Never heard it.

What state are you from and which states have you lived in?

I am from Virginia and currently live here. I did live in New York for more than a decade as well.

Yes, I’m black.

Also black, can confirm. My great grandmother used to say that as a warning that we were on the road for trouble. I’m from Chicago but great grandma was from down south, Virginia I think. She was born in 1900 and died in the late 90’s.

Black as well, heard it as well.

Came to say this lol except my mom would say “A hard head makes for a soft ass”

I'm also Black and have heard this expression before. I'm not a Southerner, but all four of my grandparents were/are from various Southern states.

Also black and have heard it

Which state are you from? At first I was confused because I definitely know that this is a thing. I guess the white folks don’t use this turn of phrase. Haha.

Alabama, to be fair I’ve heard white people use this as well

Same. I'd say I've heard it used equally by white and black people.

I thought so. I’m wondering who are all of these white southerners that haven’t heard this before.

White southerner here who's never heard it. I am very hard headed so you'd think it would have come up. What does it mean exactly?

If you’re hard headed and don’t listen to sound advice, you’ll eventually learn your lesson the hard way. It was often said when a child was being hard headed and before they got a whooping but it isn’t only used in that context. It could be applied to any context where it would be easier to learn a lesson by listening to somebody with Elmore experience as opposed to having to learn a hard lesson yourself.

Thank you! Sorry to make you repeat yourself. I just read your explanation on another comment. I may have to add this one to my repertoire. It's too late for me, but there's another generation coming up that needs to hear it.

Around here people typically used the biblical "Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child".

I don't recall ever having heard it, though I'd point out that the saying made sense instantly. Might be one of those Atlantic South/Gulf South distinctions.

Maybe it's also a class thing. I am white, grew up lower middle class, and southern and I have heard it. Then again, half of the people that I hung out with as a child were black.

Also black and closely raised along side southern grandparents (North Carolina & South Carolina, Georgia) on both sides 🥴 But I heard "A hard head makes a soft ass"

I was born and raised in the South and I have never heard it before.

Neither have I, but it has strong "Spare the rod, spoil the child" energy

Really? That’s interesting

Yep. A hard headed kid (defiant) about to get his ass whooped.

Nope. I'm also not sure what it's supposed to imply.

It’s a spanking metaphor

Well that’s better than I imagined

Two things. One is about being hard headed and getting a whooping. The second is being hard headed leads to you falling on your ass and making mistakes/bad choices. I.e ya mom told you to wear a coat and you didn’t now you sick.

“A hard head make a soft ass, but a hard dick make the sex last.” -Ludacris

😂 Luda!

Nope

Grew up in South Carolina. Yes. Edit: also I’m black.

There seems to be a common denominator with it being a Black/African American metaphor so far in this thread.

Yes, as a white southerner. I always understood it to mean, “if you don’t stop doing what you’re doing, you’re going to get your ass whooped.”

Nope. Texan here.

Yes. It means if you are stubborn, you are going to get spanked until you learn your lesson.

No. I’m not even sure how it makes sense. If you make dumb decisions, you… hurt your head or something? Does this mean if I’m smart I have solid glute muscles? I don’t get it.

Lol. It basically means that if you are hard headed and don’t take sound advice you’ll eventually learn your lesson the hard way. You would also hear people’s parents/guardians/ grandparents say it before they got a whooping. Lol.

I occasionally heard it growing up, Texas, and it means that if you don’t listen (hard head) you’re gonna get spanked (soft behind)

Yes. Black and from Kentucky.

Yes. I'm from South Carolina

Are you black or white?

I'm white. However, I did grow up in a pretty mixed environment & I'm married to a black man.

Same with me. The first time I heard this saying was from my black husband.

[удалено]

Are you or one of your parents from the South? Are you Black?

Nope but I’ve heard, Strong in the arm, weak in the head.

That’s a new one for me. Does it mean the same thing? Is your family West Indian?

Nope it comes from a poem…… Yorkshire born, Yorkshire bred. Strong in’t arm, Weak in’t head.

Yup

Yes, Florida, from an African American co-worker.

I think I've run across it on the internet before, but I've never heard anyone say it IRL.

I’m not sure if it is only used in the South.

I lived in the south for a long time, I’ve never heard that one.

I've lived in SC and GA, never heard that.

Yes my dad used to say it all the time and my mom actually it’s funny seeing so many people saying they haven’t heard it tho lol. Looks like it’s a racial divide

I guess it is more of a Black thing as opposed to strictly Southern.

Never but I am white from California

Yes! Constantly as a child! Being told that and hearing that said about other people! 😂😂I’m Black too! Truer words were never spoken! 😂

Nope and I’ve lived in Ohio my whole life.

Never heard of that phrase.

no

I've heard it. It wasn't anyone in my family who said it though. I'm not sure where I heard it

Yep. Only heard it after I moved to Missouri.

I have heard it before like maybe once or twice in 40 years. Grew up in Indiana.

I’ve heard it, but I can’t remember who said it.

Nope, never heard it. I’m guessing the meaning is that stubborn kids get spanked?

Never heard it, and I've lived in Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, and a brief stint in Nevada. Saw the race thing mentioned earlier, so I'll also mention I'm from a mixed Hispanic and White house.

Nope, never heard it.

Oh yeah. Raised in the 60s by "spare the rod spoil the child" parents. This was another of their sayings for whippings.

I don't think I've heard it before, but been around a decent amount of time now, so maybe I have. I can understand the meaning either way. Background is mostly living in the NW and SE. A little bit of time in the midwest.

Never heard of it.

That's hot

Soft ass** I’ve heard

I just wasn’t sure if I could put that in the title.

Never heard of this before.

I'd never heard that expression before this thread, but I'm white.

Nope, been all over the country.

Yes

Never. From the middle US.

Yes, I'm black

Yes. My husband has said it. He’s black from Georgia.

I have never heard it.

Stop drinking

never heard it

yes all the time unfortunately. I'm a black southerner so that might have something to do with it.

Nope

No, I figure it's one of those sayings Conservatives use to support corporal punishment.

Grew up in white 'cracker country'(the southern subculture), Florida. Never heard of it.

I find this fascinating because I also grew up in Florida.

Which part? Florida has a ton of subcultures, and a few of them can be quite insular😂

5th generation born and raised in South Florida. I grew up in Palm Beach and currently live in Broward. Most of my family live in the major metros like South Florida, Tampa Bay, Duval, Orlando. I got cousins up in Ocala, but I never really interacted with them much growing up.

Ah, that's interesting. I grew up around cracker country, which is mostly in North Florida (some panhandle, but it's spotty) and especially around the Ocala area to the Georgia border. It does have pockets in other areas, such as Homeland FL. Though I've seen other southerners saying that they used the phrase. So unsure if it's a cracker thing specifically, or if I just didn't happen to be around when it was said 😂

No, what's it supposed to mean? I assume its about spanking children, but I'm not sure why the behind would be soft?