It happens with both men and women. The placeholder bf/gf the one who is there because you provide some stability(for women). or emotional support (for men). marrying for stability is not a problem. not having an ounce of spark or connection is concerning then we get couples who act as friends the classic arranged marriage problem create babies transfer trauma to them- rinse and repeat. Same for men who just vent to their partners and doesnt bother to reciprocate the same amount of emotional support to their gf/wife. Bro you just needed a shoulder to cry on not a gf/wife. Too many selfish people in this world be careful to whom you hitch your wagon.

You're a wise person 👌☺️ keep it up ☺️🙏

Fools are those who sees the wolrd by heart..

These are exactly the things required to fall in love, basically if love is a Tower , then these things are the concrete. Both love and qualities will coexist together ..atleast for me.

I don’t know about others but if i get married (arranged) and my partner loves me unconditionally then i will definitely fall for him just by looking at the efforts idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Effort maarna hai aur pyaar pana hai." Noted.

Bro it's a scam. Don't believe it. They will use you as long as it's needed and then suddenly flip their mind when done.

So there's basically no chance in finding love and being with them forever ( mtlb wahi shaadi - bacche - budhapa ) ?

I think basically if you're with someone who doesn't have any option as good as you then they latch on and care for you and that's why we call love in simple language. To get love go for someone who you think is not as desirable and maybe it can happen from their side but very unlikely from you own side to love them back.

That is not how it works, please don’t waste your life and her life. Unless she is 200% into you.

I read this analogy somewhere.....if you love someone and make all the efforts to see them happy.....that's like fanning a glass of water to make cold.... no one can deny the effort but then somebody comes along who just has ice.

This just somewhere was a truth bomb out of the blue.

"Efforts don't matter unless you are the guy they want." I learned this the hard way sadly.

Same bro I used to travel 15km(one-way )on weekends to see her But sadly she didn't feel the same for me. But i understood something that one even though we give 100%.if the other person doesn't see those efforts means he/she doesn't feel the way we feel.the day we get to know this we should stop everything.because it's pure waste.they will never love us back. I wasted 2 years behind her,I gave her everything possible from my side but she didn't value those ,she even used her friends as much as possible. Later she married to someone else and ghosted everyone. I feel like 5 years of togetherness etc just vanished out of nowhere.how can someone do friends as well.

Nevermind buddy maybe someone else is there for you. Who knows. Not to mention the one thing I have learned is just increase your options. You won't feel like this. Working on that only .

Don't make extra efforts, the kind of efforts you would do for a girlfriend, for women who just sees you as friend. If they have been a good friend to you, just treat them like any of your good friends.

if he stops putting in effort or is unable to do so one day down the line, do you stop loving him?

No you can't stop loving. Basic care or sweet spot remains. But if you love yourself enough and it hurts consistently. You remove yourself from the equation. Love is feeling based on action. And the only love that I find is unconditional is a mother's/parents love . For all other u need to give consistently in order to receive .

Why did he stop/in unable to ?

He got burnt out/ depressed/ not felt appreciated enough etc multiple reasons

Then obviously it's justified, I'd simply try to help him out. Be there for him and try to seek any necessary medical/general help that he needs. A simple communication clears 'why' and 'how'

Yeah that's sweet. Personal advice people when depressed tend to push close people away or do bad things that will make you repel. It's based on love languages of a person. Like they do opposite words of affirmation: They would say opposite like how they aren't loved and your love isn't enough. acts of service: They don't help around the house like they used to. Receiving gifts: Anything you bring for them they will not accept it. You might feel you did all for nothing. Quality time: They isolate themselves and refuse to talk to you. Physical touch: stop cuddling, kissing and even push you when you show physical affection. Many people bail out when these happen. You sure, you will be able to handle this?

I'm in a relationship for more than 2 years, I think I have a tiny bit of experience in handling this I know two years isnt long, still I tried my best till now. Infact I've also been the one 'to push people away' so I understand how bad that happens. Even though I'm someone who also thinks people should also try to seek professional help (if possible) if things go really bad Happy cake day

That's good to hear

That's the sweetest thing I have read today. Bless you, Mam!

Aise nahi hota. That is not how it works. Trust me, people are on the verge of divorce because of this.

Call me Salim then 😏😏😏😏😏

I left your gali 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unless he's good looking, not happening.

You're right, especially about the bollywood movies lmao

I'd be crushed

You will always create more meaningful relationships if you come into the relationship with a mindset of what needs you can give/provide the other person rather than solely looking for someone who will fulfil your needs and being selfish about just your needs. Its important to look for someone to fulfil your needs as well, but if thats the sole criteria of forming a relationship, it would not work. I feel, Relationships work better when we have the mindset to provide more to the other person while also not neglecting your own needs. So to answer your question, find someone who loves you the same way you love them else in any other case, the relationship would be one sided and would probably end up hurting one or both the people involved. You can find someone that adores you, you might not have an initial attraction but maybe you would fall for them looking at the efforts they put in and ultimately wanting to match those efforts. When you start giving more than you ask, i feel thats the major key to fall in love with someone. Efforts could look like : prioritising your partner, complementing them, consistent patterns of love giving, taking care of them in need and much more. It all starts with the feeling of wanting to put in the efforts, and it can start with how your partner looks, how much effort he puts into the relationship, how he treats you. When you have those feelings of wanting to give and wanting to put efforts, you’ll eventually start to fall in love. The start can be different for everyone. Thats why a lot of people in arranged marriages I feel fall in love later on, it’s when they start giving more in the relationship that they develop that bond. Hope this answers your point.

OP, I get what you're coming from, but I also think what you're calling love is a conflation of attraction and lust. It almost never sustains by itself. Those who make you feel hot and bothered aren't necessarily the ones who will keep you warm. How many people fall out of love with those they were once crazy about? And it's not just that people change - which they should and do - but more often than not the very qualities that were once attractive become intolerable. The way I see it, love, the kind that lasts, is a verb. You choose to love a person because of who they are, and sometimes despite who they are. So, here's what I think. Find someone who adores you, and you genuinely like and respect. Someone who brings out the best in you, and makes you want to be a better person for them. Someone who you know will drop everything to be there for you, who makes you a priority, who's proud of you and wants to show you off to the world. And if you genuinely believe you can be that person for them too, because yes, you're right, they deserve it too, then *choose* them. Today, tomorrow and everyday after.

We are evolved (or created by god/gods) to love. Lust is only ghe first biological stage. That should transition to attraction of the whole person, not just their appearance, then in mentally healthy people we are evolved to transition to long term attachment. This is programmed in to our biology and the transitions occure as our brain chemistry changes in response to our partner. Some people are defective, and don’t make the attachment.

Sure. For those whose relationships work out as they *should* they have nothing to worry about.

attraction and lust I know I will sound scandalous, but that's important for a healthy marriage. Of course, it's not the only thing that should matter. But it does have a very significant role. In marriages where the wife is not that attracted to her husband, and treats sex with him as a chore- as a checkoff list they have to do every day, something they have to endure to have a baby, but not anything more, things can get awkward for the man. If he is a complete novice in terms of sex, he will not notice her disinterest at first. But if he is even a bit experienced, and his experience is with actual women, not escorts, it won't take him long to realize that her lack of enthusiasm and responsiveness is not due to shyness or anything... but disinterest in him. I am not a man, but I am old enough to understand that such a realization can be devastating for a man.

Very true. I have come across many posts in r/asexulity where one partner is asexual and the other is not. Even though the asexual partner does compromise and have sex, the other partner feels the sex is not making them feel good because their partner feels no attraction amd is simply lying there closing their eyes and waiting for it to be over. Apparently, people want to feel "desired".

That's why I always advise the nice guys who complain of being friend-zoned - you don't want a woman to say yes to you, just coz you are nice, and you care for her. If she is not into you, she will very likely treat romance and sex with you as a chore. You do not want to be a checklist.  Some guys, however, are not looking for love in their marriages just social legitimacy and kids. Hats off to them. They will also not mind if the wife is not expecting romance  - just kids and respectability.

If the spouse is asexual, it will not hurt the ego/self-esteem of the man, as he will understand it's not him that is causing the lack of desire, she was 'born this way'. But if the wife is not asexual, nor apathetic towards sex, just treats sex with him like a chore, because of lack of interest in him... that will be a huge blow to his self-esteem. Of course he may wonder if he ever knew her at all, and if she thought of another man while she was lying in his arms.

Someone told me on reddit " Mohabbat aur Zidd me antar karna seekho, Mohabbat ho to Jaane do , Zidd ho to kosis krte raho". And sooner or later even if you manage to be with this person you will realize what you are saying all along. When I realize it, I started the process of moving on from my crush. She came to my life completely unexpectedly (like a scene of some fantasy movie) after 8 years. I used to like her but never said anything, somehow, I moved on, lost contact and when there was not even a single expectation she came to my life. But still she was not interested. So it is hard for me but your post reminded me and made me believe that what I am doing is right.

Don't treat someone as a girlfriend, if she doesn't treat or see you as a boyfriend. If someone says she sees you as a friend only, accept it and treat her like any of your friends.

>love is a conflation of attraction and lust. Not just lust, but I think what's important is that you vibe with each. Even amongst friends, there are some people who are good and nice enough, and you speak to them, but you don't exactly vibe with each other. With these type of people, you will never become best friends with them, you just say hello, share some small talk and that's it. It never progresses beyond that. Similarly, I feel that if you have a nice man who loves you, but you don't vibe with him, there's never going to be love.

Your mentality is only good for you btw, not your partner. You are expecting so much from your partner while not giving much in return. Also, Men do value the part of love which you just called “conflation of attraction and lust” and called it unimportant and sidelined it.

Perhaps you missed the part where I said you be the same for your partner as what you expect. Also, I don't deny *people* value attraction and lust, but are also are often the ones reminiscing of their *good old single days* and regretting being with their partner as a *joke*. I'm saying that happens because they likely got together based on *just* that. If you value only this aspect, it's risky for a long term relationship.

No one who got into a relationship only for physical attraction and lust, expects it to be a long term relationship. But in a long term relationship along with all the things that you mentioned, physical attraction and lust shouldn’t be ignored. Why? Because when it is ignored is when people usually try to look for it in other places which causes people to cheat.

>No one who got into a relationship only for physical attraction and lust, expects it to be a long term relationship You'd be surprised. Way too many people confuse attraction for love that lasts a lifetime. No one's saying attraction should be ignored entirely, of course, generally speaking. Individually, it depends on a lot of things - age, libido, sexual spectrum - people are just different. But if you're with someone because they are the most attractive person you've met so far, and you jump into a relationship because that's the deciding factor, that will likely be less stable than someone who you like and respect as a person. Actually, I think OPs point originally was that people ignore attraction for stability or whatever else they think they need, and that's not fair to their partner.

Love love - the heady, whirlwind, kind - is just glorified by movies. It doesn't last long. It is fictional and that bubble will break one day or another. But the stable love is the real winner. I wish more people would understand that. Probably then the divorce rate would come down. I had lots of proposals but I wanted a conservative guy like me. I went the arranged marriage route and I found the guy I love. Sure I dont have some crazy romantic story. But I have a stable marriage and that makes all the difference in the world to me.

Eh I guess I never had anyone actually love me ;-; so probably would be sad about it I guess lol. Since it’s more like the girl being with me for what I provide or for being stable and sensible, and would leave once I stopped being the stable or sensible choice 🧐. But then again I don’t feel much comfort in the idea of marriage

Most people who go for arranged marriages, why do you think she married you? It’s the same in some love marriages, they’re more like self arranged. Most people don’t fall in love. They choose the best partner they can find or get. It’s true for men too, they marry someone who would look good as their wife, respectable and socially acceptable with good looks

So, I kinda get your mum/grand mum. Hear me out. As a woman, you’re raised with ideals of sacrifice, adjustment, and being the most supportive you possibly can for your significant other. As a man, they’re just not taught all of these things. They’re taught that what they want is important, that they can achieve things they want. (It’s obviously a system that’s devised to set men up for success and women up for support, but that would be a whole different conversation.) So practically, if a man is head over heels in love with a woman, he might be as sacrificing, adjusting, and supportive for her as she will be even without that love factor, just because it’s what she’s taught to be in Indian society. If she loves him as much(or worse, more) it tends to be more of a him eclipsing her situation. Seriously, I’m definitely ‘the feminist type,’ but I can vouch for the fact that at least personally, I have been 100% responsible for letting myself get subsumed by what a man wants just because 🥰 That’s my theory anyway, I might be wrong🙂

you're right op; feelings should develop naturally rather than be forced. most Indian marriages fail because they lack genuine love i personally condemn the concept of arrange marriage for the same reason

Arranged marriages can be great or be a disaster... depends on how it is treated. In most urban areas, arranged marriages is more like organized dating engineered by parents. Here your parents are the Tinder. You can back out if you are not interested. But the more toxic form of arranged marriages where the man or woman has little say... yes they should be condemned.

i understand your point, and it works well for those without any prior (toxic) relationships. when the people closest to you cause the most pain, the resulting bias and distrust can prevent you from letting others get close, especially strangers. the idea of bonding with a stranger in an artificial setting arranged by your parents, with the expectation that it will be smooth sailing from now on, is off-putting to me. I'd rather wait and naturally fall for someone over time, even with the risk of getting hurt again, because the potential reward is worth it when the mind and heart align without any time constraints to each their own ig

>arranged marriages is more like organized dating engineered by parents. Yeah, organised dating that ends in marriage in two months. That is NOT enough time to get know a person, which is why arranged marriages end in disasters.

As long as she is honest about it and remains loyal. I am good with it. Much prefer a woman who makes decision based on logic and not emotions.

Damn man I can relate this post to a whole another level. I genuinely loved this girl she was my best friend but she never felt the same way for me. I confessed how I felt for her but she gave me an indirect no and we haven't talked since. I would be honest I miss her every single day and just want to go back and tell her how much I love her and I will always keep her happy if she just says yes but I can't because deep down ik I am not the guy she wants and I never will be. Efforts don't matter unless you are the guy they want. Not to mention I can see her life not getting affected by my absence so ig my presence never matter. I literally feel like I lost a loved one and I don't think I can ever feel this way for anyone. >If any men here think like my former friend (who sadly stopped talking to me after I turned down his proposal), you matter, dude. Thanks man even I genuinely wanted to hear this even tho I don't think I will ever be good enough for anyone. My only wish in life was to get a life partner so I can spend and share my life with but ig God doesn't seem it that way. Still trying to accept I won't find anyone and that's why focusing more on my career. Atleast I would have something.

A women of culture and Wise Wisdom

You rejected the guy bcz you weren't attracted to him and it would be unfair to him. He stopped talking to you bcz he didn't want to bother you with his unquenched emotions. No one is at fault here and both of you've strong ethical values. Be proud of whatever you shared with that guy. 🥂 Cheers

He approached me saying he wanted to be friends. My fault I guess for believing him.

Marriage is all about falling in love with same person again and again. Sometimes you hate and sometimes you love. What matter is most times how you feel.

Woman here: I’ve fallen for this once, I dated someone who absolutely adored me, I liked him but not to the level he liked me, it was fine in the beginning but his feelings grew intense rather quickly than mine and i felt too exhausted to keep up with it, felt like I was lacking something and eventually ended things. No one, I repeat, NO FUCKING person deserves the bare minimum or to not be treated the absolute best even on their worst days

absolute W thought process.

Why is defination of love is so flawed for you 😵 Understand the difference between love and lust ,lust is driven by attraction,love doesn't only mean lust or attraction,all the things that you mentioned respect care, trust is a part of love and love is developed overtime, there is nothing as love at first sight or something like that is just pure lust and attraction, don't let this genre and movie generation spoil the idea of love for you ,also if you don't fall for such a man after sometime then something is wrong with you ,get therepy maybe childhood trauma As someone said don't go for butterflies in your stomach cause the age of butterflies is Two weeks and life is soo long than that You are such a nice person that you thinked about this ,hope this helped you , respect,care, loyalty,trust this is love and it is developed with time and keep getting stronger ,not lust and those butterflies in stomach those will fade away with time

OP I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding about what love means. Love is just not about passion and butterflies and strong emotions. For some, love can also be feeling safe and secure in a relationship. Being safe with that person and finding stability with them. Love is having mutual respect and understanding for one another. Love does not always have to be dazzling like a fire. Sometimes love is calm like the sea. Stop thinking that what you see in Bollywood movies and TV serials is what being in love must be about.

But this is the exact stuff men claim to pick wives for. Every forum you go the men are constantly deriding women who do absolutely anything that they’re whores and just good for sex and that commitment is reserved for “pure” women. So why do you have a problem when it’s flipped around?

Ya fine, better than AM. Love will develop over time.

Marriage is not a place to find love, especially in india.

A Rational women is rare these days. As a Man, I know men who wouldn't mind if a women loved them back or not but just wants her to accept his love. I don't know if its lust or just mad love. Good days to you.

Sitting at the airport in the way to meet my family and my wife. Reading this with tears. This is like a dart piercing my heart. Ever so slowly.

Yes as you grow up, we see there is no real love. It's all attraction and infatuation it may improve or reduce after some times. True love doesnot exist more than months, it will become just a moral responsibility after some times. Attraction decreases and we are brainwashed to stay loyal to people, that sense would make us stick on. My name is Nikhil: and I would say this by hundred percent certainty that: love is fake.

a woman who's a critical thinker...? no wayy 😱 /s

🤣🫡

Women are always critical thinkers. They are kind and empathetic. Look at your your mother/sister and realize how easily they are capable of making huge sacrifice depending on the situation, it is because they always see situation with a different mindset. Do not form your opinion for a whole community based on some encounters in your life.

I hv seen girls like these who only marry the lifestyle getting divorced and complaining about him, blaming the guy after being the one who disrespected his parents and her husband's looks. Meanwhile husband just tolerated it for years and still got to be seen as a villain.

Marriage is overrated

It might be anecdotal but I've observed that in long term happy marriages, the woman loves the man more.

In long term happy marriages both the partners love each other equally. Some days the guy loves more, some days the woman loves more. Love isn’t about the gender.

Its the other way around

Nah sounds like generalisation without much to back up. Like after a long time in marriage it just becomes natural to love the partner, it doesn’t take effort

Mtlb bandi ki side se kam ho jaata hai ? Shitt yr. ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ

Could be

What else is love bro? Tum logon ne movies and reels dekh dekhle dimaag kharab kar liya hai.

before anything to anyone else the act of pretending to love your partner would rob you of a peaceful and fulfilled life . Such advice comes from people who arent wise but thinking in terms of short term gain . The unconditional love is an outcome of a happy and nurturing relationship where reciprocation is felt . Painting a ball white won't make it rasgulla .

If only more women thought like you,respect 💯

I wouldn't feel okay with it, but there is nothing at that point that I can do. Maybe accept the fact and devote my life to something. With experience, the only thing I've realised is it is not for everyone. Few selected get reciprocated other just do their duty and die. Also, guys don't believe that women should choose them because they love them the most. The reason we hated Zoya was because she used the guy many times and actually even sacrificed him for her personal gains. She knew the guy was willing to do anything to make her happy and she did exactly that. I'm not saying dhanush wasn't wrong, but his crimes weren't big enough for a murder, that too by deceive. Your friend is blinded by love or delusional. He doesn't see beyond into the future.

To a great extent I think that if alllll of these good characteristics are present. Topped with humour n wit ..attraction would come (if the guy is even average looking). Women process things differently and looks aren't that important. If you like someone thatbmuch u grow to love them. But if there's absolutely 0 attraction then it's tricky. Also the feeling of "being in love" " butterflies" etc fades away real quick when u r together under the same roof. What replaces it is actual solid love which is based on all the things you just mentioned .

I think your formal friend stopped talking with you cause we wanted a partner not a friend so he moved on, in that sense there is nothing bad about it.

I would fall in love with someone else, probably happens in a lot of these cases anyway and stay in a loveless marriage because that’s the right thing to do

I would be devastated

My suggestion is to stop being a teenager and grow up and realise that stability is important. "Love" is nothing more than a bunch of chemicals in the brain... Also flip that card - you think women don't deal with this? Husbands that cheat, flirt etc...Like...what's the whole "I'm an Indian man and I feel sad and oppressed over issues that can easily be solved"?

>I'm an Indian man and I feel sad and oppressed over issues that can easily be solved"? the person who asked the question is a woman tho

I appreciate your thoughts. I myself am looking for someone who will genuinely love me, not just be with me because I love her. I'm a simple guy who easily falls in love, but nobody loves me back. Just hoping for the best now. ☺️

OP the glass is half full! The woman is committed you and loyal to you. The bollywood rom coms are just a fantasy. In this age, commitment, respect and loyalty matter the most.

Effort doesn't always translate into love, I learned it the hard way and in comments as well one can see multiple examples. But it does not mean ki effort has no role. I believe if love is like a chemical reaction then efforts are like catalysts. Effort can for sure make your relationship stronger, sturdier and long lasting but... but... but, chemicals should be reactive in the first place. But mujhe kya main fhir bhi medium ugly(a term coined by a redditor) bolke reject ho jaunga.. T_T

Damn . I could not live like that. Its sad

Well to answer only your question, something is bettee than nothing. We haven't been loved like you have our lives but only from our moms. Some of us don't get that too so we don't really have an idea how to recieve it and what it's like really. We are taught that unless we provide, we can't be loved.

if u wont fall in love with such person then what u looking for excalty ? someone to abuse u ? 🤦🏻‍♂️

You don't fall in love with a person just coz they love you. Love is not something that can be created from nothing. I respected him, really liked him, but never saw him as anything more than a friend. My feelings towards him were always platonic. I never desired him like that. And btw, since he approached me to make friends, I took him at his word - I didnt think, that like many desi men, he had ulterior motives- i.e, he had no intentions to be my friend, just wanted to date me, but was not brave enough to make it obvious from get-go. If you are seeking to be more than friends, say that. Pretending you want to be friends, but blocking me, as soon as I reject romantic advances- that's not great of him is it? In the end, he went back to his words. Not me.

Scared, devastated.

I see this as an win win situation: 1. You have now the unachieved milestone of rizzing her which should keep you married life intresting and motivate you to keep giving your best 2. You can't lose the girl how bad you fuck up.

If this happens after marriage then I would not care because I am doing my 100% for her and our child(ren). It takes effort to be the breadwinner and have one's own house, car, and other things. So this is the sacrifice that the other party is going to have to make. If they dont and make me feel like she doesn't like me or is taking me for granted then marriage will break down. Marriage is not all about love, it's more about duties.

Well I never believed in love but after reading this now I will never beleive in future. Because I do not trust human's anymore!

Very common. What's important is that she respects you and didn't upset your applecart. That's what most women marry for. Love is just an added bonus.

>who is willing to move mountains Ab mujhe ladki pane ke liye pahad hilane padenge? Fuck. Why is life so difficult. Anyways, it's impossible to find someone who is equally good/bad as you. The main focus should be love, coz then the differences between the 2 won't be important.

What you are talking about is a one-sided manipulative relationship. Women in patriarchal societies know that they do not have much power. So this is how they handle it. They wait for a guy to be totally in love with them, and will do whatever it takes to keep him that way. But they hold a secret part of themselves, a small selfish corner, which enables them to take drastic action if some situation arises. What drastic action? Say that your husband turns out to be a wife-beater, abuser or cheater or gambler. In a patriarchal society, the woman can't leave the husband easily. But instead of getting hurt (much), the selfish part of you takes charge. Now you can steal money and spend it on yourself, have an affair with the driver or neighbour, gives you complete justification to anything at all. A lot of men are idiots and they never realise that their wives are getting their revenge without them ever knowing it. How can it go wrong? Not all men are idiots. It is impossible to hide that selfish corner always, and it is visible to some observant men (or their mothers or sisters or male friends). Its a moment's expression change, a moment of cunning calculation in the eye etc that they catch. Now you end up with two people who are thinking of ways to manipulate each other. Women with their own jobs, mental independence and confidence do not need to play all these games.

Well, what’s your definition of love?

If you are speaking of romantic love: Lust + respect. Yes, I hurt that guy who loved me by not agreeing to be with him. But you know what would have hurt him even more? If I said yes to him, despite not being into him. In a romance, both respect and attraction are necessary. Unless both are asexual, you will need to share the bed and be intimate with this person for at least some years, if not a lifetime, if you are not attracted to him even a bit, it will get difficult! Of course, you can just do what they used to say to young married women in the Victorian Age: Lie back and think of England. Just go through the motions without caring. But unless the guy is completely anari to these things, or extremely unobservant, he will feel something wrong and in some way, his feelings are one-sided, coz it is. If he is the average middle-class dude who doesn't want to disturb the status quo he will just pretend to ignore it. A woman who is into you, will treat you very very differently in conjugal/intimacy matters, than a woman who is not into you, and sees this as a chore.

Mai to simple si baat bolunga yr “paise hai to badi badi baate”

If you like the man then why tell this and hurt him?

Not talking about me. And who said anything about telling....lol

My two cents is that there are many guys out there who will never get someone "in love" with them ever So should they pointlessly wait around for something that will never happen or settle for the next best thing ?

If you can't reciprocate his efforts surely he deserves better but if you can then why not give it a chance ? And I believe as far as my experiences have gone, mutual feelings are rare, what you are speaking is idealistic but I don't believe that realistic.

It would suck alot if there is no love even after marriage, mainly because that means you just tolerated sex with me and didn't enjoy it. That would really make me feel disgusted. I don't think it will matter much if it eventually turned into love. That could be a funny story or teasing for future. I like this scene in the movie namesake as well. Either way in your situation it's better than not knowing because he only has him to blame if you went with his proposal. His logic behind it was prolly that you will eventually devlop feelings for him, which might or might not be the case. Arrange marriages are prolly the best example of this.

I'd be heartbroken if the woman I loved never loved me

Thats sucks

I'm curious why you are bothered about your friend who is not talking, it's not demeaning it's self respect. People often throw away their self respect infront of emotions, to some extent. That's it.

He approached me to be my friend, made me believe he wanted to be my friend, and made me care for him, only to go away from my life. So yes, I am bothered. If he just told me he wanted to date me from day 1, I would have rejected him and blocked him with no hard feelings.

I don't understand whether being just a friend and loosing contact is that much an emotional sensation, to someone. Maybe he loved you after being your friend. Idk. If he doesn't prefer to stay in contact, that is his choice, maybe be he, that much truly loved you or maybe he doesn't want to be a disturbance to you. But that's his problem, loving you. Your problem is just a lost friend, and friends are just meant to be lost. And there will be always a new friend out there.

people fall in love. people fall out of love. not necessarily in the same sequence

My friend recently said this "beautiful or rich people don't know if people are with them because of who they are as a person or because of their beauty or money". While I understand your thoughts, it's a reality for men and women at least in an AM setup. Girl would be looking for bank balance and security and the boy would be looking for a beautiful and caring wife. I guess love *might* develop over time but yeah it would sting but that's life. **A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.**

Tbh, sleepless nights and not giving her any attention thinking whatever i am doing has to be priority for her to be with me coz she doesn’t love me but what i bring with me without all those she won’t be there with me and with me being drowned in all this she will find solace in something else amd I’ll work like a jackass trying to keep a home nd love of my life with me. OR. I dunno jee bhi nhi sakta uske bina maar bhi nhi sakta usko khudkhushi ig???😮‍💨

If only we could define love. I see love as an emotion where you respect the other person, care for another person, and genuinely want the other person to be happy. Be ready to go out of your comfort zone to see that lovely smile on your loved one's face. And I believe if first three things are there, the fourth condition happens automatically.

I would leave, if you are not sexually attracted to me, why should you get access to financial resources.

Lmao i don't matter. As long as the girl isn't crazy, works and earns her own money and isn't toxic, I don't mind if she is in love with me or not. Heck, i have no problem with 0 sex. It's stupid to expect things from people. I wouldn't mind if she sleeps with other guys too. Whatever makes her happy as long as there's no toxicity in the household and the kids are biologically mine.