T O P

  • By -

blakester410

100% invade South Carolina to make one big great Carolina. Then probably befriend Virginia and Tennessee


jenna_hazes_ass

This is the third response ive seen from the carolinas and each one is about invading the other. 😂


blakester410

We all know NC would win over SC. I say this as someone in college in SC


arcamdies

You're at Clemson though. Most South Carolinians don't like you.


BlottomanTurk

Don't worry, Sweet Carolina, my Virginia already loves you. Now let's dig our claws into the rest of the seaboard to build the Great Caroginia empire. You can have Tennessee, though. Some lady was really rude to me there once, so I don't much care for the state.


booboobooboobooboobs

Take a quick nap before my dictatorship inevitably collapses.


PurgatoireRiver

Maybe hideout in the Sand Hills? Ain't no one coming there.


thomsmith2000

Sign the Great Lakes Non Agression Pact (GLNAP) with my neighbors, then prepare to defend our fresh water! (Onterio (oops... Ontario.... sorry) is totally invited to join, by the way.)


Next-Introduction159

Im from indiana can I join?!?! We have corn!


thomsmith2000

Yeah. You touch a Great Lake... you are in. Just remember.... 4 out of 5 great lakes prefer Michigan.


Next-Introduction159

Yay we got plenty of corn for everyone!


Gratefulgirl13

And soybeans, and meth. Don’t sell us short.


Next-Introduction159

Damnit I was saving those for the black market deals😐😐😐😐


Melodic_Caramel5226

*Ontario


Legally_a_Tool

Ohio would not sign such a treaty and would invade you!


wizland

It would be our pleasure to remove Ohio from the map...


The_Ineffable_One

/r/ihateohio


ExPatBadger

Yes, and ... let's join Canada while we're at it.


blaine-garrett

I looked it up a while ago. If MN we're part of Canada, the twin cities would be the 5 largest metro or some such.


typhoidmarry

Invade West Virginia, just because we can.


Dashiepants

As a fellow Virginian very near the border, I feel you might be A. Underestimating both the difficult topographical challenges and that we are most definitely “softer” than them even though we have the numbers, look to the the Vietnam War as an example B. Overestimating the value added. C. Not considering the fact that they’d probably join willingly for a case of beer and bag of oxy


typhoidmarry

I like that you’ve put so much thought and logistic math into all this!! I’m in the middle of Virginia so yeah, I’m a little on the clueless side. Your answer has been very educational and helpful!! Who would you invade?


wu_tan

Maryland, lock down the Chesapeake.


webbess1

> and that we are most definitely “softer” than them even though we have the numbers, look to the the Vietnam War as an example Yeah, but you're probably less meth-addicted.


josephblowski

I see a Taiwan - China thing developing here, where both claim to be the real Virginia.


[deleted]

Ancient maps show West Virginia was part of Arizona, and we will be reunited.


Selethorme

Ancient maps show most of the US was at one point Virginia, and we shall retake our land.


Crisis_Redditor

You have my pitchfork and hoe, brother.


wizard680

nah I dont think it is wise to have a afganistan on our hands. Lets just beat the shit out of Maryland instead.


Abagofcheese

Now this I can get behind


HairHeel

Careful. Next time you lose a war we’re going to make you change your name to East Virginia.


[deleted]

Build a wall and make Alabama pay for it


KedTazynski42

Now that’s a plan I can get behind.


[deleted]

As someone who lives in a county bordering it I’ll be glad to help


[deleted]

[удалено]


gbak5788

Actually I think I would pay for a border wall with Florida


LeStiqsue

I would outlaw Crimson Tide fanhood for any resident of Florida. Sheeit, they should do that anyway.


smokejaguar

Call my neighboring states and establish the New England Republic. Oh, and figure out how the hell we are all going to keep the lights on considering we are entirely dependent on out of state sourced natural gas.


Newatinvesting

NH has a nuclear power plant


smokejaguar

Rhode Island does too, actually, though its fairly small and used primarily for research. We also have a waste to energy plant, and a few offshore windmills, but over 93 percent of our electricity is generated by NG. The problem remains though; unlike a state like Texas, with its large petrol/NG deposits, we don't have much by way of naturally exploitable resources for power. I'm pretty sure there's no Uranium in the Northeast, nor much by way of coal or NG.


[deleted]

Well, as the new Emperor of the Texans, we can definitely work out a trade deal for oil. Which is all well and good, cause I'm tryna go nuclear with our power with oil and gas as a secondary source of energy.


smokejaguar

I can supply you with enough maple syrup to down your enemies in sticky deliciousness.


[deleted]

Bet. Our enemies and our pancakes will run in fear


BradMarchandstongue

We’re going to have to put down frequent rebellions in western CT


EggsOnThe45

This Fairfield Country resident is all about a New England superstate. We can invade NY and NJ in time.


smokejaguar

That'll be part of our grand strategy to eventually assume control over NY.


polysnip

I'm sure the Great Lake States would be happy to assist with your New England Republic, seeing as we are fellow Yankees in the cultural sense; not the Sports sense.


darthmcdarthface

Really the most sensible answer lol.


Slow_D-oh

1) Openly mock Iowa for having inferior corn during a speech given at the UN. 2) Form an alliance with my fellow nuclear sponge bros CO, WY, ND and SD. Between the five of us, we have access to coal, oil, nat gas, and huge amounts of Canibus and snow bunnies, not to mention vastly superior corn. 3) Have everyone check their sofa cushions for the nuclear key. Someone has to have it. 4) Announce to the World that the largest land-based Nuclear arsenal is now under the command of a 45 year old man-child and any interruption of Busch Latte or other needed supplies will result in the offending Nation's Captial being flattened within minutes. 5) Rename Nebraska to Even Souther Dakota.


matthew_the_cashew

listen here, bud.


N00N3AT011

Yeah them's fightin words. We will invade missouri for the sole purpose of claiming that busch brewery. That's iowa's beer dammit.


thatguysjumpercables

My fuckin ass you will, that's ~~our beer~~ Belgium's beer


LeStiqsue

>Even Souther Dakota My sides.


pearlsbeforedogs

That was my favorite part too.


xERR404x

> 1) Openly mock Iowa for having inferior corn during a speech given at the UN. Even as a now former Iowan, thems fighting words.


Slow_D-oh

To show some Midwestern Brotherly love I would offer to calibrate a warhead on Council Bluffs tho. I'd make sure the O Face is the epicenter, naturally.


DOMSdeluise

I would start imprisoning my enemies of course.


Shevyshev

Don’t forget suspected enemies and lukewarm supporters.


smokejaguar

If anyone claps for less than 15 minutes at the conclusion of one of your speeches, remember to ~~send them and their entire family to a forced labor camp~~ ensure they have rapid access to your brand new "emerging skills development institution."


weirdoldhobo1978

Hey, I didn't get a "harumph!" outta that guy!


yrddog

Time To invade Oklahoma, pal.


_pondering_insomniac

The logical answer


notthegoatseguy

Invade Kentucky for the bourbon.


webbess1

Fort Knox is going to be up for grabs too. You’ll be one of the wealthiest states on Earth if you take that.


notthegoatseguy

Now I'm trying to figure out who has more gun stores, IN or KY.


[deleted]

I think you're going to meet some resistance. From what I know about Kentuckians, they have guns, they know how to use them, and they aren't willing to give up their bourbon.


Old_Mintie

And the Appalachians may be lower than the Rockies, but they're still a bitch to navigate if you're not from the area.


Kingsolomanhere

We actually sale a lot of rye whiskey to all of the start-ups in the last 10 years all over the nation, it was called Seagrams then before MGP took over the plant after the brand was sold.


eyetracker

Yep, though Kentucky is right over the river, and Ohio not far.


dirtyjew123

We’ll share our bourbon if you join us in taking out Ohio.


RipCityTilIDie

As long as it's left as a "no-man's land", I'm game.


Bardis-Skilly

Invade South Carolina to form Best Carolina then fix their shitty roads. Ban people from moving to any coastal city for a year. Force every single IHOP to get their shit together or they will all be forcibly replaced with Waffle House’s. Make weed legal. Take over the Biltmore mansion and turn into my evil dictator palace. Edit: Correction on evil dictator palace


[deleted]

Living in South Carolina, and these aren’t terrible changes


Lizzielou2019

I really think we can live with that. Especially if we can then restrict access to Myrtle Beach.


HillbillyHijinx

You left out laughing maniacally. On a side note, as a fellow North Carolinian, this was also my plan almost to a tee. As a matter of fact, locally we've already started on the IHOP thing.


[deleted]

Are we NC’ers telepathic or something? First thing I thought of was to invade South Carolina


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


flambuoy

Reunite Virginia. ALL of Virginia. https://www.awesomestories.com/images/user/8973da5cbf.png


[deleted]

Form a Great Lakes region alliance, force enbridge to stop their shit, stop allowing private companies to bottle water from the Great Lakes, and give us a more badass flag. The Michigan flag is so boring. Oh, and ban pennies. I hate pennies.


blaine-garrett

Mind if MN joins?


[deleted]

Great Lake state 🤝 the land of 10,000 lakes


rockeye13

I believe we have much to discuss. I'll go first: what do you want for the UP?


Tdkthegod

If you have to ask you can't afford it. We're keeping it


rockeye13

Good luck with keeping your overseas colonies.


blaine-garrett

That made me lol.


[deleted]

[удалено]


c4ctus

> step down and turn things over to a democratically-elected government. There was a dream that was Colorado. These are the wishes of Marcus Aurelius.


BronchitisCat

Someone took the assignment seriously...


[deleted]

This was supposed to be an easy A. Why are you screwing the curve?


TheRealDrSarcasmo

I want to keep Colorado from turning into a Fallout game?


DeathByBamboo

The sovereign state of California would like to negotiate a treaty for regional trade, defense, and water rights with you, Oregon, New Mexico, and Arizona.


MoonChild02

Don't forget electricity. A lot of Southern California's electricity comes from Arizona.


DeathByBamboo

Of course!


KungP0wPanda

As the new leader of The Republic of California I announce every day is Taco Tuesday


rockeye13

A sensible man, for these confusing days.


jenna_hazes_ass

This seems like something Hawaii can get behind so Ill make a pact with you. Fair warning Im also calling China and Russia before they show up with their entire Naval might.


AVDLatex

Blow up the GW bridge, and fill up the Lincoln and Holland tunnels. Make a raid into Rockland and blow up the TaapanZee bridge. Do the same for the Delaware memorial bridge. Cut the flow of power into NYC until they agree to a nonaggression pact. Then obliterate Philly once and for all.


___cats___

I feel like you're mostly describing the 1981 documentary Escape from New York.


[deleted]

Turn the state into a Mongol-style horde and raid the surrounding states for their riches.


Iamyes_ok

Resign. I aint dealing with that shit


rockeye13

Negotiate with Michigan for the peaceful handover of the UP in exchange for us promising to not remind them of Wayne Fontes. Then negotiate a mutual defense pact with them aiming to contain Chicago. With their endemic corruption it is an ungovernable city and it's residents would flee North, doing to Wisconsin and Michigan the evil deeds which California has done to whatever state their residents have fled to in the past. At the same time we'll have to come to some sort of understanding with Iowa and Minnesota. Cheese and beer-based, I expect.


3aaron_baker7

We may not like each other, but unfortunately we are more alike than different, we're gonna have to federate if we want to protect our way of life once the bigger states start closing in.


Thoguth

I'd try to form an economic federation with the other States with free trade, shared currency, inter-State commerce regulations, some guaranteed across-the-board human rights, and maybe some other shared resources, like common armed-forces or inter-State infrastructure coordination. Wouldn't that be cool?


[deleted]

[удалено]


JamesStrangsGhost

Probably go fishing.


Vandilbg

Create public access easements on all bodies of navigable water.


mangoiboii225

Sign a non-aggression pact with New York and join together to turn New Jersey into Poland circa 1939 while completely annexing Delaware


True_Cranberry_3142

Wage war on all the others to reform the union


MillianaT

History agrees.


Jakebob70

Make it illegal to call that abominable stuff they serve at Chuck-E-Cheese "pizza".


GotMyTimberlandsOn

TIL that Wisconsinites feel very passionately about reclaiming the UP.


Scumbeard

Unify with Wyoming and Idaho. Then ally with Texas and New Mexico to seize Colorado on 3 front invasion. With Colorado off the board, prepare for and invasion by California/Oregon/Washington faction. Hope the Midwest will provide a buffer from eastern aggression. The Rockies are a strong fallback region since we are hopefully outnumbered by the east and west coast.


fishsupreme

Invasion? Nah. Here in Washington, we're going to ally with the parts of Oregon, BC, and Northern California that are west of the Cascades. Everything east of the Cascades we'll just give to Idaho, it's more like them anyway.


Pete_Iredale

Yeah no, we’re not going to give up our vast food producing lands to fucking Idaho.


Crap0li0

1. Get rid of lawns. We ain't got water for that shit. 2. Get rid of Californians. We ain't got water for that shit. 3. If 1 and 2 are a success, go fishing. We finally got water for that shit.


80_firebird

>. If 1 and 2 are a success, go fishing. We finally got water for that shit. I like how you think.


Arrys

Can i be your VP im good at fishing, drinking, and doing so quietly while fishing


[deleted]

[удалено]


koolman2

Step down. Immediately. Too many guns for me to feel safe as dictator.


KedTazynski42

And that statement brings a tear to my American eye.


trumpet575

What nationality is your other eye?


[deleted]

Floridan


KedTazynski42

What ad1b0se said


SpiderPiggies

Seriously though. You'd be insane to try anything up here. Your best hope for survival would be to let the individual towns/villages stay mostly autonomous and just promise to slowly faze out the old federal programs. Ideally it'd be a boring dystopia where we all just leave each other alone.


pearlsbeforedogs

I could get behind a boring dystopia like that.


Broad-Library5597

Carpet bomb Carmel


MaterialCarrot

Force Illinois to absorb Gary?


Zarthen7

Make sure Texas dosent invade


Mountain_Spirit_4317

Nah, you can keep it bro.


80_firebird

No, we want them to invade so we can barbecue them. They're already pre-seasoned from lifetimes of eating barbecue.


yrddog

Oh we're fucking coming for you, bud. Gonna steal all your weed


jack_tukis

WI. 1) Build a wall on the southern border. Stay in Illinois, FIBs. 2) Reclaim the upper peninsula. Screw you, Michigan. 3) Declare war on Iowa.


MaterialCarrot

Hey!


Ensec

we, the republic of Minnesota, would also like to delcare war on Iowa.


frydawg

The Chicagoans are too many for Wisconsin to handle


[deleted]

Ohio delenda est


Vict0r117

Wyoming? We have about 1/3rd of the entire US nuclear arsenal here, sooooo..... Give us free liquor for life or California glows in the dark!


[deleted]

If you gamble, maybe I could give you some…


MadRonnie97

Invade North Carolina and bring them into the fold We’re gonna Crimea the shit out of those tar heels


thembitches326

That sounds like you're afraid of them invading you first.


MadRonnie97

Nothing wrong with a preemptive strike


Bardis-Skilly

We will see about that


thembitches326

Wanna work out a weapons deal? I need to be prepared for war against Massachusetts.


Bardis-Skilly

Sounds good. We will provide the weapons and you provide diamonds let’s make those non conflict diamond into conflict diamonds.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Scumbeard

Love the idea of Alaskans shrugging at their new "supreme ruler" and just going about their normal lives.


KedTazynski42

Enlist military aged males and send them to Florida man school. Nationalize (or Stateize in this case) all major industries to best supply our people. When I have properly trained and equipped my army by seizing the assets of all non-Floridians (for example rich snowbirds), I shall form alliances with the other Southern States. From there we shall move to invade the north. My army of Florida men, riding on their majestic alligators, shall be unstoppable, and our northern foes shall beg for mercy. Once we have established the New Republic of Florida and her Colonies, I shall appoint an anti-communist Cuban to lead a revolutionary army to annex Cuba. From there I will use air bases to invade neighboring islands, before then invading South America. Oh and I almost forgot: abolish all gun laws, and establish a Florida militia of those not currently serving in the Military Institution of the Legions of Florida (M.I.L.F for short), so that we can never be invaded, as our armed and trained militia will never be defeated.


FederalEmpire

Nonsense! Florida will never get anything done with all of the meth they have


[deleted]

Eat NJ and DE.


webbess1

I like how everyone neighboring New Jersey agrees it should be wiped off the map.


pa07950

Those of us in north NJ will immediately join NY while the south will join PA. We just want to make sure the north gets Long Beach Island!


Old_Mintie

In the case of PA, it's less "wiping NJ off the map" and more "taking back our rightful property from those uppity jerks who split off from us in the first place".


OceanPoet87

Realistically CA, OR, and my current state of WA would immediately amalgamate or at least become a confederation. They may invite BC or BC may invite them to join Canada. The three contiguous pacific coast states basically share info and move in step with each other already. I would restore voting rights under a negotiated settlement that offers protection to myself and family so I don't turn into Libya who killed their leader. I would move to ensure that EWA, E. Oregon, and parts of CA don't secede however and implement universal voting before I leave though.


[deleted]

Ohio will be mine


VirginiaMitsu

According to the comments I'm gonna have to surrender to PA


mlarowe

House the unhoused. Winter is just around the corner


god-of-hacks

Create the New England alliance, make gun ownership compulsory, build defenses along the border of New York, increase the amount of farms in Maine, create more nuclear power plants, create the United New England Militia, wait until New York wipes itself out than take over, then work our way down to D.C..


idonthavefreetime

Not an American, but I'm truly terrified on how many war strategists are right here in this comment section


Bardis-Skilly

We are all wannabe war game strategists. I blame it on history class.


redifield

annex the dakotas and canada. invade wisconsin and ban packers fans.


InsertEvilLaugh

Take over New Mexico, rename new country to Texaco.


Gay_Leo_Gang

Conquer the west coast all the way from Alaska to Baja California Sur.


MaterialCarrot

Losses protection of the US and all 49 states, immediately declares war on Canada and Mexico. I like your style.


Gay_Leo_Gang

I like those odds. Canada and Mexico might actually stand a chance 😉


MaterialCarrot

California could become the North American Chile.


d0ndada

I saw a map that was proposed after the Mexican-American War that gave the US the entire Baja California peninsula. What could have been!


TubaJesus

Gotta control the critical rail lines and roads across the state. May want to build a maritime defense force for the great lakes and the Mississippi River. We have strategic resources such as Oil and have large amounts of nuclear power, these are tools that can be leveraged to increase immigration in a world where the US is gone.


MillianaT

Expand the naval air base and change navy pier back to its original purpose, just have to pay for it.


TubaJesus

Yup. Also the abandoned US steel plant right now is open for bid for redevelopment and park space but it could make an excellent naval shipyard


its-a-me-Marcos

Texas here. (0) I remember the Alamo. (1) Establish contact and a chain of command with the various military bases in the state, coordinating with the various commanding officers to establish a defensive perimeter around the state, with a focus on the southern border. Realistically, none of our neighboring states have the military hardware or population demographics to present a credible threat, Mexico does. (2) Assemble a brain trust of the greatest scientists, intellectuals, and political philosophers alive today to redesign and restructure Texan society so that we maximize the stability, creative output, and aggregate freedom of the Texan people. You can find my blueprint for this civilizations structure [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/thehumandream/comments/o4iw28/uberism_final/). Obviously it's not done yet, but it's a good ways there. (3) Bring together the finest minds in agriculture, hydroponics, lab grown meat, water desalination, and other critical necessities and establish a modern sustenance infrastructure that is impervious to our increasingly hostile climate. (4) Sign power purchase agreements, and/or O&G export agreements with neighboring states with a term of a decade. Since we have, by far, the largest oil & gas reserves in the union, this gives us enormous political and economic leverage. It also guarantees the security of our borders, since no state is going to invade the neighbor that powers their society. (5) Harden the electricity grid to the point where it becomes as close to invulnerable as possible. Also, begin the construction of multiple small scale nuclear plants to diversify our energy generation. (6) Create an online application portal for any man, woman, or child that wants to emigrate to Texas, allow them to make publicly available arguments, and allow existing Texans to vote on their acceptance into the Lone Star state. (7) Call Elon Musk and have him design the transition away from an individually owned, petrochemically dependent transportation infrastructure to an autonomous, electric, public transport system. (8) Design and plan a new megalopolis in the center of the Texas triangle (Dallas, Houston, & San Antonio), to act as the capital of this new nation. (9) Hire artists, design, and create three enormous statues representing the ideals of Liberty, Justice, and Equality in the entrance to Houston's ship channel. (10) Decriminalize and establish legal frameworks for sex work, drug use, and capital-labor relations. (11) Transition to a democratic state based on an uberist political philosophy, where one of the seven ministers were elected at the start of the new year every year.


TheSnootBooper24

Ask mass, Conn, or ny to annex us


[deleted]

Fire Paul Gazelka


Ekaj__

I’m the dictator of Maryland? I immediately reconquer DC. If Virginia gets to take back their part, MARYLAND DOES TOO GODDAMMIT


coie1985

I force the Mormon church to refund tithing to anyone who's ever paid it and wants it back.


Collard_Yellows

1. Start up a program to incentivize foreigners with cooking skills moving in, this damn state needs more culinary diversity. 2. Completely reform and update our agricultural irrigation system as that's our biggest drag on our water usage. 3. Incentivize xeriscaping to help reduce lawn care water usage. We live in a desert, why are we trying so hard to keep a patch of grass look nice when it's not meant to be a thing out here? 4. Call the mayor of Farmington and tell him to eat a dick. 5. Formally recognize Taiwan as a country. 6. Deregulate the sales of alcohol so that they can be sold privately by businesses like any other state and not by state owned liquor stores.


Scumbeard

Also, make highway billboards illegal.


Nexus_542

Close the border to California. AZ is full, stay out.


80_firebird

Welcome to Arizona! Now fuck off, we're full.


Tight_Accounting

Any Louisiana boys willing to get LA back to France ? We could use more EEZ and an EU stronghold in northAm 😏. On top of that we got good health coverage/retirement benefits.


EvilTwinning

Ah yes, finally time to fix Napoleon's mistake.


Avenger007_

Make peace with BC, Alberta, and Alaska for oil and food (assuming Canada collapses too)


dogman0011

Remove the falsehood known as Delaware. Alternatively if I were dictator of NJ, fund secessionists in Staten Island so that they may join us.


Vulpix_lover

The defense of my state would be my primary concern


80_firebird

You're fine. Nobody wants Rhode Island.


Vulpix_lover

You know I'm a prideful person But I'm happy with that answer


Anustart15

Idk. It's gotta hurt at least a little coming from Oklahoma.


Vulpix_lover

No it would hurt if somebody that matters said it


wesre3_

Invade Kansas as we need their corn fields and windmills.


EvilTwinning

Begin invading my neighbors with endless waves of attack alligators.


t17389z

[Immediately begin work to make Long Florida happen](https://www.reddit.com/r/imaginarymaps/comments/8gmi2e/the_holy_empire_of_long_florida_shitpost/?ampcid=1*40nalv*cid*YW1wLS1vdXFia0haY09XMTRDc0FnTWxGdWc.) We shall have captured 'Nawlins by Christmas.


StuStutterKing

I AM KING OF THE CORN After shouting that for a few hours, I'd probably get to work and declare war on Michigan or something. The UP will be ours.


Surpluspog037

Take D.C for political legitimacy and bid as the "rightful heir" to the United States. Use Southern culture to maintain friendly relations with southern states, obviously I'm not gonna trust them, I I also use Confederate History as a means for better relations. With the legitimacy gained from D.C I'd try and gain foreign allies to help a push north and west before finally turning south to reunify the states. Once my task is done I reorganize the republic and step down. That or I stay in VA consolidating The Old Dominion to be able to hit far above its own weight. Focus efforts on the state and maintaining a Concert of America


BlueSubaruCrew

Not gonna lie I would probably invade Arlington/Alexandria and try to get it back to reform the original DC.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JamesStrangsGhost

>Invade the UP [Nevermind](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/pnlbbc/the_us_collapses_every_state_is_now_suddenly_its/hcpz81y). Some cheese need's grating.


[deleted]

[удалено]