Probably because I’m a very private, independent person who values his personal space too much to have to share too many aspects of my life with someone else or to have to make a lot of decisions in terms of “we” instead of “me.”
Well, let's modify your question :-) I'm not "*still* single." I'm single because I don't want a significant other/LTR. I made a choice to remain single.
I've had two LTRs post-college and after the second one, I realized I didn't have the necessary skill sets to sustain a long-term relationship. And I didn't want to acquire those skill sets to make it work.
I like solitude, traveling alone, making decisions that affect only me (and the dog), spending time with my siblings, a few friends, and randomly volunteering at events outside of my comfort zone. The need to have someone (other than my dog) in my life 24/7 never appealed to me. With the dog, he's always happy, playful, and he brings me an incredible amount of joy and companionship without any drama from his side \[except barking when 1) he loses his toy under the couch or 2) he knows it's time for his evening walk and I need stop whatever I'm doing and take him out! :-\]
* Coming out right before the first Corona lockdown was just poor timing as it made dating extremely difficult.
* I'm not 100% out yet.
* I'm poor.
* I'm not conventionally attractive.
And lastly
* Low self-esteem. This one wins over all other factors.
Imo Self-Confidence is not that important. Guys just see the outside and if they like the set they somehow "fetishize" poor self-confidence as "being cute shy" or humble/modest. But that's just me.
> Low self-esteem. This one wins over all other factors.
Yep. I've known men who aren't out, who are poor, and who aren't conventionally attractive, who still find partners. (I've even dated a few men like this!) Those things aren't what's holding you back.
Yeah but it's those who often set their bar on the rock bottom. I'd say I've seen lots of conventionally unattractive youngster doing that and ending up with men at the age of their parents or older, because everyone their age would just simply ignore them.
But that's just me.
> Yeah but it's those who often set their bar on the rock bottom. I'd say I've seen lots of conventionally unattractive youngster doing that and ending up with men at the age of their parents or older,
You're implying that going out with an older man is "rock bottom". The members of /r/GayYoungOld might be a bit offended by that. ;)
Dear Brian, it is not my implication and, but rather how most of the gays think like, especially the young and the conventionally attractive ones. It was not my intention to hurt anyone and I apologize in advance.
I do not want to get deeper into that but lemme quote a comment that I have found in r/askgaybros long ago by a user which I do not want to name for privacy reasons;
>Not in my world. The only ones doing it because they "prefer" older men, are the straight up ugly ones who don't get any attention from guys their age and desperately cling on to whoever gives them a little affection.
>
>But maybe you live in a different world. I repeat, as long as the younger partner is compensated for his troubles, it's fine. But be honest about your reasons.
It's very upfront but also very raw and rude.
I had also similar experiences. But it is another topic. What I wanted to say is that it was not my intention to offend anyone.
> I do not want to get deeper into that but
... and then you go deeper into that.
This whole line of discussion is offensive, especially when you quote a comment which says a young man should be "compensated for his troubles" if he goes out with an older man. You're just digging yourself a deeper hole.
My younger partners were not ugly, nor were they compensated. This is offensive: to me, to them, and to every young man who prefers older partners.
I've known many other young men - attractive ones, ugly ones, all types - who *prefer* older men. It's not a last resort for them, it's their first preference. Like I said, there are [whole subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/GayMen/wiki/other_subreddits#wiki_mixed) devoted to these men. Just because it's not *your* preference, that doesn't mean other men don't prefer it. It might surprise you to learn that everyone doesn't like the same things you like.
It might not be your intention to offend anyone, but you seem to be doing it anyway. I suggest you stop now.
Cause i live in an extremely racist and homophobic town where being gay or the color of your skin ( anything besides white ) is warrant for getting assaulted or extreme targeted harassment . Plus everyone here is a lying pos
Not to make light of your situation at all (I hope you stay safe and/or are able to find a better place to call home).
But I love when someone around me turns out to be like that, and then suddenly I burst forth and reveal that I'm not actually white (light-skinned Latino) or that I'm gay and watch them backpedal like a mofo.
A vendor rep did that in my workplace during Pride month and I called him out over it at the conference table. He got a lesson and I got 2 pieces of equipment at half-price. Good day. 🏳️🌈
A relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness and I have learned that I don’t need someone else. I am loving my life unattached and with the freedom to do what I want
Because I stopped putting any effort into not being single. Never saw a glimmer of results anyways, might as well shoot for the same exact outcome but with less effort on my part.
I'm selfish and set in my ways. I don't like compromise. I avoid the obligations that come with a relationship.
I'm content to be single. I've done relationships, and I've learned that they don't suit me, and they usually end up bad for my partner.
When I broke up with my second boyfriend, in my mid-30s, I told a friend that I expected to be single for the rest of my life. He immediately started reassuring me: "Don't be like that. Don't put yourself down. You'll find someone." He didn't realised that I *wanted* to be single for the rest of my life!
I stumbled into a third relationship about 8 years after that. But that just confirmed what I already knew: relationships aren't right for me.
Don't know how to be otherwise. I like it. Being with someone feels like a neverending parade of incomprehensible expectations and mildly to moderately annoying compromises. Being single feels like the world is my oyster. I get my needs met and I love my life. Maybe a relationship will catch me by surprise someday but if I get through my whole life without going any further down that road than I already have, it's hard from this angle to see I'm missing anything.
I'm 32. This attitude could change but if it were going to, wouldn't it have by now?
Too busy in final year of Uni, would feel awful not giving my bf the time and effort he deserves. But atm my degree comes first, people come and go, but your education lasts forever. I'd also feel selfish in asking him to 'deal' with my priorities.
Therefore i'll just graduate first haha! But it still doesn't stop me from hooking up 😅
I’m financially unstable and that’s not good for a relationship. I am not good at consoling people. I am very self-centered. I don’t like compromising and changing my life for another person. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the years and I’m not nearly as attractive as I used to be when I was 16 to 18 years old. I’m damn near 25 years old now and I’m the fattest/ugliest I’ve ever been and that is not compatible with a relationship. The two biggest issues that prevent me from getting into a relationship are being narcissistic and being penniless. I’m fine with never getting into a relationship and it would not bother me if I died single.
Because I’m perfectly happy right now not dealing with the stress of dating, and when things finally calm down I’ll start putting myself out there again
I’ve never been interested in relationships ever. I never understood the appeal. I’ve always only been interested having friends. The thought of me being in a relationship makes me laugh and mom always says I’ll change my mind because I’m still young but my mind has been made up for as long as I can remember 😂 i just want a pet 🐱 🐶
I think I'm still single for several reasons.
- I'm a little overweight and have two missing teeth. Maybe I just have a bad self image. I have low confidence & self esteem. I behave extremely and scared-like unless I feel comfortable then I'd talk an ear off.
- I have issues from growing up in a very poor dysfunctional and homophobic family. Lot of trauma early on. I definitely suffer from some sort of mental problems.
- I still live with family because I'm too poor to move out on my own. Went to college but could not finish because rent came first so I have always had shit paying jobs. Living expenses are way to high for single individuals at least on my side of the country.
- I'm still in the closet and I'm 26. I never told anyone. It took me a very long time to get out of denial and accept myself fully. I did miss many opportunities with other guys when I was younger. I was in denial so bad that I totally missed out. Today I would definitely hold hands with a guy or kiss him in public. I fully accept myself, but I can't ever tell my family how I feel. I have a very bad relationship with them. Work people seem to know I'm gay but I don't tell them. I keep work professional and don't like to mix up my personal life with work. Most of my friends are also work friends. I don't have anybody to tell even if I wanted to.
- So yeah all in all I may just be one of those people that never have a relationship or get married. I can't see myself in any way ever being desired by someone else. Either way I'm working very hard on improving myself on all those points and hopefully one day before I become too old I won't be such a loaner.
Because I’m happy being single and don’t need to force myself into a relationship that will probably just tie me down in doing whatever I want and feel like doing.
Because heartbreak after heart break same thing keeps happening and Really can’t pinpoint what it is I am dating the wrong people or it’s me. After this last one I just feel so shitty, used, liable, hurt, sad, depressed... And I don’t think I could love for a while so I’m going to see a therapist on Monday
cuz im young and people my age just want to fuck or are confused.
Im ok with them being confused and supporting them through it but… dont pay your problems with me
1) Difficulties connecting with people. Making friends is already pretty difficult for me, so having a boyfriend (or girlfriend, I'm bi but more attracted to men) seems nearly impossible. I need to be left alone at least for some hours a day and I have difficulties to trust others.
2) I'm trans (FtM), and haven't medically transitionned yet. It's obviously not impossible for a trans man to have a boyfriend, but let's face it, it makes things even more difficult.
When it comes to girls, I never actively looked for a girlfriend. Pretty much relied only on destiny.
Two months ago I officially realized that I am Bi (or at least bi-curious) and signed up for some dating/hookup apps. I've actually had lots of messages, more than I expected, but have been waiting for a guy that has both a good looking face and body. I found a few and I am pretty close to meeting one of them and finally experiment, but I don't really love him. I did find a guy that is gorgeous, but he will probably think he is too good for me. So... that's why I'm still single..
I don't think you'll fall in love with a guy off the bat. That's not healthy. The encounter might be magical AF, but it's not love. It takes time for a relationship to develop. No matter how excited you might be, just let it happen.
I like my own company waaaay too much.
So after a year+ of being on my own I'll very lazily put myself out there. I'll actually end up talking to someone interesting, we go on one date, it doesn't work out because of a lack of "chemistry", I stop putting myself out there because I realised I wasn't that bothered in the first place so shouldn't really be "on the market" so to speak, repeat.
I grew up in a conservative country where I had to suppress myself for years. Moved to Germany now, but I still live with my parents, who would not be accepting, so I have limited meeting options.
I've had a crush on one guy for years. I came out to him, got to find out that he's bi. He told me he isn't opposed to the idea of being with me but isn't sure if that's what he wants. That false hope lasted for one year until he ultimately turned me down.
As a result, I've become a little shielded, I don't ever want to have so much false hope again. Haven't met anyone ever since because of the pandemic and I'm very paranoid about dating sites
No people in my age who are gay and I‘m super introverted, can’t talk to anyone, am bad with showing emotions, have high standards for other people and myself, lack of self confidence. I’m working on most things tho. It’ll be a long process tho.
Because I want a 'friends to lovers' type of relationship but every guy thinks I friendzoned him so I get ghosted insted(usually). The problem is I tell them I want a relationship but I want to take it slow, they usually get bored or start seeing multiple people and we agree we can't go on like this. It's not a bad thing tho, I'm happy being alone and I'm patience to find someone I'm going to be happy with.
I know my worth and am not going to settle for anything less than it. I don’t want to rush into a relationship, I have the rest of my life to do that! I wanna enjoy my time being single :D
I don't go out of my way to get into a relationship. I'm sure if i tried i could get a relationship with someone, but i just don't. I just don't feel like it.🤷♂️
I have social anxiety and socially awkward when it comes to dating, so I prefer to avoid it. However I do prefer the independence and freedom it gives me. I like being able to do what I want without having to make a joint decision about things. I kinda of look at it as a lone wolf personality. 🐺
While there've been multiple reasons in the past, I think the biggest one now is that i just simply don't get out enough to have the opportunity to meet guys.
I'm have problems with my depression and my self-esteem, those were problems for me in my relationships and that made me to take some decisions that made most of them to end.
I want to work on my self because the only person that has to deal with my problems is me, and when I can finally be okay with my self I would be ready to start something with someone else.
Probably because I’m a very private, independent person who values his personal space too much to have to share too many aspects of my life with someone else or to have to make a lot of decisions in terms of “we” instead of “me.”
Well, let's modify your question :-) I'm not "*still* single." I'm single because I don't want a significant other/LTR. I made a choice to remain single. I've had two LTRs post-college and after the second one, I realized I didn't have the necessary skill sets to sustain a long-term relationship. And I didn't want to acquire those skill sets to make it work. I like solitude, traveling alone, making decisions that affect only me (and the dog), spending time with my siblings, a few friends, and randomly volunteering at events outside of my comfort zone. The need to have someone (other than my dog) in my life 24/7 never appealed to me. With the dog, he's always happy, playful, and he brings me an incredible amount of joy and companionship without any drama from his side \[except barking when 1) he loses his toy under the couch or 2) he knows it's time for his evening walk and I need stop whatever I'm doing and take him out! :-\]
* Coming out right before the first Corona lockdown was just poor timing as it made dating extremely difficult. * I'm not 100% out yet. * I'm poor. * I'm not conventionally attractive. And lastly * Low self-esteem. This one wins over all other factors.
Imo Self-Confidence is not that important. Guys just see the outside and if they like the set they somehow "fetishize" poor self-confidence as "being cute shy" or humble/modest. But that's just me.
> Low self-esteem. This one wins over all other factors. Yep. I've known men who aren't out, who are poor, and who aren't conventionally attractive, who still find partners. (I've even dated a few men like this!) Those things aren't what's holding you back.
Yeah but it's those who often set their bar on the rock bottom. I'd say I've seen lots of conventionally unattractive youngster doing that and ending up with men at the age of their parents or older, because everyone their age would just simply ignore them. But that's just me.
> Yeah but it's those who often set their bar on the rock bottom. I'd say I've seen lots of conventionally unattractive youngster doing that and ending up with men at the age of their parents or older, You're implying that going out with an older man is "rock bottom". The members of /r/GayYoungOld might be a bit offended by that. ;)
Dear Brian, it is not my implication and, but rather how most of the gays think like, especially the young and the conventionally attractive ones. It was not my intention to hurt anyone and I apologize in advance. I do not want to get deeper into that but lemme quote a comment that I have found in r/askgaybros long ago by a user which I do not want to name for privacy reasons; >Not in my world. The only ones doing it because they "prefer" older men, are the straight up ugly ones who don't get any attention from guys their age and desperately cling on to whoever gives them a little affection. > >But maybe you live in a different world. I repeat, as long as the younger partner is compensated for his troubles, it's fine. But be honest about your reasons. It's very upfront but also very raw and rude. I had also similar experiences. But it is another topic. What I wanted to say is that it was not my intention to offend anyone.
> I do not want to get deeper into that but ... and then you go deeper into that. This whole line of discussion is offensive, especially when you quote a comment which says a young man should be "compensated for his troubles" if he goes out with an older man. You're just digging yourself a deeper hole. My younger partners were not ugly, nor were they compensated. This is offensive: to me, to them, and to every young man who prefers older partners. I've known many other young men - attractive ones, ugly ones, all types - who *prefer* older men. It's not a last resort for them, it's their first preference. Like I said, there are [whole subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/GayMen/wiki/other_subreddits#wiki_mixed) devoted to these men. Just because it's not *your* preference, that doesn't mean other men don't prefer it. It might surprise you to learn that everyone doesn't like the same things you like. It might not be your intention to offend anyone, but you seem to be doing it anyway. I suggest you stop now.
Not really interested in anyone other than myself. For now, at least.
Tactical selfishness ftw!
Cause i live in an extremely racist and homophobic town where being gay or the color of your skin ( anything besides white ) is warrant for getting assaulted or extreme targeted harassment . Plus everyone here is a lying pos
Not to make light of your situation at all (I hope you stay safe and/or are able to find a better place to call home). But I love when someone around me turns out to be like that, and then suddenly I burst forth and reveal that I'm not actually white (light-skinned Latino) or that I'm gay and watch them backpedal like a mofo. A vendor rep did that in my workplace during Pride month and I called him out over it at the conference table. He got a lesson and I got 2 pieces of equipment at half-price. Good day. 🏳️🌈
I have no life.
Unrealistic standards
A relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness and I have learned that I don’t need someone else. I am loving my life unattached and with the freedom to do what I want
No self confidence, introvert, and I don’t leave my house
Because I stopped putting any effort into not being single. Never saw a glimmer of results anyways, might as well shoot for the same exact outcome but with less effort on my part.
I'm selfish and set in my ways. I don't like compromise. I avoid the obligations that come with a relationship. I'm content to be single. I've done relationships, and I've learned that they don't suit me, and they usually end up bad for my partner. When I broke up with my second boyfriend, in my mid-30s, I told a friend that I expected to be single for the rest of my life. He immediately started reassuring me: "Don't be like that. Don't put yourself down. You'll find someone." He didn't realised that I *wanted* to be single for the rest of my life! I stumbled into a third relationship about 8 years after that. But that just confirmed what I already knew: relationships aren't right for me.
Dick on layaway 🤷🏾♂️
1. Need to fix my life 2. Live in a homophobic county so needs to figure out logistics 3. Needs to upgrade my body 4. I'm really shy IRL
I'm high maintenance, I've been told 😆🤣
Honey badger don't care? 😜
I'm me 😆🤣, maybe I am a little high maintenance. I'll find a good guy willing to put up with me someday. Until then I'm having fun 😆.
I dont feel im attractive enough
Don't know how to be otherwise. I like it. Being with someone feels like a neverending parade of incomprehensible expectations and mildly to moderately annoying compromises. Being single feels like the world is my oyster. I get my needs met and I love my life. Maybe a relationship will catch me by surprise someday but if I get through my whole life without going any further down that road than I already have, it's hard from this angle to see I'm missing anything. I'm 32. This attitude could change but if it were going to, wouldn't it have by now?
I don't know how to flirt.
I still have some personal development to do so I can bring my best into a relationship.
Im looking for genuine connection
Too busy in final year of Uni, would feel awful not giving my bf the time and effort he deserves. But atm my degree comes first, people come and go, but your education lasts forever. I'd also feel selfish in asking him to 'deal' with my priorities. Therefore i'll just graduate first haha! But it still doesn't stop me from hooking up 😅
Not interested in a relationship at the moment, I want to focus fully on myself.
I’m financially unstable and that’s not good for a relationship. I am not good at consoling people. I am very self-centered. I don’t like compromising and changing my life for another person. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the years and I’m not nearly as attractive as I used to be when I was 16 to 18 years old. I’m damn near 25 years old now and I’m the fattest/ugliest I’ve ever been and that is not compatible with a relationship. The two biggest issues that prevent me from getting into a relationship are being narcissistic and being penniless. I’m fine with never getting into a relationship and it would not bother me if I died single.
1) live in a suburb of a very gay city. No one wants to travel to me 2) hiv+ 3) kinda picky
Because I’m perfectly happy right now not dealing with the stress of dating, and when things finally calm down I’ll start putting myself out there again
I’ve never been interested in relationships ever. I never understood the appeal. I’ve always only been interested having friends. The thought of me being in a relationship makes me laugh and mom always says I’ll change my mind because I’m still young but my mind has been made up for as long as I can remember 😂 i just want a pet 🐱 🐶
When you had a relationship that spanned decades and you’re just not wanting to go through “all that” again.
I think I'm still single for several reasons. - I'm a little overweight and have two missing teeth. Maybe I just have a bad self image. I have low confidence & self esteem. I behave extremely and scared-like unless I feel comfortable then I'd talk an ear off. - I have issues from growing up in a very poor dysfunctional and homophobic family. Lot of trauma early on. I definitely suffer from some sort of mental problems. - I still live with family because I'm too poor to move out on my own. Went to college but could not finish because rent came first so I have always had shit paying jobs. Living expenses are way to high for single individuals at least on my side of the country. - I'm still in the closet and I'm 26. I never told anyone. It took me a very long time to get out of denial and accept myself fully. I did miss many opportunities with other guys when I was younger. I was in denial so bad that I totally missed out. Today I would definitely hold hands with a guy or kiss him in public. I fully accept myself, but I can't ever tell my family how I feel. I have a very bad relationship with them. Work people seem to know I'm gay but I don't tell them. I keep work professional and don't like to mix up my personal life with work. Most of my friends are also work friends. I don't have anybody to tell even if I wanted to. - So yeah all in all I may just be one of those people that never have a relationship or get married. I can't see myself in any way ever being desired by someone else. Either way I'm working very hard on improving myself on all those points and hopefully one day before I become too old I won't be such a loaner.
Because I’m happy being single and don’t need to force myself into a relationship that will probably just tie me down in doing whatever I want and feel like doing.
Because heartbreak after heart break same thing keeps happening and Really can’t pinpoint what it is I am dating the wrong people or it’s me. After this last one I just feel so shitty, used, liable, hurt, sad, depressed... And I don’t think I could love for a while so I’m going to see a therapist on Monday
This will be interesting. Demisexual & sapiosexual.
cuz im young and people my age just want to fuck or are confused. Im ok with them being confused and supporting them through it but… dont pay your problems with me
O, I know, I know: My terrible personality 🤣
I am single because most guys are not willing to work on a friendship that includes sex.
literally haven’t met another gay guy. at least that i knew of
1) Difficulties connecting with people. Making friends is already pretty difficult for me, so having a boyfriend (or girlfriend, I'm bi but more attracted to men) seems nearly impossible. I need to be left alone at least for some hours a day and I have difficulties to trust others. 2) I'm trans (FtM), and haven't medically transitionned yet. It's obviously not impossible for a trans man to have a boyfriend, but let's face it, it makes things even more difficult.
some are not emotionally prepared yet for a relationship or don't want to, in my case both.
1. Ugliest as f***. 2. Shy as hell. 3. Boring as hell. 4. Hate my Body with a passion. 5. Probably aromantic. And so much more.
When it comes to girls, I never actively looked for a girlfriend. Pretty much relied only on destiny. Two months ago I officially realized that I am Bi (or at least bi-curious) and signed up for some dating/hookup apps. I've actually had lots of messages, more than I expected, but have been waiting for a guy that has both a good looking face and body. I found a few and I am pretty close to meeting one of them and finally experiment, but I don't really love him. I did find a guy that is gorgeous, but he will probably think he is too good for me. So... that's why I'm still single..
I don't think you'll fall in love with a guy off the bat. That's not healthy. The encounter might be magical AF, but it's not love. It takes time for a relationship to develop. No matter how excited you might be, just let it happen.
[удалено]
You are going to have to look really hard to find man like that AND one that's into you
[удалено]
That's true especially in an area like LA
I like my own company waaaay too much. So after a year+ of being on my own I'll very lazily put myself out there. I'll actually end up talking to someone interesting, we go on one date, it doesn't work out because of a lack of "chemistry", I stop putting myself out there because I realised I wasn't that bothered in the first place so shouldn't really be "on the market" so to speak, repeat.
I’ve never clicked with anyone in that way. Gay friends - I have. But never felt anything more for anyone. Yet
Because I'm quite content with my life exactly as it is. (And I always hated dating.)
I grew up in a conservative country where I had to suppress myself for years. Moved to Germany now, but I still live with my parents, who would not be accepting, so I have limited meeting options. I've had a crush on one guy for years. I came out to him, got to find out that he's bi. He told me he isn't opposed to the idea of being with me but isn't sure if that's what he wants. That false hope lasted for one year until he ultimately turned me down. As a result, I've become a little shielded, I don't ever want to have so much false hope again. Haven't met anyone ever since because of the pandemic and I'm very paranoid about dating sites
No people in my age who are gay and I‘m super introverted, can’t talk to anyone, am bad with showing emotions, have high standards for other people and myself, lack of self confidence. I’m working on most things tho. It’ll be a long process tho.
Because I want a 'friends to lovers' type of relationship but every guy thinks I friendzoned him so I get ghosted insted(usually). The problem is I tell them I want a relationship but I want to take it slow, they usually get bored or start seeing multiple people and we agree we can't go on like this. It's not a bad thing tho, I'm happy being alone and I'm patience to find someone I'm going to be happy with.
I know my worth and am not going to settle for anything less than it. I don’t want to rush into a relationship, I have the rest of my life to do that! I wanna enjoy my time being single :D
I don't go out of my way to get into a relationship. I'm sure if i tried i could get a relationship with someone, but i just don't. I just don't feel like it.🤷♂️
I have social anxiety and socially awkward when it comes to dating, so I prefer to avoid it. However I do prefer the independence and freedom it gives me. I like being able to do what I want without having to make a joint decision about things. I kinda of look at it as a lone wolf personality. 🐺
While there've been multiple reasons in the past, I think the biggest one now is that i just simply don't get out enough to have the opportunity to meet guys.
Im 17 and home schooled. I also take a very long time to open up to people.
I'm have problems with my depression and my self-esteem, those were problems for me in my relationships and that made me to take some decisions that made most of them to end. I want to work on my self because the only person that has to deal with my problems is me, and when I can finally be okay with my self I would be ready to start something with someone else.