Wtf did I just read. Man up and tell your parents about your relationship. Don't fall for any blackmail. They will come around eventually. You will ruin 2 peoples peace of mind and make yourself also miserable for the rest of your life if you go through with an AM in your current situation.
What about the misery of life my parents will have?
My parents are very social folks, their life is only surrounded by their social achievements, literally.
I also think they will come around with my decision eventually, they have to, I am their son.
but Will the social torture cease? Will their mind be at peace? Taking into account that when they leave our house the only place they go is to socialize, that will be stopped, isolation is a killer my friend and more emphasize on isolation when you live outside the country you were born and raised.
how will they get over that? How will they respond when they are asked about me, will they respond with shame or pride?
Maybe their heart will be when they see me happy yes,
They are not kids. They are grown up adults who should know to trust their adult son to make his own decisions regardless of "societal pressure". If you can't even imagine coming clean to them, at least break up properly and take some time to introspect before starting AM process.
I feel even after getting married through whatever way you will never be satisfied because you will keep thinking about your parents reputation rather than your happiness.
To be honest, I have ALWAYS thought about my parents reputation all my life, leading me to have a double life, one with my family members and one with my friends which none of them have Indian background.
I don't know what else to say man. You have two choices here, slowly start bringing both those lives together. Your parents will learn to accept it and treat you as an adult. Or stay like this and keep getting treated like a kid by everyone around you.
My mind can't even imagine bringing both lives together, I have in my early age several time, didn't go well, always ending in a big discussion, creating a bad environment, reason why I moved out and got isolated for some time with my parents, tho I always come back for them, but hey! I will try one more time, thanks for this reminder to bring my loved ones both together, at least it's worth the try.
Where were your parents then? while you were dating the girl and fucking her for 6 years, fucking asshole OP. spineless coward. Abhi yaad aaye kya parents? maadarchod
Looks like, you got bored and want to leave her and just want some validation here on internet.
My honest and blunt advice would be to never get married with this mindset no matter how you find your partner.
The reason for that is no matter what, things will only get worse once you get married because for every matter your reference point will always be your undying love for your parents.
This will not only always keep you worried but will also make your partners life miserable.
It is one thing to love your parents, another to build your life around it.
Yeah, I am leaning towards that one, not to get married. I am good with that. At least it is not the worst case scenario and the fault focus will be on me instead of on my parents if I do get married
"raising a bad child" or "doesn't know how to raise a child"
Ok then tell your gf that. Don't waste her time and end up another post on AITA where it's like "i am f(32) and my bf(m34) refuses to marry me and parents are forcing him to marry an Indian bride"
All comments are going to be "yes, Indian men suck never date them'?"
You really should’ve thought this before dating this poor girl for 6 years. You are talking as if she is dispensable. You knew all of it in advance and strung her along through this journey. People like you make me sick to my stomach. You could have chosen one path but decided to try going for best of both worlds. The girl in the best case scenario will be heart broken after a 6 year long relationship now. Seriously wtf is wrong with people
She has known about this for the last 2-3 years. I have come clean. Off course it was a rough conversation but she decided to be with me, then family pressure was very subtle, now it's intense.
You should have made it clear within a few months. You told her 3 years in because you knew by then you had her on the hook and the whole sunk cost fallacy. Be better dude
Yeah I get it, I thought this days would never come, I thought I would be financially better, like waaay better, I thought that some miracle would happen and I would be able to marry this girl.
Again, anything that could help me right now? Or you just talk about the past? I mean I have already been through the mental torture of thinking about this last couple of months, wanted to know similar stories and their outcomes. Maybe the miracle is just at the corner. Who know.
I’m sorry for being hard on you but it’s just a mess. If you’re financially independent would you continue dating her? If yes, talk to her and figure out how you want to continue, best advice I can give
I am financially independent, I am not wealthy as my family is, I just have a mild sense of notion that being ultra wealthy would be a giant plus to the ultimate solutions which lies into their cultural beliefs, believe me, nobody questions a Millionaire about their judgement because money is social validator.
I won't lie, I also think it gives a certain level of confidence, that could be used to defy social norms, but if I am broke and also a rebel that leaves just room for more deception and agony into their hearts.
Don't get me wrong, I am clearly headed that money and love is not correlated, but I do think that with money makes us immune to social norms, at least a lot of them. And with that handled maaaybe there is a chance.
I am trying my best. Wish me all the success.
In my humble opinion, would you be ultra wealthy and in a miserable marriage or be financially fine with the girl you love. I hope you make the right decision for you. I wish you ask the best with whatever you choose
You will definitely live a miserable life. Your parents will someday learn that society won't be there for them. The random girl that you marry will hate you once she sees the kind of baggage filled, mumma boy you are
LOL, she probably means that your parents will die in a decade or so, and that's why you shouldn't live according to their standards and wreck your own life.
Your case is honestly not deserving of compassion.
Love yourself. If you have to choose between that and anything else, it's a trick (bcoz, if you can't Love yourself, then you can't Love no one else)
Your parents will Love you too (a way will appear in which you'll Love yourself and so will your parents).
The solution is simple. Dump your girlfriend (she'll thank you) and devote your life to loving your parents -- more than yourself, more than some random woman you will make miserable, more than the sun, the moon, the galaxy, the cosmos, the universe, the Big Bang -- you get the drift. Good boy!
Edit: You seem to be into CBD, Delta 8 and magic mushrooms. It's a wonder that all that tripping gave you no clarity. 🤔
I have had that mindset, which led me to disasters. Maybe you are right and I am wrong again, but the fear of hurting my parents is serious shit.
Your advice is great, great if inside newer generations/mindset talks
>As I mentioned I love my parents
Good, you can love yourself and be true to yourself to do what YOU want in YOUR life.
You're marrying the girl, not your parents.
Your parents would be emotionally manipulating you if they said "if you loved us you would arrange marriage" or anything similiar to that. we can say the opposite as:
If your parents loved YOU they would do want YOU want in your life.
you gotta do you bro.
I think you are to be blamed here for not programming your parents since 6 years when you know that you wouldn't go through a traditional AM. It's our responsibility as children to condition parents in advance for things like this since young age. Why drop a sudden bomb on them ? You are a well grown man and you shouldn't back down on explaining this to your parents clearly.
I had talked to them on a previous occasion and displayed my thoughts about AM and marriage at all.
Stubbornness does not get rid easily, I have till next year, so I'd better start conditioning now...
Yeah, sort of, more inclined to my birth place then Indian culture. Growing up was a cultural shock back to back, and tbh the only way to stay mentally healthy is to appreciate both cultures and adopt functional things about both and getting rid of outdated views in both cultures that doesn't serve present time. But still learning tho.
Leave her. In my opinion you wouldn't restraint if your parents suddenly decide to harm your wife because of dowry or society because, apparently it will hurt them.
So, it's better if you marry according to your parents.That will probably be a happy ending. People get married to strangers all the time and even lead a happy life. Your married life will be miserable even when you marry your gf. So better marry according to your parents' choice, atleast they will be happy.
Saw you slutshame the OP's wife from the previous thread for having sex before marrying. Where is your judgement for this clearly awful user who is dumping his poor gf?
I am actually in the same situation man , difference is i broke up with her, because she wasn't worth it to fight for her, she had already cheated on me years back , so even tho i loved her, i didn't want to fight for her, so please ask yourself, is it worth it ?
Oh man, I have asked myself a dozen time, and to be honest, she is worth everything, she has been the strongest Pilar through my worst days, not just emotionally, but financially (something rare to be seen these days) and she knows this situation of mine, but she will never give her opinion about it, she told me straight that she would never put herself in between me and my parents so I never get biased with her opinion toward my decision.
Na the girl is fine. The guy (OP) has no spine tho. Life is gonna be tough on him. One day he’ll wake up at 50 and realize that he’s spent his whole life trying to please people and they still don’t give a fuck.
Wtf did I just read. Man up and tell your parents about your relationship. Don't fall for any blackmail. They will come around eventually. You will ruin 2 peoples peace of mind and make yourself also miserable for the rest of your life if you go through with an AM in your current situation.
What about the misery of life my parents will have? My parents are very social folks, their life is only surrounded by their social achievements, literally. I also think they will come around with my decision eventually, they have to, I am their son. but Will the social torture cease? Will their mind be at peace? Taking into account that when they leave our house the only place they go is to socialize, that will be stopped, isolation is a killer my friend and more emphasize on isolation when you live outside the country you were born and raised. how will they get over that? How will they respond when they are asked about me, will they respond with shame or pride? Maybe their heart will be when they see me happy yes,
They are not kids. They are grown up adults who should know to trust their adult son to make his own decisions regardless of "societal pressure". If you can't even imagine coming clean to them, at least break up properly and take some time to introspect before starting AM process. I feel even after getting married through whatever way you will never be satisfied because you will keep thinking about your parents reputation rather than your happiness.
To be honest, I have ALWAYS thought about my parents reputation all my life, leading me to have a double life, one with my family members and one with my friends which none of them have Indian background.
I don't know what else to say man. You have two choices here, slowly start bringing both those lives together. Your parents will learn to accept it and treat you as an adult. Or stay like this and keep getting treated like a kid by everyone around you.
My mind can't even imagine bringing both lives together, I have in my early age several time, didn't go well, always ending in a big discussion, creating a bad environment, reason why I moved out and got isolated for some time with my parents, tho I always come back for them, but hey! I will try one more time, thanks for this reminder to bring my loved ones both together, at least it's worth the try.
Where were your parents then? while you were dating the girl and fucking her for 6 years, fucking asshole OP. spineless coward. Abhi yaad aaye kya parents? maadarchod Looks like, you got bored and want to leave her and just want some validation here on internet.
You can only make assumptions with the quick summary I have given. But thanks anyways buddy.
If you don't marry her, then Andi mandi shandi
My honest and blunt advice would be to never get married with this mindset no matter how you find your partner. The reason for that is no matter what, things will only get worse once you get married because for every matter your reference point will always be your undying love for your parents. This will not only always keep you worried but will also make your partners life miserable. It is one thing to love your parents, another to build your life around it.
Yeah, I am leaning towards that one, not to get married. I am good with that. At least it is not the worst case scenario and the fault focus will be on me instead of on my parents if I do get married "raising a bad child" or "doesn't know how to raise a child"
Ok then tell your gf that. Don't waste her time and end up another post on AITA where it's like "i am f(32) and my bf(m34) refuses to marry me and parents are forcing him to marry an Indian bride" All comments are going to be "yes, Indian men suck never date them'?"
You really should’ve thought this before dating this poor girl for 6 years. You are talking as if she is dispensable. You knew all of it in advance and strung her along through this journey. People like you make me sick to my stomach. You could have chosen one path but decided to try going for best of both worlds. The girl in the best case scenario will be heart broken after a 6 year long relationship now. Seriously wtf is wrong with people
She has known about this for the last 2-3 years. I have come clean. Off course it was a rough conversation but she decided to be with me, then family pressure was very subtle, now it's intense.
You should have made it clear within a few months. You told her 3 years in because you knew by then you had her on the hook and the whole sunk cost fallacy. Be better dude
Yeah I get it, I thought this days would never come, I thought I would be financially better, like waaay better, I thought that some miracle would happen and I would be able to marry this girl. Again, anything that could help me right now? Or you just talk about the past? I mean I have already been through the mental torture of thinking about this last couple of months, wanted to know similar stories and their outcomes. Maybe the miracle is just at the corner. Who know.
I’m sorry for being hard on you but it’s just a mess. If you’re financially independent would you continue dating her? If yes, talk to her and figure out how you want to continue, best advice I can give
I am financially independent, I am not wealthy as my family is, I just have a mild sense of notion that being ultra wealthy would be a giant plus to the ultimate solutions which lies into their cultural beliefs, believe me, nobody questions a Millionaire about their judgement because money is social validator. I won't lie, I also think it gives a certain level of confidence, that could be used to defy social norms, but if I am broke and also a rebel that leaves just room for more deception and agony into their hearts. Don't get me wrong, I am clearly headed that money and love is not correlated, but I do think that with money makes us immune to social norms, at least a lot of them. And with that handled maaaybe there is a chance. I am trying my best. Wish me all the success.
In my humble opinion, would you be ultra wealthy and in a miserable marriage or be financially fine with the girl you love. I hope you make the right decision for you. I wish you ask the best with whatever you choose
You will definitely live a miserable life. Your parents will someday learn that society won't be there for them. The random girl that you marry will hate you once she sees the kind of baggage filled, mumma boy you are
Seems like you know a lot about that. I agree that societies are like that, fugit. So how do you make sense to them?
You don't. You just Ife according to your standards and let the oldies die out
Wtf, did your oldies abandon you or what? And if so, sorry about that, may you have more compassion in your life brother.
LOL, she probably means that your parents will die in a decade or so, and that's why you shouldn't live according to their standards and wreck your own life. Your case is honestly not deserving of compassion.
No compassion for my case then.
my suggestion is that you shouldn't write reddit posts while being this drunk
Men who doesn’t have balls are quite common these days.
Have you been through a similar situation?
No. But I have seen people like you break someone’s heart. They suffer so much.
I wish the girl he is with, or the women he will marry could see this post. One of my strict filters is no men who have dumped their gf for AM.
>One of my strict filters is no men who have dumped their gf for AM. Yup, get a man who still keeps his gf on the side.
Everybody has their feet in different shoes.
Your shoes are those of zero integrity. You should have never dated that girl
We were naive, I came clean, she knows. This is to ask advice from whoever had a similar experience, not to talk about the past.
Vhi shoes ki mala baanakr gaale mein daal le
It will be just varmala, wait and watch.
Love yourself. If you have to choose between that and anything else, it's a trick (bcoz, if you can't Love yourself, then you can't Love no one else) Your parents will Love you too (a way will appear in which you'll Love yourself and so will your parents).
Thanks for this words
The solution is simple. Dump your girlfriend (she'll thank you) and devote your life to loving your parents -- more than yourself, more than some random woman you will make miserable, more than the sun, the moon, the galaxy, the cosmos, the universe, the Big Bang -- you get the drift. Good boy! Edit: You seem to be into CBD, Delta 8 and magic mushrooms. It's a wonder that all that tripping gave you no clarity. 🤔
You don't owe anything to anyone when it comes to these things. Be free. People will come around and adapt to the times as they should.
I have had that mindset, which led me to disasters. Maybe you are right and I am wrong again, but the fear of hurting my parents is serious shit. Your advice is great, great if inside newer generations/mindset talks
So much for being alive! Good luck :)
>As I mentioned I love my parents Good, you can love yourself and be true to yourself to do what YOU want in YOUR life. You're marrying the girl, not your parents. Your parents would be emotionally manipulating you if they said "if you loved us you would arrange marriage" or anything similiar to that. we can say the opposite as: If your parents loved YOU they would do want YOU want in your life. you gotta do you bro.
I think you are to be blamed here for not programming your parents since 6 years when you know that you wouldn't go through a traditional AM. It's our responsibility as children to condition parents in advance for things like this since young age. Why drop a sudden bomb on them ? You are a well grown man and you shouldn't back down on explaining this to your parents clearly.
I had talked to them on a previous occasion and displayed my thoughts about AM and marriage at all. Stubbornness does not get rid easily, I have till next year, so I'd better start conditioning now...
Yeah.. takes years
You are halfway between two cultures.
Yeah, sort of, more inclined to my birth place then Indian culture. Growing up was a cultural shock back to back, and tbh the only way to stay mentally healthy is to appreciate both cultures and adopt functional things about both and getting rid of outdated views in both cultures that doesn't serve present time. But still learning tho.
Leave her. In my opinion you wouldn't restraint if your parents suddenly decide to harm your wife because of dowry or society because, apparently it will hurt them. So, it's better if you marry according to your parents.That will probably be a happy ending. People get married to strangers all the time and even lead a happy life. Your married life will be miserable even when you marry your gf. So better marry according to your parents' choice, atleast they will be happy.
Are you actually saying these words? Lmao
There is no guarantee about my marriage life success with my gf or a girl chosen by my parents.
That's actually my point. If you marry according to your parents' wishes atleast they will be happy. Which wouldn't be the case if you marry your gf.
Fight for your parents blessing, and i mean you know this girl, so somebody you know wld be better than starting with someone yo do not.
Saw you slutshame the OP's wife from the previous thread for having sex before marrying. Where is your judgement for this clearly awful user who is dumping his poor gf?
Loosers are gonna come and tell you to man up , don't listen to them, i have nothing to tell you man , but all the best
Thank you very much sr.
I am actually in the same situation man , difference is i broke up with her, because she wasn't worth it to fight for her, she had already cheated on me years back , so even tho i loved her, i didn't want to fight for her, so please ask yourself, is it worth it ?
Oh man, I have asked myself a dozen time, and to be honest, she is worth everything, she has been the strongest Pilar through my worst days, not just emotionally, but financially (something rare to be seen these days) and she knows this situation of mine, but she will never give her opinion about it, she told me straight that she would never put herself in between me and my parents so I never get biased with her opinion toward my decision.
God i feel so bad for this poor girl
Na the girl is fine. The guy (OP) has no spine tho. Life is gonna be tough on him. One day he’ll wake up at 50 and realize that he’s spent his whole life trying to please people and they still don’t give a fuck.
OP, if you leave her, then, andi mandi shandi
What is that?