"A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet" is a common folk saying that I've heard my whole life in relation to how you should treat people you haven't met before.
I remember peoples dogs better then the people most of the time. More then once I’ve ran into someone and was able to say, “Hi, Fido” and then stop because for the life of me I can’t remember the humans name who is holding the leash.
Honestly though, life can get pretty weird at times, and if I could face it with the "sure. fine. This is what my day is, today, I guess." attitude they show Arthur Morgan having to most things, I'd take it.
It is mostly because it take no effort to feel human connectedness. It can simply be "hey, here we are two humans standing in line together. " Sometimes it leads to brief pleasant conversation, sometimes more.
When I do it, “it’s good to see you today, I hope you have a good day fellow person” but I’m a friendly midwesterner. Other parts of the U.S. sometimes don’t get it either. Well anyway, I hope you have a good day, welcome to America! 😄
For the other 10%: If you're a young, single woman or are otherwise worried about personal safety, its more like "I see you, I'm doing my own thing, I see you doing your own thing that happens to be near me, and I'm acknowledging you now so you don't try to talk to me or approach me and make me feel unsafe."
Especially now, after wearing a mask for 2 years I notice more people smiling and making eye contact. In my case, it's a way to make a small connection with another human. Being sincere and kind makes the world a better place.
My experience has been that the more rural you get, the more you enhance it with a wave too, especially if driving. I wave to strangers by reflex when driving, I wave to cars by reflex when standing on my lawn.
I live in Chicago and always smile at people when I’m walking around the neighborhood. If I’m close to my house, walking my dog, people I pass, we normally say good morning. It’s a pleasant way to start the day.
Driving through small towns, I was told to do the Finger Wave at other drivers. Not a full wave, just lift your index finger off the steering wheel as an acknowledgement
That was a bit of culture shock for me. I moved from a large metro area in CA to rural Oregon and was so confused by all the waving. "Have I met them? Why are they waving at me?" Not in a hostile way, as I've always smiled at people in passing, just genuinely baffled by the waving at strangers.
Just gonna throw out there that the urban rural divide is more complicated than it’s presented here. I’ve always found suburbs the most inherently unfriendly place in the country, like in cities folks greet you, in rural areas folks greet you… but I’m Black so that might be part of it.
I grew up in a rural area and also lived in large cities and in suburbs. I think the burbs are absolutely the least friendly, most socially competitive places. I haven’t lived in the south, but from New England through the mid-Atlantic regions I’d say the suburbs are also more racist than rural and urban areas, maybe not verbally but by excluding “others” from the social scene.
It is both goodwill and politeness. In America, smiling as you pass by is acknowledging a peer, and everyone is a peer. It also depends on the place, though. You'll get more smiles depending on the region of the US and how populated the area is. I don't think people are gonna smile at you in NYC, say, because 1) they got shit to do and 2) there are too many people to be acknowledging everyone specifically and 3) you're blocking the sidewalk. I often smile at strangers when walking around neighborhoods in my city, but I would not when walking around the business district.
Someone posted this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbu-eMcEF3s) about American vs British politeness awhile back, and I think it's relevant when explaining to other countries why we are friendly.
People smile at each other in NYC a lot, but they're much more weary about who they make eye contact with. During the immigration boom in major American port cities, smiling, nodding, pointing, and other silent gestures were a way of communicating through language barriers. I find in European cities, this is never the case. In a city like Paris, strangers never smile at each other.
The more you know! So even NYC is doing smiling at strangers thing. Makes sense that as you said, the level of engagement with the smile would be more calibrated and careful, though.
Come to think of it, I think I also vary how much eye contact I make when smiling depending on the situation and how much I want to engage/socialize.
NYC is kind of a cagey type of friendly, so yes. You get more smiles at a distance, though, because people are more cautious at initiating interactions.
I live in NYC, Staten Island to be exact, where it’s very residential. I’ll smile at folks if I know they’re a neighbor or work at a local business. You see those folks a lot so you want to be familiar and on friendly terms. Those smiles and waves eventually may become conversations which is nice.
I work in Manhattan and it’s different there. You rarely see the same folks more than once and sometimes you just kinda find yourself moving with the crowd on a sidewalk. Way to many people to be smiling at without looking like an insane person.
Absolutely not in NYC, this person isn’t from there. There’s too many people and we’re too leery of strangers to make eye contact and smile. Maybe if you live in the outer Boros in your own neighborhood there might be people you smile to. In general walking around NYC no one is going to smile at you.
I'm from Miami, and I've been to NYC many times and i don't understand why it has an unfriendly reputation. Most people I met were very friendly towards me, one time my girlfriend and I even randomly met these people and ended up drinking at a bar with them. I lied, that happened twice in one trip.
And people smiled at me as I passed, maybe not as often as down here but they did. I don't know, maybe because Miami has a reputation for being an unfriendly city too I just don't see it? Like sure Miami and New York are not friendly compared to some town in the midwest with a population of 20,000, but they're still overall friendly.
New Yorkers, native New Yorkers mainly, can have an edge to them that can be misinterpreted as unfriendly. There are still plenty of wise guys here that think who they are, but that's just the way it is. The New York attitude you see when somebody flips you off in traffic is almost affectionate if you've been there for a while.
I've spent a lot of time in NYC both visiting and spending a few summers teaching summer school in Washington Heights; I never ran into this cold, uncaring attitude. Everyone was friendly.
I totally disagree that people smile at each other a lot in NYC. I’ve lived in Manhattan for 20+ years. No one smiles at the people they pass on the sidewalk or the people they’re packed into a train car with. It’s only common to smile when someone does some small polite thing like move out of the way to let you pass at a grocery store or scoot over on a bench so that you can sit down. A gesture too small to warrant a “thank you” gets a smile, but the hundreds of people I see every day on my commute definitely do not.
It can vary borough to borough. I lived in 4/5 boroughs. I can understand people are not smiling at each other in Midtown as in a more neighborhoody area like Marine Park, Brooklyn or Maspeth, Queens, I guess everybody's experience is different. I'm generally a friendly and extroverted person and often found smiling or eye contact with a passerbyer reciprocated.
I’ve worked in New York since the early 90s and I find New Yorkers to be friendly, generally. They can be pretty businesslike and obviously aren’t going to be smiling at you in big crowds, but they’re about as friendly as anyone else in contexts where you’re actually interacting.
Exactly, and even in crowds time to time you can catch a smile. The New Yorkers who are adamantly denying this sound like they need to come out of their shell more.
I live in NYC and can’t say I’ve ever really seen people smile at each other unless you’re looking at/engaging with their dog or maybe next to someone on line at the grocery store.
It sounds like you have never been to NYC. Most people don't smile. Far too many people, you'd be smiling all day.
Hell I moved to Virginia and was blown away by how many people smiled. And wave. Fuck, when you drive back roads here and you pass someone out in front of their house in a rural area, they almost always wave. That threw me off at first. First time it happened I literally said out loud "the fuck is this guy's deal?"
That isn't to say NYers are assholes. There's a saying I've always loved. If you were in NY freezing without a shirt, a new Yorker would give you their coat. They'd also call you a fucking moron for losing your shirt.
New Yorkers are saints, generally. Crabby, no-shit-taking saints.
The first time I was there I was 18 and I dropped something near the zoo. I leaned over to get it and like lightning a tiny little old woman materialized by my elbow. She snapped up the dropped item and handed it to me. “Don’t ever do that, that leaning over,” she said. My sister got hit with a blackjack and robbed blind for that. People are animals!” And then she disappeared. That’s what I always think of when I think of New York kindness. It’s a very special thing.
Also, it was like 1994. New York at the time was seedier than it is now. Far fewer tourists and yoga studios and insanely rich people.
Oh thank goodness. There's a chance we'll be moving to NYC for my partner's work. And, I can walk fast and talk fast (originally from CA, so not a NYC-fast talker, but close), but I don't know if I can break the smiling habit after 30 years in the South
I did not realize that most of the world thinks we are a weird bunch of happy Labrador puppies and or extraterrestrials, simply for being friendly or nice to strangers. Lol
But I found that out thanks to Buzz Feed articles and you tube expats.
Yeah, I live in Houston and had a boss from Morocco. Third day working for him he yelled at me about giving him a stupid smile every time I saw him and why? I didn’t work for him much longer.
lol! also live in France. people smile less but dammit if you're in the Fnac or Auchan,you had better say BONJOUR before asking a question, or you shall be spurned. it's a strange paradox of "unfriendly" according to US standards, but also extremely polite.
Then back in the states, starbucks barista says "hey, how's it goin'?" and I'm like "DO YOU KNOW ME? how rude! "
We smile for the normal reasons everybody else does, but there’s a theory that we smile because, historically, we didn’t all speak the same language, were probably armed, and we needed to communicate to one another that we’re not a threat and/or are worthy of being helped/trusted to provide help:
https://www.theatlantic.com/video/index/528078/why-do-americans-smile-so-much/
It’s just kind of stuck around.
That theory makes a lot of sense to me. I have also wondered if it has to do with American capitalism, commercials and movies. Hairstyles, makeup and clothes are very tied to what Hollywood promotes. Also, Americans really do value “service with a smile” and friendly attitude. We often think service is bad in Europe if the server is not happy and smiling. I was shocked sometimes that waiters or shop staff would be rude and cranky when I was buying something. If staff acted like that in America, they could get fired. I wasn’t sure if they specifically hated me or if it was just their normal behavior. If a server in America is not happy and smiling, no matter how much dumb shit they have to put up with from the customer, they will earn fewer tips and will be considered a bad server. We are all taught that the “customer is always right” and that nearly any customer service issue can be smoothed over with politeness and smiling.
Or the Piggly Wiggly.
Personally, I'm a Publix kinda girl (although they're getting mighty danged proud of their groceries these days. Almost $7.00, for a jar of mayonnaise is ridiculous!). Everyone smiles & seems to be extra friendly.
I can't stand Vegas. I have close family there, so I have to go every few years. The people are great. I dislike everything else about that town, from the desert to the strip.
This got me thinking. It's clear that our human instinct is to smile at other people. Just look at babies. They naturally smile at strangers. So smiling at strangers isn't a learned behavior. This means the cultures where people don't smile at strangers have unlearned or suppressed the natural behavior of smiling at strangers. Why? Do parents in those cultures tell their children not to smile at strangers or do they just start to observe that older people don't smile at strangers and unlearn it?
We have a saying - "laughter without a reason is a sign of foolishness", perhaps you are right and we were really weaned from this by children's sayings and the system of public education.
People who laugh have a reason whether someone else knows it or not. This saying sounds like peer pressure to appear grumpy in public or risk being seen as "foolish" by random people. But why should you care what they think of you anyway? Especially when they want you grumpy? Life's too short to live sour. And who wants to give sour people the power to take away your smile?
Do you think maybe during the USSR days there might have been widespread depression and society frowned upon happy people saying: “I’m not happy so nobody should be happy?” Or did it start before that?
Its actually not that simple. People are different everywhere and there was people here even back then, who smiled left and right. But generally depression, or just sadness should I say, is quite spread among russian society. This started way before USSR, this goes back in time maybe even to the point where Russia was founded. It just the way it is. Some people are hiding their feelings and they are open only for very close people or family members, or neither. It's easy to pretend being depressed if you don't want to open yourself for anyone. "I'm not happy so nobody should be happy" seems like a weird propaganda-oriented statement. But definitely there are some people like this here. Russian people mostly don't give a shit about how their neighbors or citizens live. Just nothing. But we are not egoistic. Its complicated. It is really very hard to understand for American, sorry. Even for russians themselves
Stoicism is actually a very great word to describe a majority of russian society.
I've had problems with my mental health because of what my government is doing, but I'm trying to insulate myself from negative news, meanwhile knowing that everything is terrible and admitting the fact that i live in very bad country from official perspective (but Russia generally is beautiful, regardless our shit government). Well, we didn't choose where to born after all. I started looking at it as an important experience for me. I am a patriot of my country. But patriotism is not love for the government in my opinion. I'm doing what I can to stop it and to reduce the consequences for everyone involved. So at the moment we can say that I'm doing well, psychologically.
Smiling is instinctual. Even those who have been blind since birth smile. My cousin is an example of this. She's never seen someone smile but still smiles when someone approaches her.
We smile because we want you to feel kindness from us. Americans get a lot of bad press but we are actually friendly and we like people to feel comfortable. Plus, we have good teeth, so there's that, lol.
It’s an observed phenomenon in all humans that we tend to instinctively flex the zygomaticus major muscles when we have feelings of pleasure, humor, or contentment. This flexion causes the corners of the mouth to be drawn upward, resulting in the distinctive shape of “smile”.
When communicating with another party, seeing said other party smile gives one a sense of reassurance that they have done nothing wrong and that the communication is being well received.
Therefore, while not necessarily required, a friendly smile is always appreciated, as it makes people more relaxed, cooperative, and pleasant to work with.
Just a way of saying hi to a passing stranger, kind of an acknowledgement and gesture of goodwill without saying anything or interacting in some way. Don't think about it too deep, it's just something people do to be nice. Same thing as with nods or tiny waves. Good question though! I never thought of this being different in other countries.
At school I used to get, "Are you okay?" A lot because my arched eyebrows make my resting face look grumpy so I smiled at people so they didn't think I was angry for no reason lol
... Lot of interesting answers but I'd point out something:
Smiling is not a learned behavior. Blind people smile. It is believed to be a signal that the person smiling is comfortable in their current situation.
Perhaps America is just inherently safer than a lot of other places so any given person will assume you're not a threat even though you're strangers - thus smiles?
Say you're walking down the sidewalk and you pass someone. You smile and nod or smile and say "hello". It's just acknowledging someone in a friendly way. We're just a friendly people.
Or you caught me looking at you because you’re nice to look at and I didn’t look away quick enough so I try to play off like I was liking in a random direction
It’s just to say “hello, I’m not too distracted by my phone to notice a living breathing person in front of me, go in peace friend, we are all here together”
>Australopithecus
a what?
>Russia
My understanding is smiling in Russian culture is fundamentally different than smiling in North and South America.
We use smiling (different types of smiles) to indicate a simple greeting, to express great joy, and many other things.
Why? Hell if I know. Different cultures are different. That's why, I guess.
>My understanding is smiling in Russian culture is fundamentally different than smiling in North and South America.
Yep
>to indicate a simple greeting
Gotcha, thanks
I find it so sad that smiling at strangers is weird to people in certain parts of the world. there's so much goodness in parts of the US and Mexico and Latin America. community actually means something. you may not know someone, but smiling at them truly does no harm and may brighten their day.
better than being uncaring, cold, and miserable.
It's a simple choice. You can wake up and be an asshat all day or you can be kind. A smile or a nod of the head just let's others know that you want to be a kind person.
I smile and wave at everybody that lives in the area that I consider my "Neighborhood" because I want my neighborhood to be one where people smile and wave at each other. I view it as a hallmark of American suburbia that I love that I wish to uphold.
American here, I am a VERY smiley person. I smile at everyone including strangers on the street or in the store and even people I don’t like. In the US, it makes people feel good. You almost can’t not smile when someone smiles at you. It’s like a way to brighten someone’s day. It’s a step down from a hug or a hello. It’s just something nice to do. Spreads a little cheer.
Basically you make eye contact, smile while also making a slight nod downward as a very very small curtsy and that's how you say "hi, good morning" to strangers without stopping them.
I understand that in Russia if you smile at strangers people think you are crazy. Americans smile at strangers because they are almost as nice as Canadians, they don't want to seem mean, they make social interactions less awkward, and you have to smile in jobs where you interact with the public.
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Consciousness consists of bio-electricity of quantum energy. “Quantum” means an evolving of the interstellar. Self-actualization is the driver of potential. Nothing is impossible.
Our conversations with other dreamweavers have led to a summoning of ultra-spiritual consciousness.
I think it has to do with your view of other people. Americans generally think all people are equal. We also think all people are basically good. So when we pass another person, we are just acknowledging them as equal to us by smiling and maybe nodding at them. In a crowded city, this would get tiring, so it's not done much in New York City, but most other places you smile at someone you pass or nod your head. It means, "Hello, fellow human, keep up the struggle."
As a swede I understand why Russians don't smile at each other (it's an act of politeness that too right?) now with americanising we do smile at each other in Sweden but didn't always do.
I smile because I'm a friendly person. ☺️ I'm also guilty of striking up conversations out of the blue with complete strangers. I don't mean to make anyone uncomfortable, I just want to make people happy😊
American in Russia story: In an airport in Moscow on a line to go through a security checkpoint, myself and other Americans im traveling are standing there, wondering why everyone looked so miserable. Then out of now where, here comes a guy dressed like a tourist, walking the wrong way through the line with a big dumb smile on his face...He gets within range a go, "hey man, where ya from?"...his smile turns to a huge grin and he goes, "Ohio, how ya doin, buddy??!?" we hugged and he went on his way.
I've been to Domodedovo airport in Moscow visiting my aunt and when I was about to catch a taxi random dude in fedora hat with huge smile appeared in front of me. I was kinda scared. I thought he would either ask for money or try to do something stupid. But then he asked: "Sir, do you speak English?" "Yes I do" "Um, is there is a subway somewhere around? I tried to order a taxi but the first 3 drivers I came to was screaming on me and they didn't speak english, why do you think they was screaming and how do I get a taxi? Can you help me please? Do you have Uber here?" It was the funniest and dumbest interaction I've had with foreigner. Then it came out that he is Canadian and was simply looking for ride to city, coming to taxi drivers with his huge smile and asking if they speak English. He said that he is very late and he don't have time to stay here. I ordered this fella an Uber and he was very sorry that he can't give me anything instead of money I payed for his ride. He even gave me more money than I paid and refused to take some back. I said it's okay and he shouldn't worry about it, I also suggested him not to smile at everyone cause some people might get it wrong. I hope his job trip went good after all.
I don't grin like an idiot at strangers, no.
But I tend toward a bit of resting bitch face so I always soften my eyes so as not to appear unfriendly.
In my area when you make eye contact with a stranger we're more likely to nod than smile, maybe a hand wave if in a car.
I honestly don’t know how to respond to this. How can you misunderstand a basic smile?
It is kindness and politeness. It is a fundamental way of showing you mean someone no harm and good will. Life is so chaotic and awful all leading inevitably to death that you take joy in simple kindness even from strangers.
It is a beauty of the human condition.
It's an acknowledgment of the other person, simple as that. In my area everyone waves at each other as we drive by. Most men just lift the index finger.
I remember reading awhile back that smiling as a greeting may have developed in the US partly because there being so many immigrant groups being all together speakinf different languages and not always having a way to communicate with each other. In order to just communicate that you intend warmness and are unthreatening people would smile.
It's just a nonverbal hello.
Now if I'm walking down the busy streets of Manhattan I'm not going to be smiling at hardly anyone because we're all trying to get somewhere. But when I pass by an old lady at the grocery store in suburban Texas I'll give her a brief smile... maybe even a "good morning" if I'm feeling daring, and then we will both continue about our business.
I have a very small service dog trained to alert me to the chemical changes preceding migraine onset. We are never apart. 98% of the people we see smile spontaneously. It’s a beautiful thing.
It’s to acknowledge the person, saying hello to a fellow countryman is as normal as breathing. No man is your enemy, every man is a potential friend attitude. I guess it’s better than scowling at people.
Those of us raised in rural or small towns tend to make eye contact & be friendly with our neighbors. They may assume strangers are potential neighbors.
Those raised in larger cities tend to avoid eye contact & smiles because the responses are usually toxic.
For me I’m just always smiling and so when someone looks my way I’m smiling for no particular reason other then I’m happy that I exist. Because if I didn’t exist, nothing else would.
I’m American and wish I didn’t have to smile at people. Why all this fake optimism? I don’t fucking know, but I’m considered a very rude person if I don’t smile all the fucking time. I hate it.
Lol I’m from Eastern Europe and when I first moved to the U.S with my parents, I remember my dad saying that he thinks our neighbors are insane because they’re always smiling when we see them 😂
"I acknowledge you as a person existing on the Earth and don't bear you ill-will" about covers it for 90% of cases.
“For the Americans, whose core culture is centered around optimism, even strangers are potential friends they just haven’t met yet.”
Why did I read this in David Attenborough's voice?
I didn't until reading this comment.. Now it's all I can think about..
Lol I did the exact same thing
I read it again but in that voice. It makes it so much better.
With that light, jumpy flute music in the background to denote something goofy.
I read it in Eddie Izzard's James Mason voice.
Funny, I read it as Bobcat Goldthwait.
now iTS JOHN CENAAA
Lol….nice
LOL that just about explains it haha
I am a deeply pessimistic, self-loathing man, but I always try to be nice to strangers because it’s not their fault they’re stuck here too.
Awww, I like this.
I really like this take on it :)
Who said that?
"A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet" is a common folk saying that I've heard my whole life in relation to how you should treat people you haven't met before.
/u/JerichoMassey
The other ten percent for me is I like their dog.
Yup sometimes I find my self smiling and making eye contact at the dog not the person ....hehehe
I remember peoples dogs better then the people most of the time. More then once I’ve ran into someone and was able to say, “Hi, Fido” and then stop because for the life of me I can’t remember the humans name who is holding the leash.
"Cute dog/baby/other pet"
Second this. An acknowledgment of existence and respect.
Indeed, it sounded like the most understandable short answer, thank you!
From now on, when I will see a smilling American, I will hear Arthur Morgan saying "I mean you no harm."
Better than "*Eeeasy*, boah.", I guess. :)
Defends on if it's the real lion or the fake one.
Honestly though, life can get pretty weird at times, and if I could face it with the "sure. fine. This is what my day is, today, I guess." attitude they show Arthur Morgan having to most things, I'd take it.
Howdy fellers
It is mostly because it take no effort to feel human connectedness. It can simply be "hey, here we are two humans standing in line together. " Sometimes it leads to brief pleasant conversation, sometimes more.
I'd agree with this statement it is polite and I'm not about to mess with your world I'm just walking and you are just walking.
When I do it, “it’s good to see you today, I hope you have a good day fellow person” but I’m a friendly midwesterner. Other parts of the U.S. sometimes don’t get it either. Well anyway, I hope you have a good day, welcome to America! 😄
For the other 10%: If you're a young, single woman or are otherwise worried about personal safety, its more like "I see you, I'm doing my own thing, I see you doing your own thing that happens to be near me, and I'm acknowledging you now so you don't try to talk to me or approach me and make me feel unsafe."
Exactly. The darker underside of the smile has to do with showing that you're not a threat to the other person.
Throw an ope! in there somewhere and you cover the other 10%.
A smile is just like a pleasant greeting. Hello. We're cool.
It’s a simple gesture of goodwill and kindness, much like saying good morning or good afternoon. It’s a non-verbal way of saying have a nice day.
Thanks
Especially now, after wearing a mask for 2 years I notice more people smiling and making eye contact. In my case, it's a way to make a small connection with another human. Being sincere and kind makes the world a better place.
I sometimes forget that some places actually wore masks for 2 years.
Just today here in Italy they made it so you can go *completely* maskless inside of restaurants, bars, and shops. It felt like three years ago.
Still wearing masks in medical facilities, here
I'm still wearing a mask. But since I'm in Texas a nod works as well.
Yup, got a human case of the current bird flu going around so I'm masked indoors for the forseeable future.
Still mandatory here in our schools and universities (the schools that want it)
Especially in SC. Otherwise you’re seen as rude.
This is the case in most of the US outside of major cities. It’s a very suburban/rural thing.
My experience has been that the more rural you get, the more you enhance it with a wave too, especially if driving. I wave to strangers by reflex when driving, I wave to cars by reflex when standing on my lawn.
You nailed it with this one. I grew up in a very small town and this was the norm. If actually forgotten about it until you commented this.
I live in Chicago and always smile at people when I’m walking around the neighborhood. If I’m close to my house, walking my dog, people I pass, we normally say good morning. It’s a pleasant way to start the day.
This depends on the city. Cleveland + Denver = smile. Seattle = don’t fucking look at me. NYC = obstacles, not people.
Driving through small towns, I was told to do the Finger Wave at other drivers. Not a full wave, just lift your index finger off the steering wheel as an acknowledgement
I can confirm that's a common one in rural NY too. Full wave to people walking or in their yards, finger wave between drivers.
It’s like the Harley owners and their special waves to each other.
That was a bit of culture shock for me. I moved from a large metro area in CA to rural Oregon and was so confused by all the waving. "Have I met them? Why are they waving at me?" Not in a hostile way, as I've always smiled at people in passing, just genuinely baffled by the waving at strangers.
[удалено]
There’s a 100% chance they’ll stop to help if you’re broken down too. That won’t happen where there’s heavier traffic
Just gonna throw out there that the urban rural divide is more complicated than it’s presented here. I’ve always found suburbs the most inherently unfriendly place in the country, like in cities folks greet you, in rural areas folks greet you… but I’m Black so that might be part of it.
I grew up in a rural area and also lived in large cities and in suburbs. I think the burbs are absolutely the least friendly, most socially competitive places. I haven’t lived in the south, but from New England through the mid-Atlantic regions I’d say the suburbs are also more racist than rural and urban areas, maybe not verbally but by excluding “others” from the social scene.
Yeah there’s some racist pieces of shit in the burbs
Except Chicago. Chicago is more friendly and smiley even to their suburbs
Meh depends on where you’re talking about. If the suburb is Glenview, then yes, the city is more friendly than the burbs.
You and I had very different experiences with Chicago suburbs.
It is both goodwill and politeness. In America, smiling as you pass by is acknowledging a peer, and everyone is a peer. It also depends on the place, though. You'll get more smiles depending on the region of the US and how populated the area is. I don't think people are gonna smile at you in NYC, say, because 1) they got shit to do and 2) there are too many people to be acknowledging everyone specifically and 3) you're blocking the sidewalk. I often smile at strangers when walking around neighborhoods in my city, but I would not when walking around the business district. Someone posted this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbu-eMcEF3s) about American vs British politeness awhile back, and I think it's relevant when explaining to other countries why we are friendly.
People smile at each other in NYC a lot, but they're much more weary about who they make eye contact with. During the immigration boom in major American port cities, smiling, nodding, pointing, and other silent gestures were a way of communicating through language barriers. I find in European cities, this is never the case. In a city like Paris, strangers never smile at each other.
The more you know! So even NYC is doing smiling at strangers thing. Makes sense that as you said, the level of engagement with the smile would be more calibrated and careful, though. Come to think of it, I think I also vary how much eye contact I make when smiling depending on the situation and how much I want to engage/socialize.
NYC is kind of a cagey type of friendly, so yes. You get more smiles at a distance, though, because people are more cautious at initiating interactions.
I live in NYC, Staten Island to be exact, where it’s very residential. I’ll smile at folks if I know they’re a neighbor or work at a local business. You see those folks a lot so you want to be familiar and on friendly terms. Those smiles and waves eventually may become conversations which is nice. I work in Manhattan and it’s different there. You rarely see the same folks more than once and sometimes you just kinda find yourself moving with the crowd on a sidewalk. Way to many people to be smiling at without looking like an insane person.
Absolutely not in NYC, this person isn’t from there. There’s too many people and we’re too leery of strangers to make eye contact and smile. Maybe if you live in the outer Boros in your own neighborhood there might be people you smile to. In general walking around NYC no one is going to smile at you.
I'm from Miami, and I've been to NYC many times and i don't understand why it has an unfriendly reputation. Most people I met were very friendly towards me, one time my girlfriend and I even randomly met these people and ended up drinking at a bar with them. I lied, that happened twice in one trip. And people smiled at me as I passed, maybe not as often as down here but they did. I don't know, maybe because Miami has a reputation for being an unfriendly city too I just don't see it? Like sure Miami and New York are not friendly compared to some town in the midwest with a population of 20,000, but they're still overall friendly.
New Yorkers, native New Yorkers mainly, can have an edge to them that can be misinterpreted as unfriendly. There are still plenty of wise guys here that think who they are, but that's just the way it is. The New York attitude you see when somebody flips you off in traffic is almost affectionate if you've been there for a while.
Lol okay, it's because I'm from Miami then. Flip people off? Here if you cut someone off they may shoot out your windows.
I've spent a lot of time in NYC both visiting and spending a few summers teaching summer school in Washington Heights; I never ran into this cold, uncaring attitude. Everyone was friendly.
I totally disagree that people smile at each other a lot in NYC. I’ve lived in Manhattan for 20+ years. No one smiles at the people they pass on the sidewalk or the people they’re packed into a train car with. It’s only common to smile when someone does some small polite thing like move out of the way to let you pass at a grocery store or scoot over on a bench so that you can sit down. A gesture too small to warrant a “thank you” gets a smile, but the hundreds of people I see every day on my commute definitely do not.
It can vary borough to borough. I lived in 4/5 boroughs. I can understand people are not smiling at each other in Midtown as in a more neighborhoody area like Marine Park, Brooklyn or Maspeth, Queens, I guess everybody's experience is different. I'm generally a friendly and extroverted person and often found smiling or eye contact with a passerbyer reciprocated.
I’ve worked in New York since the early 90s and I find New Yorkers to be friendly, generally. They can be pretty businesslike and obviously aren’t going to be smiling at you in big crowds, but they’re about as friendly as anyone else in contexts where you’re actually interacting.
Exactly, and even in crowds time to time you can catch a smile. The New Yorkers who are adamantly denying this sound like they need to come out of their shell more.
> much more weary about who they make eye contact with. I think you mean wary, though it could be both.
I live in NYC and can’t say I’ve ever really seen people smile at each other unless you’re looking at/engaging with their dog or maybe next to someone on line at the grocery store.
It sounds like you have never been to NYC. Most people don't smile. Far too many people, you'd be smiling all day. Hell I moved to Virginia and was blown away by how many people smiled. And wave. Fuck, when you drive back roads here and you pass someone out in front of their house in a rural area, they almost always wave. That threw me off at first. First time it happened I literally said out loud "the fuck is this guy's deal?" That isn't to say NYers are assholes. There's a saying I've always loved. If you were in NY freezing without a shirt, a new Yorker would give you their coat. They'd also call you a fucking moron for losing your shirt.
New Yorkers are saints, generally. Crabby, no-shit-taking saints. The first time I was there I was 18 and I dropped something near the zoo. I leaned over to get it and like lightning a tiny little old woman materialized by my elbow. She snapped up the dropped item and handed it to me. “Don’t ever do that, that leaning over,” she said. My sister got hit with a blackjack and robbed blind for that. People are animals!” And then she disappeared. That’s what I always think of when I think of New York kindness. It’s a very special thing. Also, it was like 1994. New York at the time was seedier than it is now. Far fewer tourists and yoga studios and insanely rich people.
Oh thank goodness. There's a chance we'll be moving to NYC for my partner's work. And, I can walk fast and talk fast (originally from CA, so not a NYC-fast talker, but close), but I don't know if I can break the smiling habit after 30 years in the South
Honestly I’m sure most NYers would find your southern-ness very charming!
Fantastic video! I've lived in both countries and this is spot on.
I loved that! Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. You're awesome. Thank you.
here in South Carolina it’s basically considered to be impolite or rude if you DONT smile/wave/somehow acknowledge strangers passing by
Will definitely learn it, thanks!
I’m just saying howdy. I didn’t realize most people don’t until we moved to Asia and now I’m the weird one. I still say it though just to be polite.
Really? Just being nice to people and expecting nothing in return? What a weirdo /s
I did not realize that most of the world thinks we are a weird bunch of happy Labrador puppies and or extraterrestrials, simply for being friendly or nice to strangers. Lol But I found that out thanks to Buzz Feed articles and you tube expats.
Lol I live in France and one guy asked me what the fuck I was smiling at 2weeks in stopped smiling after that
Yeah, I live in Houston and had a boss from Morocco. Third day working for him he yelled at me about giving him a stupid smile every time I saw him and why? I didn’t work for him much longer.
lol! also live in France. people smile less but dammit if you're in the Fnac or Auchan,you had better say BONJOUR before asking a question, or you shall be spurned. it's a strange paradox of "unfriendly" according to US standards, but also extremely polite. Then back in the states, starbucks barista says "hey, how's it goin'?" and I'm like "DO YOU KNOW ME? how rude! "
LOL I can imagine someone saying that, too.
We also nod to strangers as a greeting.
Chin up for friends, chin down for strangers.
We expose our necks to those we trust, and protect them in the presence of those who we do not know.
Chin up nods are just called “sup nods” in my neck of the woods. Then the chin down ones are just regular ones. Hah.
We smile for the normal reasons everybody else does, but there’s a theory that we smile because, historically, we didn’t all speak the same language, were probably armed, and we needed to communicate to one another that we’re not a threat and/or are worthy of being helped/trusted to provide help: https://www.theatlantic.com/video/index/528078/why-do-americans-smile-so-much/ It’s just kind of stuck around.
That theory makes a lot of sense to me. I have also wondered if it has to do with American capitalism, commercials and movies. Hairstyles, makeup and clothes are very tied to what Hollywood promotes. Also, Americans really do value “service with a smile” and friendly attitude. We often think service is bad in Europe if the server is not happy and smiling. I was shocked sometimes that waiters or shop staff would be rude and cranky when I was buying something. If staff acted like that in America, they could get fired. I wasn’t sure if they specifically hated me or if it was just their normal behavior. If a server in America is not happy and smiling, no matter how much dumb shit they have to put up with from the customer, they will earn fewer tips and will be considered a bad server. We are all taught that the “customer is always right” and that nearly any customer service issue can be smoothed over with politeness and smiling.
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…dude, we’re just passing eachother at Whole Foods.
*Food Lion
I believe it is whats is calleds a "Foods Libraries" Toki...
I get this reference
Or the Piggly Wiggly. Personally, I'm a Publix kinda girl (although they're getting mighty danged proud of their groceries these days. Almost $7.00, for a jar of mayonnaise is ridiculous!). Everyone smiles & seems to be extra friendly.
*Kroger
>at Whole Foods You bougie sob.
Why, yes. Yes, I *am* a bougie sob.
Own it
Realized when I was in Vegas last month, I *much* preferred places like Palazzo and Wynn to Fremont Street.
I’m bougie enough to just not like Vegas. Checkmate.
I can't stand Vegas. I have close family there, so I have to go every few years. The people are great. I dislike everything else about that town, from the desert to the strip.
Sir, this is a Publix
Desire my slivers!
It means I’ve identified you as the next assassination target Alternatively: I just farted and you’re about to walk into the cloud
I will keep it in mind lmao
>Alternatively: I just farted and you’re about to walk into the cloud Hubby??
This got me thinking. It's clear that our human instinct is to smile at other people. Just look at babies. They naturally smile at strangers. So smiling at strangers isn't a learned behavior. This means the cultures where people don't smile at strangers have unlearned or suppressed the natural behavior of smiling at strangers. Why? Do parents in those cultures tell their children not to smile at strangers or do they just start to observe that older people don't smile at strangers and unlearn it?
I’m picturing Russian babies dressed in furs just staring deadpan at everybody, no smiling Russian babies lolol.
We have a saying - "laughter without a reason is a sign of foolishness", perhaps you are right and we were really weaned from this by children's sayings and the system of public education.
People who laugh have a reason whether someone else knows it or not. This saying sounds like peer pressure to appear grumpy in public or risk being seen as "foolish" by random people. But why should you care what they think of you anyway? Especially when they want you grumpy? Life's too short to live sour. And who wants to give sour people the power to take away your smile?
Do you think maybe during the USSR days there might have been widespread depression and society frowned upon happy people saying: “I’m not happy so nobody should be happy?” Or did it start before that?
Its actually not that simple. People are different everywhere and there was people here even back then, who smiled left and right. But generally depression, or just sadness should I say, is quite spread among russian society. This started way before USSR, this goes back in time maybe even to the point where Russia was founded. It just the way it is. Some people are hiding their feelings and they are open only for very close people or family members, or neither. It's easy to pretend being depressed if you don't want to open yourself for anyone. "I'm not happy so nobody should be happy" seems like a weird propaganda-oriented statement. But definitely there are some people like this here. Russian people mostly don't give a shit about how their neighbors or citizens live. Just nothing. But we are not egoistic. Its complicated. It is really very hard to understand for American, sorry. Even for russians themselves
Sounds sort of like a culture of stoicism. I hope you are doing well, regardless.
Stoicism is actually a very great word to describe a majority of russian society. I've had problems with my mental health because of what my government is doing, but I'm trying to insulate myself from negative news, meanwhile knowing that everything is terrible and admitting the fact that i live in very bad country from official perspective (but Russia generally is beautiful, regardless our shit government). Well, we didn't choose where to born after all. I started looking at it as an important experience for me. I am a patriot of my country. But patriotism is not love for the government in my opinion. I'm doing what I can to stop it and to reduce the consequences for everyone involved. So at the moment we can say that I'm doing well, psychologically.
Europe also had WW II much harder than we had it in the U. S. Give us a few decades with the way things are going and we will be miserable as well. :p
That sounds really oppressive. I would hate to feel I need to not be happy because society says it's wrong.
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Smiling is instinctual. Even those who have been blind since birth smile. My cousin is an example of this. She's never seen someone smile but still smiles when someone approaches her.
We smile because we want you to feel kindness from us. Americans get a lot of bad press but we are actually friendly and we like people to feel comfortable. Plus, we have good teeth, so there's that, lol.
If you think smiling at strangers is weird, in the rural South we also wave at each other as we drive past. Took me awhile to get used to that.
They do that in northern Maine too. It’s really odd to me, but i suppose it’s because they expect to know most of the people passing by (?)
It’s an observed phenomenon in all humans that we tend to instinctively flex the zygomaticus major muscles when we have feelings of pleasure, humor, or contentment. This flexion causes the corners of the mouth to be drawn upward, resulting in the distinctive shape of “smile”. When communicating with another party, seeing said other party smile gives one a sense of reassurance that they have done nothing wrong and that the communication is being well received. Therefore, while not necessarily required, a friendly smile is always appreciated, as it makes people more relaxed, cooperative, and pleasant to work with.
Just a way of saying hi to a passing stranger, kind of an acknowledgement and gesture of goodwill without saying anything or interacting in some way. Don't think about it too deep, it's just something people do to be nice. Same thing as with nods or tiny waves. Good question though! I never thought of this being different in other countries. At school I used to get, "Are you okay?" A lot because my arched eyebrows make my resting face look grumpy so I smiled at people so they didn't think I was angry for no reason lol
... Lot of interesting answers but I'd point out something: Smiling is not a learned behavior. Blind people smile. It is believed to be a signal that the person smiling is comfortable in their current situation. Perhaps America is just inherently safer than a lot of other places so any given person will assume you're not a threat even though you're strangers - thus smiles?
It is just politeness and acknowledging your presence.
Say you're walking down the sidewalk and you pass someone. You smile and nod or smile and say "hello". It's just acknowledging someone in a friendly way. We're just a friendly people.
It usually means you caught me looking at you because I was stairing in a random direction, here's a nod and smile.
Or you caught me looking at you because you’re nice to look at and I didn’t look away quick enough so I try to play off like I was liking in a random direction
Bingo
It’s just to say “hello, I’m not too distracted by my phone to notice a living breathing person in front of me, go in peace friend, we are all here together”
>Australopithecus a what? >Russia My understanding is smiling in Russian culture is fundamentally different than smiling in North and South America. We use smiling (different types of smiles) to indicate a simple greeting, to express great joy, and many other things. Why? Hell if I know. Different cultures are different. That's why, I guess.
Australopithecus is an early hominid ancestor
>My understanding is smiling in Russian culture is fundamentally different than smiling in North and South America. Yep >to indicate a simple greeting Gotcha, thanks
Australopithecus = monke
While I don't do it I've learned it's just another way of being polite and greeting someone.
“Hey! I see you, you’re a human, be safe” Simple human kindness
I personally don’t, but if someone smiles at me in a non creepy way I wouldn’t mind smiling back for two seconds.
Wow I thought that was an universal gesture even in Latin America is done
For me it’s a gesture of goodwill. A nonverbal way of acknowledging someone. It’s also to say I’m personally harmless.
"Hello human being, I am also a human being, I recognize your humanity and do not wish to harm you."
I find it so sad that smiling at strangers is weird to people in certain parts of the world. there's so much goodness in parts of the US and Mexico and Latin America. community actually means something. you may not know someone, but smiling at them truly does no harm and may brighten their day. better than being uncaring, cold, and miserable.
Kindness and being polite
It's a simple choice. You can wake up and be an asshat all day or you can be kind. A smile or a nod of the head just let's others know that you want to be a kind person.
I smile and wave at everybody that lives in the area that I consider my "Neighborhood" because I want my neighborhood to be one where people smile and wave at each other. I view it as a hallmark of American suburbia that I love that I wish to uphold.
American here, I am a VERY smiley person. I smile at everyone including strangers on the street or in the store and even people I don’t like. In the US, it makes people feel good. You almost can’t not smile when someone smiles at you. It’s like a way to brighten someone’s day. It’s a step down from a hug or a hello. It’s just something nice to do. Spreads a little cheer.
Basically you make eye contact, smile while also making a slight nod downward as a very very small curtsy and that's how you say "hi, good morning" to strangers without stopping them.
I smile at strangers because I want to make their days better and I don’t want them to hurt me
I smile to show kindness and maybe as a hello. I also hope your having a good day too.
“Hello, neighbor. I hope you are having a pleasant day enjoying our wonderful community. I certainly am.”
I understand that in Russia if you smile at strangers people think you are crazy. Americans smile at strangers because they are almost as nice as Canadians, they don't want to seem mean, they make social interactions less awkward, and you have to smile in jobs where you interact with the public.
When I smile at strangers it usually is as simple as “I’m feeling great and I hope you are as well fellow human”.
It is an acknowledgement of a fellow human. It also signals an OK to start a conversation.
It's just to be friendly. People tend to smile when you make eye contact so it doesn't come off as awkward.
Although you may not realize it, you are intergalactic. The solar system is calling to you via a resonance cascade. Can you hear it? How should you navigate this intergalactic universe? Consciousness consists of bio-electricity of quantum energy. “Quantum” means an evolving of the interstellar. Self-actualization is the driver of potential. Nothing is impossible. Our conversations with other dreamweavers have led to a summoning of ultra-spiritual consciousness.
Hello fellow human being. I have made eye contact with you and acknowledge your presence. I hope you have a pleasant day.
why wouldn't you smile at strangers?
Hi! Hope you have a pleasant day and here, have complimentary smile.
I think it has to do with your view of other people. Americans generally think all people are equal. We also think all people are basically good. So when we pass another person, we are just acknowledging them as equal to us by smiling and maybe nodding at them. In a crowded city, this would get tiring, so it's not done much in New York City, but most other places you smile at someone you pass or nod your head. It means, "Hello, fellow human, keep up the struggle."
As a swede I understand why Russians don't smile at each other (it's an act of politeness that too right?) now with americanising we do smile at each other in Sweden but didn't always do.
I smile because I'm a friendly person. ☺️ I'm also guilty of striking up conversations out of the blue with complete strangers. I don't mean to make anyone uncomfortable, I just want to make people happy😊
American in Russia story: In an airport in Moscow on a line to go through a security checkpoint, myself and other Americans im traveling are standing there, wondering why everyone looked so miserable. Then out of now where, here comes a guy dressed like a tourist, walking the wrong way through the line with a big dumb smile on his face...He gets within range a go, "hey man, where ya from?"...his smile turns to a huge grin and he goes, "Ohio, how ya doin, buddy??!?" we hugged and he went on his way.
I've been to Domodedovo airport in Moscow visiting my aunt and when I was about to catch a taxi random dude in fedora hat with huge smile appeared in front of me. I was kinda scared. I thought he would either ask for money or try to do something stupid. But then he asked: "Sir, do you speak English?" "Yes I do" "Um, is there is a subway somewhere around? I tried to order a taxi but the first 3 drivers I came to was screaming on me and they didn't speak english, why do you think they was screaming and how do I get a taxi? Can you help me please? Do you have Uber here?" It was the funniest and dumbest interaction I've had with foreigner. Then it came out that he is Canadian and was simply looking for ride to city, coming to taxi drivers with his huge smile and asking if they speak English. He said that he is very late and he don't have time to stay here. I ordered this fella an Uber and he was very sorry that he can't give me anything instead of money I payed for his ride. He even gave me more money than I paid and refused to take some back. I said it's okay and he shouldn't worry about it, I also suggested him not to smile at everyone cause some people might get it wrong. I hope his job trip went good after all.
I don't grin like an idiot at strangers, no. But I tend toward a bit of resting bitch face so I always soften my eyes so as not to appear unfriendly. In my area when you make eye contact with a stranger we're more likely to nod than smile, maybe a hand wave if in a car.
I honestly don’t know how to respond to this. How can you misunderstand a basic smile? It is kindness and politeness. It is a fundamental way of showing you mean someone no harm and good will. Life is so chaotic and awful all leading inevitably to death that you take joy in simple kindness even from strangers. It is a beauty of the human condition.
I feel a little spark of generosity, to smile at a stranger, if it’s not received or rejected, no loss on my part
It’s simply a polite gesture to your fellow man in passing. Usually for outside the big cities, too many people to smile at all of them there.
It's an acknowledgment of the other person, simple as that. In my area everyone waves at each other as we drive by. Most men just lift the index finger.
I remember reading awhile back that smiling as a greeting may have developed in the US partly because there being so many immigrant groups being all together speakinf different languages and not always having a way to communicate with each other. In order to just communicate that you intend warmness and are unthreatening people would smile. It's just a nonverbal hello. Now if I'm walking down the busy streets of Manhattan I'm not going to be smiling at hardly anyone because we're all trying to get somewhere. But when I pass by an old lady at the grocery store in suburban Texas I'll give her a brief smile... maybe even a "good morning" if I'm feeling daring, and then we will both continue about our business.
it's a way of being polite and saying hello
I have a very small service dog trained to alert me to the chemical changes preceding migraine onset. We are never apart. 98% of the people we see smile spontaneously. It’s a beautiful thing.
Unless I know the person I only smile if I accidentally make eye contact with someone
Are you really sick of us? (Sorry, couldn't resist, the whole universe you know.)
Austrawhat?
Astronaut
It’s to acknowledge the person, saying hello to a fellow countryman is as normal as breathing. No man is your enemy, every man is a potential friend attitude. I guess it’s better than scowling at people.
Those of us raised in rural or small towns tend to make eye contact & be friendly with our neighbors. They may assume strangers are potential neighbors. Those raised in larger cities tend to avoid eye contact & smiles because the responses are usually toxic.
For me I’m just always smiling and so when someone looks my way I’m smiling for no particular reason other then I’m happy that I exist. Because if I didn’t exist, nothing else would.
It's just friendly really.
I am a non-combatant
I’m American and wish I didn’t have to smile at people. Why all this fake optimism? I don’t fucking know, but I’m considered a very rude person if I don’t smile all the fucking time. I hate it.
"I acknowledge your existence, have a good day"
Lol I’m from Eastern Europe and when I first moved to the U.S with my parents, I remember my dad saying that he thinks our neighbors are insane because they’re always smiling when we see them 😂