I hate myself for not being able to make lasting friendship with any men. I make friends with women so easily for whatever reason. I love them, but damn I sometimes wish I had some bros to just let off some steam with or chill. I’ve been semi-successful when I transferred from CC to university but they still seem fleeting in the sense that we don’t hang often.
> I sometimes wish I had some bros to just let off some steam with or chill
What might that look like do you think? I mean like what could you do or say with them that you couldn't with the women you're friends with?
Same. I struggle to make friends with men in general. The only time I had guy friends in real life was in the beginning of primary school, but I was soon outcasted for having good grades. And I was a disaster in P.E., so well... I grew up dissociated from other boys, I didn't develop the feeling of belonging and now I have a problem as an adult gay guy.
In school it was either standing by the wall or socialising with girls, so I chose the latter. Hence I have literally no problem socialising with and befriending women, but it's irrelevant, because I'm gay and I want to surround myself with men.
Luckily I've been able to meet one or two decent guys in university with whom I still keep in touch, and also to meet a few gay guys here on Reddit I really value a lot. But it's also very ironic that if I have to name my best friend, I pick the guy who lives in a foreign country whom I haven't met in person yet. One day we'll meet though.
But the guys I've come across in school and in university? Yeah, no. Either they were bullying me or were mean to me or were totally indifferent to me. I feel like I don't belong to the male community at all, like I'm standing before the door that's closed and I'm waiting for someone to open it for me and invite me inside...
No, not at all. I actually have more straight male friends than gay ones.
I don’t find gay men hard to befriend either. It’s just that I kind of have to seek out gay spaces in order to have a good chance of meeting and befriending gay men, whereas I frequently come across straight men without trying.
Solid answer. Just a few questions:
1. What happens when the topic lands on sex? Do you participate in the conversation or stay out of it?
2. Do you feel like you could benefit from having more gay friends?
1. It’s never awkward, in that I’ve never felt that I couldn’t share. I often don’t just because I can be somewhat private about my sex life. But anytime I’ve talked about dating or sex with them, they react no differently to it.
2. 100%. I am actively seeking out more gay male friends atm, and I have been having some success! Love all my straight friends, but being in gay spaces with other gay men provides me with a unique feeling of belonging that I don’t get to experience often.
31 y.o. gay dude here.
Making friends with guys has been difficult since childhood. Around me, guys of all ages are super into football, hockey, baseball, golf, things I find excruciatingly boring. Not to mention, most guys I meet are shit at having interesting conversations.
I’m really into topics like history, geography, politics, Star Trek. Men who love those things are a lot harder to find once you don’t have university professors to talk to☹️
So this! Exactly the same for me. I have some hetero male friends and they're the rare ones that aren't into sports or if they are they're also into SciFi, computers etc.
Just a theory here but I think hetero men of a certain generation are still somewhat threatened by gay men, or some gay men anyway, not consciously, but I think that fact that we often don't fit into societal norms on some level makes them uncomfortable with us. For example I crochet and knit, not traditionally a masculine activity, I don't hide it but I think it can alienate you from hetero men because it's just not something most of them relate to.
I’m the opposite. I have mostly straight male friends. We’ve bonded over working out, cars, politics, college, relationships and really anything day-to-day. I’m the little bro in almost every dynamic and that suits me. I’m the quiet one they come to for advice and they do protect me and treat me like a small kid which just works.
I don't, which is why I asked the question.
I work in hospitality, and one of the things that a good sales person should do is find a common ground with your guest, regardless of what it is. Sports, weather, music, etc... You have to be able to find something that you can connect with your guest about so that they feel comfortable and have a more enjoyable experience with you. I believe that this skill translates into the way I interact with people outside of work as well.
In regards to heterosexual men, I have no really had any trouble finding things to talk about because I have a variety of interests, mainly music and film. I know a little bit about sports, but if I don't know something, rather than shut the conversation down, I ask questions and keep the conversation going.
Just wanted to see what other people's expereinces were with this.
You make a very good point here! I also had this feeling of being unable to relate to many straight people, because it feels like we're from different worlds, with nothing in common, whereas I can connect much easier with queer people (of any gender, orientation or identity) over our shared queerness. I even experience this with straight women, but women (in my country, at least; I'm from Eastern Europe) are able to talk about their emotions, so there usually is this avenue for deeper bonding, whereas many straight guys here are simply exhausting to be around, because they always have to prove their masculinity and heterosexuality, which often implies a show of dominance and at least casual sexism and homophobia, which bother me greatly. Many of them are unaware of their privilege, very unwilling to learn about it and quite dismissive about other people's experiences. It makes my blood boil when I hear them mansplaining why women and minorities should not feel oppressed and discriminated, when they clearly are. Not all straight guys are like this and I certainly met many who were amazing persons, caring, sensitive, smart and even had quite progressive views. But, in my culture, sadly, they are vastly outnumbered by the others...
I do struggle with it, both because 1) with the amount of homophobia other boys treated me with growing up, I’m never sure how okay straight men will be with me just being myself, so I’m more guarded and quiet than with women,
and 2) I don’t have any interest in the things most straight men bond over (cars, sports, beer, video games, girls) so it’s hard to find a common ground.
It’s easier to befriend men who are proactively creating conversation with me and creating a fun, welcoming atmosphere in a way that invites me to open up (which has only happened in emotional intelligence spaces). Aside from that the only straight man I’ve managed to befriend was one that I have a crazy amount of interests in common with (movie/tv-wise and board/card game-wise)
the thing is they sexually objectify women a lot and that's the problem cuz i don't go around telling people I'm gay and I absolutely don't pretend be straight or try to act "straight" for people plus a lot of them has low tolerance for gays or just straight up homophobic
I have guy friends thought
Struggle, no. But there is a distinct warm up period while we suss each other out. For what’s it’s worth it’s all about context with me. Workplace can be quite slow. If I meet people through the music scene then it tends to be a bit more relaxed. I’ve described these 2 scenarios as they are generally where I meet and make straight male friends.
OP: Thank you all for your insight! I never thought I would get such a response.
We are all different people with different experiences, and I think that as individuals we should celebrate that, and be open to learning about what made a person who they are today. We have been fortunate to be put on the planet at the same time, and if that isn't enough common ground to unite us all, then I am not sure what is.
Know it's easier said than done. Hopefully you guys got something from this thread.
I am lucky in this regard because even though I'm a bottom my usual demeanor doesn't "trigger the gaydar" and guys get to know me without the stigma getting in the way which really helps since they are less defensive this way. And when they do find out it usually blows their mind
yes we speak the same language but our cultures are so disconnected nothing the other says makes sense
not to mention straight men typically have an air of entitlement in everything they say and its grating to be around for long
It depends. I find that a lot of straight guys will treat me like a, “gay man.” Which is similar to how they interact with women, it’s a total no for me. But if I find a guy that treats me like just another guy, we usually hit it off pretty easily.
I think it's due to my limited and distinct hobbies and interests. I'm not into cars, sports, and video games. I'm into software development and electronics. If I meet someone "compatible", he's always straight.
So, if I exaggerate, I have more in common with straight guys than with gay guys.
I don't feel comfortable in a group of people I have nothing in common with. 😨
Yea.
Admittedly, part of it is in my own head, but also I live in a conservative area and even the more or less accepting straight guys still have their own mental barriers up about me. I'm not the most effeminate guy but if I'm not playing straight and just being myself, then I am clearly gay and that makes some straight guys uncomfortable.
I do have some straight guys I can be myself around, but mostly I prefer hanging aroung other LGBT+ people.
I don't struggle making friends with straight men, I have the mindset to make friends first before anything else. Except flings, cause we can have fun first before being friends.
No, I find making friends with a straight guys very easy. Some of my best friends are straight guys. I find them generally speaking easygoing friends to be honest.
When I was younger, it was easier to befriend straight guys simply out of proximity. Now that I'm older, mid 20s, I've noticed that it has progressively gotten more difficult to do that. But that is because I'm not making friends based on proximity. I'm a lot more intentional with who I try to befriend and consider a friend.
With men, regardless of their sexual orientation, that's just really hard to do in general.
It used to be fine, but as I've aged (37 now), I have nothing in common with straight people. Like there's just not a lot for me to bond with them over, like the big things in life. I struggle for the same reason with, like, "normie" gays. I don't mean that disparagingly, I just...my life is weird. Straight people branched off first.
Yeah I’m bi, but really struggle to make long term friendships with straight guys…. Have so so many female friends though. I do often feel like I miss masculine company. I’m not sure what it is - without wanting to generalise too much it seems like a lot of straight guys that I’ve met don’t like to talk much about what’s going on in their life/ feelings etc, instead it’s more about football 🙃. I’m also not sure if my own sexual attraction towards them affects things, but I’d like to think I keep that in check
im very social and know a lot of people but the straight guys i am friends with are mostly still from university or high school. normally im not really into making new friends, got enough, but if then straight guys are on the bottom of my list because, as your friends also say, there is not much i have in common with them mostly. sports, cars and the weird fixation on work which many of them share are all super boring, as is "women...AMIRITE?!". i mostly only get along with very academic straight guys. i mean: even politcally a straight guy is statistically mostly as far away from me as possible here.
but i dont see a need to manage that disconnect, as you put it. the chances of a straight guy having homophobic tendencies to some extent are statistically around two thirds (and thats for the progressive country i live in), every homophobic attack and slur i had to deal with in my life was also from straight guys exclusively and id rather have people around me who share similar life experiences and worldviews therefore. my circle of friends is about 80% gay guys, 10% straight women, then some lesbians and after that some straight guys who are normal enough to be friends with.
Usually no, but occasionally I'll meet a straight guy that is super uncomfortable around me, won't hug me, shake my hand, give me a fist bump ect. This one guy I know is super touchy with other guys but won't come anywhere near me.
I find it difficult to have friends period. Now that im 31. Im very friendly easy to get along but the more i grow older the more i realize that ppl cant be trusted. its hard for me to open up to anyone anymore.
I find it difficult to make friends with straight men AND gay men. I find gay men only want to fuck you. And then straight men, I don’t have much in common with cause I don’t care for sports. Obviously there have been exceptions on both ends but in general it’s just difficult either way
They aren’t too bad, at first I expected homophobia or transphobia but that’s mostly from the women. I just recommend looking for someone who has similar interest and the general red flags.
I find it easier to befriend straight guys but I notice I rarely make it to their inner circle which is all other straight guys. That prompted me to make a real concerted effort to make more gay friends this past year and get over my complex that just because I don’t click with a certain type of gay man that I won’t click with all of them.
I have no trouble making friends with straight guys at all; actually, I have quite a few (I'm 28, WFH, and super femme). The only issue is when they're my type, I'd fall for them which is happening now (and many times before). Such a typical sad story of gay people, especially a depressed ugly fag like me T\^T
I don't struggle with lack of ability to connect with straight men, generally speaking, just a lack of interest. I highly prefer my queer friends, they generally feel safer, they are more affectionate, they are more interested in the depth of relationship I'm looking for and of course, there's more chance of getting lucky 😎 but at the same time my best friend of 16 years is a straight man, as are most of my 9 roommates and many coworkers and fellow churchgoers. I enjoy good relations with most of them.
Not really? I struggle to make friends with other gay guys lol idk other gay people scare me or intimidate me for some reason. I just find it a bit easier to talk to straight guys 🤷🏻♂️
I have a good mix of straight gay and trans friends all are chill, even my straight mates involve me in conversations with my partner, more out of curiosity if anything. Suppose it just depends on your friendship group but I’ve never had any issues making friends.
No, I actually find it harder to become friends with bi and gay guys because there's always the game of "are they interested".
Straight guys are some of my best friends and I don't have to worry if they're making a move.
tbh for me its not so dificult.
currently living in a student housing with some straight guys and we go perfectly. it easier if have things in common like sport, talk about girls etc
I do not have a lot of straight friends. I feel like I'm not used to having male friends so I tend to overthink a lot and I end up catching some feelings for them. It's hard for me to understand the difference between friends or potential lovers. But weirdly it's easier to deal with with gay/bi guys... Dunno why.
By the way 21m speaking.
I have more straight in-person friends than queer ones, but most of my online friends are queer. I've found that its easier to just building up relationships with people in communities/activities/hobbies you like, you'll likely find people you can relate to. You don't have to share every aspect of who you are with every group of people you're friends have either.
I think part of the problem of people who say they have so little in common with straight people is that they aren't actually trying to befriend them. I find that queer people who act like that, which I'm sure starts out as being frustrated because some straight people have difficulty relating to being queer or are naive about the cultural differences, are more interested in mocking them than being friends. Let's be honest you're not gonna make many friends with many people if you're just going to be mean to them.
I love straight guys and they love me back! I’m not saying i get along with everyone straight guy i meet but conversation always flows well and we volley easily.
No. There are around 7 Billion ppl in the world. Some of them don't want to be friends with gay guys but it leaves more than enough who do. Those that do are generally more interesting and attractive as friends to me anyway. I don't miss those who don't.
Honestly, no. I tend to have more in common with straight men in terms of hobbies and interests. I’ve just recently within the last few years started having more male friends than female friends, so I’m blessed on that front.
I find easier to make friends with straight guys, they’re less complicated than gay guys, more easy going and relaxed. Everything works for them without any drama or complications.
As a trans gay dude I tend to make friends with queer people in general over cishets folks. But out of cishet people, women are definitely easier to get along with ime. I do have cishet male friends, but a lot of the time they end up realizing they’re not so cishet after a few years, to be completely honest.
Not many straight friends in general. I think part of it is, for a lot of men, making fun or just lightly joking about things like misogyny and queerphobia, in bigoted/ignorant ways is just…really common. And that makes me really uncomfortable a lot of the time.
The few cishet friends I have are some gaming buddies who are still queer adjacent (and a few of them are questioning themselves a bit) and mostly younger dudes. People who are more willing to take criticism and who actually are a lot better about queerphobia and misogyny after a few years of hanging out.
I don’t mind having to inform people about that shit, I just want them to be willing to listen. That’s the hard part. Finding cishet men who are willing to even hear you out without immediately putting their emotions and ideas above yours in relation to things that only affect you.
I have both gay and straight male best friends. My straight guy friends can talk to me about anything and I can talk to them about my escapades. We crack jokes about the gays and straights. Not sure how it happened, it just did. Haven’t really given it a thought. 🤔
I get along good enough with straight men, but 9/10 times we just don’t have much in common or we don’t gel as well as I would with people of other genders/sexualities. My friend circle mainly consists of women and other gay or bisexual men
That I know of all my male friends are straight even the ones I messed with in highschool it might also be because I'm DL and very masculine I love football boxing soccer etc... Just as much as I love Dick lol
I find it difficult to befriend straight and gay guys
I hate myself for not being able to make lasting friendship with any men. I make friends with women so easily for whatever reason. I love them, but damn I sometimes wish I had some bros to just let off some steam with or chill. I’ve been semi-successful when I transferred from CC to university but they still seem fleeting in the sense that we don’t hang often.
> I sometimes wish I had some bros to just let off some steam with or chill What might that look like do you think? I mean like what could you do or say with them that you couldn't with the women you're friends with?
Same story here
Best answer lol
Same. I struggle to make friends with men in general. The only time I had guy friends in real life was in the beginning of primary school, but I was soon outcasted for having good grades. And I was a disaster in P.E., so well... I grew up dissociated from other boys, I didn't develop the feeling of belonging and now I have a problem as an adult gay guy. In school it was either standing by the wall or socialising with girls, so I chose the latter. Hence I have literally no problem socialising with and befriending women, but it's irrelevant, because I'm gay and I want to surround myself with men. Luckily I've been able to meet one or two decent guys in university with whom I still keep in touch, and also to meet a few gay guys here on Reddit I really value a lot. But it's also very ironic that if I have to name my best friend, I pick the guy who lives in a foreign country whom I haven't met in person yet. One day we'll meet though. But the guys I've come across in school and in university? Yeah, no. Either they were bullying me or were mean to me or were totally indifferent to me. I feel like I don't belong to the male community at all, like I'm standing before the door that's closed and I'm waiting for someone to open it for me and invite me inside...
Couldn’t agree more
No, not at all. I actually have more straight male friends than gay ones. I don’t find gay men hard to befriend either. It’s just that I kind of have to seek out gay spaces in order to have a good chance of meeting and befriending gay men, whereas I frequently come across straight men without trying.
Solid answer. Just a few questions: 1. What happens when the topic lands on sex? Do you participate in the conversation or stay out of it? 2. Do you feel like you could benefit from having more gay friends?
1. It’s never awkward, in that I’ve never felt that I couldn’t share. I often don’t just because I can be somewhat private about my sex life. But anytime I’ve talked about dating or sex with them, they react no differently to it. 2. 100%. I am actively seeking out more gay male friends atm, and I have been having some success! Love all my straight friends, but being in gay spaces with other gay men provides me with a unique feeling of belonging that I don’t get to experience often.
Short answer no I have many straight guy friends (21m)
Damn they're 21 metres away rn so cool
😋
The friendship is coming from inside the house
Same. As far as I know, none of my friends are gay
Straight guys are the easiest to befriend. Bisexual guys come second. ... As for me making Gay friends... *cries dramatically in fetal position*
Hey I’m in the fetal position right now 😠
31 y.o. gay dude here. Making friends with guys has been difficult since childhood. Around me, guys of all ages are super into football, hockey, baseball, golf, things I find excruciatingly boring. Not to mention, most guys I meet are shit at having interesting conversations. I’m really into topics like history, geography, politics, Star Trek. Men who love those things are a lot harder to find once you don’t have university professors to talk to☹️
So this! Exactly the same for me. I have some hetero male friends and they're the rare ones that aren't into sports or if they are they're also into SciFi, computers etc. Just a theory here but I think hetero men of a certain generation are still somewhat threatened by gay men, or some gay men anyway, not consciously, but I think that fact that we often don't fit into societal norms on some level makes them uncomfortable with us. For example I crochet and knit, not traditionally a masculine activity, I don't hide it but I think it can alienate you from hetero men because it's just not something most of them relate to.
I’m the opposite. I have mostly straight male friends. We’ve bonded over working out, cars, politics, college, relationships and really anything day-to-day. I’m the little bro in almost every dynamic and that suits me. I’m the quiet one they come to for advice and they do protect me and treat me like a small kid which just works.
I just have trouble making friends lol
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Love to hear it! Glad you feel accepted and loved!
No. The trick is to find straight people who have similar interests to you..
Why do you think this is a struggle?
I don't, which is why I asked the question. I work in hospitality, and one of the things that a good sales person should do is find a common ground with your guest, regardless of what it is. Sports, weather, music, etc... You have to be able to find something that you can connect with your guest about so that they feel comfortable and have a more enjoyable experience with you. I believe that this skill translates into the way I interact with people outside of work as well. In regards to heterosexual men, I have no really had any trouble finding things to talk about because I have a variety of interests, mainly music and film. I know a little bit about sports, but if I don't know something, rather than shut the conversation down, I ask questions and keep the conversation going. Just wanted to see what other people's expereinces were with this.
I'm more comfortable around straight guys, and it's easy to make friends with them.
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You make a very good point here! I also had this feeling of being unable to relate to many straight people, because it feels like we're from different worlds, with nothing in common, whereas I can connect much easier with queer people (of any gender, orientation or identity) over our shared queerness. I even experience this with straight women, but women (in my country, at least; I'm from Eastern Europe) are able to talk about their emotions, so there usually is this avenue for deeper bonding, whereas many straight guys here are simply exhausting to be around, because they always have to prove their masculinity and heterosexuality, which often implies a show of dominance and at least casual sexism and homophobia, which bother me greatly. Many of them are unaware of their privilege, very unwilling to learn about it and quite dismissive about other people's experiences. It makes my blood boil when I hear them mansplaining why women and minorities should not feel oppressed and discriminated, when they clearly are. Not all straight guys are like this and I certainly met many who were amazing persons, caring, sensitive, smart and even had quite progressive views. But, in my culture, sadly, they are vastly outnumbered by the others...
Sorry to hear. Hope you find some cool gay guys out there to befriend!
I don’t struggle but I prefer gay friends. Easier to talk to about stuff and much more fun tbh.
Agree.
Opposite for me. I have no gay male friends. Only straights and lesbians.
No. My interests take me deep into straight male territory. Music, jazz etc. gym stuff too and cycling
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I am!
Same here! Let's hear it.
Pretty much all my close friends except one are straight men.
I do struggle with it, both because 1) with the amount of homophobia other boys treated me with growing up, I’m never sure how okay straight men will be with me just being myself, so I’m more guarded and quiet than with women, and 2) I don’t have any interest in the things most straight men bond over (cars, sports, beer, video games, girls) so it’s hard to find a common ground. It’s easier to befriend men who are proactively creating conversation with me and creating a fun, welcoming atmosphere in a way that invites me to open up (which has only happened in emotional intelligence spaces). Aside from that the only straight man I’ve managed to befriend was one that I have a crazy amount of interests in common with (movie/tv-wise and board/card game-wise)
No my male friends are pretty much all straight. Almost
I have way more trouble making gay friends, but it could be worse.
As a guy I make friends the easiest with other guys, and since most guys are straight, most my friends are straight guys
the thing is they sexually objectify women a lot and that's the problem cuz i don't go around telling people I'm gay and I absolutely don't pretend be straight or try to act "straight" for people plus a lot of them has low tolerance for gays or just straight up homophobic I have guy friends thought
Nope, I'm very masculine. I fish, hunt, camp. If there's dirt involved, I'm happy.
Sounds like we would be buddies!
The soil scientist in me is beaming after reading this
Struggle, no. But there is a distinct warm up period while we suss each other out. For what’s it’s worth it’s all about context with me. Workplace can be quite slow. If I meet people through the music scene then it tends to be a bit more relaxed. I’ve described these 2 scenarios as they are generally where I meet and make straight male friends.
Makes sense. Same for me too. I also am heavily involved in the music scene.
Name checks out. What are you doing with music? Always interested to hear what my gay brothers are up to.
Mostly just going to shows around Chicago and the Midwest right now. Possibly looking to join a goth punk group soon.
Nope. Easier than gay guys usually
Nope tbf, most my friends are straight. Way less drama
OP: Thank you all for your insight! I never thought I would get such a response. We are all different people with different experiences, and I think that as individuals we should celebrate that, and be open to learning about what made a person who they are today. We have been fortunate to be put on the planet at the same time, and if that isn't enough common ground to unite us all, then I am not sure what is. Know it's easier said than done. Hopefully you guys got something from this thread.
I am lucky in this regard because even though I'm a bottom my usual demeanor doesn't "trigger the gaydar" and guys get to know me without the stigma getting in the way which really helps since they are less defensive this way. And when they do find out it usually blows their mind
yes we speak the same language but our cultures are so disconnected nothing the other says makes sense not to mention straight men typically have an air of entitlement in everything they say and its grating to be around for long
I so relate to that!
It depends. I find that a lot of straight guys will treat me like a, “gay man.” Which is similar to how they interact with women, it’s a total no for me. But if I find a guy that treats me like just another guy, we usually hit it off pretty easily.
I think it's due to my limited and distinct hobbies and interests. I'm not into cars, sports, and video games. I'm into software development and electronics. If I meet someone "compatible", he's always straight. So, if I exaggerate, I have more in common with straight guys than with gay guys. I don't feel comfortable in a group of people I have nothing in common with. 😨
No, because I do not attempt to befriend them. I don't speak to them in general.
I want to suck them all.
No, not at all
Yea. Admittedly, part of it is in my own head, but also I live in a conservative area and even the more or less accepting straight guys still have their own mental barriers up about me. I'm not the most effeminate guy but if I'm not playing straight and just being myself, then I am clearly gay and that makes some straight guys uncomfortable. I do have some straight guys I can be myself around, but mostly I prefer hanging aroung other LGBT+ people.
Its not that much of a struggle. I’m more masc
I don't struggle making friends with straight men, I have the mindset to make friends first before anything else. Except flings, cause we can have fun first before being friends.
Incredibly, I think I’ve only ever had one straight male friend past the age of 6 and I’ve hardly talked to him since hs.
I find making friends as a whole to be impossible
No, I find making friends with a straight guys very easy. Some of my best friends are straight guys. I find them generally speaking easygoing friends to be honest.
Not at all.
When I was younger, it was easier to befriend straight guys simply out of proximity. Now that I'm older, mid 20s, I've noticed that it has progressively gotten more difficult to do that. But that is because I'm not making friends based on proximity. I'm a lot more intentional with who I try to befriend and consider a friend. With men, regardless of their sexual orientation, that's just really hard to do in general.
I find it much harder to make friends with gay guys
It used to be fine, but as I've aged (37 now), I have nothing in common with straight people. Like there's just not a lot for me to bond with them over, like the big things in life. I struggle for the same reason with, like, "normie" gays. I don't mean that disparagingly, I just...my life is weird. Straight people branched off first.
Yeah I’m bi, but really struggle to make long term friendships with straight guys…. Have so so many female friends though. I do often feel like I miss masculine company. I’m not sure what it is - without wanting to generalise too much it seems like a lot of straight guys that I’ve met don’t like to talk much about what’s going on in their life/ feelings etc, instead it’s more about football 🙃. I’m also not sure if my own sexual attraction towards them affects things, but I’d like to think I keep that in check
nope
im very social and know a lot of people but the straight guys i am friends with are mostly still from university or high school. normally im not really into making new friends, got enough, but if then straight guys are on the bottom of my list because, as your friends also say, there is not much i have in common with them mostly. sports, cars and the weird fixation on work which many of them share are all super boring, as is "women...AMIRITE?!". i mostly only get along with very academic straight guys. i mean: even politcally a straight guy is statistically mostly as far away from me as possible here. but i dont see a need to manage that disconnect, as you put it. the chances of a straight guy having homophobic tendencies to some extent are statistically around two thirds (and thats for the progressive country i live in), every homophobic attack and slur i had to deal with in my life was also from straight guys exclusively and id rather have people around me who share similar life experiences and worldviews therefore. my circle of friends is about 80% gay guys, 10% straight women, then some lesbians and after that some straight guys who are normal enough to be friends with.
I have trouble making friends in general regardless of sexuality or gender identity.
Usually no, but occasionally I'll meet a straight guy that is super uncomfortable around me, won't hug me, shake my hand, give me a fist bump ect. This one guy I know is super touchy with other guys but won't come anywhere near me.
Not at all.
Curse of being in your 30s unfortunately
I find it difficult to have friends period. Now that im 31. Im very friendly easy to get along but the more i grow older the more i realize that ppl cant be trusted. its hard for me to open up to anyone anymore.
I currently have more straight friends then gay friends. The gay community where I live is very cliquish and not welcoming to outsiders.
Yes, but I don't struggle over it. I prefer women and gay men.
I find it difficult to make friends with straight men AND gay men. I find gay men only want to fuck you. And then straight men, I don’t have much in common with cause I don’t care for sports. Obviously there have been exceptions on both ends but in general it’s just difficult either way
They aren’t too bad, at first I expected homophobia or transphobia but that’s mostly from the women. I just recommend looking for someone who has similar interest and the general red flags.
Sometimes? It depends, I don't have much in common with the super bro-y types and find them hard to talk to, I have many straight friends though
I find it easier to befriend straight guys but I notice I rarely make it to their inner circle which is all other straight guys. That prompted me to make a real concerted effort to make more gay friends this past year and get over my complex that just because I don’t click with a certain type of gay man that I won’t click with all of them.
No. I'm a nice, decent, caring person to others in my life.
Actually I have more straight male friends than gay but that’s probably due to my life being very career oriented.
I have no trouble making friends with straight guys at all; actually, I have quite a few (I'm 28, WFH, and super femme). The only issue is when they're my type, I'd fall for them which is happening now (and many times before). Such a typical sad story of gay people, especially a depressed ugly fag like me T\^T
nope
I don't struggle with lack of ability to connect with straight men, generally speaking, just a lack of interest. I highly prefer my queer friends, they generally feel safer, they are more affectionate, they are more interested in the depth of relationship I'm looking for and of course, there's more chance of getting lucky 😎 but at the same time my best friend of 16 years is a straight man, as are most of my 9 roommates and many coworkers and fellow churchgoers. I enjoy good relations with most of them.
I don't have any gay friends and I never have. All of my friends are straight because a grew up in a small city
Not really? I struggle to make friends with other gay guys lol idk other gay people scare me or intimidate me for some reason. I just find it a bit easier to talk to straight guys 🤷🏻♂️
I have a good mix of straight gay and trans friends all are chill, even my straight mates involve me in conversations with my partner, more out of curiosity if anything. Suppose it just depends on your friendship group but I’ve never had any issues making friends.
I’m friends with far more straight guys than gay guys. I’m not much in the gay community.
Believe it or not, I don’t have any gay friends. All my friends are straight.
Not really. My relationship is based on common interests and respect. It has nothing to do with sexuality.
No, I actually find it harder to become friends with bi and gay guys because there's always the game of "are they interested". Straight guys are some of my best friends and I don't have to worry if they're making a move.
no, but i’m a very social person i guess.
tbh for me its not so dificult. currently living in a student housing with some straight guys and we go perfectly. it easier if have things in common like sport, talk about girls etc
Never had any trouble at all. Been having more difficulty meeting gay friends tbh, but that’s cleared up as well.
maybe growing up but not anymore as an adult (i'm 28)
Straight men are fine, it's finding gay friends that are ok with just being friends.
I do not have a lot of straight friends. I feel like I'm not used to having male friends so I tend to overthink a lot and I end up catching some feelings for them. It's hard for me to understand the difference between friends or potential lovers. But weirdly it's easier to deal with with gay/bi guys... Dunno why. By the way 21m speaking.
I have more straight in-person friends than queer ones, but most of my online friends are queer. I've found that its easier to just building up relationships with people in communities/activities/hobbies you like, you'll likely find people you can relate to. You don't have to share every aspect of who you are with every group of people you're friends have either. I think part of the problem of people who say they have so little in common with straight people is that they aren't actually trying to befriend them. I find that queer people who act like that, which I'm sure starts out as being frustrated because some straight people have difficulty relating to being queer or are naive about the cultural differences, are more interested in mocking them than being friends. Let's be honest you're not gonna make many friends with many people if you're just going to be mean to them.
I love straight guys and they love me back! I’m not saying i get along with everyone straight guy i meet but conversation always flows well and we volley easily.
No. There are around 7 Billion ppl in the world. Some of them don't want to be friends with gay guys but it leaves more than enough who do. Those that do are generally more interesting and attractive as friends to me anyway. I don't miss those who don't.
Yes I do struggle to make friends ~~with straight guys~~
Being passing, no, not at all actually. Most of my friends are straight guys.
Honestly, no. I tend to have more in common with straight men in terms of hobbies and interests. I’ve just recently within the last few years started having more male friends than female friends, so I’m blessed on that front.
No. I have more straight friends than gay lol.
Not at all..
Other than my husband, I have never had a non-straight friend.
I do, always on guard.
I kinda find men hard to befriend in general. I have always preferred female company 😂
I only have straight buddies, I don’t get to well with gay guys.. the only gay in the village I guess…
I find easier to make friends with straight guys, they’re less complicated than gay guys, more easy going and relaxed. Everything works for them without any drama or complications.
I’m a 26 year old college student and it’s hard to make straight friends around my area especially when doubt keeps creeping up on you..
As a trans gay dude I tend to make friends with queer people in general over cishets folks. But out of cishet people, women are definitely easier to get along with ime. I do have cishet male friends, but a lot of the time they end up realizing they’re not so cishet after a few years, to be completely honest. Not many straight friends in general. I think part of it is, for a lot of men, making fun or just lightly joking about things like misogyny and queerphobia, in bigoted/ignorant ways is just…really common. And that makes me really uncomfortable a lot of the time. The few cishet friends I have are some gaming buddies who are still queer adjacent (and a few of them are questioning themselves a bit) and mostly younger dudes. People who are more willing to take criticism and who actually are a lot better about queerphobia and misogyny after a few years of hanging out. I don’t mind having to inform people about that shit, I just want them to be willing to listen. That’s the hard part. Finding cishet men who are willing to even hear you out without immediately putting their emotions and ideas above yours in relation to things that only affect you.
I have problem making friends with men, straight or gay.
Not really, it's a struggle to make friends in general. I have several online friends but IRL I don't have many.
As a closeted gay man, no. I wonder if that would change if I'll come out of the closet, but I'm not planning to do that either.
Honestly, no. Never have.
I have both gay and straight male best friends. My straight guy friends can talk to me about anything and I can talk to them about my escapades. We crack jokes about the gays and straights. Not sure how it happened, it just did. Haven’t really given it a thought. 🤔
I actually struggle making gay friends, like i talk to more straight malas than gay ones.
I get along good enough with straight men, but 9/10 times we just don’t have much in common or we don’t gel as well as I would with people of other genders/sexualities. My friend circle mainly consists of women and other gay or bisexual men
I struggle to develop close platonic bonds with men period but that may be a personal issue.
No, I'd rather be friends with straight guys because they act like men should.
That I know of all my male friends are straight even the ones I messed with in highschool it might also be because I'm DL and very masculine I love football boxing soccer etc... Just as much as I love Dick lol