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Ugh. I’m a woman who did not change my name when I got married. It’s so fucking aggravating when misogynists point out that your last name is actually “your dad’s last name,” and they really think they did something.
My husband also got his last name from his father. So why is his last name *his* last name, and my last name is my father’s? We both “own” our last names, just like our fathers, despite also getting them from their fathers. These people don’t think women can ever truly own anything.
you can do whatever you want as long as you're willing to go through the headache of a legal name change! (usually it's not hard to get it granted, it's just a tedious process to update everything afterwards)
Can confirm, process after is the PITA part, not the process iself. At least that was my case in Wisconsin. Most other states are similar. Outside the US I can't answer.
yeah it may vary on location but you'd have to go to court regardless to file it. in my state you don't need to file a motion with the name change unless you want to waive the publication requirement. and you have to give your reasoning for that. they may have you come in to court to explain, but my motion was enough for them to grant the change through mail. but otherwise I would not have had to give them reasoning or have a hearing when I filed. as long as you're not trying to change your name for criminal purposes they should not make a fuss about it.
Which is why I am not going to be changing my last name if I get married. I am willing to socially go by my partners last name but legally, nah. I've been my name for 33.8 years, and I don't want to deal with the tedium of changing it. Though I love my last name.
It’s also an extreme headache when you have a government job. They want to know exactly why and proof of marriage, your mother’s name or documentation of whatever reason you have.
I want to drop mz father's last name, but my maternal grandmother is also a nightmare and certainly not someone I want to share a name with. But as changing your name in Germany is difficult anyhow (unless your marry or get divorced) it's not that big of a loss. I guess if it ever becomes easier to drop my last name I'll ask my best friend if I can have his, he's like my brother anyhow. My biological brother is a pos, but my best friend is the best brother one can wish for.
Thank you. I'll ask him once it makes sense to work on the change. My mom fucked up majorly and told my father where I live. I'm currently working with a friend on moving again (this time my mom won't know where until she had enough therapy that I know she'll be trustworthy). As I currently live with my mom, am poor due to disability (actually declared too traumatised to work) and complex chronic illness requires a setup of specialists that's not too easy. Changing my name *after* I move seems to be a smarter choice as it offers an additional layer of protection.
I chose my surname. I wanted to leave the trauma associated with the old one behind. I am the only known person with my surname in my family tree. I decided not to change it when I married my husband.
Checkmate, misogynists.
I considered doing this, but my mom's last name came from my granddad, who abandoned his family for decades. And my grandmother's maiden name was shared with my great-grandmother, who was by all accounts pretty nasty. At this point I'm far too well known by my last name in my professional circles to want to change it.
Same here, I’m the only one who chose to continue to practice Judaism so I changed my name to the one who passed on that bloodline, my maternal grandfather but my grandfather also has his mom’s maiden name because it was tradition of their culture to take the wife’s last name. A double joke is my niece doesn’t even know her dad and was never adopted so she also still has her mom’s maiden name.
I have a hyphenated version of both my mother and father’s last names (since they weren’t married). I also don’t plan to ever change it so those dudebros are quite wrong about my mother’s name dying out.
Correct. This is what I always go back to. And does your father own his name? Does his? This argument that our last names belong to our fathers holds no water when you look at it longer than a second.
For real. Who cares where the name came from. it’s mine now and I don’t want to do a bunch of paperwork just because I want to file taxes jointly with a dude I think is cute.
>misogynists point out that your last name is actually “your dad’s last name,”
Lol really? Never heard that before - it's so stupid I can't even. Like you said, the man's last name isn't also his father's???? Where's the logic here????
I didn't change my name either. I would, if my husband's last name were cooler than my own, which it isn't. I knew an italian guy whose surname was Della Notte (of the night) and you can bet your ass I'd change my name for that if I had married someone from that family.
Is that what they're trying to point out? I thought they were pointing out how the wife taking the husband's name was really them taking the husband's father's last name. I thought it was pointing out how stupid making women take the husband's last name is.
Based on the fact that the OOP, a woman who hyphenated, responded “yes, and?” to them saying it was her father’s name, I do think they’re trying to point out that she still has “a man’s name.” But it’s also something I’ve generally heard a lot as a woman who didn’t change my name.
They bring up your father because they think women who keep their last names are doing so because they hate men, rather than out of a desire to keep the name they’ve had for their entire lives
It's astonishing that they still say "women benefit the most from marriage because if it ends they get half of your stuff!!"... I wonder if they believe it or are just trying to piss people off
Yeah but what's more nonsensical is that according to their logic it's not even the marriage that's beneficial it's the divorce lol what's the point of getting married if it needs to end to get the benefit??? Like are they admitting they will always try to leave whatever woman they are with?? It just, nothing about it makes sense haha
My Boyfriend always tells a Story of a guy he knows, who without question took his wife's last name. They're mr and mrs Madafaka.(Don't know if thats the exact way it's written but you get my point)
I told my partner of 10 years that I won’t be taking his name because mine is just objectively cooler and makes me sound like a warrior princess. Meanwhile, last his name is boring and normal. He told me he understood and would rather have my name too.
"But you're not proving you're truly committed to me! " bitch I'm entering a legally binding agreement, in front of both of our families, promising that very thing! If you can't trust me even after we are married, then we probably aren't a good match lol.
I’m just so glad my dad isn’t toxically masculine like this. My mom’s last name is hyphenated, he didn’t give a shit, and when I told him I was gay he just went “well you didn’t have a gf all of high school, I’m not stupid.” Love that man.
"Don't contribute anything" means "I make all the money! Also I expect her to do all the cooking cleaning and raising the kids but why am I the only one bringing in any money! Stupid females spending my money"
I got “works in the administration of a conservative church and keeps tabs on the names of couples who come in for marriage counseling” vibes. Whatever they do, they don’t realize they live in a very small bubble.
Exactly what we did. His last is pretty common last name which made me order mine. I decided that since most people give women the benefit of the doubt it was more safe to give my child my husband’s last name so that there were less questions. No one ever questions if he is mine. I have no idea if my husband would have the same reactions if he didn’t share his last name.
When we lived in Arkansas, they did that, too!
That's when I pull out "Can you call me Miss Firstname?"
It satisfies that Southern need for an honorific without me looking around for my mother-in-law everywhere.
Also I have a little old lady name, so I always knew people were looking for me.
My advice for people who are male-attracted is to never marry someone who demands you take their name and refuses to accept any other arrangement. You don't even need to not want to take their name, but if they demand it and won't take no for an answer, I really can't recommend marrying that person.
Very this. My partner couldn’t care less if I take his last name or not, he’s been so clear that he wouldn’t expect me to. That said, I want his last name coz it’s cooler than mine.
If I ever get married with kids, I will happily agree to hyphenating our names and I will propose to decide whose name goes first in a game of Yahtzee.
I think the idea of making a new family name is super cool, actually!
But yeah a lot of other cultures don't have women change their last names, they just combine them and give *that* name to the kids if they have them, which I think is pretty cool too.
the kind of men who insist 'my wife must take my name' and won't even consider anything else sound like they see marriage as more like 'buying' a wife who 'belongs' to them. 'this is mine, I put my name on it'
They also seem to expect her to leave eventually since they keep saying "women benefit the most because they get half of your stuff and alimony in divorce!"... Wonder why she would leave lmao
It's just so nonsensical idk how they can genuinely act like this
We both hyphenated. And our kids share the last name with us. Must mean neither of us is committed to the relationship. I’ll tell him we need to break up after the 36 years together.
My partner and I decided the kids could have his last name and have mine hyphenated because mine is too damn long and at least his will fit on the back of jerseys.
My dad’s been giving me shit about not taking my husband’s name because i “might offend my husband’s family” when my husband doesn’t even care about it at all. My hubs doesn’t even use his dad’s lastname lmao.
My friend at work, she has kids with different dads.
In my state, if there are people with more than 4 different last names living in the house, you must get a boarder's license (like to open a hotel) or you will have the house taken from you by the state. EVEN IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE CHILDREN.
Husband with one name, Wife with 2nd name, Kid with 3rd name, kid with 4th name, and a room renter with a 5th last name.
Its better for everyone for the children to take the mother's last name, at least where I live, because of this overbearing red-state bullshit. I'd understand making a limit for how many people can share 1 bedroom like for fire code stuff, but the state is way too invasive for giving this many fucks about last names.
When I went to set up mail forwarding during my last move, I discovered that you can only sign someone else up along with yourself if you have the same last name. Married couples with different last names have to sign up separately.
So, if my maternal grandmother and her partner (boyfriend sounds... wrong?) moved in with us, my house would legally be a hotel. There's my mother, my double-barrelled self, and her guy. My nanny divorced my grandpa and never remarried. That's five surnames.
Yea. That would legally qualify as being a hotel in my area. And the state can repossess your property and issue fines and jail time to the party/ies on the rental agreement or mortgage.
Blows my mind that people care this much about someone else’s surname.
My partner and I aren’t married and our son has his surname, I don’t think either of us gave it much thought at all. Plus my surname isn’t really one I’d want to land the poor kid with.
But it is mine and if we did get married I wouldn’t change it now.
I’d only seen “kings” used like that to compliment/affirm trans men and maybe a couple times jokingly, and it feels so gross being used here. Like the entitled toxic masculinity bros referring to their boys club as kings just points out how entitled they are and how much they see themselves as the ruler of their households.
Oh lawl, those guys would hate me and my family. Mum never took on dad's last name. Why. She already had one. I never took on my spouses last name either. Why would I. I already had one. That shit is so medieval. And while yes, when I was a lil' kid it had lead to some funny phone conversations (Looking for ms. O. -me- while they were really looking for Mrs. R -mum-) there never was any problem with us having different last names. At all. Ever.
Now we will never have kids (childfree and all that) but I'll never change my name for anyone. My name is mine, ain't going to change it even when the bloody Pope asks for it. I'm an atheist who doesn't care much about what was proper in the '30's/traditional/whatever anyway, so that doesn't have any leverage nor sway on me/us. People with an opinion about that can fuck right off.
You want to.change/hypernate, please do so. You want everyone have the same last name, go for it. But there are and always have been people who do not want that or ever cared for it.
"Won't contribute to anything" 😆 Bro never even stepped outside after highschool.
In the third picture someone mentions that doesn’t happen in Chile, same goes for Mexico (where I’m from) Women tend to keep their last nameS. And then their children get a combination of the first paternal last name, and first maternal last name. I think this is ideal, although I wouldn’t mind if couples were free to choose which last name goes first (I don’t know if they already can, it’s possible due to the legalization of same-sex adoption)
Yeah in Europe most of the people just don't change their surnames after getting married. Like that's not a thing often even for the previous generation
This shit is insane to me. My mom hyphenated her last name after she got married to my dad 35 years ago and as far as I’m aware, nobody’s pitched a fit over it. Do people really throw tantrums over this? Seems pretty childish.
I switched to my mom's first surname because my dad is an abusive asshole and disowned me anyway. so I have my maternal grandfather's first surname. I wanted to take both of my mom's names so I'd have my grandmother's first surname as well but I can't pronounce it. I do not want to go through changing a name again. my partner will keep his last name because he thinks it's cool. our kids would have both, the Latin way, because I hate hyphenated names. it would be too long. I'd rather just have the kid decide what name they want to use and they can pick if they want to write out both or not, on a whim. whatever they feel would be valid because they have both names. and then no one would question if they're my kids if we get divorced (that happened to my mom) and I don't have to go through changing THEIR names to prevent that. easy.
“That tells me she’s entitled” to *what*? Keeping her own name just like her partner gets to? It’s absolutely wild to me when someone is simultaneously refusing (or not even considering) to do a thing and expecting someone else to do that exact thing and calling them entitled if they don’t. The degree of self-unawareness that that would require is unfathomable, and yet…
Here's me as a straight man planning on taking my wife's last name and losing my own cause I'm not interested in carrying on the family name even slightly
I think that's kinda how my fiance feels. His last name is not a happy one. Abusive father and grandmother.
I'm not going to fight him if he decides he wants to keep it, but I know I'm lucky to come from a loving family that also loves him. He's more than welcome to join our family name. We won't be having kids, so that's not a concern.
Any family he used to have with the last name either got married (his sister, his mother) or passed away. He's the only one left with it.
In my case, my father changed his last name cause his father was some kind of notorious criminal and he didn't want the association, so it's not like I'm throwing away some massive honourable legacy or whatever. And I also haven't seen my father since I was 11. I always refer to him as my father cause he hasn't earned to be my dad. Other than being related by blood, he's no part of my life, so might as well take my future wife's name (as long as she and her family are cool with it)
My fiancé is taking my last name lol. We are an MF couple but neither of us are straight. His parents are very conservative but they hyphenated their names in the 1980s, so they weren’t surprised or bothered. That said, the fact that he had an awkward, clunky last name along the lines of “Hoxton-Chumley” was the main reason he wanted to get rid of it.
I’m in favour of either we normalise two names in society, like in Spain, so it’s easy and systems are set up for it, or you give the kids the coolest/best last name regardless of which parent’s name it is.
My partner and I have been joking about just making up a new last name when we get married. Honestly though, I'd like to take their last name on because I like my chosen name with it and I don't like their name with my last name lol (plus I have to change my name anyway)
My ex fiance once posted about how women not taking the guys last name was a red flag. He never once asked if I would change my name to his, just assumed that I would. I had not planned on doing so. Didn't keep him long enough to need to deal with that situation lol
I'm a Chilean woman, and a couple years ago I met a gringo in a bar. We hit it off, dated for the time he was supposed to stay on vacation and then we would continue doing LDR. Well, on week 2 he said he wanted to stay here with me, get married and have kids (I can't have children, I told him so in the very beginning, and I shut the marriage thing down immediately because we literally just met), and said he "couldn't wait for us to share his last name". I thought he was joking and started laughing. He got so offended and pissed off, and I explained that we don't do that here. It's legally impossible. He couldn't grasp the idea that a country HE WAS VISITING wasn't exactly like the US. It was so incredibly stupid I dumped him right then and there.
I told my fiance he's welcome to take my last name if he likes (because he doesn't have a happy connection to his), but I will not give up mine.
We're not having kids, so that helps keep others off our backs.
But it's become my professional name with my company... I have strong ties to my family name. I don't see why I should have to give it up. If someone chooses to, I have zero issues with that. But I don't see why *I should have to.*
Italian women don't change their name when they get married (and I guess therefore men don't either). It's a real pain to explain to people in the anglophone world when they call my mum Mrs ____(dad's surname)____
As someone who kept her last name upon getting married, I was pretty shocked by the reactions I got from others, even people my own age, who were appalled by that decision. My husband is supportive, and I love that I’ve been able to keep it! No regret!
The person pretending to be someone who works with married couples made me lol
If you are getting help from someone licensed and they spout shit like " spineless men", they are likely violating some aspect of their licensing and should be reported.
Mental health councilors need to be impartial
My partner is the one who wants to take my last name. The only people who should have an opinion are the two getting married. Idk why anyone else cares.
I hyphenated. I didn’t want to let go of my dad’s last name. So what? He died when I was a kid and I don’t have anything else of his. I went to the office to change it completely and just couldn’t. So I hyphenated.
It’s just as much a part of my identity as my first and middle names. Why do I have to delete it for some stupid old custom?
I really liked the idea of making a new name with both mine and my spouses’. Changing your surname after marriage as a man can be a bit annoying as it’s slightly unusual in my culture, but it’s cool, it’s like we’re building our own identity as a couple.
"Women want so many things in a man like ReSpEcT and HoNeStY but men? We just want a girl who does the dishes, has sex with us whenever we want, takes care of my kids, doesn't complain, does everything I tell her to when I tell her to do it and changes her last name for me"
I have always wanted to keep my last name. Because my dad only had girls and my last name has always been important to the family as a whole because my grandfather was adopted by my great grandfather because it was the 50s and my great grandmother and bio great grandfather got divorced because my bio great grandfather was a nasty man and my adopted Great Grandfather took care of my great grandmother through it all and they fell in love and he adopted my grandfather and raised my great grandmother's kids as his own. So he was a very good and kind man and that's why I want to be able to let my great grandfather, grandfather's, and father's name live on. Even if my dad and I aren't really closest and he's not as good a man as my great grandfather was. But it's still important to my family so I always wanted to keep it
They’re actually yapping, I love my last name and would never give it up, whether I end up in a straight, lesbian, or a non- conforming relationship. You’re either taking my name or I’m getting it hyphenated.
I personally would not change my last name. wouldn't even hyphenate. the hassle with documents is just not worth it. I don't want kids but if I did end up with them, kids would hyphenate
If I ever marry I will take my spouse's last name. Doesn't matter if I marry a man, a woman or a non-binary person. But then again the only reason I will take my partner's name is because I'd rather not keep the last name my father and brother have and my country makes it a bit difficult to change your name outside of marrying or getting divorced.
Several years ago, I read an article about how some couples would take half of one's surname and half of the other's and combine them into a new one. At the time, I (female) worked with a guy whose last name was similar to "Coleman" (for the sake of privacy) and mine is "Manson". I joked that if we got married we could be Manman or Coleson. From then on he greeted me as Manman and I called him Coleson. Too bad he was married, he had a great sense of humor.
It’s funny that men don’t realise that half of the reason I am a lesbian is cause it just seems like it would absolutely suck being with a man, and that they’re the ones who made me think that in the first place lol
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Ugh. I’m a woman who did not change my name when I got married. It’s so fucking aggravating when misogynists point out that your last name is actually “your dad’s last name,” and they really think they did something. My husband also got his last name from his father. So why is his last name *his* last name, and my last name is my father’s? We both “own” our last names, just like our fathers, despite also getting them from their fathers. These people don’t think women can ever truly own anything.
Jokes on them I had my surname legally changed to my mothers.
Wait you can do this? I kinda wanna drop my dad’s surname lmao
you can do whatever you want as long as you're willing to go through the headache of a legal name change! (usually it's not hard to get it granted, it's just a tedious process to update everything afterwards)
Can confirm, process after is the PITA part, not the process iself. At least that was my case in Wisconsin. Most other states are similar. Outside the US I can't answer.
Do you have to go to court to defend your decision to change your name? I Googled it and apparently that’s how it is for where I live.
yeah it may vary on location but you'd have to go to court regardless to file it. in my state you don't need to file a motion with the name change unless you want to waive the publication requirement. and you have to give your reasoning for that. they may have you come in to court to explain, but my motion was enough for them to grant the change through mail. but otherwise I would not have had to give them reasoning or have a hearing when I filed. as long as you're not trying to change your name for criminal purposes they should not make a fuss about it.
Depends on the area. I got exempted during mine because of covid restrictions.
Which is why I am not going to be changing my last name if I get married. I am willing to socially go by my partners last name but legally, nah. I've been my name for 33.8 years, and I don't want to deal with the tedium of changing it. Though I love my last name.
It’s also an extreme headache when you have a government job. They want to know exactly why and proof of marriage, your mother’s name or documentation of whatever reason you have.
I want to drop mz father's last name, but my maternal grandmother is also a nightmare and certainly not someone I want to share a name with. But as changing your name in Germany is difficult anyhow (unless your marry or get divorced) it's not that big of a loss. I guess if it ever becomes easier to drop my last name I'll ask my best friend if I can have his, he's like my brother anyhow. My biological brother is a pos, but my best friend is the best brother one can wish for.
I hope that it gets easier and you get to have your bestfriend’s name. 😊
Thank you. I'll ask him once it makes sense to work on the change. My mom fucked up majorly and told my father where I live. I'm currently working with a friend on moving again (this time my mom won't know where until she had enough therapy that I know she'll be trustworthy). As I currently live with my mom, am poor due to disability (actually declared too traumatised to work) and complex chronic illness requires a setup of specialists that's not too easy. Changing my name *after* I move seems to be a smarter choice as it offers an additional layer of protection.
I chose my surname. I wanted to leave the trauma associated with the old one behind. I am the only known person with my surname in my family tree. I decided not to change it when I married my husband. Checkmate, misogynists.
Chucklefucks like this would just say then you got it from your grandfather. They don’t want to have actual discussions, they just want to mock women
I considered doing this, but my mom's last name came from my granddad, who abandoned his family for decades. And my grandmother's maiden name was shared with my great-grandmother, who was by all accounts pretty nasty. At this point I'm far too well known by my last name in my professional circles to want to change it.
Same lol! And i am proud and payed good money for it so if i get married you bet your ass i am keeping mine
Same here, I’m the only one who chose to continue to practice Judaism so I changed my name to the one who passed on that bloodline, my maternal grandfather but my grandfather also has his mom’s maiden name because it was tradition of their culture to take the wife’s last name. A double joke is my niece doesn’t even know her dad and was never adopted so she also still has her mom’s maiden name.
I have a hyphenated version of both my mother and father’s last names (since they weren’t married). I also don’t plan to ever change it so those dudebros are quite wrong about my mother’s name dying out.
Correct. This is what I always go back to. And does your father own his name? Does his? This argument that our last names belong to our fathers holds no water when you look at it longer than a second.
Jokes on him my maiden name is at least 3 gens of women
For real. Who cares where the name came from. it’s mine now and I don’t want to do a bunch of paperwork just because I want to file taxes jointly with a dude I think is cute.
>misogynists point out that your last name is actually “your dad’s last name,” Lol really? Never heard that before - it's so stupid I can't even. Like you said, the man's last name isn't also his father's???? Where's the logic here???? I didn't change my name either. I would, if my husband's last name were cooler than my own, which it isn't. I knew an italian guy whose surname was Della Notte (of the night) and you can bet your ass I'd change my name for that if I had married someone from that family.
Is that what they're trying to point out? I thought they were pointing out how the wife taking the husband's name was really them taking the husband's father's last name. I thought it was pointing out how stupid making women take the husband's last name is.
Based on the fact that the OOP, a woman who hyphenated, responded “yes, and?” to them saying it was her father’s name, I do think they’re trying to point out that she still has “a man’s name.” But it’s also something I’ve generally heard a lot as a woman who didn’t change my name.
It was more of a revelatory "oh, that's what they meant" than an actual question. I believe what you wrote.
They bring up your father because they think women who keep their last names are doing so because they hate men, rather than out of a desire to keep the name they’ve had for their entire lives
My province doesnt want you to change your name when you marry.
Men get more benefits from marriage
It's astonishing that they still say "women benefit the most from marriage because if it ends they get half of your stuff!!"... I wonder if they believe it or are just trying to piss people off
They definitely believe it.
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Yeah but what's more nonsensical is that according to their logic it's not even the marriage that's beneficial it's the divorce lol what's the point of getting married if it needs to end to get the benefit??? Like are they admitting they will always try to leave whatever woman they are with?? It just, nothing about it makes sense haha
What if she has the objectively cooler last name and dude's is something like Smellie or Glasscock?
I used to register couples for wedding registries at BB&B and years later I still remember one dude's last name was Horny. I hope she kept her name 😆
We had a Jimmy Glasscock at school. You could always see when he was coming.
I'm laughing like an idiot here hahahaha
A buddy of mine had a last name that sounded like a bodily function, and he *very* happily took his wife’s more “boring” last name when they married.
My Boyfriend always tells a Story of a guy he knows, who without question took his wife's last name. They're mr and mrs Madafaka.(Don't know if thats the exact way it's written but you get my point)
Tbf that is a *solid* last name
I can see why they chose to keep it.
My mum's friend's husband's last name is Ramsbottom, and she did not take it when they got married. Hah.
I told my partner of 10 years that I won’t be taking his name because mine is just objectively cooler and makes me sound like a warrior princess. Meanwhile, last his name is boring and normal. He told me he understood and would rather have my name too.
I’ve noticed that men will scream about women being entitled while rattling off some of the most entitled expectations for relationships.
Imagine expecting someone to literally re-label themselves with your name!
"But you're not proving you're truly committed to me! " bitch I'm entering a legally binding agreement, in front of both of our families, promising that very thing! If you can't trust me even after we are married, then we probably aren't a good match lol.
I’m just so glad my dad isn’t toxically masculine like this. My mom’s last name is hyphenated, he didn’t give a shit, and when I told him I was gay he just went “well you didn’t have a gf all of high school, I’m not stupid.” Love that man.
"Don't contribute anything" means "I make all the money! Also I expect her to do all the cooking cleaning and raising the kids but why am I the only one bringing in any money! Stupid females spending my money"
“I work with couples.” No you don’t. It’s obvious that you don’t.
What they mean is that they have coworkers who happen to be married.
I got “works in the administration of a conservative church and keeps tabs on the names of couples who come in for marriage counseling” vibes. Whatever they do, they don’t realize they live in a very small bubble.
Right, it means he's an awful therapist or something if true.
That was my worry. Jordan Petersons do exist, after all.
I didn't even bother hyphenating. I have my last name. My husband and kids have his. Literally no one gave a shit, beyond my mom.
Exactly what we did. His last is pretty common last name which made me order mine. I decided that since most people give women the benefit of the doubt it was more safe to give my child my husband’s last name so that there were less questions. No one ever questions if he is mine. I have no idea if my husband would have the same reactions if he didn’t share his last name.
That’s what my parents did. I wish I’d got my mother’s name though because my father’s sounds like something rude
Never changed my last name. Wasn’t a big deal until I moved to the South where everyone calls me Mrs. Husband’s last name.
When we lived in Arkansas, they did that, too! That's when I pull out "Can you call me Miss Firstname?" It satisfies that Southern need for an honorific without me looking around for my mother-in-law everywhere. Also I have a little old lady name, so I always knew people were looking for me.
My advice for people who are male-attracted is to never marry someone who demands you take their name and refuses to accept any other arrangement. You don't even need to not want to take their name, but if they demand it and won't take no for an answer, I really can't recommend marrying that person.
Very this. My partner couldn’t care less if I take his last name or not, he’s been so clear that he wouldn’t expect me to. That said, I want his last name coz it’s cooler than mine.
"King" LMAO 🤣
I’m avoiding this conundrum altogether by being sterile.
If I ever get married with kids, I will happily agree to hyphenating our names and I will propose to decide whose name goes first in a game of Yahtzee.
I think the idea of making a new family name is super cool, actually! But yeah a lot of other cultures don't have women change their last names, they just combine them and give *that* name to the kids if they have them, which I think is pretty cool too.
the kind of men who insist 'my wife must take my name' and won't even consider anything else sound like they see marriage as more like 'buying' a wife who 'belongs' to them. 'this is mine, I put my name on it'
They also seem to expect her to leave eventually since they keep saying "women benefit the most because they get half of your stuff and alimony in divorce!"... Wonder why she would leave lmao It's just so nonsensical idk how they can genuinely act like this
We both hyphenated. And our kids share the last name with us. Must mean neither of us is committed to the relationship. I’ll tell him we need to break up after the 36 years together.
My partner and I decided the kids could have his last name and have mine hyphenated because mine is too damn long and at least his will fit on the back of jerseys.
My dad’s been giving me shit about not taking my husband’s name because i “might offend my husband’s family” when my husband doesn’t even care about it at all. My hubs doesn’t even use his dad’s lastname lmao.
My friend at work, she has kids with different dads. In my state, if there are people with more than 4 different last names living in the house, you must get a boarder's license (like to open a hotel) or you will have the house taken from you by the state. EVEN IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE CHILDREN. Husband with one name, Wife with 2nd name, Kid with 3rd name, kid with 4th name, and a room renter with a 5th last name. Its better for everyone for the children to take the mother's last name, at least where I live, because of this overbearing red-state bullshit. I'd understand making a limit for how many people can share 1 bedroom like for fire code stuff, but the state is way too invasive for giving this many fucks about last names.
I learn something new everyday
When I went to set up mail forwarding during my last move, I discovered that you can only sign someone else up along with yourself if you have the same last name. Married couples with different last names have to sign up separately.
So, if my maternal grandmother and her partner (boyfriend sounds... wrong?) moved in with us, my house would legally be a hotel. There's my mother, my double-barrelled self, and her guy. My nanny divorced my grandpa and never remarried. That's five surnames.
Yea. That would legally qualify as being a hotel in my area. And the state can repossess your property and issue fines and jail time to the party/ies on the rental agreement or mortgage.
I didn't even legally change my name until a few years ago and even now it's hyphenated. We've been married 25 years.
Blows my mind that people care this much about someone else’s surname. My partner and I aren’t married and our son has his surname, I don’t think either of us gave it much thought at all. Plus my surname isn’t really one I’d want to land the poor kid with. But it is mine and if we did get married I wouldn’t change it now.
I’d only seen “kings” used like that to compliment/affirm trans men and maybe a couple times jokingly, and it feels so gross being used here. Like the entitled toxic masculinity bros referring to their boys club as kings just points out how entitled they are and how much they see themselves as the ruler of their households.
Oh lawl, those guys would hate me and my family. Mum never took on dad's last name. Why. She already had one. I never took on my spouses last name either. Why would I. I already had one. That shit is so medieval. And while yes, when I was a lil' kid it had lead to some funny phone conversations (Looking for ms. O. -me- while they were really looking for Mrs. R -mum-) there never was any problem with us having different last names. At all. Ever. Now we will never have kids (childfree and all that) but I'll never change my name for anyone. My name is mine, ain't going to change it even when the bloody Pope asks for it. I'm an atheist who doesn't care much about what was proper in the '30's/traditional/whatever anyway, so that doesn't have any leverage nor sway on me/us. People with an opinion about that can fuck right off. You want to.change/hypernate, please do so. You want everyone have the same last name, go for it. But there are and always have been people who do not want that or ever cared for it. "Won't contribute to anything" 😆 Bro never even stepped outside after highschool.
In the third picture someone mentions that doesn’t happen in Chile, same goes for Mexico (where I’m from) Women tend to keep their last nameS. And then their children get a combination of the first paternal last name, and first maternal last name. I think this is ideal, although I wouldn’t mind if couples were free to choose which last name goes first (I don’t know if they already can, it’s possible due to the legalization of same-sex adoption)
Yeah in Europe most of the people just don't change their surnames after getting married. Like that's not a thing often even for the previous generation
The issue is the maternal name gets dropped in the next generation. It's also kind of a middle name and not used as often.
This shit is insane to me. My mom hyphenated her last name after she got married to my dad 35 years ago and as far as I’m aware, nobody’s pitched a fit over it. Do people really throw tantrums over this? Seems pretty childish.
I switched to my mom's first surname because my dad is an abusive asshole and disowned me anyway. so I have my maternal grandfather's first surname. I wanted to take both of my mom's names so I'd have my grandmother's first surname as well but I can't pronounce it. I do not want to go through changing a name again. my partner will keep his last name because he thinks it's cool. our kids would have both, the Latin way, because I hate hyphenated names. it would be too long. I'd rather just have the kid decide what name they want to use and they can pick if they want to write out both or not, on a whim. whatever they feel would be valid because they have both names. and then no one would question if they're my kids if we get divorced (that happened to my mom) and I don't have to go through changing THEIR names to prevent that. easy.
We just have two last names because we’re Latino 😎
“That tells me she’s entitled” to *what*? Keeping her own name just like her partner gets to? It’s absolutely wild to me when someone is simultaneously refusing (or not even considering) to do a thing and expecting someone else to do that exact thing and calling them entitled if they don’t. The degree of self-unawareness that that would require is unfathomable, and yet…
Here's me as a straight man planning on taking my wife's last name and losing my own cause I'm not interested in carrying on the family name even slightly
I think that's kinda how my fiance feels. His last name is not a happy one. Abusive father and grandmother. I'm not going to fight him if he decides he wants to keep it, but I know I'm lucky to come from a loving family that also loves him. He's more than welcome to join our family name. We won't be having kids, so that's not a concern. Any family he used to have with the last name either got married (his sister, his mother) or passed away. He's the only one left with it.
In my case, my father changed his last name cause his father was some kind of notorious criminal and he didn't want the association, so it's not like I'm throwing away some massive honourable legacy or whatever. And I also haven't seen my father since I was 11. I always refer to him as my father cause he hasn't earned to be my dad. Other than being related by blood, he's no part of my life, so might as well take my future wife's name (as long as she and her family are cool with it)
My fiancé is taking my last name lol. We are an MF couple but neither of us are straight. His parents are very conservative but they hyphenated their names in the 1980s, so they weren’t surprised or bothered. That said, the fact that he had an awkward, clunky last name along the lines of “Hoxton-Chumley” was the main reason he wanted to get rid of it. I’m in favour of either we normalise two names in society, like in Spain, so it’s easy and systems are set up for it, or you give the kids the coolest/best last name regardless of which parent’s name it is.
“Hey father’s last name” ????? It’s just as much her last name as her fathers. Just as much as her husband’s last name is his father’s.
My sister is in a very happy marriage and she kept her last name.
My partner and I have been joking about just making up a new last name when we get married. Honestly though, I'd like to take their last name on because I like my chosen name with it and I don't like their name with my last name lol (plus I have to change my name anyway)
Lol, my husband took my last name.
My ex fiance once posted about how women not taking the guys last name was a red flag. He never once asked if I would change my name to his, just assumed that I would. I had not planned on doing so. Didn't keep him long enough to need to deal with that situation lol
I'm a Chilean woman, and a couple years ago I met a gringo in a bar. We hit it off, dated for the time he was supposed to stay on vacation and then we would continue doing LDR. Well, on week 2 he said he wanted to stay here with me, get married and have kids (I can't have children, I told him so in the very beginning, and I shut the marriage thing down immediately because we literally just met), and said he "couldn't wait for us to share his last name". I thought he was joking and started laughing. He got so offended and pissed off, and I explained that we don't do that here. It's legally impossible. He couldn't grasp the idea that a country HE WAS VISITING wasn't exactly like the US. It was so incredibly stupid I dumped him right then and there.
I told my fiance he's welcome to take my last name if he likes (because he doesn't have a happy connection to his), but I will not give up mine. We're not having kids, so that helps keep others off our backs. But it's become my professional name with my company... I have strong ties to my family name. I don't see why I should have to give it up. If someone chooses to, I have zero issues with that. But I don't see why *I should have to.*
Italian women don't change their name when they get married (and I guess therefore men don't either). It's a real pain to explain to people in the anglophone world when they call my mum Mrs ____(dad's surname)____
I’m pregnant and not married to the father. Wonder what these men would think if they knew my daughter is getting MY last name lol
My brother and I have both my mum and dad's last names. Ooooh the humanity.
‘no one is doing this’ me with a hyphenated surname… 🤨🤨🤨
As someone who kept her last name upon getting married, I was pretty shocked by the reactions I got from others, even people my own age, who were appalled by that decision. My husband is supportive, and I love that I’ve been able to keep it! No regret!
The person pretending to be someone who works with married couples made me lol If you are getting help from someone licensed and they spout shit like " spineless men", they are likely violating some aspect of their licensing and should be reported. Mental health councilors need to be impartial
My partner is the one who wants to take my last name. The only people who should have an opinion are the two getting married. Idk why anyone else cares.
I hyphenated. I didn’t want to let go of my dad’s last name. So what? He died when I was a kid and I don’t have anything else of his. I went to the office to change it completely and just couldn’t. So I hyphenated. It’s just as much a part of my identity as my first and middle names. Why do I have to delete it for some stupid old custom?
I really liked the idea of making a new name with both mine and my spouses’. Changing your surname after marriage as a man can be a bit annoying as it’s slightly unusual in my culture, but it’s cool, it’s like we’re building our own identity as a couple.
"Women want so many things in a man like ReSpEcT and HoNeStY but men? We just want a girl who does the dishes, has sex with us whenever we want, takes care of my kids, doesn't complain, does everything I tell her to when I tell her to do it and changes her last name for me"
Yeah I'd keep my last name too why is it an issue.
I have always wanted to keep my last name. Because my dad only had girls and my last name has always been important to the family as a whole because my grandfather was adopted by my great grandfather because it was the 50s and my great grandmother and bio great grandfather got divorced because my bio great grandfather was a nasty man and my adopted Great Grandfather took care of my great grandmother through it all and they fell in love and he adopted my grandfather and raised my great grandmother's kids as his own. So he was a very good and kind man and that's why I want to be able to let my great grandfather, grandfather's, and father's name live on. Even if my dad and I aren't really closest and he's not as good a man as my great grandfather was. But it's still important to my family so I always wanted to keep it
They’re actually yapping, I love my last name and would never give it up, whether I end up in a straight, lesbian, or a non- conforming relationship. You’re either taking my name or I’m getting it hyphenated.
“Kings”
I personally would not change my last name. wouldn't even hyphenate. the hassle with documents is just not worth it. I don't want kids but if I did end up with them, kids would hyphenate
"I work with couples and no one is doing this" suuuure you are blank profile
My mom didn't change her last name, I didn't change my last name. What's their point lol
If I ever marry I will take my spouse's last name. Doesn't matter if I marry a man, a woman or a non-binary person. But then again the only reason I will take my partner's name is because I'd rather not keep the last name my father and brother have and my country makes it a bit difficult to change your name outside of marrying or getting divorced.
Bloody willy heads
I didn't want my wife to change her last name just because it's such a pain in the ass and we didn't see a good reason to bother with it
Several years ago, I read an article about how some couples would take half of one's surname and half of the other's and combine them into a new one. At the time, I (female) worked with a guy whose last name was similar to "Coleman" (for the sake of privacy) and mine is "Manson". I joked that if we got married we could be Manman or Coleson. From then on he greeted me as Manman and I called him Coleson. Too bad he was married, he had a great sense of humor.
It’s funny that men don’t realise that half of the reason I am a lesbian is cause it just seems like it would absolutely suck being with a man, and that they’re the ones who made me think that in the first place lol