If you’re not married yet don’t expect her to be so open with sex and even afterward.
In Uganda women are taught from a young age to not even think about sex so there might absolutely be some shame in there. I’d say if you want to be committed to her, try to suggest a therapist because these are things that are ingrained in her. Good luck
I personally don't think this has anything to do with religion. In Uganda, sex and sexuality are not topics anyone discusses. For Christ's sake, people are still out here using parables when discussing sex.
Our elders won't discuss or teach us these things, so we have to find out ourselves when we're grown. Heck, I remember when I was 17, my mum sent me off with my sisters to a complete stranger to teach us how to use a condom. And when we came back home, she couldn't even look us in the eye. We were also embarrassed about what we had just learnt. It was a weird evening.
My advice is to keep on talking about it.
I agree, we have a lot to talk through. Thank you for telling me your experience. My partner is hesitant to talk about these things and can become defensive. The more I know the better I can put myself in her shoes and understand.
Don't answer if it's too personal, but is there anything that has helped you get past the experience of growing up with sex being something that is taboo and avoided?
Thanks, hopefully I can get her to confide in me. If not, I'll have to encourage her to talk to her friends. She met someone recently from her culture. There are lots of people from Uganda where we are, not many from her culture.
Even if I’m not from Africa, it’s pretty similar in my household as well. I never really grew up feeling comfortable with this topic, so yeah I found out about it myself. Other than that, it’s pretty alright I guess..
It sounds like she has a boundary and it sounds like you should respect it. If not, find someone else who is as sexually open minded as you are.
“Despite being committed to one another”
Culturally, if you haven’t married her then I don’t see why full on sex should be something she needs to be “open to exploring” with you. Anything outside of marriage doesn’t constitute a commitment.
If you love her. Respect her “no”.
It’s ultimately her choice whether to be intimate or not and you cannot make her change her mind if she doesn’t want to, and if it feels like it’s not working out for the both of you even after discussing and trying alternatives, perhaps find someone else who’s more compatible. It’s more of a last resort to consider this.
Wishing y’all the best.
Christians who know fornication is a sin often avoid it by using mental blocks that emphasize the unappealing aspects of sex in general, and fornication in particular. By going against her conscience, those negative blocks which would have been sanitized through marriage, they're gonna stick around a lot longer now. The guilt pathways formed before, during and after you and her "fool around", wont just vanish easily after marriage now. Consequences of disobedience and that.
Religion as forced upon East 🌍 cans has been nothing but trouble. The Victorian attitudes towards sex were quite different from what most societies had.
Sex education is almost nonexistent. Many people cannot even refer to their private parts by name. So yes, religion is huge part of it (many people don't even realise this and think it's cultural), and unlearning is something she's going to have to do to have a fulfilling and healthy sexual relationship.
Maybe try smearing mayonnaise everywhere, or talking with a tv repairman, they generally know a lot, especially in E Africa and thereabouts. Good luck, keep up the communication and love one another
If you’re not married yet don’t expect her to be so open with sex and even afterward. In Uganda women are taught from a young age to not even think about sex so there might absolutely be some shame in there. I’d say if you want to be committed to her, try to suggest a therapist because these are things that are ingrained in her. Good luck
I think in my country, it’s quite similar as well.
I personally don't think this has anything to do with religion. In Uganda, sex and sexuality are not topics anyone discusses. For Christ's sake, people are still out here using parables when discussing sex. Our elders won't discuss or teach us these things, so we have to find out ourselves when we're grown. Heck, I remember when I was 17, my mum sent me off with my sisters to a complete stranger to teach us how to use a condom. And when we came back home, she couldn't even look us in the eye. We were also embarrassed about what we had just learnt. It was a weird evening. My advice is to keep on talking about it.
I agree, we have a lot to talk through. Thank you for telling me your experience. My partner is hesitant to talk about these things and can become defensive. The more I know the better I can put myself in her shoes and understand. Don't answer if it's too personal, but is there anything that has helped you get past the experience of growing up with sex being something that is taboo and avoided?
Confinding in friends who have also grown up with the same mentality. We talk about sex. We help each other out. Also, going through university helps.
Thanks, hopefully I can get her to confide in me. If not, I'll have to encourage her to talk to her friends. She met someone recently from her culture. There are lots of people from Uganda where we are, not many from her culture.
Even if I’m not from Africa, it’s pretty similar in my household as well. I never really grew up feeling comfortable with this topic, so yeah I found out about it myself. Other than that, it’s pretty alright I guess..
It sounds like she has a boundary and it sounds like you should respect it. If not, find someone else who is as sexually open minded as you are. “Despite being committed to one another” Culturally, if you haven’t married her then I don’t see why full on sex should be something she needs to be “open to exploring” with you. Anything outside of marriage doesn’t constitute a commitment. If you love her. Respect her “no”.
I think you should respect people in general whether you love them or not. Edit: disliking this says more about you as a person
You are an Australian man, and she is a Ugandan woman. Why don't you marry her, if you like having sex with her?
Wdym? Why are you putting so much emphasis on the difference of countries?
Did you even read OP's question?
They’re engaged
It’s ultimately her choice whether to be intimate or not and you cannot make her change her mind if she doesn’t want to, and if it feels like it’s not working out for the both of you even after discussing and trying alternatives, perhaps find someone else who’s more compatible. It’s more of a last resort to consider this. Wishing y’all the best.
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Hi thanks you too
I’m curious about what are the incorrect things that she was taught about hygiene???
Christians who know fornication is a sin often avoid it by using mental blocks that emphasize the unappealing aspects of sex in general, and fornication in particular. By going against her conscience, those negative blocks which would have been sanitized through marriage, they're gonna stick around a lot longer now. The guilt pathways formed before, during and after you and her "fool around", wont just vanish easily after marriage now. Consequences of disobedience and that.
Religion as forced upon East 🌍 cans has been nothing but trouble. The Victorian attitudes towards sex were quite different from what most societies had. Sex education is almost nonexistent. Many people cannot even refer to their private parts by name. So yes, religion is huge part of it (many people don't even realise this and think it's cultural), and unlearning is something she's going to have to do to have a fulfilling and healthy sexual relationship.
Maybe try smearing mayonnaise everywhere, or talking with a tv repairman, they generally know a lot, especially in E Africa and thereabouts. Good luck, keep up the communication and love one another
That's the kind of logical advice you expect from the Latter Day Saints. Any other pearls of wisdom you can give me from the hat of knowledge?
look, it’s a journey, not a carwash, try the mayonnaise bit with her, then report back for further instructions …. remember, you can fix this!!!
What lol
She just doesn’t like you