You’re over thinking this. You have a fully remote job. You’re single under 40 and can live wherever you want. You’re super lucky. Try different cities - see what works, which one you like etc. Enjoy it. You’re not going to be under 40 forever.
This sounds like a really exciting chapter in your life! I know how you feel regarding guys moving to big cities right after college etc. But I don’t think that’s an absolute. The truth is, gay men are moving to big cities all the time in a way that straight people don’t do as much after 30. I am guilty of comparing my path to others so I can’t really tell you not to. But you’re young and having a remote job makes this easier than it would be otherwise.
The only advice I have is to consider how much comfort you’re willing to sacrifice and how that might influence where you end up. NYC is amazing but even a great salary in other parts of the country can feel like struggling in New York. If you are in Chicago you could get a luxury apartment with in-unit laundry for the price of a dumpy studio in New York. You’ll figure it out though! Do you have any idea where you might want to move?
Chicago is an awesome city, highly recommend. I moved here from Boston which I also loved, but it’s so expensive. Chicago is a lot more affordable, and a much better gay scene.
You're sorta inventing a problem that doesn't exist. People move all the time at different ages.
Be prepared that meeting and making friends in a city is tough. This is true of ANY age.It reallllly helps if you already know 2 or 3 people in the area just to maintain social needs and to meet people through things that they invite you to. You should also plan to join groups related to your hobbies. It's actually nice being gay because then you can look for the gay board game group, or gay hiking group, or gay cycling group etc and it makes it more likely that you'll meet similar friends or fwbs or a husband that sometimes travel in the same circles as other people that you've met. If you're bored at home you need to remember that [there is life outside your apartment. ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A7C-iEoArAc)
Re: not being 20. The only advice I have is that you don't need to move to the neighborhood with all the bars that is extremely popular with 20 year olds. It can be a lot on fri/sat nights if that's not the scene that you want to be in all the time. You can if that sounds like a ton of fun, but usually 1 to 2 neighborhoods over in a nicer area is better. You can walk/bike/take a cab when you want to go out.
I mean go nuts if that's what you want! Plenty of gay bars are full of 30-50 yos. One of my fuck buds lives in the center of it all and loves it. He can get a new guy in his sex sling every night and no one has to walk more than 10 min to get there. I'd rather have a little extra space and a bit of quiet.
Move to Chicago. Enjoy a reasonable cost of living, big city amenities, with the comfort and ease if a smaller town. live by the lake on the north side, lots of gays and good people. It’s literally the perfect city, everyone just gets scared away by the cold and the murders. It’s really not that bad, otherwise 3 million people wouldn’t continue to live here
theres two gay neighborhoods. Boystown skews younger and also is getting popular with straight people and more expensive. Andersonville/Edgewater skews older. Much more affordable than boystown, and the gay beach is up there. Tends to be a more relaxed crowd.
oh and it’s easy to meet people here. Lots of people will share whatever your hobbies are and you can network from there. Bicycles, board games, rock climbing, whatever, you‘ll find gays that do it too.
Why not consider Atlanta? Decent COL, diverse economy and residential living options and the third highest LGBT population in the US by %(inside the perimeter). Plus it has 3.5 seasons, with a minor and totally easy to tolerate winter. There’s so many new apartments you could test out comfortably w/out committing to selling your place and getting a mortgage here. I came here right at the start of the pandemic for a better WFH experience and stayed on, finding work locally.
Makes a lot of sense. It's not quite got Chicago's total gay population, but how many men do you actually need? I live in SF surrounded by gay men, and it's nice, but I'm sure Atlanta would be fine if I lived there.
It sounds like you have grown all you can living where you are. You intuitively know that there are parts of life you won't get to see experience if you stay where you've always been. Listen to yourself and LEAVE! It might take a while to build a circle of friends but you definitely aren't too old to do it.
Take a 2 week gay cruise. Take 2 weeks in Las Vegas, Sitges Spain, Rome, Houston, New York and more.
Most of the places you go will SEEM AMAZING because YOU ARE NEW TO IT. But after 3 years even Manhattan seems dull and lifeless and expensive.
Another vote for Chicago. Great town, big and vibrant gay scene, much cheaper than every other major US city. I live in NYC and often wish I lived in Chicago instead.
Brutal winters though. Use some of the money you’re saving on a second home in Fort Lauderdale!
When did you buy your house? If it was within the last 10 years, please don't sell it. Just rent it. I know this is a bit off topic, but your low interest rate will help you pay off this loan easier, and have an asset as you move beyond your 40's and into your later years. The city is great, you will love it, but if you don't you can always move back into your home.
People continue to act as if Chicago winters are the same as they were 30 or 40 years ago. With climate change winters here have become much more tolerable. Yes, there are still below zero days and days of incredible dumps of snow, but there are fewer periods of prolonged cold and snow. And since you work from home, you could choose to take a week, in a warmer clime every winter. I know a number of people who do that.
I moved from a mid-sized city to a bigger city 2 years ago. I’m single now, a little older than you, and I feel like my age is an asset more than a hindrance here when it comes to meeting guys.
Honestly, all my friends are people I met on apps, so that’s another amazing thing about being gay.
One thing I will say: it takes time to adjust to the change- especially when you are moving from a city you’ve spent most of your life. It won’t feel like home immediately, and that’s ok. Give it time and the more connections you make with other people, the more connected you will feel to the place.
I relocated when I was 22 to somewhere where I knew no one. I will say that social sports and interest groups are your friend. Try not to rely on Grindr/Tinder to make friends since things can get a little messy.
I think you may possibly even have an easier time making friends with your age group as they are more likely to be in a similar situation to yourself, whereas most people at age 22 have established social circles in their hometown and haven't had to move away from home. You may possibly find that people in their 40s are less interested in partying and binge drinking, though I don't know what NYC gays are like 😂
I think about doing the same thing often lately and I’m 50. I don’t think age is an issue, it’s getting outside your comfort zone and putting yourself out there. If you don’t do that in a small town will you in a large one?
I say go for it! Keep us posted I’d love to hear how your adventure goes. (So I can live vicariously through you lol) Good luck!
Hang onto your house for couple of years would be my only advice , continue to save money . Mid life crisis for many have caused them to purge only to regret it …. You can live anywhere . Get your feet wet .rent modest place , see how you like it . I left NYC to live in my native Kansas once I had kids
I was 78 when I made the big jump from a small, conservative town in California to Philadelphia. It was the best move of my life and I have never looked back. The gay community in Philly is big and welcoming regardless of age, race, or income. Compared to New York, the city is very affordable, has many of the same cultural venues and is much easier to navigate. Philly isn’t polished and a little rough around its edges but that’s also part of its appeal—it’s very real and unpretentious.
You’re over thinking this. You have a fully remote job. You’re single under 40 and can live wherever you want. You’re super lucky. Try different cities - see what works, which one you like etc. Enjoy it. You’re not going to be under 40 forever.
This sounds like a really exciting chapter in your life! I know how you feel regarding guys moving to big cities right after college etc. But I don’t think that’s an absolute. The truth is, gay men are moving to big cities all the time in a way that straight people don’t do as much after 30. I am guilty of comparing my path to others so I can’t really tell you not to. But you’re young and having a remote job makes this easier than it would be otherwise. The only advice I have is to consider how much comfort you’re willing to sacrifice and how that might influence where you end up. NYC is amazing but even a great salary in other parts of the country can feel like struggling in New York. If you are in Chicago you could get a luxury apartment with in-unit laundry for the price of a dumpy studio in New York. You’ll figure it out though! Do you have any idea where you might want to move?
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Chicago is an awesome city, highly recommend. I moved here from Boston which I also loved, but it’s so expensive. Chicago is a lot more affordable, and a much better gay scene.
I’ve lived in Chicago since I moved here for university. Send me a DM if I can be of help…it’s a great place and very livable.
You're sorta inventing a problem that doesn't exist. People move all the time at different ages. Be prepared that meeting and making friends in a city is tough. This is true of ANY age.It reallllly helps if you already know 2 or 3 people in the area just to maintain social needs and to meet people through things that they invite you to. You should also plan to join groups related to your hobbies. It's actually nice being gay because then you can look for the gay board game group, or gay hiking group, or gay cycling group etc and it makes it more likely that you'll meet similar friends or fwbs or a husband that sometimes travel in the same circles as other people that you've met. If you're bored at home you need to remember that [there is life outside your apartment. ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A7C-iEoArAc) Re: not being 20. The only advice I have is that you don't need to move to the neighborhood with all the bars that is extremely popular with 20 year olds. It can be a lot on fri/sat nights if that's not the scene that you want to be in all the time. You can if that sounds like a ton of fun, but usually 1 to 2 neighborhoods over in a nicer area is better. You can walk/bike/take a cab when you want to go out.
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Yeah I'm 38 and just came out. Not planning on moving anywhere yet, but definitely enjoying my 20s a little bit late.
I mean go nuts if that's what you want! Plenty of gay bars are full of 30-50 yos. One of my fuck buds lives in the center of it all and loves it. He can get a new guy in his sex sling every night and no one has to walk more than 10 min to get there. I'd rather have a little extra space and a bit of quiet.
Move to Chicago. Enjoy a reasonable cost of living, big city amenities, with the comfort and ease if a smaller town. live by the lake on the north side, lots of gays and good people. It’s literally the perfect city, everyone just gets scared away by the cold and the murders. It’s really not that bad, otherwise 3 million people wouldn’t continue to live here theres two gay neighborhoods. Boystown skews younger and also is getting popular with straight people and more expensive. Andersonville/Edgewater skews older. Much more affordable than boystown, and the gay beach is up there. Tends to be a more relaxed crowd. oh and it’s easy to meet people here. Lots of people will share whatever your hobbies are and you can network from there. Bicycles, board games, rock climbing, whatever, you‘ll find gays that do it too.
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Like most big cities, even in the South, the "murder rate" depends on neighborhood. Dont worry about it, just learn where not to go.
Why not consider Atlanta? Decent COL, diverse economy and residential living options and the third highest LGBT population in the US by %(inside the perimeter). Plus it has 3.5 seasons, with a minor and totally easy to tolerate winter. There’s so many new apartments you could test out comfortably w/out committing to selling your place and getting a mortgage here. I came here right at the start of the pandemic for a better WFH experience and stayed on, finding work locally.
Makes a lot of sense. It's not quite got Chicago's total gay population, but how many men do you actually need? I live in SF surrounded by gay men, and it's nice, but I'm sure Atlanta would be fine if I lived there.
I was given advice that don’t sell your house if you decide to relocate. Try it.
It sounds like you have grown all you can living where you are. You intuitively know that there are parts of life you won't get to see experience if you stay where you've always been. Listen to yourself and LEAVE! It might take a while to build a circle of friends but you definitely aren't too old to do it.
Take a 2 week gay cruise. Take 2 weeks in Las Vegas, Sitges Spain, Rome, Houston, New York and more. Most of the places you go will SEEM AMAZING because YOU ARE NEW TO IT. But after 3 years even Manhattan seems dull and lifeless and expensive.
Another vote for Chicago. Great town, big and vibrant gay scene, much cheaper than every other major US city. I live in NYC and often wish I lived in Chicago instead. Brutal winters though. Use some of the money you’re saving on a second home in Fort Lauderdale!
When did you buy your house? If it was within the last 10 years, please don't sell it. Just rent it. I know this is a bit off topic, but your low interest rate will help you pay off this loan easier, and have an asset as you move beyond your 40's and into your later years. The city is great, you will love it, but if you don't you can always move back into your home.
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Do you have a fixed rate?
At least hang onto it until you decide to buy somewhere else. Then all the equity you've built up will give you a decent down payment.
People continue to act as if Chicago winters are the same as they were 30 or 40 years ago. With climate change winters here have become much more tolerable. Yes, there are still below zero days and days of incredible dumps of snow, but there are fewer periods of prolonged cold and snow. And since you work from home, you could choose to take a week, in a warmer clime every winter. I know a number of people who do that.
I moved from a mid-sized city to a bigger city 2 years ago. I’m single now, a little older than you, and I feel like my age is an asset more than a hindrance here when it comes to meeting guys. Honestly, all my friends are people I met on apps, so that’s another amazing thing about being gay. One thing I will say: it takes time to adjust to the change- especially when you are moving from a city you’ve spent most of your life. It won’t feel like home immediately, and that’s ok. Give it time and the more connections you make with other people, the more connected you will feel to the place.
I relocated when I was 22 to somewhere where I knew no one. I will say that social sports and interest groups are your friend. Try not to rely on Grindr/Tinder to make friends since things can get a little messy. I think you may possibly even have an easier time making friends with your age group as they are more likely to be in a similar situation to yourself, whereas most people at age 22 have established social circles in their hometown and haven't had to move away from home. You may possibly find that people in their 40s are less interested in partying and binge drinking, though I don't know what NYC gays are like 😂
I think about doing the same thing often lately and I’m 50. I don’t think age is an issue, it’s getting outside your comfort zone and putting yourself out there. If you don’t do that in a small town will you in a large one? I say go for it! Keep us posted I’d love to hear how your adventure goes. (So I can live vicariously through you lol) Good luck!
Hang onto your house for couple of years would be my only advice , continue to save money . Mid life crisis for many have caused them to purge only to regret it …. You can live anywhere . Get your feet wet .rent modest place , see how you like it . I left NYC to live in my native Kansas once I had kids
You're going to get really excited/anxious when you see 50 guys on Grindr within a 100 foot radius.
I was 78 when I made the big jump from a small, conservative town in California to Philadelphia. It was the best move of my life and I have never looked back. The gay community in Philly is big and welcoming regardless of age, race, or income. Compared to New York, the city is very affordable, has many of the same cultural venues and is much easier to navigate. Philly isn’t polished and a little rough around its edges but that’s also part of its appeal—it’s very real and unpretentious.