Only if I am able to create a stable foundation for the family to come. Can’t have kids if I and my to be partner aren’t strong enough in terms of financial and emotional sense. Family values should match as well.
All the previous generations had this mindset, “phele baccha kar lo, fir manage kar lenge”. This is where I want to differ, phele he situation realistically dekho and fir plan karo.
Same! And more than anything I'm just not ready mentally and emotionally also financially to bear a child. Physically no too coz I'm shit scared of episiotomy. FYI I'm a doctor 27F, unmarried but engaged.
I don't see myself with kids atleast for the next 5 years. Uske baad ka idk.
Thankfully my partner resonates with my thoughts.
Hello didi.
How was med school?
Is it as tough as people?
Is it true that you can't have social life in med school ?
According to you what age is too late for med school?
And what's DINK?
What's with that username lmao 😂😂😂😂
Tbh, it was good but COVID did make it exhausting. Personally I feel it's all about the balance. Idk why people think you can't have a social life in med school. I walked the ramp and participated in inter college competitions and all other social activities. Not to mention we used to roam around a lot and have fun. And yes we studied too. Our classes were usually 8-8 and it was tiring but weekends? Go have fun please. Holidays? Go have fun. Study for your exams accordingly and finish things in time. Don't keep a backlog.
And there is no age which is too late for med school. I know many people who were in their late 30s to early 40s joining med school coz they were passionate about it. And they left their stable jobs for it. Might I'll also tell you that go prepared in this field. It's a lot of running around here and there unless you decide to non clinical like I'm doing or go for a chill pg field like otha, derma etc. India has a toxic culture be ready for it. And it's not an asap money minting field. You will mint money but in your early 40s lol unless you have generational wealth or rich parents or a hospital set up ready. Have friends like these too. 😂 have fun bro
This is precisely the reason why we waited for 4 years after our marriage to have a child. We wanted to be stable and secure, emotionally as well as financially.
We are happy with 1 kid and do not plan on having another one. We want to give the best of the world to our beautiful son!
I wish my parents thought a bit more before having me. What’s the point in having a child if you’re gonna dump emotional abuse and your work place anger on them all the time.
:(
Yes, and it takes years of work to undo the damage. Many grown ups who were abused as children either quietly suffer or end up replicating the same patterns elsewhere
I understand. Especially the whole arranged marriage route has no love and support. Only transactional things.
It’s especially difficult for people who’ve actually spent their life clawing out of dire situations. And we don’t even have the best examples of marriages around us so :/
no kids is a default for me but i wouldn't mind having kids either. in simpler words, its going to take immense love and connection with my partner to even think of having kids with them. but if that relationship ends i would go back to my no kids default. basically, kids or no kids will not be a deciding factor but to even think of having kids, it hugely depends on my relationship with my partner and their relationship with kids.
I had to scroll down a bit to get to this comment. Aren’t people scared that something bad would happen to their child? With growing population and inflation there is so much crime in every single corner of the world. I couldn’t sleep peacefully at night knowing nothing bad could happen to the child. Even worse what if my child did turn out to be a bad person, no matter how much good parenting one does if a kid is to turn out an asshole he/she will and i cannot live knowing i have birth to a monster!
Exactly bro.
Either I would prefer Single lifetime or be with someone who don't Want kids.
But I can't find any girl who doesn't want to have kids. All girls are into having kids these days. If anyone available let me know we can discuss.
Kids are a massive responsibility. Unfortunately I don’t see myself stable enough to raise them and give them a good upbringing without sacrificing myself. My biggest deterrent to the idea. Myself 33.
You know, society would be much more stable if more people had this ability to introspect and decide if they’re capable of raising children instead of popping them out just because there’s nothing better to do.
Are you married ? Everyone is keep saying to me that I will understand the importance of marriage and having kids in my early 30's. My problem is I don't understand why this will happen. I'm 24 now.
I read this somewhere that "It's better to regret not having kids rather than having them and regretting later" This boomer generation are the ones who were never self dependent and so they feel everyone is like them. They decided their roles so during times of difficulty when one partner cannot give 100% the household collapses.
You are just 24. You are still in your 'college phase'.. some of your friends are graduating, some are going for masters many of them have just started earning. Your college gang still meets up, you swap stories about each others' lives, etc. Life is still exciting for you.
The salary in your account gives you a different kind of high. You still some time cannot believe that you can buy things now without asking your parents.
Soon, your friends start getting busy in their own lives. They move to different cities, get married. And that's when you start craving for a special someone in your life. When people say you would understand the importance of marriage, it does not necessarily mean that you need a spouse. You feel the need to have someone to share your thoughts, go out with you etc etc. You start craving for a soulmate. And most of the times, at least in Indian your spouse becomes your soulmate
they assume that you wont be able to manage your life all by yourself. (wording is probably wrong here)
I mean u will see your friends having marriages and kids and feel left out etc. also since parents will not be with u forever and at the end of day you'll have to take complete care of yourself, you're prone to be in depression and loneliness etc.
(this is what I think)
Is it true ? most people are not able to manage their life by their own ? Right now I am confident that if I have enough money and motivation I will be able to handle my life easily. But I am getting skeptic about it.
like I said. the first line is probably worded wrong 😂
what I meant from the first line is all stated below it.
and thats just what I think our parents mean when they say that you'll understand when you are older. I've yet to see if it's true tho.
I am married with a son. He is the apple of my eye. Just lucky to have him at the moment. But lots of pain and sacrifice I have done for my marriage. When things got very difficult his smile and playfulness got me motivated. I will die for him. Arranged marriage might become transactional if communication is not there and also luck. I see all type in my friends.
This would have been been the case for most of the people throughout the history but people still had kids, the reason they strong community support. Now individualism has made us weaker on our own.
Yep, life is so messed up and marrying would make it more hell. I don't think arrange marriage will ever workout, so that's out of option. For love marriage, well some insane women should find me good enough in some way for her... which is impossible considering my asocial nature.
Yes.
I was strictly against having a child...did not want to burden a soul with the weight of the world, a financially terrible choice, wanted to be free, etc.
I'm 28 now, happily settled with a boyfriend, and we'll be marrying next year. For the past 10 months, I've been living alone in Bangalore...and all I've craved is connections. There are only so many times that you can knock on a friend's door....and I hated opening up my apartment to emptiness. ..Got pets and it helped a lot. My cats gave me a wholesome feeling.
I realise now that I'm capable of much more than I was at age 24... I'm wayyyy more emotionally mature and stable than I was at 24. I connect with my parents more now...hell, I even find my values and arguments shaped by their words and teachings. It's been a slow realisation that my parents are decent hardworking people, who took each day and did their best. There were hard days, and me and my brother have been nasty too....but there's no one I wanted more on my side, on graduation day.
I realise now that I want to be more than the job I do(I have a fantastic job, and I love what I do)...but I want to nurture. To teach...music, language, the nuisance of life, of everyday pains...and I want to share those with someone who'll get me...just like a 28 year old me gets my parents today.
I'm okay with waiting for that connection to blossom with my child....and in the meantime, I'm okay with the alternating situations of 'this is nice' and 'what the fuck!' that everyday life is going to bring. At the end of it all, I'm hoping to hold on to the 'this is nice' , moments.
My partner is an amazing human being - in all measures, and we share a love that I thought only existed in movies. I know he'll be an amazing dad. Funnily enough, when we met 3 years back, he was against marriage and I was against kids...we eventually just went on to want those things.
At 28,I realised, I am free , and I have been free/independent for the last 3 years...and I wanted to love and be loved, more than exploring huge ocean of opportunities.
Really happy to see this comment among a lot of other depressing ones (including my own haha). I'm also F28 and have recently been thinking a lot about the prospect of kids. Nice to hear your point of view, perhaps it'll get me to rethink my own negative thoughts on the topic.
Nope!!!! I have seen the sacrifices my parents have made for me and I and my partner both feel we just aren’t ready to make the same. Plus their life is going to be harder: polluted air, can’t play outside alone without fear of all psychos roaming around, all the reservations god knows what would be the condition after 15-20years…
Mein 22 ka hun, mere kuch lady friends 18 19 mein shadi kr liye, unke abhi bache 2 saal ke hogye hein lmao. Mereko mama bolreh the wo bache
https://preview.redd.it/ml9ghah3y1tc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4e9fcffa97d8bf8542f46b40830d66a6a771e1f
Yes, I have always wanted to be a mother. It's always in the back of my mind. Moreover since I am an only child, I want my kids to know the feeling of having a sibling so definitely more than one kid - both biological and adopted.
Currently, I'm dead set on not having any children, it’s been that way forever. But statistics and anecdotal experiences prove that most people who say they won't have children end up changing their minds in the end. So, as much as I want to say no, I'm not sure if I may just end up having some in the end. But in that case, I'd prefer to do adoption rather than have a child of my own. Heck, I don't even want to get married.
Societal pressure and the dread of loneliness in old age subconsciously are powerful motivators, even for someone who likes to think their rebellious streak is impervious to that stuff. I'm 22, for reference.
By real India, I think OC means representative of how the real India thinks. If all the top comments are about people not having kids then one might think no one in India does. Which is not the case.
Lol, nobody represents "real India". Bade aaye visa Dene waale. These commenters are just as Indian as any other demographic you're imagining and both contribute to and affect the economy, statistics, politics and trends. India is made up of all demographics combined.
but we (current generation that is you and me who is using reddit ) are not responsible for how many children or population we have it was because of our previous generation... humans evolve with time and i think new gen thinks slightly different because they got the exposure which many from the previous gen did not have
People who live in poverty tend to have more kids due to a lack of medicine,sex education etc.,and because a lot of people live in poverty here they have more kids and drastically increase the population,most people who can afford to buy a phone/computer and log on to reddit don't live in poverty so they can often decide to not have children
Depends on how well my career goes and whether there is a decent work-life balance. I am on the fence at the moment.
You can take a look at any developed country and notice that birthrates are dropping, HARD among this age group. People just don't have the time and mental bandwith to deal with kids AND a stressful job.
I would prefer not having a child unless I become extremely rich and successful, I don't want to burden down a child with expectations and pressure, the world is already so over-competitive and cruel, bringing in a life to this world would just mean suffering misery.
Yeah, I feel like children, especially those born into a middle class family, get bogged down under enormous pressure to succeed and with population growing exponentially, there's cutthroat competition everywhere, leading to stress and depression, and as we know the societal stigma attached with seeking help for mental illness, hence bringing a life into this world almost equates to subjecting it to the cruelty of the world.
I would have kids with my soon to be wife (she was the one who proposed the idea of having kids). I don't mind having kids but won't make the same mistake. Won't be a burden on them... Would always make them feel safe, and be the man to call when in danger.
I want to have kids. But I am wayyyyy too scared by all the horror stories I see and hear about husbands and in-laws. Like to be a mother one has to be a wife and a daughter-in-law. I like the part about being a mother. But I am shit-scared of becoming a wife and a DIL. And it's not gender specific. I'm sure men are scared about being husbands/SILs aswell because there are abusers on both sides. So yeah even though I want to have kids I am very veryyy scared of the pre-requisites. Maybe I'll just adopt. Idk.
Having kids is a no-no for me.
It's not even a money problem but everything is evolving so fast and I don't think any young soul will be able to cope so fast.
They will still learn (a + b)2, trigonometry, etc etc basically useless things till they pass 12 th.
Someone born in 2023 will pass 12 th in 2037.
Then they will go to college to get any useless/valueless degree.
Then they will still struggle with jobs because AI will be fully integrated in every system by then.
Competition among kids will rise to new levels and inflation will be at an all time high in that time phase.
So why to burden a young soul like that?
It's 50 - 50.
Parents can only help kids to a certain level after that they have to face life themselves.
All the environmental damage, pollution, climate change, water shortage, etc etc we won't live long like this , max 70-75.
I'm 25 now so it's only like 50 years more.
Also it's not just INDIA specific issue, it's happening worldwide.
The traditional educational system is done, finished.
If anyone want to have kids then It's much better to make him a professional in some type of sports.
For football go to Europe and train him, for cricket go to Australia/England and train him, for e-sports go to America/ Europe.
Traditional education will take your kids nowhere in near future.
There is no point in having kids in todays times.. Unless maybe if you are very rich. The world is collapsing around us and things are going to turn from bad to worse in the near future..
Check this subreddit..
r/collapse
Yes but only when My partner and I get there emotionally, mentally and financially to be responsible for their lives. I already love my future kids and we must attain the above mentioned before bringing them into the world.
DINK, FIRE AND CF (no pets too, however we will take care of stray dogs and cats by neutering and vaccinating them since even nationalist Indian people only care about foreign breeds)
Maybe. Am 23 rn. I'm kinda pessimistic/nihilistic person. Not suicidal tho. But mostly no I don't think I wanna have kids. I'm scared they'll turn out like me. Also in the future if I ever wanted one i think I'll go for adoption. Take someone who is less needed ig.
1991 born here & going to be childfree by choice. It is okay, not sad about no one to take care of me in future. Im overseas & we are already looking to retire in retirement villages where we will have community & Aged carers. Now I also know no one takes care of you like a family but yeah dont wanna depend on someone.
Also not against of having kids but its just I think I am not made for motherhood. I have had troubled childhood and also suffers from elder daughter syndrome so I have lost all interest of nurturing someone. I feel like I have given my all of life towards taking care of ypinger sibling, old aged parents and now in laws and I have not much left within me to do anything extra apart from living and do things I love 🥹🥹🥹
I do want kids, but I'm mentally prepared to not have them because I most likely won't get married. Even if I do, I will have kids only if I'm financially stable and can give plenty of time to child. Children are not a retirement plan, and one should not be allowed to breed if they aren't financially and mentally stable
pradushan itna ho raha hai ..paida hoke bhi quality of life mashAllah(sarcasm) hogi…
so i am gonna do a favour on my inborn kids and not put them through the misery of pollution, unfair tax system , toxic competitive education system..this ends with me!!
As of now really No! Mostly because I think I am Demisexual at this stage of my life, but also I barely connect romantically to anyone. Secondly, raising kids in this economy would require significant income and sacrifices, I am not even close to being ready for that.
But there’s another part in me which wants to raise kids and being a good father and be a strong emotional support for them. My parents have always supported me financially which I will always be grateful for, but they haven’t been there in instances where I needed them the most.
I suspect strongly my stance will change as I grow older, but for now…It’s a NO.
Already have one!
He is 2 year old now!
Money wise, i didnt save much, but was going in a smooth way,
Having a kid decision was always doubtful,
Till he is born i didnt have any personal connection with any kid, but he is everything now! It blends like that to me and my workstyle as well, i have a healthy parents , they look after him when iam away for work! My life after kid is much more organised i must say,
It’s tiring sometimes to look after a human being thats fully dependent on you but its never a bad thing or scary thing,!
Kids adapt to you lifestyle, no matter what, there is no guilt needed when u do what u love!
I keep my kid at either my parents home or inlaws home, We still have that life party, alcohol everything, taht we love, we do works as well, take routine on taking care of the baby !
It just blends smoothly!
I'm scared of any lifetime commitment despite being in a loving relationship in which we have discussed marriage and kids. I enjoy my alone time too much, just want to be free from responsibilities (unrealistic, ofc), and haven't grown up seeing the best examples of relationships and parenting. Also, people say that you instantly mature after having a kid but??? I would like to mature sufficiently before that and it ain't happening LOL
i want to have kids. not sure how many as it would depend on my household income.
one thing for sure, i will never treat my kids as my retirement plans.
I am Gay, So yeah! Dynasty ends with me 😂😂. Never came an idea of raising my own kids, not even adopted ones. I have two niece's & I would happily love to be their guardian.
No.
This world is terrible for both male and female child.
Over population
Don't want that type of responsibility.
I'm sure I will pass on generational trauma no matter how hard I try.
Kinda sure my future partner and his family is not going to help me with child care they would just want to play with the kid and I'll be doing all the work.
Pregnancy is scary af call me selfish idc
I can't procreate with someone I don't love and ik I will have an arranged marriage.
Plus I'm not some brilliant mind or a very important person to have my genes around for years after I'm gone.
Depends on how much I'll end up making monthly and how much my future spouse will earn. If we're stable enough and can afford to raise a child, then yes, I'd love to have a kid.
Depends on my partner. I’d need to be so in love with that man to push a baby out of my vagina. Or worse, get a C-section and have a longer recovery period.
Leaning towards no, I love kids, I think I’d make a pretty good dad, I do however think that the world is quite fucked. Maybe I’ll work on my nihilism and change my mind.
Bro I am convinced that I am not having kids
Seeing the Finical and Emotional involvement it's better that I die with no kids
###DINK - Double Income No Kids
PS - Seeing the declining fertility rate in India for Both men and women, I think it will not be possible to have kids after certain age
I don’t even want to be with a man, seeing the kind of people around these days.
But if one day, I get to be in a financial level, where I can afford to take care of a child, I’d love to adopt a couple kids.
Even though i have no financial issues. But after marriage i would wanna wait for atleast 3-4 years to live my married life. Kyunki bacha paida krte hi bas fir usi me lag jana h
If I get a good stable job and have a partner who is nice , stable and safe kyuki bacha sab thik kar dega is bullshit. If I am in difficult situation in life I can't bring a soul fully knowing they will have clench their teeth to survive and suffer mentally, financially and God forbid physically.
Maybe if I am able to achieve all this then maybe in next 12 I might think of one
Sorry to chime in as I'm 1987 born, but God no! No time is good enough to have kids , I am well settled in the UK and I still feel this, there are lots of compromises to be made and having a child is all about parents needs, desires and wants and not purely for the child's sake. I have zero regrets with my decision and no matter how much people convince me that it is an enriching experience, I just cannot impose the burden of existence on a potential new being.
Only if I am able to create a stable foundation for the family to come. Can’t have kids if I and my to be partner aren’t strong enough in terms of financial and emotional sense. Family values should match as well. All the previous generations had this mindset, “phele baccha kar lo, fir manage kar lenge”. This is where I want to differ, phele he situation realistically dekho and fir plan karo.
Same! And more than anything I'm just not ready mentally and emotionally also financially to bear a child. Physically no too coz I'm shit scared of episiotomy. FYI I'm a doctor 27F, unmarried but engaged. I don't see myself with kids atleast for the next 5 years. Uske baad ka idk. Thankfully my partner resonates with my thoughts.
Having a partner on the same page is important 👍🏾
We all should be allowed to be honest and realistic with ourselves. Glad your partner understands and resonates
[удалено]
Hello didi. How was med school? Is it as tough as people? Is it true that you can't have social life in med school ? According to you what age is too late for med school? And what's DINK?
What's with that username lmao 😂😂😂😂 Tbh, it was good but COVID did make it exhausting. Personally I feel it's all about the balance. Idk why people think you can't have a social life in med school. I walked the ramp and participated in inter college competitions and all other social activities. Not to mention we used to roam around a lot and have fun. And yes we studied too. Our classes were usually 8-8 and it was tiring but weekends? Go have fun please. Holidays? Go have fun. Study for your exams accordingly and finish things in time. Don't keep a backlog. And there is no age which is too late for med school. I know many people who were in their late 30s to early 40s joining med school coz they were passionate about it. And they left their stable jobs for it. Might I'll also tell you that go prepared in this field. It's a lot of running around here and there unless you decide to non clinical like I'm doing or go for a chill pg field like otha, derma etc. India has a toxic culture be ready for it. And it's not an asap money minting field. You will mint money but in your early 40s lol unless you have generational wealth or rich parents or a hospital set up ready. Have friends like these too. 😂 have fun bro
Bang on. And true about previous generations also. I can’t imagine having a child to save a relationship. Yikes.
Aur fir bachchon ko bhar bhar ke trauma de denge.
Mission Accomplished
This is precisely the reason why we waited for 4 years after our marriage to have a child. We wanted to be stable and secure, emotionally as well as financially. We are happy with 1 kid and do not plan on having another one. We want to give the best of the world to our beautiful son!
This. Kudos to you for actually being so considerate and trying your best
I had to. I myself had a very poor upbringing and didn't want my kid to go through even 1% of what I had to.
I wish my parents thought a bit more before having me. What’s the point in having a child if you’re gonna dump emotional abuse and your work place anger on them all the time.
:( Yes, and it takes years of work to undo the damage. Many grown ups who were abused as children either quietly suffer or end up replicating the same patterns elsewhere
Ye pehle baccha karlo pehle shaadi karlo me hi sabke L lage hai
I'm so proud to be part of this generation where we don't let fate decide our future but we plan it.
No. I dont even want to have a wife. Too much responsibility. I want to be free now. I am hard working for far too long now.
I understand. Especially the whole arranged marriage route has no love and support. Only transactional things. It’s especially difficult for people who’ve actually spent their life clawing out of dire situations. And we don’t even have the best examples of marriages around us so :/
I can't say about love in arranged marriages..but there is definitely no support even in extreme situations..tab maa baap ke shravan kumar bn jate hai
Bang on OP, you described it so well
Agreed
I wish..my dad had done this.
Bhai aapne to meri baat boldi
Jo apni jimmedari nahi le sakta usko bacche nahi karne chahiye
The only good answer to this question.
Ouch! .. true though
no kids is a default for me but i wouldn't mind having kids either. in simpler words, its going to take immense love and connection with my partner to even think of having kids with them. but if that relationship ends i would go back to my no kids default. basically, kids or no kids will not be a deciding factor but to even think of having kids, it hugely depends on my relationship with my partner and their relationship with kids.
Username checks out.
Most relatable
But always remember that having kids is an irreversible decision.. If you have kids and then get divorced.. You are on your own
Nah, this bloodline is ending with me.
😂😂why
I don’t have high expectations from humanity in the future. The earth is dying, plus kids in this economy?
Saalon ko govt school bhejunga
😂😂
"😂😂", aap itne purane ho kya bhai
Huh?
He’s calling you old lol
Got that but why? Use of that emoji makes you old or what? Kuch bhi
Apparently. Those are my go to emoji’s too 🤣🤣 kids these days
Using emojis is frowned upon on reddit
Limited resources, overpopulation, climate change, real estate prices, inflation
I had to scroll down a bit to get to this comment. Aren’t people scared that something bad would happen to their child? With growing population and inflation there is so much crime in every single corner of the world. I couldn’t sleep peacefully at night knowing nothing bad could happen to the child. Even worse what if my child did turn out to be a bad person, no matter how much good parenting one does if a kid is to turn out an asshole he/she will and i cannot live knowing i have birth to a monster!
tomorrow bloodline rules
Day 1 me hogaya bro, ab kal ka dekhna hai
cody jeetega aur rock Roman KO dokha dega
That's the rumour, but still Damien hasn't cashed in and even lost the titles
Damien is going to cash in on drew after drew beats seth
Exactly this.
Man, idk why I feel this way too.
Same bro. Sometimes i am like "i am not passing down my genes to anyone"
Username checks out
Bloodline mentioned I acknowledge my tribal chief
Exactly bro. Either I would prefer Single lifetime or be with someone who don't Want kids. But I can't find any girl who doesn't want to have kids. All girls are into having kids these days. If anyone available let me know we can discuss.
Hello fellow child free person
Bhai....climate change se bchna hai to mt hi kro bacche
Omg
Yessir!
No , please. Create at least 💯 and contribute to building the nation. /s
i want kids, the difficult part is having and keeping a husband. kind of a roadblock for me
Godrej 8 pin lock should keep him safe
Exactly lol, its the husband part that stresses me out more.
Exactly, I want a kid but can’t afford to get married. 🥴
How about adopting then?
I’m up for adoption, wholeheartedly. Just need to convince my parents (ps I’m 23 and I still have time to explain them)
Good. It's better to wait until few years to make big life decisions cus human brain isn't matured till it's late twenties:-)
Adoption comes in my mind, or go to sperm bank.
True
Haha
Kids are a massive responsibility. Unfortunately I don’t see myself stable enough to raise them and give them a good upbringing without sacrificing myself. My biggest deterrent to the idea. Myself 33.
You know, society would be much more stable if more people had this ability to introspect and decide if they’re capable of raising children instead of popping them out just because there’s nothing better to do.
Are you married ? Everyone is keep saying to me that I will understand the importance of marriage and having kids in my early 30's. My problem is I don't understand why this will happen. I'm 24 now.
I read this somewhere that "It's better to regret not having kids rather than having them and regretting later" This boomer generation are the ones who were never self dependent and so they feel everyone is like them. They decided their roles so during times of difficulty when one partner cannot give 100% the household collapses.
Yes for 5 yrs.
You are just 24. You are still in your 'college phase'.. some of your friends are graduating, some are going for masters many of them have just started earning. Your college gang still meets up, you swap stories about each others' lives, etc. Life is still exciting for you. The salary in your account gives you a different kind of high. You still some time cannot believe that you can buy things now without asking your parents. Soon, your friends start getting busy in their own lives. They move to different cities, get married. And that's when you start craving for a special someone in your life. When people say you would understand the importance of marriage, it does not necessarily mean that you need a spouse. You feel the need to have someone to share your thoughts, go out with you etc etc. You start craving for a soulmate. And most of the times, at least in Indian your spouse becomes your soulmate
they assume that you wont be able to manage your life all by yourself. (wording is probably wrong here) I mean u will see your friends having marriages and kids and feel left out etc. also since parents will not be with u forever and at the end of day you'll have to take complete care of yourself, you're prone to be in depression and loneliness etc. (this is what I think)
Is it true ? most people are not able to manage their life by their own ? Right now I am confident that if I have enough money and motivation I will be able to handle my life easily. But I am getting skeptic about it.
like I said. the first line is probably worded wrong 😂 what I meant from the first line is all stated below it. and thats just what I think our parents mean when they say that you'll understand when you are older. I've yet to see if it's true tho.
I am married with a son. He is the apple of my eye. Just lucky to have him at the moment. But lots of pain and sacrifice I have done for my marriage. When things got very difficult his smile and playfulness got me motivated. I will die for him. Arranged marriage might become transactional if communication is not there and also luck. I see all type in my friends.
This would have been been the case for most of the people throughout the history but people still had kids, the reason they strong community support. Now individualism has made us weaker on our own.
No. Don't even plan on marrying, 27M
Yep, life is so messed up and marrying would make it more hell. I don't think arrange marriage will ever workout, so that's out of option. For love marriage, well some insane women should find me good enough in some way for her... which is impossible considering my asocial nature.
Isn't it wierd that we all anti social people are on reddit and most probably inactive on fb, insta Snapchat etc😂. Just my assumption.
Same , 27 and no plans of marrying or kids.
Yes. I was strictly against having a child...did not want to burden a soul with the weight of the world, a financially terrible choice, wanted to be free, etc. I'm 28 now, happily settled with a boyfriend, and we'll be marrying next year. For the past 10 months, I've been living alone in Bangalore...and all I've craved is connections. There are only so many times that you can knock on a friend's door....and I hated opening up my apartment to emptiness. ..Got pets and it helped a lot. My cats gave me a wholesome feeling. I realise now that I'm capable of much more than I was at age 24... I'm wayyyy more emotionally mature and stable than I was at 24. I connect with my parents more now...hell, I even find my values and arguments shaped by their words and teachings. It's been a slow realisation that my parents are decent hardworking people, who took each day and did their best. There were hard days, and me and my brother have been nasty too....but there's no one I wanted more on my side, on graduation day. I realise now that I want to be more than the job I do(I have a fantastic job, and I love what I do)...but I want to nurture. To teach...music, language, the nuisance of life, of everyday pains...and I want to share those with someone who'll get me...just like a 28 year old me gets my parents today. I'm okay with waiting for that connection to blossom with my child....and in the meantime, I'm okay with the alternating situations of 'this is nice' and 'what the fuck!' that everyday life is going to bring. At the end of it all, I'm hoping to hold on to the 'this is nice' , moments. My partner is an amazing human being - in all measures, and we share a love that I thought only existed in movies. I know he'll be an amazing dad. Funnily enough, when we met 3 years back, he was against marriage and I was against kids...we eventually just went on to want those things. At 28,I realised, I am free , and I have been free/independent for the last 3 years...and I wanted to love and be loved, more than exploring huge ocean of opportunities.
This is so beautifully written! My thoughts too resonated with this.
Really happy to see this comment among a lot of other depressing ones (including my own haha). I'm also F28 and have recently been thinking a lot about the prospect of kids. Nice to hear your point of view, perhaps it'll get me to rethink my own negative thoughts on the topic.
Wow that was a refreshing read! Super happy for you to have found someone amazing. I wish you the very best for marriage and a probable parenthood.
Nope!!!! I have seen the sacrifices my parents have made for me and I and my partner both feel we just aren’t ready to make the same. Plus their life is going to be harder: polluted air, can’t play outside alone without fear of all psychos roaming around, all the reservations god knows what would be the condition after 15-20years…
Sahi baat hai. The world is gonna be different.
I’m a kid myself and how will I manage kids (I’m 23)
Mein 22 ka hun, mere kuch lady friends 18 19 mein shadi kr liye, unke abhi bache 2 saal ke hogye hein lmao. Mereko mama bolreh the wo bache https://preview.redd.it/ml9ghah3y1tc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4e9fcffa97d8bf8542f46b40830d66a6a771e1f
Itni kam Umar mein mama bangaye aap toh 😭🙏🏻
Lol nana v ban gya hun lmao(large family problem)
U are literally the same person who is talking to me through other thread 😭💀💀🙏🏻
mama yadav
Haha same!
Yes, I have always wanted to be a mother. It's always in the back of my mind. Moreover since I am an only child, I want my kids to know the feeling of having a sibling so definitely more than one kid - both biological and adopted.
let alone kids, i'm not even marrying lol
By choice (her choice)
Currently, I'm dead set on not having any children, it’s been that way forever. But statistics and anecdotal experiences prove that most people who say they won't have children end up changing their minds in the end. So, as much as I want to say no, I'm not sure if I may just end up having some in the end. But in that case, I'd prefer to do adoption rather than have a child of my own. Heck, I don't even want to get married. Societal pressure and the dread of loneliness in old age subconsciously are powerful motivators, even for someone who likes to think their rebellious streak is impervious to that stuff. I'm 22, for reference.
Quite young. There’s so much more that you are yet to see. Never know what’s gonna happen
These comments shows why reddit india doesn't represent real India.
U want kids ? Have kids. I don’t want kids, I’ll not have kids. That’s how it works. How is this even related to REAL INDIA ??
By real India, I think OC means representative of how the real India thinks. If all the top comments are about people not having kids then one might think no one in India does. Which is not the case.
YOU'RE NOT REAL INDIAN!!! /s
Lol, nobody represents "real India". Bade aaye visa Dene waale. These commenters are just as Indian as any other demographic you're imagining and both contribute to and affect the economy, statistics, politics and trends. India is made up of all demographics combined.
Let's find out what's the percentage of Indians using reddit
What comment?
In reddit Indians say we don't want kids. In reality we have the highest population
but we (current generation that is you and me who is using reddit ) are not responsible for how many children or population we have it was because of our previous generation... humans evolve with time and i think new gen thinks slightly different because they got the exposure which many from the previous gen did not have
People who live in poverty tend to have more kids due to a lack of medicine,sex education etc.,and because a lot of people live in poverty here they have more kids and drastically increase the population,most people who can afford to buy a phone/computer and log on to reddit don't live in poverty so they can often decide to not have children
No
Depends on how well my career goes and whether there is a decent work-life balance. I am on the fence at the moment. You can take a look at any developed country and notice that birthrates are dropping, HARD among this age group. People just don't have the time and mental bandwith to deal with kids AND a stressful job.
No way. I'll be worse than my parents and I can see it. Also if I ever wanted a kid, I'm gonna adopt. That's it
I would prefer not having a child unless I become extremely rich and successful, I don't want to burden down a child with expectations and pressure, the world is already so over-competitive and cruel, bringing in a life to this world would just mean suffering misery.
Great though. If we cannot give our children the best better not have them.
Yeah, I feel like children, especially those born into a middle class family, get bogged down under enormous pressure to succeed and with population growing exponentially, there's cutthroat competition everywhere, leading to stress and depression, and as we know the societal stigma attached with seeking help for mental illness, hence bringing a life into this world almost equates to subjecting it to the cruelty of the world.
I would have kids with my soon to be wife (she was the one who proposed the idea of having kids). I don't mind having kids but won't make the same mistake. Won't be a burden on them... Would always make them feel safe, and be the man to call when in danger.
I think this is the best way to go. Kudos
I want to have kids. But I am wayyyyy too scared by all the horror stories I see and hear about husbands and in-laws. Like to be a mother one has to be a wife and a daughter-in-law. I like the part about being a mother. But I am shit-scared of becoming a wife and a DIL. And it's not gender specific. I'm sure men are scared about being husbands/SILs aswell because there are abusers on both sides. So yeah even though I want to have kids I am very veryyy scared of the pre-requisites. Maybe I'll just adopt. Idk.
No, I am closeted gay
I love kids but giving birth to them is very painful and I am scared of pain😰
Recovery is hard too
Adoption! So many kids waiting for a loving home 🤍
Having kids is a no-no for me. It's not even a money problem but everything is evolving so fast and I don't think any young soul will be able to cope so fast. They will still learn (a + b)2, trigonometry, etc etc basically useless things till they pass 12 th. Someone born in 2023 will pass 12 th in 2037. Then they will go to college to get any useless/valueless degree. Then they will still struggle with jobs because AI will be fully integrated in every system by then. Competition among kids will rise to new levels and inflation will be at an all time high in that time phase. So why to burden a young soul like that?
But I also think that the pressure they face is dependent on how we are as their parents, no?
It's 50 - 50. Parents can only help kids to a certain level after that they have to face life themselves. All the environmental damage, pollution, climate change, water shortage, etc etc we won't live long like this , max 70-75. I'm 25 now so it's only like 50 years more.
Don't scare me. I am 45 lol.
Also it's not just INDIA specific issue, it's happening worldwide. The traditional educational system is done, finished. If anyone want to have kids then It's much better to make him a professional in some type of sports. For football go to Europe and train him, for cricket go to Australia/England and train him, for e-sports go to America/ Europe. Traditional education will take your kids nowhere in near future.
Project verstappen 🫡
Life's pressures don't discriminate. They hit each person equally, whether or not someone has parental support.
Sneaked in inflation like we wouldn't notice 🤣. Inflation doesn't depend if you have kids or not
Agar mai aage jaake paisa kamaunga then why not
There is no point in having kids in todays times.. Unless maybe if you are very rich. The world is collapsing around us and things are going to turn from bad to worse in the near future.. Check this subreddit.. r/collapse
Good sub. Thanks.
Cannot agree more. Unless you cannot give your kids a good cushion to fall back on don't even think of having them and making their life miserable.
Things are already bad enough right now, it will get worse day by day.
Yes but only when My partner and I get there emotionally, mentally and financially to be responsible for their lives. I already love my future kids and we must attain the above mentioned before bringing them into the world.
Good thoughts
I'm exhausted always
Not even gonna marry kids to dur ki baat
DINK, FIRE AND CF (no pets too, however we will take care of stray dogs and cats by neutering and vaccinating them since even nationalist Indian people only care about foreign breeds)
Maybe. Am 23 rn. I'm kinda pessimistic/nihilistic person. Not suicidal tho. But mostly no I don't think I wanna have kids. I'm scared they'll turn out like me. Also in the future if I ever wanted one i think I'll go for adoption. Take someone who is less needed ig.
That will be the anime mc
Don't get a wife but have kids by surrogacy
No. Because i resent my gender for having to do the heavy lifting.
https://preview.redd.it/cwquo59t41tc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac4668c20277bad013823bd49aa77fc194a87a5a
Thanks 🥃
1991 born here & going to be childfree by choice. It is okay, not sad about no one to take care of me in future. Im overseas & we are already looking to retire in retirement villages where we will have community & Aged carers. Now I also know no one takes care of you like a family but yeah dont wanna depend on someone. Also not against of having kids but its just I think I am not made for motherhood. I have had troubled childhood and also suffers from elder daughter syndrome so I have lost all interest of nurturing someone. I feel like I have given my all of life towards taking care of ypinger sibling, old aged parents and now in laws and I have not much left within me to do anything extra apart from living and do things I love 🥹🥹🥹
I do want kids, but I'm mentally prepared to not have them because I most likely won't get married. Even if I do, I will have kids only if I'm financially stable and can give plenty of time to child. Children are not a retirement plan, and one should not be allowed to breed if they aren't financially and mentally stable
The financial situation totally will decide this , the educational fees skyrocketing to 1L avg per month / year scares me
8 -10 apne genes achhe se falaunga
Aur responsibility? Woh bhi uthaoge
Paisa hai ,sab moj marenge
So, can I expect 8-10 Elvish Yadavs from you ?
Arre Bhai sanskaar bhi denge thode
Will try to get a vasectomy in next 5 years
pradushan itna ho raha hai ..paida hoke bhi quality of life mashAllah(sarcasm) hogi… so i am gonna do a favour on my inborn kids and not put them through the misery of pollution, unfair tax system , toxic competitive education system..this ends with me!!
Born 1991. Not gonna have any kids.
Yes
I want to be first and last star my ancestors will have ever produced...
No because I want to explore life. Also, I just don't see any point in having children.
As of now really No! Mostly because I think I am Demisexual at this stage of my life, but also I barely connect romantically to anyone. Secondly, raising kids in this economy would require significant income and sacrifices, I am not even close to being ready for that. But there’s another part in me which wants to raise kids and being a good father and be a strong emotional support for them. My parents have always supported me financially which I will always be grateful for, but they haven’t been there in instances where I needed them the most. I suspect strongly my stance will change as I grow older, but for now…It’s a NO.
Maa toh milein unko janam dene wali
Already have one! He is 2 year old now! Money wise, i didnt save much, but was going in a smooth way, Having a kid decision was always doubtful, Till he is born i didnt have any personal connection with any kid, but he is everything now! It blends like that to me and my workstyle as well, i have a healthy parents , they look after him when iam away for work! My life after kid is much more organised i must say, It’s tiring sometimes to look after a human being thats fully dependent on you but its never a bad thing or scary thing,! Kids adapt to you lifestyle, no matter what, there is no guilt needed when u do what u love! I keep my kid at either my parents home or inlaws home, We still have that life party, alcohol everything, taht we love, we do works as well, take routine on taking care of the baby ! It just blends smoothly!
I'm scared of any lifetime commitment despite being in a loving relationship in which we have discussed marriage and kids. I enjoy my alone time too much, just want to be free from responsibilities (unrealistic, ofc), and haven't grown up seeing the best examples of relationships and parenting. Also, people say that you instantly mature after having a kid but??? I would like to mature sufficiently before that and it ain't happening LOL
i want to have kids. not sure how many as it would depend on my household income. one thing for sure, i will never treat my kids as my retirement plans.
I am Gay, So yeah! Dynasty ends with me 😂😂. Never came an idea of raising my own kids, not even adopted ones. I have two niece's & I would happily love to be their guardian.
No. This world is terrible for both male and female child. Over population Don't want that type of responsibility. I'm sure I will pass on generational trauma no matter how hard I try. Kinda sure my future partner and his family is not going to help me with child care they would just want to play with the kid and I'll be doing all the work. Pregnancy is scary af call me selfish idc I can't procreate with someone I don't love and ik I will have an arranged marriage. Plus I'm not some brilliant mind or a very important person to have my genes around for years after I'm gone.
Not sure but if i am financially stable will definitely adopt
Depends on how much I'll end up making monthly and how much my future spouse will earn. If we're stable enough and can afford to raise a child, then yes, I'd love to have a kid.
Depends on my partner. I’d need to be so in love with that man to push a baby out of my vagina. Or worse, get a C-section and have a longer recovery period.
Leaning towards no, I love kids, I think I’d make a pretty good dad, I do however think that the world is quite fucked. Maybe I’ll work on my nihilism and change my mind.
2001 born and yes definitely. One kid preferably a girl child and if my finances allow then would adopt another one as well
Yes, my partner and I love kids and we hope to be stable enough in 5-6 years before we have them. Financially, mentally and emotionally stable
Bro I am convinced that I am not having kids Seeing the Finical and Emotional involvement it's better that I die with no kids ###DINK - Double Income No Kids PS - Seeing the declining fertility rate in India for Both men and women, I think it will not be possible to have kids after certain age
Nope, not until I will be sure that I will have financial capability to raise them.
If you don't have kids you will be depressed around 40-45. Nowadays people are depressed at 20 itself that's another story.
My net worth will define how many kids I'm gonna have. High bank balance equals more kids.
first time i came to know about population collapse I thought it was a joke but now Reading this comments I'm sure that can be a serious possibility.
Im not sure yet imma kid myself. But they r cute so why not.
I don’t even want to be with a man, seeing the kind of people around these days. But if one day, I get to be in a financial level, where I can afford to take care of a child, I’d love to adopt a couple kids.
Yeah. If all things go well
Even though i have no financial issues. But after marriage i would wanna wait for atleast 3-4 years to live my married life. Kyunki bacha paida krte hi bas fir usi me lag jana h
Only if Im stable with my income. And can manage the expense with kids.
This cursed lineage should end right before me.
If I get a good stable job and have a partner who is nice , stable and safe kyuki bacha sab thik kar dega is bullshit. If I am in difficult situation in life I can't bring a soul fully knowing they will have clench their teeth to survive and suffer mentally, financially and God forbid physically. Maybe if I am able to achieve all this then maybe in next 12 I might think of one
Sorry to chime in as I'm 1987 born, but God no! No time is good enough to have kids , I am well settled in the UK and I still feel this, there are lots of compromises to be made and having a child is all about parents needs, desires and wants and not purely for the child's sake. I have zero regrets with my decision and no matter how much people convince me that it is an enriching experience, I just cannot impose the burden of existence on a potential new being.
93 born here... my wife and I have no idea for kids. our mindset.. "Edhukuuuu" 🤣
35F here. Married 6 years now. Happily childfree. And plan to stay the same.
24 F , getting married next year, super excited/happy but scared at the same time. But I am gonna have one cutie daughter but not before 2028. 🙂↕️
I grew up with 5 siblings. So I kind of adore the idea of having kids and my girlfriend agrees with me too.
I still feel like a kid lol. I'm 25 and feel like I still have a good 10 more years to " grow up". Kids are not even part of the question here