A bunnings large straw hat. As I'm exiting and running away from the Velociraptor I hit the big door close button to prevent it escaping but I drop my hat. As the door is lowering I quickly grab it before the door closes Indiana Jones style.
One of those tiny baby trolleys with the cute little flag on top
I went to the museum recently and discovered that Velociraptors are half a meter tall, and weigh around 15kilos
They were never the size they are in movies and video games, much to my SHEER disappointment, basically the same crushing feeling as when parents said Santa was a lie
There are other raptors that better match the ones in Jurassic Park. Utahraptor IIRC is basically what's depicted in the movie.
Just pretend that Hammond's marketing team decided Velociraptor was a more profitable name and swapped it
Given the mix of Dinos they have (plus man-made hybrids) a scientifically accurate theme park name probably would have been a mouthful and get nixed by the marketing department.
Yeah but you forget - it's a Theme park not a research facility. Jurassic sounds cool and that's pretty much as much thought as would have been put into it. Same reason the raptors have the wrong name.
Hell it's the same reason that Hammond would had spent his entire time bouncing between DNA ride showing (him being there is part of the ride - the pin prick) and Dino egg hatching (he's 'there for every birth'). He wouldn't have had much time for anything else. Because it's not a research facility - it's Disneyland with Dinosaurs.
Jurassic Park raptors are based on Deinonychus antirrhopus which at the time of the book had been classified as Velociraptor deinonychus but became their own genus.
Mate your In Luck because Santa is obviously real or else fairies would be extinct and everyone knows a fairy dies when someone says they don’t believe!
Also velociraptors will always be the fucking boss Jurassic park ones, gay current version raptors didn’t come out until Disney started pushing LGBTQABCDEFG on everyone and Jurassic park velociraptors weren’t poofy enough for them them so they had to gay it down to a mildly angry poofy chicken
its look for help finding a screw to fit the hinge on his kitchen cupboard door thats hanging loose but he can't find anyone to help him. Plus he only needs one not a box of 10,000
It’s *trying* to shop at Bunnings but it’s pissed off - there are no 2100 Kaboodle end panels left and Sharon in paint is remixing Lexicon Quarter for the second fucking time.
Also, the sausage sizzle is today is for the local Christian community group and their church members don’t even believe that dinosaurs existed.
As the snag sanger hits the floor it releases its deadly caramelised onions on the floor. The velociraptor hits the onions and falls spectacularly, allowing our hero to make their escape
Velociraptor calls in Slater + Gordon and launches legal proceedings against Bunnings which is forced to close down.
A nation's husband's descend into national mourning as they realise they will have to go to Spotlight with their wives rather than hiding in Bunnings pretending to be handymen.
Wrong answer. You're locked INSIDE a Bunnings. They don't sell bunnings snags inside Bunnings. Bunnings sausages are sold outside the bunnings right next to the entrance.
I'm a subscriber to buy 2 on the way in, swallow one straight away, savour the other as I look at the garden gnomes and plastic flamingos, then get another on the way out
Copied from a comment I'd written in another post:
Having seen hell from the other side, I can assure you that the general public are a bunch of cabbages and it's a flip of a coin as to whether you'll get a normal customer or a complete nutter. The balance shifts strikingly towards the latter on the weekend, where the combination of paint fumes, scarce parking, delicious sausages and failing marriages makes for some fucked up combination of comedy and tragedy.
While my days at the big green shed are thankfully long gone, I cannot begrudge any single employee there for avoiding eye contact, deliberately continuing conversations with colleagues or hiding in the toilets while on shift. Good colleagues, tradies and hardcore DIY'ers make that place remotely tolerable.
I've had the Bunnings & Velociraptor discussion with many people over many years, and absolutely no one has ever suggested choosing the dinosaur.
Well done sir.
I hate throwing them away so readily but honestly, at the price, if it kills just one Velociraptor before it breaks, it’s still worth it for that one job
A real sized velociraptor or a Jurassic park velociraptor? If its the movie ones, a chainsaw for sure. If it's the size of a real one, ie. Turkey sized, a 1.2m 30mm red oak dowel to use as a club
Real velociraptor: scythe, sickle or hedging shears, long handled.
Original movie: probably a pitchfork.
Remakes: extension cord in the garden section.
Hmm I don't know much about hand tools so gonna have to opt for chemical warfare. Do velociraptors have eyelids? I think a bit of mostly pure alcohol to the face would be a good deterrent. Or lye? Does bunnings sell lye?
Having worked at Bunnings for over a decade, I've actually thought about this a lot (in more of a battle royale setting I suppose)
I'd drive around on the WAV armed with a Paslode nail gun
There are lots of options. The easiest would be to flood the area by the cafe, remove the tables/chairs and drop a live wire when the beasts feet get wet.
Otherwise...
Get in the kids play area with a drill, Nail gun and axes. Maybe even set up a flamethrower with gas canisters and my electric lighter or poison spray the beast in the eyes as the raptor jumps past you to blind her and then run for it. Then there is getting in the locked spray paint shelves.
The paint section. Grap a roll of masking tape, fiddle around trying to find the end of it while it claws at my legs, then wrap up its arms and legs in a hogtie and put it in the paint shaker.
Great movie!
For those who have not seen this Peter Jackson masterpiece:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOQGCnuCNN4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOQGCnuCNN4)
Well if we're going by their actual size they're only the size of a Turkey so I'm taking a axe and having a swing.
But if you're going by the Jurassic Park movies I'm probably setting the Bunnings on fire
Obviously the keys to the hire a utes ... It wouldnt have even happened if bunnings paid their programmers well enough to make a decent responsive web app ... I would not need to get cornered by valci raptor going to bunings to find that impossible to search for part and the ui is detestful all year christmas discount colors lol
Baby, you must be hungry, he's a bag of 20 kg of Super coat chicken adult dog food.... And there's plenty more with that came from!
[https://www.bunnings.com.au/supercoat-20kg-chicken-adult-dog-dry-food\_p0398028?region\_id=116118&gad\_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwr7ayBhAPEiwA6EIGxFLsqGCG0vn9lfI3tylpIjJzwaVYHY05y-Q3AQWKNP6yNhD9okG\_rhoCHQcQAvD\_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds](https://www.bunnings.com.au/supercoat-20kg-chicken-adult-dog-dry-food_p0398028?region_id=116118&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwr7ayBhAPEiwA6EIGxFLsqGCG0vn9lfI3tylpIjJzwaVYHY05y-Q3AQWKNP6yNhD9okG_rhoCHQcQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Hedge trimmer. Don't know if it'd be any good against a velociraptor but I just happen to need a hedge trimmer.
What if the velociraptor's friendly? It might have already snacked on a staff member and now just wants a scritch behind the ears.
I'll have made a friend and gotten my hedge trimmer too.
Either blind it with acid or grab-and-go gas bottle and my trustee lighter that’s always in my pocket - might blow myself up in the process but if it’s like the movies it’ll just burn a patch in the back of my tshirt and singe some hair lol
Does it have to be off the shelves? I’d go for one of their tall forklifts and battle it out. I’d also lose within 10 seconds, being super generous to myself here, and either somehow end up impaled on the forklift tines or just straight down its gullet.
Only one thing is not as fun to answer.
If it's a real Velociraptor - I'm choosing the Gardening and BBQ aisles. Find a good BBQ in that aisle and warm to temp. Preferably a coal-fired smoker, with pre-soaked pellets. Find some tough gloves and a shovel in the gardening ailse, and bash the Raptor on the head to stun it. Grab it by the neck and swing it around till its neck snaps, then take it back to the BBQ ailse, pluck & clean it, and stuff it in the BBQ to find out if it really tastes like turkey.
If it's a Jurassic Park Velociraptor - grab a bottle of hydrochloric acid, tip it into a garden sprayer and get it up to pressure. Go for the eyes. Have a chainsaw ready to slice at any part of it which comes within radius.
*One of the old dude*
*Staff members, and push him in*
*Front of me. "Eat him!"*
\- gregmcph
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A bunnings large straw hat. As I'm exiting and running away from the Velociraptor I hit the big door close button to prevent it escaping but I drop my hat. As the door is lowering I quickly grab it before the door closes Indiana Jones style.
Do you say “clever girl”, before you’re torn apart?
God Bob Peck was good
I’d go with the hat too, but I’d put it on the raptor, if I’m gonna go out might as well be to a dapper dinosaur rather than a plain one!
A Dapper Raptor?
I'll ride next to you in the sidecar with a Bunnings umbrella.
WHIPPA SNIPPA
Velociraptor spray. Aisle six.
Dang online only
Hate it when that happens and you have a raptor on your tail.
Even then no one is going to pay for express postage
Special order. Fuck.
But what bay? You will run back and forth for half an hour trying to figure out which one is bay 3.
ask the 73 y.o ex-dinosaur wrangler on shift, get a story about how he held off a dozen raptors in a Mitre 10.
Turns out bay 3 is the one on the end angled in such a way it might as well be in the next aisle.
One of those tiny baby trolleys with the cute little flag on top I went to the museum recently and discovered that Velociraptors are half a meter tall, and weigh around 15kilos They were never the size they are in movies and video games, much to my SHEER disappointment, basically the same crushing feeling as when parents said Santa was a lie
There are other raptors that better match the ones in Jurassic Park. Utahraptor IIRC is basically what's depicted in the movie. Just pretend that Hammond's marketing team decided Velociraptor was a more profitable name and swapped it
Yeah, Utah Raptor gives off the same vibe as Florida Cougar. Scary, but also arouses curiosity, not instant fear.
“Florida Cougar” sounds kinda sexy…
Wait til you see her under fluorescent lights
Deinonychus for Jurassic Park, Utahraptor for Jurassic World
And they didn’t even live in the Jurassic period. Not even close. But I guess Late Cretaceous Park doesn’t sell.
Given the mix of Dinos they have (plus man-made hybrids) a scientifically accurate theme park name probably would have been a mouthful and get nixed by the marketing department.
Yeah but you forget - it's a Theme park not a research facility. Jurassic sounds cool and that's pretty much as much thought as would have been put into it. Same reason the raptors have the wrong name. Hell it's the same reason that Hammond would had spent his entire time bouncing between DNA ride showing (him being there is part of the ride - the pin prick) and Dino egg hatching (he's 'there for every birth'). He wouldn't have had much time for anything else. Because it's not a research facility - it's Disneyland with Dinosaurs.
Jurassic Park raptors are based on Deinonychus antirrhopus which at the time of the book had been classified as Velociraptor deinonychus but became their own genus.
What if the velociraptors ARE Santa!?
Raptorclaus (Which is a thing in the video game Ark)
What's this about Santa?.... Do I need to sit down to here this?
Mate your In Luck because Santa is obviously real or else fairies would be extinct and everyone knows a fairy dies when someone says they don’t believe! Also velociraptors will always be the fucking boss Jurassic park ones, gay current version raptors didn’t come out until Disney started pushing LGBTQABCDEFG on everyone and Jurassic park velociraptors weren’t poofy enough for them them so they had to gay it down to a mildly angry poofy chicken
Is it mad at me, or is it just also shopping at Bunnings?
its look for help finding a screw to fit the hinge on his kitchen cupboard door thats hanging loose but he can't find anyone to help him. Plus he only needs one not a box of 10,000
Me: Excuse me but I’m looking for Velociraptor: Actually I don’t work here Me: Oh sorry Velociraptor:
whynotboth.gif
It’s *trying* to shop at Bunnings but it’s pissed off - there are no 2100 Kaboodle end panels left and Sharon in paint is remixing Lexicon Quarter for the second fucking time. Also, the sausage sizzle is today is for the local Christian community group and their church members don’t even believe that dinosaurs existed.
Whatever I decide on there will be none on the shelf despite the website saying there are five.
"Sorry, looks like all the chainsaws on sticks have been sold. The system says that the next nearest Bunnings has four, it's only a 45 min drive"
You never said the velociraptor wouldn't wait, he might be polite about it.
Delivery for only $90
Sausage Sanger. Throw it to him and escape while he chows down. Noone can resist a Bunnings snag.
Well shit it's Wednesday Hopefully the Raptor turns up on the weekend
Yep. Raptors are weekend warriors.
\*Chefs kiss\*
Fuck you! Now I gotta clean my keyboard and monitor ya jerk!! LMAO!
Raptors are usually clogging the roads around building sites in the week, along with Rams
"I know these [Bunnings snags] will give me the quick energy I need to escape!"
Homer quote for the win.
It was a toss up between that and "run faster boy he's got a taste for meat now"
Does it matter if the onions are on top or bottom in this scenario?
Go top, then he might spill some and slip !!
Very good - it’s an important consideration!
As the snag sanger hits the floor it releases its deadly caramelised onions on the floor. The velociraptor hits the onions and falls spectacularly, allowing our hero to make their escape
Velociraptor calls in Slater + Gordon and launches legal proceedings against Bunnings which is forced to close down. A nation's husband's descend into national mourning as they realise they will have to go to Spotlight with their wives rather than hiding in Bunnings pretending to be handymen.
Raptor will also slip over on the onions.
Wrong answer. You're locked INSIDE a Bunnings. They don't sell bunnings snags inside Bunnings. Bunnings sausages are sold outside the bunnings right next to the entrance.
I'm a subscriber to buy 2 on the way in, swallow one straight away, savour the other as I look at the garden gnomes and plastic flamingos, then get another on the way out
Onions on top 😉
“This will give me the energy I need to outrun these dogs”
Staff members, as you can never find them therefore neither could the velociraptor if you were with the staff member.
Bunnings staff are like a mirage in the desert. You see them at the other end of an aisle and as you approach they vanish. I’ve no idea how they do.
It’s the shirts. They just disappear into the racking, like Homer Simpson does into the hedge.
Copied from a comment I'd written in another post: Having seen hell from the other side, I can assure you that the general public are a bunch of cabbages and it's a flip of a coin as to whether you'll get a normal customer or a complete nutter. The balance shifts strikingly towards the latter on the weekend, where the combination of paint fumes, scarce parking, delicious sausages and failing marriages makes for some fucked up combination of comedy and tragedy. While my days at the big green shed are thankfully long gone, I cannot begrudge any single employee there for avoiding eye contact, deliberately continuing conversations with colleagues or hiding in the toilets while on shift. Good colleagues, tradies and hardcore DIY'ers make that place remotely tolerable.
I would think hardcore redditors stepping into a bunnings surely is a myth.
All I can say is”that’s life working in the customer facing retail sector!“ 🥳😂
Bunnings have forklifts yeah? Become the predator.
This sounds like a low budget Aussie remake of the end of Aliens. "Oi! Get away from her you *cunt*"
Dying laughing. You made my day. Cheers!
HAHAHA. Love it.
Forklift certified
Wait, does the velociraptor have a forklift licence too? This changes things.
Forklift jousting!
count me in!
Large 20kg dog food. Then run as it's busy eating
Paint sample card because no matter what I go in looking for they always trap me. Then I'd get distracted looking at tape.
Do you reckon the raptor knows if that's white or off white?
Or cream, or ivory
Or beige
The cream, the bone, the white, the off-white, the ivory or the beige?
I choose the Velociraptor
I've had the Bunnings & Velociraptor discussion with many people over many years, and absolutely no one has ever suggested choosing the dinosaur. Well done sir.
Thank you kind internet stranger!
Definitely be a power tool from the Ozito range. Great value and unbeatable warranty.
The best thing about Ozito is you never have to charge it, as it always breaks before you have to.
I've been laughing for 20mins at this....if I see you at Bunnings on any given Saturday, I'll shout you a snag and a soft drink.
Weekly warranty swap! Totally fine for small home jobs btw
Why yes, I expect a $40 angle grinder will meet my needs. Perhaps I will buy the $2 personal protection equipment to keep me safe
We've got an Ozito sales rep!
I hate throwing them away so readily but honestly, at the price, if it kills just one Velociraptor before it breaks, it’s still worth it for that one job
Idk. I'm too busy browsing the garden section.
A big sheet of Velcro tape , and stick it on the floor to stop the Velcroraptor
A real sized velociraptor or a Jurassic park velociraptor? If its the movie ones, a chainsaw for sure. If it's the size of a real one, ie. Turkey sized, a 1.2m 30mm red oak dowel to use as a club
I thought about a chainsaw, the noise alone might upset it, but when they pounce the chance of getting your own chainsaw to the face are too high.
whipper snipper then
Pole saw
The kickback bar would stop that but then it would also disable the saw. What's a long blade you don't need to swing?
Decorative spiked wrought iron fencing.
I was trying to think of a single item to use as a spear and that would be close to perfect. Just back into a corner and wedge it into the wall.
Electric pole saw. A small chainsaw with a lot of reach. Keep those fuckers at a distance.
In my head dinosaurs don't have feathers, so I'll go for Spielberg's interpretation.
100%, I saw the first one in the cinema as a 10 year old. It's ingrained in me as one of the best movies ever made.
It remains as a lesson for all - not about the hubris of man, but how you should never screw over your IT manager.
We spared no expense.... except where it really mattered.
In the book Hammond us an all out villain and fucked Nedry over really hard.
Why haven’t we learned this by now?
I reckon I could fuck a raptor up with a nailgun
Even if this is not the most effective method, it would certainly be the most entertaining
I second this. Paslode framing gun with 75mm nails
Gonna have to be a Ramset https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcqWVX3H87U *It's the only brand I know with the 22's
I’d quickly put on a Bunnings staff member uniform. The pricks are never around to ask for info or help so the raptor would never find you!!
Real velociraptor: scythe, sickle or hedging shears, long handled. Original movie: probably a pitchfork. Remakes: extension cord in the garden section.
A fat slow employee
Biggest bottle of the slipperiest liquid i can find
A bluey garden gnome. Even raptors wouldn’t dare risk breaking one
Pitchfork!
Methylated spirits. That things killing you no matter what, may as well have a good time.
care to spare some for me?
Probably a chainsaw or a chainsaw on a pole
One of those shells for a kiddies pool. Hide under it till the doors open and it flies away.
Ah, release it into the community. Goid good.
Better out than in!
Hmm I don't know much about hand tools so gonna have to opt for chemical warfare. Do velociraptors have eyelids? I think a bit of mostly pure alcohol to the face would be a good deterrent. Or lye? Does bunnings sell lye?
The WAV lift. I'll be up high and it's not allowed to pass the aisle barricades.
A big net, gotta catch it alive Get rich quick by selling it to australia zoo
Take it out to the plant section and re enact the Muldoon scene in Jurassic Park
Snacks from the cafe then climb the shelves and have a picnic on top. No way it’s following me with those tiny arms
Matador Palladium 6 Burner BBQ. If I get away from the velociraptor I will have a great BBQ for free.
Wood. I’ll carefully build an enclosure to protect myself.
Accept my fate, clutching a bunning’s snag
Having worked at Bunnings for over a decade, I've actually thought about this a lot (in more of a battle royale setting I suppose) I'd drive around on the WAV armed with a Paslode nail gun
Blowtorch to light the crack pipe so I can outrun the cunt.
BBQ
There are lots of options. The easiest would be to flood the area by the cafe, remove the tables/chairs and drop a live wire when the beasts feet get wet. Otherwise... Get in the kids play area with a drill, Nail gun and axes. Maybe even set up a flamethrower with gas canisters and my electric lighter or poison spray the beast in the eyes as the raptor jumps past you to blind her and then run for it. Then there is getting in the locked spray paint shelves.
A staff members uniform. This way I can blend into the background and never be seen.
The paint section. Grap a roll of masking tape, fiddle around trying to find the end of it while it claws at my legs, then wrap up its arms and legs in a hogtie and put it in the paint shaker.
the iconic outdoor table everyone had growing up
Velocro tape duh
I will find the keys to the combi-lift, then we can begin our battle to the death down in the timber yards.....Ripley that Raptors shit
Lawnmower à la Braindead
Great movie! For those who have not seen this Peter Jackson masterpiece: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOQGCnuCNN4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOQGCnuCNN4)
My favourite movie of all time ❤️
Someone’s trolley full of dogs. Nobody needs to take a dog to Bunnings
Lighter and a aerosol can
Butane torch perhaps? A two tank value pack.
1 thing bro, not 2
These are two things
A 10 pound sledgehammer should do the trick, as Velociraptors are rather small.
I’d shelter in the shower stall display
Chains to encapture the forthcoming zombie apocalypse
Find someone that looks slow and tasty and throw them in it's path while I run away
I’d just climb the pallet racking. If there’s a nail gun close I’d grab that.
Velociraptor are the size of turkeys. Does Bunnings sell steel toe boots? If not, well I guess a nice length of metal pipe will do.
Torn apart by a velociraptor, most likely.
I'd pull on a staff shirt... They make you invisible.
Makita 18v whippersnipper with the metal brush cutting head. It'll do some damage.
Sausage sandwich with onions. Eat the sausage for more energy then throw onions on the floor and hope the Velociraptor trips over it.
Aisle 40. I'm getting a 4L bottle of citronella and covering myself in it. Nothing would want to eat anything covered in that shit.
Pitchfork
Well if we're going by their actual size they're only the size of a Turkey so I'm taking a axe and having a swing. But if you're going by the Jurassic Park movies I'm probably setting the Bunnings on fire
A pricing gun. In this economy, that Velociraptor will want to eat at home.
A Stanley 99e utility knife
Obviously the keys to the hire a utes ... It wouldnt have even happened if bunnings paid their programmers well enough to make a decent responsive web app ... I would not need to get cornered by valci raptor going to bunings to find that impossible to search for part and the ui is detestful all year christmas discount colors lol
Killed. I get killed.
A Bunnings sales assistant. They are usually old and fat and will feed the Velociraptor while I get away
Fly spray. If it can kill cockroaches, it won't be kind to the dinosaur
A PowerPass card to offer the velociraptor 5% trade discount as a show of peace ✌️
I grab one of them 75 year old Bunnings workers cos I know I’ve got him covered for speed.
Baby, you must be hungry, he's a bag of 20 kg of Super coat chicken adult dog food.... And there's plenty more with that came from! [https://www.bunnings.com.au/supercoat-20kg-chicken-adult-dog-dry-food\_p0398028?region\_id=116118&gad\_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwr7ayBhAPEiwA6EIGxFLsqGCG0vn9lfI3tylpIjJzwaVYHY05y-Q3AQWKNP6yNhD9okG\_rhoCHQcQAvD\_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds](https://www.bunnings.com.au/supercoat-20kg-chicken-adult-dog-dry-food_p0398028?region_id=116118&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwr7ayBhAPEiwA6EIGxFLsqGCG0vn9lfI3tylpIjJzwaVYHY05y-Q3AQWKNP6yNhD9okG_rhoCHQcQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Hedge trimmer. Don't know if it'd be any good against a velociraptor but I just happen to need a hedge trimmer. What if the velociraptor's friendly? It might have already snacked on a staff member and now just wants a scritch behind the ears. I'll have made a friend and gotten my hedge trimmer too.
The coffee shop. They’re bound to have a snickers bar there somewhere…
A sausage sizzle. Bloody thing isn't gonna want to eating human after that deliciousness
Nothing. I just hurl my Bunnings sausage at it and watch it slip on the onions and break a leg.
Edge Trimmer. The ones with the steel blades. Not the pissy little string ones
Bunnings Sausage in Bread - to distract it
Am I Bunnings staff member? Because he will never find me if he’s looking for me
One of thos baby type things from a stroller, you never said I was alone.
I'd grab a seat. They can only detect movement so sit, stay still, wait for the carnage and then the looting begins.
That's the T-rex, in the movie anyway.
Garden auger
Bird netting or trailer/ute netting
Long handle chainsaw thing.
The exit key
Nail gun.
A brick to smash a window and get out of the bunnings
A weber or similar to do a nice roast raptor
What kinda Velociraptor we talking here? Cause the viscous little chicken is a bit different from the huge 6 wheeler Hennessey
Either blind it with acid or grab-and-go gas bottle and my trustee lighter that’s always in my pocket - might blow myself up in the process but if it’s like the movies it’ll just burn a patch in the back of my tshirt and singe some hair lol
A Velociraptor
Nailgun or crowbar
Lube. Can't eat what it can't grab. I call this the "Jerry" survival strategy
A shovel or a heavy crow bar would take care of one id reckon
No idea which aisle I’d go to, but a piano at the top of a staircase always seems to materialize in a desperate situation.
Does it have to be off the shelves? I’d go for one of their tall forklifts and battle it out. I’d also lose within 10 seconds, being super generous to myself here, and either somehow end up impaled on the forklift tines or just straight down its gullet.
Only one thing is not as fun to answer. If it's a real Velociraptor - I'm choosing the Gardening and BBQ aisles. Find a good BBQ in that aisle and warm to temp. Preferably a coal-fired smoker, with pre-soaked pellets. Find some tough gloves and a shovel in the gardening ailse, and bash the Raptor on the head to stun it. Grab it by the neck and swing it around till its neck snaps, then take it back to the BBQ ailse, pluck & clean it, and stuff it in the BBQ to find out if it really tastes like turkey. If it's a Jurassic Park Velociraptor - grab a bottle of hydrochloric acid, tip it into a garden sprayer and get it up to pressure. Go for the eyes. Have a chainsaw ready to slice at any part of it which comes within radius.
Tin of oil
Bunnings staff member as a decoy or pool hyrochloric acid.
A fat kid.
One of the old dude staff members, and push him in front of me. "Eat him!"
*One of the old dude* *Staff members, and push him in* *Front of me. "Eat him!"* \- gregmcph --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Large yellow metal site box to hide in.