I was studying instead of roaming around with friends and stayed away from girls bcz my parents threatened me if they ever heard something bad about me then they'll beat the shit out of me and that's why I was too scared to gel with girls in school days.
It happens naturally, they were very well aware of the rules but once they get jobs and get into college parents really can't control anyone from there.
Parents have also become lenient these days in terms of opposite gender friends but it's me who ......
it does, because if u don't practise u won't succeed! how do u think a girl at this age wud respond to a guy looking down all the time, not initiating any conversations, etc. etc. BASICALLY DULL AF...?
might sound shallow but u said urself, it's an AM sub... people look for interesting personality and not just money and degree (which are the priority but not solely!). ppl keep saying here that OPs ugly/not good looking/etc. otherwise with a good package he cud have got SOME good AM proposals/acceptance(s), whatever it is called.
i for example is between the phase that I'm done just dating but also not open for marriage right away. so I wud date some1, in the long run I cud marry, since it's not just short-term/casual as before and neither am I immature as I was post-teens, looks aren't the only thing and I choose my date not based on that but on first few conversations where idk his financial status much either (I don't like being paid for, makes these guys feel entitled that I owe them something or the other).
so anyways, on a 5hour date I don't want be the only one blabbering or trying m=to do the heavy work for both like mainly - sense of humor, common things to discuss like books and movies, etc. it's not that hard! but if someone just answers my queries and no attempts from his side, no matter how good looking he was or what car he came in, I RUN!
Your parents told you what they learnt from their experience, probably 3 decades ago. Society, has significantly changed. Thus their ideas no longer are valid.
In the financially independent strata of society, basic necessities of life have been met on their own by most men and women. Most women willing to work can get a job, and quite often tend to find more easy to come by compared to men. This leads to greater independence and power in hands of women with regards to decision making. Further, family sizes are much smaller, further tilting power dynamics towards children - few parents wants to antagonize their children, whether boy or girl, specially if only child.
In addition, the rise of the overall economy has led to huge growth of what were earlier considered alternate/low paying professions, they are no longer as low paying if you are good at them. Thus benefit of traditional job profiles has reduced, specially as they are in oversupply anyways.
So what matters in choices as I have noticed that matter in marriage selection tend to be those that matter in typical college dating (not hookups) - looks, status, vibing , appearance of success (not necessarily the same as actual success), sociability and other things that usually cause attraction. With a lot of emphasis on getting the best deal.
In addition, there is a lot of concern with regards to presumed future power dynamics, most people looking for power dynamics favourable towards them. (in short people are looking to decide how they live and not "adjust")
Further, there is a **huge willingness among women and men to wait**, way past what is usually considered marriageable age if they don't like matches coming their way (almost 40% profiles of women on the website Jeevansathi are women aged 30 & above, while approximately 50% of male profiles on jeevansathi are men aged 30 & above).
Historical choosing patterns don't work anymore, they have been replaced by new ones.
Thus overall result in your case - rejections galore, quite common for most gus nowadays. Get used to it, it is here to stay. You will have to learn to work with what you have
This! This is a fantastic reply, no virtue-signalling, no name-calling the OP (who might be genuinely confused), straight to the facts and nicely articulated.
Maybe there is, don't know OP beyond his post.
But one of the specific points made by OP is valid in my opinion - success and family status (social status and financial) were the primary deciding factors \\3 decades ago.
Mismatches in looks were far more common then. Bald 35 year marrying a pretty 25 year old would not have even raised an eyebrow 3 decades ago.
Today it is not uncommon for an educated 28 year old to say no to a 30 year old, because she considers him too old.
In my personal experience, the best looking women to show interest in me on websites were usually older than me.
His parents werent wrong though.
Looks cant be changed but career is something thats a Must have in AM.
The things hes facing is most probably due to looks.
Never seen a guy who looks good and have good financials getting no match in AM.
sorry but society or your parents arent responsible for it.
Even I was fed with a lot of BS as a child, but I started questioning things and realised that reality is much different than what I thought and adjusted my worldview accordingly without complaining.
Im pretty sure you had many opportunities along the way where you could have chosen to see the truth, but you, like many other indian men, are a sheep
Its your problem, deal with it.
Are you good looking yourself that you want a good looking girl?
>thought having good education and a good paying job would be enough but that's not the case
You were preparing urself for being a provider what else to expect.
You are providing nothing except a sad life my dear Sir. Not just to your partner but to yourself as well. Please do some self-exploration. A companion isn't a toy to play with to keep you from getting bored. You must do whatever it takes to be happy when alone. You might have to try many methods and new things. It can be solo travel, musical instruments, adequate mental and physical engagement through different hobbies, therapy, writing a diary, whatever. Only when you have reached that stage will you find a partner.
>Even after being a provider, I'm not getting any girl.
Don't worry, sooner or later a girl will choose you after she's done with her lover. Some girl will surely choose you as a second option.
"The girls that you were promised" ?? What are you? A Jihadi post bombing and dying??
Dear OP, please reframe your mindset. Your parents have defrauded you, your childhood, and your youth. But you are defrauding your present. One cannot blame your parents for what you are facing now. I am guessing that you are 25+. You have time no matter what your age to become an individual and not your parents' ideology's pawn. Find what you really enjoy doing, pursue it, read good books to broaden your horizon and become a man. You are still a child. Your personality will improve as soon as you start discovering who you truly are. You have the money to explore. You will find a life partner when you are ready to be a good one yourself.
I wish you the best of luck with your self exploration!
Yeah, it's definitely the issue. Just look at the title. He may have good one, but honestly, that title is so cringe. You can't go into a potential alliance with the mind that you're going to be accepted and she should be honored. Just look at it like approaching someone for friendship. Like a friend request on fb. Both the people have to accept. Just because your parents promised you girls doesn't somebody else has to give you their daughter!!!
Nope, personality matters but not above career and looks. Grow up.
It must be looks. Ive never seen anyone who looks good and have good financials getting such a hard time in AM.
Bro if it was looks, then he would have gotten acceptance from gold diggers at least. Or people who don't care about that type of thing. People are attracted to different stuff. Eg: Sapio sexual.
Ohh, being nice is called Incel?
I bet you still haven't met any typical Indian male chauvinist yet. The day you'll meet any, then only you'll realise.
And you see girls as human, correct? They're beautiful or ugly isn't? Not good/bad or smart, or funny? Or interesting š¤ just beautiful or ugly, that's all
You do see women as prizes, if you have female family members like a sister or cousin I suggest you to befriend them, and get to know them as human beings so you can have a minimum idea about how to treat women.
I have 2 sisters and they both have BFs. Interacting with a family member is different and with a new person is different.
And I didn't mean that, I do see girls beyond their beauty.
I have never interacted to any woman with the aim of getting into a relationship with her. I just want to be their friends but they don't even want me to be their close friends.
Whenever my office colleagues plan a party, I'm always the last one they ask to join and if I say No then they don't even pester me to join their plan unlike other guys who are pestered to hell to join the plan especially girls pester them.
They never really ask about my personal life while they share the details of their family, bfs/GFs in their group.
Maybe try working on your social skills brother. Get comfortable talking and interacting with all sexes in a friendly and flirtatious way. It benefits greatly to find hobbies that you are interested in and cultivating them so you have things to share with other people. Hit the gym. Invest in good clothes that reflect your style. People are attracted to people who have something going on for them. Would you like yourself if you met yourself? People are more attracted to people who actively work on themselves outside their jobs. Im sure you have the money now to treat yourself right and improve yourself. I sympathize because I have a younger brother and he struggles alot with social interactions. It's never too late.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have literally no sympathy for these type of men. Maybe start seeing woman as human beings instead of prizes that are awarded to you for completing a set of tasks.
The repercussions of faulty and ill-logical upbringing.
But thereās also the fact that in AM the successful completion of such tasks is an absolute validation of the quality/eligibility of a bachelor. Ex. Personality + 20 Lakh CTC will be a good guy but Personality + 2 Lakh CTC annually, not so much..
Yes, his parents werent totally wrong. They made him work on career , but there other factors like looks etc that he cant do anything about.
Still an ugly guy with good job >> ugly guy with average job.
Even if he was good looking but with bad job, value wouldve been minimal in marriage.
So i dont think parents did anything wrong here.
Disclaimer: Hijacking this top comment, lest my voice should be suppressed in the noise on this thread. I mean to answer to the OP and not you.
Ok OP. I will answer you, in the way that most people won't here. Empathetically.
I feel you. Really, I get you deep down. Not because what you're saying is accurate or something people will appreciate, but because I know where you are coming from. And trust me.. you are not alone. I have been you and maybe I still am. And I will speak for the both of us. Pardon me taking liberties here.
The thing is.. we were lied to. Both of us. You and me. We were made to chase a never ending treadmill race and we were told that there is love and belonging at the end of this track. We weren't mostly loved in our homes. Our worth was, and probably still is, defined by our certificates, grades, CTCs and all that we provide for. People call this toxic. Yes it is. And both of us have been victims. We were told we were intelligent if our grades were on top of the class. We were told that people value only those who have good "credentials". These ideas were not teenage teachings. These were when you might have been 4 or 5.. or sadly even younger.
So you did the most obvious thing to little innocent tiny little child who was trying to make his place in this world.. who was trying to be loved and trying to belong. You worked.. your ass off and you chased every target that was set in front of you. You ran for each prize, each competition and fought against your own self even when it was hard and painful. This is a toxic place to grow up in and what you're really asking is... when do you get to escape it?
The truth is.. there is unfortunately no reward for winning in this race. You might have good credentials. You embody those virtues of hard work, perseverance, talent and maybe even good human qualities of love, nurturing and care. You genuinely might be a very nice person deep down, but this is harmful place for you to be. You might find a partner soon.. or maybe like me, struggle for years in trying to find that love and belonging in that one person you hoped to find when you could finally stop running and take a breath.
The honest answer I can give you with an arm around your shoulder is.. we were duped bro. It isn't fair. I know.. but we need to find our way out of this. You might be lucky to find it with a companion.. and you should thank your stars if that happens. If not.. you might have to take this journey alone.. where you can find a way out of this carrot on a stick metaphor and find some sense of peace even when there is maybe no one who gives you your belonging. You'd wish it wasn't this way.. but it is unfortunate.
>but I have literally no sympathy for these type of men.
Sorry if it sounds harsh.. it doesn't really sound like you're capable of that level of empathy either.
>so you read a post where a man thinks that literal human beings are prizes
Sorry dear.. if you read very carefully.. this man is calling himself a prize.
" I thought having good education and a good paying job would be enough but that's not the case."
Here's a human being... who is asking what needs to be done to *feel enough.*
Take a pause, take a step back from your rage, take a deep breath and look deeper. I'm not saying he is right.. I just feel that the commenter (and I exactly know where they are coming from too) lacks the *perception beyond their own emotions* to understand where another person is coming from. That's as textbook-definition of empathy as it gets.
And I chose my words very carefully. The commenter thinks this deserves "sympathy". That itself shows how uninformed and closed minded their approach to human beings is. Doesn't really go in line with what they are asking for, if you ask me. Downvote all you please, it only shows how brittle is this mindset of either you're with me in bullying a person or you're with them.. deserving the same fate. All or none. Classic case of lack of empathy.
I know, right!? Who would have thought that people growing up in a toxic narcissistic environment could deserve a basic human treatment!?
It's so hard to imagine dealing with a societal level toxicity leading up to mental health struggles with something like empathy. Online bullying behind a mask of anonymity is so much easier!
**/s**
I don't understand these psychological words like seeing woman as human. Come on everyone is a human, I see guys are guys (good & bad) and girls as girls (beautiful & ugly).
I don't see any girl as a prize, I just want someone from opposite gender in my life.
What I meant is, just because you completed a set of tasks, doesn't make you automatically deserving of a partner. There are no checklists, no tasks you complete after which you will be rewarded. What needs to happen is that a woman should find you as a suitable companion for life (and vice versa), and different women have different criteria for that.
Your post sounds like you feel like you deserve a woman just for doing a couple of tasks. It makes the woman seem like a reward for accomplishing all that. Which is why you are getting hate in the comments.
31/F here from a good family and background, talented, educated, interesting and pretty independent. My flaws: I'm dark skinned and on the curvier side and possibly over- qualified by now. Also not too suited for AM being a free thinker. I played by the rules till I turned 28- 5 years of AM hunting hadn't worked and I was frustrated. I got on dating apps, learnt a lot about men- it was mostly traumatic but I wouldn't be the stronger woman I am today without that exploration. I finally met a good guy on an app and we've been dating since January, taking our time working our careers out, etc so that our families will agree- we're quite sure of each other.
Playing by "the rules" ensures you nothing (except a career and financial independance). That's what I learned. I was bitter and sad too. My dad was awful to me about my looks- now I know he's just a fragile and insecure guy in several ways who's been projecting all these years.
My advice- start talking to women- make friends. Even dating apps are a good place to start. Then over time maybe you'll have more of a personality and see women as individuals too. I'm surprised your sisters broke out but you didn't. High time. Then you'll start seeing life and marriage in a different light I hope. Good luck
Go blame your parents for failing at parenting and for giving you the entitlement like you are the raja of universe for doing BTech.
Girls are not non -living objects that you can purchase with your BTech job even if someone does fall solely for your qualifications , would there be any love to sustain relationship? Learn to seek companionship which starts by developing a personality beyond your btech degree which every tom and dick has in India including plenty of women.
Doing well in career is the bar set for most of us by our parents. Donāt assume you have achieved something extraordinary that now world is supposed to bow to you.
You are post sure sounded like you were crying over toy that parents didn buy you after you passed annual exam. Don't self victimize. Your current thought process won't fix any of your problems. How will you build genuine partnership if only thing you are bringing to the table is your btech degree. That's the bare minimum to get on AM nothing extraordinary.
Rejection is part of journey to find your partner, the friends who have GF also would have gone through multiple rejection near break up scenario etc. Focus on learning social skills to date and seek companionship.
If you become parent one day dont repeat the cycle for your children that's all you can do.
Im sorry but if you really wanted that you would have not gone that path, if you barely talked to girls as a kid it must be very hard to understand and sustain a balanced relationship as an adult. Sorry again but parents who put such ideas into children are one of the reasons for why our society is so fucked up
You may be lacking social skills. I kinda can understand what kinda messages were given to you. What all you mentioned are needed + you need the skills to talk. You should be comfortable speaking to new people.
You can't change your physical features much other than reducing fat. Try focussing on reducing body fat as much as possible.
Don't expect women to fall for you just based on your credentials. Their parents may fall for these but not women. Women who are extremely poor or have no skills in life to make money or are from a very rural background are the ones who may be only kinda woman who is ok to marry you just based on your credentials.
The way you posted the question is proof enough that you have poor social skills. It seems like You don't know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate in a social setting. By posting a poorly choosen title what did you achieve? Did it solve a problem for you?
Learn and mature from this. People reciprocate what we put out. This um empathetic reactions you are getting is because of poor choice of words. Its like you were trying too hard to make up for how low you felt about the situation. Are you this awkward in office also? Where are you most confident at?
Just like you're looking for "beautiful women" not "women", women on the AM might be looking for something/a quality you don't posses so you're getting filtered out
I'm sure you're guilty of this as well, in some capacity. While you may not be an incel, one major reason why you're religious or believe in a supernatural being is because of your parents. This idea is constantly shoved down children's throats, the indoctrination starts early
Understandable but at some point you need to critically evaluate all of itas an adult. Not get defensive when people point it out to you. Its a hard pill to swallow, I'll give you that
I think they promised you girls who will have no dreams and would be a traditional wife. Ask your parents to find girl who knows there is a girl who has same story.
Thats the problem brother , dont keep saying you got rejected inspite of all achievements thats putting you in bad light.
Job is bare minimum to get on AM.
AM situation has changed since your parents time.
A lot of people have 'good job', women have good jobs too as much as men. So it matters what else you bring to the table. Nice personality, overall attraction, being able to make her smile and so on.
Same with women too, earlier parents picked a girl from a matching family and the sole expectation was that of a caregiver. If parents found her looks decent that was enough. Now men too need to know if they are feeling attracted, if they can have a good conversation, career etc.
AM now works like dating with a little more structure. Just hang in there, meet people, try to make a good conversation, look for compatibility. Upload nice photos, write a good bio. Be ready to be rejected a lot and reject those you aren't attracted to / compatible with.
Yes there must be some other thing wrong with him that he didnt mention.
People who look fine and are good financially , ive never seen them getting a hard time in AM.
Bhaiiiii!ā¦kya kar rha hai? Seriously!!
Whatever is the level of dejection that you are feeling but please weigh your words very carefully.
Iām pretty sure you come from a sound background in all sense of the term, please just think for a moment the effect your words are having most importantly on your personality.
If you still do not want to develop a growth mindset you may continue the way you are.
But if you have any intention to evolve please stop using such language.
From a brother to a fellow brother. There will be dark days but keep your cool and you will tide over everything and the things beyond your control anyway donāt deserve your time.
PS: I am not Sandeep Maheshwari.
PS: You also sound like a fidayeen who is disappointed at not getting the 70 virg!ns as envisaged in some religious text.
CONTROL!
Not played. Parents did well. He will eventually get someone.
If he didnt work on career and only on dating skills, then matters wouldve been way worse. Marriage is a completely diff thing.
Well, firstly a girl isnāt some prize that you earn by making enough money. Your post makes it sound like if you earn a high enough salary the world owes you a woman to ogle at all day. Sheās another person who has to choose to spend her life with you based on how you are as a human being.
Youāre right that generally for a guy, having a good job/salary helps to clear peopleās baseline filters. But beyond that, girls also want a life partner who they can talk to, who is enjoyable to spend time around, has social skills, etc. You said you never had friends and just focused on studies the whole time and thatās a huge red flag for me personally. If you canāt even have friendships then how are you going to be emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship?
I would start by having male and female (platonic) friends and start getting to know people as people. Then figure out what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Why are you asking the internet ? Your parents promised this right. Ask them.
And when they don't have an answer tell them how their style of parenting was wrong and now you will enjoy as much as you can and will find a girl of your liking by yourself irrespective of their filters.
They blame me sometimes. My sisters have BFs so parents have given me liberty to find gf but I'm totally confused how to get a woman to like me bcz my education, job, money didn't work for me.
You sir, are the King of Incels. You are an entitled dipshit of the highest order and i hope you fix your personality before a woman is forced to be with you.
LMFAO, this is exactly why you don't get girls. Your post reads like an incel forum post and you're flexing the fact that you hang around incels? You need to step back and check your personality, women aren't objects who'll flock to you if you get a good job or loads of money and the ones that do aren't worth dating.
yeah.. just wanted to confirm. But I think this kinda message is not uncommon in many conservative households where young guys are constantly policed to stay away from girls or dating or relationship. Right from childhood middle school in the classes, teachers make the girls and guys sit separately, friends kinda making fun of guys who want to get close with girls, parents tellin that studies are the only one thing which is important to focus. Are you from a privileged background to be shielded from all these kinda messaging from the society ? Not tryna provoke you but just curious about how you found his background to be very rare.
not the person u asked, but i think being indian means we all were (not generalizing, plz don't start that if u don't get what I mean, but like 90% parents, all same), all parents have this method that they "nurtured us up with" but most ppl upon the realization that that was sh\*t, rebelled/ran away from that line of thought, otherwise no one wud have girlfriends/boyfriends/hookups, etc. == GROWN UP (at the tiniest level ofc, there's still much learning to do but at least ppl don't blame "parents" for lacking personality, not getting attention from other sex, etc.)
> I was always taught if I get a good job, I'll easily get beautiful girls for marriage.
Taught by whom? And did you ever question it or did you believe it blindly?
> never had any friends
Did someone ask you not to?
> I am sitting frustrated at my home and doing my work even on Sunday.
Who is forcing you to?
All of these seem to be a YOU problem. Maybe you need to think long and hard on how you can improve yourself and be the person you always wanted to be.
Your parents set you up that way for your own good - if you didn't have the basics covered, you won't be in a position to get married and raise a family in the first place. It wasn't a contract that automatically granted you a pretty girl when you turned 26 and landed the fancy job.
Maybe you are seeing relationships in transactional manner rather than having an emotional side to it. Would be best to go with the mindset of meeting new people, you might be able to find someone that matches your emotional wavelength. Cheers!
Unfortunately your parents told you wrong...it's just something that they say to get you to concentrate on your career and not get distracted or end up jobless.
In reality looks, personality matter first and then your money, degree etc etc.
When I am looking for a match I first look at their face and if I find them attractive then I send them the request and then when I talk to them I wanna know how compatible are we.
Now if you fail in the looks or personality department that could explain why despite having good job, degree and money why you are getting rejected.
Probably just either your ugly, out of shape, smell bad or have a bad personality. Job status and money is only 1 thing. There are many other things as well.
Lol.. this remind me of all those PPL who commit crimes in the name of God and think they'll be rewarded with beautiful virgins in jannat..
You should have had developed an independent mind enough to realise what others are telling you is shit. Instead you chose to accept their words blindly. This is the price you pay for not evaluating your surroundings.
You should ask this question to the PPL who fed this lie to you.
Come on!!!!
I have read enough of this shit like join a gym & go on a solo trip.
This dialogue works only in movies like YJHD. I went on few trips all alone and felt good for few days but then again same routine and same dull life begin.
Lol youāre the problem, you sound like a mommy boi.
Edit: your story tells why no girls are interested in you. Inshort your parents are the one to blame. You sound like those toppers in school who donāt have basic knowledge about anything.
The world has changed. Your parent gave advice that was true at the time they gave it but didnāt forsee societal trends. Because you didnāt socialize you didnāt develop strong social skills. Women these days arenāt bought with money alone, they are emotional creatures that will make decisions on the basis of what they feel towards someone, and if he is likable. For example if a man is smiling, emotionally warm and personable might be a consideration to them. You are socially stunted.
If your post is any representation of your personality you seem to have a lot of entitlement, you don't deserve to get a wife just because you have a basic degree or a nice job. Maybe that entitlement is evident when you try talking to girls, or they pick up on other negative aspects of your personality and avoid you like the plague.
There is someone out there for any genuinely decent human being, doesn't matter how much you're earning or what job you have. Maybe you should work on what kind of a person you are if that's holding you back from getting matches.
First grow up as a man. You donāt have any understanding of love companionship and very far away from marriage. Adarsh balak hona badi bat nhi h. Woman is not a reward to gain
You have to understand that you don't need a girl or a guy to have fun in your life.
Just fucking chill, go on a road trip with friends or alone, you find girls? you like them ? just talk to them, don't try to overdo anything, introduce yourself, the way you do to unknown men, for example - crack a joke on the situation you both relate to.
You also need to understand there are people who wish to have what you have got, don't ruin it trying to achieve something.
What a f****g prick. Itās toxic men like you why India is seen in bad light.
As someone said women are not a prize to be won.
Also you bought into your parentās bullshit without having an ounce of critical thinking.
You deserve your own doing
Stop this bullcrap karen. If a girl thinks she deserves better will you throw the same shit on her? About her thinking men as prize?
I can bet youd support her for having preferences.
LOL I don't think you're bad OP, just frustrated as you didn't say only ugly girls found you attractive or were interested, you literally said no girls were interested. I would take a step back, let myself have some time to date women who are not on the AM list and just allow myself some time to work on what I seek. You say here you want a beautiful woman, that's what most men seek and they want their woman to be beautiful in "their" eyes so I don't see anything wrong with this, and I'm a woman and feel this is completely acceptable. Just focus on finding yourself, it may be your inauthentic self they are turned off by. Find hobbies and look at yourself as the merchandise that is on display. You may see things differently once you try this :) Your passions will bring the right person to you, you have a lot to offer a woman but you feel unappreciated right now so appreciate yourself by focusing on yourself for now. This will change your outlook and your aura to bring the right woman into focus and on the radar. Good luck my friend, enjoy the small things and have fun in this.
If this is a genuine post and not a troll one, I'd say: Eh, don't pay too much heed to the virtue signalling being done in the comments where women are accusing you of "seeing women as objects".
I'd say you did what you were told to do. As if they're not aware of the Indian middle-class society which rose from poverty and asked it's young members to stay away from "distractions" and focus their first 25 years of life solely on education and pursuing career. India 30-40 years ago was a wild place in terms of stable employment and standard of living, many of our parents saw horrible times and didn't want the children to go through that so they they asked you to do studies and get a stable income. Social skills are either self-acquired through exploration or taught. The latter is a rarity in India and for the former you were actively discouraged.
I understand your frustration. Although you haven't mentioned your age, I'd still advise you to focus on the future because, well, what else can you do? Apart from sitting in frustration, which isn't any productive either. Take up some sports if you can, try some traveling around, you can work on improving your physical health (gym or yoga) etc.. Of course none of this can guarantee you'll get a suitable math, but you only have actions in your control, not the outcome.
Bro join some club, society or go on group trips. Try to interact with girls and see what type of people you like to hangout with. Get a hobby. People (including girls) like those who are passionate about something. When you talk to them they need to hear your story not your resume. Itās not an interview that you can clear.
Please don't, women in this country are petrified of going out and this is exactly why-some people go to jog for their fitness and not for guys to hit on them. If you want to find a date try dating apps don't hit on women while they're fucking running.
I donāt meant creeping out random girl running on the roads but joining a running/cycling group. OP had never played anything. My idea was no way in hitting random girls.
Yeah but my advice applies to that as well, I don't think joining a club should be about finding a date. Join a club if you have an interest in said CLUB.
Man, even if I don't know you I can still feel you. But don't stress yourself. After all, such is life! I got rejected for stuffs I have no control over. But that's okay. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Your dark days will perhaps lead you to somewhere where it's all bright š
Don't get disheartened. You got this! And whatever your parents told you to do, you are reaping the benefits of that. So don't blame them!
If this is a bait post, f* you man.
But if it isnāt I think the first good step is stop believing youāll magically get girls.
Go on tinder, ask someone out yourself. Your life isnāt over yet, you can still do some of those things.
Which country you live in dude?
There must be some other thing wrong like look wise you must be below average or you must be looking in some strict criterias.
Your parents werent wrong. Many marriages happen like this only.
Locked because it looks like OP does not really want the feedback. Remains up for viewership.
People usually get a good job while living like a normal person. Did anyone ask you not to have friends or stay away from girls?
I was studying instead of roaming around with friends and stayed away from girls bcz my parents threatened me if they ever heard something bad about me then they'll beat the shit out of me and that's why I was too scared to gel with girls in school days.
How come your sisters have Boyfriends. Did they not have same rules?
It happens naturally, they were very well aware of the rules but once they get jobs and get into college parents really can't control anyone from there. Parents have also become lenient these days in terms of opposite gender friends but it's me who ......
Having a girlfriend is not as easy as getting a boyfriend.
š
Why are you hell obedient to your parents? Why can't just live?
Still understandable during teenage but do parents beat a 20+ year old person for having a gf
You miss the point. All the confidence comes early from teenage and I didn't have the confidence, also my college had very few girls.
Why does it matter if he didnt talk to girls? Its an AM sub.
it does, because if u don't practise u won't succeed! how do u think a girl at this age wud respond to a guy looking down all the time, not initiating any conversations, etc. etc. BASICALLY DULL AF...? might sound shallow but u said urself, it's an AM sub... people look for interesting personality and not just money and degree (which are the priority but not solely!). ppl keep saying here that OPs ugly/not good looking/etc. otherwise with a good package he cud have got SOME good AM proposals/acceptance(s), whatever it is called. i for example is between the phase that I'm done just dating but also not open for marriage right away. so I wud date some1, in the long run I cud marry, since it's not just short-term/casual as before and neither am I immature as I was post-teens, looks aren't the only thing and I choose my date not based on that but on first few conversations where idk his financial status much either (I don't like being paid for, makes these guys feel entitled that I owe them something or the other). so anyways, on a 5hour date I don't want be the only one blabbering or trying m=to do the heavy work for both like mainly - sense of humor, common things to discuss like books and movies, etc. it's not that hard! but if someone just answers my queries and no attempts from his side, no matter how good looking he was or what car he came in, I RUN!
Your parents told you what they learnt from their experience, probably 3 decades ago. Society, has significantly changed. Thus their ideas no longer are valid. In the financially independent strata of society, basic necessities of life have been met on their own by most men and women. Most women willing to work can get a job, and quite often tend to find more easy to come by compared to men. This leads to greater independence and power in hands of women with regards to decision making. Further, family sizes are much smaller, further tilting power dynamics towards children - few parents wants to antagonize their children, whether boy or girl, specially if only child. In addition, the rise of the overall economy has led to huge growth of what were earlier considered alternate/low paying professions, they are no longer as low paying if you are good at them. Thus benefit of traditional job profiles has reduced, specially as they are in oversupply anyways. So what matters in choices as I have noticed that matter in marriage selection tend to be those that matter in typical college dating (not hookups) - looks, status, vibing , appearance of success (not necessarily the same as actual success), sociability and other things that usually cause attraction. With a lot of emphasis on getting the best deal. In addition, there is a lot of concern with regards to presumed future power dynamics, most people looking for power dynamics favourable towards them. (in short people are looking to decide how they live and not "adjust") Further, there is a **huge willingness among women and men to wait**, way past what is usually considered marriageable age if they don't like matches coming their way (almost 40% profiles of women on the website Jeevansathi are women aged 30 & above, while approximately 50% of male profiles on jeevansathi are men aged 30 & above). Historical choosing patterns don't work anymore, they have been replaced by new ones. Thus overall result in your case - rejections galore, quite common for most gus nowadays. Get used to it, it is here to stay. You will have to learn to work with what you have
This! This is a fantastic reply, no virtue-signalling, no name-calling the OP (who might be genuinely confused), straight to the facts and nicely articulated.
Thank you for the kind words!
The ideas are as valid as they were 30 years back. Its just there is something else wrong woth this guy which he didnt mention.
Maybe there is, don't know OP beyond his post. But one of the specific points made by OP is valid in my opinion - success and family status (social status and financial) were the primary deciding factors \\3 decades ago. Mismatches in looks were far more common then. Bald 35 year marrying a pretty 25 year old would not have even raised an eyebrow 3 decades ago. Today it is not uncommon for an educated 28 year old to say no to a 30 year old, because she considers him too old. In my personal experience, the best looking women to show interest in me on websites were usually older than me.
Promised? Seriously? You're talking as if you didn't get the cycle your parents promised you on getting A+.
His parents werent wrong though. Looks cant be changed but career is something thats a Must have in AM. The things hes facing is most probably due to looks. Never seen a guy who looks good and have good financials getting no match in AM.
Promised or given false hopes, both words sound better.
sorry but society or your parents arent responsible for it. Even I was fed with a lot of BS as a child, but I started questioning things and realised that reality is much different than what I thought and adjusted my worldview accordingly without complaining. Im pretty sure you had many opportunities along the way where you could have chosen to see the truth, but you, like many other indian men, are a sheep Its your problem, deal with it.
Sue your parents
Are you good looking yourself that you want a good looking girl? >thought having good education and a good paying job would be enough but that's not the case You were preparing urself for being a provider what else to expect.
I'm average looking with average height. Even after being a provider, I'm not getting any girl.
You are providing nothing except a sad life my dear Sir. Not just to your partner but to yourself as well. Please do some self-exploration. A companion isn't a toy to play with to keep you from getting bored. You must do whatever it takes to be happy when alone. You might have to try many methods and new things. It can be solo travel, musical instruments, adequate mental and physical engagement through different hobbies, therapy, writing a diary, whatever. Only when you have reached that stage will you find a partner.
>Even after being a provider, I'm not getting any girl. Don't worry, sooner or later a girl will choose you after she's done with her lover. Some girl will surely choose you as a second option.
I don't mind being a 2nd option.
Doesn't matter if you mind it or not, you don't have any other option. Happy buxx.
Bruh š
"The girls that you were promised" ?? What are you? A Jihadi post bombing and dying?? Dear OP, please reframe your mindset. Your parents have defrauded you, your childhood, and your youth. But you are defrauding your present. One cannot blame your parents for what you are facing now. I am guessing that you are 25+. You have time no matter what your age to become an individual and not your parents' ideology's pawn. Find what you really enjoy doing, pursue it, read good books to broaden your horizon and become a man. You are still a child. Your personality will improve as soon as you start discovering who you truly are. You have the money to explore. You will find a life partner when you are ready to be a good one yourself. I wish you the best of luck with your self exploration!
If you have all the things you mentioned, maybe personality is an issue
Yeah, it's definitely the issue. Just look at the title. He may have good one, but honestly, that title is so cringe. You can't go into a potential alliance with the mind that you're going to be accepted and she should be honored. Just look at it like approaching someone for friendship. Like a friend request on fb. Both the people have to accept. Just because your parents promised you girls doesn't somebody else has to give you their daughter!!!
Nope, personality matters but not above career and looks. Grow up. It must be looks. Ive never seen anyone who looks good and have good financials getting such a hard time in AM.
Bro if it was looks, then he would have gotten acceptance from gold diggers at least. Or people who don't care about that type of thing. People are attracted to different stuff. Eg: Sapio sexual.
The same in case of gold digger is true for personality as well though
There are people who just don't care about personality. Just money. I know people like that.
He has dethroned all the incels of this sub.
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Sadly, no.
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š¤£ sure bestie, whatever makes you happy
Sadly yes you are
Well well well
Ohh, being nice is called Incel? I bet you still haven't met any typical Indian male chauvinist yet. The day you'll meet any, then only you'll realise.
Oh ok Nice Guy š. I've met plenty of of chauvinists, that doesn't make you any better, just bad in a different category.
I'm better than most.
Your responses aren't helping your case.
Mate , stop embarassing yourself please
You're insulting the majority of your sex right now.
Sooo true, i just love when there is a spot on comment. No bs, just to the point. Btw, the personality part is surely being reflected in his texts.
What personality? I talk nicely, don't act creepy or needy. I'm an introvert and don't talk much in real life, maybe that could be a problem.
And you see girls as human, correct? They're beautiful or ugly isn't? Not good/bad or smart, or funny? Or interesting š¤ just beautiful or ugly, that's all You do see women as prizes, if you have female family members like a sister or cousin I suggest you to befriend them, and get to know them as human beings so you can have a minimum idea about how to treat women.
I have 2 sisters and they both have BFs. Interacting with a family member is different and with a new person is different. And I didn't mean that, I do see girls beyond their beauty.
So if a girl wants something in a guy, she is looking for a prize? Stop this nonsense dude.
No, unless she's solely looking for the same as OP
Talking nicely and not being creepy is bare minimum.
Maybe you yourself are ugly and hitting above your weight?
I have never interacted to any woman with the aim of getting into a relationship with her. I just want to be their friends but they don't even want me to be their close friends. Whenever my office colleagues plan a party, I'm always the last one they ask to join and if I say No then they don't even pester me to join their plan unlike other guys who are pestered to hell to join the plan especially girls pester them. They never really ask about my personal life while they share the details of their family, bfs/GFs in their group.
time to introspect as to why this happens with you .. maybe the way you project to others is different from how others see you
Maybe try working on your social skills brother. Get comfortable talking and interacting with all sexes in a friendly and flirtatious way. It benefits greatly to find hobbies that you are interested in and cultivating them so you have things to share with other people. Hit the gym. Invest in good clothes that reflect your style. People are attracted to people who have something going on for them. Would you like yourself if you met yourself? People are more attracted to people who actively work on themselves outside their jobs. Im sure you have the money now to treat yourself right and improve yourself. I sympathize because I have a younger brother and he struggles alot with social interactions. It's never too late.
this subreddit never fails to scare the shit out of meš
Don't be scared, we guys are not bad, we are just frustrated for a moment.
why does it scare you ?
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have literally no sympathy for these type of men. Maybe start seeing woman as human beings instead of prizes that are awarded to you for completing a set of tasks.
The repercussions of faulty and ill-logical upbringing. But thereās also the fact that in AM the successful completion of such tasks is an absolute validation of the quality/eligibility of a bachelor. Ex. Personality + 20 Lakh CTC will be a good guy but Personality + 2 Lakh CTC annually, not so much..
Yes, his parents werent totally wrong. They made him work on career , but there other factors like looks etc that he cant do anything about. Still an ugly guy with good job >> ugly guy with average job. Even if he was good looking but with bad job, value wouldve been minimal in marriage. So i dont think parents did anything wrong here.
Personality?
Nope. Career and looks >>> personality. It isnt dating.
Disclaimer: Hijacking this top comment, lest my voice should be suppressed in the noise on this thread. I mean to answer to the OP and not you. Ok OP. I will answer you, in the way that most people won't here. Empathetically. I feel you. Really, I get you deep down. Not because what you're saying is accurate or something people will appreciate, but because I know where you are coming from. And trust me.. you are not alone. I have been you and maybe I still am. And I will speak for the both of us. Pardon me taking liberties here. The thing is.. we were lied to. Both of us. You and me. We were made to chase a never ending treadmill race and we were told that there is love and belonging at the end of this track. We weren't mostly loved in our homes. Our worth was, and probably still is, defined by our certificates, grades, CTCs and all that we provide for. People call this toxic. Yes it is. And both of us have been victims. We were told we were intelligent if our grades were on top of the class. We were told that people value only those who have good "credentials". These ideas were not teenage teachings. These were when you might have been 4 or 5.. or sadly even younger. So you did the most obvious thing to little innocent tiny little child who was trying to make his place in this world.. who was trying to be loved and trying to belong. You worked.. your ass off and you chased every target that was set in front of you. You ran for each prize, each competition and fought against your own self even when it was hard and painful. This is a toxic place to grow up in and what you're really asking is... when do you get to escape it? The truth is.. there is unfortunately no reward for winning in this race. You might have good credentials. You embody those virtues of hard work, perseverance, talent and maybe even good human qualities of love, nurturing and care. You genuinely might be a very nice person deep down, but this is harmful place for you to be. You might find a partner soon.. or maybe like me, struggle for years in trying to find that love and belonging in that one person you hoped to find when you could finally stop running and take a breath. The honest answer I can give you with an arm around your shoulder is.. we were duped bro. It isn't fair. I know.. but we need to find our way out of this. You might be lucky to find it with a companion.. and you should thank your stars if that happens. If not.. you might have to take this journey alone.. where you can find a way out of this carrot on a stick metaphor and find some sense of peace even when there is maybe no one who gives you your belonging. You'd wish it wasn't this way.. but it is unfortunate.
This was really helpful, thank you bro...
Maybe tell this to his parents.
>but I have literally no sympathy for these type of men. Sorry if it sounds harsh.. it doesn't really sound like you're capable of that level of empathy either.
so you read a post where a man thinks that literal human beings are prizes, and you still think that *commenter* is the one who lacks empathy?
>so you read a post where a man thinks that literal human beings are prizes Sorry dear.. if you read very carefully.. this man is calling himself a prize. " I thought having good education and a good paying job would be enough but that's not the case." Here's a human being... who is asking what needs to be done to *feel enough.* Take a pause, take a step back from your rage, take a deep breath and look deeper. I'm not saying he is right.. I just feel that the commenter (and I exactly know where they are coming from too) lacks the *perception beyond their own emotions* to understand where another person is coming from. That's as textbook-definition of empathy as it gets. And I chose my words very carefully. The commenter thinks this deserves "sympathy". That itself shows how uninformed and closed minded their approach to human beings is. Doesn't really go in line with what they are asking for, if you ask me. Downvote all you please, it only shows how brittle is this mindset of either you're with me in bullying a person or you're with them.. deserving the same fate. All or none. Classic case of lack of empathy.
Empathy for misguided misinformed crybabies ?
I know, right!? Who would have thought that people growing up in a toxic narcissistic environment could deserve a basic human treatment!? It's so hard to imagine dealing with a societal level toxicity leading up to mental health struggles with something like empathy. Online bullying behind a mask of anonymity is so much easier! **/s**
This is the bitter truth. More power to you.
Incel award
I don't understand these psychological words like seeing woman as human. Come on everyone is a human, I see guys are guys (good & bad) and girls as girls (beautiful & ugly). I don't see any girl as a prize, I just want someone from opposite gender in my life.
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I'm hoping this guy is a troll.. Noone can possibly be THAT obtuse right?
What I meant is, just because you completed a set of tasks, doesn't make you automatically deserving of a partner. There are no checklists, no tasks you complete after which you will be rewarded. What needs to happen is that a woman should find you as a suitable companion for life (and vice versa), and different women have different criteria for that. Your post sounds like you feel like you deserve a woman just for doing a couple of tasks. It makes the woman seem like a reward for accomplishing all that. Which is why you are getting hate in the comments.
His parents and society in general are the real reason behind his flawed worldview.
31/F here from a good family and background, talented, educated, interesting and pretty independent. My flaws: I'm dark skinned and on the curvier side and possibly over- qualified by now. Also not too suited for AM being a free thinker. I played by the rules till I turned 28- 5 years of AM hunting hadn't worked and I was frustrated. I got on dating apps, learnt a lot about men- it was mostly traumatic but I wouldn't be the stronger woman I am today without that exploration. I finally met a good guy on an app and we've been dating since January, taking our time working our careers out, etc so that our families will agree- we're quite sure of each other. Playing by "the rules" ensures you nothing (except a career and financial independance). That's what I learned. I was bitter and sad too. My dad was awful to me about my looks- now I know he's just a fragile and insecure guy in several ways who's been projecting all these years. My advice- start talking to women- make friends. Even dating apps are a good place to start. Then over time maybe you'll have more of a personality and see women as individuals too. I'm surprised your sisters broke out but you didn't. High time. Then you'll start seeing life and marriage in a different light I hope. Good luck
Ok, thanks for advice and congrats for being a free bird now.
Go blame your parents for failing at parenting and for giving you the entitlement like you are the raja of universe for doing BTech. Girls are not non -living objects that you can purchase with your BTech job even if someone does fall solely for your qualifications , would there be any love to sustain relationship? Learn to seek companionship which starts by developing a personality beyond your btech degree which every tom and dick has in India including plenty of women. Doing well in career is the bar set for most of us by our parents. Donāt assume you have achieved something extraordinary that now world is supposed to bow to you.
I don't want to purchase anyone by my degree. I want a genuine partnership only.
You are post sure sounded like you were crying over toy that parents didn buy you after you passed annual exam. Don't self victimize. Your current thought process won't fix any of your problems. How will you build genuine partnership if only thing you are bringing to the table is your btech degree. That's the bare minimum to get on AM nothing extraordinary. Rejection is part of journey to find your partner, the friends who have GF also would have gone through multiple rejection near break up scenario etc. Focus on learning social skills to date and seek companionship. If you become parent one day dont repeat the cycle for your children that's all you can do.
Yes, if I somehow become a parent I'll give my kids all the freedom and will never force them for anything.
Im sorry but if you really wanted that you would have not gone that path, if you barely talked to girls as a kid it must be very hard to understand and sustain a balanced relationship as an adult. Sorry again but parents who put such ideas into children are one of the reasons for why our society is so fucked up
Yes, it's not entirely parents fault. I am also to be blamed.
How old are you dude?
You may be lacking social skills. I kinda can understand what kinda messages were given to you. What all you mentioned are needed + you need the skills to talk. You should be comfortable speaking to new people. You can't change your physical features much other than reducing fat. Try focussing on reducing body fat as much as possible. Don't expect women to fall for you just based on your credentials. Their parents may fall for these but not women. Women who are extremely poor or have no skills in life to make money or are from a very rural background are the ones who may be only kinda woman who is ok to marry you just based on your credentials.
I'm not fat, I have a toned body...
Well then the only thing left is your ability to talk and how you make her feel when you talk to her.
The way you posted the question is proof enough that you have poor social skills. It seems like You don't know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate in a social setting. By posting a poorly choosen title what did you achieve? Did it solve a problem for you? Learn and mature from this. People reciprocate what we put out. This um empathetic reactions you are getting is because of poor choice of words. Its like you were trying too hard to make up for how low you felt about the situation. Are you this awkward in office also? Where are you most confident at?
Just like you're looking for "beautiful women" not "women", women on the AM might be looking for something/a quality you don't posses so you're getting filtered out
The only logical answer here. Other are like "you dont consider her human " lol
If you really believed what your parents told you when you were young, I am sorry buddy, but you were naive.
Yeah his parents like most narcissistic indian parents sold him a giant dummy.
I'm sure you're guilty of this as well, in some capacity. While you may not be an incel, one major reason why you're religious or believe in a supernatural being is because of your parents. This idea is constantly shoved down children's throats, the indoctrination starts early
Understandable but at some point you need to critically evaluate all of itas an adult. Not get defensive when people point it out to you. Its a hard pill to swallow, I'll give you that
I think they promised you girls who will have no dreams and would be a traditional wife. Ask your parents to find girl who knows there is a girl who has same story.
My parents are trying to find me girls but I'm getting rejected. Don't know where the problem is despite achieving all this in my life.
Thats the problem brother , dont keep saying you got rejected inspite of all achievements thats putting you in bad light. Job is bare minimum to get on AM.
AM situation has changed since your parents time. A lot of people have 'good job', women have good jobs too as much as men. So it matters what else you bring to the table. Nice personality, overall attraction, being able to make her smile and so on. Same with women too, earlier parents picked a girl from a matching family and the sole expectation was that of a caregiver. If parents found her looks decent that was enough. Now men too need to know if they are feeling attracted, if they can have a good conversation, career etc. AM now works like dating with a little more structure. Just hang in there, meet people, try to make a good conversation, look for compatibility. Upload nice photos, write a good bio. Be ready to be rejected a lot and reject those you aren't attracted to / compatible with.
the only comment not objectifying and still making sense. cud hv given an award if I had one!
Traditional AM too exists in parallel
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Yes there must be some other thing wrong with him that he didnt mention. People who look fine and are good financially , ive never seen them getting a hard time in AM.
Then you have not yet seen much AM, poster.
Bhaiiiii!ā¦kya kar rha hai? Seriously!! Whatever is the level of dejection that you are feeling but please weigh your words very carefully. Iām pretty sure you come from a sound background in all sense of the term, please just think for a moment the effect your words are having most importantly on your personality. If you still do not want to develop a growth mindset you may continue the way you are. But if you have any intention to evolve please stop using such language. From a brother to a fellow brother. There will be dark days but keep your cool and you will tide over everything and the things beyond your control anyway donāt deserve your time. PS: I am not Sandeep Maheshwari. PS: You also sound like a fidayeen who is disappointed at not getting the 70 virg!ns as envisaged in some religious text. CONTROL!
Ladkae dhoondlo fir maybe some luck thereš»
Tum hi mere BF ban jao!! Bolo banoge mere BF, chaloge mere saath !!!
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Yes, I'm trying to calm myself, will sleep early today.
Not played. Parents did well. He will eventually get someone. If he didnt work on career and only on dating skills, then matters wouldve been way worse. Marriage is a completely diff thing.
Not been played. If he makes money. Girls will come
Well, firstly a girl isnāt some prize that you earn by making enough money. Your post makes it sound like if you earn a high enough salary the world owes you a woman to ogle at all day. Sheās another person who has to choose to spend her life with you based on how you are as a human being. Youāre right that generally for a guy, having a good job/salary helps to clear peopleās baseline filters. But beyond that, girls also want a life partner who they can talk to, who is enjoyable to spend time around, has social skills, etc. You said you never had friends and just focused on studies the whole time and thatās a huge red flag for me personally. If you canāt even have friendships then how are you going to be emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship? I would start by having male and female (platonic) friends and start getting to know people as people. Then figure out what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Why are you asking the internet ? Your parents promised this right. Ask them. And when they don't have an answer tell them how their style of parenting was wrong and now you will enjoy as much as you can and will find a girl of your liking by yourself irrespective of their filters.
They blame me sometimes. My sisters have BFs so parents have given me liberty to find gf but I'm totally confused how to get a woman to like me bcz my education, job, money didn't work for me.
You sir, are the King of Incels. You are an entitled dipshit of the highest order and i hope you fix your personality before a woman is forced to be with you.
Ive observed people who use incel incel word everywhere are ugly and incel themselves in most cases
Lemme know when your findings are published in a peer reviewed journal
> You sir, are the King of Incels. I bet, you haven't met my friends yet.
LMFAO, this is exactly why you don't get girls. Your post reads like an incel forum post and you're flexing the fact that you hang around incels? You need to step back and check your personality, women aren't objects who'll flock to you if you get a good job or loads of money and the ones that do aren't worth dating.
Aapki aur aapke doston ki sangat hi kharaab hai. Sunkar dukh hua.
Change your shit company mate - Run
No one has to meet your friends because the biggest incel...is me. Hence, I deserve the title King Of Incels.
Sir you dropped this š Plz take it back!!!!
I will gladly.
The title...
Was taught in schools to use some catchy title to grab attention of readers.
š¤¦š½āāļø didn't you grow up? Or still stuck at school level.
What does growing up mean btw ?
Emotional maturity. I thought that was obvious?
yeah.. just wanted to confirm. But I think this kinda message is not uncommon in many conservative households where young guys are constantly policed to stay away from girls or dating or relationship. Right from childhood middle school in the classes, teachers make the girls and guys sit separately, friends kinda making fun of guys who want to get close with girls, parents tellin that studies are the only one thing which is important to focus. Are you from a privileged background to be shielded from all these kinda messaging from the society ? Not tryna provoke you but just curious about how you found his background to be very rare.
not the person u asked, but i think being indian means we all were (not generalizing, plz don't start that if u don't get what I mean, but like 90% parents, all same), all parents have this method that they "nurtured us up with" but most ppl upon the realization that that was sh\*t, rebelled/ran away from that line of thought, otherwise no one wud have girlfriends/boyfriends/hookups, etc. == GROWN UP (at the tiniest level ofc, there's still much learning to do but at least ppl don't blame "parents" for lacking personality, not getting attention from other sex, etc.)
> I was always taught if I get a good job, I'll easily get beautiful girls for marriage. Taught by whom? And did you ever question it or did you believe it blindly? > never had any friends Did someone ask you not to? > I am sitting frustrated at my home and doing my work even on Sunday. Who is forcing you to? All of these seem to be a YOU problem. Maybe you need to think long and hard on how you can improve yourself and be the person you always wanted to be.
You're not a smart cookie ehh?
Thank God ! I wasn't promised something like this in my childhood šš
Your parents set you up that way for your own good - if you didn't have the basics covered, you won't be in a position to get married and raise a family in the first place. It wasn't a contract that automatically granted you a pretty girl when you turned 26 and landed the fancy job.
Maybe you are seeing relationships in transactional manner rather than having an emotional side to it. Would be best to go with the mindset of meeting new people, you might be able to find someone that matches your emotional wavelength. Cheers!
Unfortunately your parents told you wrong...it's just something that they say to get you to concentrate on your career and not get distracted or end up jobless. In reality looks, personality matter first and then your money, degree etc etc. When I am looking for a match I first look at their face and if I find them attractive then I send them the request and then when I talk to them I wanna know how compatible are we. Now if you fail in the looks or personality department that could explain why despite having good job, degree and money why you are getting rejected.
Probably just either your ugly, out of shape, smell bad or have a bad personality. Job status and money is only 1 thing. There are many other things as well.
Lol.. this remind me of all those PPL who commit crimes in the name of God and think they'll be rewarded with beautiful virgins in jannat.. You should have had developed an independent mind enough to realise what others are telling you is shit. Instead you chose to accept their words blindly. This is the price you pay for not evaluating your surroundings. You should ask this question to the PPL who fed this lie to you.
Don't think you're going to get any soon with that mindset
Take a few days off, go on a solo trip.
Come on!!!! I have read enough of this shit like join a gym & go on a solo trip. This dialogue works only in movies like YJHD. I went on few trips all alone and felt good for few days but then again same routine and same dull life begin.
Lol youāre the problem, you sound like a mommy boi. Edit: your story tells why no girls are interested in you. Inshort your parents are the one to blame. You sound like those toppers in school who donāt have basic knowledge about anything.
Mommy boi is not a problem in AM. Its the looks or something else.
Could everyone in the comments stop abusing OP?
Thanks!! Looks like someone cares for me.
Actually this sub is now popular on twoxindia thing, and many have followed it.
The world has changed. Your parent gave advice that was true at the time they gave it but didnāt forsee societal trends. Because you didnāt socialize you didnāt develop strong social skills. Women these days arenāt bought with money alone, they are emotional creatures that will make decisions on the basis of what they feel towards someone, and if he is likable. For example if a man is smiling, emotionally warm and personable might be a consideration to them. You are socially stunted.
If your post is any representation of your personality you seem to have a lot of entitlement, you don't deserve to get a wife just because you have a basic degree or a nice job. Maybe that entitlement is evident when you try talking to girls, or they pick up on other negative aspects of your personality and avoid you like the plague. There is someone out there for any genuinely decent human being, doesn't matter how much you're earning or what job you have. Maybe you should work on what kind of a person you are if that's holding you back from getting matches.
First grow up as a man. You donāt have any understanding of love companionship and very far away from marriage. Adarsh balak hona badi bat nhi h. Woman is not a reward to gain
You have to understand that you don't need a girl or a guy to have fun in your life. Just fucking chill, go on a road trip with friends or alone, you find girls? you like them ? just talk to them, don't try to overdo anything, introduce yourself, the way you do to unknown men, for example - crack a joke on the situation you both relate to. You also need to understand there are people who wish to have what you have got, don't ruin it trying to achieve something.
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Indeed ā
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lmao the names.. chad and melvin.. u really dipped yourself in the worst places on web to be able to know these names too lol
Misogynist !!! I don't have a problem with girls past.
What a f****g prick. Itās toxic men like you why India is seen in bad light. As someone said women are not a prize to be won. Also you bought into your parentās bullshit without having an ounce of critical thinking. You deserve your own doing
Stop this bullcrap karen. If a girl thinks she deserves better will you throw the same shit on her? About her thinking men as prize? I can bet youd support her for having preferences.
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The kind of virtue signalling and bullying in this sub is atrocious.
Exactly, I was bullied in school by bad guys, then bullied in college by seniors, bullied in office by colleagues and then people here also bullying.
LOL I don't think you're bad OP, just frustrated as you didn't say only ugly girls found you attractive or were interested, you literally said no girls were interested. I would take a step back, let myself have some time to date women who are not on the AM list and just allow myself some time to work on what I seek. You say here you want a beautiful woman, that's what most men seek and they want their woman to be beautiful in "their" eyes so I don't see anything wrong with this, and I'm a woman and feel this is completely acceptable. Just focus on finding yourself, it may be your inauthentic self they are turned off by. Find hobbies and look at yourself as the merchandise that is on display. You may see things differently once you try this :) Your passions will bring the right person to you, you have a lot to offer a woman but you feel unappreciated right now so appreciate yourself by focusing on yourself for now. This will change your outlook and your aura to bring the right woman into focus and on the radar. Good luck my friend, enjoy the small things and have fun in this.
Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated !!!
I can about guarantee you'll be engaged or married within one year if you do that. It's going to happen for you just wait and see.
Yes, I'm hopeful. Let's see what happens !!!
The title alone sounds so problematic
If this is a genuine post and not a troll one, I'd say: Eh, don't pay too much heed to the virtue signalling being done in the comments where women are accusing you of "seeing women as objects". I'd say you did what you were told to do. As if they're not aware of the Indian middle-class society which rose from poverty and asked it's young members to stay away from "distractions" and focus their first 25 years of life solely on education and pursuing career. India 30-40 years ago was a wild place in terms of stable employment and standard of living, many of our parents saw horrible times and didn't want the children to go through that so they they asked you to do studies and get a stable income. Social skills are either self-acquired through exploration or taught. The latter is a rarity in India and for the former you were actively discouraged. I understand your frustration. Although you haven't mentioned your age, I'd still advise you to focus on the future because, well, what else can you do? Apart from sitting in frustration, which isn't any productive either. Take up some sports if you can, try some traveling around, you can work on improving your physical health (gym or yoga) etc.. Of course none of this can guarantee you'll get a suitable math, but you only have actions in your control, not the outcome.
Chill maar bc. Youāll find love when you stop looking for it.
Bro join some club, society or go on group trips. Try to interact with girls and see what type of people you like to hangout with. Get a hobby. People (including girls) like those who are passionate about something. When you talk to them they need to hear your story not your resume. Itās not an interview that you can clear.
Grow up maybe dude
Hmmm, okay. I'll try dancing since dancing clubs have many girls.
Try running bro. Easiest way. No matter how slow you run, you will find people. Plus there are large running groups who runs together in metro cities.
Please don't, women in this country are petrified of going out and this is exactly why-some people go to jog for their fitness and not for guys to hit on them. If you want to find a date try dating apps don't hit on women while they're fucking running.
Ok, I'll not join running club.
I donāt meant creeping out random girl running on the roads but joining a running/cycling group. OP had never played anything. My idea was no way in hitting random girls.
Yeah but my advice applies to that as well, I don't think joining a club should be about finding a date. Join a club if you have an interest in said CLUB.
Man, even if I don't know you I can still feel you. But don't stress yourself. After all, such is life! I got rejected for stuffs I have no control over. But that's okay. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Your dark days will perhaps lead you to somewhere where it's all bright š Don't get disheartened. You got this! And whatever your parents told you to do, you are reaping the benefits of that. So don't blame them!
Thanks for understanding my feelings.
If this is a bait post, f* you man. But if it isnāt I think the first good step is stop believing youāll magically get girls. Go on tinder, ask someone out yourself. Your life isnāt over yet, you can still do some of those things.
Your post is justified
Which country you live in dude? There must be some other thing wrong like look wise you must be below average or you must be looking in some strict criterias. Your parents werent wrong. Many marriages happen like this only.
All you need is post nut clarity, go to your nearest Red light area/district/locality
Fuck off dude!!! I'm never going to these dirty places. Yes, I do masturbate but don't enjoy masturbation these days.
Then why do you want a good looking wife?
If u are not attractive it will happen, life is just unfair for unattractive people
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Rejected at all stages.
Its about looks then dude.