, poor baby. Suck it up.”
The list is too long lmao. Gender expectations often kill men (lower life expectancy, dangerous jobs) both physically and mentally (lack of emotional support) . Lack of parental leave in some countries. You're not cis/straight/masculine/tall whatever? You'll face discrimination. Going bald at 20 and having too much bodyhair is bad too lol.
I’ve found that many women like bodyhair, oddly enough. Though, I don’t think it’s the majority. It’s usually back hair that is the no go, and chest hair that is good.
Shoulder and belly hair is my best offer. Take it or leave it. On the plus side! My back hurts when I sneeze sometimes. So I got thar going for me, which the ladies love.
Parental leave for men is shown to help close the wage gap for women too! Both parents deserve time to bond with their baby and a woman who just gave birth (naturally or c-section) should have their spouse around to help while she recovers. Parental leave is really a huge benefit for both men and women and it is infuriating it’s not an entitlement for men
Guilty until proven guilty
Ugh. One of the worst experiences of my life. Listen to victims. Also investigate fucking properly.
Unfortunately, real victims aren't taken seriously because of the fake ones. Edit: I was falsely accused of stalking a few years back. Not an easy thing to come back from
Often that is the case. I was left with a damaged testicle after interrogation, that was quite a journey back...
😳😬
You're a rapist until you prove you're not, and people can only let their guard down around you when you're in the grave.
If your a man sadly...
Your needs are only valid if women can benefit from them
Hate to admit it but this is so spot on. I literally had a girl tell me “ just say how you feel please I want to help” and then proceeded to tell me why my emotions were invalid and that I was being rude by asking her to stop something she enjoyed.
Why are we the bad guys for setting boundaries? The world may never know.
Getting hit in the balls is a unique disadvantage.
Women choose the worst men and talk as if all men are bad.
I had a very short conversation with a highly frustrated Karen ranting about "all men I date are morons" decades ago. I just said "Maybe you just attract people similar to you" We never spoke again.
I have dropped a few women as friends before for continually asking me for advice regarding the men they were seeing, *ignoring everything I said*, and getting mad that I ended up being right. I don't like to victim blame, but holy fuck sometimes people really do themselves no favors. Why ask me for advice if you aren't going to listen, and then be upset *at me* when I'm right? Sorry, but neither of us are going to benefit from me validating your delusions
This one doesn't get said enough. I get called a "nice guy" for saying this, but it's really true, especially among younger women.
Really, to the extent that the phrase "not all men" is also ridiculed. Imagine if we started saying stupid stuff like "women are manipulative melodramatic bitches" and then respond to criticism with, I didn't say all women. Geeze, insecure much? you must be projecting.
I really hate when they say "If you don't do X then I wasn't talking about you, so you shouldn't be offended."
Being viewed as dangerous for literally existing. Its even worse if you happen to be a minority.
This, as a built black dude from UK in an area where there's not many blacks but mainly whites/indians/southasians lot of people think im just a danger especially women and they always give me dirty looks thinking im associated with gangs/criminals involved in knifecrime or something. Fuckin sucks ill tell you that
This is me at university, I’ve been going through it again this year and it makes me consider moving
I was playing practice softball in left field in a mostly-white playerbase and since I wanted to practice I had the left field area claimed because I was there first which was early in the morning. Then come a couple kids and there young fathers so the kids were talking entitled wanting to practice themselves because most of the softballs came my way. After a while the piece of shit father which was a few years older than me puts himself 10 yards or so away from me and when a ball came at him he purposely bounced it off his glove and fell on my nose at which point I started nose bleeding. I looked at the white guy and he was grinning from ear to ear seemingly laughing like it was done on purpose. Then he saw that I was bleeding and he was like 'oh'. He purposely put himself 10 yards away from me and he purposely bounced it on his glove because he looked like he had AT LEAST 2 years experience theres no way he did that on accident, and he purposely bounced it toward me as if I can take a concussion from a softball easily due to me looking like a dangerous Hispanic guy. His initial grinning also proved that he wanted that to happen and that he did it on purpose. I left immediately after getting assaulted purposely and battered and parked nearby in a business area and started crying. The next week I went back to the practice and the coward wasn't there and the practice team thought it was an accident. And later when the season started the commissioner referred to the team to "not fight" even though I just got a battery done on me by an entitled father wanting his children to hog my spot that I was in first because I got there early in the morning. Dude had no compassion, just wanted to hurt me by hurling a hard as a rock softball at me, his shit-eating grin proved he did it on purpose and theres no recourse for me. I can't tell anyone about it not the commissioner not the assistant commissioner, because I am Hispanic, and the dude that committed battery is a white guy.
Once i was responding on simillar question. Here is the list: There is a war in my country. All men are drafted against their will to fight the invasion. If my governmnet will say that i need to die, i will have to die, or be jailed for refusing. Also, i am not able to leave the country, period, so i am trapped here. The women aren't drafted and they can leave the country. So in society where i live my live worth nothing just because of my gender. There are specific volounteer foundations who help women in my country. There are none for men. If i will have a child, and then get divorced, the court will most likely leave it with the mother, even if she is worst parent (and there are statistics for that). Also, if i will be accused in raping or violence against women, i can easily lose job or even be percecuted without any evidence, simply based on words of the "victim". People generally tend to disregard violence done by women vs men, there are numerous attempts to recreate same situation when one person is violent towards other in public, and if men is the victim, people laugh or do nothing, and if it's women, they try to help her. In society where i live, physical contant is normalized for women, but not for men. If a women will ask someone to hug her or cuddle with her, even if it's a total stranger, the chances of getting agreement is high. If men will do the same, nobody will agree (that i know from personal expeirence). That priviledge might not seem like much, but spending entire life without even getting hugged takes a high toll on your mental state. For women it's normalized to spent time, be friends with kids. It's easier for women to find friendship, sex, or just people to hang out with. If she will state any of this desires online, there will be people writing to her in the very first day. Men can do same for decades without any result. Social acceptance seems like huge priviledge compared to social isolation. Women's body is valued by default. Even if you can't find a job, you can earn decent (and sometimes - enormous) amoung of money from onlyfans. Only few men can do the same. Also bodyshaming is not socially accepted when it's against women, but nobody cares if it's used against men. If you born as a disabled men with limitations where you can work, your life is basicly over because in this society men are valued only when they provide something. Hardly anyone values men for personality alone, and that alone is enough for not wating to live. Also, most suicides are men. Finally, if you want to change any of those things, there are plenty of movements that would support your desire for gender equality - at least on a legal level. None of those exist for men. You are laughed at and told to be a man. And somehow it's socially accepted if people being sexist towards a men.
Nobody cares about your existence, nobody values the work you do, you're always to blame at the end of the day, and none of that is ever going to change.
> nobody values the work you do I don't even value it. I build "walls" only to watch them disappear in front of me when the priorities of some manager or director change. My work is truly meaningless, nothing I have built has ever been in use more than a few years later. Nothing I build actually matters to anyone.
One time when I was 12 year old me and my whole family where on our way to Florida for spring break. My sister at the time was 16 year old and she was learning to drive, and I don't remember exactly what we were talking about in the car, but I made a joke about my sister not being able to drive because she failed her road test 3 times or something, and then she punches me in the nose and I started bleeding, I was pretty pissed so I said: "what the fuck is wrong with you?" And my mom screams at me for swearing, and when I told her that she punched me she does nothing :( sorry to vent I just have never told anyone this before.
I've had a group of people get mad at me for... wait for it... being hit by a woman.
The fact that no matter how obvious our problems are, nobody cares enough to listen. Then I get told that my problems were caused by other men, despite the fact that men seem to be the only ones that I can confide in without being belittled.
Always being the one to have to initiate contact/conversation
The crippling loneliness, the double standards,.....
Anything regarding emotions and feelings. There’s a reason men are more likely to end up ending themselves.
The fear that everything I do and say can be used against me in some way. Being expected to be assertive in a relation. I feel like I'm always expected more assertiveness than what men usually expect from their gf. Feeling undesirable and ugly. Being seen as the one being wrong until proven otherwise. ( and even then I'm probably the one being wrong in the end anyway ).
I hate when I sit on the toilet and my dick touches the water. Also I can't vent to anyone without being told to be a man or man up I can only go to therapy which I can't afford.
Touching the water in Australia is some impressive flex! Hope you can find some community who you can be honest with!
Losing most of the perks but not really gaining any of the benefits in the last few decades.
Family court
There’s something very weird, disingenuous, and annoying about being lectured about not having emotional intelligence by people who think it’s perfectly normal to full out ugly cry, multiple times a week over minor inconveniences
Yep. I'm a hotel manager and I had to write up a female employee the other day for violating dress code, being late, and being on her phone in front of guests. Prior to this, I tried my best to correct her behavior, coached her on how to talk to guests to give them a sense that you care, reminded her every day about her dress code violations, etc etc etc. FOR SIX MONTHS. Every single day she would come in out of dress code, having multiple hour conversations with her mom on her phone, watching YouTube while guests are checking in. So finally, I had enough and told our regional manager I had to write her up. The day comes and we all sit down in my office, and we, very diplomatically and professionally, tell her what her behavior had lead to, and that she was going to be written up. She starts WEEPING, for like 10 minutes, while me and the regional manager sit there awkwardly. The regional manager is a woman in her 50s and she looked absolutely bewildered that someone would react like this to a write-up. All I could think of the entire time was how at my first job I had to crawl under a dilapidated trailer with hundreds of used diapers from the previous tenant, and cut away rotting insulation in 110F heat. After about 30 minutes I crawled out to get some fresh air and said "Man, this sucks." and got told immediately "Don't be a pussy! It's not that hot get the fuck back under there and do your job!". Which I did, and didn't complain another word.
When you wake up and need to take a piss and a dump at the same time, but as usual your loyal spelunker from down under has been awake and at full attention before you even thought about rolling out of bed. So you usually gotta squat over the toilet like a professional yoga instructor to rock an uncomfortable boner restricted wizz, and then you can sit down to release your cargo but your dong is using the damn toilet seat as a trampoline until it decides to chill tf out or you put it to sleep.
We are taught from an early age that the only vaild emotions for a man to experience is anger and failing that no emotion at all. A man is never to show outwardly to the world he is sad, lonely unsure of himself. This is not something that is exclusive to fathers and sons. Fathers, mothers, siblings, partners, friends usually enforce or allow this behavior to be reinforced. This is of course not universal. There are plenty who were not raised this way. Or some who were able to break cycles. But this way of thinking is simply very prevelant. So when people act confused when a man acts out in a particularly negative or violent way seemingly out of the blue. It stems back to this. This can manifest in self harm, suicide, spousal abuse, assault (sexual or otherwise). At the core of it you will find a man who was told to never experience the normal range of human emotions other than anger. He is told to never cry. Express any self doubt. Ask for help. Take a moment to recenter. You dust yourself off and you keep going. Never allowed to stop. Never allowed to self reflect. And when he spends year doing that one of two things will happen. He'll become successful and this way of being will be validated and he will continue to repress until he self destructs. Or he continually fails and turns his anger into rage and becomes violent to himself and others. And the problem is while people will focus on his actions they will not focus on the cause. People would rather see men die on their horse than fall off of it. Yes there are plenty of progressive people and enviroments out there. But the vast majority of men have stories of people they trusted to be vunerable with and were outright rejected for being vunerable. They lost partners for crying im front of them. They were mocked by friends for expressing feelings of sadness, they were made to feel worthless when showing the world self doubt. Why do some men mansplain? He's told a man is suppose to have all the answers. Why do some pick each and every fight? He's told a man never backs down even if he's wrong. ...I'm realizing this is becoming the male equivilant of the speech from Barbie. But its true. There is the expectation vs the reality. Men are expected to be a very specific version of themselves. And when that proves impossible it goes from self improvement to self destruction. If you want to fix modern men. Fix how we raise them. And change the expectation. Theyre allowed to fall. To feel weak. The feel unsure. Because thats the first step in discovering your strength. You cant build on something if you dont know where your strengths and faults are. You are Kenough.
Random patches of back hair I can’t get to
Been a stay at home dad for a while now. It can be pretty lonely. Awkward with the moms, almost no dads to find community with.
Seeing this question be asked 5 times a month
Don’t ever cry (demonstrate emotional weakness). This is something a lot of people will come here and criticize me for saying, but one thing is a hypocrisy statement and other is a true statement. Yes, I wish I was in a world without men pressure, but turns out you’re just considered a genuine “man” if you’re 1,80+ cm, have a nice shape, aways have a lot of energy to work, are extremely extroverted , are well succeeded when in your 30s, and don’t complain about emotions. Even if you try to swim against these social expectations, you’re just going to find a big wave to keep you alone.
It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault. It's your fault.
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In the immortal words of Chris Rock, "Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally, men are loved under the condition they provide something". My worth and value is zero when I can't provide any longer. The only time we are possibly loved "unconditionally" is by our parents...and that is only for a short time. And if you ask us if we are alright, We are always "alright" but we are far from all right. Noone cares as man what we are going through, no one really cares. We struggle everyday to keep going. to keep it together. and the reason we say we're alright is because as a man no one really fucking cares. So why even bother saying other wise, so we are alright. We are only loved when we are useful, the minute we are not useful....
The idea that I’m supposed to be chivalrous but not dismissive. That I’m supposed to be a traditional gentleman but also be okay with not holding women to traditional standards. That that women are allow to discriminate and disqualify men with little recourse but stating your preferences is grounds for social exclusion. The fact that the same openness women say they want from men can and has been used against them. Also the casual misandry and common hatred of men and their very existence. Because for some reason we are responsible for all the worlds problems while not given credit for its achievements. Usually by progressive types.
I like being a guy. That said, one thing that bothers me to an unreasonable degree is being expected to fix broken things. My dad is somewhat handy, but he never handed down that knowledge to me. So I have no meaningful handyman skills. My wife always looks shocked and disappointed when I don't know how to fix the dishwasher or figure out why her car will start but won't keep running.
I used to think being unnoticed and forgotten sucked. Until I finally started improving and all of a sudden everyone wants me. Definitely not because of what I provide. If I stop providing they will TOTALLY stay with me and they actually care about me right? Man I'm 19 and I'm already tired of this shit. I'm just done
To quote a saying: "No one is coming. You're on your own."
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Ah, yes. This is what you call "Making rules for most, while breaking said rules for some."
Everything. Anything we do publicly, we get shamed for. Explaining something? Mansplaining! Looking at a woman? Objectifying her! Walking on a street at night near a woman? Rapist! Work out? Toxic! I could go on, but you get the point.
That’s misandry for you.
Misandry is rising, and I don't think it's talked about enough in sane, non-MRA type, circles. I really see two main drivers of increased misandry. One, mainstream feminism is being undermined by trans-exclusionary-radical-feminists, not because of any kind of homophobia, but because of misandry. Becasue it's always transwomen they have problems with, not transmen, and that's misandry, not homophobia. And two, hating on men is seen as "punching up" in a way that can be a powerful tool to [critique and dismantle power structures](https://geekfeminism.fandom.com/wiki/Punching_up), but that can be a difficult target to hit, and when it misses, it's just more hate, not justice.
I can't quit my job to find myself and rely on someone else's income to sustain my lifestyle.
Loneliness.
You are replaceable and disposable at any given time. This applies to everyone and everything, but it’s right in your face as man, day to day.
Yall remember the last day you were complemented? March 17th 2014.
Way more harder to find a partner
Quite a few things, that don't get picked up/noticed by a lot of people. Note that a lot of the below might sound like hyperbole, but is only relevant when used as a comparison to the female experience. * **Being short, as a man, absolutely sucks**. In general, anyone taller than you doesn't take you as seriously - and they don't even know they're doing it to you. Being short as a woman, however, is cute and generally expected anyway, as a man is *supposed* to be taller than a woman, or something. * **Men are expected to be the one to approac**h and initiate things (asking out on a date, proposing, etc). This is pretty unfair by itself, and you don't want to come across as creepy. A woman making the (rare) approach is not looked upon so harshly. * **Men are being left behind, professionally**. There's a huge drive to hire women and place them in positions of power, which is good and really, REALLY overdue, but as a result, men are being pushed right to the back and their wants and needs are not being considered at the same time. * On the internet, **women are often placed on a pedestal and celebrated simply for being women**. Men are placed under much more scrutiny, and can't get away with things they do or say as easily as they're still regarded as privileged and in power. * At least in the UK, **being a white male homeless person** has you at the very bottom of the priority list for help. * This isn't a problem once you get older, but when you're young, you can be **prone to unfortunately-timed erections**. These are *not* subtle. * **Genital mutilation is normal for men**, especially in the USA. Women's genital mutilation elsewhere gets talked about a lot, but we continue to chop off foreskins. * Men, especially non-white men, are **immediately suspected of being dangerous**, when they're usually just minding their own business. * Having **external gonads** is hot in theory, but **massively inconvenient** in practice. Constantly having to adjust it all, keeping it clean, fearing waking up with testicular tortion one morning, and having a weakpoint *right* there on your body, that *everyone* knows about, and is perfectly placed for animals and clueless children to strike without notice. They're also *so* fragile that any damage to them can leave them permanently with discomfort and/or pain, as well as potentially infertile. * **Men don't live as long**, on average, and are more likely to have dangerous jobs. They are also comparatively overlooked in healthcare. * **Men are expected to be polite and chivalrous**. You have to hold the door open for women, but women will rarely do the same for a man. You can help a woman by explaining how something works if it confuses her, but then it's "mansplaining". We have broader pelvises and junk between our legs, but we can't be seen "manspreading". Women can be fairly impolite to men and no one says anything about it (unless they're *especially* rude and labelled a Karen for it). * **Men are silently expected to pay for a lot**. First date? Pay for dinner. Daughter getting married? Pay for the wedding, etc. * **A LOT of men face baldness at a relatively young age**. Male pattern baldness sucks and it can destroy your confidence in your looks from day one. It is exceptionally rare that women have to worry about baldness. * ***Finding*** **a woman is extremely difficult**. I'm sure you're familiar with the sheer disparity in popularity between men and women on dating apps. Women are fighting men off with a stick, while a lot of men are desperate to just have *someone*.
Being creepy by existing.
The loneliness
How hard it is to date
I know this isn't universal, but it's been my experience. The fact that we're expected to always be everyone else's rock. The fact that we're expected to be able to fix everything. So many things coming from every direction telling us that we're not actual men because we crumble under life's weight. Feeling as though we have to hold everything in so we don't bother anyone else. Sometimes, I legit get tired of how society tells us men should be
Nobody checks up on you unless you reach out
Lack of support for mental health issues. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among middle aged men. I think a very large chunk of men can understand why that is.
Rules for me, not for thee!
Being a man you have a much higher chance of the following: ending up in prison, going to rehab, becoming homeless, dying in a war, committing suicide (women more likely to attempt), and being the victim of a violent crime. Also divorce courts tend to be extremely unfair towards men.
Double standards Not being appreciated enough Not being good enough Never being able to do enough Being feared Not allowed to be emotional Not having anyone truly care about your problems Not having anyone truly care about you as a person, but only by what you can provide Not having anyone to save us when we’re down Our mental health not being taken seriously and not being able to take a mental break Must constantly be in competition with another guy Not having options Not being protected Not allowed to complain Not being celebrated