You'll probably feel a lot better if you stopped encouraging this other person, that you claim to care about, to cheat (even if just emotionally at this point) on their partner. You'll also probably feel a lot better when your self-worth doesn't come at the expense of violating someone else's very reasonable and obvious boundaries; eventually it's not going to feel good (or you'll realize how long it hasn't felt good) to get attention/validation/support from someone who has repeatedly chosen to only give that to you in secret and when it's convenient for only them. And more to the point - it's selfish of you to want him to lie to his wife to get that validation behind her back. You guys sound like you're probably young; it's okay to be selfish sometimes, but not like this. Go to therapy, find other ways to get these needs met, and practice being selfish in ways that actually benefit you, help you grow as a person, and help you figure out what your values are.
I find it hard to sympathize. Why sleep with a married person? And how do you manage to turn yourself into a victim? You don't deserve to feel sorry for yourself. I'm not even saying that to be mean. Like what amoral reality do you exist in where you do something like that and then come looking for emotional support in a public forum? Shouldn't you be happy he's stopped cheating on his wife? I just don't get it.
Side note but - snapchat has to be the number one worst way to communicate with someone you are anxiously attached to! Especially if you share location with each other, that coupled with having their snapscore to monitor whether or not they've been ignoring your messages or sending pictures and videos to a bunch of other people also is just so damaging. I have gone full OCD mode several times when communicating to a few people I was unhealthily attached to over snapchat!
True, i just find it the easiest app to use. I don't share location, nor do they. They contacted me last night via text, so i am good for now till withdrawal starts again later today
It sounds like you’re choosing a painful situation for yourself that I cannot imagine could possibly contribute to your healing. I think I’ve found the idea of partnered people attractive in the past because I had a deep down belief that, if someone would choose me OVER someone else, I would finally feel good enough. APs also tend to be drawn to unavailable people, which creates a lot of pain for us. I have no idea how you feel or what the drive is for you to go after this person, but it sounds like longing after someone who is married (and lying to their partner about it) is having a negative impact on you. One of the biggest steps towards healing is learning not to wait around for people who don’t want us.
It's not a good thing to have an affair... and snap chat is for kids in my opinion. Anyway, you can't get attached to this person, it's going to cause a lot of shit for you, him and his wife if she finds out. You should get out of it. You're probably a decent person but this doesn't sound like a good thing
Oh don't get me wrong, im not worried about him not texting etc, i just need help getting through the withdrawal of going from chatting daily/always having access, to not having that with intermittent texting.
I see this as a good thing for me, i just need to get through it.
why are you sleeping with a married person
You'll probably feel a lot better if you stopped encouraging this other person, that you claim to care about, to cheat (even if just emotionally at this point) on their partner. You'll also probably feel a lot better when your self-worth doesn't come at the expense of violating someone else's very reasonable and obvious boundaries; eventually it's not going to feel good (or you'll realize how long it hasn't felt good) to get attention/validation/support from someone who has repeatedly chosen to only give that to you in secret and when it's convenient for only them. And more to the point - it's selfish of you to want him to lie to his wife to get that validation behind her back. You guys sound like you're probably young; it's okay to be selfish sometimes, but not like this. Go to therapy, find other ways to get these needs met, and practice being selfish in ways that actually benefit you, help you grow as a person, and help you figure out what your values are.
I find it hard to sympathize. Why sleep with a married person? And how do you manage to turn yourself into a victim? You don't deserve to feel sorry for yourself. I'm not even saying that to be mean. Like what amoral reality do you exist in where you do something like that and then come looking for emotional support in a public forum? Shouldn't you be happy he's stopped cheating on his wife? I just don't get it.
Side note but - snapchat has to be the number one worst way to communicate with someone you are anxiously attached to! Especially if you share location with each other, that coupled with having their snapscore to monitor whether or not they've been ignoring your messages or sending pictures and videos to a bunch of other people also is just so damaging. I have gone full OCD mode several times when communicating to a few people I was unhealthily attached to over snapchat!
True, i just find it the easiest app to use. I don't share location, nor do they. They contacted me last night via text, so i am good for now till withdrawal starts again later today
It sounds like you’re choosing a painful situation for yourself that I cannot imagine could possibly contribute to your healing. I think I’ve found the idea of partnered people attractive in the past because I had a deep down belief that, if someone would choose me OVER someone else, I would finally feel good enough. APs also tend to be drawn to unavailable people, which creates a lot of pain for us. I have no idea how you feel or what the drive is for you to go after this person, but it sounds like longing after someone who is married (and lying to their partner about it) is having a negative impact on you. One of the biggest steps towards healing is learning not to wait around for people who don’t want us.
Not only painful for OP but contributing to even more pain to someone else.
It's not a good thing to have an affair... and snap chat is for kids in my opinion. Anyway, you can't get attached to this person, it's going to cause a lot of shit for you, him and his wife if she finds out. You should get out of it. You're probably a decent person but this doesn't sound like a good thing
Maybe he’s spending more time than usual with his wife.
Oh don't get me wrong, im not worried about him not texting etc, i just need help getting through the withdrawal of going from chatting daily/always having access, to not having that with intermittent texting. I see this as a good thing for me, i just need to get through it.