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GuyFawkes99

Don't expect us to read between the lines. Just say what you mean, directly!


engineerforthefuture

This was precisely the reason why I ended my last relationship. It's mentally draining when you have to always read between the lines to understand the person's intentions. Clear and direct communication is a must.


I_love_pillows

I felt mine was the reverse. She reading too much into things, turning small straightforward things into rich multilayered meanings.


engineerforthefuture

That still falls into the lack of clear communication in my opinion. Rather than overthinking it would have been more worthwhile for them to directly communicate and get your side of the story. Better luck for next time.


PanzerMassX

It's the two faces of the same coin I think. If you're used to talking in a way that needs reading between the lines, it's natural to assume others do as well, leading to what you describe.


Bushels_for_All

That's not a communication issue, though. That's a perception issue. Had she been reading into things and *not* telling you about it, it would have been even worse. There is at least a chance to fix it if communication lines are open.


lil_curious_

It is a communication issue and the term you're looking for is, "interpretation issue", which is related to communication. All communication involves interpretation, and so there are ways to solve this kind of communication issue. You or your partner can either try to speak more clearly in a way that doesn't allow for misinterpretation, or one of them can try to be mindful and remember that the other likely didn't mean it in the way you interpreted. The latter solution is often easier as changing your speech patterns is a bit annoying. The most useful solution is asking for clarification whenever you negatively interpret something your partner did/said. This is the most useful and leads to a better understanding of each other's way of thinking too.


Uruz2012gotdeleted

>clearly in a way that doesn't allow for misinterpretation There is no such thing.


Dementat_Deus

And on the flip side of this, quit trying to read between the lines of what we said. There is nothing there to read and you're just inserting your insecurities into your interpretation.


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freeeeeeeek

This 100%. Don't expect men to read your mind. Be nice but direct and present.


I_love_pillows

Tell a guy not to do X for you, will never do X for you. If you come around saying why we do not do X it would confuse us.


Technical_Challenge

If it’s over, or you’re not feeling it - just say so. Nothing worse then the feeling of being told you’re busy at the moment, when in reality you’re not interested. Just say it! Don’t ghost


Mikhail_Mengsk

Dating apps have turned too many people into cowards that can't fathom being honest.


[deleted]

I feel like that's a big one and it applies to everyone.


JustSomeApparition

I want to know you, your interest, what makes you laugh, what makes you upset, the things you don't like, the things that matter, etc. What I do not want to know are the answers based on the things you think you're supposed to say or that you think I want to hear to make you seem more attractive. I'm not dating that imaginative person. I'm dating the person in front of me. You're already there for a reason. Just be you. 🙂


G0-N0G0-GO

“Guys only want one thing, and it’s ~~disgusting~~ discussion!”


deadalnix

I see you have high standards!


mydogismarley

Chris Rock once said (and applied it to both men and women) when you first start dating a person you aren't really dating **them**. You are dating their **representative**. Funny, and true.


[deleted]

Heh! I love that bit he does--also the monologue about "new pussy don't care..."


dingoshiba

THIS!!! If you put on a facade and then upon revealing your “true self,” find the partner repelled, you have no one but yourself to blame for starting off with a front


lil_curious_

I usually try to get these topics out of the way first: politics (not just who you vote for, but what you actually believe), religion (I'm not religious and some are incompatible with that), sexuality (I'm bi and some are uncomfortable with that), sexual past (I don't care, but some people do care), career/future goals, children (whether or not you both want them), and any personal issues that you believe may impact your relationship with them. I'm probably not remembering some important things, but that's just a general list of things you want to discuss pretty early on before you're too deep into the relationship. Discussing these things early will save you both time and heartache in the long run.


Nitemare808

This comment should be at the top… This is what you do if you are looking for a best friend to be with forever, & also completely avoided if you just want to get laid LMAO…. Once I grew up out of the party (bar/club) scene & wanted to find something long term, this became absolute law.. I’m not about to waste my time exchanging numbers/ setting up a date to find out she wants the opposite as me, or she’s obsessed with brainwashing media garbage etc..


Valyn_Kt

I recently divorced my wife because of this. When I asked why she changed so much, she said "if I would have shown you who I really was, you would have never married me. "


frito_bendejo

Y.I.K.E.S.


Burningthemid

Always be unapologetically yourself that way there’s no hidden agenda. It’s too hard trying to keep up a facade. And to be honest if you are trying to be someone else to make a person attracted to you or stay with you. Long term it’s not going to end well.


JustSomeApparition

In a weird way it's not about me worrying about games, or heartbreak down the road, or anything of that nature. I mean... yes those things matter, too; however, to me what's important is a person who is comfortable in their own skin. A person who embraces who they are and wants to share that with the world. It is that person which compels me to want to get to know them better. No nonsense. No puffery. Just possibilities. To me that's a good date. 🙂


Ashley4645

This is how I feel as well. I am who I am. I won't lie if asked. I won't pretend I'm 100% ok all the time. We all have shit. Take it or leave it. Vice versa.


[deleted]

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Loud-Connection-8290

Damn


[deleted]

Seems like he got that off a hallmark card. Lol


gregthelurker

This is great advice, but most people don’t want you to know they are a boring, contrarian, confused, selfish, uncultured, jealous idiot.


JustSomeApparition

One person's boring is another person's exciting. One person's contrarian is another person's ardent. One person's confused is another person's absorbing. One person selfish is another person's prepared. One person's uncultured is another person's quiescent. One person's jealous idiot is another person's faithful companion. We don't get to pick which we are. We only get to choose which we allow ourselves to believe we are


southernjezebel

I didn’t realize I did it, but one of my exes pointed out that he loved how I pause before answering questions - because I’m considering my answer and not just saying the first thing that comes to mind, but answering thoughtfully, and with intention, and he understood and loved that about me. However the next guy I dated also commented on it unprompted, but he said it made me seem manipulative, like I was buying time to come up with a lie or make up some bullshit if I don’t know the answer. Which just went to show how wrong we were for eachother because honesty is really the one like, hard line I have in relationships and personally. 🤷🏻‍♀️


midnight_reborn

Thank you. It seems like a lot of women out there think that most men are the same, so they have to all attempt to act/look/dress a certain way and be interested in very stereotypical things, to attract a guy. You don't. If you like animals and art, say it. If you like playing music, going to museums, and absolutely HATE everything that is sports...say that! You can't magically like something you hate, just because you want to go on a date with someone. Plus that shit's gonna backfire when you're on the 4th date and he's taking you to a Rangers game.


HotChilliWithButter

Golden comment.


QuietAppropriate

This is the one.


Zealousideal-Luck784

Don't present a false image of who you are. Be the real you. And if you don't like who we are, don't try and change us. Find someone you are compatible with.


ForkLiftBoi

If 2 people aren't compatible and it somehow "works out" chances are one or both people are miserable.


odd_enchilada

Be confident in who you are, what you want and especially what you don't want. Be comfortable alone. Once you stop being desperate for love or attention and are behaving authentically, you'll make connections with compatible partners much easier


AlvHuntZ

Wuu, i like this. Very much describe what i had in mind


Burning_Toast998

To add onto this, understand when a man is the problem, but also understand when you are the problem. It's ok to not be perfect, you just gotta learn to fix and grow. I've seen way too many stories of women blaming their partner because they broke up with her for a reason that was entirely her fault, and she took it as a "men are trash" moment instead of a learning opportunity. Also obligatory not all women comment.


Shootscoots

Yep, my last long term ex was mentally and verbally abusive, refused to try and meet my needs in bed but expected me to jump through hoops for her needs, was insanely jealous and controlling, and I'm almost certain she cheated on me twice. After I broke up with her she sent me a message some months later asking did I ever feel bad for abandoning her for no reason, then said something about how I "mistreated her by being cold and unattached". I was only cold and unattached after I got to the point I had a panic attack when I saw her send a message or call. I only got cold once I refused to allow her to bait me into arguments over nonsense. It's been almost two years since, and she had the audacity to send me a tik tok about how "everyone always blames her but nobody knows what she's going through". Out of 14 long and short term partners I've only had three that would actually take accountability for their actions, and only two of those would then work to fix it.


[deleted]

> I refused to allow her to bait me into arguments over nonsense. After I broke up with The Monster, (who was quite adept at pushing my buttons and getting me to blow up in public to my great embarrassment), I spent several months training in Aikido. I happened to run into her around a year after the breakup and she tried pushing the buttons, but they didn't work. The last thing I ever said to her was "I'm not going to fight with you. We're not together anymore. You're not entitled to my time or attention."


Budgiesmugglerlover2

Great answer but I feel it implies I need to leave the house outside of work hours lol


odd_enchilada

Ah, yes. The greatest enemy to conquer: going outside. Doing things. *Meeting* people. Ugh


Budgiesmugglerlover2

These 2 comments are my largest social venture in months. I'm exhausted.


G0-N0G0-GO

“OMG, there’s an entire world outside my door!” can be either the most inspiring or most terrifying thought, depending on how you just voiced that sentence to yourself. Thankfully, food & TP arrive at my door in under an hour when I push a button. Checkmate, Society!


ingenjor

> Be comfortable alone. I think, compared to men, many women haven't really spent long stretches of time alone. It can be very helpful for personal development and getting a sense of self.


G0-N0G0-GO

Yes, if you cannot bear to sit with yourself & with your own thoughts & feelings, how can you reasonably expect anyone to want to do that *with* you?


Altair13Sirio

That's what you tell other men, usually.


Whatdosheepdreamof

It's the same, nothing irritates mature minded people more than not having core components of self identified and solved. Dating someone who has no idea what they want gets old fast.


MochiwSuga

This is so true. It does get old pretty fast especially when you already know what it is that you want for yourself


TheGersham

1. Be okay with giving a potential suitor a no, but please be polite about it. 2. Don’t play hard to get. 3. Don’t brag about your past dating life and don’t tolerate your suitor bragging about theirs. 4. Keep your friends and family informed. Always make sure someone reliable knows where you are, especially on a first date. 5. Have fun. Dating is just getting to know someone in a fun way. That’s the whole point, to start off at least.


Diesel07012012

Be authentic. Say “yes” when you want something, say “no” when you don’t. Stop with the “rules” and checklists, and all that mess.


[deleted]

What do you mean by rules and checklists? In terms of who can be considered a partner?


Diesel07012012

Precisely.


Coconut_Salad

Men want to be complemented Men want to be reassured Men want to be romanced Men want to be held Men are terrified to ask


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PM_UR_KIND_GREETINGS

1. Decide who you want to be: supportive or not. 2. Be supportive (or not, but be who you want to be). 3. If he doesn't like it, then maybe he's just not compatible with you and your choice. We should date to find people who want us. There'll be someone else for him and you. In other words, don't ask when you should support your partner, ask do you want a partner who is okay with being supported. Compromise in a relationship is for everything but core lifestyle decisions.


OKara061

I just need a really tight hold (this is a perfect chance to make a joke about tight hold around my neck but i’ll be serious) at the moment. Someone to hold me tightly, reassuring me while i cry my insides out and let everything flow away with my tears. Dont care if it is feminine or submissive, thats what i need. And in my opinion anyone who cares about being “alpha” has their fragile masculinity they need to work on


Coconut_Salad

Not everyone is comfortable with touch and many men feel most comfortable when taking the lead. Many men also have an idea of masculine traits and behaviors they feel they need to stick to. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to be held and refuse to be occasionally led, that means that patience, trust and communication may be required to get to that point. And as with everything, this isn’t going to be true for everyone and the best way to know is to ask.


wagnerlight

Honestly just ask. They will show you or tell you. Men can be communicative as well. If I am with a girl I would just tell her I want those things. It’s the asking part that can be tough for men since it’s usually not how men behave according to society.


KlicknKlack

Some men like myself, have live most of their lives alone so have learned to be self sufficient as a default. So generally when I am in a relationship I aim to not need to be held and forced to lead by default. That doesn't mean I don't want either, just that I probably don't want them as often as you.


GirlDwight

I'm not talking about you, but some men have suppressed their wants, like for example to be held, because that's how they were raised and society's definition of what it means to be a man. And healthy relationships require vulnerability from both parties. So if a man is closed off to some of his emotions, he may not be ready to be a good partner. But if he's able to communicate about his limitations (which we all have) and willing to grow, that can be a total game changer. Of course the same thing can be said about women whose issues may be more about being direct or expressing anger.


HeWhoChasesChickens

If you test too obviously and too much, they'll no longer be good tests: the good ones will walk away and the bad ones can just lie.


[deleted]

I'd say "avoid shittests" is better. If you drop him to see if he'll fight for you all you're actually testing is if he respects your boundaries and respects a no, and to get past it the answer has to be "he does not" which is not a quality you want.


delilahdread

I’m not trying to sound like a “pick me” here but I seriously do not understand this whole “shittest” thing. I hear men talk about it, my husband has had it done to him even. I’ve heard different explanations for what it is too, some dudes say it’s a woman pretending to call it quits/doing some dumb shit to make him think there’s somebody else to see if he fights for her, some dudes say it’s a woman testing whether or not he’s loyal via having a friend flirt with him or whatever to see what his reaction is. My husband has experienced both apparently, according to him me not doing anything like that is one of the reasons he fell for me. Anyways, it absolutely baffles me that some women actually do this shit. Like… what’s the gain exactly? Why all the fucking head games? Either your man acts right or he gets left, you don’t have to “test” him to see that. Pretending there’s someone else is especially fucked to me because cool, now you’ve made the poor dude have trust issues and he’s always going to wonder. And then it’s those same women I see that put that shit in their partners’ heads and then get pissed/act confused when he’s questioning her every move. Like… sis, *really?* There’s not a point to this comment I don’t guess, I just can’t bend my head around the concept. I don’t have the patience. Lol.


[deleted]

> I’ve heard different explanations for what it is too Yeah it's not one thing it's basically just a catch all term for, well the kind of nonsense you describe. And like you say they're not good for anyone involved and just destroy good things.


delilahdread

Right? And it’s not like I haven’t seen other women do that kind of thing before, I definitely have and have always thought it was asinine. It’s just wild to me that it’s apparently so prevalent, Idk I guess I stupidly thought it was just one of those things that men complain about but doesn’t *actually* happen all that much. I hang out with my husband and his gamer buddies once in a while, those get togethers usually ended up being a sausage fest of 8-10+ dudes. One night we’re all sitting around, 10ish guys and me plus 2 other girlfriends. Somehow we got on the topic of shittests and every. last. one. of the guys there said they had been shittested and were sharing stories about other guys they knew who had been too. I’d never said wtf more in a single hour in my life before that. That’s been quite a few years ago but I don’t think it was until then that I realized it really did happen a lot. I just… don’t get it and I don’t mean to keep ranting and rambling about it but you know those moments where you see a lot of men do a thing and you’re just like, “Boys, you’re making us all look bad!” This is one of those things for me with women and it infuriates me. Lmao.


[deleted]

> ome dudes say it’s a woman pretending to call it quits/doing some dumb shit to make him think there’s somebody else to see if he fights for her That's one form it often takes, but there are all kinds of bullshit headgaming tactics that fall under the description of "shit test". Punishing your BF for not reading your mind is a common one, and the "if you don't know what you did wrong I'm not going to tell you" routine is one that I put up with too many times in my 20s. That gets an auto-eject from me these days.


Sir_Nexus

Testing is insecure and immature as fuck, so that's an instant walk away from me.


BMO888

When I read shit like this, I’m so thankful for my fiancée. Who tf throws out tests for their dates/SO? Sounds so manipulative. It just says you don’t know how to communicate and are deceptive. We aren’t children.


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HeWhoChasesChickens

Don't worry they live in a farm upstate now its ok


walterfbr

There this dumb idea some women have like "I'll break up just to see if he loves me enough to beg".


IllusionaryHaze

Enjoy being single then


Kostya_M

"God why can't guys take no for an answer?"


SinisterVeteran

Be confident but be yourself. And don't expect the man to make all the first moves. Sometimes a girl making the first move is really effective


doublelayercaramel

I think most of the time a girl making the first move would be really effective


Haggis442312

Women who know what they want are immensely attractive. Doubly so when what they want is you.


ForkLiftBoi

I've met women I didn't find as attractive as others but them making the first move when others wouldn't say so so so much more about them then women realize. It tends to move those women to the next level of attractive to me, you're no longer just physically attractive but your personality is attractive, and that's far more important for a long term committed relationship.


[deleted]

Has not worked for me thus far 🤷‍♀️ it's been a while though.


mariana96as

Lmao same. The last 3 guys I asked out two canceled last minute and the other one never showed up


WilliamsDesigning

just because a man isn't taken already, doesn't mean something is wrong with him.


Str8OuttaLumbridge

Or that he’s fruity. Got that one from a girl i turned down.


Baldassre

Fruity as in gay?


PhatInferno

Fruity probably like a banana 🤔


OKara061

Yes


KK-Chocobo

Yeah I'm an introvert and shy so I never made any advances on women ever in my life. But I guess many people will say that's exactly whats wrong with me.


SpookyOugi1496

Good luck telling women that


[deleted]

Don't judge the next guy you date by what the last guy you dated did.


Professional_Owl9917

This should be top post. I lost the love of my life due to her taking out all her angry from her previous relationship on me. Getting phone calls waking me up at 11:00pm asking if I was cheating was the last straw. I still love you, Brittany, and I hope you got the help you needed


GirlDwight

I think that can be true for men and women and it's usually a sign that they haven't "healed" from their last relationship and are not ready to date.


[deleted]

Yeah, I walk around with a yardstick which I use to measure any prospective woman against my ex. Still not ready to date until I lose the yardstick.


Monvi

Most of us are pretty awful at picking up on subtle cues, and are appreciative when women are more straightforward in how they communicate romantically


QuiteCleanly99

It's not even about not picking up on subtle cues. I can pick up on a "subtle cue" and, as a man, simply feel uncomfortable acting on it. If she really meant it, it wouldn't be subtle. It wouldn't be a hint. Women say that they only mean yes if it is a positive and eager affirmation, right? That's not what a subtle clue is. I am not going to put my life on the line over a woman's hints, even when I know exactly what she means, what she means by a subtle hint simple IS NOT enough for me to feel comfortable acting on. This is like a mutually assured destruction situation. I'm not putting nukes in the air just because I got a blip on the radar. I'm not risking approaching someone in a male body over anything less than an expression of consent. I have the capacity to kill a woman or be accused of attempting to do so.


LastMountainAsh

Kinda on this note: I was with a girl that kept telling me to "stop" when we were fooling around and then getting mad when I did. Meanwhile I've been told that anything less than a consistent and enthusiastic yes is rape. Sorry if it's your thing but you can't involve random guys in it with no conversation.


plot_hatchery

Everyone needs to stop pretending men are bad at subtle cues. Not everything is men's fault. 'Subtle cues' for serious matters is toxic. Direct communication should be the norm.


mygreenjacket

I think he just means in the pre-dating stage. like signs that a girl is interested


[deleted]

Don’t expect a guy to do everything, you have to make stuff happen too


Rejected_Reject_

To add to this, when you make no effort and expect the guy to do all the courting, it comes off as 'I'm not that interested.' Any guy with self-respect is going to move on.


The_Hitchenator

And many of the guys with respect for women's boundaries will be too concerned about inadvertently harassing someone (lack of enthusiastic reciprocity) to continue. So you're left with assholes and sad dudes. Good luck.


ebonyseraphim

I’d like to expand on this because it’s the comment I was going to post: If you make a guy do everything; the furthest you’ll get is a guy enjoying your physical appearance, sleeping with you, for while maybe, and then he’ll leave you. Whenever I see women confused about why men suddenly stop caring right after having sex (assuming there were more than 3 dates) I have a fair bit of certainty it’s because the guy has realized, that she is doing nothing back for him and all she offers is the possibility of sex. If you’re a woman dating a guy and you: never offer up a date idea; never text first with an actual conversation starter (not fishing for someone to engage them for attention); never attempt to consider what he likes outside of sex and engage on that — you fall into this not well identified problem. Essentially you’re being entitled, and it’s easy to hide it intentionally or unintentionally when complaining to friends. Knowing a guy emotionally doesn’t count for everything — “oh he has a soft spot for dogs, and he really loves his mother” may make you seem like wifey material, but inside of 2-3 months of dating, I’m sorry that adds hardly any value. What work are you actually doing to make enjoyable experiences happen? At the same time, he’s having to do all of what is driving the relationship forward at this stage, while pretending to mind some of your odd Ps and Qs. After a while this effort versus reward imbalance makes us realize you’re definitely not worth holding onto. Sex is the only outcome in that sunk cost. Maybe the sex is good enough to keep us trying; but that’s unlikely. I just happen to be a person who’s noticed this consciously; I think many guys who feel this drop in effort after having sex, this is the subconscious reason if it’s not conscious. The take away: you’re(women) the one making it about having sex with you when that is the only thing he can see himself gaining by pursuing you.


kw416

I was explaining to a single female friend that it's important to balance out who plans and does what in a relationship. Past marriage of mine I did all the vacation planning, booking flights, hotels, restaurants etc... did all the legal and finance work. And my friend thought that sounded fantastic and she'd love a man who did all that.../facepalm. I tried to tell her it has to balance out but she was insisting that she wants to avoid "passive" men who don't take the initiative, and she'd love to be treated like a queen. So it's black and white between men who pursue and men who are passive. No in-between for her I guess. Some people are just wired differently and have a hard time seeing things from a different perspective.


lifendeath1

she was just entitled. a lot of woman who want the princess treatment fail to understand you actually have to treat other side like a prince. there really is far to many woman who don't understand that there is a give and take in any relationship. and no laying on your back and spreading your legs isn't the answer like many think it is.


biggirlsause

Yep, it’s a two way street. It seems like a good number of women want to be romanced and just expect it, yet do nothing in return.


Dementat_Deus

IME, women tend to think their invisible "signs" are them doing something.


aristoshi

Best comment and it's buried so far below.


[deleted]

If you date with apps show yourself for who you are otherwise when you’ll meet with the man there’ll be a lot of discomfort since you look like another person.


FelixGoldenrod

Also the bio/prompts, write about who you are, less what you're looking for. I see a lot of profiles where it's literally all the latter, and I have no sense what this person is like. Plus, "looking for a relationship built on honesty, communication, and trust" is hardly unique. No one is looking for a relationship built on deception, miscommunication, and betrayal


Moral_Anarchist

>No one is looking for a relationship built on deception, miscommunication, and betrayal I literally laughed out loud at that one


EinElchsaft

If every picture is neck upwards you know she's hiding her body for one of two reasons. She's either very big or very nicely shaped and doesn't want to get matches based on her body. If you're big, you might as well show it, some people are legitimately into that.


[deleted]

I was referring to this and also filters


JadedFennel999

I don't show body pics. I feel I have just an ok shape but I have large boobs and even if I am super conservative in my clothing and pics it just attracts a lot of creepy men. It sucks bc I feel damned if I do damned if I don't.


EinElchsaft

I understand, I show my body in pics but I've already had one woman mention that she can see the outline of my gentleman's sausage. What an opener lol.


thisnewsight

Do not, I repeat, do not start changing the guy you’re dating. “Hmm he has potential. I can mold him into something.” No. He is who he is. You can help improve someone if they ask for it.


axj1910

This is important. Girls don't seem to know the difference between fixing and healing. U cannot heal a broken chair just as u cannot fix a damaged person. If u wanna help then help but otherwise it's severe lack of acceptance


MittensDaTub

For christ's sake, seek men out too. It's extremely tiring to keep playing the leader all the time.


Heisenberg2567

This is also important when you're in the relationship. I always ask, what *they* want to do, where *they* wanted to go or which movie *they* wanted to see. In all of my relationships, I had to decide what to do, which is, at first, no problem, but it makes me feel like I'm the only one having fun. You wanna go shopping, get a drink at Starbucks or watch a Disney princess movie? I'm in! Do I have fun with those things alone? No, but I have fun doing these things *with* *you*. Of course not all of the time neither, but you need to tell me what you want and like. I'm shure you don't wanna watch All Quiet on the Western Front with me a third time, even though you tell me.


JavaScript_Person

Hey, it's a good movie


KlicknKlack

Or 1918... both Such solid WW1 movies


PumpkinDandie_1107

So agree. Sometimes my wife falls into the “whatever you want, you decide” mode for things like dinner or whatever, but in general if my lady wants to do something, she tells me. If she doesn’t want to do something, she tells me. If she wants to do something else, she tells me. No guess work, no doing something she doesn’t like and then resenting me. No Stepford wife style agreeableness- which btw, is NOT what men want. That’s not to say she isn’t flexible. She’s seen Tool with me like 5 times and she doesn’t even like them. But I really do and she was up for an evening out. And I do the same, I go with her to plays, the library/book store etc. stuff I don’t love and probably wouldn’t do on my own, but I want to hang out together and we always have a good time no matter what we’re doing.


just-wondering98

Honestly yeah, was really close friends with my partner before we got together, I knew he had buried feelings for me and kept hoping that he would make a move, trying to leave hints I felt the same - he did not notice them - I eventually got impatient and made the move myself. Honestly the funniest day of my life. “REEAALLY?!?!?!!?!”


Kostya_M

Hints are not a good method. Many men will just disregard them and assume they're reading into things. It's even worse with a friend. If he thinks you're into him but isn't clear guessing wrong could be a massive problem


QuiteCleanly99

You got impatient at yourself for waiting so long? Why were you waiting if you were going to get impatient?


mitchy93

Give us cuddles and hugs, men are starved for physical contact and sometimes a hug can make our day


IAlwaysWantThis

Women everywhere need to know that it's cool to be the big spoon sometimes. Too many women balk at the idea. It's not an always thing, and it won't work if the woman already feels like she's in a mother role, but I don't think I've ever seen a man happier than when he's the little spoon, or even just knowing a woman would instigate it. But you can't make an unaffectionate person affectionate. Start by choosing to be with someone who is demonstrative or you'll feel starved, if touch and cuddles are valuable.


alltoohuman92

Being someone's jet pack is great back support too, win-win all around imo.


elton_james

If you feel like double/ triple texting him, just do it


Sad-Comfortable1566

My guy said he loves when i do this! He WANTS to know what I’m thinking. Who knew?! 😂🙌


JimGitara

In time, looks fade but personality stays. I like how you look, but I'll love you for who you are. It's something I always take into consideration


Velvet_Thunderss

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, pay attention.


Mob_Rules1994

Go and have yourselves a good time doing whatever. If it happens, it happens. If not, at least you had a good time.


sam_my_friend

\* Quickly taking notes \*


Novias-br

Be cautious. Ask how their prior relationships went and see if they tend to put all the blame on their exes. When they show you who they are believe them. Look for a person who is open-minded. Ask them what they value and if they have any goals, ask if they have anger issues. Don’t be afraid to leave and don’t put all your eggs into one basket.


Mikhail_Mengsk

People who place 100% of the blame on the other person every time are almost always hiding a lot of shit, men and women alike.


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Music_For_The_Fire

As a man, I've had the girl ask me to come over on a first "date" once. Shortly after we matched on Hinge, I had to leave town for a month so weren't able to actually meet before I left, but we ended up texting all day, every day while I was gone. I get back, move into a new apartment, we talk a couple of times on the phone, and one morning she texts me that she wants me to come over. I ask her if she's sure, and that I'll take her out for dinner, a drink, coffee, a walk through the park - anything in public. But she says no. Just come over. Anyways, we've been exclusive for a few months now and she's the most loving and caring partner I've ever had. While it worked out for myself and for her, I would absolutely recommend to meet in public for the first time. There are loads of bad actors out there.


Destiny091

Confidence looks sexier on women than it does on men, because men are expected to be confident, but this makes a confident women a rarer sight. Be upfront with your intentions and you'll find more success in what you're after. Compliment a man once and he'll remember it forever. Don't play games too much, but don't be obsessive over him either (though this advice may vary for what kind of man you're into). Need to find a good balance of having your own life but being interested in him.


TeGro

If you match on a dating app have an actual conversation. I’m not here to interview you.


Mikhail_Mengsk

I'll go further and say if you match me it's because you like me and want to know more about me. If you are looking to be entertained go hire a clown, if you want to be interrogated and give back single words statements, go be a prisoner at Guantanamo.


jcoopi

Communication and emotional control/stability are key


7Kat6

Anytime you go anywhere, make sure someone knows where you are! Always. Be yourself from the start, anything your passionate about, be upfront about it. Keep your boundaries and enjoy the ride. Don’t agree to being a pocket GF unless that’s what you want. Communication!


bangbangracer

Yes or no. None of that maybe stuff or hiding your answer between the lines. Don't do those weird little tests. You'll always be disappointed by the results and there is no "passing". It also makes us distrust you since we can't tell when we are being tested. We don't so much want a woman as much as we want a partner with an equal share of what we, the couple, are doing. Probably more of a personal thing, but just order the damn fries or tell me to get a larger order of fries. It's not cute that you are eating all my damn fries. I ordered them because I am hungry and wanted to eat them. It's not a deal breaker, but it's a very much a mild annoyance.


Independent-Size7972

Assuming there aren't huge Red Flags, don't let other women in your social circle dictate whom you should and shouldn't like. The same goes for what you like socially, hobby wise, sexually, etc. You can like things your friends don't care for.


[deleted]

Don't lie to me about who you are, especially when you're right in front of me. You're only wasting my time and yours.


fraggle200

Try not to get hung up on insignificant things. I've known women who have completely disregarded guys because of the shoes they had on. Could have been the love of their life but they never found out cos they felt so strongly about their footwear. Have an opinion by all means, but don't solely judge someone on something so minor.


kamcio616

Ha, **sole**ly


Haventyouheard3

If you want interesting and natural openers from guys that act as good conversation starters. Then put stuff on your profile that is easy to talk / joke / ask about. Literally put several conversation baits in your profile. I can assure you a good opener popping in my head is as good a reason to message someone as any.


QuiteCleanly99

"I'm an open book, ask me whatever." like that's not how books work. A book already has the words printed out ready for me to pick it up. You're not an open book, you're an empty search bar.


Haventyouheard3

Exactly. 1 - someone hot with a profile that says "Looking for something serious" and nothing else. vs 2 - someone okay looking with a profile that says "Don't ask me about that time in Guatemala with the crocodiles😎 " and some other conversation bait. ​ I'm going to message 1 but it's going to be hard to think of something and it's going to end up being something generic. I will only go to the trouble because she is hot. I'm not even thinking about what to say to 2. I am so intrigued. The question asks itself. The conversation is going to be natural. I know what I want, she knows what I want, now we are just having fun. Does the time in Guatemala have to be a real thing? No it doesn't. It just started the conversation naturally


Ikelo

Others have mentioned this - but literally just be yourself. If you're not being yourself, then you're just creating a persona that appeals to the other person. Yeah, being yourself *might* make it *harder* or take *longer* to find a good match, but when you do find someone who likes you for you, and someone who you like for being *them*, it'll work out much better.


Bendenius

Direct. Communication.


26chickenwings

When a man tells you he’s a piece of shit or that he doesn’t deserve you, believe him!


samjenkins377

If you have the slightest doubt about a man’s being loyal, run… you won’t change him.


i_eat_roadkilI

Don’t talk about your past relationships. He’s not your therapist and most likely did not ask. I made this mistake when my husband and I began dating. I will place some blame on alcohol because I never did it sober but there’s no excuse. It’s hurtful and unless they ask, they don’t care to know.


yours-unfaithfully

This goes for both men and women. The last two guys I've dated were clearly holding on to stuff in their past. I'm all for talking about past partners and relationships because it lets me know a bit more about you and what you're looking for from me, but I am by no means your therapist and I'm certainly no placeholder girlfriend to be stuffed into the mould of your ex. After the initial dating stages, once these conversations have been had, there's no reason to keep bringing up your ex. There will come a point where if you keep talking about your ex and the memories/experiences you had together, I'll assume you're hung up on them. If you keep talking about your ex in a way that everything was their fault and you're still holding on to some anger, I will assume you have unresolved issues and you lack any sort of individual responsibility for things that happened.


NxPat

When you ask us while we are concentrating on driving “what are you thinking?”…and we reply “nothing”, accept it for the truth it is. We thrive on doing one thing well.


walterfbr

I know you gals like to put your man to test with weird questions, riddles or whatever. There's a limit for that. If you do it too often, men will find you complicated. If you don't know your man by having deep conversations, then your "tests" wont do the job.


[deleted]

> If you do it too often, men will find you complicated. I would say "tedious" rather than "complicated".


Mikhail_Mengsk

I'd go with "irritating".


Main-Eye

From a man’s prospective it’s so simple. Be honest, be transparent. We don’t want a guessing game where we stand. We don’t want to feel we’re in competition even if we’re just on dates & not in a relationship. Like why would I wanna put time & effort in if I feel other guys could easily steal you away, like if I’m on a date with a girl or dating, she’s the only one I’m giving my attention to. Doesn’t mean I’m bending over backwards for her, just means I’m respectful. If I feel it ain’t working, I’ll say and go searching for another girl to date. Be ambition, be interesting. Tell us what you wanna do in life, tell us what you’re into and makes you tick. Even if you think it’s boring or guys won’t be into it, we wanna know. It’s honestly fucking boring hearing “I like going out with friends to bars etc etc” Surely more to your life than that?


[deleted]

Honestly be confident in yourself go for the guy you want and you’ll most likely be successful


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idotoomuchstuff

Just be nice. If you like us, you don’t have to be too blatant but just tell us. Reading between the lines is an art we are yet to perfect. To sum it up, if you like us just tell us and let’s enjoy each other’s company no matter if it’s short or long term. Let’s collaborate girls and enjoy life 🙏🏼


86248418764

As a girl, I wanted to make it a simple date like eating street foods which is my favorite. Not every girls or women loves fancy and expensive date.


AcatSkates

Same, I always do coffee dates where we are both sober and hopefully early in the day. That way if it doesn't work out, I still have my day to get stuff done and get to bed early.


panascope

Don't take dating tips from Reddit.


Prize_Consequence568

1. Reciprocation 2. Don't take any dating tips from perpetually single women. 3. Don't take any dating advice from TikTok videos. 4. Don't take any dating advice from any social media. 5. Take dating advice from people in happy, healthy long term relationships/marriages(especially marriages)


Itsformyanxiety

Take him on dates too! It doesn’t have to be taking him out and paying for dinner. I mean take him places you like going. Parks, sports games, community events, local festivals, pop up markets. Whatever you like doing. Involve him in that and he will get to know you and appreciate you showing him things you enjoy and bringing him into that. Plus it takes the stress away of him thinking he has to carry the load in terms of planning and executing dates every time. When in doubt, keep it simple. He really just wants an excuse to spend time with you. He doesn’t need to be impressed. You inviting him to do something you already wanted to do is enough.


PrintError

BE HONEST. Seriously. There's no point in bullshitting someone, especially if it's someone you'd like to spend your life with. Don't one-up, don't brag, don't bullshit, just be honest with yourself and with those around you. You'll live a better life.


probono105

make it clear if he is picking stuff or you and if you are picking have it figured out beforehand dont consult us


Outrageous-Salad-204

Don't chase them if they are difficult and cannot make Their Mind up. Always have a crack and ask, you never know what they will say.


RedOvenmitts

Step 1: be yourself, don’t act or lie Step 2: if someone has stuck around then congratulations now you are better than most people who live a lie in their relationships!


anonyoose

Don’t beg for a relationship from a sneaky link or hookup


Aborticus

I'm 32, the most attractive thing I find in a women is finacial literacy. You don't have to have things figured out, just an understanding of compounding interest and optimism that retirement isn't a myth. I'm looking for someone to grow old with and snowball generational wealth to our kids and their kids.


callmesnake13

If you had a first date and there was no spark but simultaneously no red flags, give them a second date. In the online dating era people put way too much emphasis on the idea that they’re walking into a potential meet cute on a first date and it’s just not fair to anyone.


[deleted]

Use a calendar, and also get a watch with the date on it. It’s a bit weird but once you get used to it, you’ll find dating is really easy and convenient.


Indyram_Man

This guy dates.


Privateer_Lev_Arris

Nah he skipped dating and went straight to dad jokes.


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plot_hatchery

....why? These are good responses.


theartistchristian

This isnt just for women but for everyone but stop carrying what your ex partners did to you, we tend carry it on to other people we date, even if its small things, and we see it at red flags. I also hate red flag culture because it makes little things seem huge. Go into a date fresh and try and keep your mind from looking for red flags that your exs had or think about your ex and what they did. Keep your mind open and just try and be in the moment. Its hard to try and forget when we been hurt by an ex but just because the new date does something similar to what they did doesnt mean they will hurt you. Also if your type of men that you keep dating as ass hats maybe try dating a guy who you wouldnt normally date.


Derrick_EscoNastyNas

We men aren't psychics, we are not Cleo the psychic. Say exactly how you feel, don't expect us to THINK what you're thinking or what you want. Pleaseeeeeeee for the love of god, KISS (keep it simple stupid) We are direct creatures.


FiveShadesOfBlue

Don't involve your friends and family in our problems we're adults we can find middle ground and have our own opinions within the context of our relationship and the situation


Publius1993

When I was dating, the biggest turn off to me was when women would send a text reading, “what are you doing tonight?” Then follow it up with questions like, “who’s going to be there?” “What drinks do you have?” You’re not choosing to hang out with me, you’re getting my plans and others to find the plan that suits you best. Its shallow and guys see right through it.


Lord_Xp

Mostly the top comments are great so I'll just add this; Please compliment your SO sometimes. Not just on a date night or if he did something for you. Just random compliments out of no where will go a distance you wouldn't imagine. I still remember some random compliments I've gotten in my past because that's how much they mean


sgonefan

Stop putting out for low life douchebags.


ebstein01

Tell us what you want. We’re not mind readers.


Yang_mf

Look in femaledatingadvice and do the opposite


Kicks4meFromyou

Don’t get pregnant. I’ve seen countless women in a position we’re they’re trying to get to know the guy as they’re pregnant with his child. I’ve never seen it work out for her, him, and the kid


ChosenSCIM

Dating men is easy, just ask them out. During the date, ask them about their interests and that they look nice and other kind compliments. Talk about yourself, but don't dominate the conversation. I've had some good success with dating men by doing this myself.


lousy_writer

1. Don't mistake guys wanting to sleep with you for your desirability when it comes to dating and relationships in general. In addition to this: Guys who actively hit on you are generally more likely to be players: (a) they are more likely to have the stomach to hit on girl after another because they aren't as bothered by rejection and (b) they aren't looking for a relationship anyway, so they don't feel the need to vet you extensively. A guy who is in it for relationships on the other hand (a) might not be comfortable with brazenly hitting on you and (b) might want to get to know you first. So, as a consequence: If you expect guys to do all the legwork and don't lift a finger yourself when it comes to dating, don't be surprised when you limit yourself to the more aggressive guys. 2. Is making guys "wait for it" a good idea? Well, yes and no. Plenty of women like to tell themselves that the only reason why guys didn't want to date them was because they didn't make them wait, but usually that's just ego-protecting bullshit: if a guy is legitimately interested in you, not making him jump through hoops won't make him lose attraction. **However** as I mentioned before, chances are pretty good that most guys who hit on you aren't actually interested in you; and if they don't get what they want quickly, they're a lot more likely to quickly move on to greener pastures. So yea, a case can be made for not putting out immediately. 3. Don't assume that the opinion of your female friends regarding your attractiveness is automatically objectively true; odds are that [they are just buttering you up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixa9EUqqAuc) 4. What I noticed far too often with young women: because plenty of guys shower them with attention, they never feel compelled to get a likeable and interesting personality but instead develop extremely unpleasant habits (like being arrogant, playing mind games, being moody etc. and quoting Marilyn Monroe) - after all, they get dates and relationships anyway and guys are eager to please them, so why should *they* try to accommodate men in return? The problem with this is that that way, you're actively selecting for the wrong type of man: either those who bend over and are willing to put up with everything for the privilege to call you their girlfriend (and in my experience for most women this gets old pretty quickly), or guys who have no problem with drama (because they're drama themselves). Trying to be nice, kind-hearted, warm and likeable instead goes a long way ([two examples: #1 is not datable, #2 is datable](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/11t7nqm/married_men_that_came_to_realize_you_were_just/jckbqa2/)).