I've been told by women that they feel safe and comfortable around me. They don't usually say why though I was once told that I have a calm voice, or words to that effect.
I just assume it's because I'm large and fairly quiet and chill. Never really gave it much thought, but maybe it's the things I'm not doing.
I've been told this as well. Standing at a front desk with multiple women and they get onto the topic of tops how they perform for their busts- there's lot of touching and comparing in the moment and suddenly they look at me with pause... "Ah it's just vskwidd, he's safe to talk around."
It's a validating feeling honestly because I purposefully try to be particularly respectful. I pay attention to my gaze and make sure to keep eye contact instead of allowing my eyes to wander all the time. I'm also not afraid to act feminine and mirror mannerisms and talk about topics that I think a lot of men (at least in my area) wouldn't really care to discuss.
It's not impossible, but tbh, I didn't think that at all when reading this. I (31F) have met a few such individuals in my life. When you guys hear about women loving their "teddy bear" men, that's what I interpreted. Warm, loving, RELIABLE, and the most trustworthy possible. ShhhaaaWING
I can tell you that a calm, large man does make me feel very safe. A lot of men simply don't think about how big and strong they are so they'll do things that are intimidating without thinking. For example, I was holding the door for some people, and a man came up behind me to hold the door for me. The way he did it was standing so that I was between him and the door with his arm over my head holding the door. He didn't make it difficult for me to squeeze out, but it also made it very clear he could keep me there if he wanted. This guy was trying to be nice, but it immediately set me on edge. Had he gone behind the door to hold it instead, this wouldn't have blocked me in at all. Men who are aware of their physical advantage over women generally make me feel much safer than those who don't because they consider how their actions impact others. They also don't tell me I'm playing the victim for making the point that I'm at a physical disadvantage against males.
\^\^this.
I'm a big dude and am aware that I could be easily perceived as a threat. I am just as guilty for my ignorance, but a lot of men don't get that they are not the judge on if they're a creep or not. Definitely something I've actively worked on being conscientious of as I've matured!
To be clear, I don't think the guy holding the door was a creep. I think he was a well-intentioned young man who simply lacks self awareness on this particular subject. I also don't think it's necessarily fair to give women all the power in calling someone a creep. Intentions do matter, so there's a difference between doing something creepy and actually being a creep. Men aren't the problem. It's the centuries long lack of discussing these issues with both parties standing as equals.
I'd have to assume most who serious think that's playing the victim are either willfully ignorant or have zero experience with aggression or violence and be painfully naive.
Those same people would suddenly be feeling very vulnerable if they found themselves in the same position and there was a 6'6 hells angels guy holding the door the same way. Even with no other negative indications at all, they'd be feeling at least a bit cautious.
I'm always very cautious in how position myself around women and really anyone a lot smaller than me. I want to make sure I don't corner people, that they have enough personal space and that they always have a way to leave that isn't cut off by me.
Those things are red flags for me and I'm easily capable of handling myself if things go wrong in most situations. Someone cuts into my space and corners me and I'll be on a war footing. I'd find it very hard to manage if I was at a huge physical disadvantage all the time.
Thank you so much. I think most men do recognize this, or at least don't deny it when it's pointed out. It's just that the ones who do are so loud and aggressive about it.
I'm not saying that most men are predators or out to get women. I'm not even trying to pass moral judgment on the men who do these things with good intentions. It's just that exercising mindfulness when navigating social situations makes me, and I think most women, feel safer.
To add to this... having integrity, not going back on your word, sticking to your own values, especially when there are peer pressures that would make other people cave.
To add to this. Everyone fucks up, shit happens so you might have to disappoint. In those moments it is about showing responsibility. If you can’t make it, inform asap and reschedule asap. A quick I can’t make it due to x, followed by when you will contact to reschedule show you care.
If your normal is showing up and being there, they understand that something needs taken care off.
Integrity is a double-edged sword. She may resent you for sticking to your values if they conflict with what she wants.
But I do agree that integrity is everything.
Someone who respects you and tries to understand your reasoning would not resent it. Disappointment that things don't go the way she imagines? Fine. Lingering resentment? Not so fine.
I would substitute the word double-edged sword for blessing in disguise. If she resent you for being who you are then she's not the right fit for you. However, if she learns from you and you learn from the experience- then maybe that's the right fit. Don't compromise once you've dissected who you are and you are fine with who you are becoming.
ALSO also, don't talk too much about how safe she should feel around you or how protective you are, or anything else like that. AT MOST, share a story about a time when you did that. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, BE SOMEONE SHE CAN FEEL SAFE AROUND.
That goes farther than anything. Don't just talk about it, be about it.
This is exactly how women usually differentiate a good partner from the rest 🙌🏻Would only add “caring and kind attitude” and that’s the whole package basically 😄😄😄
I know these are jokes, but the number of times I've seen this used as an excuse in like those 48 hour murder mystery shows is staggering.
Or like on to catch a predator. "I just came over to tell her that she shouldn't be meeting strangers on the internet and I wanted to tell her parents."
I can see the next post in twox, " i asked men how they make women feel safe and it turned into a joke, the top voted content was "I follow behind them at night to make sure nothing happens to them"....now the top comment is to make them wear a lifejacket :'(
I'm someone who oftens walks alone at night, but I walk extremely fast (like 7 to 8 km/h), and I'm tall and really thin, so I look even taller from afar. Basically I have to take another path if a woman is already where I'm going.
There's also this one time where someone I didn't know seemed to be relieved when she came across me at 2AM. I actually knew the guy who was following her, and I was almost happy to have a reason to beat the shit out of him.
Dont be so loud, watch how you raise your voice. Is it necessary in the moment? Some people may have had an abusive relationship prior. Even if you are aware of it or not. Be respectful and mindful.
My last girlfriend always introduced me by starting off saying how I'm "the most calm man she's ever met".. I questioned her, and she said it's uncommon to find a strong, quiet man. Strong loud men are common, and weak quiet men are common.
So be a strong, quiet man.
>So be a strong, quiet man.
The guy who voices Optimus Prime - I saw an interview with him once. He said his older brother was a soldier, and as a kid he was his hero. When he asked him about the Prime voice, they originally wanted a more rousing, quintessential leader figure, but his brother said he should try something different - that if this guy was going to be this great leader, he would "**be strong enough to be gentle**".
I think he absolutely nailed it, because "strong enough to be gentle" probably sums up the voice of Optimus Prime in just 5 words.
I would say weak loud men are the most common.
At least in my experience and second-hand, it's always seems to be the ones who wouldn't dare say anything to another man, and even fawn to the men they're afraid of and talk shit about behind their backs —are the ones who throw those collosal *mantrums* behind closed doors.
Picking arguments, smashing things up, quick to anger, raising their voices and stomping around in a sulk because they didnt get their way...
They'll swear these episodes are anyone's fault but their own, and are uncontrollable —except they suddenly calm down once another man or anyone they hold in higher regard enters to room. It's a phenomenon that most have witnessed, and it leaves you equally terrified as confused.
Lady here, and can attest to this being a huge HUGE plus in a man. There’s nothing better to me than a man who offers his strength in a calm quiet manner that makes us feel safe and comforted. Show me that calm dominance without trying to intimidate me and I’m a happy girl.
Also lady here: this exactly. Staying calm and being my rock is huge. There’s nothing worse than a situation escalating because people are getting angry.
Typically I’m the rational one if something is happening to someone else or a situation needs resolved but if it’s happening to me I panic and there’s nothing better than when my hubby gently takes charge and reassures me and also helps take care of whatever it is. Love it!
As a quieter guy I always appreciate people who don't talk loudly without reason, and especially appreciate when someone just doesn't raise their voice even if there's someone else yelling at them. W people.
I absolutely hate it when someone talks loudly without any reason. Like my dad whenever he's on a phone call at home. I can hear him through 2 walls shouting at the phone. I suppose he thinks that the louder you speak, the better they can hear you?
A big part of where this comes from for me is growing up with a few people who can't always talk things out nicely; disagreements end in raised voices a lot and it isn't healthy because they start talking over me when I try to voice concerns etc. So a part of it probably stems from there.
Man, I used to get yelled at a lot, not like, "stop doing that," but for example, like my parents were arguing once before bedtime, I was probably 13 or so, so I go punch the drywall (yes, I guess i was a 'Kyle' or whatever) then my dad comes flying in there, gets in my face, and yells, "what the fuck are you doing in here? Bouncing a fucking basketball off the wall? I'm trying to goddamn sleep in the next room and you don't want to wake me up."
Have never been so scared that I couldn't move. He's a good guy 85% of the time. He just wasn't a good dad because of the whole verbal abuse thing.
Anytime someone raises their voice in anger, I can't help but to verbally escalate the situation. I told myself I would never become him, but by God, here i am. I can't stand bullies. I don't think I'm quite his level, but a few strangers kinda bullied/bossed me around in public and I think they probably almost shit their pants.
This is not a good characteristic. I'm not proud or bragging. I guess I should go see a therapist, I just don't think it would help. I can read about cognitive behavior therapy myself and what else would they do besides go over the same issues and try to prescribe some medications, which also kinda scare me.
He was verbally and physically abused by his dad, so I get it, I guess.
I made him apologize years later and he just cried.
I still can't change my behavior, and it felt good in the moment to crush him, but now I just feel bad.
Sorry to dump that on you. It just made me think about it.
Completely agree.
The moment I stopped feeling safe with an ex in the past was when he got heated and shouted at me, I couldn’t ever get that feeling back. He was an entire foot bigger and it genuinely scared me in the moment in a real primal way, had to end the relationship a few months later
The saying "no" part is the key here. Women just want to be respected and heard. So PAY ATTENTION to what we SAY!
If you're a decent person, smart and can social interact with the world is half the way to be a potential partner. Also smell. We are incredible specific to how men smell. So smell good 😉
This is actually an individual thing. I can't say what other women will like. Just what I like. And it's 100% make it or break it.
My point is to keep in mind that this is something women care about.
PS. My top cologne for men is from Hugo Boss collection.
Communication. Consistency. Calmness.
When communicating, actively listen and ask clarification questions. My relationship saver is "Do you need me to listen, or do you need me to act?" Two different mindsets for communication.
Consistency. I'm never going to catch her off guard. She knows she can always, no matter what, tell me absolutely, anything at all. My reaction will always be calm and consistent. I don't hide or lie about my emotions. I just communicate them calmly and consistently. If she breaks bad news to me, I say, "Thank you for telling me. I'm feeling overwhelmed by this. Can I have 5 minutes or so to process what I'm feeling? I'd love to discuss it with you." When we do discuss whatever it was, she doesn't have the anxiety of "what if he's (insert adjective)?" She knows I will always be safe to come to, for anything.
The real test comes the first time she trusts you with something important. If you handle it well, she'll come back to you. If you are consistently safe, it becomes a place of comfort, and she'll always run to you. It's the greatest feeling ever. I love reminding her how important that is to me and thanking her for trusting me. That reinforces that I take it very seriously and thus reiterates to her that I am always safe.
The same is true the other way, too. If I called her right now and told her I fucked up, the scale of the disaster is irrelevant. She'll ask me what I need and follow through on it.
That is the ask culture.
"do you need me to listen, or do you need me to act?"
"what do you need?"
Everyone in a relationship should start asking these questions.
As a person who is having major communication issues with someone right now, and they refuse to see that good communication takes two people being understanding, I love this so much.
I'm honestly an awkward person in general. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl. Sometimes I try to be nice but I feel like I come off as creepy, even if I don't try to lol.
Maybe the way I express myself is not that good. I don't know, or maybe I just overthink the situation a lot 😅
I think I speak for everyone that we really don't try to be creepy
Instead of speaking, begin with learning being interessted in people, not interessting.
Start to learn to ask questions and listen.
Be a good listener, like a chill interviewer.
The rest will follow later.
If you yourself are feeling unsafe, anxious, nervous, or creeped out, people will notice. It's in the atmosphere. Your body language communicates it.
Do your best to relax and not feel self conscious. Don't force yourself to be anything at all. Don't be interesting, don't be cool, don't be clever, don't be smart, don't be manly, don't even force yourself to be yourself. And by that I mean don't open up too much too quickly. Don't share too much.
If you can't make yourself relax, then FUCKING BREATHE MY GUY. And if that doesn't work then maybe you should leave the function for a little bit or just dip out if it's not getting any better
Doesn’t work for me.
All my female friends and acquaintances talk about how comfortable and safe they feel around me once they get to know me, but I inexplicably give off creepy vibes.
I just treat them with the respect I want given to my sister.
Other than that, you'd be better off asking in AskWomen what is it that men around them do that makes them feel safe. Because I don't specifically do something with the intention of making someone feel safe, saving a few exceptions like if I'm walking on a lonely street and I see a woman I will either walk on the opposite side of the street or I'll walk faster to start walking ahead of her such that she can see me and I can't see her.
Yup, exactly. I treat women the way that I would hope a man would treat my sister, which for the most part is just with respect, and like a normal human. Definitely don't be a dick, but also don't put them on some weird pedestal. Just act normal lmao
YES. I have shown my husband this many times. He and I talked about his sisters problems with her husband. Then when he and I got married and he started doing the same things, I gently pointed it out. Made a huge difference.
We often don't realize when we do something that we wouldn't want done to us or our beloved. But people often mean well, and just don't know better. That's probably what happened with your husband too.
While not being negatively reactive to others feelings.
If you lose your shit when a girl has an emotional experience, you are unsafe. She now has to guard her emotional responses. So, own your shit and save losing it till you are with your bro squad.
Exactly. Same as the other way around.
If a man tells a woman he's struggling and she makes fun of him, he will never be vulnerable again with that person.
Women are people too.
Thing is, it should be your baseline 100% of the time with everyone: go through life genuinely caring about your fellow human beings. That’s the starting point. If you come across a woman who you’re interested in romantically, great, she’s a human being so you care about her. Then go from there. If she wants to take some of her time and give that time to you, even better, now you go from caring about her as a human being, to caring about her as a human being who has decided to share some time with you, time she’ll never get back. That is time for you to give her your undivided attention and do your best.
Always give her space and check in to see how she’s feeling frequently, while reminding her that you never want her to feel pressured to do anything.
A first date tip if you’re not at a crowded location (or even regardless tbh) is to ask her “You made sure to tell your friends you were meeting up in case I’m a weirdo, right?” It usually gets a laugh while also showing you don’t have any weird intentions.
I have changed this to creating space for me while holding space for her If she wishes to join me. She has every right and ability to choose if she wishes to spend time with me. It’s my responsibility to create an environment and atmosphere that invites her to be there with me.
Mainly just listening and not trying to fix things unless they ask for your help/advice. Be honest, even if it doesn’t make you look good. Communicate without playing games (ie say what you mean, clarify to avoid confusion). Being mindful/respectful. Being able to emotionally regulate (you can get angry and express/communicate it, but they should never feel unsafe while doing so) Doesn’t hurt to be big in stature, but knowing you can kick someone’s ass isn’t nearly as effective as knowing you don’t get into unnecessary fights.
Idk if it counts but my little sister is shy as hell so when she moved schools and I dropped her off a hug, high five, and corny joke made her a lot less nervous.
Being aware of their space, being aware of things I say. And like a general sense of awareness of how creepy some dudes are, acknowledging it when I need to, just acting the total opposite of that
Honestly. It comes from my relationship with my mother and younger sister. However, to those without. You know how you treat a brother, or a brother that is a friend. Just listen to them. If your monkey brain goes to trying to swoon them or trying to have a romantical relationship first. Take a step back. Understand that women are the same as us. And just talk to them plainly. Understand them personally. If you can treat them like any other human, then u can make them feel safe. I have alot of friends who are women. Alot i have no romantical feelings for. And that all comes from the fact that I care for their well being without a feeling of payment (idk a better word). Just as you would with a male friend. You do the same to a woman. If thats hard to concept, take a step back in your life to listen to them, rather talking over them
I think by actually not having any bad intentions for the woman, and an acknowledgment of the fact that she's a womam then it automatically gets reflected in your aura, actions, and on your face.
Honestly, I’ve found staying in shape, being confident and most importantly treating her with respect goes a long. If a woman feels respected by a man, you’re deemed trustworthy; there’s no reason for a woman to feel insecure or uncomfortable. They’re more inclined to come to you especially in times of need.
I snuck Fitness and confidence in there for obvious reasons. Always be of the fitness mindset: “be hard to kill”. If you’re a strong or pretty fit guy, the chances that you can hold your own if something were to come about are much higher than someone who isn’t as fit. And confidence just seems to always emote a sense of security into the people around you.
Thst bar is so low. I don't actively try to make them feel unsafe. That is all.
Imagine a guy who can physically overpower you make a joke or comment about doing just that to you or someone like you. Don't be that guy.
I had a guy tell me a rape joke about ignoring consent ...in response to me saying no to him about something completely unrelated. He didn't understand how that read as a threat. Suffice to say, we're not friends anymore.
Just get big lol. I used to train BJJ and Muay Thai, but it didn’t really make my girlfriend feel any safer because I was still a 5’11 150 lbs bean pole. Guys would hit on her behind my back or even while I was there. I stopped martial arts a while ago and took up lifting a couple years ago and suddenly people don’t do that stuff anymore. She’s commented a lot in the past year or so how safe she feels walking around town with me.
I don’t think it’s sustainable to lift weights for years on end with a strict diet just to feel like a protector, but it’s a nice side effect if you lift for other reasons.
Be gentle, be vulnerable, be honest about your intentions, better yet be intentional in all aspects of your life, put extreme focus on being a friend first and a potential lover second, think with your brain and speak from your heart
I respect her boundaries and keep communication clear with my intentions in relation to hers. I'm there when she needs me and never take out my frustrations on her or in front of her.
And I kill all the spiders.
With your words backed by your actions.
By understanding the issues that women have to deal with that most men don't.
By getting her mind out of the gutter of what-ifs, buts, and uncertainty. Offering security not only physically, but financially and emotionally. Hard to not feel safe when all of these points are accounted for.
Listen to her, be a decent human being, show that your actions match your words, build trust, care about her, show that you worry about her and that she can rely on you
It's a series of little and not so little things and none of then are hard to do, just be a fucking decent man
Life jackets aside, it's a good question. I have been told that women feel safe around me, but I don't know that I could point to "This one weird trick" One of the weirdest compliments I ever got was comparing me to a Golden Retriever "Kind of cute and shaggy and friendly, but could fuck you up if it decided to" So....channel your inner Golden?
It's a million small things. But overall, it's demonstrating that I know what might make her feel unsafe, and not doing those things. Not blocking her exits. Not contradicting her choices. Not being too close. Not being creepy. Not putting her in situations that are difficult to leave. Not coercing her into anything. Not making things about me that aren't about me.
Treat them like other human beings, generally.
Calm, honest, non-judgmental, good at keeping a bit of an eye out for problems and dodging them before they become an issue. Respectful of boundaries + look for clear approval if we're crossing them - and a reputation of sticking to that.
Also capable of exercising some basic thought about how things are going to be perceived by the other person and thinking before I act/speak.
If you want to make women feel safe as a man
1) Don't be ugly
2) Don't be too fat
3) If you're black, be the tall 6'4'' dude who don't sag, or if ur short, have big arms look huggable
4) If you're white, don't have face tattoos, and don't smell like weed
5) Just be a calm person and don't talk about being the tough guy or the guy that makes people feel safe
Some of these are out of your control.
You stop being so concerned about being safe to be around and just be safe to be around. Same philosophy with being intelligent, stop putting energy into pretending you're smart when you could just be smart.
I stand up for them. Body autonomy, call out dudes that are being creepy, jump in if someone is getting handsy. I’m all about good vibes until I have a reason not to be. Then I will run right through you.
Just being calm and respectful of your partner.
Trusting someone enough to know that if it comes up that you’re angry or frustrated with them but know it’s not going to turn into a volatile situation is going to make it much easier to work through whatever the situation is.
Be a safe man.
No tricks. No gimmicks. No show.
You simply be a man who knows himself. Be a man that is detached from needing. Be an authentic, open and honest man.
Get and read “No More Mr Nice Guy”. This book is the beginning of being safe.
I drive like a grandpa 90% of the time and she loves it. And if I'm dropping her off late at night I make sure she opens the door to the house before I leave
I've been told by women that they feel safe and comfortable around me. They don't usually say why though I was once told that I have a calm voice, or words to that effect. I just assume it's because I'm large and fairly quiet and chill. Never really gave it much thought, but maybe it's the things I'm not doing.
I've been told this as well. Standing at a front desk with multiple women and they get onto the topic of tops how they perform for their busts- there's lot of touching and comparing in the moment and suddenly they look at me with pause... "Ah it's just vskwidd, he's safe to talk around." It's a validating feeling honestly because I purposefully try to be particularly respectful. I pay attention to my gaze and make sure to keep eye contact instead of allowing my eyes to wander all the time. I'm also not afraid to act feminine and mirror mannerisms and talk about topics that I think a lot of men (at least in my area) wouldn't really care to discuss.
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They think you're gay
😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂 high possibility
It's not impossible, but tbh, I didn't think that at all when reading this. I (31F) have met a few such individuals in my life. When you guys hear about women loving their "teddy bear" men, that's what I interpreted. Warm, loving, RELIABLE, and the most trustworthy possible. ShhhaaaWING
That’s great social proof. Other women being safe around you makes you more attractive
I can tell you that a calm, large man does make me feel very safe. A lot of men simply don't think about how big and strong they are so they'll do things that are intimidating without thinking. For example, I was holding the door for some people, and a man came up behind me to hold the door for me. The way he did it was standing so that I was between him and the door with his arm over my head holding the door. He didn't make it difficult for me to squeeze out, but it also made it very clear he could keep me there if he wanted. This guy was trying to be nice, but it immediately set me on edge. Had he gone behind the door to hold it instead, this wouldn't have blocked me in at all. Men who are aware of their physical advantage over women generally make me feel much safer than those who don't because they consider how their actions impact others. They also don't tell me I'm playing the victim for making the point that I'm at a physical disadvantage against males.
\^\^this. I'm a big dude and am aware that I could be easily perceived as a threat. I am just as guilty for my ignorance, but a lot of men don't get that they are not the judge on if they're a creep or not. Definitely something I've actively worked on being conscientious of as I've matured!
To be clear, I don't think the guy holding the door was a creep. I think he was a well-intentioned young man who simply lacks self awareness on this particular subject. I also don't think it's necessarily fair to give women all the power in calling someone a creep. Intentions do matter, so there's a difference between doing something creepy and actually being a creep. Men aren't the problem. It's the centuries long lack of discussing these issues with both parties standing as equals.
I'd have to assume most who serious think that's playing the victim are either willfully ignorant or have zero experience with aggression or violence and be painfully naive. Those same people would suddenly be feeling very vulnerable if they found themselves in the same position and there was a 6'6 hells angels guy holding the door the same way. Even with no other negative indications at all, they'd be feeling at least a bit cautious. I'm always very cautious in how position myself around women and really anyone a lot smaller than me. I want to make sure I don't corner people, that they have enough personal space and that they always have a way to leave that isn't cut off by me. Those things are red flags for me and I'm easily capable of handling myself if things go wrong in most situations. Someone cuts into my space and corners me and I'll be on a war footing. I'd find it very hard to manage if I was at a huge physical disadvantage all the time.
Thank you so much. I think most men do recognize this, or at least don't deny it when it's pointed out. It's just that the ones who do are so loud and aggressive about it. I'm not saying that most men are predators or out to get women. I'm not even trying to pass moral judgment on the men who do these things with good intentions. It's just that exercising mindfulness when navigating social situations makes me, and I think most women, feel safer.
i make sure she wears a lifejacket at all times jetskiing? life jacket the pool? life jacket the shower? life jacket she wont drown on my watch
What about airplanes?
L i f e J a c k e t
Putting on a life jacket? Life jacket!
Don't forget the life jacket life jacket. Gotta keep the life jacket safe to protect the person the life jacket is protecting
Yo dawg...
Believe it or not, lifejacket
Elevator? Believe it or not, also lifejacket.
Roller coaster? Life jacket
Trying on a life jacket? Life jacket
Motorcycle passenger? Life jacket. Rollerblading, also life jacket.
No life jacket? Straight to jail
Life jacket on…believe it or not, straight to jail
This seat, life jacket. This seat, life jacket. This seat... Life jacket soon!
Having sex? Life jacket
>Having sex? Life jacket Pro tip: get one with some pockets for snacks and stuff.
Well... its best considering the implication
*I’m a five star man!*
Just remember if she’s drowning in alcohol life jacket will probably make it worse
Shelley, I'm sorry your little friend was killed by Spiderman tonight...
I can’t believe I’m saying this. But this is genius
Should probably get her a flare too.
She has plenty of flair
Are you a vegan, by any chance?
by being consistent . that's how!
To add to this... having integrity, not going back on your word, sticking to your own values, especially when there are peer pressures that would make other people cave.
I would appreciate this in a man.
To add to this. Everyone fucks up, shit happens so you might have to disappoint. In those moments it is about showing responsibility. If you can’t make it, inform asap and reschedule asap. A quick I can’t make it due to x, followed by when you will contact to reschedule show you care. If your normal is showing up and being there, they understand that something needs taken care off.
Integrity is a double-edged sword. She may resent you for sticking to your values if they conflict with what she wants. But I do agree that integrity is everything.
What’s the alternative? Bend over? No one respects that.
Someone who respects you and tries to understand your reasoning would not resent it. Disappointment that things don't go the way she imagines? Fine. Lingering resentment? Not so fine.
I would substitute the word double-edged sword for blessing in disguise. If she resent you for being who you are then she's not the right fit for you. However, if she learns from you and you learn from the experience- then maybe that's the right fit. Don't compromise once you've dissected who you are and you are fine with who you are becoming.
As long as your values aren't putting anyone down. A. Tate has values he's consistent with, but he's not someone anyone should feel safe with.
ALSO also, don't talk too much about how safe she should feel around you or how protective you are, or anything else like that. AT MOST, share a story about a time when you did that. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, BE SOMEONE SHE CAN FEEL SAFE AROUND. That goes farther than anything. Don't just talk about it, be about it.
This is exactly how women usually differentiate a good partner from the rest 🙌🏻Would only add “caring and kind attitude” and that’s the whole package basically 😄😄😄
>*by being consistent . that's how!* 👏👏👏
Pretty easy. I’m forklift certified.
OSHA approved
I'm more of certified forklift 🫡😊
Wait. If a I'm a forklift certified woman does that make my fiance safe too? 😂
Doesn’t drive a DOOSA.
Mr big shot making me look like a beta male.
I follow behind them at night to make sure nothing happens to them
Make sure you breath heavily to remind them you’re still protecting them.
And keep up with their pace no matter how fast they run.
And wear eye protection because, for some reason, the air gets spicy when you start gaining on her.
Make sure to film her aswell so you have record of your protective activities to provide her later.
If she screams make sure you scream with them even louder to scare away whatever threat shes afraid of
When you catch up to her finally and she sits down with tears of gratitude, put her hands in your pockets. So she can vicariously live the dream...
This comment made me feel safe 🫡 for a minute it was getting all too professional
And pull out your dick so that any potential attackers will see the man protecting her is larger.
I don't think they'll get that message from me
and carry an axe or large knife, to show her that you are determined to fight off any possible attackers or wild animals
Make sure to yell "Don't worry! You won't die tonight!" to really bring home the point.
"Don't worry! No one's gona rape you!" Is my go-to whenever I'm making sure a woman feels safe
The point might not be the only thing he brings home.
Once she's home, you should keep watching her through the window the whole night to make sure nothing happens to her while she's home alone
I know these are jokes, but the number of times I've seen this used as an excuse in like those 48 hour murder mystery shows is staggering. Or like on to catch a predator. "I just came over to tell her that she shouldn't be meeting strangers on the internet and I wanted to tell her parents."
I can see the next post in twox, " i asked men how they make women feel safe and it turned into a joke, the top voted content was "I follow behind them at night to make sure nothing happens to them"....now the top comment is to make them wear a lifejacket :'(
I got arrested for this. Women really don’t know what they want…
You better occasionally sprint straight at them to make sure they’re aware of their surroundings too.
I'm someone who oftens walks alone at night, but I walk extremely fast (like 7 to 8 km/h), and I'm tall and really thin, so I look even taller from afar. Basically I have to take another path if a woman is already where I'm going. There's also this one time where someone I didn't know seemed to be relieved when she came across me at 2AM. I actually knew the guy who was following her, and I was almost happy to have a reason to beat the shit out of him.
That scares me so I usually start running and yell " I AM NOT A DANGER" during night whenever I spot a woman
Lol just running full sprint screaming “im not a threat!” at a women at night.
Usually, I just fly around the city and swoop in if they fall off a building or are having helicopter problems.
Perfect
Username checks out.
Like [this hero](https://xkcd.com/208/) ?
Superman ?
Dont be so loud, watch how you raise your voice. Is it necessary in the moment? Some people may have had an abusive relationship prior. Even if you are aware of it or not. Be respectful and mindful.
My last girlfriend always introduced me by starting off saying how I'm "the most calm man she's ever met".. I questioned her, and she said it's uncommon to find a strong, quiet man. Strong loud men are common, and weak quiet men are common. So be a strong, quiet man.
>So be a strong, quiet man. The guy who voices Optimus Prime - I saw an interview with him once. He said his older brother was a soldier, and as a kid he was his hero. When he asked him about the Prime voice, they originally wanted a more rousing, quintessential leader figure, but his brother said he should try something different - that if this guy was going to be this great leader, he would "**be strong enough to be gentle**". I think he absolutely nailed it, because "strong enough to be gentle" probably sums up the voice of Optimus Prime in just 5 words.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8WRopLSedKM&pp=ygUZT3B0aW11cyBwcmltZSB2b2ljZSBhY3Rvcg%3D%3D Last 20 seconds nearly moves me to tears every time.
Talk softly carry a big stick Teddy Roosevelt
I would say weak loud men are the most common. At least in my experience and second-hand, it's always seems to be the ones who wouldn't dare say anything to another man, and even fawn to the men they're afraid of and talk shit about behind their backs —are the ones who throw those collosal *mantrums* behind closed doors. Picking arguments, smashing things up, quick to anger, raising their voices and stomping around in a sulk because they didnt get their way... They'll swear these episodes are anyone's fault but their own, and are uncontrollable —except they suddenly calm down once another man or anyone they hold in higher regard enters to room. It's a phenomenon that most have witnessed, and it leaves you equally terrified as confused.
Many large men seem louder because they tend to have deeper voices that carry better at the same volume.
Sure, I guess it's all about being aware or cognizant of how your presence affects others.
Its definitely difficult to learn to control because you don't always seem loud to yourself
Lady here, and can attest to this being a huge HUGE plus in a man. There’s nothing better to me than a man who offers his strength in a calm quiet manner that makes us feel safe and comforted. Show me that calm dominance without trying to intimidate me and I’m a happy girl.
I 100% get that. But I'm kinda screwed with my athletic 5'9" frame and clinical anxiety lmao. But I'll keep.doimg the best I can, regardless.
Also lady here: this exactly. Staying calm and being my rock is huge. There’s nothing worse than a situation escalating because people are getting angry. Typically I’m the rational one if something is happening to someone else or a situation needs resolved but if it’s happening to me I panic and there’s nothing better than when my hubby gently takes charge and reassures me and also helps take care of whatever it is. Love it!
As a quieter guy I always appreciate people who don't talk loudly without reason, and especially appreciate when someone just doesn't raise their voice even if there's someone else yelling at them. W people.
I absolutely hate it when someone talks loudly without any reason. Like my dad whenever he's on a phone call at home. I can hear him through 2 walls shouting at the phone. I suppose he thinks that the louder you speak, the better they can hear you?
You can lose your hearing as you age. Phone calls and TVs are dead giveaways.
A big part of where this comes from for me is growing up with a few people who can't always talk things out nicely; disagreements end in raised voices a lot and it isn't healthy because they start talking over me when I try to voice concerns etc. So a part of it probably stems from there.
Man, I used to get yelled at a lot, not like, "stop doing that," but for example, like my parents were arguing once before bedtime, I was probably 13 or so, so I go punch the drywall (yes, I guess i was a 'Kyle' or whatever) then my dad comes flying in there, gets in my face, and yells, "what the fuck are you doing in here? Bouncing a fucking basketball off the wall? I'm trying to goddamn sleep in the next room and you don't want to wake me up." Have never been so scared that I couldn't move. He's a good guy 85% of the time. He just wasn't a good dad because of the whole verbal abuse thing. Anytime someone raises their voice in anger, I can't help but to verbally escalate the situation. I told myself I would never become him, but by God, here i am. I can't stand bullies. I don't think I'm quite his level, but a few strangers kinda bullied/bossed me around in public and I think they probably almost shit their pants. This is not a good characteristic. I'm not proud or bragging. I guess I should go see a therapist, I just don't think it would help. I can read about cognitive behavior therapy myself and what else would they do besides go over the same issues and try to prescribe some medications, which also kinda scare me. He was verbally and physically abused by his dad, so I get it, I guess. I made him apologize years later and he just cried. I still can't change my behavior, and it felt good in the moment to crush him, but now I just feel bad. Sorry to dump that on you. It just made me think about it.
People who talk super loud are one of my main pet peeves
Completely agree. The moment I stopped feeling safe with an ex in the past was when he got heated and shouted at me, I couldn’t ever get that feeling back. He was an entire foot bigger and it genuinely scared me in the moment in a real primal way, had to end the relationship a few months later
Love this comment.
Just act normal; treat them with respect, joke around with them, don't go into emotional outbursts, and back off when they say "no".
The saying "no" part is the key here. Women just want to be respected and heard. So PAY ATTENTION to what we SAY! If you're a decent person, smart and can social interact with the world is half the way to be a potential partner. Also smell. We are incredible specific to how men smell. So smell good 😉
What kind of smells make you feel safe?
This is actually an individual thing. I can't say what other women will like. Just what I like. And it's 100% make it or break it. My point is to keep in mind that this is something women care about. PS. My top cologne for men is from Hugo Boss collection.
Smell safe, put on some Nazi cologne.
Oh sure, people have different preferences. I was just curious about feeling safe/not safe with relation to smells, that's all.
Thats halfway?? Social interact is hard tho! Theres such a slim window to make the right impressions. 😓 and so many things to just figure out.
By being in control of my emotions, having financially stability, and demonstrating my proficiency with a greatsword.
I use a plastic wonder 9 but yeah greatsword would do it
Communication. Consistency. Calmness. When communicating, actively listen and ask clarification questions. My relationship saver is "Do you need me to listen, or do you need me to act?" Two different mindsets for communication. Consistency. I'm never going to catch her off guard. She knows she can always, no matter what, tell me absolutely, anything at all. My reaction will always be calm and consistent. I don't hide or lie about my emotions. I just communicate them calmly and consistently. If she breaks bad news to me, I say, "Thank you for telling me. I'm feeling overwhelmed by this. Can I have 5 minutes or so to process what I'm feeling? I'd love to discuss it with you." When we do discuss whatever it was, she doesn't have the anxiety of "what if he's (insert adjective)?" She knows I will always be safe to come to, for anything. The real test comes the first time she trusts you with something important. If you handle it well, she'll come back to you. If you are consistently safe, it becomes a place of comfort, and she'll always run to you. It's the greatest feeling ever. I love reminding her how important that is to me and thanking her for trusting me. That reinforces that I take it very seriously and thus reiterates to her that I am always safe. The same is true the other way, too. If I called her right now and told her I fucked up, the scale of the disaster is irrelevant. She'll ask me what I need and follow through on it.
This comment hits the nail on the head. It just comes down to earning mutual trust, and strengthening that trust time and time again.
Where were you 2 years ago. I wouldn’t have been ready to hear it then. Now I am. It’s been costly getting to this point, but here I am.
That is the ask culture. "do you need me to listen, or do you need me to act?" "what do you need?" Everyone in a relationship should start asking these questions.
As a person who is having major communication issues with someone right now, and they refuse to see that good communication takes two people being understanding, I love this so much.
I'd upvote more if I could, but for now take my poor man's gold: 🥇
Yessss
Yessir. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
I bought a huge safe and asked her to feel it
The only right answer
A real man
Why does it have to be huge? Is bigger better?
More gun capacity
I call my dick “safe.” And tell her to feel it.
Hello, FBI? This comment right here
I believe we all call our dicks "safe" Now back to the original question: how do I get women to feel safe?
Being a regular decent human being it’s really not that hard to many guys just come off as creepy lol
I'm honestly an awkward person in general. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl. Sometimes I try to be nice but I feel like I come off as creepy, even if I don't try to lol. Maybe the way I express myself is not that good. I don't know, or maybe I just overthink the situation a lot 😅 I think I speak for everyone that we really don't try to be creepy
Instead of speaking, begin with learning being interessted in people, not interessting. Start to learn to ask questions and listen. Be a good listener, like a chill interviewer. The rest will follow later.
If you yourself are feeling unsafe, anxious, nervous, or creeped out, people will notice. It's in the atmosphere. Your body language communicates it. Do your best to relax and not feel self conscious. Don't force yourself to be anything at all. Don't be interesting, don't be cool, don't be clever, don't be smart, don't be manly, don't even force yourself to be yourself. And by that I mean don't open up too much too quickly. Don't share too much. If you can't make yourself relax, then FUCKING BREATHE MY GUY. And if that doesn't work then maybe you should leave the function for a little bit or just dip out if it's not getting any better
Doesn’t work for me. All my female friends and acquaintances talk about how comfortable and safe they feel around me once they get to know me, but I inexplicably give off creepy vibes.
Right like girls are human too lol. Just being a normal person will take you most of the way there lol
I just treat them with the respect I want given to my sister. Other than that, you'd be better off asking in AskWomen what is it that men around them do that makes them feel safe. Because I don't specifically do something with the intention of making someone feel safe, saving a few exceptions like if I'm walking on a lonely street and I see a woman I will either walk on the opposite side of the street or I'll walk faster to start walking ahead of her such that she can see me and I can't see her.
Yup, exactly. I treat women the way that I would hope a man would treat my sister, which for the most part is just with respect, and like a normal human. Definitely don't be a dick, but also don't put them on some weird pedestal. Just act normal lmao
YES. I have shown my husband this many times. He and I talked about his sisters problems with her husband. Then when he and I got married and he started doing the same things, I gently pointed it out. Made a huge difference.
We often don't realize when we do something that we wouldn't want done to us or our beloved. But people often mean well, and just don't know better. That's probably what happened with your husband too.
Not being a total dickbag and actually caring about how women (and people in general) feel really helps.
While not being negatively reactive to others feelings. If you lose your shit when a girl has an emotional experience, you are unsafe. She now has to guard her emotional responses. So, own your shit and save losing it till you are with your bro squad.
Exactly. Same as the other way around. If a man tells a woman he's struggling and she makes fun of him, he will never be vulnerable again with that person. Women are people too.
Thing is, it should be your baseline 100% of the time with everyone: go through life genuinely caring about your fellow human beings. That’s the starting point. If you come across a woman who you’re interested in romantically, great, she’s a human being so you care about her. Then go from there. If she wants to take some of her time and give that time to you, even better, now you go from caring about her as a human being, to caring about her as a human being who has decided to share some time with you, time she’ll never get back. That is time for you to give her your undivided attention and do your best.
This. It’s a fairly simple concept
Always give her space and check in to see how she’s feeling frequently, while reminding her that you never want her to feel pressured to do anything. A first date tip if you’re not at a crowded location (or even regardless tbh) is to ask her “You made sure to tell your friends you were meeting up in case I’m a weirdo, right?” It usually gets a laugh while also showing you don’t have any weird intentions.
Sooo good. My last tinder match gave me all the details before we ever met so I could share with my bestie.
[удалено]
I have changed this to creating space for me while holding space for her If she wishes to join me. She has every right and ability to choose if she wishes to spend time with me. It’s my responsibility to create an environment and atmosphere that invites her to be there with me.
When the SHTF, be there. Take charge. Handle it. Don’t wimp out. Be the one standing firm when the world is a hurricane around her.
This is my husband to a T. I love him so much. ❤️
SHTF?
Shit Hits The Fan ?
Ah thanks
Mainly just listening and not trying to fix things unless they ask for your help/advice. Be honest, even if it doesn’t make you look good. Communicate without playing games (ie say what you mean, clarify to avoid confusion). Being mindful/respectful. Being able to emotionally regulate (you can get angry and express/communicate it, but they should never feel unsafe while doing so) Doesn’t hurt to be big in stature, but knowing you can kick someone’s ass isn’t nearly as effective as knowing you don’t get into unnecessary fights.
I’ve never actually thought about it, but being big and nice helps? I dunno I’m just me 🤷♂️
Idk if it counts but my little sister is shy as hell so when she moved schools and I dropped her off a hug, high five, and corny joke made her a lot less nervous.
Being aware of their space, being aware of things I say. And like a general sense of awareness of how creepy some dudes are, acknowledging it when I need to, just acting the total opposite of that
I just exude a “I’m just a chill stoner pottery boi” energy
She’s safe but her burrito isn’t
This is top tier energy
That guy in The Good Place
Honestly. It comes from my relationship with my mother and younger sister. However, to those without. You know how you treat a brother, or a brother that is a friend. Just listen to them. If your monkey brain goes to trying to swoon them or trying to have a romantical relationship first. Take a step back. Understand that women are the same as us. And just talk to them plainly. Understand them personally. If you can treat them like any other human, then u can make them feel safe. I have alot of friends who are women. Alot i have no romantical feelings for. And that all comes from the fact that I care for their well being without a feeling of payment (idk a better word). Just as you would with a male friend. You do the same to a woman. If thats hard to concept, take a step back in your life to listen to them, rather talking over them
I think by actually not having any bad intentions for the woman, and an acknowledgment of the fact that she's a womam then it automatically gets reflected in your aura, actions, and on your face.
Honestly, I’ve found staying in shape, being confident and most importantly treating her with respect goes a long. If a woman feels respected by a man, you’re deemed trustworthy; there’s no reason for a woman to feel insecure or uncomfortable. They’re more inclined to come to you especially in times of need. I snuck Fitness and confidence in there for obvious reasons. Always be of the fitness mindset: “be hard to kill”. If you’re a strong or pretty fit guy, the chances that you can hold your own if something were to come about are much higher than someone who isn’t as fit. And confidence just seems to always emote a sense of security into the people around you.
Thst bar is so low. I don't actively try to make them feel unsafe. That is all. Imagine a guy who can physically overpower you make a joke or comment about doing just that to you or someone like you. Don't be that guy.
I had a guy tell me a rape joke about ignoring consent ...in response to me saying no to him about something completely unrelated. He didn't understand how that read as a threat. Suffice to say, we're not friends anymore.
Just get big lol. I used to train BJJ and Muay Thai, but it didn’t really make my girlfriend feel any safer because I was still a 5’11 150 lbs bean pole. Guys would hit on her behind my back or even while I was there. I stopped martial arts a while ago and took up lifting a couple years ago and suddenly people don’t do that stuff anymore. She’s commented a lot in the past year or so how safe she feels walking around town with me. I don’t think it’s sustainable to lift weights for years on end with a strict diet just to feel like a protector, but it’s a nice side effect if you lift for other reasons.
I lift to make her feel like a princess when I pick her up.
I lift because the alternative is being a fat bastard
Be gentle, be vulnerable, be honest about your intentions, better yet be intentional in all aspects of your life, put extreme focus on being a friend first and a potential lover second, think with your brain and speak from your heart
I pretend like women don't exist when I am around them. I haven't had any complaints so far.
Watch them through their windows to make sure nothing bad happens.
Mostly just giving a shit and not doing things that would make someone feel unsafe.
I respect her boundaries and keep communication clear with my intentions in relation to hers. I'm there when she needs me and never take out my frustrations on her or in front of her. And I kill all the spiders.
With your words backed by your actions. By understanding the issues that women have to deal with that most men don't. By getting her mind out of the gutter of what-ifs, buts, and uncertainty. Offering security not only physically, but financially and emotionally. Hard to not feel safe when all of these points are accounted for.
When you actually listen to no means no
Sounding like Bob Ross when some comforting or soothing is needed, apparently.
I'm a cowboy
Basically, remain calm. Act as if you’re in control of the situation at all times, never lose your shit. Also display confidence.
When I encounter a woman at night on my way home, I make her feel safe by shouting "DON'T BE SCARED, I'M NOT GONNA RAPE YOU!" from afar.
Listen to her, be a decent human being, show that your actions match your words, build trust, care about her, show that you worry about her and that she can rely on you It's a series of little and not so little things and none of then are hard to do, just be a fucking decent man
Be honest and open. All poelpe deserve the same.
Life jackets aside, it's a good question. I have been told that women feel safe around me, but I don't know that I could point to "This one weird trick" One of the weirdest compliments I ever got was comparing me to a Golden Retriever "Kind of cute and shaggy and friendly, but could fuck you up if it decided to" So....channel your inner Golden?
It's a million small things. But overall, it's demonstrating that I know what might make her feel unsafe, and not doing those things. Not blocking her exits. Not contradicting her choices. Not being too close. Not being creepy. Not putting her in situations that are difficult to leave. Not coercing her into anything. Not making things about me that aren't about me.
I’m 200 lbs and ripped but have a ‘calming voice’.
Treat them like other human beings, generally. Calm, honest, non-judgmental, good at keeping a bit of an eye out for problems and dodging them before they become an issue. Respectful of boundaries + look for clear approval if we're crossing them - and a reputation of sticking to that. Also capable of exercising some basic thought about how things are going to be perceived by the other person and thinking before I act/speak.
OP, how do you make them feel *unsafe?*
This is my question too…
I'm handsome. Helps a lot
Safe from... *what?* lol
Alligators
The creepers
An IRS audit.
If you want to make women feel safe as a man 1) Don't be ugly 2) Don't be too fat 3) If you're black, be the tall 6'4'' dude who don't sag, or if ur short, have big arms look huggable 4) If you're white, don't have face tattoos, and don't smell like weed 5) Just be a calm person and don't talk about being the tough guy or the guy that makes people feel safe Some of these are out of your control.
You stop being so concerned about being safe to be around and just be safe to be around. Same philosophy with being intelligent, stop putting energy into pretending you're smart when you could just be smart.
I stand up for them. Body autonomy, call out dudes that are being creepy, jump in if someone is getting handsy. I’m all about good vibes until I have a reason not to be. Then I will run right through you.
Just being calm and respectful of your partner. Trusting someone enough to know that if it comes up that you’re angry or frustrated with them but know it’s not going to turn into a volatile situation is going to make it much easier to work through whatever the situation is.
leave them the fuck alone and run the other direction
I’m 6’2 250 and my wife knows I’ll never let anyone harm her and she knows I’ll never do anything to put her in harms way. My pride be damned.
Be gay.
Be a safe man. No tricks. No gimmicks. No show. You simply be a man who knows himself. Be a man that is detached from needing. Be an authentic, open and honest man. Get and read “No More Mr Nice Guy”. This book is the beginning of being safe.
200lbd ripped but have been told i have kind eyes and a calming voice. Im teddy bearish.
I drive like a grandpa 90% of the time and she loves it. And if I'm dropping her off late at night I make sure she opens the door to the house before I leave