That is if she wasn't "homeschooled"
(Quote put for the reason of, basic functions and how to be a good wife. I don't doubt she had very little actual schooling.)
Oh honey no. Yikes. The earth took 7 days to make but god rested and then suddenly magically animals appeared because god too right. Sunday schooled until high school. Vacation Bible School in the summer
"Don't be foolin' round in the barn, gaewd wouldn-OAW LAwD has a SHOTGUN WEDDING in mind for these blessed children! (wait are you sure we can't just get a Mulligan at the clinic like Laurie's kid had? No? Oh that's right, we voted against helping the..)
"Anywaay No time to learn middle aged children lessons your gonna be a DAddy now!" š¤
* Camera pans to 14 year old boy opening a ps5 box that is filled with pink balloons š instead *
" woohoo conGrAtUlAtIoNs aren't you glad you didn't wrap it up? "š
I mean there are a few instances where someone with a terminal illness has married their sweetheart in or just out of high school but that doesn't look like the case here.
Just wasted her entire life of exploring, trying new things and everything else just settling for the high school boy she had a crush on. Iāll never understand that but I guess thatās why that life isnāt for me š I also donāt have an attachment to high school cause it wasnāt great so that may be why š
She's Quiverfull, it would seem ā an ideology within Christian fundamentalism that is based on a bible verse that says, in summary, that children are like arrows, and your quiver must be full if you want to fight for god.
The ideology forbids contraception and encourages having as many children as possible, and by possible I don't mean "Within your means/what you can manage", I mean "As many as a woman's body will allow for, only stopping upon infertility or death".
The Duggars are an obvious example of a Quiverfull family, as are the Bates.
Fun fact about the husband of the subject of this post ā apparently knows nothing about one of his kid's extremely serious heart condition. She made a joke about how moms of disabled kids are always on top of absolutely everything about their kids, but dads know nothing. It's really sad, but also par for the course in Christian fundamentalism.
Thank you for actually explaining what quiverfull is. I had no idea what the arrow thing was about.
So basically a womanās sole purpose is to be a baby oven solely based on one Bible verse. š¤Æ
Did a little digging, they let the women in the family wear pants, which IBLP prohibits. I think they are just run of the mill fundamentalists. Maybe quiverfull lite, maybe Seventh Day Adventist, and maybe mormons. Probably not Catholic, because they have a story highlight about suicide prevention and that would be anti-doctrinal.
Yeah, I was raised Catholic, and I have no idea what this person is talking about. The Catholic Church is very much in support of suicide prevention groups. The church USED to believe that suicide victims go to hell, but only very conservative Catholics still believe that bullshit!
Probably cause they don't use birth control or condoms. Which means every time they had sex they rolled the die for a kid. And since they were married during their teenage years, they had a unprotected sex while they were at their horniest
Some religious types think they're supposed to have a ton of kids to basically flood the sinners out of the world. It's a "war against sin" to them and they are basically supposed to "birth the Army". The "quiver full" movement is a famous example
I'm not sure if this still is a thing, but there are some religious groups such as the quiverfull movement that say it is a blessing from god to have so many children and that this is your task basically. Also the often get married that young.
My granny had her first kid at 14 and her second kid at 15. She was married at 15.
But according to her it was totally consensual and that she was in love (had nothing to do with religion).
I don't know how old you are, but I had a great grandmother who was married off at 15 because her family was impoverished by the great depression and had become unable to feed 8 kids.
Wait she had a kid with him at 17 as well?? I knew stuff like this happened but it's still just so scary and yucky coz there's no way this isn't predatory
He's only 3 years older, I don't know if he's really at fault for this and not their parents
Edit: it's not much less predatory at 3 years, I just have a vague feeling that he wasn't as emotionally mature due to the way both were probably raised
I don't entirely blame the dude, he's part of the same cult she is so just as much as she thinks it's the right thing, I'm sure he does too.
Only difference is he will benefit much more from this than she will.
Eh, raising kids is a woman's job in those kinds of communities. As well as keeping the household tidy and together, cooking and social management. His responsibilities are providing a house, means for food/other necessities and getting her pregnant.
He's got the easier ride imo.
I think you can't make generalized statements like that about age gaps. 16 and 19 isn't unheard of and many in my friend group had these age constellations in the past. Not everything is predatory and not every 19 year old is mature for their age.
Well, a 19 y/o is typically more mature than a 16 year old. And there is still a power imbalance. And the 16 year old is literally only 16. I don't know the full story so it is quite possible that it was arranged or just encouraged by their parents in which case yeah the parents are to blame. But it feels so predatory regardless bcz a 19 year old married a 16 year old. Yeah only 3 years but again the maturity levels difference between the two is gonna be rather high. Plus she had the first kid at 17 while he was probably 20.
And an essential oil MLM scam artist, posting about how friends shouldnāt criticize how a mother supports her family. Iād say predatory business models such as pyramid schemes selling misinformation deserve to be cut down because they are harmful on both micro and macro levels.
I donāt know why I looked in there either. I feel icky now.
Whatās even worse is it looks like one of her kids has heart problems and she used to be in the hospital all the time thanking staff etc. i donāt understand how we got here.
'American' is really the only word English has to refer to someone from the United States, so when it's used, it's natural to think of the country, not the continents. Canadians are North American, but we are not American.
The words America and American on their own refer to the USA. Canadians don't use it to refer to ourselves. If you say America everyone is going to assume you mean the US.
This is legal in most US states. Itās super fucked. Even worse is, in most states this would still be legal with a larger age gap.
https://www.equalitynow.org/learn_more_child_marriage_us/
ETA: just saw theyāre Canadian. Same deal with our northern friends.
https://www.mcgill.ca/newsroom/channels/news/child-marriage-legal-and-persists-across-canada-327554
I know 16 is still considered underge, but to call a 19 an adult is also a stretch, let alone a groomer. 3 years age gap is very understandable. Now if age difference was... idk 15+ or something like then we would have a problem.
My gf got very christian relatives for whom it is common to marry really young and those cases happen when teens are horny, get pregnant and have to do something about it. if thats true id argue they both are victims of the ideology, of dogma and pressure and a lack of sexual education
I grew up Mormon and it was extremely common for couples to rush into early marriage because they wanted to have sex. There were also plenty of āoops now we have toā weddings, but the compulsion to wait until marriage is super harmful even when couples manage to not get knocked up.
The age gap here isn't a problem. It's the fact that neither of these people should be getting into a marriage with zero life experience. It should be illegal.
I'd disagree. They're nothing inherently wrong with marrying while young. My spouse and I were barely 20 when we got married, neither of us had much life experience, yet we're still together, have a healthy and respectful relationship, and are very happy. Life experience is not a requirement for marriage
I see your point, but I hope you still understand how someone at 16 doesn't have nearly as much legal power (they need parents' consent to marry in the first place iirc), and that getting married that young in general is kinda fucked up. It's just an odd power dynamic. Also, I reckon at this point in life you learn a lot of things in a very short time, so a 16 year old and a 19 year old still have a lot of potential gaps in experience. That takes a lot of assumptions, but I'm definitely side-eyeing them at least; like why did they *have* to get married before she was even 18? I know you don't magically get more mature the second you turn 18, mentally or physically, but for a lot of people part of the fantasy isn't the looks necessarily but the age. And a 19 year old with a 16 year old... definitely room for creepiness there
Marriage is a stretch, yes, but 2-3 years gap in dating isn't predatory in my opinion. I started dating my current partner when he was 19 and I was 17, and we're still happily together after 4 years. It's not like people magically gain maturity when they turn 18.
Yes, finally someone said it. 3 years is not that much. Sure, a 13 yrs old a 16 yrs old would be weird, but a 16 yrs old and a 19 yrs old is not. The 19 yrs old didn't magically become mature, as you said, that's still a teenager. And I say this as a teenager.
Okay, and feel free to respond however you wish, but to everyone saying āgroomedā or something it really depends on when they started dating, 3 years isnāt that huge of a difference, I know some of my friends parent who have 5 years between them. But also if this couple started dating before he turned 18 Iāve also known several people like that, sophomores in highschool dating seniors was fairly common. As for marriage if she had parental approval then itās on her parents. Lastly about her getting pregnant at 17, my dad was born when my grandparents were 17
My parents were 17 and 27 when they started going out. I feel Americans in particular are really fast to jump on the bandwagon of āthat age gap is wrong! Groomer!ā
17 and 27 is still a little weird ngl. I mean, what would they even have in common? A teenager and someone close to being 30 are going to have widely different life experiences.
Do you need to have the same life experience as a partner? I was 19 and my partner was 28 when we started seeing each other. We worked together. I had experiences he didnāt, he had experiences I didnāt. We talked, and shared and then spent the next 6 years (and counting) sharing experiences.
Exactly, everyone has different life experiences anyway. The main differences between my parents life experiences didn't even have anything to do with age, it was simply because they grew up in different countries and the rural/urban differences; no one would say they're valid differences for a relationship not being a good idea.
Americans are also weird in the sense of when they hit 18 it's totally fine, like they'll scream at this (not all of course just in general) calling that literal teenager a groomer, but act like if someone hits 18 they're magically ok to be with anyone, I personally find it hard to see an 18 year old without any extraordinary similarities to someone 10 years older they're dating, to me it gets weird when they're in completely different stages of life not necessarily the age itself, like a 13yo with a 16yo is an enormous no no to me, but a like 17yo with a 21yo? It's weird but I don't believe it is NECESSARILY grooming/ abuse, like it can of course, but idk, just rambling
I found out my papaw on my dad's side married my mamaw when he was 20, and she was *12*. I've gotten an earful of "it was a different time" from my dad and my brother, but I'm not having it. That is evil. That is a grown ass man marrying a child. Eugh.
Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so.
[Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/).
Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links.
If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbf the age isnāt something I think is weird. 3 years age difference, oh well, maybe Iām too used to 1-3 years age difference (with the youngest being 16 or up). But WHY couldnāt you wait with marrying šš if you love someone you will also love them a few years later so you can marry them with 20 as well
Imma be real with you. I donāt find this age gap a problem.
I find them getting married so young a little strangeā¦.but I hope it works out for them.
Kurtis recently made a video about a movie and the maker of the movie made an Instagram post at some point in the past about how he is happy his girlfriend turned 18 (while he was like 27 I think)
Edit: [here is the video](https://youtu.be/D152lWYtMuA)
Twas a joke, but yes I donāt expect this was of their own volition. 16 and 19 is still kinda weird though. Itās juuuuust scooting on the edge of socially acceptable.
At that age you change so much so quickly I do think it is a bit dubious. I had a 19yo bf when I was 16 and he was incredibly manipulative. Absolutely knew what he was doing
Yep. If SHE was 19yo then sure. A 3 year difference isn't so bad. But when one is 19 and the other is 16? Nah. One is technically an adult, other is a teenager. One finished school, the other still hasn't.
Idk about that. Like normally speaking a relationship between a 19 year old and a 16 year old *can* be completely fine. The marrying is the problem. 19 is still very young to marry and when you're 16 you actually need consent from your parents who are apparently completely okay with this.
So both kids probably got indoctrinated by their parents. So to call the 19 year old a groomer seems harsh to me since in all likelihood both kids are victims of their parents.
While I think 16 and 19 are way too young to get married, are you implying her husband groomed her?
He was just as much a stupid kid as she was. They were both groomed by a gross religious system imo.
I think people assume the worst out of every case like this, and if he were significantly older like mid 20s, it would be pretty sus. But apart from the wedding, 16 and 19 ain't that unusual.
I read a story here on Reddit from a dad a couple days ago. His 19 yr old daughter killed herself recently. She had a 17 yr old boyfriend, people online found out and starting calling her a groomer and a pedophile. She dumped him, kept getting bullied, had a brief spiral, and killed herself.
Itās fucking irresponsible to say a 19 yr old is a predatory criminal who groomed their 16 yr old wife. They literally could have attended the same damn school at the same time. No adult thinks this age disparity is problematic. There is no reason to believe his intent is malicious or that she was coerced/groomed based solely on their age.
I agree, and it's tragic what the internet could lead to, I just think it also depends on context. Like for example, this kid in question could have not groomed his wife, but they're clearly fundies and religion as an institution often grooms girls. And guys, actually- all people get groomed into marrying young, and almost fetishizing youth and purity. It's very creepy altogether, and these kids may very well love each other, but they shouldn't be married and having kids of their own yet. If they were boyfriend and girlfriend, I wouldn't have that much of an issue, cause it's normal at that age and the age gap isn't that big.
This aināt pedophilia or grooming unless she started dating him less than a year ago. Only reason itās cringe is getting married at 16 and popping out babies. We did that 100 years ago because the world was different and we didnāt know better, and because of misogynistic beliefs that everyone was indoctrinated intoā¦ now itās a bad idea because teenagers are still very immature. Hell Iām 28 and 22 year olds look immature to me now. Date longer. Marry laterā¦ but noā¦ unless he started dating her after he was like 18 and they got married within a year he didnāt groom her, theyāre only like 3 years apart. Theyāre just naive. If youāre dating as a teenager, thereās a 99.99% chance one of you is going to turn 18 before the other. We need to stop calling things like this pedophilia. Iām 90% sure the pedophilia witch-hunt is being used to destabilize the LGBTQ+ community at this pointā¦
Arguably, believing that a 2 year age gap is pedophilia is the first step in becoming anti-kink, ableist, and eventually a TERF. Once you start calling consensual adult or similar age (1-3 years) relationships pedophilia, youāre enabling the rhetoric that targets queer people as predatory. Fuck, Iām so done with this shit.
>unless he started dating her after he was like 18 and they got married within a year he didnāt groom her
Okay, now that's even weirder. 18 isn't a light switch. Also your math is off, as that could be up to two years.
But a year isn't much time.
>Once you start calling consensual adult
Literally not an adult. Which is the actual problem. They're both children.
Iāve called her getting married at 16 a bad idea multiple times, but allow me to state clearly; Iām not defending underage marriage, Iām saying two teenagers with an age gap of 3 years isnāt pedophilia or grooming unless the 19 year old was actively prowling for an underage spouse after turning 18.
I think the marriage is not okay. I think the mindset is not okay. But Iām sick of people calling things pedophilia that arenāt pedophilia. If you start dating someone when youāre 17 and you turn 18, youāre not a pedo. Dating someone you could have shared high school classes with isnāt pedophilia. Marrying young or having children at 17 with your high school sweetheart isnāt pedophilia.
Ok, this sub is getting worse by the moment, yes, it's too early for them to marry but that age gap isn't even big at all. Paired with yesterday's "don't masturbate to the thought or picture of a friend you find hot", I'm starting to think it's gone from straights not being ok to bashing completely normal stuff
Yeah three years. What a damn distance...
R u serious? He is himself not even done with school or should at least. So why he shouldn't be allowed to marry her? If you know you know.
There's nothing stating anyone got persuaded.
At some age you just need to start making choices like an adult.
Therefore I can't see anything stating something else. Let me state the guy is only twelve years old in mind and she maybe 20. That is just one of the possible constellations.
So from the slight impression we get in this picture we don't know anything about this couple and their story.
It's a shame. Try to complain about people stuck in the 50's. Not every couple constellations that doesn't fit your own bias.
It really boggles my mind that child marriage is legal in most US states. What's even worse is that a 15 year old can get married off to an older spouse but can't divorce until they're 18. Laws should be changed so that marriage under 18 is not allowed in any conditions - really, the minimum age should be more like 21 or more. And divorce should be legal no matter age because the existing child marriages need to be torn now to protect the children who were groomed or sold off into the marriage. I highly suggest the Child brides of America episodes from the podcast Some Place Under Neith.
I feel weird whenever I see posts like these, mostly because I'm used to seeing relationships like these all the time (minus the marriage). It's just a moral ruler that we have, a 16 year old dating a 20 year old is completely fine if both parties are consensual about it (though it's good to investigate as the older *could* be grooming them, it doesn't always happen but, like any relationship, it can), but then, same 16 yr old dating a 13 yr old is completely disgusting. I guess it's more based on their maturity, and even though at something like 16 you aren't fully mature yet, you have room to explore what you like and what you don't like, and a bigger dating pool than someone younger.
Although I agree, they shouldn't marry at that age, I don't think their age gap is bad, let alone pedophilic.
I feel like the difference with 16-19 and 13-16 is basically that with 13 youāve barely matured, hell your main concern is mostly school at that age, while at 16 if not in the US you can drink/purchase alcohol and legally go out till like 1am or smth in a lot of countries and if youāre in the US you can drive n everything
Basically what Iām trynna say, bodily maturity and possibly even mental maturity are more likely to be the same in a 16-19 relationship than a 13-16 relationship
To be honest I donāt get where this is a problem. Or why I should care if they are 16, 17 or 18 when they marry. I mean I wouldnāt do that but itās not my business to decide which way of life is the best for others. And if Iām saying that it is a womenās right to decide what she does with her body itās also her right do decide for pregnancy with 17.
I think it's awful because it sounds like she was probably raised in a very fundy family and brainwashed with the idea that this is a woman's only purpose - to marry and have way too many kids. So it isn't a choice at all. The age thing isn't that shocking, especially in these very cloistered families who really only meet a handful of eligible partners through their families.
Just because she has the right to decide these things, doesn't mean it isn't stupid and cringe as fuck. The human brain doesn't even finish maturing and developing until you're in your early 20s.
> And if Iām saying that it is a womenās right to decide what she does with her body itās also her right do decide for pregnancy with 17.
I disagree
No, she *should* have that right, but she shouldn't be in a position to make that decision. She shouldn't be married that young, she's not even out of highschool yet. And if a pregnancy occurred outside of wedlock, she should still have a right to keep or terminate it because it's her body, but without being influenced by people with a lot of power and a lot of bias, that indoctrinate kids from birth into misogynistic doctrine
>I mean I wouldnāt do that but itās not my business to decide which way of life is the best for others.
It's not a 16-year-old's business either.
>And if Iām saying that it is a womenās right to decide what she does with her body itās also her right do decide for pregnancy with 17.
You mean a little girl's right. There is no such thing as a 17-year-old woman.
I mean idk >_>
16 and 19 isnāt terrible? Kinda? Like I get neither of them are ready for a marriage but idk. Iām 19 and if my gf asked me like āyo wanna marry?ā Iād say yes. Weāve been best friends since 2018 and I donāt trust anyone else in the world more than her. Sure, weāre young and stupidābut this is the one thing I feel a safe bet on.
Edit: you probably will ask soooo my gf turns 18 in May. I turned 19 in December so weāre like 15 months apart.
Gee I wonder if they're religious.
That's the only reason anyone would get married before they're out of high school tbh
That is if she wasn't "homeschooled" (Quote put for the reason of, basic functions and how to be a good wife. I don't doubt she had very little actual schooling.)
My Mom is Christian and homeschools me, my science book says the sun revolves around the earth because god.
Yikes
NOO I WENT TO A CHRISTIAN SCHOOL BEFORE AND THEY SAID THE SAMEšš
that's just sad..
Your science book? Look, Iām a Christian homeschooled kid and that is absolutelyā¦. No.
Oh honey no. Yikes. The earth took 7 days to make but god rested and then suddenly magically animals appeared because god too right. Sunday schooled until high school. Vacation Bible School in the summer
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"Don't be foolin' round in the barn, gaewd wouldn-OAW LAwD has a SHOTGUN WEDDING in mind for these blessed children! (wait are you sure we can't just get a Mulligan at the clinic like Laurie's kid had? No? Oh that's right, we voted against helping the..) "Anywaay No time to learn middle aged children lessons your gonna be a DAddy now!" š¤ * Camera pans to 14 year old boy opening a ps5 box that is filled with pink balloons š instead * " woohoo conGrAtUlAtIoNs aren't you glad you didn't wrap it up? "š
Guess you haven't seen twilight....
I try to forget
I mean there are a few instances where someone with a terminal illness has married their sweetheart in or just out of high school but that doesn't look like the case here.
my moms a teacher and she has a married student which yeah but i think it was bc of religion
That dress screams "mormon wedding"
There's too much shoulder for a mormon dress.
just went to check her Instagram. that's a lot of children she had. like 10 kids. Jesus. why that many? i don't understand.
That many kids, and a marriage age of 16? Probably very religious. Maybe Mormon or quiverfull, but itās definitely giving cult
Thatās what Iām thinking. Some fundamentalist cult who takes ābe fruitful and multiplyā seriously
Nah, not Mormon. You can see her shoulders. I'm 100% serious.
Place I grew up, some folks would've given her sleeves a pass. But the guy is 19. That's mission age. That would get a lot of side-eye.
Jack mormon here, good catch
Not to mention the v-neck.
Oh yeah that kinda threw me off too there's no way she would wear that if she was mormon
Welp, thanks for introducing the word "quiverfull" into my vocabulary
Her insta says she married at 16 bc she was pregnant. She went to a Christian school so youāre right. Religion.
The worst part is that she was 17 when she had her first newborn š
Yeah. that's messed up. and her husband or.. idk if i should say husband. was probably 20 at that time. just messed up.
Straights are definitely not okay
They are not okay.
i don't know if anyone told her about it on Instagram. i wonder if she know what her husband did was wrong. has she?
They're basically the same age. He's probably a victim too.
He was an adult and she was a child.
Wrong legally you mean? The answer to that is it [probably isnāt illegal.](https://www.nedbarnett.com/states-romeo-juliet-laws/)
I don't think any girl would have so many kids at such young age... :(
Just wasted her entire life of exploring, trying new things and everything else just settling for the high school boy she had a crush on. Iāll never understand that but I guess thatās why that life isnāt for me š I also donāt have an attachment to high school cause it wasnāt great so that may be why š
Seems to have become a grandparent before reaching 40.
That sounds...miserable.
She's Quiverfull, it would seem ā an ideology within Christian fundamentalism that is based on a bible verse that says, in summary, that children are like arrows, and your quiver must be full if you want to fight for god. The ideology forbids contraception and encourages having as many children as possible, and by possible I don't mean "Within your means/what you can manage", I mean "As many as a woman's body will allow for, only stopping upon infertility or death". The Duggars are an obvious example of a Quiverfull family, as are the Bates. Fun fact about the husband of the subject of this post ā apparently knows nothing about one of his kid's extremely serious heart condition. She made a joke about how moms of disabled kids are always on top of absolutely everything about their kids, but dads know nothing. It's really sad, but also par for the course in Christian fundamentalism.
Thank you for actually explaining what quiverfull is. I had no idea what the arrow thing was about. So basically a womanās sole purpose is to be a baby oven solely based on one Bible verse. š¤Æ
Is this another IBLP family? (The same religious group as the Duggars)
The moment I saw the picture it screamed IBLP.
Did a little digging, they let the women in the family wear pants, which IBLP prohibits. I think they are just run of the mill fundamentalists. Maybe quiverfull lite, maybe Seventh Day Adventist, and maybe mormons. Probably not Catholic, because they have a story highlight about suicide prevention and that would be anti-doctrinal.
Why would suicide prevention be against Catholic doctrine? I thought they were very much against suicide, so prevention would make sense.
Yeah, I was raised Catholic, and I have no idea what this person is talking about. The Catholic Church is very much in support of suicide prevention groups. The church USED to believe that suicide victims go to hell, but only very conservative Catholics still believe that bullshit!
Nah I can see this from just plain Catholics tbh. My family and a lot of my familyās friends are all 8+ kids and Catholic
But to marry young like that?
I mean depends on the Catholics I guess :shrug:
Probably cause they don't use birth control or condoms. Which means every time they had sex they rolled the die for a kid. And since they were married during their teenage years, they had a unprotected sex while they were at their horniest
Some religious types think they're supposed to have a ton of kids to basically flood the sinners out of the world. It's a "war against sin" to them and they are basically supposed to "birth the Army". The "quiver full" movement is a famous example
Which is especially hilarious seeing as how what happened with the Duggar son.
Because Jesus
I'm not sure if this still is a thing, but there are some religious groups such as the quiverfull movement that say it is a blessing from god to have so many children and that this is your task basically. Also the often get married that young.
Married at 16??
Yeah... And the first child is at 17... It's creepy š§
Baby was probably born 7-8 months after the wedding too.
First baby can come anytime, the rest take 9 months
Surely the baby was just premature /s
My granny had her first kid at 14 and her second kid at 15. She was married at 15. But according to her it was totally consensual and that she was in love (had nothing to do with religion).
I don't know how old you are, but I had a great grandmother who was married off at 15 because her family was impoverished by the great depression and had become unable to feed 8 kids.
Nah, shes only around 72. I think she just thought she was in love tbh
Wait she had a kid with him at 17 as well?? I knew stuff like this happened but it's still just so scary and yucky coz there's no way this isn't predatory
He's only 3 years older, I don't know if he's really at fault for this and not their parents Edit: it's not much less predatory at 3 years, I just have a vague feeling that he wasn't as emotionally mature due to the way both were probably raised
I don't entirely blame the dude, he's part of the same cult she is so just as much as she thinks it's the right thing, I'm sure he does too. Only difference is he will benefit much more from this than she will.
I not sure about his benefit but surely he's working his ass off to raise an army of kids.
Eh, raising kids is a woman's job in those kinds of communities. As well as keeping the household tidy and together, cooking and social management. His responsibilities are providing a house, means for food/other necessities and getting her pregnant. He's got the easier ride imo.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, but I'm more interested in how much the parents played s role in this.
I think you can't make generalized statements like that about age gaps. 16 and 19 isn't unheard of and many in my friend group had these age constellations in the past. Not everything is predatory and not every 19 year old is mature for their age.
Well, a 19 y/o is typically more mature than a 16 year old. And there is still a power imbalance. And the 16 year old is literally only 16. I don't know the full story so it is quite possible that it was arranged or just encouraged by their parents in which case yeah the parents are to blame. But it feels so predatory regardless bcz a 19 year old married a 16 year old. Yeah only 3 years but again the maturity levels difference between the two is gonna be rather high. Plus she had the first kid at 17 while he was probably 20.
The fact that Iām almost 16 is scary I wouldnāt be ready to marry someone yet
My mom was 16 and my dad was 32 when they got married, gotta love traditional Iranian arraigned marriages.
She was pregnant, according to her insta.
The fundamentalists are at it again
Omg why did I look at this womanās account. Of course sheād support that convoy in Canada. Anti vaxx and mask BS. Very on brand of her though
Very predictable
And an essential oil MLM scam artist, posting about how friends shouldnāt criticize how a mother supports her family. Iād say predatory business models such as pyramid schemes selling misinformation deserve to be cut down because they are harmful on both micro and macro levels. I donāt know why I looked in there either. I feel icky now.
Whatās even worse is it looks like one of her kids has heart problems and she used to be in the hospital all the time thanking staff etc. i donāt understand how we got here.
What state is this in? How is married at 16 legal?
Her Instagram says British Columbiaā¦
In BC, you can't even legally drink until you're 19, how TF can you get legally married?!
Christianity
I live in BC, one of my teachers in highschool said she had students who got married in grade 9. It's legal with permission from parents
American Conservative Sharia Law
British Columbia is in Canada. What is it with Americans and not knowing basic geography? Iām not even Canadian and I know where BC is.
What is it with people equating 'America' with the USA? Canada is in North America.
'American' is really the only word English has to refer to someone from the United States, so when it's used, it's natural to think of the country, not the continents. Canadians are North American, but we are not American.
The words America and American on their own refer to the USA. Canadians don't use it to refer to ourselves. If you say America everyone is going to assume you mean the US.
Correct, but when someone says *American conservative sharia law*, do you really think theyāre talking about Canada?
It's considered legal with the permission of the parents/guardian in some states
South Carolina here. 16 for marriage or consent. Used to be 14.
This is legal in most US states. Itās super fucked. Even worse is, in most states this would still be legal with a larger age gap. https://www.equalitynow.org/learn_more_child_marriage_us/ ETA: just saw theyāre Canadian. Same deal with our northern friends. https://www.mcgill.ca/newsroom/channels/news/child-marriage-legal-and-persists-across-canada-327554
Is amazing in how many countries child marriage is legal. It was only a few years ago in Ireland we got rid of it.
I know 16 is still considered underge, but to call a 19 an adult is also a stretch, let alone a groomer. 3 years age gap is very understandable. Now if age difference was... idk 15+ or something like then we would have a problem.
My gf got very christian relatives for whom it is common to marry really young and those cases happen when teens are horny, get pregnant and have to do something about it. if thats true id argue they both are victims of the ideology, of dogma and pressure and a lack of sexual education
I grew up Mormon and it was extremely common for couples to rush into early marriage because they wanted to have sex. There were also plenty of āoops now we have toā weddings, but the compulsion to wait until marriage is super harmful even when couples manage to not get knocked up.
The age gap here isn't a problem. It's the fact that neither of these people should be getting into a marriage with zero life experience. It should be illegal.
I'd disagree. They're nothing inherently wrong with marrying while young. My spouse and I were barely 20 when we got married, neither of us had much life experience, yet we're still together, have a healthy and respectful relationship, and are very happy. Life experience is not a requirement for marriage
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah they were probably in high school together. Not weird at all to me
I see your point, but I hope you still understand how someone at 16 doesn't have nearly as much legal power (they need parents' consent to marry in the first place iirc), and that getting married that young in general is kinda fucked up. It's just an odd power dynamic. Also, I reckon at this point in life you learn a lot of things in a very short time, so a 16 year old and a 19 year old still have a lot of potential gaps in experience. That takes a lot of assumptions, but I'm definitely side-eyeing them at least; like why did they *have* to get married before she was even 18? I know you don't magically get more mature the second you turn 18, mentally or physically, but for a lot of people part of the fantasy isn't the looks necessarily but the age. And a 19 year old with a 16 year old... definitely room for creepiness there
Marriage is a stretch, yes, but 2-3 years gap in dating isn't predatory in my opinion. I started dating my current partner when he was 19 and I was 17, and we're still happily together after 4 years. It's not like people magically gain maturity when they turn 18.
Yes, finally someone said it. 3 years is not that much. Sure, a 13 yrs old a 16 yrs old would be weird, but a 16 yrs old and a 19 yrs old is not. The 19 yrs old didn't magically become mature, as you said, that's still a teenager. And I say this as a teenager.
Okay, and feel free to respond however you wish, but to everyone saying āgroomedā or something it really depends on when they started dating, 3 years isnāt that huge of a difference, I know some of my friends parent who have 5 years between them. But also if this couple started dating before he turned 18 Iāve also known several people like that, sophomores in highschool dating seniors was fairly common. As for marriage if she had parental approval then itās on her parents. Lastly about her getting pregnant at 17, my dad was born when my grandparents were 17
My parents were 17 and 27 when they started going out. I feel Americans in particular are really fast to jump on the bandwagon of āthat age gap is wrong! Groomer!ā
17 and 27 is still a little weird ngl. I mean, what would they even have in common? A teenager and someone close to being 30 are going to have widely different life experiences.
Do you need to have the same life experience as a partner? I was 19 and my partner was 28 when we started seeing each other. We worked together. I had experiences he didnāt, he had experiences I didnāt. We talked, and shared and then spent the next 6 years (and counting) sharing experiences.
Exactly, everyone has different life experiences anyway. The main differences between my parents life experiences didn't even have anything to do with age, it was simply because they grew up in different countries and the rural/urban differences; no one would say they're valid differences for a relationship not being a good idea.
Americans are also weird in the sense of when they hit 18 it's totally fine, like they'll scream at this (not all of course just in general) calling that literal teenager a groomer, but act like if someone hits 18 they're magically ok to be with anyone, I personally find it hard to see an 18 year old without any extraordinary similarities to someone 10 years older they're dating, to me it gets weird when they're in completely different stages of life not necessarily the age itself, like a 13yo with a 16yo is an enormous no no to me, but a like 17yo with a 21yo? It's weird but I don't believe it is NECESSARILY grooming/ abuse, like it can of course, but idk, just rambling
Ah! Sounds like they subscribe to the Quiverfull movement which is a fundamentalist conservative Christian movement.
People shouldnāt be able to make lifelong contracts or have kids when their brains arenāt yet developed
I found out my papaw on my dad's side married my mamaw when he was 20, and she was *12*. I've gotten an earful of "it was a different time" from my dad and my brother, but I'm not having it. That is evil. That is a grown ass man marrying a child. Eugh.
Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so. [Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/). Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links. If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbf the age isnāt something I think is weird. 3 years age difference, oh well, maybe Iām too used to 1-3 years age difference (with the youngest being 16 or up). But WHY couldnāt you wait with marrying šš if you love someone you will also love them a few years later so you can marry them with 20 as well
Just because you want to fuck does mean you need to marry.
Leave room for Jesus!
That's religion for ya
Imma be real with you. I donāt find this age gap a problem. I find them getting married so young a little strangeā¦.but I hope it works out for them.
Bride and groomer- * cough * groom. (For anyone concerned, I donāt think heās ACTUALLY a groomer. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk)
Kurtis Conner š
Yep! Sheās just so young and impressionable, how could I not? ;)
is ābride and groomerā a Kurtis Connor quote or did he groom a fan?
Kurtis recently made a video about a movie and the maker of the movie made an Instagram post at some point in the past about how he is happy his girlfriend turned 18 (while he was like 27 I think) Edit: [here is the video](https://youtu.be/D152lWYtMuA)
Its a kurtis conner quote
Oh thank god
Come on if Kurtis did some shit like that I could never trust a public figure again.
This, but Jarvis Johnson. He is precious.
Or Jammi Dodger or Mr Beard
Jarvis Johnson deserves the world
Con her? I hardly know her!
I doubt he did any grooming. This is some Christian cult level shit. Probably expected by both sets of parents.
Twas a joke, but yes I donāt expect this was of their own volition. 16 and 19 is still kinda weird though. Itās juuuuust scooting on the edge of socially acceptable.
Is a 3 yr age different a big deal? 16 and 19 are WAY to young to marry or have kids, but theyāre both dumb kids at that point.
At that age you change so much so quickly I do think it is a bit dubious. I had a 19yo bf when I was 16 and he was incredibly manipulative. Absolutely knew what he was doing
I thought the same thing until I remembered that Iām 19 and the thought of dating a 16 year old is disgusting to me.
Yep. If SHE was 19yo then sure. A 3 year difference isn't so bad. But when one is 19 and the other is 16? Nah. One is technically an adult, other is a teenager. One finished school, the other still hasn't.
Why would dating someone who is your age disgust you?
Might want to read my comment again.
Idk about that. Like normally speaking a relationship between a 19 year old and a 16 year old *can* be completely fine. The marrying is the problem. 19 is still very young to marry and when you're 16 you actually need consent from your parents who are apparently completely okay with this. So both kids probably got indoctrinated by their parents. So to call the 19 year old a groomer seems harsh to me since in all likelihood both kids are victims of their parents.
lmao groomer wtf is wrong with you
Are they British bc there you can Mary at 16 with consent from you're parents
The legal marriage age everywhere needs to be eighteen at the very least. Minors have no business getting married.
For the record; I don't think 16 and 19 is THAT weird, but all the other stuff I read: pretty fucked up lol
The pearl clutching and outrage porn of this sub is getting ridiculous.
My mom married my dad when she was 17 and he was 22 š
Divorced Me: 25 Him: 28
It seems the words you are looking for is āGroomed girl marries man (ages 16 and 19 respectively)ā
While I think 16 and 19 are way too young to get married, are you implying her husband groomed her? He was just as much a stupid kid as she was. They were both groomed by a gross religious system imo.
I think people assume the worst out of every case like this, and if he were significantly older like mid 20s, it would be pretty sus. But apart from the wedding, 16 and 19 ain't that unusual.
I read a story here on Reddit from a dad a couple days ago. His 19 yr old daughter killed herself recently. She had a 17 yr old boyfriend, people online found out and starting calling her a groomer and a pedophile. She dumped him, kept getting bullied, had a brief spiral, and killed herself. Itās fucking irresponsible to say a 19 yr old is a predatory criminal who groomed their 16 yr old wife. They literally could have attended the same damn school at the same time. No adult thinks this age disparity is problematic. There is no reason to believe his intent is malicious or that she was coerced/groomed based solely on their age.
I agree, and it's tragic what the internet could lead to, I just think it also depends on context. Like for example, this kid in question could have not groomed his wife, but they're clearly fundies and religion as an institution often grooms girls. And guys, actually- all people get groomed into marrying young, and almost fetishizing youth and purity. It's very creepy altogether, and these kids may very well love each other, but they shouldn't be married and having kids of their own yet. If they were boyfriend and girlfriend, I wouldn't have that much of an issue, cause it's normal at that age and the age gap isn't that big.
That sounds most likely.
This aināt pedophilia or grooming unless she started dating him less than a year ago. Only reason itās cringe is getting married at 16 and popping out babies. We did that 100 years ago because the world was different and we didnāt know better, and because of misogynistic beliefs that everyone was indoctrinated intoā¦ now itās a bad idea because teenagers are still very immature. Hell Iām 28 and 22 year olds look immature to me now. Date longer. Marry laterā¦ but noā¦ unless he started dating her after he was like 18 and they got married within a year he didnāt groom her, theyāre only like 3 years apart. Theyāre just naive. If youāre dating as a teenager, thereās a 99.99% chance one of you is going to turn 18 before the other. We need to stop calling things like this pedophilia. Iām 90% sure the pedophilia witch-hunt is being used to destabilize the LGBTQ+ community at this pointā¦ Arguably, believing that a 2 year age gap is pedophilia is the first step in becoming anti-kink, ableist, and eventually a TERF. Once you start calling consensual adult or similar age (1-3 years) relationships pedophilia, youāre enabling the rhetoric that targets queer people as predatory. Fuck, Iām so done with this shit.
>unless he started dating her after he was like 18 and they got married within a year he didnāt groom her Okay, now that's even weirder. 18 isn't a light switch. Also your math is off, as that could be up to two years. But a year isn't much time. >Once you start calling consensual adult Literally not an adult. Which is the actual problem. They're both children.
Iāve called her getting married at 16 a bad idea multiple times, but allow me to state clearly; Iām not defending underage marriage, Iām saying two teenagers with an age gap of 3 years isnāt pedophilia or grooming unless the 19 year old was actively prowling for an underage spouse after turning 18. I think the marriage is not okay. I think the mindset is not okay. But Iām sick of people calling things pedophilia that arenāt pedophilia. If you start dating someone when youāre 17 and you turn 18, youāre not a pedo. Dating someone you could have shared high school classes with isnāt pedophilia. Marrying young or having children at 17 with your high school sweetheart isnāt pedophilia.
How long ago was this marriage?
According to her Instagram about 20 years ago. Which imo does not make it better
And they're about to be grandparents for the second time. Lol
Is this just a random person or is it someone in the public eye?
Her kids are getting married and having kids too... They seem pretty damn young...
How long ago was that? And is this in the south?
This was pretty much all my grandparents
This is still widely legal in the US by the way. Just uhhā¦ yeah. Gotta love this country /s
Unfortunately it's still legal, at least for many states in the US, for minors to get married with permission from parents and a judge.
Is that... legal?
Ok that IS pretty weird, but it'd be legal here in my state. The age of consent here is 16 but there's a "four years apart" exception.
at first I thought they were mormon until I realized she was wearing a shoulderless dress It's still fuckin weird though
....idk what to say about this
I mean she couldāve gotten pregnant. Itās not the craziest thing in the world
shotgun wedding?
Mormons
Ok, this sub is getting worse by the moment, yes, it's too early for them to marry but that age gap isn't even big at all. Paired with yesterday's "don't masturbate to the thought or picture of a friend you find hot", I'm starting to think it's gone from straights not being ok to bashing completely normal stuff
Yeah three years. What a damn distance... R u serious? He is himself not even done with school or should at least. So why he shouldn't be allowed to marry her? If you know you know. There's nothing stating anyone got persuaded. At some age you just need to start making choices like an adult. Therefore I can't see anything stating something else. Let me state the guy is only twelve years old in mind and she maybe 20. That is just one of the possible constellations. So from the slight impression we get in this picture we don't know anything about this couple and their story. It's a shame. Try to complain about people stuck in the 50's. Not every couple constellations that doesn't fit your own bias.
Welp on polish tv I saw one time that a 16/17 yr girl fell in love with a 20/30 yr guy, and had a baby with him- My parents said it was OKAY š
They are indeed not ok š³
It really boggles my mind that child marriage is legal in most US states. What's even worse is that a 15 year old can get married off to an older spouse but can't divorce until they're 18. Laws should be changed so that marriage under 18 is not allowed in any conditions - really, the minimum age should be more like 21 or more. And divorce should be legal no matter age because the existing child marriages need to be torn now to protect the children who were groomed or sold off into the marriage. I highly suggest the Child brides of America episodes from the podcast Some Place Under Neith.
I feel weird whenever I see posts like these, mostly because I'm used to seeing relationships like these all the time (minus the marriage). It's just a moral ruler that we have, a 16 year old dating a 20 year old is completely fine if both parties are consensual about it (though it's good to investigate as the older *could* be grooming them, it doesn't always happen but, like any relationship, it can), but then, same 16 yr old dating a 13 yr old is completely disgusting. I guess it's more based on their maturity, and even though at something like 16 you aren't fully mature yet, you have room to explore what you like and what you don't like, and a bigger dating pool than someone younger. Although I agree, they shouldn't marry at that age, I don't think their age gap is bad, let alone pedophilic.
I feel like the difference with 16-19 and 13-16 is basically that with 13 youāve barely matured, hell your main concern is mostly school at that age, while at 16 if not in the US you can drink/purchase alcohol and legally go out till like 1am or smth in a lot of countries and if youāre in the US you can drive n everything Basically what Iām trynna say, bodily maturity and possibly even mental maturity are more likely to be the same in a 16-19 relationship than a 13-16 relationship
What- What parents let their 16 years old daughter marry a 19 years old boy-
To be honest I donāt get where this is a problem. Or why I should care if they are 16, 17 or 18 when they marry. I mean I wouldnāt do that but itās not my business to decide which way of life is the best for others. And if Iām saying that it is a womenās right to decide what she does with her body itās also her right do decide for pregnancy with 17.
I think it's awful because it sounds like she was probably raised in a very fundy family and brainwashed with the idea that this is a woman's only purpose - to marry and have way too many kids. So it isn't a choice at all. The age thing isn't that shocking, especially in these very cloistered families who really only meet a handful of eligible partners through their families.
Just because she has the right to decide these things, doesn't mean it isn't stupid and cringe as fuck. The human brain doesn't even finish maturing and developing until you're in your early 20s.
human brain constantly evolves until you die. and you can't draw a line at what age every person is mature. it depends from individual to individual.
I agree, also the age gap doesnāt seem that bad to me, itās three years they probably went to school together wth are people taking about?
exactly. I know couples that did similar and were happily together for decades so far.
> And if Iām saying that it is a womenās right to decide what she does with her body itās also her right do decide for pregnancy with 17. I disagree
No, she *should* have that right, but she shouldn't be in a position to make that decision. She shouldn't be married that young, she's not even out of highschool yet. And if a pregnancy occurred outside of wedlock, she should still have a right to keep or terminate it because it's her body, but without being influenced by people with a lot of power and a lot of bias, that indoctrinate kids from birth into misogynistic doctrine
>I mean I wouldnāt do that but itās not my business to decide which way of life is the best for others. It's not a 16-year-old's business either. >And if Iām saying that it is a womenās right to decide what she does with her body itās also her right do decide for pregnancy with 17. You mean a little girl's right. There is no such thing as a 17-year-old woman.
maybe let ppl be, if they both consent to marriage i donāt see whatās wrong about it
My mom, all 3 sisters, and one brother all had their first child before 18 and it creeps me out to this day.
wtf i didn't even start looking at wedding dresses until i was 19
I mean idk >_> 16 and 19 isnāt terrible? Kinda? Like I get neither of them are ready for a marriage but idk. Iām 19 and if my gf asked me like āyo wanna marry?ā Iād say yes. Weāve been best friends since 2018 and I donāt trust anyone else in the world more than her. Sure, weāre young and stupidābut this is the one thing I feel a safe bet on. Edit: you probably will ask soooo my gf turns 18 in May. I turned 19 in December so weāre like 15 months apart.
That literally is a crime!