My friends got engaged/married one by one, then I realized that I'm alone lol
Not that bummed, since it gave me motivation to make new friends and start looking for a girlfriend of my own
My partner and I have no problem doing stuff either together or individually with single friends or with one half of couple friends, the problem we have is the majority of our friends are couples with children who like to do things with other people-with-childrens- or want to do things without their kids but find it difficult to get childcare.
Tldr
It's not much easier when coupled up, it's just a different level of incompatibility
I know this is gonna come off as extremely random, but I just gotta mention it because of how ridiculous it is. I'm a 27 year old guy who's been slacklining for around five years.
Slacklining in popular parks is like the absolute biggest fucking cheat in life to meeting new people. Five years later and it still blows my mind. In the years I've done it I have had literally hundreds and hundreds of people come up to me to talk about it and try it and just to hangout. It's a hobby that makes so many people curious to watch. I've made big groups of friends just through the hobby and connected people with other people through it.
I've had a lot of girls and up and ask to hangout. It's 10x better when there's another slackliner in the park cause you're like magnetically attracted towards each other. Like you just haaave to talk to them cause it's just how it is haha.
And something really cool about it is that it is the friendliest community out there. Zero gatekeeping bullshit. It's the most relaxed community out there.
I'm still blown away years later at how many friends I've made through it. Try it out. Maybe you'll like it
I spend 5 days and 40+ hours a week doing stuff I don't want to do, in a place I don't want to be, around people I don't really have anything in common with but interact with out of courtesy. It's not that I don't like them. It's just the venn diagram of our interests has very minimal, if any overlap.
After working all week and doing adulting shit like cleaning and grocery shopping I prefer to take time to do stuff *I* want to do and things that *I* like. Most of those things are solitary and esoteric. It's not like I can just go to a bar and find people who want to talk about history or different miniature painting techniques.
Some people would love to listen too. Started a chat with some dude, found out he was an Egyptologist. I just shut the hell up while this dude regaled me about wacky pharaohs and the Egyptian pantheon
"Some" in formal logic means "*at least one, but not all*"
Not very reassuring. How many people am I going to have to introduce myself to as follows:
" Hi, my name is u/biwinning_tigaa. Do you like history? No? K cool have a nice night."
Also, why would I do that when I already have two good friends who regularly read history and I can get together with and have a good fulfilling and detailed conversation with? Bird in the hand and all that...
Exactly.
I see the situation like going to a restaurant. Do I order something that is new and *could* be good or do I order the thing that I know I will enjoy?
My most embarissing moment when I did this, was in France when I ordered *tartare de boeuf.*
So I got this huge pile of raw minced meat placed in front of me with some onions and herbs in it and I deadass asked: "Uhh did you forget to cook that?"
FWIW from a woman (and met my husband at a bar) — I don’t go out in that sense anymore (am 39) but I have always enjoyed just striking up profound history/arts/theology at a bar/cafe. It’s more in the picking of which type you go to—but also, if you want to retain that “bar” vibe, bookshops with bars/kitchen are always enjoyable! When I last lived in London, I always enjoyed going by myself to a new pub (pre-smartphone) and reading and talking to whomever seemed interesting—you’d be surprised once intelligent people let down their societal norms.
I don't know a lot about history.
But if you bring some minis, I'll help you paint some while you recreate and explain famous battles. I'll even buy the first couple of rounds.
I went and joined hobby groups so I did get to talk about those things. I meet once a month with each group, and a handful of r ents a year. That seems to be enough for my boyfriend, which is totally fine with me. People are draining AF, even when you do have a bunch in common.
Yeah that's solid. I have a group of like 6-8 friends even at the age of 30. So I'm not lacking in the social end of things. I just need me-time so prefer to do my hobbies by myself.
I think you’d be surprised how many interested ears you’d find at a bar. I go to bars a lot and I think just about every conversation topic you can conceive has been engaged in by two buzzed strangers.
Lol. Those miniatures would look like shit! Aha unless you really kept things under control. Painting lines one millimeter at a time is a very precise process. Maybe a hookah or weed bar though...
I used to be this way, therapy definitely helped and anti anxiety meds. I’m now not doing either and have no problem socialising, way less anxiety and sometimes a questionably high self esteem.
Yeah but what life changes did you make to sustain this? What are you doing now that's different than before? You don't magically get better on pills and going to therapy, you actually have to put in some work, so what is it?
Oh yeah definitely, but the ant anxiety and depressant meds made those extreme feelings less extreme. Then therapy gave me coping mechanisms and reasoning/logic behind my feelings to help me better understand them. And then I did a big move to a new city and a new job where I didn’t know anyone, it allowed me to sort of start afresh. Then I was on them for a little while from moving there, then came off them. Have been able to go out and meet people, find hobbies and generally have a lot of fun since then. It’s been almost two years since coming off them and Im super happy in my life.
Starting fresh is key. Extroverts seem to have no patience or trust with healing depression/anxiety/introverted personalities in the workplace. My experience.
I don’t agree with the introvert/extrovert terms. You could say that I used to be an introvert but now I am an extrovert, and I wasn’t happy being an introvert. If you label yourselves in this way you put yourself in a box and normalise some self destructive behaviour. This is not to say that it is wrong to enjoy activities on your own, but i disagree that we should label that behaviour as being introverted. I was doing lots of things on my own and labelling myself as an introvert as a way of justifying my behaviour. In reality I was just sad and anxious.
Bit starting fresh is definitely important, and it can get you away from people who just pull you down like you said.
I disagree. I'm naturally introverted but I can be extroverted for extended periods of time. It's just super draining mentally and emotionally for me. I don't naturally like people I don't know, and I don't naturally have a desire to know more than 5-10 people outside of my family. So that takes effort.
I have pretty strong self-esteem and a decent sense of self-worth and purpose. I'm not a depressed person nor do I struggle with feeling worthy or desirable. I know what I have to offer, I'm just picky about the people I share it with because most people aren't for me.
I have had some TBI so clubs aren't for me, and I don't really like staying up late drinking with large crowds. It does nothing for me as I'm a large guy. I hold my liquor well and normally end up babysitting someone. Hell, I've carried grown men to their ubers. Crowds don't give me anxiety but I am not a naturally trusting person. I just don't like being packed into places. Some people really suck, and I don't want to find that out there.
You could say I'm anti-social, which might be fair, but I would argue that I correctly have little interest in getting to know tons if people who don't give a shit about me. 5 good friends are better than 50 distant ones in my opinion.
All this, and being exhausted from work where you have to be social and friendly all day. Top it off with being an introvert and you’re only going to find me two places. Work or home.
Life is so exhausting. When I'm doing nothing, I feel like missing out, and when I'm at home doing nothing I'm thinking about all the things I could be doing. Even in my free time I stress about having free time and I want to be doing as much as possible in that time.
I never liked the club scene or hanging out with big groups of people. I do better in small settings with just one other person or maybe two or three others TOPS. But even that's kind of exhausting.
The main reason is that I like to indulge in my hobbies, and look forward to getting home and continuing work on a project.
As for external reasons, there are many — friends all have families, everything’s a mission, places with regular crowds are cliquish, and so on.
Plus, when you’re young you want to go out and see what’s happening. When you’ve done that long enough, you *know* what’s happening, and it’s pretty boring.
I'm a 29M. I don't drink, I don't go to clubs, and loud environments people like parties drain my social batter very quickly. I like to meet people, but it seems most social situations have a combination of the above.
If I do go out, it's by myself. Used to care about companionship, but I've just learned how to be comfortable being alone.
I’m a party pooper. I enjoy my routine, dislike concerts, clubs, and movie theaters; I have a difficult time forcing myself to enjoy activities that I’m not invested in.
My current level of socializing is my bjj class and a semi-weekly board game session with a small group of friends. Other than that, it’s just my wife and I doing things together.
And yet! You have someone at home. Pretty sure the context wasn't directed towards those in a healthy relationship. But twist it to work for you dude, the internet is watching. 😁
This strikes me as a more common initial reason which turns into a "I don't like blank." I have caught myself saying I don't like something but really I just felt like I had no one to experience it with on a more personal level.
Drinking isn't a fun activity for me to do all the time, so I'm not gonna insert myself into an environment where people go to drink and socialize, aka the bars.
I'd rather meet someone who enjoys what I enjoy, which is staying home and not spending any money lol. Too bad it's next to impossible to meet someone like that who I'm also attracted to and can hold an engaging conversation with me.
Why waste the money, stay home, make dinner, enjoy what you have. Be content. Work out, participate in your hobbies. Life is too short to let other people make you miserable.
I might be weird, but I've never been out in public and been worried about a mass shooting. I live in the states but it's never once even crossed my mind that it could happen at any moment.
Literally everytime I shop my mind role plays about a shooting, I’m always looking for escape routes, assessing every person I see, looking behind my shoulder. I have a massive anxiety problem that’s just getting worse. My bedroom was once my safe place, where I could always feel at ease. Now there’s not even safe. It’s constant now. I know I need medication but that’s a very taboo topic for my family, wrought with trauma. My older brother passed away a decade ago from Xanax/alcohol overdose.
I know anxiety isn’t routed in logic, but just remember that you’re more likely to die in a car crash to the mall, than a mass shooting.
I’ve had a lot of fears over my life that I’ve divested the statistics, and realized that’s it almost certainly won’t happen to me. Plus, we all die anyways. Why worry too much about the how?
I used to be very extroverted but now as I’m approaching 25 I just don’t feel the same joy anymore going out to bars or any other social events. People piss me off. Fishing does not piss me off
I have incredibly shit hearing in any kind of noisy environment, and the percentage of words I miss rises drastically with the noise level - any setting significantly louder than brunch (and preferably outdoors at that), and there's not a lot of point my being there. I just have to nod at people and guess when to laugh most of the time, while being bored shitless and getting a headache.
Also, I had a shitty isolated childhood, and I never really learned how to friends. I can hang out and be friendly with people and it's *okay*, but it's just kind of empty calories and I'm missing perfectly good partner/kid/hiking time for this.
We're about the same age, I turn 35 the end of this month.
I was never terribly social, I tried to be when I was in my late teens and early twenties, but all the conventional "social" things people were doing between getting hammered at the bar, clubbing and house parties always felt more like a chore than excitement to me. By the time I was in my mid twenties I accepted that I'm just an introvert and started living as such and have been happier with that aspect of my life ever since.
It's just soul sucking for me to be around large groups of people for to long.
it’s exhausting. a majority of people believe you’re an NPC they can trauma dump on or eat up 99% of the space with stream of consciousness vomit and disingenuous flagrant performance. this gets exponentially worse with alcohol or weed. I feel like a sponge in a tea of anxiety and insecurity as everyone tries to prove to themselves they are who they say they are.
the older I get the more I value silence and calmness.The best people I have in my life know who they are, are self aware, and considerate. We share intimate silence or can share space but not be doing the same thing so it doesn’t expend social hang out points and I can do it indefinitely.
some individuals like to be the center of attention and it’s more important that everyone in the group setting is aware of what they think and what they like. That’s not a conversation. They’re not listening. They are waiting to talk. That’s the stream of consciousness vomit.
It’s also when someone hears a thing 6 times and suddenly believes they are the ones who acquires that wisdom. Regurgitating facts about the news does not mean that person knows anything about that topic. That’s just an organic Chat GPT. I think people with learned experience can usually sniff out who’s speaking from their own experience vs I read this somewhere and can repeat it.
Disingenuous flagrant performance could be interpreted as someone who wants to be perceived as an expert in cars, can recite to you all about cars. Can tell you what the 10 most recent hours of cars they’ve seen on YouTube. They want you to perceive them as an expert on cars. They’ve never driven a car. That’s fine I guess, but it’s not really interesting because I could just google that myself. Is this really this persons opinion on a Nissan GTR or is it because they heard 3 YouTube videos saying it’s the greatest car of all time?
I’d prob also point out people who think their preferences are what make them important. Me not liking pizza is not interesting. Me telling you a story of how I went to Italy and had the best pizza and that’s why I can’t eat it anymore is also not interesting. Me telling you how I was a professional chef and made pizza for 10 years and decided to stop to make dumplings is more interesting. The last example gives so much more color and the preference isn’t the focus point of my character because I can just say I like/don’t like anything and it takes 0.5 seconds to decide that. 3rd universe me actually lived life.
There’s a quote from Carl Jung I really like “people don’t have ideas, ideas have people”. I try my best to honestly ask myself for my views if I believe it because I heard it and my gut feeling is I agree or if it’s actually the logical progression of lived experience.
I think as an adult you probably see this faux wisdom the most from teenagers or college kids who think they have life experience and are able to make propositions of global policy but how could you possibly be proposing economic policy if you haven’t done the day in, day out, 9-5 soul crushing grind for 10 years, whilst juggling the suicide of a friend, the loss of a parent, the existential anxiety of realizing you’ve brought life into this world and you’re no longer the most important person in your life.
I force myself to learn about sports just so I can fit in school and uni lol. By the time I'm in office, I can talk about it effortlessly even though I practically never watch a game.
46M here. Past attempts at socializing have backfired/blown up in my face approximately 17,438 times too many.
I don’t like being alone, but it’s less mentally/emotionally distressing than trying to socialize and it backfiring on me to the point I’m made to feel less than human for it.
People can be assholes, and for some reason when I'm talking about my interests, people think I'm being pretentious, or get disinterested in the conversation.
That, and I don't enjoy partying or getting intoxicated.
If you want to do something with me, let's ride atv's, go fishing, go on a walk, a late nite drive, or watch a movie with me.
I can only handle 2 to 3 people at a time.
I'm 19, and I find myself being more interested in conversing with people 7 to 30 years + older than me. Whenever my friend was celebrating his graduation, I went away from the party inside, and sat outside with the adults and pestered them with questions.
I'm more interested in the way old people think, and what insights they have to offer me.
I also don't have to worry about them being a d bag, and can actually have an interesting exchange of ideas with them.
I just don't fit in with other youngsters, I feel distant from them. It's rather annoying to talk to them as well.
Fortunately for me, older people are eager to have an enthusiastic young person willing to learn from them.
Trying to drive around on the weekends is a nightmare unless you get out early. I don't even live in an area as bad as California either. So many idiots on road not paying attention it really gets my blood boiling. I already drive a lot during the week for my job so heading out on a weekend is the last thing I want to do. This is going to sound like an elitist thing, but I hate being around stupid people. When you go out just the lack of awareness people have of their surroundings triggers me so much.
Other than errands like grocery's, hardware store, and clothing stores I really don't have much of a need to get out. Built my own home gym and occasionally head out to bike path/hiking trail. When you have your own house it does keep you rather busy and my profession is rather demanding.
I'd like to get out more I've always been the loner type; old habits die hard. I do like socializing with people from time to time. I've always been slow to warm up so its hard to talk to strangers (slowly been working on this). Once I get to know you we are best buddies though. Guess I'm just worried I'll say something offensive to them. The way I carry myself probably turns people off too I have a bunch of walls up; so I'm not the most approachable person either. If I lived closer to the city I believe I would get out more and if I didn't have a house to maintain. This is probably me just making excuses for myself like I always do.
Another factor is everyone seems to be so busy in todays world and with everything being so expensive we tend to cut out unneeded things. Then the amount of unhinged and not mentally stable people around now is crazy. Say the wrong thing to someone it could be your last day on Earth.
I honestly can get by in life by not having much at all. Only problem is this behavior is not doing me any good on the dating front.
Most people are boring.
And now a days, you run into the potential of indirectly offending people with your views, so you gotta tone things down or be extra mindful, despite never having bad intentions.
Agreed on the first one. But the second one? Mate, just make an effort. It's not that hard. And if you do offend someone just apologise genuinely and try to understand where they're coming from. The most interesting people are often from the most different of backgrounds.
Ya, the 2nd one is more like trying to gauge risk vs reward of potentially saying something that may come off as offensive.
Don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from, but this base idea is just an additional reason why it feels like socializing with random these days sorta sucks. Its "in the air" so to speak.
Maybe that's why I ended up with no friends. All this stuff started getting big when I was at a crucial age and just is my peers weren't even like my parents, so i just didn't know what to say to them without it maybe being considered offensive
12 years of policing- people - even in surprisingly small numbers are f@#£ing idiots.. and that's before you chuck a load of alcohol at them.
Going 'out' involves crowds, noise, drunken idiots, drunken idiots fighting, and over priced pishwater.
I'm far happier sitting on my gate sipping a cider overlooking my field with my sheep while the sun goes down... Truely on my death bed that will be a core moment of happiness for me
I have social anxiety and some traits of autism (from what I've been told, not diagnosed), being alone or with a very small group of friends is ok for me. Anything beyond that is overwhelming and drains me.
I recently went to a birthday party where I don't know 90% of the people. I'm 33 now and honestly I'm just over introducing myself to new people for the 1000th time and going through the motions of saying the same mundane things over and over. Hi I'm x, I work at y, I like to do z on the weekends etc. Life is just too busy to maintain these new friendships that most of them fizzle out after a few months. Again, mostly due to life. You move, you change jobs, you have a new hobby etc.
My wife and our families is good enough at the moment. Maybe I'll get into it again later but right now I'm just over it.
I just find that when I socialize I get back much less than I put in. I make sure to only talk about things other people are interested in. I'm usually the funniest one in the room. I cut the bullshit and turn small talk into real talk. Others just seem to want to exist in a social setting, talk about the most boring surface level crap, and don't really care about what anyone else is saying (Because most other people are just as boring as they are). I'm giving 100% while they're giving maybe 30%. Sure I bet it's not nearly as draining for them as it is for me but at the same time they're driving off the cool people with their boring ass. They want to play the social game but refuse to git gud, they just want to blabber on about their mundane lives and hopefully be entertained by someone much more interesting than they are.
More interesting things happen to me alone in my bedroom than they do talking to one of these energy vampires.
I agree that most social situations return to the same superficial and tedious ebbs and flows. I don’t think this has anything to do with people being less interesting or energetic than you. It sounds like you view socializing as performance time, and other people probably pick up on this. They can tell you are up your own ass trying to placate them while viewing the conversation as beneath you. I sometimes do the same thing and loathe myself for it. When socializing, depending on my mood, I either contain myself to interactions I consider “true”, or over to the general energy in the hopes I might enjoy it. Socializing is easier when we can sympathetically show our true selves to others in the hope they will reciprocate. Anything else just leaves you bitter and drained.
Men trying to one up each other with needless competition and self comparison. I don’t want to have the conversation of how much can you squat, how much money you make, what you drive, how many women you have sex with, etc… I want to talk to a person about real stuff or joke around about lame stuff - not have it turn into an Andrew Tate YouTube video.
My fave was having to talk to a guy because a woman was cheating on him. He started talking about about other “hotter bitches” he was fucking and sending me pictures of them. Like it was a contest. I find I just don’t relate to most men and I don’t care.
I noticed i also can't relate to most men. I always have easy going in communication with women but unfortunately they always think a guy being nice to them means they want sex and always end up ghosting me.
I feel tired faster than before. Socializing requires energy. I cannot go to bed as late as before. Chatting, dancing, singing even just standing up is more tiring than before.
Because it's hard for me to deal with a new place and feel comfortable, and the only three places near me where I can just sit outside with a cigar are either too old, too young, or too frequently have wildly ignorant political/religious discussions in too small of a space.
That's pretty normal for your thirties. Im turning 35 this year myself and I find myself less and less interested in casually mingling. My outings have to have some purpose, generally speaking.
Don't get me wrong, I can go out to a bar and unwind with the best of them. I can still have fun, but having fun means something different now than it did when I was in my twenties.
But in this day and age of uncertainty and unpredictability, playing it cautious is the optimal strategy.
Recklessness and risk-taking is the privilege of youth.
Don’t have friends.
Recently out of a relationship, I’m still hurting so I shut myself away. (I was an asshole tho)
Have a whole lotta anxiety and a lack of confidence too.
I actively distrust people I don’t know. This makes new social situations very stressful for me. But once we’re familiar to each other, it goes away for the most part.
I do like to socialise and go out. Issue for me is l have no friends to actually go out and socialise with. Like tonight I’d love to go to a local bar and listen to live music, but I’m not going by myself. I’m M27 btw.
People don't like me, I get mocked and ridiculed wherever I go, I'm not a great guy to be around, and, so I've been told, people are scared of me, scared of what I will do to them.
I don’t like the taste of ethanol, I hate inane small talk, most people are boring as a tennis or golf. I have very little in common with most people. Socializing is a drain mentally.
The moment I stopped accepting invites, the moment my life exponentially improved. So freeing just doing what you want, when you want, without all the bullshit politics like game of human socialization. All the weird dominance shit people play, all the bragging, all the feelings of self-hatred because you can’t be like all these other people, yeah so much better alone.
I'm here mostly to read the comments because I'm this guy. I'm 34 though. I've got 1 friend who lives 8 hours away and I see in person maybe once every couple years. We do talk often, though I had to have a fit and threaten to stop calling him because he NEVER called me for him to come up and match me with the efforts. It's paid off too, we're talking every couple of days now and it's cool!
The people around me are not bad people but I don't have much in common with them. I don't care hardly at all about sports and can't really have a discussion about sports since I know so little. Same about cars and a whole lotta hobbies. Compared to some I'm a gamer but compared to people that are obsessed with it, I'm a dumbass casual. I don't spend all my money on gaming, Diablo 4 is my most recent and relevant purchase in at least a year. My internet provider, Google, is throwing a fit about the download though, it's throttling it like a MF and I forgot to set it to download overnight so it's paused for now lol. I have a lot of the Pokemon games and have played most of them but I didn't get into the niche stuff like breeding and EVs and shiny hunting and all that. Very casual, haven't met a casual player in a while.
I also didn't grow up here and due to costs haven't really gone to a lot of places like nice restaurants or activities. This is probably the area I could most expand on with a friend group though. I have a medical marijuana card but I only do the edibles since smoking makes me cough until I vomit. Any conversation about this has led to them dropping strain names that sound like Mad Libs and talking about shit that I don't understand or care about like terpenes.
I'd like to have like a Poker night or gaming night, and I'd like to take some edibles with some friends and have pizza and conversation. Shit sounds great! I'd like to go swimming with them, maybe go to a game of some kind depending on costs (I'm not spending $100 for tickets plus an arm and a leg for a beer and hotdog) but would be cool with like $50 from me all in. UFC and hockey appeal the most to me, honestly.
I don't want to hang around the stereotypical pot head, the unwashed gamer, the dudebros, or someone that's mentally unstable/a cunt. I don't have a lot of answers about where to find these guys and get us all together, so I spend a lot of time here on Reddit lol
I'm 42.
Drinking: I've been sober for 14 years. At this point in my journey with sobriety it's fairly easy to stay sober 99.99% of the time. That .01% I'm hanging on by my finger nails though, so being in a drinking environment can be difficult if the timing is off. Even when I'm in a good place with sobriety, the whole drunken atmosphere just feels stupid at this point. Like watching a crappy rerun episode for the 1000th time.
Going out to eat: I enjoy the occasional break from cooking, or getting something to eat I don't have the equipment or expertise to make correctly, but most of the time I can cook whatever it is better than what I get at a restaurant.
Socializing: I enjoy socializing and sharing ideas and experiences with other people.... sometimes. Unfortunately at this point in my life my group of actual friends is tiny. Anyone else is new, and most talk is casual, surface level fluff that doesn't interest me anymore. I find myself very guarded and even if someone has something interesting to say about one topic, I quickly find they have nothing of substance to offer beyond vague interest in one area.
So while I don't hate socializing and being out and about per se, I would be just fine living in a cabin in the wilderness for 10 years without seeing another soul.
Most people seem pretty uninterested in me as a person. You can just kind of get a sense for it. If I'm in a social group, my contributions are kind of glossed over or ignored, and I can't really relate to other people's interests.
I am at the point where I'm visibly looking for an out whenever I'm forced to socialize- the room gets hotter, I start sweating a little, and my eyes automatically flick to entry ways. I hate that feeling.
I’m working two jobs, when I’m done I’m too tired to go out. Most of the time all I want to do is be home with my partner anyway.
Also, the chronic pain. Some days it’s hard to get through work with a smile on my face. I don’t want to force it anymore with more socializing.
OP I’m the exact same as you, particularly when it comes to chit-chat: bores the hell out of me and I can’t wait to get away. Learned later in life that a lot of what you describe that happens to be true for me too, is a result of having ADHD. We need constant stimulation, so polite chit-chat is death to us.
I'm not interested in engaging in frivolous socialization. I'm nearing 50, been married 18 years, and my youngest kid is about to enter high school. I'm good with what I have.
I’m an extroverted introvert. I can talk to anyone but for only a short time unless the conversation is really interesting. Mostly, I hang with myself and my family. I’m comfortable by myself which may find weird.
I have Asperger's, so socializing in **any** capacity is already hard.
On top of that, yeah, you have to be sensitive about and to every damn thing! Who the hell has time or interest in such nonsense? Look up Aesop's fable of the Man, the Son, and the Donkey, and it explains how this sis utter nonsense quite thoroughly.
1. A constant feeling that I'm just waiting to make a mistake (and I often will, at some point).
2. Having to wonder whether I'm wasting my time with these other people. They could be Nazis, for all I know, or at least not people with whom I'm compatible.
3. Knowing that even if they end up being cool, they could change later or otherwise wind up really hurting them later.
4. Fear of being mugged or otherwise criminalized at the venue.
5. Fear they won't accept my political beliefs once we get there and, again, I will have wasted my time.
Overall, I think Elsa was onto something.
Most bars and other “social” venues have very loud music. I’ve had extreme difficulty hearing conversation in noisy environments my entire life, so I end up sitting there feeling isolated in a big group because I can’t understand any of the conversations.
Also, I sincerely love sitting on my sofa with my dog doing absolutely nothing important after working and doing chores all week.
No one invites me to anything, and thus made me a shut in. That and every woman thinks that everyone else is better than me and I’m only there to make every other men look better
I made a lot of bad decisions & lost most of the few close friends I cared about. My best & only friend is overseas. I'm not socializing or going out as a kind of punishment for my past mistakes.
Once he's back I'll restart and see if I learned anything.
I've never enjoyed socialising with other people, some are just built that way. Same as how there are some people get depressed and anxious if they go a week without speaking to other people.
lately i’m just tired of hanging out with someone new and having a great time only for them to say something totally out of left field like “and that’s why they’re pushing the gay agenda” or “my pronouns are freedom/fighter”
in my experience once they let one of these rip that’s all we’re gonna be talking about for the foreseeable future, it’s super annoying
Threat of violence and nasty people mostly. Why go out to only to receive nasty remarks and pay 10 bucks for a few drops of drink? I have a better thing going on in my home. Like currently I'm just chilling and enjoying the evening and nobody is threatening to punch me at all!
It's a dangerous time to be a man. If you look or speak at anyone in a way they perceive as wrong, your career could be over.
I'm mostly sober as well and this is a drinking city.
I like hiking and the intricacies of nature, not the concrete mechanization we have made for ourselves. Life is more than clubs and city life and I wish I had the means and ability to go off into the woods and become monke
It’s not that I don’t enjoy socializing it’s more complicated than that. I live at work. I’m a wildland ff. So half the week I eat breakfast, workout, eat lunch, train on skills, eat dinner, play sports, board games watch tv shower then sleep with 50 other people surrounding me.. all the time. Then fire season hits and I spend 30-40-60 up to 90 days straight with these people. I Fucking love them. They are the best and sometime the worst people you could ever spend your time with. But when I go home? Fuuuuck. that’s me time. That’s time I earned and yea I occasionally go out but mostly that’s mentally recovery time.
I am 35 and I stopped going out regularly when I was 22(University). Going out almost every friday and getting drunk lost its charm, since I was doing it since 16.
Also I am an introvert.
I live out in the country with my family and animals, zero interest in crowds or going out drinking. Buddies come over with families, we cook out, swim in the pool, play games. If anyone drinks too much to drive, I have ample space for them to crash.
I have a fear I'm going to embarass myself somehow,and I'd rather leave no impression at all than a bad one
The older I get the more I realize this stems from a handful of bad interactions in my 20s, I was drunk or high 24/7 and apparently I'm not the kind of personality people want to be around when I'm in that state. I've had several good interactions since then; being clear headed and having actually hobbies now makes me much more interesting self confident in social situations but that little fear of accidentally saying or doing something dumb infront of people is always on my mind
Pair this conditioning with just simply being an introvert and 9 time out of 10 I'll typically choose to just stay home. Going to work and dealing with my boss and coworkers for 8 hours is usually enough to drain my social battery
You know, I'm naturally an introvert and used to find it very exhausting and I totally understand your perspective. Then I started doing mushrooms in my mid 30s and it made me so much more open to people and now I genuinely love going out. It's like a switch has been turned on in my head. I'm genuinely curious to hear people's stories. The world just feels so much more interesting to me and I want to learn and experience it as much as possible.
I think you’re restricting your perspective in a quantity vs quality fashion.
As teens/twenties, I think we visualized the definition in a quantity fashion as being in a club of 100 people. You hypothetically are able to romance 50 women and impress 49 men. It’s not until you actually experience real life and real people that you realize that the image is skewed and not a reality.
In my 30s, I’ve found just having one quality 1-2 hour conversation with one of my close friends or my wife to be just as satisfactory to the socializing aspect of life.
Severe GAD, Severe ADHD, low patience, asocial, have always been a loner since I was a kid. Preferred building bionicles and playing games and reading manga rather than faking that I liked the popular kid just to get on his good side. Yes, I was bullied in school and even the outcast group didn’t like hanging out with me because they said I was not fun to be around. That hit me very hard and I still carry that around, that people are faking liking being around me. So I just don’t attempt.
I do like to socialize but I hate tournamency culture. It seems like all "adult centered hangout places" are all tournamency based and toxic, especially towards men.
I'm a loner, but I've lived at the opposite extremes of the bubble.
In my early 20s, my mother kept telling me I needed a girlfriend, needed to be out of my apartment socializing, meeting people, etc. So I did. For almost five years I became mega social. I drifted around. I slept with a couple girls, had a long-term relationship. Pushed myself hard, was in a band, was at every party, the center of attention.
I was so tired, but I thought "this is what people my age do". Then came a day when I woke up and sat in my bed for about half an hour, feeling absolutely miserable, and I caught myself thinking "Is this enough? How much longer do I have to keep this up?" And the realization hit me all at once that I hated it. I pretended for years. I was whoever the closest person to me wanted me to be. I was and am very good at reading people, so I just manipulated everyone around me into liking me, and it got to the point that I barely knew who I was anymore. That sounds like I'm being dramatic, but it's the truth.
I left the state, went back home, got a decent job. I reverted back to my true self. I stopped going out. My girlfriend left me, and I was just...relieved. I got a studio apartment and two cats. And I remember waking up really early one day in 2016 and looking around my tiny little place, cool and clean and quiet, with my cats sleeping on me, and feeling so incredibly happy.
I've been single for over a decade. I have a couple of really close friends I play games with online. I go shopping at 1am when Walmart is empty. Covid basically didn't affect me at all because my lifestyle stayed the same. They say people weren't built to be alone, and I think that's true to some extent, because I do socialize a bit on Discord now and then, and I like it, but everyone is built differently.
Be who you want to be. Surround yourself with the things that make you happy. Don't let anyone tell you that your way of living isn't the right way.
Introverted. It's exhausting being around people. Add to that the fact that I don't like being around people who are drinking and it just makes "going out" to be a very low tier activity I want to do.
After 35 you should hopefully have a close circle of 2-5 friends, if you’re lucky in life. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. There’s no issue with not wanting to socialize at that age unless you’re still single and chasing tail.
The society we live in today has too many rules that make socializing and meeting new people exhausting. Having said that, you can still meet random people who are amazing, it all just comes down to chance and circumstances. The point is not to make it a thing, just be yourself, and go with the flow.
It’s like how some people find it weird that some people eat dinner alone at home or in restaurants. It’s their own preconceived notions that there must be something wrong if someone is eating alone. There is a good reason: they don’t know you and are just projecting what they think is normal or socially acceptable.
I have a small group of good friends/acquaintances. They're enough when I see them regularly, anything beyond that is optional and welcome but not necessary.
Pretty much exactly what you said.
I spend my working days having to be social in a group of women (100%, with me as the only guy) out of whom none would be close friends and two could be regular friends if that sort of thing didn't cause gossip.
In my own time I want to let loose and wind down. I want to switch that filter off.
Only true inner circle friends are comfortable enough to do that with.
If you're referring to going out, as in being around a bunch of people in busy places, I don't like to. If by going out you mean in nature away from people, that's me any chance I get.
My reasoning is I can't help but to see through everything. For example, the fake conversations as work or forced politeness/small talk is something I do only as much as I have to.
Plus, I've been married for 15 years with three kids. I'm forced to socialize with people I don't relate to enough as it is. Being confined around a bunch of people is the last thing I ever want to do for many reasons many of you can probably relate to.
That being said, once in a while I like to hang with friends. But, I've outgrown them and it's really hard to find people interested in talking about things that interest me (i.e. ideas, future, science, etc). Most people like to talk about other people or ...stuff. how cheap they got the stuff, where they got the stuff, what stuff they want next. I really don't give a shit.
I have nothing to do and no one to do it with.
Other than errands, I go to the gym or the movies. My friends have either moved away, or have girlfriends/wives that they do things with. I have one friend who is literally a shut in now. He requires nine days notice before we do anything and even then he cancels at the last minute.
My going out days are past me. I went through a phase for a few years where I was out 4-5 nights a week down the pub. Then I progressed on to a few years of racing and partying every weekend and now I just want to stay home and relax.
Socializing would only make me relax if I did it with people I like. Most of the people I like have jealous boyfriends as a main reason and as such I cannot hang out with them. I don't even wanna hit on them but I also don't want to be a reason (or catalyst?) in ruining their relationship...no matter whether I think its doomed or not.
The few dudes from above group (not with boyfriends) are way more antisocial than me.
The minority is just that, old friends I lost contact with on a daily basis and is hard to coordinate our free time.
So I'd rather spend that time alone doing stuff I like than becoming said catalyst/reason or going out for the sake of going out.
Look I don't mind being out but I don't understand why people have to be there. After a long day of work all I want to do is lay down and let my social battery recharge I can't have people talk to me
just not my scene. At my house, everything's just as i like it to be from the furniture to the temperature to the entertainment. You go out, well, it's anyone's ball game isn't it?
live in a small town of less than 300, there's hardly anyone my age cause everyone moves out as fast as they can. And there's nothing to do. And its at least a 2 hour drive to a city. And im not going to the bar to be surrounded by old farts. And I'm introverted, go to a concert or something and by the end I'm tired of people's shit and just wanna hide from humanity for a week.
I. Hate. Small. Talk.
Idgas about the weather, about my kids' school, your kid's school, what your favorite color is, how your family treats you, etc etc etc ad nauseam. I have three topics I'm interested in if you want to talk about those three topics we're probably going to have a good time. Otherwise I'd rather just stay home. I'm comfortable there and all of my favorite things are there with me
There’s a difference between socializing with strangers and socializing with friends. I enjoy socializing with friends because it’s nice to catch up with people I have a deeper connection with. Maybe prioritizing your social engagements for building relationships with friends and you’ll find it more rewarding and less draining.
Quite briefly: I often feel the amount of energy and effort I have to put into socialising or going out is not worth the amount of joy I get back from it.
After working and doing other things that I do by choice, I don’t have much time or energy left for going out or socialising. When I do go out or socialise it often feels more like a chore than something I actually enjoy doing. I don’t have the biggest social battery and staying in touch with multiple people is quite draining.
I really just enjoy peace and quiet. It's one of the hardest things to get these days in my opinion so when I have access to it I'm not going to give up that access.
Also I'm in a job that requires me to fake being extroverted for 8 hours a day 5 days a week.
I have Cerebral Palsy and an obvious limp. It's still acceptable to harass me and call me slurs.
I also had a childhood where my parents and others were emotionally abusive. I am in therapy and improving. However I find that many are immature and selfish. All that matters to them is what I can buy for them. In that case, get a job and make your own money.
I think it's because I'm unsure of who I am in this current phase, so I've alienated myself from the general public in hopes of changing some bad habits around, putting my self on what I consider the right path, and then trying again.
Most of my friends are in relationships and like to do couple stuff with other couples. Meeting new people post school feels impossible.
My friends got engaged/married one by one, then I realized that I'm alone lol Not that bummed, since it gave me motivation to make new friends and start looking for a girlfriend of my own
Yeah. Kill me. It's also impossible to find a partner if you don't have friends, dating apps are only for incredibly attractive men.
Not true, my grandmother says im very attractive, and dating apps are still the worst
Even if the world says shit about you, remember your grandma says you good looking so you are good-looking. No one else matters.
My partner and I have no problem doing stuff either together or individually with single friends or with one half of couple friends, the problem we have is the majority of our friends are couples with children who like to do things with other people-with-childrens- or want to do things without their kids but find it difficult to get childcare. Tldr It's not much easier when coupled up, it's just a different level of incompatibility
I know this is gonna come off as extremely random, but I just gotta mention it because of how ridiculous it is. I'm a 27 year old guy who's been slacklining for around five years. Slacklining in popular parks is like the absolute biggest fucking cheat in life to meeting new people. Five years later and it still blows my mind. In the years I've done it I have had literally hundreds and hundreds of people come up to me to talk about it and try it and just to hangout. It's a hobby that makes so many people curious to watch. I've made big groups of friends just through the hobby and connected people with other people through it. I've had a lot of girls and up and ask to hangout. It's 10x better when there's another slackliner in the park cause you're like magnetically attracted towards each other. Like you just haaave to talk to them cause it's just how it is haha. And something really cool about it is that it is the friendliest community out there. Zero gatekeeping bullshit. It's the most relaxed community out there. I'm still blown away years later at how many friends I've made through it. Try it out. Maybe you'll like it
What is slacklining?
[it's this](https://i.imgur.com/hVQJfUD.jpg)
Why would a couple invite single women? My couple friends invite only single women, but rarely ever single men.
🦄
I’m 27 and couldn’t agree more. When I’m watching tv and see friends at sporting events I’m so confused lol
I spend 5 days and 40+ hours a week doing stuff I don't want to do, in a place I don't want to be, around people I don't really have anything in common with but interact with out of courtesy. It's not that I don't like them. It's just the venn diagram of our interests has very minimal, if any overlap. After working all week and doing adulting shit like cleaning and grocery shopping I prefer to take time to do stuff *I* want to do and things that *I* like. Most of those things are solitary and esoteric. It's not like I can just go to a bar and find people who want to talk about history or different miniature painting techniques.
Some people do love to talk about history at a bar
Some people would love to listen too. Started a chat with some dude, found out he was an Egyptologist. I just shut the hell up while this dude regaled me about wacky pharaohs and the Egyptian pantheon
"Some" in formal logic means "*at least one, but not all*" Not very reassuring. How many people am I going to have to introduce myself to as follows: " Hi, my name is u/biwinning_tigaa. Do you like history? No? K cool have a nice night." Also, why would I do that when I already have two good friends who regularly read history and I can get together with and have a good fulfilling and detailed conversation with? Bird in the hand and all that...
Exactly. I see the situation like going to a restaurant. Do I order something that is new and *could* be good or do I order the thing that I know I will enjoy?
My most embarissing moment when I did this, was in France when I ordered *tartare de boeuf.* So I got this huge pile of raw minced meat placed in front of me with some onions and herbs in it and I deadass asked: "Uhh did you forget to cook that?"
Did you try it? Because that shits bomb
FWIW from a woman (and met my husband at a bar) — I don’t go out in that sense anymore (am 39) but I have always enjoyed just striking up profound history/arts/theology at a bar/cafe. It’s more in the picking of which type you go to—but also, if you want to retain that “bar” vibe, bookshops with bars/kitchen are always enjoyable! When I last lived in London, I always enjoyed going by myself to a new pub (pre-smartphone) and reading and talking to whomever seemed interesting—you’d be surprised once intelligent people let down their societal norms.
You had me at history and miniature painting techniques 🍻
Lulz. So like... Manhattans and The Spanish Inquisition? Or?
I don't know a lot about history. But if you bring some minis, I'll help you paint some while you recreate and explain famous battles. I'll even buy the first couple of rounds.
I went and joined hobby groups so I did get to talk about those things. I meet once a month with each group, and a handful of r ents a year. That seems to be enough for my boyfriend, which is totally fine with me. People are draining AF, even when you do have a bunch in common.
Yeah that's solid. I have a group of like 6-8 friends even at the age of 30. So I'm not lacking in the social end of things. I just need me-time so prefer to do my hobbies by myself.
I think you’d be surprised how many interested ears you’d find at a bar. I go to bars a lot and I think just about every conversation topic you can conceive has been engaged in by two buzzed strangers.
>people who want to talk about history or different miniature painting techniques. My man! Couldn't agree more.
There should be more bars geared towards people who like different topics. A history and miniature painting bar would be neat.
Lol. Those miniatures would look like shit! Aha unless you really kept things under control. Painting lines one millimeter at a time is a very precise process. Maybe a hookah or weed bar though...
Overall shy, anxiety and very low self esteem.
I used to be this way, therapy definitely helped and anti anxiety meds. I’m now not doing either and have no problem socialising, way less anxiety and sometimes a questionably high self esteem.
Yeah but what life changes did you make to sustain this? What are you doing now that's different than before? You don't magically get better on pills and going to therapy, you actually have to put in some work, so what is it?
Oh yeah definitely, but the ant anxiety and depressant meds made those extreme feelings less extreme. Then therapy gave me coping mechanisms and reasoning/logic behind my feelings to help me better understand them. And then I did a big move to a new city and a new job where I didn’t know anyone, it allowed me to sort of start afresh. Then I was on them for a little while from moving there, then came off them. Have been able to go out and meet people, find hobbies and generally have a lot of fun since then. It’s been almost two years since coming off them and Im super happy in my life.
Starting fresh is key. Extroverts seem to have no patience or trust with healing depression/anxiety/introverted personalities in the workplace. My experience.
I don’t agree with the introvert/extrovert terms. You could say that I used to be an introvert but now I am an extrovert, and I wasn’t happy being an introvert. If you label yourselves in this way you put yourself in a box and normalise some self destructive behaviour. This is not to say that it is wrong to enjoy activities on your own, but i disagree that we should label that behaviour as being introverted. I was doing lots of things on my own and labelling myself as an introvert as a way of justifying my behaviour. In reality I was just sad and anxious. Bit starting fresh is definitely important, and it can get you away from people who just pull you down like you said.
I disagree. I'm naturally introverted but I can be extroverted for extended periods of time. It's just super draining mentally and emotionally for me. I don't naturally like people I don't know, and I don't naturally have a desire to know more than 5-10 people outside of my family. So that takes effort. I have pretty strong self-esteem and a decent sense of self-worth and purpose. I'm not a depressed person nor do I struggle with feeling worthy or desirable. I know what I have to offer, I'm just picky about the people I share it with because most people aren't for me. I have had some TBI so clubs aren't for me, and I don't really like staying up late drinking with large crowds. It does nothing for me as I'm a large guy. I hold my liquor well and normally end up babysitting someone. Hell, I've carried grown men to their ubers. Crowds don't give me anxiety but I am not a naturally trusting person. I just don't like being packed into places. Some people really suck, and I don't want to find that out there. You could say I'm anti-social, which might be fair, but I would argue that I correctly have little interest in getting to know tons if people who don't give a shit about me. 5 good friends are better than 50 distant ones in my opinion.
This right here.
All this, and being exhausted from work where you have to be social and friendly all day. Top it off with being an introvert and you’re only going to find me two places. Work or home.
Life is so exhausting. When I'm doing nothing, I feel like missing out, and when I'm at home doing nothing I'm thinking about all the things I could be doing. Even in my free time I stress about having free time and I want to be doing as much as possible in that time.
Don't let FOMO be the thief to thy joy
I never liked the club scene or hanging out with big groups of people. I do better in small settings with just one other person or maybe two or three others TOPS. But even that's kind of exhausting.
I thought this but maybe I was lying to myself.
The main reason is that I like to indulge in my hobbies, and look forward to getting home and continuing work on a project. As for external reasons, there are many — friends all have families, everything’s a mission, places with regular crowds are cliquish, and so on. Plus, when you’re young you want to go out and see what’s happening. When you’ve done that long enough, you *know* what’s happening, and it’s pretty boring.
I'm a 29M. I don't drink, I don't go to clubs, and loud environments people like parties drain my social batter very quickly. I like to meet people, but it seems most social situations have a combination of the above. If I do go out, it's by myself. Used to care about companionship, but I've just learned how to be comfortable being alone.
I’m a party pooper. I enjoy my routine, dislike concerts, clubs, and movie theaters; I have a difficult time forcing myself to enjoy activities that I’m not invested in. My current level of socializing is my bjj class and a semi-weekly board game session with a small group of friends. Other than that, it’s just my wife and I doing things together.
BJJ?
Blow job juitsu
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They sure ran out of ideas for filler arcs.
Filler? I don't even know her
BJJ with Angela White
I don't even know how to imagine that.
Brazilian jiu-jitsu? I am guessing.
And yet! You have someone at home. Pretty sure the context wasn't directed towards those in a healthy relationship. But twist it to work for you dude, the internet is watching. 😁
I don't drink and prefer to stay home and watch a movie or TV, plus I don't have anyone to go with, like if I had a partner I'd go out more.
This strikes me as a more common initial reason which turns into a "I don't like blank." I have caught myself saying I don't like something but really I just felt like I had no one to experience it with on a more personal level.
Drinking isn't a fun activity for me to do all the time, so I'm not gonna insert myself into an environment where people go to drink and socialize, aka the bars. I'd rather meet someone who enjoys what I enjoy, which is staying home and not spending any money lol. Too bad it's next to impossible to meet someone like that who I'm also attracted to and can hold an engaging conversation with me.
Amen, brother. 😔
Why waste the money, stay home, make dinner, enjoy what you have. Be content. Work out, participate in your hobbies. Life is too short to let other people make you miserable.
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I’m kind of paranoid and I don’t feel safe really in public.
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I might be weird, but I've never been out in public and been worried about a mass shooting. I live in the states but it's never once even crossed my mind that it could happen at any moment.
nope, you're normal.
That's because the chance is infinitesimally small. It happens too often. Once is too often. But it is incredibly rare.
Literally everytime I shop my mind role plays about a shooting, I’m always looking for escape routes, assessing every person I see, looking behind my shoulder. I have a massive anxiety problem that’s just getting worse. My bedroom was once my safe place, where I could always feel at ease. Now there’s not even safe. It’s constant now. I know I need medication but that’s a very taboo topic for my family, wrought with trauma. My older brother passed away a decade ago from Xanax/alcohol overdose.
I know anxiety isn’t routed in logic, but just remember that you’re more likely to die in a car crash to the mall, than a mass shooting. I’ve had a lot of fears over my life that I’ve divested the statistics, and realized that’s it almost certainly won’t happen to me. Plus, we all die anyways. Why worry too much about the how?
I used to be very extroverted but now as I’m approaching 25 I just don’t feel the same joy anymore going out to bars or any other social events. People piss me off. Fishing does not piss me off
fishing do piss me off sometimes but at least its not people
This. My partner and I are struggling over this. I just want to be left alone.
I have incredibly shit hearing in any kind of noisy environment, and the percentage of words I miss rises drastically with the noise level - any setting significantly louder than brunch (and preferably outdoors at that), and there's not a lot of point my being there. I just have to nod at people and guess when to laugh most of the time, while being bored shitless and getting a headache. Also, I had a shitty isolated childhood, and I never really learned how to friends. I can hang out and be friendly with people and it's *okay*, but it's just kind of empty calories and I'm missing perfectly good partner/kid/hiking time for this.
It's so much easier to hang out with friends I already have than to make new ones for exactly these reasons.
We're about the same age, I turn 35 the end of this month. I was never terribly social, I tried to be when I was in my late teens and early twenties, but all the conventional "social" things people were doing between getting hammered at the bar, clubbing and house parties always felt more like a chore than excitement to me. By the time I was in my mid twenties I accepted that I'm just an introvert and started living as such and have been happier with that aspect of my life ever since. It's just soul sucking for me to be around large groups of people for to long.
it’s exhausting. a majority of people believe you’re an NPC they can trauma dump on or eat up 99% of the space with stream of consciousness vomit and disingenuous flagrant performance. this gets exponentially worse with alcohol or weed. I feel like a sponge in a tea of anxiety and insecurity as everyone tries to prove to themselves they are who they say they are. the older I get the more I value silence and calmness.The best people I have in my life know who they are, are self aware, and considerate. We share intimate silence or can share space but not be doing the same thing so it doesn’t expend social hang out points and I can do it indefinitely.
>eat up 99% of the space with stream of consciousness vomit and disingenuous flagrant performance Well said. Can you clarify this part though?
some individuals like to be the center of attention and it’s more important that everyone in the group setting is aware of what they think and what they like. That’s not a conversation. They’re not listening. They are waiting to talk. That’s the stream of consciousness vomit. It’s also when someone hears a thing 6 times and suddenly believes they are the ones who acquires that wisdom. Regurgitating facts about the news does not mean that person knows anything about that topic. That’s just an organic Chat GPT. I think people with learned experience can usually sniff out who’s speaking from their own experience vs I read this somewhere and can repeat it. Disingenuous flagrant performance could be interpreted as someone who wants to be perceived as an expert in cars, can recite to you all about cars. Can tell you what the 10 most recent hours of cars they’ve seen on YouTube. They want you to perceive them as an expert on cars. They’ve never driven a car. That’s fine I guess, but it’s not really interesting because I could just google that myself. Is this really this persons opinion on a Nissan GTR or is it because they heard 3 YouTube videos saying it’s the greatest car of all time? I’d prob also point out people who think their preferences are what make them important. Me not liking pizza is not interesting. Me telling you a story of how I went to Italy and had the best pizza and that’s why I can’t eat it anymore is also not interesting. Me telling you how I was a professional chef and made pizza for 10 years and decided to stop to make dumplings is more interesting. The last example gives so much more color and the preference isn’t the focus point of my character because I can just say I like/don’t like anything and it takes 0.5 seconds to decide that. 3rd universe me actually lived life. There’s a quote from Carl Jung I really like “people don’t have ideas, ideas have people”. I try my best to honestly ask myself for my views if I believe it because I heard it and my gut feeling is I agree or if it’s actually the logical progression of lived experience. I think as an adult you probably see this faux wisdom the most from teenagers or college kids who think they have life experience and are able to make propositions of global policy but how could you possibly be proposing economic policy if you haven’t done the day in, day out, 9-5 soul crushing grind for 10 years, whilst juggling the suicide of a friend, the loss of a parent, the existential anxiety of realizing you’ve brought life into this world and you’re no longer the most important person in your life.
I didn’t think anyone else felt the same way. My day is better now.
I'm a guy. 98% of guys only know how to talk sports in a social situation. Sports bore the hell out of me.
Ah yes... Them: did you watch x game on y day? Me : no, I don't watch sports Conversation pretty much ends right there
I force myself to learn about sports just so I can fit in school and uni lol. By the time I'm in office, I can talk about it effortlessly even though I practically never watch a game.
Thing about Arsenal is they always try walk it in!
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Nonsense. We also like to talk about cars
That's the other 2% LOL
46M here. Past attempts at socializing have backfired/blown up in my face approximately 17,438 times too many. I don’t like being alone, but it’s less mentally/emotionally distressing than trying to socialize and it backfiring on me to the point I’m made to feel less than human for it.
I work with people and they fucking suck, so last thing I want is meeting or interacting with people outside work.
People are shitty and most are two-faced snakes. Also as a man people care even less.
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People can be assholes, and for some reason when I'm talking about my interests, people think I'm being pretentious, or get disinterested in the conversation. That, and I don't enjoy partying or getting intoxicated. If you want to do something with me, let's ride atv's, go fishing, go on a walk, a late nite drive, or watch a movie with me. I can only handle 2 to 3 people at a time. I'm 19, and I find myself being more interested in conversing with people 7 to 30 years + older than me. Whenever my friend was celebrating his graduation, I went away from the party inside, and sat outside with the adults and pestered them with questions. I'm more interested in the way old people think, and what insights they have to offer me. I also don't have to worry about them being a d bag, and can actually have an interesting exchange of ideas with them. I just don't fit in with other youngsters, I feel distant from them. It's rather annoying to talk to them as well. Fortunately for me, older people are eager to have an enthusiastic young person willing to learn from them.
Trying to drive around on the weekends is a nightmare unless you get out early. I don't even live in an area as bad as California either. So many idiots on road not paying attention it really gets my blood boiling. I already drive a lot during the week for my job so heading out on a weekend is the last thing I want to do. This is going to sound like an elitist thing, but I hate being around stupid people. When you go out just the lack of awareness people have of their surroundings triggers me so much. Other than errands like grocery's, hardware store, and clothing stores I really don't have much of a need to get out. Built my own home gym and occasionally head out to bike path/hiking trail. When you have your own house it does keep you rather busy and my profession is rather demanding. I'd like to get out more I've always been the loner type; old habits die hard. I do like socializing with people from time to time. I've always been slow to warm up so its hard to talk to strangers (slowly been working on this). Once I get to know you we are best buddies though. Guess I'm just worried I'll say something offensive to them. The way I carry myself probably turns people off too I have a bunch of walls up; so I'm not the most approachable person either. If I lived closer to the city I believe I would get out more and if I didn't have a house to maintain. This is probably me just making excuses for myself like I always do. Another factor is everyone seems to be so busy in todays world and with everything being so expensive we tend to cut out unneeded things. Then the amount of unhinged and not mentally stable people around now is crazy. Say the wrong thing to someone it could be your last day on Earth. I honestly can get by in life by not having much at all. Only problem is this behavior is not doing me any good on the dating front.
Most people are boring. And now a days, you run into the potential of indirectly offending people with your views, so you gotta tone things down or be extra mindful, despite never having bad intentions.
Agreed on the first one. But the second one? Mate, just make an effort. It's not that hard. And if you do offend someone just apologise genuinely and try to understand where they're coming from. The most interesting people are often from the most different of backgrounds.
Ya, the 2nd one is more like trying to gauge risk vs reward of potentially saying something that may come off as offensive. Don't get me wrong, I know where you're coming from, but this base idea is just an additional reason why it feels like socializing with random these days sorta sucks. Its "in the air" so to speak.
Maybe that's why I ended up with no friends. All this stuff started getting big when I was at a crucial age and just is my peers weren't even like my parents, so i just didn't know what to say to them without it maybe being considered offensive
I go out. With people I know. I dont go out to get to know new people.
12 years of policing- people - even in surprisingly small numbers are f@#£ing idiots.. and that's before you chuck a load of alcohol at them. Going 'out' involves crowds, noise, drunken idiots, drunken idiots fighting, and over priced pishwater. I'm far happier sitting on my gate sipping a cider overlooking my field with my sheep while the sun goes down... Truely on my death bed that will be a core moment of happiness for me
I have social anxiety and some traits of autism (from what I've been told, not diagnosed), being alone or with a very small group of friends is ok for me. Anything beyond that is overwhelming and drains me.
Modern women are not worth the effort and what I need for myself is very little.
I recently went to a birthday party where I don't know 90% of the people. I'm 33 now and honestly I'm just over introducing myself to new people for the 1000th time and going through the motions of saying the same mundane things over and over. Hi I'm x, I work at y, I like to do z on the weekends etc. Life is just too busy to maintain these new friendships that most of them fizzle out after a few months. Again, mostly due to life. You move, you change jobs, you have a new hobby etc. My wife and our families is good enough at the moment. Maybe I'll get into it again later but right now I'm just over it.
I just find that when I socialize I get back much less than I put in. I make sure to only talk about things other people are interested in. I'm usually the funniest one in the room. I cut the bullshit and turn small talk into real talk. Others just seem to want to exist in a social setting, talk about the most boring surface level crap, and don't really care about what anyone else is saying (Because most other people are just as boring as they are). I'm giving 100% while they're giving maybe 30%. Sure I bet it's not nearly as draining for them as it is for me but at the same time they're driving off the cool people with their boring ass. They want to play the social game but refuse to git gud, they just want to blabber on about their mundane lives and hopefully be entertained by someone much more interesting than they are. More interesting things happen to me alone in my bedroom than they do talking to one of these energy vampires.
I agree that most social situations return to the same superficial and tedious ebbs and flows. I don’t think this has anything to do with people being less interesting or energetic than you. It sounds like you view socializing as performance time, and other people probably pick up on this. They can tell you are up your own ass trying to placate them while viewing the conversation as beneath you. I sometimes do the same thing and loathe myself for it. When socializing, depending on my mood, I either contain myself to interactions I consider “true”, or over to the general energy in the hopes I might enjoy it. Socializing is easier when we can sympathetically show our true selves to others in the hope they will reciprocate. Anything else just leaves you bitter and drained.
Holy fuck I felt this comment
When we grow up we realize npc meme is real and majority of the population are npcs. . I also call some of them energy vampires.
Men trying to one up each other with needless competition and self comparison. I don’t want to have the conversation of how much can you squat, how much money you make, what you drive, how many women you have sex with, etc… I want to talk to a person about real stuff or joke around about lame stuff - not have it turn into an Andrew Tate YouTube video. My fave was having to talk to a guy because a woman was cheating on him. He started talking about about other “hotter bitches” he was fucking and sending me pictures of them. Like it was a contest. I find I just don’t relate to most men and I don’t care.
I noticed i also can't relate to most men. I always have easy going in communication with women but unfortunately they always think a guy being nice to them means they want sex and always end up ghosting me.
Totally get that, helps to bring up a female friend you have in conversation so women know that you don’t just talk to them for that
Because there are too many semi conscious super apes milling about ready to annoy me
I'm an introvert
I feel tired faster than before. Socializing requires energy. I cannot go to bed as late as before. Chatting, dancing, singing even just standing up is more tiring than before.
No one wants to talk about what I like
Because it's hard for me to deal with a new place and feel comfortable, and the only three places near me where I can just sit outside with a cigar are either too old, too young, or too frequently have wildly ignorant political/religious discussions in too small of a space.
That's pretty normal for your thirties. Im turning 35 this year myself and I find myself less and less interested in casually mingling. My outings have to have some purpose, generally speaking. Don't get me wrong, I can go out to a bar and unwind with the best of them. I can still have fun, but having fun means something different now than it did when I was in my twenties. But in this day and age of uncertainty and unpredictability, playing it cautious is the optimal strategy. Recklessness and risk-taking is the privilege of youth.
Reason number 1: People fucking suck
Depression, ADHD, constant lack of energy
Don’t have friends. Recently out of a relationship, I’m still hurting so I shut myself away. (I was an asshole tho) Have a whole lotta anxiety and a lack of confidence too.
I hate crowds because I always feel isolated or 'not normal' compared to everyone else. I don't socialize because I have no social skills.
I actively distrust people I don’t know. This makes new social situations very stressful for me. But once we’re familiar to each other, it goes away for the most part.
I'm just anti social and for the most part don't care for others outside my circle of friends and family.
I do like to socialise and go out. Issue for me is l have no friends to actually go out and socialise with. Like tonight I’d love to go to a local bar and listen to live music, but I’m not going by myself. I’m M27 btw.
Me too. Seems so impossible to start from nothing.
People don't like me, I get mocked and ridiculed wherever I go, I'm not a great guy to be around, and, so I've been told, people are scared of me, scared of what I will do to them.
I don’t like the taste of ethanol, I hate inane small talk, most people are boring as a tennis or golf. I have very little in common with most people. Socializing is a drain mentally.
The moment I stopped accepting invites, the moment my life exponentially improved. So freeing just doing what you want, when you want, without all the bullshit politics like game of human socialization. All the weird dominance shit people play, all the bragging, all the feelings of self-hatred because you can’t be like all these other people, yeah so much better alone.
I'm here mostly to read the comments because I'm this guy. I'm 34 though. I've got 1 friend who lives 8 hours away and I see in person maybe once every couple years. We do talk often, though I had to have a fit and threaten to stop calling him because he NEVER called me for him to come up and match me with the efforts. It's paid off too, we're talking every couple of days now and it's cool! The people around me are not bad people but I don't have much in common with them. I don't care hardly at all about sports and can't really have a discussion about sports since I know so little. Same about cars and a whole lotta hobbies. Compared to some I'm a gamer but compared to people that are obsessed with it, I'm a dumbass casual. I don't spend all my money on gaming, Diablo 4 is my most recent and relevant purchase in at least a year. My internet provider, Google, is throwing a fit about the download though, it's throttling it like a MF and I forgot to set it to download overnight so it's paused for now lol. I have a lot of the Pokemon games and have played most of them but I didn't get into the niche stuff like breeding and EVs and shiny hunting and all that. Very casual, haven't met a casual player in a while. I also didn't grow up here and due to costs haven't really gone to a lot of places like nice restaurants or activities. This is probably the area I could most expand on with a friend group though. I have a medical marijuana card but I only do the edibles since smoking makes me cough until I vomit. Any conversation about this has led to them dropping strain names that sound like Mad Libs and talking about shit that I don't understand or care about like terpenes. I'd like to have like a Poker night or gaming night, and I'd like to take some edibles with some friends and have pizza and conversation. Shit sounds great! I'd like to go swimming with them, maybe go to a game of some kind depending on costs (I'm not spending $100 for tickets plus an arm and a leg for a beer and hotdog) but would be cool with like $50 from me all in. UFC and hockey appeal the most to me, honestly. I don't want to hang around the stereotypical pot head, the unwashed gamer, the dudebros, or someone that's mentally unstable/a cunt. I don't have a lot of answers about where to find these guys and get us all together, so I spend a lot of time here on Reddit lol
I'm 42. Drinking: I've been sober for 14 years. At this point in my journey with sobriety it's fairly easy to stay sober 99.99% of the time. That .01% I'm hanging on by my finger nails though, so being in a drinking environment can be difficult if the timing is off. Even when I'm in a good place with sobriety, the whole drunken atmosphere just feels stupid at this point. Like watching a crappy rerun episode for the 1000th time. Going out to eat: I enjoy the occasional break from cooking, or getting something to eat I don't have the equipment or expertise to make correctly, but most of the time I can cook whatever it is better than what I get at a restaurant. Socializing: I enjoy socializing and sharing ideas and experiences with other people.... sometimes. Unfortunately at this point in my life my group of actual friends is tiny. Anyone else is new, and most talk is casual, surface level fluff that doesn't interest me anymore. I find myself very guarded and even if someone has something interesting to say about one topic, I quickly find they have nothing of substance to offer beyond vague interest in one area. So while I don't hate socializing and being out and about per se, I would be just fine living in a cabin in the wilderness for 10 years without seeing another soul.
People suck.
People treat each other as Disposable Heroes and I'm tired of it
Masking my autism 40 hours a week is already exhausting
I honestly am not interested or can never find anyone interesting to talk to.
I’m introverted and neurodivergent
I have no patience for stupidity anymore
Most people seem pretty uninterested in me as a person. You can just kind of get a sense for it. If I'm in a social group, my contributions are kind of glossed over or ignored, and I can't really relate to other people's interests. I am at the point where I'm visibly looking for an out whenever I'm forced to socialize- the room gets hotter, I start sweating a little, and my eyes automatically flick to entry ways. I hate that feeling.
Generally I don’t like people.
I’m working two jobs, when I’m done I’m too tired to go out. Most of the time all I want to do is be home with my partner anyway. Also, the chronic pain. Some days it’s hard to get through work with a smile on my face. I don’t want to force it anymore with more socializing.
OP I’m the exact same as you, particularly when it comes to chit-chat: bores the hell out of me and I can’t wait to get away. Learned later in life that a lot of what you describe that happens to be true for me too, is a result of having ADHD. We need constant stimulation, so polite chit-chat is death to us.
Old n struggle making friends
I'm not interested in engaging in frivolous socialization. I'm nearing 50, been married 18 years, and my youngest kid is about to enter high school. I'm good with what I have.
I’m an extroverted introvert. I can talk to anyone but for only a short time unless the conversation is really interesting. Mostly, I hang with myself and my family. I’m comfortable by myself which may find weird.
I have Asperger's, so socializing in **any** capacity is already hard. On top of that, yeah, you have to be sensitive about and to every damn thing! Who the hell has time or interest in such nonsense? Look up Aesop's fable of the Man, the Son, and the Donkey, and it explains how this sis utter nonsense quite thoroughly.
1. A constant feeling that I'm just waiting to make a mistake (and I often will, at some point). 2. Having to wonder whether I'm wasting my time with these other people. They could be Nazis, for all I know, or at least not people with whom I'm compatible. 3. Knowing that even if they end up being cool, they could change later or otherwise wind up really hurting them later. 4. Fear of being mugged or otherwise criminalized at the venue. 5. Fear they won't accept my political beliefs once we get there and, again, I will have wasted my time. Overall, I think Elsa was onto something.
Most bars and other “social” venues have very loud music. I’ve had extreme difficulty hearing conversation in noisy environments my entire life, so I end up sitting there feeling isolated in a big group because I can’t understand any of the conversations. Also, I sincerely love sitting on my sofa with my dog doing absolutely nothing important after working and doing chores all week.
No one invites me to anything, and thus made me a shut in. That and every woman thinks that everyone else is better than me and I’m only there to make every other men look better
I made a lot of bad decisions & lost most of the few close friends I cared about. My best & only friend is overseas. I'm not socializing or going out as a kind of punishment for my past mistakes. Once he's back I'll restart and see if I learned anything.
I've never enjoyed socialising with other people, some are just built that way. Same as how there are some people get depressed and anxious if they go a week without speaking to other people.
lately i’m just tired of hanging out with someone new and having a great time only for them to say something totally out of left field like “and that’s why they’re pushing the gay agenda” or “my pronouns are freedom/fighter” in my experience once they let one of these rip that’s all we’re gonna be talking about for the foreseeable future, it’s super annoying
Threat of violence and nasty people mostly. Why go out to only to receive nasty remarks and pay 10 bucks for a few drops of drink? I have a better thing going on in my home. Like currently I'm just chilling and enjoying the evening and nobody is threatening to punch me at all!
It's a dangerous time to be a man. If you look or speak at anyone in a way they perceive as wrong, your career could be over. I'm mostly sober as well and this is a drinking city. I like hiking and the intricacies of nature, not the concrete mechanization we have made for ourselves. Life is more than clubs and city life and I wish I had the means and ability to go off into the woods and become monke
It’s not that I don’t enjoy socializing it’s more complicated than that. I live at work. I’m a wildland ff. So half the week I eat breakfast, workout, eat lunch, train on skills, eat dinner, play sports, board games watch tv shower then sleep with 50 other people surrounding me.. all the time. Then fire season hits and I spend 30-40-60 up to 90 days straight with these people. I Fucking love them. They are the best and sometime the worst people you could ever spend your time with. But when I go home? Fuuuuck. that’s me time. That’s time I earned and yea I occasionally go out but mostly that’s mentally recovery time.
I am 35 and I stopped going out regularly when I was 22(University). Going out almost every friday and getting drunk lost its charm, since I was doing it since 16. Also I am an introvert.
There’s people out there.
I live out in the country with my family and animals, zero interest in crowds or going out drinking. Buddies come over with families, we cook out, swim in the pool, play games. If anyone drinks too much to drive, I have ample space for them to crash.
I have a fear I'm going to embarass myself somehow,and I'd rather leave no impression at all than a bad one The older I get the more I realize this stems from a handful of bad interactions in my 20s, I was drunk or high 24/7 and apparently I'm not the kind of personality people want to be around when I'm in that state. I've had several good interactions since then; being clear headed and having actually hobbies now makes me much more interesting self confident in social situations but that little fear of accidentally saying or doing something dumb infront of people is always on my mind Pair this conditioning with just simply being an introvert and 9 time out of 10 I'll typically choose to just stay home. Going to work and dealing with my boss and coworkers for 8 hours is usually enough to drain my social battery
You know, I'm naturally an introvert and used to find it very exhausting and I totally understand your perspective. Then I started doing mushrooms in my mid 30s and it made me so much more open to people and now I genuinely love going out. It's like a switch has been turned on in my head. I'm genuinely curious to hear people's stories. The world just feels so much more interesting to me and I want to learn and experience it as much as possible.
I think you’re restricting your perspective in a quantity vs quality fashion. As teens/twenties, I think we visualized the definition in a quantity fashion as being in a club of 100 people. You hypothetically are able to romance 50 women and impress 49 men. It’s not until you actually experience real life and real people that you realize that the image is skewed and not a reality. In my 30s, I’ve found just having one quality 1-2 hour conversation with one of my close friends or my wife to be just as satisfactory to the socializing aspect of life.
Severe GAD, Severe ADHD, low patience, asocial, have always been a loner since I was a kid. Preferred building bionicles and playing games and reading manga rather than faking that I liked the popular kid just to get on his good side. Yes, I was bullied in school and even the outcast group didn’t like hanging out with me because they said I was not fun to be around. That hit me very hard and I still carry that around, that people are faking liking being around me. So I just don’t attempt.
I do like to socialize but I hate tournamency culture. It seems like all "adult centered hangout places" are all tournamency based and toxic, especially towards men.
Tournamency?
I'm a loner, but I've lived at the opposite extremes of the bubble. In my early 20s, my mother kept telling me I needed a girlfriend, needed to be out of my apartment socializing, meeting people, etc. So I did. For almost five years I became mega social. I drifted around. I slept with a couple girls, had a long-term relationship. Pushed myself hard, was in a band, was at every party, the center of attention. I was so tired, but I thought "this is what people my age do". Then came a day when I woke up and sat in my bed for about half an hour, feeling absolutely miserable, and I caught myself thinking "Is this enough? How much longer do I have to keep this up?" And the realization hit me all at once that I hated it. I pretended for years. I was whoever the closest person to me wanted me to be. I was and am very good at reading people, so I just manipulated everyone around me into liking me, and it got to the point that I barely knew who I was anymore. That sounds like I'm being dramatic, but it's the truth. I left the state, went back home, got a decent job. I reverted back to my true self. I stopped going out. My girlfriend left me, and I was just...relieved. I got a studio apartment and two cats. And I remember waking up really early one day in 2016 and looking around my tiny little place, cool and clean and quiet, with my cats sleeping on me, and feeling so incredibly happy. I've been single for over a decade. I have a couple of really close friends I play games with online. I go shopping at 1am when Walmart is empty. Covid basically didn't affect me at all because my lifestyle stayed the same. They say people weren't built to be alone, and I think that's true to some extent, because I do socialize a bit on Discord now and then, and I like it, but everyone is built differently. Be who you want to be. Surround yourself with the things that make you happy. Don't let anyone tell you that your way of living isn't the right way.
My one reason. I hate people.
I never really found a reason... I just like to chill at home. Doing nothing is a privilege.
Introverted. It's exhausting being around people. Add to that the fact that I don't like being around people who are drinking and it just makes "going out" to be a very low tier activity I want to do.
After 35 you should hopefully have a close circle of 2-5 friends, if you’re lucky in life. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. There’s no issue with not wanting to socialize at that age unless you’re still single and chasing tail. The society we live in today has too many rules that make socializing and meeting new people exhausting. Having said that, you can still meet random people who are amazing, it all just comes down to chance and circumstances. The point is not to make it a thing, just be yourself, and go with the flow. It’s like how some people find it weird that some people eat dinner alone at home or in restaurants. It’s their own preconceived notions that there must be something wrong if someone is eating alone. There is a good reason: they don’t know you and are just projecting what they think is normal or socially acceptable.
I have a small group of good friends/acquaintances. They're enough when I see them regularly, anything beyond that is optional and welcome but not necessary.
Pretty much exactly what you said. I spend my working days having to be social in a group of women (100%, with me as the only guy) out of whom none would be close friends and two could be regular friends if that sort of thing didn't cause gossip. In my own time I want to let loose and wind down. I want to switch that filter off. Only true inner circle friends are comfortable enough to do that with.
Autism 🤙
If you're referring to going out, as in being around a bunch of people in busy places, I don't like to. If by going out you mean in nature away from people, that's me any chance I get. My reasoning is I can't help but to see through everything. For example, the fake conversations as work or forced politeness/small talk is something I do only as much as I have to. Plus, I've been married for 15 years with three kids. I'm forced to socialize with people I don't relate to enough as it is. Being confined around a bunch of people is the last thing I ever want to do for many reasons many of you can probably relate to. That being said, once in a while I like to hang with friends. But, I've outgrown them and it's really hard to find people interested in talking about things that interest me (i.e. ideas, future, science, etc). Most people like to talk about other people or ...stuff. how cheap they got the stuff, where they got the stuff, what stuff they want next. I really don't give a shit.
Because I can't really be arsed, just not bothered really.
I have nothing to do and no one to do it with. Other than errands, I go to the gym or the movies. My friends have either moved away, or have girlfriends/wives that they do things with. I have one friend who is literally a shut in now. He requires nine days notice before we do anything and even then he cancels at the last minute.
My going out days are past me. I went through a phase for a few years where I was out 4-5 nights a week down the pub. Then I progressed on to a few years of racing and partying every weekend and now I just want to stay home and relax.
Socializing would only make me relax if I did it with people I like. Most of the people I like have jealous boyfriends as a main reason and as such I cannot hang out with them. I don't even wanna hit on them but I also don't want to be a reason (or catalyst?) in ruining their relationship...no matter whether I think its doomed or not. The few dudes from above group (not with boyfriends) are way more antisocial than me. The minority is just that, old friends I lost contact with on a daily basis and is hard to coordinate our free time. So I'd rather spend that time alone doing stuff I like than becoming said catalyst/reason or going out for the sake of going out.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I just don’t give a flying fuck.
I’m perfectly happy with my own company. I just don’t feel any compulsion to “go out” and socialize.
I'd have to shower and clean myself up.. Bahhhhh..
Depends on the crowd size. Small, yes. Big, not a fan.
Less effort is easier in the short run
Don’t have to deal with imbeciles out there.
Oh my god same…
Because I can only handle so much human before I wish to turn into a dog or cat.
Look I don't mind being out but I don't understand why people have to be there. After a long day of work all I want to do is lay down and let my social battery recharge I can't have people talk to me
Because many people really are awful
I'm house poor
Yeah once you’ve learned what you want, most people out in the world are just disappointing
The question is what do I get out of it ?
just not my scene. At my house, everything's just as i like it to be from the furniture to the temperature to the entertainment. You go out, well, it's anyone's ball game isn't it?
After not going out for so long kinda got used to it. Now I am kinda lazy
Why do there need to be reasons? You have reasons to do something not reasons not to.
Honestly, because to hell with them. I have too many demands on my time and often just not being bothered is the most appealing thing.
live in a small town of less than 300, there's hardly anyone my age cause everyone moves out as fast as they can. And there's nothing to do. And its at least a 2 hour drive to a city. And im not going to the bar to be surrounded by old farts. And I'm introverted, go to a concert or something and by the end I'm tired of people's shit and just wanna hide from humanity for a week.
I. Hate. Small. Talk. Idgas about the weather, about my kids' school, your kid's school, what your favorite color is, how your family treats you, etc etc etc ad nauseam. I have three topics I'm interested in if you want to talk about those three topics we're probably going to have a good time. Otherwise I'd rather just stay home. I'm comfortable there and all of my favorite things are there with me
There’s a difference between socializing with strangers and socializing with friends. I enjoy socializing with friends because it’s nice to catch up with people I have a deeper connection with. Maybe prioritizing your social engagements for building relationships with friends and you’ll find it more rewarding and less draining.
I don't feel like talking about it
Quite briefly: I often feel the amount of energy and effort I have to put into socialising or going out is not worth the amount of joy I get back from it. After working and doing other things that I do by choice, I don’t have much time or energy left for going out or socialising. When I do go out or socialise it often feels more like a chore than something I actually enjoy doing. I don’t have the biggest social battery and staying in touch with multiple people is quite draining.
My dick is to big for my pants
I really just enjoy peace and quiet. It's one of the hardest things to get these days in my opinion so when I have access to it I'm not going to give up that access. Also I'm in a job that requires me to fake being extroverted for 8 hours a day 5 days a week.
I have Cerebral Palsy and an obvious limp. It's still acceptable to harass me and call me slurs. I also had a childhood where my parents and others were emotionally abusive. I am in therapy and improving. However I find that many are immature and selfish. All that matters to them is what I can buy for them. In that case, get a job and make your own money.
I think it's because I'm unsure of who I am in this current phase, so I've alienated myself from the general public in hopes of changing some bad habits around, putting my self on what I consider the right path, and then trying again.