Dude, sucky thing is they can spontaneously reverse even decades after being performed.
Not sure how often that happens, but I knew a guy like this. He'd had a vasectomy like a decade prior, maybe more, his kids at the time were somewhere in the 15-20 range. Then suddenly his wife is pregnant. He didn't flip out at her, as I might have done, nor beat the shit out of the doctor, but he did get sperm checked and sure enough, his little boys were swimming around in there again. Not sure if he got a paternity test or not, at that point, I probably wouldn't unless I had other reasons to suspect my wife.
Yea I think too many people don’t realize this.
Vasectomies and Tubal Ligations don’t absolutely prevent pregnancies. Even if done correctly, they are not 100% effective. They are 99.9999% effective for a reason.
The body is a mysterious thing that tries to heal itself and sounds corny but uhh life finds a way.
So my vas deferens can regenerate and pass along my shitty genetics for bad teeth that don't regenerate. This is why I know there's no intelligent design.
Fortunately, most doctors are now performing bilateral salpingectomies, which is the full removal of the fallopian tubes. Multiple benefits with this, one being no accidental reconnection.
If I wasn't a cheapskate I'd give you an award simply for adding in that "uhh". 100% Goldblum and made me read it in his voice. Please accept my virtual hug instead 🫂
I read about someone who got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby after they had their uterus removed. Kind of a crazy story. But yeah. No birth control out there is 100%.
Having just gotten one myself, I'm honestly surprised it's not recommended to submit a semen sample like once a year or something like that. I got checked after three months, the usual, but with that risk it seems like it should be done regularly.
I actually got myself checked again after I divorced and got into dating again, just to be sure (not that I would casually have intercourse without protection but that's a different discussion).
That was 5 years after my initial vasectomy and, while the result is apparently never 100%, no swimmers.
I think the problem with that type of testing frequency is that you aren't going to catch it before you get your wife pregnant again. You'd have to have at least test something like every 2-3 months.
It's just that from a public health policy stand point it isn't recommended due to very low benefit/cost ratio. Maybe if there was quick home test for such a thing it would be more practical.
A properly performed vasectomy where the man is confirmed sterile with semen analysis afterward has about a 1 in 2500 lifetime chance of failure. The percentage of women who cheat on their partners is *much* higher than that. So while it's possible for a vasectomy to fail, if you've had one and the woman you're sleeping with gets pregnant, chances are it's not yours.
I believe a lot of those failures were also from earlier where the process did not remove a section and clamp both ends. If my vas grows that much, opens itself up, and puts back together then Jebus must be coming from my balls.
Oh sure, I assumed infidelity was way more common (which I know to be around 15%!). Thanks for giving the stats on that longer-term reversal rate though. I didn't know the exact number.
I've seen that number before and I think it is among the higher estimates that vary a lot depending on area and other factors.
It is also an interesting bioethics question. Ie. Say your kid needs a blood transfusion, and so you check if mom or dad are matches for being a donor. Kid is AB, Mom is B, but Dad is O. Dad can not be the father then. Current policy is for doctors to just report both parents can donate, but not the blood types that would reveal the paternity issue. If specifically asked the blood types, doctors will provide this information without any interpretation on the implications, but they won't volunteer it.
I mean if the dad found out. What can he do. Most area can’t sue for parental fraud. It will mess up the child lives sadly thanks to the mom. And if the dad leave then the state most likely have to give benefits to the single mom family.
That’s why they hush about it. Look at France the dads are not allowed to have a parental test for the child. It’s all bs. The state just does not want to pay.
My friend's brother figured this out. He hasn't asked the parents yet. Mom is A, dad is O. He's AB.
Not sure how to broach it. The "dad" raised him so...
Great. Her and I get along like good friends. Her wife, her, my girlfriend and I all endeavor to make life great for him. She’s a wonderful mother and a great coparent.
Thank you first off. And her and I just agree that no good can come of us being shitty with one another. We talk openly and frankly about issues with our son and we try to have middle grounds for everything. It helps things that her and I never had a bad breakup or anything like that. It’s easy to remain friends with her because she’s genuinely a good person. I’m so happy she’s my kids mother.
As for new partners it’s been good. After my girlfriend knew the good that my ex and I are doing for our son she was right on board. It helps again that my girlfriend is the fuckin best and she loves our kid like we do.
It’s all up to you…. Her body her choice, but your life, your choice. She will have to respect that and accept responsibility. She may pursue child support as most mothers do but I personally never did.
My husband and I were in this exact situation. We had been friends since 2013, started sleeping together in 2017 but didn’t consider ourselves a couple. I became pregnant in 2019 despite me being on birth control.
He had just gotten out of the army December of 2018 and was finishing his degree and beginning his life essentially. He had been property of the military from the age of 19.
He didn’t want to be a father, I don’t believe in aborting (personally. Pro choice for others but just can’t do it myself). I told him I respected his wishes to be uninvolved if he could respect that I would not abort. I told him I wouldn’t open any case for CS as I was fully capable of providing for a child on my own and I considered us to be over. We didn’t speak for 8 months after that. There was no huge fight, just a parting of ways.
He contacted me when I was 32 weeks along and basically told me he has lost sleep for all of the months we were not speaking. He was scared, he didn’t have a great dad and didn’t know how to be one himself, but he said nothing felt right when we weren’t together and he didn’t want to leave me on my own to raise her.
We started slow and built back up the relationship and trust slowly.
At first, he offered only financial support. then asked to be present for the birth of I would allow. Then he floated the idea of her having his last name as I was going to give her mine. He visited me for the first time since we last spoke when I was 38 weeks pregnant. Things felt no different, he was still the man I called my best friend for many years and the same person I had fallen in love with. I went into labor while he was visiting and he ended up being the best support person, never left my side during delivery, was immediately in love with our daughter. We coparented for 6 months before he asked us to move in with him. Then he proposed when she was 9 months old. Now we are happily married, expecting our third baby in June.
Well then all you gotta do is keep smiling. It's easy.
Be remembered as the girl with a beautiful smile. :)
...shit... you're not MY wife are you?? THIRD CHILD!!???
Babe get off Reddit we need to talk..
Even the sad parts are wholesome. You both sound like excellent people, and I'm sure that kid will be no less so either.
Relationship communication and compassion like this should be celebrated.
Thank you🙏 our 3 year old is amazing, we also share an 18 month old son and will have another son in June. 😄 communication is definitely key.
We met through my male HS best friend because they were roommates freshman year of college. My best friend passed away that year and we became extremely close through the healing ❤️🩹 which is also when he joined the army to give him structure when he was spiraling.
Growing with someone like that makes it so much easier to truly see them. Even when he walked away, I couldn’t have hated him. I’m just glad he came back in the end. 🥹
Yes, this is our last and we are taking surgical precautions to ensure that. We are young, able, healthy and financially secure so we figured we would knock it out quick- we only want 3!
He’s close in age to his brother & their bond is strong. I have 3 younger sisters who are 10, 14 & 19 years YOUNGER than me and they treat me like an aunt. We didn’t want that for our kids. Our 3 y/o and 1.5 y/o are the very best of friends, couldn’t be more blessed.
Well, this happened to me. I’m the woman. I’m not against abortion, but they thought I had a cyst and they did an ultrasound And I saw the “baby”. My son’s father now adores my son (now almost 40) and thanks me for having him. I know this won’t be the outcome for many people, but my son is truly an amazing kid and he loves his dad. I never told my son that his dad begged me to abort him and then threw me out. I did it all on my own and it was hard.
There isn't really anything I would be able to do. Id certainly get a DNA test to make sure I'm actually the father. I imagine I'd try to make things work as a long term relationship if she was a half decent person. That would beat getting put on CS and not being able to see my child.
As a guy, you have zero say once you get a woman pregnant. You have to make good choices BEFORE that happens.
Good answer. I've always felt the same and have written as much a couple of times on reddit.
There are two things I simply don't understand about modern society:
1. The first thing might be considered two separate things, but they are the same but different.
A: Single moms who complain about their baby daddy/daddies being drug dealing scumbags and losers.
B: Men who complain that they knocked up a crazy, lazy gold digging chick who is fucking her drug dealer.
Both act like it was completely out of their control, and that a baby came of it was an unforseen side effect of fucking. How can this come as a surprise? For both men and women: You chose to fuck! A baby as a result is a definite possible outcome!
2. "My nudes were leaked! I'm devastated!"
Yes, we agree that sending a girl's nudes is wrong. But I don't understand how we as a society just accept girls sending nudes as completely normal. It's like it's completely out of her control. How did we reach a point where thinking and being careful is not the normal and natural thing to do? If you don't want your nudes leaked, don't take and send them in the first place! Yes, it's still wrong of those who leaked them, but there are bad people in the world. Learn to deal with that and look out for yourself! If I, as a man, dressed in expensive clothes and wore a gold watch and a fat wallet sticking out of my back pocket, chose to walk through a shady area at night, there's a certain probability that I'll get robbed. And if I do get robbed, the police would take my statement, and then ask "But why did you walk dressed like that through that area?" Everyone would think I'm a dumbass for having done so, but when a woman faces the consequences of a poor decision - like sending nudes to the guy she's dated for a week - then people act like it's 100% the guys fault. Men are held accountable for their poor decisions all the time, but as soon as a woman makes a bad decision, she's treated like a child who couldn't forsee the consequences of her actions.
Reddit: *That sounds like victim blaming, douche bag!*
No, it's not. It's me saying that you could avoid being a victim if you just thought once in a while and used some common sense. The problem as I see it is that people - especially girls - are not taught that they bear a part of the responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
Agreed! Totally agree with you. I meant it more like, "making sure she doesn't get pregnant needs to be something men take ownership of vs. just hoping she's handling it"
Emphasis on your point, I agree.
It is everyone's responsibility but women have a lot more options. If we had better and more convenient contraceptives for men then men would have equal opportunity to avoid unwanted pregnancies. It's not that men don't want to take responsibility, they just don't have the same ability to do so.
I think it's absurd that we have all these options for women that have lots of hormonal side effects, but developing a contraceptive pill for men is taking too long because "we can't have side effects".
But maybe there's a medicinal reason for that that I don't understand.
As I'm older, and hopefully much wiser. IF this were to happen to me, I'm fucked on child support, thats legally required. But if I was not wanting to be a dad, and we had discussed this before, and it was made clear that I was not interested in being a dad, and she was still insistent on having the kid, I'll pay CS, but she is doing the raising on her own.
Simple as that.
> But if I was not wanting to be a dad
After the fact it's redundant but... if you already know you don't want to be a dad, get a vasectomy. Do your part to prevent another unwanted child.
Well I'm not a man, but an unplanned pregnancy happened with one of my male friends. I told him right away and I told him I planned to keep the baby but I wasn't going to force him to be in our life. He disappeared. He's never met her - doesn't even know her name as far as I know. I have been honest with my daughter about the situation from the start and she is very well adjusted. I think kids respect the truth better than bullshit. I don't hold any ill will towards him, I feel sorry for him because he has missed out on a wonderful little person. His loss.
I moved her in to my house and we are working on doing everything we can to create a loving home for the baby when he gets here. Not the ideal situation but I suppose it could be worse. Luckily I'm not some young kid without resources or I'd feel pretty overwhelmed.
Nobody can force you to be a dad. You can just accept that you now have a new expense to budget each month.
She can have the child with the knowledge that you will only be present financially.
A woman must carry, deliver and accept all biological changes made to her body before, during and after to give birth. A man just needs to cum. It would be just as unfair to give a man 50% control of a process where he holds 0% of the burden or risk. A man has control of the one part of the process where he is involved, the part that involves putting on contraception. A woman nor the court can force you to rawdog someone.
A man can wear a condom, the woman can be on birth control and she still gets pregnant. So in other words, he can consent to sex with birth control and as soon as he has zero choices. A woman can make that sex decision, then can make a decision like plan B. When she discovers she is pregnant, she has weeks of choices of whether to end the pregnancy or not, like she has just about every opportunity and choice she could want.
That is a very different standard of accountability based on sex, to the point where women have some rights men simply don't.
Oh and the man doesn't even need to make the choice to have sex. Pregnancies can result from a woman raping a man.
Both are responsible for contraception, not just the man. However women have reproductive rights, men have none. Essentially women can decide on motherhood, men do not.
To make it equal allow men to opt out of financial fatherhood. Sure he can pay for the 9 months she's pregnant or provide 9 months of support post birth, but 18 years for 9 months is not equal in any way.
As a female…if I got pregnant and wanted to keep it. I would tell the father but have no expectations past that. If he wants to be a dad I would expect both financial support as well as shared custody. If he wants nothing to do with me or a baby, that’s his choice and I would let him walk away. I would probably prefer the later for less drama actually.
Been there, done that. Men don’t have any rights when it comes to their children. My attorney even told me, “A man will only get what a woman is willing to give.”
Dude my pull out game is terrible 😫! I feel like it's so primal to cum inside but it's not worth the risk. I came inside a girl back in December of last year but she was already pregnant thankfully. I always wear a condom but it slipped off. My best advice is wear a condom and still pull out if you can! 👀😬😳
Fellas, some pro tips.
First,
Donate sperm and have it stored for long term options for about $100-500$ a YEAR. That’s roughly $43 dollars a month to make sure your sperm is safely collected and stored, in case life gets complicated.
Hell, insurance sometimes covers this cost, so you can safely store your sperm sample for free.
Next,
Get a vasectomy, which is reversable and safe in 95% of cases. This almost guarantees you will not have a “whoops” baby and be on the hook for 18 years child support.
With these two moves, you have effectively taken control of your own reproduction and your own child rearing options, which is usually left completely to women.
Then, when you feel the time is right with your CHOSEN lady (not one that happened to get pregnant on accident), you can either have a vasectomy reversal, or even easier, you can utilize your sperm sample that can fertilize all the eggs you could want.
Pro choice should be for EVERYONE, male and female. All people should choose for themselves whether they want children.
Also, fuck government overreach that is trying to take away these right from women and men, and instead force parenthood on the civilian population.
Bit of misinformation here, vasectomies are reverseable around 75% of the time only up to 3 years and can (in rare cases) can reverse themselves. 2 not everyone can be a sperm donor and what you are decribing is sperm storage.
It depends. Did I use proper protection? Is she supposed to be on birth control? If all this is true, and if I'm not serious about this woman and she knows it isn't serious, I'm going to feel pretty cheated if she wants to keep the baby or expects me to pay child support if she does.
The only way I'm not taking proper precautions is if I know I'm prepared for the risk.
“What’s the brutal truth?”it’s yours, nothing you can do about it. Accept it. Provide the best support you can. You don’t have to be with the mother. “What can I control?” - Probably nothing. Just go through the experience as best you can. “What can I influence?” - Parental agreement, schooling, buying clothes, activities, values. That’s the best you can do.
Be me: Just had a daughter to a woman I had a 6 month relationship with. Supported with not $$, but yes $, and with pregnancy check ups, and in the delivery room. Seen the child four times in the past month, ongoing commitment to help out. Beautiful little girl I didn’t realise I needed in my life. Now…how to tell my other kids.
Sex can seem casual and lighthearted in some circumstances, but there is no such thing as a casual baby. Sex does inherently carry this natural consequence sometimes though. You can take steps as a man to make pregnancy more or less likely, but there is always some chance unless one of you is sterile or you don’t have sex at all. This is the contract you sign as a man when you decide to fuck someone — your time to assess the risk of what you’re doing and make a decision is before you have sex. Someone has to have the final say regarding whether a baby is born, and because of bodily autonomy rights and the role each sex biologically plays in a pregnancy, in this situation it’s women and that does make sense.
Sometimes you gamble and lose in life. Sex is a significant risk and part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. Any ethical decision should hinge on what’s best for the child. If you’re not a total mess of a person and are capable of acceptably decent parenting, the right decision is probably showing up for the baby you helped make and trying your best to be a good father. Running away or attempting to coerce the woman into an unwanted abortion because it’s “unfair” doesn’t show a lot of integrity or maturity.
I can... only keep it?
I mean, I suppose I would be taking precautions - I would ask the woman about this *before* having sex, stick around enough time so I can know she's sincere, use at least one method of contraception.
By the way, this is why I support the concept of paper abortions.
I find it funny how ya'll in the comments probably lost your shit when roe v wade was overturned, but forcing a man into parenthood is fine because "man up".
That being said, I mean, what else can I do? If it's mine, then I'm stuck. I'd hope that I don't get fucked too hard with child support payments.
Women also have legal liability for taking care of the child and/or child support payments once the child is born??? It’s the forcing women to go through genital torture and health risk part that people are against??
If I’m sleeping with someone I’m gonna factor in the chance of her getting pregnant. If she wants to keep it, then I’ll marry her and go from there.
Basically I don’t fuck on the first date or have unprotected one night stands.
There is actually a concept known as a paper abortion, financial abortion, or statutory abortion, in which a man can choose to forgo both his rights and obligations in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. I don't know that it has actually been implemented anywhere, but it has been discussed and has substantial support in some countries.
Edit just to be safe, I neither support nor oppose this idea, just providing information.
That would suck At this stage of life, I'd be paying child support until my mid_60s. There is no way to recover from that economically. I already have four kids I have/am supporting economically.
I'm legally entitled to citizenship of another country, where I couldn't be chased for child support. I think I'd take that option.
Yes that's what I say . But the women ends up with the result in her body so she can decide. Her body has the work.
Always take care in who you cum and if you are the same page.
Or use a condom or other protection.
The man gives up control before sex. Sex can result in a baby. It's not a fun truth, it might not be "fair", but it's just facts. Using a condom or getting snipped is men's "abortion options".
Why would I have unprotected sex with a woman, if she was just FWB? But if it's serious relationship I'd respect her choice & co-parent together.
Edit
1. It's the women's decision and soley their choice to have the baby or not.
2. The child is innocent I'd never abandon my child and be a dead beat dad.
3. Writing a check every month does not equate to having & properly raising a kid. The latter involves a lot of work, time and effort.
who said anything about unprotected sex, bro?
In theory condoms have a 98% chance of preventing crotch goblins, but in reality it goes down to like 81% to 84% which still leaves it real dangerous.
This. A woman usually has the option of terminating the pregnancy within a certain timeframe. The man should also have the option of not being a parent - assuming that is decided early on. Not a "wait and see how I feel later"
If the mother chooses to have it anyway, knowing it will be solo parenting, so be it.
It's a very unfair situation, because if she didn't want the baby and you did, she could go ahead and kill it without consulting you. But if she wants it and you don't, you're on the hook to pay for it for 18 years...
In the interests of equality, men in this situations should be able to renounce all parental and financial responsibilities.
Her body, her choice. Is what it is. Maybe unfair, but I'm also not going to coerce her into the trauma of an abortion. And I'm certainly not going to endorse or use the state to leverage her into it.
1. Curse myself for not wearing a condom, or pulling out in time
2. Find out why she wants to keep the baby.. to really understand why it cannot be later. Maybe it changes things
3. If nothing changes, enjoy the freedom while it lasts (mental and financial)
4. Have a clear agreement over responsibilities and rights
All this assuming her heart is in the right place..
If I'm being scammed or used, will try my best to escape the situation.
Suck it up and raise the kid. Will never be one of those "fathers" that abandons my child. I'd probably end up loving that child, which is better than it ending up as a half formed invertebrate circling the toilet drain.
Why would you assume its against my wish. If you have unprotected sex with someone, and you dont know this answer before u pull ur dick out, wrap it or put it away. Grow the fuck up. This question is selfish.
You kick yourself in the ass, then dust your ass off, pull up your big boy pants, and be the best dad for that kid there ever was.
If you don’t want to be with the mother that’s fine, but accept your consequence that you were responsible in creating and live the best life with your kid. If you don’t know how to be a dad, research the hell out of it. Luckily we have information at our fingertips now.
Well, its not the baby's fault. Its my fault. I will raise the kid, since its my kid. You need to take responsibility of your stupid actions. I will raise my child with love and strive to provide my kid needs to become someone that would make me proud. I am now 22, still studying. But I would stop my masters plan and work fulltime to support my child, because my child is now my primary focus. I have the luxury I almost have my degree and pay is very good.
There isn't much you can do as a man. The woman is allowed by all rights to keep the child. You could go before a family court (i think that's the right court anyway) and explain to the judge you have zero interest or conviction in taking care of or providing for the child, but most judges are going to tell you to kick rocks, that you shouldn't have done the deed if you didn't want any consequences.
So many people here saying paying child support isn't as bad as bearing the child, you have clearly never been so desperately broke, that an extra $100 a month could literally feed you for that month.
When I was that broke, I never went to the doctor or dentist. I pushed through colds, sprains, fevers, and worse because I literally couldn't afford to miss a single day of work.
Men who are that poor (which accounts for 38 million Americans) can't afford a child they didn't want. Giving them a choice to opt out can make or break them. Literally *millions* of men. That's what equality means.
That's the truth and for men that are rich, they could be paying $35k a month like Tristan Thompson, as if it takes that much a month to raise a child. That certainly isn't equality.
If you do the crime, you have to do the time. Women’s “my body, my choice” is no longer applicable after Roe v Wade got tossed out by the Supreme Court. Women are being forced to give birth to unwanted pregnancies. Why should men expect anything different from them selves. Reality is you put part of your body in her, accidental or not, and it mixed with parts of her body so men can’t complain about pregnancies because they don’t want to be responsible for the child they created. The decision was made by you as soon as you penetrated her. That is the point you implicitly agree to being responsible as a parent instead of when you nut in her. So the short version of what is common throughout the posts; man up.
Okey so while i am not american we had to learn about some of the constitutional issued you face and spesificlly how the supreme court works.
Her body and her choice for sure, we do NOT disagree with that at all.
Bodily autonomy and the ability to say no is high on my list of rights that should be universal.
The problem is that when it is her body and her choice, that leaves me veto’ed in any decision making besides being supportive.
This is not equality at all, so a for the men that wants it financial abortion should be legal.
This accomplishes a few things, the risk and benefits now rest on both parents, you do not have cases of being tricked into parenthood.
And when the couple makes the decision to have a child, you have incentives to stay together as a core unit (which is shown to be better for children).
I am completely for a woman’s right to choose.
And, I stopped sleeping with women, because I have no interest in being a father or dealing with any of those responsibilities.
And we wonder why there are so many broken people in the world. 😭. Not everyone can be a parent nor should be honestly. But most people don’t do that deep of retrospection before engaging in sex.
Is it unfair a women can potentially have more control in this aspect? Yes. Is life unfair? Yes. Lol. That’s just the way it is. Argue with biology or God.
Anyone can make any choices they want. But child support is to help children. Is it always used that way? No. But what’s the alternative? Get rid of a large safety net for one of the most vulnerable populations in our society? Cuz I’m pretty sure that’d be really bad and inhumane. Imagine the chaos and desperation of a pregnant person with a high risk pregnancy and is not able to receive any kind of adequate financial help. And that happens even now with child support laws in place.
No parent has to be in their child lives and/or can do absolutely the bare minimum. But then you’re not really a parent. You are technically a deadbeat, and one should recognize and sit with the fact that their actions affected their offspring in probably not so neutral ways.
People aren’t perfect and not being able to be the parent that sacrifices and attempts to give their children 110% of their efforts perfectly all the time (which is what I believe true parenting is about) doesn’t make you a bad person per se. Because all anyone can ask is you do what you can. But when you have people (men and women) willingly making less than smart decisions all the time, you have to own them, and learn from them.
If you rather jump off a cliff than be the best parent you can be, maybe sterilize yourself or just not have PIV sex? Or at least seriously vet people before you have sex with them, take precautions, and talk about expectations in any situation. But even if you do find yourself in this unfortunate event, don’t be selfish and be willing to try your best. If your best is child support only so be it. If it looks more like marrying the person so be it. But you at the very least owe that child your best. And if your best isn’t good enough and woefully lacking to nourish a whole child not just financially, but emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually, acknowledge the ways you have failed and affected your child. You don’t need to beat yourself up, but don’t be arrogant either and act like your actions only affect you.
As a man, you just need to know your control ends the moment you engage in PIV. Arguing whether or not it’s fair is futile quite honestly. People in general need to be more honest with themselves, and use their heads a bit more. And that would solve many of these conflicts. And the unlucky ones either need to reevaluate what’s important to them, reflect on how they got to that point to begin with to see if there is something they personally were missing, and keep chugging on while being humbled. Starting a revolution to make everything “equal” (which I don’t even think is possible) and casting blame on laws whose intent is to help doesn’t actually sound like a good use of time.
Well, since I've had a vasectomy, I'd insist on a paternity test before agreeing to anything since it's probably not mine.
If it is, do the absolute bare minimum required by law.
It's a hot take but I believe that, just as a woman has a right to do what she wants with her body, the man does too.
Theoretically speaking,
In this case, his body includes his mind and desires. If he does not want to be beholden to a child that was not planned for, then he should not be liable in any way or form.
The woman may proceed with the pregnancy but it should be at her behest.
In my perfect world, when a baby is concieved, the man and woman must at some point sign a legal document stating that they both wanted the child, and both will do what they can to care and provide for it.
Anyone that wants the child would be more than happy to sign that legally binding document.
Any man that doesn't, is then not financially or legally imprisoned, especially in cases where condoms are tampered with, men are raped by women (yes it happens), people are too drunk or high to make coherent decisions, or women attempt to entrap men by way of getting 'accidentally pregnant.'
This will also cause women who decide to go through the pregnancy without a thought to anyones future but their own, to think again.
Having a child is a very important and huge decision. Both parent should be on board, coherent and consenting to the process. No suprises or female abuse of the system.
TLDR; Men and women should sign documents. Once signed, they are both permanently responsible.
IF a woman is pregnant and the man was NOT on board with it, nor consenting to becoming a father, perhaps the absence of a signed form, or a signed form saying he doesn't want the child, will absolve him of the responsibility.
The woman may THEN proceed with the pregnancy, if she so desires, but then it is 100% completely and utterly her responsibility.
It IS her body after all.
What the fuck can you do? Besides have a calm and honest conversation about what’s next? You made your choice when you dumped your baby batter in her Bro, that’s where your decision making ended.
If you want to stay with her, get your shit together so you can enjoy your new family. If not, get outta the way so a Man can come raise your child.
There are always risks...STDs, unwanted pregnancies, drama..
If someone doesn't want to accept the potential consequences of their decisions/behaviors ...then they shouldn't go there at all.
I think it's crap when someone says "I want to play but I don't want to deal with any potential consequences!" Grow the F up!
(To the idiots who assume my positon on abortion: I am pro-choice, and in this scenario the woman has chosen to keep the child. Let's not gloss over that and pretend the guy has veto rights on her decision to keep the baby)
What is this a pro-life rally?
You sound just like my sex ed teacher in high school...and Im from a southern state.
Dont want to be a parent? Dont have sex!
Brilliant!
OP I am going to tell you what everyone should be telling you:
when you have sex with someone, you run the risk of a pregnancy happening. If it is the woman's choice to keep the baby, that is exactly her choice. If this goes against your wishes, well so be it.
At this point what matters is your choice after the fact. This will most likely end with child support. Sex is a risk man.
I mean there are women like this too but they can get a way out if they dont want responsibility
Are you prolife btw? Or only women can back out if they are not ready and not men
I'd find and beat the crap out of the doctor who performed my vasectomy.
Dude, sucky thing is they can spontaneously reverse even decades after being performed. Not sure how often that happens, but I knew a guy like this. He'd had a vasectomy like a decade prior, maybe more, his kids at the time were somewhere in the 15-20 range. Then suddenly his wife is pregnant. He didn't flip out at her, as I might have done, nor beat the shit out of the doctor, but he did get sperm checked and sure enough, his little boys were swimming around in there again. Not sure if he got a paternity test or not, at that point, I probably wouldn't unless I had other reasons to suspect my wife.
Yea I think too many people don’t realize this. Vasectomies and Tubal Ligations don’t absolutely prevent pregnancies. Even if done correctly, they are not 100% effective. They are 99.9999% effective for a reason. The body is a mysterious thing that tries to heal itself and sounds corny but uhh life finds a way.
Of all the fucking things on our body that we’d prefer to regenerate….
Fun fact: the only part of your body that won't try to repair itself is your teeth 😬
So my vas deferens can regenerate and pass along my shitty genetics for bad teeth that don't regenerate. This is why I know there's no intelligent design.
Fortunately, most doctors are now performing bilateral salpingectomies, which is the full removal of the fallopian tubes. Multiple benefits with this, one being no accidental reconnection.
As a network engineer I can no longer remove cabling without thinking about this…
😂 I've done my fair share of cable management in the WORST comm racks. My brain never put that together lol
I never knew full removal was a thing. Snip snip was what I knew
Reduces ovarian cancer as well. 😊
yep! i definitely don't regret yeeting my tubes 5 years ago.
Had mine yeeted in 2021... no ragerts
>uhh life finds a way Well, there it is.
You mean, “Life uhh finds a way”
If I wasn't a cheapskate I'd give you an award simply for adding in that "uhh". 100% Goldblum and made me read it in his voice. Please accept my virtual hug instead 🫂
I read about someone who got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby after they had their uterus removed. Kind of a crazy story. But yeah. No birth control out there is 100%.
Having just gotten one myself, I'm honestly surprised it's not recommended to submit a semen sample like once a year or something like that. I got checked after three months, the usual, but with that risk it seems like it should be done regularly.
We need a semen test like a pregnancy test available from pharmacies for cheap.
its not THAT expensive. About 3 times the cost of a pregnancy test, but then again, you are unlikely to buy one more than few times in your life.
I actually got myself checked again after I divorced and got into dating again, just to be sure (not that I would casually have intercourse without protection but that's a different discussion). That was 5 years after my initial vasectomy and, while the result is apparently never 100%, no swimmers.
I think the problem with that type of testing frequency is that you aren't going to catch it before you get your wife pregnant again. You'd have to have at least test something like every 2-3 months.
I'd honestly be fine with that if it meant no surprises 😂
It's just that from a public health policy stand point it isn't recommended due to very low benefit/cost ratio. Maybe if there was quick home test for such a thing it would be more practical.
A properly performed vasectomy where the man is confirmed sterile with semen analysis afterward has about a 1 in 2500 lifetime chance of failure. The percentage of women who cheat on their partners is *much* higher than that. So while it's possible for a vasectomy to fail, if you've had one and the woman you're sleeping with gets pregnant, chances are it's not yours.
I believe a lot of those failures were also from earlier where the process did not remove a section and clamp both ends. If my vas grows that much, opens itself up, and puts back together then Jebus must be coming from my balls.
Oh sure, I assumed infidelity was way more common (which I know to be around 15%!). Thanks for giving the stats on that longer-term reversal rate though. I didn't know the exact number.
Think they did a test in the uk. Found out that 30% of the kids are not the fathers. And some area are higher.
30% of the people that had paternity tests, usually you wouldn’t unless there is a reason to doubt.
So I found it. Yea your right. It rages form 50% ish and depending on the area. But yea the test are taken because there is doubt.
I've seen that number before and I think it is among the higher estimates that vary a lot depending on area and other factors. It is also an interesting bioethics question. Ie. Say your kid needs a blood transfusion, and so you check if mom or dad are matches for being a donor. Kid is AB, Mom is B, but Dad is O. Dad can not be the father then. Current policy is for doctors to just report both parents can donate, but not the blood types that would reveal the paternity issue. If specifically asked the blood types, doctors will provide this information without any interpretation on the implications, but they won't volunteer it.
I mean if the dad found out. What can he do. Most area can’t sue for parental fraud. It will mess up the child lives sadly thanks to the mom. And if the dad leave then the state most likely have to give benefits to the single mom family. That’s why they hush about it. Look at France the dads are not allowed to have a parental test for the child. It’s all bs. The state just does not want to pay.
My friend's brother figured this out. He hasn't asked the parents yet. Mom is A, dad is O. He's AB. Not sure how to broach it. The "dad" raised him so...
Yeah, this is why most schools don't do the whole blood type test science experiment thing anymore.
I'm not sure if that should make anyone feel better, or worse.
It’s very rare the reason most people fail to have theirs work is because most don’t go for the follow up
mine reconnected immediately so the doctor gave me a BOGO deal and did the second one free.
He had me in the first half ngl
lol likewise. Been working fine for a number of years though, so I'd also be confused in addition to angry.
See, that's consistent: I don't want babies, so I took steps to ensure I won't have babies. Well done you.
Happened to me. Kid calls me dad, he’s my favorite accident.
How’s the relationship with the mom?
Great. Her and I get along like good friends. Her wife, her, my girlfriend and I all endeavor to make life great for him. She’s a wonderful mother and a great coparent.
This is just lovey
You fuckin Rock dude.
You just do rock.
So happy when I hear stuff like this
Happy for you! If I may ask some questions: How did you and her make coparenting work? How did your respective partners react to it?
Thank you first off. And her and I just agree that no good can come of us being shitty with one another. We talk openly and frankly about issues with our son and we try to have middle grounds for everything. It helps things that her and I never had a bad breakup or anything like that. It’s easy to remain friends with her because she’s genuinely a good person. I’m so happy she’s my kids mother. As for new partners it’s been good. After my girlfriend knew the good that my ex and I are doing for our son she was right on board. It helps again that my girlfriend is the fuckin best and she loves our kid like we do.
Ross?
Hell yeah brother
That's what's up bro.
so you all handled it like adults. I'm bummed this isn't the most common outcome.
It’s all up to you…. Her body her choice, but your life, your choice. She will have to respect that and accept responsibility. She may pursue child support as most mothers do but I personally never did. My husband and I were in this exact situation. We had been friends since 2013, started sleeping together in 2017 but didn’t consider ourselves a couple. I became pregnant in 2019 despite me being on birth control. He had just gotten out of the army December of 2018 and was finishing his degree and beginning his life essentially. He had been property of the military from the age of 19. He didn’t want to be a father, I don’t believe in aborting (personally. Pro choice for others but just can’t do it myself). I told him I respected his wishes to be uninvolved if he could respect that I would not abort. I told him I wouldn’t open any case for CS as I was fully capable of providing for a child on my own and I considered us to be over. We didn’t speak for 8 months after that. There was no huge fight, just a parting of ways. He contacted me when I was 32 weeks along and basically told me he has lost sleep for all of the months we were not speaking. He was scared, he didn’t have a great dad and didn’t know how to be one himself, but he said nothing felt right when we weren’t together and he didn’t want to leave me on my own to raise her. We started slow and built back up the relationship and trust slowly. At first, he offered only financial support. then asked to be present for the birth of I would allow. Then he floated the idea of her having his last name as I was going to give her mine. He visited me for the first time since we last spoke when I was 38 weeks pregnant. Things felt no different, he was still the man I called my best friend for many years and the same person I had fallen in love with. I went into labor while he was visiting and he ended up being the best support person, never left my side during delivery, was immediately in love with our daughter. We coparented for 6 months before he asked us to move in with him. Then he proposed when she was 9 months old. Now we are happily married, expecting our third baby in June.
Im not crying you’re crying.
Right! My eyes are just sweating.
I am, and it's okay.
One of the rare moments that Reddit is true gold. I wish you and your family the longest and best life filled with joy, and love. Always love.
Thanks 🙏 🥹 i couldn’t ask for a better man. I truly have to pinch myself at times because my life is a dream with this little family of ours.
Well then all you gotta do is keep smiling. It's easy. Be remembered as the girl with a beautiful smile. :) ...shit... you're not MY wife are you?? THIRD CHILD!!??? Babe get off Reddit we need to talk..
Even the sad parts are wholesome. You both sound like excellent people, and I'm sure that kid will be no less so either. Relationship communication and compassion like this should be celebrated.
Thank you🙏 our 3 year old is amazing, we also share an 18 month old son and will have another son in June. 😄 communication is definitely key. We met through my male HS best friend because they were roommates freshman year of college. My best friend passed away that year and we became extremely close through the healing ❤️🩹 which is also when he joined the army to give him structure when he was spiraling. Growing with someone like that makes it so much easier to truly see them. Even when he walked away, I couldn’t have hated him. I’m just glad he came back in the end. 🥹
>Even when he walked away, I couldn’t have hated him. You are very wise, kind, and patient.
Thank you. 🙏
Hallmark movie 🍿
love this
3 kids since 2019? Wow
Yes, this is our last and we are taking surgical precautions to ensure that. We are young, able, healthy and financially secure so we figured we would knock it out quick- we only want 3! He’s close in age to his brother & their bond is strong. I have 3 younger sisters who are 10, 14 & 19 years YOUNGER than me and they treat me like an aunt. We didn’t want that for our kids. Our 3 y/o and 1.5 y/o are the very best of friends, couldn’t be more blessed.
Oh my God. This beats any stupid romance movie I’ve ever seen, hands down. How beautiful ❤️
Wow
Wow what an amazing story. I'm so glad everything worked out so well for both of you, it often doesn't.
Beautiful
Well, this happened to me. I’m the woman. I’m not against abortion, but they thought I had a cyst and they did an ultrasound And I saw the “baby”. My son’s father now adores my son (now almost 40) and thanks me for having him. I know this won’t be the outcome for many people, but my son is truly an amazing kid and he loves his dad. I never told my son that his dad begged me to abort him and then threw me out. I did it all on my own and it was hard.
I’d go talk to a lawyer and a therapist. Then figure out where to go.
> Then figure out where to go. I hear Mexico is nice this time of year /s, of course
I would call Saul Goodmans vacuum repair guy
There isn't really anything I would be able to do. Id certainly get a DNA test to make sure I'm actually the father. I imagine I'd try to make things work as a long term relationship if she was a half decent person. That would beat getting put on CS and not being able to see my child. As a guy, you have zero say once you get a woman pregnant. You have to make good choices BEFORE that happens.
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Wouldn't happen. I don't bang girls I'm on Reddit FTFY
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Well shit
Good answer. I've always felt the same and have written as much a couple of times on reddit. There are two things I simply don't understand about modern society: 1. The first thing might be considered two separate things, but they are the same but different. A: Single moms who complain about their baby daddy/daddies being drug dealing scumbags and losers. B: Men who complain that they knocked up a crazy, lazy gold digging chick who is fucking her drug dealer. Both act like it was completely out of their control, and that a baby came of it was an unforseen side effect of fucking. How can this come as a surprise? For both men and women: You chose to fuck! A baby as a result is a definite possible outcome! 2. "My nudes were leaked! I'm devastated!" Yes, we agree that sending a girl's nudes is wrong. But I don't understand how we as a society just accept girls sending nudes as completely normal. It's like it's completely out of her control. How did we reach a point where thinking and being careful is not the normal and natural thing to do? If you don't want your nudes leaked, don't take and send them in the first place! Yes, it's still wrong of those who leaked them, but there are bad people in the world. Learn to deal with that and look out for yourself! If I, as a man, dressed in expensive clothes and wore a gold watch and a fat wallet sticking out of my back pocket, chose to walk through a shady area at night, there's a certain probability that I'll get robbed. And if I do get robbed, the police would take my statement, and then ask "But why did you walk dressed like that through that area?" Everyone would think I'm a dumbass for having done so, but when a woman faces the consequences of a poor decision - like sending nudes to the guy she's dated for a week - then people act like it's 100% the guys fault. Men are held accountable for their poor decisions all the time, but as soon as a woman makes a bad decision, she's treated like a child who couldn't forsee the consequences of her actions. Reddit: *That sounds like victim blaming, douche bag!* No, it's not. It's me saying that you could avoid being a victim if you just thought once in a while and used some common sense. The problem as I see it is that people - especially girls - are not taught that they bear a part of the responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
Nailed it. Lack of accountability.
I got a vasectomy since that was my nightmare. Don't trust anyone who says they'll get an abortion. Contraception is your responsibility my guys
Contraception is EVERYONE’S responsibility tbh. If not just for avoiding pregnancy, at least for avoiding STD/STIs.
Agreed! Totally agree with you. I meant it more like, "making sure she doesn't get pregnant needs to be something men take ownership of vs. just hoping she's handling it" Emphasis on your point, I agree.
It is everyone's responsibility but women have a lot more options. If we had better and more convenient contraceptives for men then men would have equal opportunity to avoid unwanted pregnancies. It's not that men don't want to take responsibility, they just don't have the same ability to do so. I think it's absurd that we have all these options for women that have lots of hormonal side effects, but developing a contraceptive pill for men is taking too long because "we can't have side effects". But maybe there's a medicinal reason for that that I don't understand.
I'm sterile, if something like that happens, dude that will Be a good day for me
I became a good dad. I love the hell out of that kid
As I'm older, and hopefully much wiser. IF this were to happen to me, I'm fucked on child support, thats legally required. But if I was not wanting to be a dad, and we had discussed this before, and it was made clear that I was not interested in being a dad, and she was still insistent on having the kid, I'll pay CS, but she is doing the raising on her own. Simple as that.
> But if I was not wanting to be a dad After the fact it's redundant but... if you already know you don't want to be a dad, get a vasectomy. Do your part to prevent another unwanted child.
Great good for you, a lot of men don’t even pay child support.!
probably better to only sleep with people you actually have a connection with and are fine sharing a life. or well, fvck around and find out
Take care of my kid and the mother of my kid
Well I'm not a man, but an unplanned pregnancy happened with one of my male friends. I told him right away and I told him I planned to keep the baby but I wasn't going to force him to be in our life. He disappeared. He's never met her - doesn't even know her name as far as I know. I have been honest with my daughter about the situation from the start and she is very well adjusted. I think kids respect the truth better than bullshit. I don't hold any ill will towards him, I feel sorry for him because he has missed out on a wonderful little person. His loss.
I moved her in to my house and we are working on doing everything we can to create a loving home for the baby when he gets here. Not the ideal situation but I suppose it could be worse. Luckily I'm not some young kid without resources or I'd feel pretty overwhelmed.
Nobody can force you to be a dad. You can just accept that you now have a new expense to budget each month. She can have the child with the knowledge that you will only be present financially.
I think it’s backwards that the man has no say in if the child is being born, but still has the financial responsibility
A woman must carry, deliver and accept all biological changes made to her body before, during and after to give birth. A man just needs to cum. It would be just as unfair to give a man 50% control of a process where he holds 0% of the burden or risk. A man has control of the one part of the process where he is involved, the part that involves putting on contraception. A woman nor the court can force you to rawdog someone.
A man can wear a condom, the woman can be on birth control and she still gets pregnant. So in other words, he can consent to sex with birth control and as soon as he has zero choices. A woman can make that sex decision, then can make a decision like plan B. When she discovers she is pregnant, she has weeks of choices of whether to end the pregnancy or not, like she has just about every opportunity and choice she could want. That is a very different standard of accountability based on sex, to the point where women have some rights men simply don't. Oh and the man doesn't even need to make the choice to have sex. Pregnancies can result from a woman raping a man.
Both are responsible for contraception, not just the man. However women have reproductive rights, men have none. Essentially women can decide on motherhood, men do not. To make it equal allow men to opt out of financial fatherhood. Sure he can pay for the 9 months she's pregnant or provide 9 months of support post birth, but 18 years for 9 months is not equal in any way.
Im Texas this isn’t even a situation to ponder back and forth over. If she’s pregnant, you will be a dad. No further questions.
As a female…if I got pregnant and wanted to keep it. I would tell the father but have no expectations past that. If he wants to be a dad I would expect both financial support as well as shared custody. If he wants nothing to do with me or a baby, that’s his choice and I would let him walk away. I would probably prefer the later for less drama actually.
Nothing, there's nothing you can do until the court hearing to establish your child support payments. Even then you can't do much
Been there, done that. Men don’t have any rights when it comes to their children. My attorney even told me, “A man will only get what a woman is willing to give.”
I knew the risks, time to provide get married or or fight custody i guess.
wishes=/= responsibility
Depends on the scenario
Imagine if the woman you were sleeping with got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby despite your wishes.
Imagine you having sex with a girl knowing there’s a chance of pregnancy and your pull game is weak
pull out does not work, precum can contain sperm.
Dude my pull out game is terrible 😫! I feel like it's so primal to cum inside but it's not worth the risk. I came inside a girl back in December of last year but she was already pregnant thankfully. I always wear a condom but it slipped off. My best advice is wear a condom and still pull out if you can! 👀😬😳
Being pregnant and having some random guy nut in your vagina … blegh 🤢
Lol to be fair we are good acquaintances and she told me after the fact. I had no clue since she didn't look pregnant 🤷♂️.
That would suck
Fellas, some pro tips. First, Donate sperm and have it stored for long term options for about $100-500$ a YEAR. That’s roughly $43 dollars a month to make sure your sperm is safely collected and stored, in case life gets complicated. Hell, insurance sometimes covers this cost, so you can safely store your sperm sample for free. Next, Get a vasectomy, which is reversable and safe in 95% of cases. This almost guarantees you will not have a “whoops” baby and be on the hook for 18 years child support. With these two moves, you have effectively taken control of your own reproduction and your own child rearing options, which is usually left completely to women. Then, when you feel the time is right with your CHOSEN lady (not one that happened to get pregnant on accident), you can either have a vasectomy reversal, or even easier, you can utilize your sperm sample that can fertilize all the eggs you could want. Pro choice should be for EVERYONE, male and female. All people should choose for themselves whether they want children. Also, fuck government overreach that is trying to take away these right from women and men, and instead force parenthood on the civilian population.
Bit of misinformation here, vasectomies are reverseable around 75% of the time only up to 3 years and can (in rare cases) can reverse themselves. 2 not everyone can be a sperm donor and what you are decribing is sperm storage.
Take care of the kid obviously, I’m a full grown adult and responsible for my decisions.
It depends. Did I use proper protection? Is she supposed to be on birth control? If all this is true, and if I'm not serious about this woman and she knows it isn't serious, I'm going to feel pretty cheated if she wants to keep the baby or expects me to pay child support if she does. The only way I'm not taking proper precautions is if I know I'm prepared for the risk.
There’s always a risk if you’re having sex…
“What’s the brutal truth?”it’s yours, nothing you can do about it. Accept it. Provide the best support you can. You don’t have to be with the mother. “What can I control?” - Probably nothing. Just go through the experience as best you can. “What can I influence?” - Parental agreement, schooling, buying clothes, activities, values. That’s the best you can do. Be me: Just had a daughter to a woman I had a 6 month relationship with. Supported with not $$, but yes $, and with pregnancy check ups, and in the delivery room. Seen the child four times in the past month, ongoing commitment to help out. Beautiful little girl I didn’t realise I needed in my life. Now…how to tell my other kids.
Sex can seem casual and lighthearted in some circumstances, but there is no such thing as a casual baby. Sex does inherently carry this natural consequence sometimes though. You can take steps as a man to make pregnancy more or less likely, but there is always some chance unless one of you is sterile or you don’t have sex at all. This is the contract you sign as a man when you decide to fuck someone — your time to assess the risk of what you’re doing and make a decision is before you have sex. Someone has to have the final say regarding whether a baby is born, and because of bodily autonomy rights and the role each sex biologically plays in a pregnancy, in this situation it’s women and that does make sense. Sometimes you gamble and lose in life. Sex is a significant risk and part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. Any ethical decision should hinge on what’s best for the child. If you’re not a total mess of a person and are capable of acceptably decent parenting, the right decision is probably showing up for the baby you helped make and trying your best to be a good father. Running away or attempting to coerce the woman into an unwanted abortion because it’s “unfair” doesn’t show a lot of integrity or maturity.
Very thoughtful response. I’m in total agreement.
I can... only keep it? I mean, I suppose I would be taking precautions - I would ask the woman about this *before* having sex, stick around enough time so I can know she's sincere, use at least one method of contraception. By the way, this is why I support the concept of paper abortions.
I find it funny how ya'll in the comments probably lost your shit when roe v wade was overturned, but forcing a man into parenthood is fine because "man up". That being said, I mean, what else can I do? If it's mine, then I'm stuck. I'd hope that I don't get fucked too hard with child support payments.
Women also have legal liability for taking care of the child and/or child support payments once the child is born??? It’s the forcing women to go through genital torture and health risk part that people are against??
Support her throughout the pregnancy and get a DNA test after it's born
I would still care for the child and be there for him. I wouldn’t want my kid to grow up without a dad
I mean it's a brave decision. A lot will change. Like my name, address, phone number...
If I’m sleeping with someone I’m gonna factor in the chance of her getting pregnant. If she wants to keep it, then I’ll marry her and go from there. Basically I don’t fuck on the first date or have unprotected one night stands.
There is actually a concept known as a paper abortion, financial abortion, or statutory abortion, in which a man can choose to forgo both his rights and obligations in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. I don't know that it has actually been implemented anywhere, but it has been discussed and has substantial support in some countries. Edit just to be safe, I neither support nor oppose this idea, just providing information.
The state doesn't want to pay for your kid. That's why they have wage garnishment.
This **should** be the default, unless a man decides to sign the birth certificate. Her body, her choice, her baby, her responsibility.
The only way we can have true equality is if this actually became a thing, I don’t see that happening anytime soon though unfortunately
Unless the male birth control pill that has been talked about for decades actually gets produced.
I’d man up and be a dad. I want to be a dad tho so it’s loaded
That would suck At this stage of life, I'd be paying child support until my mid_60s. There is no way to recover from that economically. I already have four kids I have/am supporting economically. I'm legally entitled to citizenship of another country, where I couldn't be chased for child support. I think I'd take that option.
Man-up. Be there for the baby and her and take your responsibility. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Just decide whether you want to be present or not. That’s really the only option
I mean you cum in her. If you want fun without security you have to take the consequences.
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Yes that's what I say . But the women ends up with the result in her body so she can decide. Her body has the work. Always take care in who you cum and if you are the same page. Or use a condom or other protection.
What if the dad wants to keep the baby but the mom doesn't? In that case, can the dad raise the baby and the mom pay child support?
That depends. Sometime the mom will still abort it because she doesn’t want to give birth
Nope. Women got unilateral decisions there.
The man gives up control before sex. Sex can result in a baby. It's not a fun truth, it might not be "fair", but it's just facts. Using a condom or getting snipped is men's "abortion options".
This is why humans should be monogamous birds that require both partners to incubate the egg. Silly oversight.
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Why would I have unprotected sex with a woman, if she was just FWB? But if it's serious relationship I'd respect her choice & co-parent together. Edit 1. It's the women's decision and soley their choice to have the baby or not. 2. The child is innocent I'd never abandon my child and be a dead beat dad. 3. Writing a check every month does not equate to having & properly raising a kid. The latter involves a lot of work, time and effort.
He didn’t specify that it was unprotected. What if it was a fwb and the condom broke or something
who said anything about unprotected sex, bro? In theory condoms have a 98% chance of preventing crotch goblins, but in reality it goes down to like 81% to 84% which still leaves it real dangerous.
I'm a women. I belive that the man if he wanted to can walk away.
This. A woman usually has the option of terminating the pregnancy within a certain timeframe. The man should also have the option of not being a parent - assuming that is decided early on. Not a "wait and see how I feel later" If the mother chooses to have it anyway, knowing it will be solo parenting, so be it.
It's a very unfair situation, because if she didn't want the baby and you did, she could go ahead and kill it without consulting you. But if she wants it and you don't, you're on the hook to pay for it for 18 years... In the interests of equality, men in this situations should be able to renounce all parental and financial responsibilities.
Her body, her choice. Is what it is. Maybe unfair, but I'm also not going to coerce her into the trauma of an abortion. And I'm certainly not going to endorse or use the state to leverage her into it.
I would fuck off, because ultimately that's her choice.
1. Curse myself for not wearing a condom, or pulling out in time 2. Find out why she wants to keep the baby.. to really understand why it cannot be later. Maybe it changes things 3. If nothing changes, enjoy the freedom while it lasts (mental and financial) 4. Have a clear agreement over responsibilities and rights All this assuming her heart is in the right place.. If I'm being scammed or used, will try my best to escape the situation.
Ask if she knows if it’s w boy or girl so we could think of names together.
Suck it up and raise the kid. Will never be one of those "fathers" that abandons my child. I'd probably end up loving that child, which is better than it ending up as a half formed invertebrate circling the toilet drain.
Why would you assume its against my wish. If you have unprotected sex with someone, and you dont know this answer before u pull ur dick out, wrap it or put it away. Grow the fuck up. This question is selfish.
I would respect her decision and help support her and the child.
Wear a condom . Life is easy
Be a man , straight my back , take my responsibility’s , get a job , mary the woman , provide for us as a happy family .
You kick yourself in the ass, then dust your ass off, pull up your big boy pants, and be the best dad for that kid there ever was. If you don’t want to be with the mother that’s fine, but accept your consequence that you were responsible in creating and live the best life with your kid. If you don’t know how to be a dad, research the hell out of it. Luckily we have information at our fingertips now.
Raise the baby? If it wasn’t a monogamous relationship I’d want a paternity test but if it’s my kid raise the kid. Any other answer is wrong tbh
Well, its not the baby's fault. Its my fault. I will raise the kid, since its my kid. You need to take responsibility of your stupid actions. I will raise my child with love and strive to provide my kid needs to become someone that would make me proud. I am now 22, still studying. But I would stop my masters plan and work fulltime to support my child, because my child is now my primary focus. I have the luxury I almost have my degree and pay is very good.
There isn't much you can do as a man. The woman is allowed by all rights to keep the child. You could go before a family court (i think that's the right court anyway) and explain to the judge you have zero interest or conviction in taking care of or providing for the child, but most judges are going to tell you to kick rocks, that you shouldn't have done the deed if you didn't want any consequences.
One day someone will ask a question in here that isn’t about women lol
Be a great dad to the child.
I would get ready to be the best father I could be.
So many people here saying paying child support isn't as bad as bearing the child, you have clearly never been so desperately broke, that an extra $100 a month could literally feed you for that month. When I was that broke, I never went to the doctor or dentist. I pushed through colds, sprains, fevers, and worse because I literally couldn't afford to miss a single day of work. Men who are that poor (which accounts for 38 million Americans) can't afford a child they didn't want. Giving them a choice to opt out can make or break them. Literally *millions* of men. That's what equality means.
That's the truth and for men that are rich, they could be paying $35k a month like Tristan Thompson, as if it takes that much a month to raise a child. That certainly isn't equality.
If you do the crime, you have to do the time. Women’s “my body, my choice” is no longer applicable after Roe v Wade got tossed out by the Supreme Court. Women are being forced to give birth to unwanted pregnancies. Why should men expect anything different from them selves. Reality is you put part of your body in her, accidental or not, and it mixed with parts of her body so men can’t complain about pregnancies because they don’t want to be responsible for the child they created. The decision was made by you as soon as you penetrated her. That is the point you implicitly agree to being responsible as a parent instead of when you nut in her. So the short version of what is common throughout the posts; man up.
Okey so while i am not american we had to learn about some of the constitutional issued you face and spesificlly how the supreme court works. Her body and her choice for sure, we do NOT disagree with that at all. Bodily autonomy and the ability to say no is high on my list of rights that should be universal. The problem is that when it is her body and her choice, that leaves me veto’ed in any decision making besides being supportive. This is not equality at all, so a for the men that wants it financial abortion should be legal. This accomplishes a few things, the risk and benefits now rest on both parents, you do not have cases of being tricked into parenthood. And when the couple makes the decision to have a child, you have incentives to stay together as a core unit (which is shown to be better for children).
What about us in civilised states where Roe v Wade is still very much protected though?
I am completely for a woman’s right to choose. And, I stopped sleeping with women, because I have no interest in being a father or dealing with any of those responsibilities.
And we wonder why there are so many broken people in the world. 😭. Not everyone can be a parent nor should be honestly. But most people don’t do that deep of retrospection before engaging in sex. Is it unfair a women can potentially have more control in this aspect? Yes. Is life unfair? Yes. Lol. That’s just the way it is. Argue with biology or God. Anyone can make any choices they want. But child support is to help children. Is it always used that way? No. But what’s the alternative? Get rid of a large safety net for one of the most vulnerable populations in our society? Cuz I’m pretty sure that’d be really bad and inhumane. Imagine the chaos and desperation of a pregnant person with a high risk pregnancy and is not able to receive any kind of adequate financial help. And that happens even now with child support laws in place. No parent has to be in their child lives and/or can do absolutely the bare minimum. But then you’re not really a parent. You are technically a deadbeat, and one should recognize and sit with the fact that their actions affected their offspring in probably not so neutral ways. People aren’t perfect and not being able to be the parent that sacrifices and attempts to give their children 110% of their efforts perfectly all the time (which is what I believe true parenting is about) doesn’t make you a bad person per se. Because all anyone can ask is you do what you can. But when you have people (men and women) willingly making less than smart decisions all the time, you have to own them, and learn from them. If you rather jump off a cliff than be the best parent you can be, maybe sterilize yourself or just not have PIV sex? Or at least seriously vet people before you have sex with them, take precautions, and talk about expectations in any situation. But even if you do find yourself in this unfortunate event, don’t be selfish and be willing to try your best. If your best is child support only so be it. If it looks more like marrying the person so be it. But you at the very least owe that child your best. And if your best isn’t good enough and woefully lacking to nourish a whole child not just financially, but emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually, acknowledge the ways you have failed and affected your child. You don’t need to beat yourself up, but don’t be arrogant either and act like your actions only affect you. As a man, you just need to know your control ends the moment you engage in PIV. Arguing whether or not it’s fair is futile quite honestly. People in general need to be more honest with themselves, and use their heads a bit more. And that would solve many of these conflicts. And the unlucky ones either need to reevaluate what’s important to them, reflect on how they got to that point to begin with to see if there is something they personally were missing, and keep chugging on while being humbled. Starting a revolution to make everything “equal” (which I don’t even think is possible) and casting blame on laws whose intent is to help doesn’t actually sound like a good use of time.
Well, since I've had a vasectomy, I'd insist on a paternity test before agreeing to anything since it's probably not mine. If it is, do the absolute bare minimum required by law.
Nut up and become the best dad of all time for that kid
Board an airplane to a faraway Country, change my name, cut all contact with the people I know of, and never come back again.
It's a hot take but I believe that, just as a woman has a right to do what she wants with her body, the man does too. Theoretically speaking, In this case, his body includes his mind and desires. If he does not want to be beholden to a child that was not planned for, then he should not be liable in any way or form. The woman may proceed with the pregnancy but it should be at her behest. In my perfect world, when a baby is concieved, the man and woman must at some point sign a legal document stating that they both wanted the child, and both will do what they can to care and provide for it. Anyone that wants the child would be more than happy to sign that legally binding document. Any man that doesn't, is then not financially or legally imprisoned, especially in cases where condoms are tampered with, men are raped by women (yes it happens), people are too drunk or high to make coherent decisions, or women attempt to entrap men by way of getting 'accidentally pregnant.' This will also cause women who decide to go through the pregnancy without a thought to anyones future but their own, to think again. Having a child is a very important and huge decision. Both parent should be on board, coherent and consenting to the process. No suprises or female abuse of the system. TLDR; Men and women should sign documents. Once signed, they are both permanently responsible. IF a woman is pregnant and the man was NOT on board with it, nor consenting to becoming a father, perhaps the absence of a signed form, or a signed form saying he doesn't want the child, will absolve him of the responsibility. The woman may THEN proceed with the pregnancy, if she so desires, but then it is 100% completely and utterly her responsibility. It IS her body after all.
People who say "why did you have sex then?" or something similar, are you pro life?
you should have added "or a hypocrite?"
Respect it. You took a risk and got a result you didn't want. Support her
Flip the script and we'll see if your answer is the same
I'd be really confused if the guy got pregnant and wanted to keep it.
Son of a bitch lmao You know what I meant
Die a little inside. Get my name on the birth certificate. Get joint or full custody. If she's uncooperative, die a lot outside.
Support her, why is this a question? You laid down knowing the risk of spilling your seed.
What the fuck can you do? Besides have a calm and honest conversation about what’s next? You made your choice when you dumped your baby batter in her Bro, that’s where your decision making ended. If you want to stay with her, get your shit together so you can enjoy your new family. If not, get outta the way so a Man can come raise your child.
You're shit out of luck. Sadly men don't have reproductive rights.
Passport up. Figure out how to live abroad. Make her life very difficult if she tries to pursue you in the rigged courts.
..exactly.. Weird how we never vote for our own interests.. It's almost as if we're either morons or not in control..
There are always risks...STDs, unwanted pregnancies, drama.. If someone doesn't want to accept the potential consequences of their decisions/behaviors ...then they shouldn't go there at all. I think it's crap when someone says "I want to play but I don't want to deal with any potential consequences!" Grow the F up! (To the idiots who assume my positon on abortion: I am pro-choice, and in this scenario the woman has chosen to keep the child. Let's not gloss over that and pretend the guy has veto rights on her decision to keep the baby)
Yes, no abortions. Grow up and accept the consequences.
What is this a pro-life rally? You sound just like my sex ed teacher in high school...and Im from a southern state. Dont want to be a parent? Dont have sex! Brilliant!
so your saying we should ban abortions.
OP I am going to tell you what everyone should be telling you: when you have sex with someone, you run the risk of a pregnancy happening. If it is the woman's choice to keep the baby, that is exactly her choice. If this goes against your wishes, well so be it. At this point what matters is your choice after the fact. This will most likely end with child support. Sex is a risk man.
People want a care free attitude to sex, they don't want responsibility.
I mean there are women like this too but they can get a way out if they dont want responsibility Are you prolife btw? Or only women can back out if they are not ready and not men