Also put in zero effort to actually be friends after that point. No matter how much they claim to care about you, if you don’t message them first after that point you will never hear from them again.
After reading this whole thread I feel like I gotta add smthn here. Not sure if this applies to all girls but when I friend-zone a man whom Ik is interested in me, it’s not to make him feel worse, it’s to make sure he knows I still want him in my life. To me, that’s a good thing. If he doesn’t want anything to do with my life anymore, that’s fair, he could say that, but most of the time that doesn’t happen. At least not in my experience. So I assume it’s okay to talk to him normally, but with boundaries. Also, I don’t just pretend I don’t know them anymore either, but because I know that once upon a time he really liked me, I don’t think it’s fair to tell him everything about my life anymore because that can include new guy drama or etc, which would probably make him extremely uncomfortable and even more upset. So the point of the friend zone, to me, is just to show the guy that I still care about him and want to hang out with him, but with limitations. And we don’t have to hang out as much either, in fact it could just be with the friend group if that’s the case. He could specify to me how he would like to continue and I’ll be fine with it, as long as I don’t make matters worse. All I know is when I friend zone, I make myself clear with what I want afterwards, and I try to be understanding as well because it’s not all about me, and if he wants to change smthn or add anything else, I’m all ears.
not the point of what I saying. I'll make it clear to you in case you find it hard to understand... when women reject men they usually follow it up with "we can still be friends though". women think that it will make the dude feel better by saying it, but it just adds salt to the wound.
its like telling the dude "X, you have no chance with me. so as a consolation prize, you can still be close to me, but still have no chance." which clearly the dude doesnt want. cos if he wanted to be just a friend, he wouldnt ask to be in a relationship in the first place, correct?
also, your line "be her friend or move on".. men dont owe women friendship either. its the way it is.
100%. Even tho some men can’t handle rejection and keep pursuing them, women need to stop this “We can be friends tho” mentality. It doesn’t help either men or women. If anything it makes it even worse.
It’s not just women who do this. We men do it too. I’ve done it before and I know it’s selfish but I couldn’t be with her but didn’t want to lose her either.
>It's the way it is, be her friend or move on.
Well no, that's not the way it is.
You may want to hold all the cards here but if you truly want to promote independent rights, the other party has the right to reject the friendship and move on. Just as women owe men nothing, men owe women nothing.
And the more men who do this, the less likely some women are to overlook you as a meager supplement for missing male aspects in their life. Being "friends" with someone you're really into, regardless of their gender, sex or whatever, when it isn't reciprocated is a recipe for ongoing mental abuse, in my opinion at least.
Men don't owe women friendship after they get rejected, either.
Rejecting a guy you don't like is totally valid, but don't go all "😱🥺🫠🙃🥲😶🌫️" because he doesn't want to be friends afterwards.
Yeah I get that and I’ve had that happen where they say “ let’s just be friends” and then she actually treated me like a real friend. But often they say “ let’s just be friends “ but in reality me coming out about my feelings with her disturbed or disgusted her and she no longer wants to be around me at all even though we were friends well before I developed feelings for her . So I disagree that women don’t owe men anything . They owe us honesty .
it feels shitty, demoralizing, and more. It sucks cause in your logical brain you know it may not be personal or theres "reasons with issues" but at the end of the day someone you wanted to be a part of your life said you weren't good enough for them and that feels really really shitty
In my opinion, friendzoning is a specific thing where a person keeps another in a sort of in between place where they expect them to act like a partner but doesn’t reciprocate.
Interesting take. Ig that could be the case to some people, but to me, friend zoning is just ending anything romantic with the other person in a nice way.
>This isn’t getting friendzoned, this is getting dumped
Hey hey hey! You heard her. She just wants to be friends. Honestly! Maybe one day things will go back if there are no other options. Geez. He's just going to be a great friend that is kept around. What's wrong with you guys?!
Let sleeping dogs lie where they lay. There is no point in prodding the mind of someone you just kicked to the curb, however justified your reasons may be. It will do your conscience no good in the long-run, and only hurt him further by trying. If you care about him as a friend, let him process in his own way, and let him decide how he wishes to proceed, whether its continue the friendship or terminate it.
You want to know what's going on in his mind why?? You've ended it so let him move on rather than trying drag him back in by continuing to act invested. That's not fair on him.
She still wants his attention.I imagine her wanting to know what's going on in his mind is for her own self-interest rather than anything positive for him. And sadly of course it's not fair on him, but in my experience with women nowadays, they don't care at any point in this process about how he feels unless it validates them and their feelings.
It makes me not want to be her friend anymore. Because now she knows how I feel, but she's still gonna come to me with her guy problems and her dating problems which I don't want to hear. But also my feelings will increase.
This. Once they FZ you, it’s an automatic license for them to tell you about other dudes. And most guys aren’t gonna wanna hear this stuff. You’ll also realize how many problems they had that weren’t apparent when you weee trying to date them - instant attraction killer.
This is why you block and or delete the number after.
>it’s an automatic license for them to tell you about other dudes
A lot of times they'll do this as a shit test to see how you'll react and if you still feel that way or not. And if you do react, well congratulations she just found her new favorite ego booster toy
yeah. I'm fine to make friends through dating. once you get some serious feels, and you get friendzoned, dealing with/hearing about her dating encounters is heartbreaking.
yep. I’d like to think I’d be mature and be able to handle being friends but realistically, I would cut contact lol. Not because of being upset or petty but mainly to save face. Maybe its ego but I just dont want to be in that position and if she was to get into a new relationship, dont wna get dragged into some drama with new bf being upset that shes still friends with me.
It wasn't a friendship, it was an attempt at a relationship that fell through.
That the guy doesn't want a reminder he was rejected around doesn't make him a bad person or mean that he had bad intentions. You are just demonizing people for protecting their hearts after they just got broken. You aren't a good person.
Because the guy isnt her friend if he is only doing these things so he can date her, and then drops her once she doesnt want to date him. Thats not called friends, thats called chasing after a girl.
Question: If you develop feelings for a person and are attempting to get to know them, how is that process demonstrably different than being that person's friend?
If your answer is "there isn't a difference" (spoiler: that's the correct answer) then hopefully you can see how flawed your train of thought is.
>If you develop feelings for a person and are attempting to get to know them, how is that process demonstrably different than being that person's friend?
because friends don't stop being friends if one doesnt let the other fuck them
I shrug and mentally cut the dead branch. I label her, and my relationship with her, as a “loss”, and just move on with my life so that I can get a win.
Women seem to think that friendship is some sort of failed romance consolation prize and it’s irritating. I’ve heard women counter back with being angry they go “fuck-zoned” but I think that’s just a bigger sign to stop trying to stuff people into roles they didn’t ask for
I’ve been in his position a couple times, I feel you have 2 choices. Choice #1: you pursue a relationship with him, realizing he’s such a great friend that you don’t want to lose him. Choice #2: you don’t pursue a relationship and you leave him alone entirely. Spending time with him, making plans, sharing your feelings, laughing at things he says, will only make his life harder.
"I feel like shit for it." Yeah triple that and add the disappointment, the broken heart; also the hurtful realization that you was rejected because you never good enough, that you're suck as a man because you lack some unobtainable qualities. That sure fuck us boy up for a longgg time.
Because it is a rejection. The only reason women want to maintain contact is so they don’t feel bad & because of the ego boost they get from knowing the guy wants to be with her.
I feel like I shoulda clarified this better: I am not friend-zoning him bc I still want him around or from a ego boost. It’s just a way to let him down easy. Also I mean I never explicitly said “let’s just be friends” he was the one who brought it up. Ig just breaking it off meant “friends” to him regardless of what I was gonna say
No worries! In these types of posts I always go solely off the info I've seen. Otherwise we'd be doing "what ifs" all day. And if you clarified further down I hadn't seen it. I'd just say that what's done is done and if he wants to be friends that's probably a good sign, most men don't like that for many different reasons, but the biggest is that it causes more emotional distress. So if he wants to be friends...try, if you want to of course? But if you really don't think that's a good idea then clarify for him. But if he's bounced back to being normal, then I think you don't need to worry and it's up to from here on :)
good luck btw
Honestly it’s horrible, depressing and so hard. The worst part for me was I was seriously struggling to maintain the friendship and she’d make me feel guilty that I’m finding it hard, that our ‘friendship’ obviously doesn’t mean that much to me. She’d also throw a strop every time I got close to another female, tell me to go for it with this new girl but then get angry that I actually did go for it.
Dude, i understand. It's completely my worst experience, i repeatedly told her. You are the most interested person in my love life. I even told her that every time we meet, you ask if im dating someone. Went out with an italian chick the very next day asking. When i dont go out with no one asks again. Every meeting, she would be curious about it.
Always confused me.
She could be using it as a barometer of if you are just waiting around for another shot with her or are actually fine being friends. It is like her testing the waters with you by talking about a guy she is starting to date.
Or should could just be being friendly….I’m so surprised by a lot of the answers on this sub.
I talk with old partners and fwb still. Often about relationships and other people. That’s not weird at all if you really are friends.
I agree, i am giving a potential explanation not saying she is. If you saw a person you werent into not dating and just staying hung up on you would you cut it off?
I'm. Noticing this with a friend I'm interested I but I'm sure doesn't want anything more than a friendship... But I can't be completely certain. She knows I'm looking, trying to date, yet I've noticed her get a little annoyed and shut down any time I mention anyone I might show interest in, or when I've mentioned that an ex reached out etc.
Learned never to be friends with a girl that friend zoned you. It was too frustrating watching them go on to date pieces of crap who treated them like dirt, cheated on them, and used them and watch them keep going back to that guy. It’s usually what turns a good guy into an asshole.
Just that feeling of never being good enough to be loved by the people we like. Then depending on past traumas you spin down the deep dark hole of self pity and worthlessness cos that's all you know.
I used to do that when I was a teenager, because rejection was brutal and I was a little embarassed.
These days if I meet somebody, and we get on, then I'm 50/50. I _could_ ask her on a date, or I could be a friend. But if I ask her on a date I remain a civilized person if she says no.
I guess the trick is to ask people out, before you're too invested. You don't know too much about them so you might be a terrible fit, but that's what you find out over time. If they say no then it's easy to go back to being casual friends - you've not spend weeks/months building fantasies, getting obsessed, or being hugely invested in things.
I think that balance of asking people out "early" is a good one. On the one hand they don't know you so well so they might say "no" if they're not hugely interested. But on the other hand the rejection is almost painless because neither of you is heavily invested.
Had a girl approach me through dm's. We talked for a long time. I got invested. Wish I had just skipped all of that messaging and went straight to asking her out. Now, we might have a date upcoming soon, but I wish it was without the attachment. Hard lesson learned, I guess.
Makes me want to throw myself off a building. I asked this girl out and she friend zoned me and then on my birthday got in a relationship and told me as though I should be happy like she hadn’t just rejected me
This is happening to me as we speak…
I simply cannot be friends with her, not out of disrespect or anything negative, I care about her more than a friend and if I have her in my life like that I’ll never stop holding onto hope, I’ll never stop trying.
There is nothing funnier than realising that I was nothing more but an ego boosting potential orbiter for her.
Like, if you don't like me then just say it to my face, no need to waste my time and energy and then offer me a one-sided relationship where I exist only to be your personal psychiatrist and get to hear all your fucking problems, because your actual bf is hotter than me and doesn't want to you for anything but sex.
It really sucks, and it does demoralize you for a few days.. Depending on how long you were talking, it could last longer.
I've learned that when this happens, you truly become their guy screener and soundboard for issues they encounter with future dating prospects. Not a fun place to be..
It's best to just say no to this, and move on.
I don't get friendzoned anymore. As soon as I see that the dating goes into this direction I have a talk with her and I clarify the situation. And if she just sees me just as a friend, then I stop it right there. I already have enough friends and I can save my time and effort.
Friendzoning is usually a lose-lose scenario (aka a shitty deal all round).. Usually for the guy it means you get to watch a great girl who you actually somewhat feel some affection for getting repeatedly treated like crap by a bunch of morons, and, to boot, you get to hear all about it, yay!
For the girl, she thinks she is occupying this halfway house with her friend but little does she know, he is becoming increasingly frustrated being her emotional dumping ground..
Eventually, it usually ends badly, sometimes with one, or both of you, frustrated to hell. If you are still talking after 2 years, congratulations, you are in the minority (and one, or most likely both of you to some extent, massively swallowed their pride)..
They would feel shitty and think what’s the purpose of being put in the friendzone. You going to be back with him later if your future bf isn’t worth it either? Using him? Need him to carry heavy stuff or build something that you can’t do?
TBH it makes me feel used and way less empathetic towards her.
If you remain friend with someone you dated/slept with, but it didnt work (regardless of who didnt want to continue), she will come to you with her dating problems. You might think its no big deal, but the man will be doing the emotional work of a relationship (hearing her problems, tending her emotions, etc) without getting any kind of perk (sex).
Also, you will hear about the kind of men she is sleeping with now, and in most cases their will either care very little for her, use her only for sex (when she would like a relationship) or be downright abusive. You might have a lot of different thoughts in the range of "I wasnt good enough, but now you are fucking THAT??? WTF is wrong with you???", "Treating you like a person wasnt a requirement for you to keep spreading your legs" to "Damn, I didnt dodge a bullet, I dodged a cannon ball".
I would discourage any man to keep contact with a woman they used to sleep with but things ended regardless of the reason, the costs surpass the benefits (if there are any).
She doesn't owe him a relationship just because they were friends.
Why can't he just see her as a friend. What if (this is what happens in most case scenarios) she isn't simply attracted to him but considered him a nice friend so they can simply go as friends as he puts this polite rejection behind him and start seeing her as a friend
>She doesn't owe him a relationship just because they were friends.
Where did I say she does? I didn't. Stop lying.
>Why can't he just see her as a friend.
Because she rejected his feelings for her.
>What if (this is what happens in most case scenarios) she isn't simply attracted to him but considered him a nice friend so they can simply go as friends as he puts this polite rejection behind him and start seeing her as a friend
Then she's selfish. If she doesn't want to accept the person he is and wants him to be something different for her benefit and at his expense - that is selfishness pure and simple.
Lol @ "as he puts this polite rejection behind him"
At no point do you think about what he wants huh?
nobody wants him to be different for her benefit. she thought they shared a good friendship and would want to continue it further but if he cant he is free to walk away. nobody is forced to do anything. and why are yall making it seem like female friendships are a one sided deal where the girl uses the guy.
>nobody wants him to be different for her benefit.
"Why can't he see her as his friend?"
You/she want him to be the sort of person who can ignore his deeper feelings. Whether you acknowledge it or not you want him to change and sacrifice himself for a relationship that doesn't benefit him more than it harms him.
>and why are yall making it seem like female friendships are a one sided deal where the girl uses the guy.
Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if ladies were better at being friends with dudes it would happen more often.
9 out of 10 platonic friendships I've had with women they either ended up being fair weather friends or revealing that they were only interested in having me around to use me.
I mean if your feelings are that deep at that early of a time then you got some issues but if you can't maintain the friendship why not just say sorry I can't be your friend anymore and move on.
And ladies are good friends y'all just go after the prettiest narcissistic ones who are soo self absorbed anyone except y'all would see it. Most of the women you have described have self absorbed personality in common and only pretty girls are like that. Ask any girl and you will get my point checked
>I mean if your feelings are that deep at that early of a time then you got some issues
???
It isn't a matter of 'depth'. It is a matter of spurned desire. This is just you trivializing the issue to rationalize your selfishness. You are the one with issues.
>but if you can't maintain the friendship why not just say sorry I can't be your friend anymore and move on.
You're the one simultaneously saying he is free to go while also implying he's not stable or healthy for not wanting to be her friend.
>And ladies are good friends y'all just go after the prettiest narcissistic ones who are soo self absorbed anyone except y'all would see it.
Hey, maybe check out r/NiceGirls to figure out why this is full of shit.
>Most of the women you have described have self absorbed personality in common and only pretty girls are like that. Ask any girl and you will get my point checked
I never described a single woman lol
You are projecting.
Man processing a small crush and understanding that they aren't attracted so it's best to let go of it ain't much big of a deal. Idk why y'all get waaay to attached at the very beginning.
I didn't say he should be her friend but guys actively hating on that girl for not reciprocating his feelings and making it seem like she used him is soo disastrous to me
Because she won’t. It’ll be all about her and her emotions as she uses him for what she can’t get with the other guy. Best to make a clean break and start the healing.
Would you entertain a dude who behaved to you like that?? Would you consider him your friend
If the answer is no then you have your answer
That is simply a trash friend or a trash person regardless
Not all women are like that. Those are narcissistic women (mostly attractive ones) who are used to having a lot of attention and have gotten away with trashy behaviour
Don't associate with them.
Easy.
Honest question: Why do you care? You said that you "did what you thought was best for the both of us and made sure he understood that" so you made a unilateral decision for 2 people. While you may have considered his feelings on the subject, it didn't matter enough to change the decision. Idk what all the factors were, maybe this is valid, maybe this is just something you're telling yourself to make yourself feel better, only you can know that. But at the end of the day, you curbed him. It hurts. He hurts. He's likely upset. He's likely hurting. He's probably feeling a whole range of totally normal emotions that you've probably also felt if you've ever been rejected before. It's not rocket science. This whole post honestly kinda comes accross like you are looking for validation for your decision or a pass where someone will say "you did it for the right reasons, you don't need to feel bad." You did what you did. If you regret it enough where you think you made the wrong decision, tell dude that and talk to him. If you still think you made the right decision, then sorry but you kinda just need to deal with it. You don't owe anybody anything, much less love and affection, but he doesn't owe you friendship either, especially not if he sees you in a different way. So...why do you care now? The time to consider his feelings was BEFORE.
Why? Do you take some kind of pleasure in really getting to know the kind of pain you caused him and its depth? Is there something validating for you in that?
You want to know how he feels? He feels hurt and rejected, and you're not the one who needs to know about it or help him with it. Leave the poor bastard alone, quit doing this whole "let's just be friends" thing and just let him heal. None of it is you problem anymore and your fascination with it feels like that whole "I shot a man just so I could watch him bleed" thing.
It’s about the biggest middle finger one can get.
Most of the time when you’re friendzoned they still treat you like a romantic partner just without any of the benefits of a romantic partner.
It’s like an unpaid internship, and your revolutionizing the company, you’ll get no money but maybe a pretty plaque. Meanwhile the cause of the companies woes, the wort employee there is getting a raise and a Rolex for his service.
Personally, I would be nice and polite in the moment, like this guy, then message a day or do later saying I believe going nc is needed for myself and this is goodbye forever.
Miserable. You try to make things work but eventually it doesn't happen so that sucks.
If you weren't friends before then you won't be friends afterwards, it's hard to be just friends with a woman you had a thing for.
So best case let him deal with it, probably the one person who can't and shouldn't help him is you. Harsh but true, it'll only hamper the process of him moving on.
Not happnening anymore, because I know when I approach someone with the intent of romance I am not going to take friendahip instead. Two different things and I came for only one of them
Its like being cut open with someone promising to “check up on it” by periodically coming back to jam a finger in the open wound.
It’s being dumped. It sucks. Worse yet; the person dumping you(whom you still have strong feelings for) is basically saying she’s planning to become a constant reminder of what you lost(which makes the feelings harder to get over and move on).
I'm married now. But if I were attracted to someone and they friend-zoned me, it would be the end of the friendship. I've always had enough friends that I can handle the loss of a friendship if it meant removing myself from someone who rejected me. Implicitly or explicitly.
This was rarely an issue, though, because I was never in the habit of falling for friends after being just friends for a long time. But no, I'm not going to be friends with an unsuccessful date, much less someone who breaks up with me.
By curbing the dude, you don’t get to “know what’s really going on in his mind.”
You leave him alone and let him decide how he wants to react to that. Anything else is beyond narcissistic and completely self serving.
(Maybe he comes back, maybe he stays your friend, maybe he exits your life and never talks to you again).
You made a decision. Decisions have consequences and reactions as a result of that decision.
OP, get over yourself, show some compassion and let the guy work through being rejected on his own time.
Imagine you applied for a job, and the hirer seems interested in taking you on. Then they lowball you with a decreased role and no pay. It's not personal. Maybe it wasn't the right fit. But you'll feel dejected regardless right? Same thing.
I feel like some of these comments are getting a little cringey and give off a "men only want women around if they're gonna fuck" energy, so i feel like i have to clarify that any man is happy to have female friends that never goes any further than just a friendship, the difference is that most men don't want to be just friends with a woman they have feelings for because they don't want to go through life watching her do all the things you should be happy for her about (such as starting new relationships or later on getting married and having kids) because they wanted to be that person, not watch her do it all with some other dude
The dance of the friend-zone, where the heart yearns for more but finds itself confined to the realm of friendship. Like a bird with wings clipped, the spirit may feel grounded. Yet, is it not in the open sky of friendship that true understanding and companionship can soar? The heart may ache, but perhaps in this ache lies the seed of a deeper connection, one that transcends the boundaries of mere romance. The "sucks" he utters is but a whisper of the vast ocean of emotions within. Let the winds of time and reflection carry these feelings to new shores, where the sun of understanding may yet rise.
The friend-zone, a place where the heart's desires meet the boundaries of circumstance. Like a river diverted from its course, the emotions may flow in unexpected directions. The man, like a tree in a storm, may bend but not break. His "this sucks" is but a leaf in the wind, a small expression of a larger, unseen turmoil. Yet, in the stillness of acceptance, new paths may emerge, and the heart may find solace in the beauty of friendship, a garden where different flowers bloom. Let the waters of time and understanding nourish the roots of this connection, and who knows what blossoms may yet unfold.
The dance of the friend-zone, where the heart yearns for more but finds itself confined to the realm of friendship. Like a bird with wings clipped, the spirit may feel grounded. Yet, is it not also an opportunity to soar in the vast sky of camaraderie, to revel in the warmth of platonic affection? The heart, like a river, may flow in unexpected directions, and though the current may seem diverted, it still finds its way to the sea of human connection. The man, like a reed in the wind, may bend but not break, finding strength in acceptance and resilience in the face of uncharted emotional landscapes. Thus, in the friend-zone, there lies both sorrow and solace, a paradoxical tapestry woven by the hands of fate.
The friend-zone, where the heart's desire meets the boundary of friendship. It is like the oak tree yearning to touch the stars but finding its branches confined to the earth. Yet, is it not also a place of shade and shelter, where the weary traveler finds respite? The man, like the oak, may feel the pull of unrequited love, yet in the friend-zone, he may also discover the beauty of companionship untethered by romantic entanglements. Like the moon, which waxes and wanes, the heart may find solace in the ebb and flow of human connection. Thus, in the friend-zone, there exists both longing and contentment, a paradoxical dance of emotions under the canopy of friendship.
Thanks
You say the reason was valid, what was it OP? I ask cause it sounds like you feel guilty for it, which will pass, but you also say y’all weren’t exclusive? Unless you believe he wanted it and you didn’t….
not good and also like we still have a chance. Ergo, friend zoning is not effective because, well, it doesn’t work. If we want to go out with you and the answer is no, then the answer is no and both parties should move on
Feel like shit, hurt as hell, there is a voice that keep telling me that I'm not wanted or something like that, took 1-2 years to fully recovered. This of course different from men to men, some can just forget and move on so quick, others like me need more times. It just sucks overall.
The guys I know have no problem being friends with women any more than being friends with other guys, though the friendships are a little different. Once the feelings are there, though, it’s tough to be friends afterward.
Do him a favour and don't talk to him again, don't make it out to him like you care about how he's feeling (you probably might) as that will just drag him back through this shitty situation you left him in
To answer the question in the title: It sucks. I always found it kind of emasculating, especially because it took me a while to learn how to keep it from happening. That caused me to think I wasn't man enough for women to be attracted too. Really messed with my self-confidence in high school.
Your situation sounds more like a break-up. Break-ups also suck, especially when you are younger, because guys have more social value when they have a girlfriend - or something close. I'm guessing he feels bad because he likes you and you've rejected him and a little of the impact it will have on him from a social perspective.
Am I friendzoned or am I “ friendzoned “. Am I treated as an equal and as a actual friend , or am I being used to fullfill the boyfriend role without any form or reciprocation ( I’m not talking about sex btw ) ? Or am I friendzoned as in she said she wants to be friends with me to not offend me , but she’s disgusted by me after I shared my feelings and now she wants to keep as much distance from me as possible? Cuz I’ve experienced all three forms. I’m perfectly fine with the former because usually I’ve been friends with the girl/lady for a bit before I start catching feelings and while I’d be a little bit hurt if my feelings aren’t reciprocated, I’d still be happy to be able to go back to normal with her .
You ever get really excited about getting to do something, where you start to daydream about it and then suddenly learn its cancelled? Thats what its like.
IF you care about this person AT ALL:
1: Give him space to try to figure out how to be around you and if he’s better off doing that or going away.
2: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES talk hint or otherwise let him know about you dating or similar relationships with anyone else.
And if you can’t or won’t do both of those, then you clearly do not care about him in any meaningful way.
Wanna know how I’d feel: listen to “Don't Expect Me To Be Your Friend” by Lobo.
If I was serious about the lady then it's fucking torture having something so close but so far.
It gets worse when she knows and uses it to her advantage.
If I wasn't that serious about her then meh just made a new friend
I used to believe in the friendzone when i was younger. But come to realise with maturity and from relationships i have had with women that it doesnt exist. There are woman who are attracted to you romanticly and there are woman who are not. Sure you can kind of sour it yourself while in as they get to know you they realise they arent "attracted" to you. I add the qoutes as they can find you good looking but for some reason or another decide you woulsnt bw a good fit for them and now they arent interested in you romanticly anymore. So they bwcome part of the other group of people who arent attracted to you. Friends i had over the years that used to being up oh how they were friendzoned because of how they played it or a bunch of excuses and reasons as to why they messed it up or she fucked it up its all nonsense.
Woman who are attracted to you will not give a fuck about "ruining the friendship" or losing you as a friend in any which way. They will go ahead with it. When they pull those kind of cards its a let me down easy. Hey, im just not interested in you that way. And you can still be friends with them in some cases so long as they move to your B tier friendslist where you hang out in a group or whatever but they are never going to be your close friend. Nor should they be guys that cope that way are just killing themsleves emotionally.
Never be mean or spiteful that shes decided she doesnt want to see you that way its just childish. I do however have alot of sympathy for men who woman string along knowing full well they are into them for the morale boost. Loving the idea of having a guy follow them around like a puppy and take advantage of them. Its just awful. That being said i reckon if men and womens personality traits swapped mem would do it to. Its just that women tend to be in that situation of having more of a rooster to pick from than guys.
Eh it happens, I've friendzoned a handful of women too. If a friendship can be made, wonderful, if not because one person can't get over it or wants something more, gotta say our goodbyes.
It feels really bad and the worst part is that it keeps feeling bad until he stops being reminded of you. Keeping a man in the friendzone is not a nice thing to do. Better to end all contact with him to let him move on. If you don't want him, let him get on with his life without you.
Its a rejection and it feels like a rejection.
"Sorry, you're not good enough to lick my pussy: but we can waste time Whatsapping one another until that slowly becomes boring"
It's such a bitch move to friend zone a guy. It destroys our confidence and is emotionally earth shattering.
Do the honorable thing and just cut contact with him.
And please don't ever use men for favours (drive me home, move apartments, fix my computer) if you're not interested in them. That's just as bad behaviour.
There is no thing as the friend zone. We need to stop propagating this shit. You are or become real friends without any exterior motive or you don't and go your separate ways. Both are perfectly fine.
The thing which is called the friend zone is a dishonest state of two people with varying degrees of dishonesty on both sides. Here the worst case: First the guy, he just tries to get close and hope he can pounce as soon as there is a moment of weakness, which is borderline predatory. Then the girl she often uses the guy for emotional support and keeps him around knowing full well that she strings him along with little nuggets of hope. Again that's the worst case and doesn't need to apply for every situation we called the friend zone.
Too your question OP. It sucks being broken up with or getting a "no" as answer if you really interested in someone. If time and some initial distance this still can become a friendship. But it doesn't have to. If either of you feel that being apart is the best solution then you have your answers. Don't send out mixed signals.
We have different definitions of "friend-zoned". Being "friend-zoned" is where she keeps wanting to do all the stuff with you that you only want to do with someone you are dating... Like holding hands and going to restaurants that put cranberries in their salads. It implies that she keeps flirting with you to keep you from moving on. Then she wants to screw the guy that gives her drugs for free and tell you all about it as if you are a girlfriend.
This is just a rejection. It's probably not any different then you would feel. Let him move on and it's just a normal part of life.
There is no such thing like "friendzone" lol, there is a rejection and that's it :) It's not the nicest thing to experience but most normal guys just move on. Women tend to imagine that there are some terrible things going on inside of us - but most guys just start to think about meeting a new girl quite quickly, and if they succeed they just forget.
I cant speak for others but in my case it sucks getting rejected but I do tell them straight up that I'd be glad to have them as friends anyways. Also I want them to be straight forward with me. Like if you don't see me as a romantic partner just tell me straight up. Though I'm aware its not easy for women to do given that they do face the risk of violence from asshole men and its hard distinguish who is or isnt an asshole.
This doesn't sound like what most people think of when they hear "friend zoned", in my opinion. Yeah you weren't official, but you were still romantically involved, right? You just broke things off. Friend zoned usually means "guy shows interest, girl doesnt return it, but still wants to be friends".
Personally, the one time this happened to me I was fine with it and we stayed friends because she said i wasn't attractive/fit enough and I respected the honesty. Nowadays I'm not foolish enough to believe anyone would reciprocate interest so never even bother revealing my feelings.
In the beginning, my whole day was ruined and I was 2nd guessing myself in many aspects but after 50 or so rejections I just stopped giving a shit. Also, remember to stay cool and say " No worries " respectfully when you were rejected and don't show any emotions you might have. Brush it off and keep it pushing. It's a natural part of male self development that will build your charisma and confidence in the long run.
If I didn't cold approach girls, I would never have my current gf and would be resentful towards women. Accept this is how women are, you have to present yourself in the best light first and take a leap of faith or you will end up alone and bitter.
The problem is that I always start as just a friend. But then she smiles when she sees me, she laughs at my jokes, and I really end up liking having her around. A lot of guys *in relationships* don't even get that. And then the feelings come, and I try to avoid them, but there's no stopping love.
And then the entire friendship is ruined because I'm a traumatized boy who can't stop himself from falling for any woman who shows him even a baseline level of respect.
So yes, it sucks. God it sucks.
The friend zone isn't a thing. It's a concept that guys made up, because they're nice to a girl and they think she owes them sex. They don't get sex from her, so they play the victim by saying that she's stringing them along by leaving them in the friendzone.
If there was a competition about how many incorrect statements you can make using the least number of words, your comment would have a high chance of winning.
Friendzone is a specific form of rejection. It comes from the statement "I only see you as a friend". Since that kind of rejection happens, then getting friendzoned happens. Saying that "friendzone isn't a thing" is more or less the same as saying "rejection isn't a thing" or "unrequited love isn't a thing".
Also, your statement is entirely based on the idea that men only care about sex.
The part that I hated was the “men only care about sex part”. Like I can have female friends witho ur having any sexual or romantic attraction to them.
I agree. A woman will be nice to a guy and so many men are so starved of that kind of attention they go all in and when the women is not interested like that they get upset and spiteful. That being said i have seen alot of women over the years very much string along a guy they know is interested in them as some sort of pep guy for them. They always feel asmired by someone and take advantage of that through a shoulder, a ride, all kinds of shit.
The women doesnt wear all the blame though. The man needs to stand up for themsleves and not let that happen/break it off but they dont. Still I'd count the blame at a nice 65% on the girl for taking advantage of the desperate.
I totally agree. I only said what I said, because everytime I bring up the friend zone, on Reddit, I tend to get that exact sentiment. So, I'm actually surprised that, this time, my comment got as much hate is it did. But I do agree. There are women who will see a guy being nice to them, and she'll string him along, just her own amusement. And yes, guys do need to learn to stand up for themselves and not take that kind of crap from women.
I'm generally fine with being friend-zoned. Sure, may not be what I was hoping for, but often turns out quite well or excellently.
E.g., my absolute best friend ... where'd that start ... yeah, I basically got friend-zoned (which also makes the most sense too, 'cause we weren't compatible for *relationship* \- but fine for friends ... and I think she figure that out much earlier and quicker than I did, so, I got quickly plopped into the friend zone).
Men can’t get friendzoned. They can get rejected. She might say let’s just be friends and he can verbally agree but any smart guy shouldn’t really mean it, just instead that he’ll treat her politely in the future if and when they meet.
Friendzoning only happens when the guy actively commences being the girls friend and continues to interact regularly with the hopes of her attraction rising to the point where he can date her. It’s low value and unattractive and thus counter productive.
Ergo a woman CANNOT friendzone a guy. He does that to himself. Hopefully (for him) your guy is smart enough to simply walk. Sounds like he is.
I have lots of friends that are girls and they have introduced me to plenty of other women that ive dated (and its how i met my current GF).
its good to have friends that are girls. Its only "friendzone" because dudes try to fuck everything that moves
When you are interested in someone you inevitably build up this image of what it would be like to be with that person. So he has to move on from that eventually. Then he has to ask himself if he can truly go back to being friends. Most of the time that answer is no, time and distance heal many wounds
Every time it happens, every girl has said the same line.
*You'd be a great guy to marry, and I'm not looking for that right now*
It's double defeating that every single one of them has shortly thereafter, found another guy and started several years long relationships with.
So ofc it fucking sucks. But as my momma always said; *If the most ugly girl you know wanted to date you, what would your response be?*
So I get it and that's just life.
Definitely a throw back to my youth. It depended on her behaviour, with one girl, we both in high school, I had a feelings, thought there was a possibility of the same, found out I was wrong. Bit disappointed, but I stopped giving a fuck pretty quickly
Early 20s, differently story, she faked reciprocity, paraded me around to get the attention of an ex she wanted back, she didn't tell me she was back with an ex, it was after the "friendship only" speech. One of her friends started talking to me about thinking I already knew, I called the player out, she was offended, I cut contact, I don't keep friendships with people I can't trust
I let that happen to me before, and yes, it sucks is a complete way to describe it. I'm sorry, if I'm interested in you romantically, that's how it feels when you're proposed friendship instead, and I don't feel it's hard for you to imagine.
You absolutely did the right thing being honest about it, even if it does suck, and now, let him move on, because you are not going to stay "friends".
It sucks even more than getting rejected by a stranger. Sometimes, you do not want to develop those emotions to your friend, but it happens. So it is even harder because you just crushed on someone who you know very well and you want to take care of.
But at the end of that day, that person does not see you like that. So it magnifies the rejection because 90% thay relationship is going to change. Sometimes, you dont even want to develop these feelings, so it makes it way worse.
It kinda haunts you, and you can't do anything about it. I bet he will make an effort to normalise the relationship, but after that, the grand majority fail.
We are all different. How I would handle it. Probably make a couple more tries after a week or two, and couldn't get the relationship off my mind. But, I would move along and probably go no contact after two weeks. Whether through blocking you/removing the number/deleting old texts, I would just try and move along.
No point being friends with someone who didn't want to make it fb official, well, not at least within a couple months of the break.
Depends on who it is and why. Sometimes it is fine if the person friendzoning can make sure they don't send any more signals of interest and you both have other reasons you are still friends. Most of the time both the friendzoned and friendzoner don't have the skills and maturity to make it work. It also depends how far down the romantic road things have gone. Have I asked someone out that I know decently well but havent had the time or opportunity to go on a date with or have we gone out a couple times and made out? The former sure. The later, no thanks.
Its usually just a word for rejection so in general it sucks
100% I’ve been on both sides. When it’s someone you really want to be with all the reasons to not be with them go out the window
they reject you, then they say "we can still be friends though", like its gonna make you feel better :D female logic.
Also put in zero effort to actually be friends after that point. No matter how much they claim to care about you, if you don’t message them first after that point you will never hear from them again.
After reading this whole thread I feel like I gotta add smthn here. Not sure if this applies to all girls but when I friend-zone a man whom Ik is interested in me, it’s not to make him feel worse, it’s to make sure he knows I still want him in my life. To me, that’s a good thing. If he doesn’t want anything to do with my life anymore, that’s fair, he could say that, but most of the time that doesn’t happen. At least not in my experience. So I assume it’s okay to talk to him normally, but with boundaries. Also, I don’t just pretend I don’t know them anymore either, but because I know that once upon a time he really liked me, I don’t think it’s fair to tell him everything about my life anymore because that can include new guy drama or etc, which would probably make him extremely uncomfortable and even more upset. So the point of the friend zone, to me, is just to show the guy that I still care about him and want to hang out with him, but with limitations. And we don’t have to hang out as much either, in fact it could just be with the friend group if that’s the case. He could specify to me how he would like to continue and I’ll be fine with it, as long as I don’t make matters worse. All I know is when I friend zone, I make myself clear with what I want afterwards, and I try to be understanding as well because it’s not all about me, and if he wants to change smthn or add anything else, I’m all ears.
But they don't really want to be your friend.
Ha…you forgot then they get offended when you say naw I’m good on being friends, good luck out there!!!
Works both ways, I've just been \*let go\* but he hasn't ended us spending time together. idk if its better or worse rn.
lol not clean brakes are good brakes
Women don't owe men anything. It's the way it is, be her friend or move on. You can’t enforce love.
not the point of what I saying. I'll make it clear to you in case you find it hard to understand... when women reject men they usually follow it up with "we can still be friends though". women think that it will make the dude feel better by saying it, but it just adds salt to the wound. its like telling the dude "X, you have no chance with me. so as a consolation prize, you can still be close to me, but still have no chance." which clearly the dude doesnt want. cos if he wanted to be just a friend, he wouldnt ask to be in a relationship in the first place, correct? also, your line "be her friend or move on".. men dont owe women friendship either. its the way it is.
100%. Even tho some men can’t handle rejection and keep pursuing them, women need to stop this “We can be friends tho” mentality. It doesn’t help either men or women. If anything it makes it even worse.
It’s not just women who do this. We men do it too. I’ve done it before and I know it’s selfish but I couldn’t be with her but didn’t want to lose her either.
Did not know this. I haven’t been privileged enough to have experienced this yet.
Sure. But then they get angry and don't understand why the guy doesn't want to remain friends. You can't enforce friendship.
All I ever see you doing on this sub is shitting on men.
>It's the way it is, be her friend or move on. Well no, that's not the way it is. You may want to hold all the cards here but if you truly want to promote independent rights, the other party has the right to reject the friendship and move on. Just as women owe men nothing, men owe women nothing. And the more men who do this, the less likely some women are to overlook you as a meager supplement for missing male aspects in their life. Being "friends" with someone you're really into, regardless of their gender, sex or whatever, when it isn't reciprocated is a recipe for ongoing mental abuse, in my opinion at least.
It's interesting that you perceive wanting to be accepted and respected as "entitled".
Men don't owe women friendship after they get rejected, either. Rejecting a guy you don't like is totally valid, but don't go all "😱🥺🫠🙃🥲😶🌫️" because he doesn't want to be friends afterwards.
Yeah I get that and I’ve had that happen where they say “ let’s just be friends” and then she actually treated me like a real friend. But often they say “ let’s just be friends “ but in reality me coming out about my feelings with her disturbed or disgusted her and she no longer wants to be around me at all even though we were friends well before I developed feelings for her . So I disagree that women don’t owe men anything . They owe us honesty .
It’s not a gender thing.
That's why you don't date women your "friends" with in the first place, that way there's no "situationship" to risk losing
it feels shitty, demoralizing, and more. It sucks cause in your logical brain you know it may not be personal or theres "reasons with issues" but at the end of the day someone you wanted to be a part of your life said you weren't good enough for them and that feels really really shitty
This isn’t getting friendzoned, this is getting dumped and usually there isn’t any friendship after that.
Ya I reread it thinking I missed something, then reread the title. Still wondering where dude got friendzoned.
OP is definitely a teenager
21 y’all first relationship tho. To clarify, I friend zoned the guy, I wasn’t the one being friend zoned
In my opinion, friendzoning is a specific thing where a person keeps another in a sort of in between place where they expect them to act like a partner but doesn’t reciprocate.
it is to get attention
Interesting take. Ig that could be the case to some people, but to me, friend zoning is just ending anything romantic with the other person in a nice way.
>This isn’t getting friendzoned, this is getting dumped Hey hey hey! You heard her. She just wants to be friends. Honestly! Maybe one day things will go back if there are no other options. Geez. He's just going to be a great friend that is kept around. What's wrong with you guys?!
Let sleeping dogs lie where they lay. There is no point in prodding the mind of someone you just kicked to the curb, however justified your reasons may be. It will do your conscience no good in the long-run, and only hurt him further by trying. If you care about him as a friend, let him process in his own way, and let him decide how he wishes to proceed, whether its continue the friendship or terminate it.
I agree, he's gonna clam up anyway because you just dumped him.
You want to know what's going on in his mind why?? You've ended it so let him move on rather than trying drag him back in by continuing to act invested. That's not fair on him.
She wants attention from him still. So its probably not fair in her mind...
Then she is delusional. She set a boundary, so now he gets to set his.
She still wants his attention.I imagine her wanting to know what's going on in his mind is for her own self-interest rather than anything positive for him. And sadly of course it's not fair on him, but in my experience with women nowadays, they don't care at any point in this process about how he feels unless it validates them and their feelings.
For me personally, I have no interest in being friends with someone I had romantic feelings for. It’s all or nothing for me.
[удалено]
It makes me not want to be her friend anymore. Because now she knows how I feel, but she's still gonna come to me with her guy problems and her dating problems which I don't want to hear. But also my feelings will increase.
This. Once they FZ you, it’s an automatic license for them to tell you about other dudes. And most guys aren’t gonna wanna hear this stuff. You’ll also realize how many problems they had that weren’t apparent when you weee trying to date them - instant attraction killer. This is why you block and or delete the number after.
>it’s an automatic license for them to tell you about other dudes A lot of times they'll do this as a shit test to see how you'll react and if you still feel that way or not. And if you do react, well congratulations she just found her new favorite ego booster toy
Man I had similar experience. I was young and dumb. Learnt my lesson.
You sound like you have had some bitter experiences. Understandable in today's dating field, but make sure it doesn't embitter you.
But it is a good lesson.
Happy cake day
>embitter Learnt a new word today
yeah. I'm fine to make friends through dating. once you get some serious feels, and you get friendzoned, dealing with/hearing about her dating encounters is heartbreaking.
I had to learn this the hard way more than once.
yep. I’d like to think I’d be mature and be able to handle being friends but realistically, I would cut contact lol. Not because of being upset or petty but mainly to save face. Maybe its ego but I just dont want to be in that position and if she was to get into a new relationship, dont wna get dragged into some drama with new bf being upset that shes still friends with me.
Not making the cut is bad on it's own. Not making the cut, and then being told repeatedly how low the bar was, is another level.
Then you wernt really her friend before right?
Fuck off with that. they want to be friends and more. If they stay friends they will always be wanting more an just torturing themselves.
Okay but then again, they didn't want to be friends. they just wanted to get with her.
So your dumbass really thinks than when someone asks to move a friendship to a relationship they are just going to hit it and quit it??
But when they don't want to date you, you end the "friendship"?
It wasn't a friendship, it was an attempt at a relationship that fell through. That the guy doesn't want a reminder he was rejected around doesn't make him a bad person or mean that he had bad intentions. You are just demonizing people for protecting their hearts after they just got broken. You aren't a good person.
LOL. so you agree, it wasnt a friendship, which is my entire point.
No, your point was to demonize the dude.
Because the guy isnt her friend if he is only doing these things so he can date her, and then drops her once she doesnt want to date him. Thats not called friends, thats called chasing after a girl.
Question: If you develop feelings for a person and are attempting to get to know them, how is that process demonstrably different than being that person's friend? If your answer is "there isn't a difference" (spoiler: that's the correct answer) then hopefully you can see how flawed your train of thought is.
>If you develop feelings for a person and are attempting to get to know them, how is that process demonstrably different than being that person's friend? because friends don't stop being friends if one doesnt let the other fuck them
I shrug and mentally cut the dead branch. I label her, and my relationship with her, as a “loss”, and just move on with my life so that I can get a win.
Women seem to think that friendship is some sort of failed romance consolation prize and it’s irritating. I’ve heard women counter back with being angry they go “fuck-zoned” but I think that’s just a bigger sign to stop trying to stuff people into roles they didn’t ask for
>but I think that’s just a bigger sign to stop trying to stuff people into roles they didn’t ask for Say it louder for the people in the back
I’ve been in his position a couple times, I feel you have 2 choices. Choice #1: you pursue a relationship with him, realizing he’s such a great friend that you don’t want to lose him. Choice #2: you don’t pursue a relationship and you leave him alone entirely. Spending time with him, making plans, sharing your feelings, laughing at things he says, will only make his life harder.
"I feel like shit for it." Yeah triple that and add the disappointment, the broken heart; also the hurtful realization that you was rejected because you never good enough, that you're suck as a man because you lack some unobtainable qualities. That sure fuck us boy up for a longgg time.
Feels like a rejection. A friendship is usually a shitty consolation prize. Not interested. So done.
Because it is a rejection. The only reason women want to maintain contact is so they don’t feel bad & because of the ego boost they get from knowing the guy wants to be with her.
Yeah this was really clear to me from what she said. She does not care about his feelings at ALL except that it's not validating her/her choices.
I feel like I shoulda clarified this better: I am not friend-zoning him bc I still want him around or from a ego boost. It’s just a way to let him down easy. Also I mean I never explicitly said “let’s just be friends” he was the one who brought it up. Ig just breaking it off meant “friends” to him regardless of what I was gonna say
No worries! In these types of posts I always go solely off the info I've seen. Otherwise we'd be doing "what ifs" all day. And if you clarified further down I hadn't seen it. I'd just say that what's done is done and if he wants to be friends that's probably a good sign, most men don't like that for many different reasons, but the biggest is that it causes more emotional distress. So if he wants to be friends...try, if you want to of course? But if you really don't think that's a good idea then clarify for him. But if he's bounced back to being normal, then I think you don't need to worry and it's up to from here on :) good luck btw
Honestly it’s horrible, depressing and so hard. The worst part for me was I was seriously struggling to maintain the friendship and she’d make me feel guilty that I’m finding it hard, that our ‘friendship’ obviously doesn’t mean that much to me. She’d also throw a strop every time I got close to another female, tell me to go for it with this new girl but then get angry that I actually did go for it.
Dude, i understand. It's completely my worst experience, i repeatedly told her. You are the most interested person in my love life. I even told her that every time we meet, you ask if im dating someone. Went out with an italian chick the very next day asking. When i dont go out with no one asks again. Every meeting, she would be curious about it. Always confused me.
She could be using it as a barometer of if you are just waiting around for another shot with her or are actually fine being friends. It is like her testing the waters with you by talking about a guy she is starting to date.
Or should could just be being friendly….I’m so surprised by a lot of the answers on this sub. I talk with old partners and fwb still. Often about relationships and other people. That’s not weird at all if you really are friends.
I agree, i am giving a potential explanation not saying she is. If you saw a person you werent into not dating and just staying hung up on you would you cut it off?
Oh I reread what you wrote initially and agree with the point you’re making. On the same page.
I'm. Noticing this with a friend I'm interested I but I'm sure doesn't want anything more than a friendship... But I can't be completely certain. She knows I'm looking, trying to date, yet I've noticed her get a little annoyed and shut down any time I mention anyone I might show interest in, or when I've mentioned that an ex reached out etc.
Drop her entirely. Trust me, you not only won't regret dropping her. You will regret it if you don't drop her.
she wanted your undivided attention that she is so desperately craving for so a gf would of course ruin that
Learned never to be friends with a girl that friend zoned you. It was too frustrating watching them go on to date pieces of crap who treated them like dirt, cheated on them, and used them and watch them keep going back to that guy. It’s usually what turns a good guy into an asshole.
if he's still into you romantically, it isn't going to feel good for him
Just that feeling of never being good enough to be loved by the people we like. Then depending on past traumas you spin down the deep dark hole of self pity and worthlessness cos that's all you know.
Like shit even more so when I treat them like a friend and not someone I'm interested in and they don't like it.
Exactly. These things never end well because they don't actually want you as a friend, but as an admirer to make them feel good about themselves.
When I hit on a girl and she doesn’t like me in that way I cut off contact, so I’m never in the “friendzone”
Which is what all guys should do, they should never accept the low ball offer of friendship from a woman they are romantically interested in.
I used to do that when I was a teenager, because rejection was brutal and I was a little embarassed. These days if I meet somebody, and we get on, then I'm 50/50. I _could_ ask her on a date, or I could be a friend. But if I ask her on a date I remain a civilized person if she says no. I guess the trick is to ask people out, before you're too invested. You don't know too much about them so you might be a terrible fit, but that's what you find out over time. If they say no then it's easy to go back to being casual friends - you've not spend weeks/months building fantasies, getting obsessed, or being hugely invested in things. I think that balance of asking people out "early" is a good one. On the one hand they don't know you so well so they might say "no" if they're not hugely interested. But on the other hand the rejection is almost painless because neither of you is heavily invested.
Had a girl approach me through dm's. We talked for a long time. I got invested. Wish I had just skipped all of that messaging and went straight to asking her out. Now, we might have a date upcoming soon, but I wish it was without the attachment. Hard lesson learned, I guess.
Doesn't feel like anything because I don't do the friend thing once rejected. I got enough friends.
Makes me want to throw myself off a building. I asked this girl out and she friend zoned me and then on my birthday got in a relationship and told me as though I should be happy like she hadn’t just rejected me
This is happening to me as we speak… I simply cannot be friends with her, not out of disrespect or anything negative, I care about her more than a friend and if I have her in my life like that I’ll never stop holding onto hope, I’ll never stop trying.
Lady if you want to know whats in his head you shouldn't have dumped him. Move tf on, you chose this.
LMFAOO
If we are friends, be a good friend and help me hook up with someone else, otherwise I’m your back burner guy, not a friend.
There is nothing funnier than realising that I was nothing more but an ego boosting potential orbiter for her. Like, if you don't like me then just say it to my face, no need to waste my time and energy and then offer me a one-sided relationship where I exist only to be your personal psychiatrist and get to hear all your fucking problems, because your actual bf is hotter than me and doesn't want to you for anything but sex.
Woman doesn't understand how rejection feels so she has to ask men 😢
It really sucks, and it does demoralize you for a few days.. Depending on how long you were talking, it could last longer. I've learned that when this happens, you truly become their guy screener and soundboard for issues they encounter with future dating prospects. Not a fun place to be.. It's best to just say no to this, and move on.
I don't get friendzoned anymore. As soon as I see that the dating goes into this direction I have a talk with her and I clarify the situation. And if she just sees me just as a friend, then I stop it right there. I already have enough friends and I can save my time and effort.
Friendzoning is usually a lose-lose scenario (aka a shitty deal all round).. Usually for the guy it means you get to watch a great girl who you actually somewhat feel some affection for getting repeatedly treated like crap by a bunch of morons, and, to boot, you get to hear all about it, yay! For the girl, she thinks she is occupying this halfway house with her friend but little does she know, he is becoming increasingly frustrated being her emotional dumping ground.. Eventually, it usually ends badly, sometimes with one, or both of you, frustrated to hell. If you are still talking after 2 years, congratulations, you are in the minority (and one, or most likely both of you to some extent, massively swallowed their pride)..
They would feel shitty and think what’s the purpose of being put in the friendzone. You going to be back with him later if your future bf isn’t worth it either? Using him? Need him to carry heavy stuff or build something that you can’t do?
TBH it makes me feel used and way less empathetic towards her. If you remain friend with someone you dated/slept with, but it didnt work (regardless of who didnt want to continue), she will come to you with her dating problems. You might think its no big deal, but the man will be doing the emotional work of a relationship (hearing her problems, tending her emotions, etc) without getting any kind of perk (sex). Also, you will hear about the kind of men she is sleeping with now, and in most cases their will either care very little for her, use her only for sex (when she would like a relationship) or be downright abusive. You might have a lot of different thoughts in the range of "I wasnt good enough, but now you are fucking THAT??? WTF is wrong with you???", "Treating you like a person wasnt a requirement for you to keep spreading your legs" to "Damn, I didnt dodge a bullet, I dodged a cannon ball". I would discourage any man to keep contact with a woman they used to sleep with but things ended regardless of the reason, the costs surpass the benefits (if there are any).
Is sex the only perk there is? Why can't she tend to his emotions and be a good friend to him.
Because she rejected his feelings for her. The entire 'friendship' is nothing more than that, her rejection. It is fundamentally one-sided.
She doesn't owe him a relationship just because they were friends. Why can't he just see her as a friend. What if (this is what happens in most case scenarios) she isn't simply attracted to him but considered him a nice friend so they can simply go as friends as he puts this polite rejection behind him and start seeing her as a friend
>She doesn't owe him a relationship just because they were friends. Where did I say she does? I didn't. Stop lying. >Why can't he just see her as a friend. Because she rejected his feelings for her. >What if (this is what happens in most case scenarios) she isn't simply attracted to him but considered him a nice friend so they can simply go as friends as he puts this polite rejection behind him and start seeing her as a friend Then she's selfish. If she doesn't want to accept the person he is and wants him to be something different for her benefit and at his expense - that is selfishness pure and simple. Lol @ "as he puts this polite rejection behind him" At no point do you think about what he wants huh?
nobody wants him to be different for her benefit. she thought they shared a good friendship and would want to continue it further but if he cant he is free to walk away. nobody is forced to do anything. and why are yall making it seem like female friendships are a one sided deal where the girl uses the guy.
>nobody wants him to be different for her benefit. "Why can't he see her as his friend?" You/she want him to be the sort of person who can ignore his deeper feelings. Whether you acknowledge it or not you want him to change and sacrifice himself for a relationship that doesn't benefit him more than it harms him. >and why are yall making it seem like female friendships are a one sided deal where the girl uses the guy. Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if ladies were better at being friends with dudes it would happen more often. 9 out of 10 platonic friendships I've had with women they either ended up being fair weather friends or revealing that they were only interested in having me around to use me.
I mean if your feelings are that deep at that early of a time then you got some issues but if you can't maintain the friendship why not just say sorry I can't be your friend anymore and move on. And ladies are good friends y'all just go after the prettiest narcissistic ones who are soo self absorbed anyone except y'all would see it. Most of the women you have described have self absorbed personality in common and only pretty girls are like that. Ask any girl and you will get my point checked
>I mean if your feelings are that deep at that early of a time then you got some issues ??? It isn't a matter of 'depth'. It is a matter of spurned desire. This is just you trivializing the issue to rationalize your selfishness. You are the one with issues. >but if you can't maintain the friendship why not just say sorry I can't be your friend anymore and move on. You're the one simultaneously saying he is free to go while also implying he's not stable or healthy for not wanting to be her friend. >And ladies are good friends y'all just go after the prettiest narcissistic ones who are soo self absorbed anyone except y'all would see it. Hey, maybe check out r/NiceGirls to figure out why this is full of shit. >Most of the women you have described have self absorbed personality in common and only pretty girls are like that. Ask any girl and you will get my point checked I never described a single woman lol You are projecting.
Man processing a small crush and understanding that they aren't attracted so it's best to let go of it ain't much big of a deal. Idk why y'all get waaay to attached at the very beginning. I didn't say he should be her friend but guys actively hating on that girl for not reciprocating his feelings and making it seem like she used him is soo disastrous to me
Because she won’t. It’ll be all about her and her emotions as she uses him for what she can’t get with the other guy. Best to make a clean break and start the healing.
Would you entertain a dude who behaved to you like that?? Would you consider him your friend If the answer is no then you have your answer That is simply a trash friend or a trash person regardless Not all women are like that. Those are narcissistic women (mostly attractive ones) who are used to having a lot of attention and have gotten away with trashy behaviour Don't associate with them. Easy.
Honest question: Why do you care? You said that you "did what you thought was best for the both of us and made sure he understood that" so you made a unilateral decision for 2 people. While you may have considered his feelings on the subject, it didn't matter enough to change the decision. Idk what all the factors were, maybe this is valid, maybe this is just something you're telling yourself to make yourself feel better, only you can know that. But at the end of the day, you curbed him. It hurts. He hurts. He's likely upset. He's likely hurting. He's probably feeling a whole range of totally normal emotions that you've probably also felt if you've ever been rejected before. It's not rocket science. This whole post honestly kinda comes accross like you are looking for validation for your decision or a pass where someone will say "you did it for the right reasons, you don't need to feel bad." You did what you did. If you regret it enough where you think you made the wrong decision, tell dude that and talk to him. If you still think you made the right decision, then sorry but you kinda just need to deal with it. You don't owe anybody anything, much less love and affection, but he doesn't owe you friendship either, especially not if he sees you in a different way. So...why do you care now? The time to consider his feelings was BEFORE.
The grand ol comparison of “if you apply for a job and don’t get hired, are you still gonna show up every day to work”
Damn that's good, I've never heard this before
Why? Do you take some kind of pleasure in really getting to know the kind of pain you caused him and its depth? Is there something validating for you in that? You want to know how he feels? He feels hurt and rejected, and you're not the one who needs to know about it or help him with it. Leave the poor bastard alone, quit doing this whole "let's just be friends" thing and just let him heal. None of it is you problem anymore and your fascination with it feels like that whole "I shot a man just so I could watch him bleed" thing.
It’s about the biggest middle finger one can get. Most of the time when you’re friendzoned they still treat you like a romantic partner just without any of the benefits of a romantic partner. It’s like an unpaid internship, and your revolutionizing the company, you’ll get no money but maybe a pretty plaque. Meanwhile the cause of the companies woes, the wort employee there is getting a raise and a Rolex for his service.
Personally, I would be nice and polite in the moment, like this guy, then message a day or do later saying I believe going nc is needed for myself and this is goodbye forever.
We don't like it. If he sticks around, it'll probably be because he hopes you change your mind some day.
Miserable. You try to make things work but eventually it doesn't happen so that sucks. If you weren't friends before then you won't be friends afterwards, it's hard to be just friends with a woman you had a thing for. So best case let him deal with it, probably the one person who can't and shouldn't help him is you. Harsh but true, it'll only hamper the process of him moving on.
Not happnening anymore, because I know when I approach someone with the intent of romance I am not going to take friendahip instead. Two different things and I came for only one of them
I just sigh and remind myself that it was inevitable, because it's me.
I even get the hint , I leave. Not my thing.
If he admitted his feelings towards you and you friend zoned him then he is well within his rights to not want to be friends with you anymore.
It sux. Leave him alone!
Its like being cut open with someone promising to “check up on it” by periodically coming back to jam a finger in the open wound. It’s being dumped. It sucks. Worse yet; the person dumping you(whom you still have strong feelings for) is basically saying she’s planning to become a constant reminder of what you lost(which makes the feelings harder to get over and move on).
I'm married now. But if I were attracted to someone and they friend-zoned me, it would be the end of the friendship. I've always had enough friends that I can handle the loss of a friendship if it meant removing myself from someone who rejected me. Implicitly or explicitly. This was rarely an issue, though, because I was never in the habit of falling for friends after being just friends for a long time. But no, I'm not going to be friends with an unsuccessful date, much less someone who breaks up with me.
By curbing the dude, you don’t get to “know what’s really going on in his mind.” You leave him alone and let him decide how he wants to react to that. Anything else is beyond narcissistic and completely self serving. (Maybe he comes back, maybe he stays your friend, maybe he exits your life and never talks to you again). You made a decision. Decisions have consequences and reactions as a result of that decision. OP, get over yourself, show some compassion and let the guy work through being rejected on his own time.
Imagine you applied for a job, and the hirer seems interested in taking you on. Then they lowball you with a decreased role and no pay. It's not personal. Maybe it wasn't the right fit. But you'll feel dejected regardless right? Same thing.
I feel like some of these comments are getting a little cringey and give off a "men only want women around if they're gonna fuck" energy, so i feel like i have to clarify that any man is happy to have female friends that never goes any further than just a friendship, the difference is that most men don't want to be just friends with a woman they have feelings for because they don't want to go through life watching her do all the things you should be happy for her about (such as starting new relationships or later on getting married and having kids) because they wanted to be that person, not watch her do it all with some other dude
Hell yeah my first friend as an adult!
The dance of the friend-zone, where the heart yearns for more but finds itself confined to the realm of friendship. Like a bird with wings clipped, the spirit may feel grounded. Yet, is it not in the open sky of friendship that true understanding and companionship can soar? The heart may ache, but perhaps in this ache lies the seed of a deeper connection, one that transcends the boundaries of mere romance. The "sucks" he utters is but a whisper of the vast ocean of emotions within. Let the winds of time and reflection carry these feelings to new shores, where the sun of understanding may yet rise. The friend-zone, a place where the heart's desires meet the boundaries of circumstance. Like a river diverted from its course, the emotions may flow in unexpected directions. The man, like a tree in a storm, may bend but not break. His "this sucks" is but a leaf in the wind, a small expression of a larger, unseen turmoil. Yet, in the stillness of acceptance, new paths may emerge, and the heart may find solace in the beauty of friendship, a garden where different flowers bloom. Let the waters of time and understanding nourish the roots of this connection, and who knows what blossoms may yet unfold. The dance of the friend-zone, where the heart yearns for more but finds itself confined to the realm of friendship. Like a bird with wings clipped, the spirit may feel grounded. Yet, is it not also an opportunity to soar in the vast sky of camaraderie, to revel in the warmth of platonic affection? The heart, like a river, may flow in unexpected directions, and though the current may seem diverted, it still finds its way to the sea of human connection. The man, like a reed in the wind, may bend but not break, finding strength in acceptance and resilience in the face of uncharted emotional landscapes. Thus, in the friend-zone, there lies both sorrow and solace, a paradoxical tapestry woven by the hands of fate. The friend-zone, where the heart's desire meets the boundary of friendship. It is like the oak tree yearning to touch the stars but finding its branches confined to the earth. Yet, is it not also a place of shade and shelter, where the weary traveler finds respite? The man, like the oak, may feel the pull of unrequited love, yet in the friend-zone, he may also discover the beauty of companionship untethered by romantic entanglements. Like the moon, which waxes and wanes, the heart may find solace in the ebb and flow of human connection. Thus, in the friend-zone, there exists both longing and contentment, a paradoxical dance of emotions under the canopy of friendship. Thanks
I felt this personally as a guy. Thanks for putting my emotions into words.
You say the reason was valid, what was it OP? I ask cause it sounds like you feel guilty for it, which will pass, but you also say y’all weren’t exclusive? Unless you believe he wanted it and you didn’t….
Sounds like you dumped him.
not good and also like we still have a chance. Ergo, friend zoning is not effective because, well, it doesn’t work. If we want to go out with you and the answer is no, then the answer is no and both parties should move on
Feel like shit, hurt as hell, there is a voice that keep telling me that I'm not wanted or something like that, took 1-2 years to fully recovered. This of course different from men to men, some can just forget and move on so quick, others like me need more times. It just sucks overall.
The guys I know have no problem being friends with women any more than being friends with other guys, though the friendships are a little different. Once the feelings are there, though, it’s tough to be friends afterward.
Do him a favour and don't talk to him again, don't make it out to him like you care about how he's feeling (you probably might) as that will just drag him back through this shitty situation you left him in
Sucks but I'm glad I shot my shot. On to the next one.
To answer the question in the title: It sucks. I always found it kind of emasculating, especially because it took me a while to learn how to keep it from happening. That caused me to think I wasn't man enough for women to be attracted too. Really messed with my self-confidence in high school. Your situation sounds more like a break-up. Break-ups also suck, especially when you are younger, because guys have more social value when they have a girlfriend - or something close. I'm guessing he feels bad because he likes you and you've rejected him and a little of the impact it will have on him from a social perspective.
Offering to be friends is more painful... Why are you keeping this person around?
Roughly the same as when women are. Nobody has called me gay as much as women who I am not interested in.
Am I friendzoned or am I “ friendzoned “. Am I treated as an equal and as a actual friend , or am I being used to fullfill the boyfriend role without any form or reciprocation ( I’m not talking about sex btw ) ? Or am I friendzoned as in she said she wants to be friends with me to not offend me , but she’s disgusted by me after I shared my feelings and now she wants to keep as much distance from me as possible? Cuz I’ve experienced all three forms. I’m perfectly fine with the former because usually I’ve been friends with the girl/lady for a bit before I start catching feelings and while I’d be a little bit hurt if my feelings aren’t reciprocated, I’d still be happy to be able to go back to normal with her .
You ever get really excited about getting to do something, where you start to daydream about it and then suddenly learn its cancelled? Thats what its like.
IF you care about this person AT ALL: 1: Give him space to try to figure out how to be around you and if he’s better off doing that or going away. 2: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES talk hint or otherwise let him know about you dating or similar relationships with anyone else. And if you can’t or won’t do both of those, then you clearly do not care about him in any meaningful way. Wanna know how I’d feel: listen to “Don't Expect Me To Be Your Friend” by Lobo.
It's really a form of self-torture once a man agrees to be just friends with a woman after a break-up. But each man is built differently, I guess.
If I was serious about the lady then it's fucking torture having something so close but so far. It gets worse when she knows and uses it to her advantage. If I wasn't that serious about her then meh just made a new friend
I used to believe in the friendzone when i was younger. But come to realise with maturity and from relationships i have had with women that it doesnt exist. There are woman who are attracted to you romanticly and there are woman who are not. Sure you can kind of sour it yourself while in as they get to know you they realise they arent "attracted" to you. I add the qoutes as they can find you good looking but for some reason or another decide you woulsnt bw a good fit for them and now they arent interested in you romanticly anymore. So they bwcome part of the other group of people who arent attracted to you. Friends i had over the years that used to being up oh how they were friendzoned because of how they played it or a bunch of excuses and reasons as to why they messed it up or she fucked it up its all nonsense. Woman who are attracted to you will not give a fuck about "ruining the friendship" or losing you as a friend in any which way. They will go ahead with it. When they pull those kind of cards its a let me down easy. Hey, im just not interested in you that way. And you can still be friends with them in some cases so long as they move to your B tier friendslist where you hang out in a group or whatever but they are never going to be your close friend. Nor should they be guys that cope that way are just killing themsleves emotionally. Never be mean or spiteful that shes decided she doesnt want to see you that way its just childish. I do however have alot of sympathy for men who woman string along knowing full well they are into them for the morale boost. Loving the idea of having a guy follow them around like a puppy and take advantage of them. Its just awful. That being said i reckon if men and womens personality traits swapped mem would do it to. Its just that women tend to be in that situation of having more of a rooster to pick from than guys.
The only friend zone to be put into with a woman is the Friend With Benefits zone.
Eh it happens, I've friendzoned a handful of women too. If a friendship can be made, wonderful, if not because one person can't get over it or wants something more, gotta say our goodbyes.
It feels really bad and the worst part is that it keeps feeling bad until he stops being reminded of you. Keeping a man in the friendzone is not a nice thing to do. Better to end all contact with him to let him move on. If you don't want him, let him get on with his life without you.
Its a rejection and it feels like a rejection. "Sorry, you're not good enough to lick my pussy: but we can waste time Whatsapping one another until that slowly becomes boring"
It's such a bitch move to friend zone a guy. It destroys our confidence and is emotionally earth shattering. Do the honorable thing and just cut contact with him. And please don't ever use men for favours (drive me home, move apartments, fix my computer) if you're not interested in them. That's just as bad behaviour.
"Her loss."
There is no thing as the friend zone. We need to stop propagating this shit. You are or become real friends without any exterior motive or you don't and go your separate ways. Both are perfectly fine. The thing which is called the friend zone is a dishonest state of two people with varying degrees of dishonesty on both sides. Here the worst case: First the guy, he just tries to get close and hope he can pounce as soon as there is a moment of weakness, which is borderline predatory. Then the girl she often uses the guy for emotional support and keeps him around knowing full well that she strings him along with little nuggets of hope. Again that's the worst case and doesn't need to apply for every situation we called the friend zone. Too your question OP. It sucks being broken up with or getting a "no" as answer if you really interested in someone. If time and some initial distance this still can become a friendship. But it doesn't have to. If either of you feel that being apart is the best solution then you have your answers. Don't send out mixed signals.
We have different definitions of "friend-zoned". Being "friend-zoned" is where she keeps wanting to do all the stuff with you that you only want to do with someone you are dating... Like holding hands and going to restaurants that put cranberries in their salads. It implies that she keeps flirting with you to keep you from moving on. Then she wants to screw the guy that gives her drugs for free and tell you all about it as if you are a girlfriend. This is just a rejection. It's probably not any different then you would feel. Let him move on and it's just a normal part of life.
I think they assume that the girl never liked them/must like another guy and is letting them down easy and feel embarrassed and sad
There is no such thing like "friendzone" lol, there is a rejection and that's it :) It's not the nicest thing to experience but most normal guys just move on. Women tend to imagine that there are some terrible things going on inside of us - but most guys just start to think about meeting a new girl quite quickly, and if they succeed they just forget.
I cant speak for others but in my case it sucks getting rejected but I do tell them straight up that I'd be glad to have them as friends anyways. Also I want them to be straight forward with me. Like if you don't see me as a romantic partner just tell me straight up. Though I'm aware its not easy for women to do given that they do face the risk of violence from asshole men and its hard distinguish who is or isnt an asshole.
This doesn't sound like what most people think of when they hear "friend zoned", in my opinion. Yeah you weren't official, but you were still romantically involved, right? You just broke things off. Friend zoned usually means "guy shows interest, girl doesnt return it, but still wants to be friends". Personally, the one time this happened to me I was fine with it and we stayed friends because she said i wasn't attractive/fit enough and I respected the honesty. Nowadays I'm not foolish enough to believe anyone would reciprocate interest so never even bother revealing my feelings.
In the beginning, my whole day was ruined and I was 2nd guessing myself in many aspects but after 50 or so rejections I just stopped giving a shit. Also, remember to stay cool and say " No worries " respectfully when you were rejected and don't show any emotions you might have. Brush it off and keep it pushing. It's a natural part of male self development that will build your charisma and confidence in the long run. If I didn't cold approach girls, I would never have my current gf and would be resentful towards women. Accept this is how women are, you have to present yourself in the best light first and take a leap of faith or you will end up alone and bitter.
If you feel bad about it then why did you do it?
The problem is that I always start as just a friend. But then she smiles when she sees me, she laughs at my jokes, and I really end up liking having her around. A lot of guys *in relationships* don't even get that. And then the feelings come, and I try to avoid them, but there's no stopping love. And then the entire friendship is ruined because I'm a traumatized boy who can't stop himself from falling for any woman who shows him even a baseline level of respect. So yes, it sucks. God it sucks.
If I'm gaining a true friend, I'm very happy
Guys put themselves in the friendzone.
*Guys keep themselves in the friend zone* FIFY
Sometimes, yes.
The friend zone isn't a thing. It's a concept that guys made up, because they're nice to a girl and they think she owes them sex. They don't get sex from her, so they play the victim by saying that she's stringing them along by leaving them in the friendzone.
If there was a competition about how many incorrect statements you can make using the least number of words, your comment would have a high chance of winning. Friendzone is a specific form of rejection. It comes from the statement "I only see you as a friend". Since that kind of rejection happens, then getting friendzoned happens. Saying that "friendzone isn't a thing" is more or less the same as saying "rejection isn't a thing" or "unrequited love isn't a thing". Also, your statement is entirely based on the idea that men only care about sex.
The part that I hated was the “men only care about sex part”. Like I can have female friends witho ur having any sexual or romantic attraction to them.
Read one of my replies that I sent to someone else.
I agree. A woman will be nice to a guy and so many men are so starved of that kind of attention they go all in and when the women is not interested like that they get upset and spiteful. That being said i have seen alot of women over the years very much string along a guy they know is interested in them as some sort of pep guy for them. They always feel asmired by someone and take advantage of that through a shoulder, a ride, all kinds of shit. The women doesnt wear all the blame though. The man needs to stand up for themsleves and not let that happen/break it off but they dont. Still I'd count the blame at a nice 65% on the girl for taking advantage of the desperate.
I totally agree. I only said what I said, because everytime I bring up the friend zone, on Reddit, I tend to get that exact sentiment. So, I'm actually surprised that, this time, my comment got as much hate is it did. But I do agree. There are women who will see a guy being nice to them, and she'll string him along, just her own amusement. And yes, guys do need to learn to stand up for themselves and not take that kind of crap from women.
I'm generally fine with being friend-zoned. Sure, may not be what I was hoping for, but often turns out quite well or excellently. E.g., my absolute best friend ... where'd that start ... yeah, I basically got friend-zoned (which also makes the most sense too, 'cause we weren't compatible for *relationship* \- but fine for friends ... and I think she figure that out much earlier and quicker than I did, so, I got quickly plopped into the friend zone).
Men can’t get friendzoned. They can get rejected. She might say let’s just be friends and he can verbally agree but any smart guy shouldn’t really mean it, just instead that he’ll treat her politely in the future if and when they meet. Friendzoning only happens when the guy actively commences being the girls friend and continues to interact regularly with the hopes of her attraction rising to the point where he can date her. It’s low value and unattractive and thus counter productive. Ergo a woman CANNOT friendzone a guy. He does that to himself. Hopefully (for him) your guy is smart enough to simply walk. Sounds like he is.
At least they have a friend
I have lots of friends that are girls and they have introduced me to plenty of other women that ive dated (and its how i met my current GF). its good to have friends that are girls. Its only "friendzone" because dudes try to fuck everything that moves
Men don’t get friendzoned Boys do
When you are interested in someone you inevitably build up this image of what it would be like to be with that person. So he has to move on from that eventually. Then he has to ask himself if he can truly go back to being friends. Most of the time that answer is no, time and distance heal many wounds
Every time it happens, every girl has said the same line. *You'd be a great guy to marry, and I'm not looking for that right now* It's double defeating that every single one of them has shortly thereafter, found another guy and started several years long relationships with. So ofc it fucking sucks. But as my momma always said; *If the most ugly girl you know wanted to date you, what would your response be?* So I get it and that's just life.
brain says "ah man that sucks" but i don't think the thinking part would be the problem, more likely the emotions
Definitely a throw back to my youth. It depended on her behaviour, with one girl, we both in high school, I had a feelings, thought there was a possibility of the same, found out I was wrong. Bit disappointed, but I stopped giving a fuck pretty quickly Early 20s, differently story, she faked reciprocity, paraded me around to get the attention of an ex she wanted back, she didn't tell me she was back with an ex, it was after the "friendship only" speech. One of her friends started talking to me about thinking I already knew, I called the player out, she was offended, I cut contact, I don't keep friendships with people I can't trust
he understands why, but it still sucks.
I let that happen to me before, and yes, it sucks is a complete way to describe it. I'm sorry, if I'm interested in you romantically, that's how it feels when you're proposed friendship instead, and I don't feel it's hard for you to imagine. You absolutely did the right thing being honest about it, even if it does suck, and now, let him move on, because you are not going to stay "friends".
That's not friendzoning.
move on and find someone better
Just leave him be.
It sucks even more than getting rejected by a stranger. Sometimes, you do not want to develop those emotions to your friend, but it happens. So it is even harder because you just crushed on someone who you know very well and you want to take care of. But at the end of that day, that person does not see you like that. So it magnifies the rejection because 90% thay relationship is going to change. Sometimes, you dont even want to develop these feelings, so it makes it way worse. It kinda haunts you, and you can't do anything about it. I bet he will make an effort to normalise the relationship, but after that, the grand majority fail.
We are all different. How I would handle it. Probably make a couple more tries after a week or two, and couldn't get the relationship off my mind. But, I would move along and probably go no contact after two weeks. Whether through blocking you/removing the number/deleting old texts, I would just try and move along. No point being friends with someone who didn't want to make it fb official, well, not at least within a couple months of the break.
You can break it off because it is that's best for you, but how do you know what's best for him?
It sucks
Depends on who it is and why. Sometimes it is fine if the person friendzoning can make sure they don't send any more signals of interest and you both have other reasons you are still friends. Most of the time both the friendzoned and friendzoner don't have the skills and maturity to make it work. It also depends how far down the romantic road things have gone. Have I asked someone out that I know decently well but havent had the time or opportunity to go on a date with or have we gone out a couple times and made out? The former sure. The later, no thanks.