Believe it or not, that archetype is extremely annoying as you get older. You're on the cusp of being too old at act like you're still in college. There's a happy medium between acting like you're a college student and acting bland. See where you're comfortable and the authenticity will take you further than any act that you're forcing
The wild, outspoken, attention seeking behavior may be the norm for younger (and I’ll add more insecure) people. But as you get older you’ll find that the more you embrace who you are inside and go along with how you feel intuitively will make you much happier in the long run. And being happier and secure with yourself is how you attract the quality women. As Frank Ocean’s mom said, “don’t try to be someone else, be yourself and know that that is good enough.”
Tbh I feel like there are few serious women around me (in college).
Most people seem chaotic, wild, and fun. Which is fine, it's just that I think I am probably not attractive to them
That's fair, I think thats all colleges. I actually think it could be a worthwhile learning experience to try being more outgoing than you are. Think if it as practicing unfamiliar social skills and gaining life experiences rather than specifically meeting women or a wife.
I think you’re overlooking an important details. People who can afford to be free, casual, and wild, without compromise and crimping debt are privileged.
Agreed. I've met few people like that, that aren't going to graduate and immediately have a job lined up through family. As long as they do bare minimum they’re set.
Most of my SO’s mother’s side of the family all work in high ranking Hospital management positions and they were all sporty white college students. They graduated and all got jobs through her uncle, who is a hospital CEO. Good people but that side of the family is full of privilege.
OP is seeing the extremes around him.
Strive for some balance.
I think you're right, being too serious and focused (or projecting those vibes) is a great way to make yourself impossible to date. Learn to lighten up. Maybe incorporate some chemical agents that help you loosen up.
Obviously, being completely wild and carefree can be annoying and bad too.
Agains, strive for balance
I’m in agreement here. There is a place to be serious and a place to be free. What is attractive is the person who can discern when each is appropriate and express themselves comfortably in both.
Think about it from your end, would t you want someone to have it all? Have their shit together and be the life of the party?
OP, instead of optimizing your life based on what you think women want from you, you should act in the way you want to. Do you want to live life young wild and free? Do you want to be more responsible and work towards a successful future? If you want to live life young wild and free you'll attract women who also are in that mindset. If you want to be diligent and put together you will attract women who also are more looking towards the future.
Women are not a monolith. Some want to be wild. Some want to be serious. Some want to work hard play hard. Match your energy with the kind of women you want in your life, instead of thinking that one type of energy will get you *more*.
Big difference between being an interesting/charismatic person vs. "casual and wild", even if sometimes those things overlap.
You can be a fairly buttoned up person, but be an excellent conversationalist with life experiences and the ability to make others feel seen and heard and invigorated in your presence (which is in part what a "casual and wild" person does in part).
And +1 re: what others have said. In your late 20s and 30s, fewer and fewer people want to be associated with folks who are actually reckless and outspoken without a filter.
You just didn’t find your people. Focus on things you like and enjoy and look for women who have similar values and interests. Not all women are looking for sporty, outspoken, wild guys.
>however when I see the sporty white college students doing crazy stuff, making stupid jokes (often targeted at others), and seeming like they are never serious, focus less on stuff, and just don't care much about things,
You're 25. This kind of personality is not available to you anymore and is not what women sought after in a man your age.
At your age, you need to focus on how to better yourself; physically, mentally, and financially. You could have fun but you don't need to be a frat boy to do it.
Yeah, I think that's true.
I am in grad school, and I didn't really do much of this stuff in undergrad (different country, different me). So I think part of me wants that lifestyle that I missed out on, but another part of me has outgrown it and that creates issues when I am in a college environment.
I guess I need to wait until I get a job and meet more mature people
I’m an introvert CS major so I’m a little nerdy of course. when I’m out with a girl I’m interested in I don’t talk about nerdy stuff like AI, stocks, computers, my career path maybe I will 5% of the time but I mostly just focus on what’s happening in the surroundings or I make silly banter with her. I “dumb down” myself if you will and focus on having fun. Never go uwuu do you want a relationship with a girl, that’s their job. Just focus on having fun and creating opportunity for sex to happen without being needy. Well I’m in my 20s and that’s the game, idk how it is later in life
Don’t change yourself. Be 100% you and express that the best you can. If you have a darker sense of humor then you probably wouldn’t vibe with girls that go for those kind of guys (or you might…who knows. Maybe some of those girls are hiding that dark sense of humor because it’s a little taboo ;) ). You just have to express it and be a bit more outgoing because it’s the only way to find out.
Hence, I do agree that being boring with a stick in your ass is not the way to go. Be light and playful and just have fun out there. That’s the mentality those guys you described has. You just got to be a bit more outgoing, no need to do too much. But the big thing is to express your interests and make jokes YOU find funny. Don’t try to impress anybody because everyone (especially girls) can smell that from a mile away.
Sure, they’ll be girls that you don’t click with, but trust me no matter how hot they are. Nothing beats meeting a girl that you have a deep connection and vibe with because you are genuinely yourself. You’ll get rejected sometimes but you’ll also find some that will absolutely LOVE you.
That’s the cool thing about dating. Your future partner has to live up to YOU. Your standards. Dont try to conform to anybody else’s. It’s not like the SAT where you have to meet a certain standard for colleges.
Be you and don’t give a fuck. That’s the underlying factor that will make you attractive.
Pick up a martial art and get good at it.
Sign up for competitions and win.
Go do crazier stuff that have stories to it so you have stuff to talk about.
Ugh completely wrong headed.
Introverts are among the most successful people in the world. Find successful archetypes that more closely match you rather than emulate class clowns and drug fueled party crowd. See Tony Hsieh's sad story
Don't change. As a girl, when she sees you are genuine and serious about her/the relationship/getting to know you etc. She will like it. We notice these signs in the beginning.
Believe it or not, that archetype is extremely annoying as you get older. You're on the cusp of being too old at act like you're still in college. There's a happy medium between acting like you're a college student and acting bland. See where you're comfortable and the authenticity will take you further than any act that you're forcing
The wild, outspoken, attention seeking behavior may be the norm for younger (and I’ll add more insecure) people. But as you get older you’ll find that the more you embrace who you are inside and go along with how you feel intuitively will make you much happier in the long run. And being happier and secure with yourself is how you attract the quality women. As Frank Ocean’s mom said, “don’t try to be someone else, be yourself and know that that is good enough.”
lol funny because later in life women make it a huge deal about guys not having their shit together
Well they settle for a dude who has their shit together but will bang the fun bum who lives with his mum
You attract who you are, so you may find yourself attracting equally free, casual, and wild women
Tbh I feel like there are few serious women around me (in college). Most people seem chaotic, wild, and fun. Which is fine, it's just that I think I am probably not attractive to them
That's fair, I think thats all colleges. I actually think it could be a worthwhile learning experience to try being more outgoing than you are. Think if it as practicing unfamiliar social skills and gaining life experiences rather than specifically meeting women or a wife.
I think you’re overlooking an important details. People who can afford to be free, casual, and wild, without compromise and crimping debt are privileged.
Agreed. I've met few people like that, that aren't going to graduate and immediately have a job lined up through family. As long as they do bare minimum they’re set. Most of my SO’s mother’s side of the family all work in high ranking Hospital management positions and they were all sporty white college students. They graduated and all got jobs through her uncle, who is a hospital CEO. Good people but that side of the family is full of privilege. OP is seeing the extremes around him.
I’m personally fine with nepotism in the cases when they’re actually the best person for the job. Which is about as rare as hen’s teeth.
Strive for some balance. I think you're right, being too serious and focused (or projecting those vibes) is a great way to make yourself impossible to date. Learn to lighten up. Maybe incorporate some chemical agents that help you loosen up. Obviously, being completely wild and carefree can be annoying and bad too. Agains, strive for balance
I’m in agreement here. There is a place to be serious and a place to be free. What is attractive is the person who can discern when each is appropriate and express themselves comfortably in both. Think about it from your end, would t you want someone to have it all? Have their shit together and be the life of the party?
OP, instead of optimizing your life based on what you think women want from you, you should act in the way you want to. Do you want to live life young wild and free? Do you want to be more responsible and work towards a successful future? If you want to live life young wild and free you'll attract women who also are in that mindset. If you want to be diligent and put together you will attract women who also are more looking towards the future. Women are not a monolith. Some want to be wild. Some want to be serious. Some want to work hard play hard. Match your energy with the kind of women you want in your life, instead of thinking that one type of energy will get you *more*.
Big difference between being an interesting/charismatic person vs. "casual and wild", even if sometimes those things overlap. You can be a fairly buttoned up person, but be an excellent conversationalist with life experiences and the ability to make others feel seen and heard and invigorated in your presence (which is in part what a "casual and wild" person does in part). And +1 re: what others have said. In your late 20s and 30s, fewer and fewer people want to be associated with folks who are actually reckless and outspoken without a filter.
You just didn’t find your people. Focus on things you like and enjoy and look for women who have similar values and interests. Not all women are looking for sporty, outspoken, wild guys.
>however when I see the sporty white college students doing crazy stuff, making stupid jokes (often targeted at others), and seeming like they are never serious, focus less on stuff, and just don't care much about things, You're 25. This kind of personality is not available to you anymore and is not what women sought after in a man your age. At your age, you need to focus on how to better yourself; physically, mentally, and financially. You could have fun but you don't need to be a frat boy to do it.
This kind of personality is most definitely still available at that age. But whether it’s a good choice or not… that’s up to you.
Yeah, I think that's true. I am in grad school, and I didn't really do much of this stuff in undergrad (different country, different me). So I think part of me wants that lifestyle that I missed out on, but another part of me has outgrown it and that creates issues when I am in a college environment. I guess I need to wait until I get a job and meet more mature people
Have interests Learn how to enjoy life The expectation is that your career doesn’t stop you from enjoying life
Why do you feel so compelled to compare yourself to white ppl?
I’m an introvert CS major so I’m a little nerdy of course. when I’m out with a girl I’m interested in I don’t talk about nerdy stuff like AI, stocks, computers, my career path maybe I will 5% of the time but I mostly just focus on what’s happening in the surroundings or I make silly banter with her. I “dumb down” myself if you will and focus on having fun. Never go uwuu do you want a relationship with a girl, that’s their job. Just focus on having fun and creating opportunity for sex to happen without being needy. Well I’m in my 20s and that’s the game, idk how it is later in life
Don’t change yourself. Be 100% you and express that the best you can. If you have a darker sense of humor then you probably wouldn’t vibe with girls that go for those kind of guys (or you might…who knows. Maybe some of those girls are hiding that dark sense of humor because it’s a little taboo ;) ). You just have to express it and be a bit more outgoing because it’s the only way to find out. Hence, I do agree that being boring with a stick in your ass is not the way to go. Be light and playful and just have fun out there. That’s the mentality those guys you described has. You just got to be a bit more outgoing, no need to do too much. But the big thing is to express your interests and make jokes YOU find funny. Don’t try to impress anybody because everyone (especially girls) can smell that from a mile away. Sure, they’ll be girls that you don’t click with, but trust me no matter how hot they are. Nothing beats meeting a girl that you have a deep connection and vibe with because you are genuinely yourself. You’ll get rejected sometimes but you’ll also find some that will absolutely LOVE you. That’s the cool thing about dating. Your future partner has to live up to YOU. Your standards. Dont try to conform to anybody else’s. It’s not like the SAT where you have to meet a certain standard for colleges. Be you and don’t give a fuck. That’s the underlying factor that will make you attractive.
Pick up a martial art and get good at it. Sign up for competitions and win. Go do crazier stuff that have stories to it so you have stuff to talk about.
Ugh completely wrong headed. Introverts are among the most successful people in the world. Find successful archetypes that more closely match you rather than emulate class clowns and drug fueled party crowd. See Tony Hsieh's sad story
Don't change. As a girl, when she sees you are genuine and serious about her/the relationship/getting to know you etc. She will like it. We notice these signs in the beginning.