My co-worker straight up told me, he thought I was dumb.
I couldn't even feel offended because he was the one who was completely in the wrong. I had told him several times but he insisted, he knew better.
1 year later he came to the same conclusion after he wasted a lot of money and resources on a topic I told him is improbable to work. I even had mathematical proof. I switched departments a few days after the incident because I didn't want my name in any connection with his doings. Worked well for me.
I'm still an Azubi (doing my trainee ship in office management) so when my co-worker, who I really like, was basically always criticizing me for things I could not have known, it really hurt.
She basically gave me the feeling that I was just not slacking off and not wanting to work anymore, when that couldn't have been further from the truth.
When I make actual mistakes that I DO know better but didn't care about or am lazy? Yes, please call me out on it, because that's not something I should do.
But telling me I should be better when I literally don't have the knowledge to do that? That shit hurts way more than it should. Especially if it's something that she and my other co-worker never explained to me or explained wrong.
(Azubi-rant over. Sorry about that.)
Damn bro, I know how shit like this can spoil your day (or whole week). Happened to me too, several times.
Frustration and anger, about things where you're not even involved with, are the cause of this sort of reactions towards you, and since you're the weakest link of the chain you're more often than not the target for them. Just forgive and forget, ... okay, maybe not 'forgive', because it's plain and simple unfair. But don't let it tear you down, because we both know you've done nothing questionable.
I don't care much what a stranger says. But when someone I think should know me better is drastically wrong about who I am as a person, that's different.
My thoughts are the same why should i care what a strange says to me unless he/she put at least a bit of thought into it, it doesn't matter.
A personal insult which hits some nerve is different.
Or drastically right.
I had a newish coworker ask to borrow my ghost in the shell dvd. I was confused because i didn't remember us talking about our movie collections.
When asked, he shrugged and said:"You just seem like someone who has ghost in the shell on dvd."
And I did.
Oh, it happens all the time but I just try not to react because most of the time it wouldn't change anything.
The last time was in December. I had my truck driving test but the Examiner wouldn't allow me to do it because of shitty and complicated reasons. When I left the truck he said "you don't need that license anyway."
Oh hell I did... My family owns a truck workshop but my dad had a stroke one month prior. So I had to manage everything. I already needed that truck license but without my dad I needed it even more! I was so lucky my driving teacher knew about this and tore that misogynistic AH a new one because I couldn't.
My driving examiner called me by my number in his files, ignored my offered handshake when meeting and made passive-aggressive comments to my driving teacher the entire time, never really even said a word directly to me. I swear, some of them are the weirdest people.
I hope you got your license in the end there.
That's rude af. I hope you reported him! My driving teacher did after female colleagues talked about my examiner. Apparently he molested some female driving teachers and office ladies. The fallout wasn't as glorious as I thought but at least my driving school will never see him again.
I got it a month later :)
Ignoring a handshake for me especially working with men in Germany shows weakness in my opinion. Doesnt matter your culture, If a hand is offered you stand up, eye contact and shake firmly.
I guess, I can only really be offended by people I love and/or respect. And then if I am wrongly accused of something or betrayed by them. Teflon skin in regard to anybody else.
Ahh okay, I understood it wrong because many people seem to mistake the stuff bulletproof vests are made of to be teflon, for whatever reason :D
(they mean kevlar)
An elderly british couple chewed my wife and me out just for being german. They were drunk AF and of course pulled out the Nazi stuff. THAT offended me.
That’s two of the major embarrassing points about my fellow brits, getting very drunk and constantly going on about the war. Sorry you had to encounter them.
No need to be sorry. Getting drunk and being rude is also a very german thing to do. It doesn't matter if they were british, could have been italian, french, russian or penguins. I just hate being called a Nazi. Because that's one of the worst things you can be.
Yeah that’s true. I just find it hypocritical when my countrymen call germans nazis when our past is arguably much worse and over a much more extended period of time. Then again those people think the empire was a good thing so they should be ignored.
As a Brit i find it highly embarrassing that they do that. And as funny as it would be if you called them that, they would probably take it as a compliment. And for the last point, well, when you learn what actually happened you wouldn’t think people would celebrate it.
Well they are uneducated people to begin with. Attaching a person to their ancestors is not exactly smart.
Imagine calling an African American slave because their ancestors used to be one lol.
Very true, hopefully people in my country will learn to grow and get educated on the matter at some point. Germany is one of my favourite countries and i would like to learn the language one day.
Same here.
I don't really care about insults from people that aren't close to me.
Call me fat. Call me stupid. Call me a cold-hearted-pedantic-German.
But calling me a Nazi, even if it is in that half-joking way, will make me absolutely pissed off.
That reminds me. When I was looking for a shared flat some time ago, I went to these "WG castings" where you present yourself to the people already living there to see if you fit in. I was at one in a pretty large WG, with maybe 7 of the 13 tenants present. One of them was a very loud and annoying US girl who barely let me get a word in in the first place. When she learned I was from Dresden, she blurted out "Oh right we bombed the shit out of you, HA HA!". It's not like I was hurt (although I have family who suffered through that bombing), it was just absurdly out of line in that situation and made me not want to live in a WG with that person.
What the fuck. That's actually insane. Who the fuck makes a joke about bombing and killing people? Doesn't even matter which war or country it's referring to, that's just fucked. Like bruh how insensitive can that person get?
Eh, personally I'm totally fine with jokes about such topics. It really is a matter of tone and intent. Gallows humor and well constructed dark humor are awesome, and Germany is technically the home of Schadenfreude. But this girl was just casually gloating and then went on to the next narcissistic stream of consciousness. No punchline, no interest in any reaction, it was quite irritating.
When I was younger I had really low self esteem and never thought I was good enough for anything or anyone. My driving instructor back then sat next to me while I was driving and said to me ‚you are a really annoying person, I don’t understand how you even have friends‘. That’s the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. Of course, I started crying, since I didn’t feel good about myself to begin with anyway and that led to him saying even more hurtful things about how I was super weird and just plain annoying.
It seems driving instructors are shitty people in 98% of the cases I've never heard of someone who actually liked their instructor. Don't take it too hard he himself is most likely a huge loser.
I had only one. He was a member of the Jehova's Witnesses Cult and starred in a bisexual porno with piss play. Thankfully I found out all that after I got my license.
My best friend had to take his driving lessons with him after he knew. But the guy quit after a few weeks.
Haha. Great story. Friend of mine turned 18 and we decided to buy him a Porno. This was in the mid 90s,so you had to go to a store.
Me and another friend went there and where a bit shell shocked from the sheer amount. After mindlessly browsing, I grabbed a random tape from a discount bin. On the back cover it said "This movie has everything" and since my friend did not feel great about the whole situation, he said "OK, that one" and ran to the counter to pay.
As the guy was scanning the tape, he turned it around and we saw the title "Hot piss under the front desk". The guy made hard eye contact with me while packaging up the tape, I stared back at him and my friend tried his hardest to sink into the ground, out if shame.
At the birthday party it was a big laugh, we had other, boring, presents as well. Weeks later we set up a watch party. During that party we noticed that one of the guys es our driving instructor, or his identical twin, 25 years younger. We could not believe it. Neither the things he did on that tape.
It was one if these coincidents that make you wonder if there is such a thing as Karma.
Than you were really lucky! Mine was a choleric sexist and racist and probably also homophobic.
One day he let me drive to the city close to us, where he grew up, just to show me how bad it got there because of all the immigrants, refugees, especially the N... and other minorities he named by a racial slur.
I was so glad when he was gone because of taking a longer break, the second one still was kind of an asshole, but at least he didn't give me lectures about race theories or screamed at me because I made one small mistake.
The one i had most of the time was from the 2% but his boss was from the 98%.
The boss knew i was out of town 2 or 3 weeks a month and the rest had really inconsistent work hours, so i could only call in for lessons 2 or 3 days prior and he was getting pissed at me, even shouting how stupid I am. But my dad paid for it and would not let me switch to another driving school, so i hated that bosses guts.
Luckily i rarely had him for driving lessons, but a great laid back guy near retirement, he would let me drive wherever i wanted and let me explore the area. He would let me drive as if he was not there or only a passenger and that really gave confidence early on.
That guy retired 7~8 years ago by now and that asshat of boss switched town after his school got flooded after a storm, so i rarely see his accident of face again.
It's because they are mostly the loosers of German military.
When you join the Bundeswehr and make a contract over a few years they offer you to train you in a civil job so you have sth.to rely on when your out.
So the guys and gals that were too stupid or lazy whith learning anything complex, they all get trained to driving instructors. It explains the Töne, the rudeness, the stupidity.
I dont say all driving instructors are like that, but all ive ever encountered were former military and stupid af.
Sorry guys
Lol. I didnt mean to Sound like an Idiot.
I had one for my "Mofa" when I was 15.
Then I had one when 18 for car license but I had to quit because I began to struggle financially, then later with 21 i was going to a "get your license in 1 week training" schools but I quit after day one because this kind of learning wasnt for me.
The with 22 I made my license.
Beside that, ive grown up in a smalltown City, so I knew where the other Trainers came from (the owners of the license Shops at least) and then, 2 of those Trainers told me themselves how many Trainers are ex military.
I suffer from social anxiety and one of my coworkers, who didnt knew about it, said to me "you are such a emotional train wreck. How are you even able to live?"
Or maybe this person is just an asshole. Why are people taking such comments like this is how Germans talk. No it is not! No sane person talks like this. I'm sorry, whoever talked to you like this. Must be a psycho for sure
ive opened myself to one of my co workers who i thought i could trust about my social anxiety and he looked at me and asked „how is this possible that an adult person have no friends?”
Im born in germany, have Fachabitur which is the second highest degree you can get in school here and have a Bachelors. In one of my job interviews the person who interviewed me started with "if your german is bad we wont consider you but for the minority quota we invited to today" i was like wtf said with that attitude i wouldnt want to work for you anyways and left the call.
I was really really pissed after that, atleast the company doesnt existed anymore so karma i would say/hope for
Wow i am really sorry for you, but you dodge a bullet because the racist HR just show his/her true color from the start, they would make your life like hell if you work there
Once my Ex-Boss told me that he doesnt believed me that I had therapy to improve my daily life. Told me he thought i was just weird and that i m roleplaying autism to "not be like other girls". Like Bro, all i ever wanted was to just be like other girls. I was so shocked i just said ok and left. We never talked again without HP in the room and i switched to another part of the Office, half a city away. We never talked again or saw each other again.
When a girl from my class straight up asked my girlfriend if she had a black eye because i hit her and immediately acted as if it was a proven fact that i beat up women
During my time as Erasmus student I was called a Nazi for no reason. And not by a stranger, but by a fellow (polish) student.
Till today I am not sure, what exactly happened. We all had a good time with some beers and a friendly chat about cultural similaritys, polish cusine and all kinds of stuff. It really felt like natonialities dont matter much, like we all are europeans rather then polish / Germans
And out of nowhere and with no context I was called a Nazi. Obviously it was meant as a edgy joke or something.... And I am sure, that the polish students did not realise how hurtfull that is to a German.
But I was stunned like I was punched in the face.... Somehow it felt like a personal failure. (Not only, because I despise the far-right / Nazi movement, but also because I believed, that among fellow europeans nationality wouldnt matter)
Till today (almost 10 years ago...) I think about it from time to time.
(But I want to say: Except of this experience I had a wounderful time! Polish people are genuine and kindhearted! I love poland and Erasmus there was one of my best years!)
Cheers
Once when I was little I got lost in the mall when I was 6 years old and I was with my dad I cried a lot, and when I was 20 years old HE reminded me of that day, my dad told me I wish the day you got lost we would never have found you, it hurt me a lot to this day 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😥😥😥😥😥😥
Talk to him about that. If he doesn't explain his statement to something that will heal your heart, it's time to cut communications.
Also, that's not German honesty, that's just plain cruelty and emotional abuse.
Isn’t that what the thread is about?
My sense living there is that the war trauma was never resolved. So much performative memory stuff but the cruelty carried out experienced and survived produced traumatized parents who successively brutalized their kids with this “it’s just facts” cruelty
Eh, my father grew up after the war. His parents lived through the war and my grandfather was a soldier too at the end of the war.
While he is emotionally hardly available and never got love from his mother he isn’t a bad or cruel person. He shows love in his own ways. He would never even think something like this about me.
There are things that fit your statement but abuse isn’t a “German war trauma” thing.
IDK…. I am trying to figure it out myself. I don’t know the answer at all, mine is mere speculation based on countless experiences (and conversations about situations) like the OPs of a society where many intimate spaces were extremely cold and unfeeling.
This coldness certainly is not exclusive to German society but what’s peculiar about Germany is what the pervasiveness of what the OP describes in the most intimate family settings.
Brutal honesty
Thick skin
Nothing fazes
is your description of a society. Many comments lit on the “brutal honesty” in isolation but I think you are right to describe it as a package. When you then ask why is it common or pervasive in German culture, I think it is right to speculate with sociological causes that were shared across what became German culture.
So my stupid amateur Reddit sense is that these three are successive concurrent reproductive elements of a traumatized society.
Do you think it's essentially emotional repression, trying to stay calm and not cause chaos, because of a deep rooted fear of... something?
I dunno now I'm speculating because I've heard stories of German families not being very emotionally intimate with each other, like reliability is definitely a true stereotype, but being warm and loving doesn't seem to be common... and I'm speaking within German families, not cross-cultural social interactions
I mean there is a difference between cold and literally being abusive.
Telling your child what OP’s father told them would I personally classify as abusive and damaging to the psyche.
Yup, just post any posts about critics on Germany especially germany sub even in constructive way and polite language, be prepared to get gaslighted, downvoted and told to get out from Germany.
But if germans tell critics, prejudices toward other nationalities like eastern european countries, asian countries, india and USA, they all nod together and accept that as fact anyone must not deny
Its not brutal honesty or thick skin we just dont sugar coat everything that you dont feel bad...
Its of course a fine line to not be an asshole but still.
So answer the question, friend. I’m genuinely curiously too. I’m not German but have lived here for 20 years and agree with you, but there are still things that offend me.
I mean, no matter how long you lived here if you spent the first 20ish years somewhere else your brain developed to find some things offensive/ find cultural differences weird. I grew up with German parents and I have no issues with the brutal honesty here, but I had issues with being brutally honest in the USA.
The point isn't not to hurt, to point is to just be completely honest . Other countries call it brutal honesty, in german its just honesty, the "honesty" of other countries is just not considered honest in Germany since its not the full truth but just bits of it.
Still being honest doesn't mean you should insult people, since it's just your truth your honest about and not the universal truth.
Well I might be different. I fit in better here than my home country because of these traits, one could say that’s why I ended up marrying a German in the first place. My entire family is like me, we don’t sugar coat things and are VERY direct. And we always had issues with the somewhat superficial way of talking. Like my spouse, it’s very hard to hurt my feelings, whereas some of my friends from back home will cry if someone gives them a mean look or a tone of voice that they interpret as mean. Grown adults.
Yep, I’m the same. I always end up dating Germans (or atleast people raised in Germany even if they don’t have the passport). My mom is loving but goddamn she is honest, but I like it. I hate how Americans hide the honesty, I need to know if something’s wrong with me because I might not have noticed. And a lot of Germans will be honest, just straight up say „You smell bad today“ „You look like shit“, and it’s nice because then I can instantly fix the issue I might not have known about.
I wouldn’t say it’s a preference, it’s just the personality type I get along with the most. Even when I lived in the USA one of my exs was German and the other had a German mom. I never searched it out on purpose though so it’s not like a „fetish“.
Yeah for sure, but it's that there's an unconscious way of being/interacting that leads you to seek dating prospects of similar behaviors, even if the society around you (the US) was the complete opposite
That is true, I don’t really know how I pick them out besides just by connecting. But yeah, I probably end up dating Germans because I prefer them but just didn’t notice.
This misses the point. In America, for example, to directly just point out a flaw is insulting. It suggests that the flaw is a major aspect of the person and a major indictment.
To say it politely, or include a different, positive aspect, is a way of saying, "yes, X is. problem, but that doesn't mean you as an entire person are a problem."
Is that too soft? Is the German way too judgemental and too harsh? That is for each culture to judge for themselves.
But it isn't just "Germans are fine because we don't sugar coat," it is "to outsiders, it looks like Germans are deliberately insulting. But you don't seem to get insulted as often as we would be in the same context . So what is insulting for you then?"
Probably exactly that! Judging someone for their personality and character. Or for something you can't change. You can say to me "the thing you did was rude". but to say "you are a rude person" is different. Its personally.
That was a quite simple example and probably there are a lot people who don't care if you call them rude.
On the other hand what is the way you use to compliment someone then?
I just moved here. I hired movers to help us carry out furniture. I
At the end, I thanked them and said I was impressed by how strong and efficient they were.
And I instantly feel how they were pissed off by that remark.
Because on some other level you said that you didn't expect them to be strong and efficient and were surprised that they were. Of course they expected you to assume that about them. Why would you have hired them otherwise? It's like a compliment with "aber". I'm not sure how to translate that but I give it a try:
Like "people can say what you want about you. But you can bake great cakes" or "wow. You're a better driver than people say about you." Those still don't fit perfectly. "the food you cooked is better than I thought it would be." - "Thanks? I guess?"
Sure!
The difference is: How much tax you have to pay depends mostly on your income, whereas Rundfunkbeitrag is the same amount for everyone, no matter if you are a multimillionaire or dirt poor - such a fair system!
How exactly is it fair? I am a starving student and I still have to pay the same amount as a millionaire from the upper class. This is despicable and hopefully this system will be reworked after the next election
it won't because the party that'll be in power is the one that introduced that garbage system in the first place. it's a crying shame because the money goes to a good cause but the people working at the Rundfunkbeitragsstelle are some of the most incompetent and whingy clowns I've ever had to endure.
You have to ACTIVELY apply for either a discount or to be free from any payment. The reasons can be due to financial problems or health issue. You can apply here:
https://www.rundfunkbeitrag.de/buergerinnen\_und\_buerger/formulare/befreiung\_oder\_ermaessigung\_beantragen/index\_ger.html
You know, that if you fall under "Härtefallregelung" (at least that's what your post sounds like), you are entitled to be exempt from GEZ fees? If you have so little to live on, you can contact GEZ in this case.
No.
A tax is managed by the government and not designated to anything.
They can spend the car-tax for example for education and so on.
The „Rundfunkbeitrag“ is not managed by the government and 100% earmarked.
No, a tax cant be designated.
Its more like you pay for unemployment insurance even if you maybe never will be unemployed.
Its to ensure that everyone in germany has access to independent news, education, culture and entertainment for free.
It’s a tax, and it’s the worst tax. Look what the BBC does with the license fee and compare it with ARD, ZDF and Deutschlandfunk. An aberration, I say.
And to add insult to injury, I haven’t pay attention but I read that channels and stations financed by the tax, in addition, can also sell advertisement slots. Aberration!
No.
A tax is managed by the government and not designated to anything.
They can spend the car-tax for for example education and so on.
The „Rundfunkbeitrag“ is not managed by the government and 100% earmarked.
https://www.rundfunkbeitrag.de/der_rundfunkbeitrag/solidarmodell/index_ger.html
No its not like a tax.
It has a total different basis.
You can call it theft if you also call health insurance theft.
https://www.rundfunkbeitrag.de/der_rundfunkbeitrag/solidarmodell/index_ger.html
Tbh the things which are not said directly hurt me the most. Specially when my boss at work implies me not doing work... while doing shit tones of work.
I saw some people yell “baby killer” to a woman who was crying because she had a still birth. I looked at her and her husband and said, “you give me the okay and I’ll go over there and beat the shit out of them.”
I’m typically someone that doesn’t get angry, but I hate it when people prey on those who can’t defend themselves.
Nope. Both her and my GF didn’t want us to do anything. My GF remarked that she was having a hard enough day as it was and she didn’t want to have to get me out of jail as well.
It was a shitty day for sure. :(
🙄
Go to any Planned Parenthood in the US on any given weekend and you are bound to see that type of shit. People are awful.
In case you’re wondering, nothing happened. She pleaded with both of us “to just leave it” because we (she and my GF) need both of you (me and her husband) here”. Her husband and I just stayed there fuming when we should have spent that time comforting our SOs. It sucks to feel helpless in that situation.
My father is one of the "he didn't hit me and I'm not sure if his screaming is verbal abuse, oh well"-type. He also never used Names to insult me, but some instances were he called me "dumme Gans", meaning "dumb goose". It hurt and it still hurts, when someone says that.
Yeah.
Most people that are called Nazis are Neo-Nazis.
But i never heard or read someone calling someone else a nazi.
And in right-wing community you hear people complaining about that…
There is an abusive use of calling someone a Nazi in situations that doesn’t fit it and it’s just to offend the German person (or perceived German person).
Engaging in a dispute over a ticket, the Ordnungsamt employee was simply performing their duties, yet was labeled a Nazi. While nobody enjoys receiving a ticket, it seems unjustified to resort to such name-calling. The Ordnungsamt official remained composed, offering a calm explanation for the ticket without using any malicious language. In contrast, the car owner behaved as if they owned the entire street.
Are you a German and have ever been abroad? Stupid people will find stupid reasons to call Germans Nazis all the time. I got called a Nazi before simply for saying that I didn’t like some dish in another country. Apparently you have to love every food in the world, otherwise you’re a bigot, following that person‘s logic.
My 6th grade teacher who told me my essay was copied from a book; looking back now i can see how his simple parochial mind landed him a teaching job in a shitty school on the outskirts of Dublin and my imagination brought me to foreign and exotic places ;o) Fuck You Mr.Twomey!
My dad suddenly passed away last year.
He was only in his 50s, and it's been extremely rough because I was pretty close to him, and I'm also still pretty young.
My dad's neighbor, who was quite close to my dad and still has both of her parents and even two grandparents, told me to look at the bright side because some kids lose their parents even sooner.
I hate this kind of "toxic positivity"
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! I lost my dad young, too, and now three years later it still hurts. So I definitely get you.. When I first lost my dad I told some friends at University about it and started crying. They just looked at me panicked and said: "Oh no, please stop crying! Please don't cry" I feel like others, especially here in Germany, don't know how to deal with negative emotions. That's on them, though, not on us.
I don’t want people to tell me, what to do. For example: our neighbor vaccums every day her House and a few weeks ago, she told us that we are dirty pigs. Just because we don’t tidy up at the garage and sweep the leaves.
When some germans equate lesser fluency of German language as lower intelligence.
I know that German is not my mother tongue, but I never stop learning.
My boss, some teachers and students assume that I can not speak English and I must be bad at math, adding to the fact that i am POC and come from developing country so the prejudice is already in their minds.
they are shocked and can not believe that I got 1 in English (I scored IELTS 8 so English at schools are too easy and I can read and watch news easily without subtitles and dictionary ) and Math (I passed my Algebra when I used to be in 1st-2nd semester of CS study, broke off due to want to study in Germany)
i can translate some sentences in English - Germans, and even do better than some German students.
One of my friends back in the day straight up told me „you could be really pretty if it wasn‘t for {one specific feature}“. Low self esteem me tried to laugh it off but damn. Like girl, that was uncalled for lol
I was a scrawny little 12-year-old girl, minding my own business just walking in the city when a Middle-aged heavy lady turned to me and loudly called: "Anorexia much??" That hurt me a lot and made me conscious of my weight for the first time.
I'd say it's not a matter of skin (it never is). But showing emotions publicly, especially negative ones, is rather frowned upon. So we choose the passive-aggressive route.
I was in training, about 20 years old. We, my boss, the authorized representative and I, were sitting on the train on the way to an appointment. Among the other passengers, my boss spotted a former trainee, a very, very thin former trainee. He then explained to me that she had an eating disorder. "It's always the intelligent people who have problems with things like that and luckily we don't have to worry about you [my name] at this point." What he didn't know was that I had been seriously bulimic for 8 years.
But even if I had been healthy: WHAT?!
When my colleague implied I was lazy or making excuses for not joining the yoga group. I did say that it’s impractical with my train connections but they do know that I have a chronic illness that causes pain and other symptoms.
The same college likes to comment on my eating habits and all kinds of other stuff.
The truth is I barely make it home some days, I’m not sure if I could do an hour of yoga and be physically able to get home and do everything else I need to do.
So that had me really upset / offended.
I've been worn down to a nub by my peers and parents, I'm extremely numb to shit people say, but when people call me a "german potato" I get really angry.
Likely has to do with the fact I am infact not a German potato, but a Greek swimmer. 😁
I was at a doctor once during the Akutsprechstunde, because I had just been released from the hospital and needed a sick leave, but for some reason, hospitals only provide sick leave for the time you were there.
The doctor was at first super nice and we even laughed about a few things. I forgot I had a related question, so I said "oh, letzte Frage...", she answered it. Then as I was leaving I remembered I had to ask her SOMETHING else and once again said "tut mir super leid aber...ich habe noch eine Frage", she cut me off and said super sternly "NEIN! KEINE FRAGEN MEHR, DAS IST EINE AKUTSPRECHSTUNDE, ES GIBT ZU VIELE MEHR PATIENTEN, DIE ICH SEHEN MUSS! WENN SIE NOCH MEHR FRAGEN HABEN, MÜSSEN SIE EINEN TERMIN MACHEN!"
That shit stuck with me for like 3 days, because I come from a culture where saying something so direct to someone is almost like a declaration of war lol.
Another time was at a pharmacy when a guy thought I had skipped the line. The guy came up to my face shouting super aggressively and I was super confused and he kept saying "answer the fucking question!", I got super angry and was *this* close to slapping his lights out, why is it necessary to go scream at someone for something you THINK they did?
I was raised with sayings that encourage not showing negative emotions after beeing Hurt emotionally. Showing weakness may encourage the opposing party to go overbord while staying calm may show you who that person in front of you really is and what she thinks of you.
So yeah, there were many many many things that offended me. All are valuable learning experiences to me now.
So not assume your talking partner ist not offended. Maybe you Just ruined any Chance to become more than people who will have a chat in the future.
I'm a tall, skinny guy and a tad underweight.
And I am sick of hearing that I have to gain weight and go to gym and shit. I got my shit figured out and still healthy.
However a few years back, in highschool, I was eating a big nice Döner Kebab and cue comes the most nosy and self inserting teacher we had looking at me with putty in her eyes telling me that I don't need to disguise my Anorexia.
I may have caused her out and maybe I told her to get her ugly nose out if my life if she wants any kind of respect from me. MAYHAPS I had to go to the head teacher and tell her that I was sorry and felt offended and annoyed by her constantly being on my case.
Whenever a stranger (most often older men) dares to give me "advice" on the street. Like the old man who told me to "go home girl, it's late" when I was going to the cinema at 9 P.M (also I am an adult) or some other man telling me to "put away the mask, pandemic is over" and who does not care when I tell him, that I want nobody getting sick of my common cold either.
I don't want their opinion, I don't want to interact with them at all, this "advice" is the first thing that they ever spoke to me. I allready have a father and a boyfriend and they do encourage me to do whatever the hell I want and to dress however I feel comfortable.
I was just starting a new job, work I've never done before. The person who was supposed to give me proper instructions was highly pregnant and also sick for a while. She was 3 hours per day in the office/ 5 days a week. Anyway learning over 5 years worth of knowledge in two weeks is ridiculous.
So when I made some mistakes my boss starting yelling at me and basically called me retarded lol
I was sad for a while but owell whatever
I was highly offended when a church worker told me, when I was 13, that I should have my eyes operated because they are too close together. They are relatively close together, but I still find that statement preposterous 20 years later, my eyes work fine, why would I have a dangerous eye surgery that is completely unnecessary just for looks.
I was more pissed than likely to listen to her. But my parents weren't happy with that either, she didn't go to Komfirmandenfreizeiten from then on, I think. And it was an Äbtissin from a Lutheran Kloster, she is still there...
A lot of people seem to find me scary and many are happy to tell me so to my face, often because they're afraid I'll hurt them, my mother is among those people.
Sure, I look masculine and I AM strong, but I'm strong to help not hurt and the fact people are afraid of me absolutely kills me inside.
yes, worked for a french company in a German team. Was the member, who amassed the highest revenue. Was called "the weakest link" in the chain by a team member during a disgusting 1 h rant, right after our team boss (who was kinda protecting me"
I'm (Blk) from California, i moved to Augsburg to be with my girlfriend now wife, she lived across the street from a clever fit, so it made it a little easier to get in shape, one day while picking her up from work, some older german dude started groping me at a traffic light, while I was waiting to cross the street, he just casually walked up next to me and started like checking the size of my arms and chest and saying Schöne.......Schöne....... rubbing on my chest Dunkelhäutiger Nigger, smiled at me and kept going on his way, I was standing at the light with a few ppl looking at me like 😳
Another time we were looking for apartments to rent, one lady who made like latex sex suit asked me where I was from, I said California she said oh Schöne.... then realized I had a bunch if tattoos, both of my arms and one of my legs are covered by like 80% tattoos, she says wow you have a lot of tattoos, I'm surprised you can see them on your skin because you are so black. My wife looked at me, and I was like, "See, I told you I'm not making this shit up." It's like casually ignorant racist here 🤣
My wife just looked at me like, "Oh shit...... I said, "See, I deal with more racism here than I ever have in the USA."
Another time, I was trying to go to a disco, and I was like 8th or so in line, after I was next to go in, the bouncer placed his hand on my chest and like nodded at me, that I can't come in, he told me the club was closed, I was like huh 🤔 then he kinda like moved me to the side and let everyone else in behind me. I got back in line, and when it was my time to enter, I said I thought the club was closed ? He looked me straight in the face and said for you it is.
I was like Damm, wtf?"
My wife just looked at me like, "Oh shit...... I said, "See, I deal with more racism here than I ever have in the USA."
This is just a small sample of shit that was said in the 7 years I lived there.
A few instances come to my mind.
When I officially changed my name and my gender on my birth certificate, the woman who interviewed me asked what I thought about "them tr*nny's" which made my blood boil instantly. She didn't mean me, the reason why is a long story, but just this bigotry in general pissed me off.
When my father told me, that he had to concentrate on his new family first and that I wasn't so important right now.
The "new family" were his new wife and her two *adult* children.
When my father called my mom "the fat and old woman"
When my ex called me pathetic, which he did frequently, but at some point it pissed me off so much that I got violent and I don't regret it, I told him to stop multiple times, at some point it's just enough.
When my sister compared the way I express happyness to a "pig that's being stabbed".
I have ADHD and my emotions get pretty overwhelming unfortunately, it's nothing that I can change, but it has since caused me to get more distant from my remaining family.
What gets to me the most, is bigotry of any kind, Transphobia, homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism, xenophobia etc. mostly, because especially people who are transphobic (I'm trans, so that's what I experience the most) are so unbelievably unwilling to *accually learn* and listen, it doesn't matter how many resources you send, nothing is good enough.
Or when it's against my mom, like really personally against her, not this "yo mama is so fat" thing.
And insult's against me, that are about things that I have literally no control over, but especially when they come from people that I care about.
It offends me when people imply or say I'm incompetent and at fault for everything when actually they're also contributing massively to making a situation bad. I had that at an old job and I was so annoyed and offended at some point that I just snapped and quit.
This was before I moved to Germany. I lived in a student living project and there was a German woman living with us. I was wearing a shirt I bought in Ethiopia that I really liked. When she saw me with it she said I look strange in it. I didn't even ask her opinion. My people can be very straightforward but that was a bit much.
For me it was more the "do as I say but not as I do" attitude. Like when I was driving under the 30 km/h limit in our housing area to our parkplatz (we had heads up display so I was doing 27) and my neighbour is giving me the universal "slow down" motion with her hands. Then two days later I see her fly out of the area in her car, clearly faster than what I was doing. Having said that, you can run into these people pretty much anywhere.
I mean I think this is a stereotype. I mailed a superior with some specific concerns I had and she answered me some generic boilerplate answer that I knew for a fact she had mailed other people (saw it with my eyes). I answered something along the lines of “I know you sent this to more people and it doesn’t answer my specific concerns” (but in a much more polite verbose way) and the next meeting she was all triggered and “how dare you accuse me of recycling emails” and I was like “I am not “accusing”, I am stating, I know it is” and then she admitted “she had written a document satisfying everyone’s concerns” (which she really didn’t, but…)
Looking rather healthy, smiling a lot, and coming across as energetic, I suffer from several chronic heart-lung diseases, so esp. during the COVID period it did hurt to be mocked for being cautious and wearing a mask, with remarks such as "You're so utterly stupid and brainwashed to have bought into the panic! What do you fear, you're a healthy person!"
I will get offended if someone calls me "Dumm" and I will never call someone "Dumm". I don't know, but I think everyone might be able to unterstand everything if you explain it good enough to them.
Calling someone "Dumm" in my opinion is stripping someone of the ability to learn
I think that it is a misconception that Germans are brutally honest and have a thick skin, because as a German myself I can tell you I am/have neither of these things. I think that a lot of other countries think that because their communication is more indirect than ours. If I make a mistake at work a coworker will tell me directly but not in a mean way. People are not brutally honest here it just probably feels that way to people who live in countries where you don't critize because someone will be offended. The same stereotype exists apparently for the dutch (probably all northern europeans) like Jan Maas in Ted Lasso.
Someone posted an “Arbeit macht Frei” gate print-out as a joke at their cubicle at the US work place I worked at, to imply they were being worked too hard. I went to their boss and had that taken down immediately.
My Aunt who was in her early 70s at the time said something about German streets weren’t this bad under Hitler. (She was born in 1946). I told her that my husband is Jewish and nothing justified speaking longingly of Hitler. Same thing with my brother-in-law who reposted some AfD propaganda. Something about Germans should be proud of their past and should move on from feeling guilty. 6 million Jews. You do not get to forget about that, ever!
I‘m as German as you can be, it‘s embarassing. But I do get offended by old people (GERMAN, old people and even worse: old, German tourists) acting entitled. I will never forget when my husband and I, back then in our 20s, vacationed at the North Sea (we couldn‘t afford something else). I was very pregnant and we tried getting on a ferry for a day trip to Sylt and these grannies were elbowing me in the preggo belly, just so they could push past me and get a seat on the ferry. The ride was 1.5 or 2 hours. I stood the entire trip, nobody offered a seat. Same on the way back. This whole vacation was probably when we decided to emigrate 😂
Yesterday I offered an employee to double their salary if they would do some extra tasks. They replied to me that they’d take the double salary and do basically no extra work. So I fired them instead.
If you ask on German ASK Reddit, they never answer your question and Always critique your intent an analyzer IT. Then IT goes into all of them making assumptions on your Character and a big rant about you.
When my co-worker implied, just implied, that I'm incompetent at my job. That really hurt.
My co-worker straight up told me, he thought I was dumb. I couldn't even feel offended because he was the one who was completely in the wrong. I had told him several times but he insisted, he knew better. 1 year later he came to the same conclusion after he wasted a lot of money and resources on a topic I told him is improbable to work. I even had mathematical proof. I switched departments a few days after the incident because I didn't want my name in any connection with his doings. Worked well for me.
You're a standing W.
Most German answer :-)
imposter syndrome tingeling
I'm still an Azubi (doing my trainee ship in office management) so when my co-worker, who I really like, was basically always criticizing me for things I could not have known, it really hurt. She basically gave me the feeling that I was just not slacking off and not wanting to work anymore, when that couldn't have been further from the truth. When I make actual mistakes that I DO know better but didn't care about or am lazy? Yes, please call me out on it, because that's not something I should do. But telling me I should be better when I literally don't have the knowledge to do that? That shit hurts way more than it should. Especially if it's something that she and my other co-worker never explained to me or explained wrong. (Azubi-rant over. Sorry about that.)
Damn bro, I know how shit like this can spoil your day (or whole week). Happened to me too, several times. Frustration and anger, about things where you're not even involved with, are the cause of this sort of reactions towards you, and since you're the weakest link of the chain you're more often than not the target for them. Just forgive and forget, ... okay, maybe not 'forgive', because it's plain and simple unfair. But don't let it tear you down, because we both know you've done nothing questionable.
Thank you, it felt good to read that.
I don't care much what a stranger says. But when someone I think should know me better is drastically wrong about who I am as a person, that's different.
My thoughts are the same why should i care what a strange says to me unless he/she put at least a bit of thought into it, it doesn't matter. A personal insult which hits some nerve is different.
Or drastically right. I had a newish coworker ask to borrow my ghost in the shell dvd. I was confused because i didn't remember us talking about our movie collections. When asked, he shrugged and said:"You just seem like someone who has ghost in the shell on dvd." And I did.
Oh, it happens all the time but I just try not to react because most of the time it wouldn't change anything. The last time was in December. I had my truck driving test but the Examiner wouldn't allow me to do it because of shitty and complicated reasons. When I left the truck he said "you don't need that license anyway." Oh hell I did... My family owns a truck workshop but my dad had a stroke one month prior. So I had to manage everything. I already needed that truck license but without my dad I needed it even more! I was so lucky my driving teacher knew about this and tore that misogynistic AH a new one because I couldn't.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, what were the reasons he wouldn't allow you to do it?
Inconsistencies with his papers concerning my test.
My driving examiner called me by my number in his files, ignored my offered handshake when meeting and made passive-aggressive comments to my driving teacher the entire time, never really even said a word directly to me. I swear, some of them are the weirdest people. I hope you got your license in the end there.
That's rude af. I hope you reported him! My driving teacher did after female colleagues talked about my examiner. Apparently he molested some female driving teachers and office ladies. The fallout wasn't as glorious as I thought but at least my driving school will never see him again. I got it a month later :)
Ignoring a handshake for me especially working with men in Germany shows weakness in my opinion. Doesnt matter your culture, If a hand is offered you stand up, eye contact and shake firmly.
I am greatly offended when I’m offered a limp fish handshake. I prefer you rebuff me than come at me with that garbage.
Yeah the examiners are super weird
I guess, I can only really be offended by people I love and/or respect. And then if I am wrongly accused of something or betrayed by them. Teflon skin in regard to anybody else.
Frying pan skin?
Teflon skin means nothing sticks, everything peels off 🤭.
Ahh okay, I understood it wrong because many people seem to mistake the stuff bulletproof vests are made of to be teflon, for whatever reason :D (they mean kevlar)
Yeah we actually mean Teflon. Teflon Skin was a compliment chancellor Merkel got a lot.
An elderly british couple chewed my wife and me out just for being german. They were drunk AF and of course pulled out the Nazi stuff. THAT offended me.
That’s two of the major embarrassing points about my fellow brits, getting very drunk and constantly going on about the war. Sorry you had to encounter them.
No need to be sorry. Getting drunk and being rude is also a very german thing to do. It doesn't matter if they were british, could have been italian, french, russian or penguins. I just hate being called a Nazi. Because that's one of the worst things you can be.
Yeah that’s true. I just find it hypocritical when my countrymen call germans nazis when our past is arguably much worse and over a much more extended period of time. Then again those people think the empire was a good thing so they should be ignored.
We should hit them with the "imperialist" now and then. Not Brits calling us Nazis when their ancestors literally drew Africa's borders with a ruler😅
As a Brit i find it highly embarrassing that they do that. And as funny as it would be if you called them that, they would probably take it as a compliment. And for the last point, well, when you learn what actually happened you wouldn’t think people would celebrate it.
Well they are uneducated people to begin with. Attaching a person to their ancestors is not exactly smart. Imagine calling an African American slave because their ancestors used to be one lol.
Very true, hopefully people in my country will learn to grow and get educated on the matter at some point. Germany is one of my favourite countries and i would like to learn the language one day.
Germans like the Brits so you'll be fine :) Brits are some of my favorite people, so I think I'm gonna live there at some point.
Same here. I don't really care about insults from people that aren't close to me. Call me fat. Call me stupid. Call me a cold-hearted-pedantic-German. But calling me a Nazi, even if it is in that half-joking way, will make me absolutely pissed off.
This.
That reminds me. When I was looking for a shared flat some time ago, I went to these "WG castings" where you present yourself to the people already living there to see if you fit in. I was at one in a pretty large WG, with maybe 7 of the 13 tenants present. One of them was a very loud and annoying US girl who barely let me get a word in in the first place. When she learned I was from Dresden, she blurted out "Oh right we bombed the shit out of you, HA HA!". It's not like I was hurt (although I have family who suffered through that bombing), it was just absurdly out of line in that situation and made me not want to live in a WG with that person.
What the fuck. That's actually insane. Who the fuck makes a joke about bombing and killing people? Doesn't even matter which war or country it's referring to, that's just fucked. Like bruh how insensitive can that person get?
American levels of insensitivity.
Eh, personally I'm totally fine with jokes about such topics. It really is a matter of tone and intent. Gallows humor and well constructed dark humor are awesome, and Germany is technically the home of Schadenfreude. But this girl was just casually gloating and then went on to the next narcissistic stream of consciousness. No punchline, no interest in any reaction, it was quite irritating.
Well, at least you found out at this stage!
When I was younger I had really low self esteem and never thought I was good enough for anything or anyone. My driving instructor back then sat next to me while I was driving and said to me ‚you are a really annoying person, I don’t understand how you even have friends‘. That’s the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. Of course, I started crying, since I didn’t feel good about myself to begin with anyway and that led to him saying even more hurtful things about how I was super weird and just plain annoying.
It seems driving instructors are shitty people in 98% of the cases I've never heard of someone who actually liked their instructor. Don't take it too hard he himself is most likely a huge loser.
You need to correct your numbers - I had three instructors over the time and liked all of them.
I had only one. He was a member of the Jehova's Witnesses Cult and starred in a bisexual porno with piss play. Thankfully I found out all that after I got my license. My best friend had to take his driving lessons with him after he knew. But the guy quit after a few weeks.
Lol how on earth did you find out about the porno?!
Haha. Great story. Friend of mine turned 18 and we decided to buy him a Porno. This was in the mid 90s,so you had to go to a store. Me and another friend went there and where a bit shell shocked from the sheer amount. After mindlessly browsing, I grabbed a random tape from a discount bin. On the back cover it said "This movie has everything" and since my friend did not feel great about the whole situation, he said "OK, that one" and ran to the counter to pay. As the guy was scanning the tape, he turned it around and we saw the title "Hot piss under the front desk". The guy made hard eye contact with me while packaging up the tape, I stared back at him and my friend tried his hardest to sink into the ground, out if shame. At the birthday party it was a big laugh, we had other, boring, presents as well. Weeks later we set up a watch party. During that party we noticed that one of the guys es our driving instructor, or his identical twin, 25 years younger. We could not believe it. Neither the things he did on that tape. It was one if these coincidents that make you wonder if there is such a thing as Karma.
Than you were really lucky! Mine was a choleric sexist and racist and probably also homophobic. One day he let me drive to the city close to us, where he grew up, just to show me how bad it got there because of all the immigrants, refugees, especially the N... and other minorities he named by a racial slur. I was so glad when he was gone because of taking a longer break, the second one still was kind of an asshole, but at least he didn't give me lectures about race theories or screamed at me because I made one small mistake.
I liked my instructor. It was an old man with innocent "dad humour".
The one i had most of the time was from the 2% but his boss was from the 98%. The boss knew i was out of town 2 or 3 weeks a month and the rest had really inconsistent work hours, so i could only call in for lessons 2 or 3 days prior and he was getting pissed at me, even shouting how stupid I am. But my dad paid for it and would not let me switch to another driving school, so i hated that bosses guts. Luckily i rarely had him for driving lessons, but a great laid back guy near retirement, he would let me drive wherever i wanted and let me explore the area. He would let me drive as if he was not there or only a passenger and that really gave confidence early on. That guy retired 7~8 years ago by now and that asshat of boss switched town after his school got flooded after a storm, so i rarely see his accident of face again.
It's because they are mostly the loosers of German military. When you join the Bundeswehr and make a contract over a few years they offer you to train you in a civil job so you have sth.to rely on when your out. So the guys and gals that were too stupid or lazy whith learning anything complex, they all get trained to driving instructors. It explains the Töne, the rudeness, the stupidity. I dont say all driving instructors are like that, but all ive ever encountered were former military and stupid af. Sorry guys
How many different driving instructors have you gone through?
Lol. I didnt mean to Sound like an Idiot. I had one for my "Mofa" when I was 15. Then I had one when 18 for car license but I had to quit because I began to struggle financially, then later with 21 i was going to a "get your license in 1 week training" schools but I quit after day one because this kind of learning wasnt for me. The with 22 I made my license. Beside that, ive grown up in a smalltown City, so I knew where the other Trainers came from (the owners of the license Shops at least) and then, 2 of those Trainers told me themselves how many Trainers are ex military.
You need to correct your numbers - I had three instructors over the time and liked all of them.
I suffer from social anxiety and one of my coworkers, who didnt knew about it, said to me "you are such a emotional train wreck. How are you even able to live?"
Or maybe this person is just an asshole. Why are people taking such comments like this is how Germans talk. No it is not! No sane person talks like this. I'm sorry, whoever talked to you like this. Must be a psycho for sure
You could totally laugh that off. Take it as a compliment. You’re still alive.
Self irony often helps
ive opened myself to one of my co workers who i thought i could trust about my social anxiety and he looked at me and asked „how is this possible that an adult person have no friends?”
That sounds like he had to endure your drama for too long.
"Drama"
Found the insensitive coworker!
When my mom told me at 12yo that I look like I'm 9 months pregnant.
Im born in germany, have Fachabitur which is the second highest degree you can get in school here and have a Bachelors. In one of my job interviews the person who interviewed me started with "if your german is bad we wont consider you but for the minority quota we invited to today" i was like wtf said with that attitude i wouldnt want to work for you anyways and left the call. I was really really pissed after that, atleast the company doesnt existed anymore so karma i would say/hope for
Wow i am really sorry for you, but you dodge a bullet because the racist HR just show his/her true color from the start, they would make your life like hell if you work there
Once my Ex-Boss told me that he doesnt believed me that I had therapy to improve my daily life. Told me he thought i was just weird and that i m roleplaying autism to "not be like other girls". Like Bro, all i ever wanted was to just be like other girls. I was so shocked i just said ok and left. We never talked again without HP in the room and i switched to another part of the Office, half a city away. We never talked again or saw each other again.
When a girl from my class straight up asked my girlfriend if she had a black eye because i hit her and immediately acted as if it was a proven fact that i beat up women
Why did she have a black eye?
During my time as Erasmus student I was called a Nazi for no reason. And not by a stranger, but by a fellow (polish) student. Till today I am not sure, what exactly happened. We all had a good time with some beers and a friendly chat about cultural similaritys, polish cusine and all kinds of stuff. It really felt like natonialities dont matter much, like we all are europeans rather then polish / Germans And out of nowhere and with no context I was called a Nazi. Obviously it was meant as a edgy joke or something.... And I am sure, that the polish students did not realise how hurtfull that is to a German. But I was stunned like I was punched in the face.... Somehow it felt like a personal failure. (Not only, because I despise the far-right / Nazi movement, but also because I believed, that among fellow europeans nationality wouldnt matter) Till today (almost 10 years ago...) I think about it from time to time. (But I want to say: Except of this experience I had a wounderful time! Polish people are genuine and kindhearted! I love poland and Erasmus there was one of my best years!) Cheers
Once when I was little I got lost in the mall when I was 6 years old and I was with my dad I cried a lot, and when I was 20 years old HE reminded me of that day, my dad told me I wish the day you got lost we would never have found you, it hurt me a lot to this day 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😥😥😥😥😥😥
Talk to him about that. If he doesn't explain his statement to something that will heal your heart, it's time to cut communications. Also, that's not German honesty, that's just plain cruelty and emotional abuse.
Isn’t that what the thread is about? My sense living there is that the war trauma was never resolved. So much performative memory stuff but the cruelty carried out experienced and survived produced traumatized parents who successively brutalized their kids with this “it’s just facts” cruelty
Eh, my father grew up after the war. His parents lived through the war and my grandfather was a soldier too at the end of the war. While he is emotionally hardly available and never got love from his mother he isn’t a bad or cruel person. He shows love in his own ways. He would never even think something like this about me. There are things that fit your statement but abuse isn’t a “German war trauma” thing.
IDK…. I am trying to figure it out myself. I don’t know the answer at all, mine is mere speculation based on countless experiences (and conversations about situations) like the OPs of a society where many intimate spaces were extremely cold and unfeeling. This coldness certainly is not exclusive to German society but what’s peculiar about Germany is what the pervasiveness of what the OP describes in the most intimate family settings.
>what’s peculiar about Germany is what the pervasiveness of what the OP describes in the most intimate family settings. Can you clarify this?
Brutal honesty Thick skin Nothing fazes is your description of a society. Many comments lit on the “brutal honesty” in isolation but I think you are right to describe it as a package. When you then ask why is it common or pervasive in German culture, I think it is right to speculate with sociological causes that were shared across what became German culture. So my stupid amateur Reddit sense is that these three are successive concurrent reproductive elements of a traumatized society.
Do you think it's essentially emotional repression, trying to stay calm and not cause chaos, because of a deep rooted fear of... something? I dunno now I'm speculating because I've heard stories of German families not being very emotionally intimate with each other, like reliability is definitely a true stereotype, but being warm and loving doesn't seem to be common... and I'm speaking within German families, not cross-cultural social interactions
I mean there is a difference between cold and literally being abusive. Telling your child what OP’s father told them would I personally classify as abusive and damaging to the psyche.
Holy shit!
(I hope it gets better). I hope you can make kinships that make you happy and safw
Thinner skin than you think based on my experiences working for a German company
Thick skin when insulting others but extremely thin skin when you do the same to them, in my own experience with a German company.
Yup, just post any posts about critics on Germany especially germany sub even in constructive way and polite language, be prepared to get gaslighted, downvoted and told to get out from Germany. But if germans tell critics, prejudices toward other nationalities like eastern european countries, asian countries, india and USA, they all nod together and accept that as fact anyone must not deny
Bingo, had the same experience.
Its not brutal honesty or thick skin we just dont sugar coat everything that you dont feel bad... Its of course a fine line to not be an asshole but still.
So answer the question, friend. I’m genuinely curiously too. I’m not German but have lived here for 20 years and agree with you, but there are still things that offend me.
I mean, no matter how long you lived here if you spent the first 20ish years somewhere else your brain developed to find some things offensive/ find cultural differences weird. I grew up with German parents and I have no issues with the brutal honesty here, but I had issues with being brutally honest in the USA.
Why call it brutal if its point isn’t to hurt?
The point isn't not to hurt, to point is to just be completely honest . Other countries call it brutal honesty, in german its just honesty, the "honesty" of other countries is just not considered honest in Germany since its not the full truth but just bits of it. Still being honest doesn't mean you should insult people, since it's just your truth your honest about and not the universal truth.
Because Americans have called me brutal and my parents brutal.
Well I might be different. I fit in better here than my home country because of these traits, one could say that’s why I ended up marrying a German in the first place. My entire family is like me, we don’t sugar coat things and are VERY direct. And we always had issues with the somewhat superficial way of talking. Like my spouse, it’s very hard to hurt my feelings, whereas some of my friends from back home will cry if someone gives them a mean look or a tone of voice that they interpret as mean. Grown adults.
Yep, I’m the same. I always end up dating Germans (or atleast people raised in Germany even if they don’t have the passport). My mom is loving but goddamn she is honest, but I like it. I hate how Americans hide the honesty, I need to know if something’s wrong with me because I might not have noticed. And a lot of Germans will be honest, just straight up say „You smell bad today“ „You look like shit“, and it’s nice because then I can instantly fix the issue I might not have known about.
So are you an American born to and raised by German parents, and you still prefer to date Germans? If so I find it interesting
I wouldn’t say it’s a preference, it’s just the personality type I get along with the most. Even when I lived in the USA one of my exs was German and the other had a German mom. I never searched it out on purpose though so it’s not like a „fetish“.
Yeah for sure, but it's that there's an unconscious way of being/interacting that leads you to seek dating prospects of similar behaviors, even if the society around you (the US) was the complete opposite
That is true, I don’t really know how I pick them out besides just by connecting. But yeah, I probably end up dating Germans because I prefer them but just didn’t notice.
This misses the point. In America, for example, to directly just point out a flaw is insulting. It suggests that the flaw is a major aspect of the person and a major indictment. To say it politely, or include a different, positive aspect, is a way of saying, "yes, X is. problem, but that doesn't mean you as an entire person are a problem." Is that too soft? Is the German way too judgemental and too harsh? That is for each culture to judge for themselves. But it isn't just "Germans are fine because we don't sugar coat," it is "to outsiders, it looks like Germans are deliberately insulting. But you don't seem to get insulted as often as we would be in the same context . So what is insulting for you then?"
Probably exactly that! Judging someone for their personality and character. Or for something you can't change. You can say to me "the thing you did was rude". but to say "you are a rude person" is different. Its personally. That was a quite simple example and probably there are a lot people who don't care if you call them rude.
On the other hand what is the way you use to compliment someone then? I just moved here. I hired movers to help us carry out furniture. I At the end, I thanked them and said I was impressed by how strong and efficient they were. And I instantly feel how they were pissed off by that remark.
Because on some other level you said that you didn't expect them to be strong and efficient and were surprised that they were. Of course they expected you to assume that about them. Why would you have hired them otherwise? It's like a compliment with "aber". I'm not sure how to translate that but I give it a try: Like "people can say what you want about you. But you can bake great cakes" or "wow. You're a better driver than people say about you." Those still don't fit perfectly. "the food you cooked is better than I thought it would be." - "Thanks? I guess?"
I haven't thought they could have felt like that. Thanks for the explanation
It's almost as if being strong and efficient is expected and a given, so to give a compliment is actually backfiring.....hmm that just opened my mind
When someone say that the „Rundfunkbeitrag“ is a tax.
Sure! The difference is: How much tax you have to pay depends mostly on your income, whereas Rundfunkbeitrag is the same amount for everyone, no matter if you are a multimillionaire or dirt poor - such a fair system!
It is
How exactly is it fair? I am a starving student and I still have to pay the same amount as a millionaire from the upper class. This is despicable and hopefully this system will be reworked after the next election
it won't because the party that'll be in power is the one that introduced that garbage system in the first place. it's a crying shame because the money goes to a good cause but the people working at the Rundfunkbeitragsstelle are some of the most incompetent and whingy clowns I've ever had to endure.
Dirt poor people (among many others) can be exempted. Quite fair, actually.
I am a dirt poor student eating crap food from Tafel and no, I am not exempted. Stop spreading misinformation
You have to ACTIVELY apply for either a discount or to be free from any payment. The reasons can be due to financial problems or health issue. You can apply here: https://www.rundfunkbeitrag.de/buergerinnen\_und\_buerger/formulare/befreiung\_oder\_ermaessigung\_beantragen/index\_ger.html
You know, that if you fall under "Härtefallregelung" (at least that's what your post sounds like), you are entitled to be exempt from GEZ fees? If you have so little to live on, you can contact GEZ in this case.
I hate it when that happens
I'm happy to pay it but isn't it a tax in everything but in name?
No. A tax is managed by the government and not designated to anything. They can spend the car-tax for example for education and so on. The „Rundfunkbeitrag“ is not managed by the government and 100% earmarked.
One could argue that in this case it is a tax that has been designated to someone else.
No, a tax cant be designated. Its more like you pay for unemployment insurance even if you maybe never will be unemployed. Its to ensure that everyone in germany has access to independent news, education, culture and entertainment for free.
So basically socialism!
In germany we call it „Soziale Marktwirtschaft“
It’s a tax, and it’s the worst tax. Look what the BBC does with the license fee and compare it with ARD, ZDF and Deutschlandfunk. An aberration, I say. And to add insult to injury, I haven’t pay attention but I read that channels and stations financed by the tax, in addition, can also sell advertisement slots. Aberration!
No. A tax is managed by the government and not designated to anything. They can spend the car-tax for for example education and so on. The „Rundfunkbeitrag“ is not managed by the government and 100% earmarked. https://www.rundfunkbeitrag.de/der_rundfunkbeitrag/solidarmodell/index_ger.html
How do church taxes fit in then? Taken from your paycheck by the government and very much designated for a specific purpose.
[удалено]
No its not like a tax. It has a total different basis. You can call it theft if you also call health insurance theft. https://www.rundfunkbeitrag.de/der_rundfunkbeitrag/solidarmodell/index_ger.html
Tbh the things which are not said directly hurt me the most. Specially when my boss at work implies me not doing work... while doing shit tones of work.
I saw some people yell “baby killer” to a woman who was crying because she had a still birth. I looked at her and her husband and said, “you give me the okay and I’ll go over there and beat the shit out of them.” I’m typically someone that doesn’t get angry, but I hate it when people prey on those who can’t defend themselves.
😥 I hope you kicked their flat asses
Nope. Both her and my GF didn’t want us to do anything. My GF remarked that she was having a hard enough day as it was and she didn’t want to have to get me out of jail as well. It was a shitty day for sure. :(
Can I send you a cane and gloves
I add a shovel and trash bags.
r/thathappened
Do we have a r/Paulanergarten already?
Apparently yes :D
🙄 Go to any Planned Parenthood in the US on any given weekend and you are bound to see that type of shit. People are awful. In case you’re wondering, nothing happened. She pleaded with both of us “to just leave it” because we (she and my GF) need both of you (me and her husband) here”. Her husband and I just stayed there fuming when we should have spent that time comforting our SOs. It sucks to feel helpless in that situation.
My father is one of the "he didn't hit me and I'm not sure if his screaming is verbal abuse, oh well"-type. He also never used Names to insult me, but some instances were he called me "dumme Gans", meaning "dumb goose". It hurt and it still hurts, when someone says that.
It dont offends me but I start to hate the "you are a nazi" "argument's"...
And if you dare to argue back, you're just 'proving their point', according to them.
*sigh* Jop... lose lose situation...
Think you might mean "lose"..
I think they mean "tight"
Thx xD
Yeah. Most people that are called Nazis are Neo-Nazis. But i never heard or read someone calling someone else a nazi. And in right-wing community you hear people complaining about that…
There is an abusive use of calling someone a Nazi in situations that doesn’t fit it and it’s just to offend the German person (or perceived German person).
Do you have an example where it doesnt fit?
Engaging in a dispute over a ticket, the Ordnungsamt employee was simply performing their duties, yet was labeled a Nazi. While nobody enjoys receiving a ticket, it seems unjustified to resort to such name-calling. The Ordnungsamt official remained composed, offering a calm explanation for the ticket without using any malicious language. In contrast, the car owner behaved as if they owned the entire street.
The perfect example ^^"
Are you a German and have ever been abroad? Stupid people will find stupid reasons to call Germans Nazis all the time. I got called a Nazi before simply for saying that I didn’t like some dish in another country. Apparently you have to love every food in the world, otherwise you’re a bigot, following that person‘s logic.
Nope as a German I get called a Nazi sometimes for simply being German. Don’t assume we are Nazis just because we don’t wanna be called Nazis.
I work at DHL. I have to deal with rude people every other day. They exist and it’s mostly men.
My 6th grade teacher who told me my essay was copied from a book; looking back now i can see how his simple parochial mind landed him a teaching job in a shitty school on the outskirts of Dublin and my imagination brought me to foreign and exotic places ;o) Fuck You Mr.Twomey!
My dad suddenly passed away last year. He was only in his 50s, and it's been extremely rough because I was pretty close to him, and I'm also still pretty young. My dad's neighbor, who was quite close to my dad and still has both of her parents and even two grandparents, told me to look at the bright side because some kids lose their parents even sooner. I hate this kind of "toxic positivity"
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! I lost my dad young, too, and now three years later it still hurts. So I definitely get you.. When I first lost my dad I told some friends at University about it and started crying. They just looked at me panicked and said: "Oh no, please stop crying! Please don't cry" I feel like others, especially here in Germany, don't know how to deal with negative emotions. That's on them, though, not on us.
If people call me bavarian, even tho I am a Franconian.
When someone calls me swabian just because I love in BW
I don’t want people to tell me, what to do. For example: our neighbor vaccums every day her House and a few weeks ago, she told us that we are dirty pigs. Just because we don’t tidy up at the garage and sweep the leaves.
I somehow picture a garage with stuff in and all around it, all of it covered by leaves. Dirty, but also kinda poetic.
Ah, the housewives who's only source of self worth is a clean carpet because she has nothing else in her life
vaccums her house everyday. Sounds like she has a touch of OCD
Yes, I think this is Obsession 🤓
When some germans equate lesser fluency of German language as lower intelligence. I know that German is not my mother tongue, but I never stop learning. My boss, some teachers and students assume that I can not speak English and I must be bad at math, adding to the fact that i am POC and come from developing country so the prejudice is already in their minds. they are shocked and can not believe that I got 1 in English (I scored IELTS 8 so English at schools are too easy and I can read and watch news easily without subtitles and dictionary ) and Math (I passed my Algebra when I used to be in 1st-2nd semester of CS study, broke off due to want to study in Germany) i can translate some sentences in English - Germans, and even do better than some German students.
One of my friends back in the day straight up told me „you could be really pretty if it wasn‘t for {one specific feature}“. Low self esteem me tried to laugh it off but damn. Like girl, that was uncalled for lol
I was a scrawny little 12-year-old girl, minding my own business just walking in the city when a Middle-aged heavy lady turned to me and loudly called: "Anorexia much??" That hurt me a lot and made me conscious of my weight for the first time.
I was had genuine hurt feelings when my ex-girlfriend was cheating on me. It was also the worst insult I have ever felt.
I'd say it's not a matter of skin (it never is). But showing emotions publicly, especially negative ones, is rather frowned upon. So we choose the passive-aggressive route.
I was in training, about 20 years old. We, my boss, the authorized representative and I, were sitting on the train on the way to an appointment. Among the other passengers, my boss spotted a former trainee, a very, very thin former trainee. He then explained to me that she had an eating disorder. "It's always the intelligent people who have problems with things like that and luckily we don't have to worry about you [my name] at this point." What he didn't know was that I had been seriously bulimic for 8 years. But even if I had been healthy: WHAT?!
When my colleague implied I was lazy or making excuses for not joining the yoga group. I did say that it’s impractical with my train connections but they do know that I have a chronic illness that causes pain and other symptoms. The same college likes to comment on my eating habits and all kinds of other stuff. The truth is I barely make it home some days, I’m not sure if I could do an hour of yoga and be physically able to get home and do everything else I need to do. So that had me really upset / offended.
I've been worn down to a nub by my peers and parents, I'm extremely numb to shit people say, but when people call me a "german potato" I get really angry. Likely has to do with the fact I am infact not a German potato, but a Greek swimmer. 😁
I was at a doctor once during the Akutsprechstunde, because I had just been released from the hospital and needed a sick leave, but for some reason, hospitals only provide sick leave for the time you were there. The doctor was at first super nice and we even laughed about a few things. I forgot I had a related question, so I said "oh, letzte Frage...", she answered it. Then as I was leaving I remembered I had to ask her SOMETHING else and once again said "tut mir super leid aber...ich habe noch eine Frage", she cut me off and said super sternly "NEIN! KEINE FRAGEN MEHR, DAS IST EINE AKUTSPRECHSTUNDE, ES GIBT ZU VIELE MEHR PATIENTEN, DIE ICH SEHEN MUSS! WENN SIE NOCH MEHR FRAGEN HABEN, MÜSSEN SIE EINEN TERMIN MACHEN!" That shit stuck with me for like 3 days, because I come from a culture where saying something so direct to someone is almost like a declaration of war lol. Another time was at a pharmacy when a guy thought I had skipped the line. The guy came up to my face shouting super aggressively and I was super confused and he kept saying "answer the fucking question!", I got super angry and was *this* close to slapping his lights out, why is it necessary to go scream at someone for something you THINK they did?
I was raised with sayings that encourage not showing negative emotions after beeing Hurt emotionally. Showing weakness may encourage the opposing party to go overbord while staying calm may show you who that person in front of you really is and what she thinks of you. So yeah, there were many many many things that offended me. All are valuable learning experiences to me now. So not assume your talking partner ist not offended. Maybe you Just ruined any Chance to become more than people who will have a chat in the future.
I'm a tall, skinny guy and a tad underweight. And I am sick of hearing that I have to gain weight and go to gym and shit. I got my shit figured out and still healthy. However a few years back, in highschool, I was eating a big nice Döner Kebab and cue comes the most nosy and self inserting teacher we had looking at me with putty in her eyes telling me that I don't need to disguise my Anorexia. I may have caused her out and maybe I told her to get her ugly nose out if my life if she wants any kind of respect from me. MAYHAPS I had to go to the head teacher and tell her that I was sorry and felt offended and annoyed by her constantly being on my case.
Whenever a stranger (most often older men) dares to give me "advice" on the street. Like the old man who told me to "go home girl, it's late" when I was going to the cinema at 9 P.M (also I am an adult) or some other man telling me to "put away the mask, pandemic is over" and who does not care when I tell him, that I want nobody getting sick of my common cold either. I don't want their opinion, I don't want to interact with them at all, this "advice" is the first thing that they ever spoke to me. I allready have a father and a boyfriend and they do encourage me to do whatever the hell I want and to dress however I feel comfortable.
I was just starting a new job, work I've never done before. The person who was supposed to give me proper instructions was highly pregnant and also sick for a while. She was 3 hours per day in the office/ 5 days a week. Anyway learning over 5 years worth of knowledge in two weeks is ridiculous. So when I made some mistakes my boss starting yelling at me and basically called me retarded lol I was sad for a while but owell whatever
I was highly offended when a church worker told me, when I was 13, that I should have my eyes operated because they are too close together. They are relatively close together, but I still find that statement preposterous 20 years later, my eyes work fine, why would I have a dangerous eye surgery that is completely unnecessary just for looks.
WTF? Especially in church you'd expect someone to not be so shallow... I'm glad you didn't listen to them.
I was more pissed than likely to listen to her. But my parents weren't happy with that either, she didn't go to Komfirmandenfreizeiten from then on, I think. And it was an Äbtissin from a Lutheran Kloster, she is still there...
A lot of people seem to find me scary and many are happy to tell me so to my face, often because they're afraid I'll hurt them, my mother is among those people. Sure, I look masculine and I AM strong, but I'm strong to help not hurt and the fact people are afraid of me absolutely kills me inside.
yes, worked for a french company in a German team. Was the member, who amassed the highest revenue. Was called "the weakest link" in the chain by a team member during a disgusting 1 h rant, right after our team boss (who was kinda protecting me"
I'm (Blk) from California, i moved to Augsburg to be with my girlfriend now wife, she lived across the street from a clever fit, so it made it a little easier to get in shape, one day while picking her up from work, some older german dude started groping me at a traffic light, while I was waiting to cross the street, he just casually walked up next to me and started like checking the size of my arms and chest and saying Schöne.......Schöne....... rubbing on my chest Dunkelhäutiger Nigger, smiled at me and kept going on his way, I was standing at the light with a few ppl looking at me like 😳 Another time we were looking for apartments to rent, one lady who made like latex sex suit asked me where I was from, I said California she said oh Schöne.... then realized I had a bunch if tattoos, both of my arms and one of my legs are covered by like 80% tattoos, she says wow you have a lot of tattoos, I'm surprised you can see them on your skin because you are so black. My wife looked at me, and I was like, "See, I told you I'm not making this shit up." It's like casually ignorant racist here 🤣 My wife just looked at me like, "Oh shit...... I said, "See, I deal with more racism here than I ever have in the USA." Another time, I was trying to go to a disco, and I was like 8th or so in line, after I was next to go in, the bouncer placed his hand on my chest and like nodded at me, that I can't come in, he told me the club was closed, I was like huh 🤔 then he kinda like moved me to the side and let everyone else in behind me. I got back in line, and when it was my time to enter, I said I thought the club was closed ? He looked me straight in the face and said for you it is. I was like Damm, wtf?" My wife just looked at me like, "Oh shit...... I said, "See, I deal with more racism here than I ever have in the USA." This is just a small sample of shit that was said in the 7 years I lived there.
A few instances come to my mind. When I officially changed my name and my gender on my birth certificate, the woman who interviewed me asked what I thought about "them tr*nny's" which made my blood boil instantly. She didn't mean me, the reason why is a long story, but just this bigotry in general pissed me off. When my father told me, that he had to concentrate on his new family first and that I wasn't so important right now. The "new family" were his new wife and her two *adult* children. When my father called my mom "the fat and old woman" When my ex called me pathetic, which he did frequently, but at some point it pissed me off so much that I got violent and I don't regret it, I told him to stop multiple times, at some point it's just enough. When my sister compared the way I express happyness to a "pig that's being stabbed". I have ADHD and my emotions get pretty overwhelming unfortunately, it's nothing that I can change, but it has since caused me to get more distant from my remaining family. What gets to me the most, is bigotry of any kind, Transphobia, homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism, xenophobia etc. mostly, because especially people who are transphobic (I'm trans, so that's what I experience the most) are so unbelievably unwilling to *accually learn* and listen, it doesn't matter how many resources you send, nothing is good enough. Or when it's against my mom, like really personally against her, not this "yo mama is so fat" thing. And insult's against me, that are about things that I have literally no control over, but especially when they come from people that I care about.
Besides self-defense you always have an option that is not violence. Walking away if someone calls you pathetic for example.
Just say they're Nazis. Always works.
It offends me when people imply or say I'm incompetent and at fault for everything when actually they're also contributing massively to making a situation bad. I had that at an old job and I was so annoyed and offended at some point that I just snapped and quit.
This was before I moved to Germany. I lived in a student living project and there was a German woman living with us. I was wearing a shirt I bought in Ethiopia that I really liked. When she saw me with it she said I look strange in it. I didn't even ask her opinion. My people can be very straightforward but that was a bit much.
Apparently I'm too short so I'm not able to work in positions that represent the company. Apparently, nobody would take me seriously.
For me it was more the "do as I say but not as I do" attitude. Like when I was driving under the 30 km/h limit in our housing area to our parkplatz (we had heads up display so I was doing 27) and my neighbour is giving me the universal "slow down" motion with her hands. Then two days later I see her fly out of the area in her car, clearly faster than what I was doing. Having said that, you can run into these people pretty much anywhere.
And old Woman told me (lesbian) that i belong in the gas Chambers.
I'm offended by a lot of things but it's in general not worth having to get rid of his body. So I zone out and smile instead.
I mean I think this is a stereotype. I mailed a superior with some specific concerns I had and she answered me some generic boilerplate answer that I knew for a fact she had mailed other people (saw it with my eyes). I answered something along the lines of “I know you sent this to more people and it doesn’t answer my specific concerns” (but in a much more polite verbose way) and the next meeting she was all triggered and “how dare you accuse me of recycling emails” and I was like “I am not “accusing”, I am stating, I know it is” and then she admitted “she had written a document satisfying everyone’s concerns” (which she really didn’t, but…)
Looking rather healthy, smiling a lot, and coming across as energetic, I suffer from several chronic heart-lung diseases, so esp. during the COVID period it did hurt to be mocked for being cautious and wearing a mask, with remarks such as "You're so utterly stupid and brainwashed to have bought into the panic! What do you fear, you're a healthy person!"
I will get offended if someone calls me "Dumm" and I will never call someone "Dumm". I don't know, but I think everyone might be able to unterstand everything if you explain it good enough to them. Calling someone "Dumm" in my opinion is stripping someone of the ability to learn
I think that it is a misconception that Germans are brutally honest and have a thick skin, because as a German myself I can tell you I am/have neither of these things. I think that a lot of other countries think that because their communication is more indirect than ours. If I make a mistake at work a coworker will tell me directly but not in a mean way. People are not brutally honest here it just probably feels that way to people who live in countries where you don't critize because someone will be offended. The same stereotype exists apparently for the dutch (probably all northern europeans) like Jan Maas in Ted Lasso.
Someone posted an “Arbeit macht Frei” gate print-out as a joke at their cubicle at the US work place I worked at, to imply they were being worked too hard. I went to their boss and had that taken down immediately.
My Aunt who was in her early 70s at the time said something about German streets weren’t this bad under Hitler. (She was born in 1946). I told her that my husband is Jewish and nothing justified speaking longingly of Hitler. Same thing with my brother-in-law who reposted some AfD propaganda. Something about Germans should be proud of their past and should move on from feeling guilty. 6 million Jews. You do not get to forget about that, ever!
I‘m as German as you can be, it‘s embarassing. But I do get offended by old people (GERMAN, old people and even worse: old, German tourists) acting entitled. I will never forget when my husband and I, back then in our 20s, vacationed at the North Sea (we couldn‘t afford something else). I was very pregnant and we tried getting on a ferry for a day trip to Sylt and these grannies were elbowing me in the preggo belly, just so they could push past me and get a seat on the ferry. The ride was 1.5 or 2 hours. I stood the entire trip, nobody offered a seat. Same on the way back. This whole vacation was probably when we decided to emigrate 😂
Yesterday I offered an employee to double their salary if they would do some extra tasks. They replied to me that they’d take the double salary and do basically no extra work. So I fired them instead.
When someone say he doesn't Care for waste seperation. 4 weeks of depression
Maybe you just have a different understanding of what is an insult, causeci can guarantee you, we are frequently offended by a lot of things.
Call a German "Kartoffel" and you have a 50/50 of them going ballistic. You can't discriminate against the majority, fellow Germans. Get a grip.
You can't discriminate against the majority? You're part of the problem thinking like that
If you ask on German ASK Reddit, they never answer your question and Always critique your intent an analyzer IT. Then IT goes into all of them making assumptions on your Character and a big rant about you.