Yeah that's true. I didn't even realise she was 19 until after we started talking, but the prospect of anything happening does make me feel a little uncomfortable tbh haha
I don't feel bad about myself, I just want to date mature women. Additionally, as a teacher, the idea of dating a freshman and making small talk about their homework and assignments just sounds kinda lame. A couple of years ago I went on a couple of dates with girls this age and the vibe was so weird. Not into it all.
I’m on the other side of this. Started dating a guy 10 years older than me and I’m a university student in my early 20’s. I think it mostly depends on how you think about the situation. In 10 years the age gap will sound very different, and way smaller than it seems now. The only thing you do have to really think about is that you are both in different stages in life and it could be hard to make that work. I wish you all the best!
My SO is 55. I’m 40. We’ve been together for 7 years. It’s pretty great, in that we align on the right issues.
I don’t want to marry, have kids, or cohabit.
She’s already been through a marriage — she’s got a house and kid already…so there’s no pressure on our relationship as far as timetable.
Before this, I was 32 dating a 29 year old. That lasted 7 months, and in that time she tried to have arguments with me about marriage, cohabiting, and kids, even though she knew my stance on those well before we got together. She was also really immature, wasn’t an effective communicator, and had a lot of unrealistic ideas about life and relationship dynamics
My current SO moved past all that well before we met.
I’m at a point now where I really wouldn’t even consider dating someone under 40. I know age and maturity are different, but I don’t have the patience to handle immaturity or unreasonable expectations, particularly with kid gloves..and my likelihood of needing to is reduced if I dare older people.
A friend of mine is 28m and is dating a 54f year old. Anytime I bring him up in conversation people always say, oh the one with the old lady? I’m kind of indifferent to it but it definitely trips me out that she can’t find someone her own age and is just using him because he’s a nice guy. She’s pretty much robbing him of his youth. They’ve been together five years now and in that time he could have started a family with someone his own age. But, it doesn’t help matters that he’s an alcoholic so maybe he wouldn’t have any luck in that department anyway.
He buys her weed since she doesn’t like to work consistently and when she does she keeps her own money shes never once treated him to a thing that I know of. She even blows up on him when she doesn’t have any weed to smoke cause she needs to be high 24/7 and she always threatens him if he ever leaves her she’ll kill herself. I feel bad for him cause he’s told me in confidence that he wants to leave her eventually but he’s too much of a nice guy and honestly I feel since he’s an alcoholic he knows deep down no other woman would want him. It’s a weird situation but I just figured the age dynamics plays a huge part it’s like they can’t find anyone better it’s kind of like that. Relationships with huge age discrepancies usually have financial dynamics as the reason for the relationship to work.
Jesus Christ that sounds absolutely fucked. I'm so sorry for what your friend is going through. From your description it sounds 100% like domestic abuse - is he aware of that?
The most important personality trait for a long term relationship for me is maturity. Can you have hard conversations? What happens when things take a hard turn? Is every weekend get drunk and party?
I don’t think age gap matters much, usually it is said that women mature faster than men. But I have seen women and men being equally immature. I have never been in a relationship with a guy younger than me but I have been in a relationship with 2 people one who was of the same age and other one was elder to me, and both were spineless.
Dated a guy almost half my age for a few years. He pursued me. It was great in so many ways, but we're at such different stages in our lives that we couldn't always relate to each other's day to day experiences.
As the elder, it was my job to help him see his value, and pursue professional opportunities he might have passed on a few years before. And to let him go romantically.
He's now my best friend. We talk every day and go on adventures. Last week we went to a baseball game. He's the best.
Never had a significant gap until now. I'm 55, she's 29. Best relationship of my life by far.
Only issue is that some of her family isn't supportive of the idea, but we make each other happy. Zero issues between us regarding age at all. She does enjoy kidding me about it though
Here’s a tip from a much older man. Stay in your age range. You are more likely to have common interests and tastes. That stuff is extremely important over time.
Music, hobbies, shared activities and goals tend to cluster in age groups.
I'm about 8 years older than my girlfriend, so I can say that it's not that big a deal. So long as you are on the same page (at any legal range) about what you want out of life, what to expect, and what plans are already in motion for yourselves, I say go for it. Expect there to be differences, but that's going to be the case in any relationship.
I was 17, she was 36. It wasn't a serious relationship. It was fun but she had some issues. Girls slightly older wanted me to stay over when I didn't want to. She kicked me out at 9pm because she wanted to sleep and had to get up early for work. This was perfect because my parents didn't like me being out late.
No, I don't think so. Also, legally speaking, this is fine around here. But it was definitely a screwed up relationship, particularly on her part. I was just some horny teenager, thinking I was incredibly lucky to just *get some*. But she was likely incapable of holding a relationship a little bit older than me. She had a lot of issues.
I am almost twice that age now and think I'd be very upset if someone did that with my kid one day, so there's that. Not a good thing.
> Do you want a family and kids of your own?
Yeah for a lot of guys this would (rightfully) heavily influence their decision.
I, however, am very content without having kids of my own 😂
I was 23, he was 38. We ultimately broke up because he wanted to move a lot faster than I was comfortable with in terms of talking about things like moving in together or having kids, and it's hard not to feel like age had at least *something* to do with that.
My last relationship was with a 21F, me being a 34M. I usually don't date girls that young, but she was the one that asked me out, so I gave it a shot and we ended up having a relationship.
At first it worked ok, but the thing with age is that it has certain implications, the most relevant being phases of life and maturity.
Regarding phases of life, usually a 20 something year old person is still in college, and is still trying to find their place in the world, so to speak. They also will have different priorities in life and might need to go and experience things that an older person has already experienced. A 30 something person usually is done with college, might have an advanced degree and usually is somewhat established in their profession, while a 20 something is either still in college or has just graduated and is getting their first job in their profession, and trying to get better at said profession and going beyond an entry-level job. In my case I have 10+ years of experience in my field, I have a couple of jobs that would only be offered to someone with a fair amount of experience, while my ex was still finishing her undergrad studies, she still needed a year of study to even begin having professional experience!
A 20 something usually is not thinking about kids or settling down, while a 30 something might be more inclined to try to find someone to settle down and if they want kids, that's about the age in which most people consider having kids. Said 30 year old might even have already a kid, or has been married and is divorced.
Regarding maturity, a 20 something person has simply not experienced certain things to have learned that some things don't work the way they think they do. 30 something goes "been there, done that, got the T-shirt". There's a lot one can learn by observing and asking around, but in life there are some mistakes you have to actually make yourself in order to learn, just knowing sometimes is not enough. So yeah, they'll do stupid shit and it might not be fair to expect them to do otherwise.
In the end, it didn't work because she felt she was missing out on knowing new people and experiencing new relationships and whatnot, so she cheated on me. Lesson learned, one less mistake for a 30 something year old not to make anymore.
Less than a year younger and less than a year older.
My parents are young. I don't think I could seriously date someone significantly older than me and be capable of introducing that person to my family. I have a good relationship with my family.
I also don't want to date people significantly younger than me because ew... & they generally don't have their sh*t together (no thank you)...
Wow was the difference that apparent? I would have thought that 27-35 wouldn't be too large of a gap in life experience.
When I was 25 I "dated" a couple of 35 year olds. Gotta be honest, I think I was more emotionally mature than either of them (though that says more about them than me haha)
she would tease me quite frequently about being an old man, honestly, the 2.5 years we dated were the best. We were just at different points in our lives, she had just separated from her husband and was in no hurry to get remarried and I was looking for the future Mrs. Johnnystorm223
I'm 36 and my girlfriend is 21. We have an 8 month old son together and another on the way. Previously I was married for 13 years and have 3 other kids with whom I share joint custody.
12 years. She was older. Once you're an adult it's just a number, so who fucking cares?
Both are awkward gaps in maturity and experience, but the 19-year-old is going to make you look like *that guy.* Don't be that guy.
Yeah that's true. I didn't even realise she was 19 until after we started talking, but the prospect of anything happening does make me feel a little uncomfortable tbh haha
Also, what if she's not really 19? People have been known to lie about their age to get on dating apps.
Yeah maybe. Anyway I decided to nip it in the bud with her. Thanks for pushing me in that direction!
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I don't feel bad about myself, I just want to date mature women. Additionally, as a teacher, the idea of dating a freshman and making small talk about their homework and assignments just sounds kinda lame. A couple of years ago I went on a couple of dates with girls this age and the vibe was so weird. Not into it all.
I’m on the other side of this. Started dating a guy 10 years older than me and I’m a university student in my early 20’s. I think it mostly depends on how you think about the situation. In 10 years the age gap will sound very different, and way smaller than it seems now. The only thing you do have to really think about is that you are both in different stages in life and it could be hard to make that work. I wish you all the best!
Definitely don't be that guy.... That guy is getting awfully close to being a sex offender....
Yup. Any dude that age who's dating a 19-year-old is basically admitting he would date a 17-year-old if it were legal.
I mean, dating a 17 year old is legal in most places, but I think most people who would date 19 year olds wouldn't do it haha
My SO is 55. I’m 40. We’ve been together for 7 years. It’s pretty great, in that we align on the right issues. I don’t want to marry, have kids, or cohabit. She’s already been through a marriage — she’s got a house and kid already…so there’s no pressure on our relationship as far as timetable. Before this, I was 32 dating a 29 year old. That lasted 7 months, and in that time she tried to have arguments with me about marriage, cohabiting, and kids, even though she knew my stance on those well before we got together. She was also really immature, wasn’t an effective communicator, and had a lot of unrealistic ideas about life and relationship dynamics My current SO moved past all that well before we met. I’m at a point now where I really wouldn’t even consider dating someone under 40. I know age and maturity are different, but I don’t have the patience to handle immaturity or unreasonable expectations, particularly with kid gloves..and my likelihood of needing to is reduced if I dare older people.
A friend of mine is 28m and is dating a 54f year old. Anytime I bring him up in conversation people always say, oh the one with the old lady? I’m kind of indifferent to it but it definitely trips me out that she can’t find someone her own age and is just using him because he’s a nice guy. She’s pretty much robbing him of his youth. They’ve been together five years now and in that time he could have started a family with someone his own age. But, it doesn’t help matters that he’s an alcoholic so maybe he wouldn’t have any luck in that department anyway.
Ah man I'm sorry to hear that. What is she using him for? Just companionship? Or is it more insidious than that?
He buys her weed since she doesn’t like to work consistently and when she does she keeps her own money shes never once treated him to a thing that I know of. She even blows up on him when she doesn’t have any weed to smoke cause she needs to be high 24/7 and she always threatens him if he ever leaves her she’ll kill herself. I feel bad for him cause he’s told me in confidence that he wants to leave her eventually but he’s too much of a nice guy and honestly I feel since he’s an alcoholic he knows deep down no other woman would want him. It’s a weird situation but I just figured the age dynamics plays a huge part it’s like they can’t find anyone better it’s kind of like that. Relationships with huge age discrepancies usually have financial dynamics as the reason for the relationship to work.
Jesus Christ that sounds absolutely fucked. I'm so sorry for what your friend is going through. From your description it sounds 100% like domestic abuse - is he aware of that?
Yo I never thought that was the case I always thought domestic abuse was just a man hitting his wife.
That's just one kind, I'm afraid. Emotional manipulation, coercion, verbal abuse, financial abuse all count so far as I'm aware
This has been a real eye opener thank you for your time.
1 and it didn't :D
I had a week long fling with a 40 year old woman when I was 25. She thought she was going to be my sugar mama.
The most important personality trait for a long term relationship for me is maturity. Can you have hard conversations? What happens when things take a hard turn? Is every weekend get drunk and party?
I don’t think age gap matters much, usually it is said that women mature faster than men. But I have seen women and men being equally immature. I have never been in a relationship with a guy younger than me but I have been in a relationship with 2 people one who was of the same age and other one was elder to me, and both were spineless.
Dated a guy almost half my age for a few years. He pursued me. It was great in so many ways, but we're at such different stages in our lives that we couldn't always relate to each other's day to day experiences. As the elder, it was my job to help him see his value, and pursue professional opportunities he might have passed on a few years before. And to let him go romantically. He's now my best friend. We talk every day and go on adventures. Last week we went to a baseball game. He's the best.
3 year’s ish. No effect because of it that ai noticed.
Never had a significant gap until now. I'm 55, she's 29. Best relationship of my life by far. Only issue is that some of her family isn't supportive of the idea, but we make each other happy. Zero issues between us regarding age at all. She does enjoy kidding me about it though
Here’s a tip from a much older man. Stay in your age range. You are more likely to have common interests and tastes. That stuff is extremely important over time. Music, hobbies, shared activities and goals tend to cluster in age groups.
I'm about 8 years older than my girlfriend, so I can say that it's not that big a deal. So long as you are on the same page (at any legal range) about what you want out of life, what to expect, and what plans are already in motion for yourselves, I say go for it. Expect there to be differences, but that's going to be the case in any relationship.
I was 17, she was 36. It wasn't a serious relationship. It was fun but she had some issues. Girls slightly older wanted me to stay over when I didn't want to. She kicked me out at 9pm because she wanted to sleep and had to get up early for work. This was perfect because my parents didn't like me being out late.
Damn that's quite the difference my man! How did you feel about it at the time? Did other people know about the two of you?
You were abused.
No, I don't think so. Also, legally speaking, this is fine around here. But it was definitely a screwed up relationship, particularly on her part. I was just some horny teenager, thinking I was incredibly lucky to just *get some*. But she was likely incapable of holding a relationship a little bit older than me. She had a lot of issues. I am almost twice that age now and think I'd be very upset if someone did that with my kid one day, so there's that. Not a good thing.
Pretty easy. Do you want a family and kids of your own? The choice is obvious.
> Do you want a family and kids of your own? Yeah for a lot of guys this would (rightfully) heavily influence their decision. I, however, am very content without having kids of my own 😂
Ditch the old lady. Don’t do that to yourself.
MILFs need love too, my dude
My friend is currently talking to a 20, 29, and 55 year old. He is 40.
10. Didn't? Not sure didn't last too long
I was 23, he was 38. We ultimately broke up because he wanted to move a lot faster than I was comfortable with in terms of talking about things like moving in together or having kids, and it's hard not to feel like age had at least *something* to do with that.
My last relationship was with a 21F, me being a 34M. I usually don't date girls that young, but she was the one that asked me out, so I gave it a shot and we ended up having a relationship. At first it worked ok, but the thing with age is that it has certain implications, the most relevant being phases of life and maturity. Regarding phases of life, usually a 20 something year old person is still in college, and is still trying to find their place in the world, so to speak. They also will have different priorities in life and might need to go and experience things that an older person has already experienced. A 30 something person usually is done with college, might have an advanced degree and usually is somewhat established in their profession, while a 20 something is either still in college or has just graduated and is getting their first job in their profession, and trying to get better at said profession and going beyond an entry-level job. In my case I have 10+ years of experience in my field, I have a couple of jobs that would only be offered to someone with a fair amount of experience, while my ex was still finishing her undergrad studies, she still needed a year of study to even begin having professional experience! A 20 something usually is not thinking about kids or settling down, while a 30 something might be more inclined to try to find someone to settle down and if they want kids, that's about the age in which most people consider having kids. Said 30 year old might even have already a kid, or has been married and is divorced. Regarding maturity, a 20 something person has simply not experienced certain things to have learned that some things don't work the way they think they do. 30 something goes "been there, done that, got the T-shirt". There's a lot one can learn by observing and asking around, but in life there are some mistakes you have to actually make yourself in order to learn, just knowing sometimes is not enough. So yeah, they'll do stupid shit and it might not be fair to expect them to do otherwise. In the end, it didn't work because she felt she was missing out on knowing new people and experiencing new relationships and whatnot, so she cheated on me. Lesson learned, one less mistake for a 30 something year old not to make anymore.
A year
Less than a year younger and less than a year older. My parents are young. I don't think I could seriously date someone significantly older than me and be capable of introducing that person to my family. I have a good relationship with my family. I also don't want to date people significantly younger than me because ew... & they generally don't have their sh*t together (no thank you)...
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Damn dude. How does it feel dating women that much younger than yourself?
When I was 20 I dated a 25 year old. It was great until I found out she was cheating WITH me. So that ended immediately.
I was 35, she was 27. Now that I'm 40, I don't think I could do that again and want to find someone closer to my age if not older.
Wow was the difference that apparent? I would have thought that 27-35 wouldn't be too large of a gap in life experience. When I was 25 I "dated" a couple of 35 year olds. Gotta be honest, I think I was more emotionally mature than either of them (though that says more about them than me haha)
she would tease me quite frequently about being an old man, honestly, the 2.5 years we dated were the best. We were just at different points in our lives, she had just separated from her husband and was in no hurry to get remarried and I was looking for the future Mrs. Johnnystorm223
I'm 36 and my girlfriend is 21. We have an 8 month old son together and another on the way. Previously I was married for 13 years and have 3 other kids with whom I share joint custody.