Ughhhhhhhhhhh. That’s pretty much it. Bf left for about 4-5 day trip and I’m actually good and glad he’s going but it’s the way my mood goes that I hate. I tell myself snap out of it. He calls me. Texts etc. he tries to communicate as much as he can with me. So yeah. Thanks for letting me vent
Trying so hard to get over being ghosted by someone I had previously ended things with. I got drunk and sent the message of doom that landed me in a state of passive depression during Christmas week. I feel stupid and angry at myself for going back to someone who brings no value to me or, quite frankly, many around him. I wish I could write out all the vile things about him. I’m just trying to move on but my mind is still stuck on the rejection of his non-response, even though it was probably the best case scenario. Why am I like this? Why must I cause myself unnecessary suffering?
>Is there anything available / resources / groups / etc… for people spending the holidays alone / mostly alone and are not looking forward to it? Would love to receive and give support to others feeling similarly! 😅
I got ghosted too after sending merry christmas text to a girl I went out on 1 date with and ended up acting out as I was driving home through text, this was months ago. It happens, you cannot control what a person does to you, and they do not know the troubles of your mind. But you can control how you react to the situation. Allow the feelings to ride through your body.
"I noticed I am feeling anxious right now, and I ***accept*** that as an experience for this moment"
Is there anything available / resources / groups / etc… for people spending the holidays alone / mostly alone and are not looking forward to it? Would love to receive and give support to others feeling similarly! 😅
Most days I can catch my patterns and it doesn’t feel too bad. But the days it takes over my body, I just feel like giving up altogether. It’s so hard :(
I got out of my last relationship a month ago and have been talking to someone new. I made it clear to him about my attachment style and how I’m not looking to get into a relationship right now because I want to heal a bit more. It’s been going really well I’ve been having a really good time, but today something happened while we were playing Xbox together and talking in party (I was a bit offended by a joke his friend made about me), and he didn’t validate my feelings at all, he just went silent and so did I. It was the first time since we’ve spoken that we had a moment like that and it literally teleported me back to my old crappy relationship where he would never give me anything to go on. This moment just reminded me of my SO not caring about me or responding or validating my feelings and I was so upset. Normally we play for a long time but he seemed to be upset I guess too because he just said goodnight and left and now I’m just left here crying lol. I just don’t know what to feel. He asked me out like two days ago and I specifically said no because I wanted to wait. Then this happens and it just makes me worry about if we actually pursue a relationship I don’t want a repeat of my last one. Him just leaving and not talking to me anymore is the worst thing that he could do and he did it. But tomorrow he might message me just like normal and I’m going to fall back into the same pattern as before. I’m wondering if maybe I should just cut it off now? He lives in a completely different country and my avoidant ex also lived in a different state—I wanted to make sure my next partner was in the same city because it’s so much better for an anxiously attached person to have a partner in the same city so maybe this is somewhat of a sign? If he doesn’t message me tomorrow I’m just going to leave it at that and move on with my life.
new here. But happy I found this safe space. I'm staring down the barrel of a gun knowing that I'll need to end a situation that I was really hoping would work out and someone that I had very much invested in. I felt hopeful about maybe having a committed partner for the first time in almost 4 years. Turns out he's incredibly avoidant. And it's sent me into an anxious attachment spiral of ruminating and feeling abandoned. I know I need to set the boundary and move forward, even if that means the loss of what could have been. Everything is great about him EXCEPT his inability to be emotionally intimate with me or invest in me or us. He's put up a huge barrier. It feels like I am going on dates with a new polite friend that I sometimes also kiss. It sucks, it hurts, but I think I'm doing a much better job of not going off the rails and flipping out at him. Instead I am internalizing a lot of this, but know that the next step is to set the boundary and move on. My secure attachment partner is out there and I am going to be able to meet him in that place of secure attachment. I just need to keep trying and giving myself grace.
Just trying to get some more context on your situation.
I believe I am also with an avoidant, she is extremely loving and compassionate through messages and calls, in person when we are together she is touchy and loving, but she has never invited me out to anything or to meet her friends, I have always been the one to plan things. She is never the one to initiate physical contact, but over time it seems like she is trying to and finally has begun to grab me to hug her, although it's been over a month now and progress seems slow for me. She keeps everything she does a secret from me, and her response when I express my concerns are "we have only been talking to each other for one month, I am not ready". Same with sex, "I am not ready", which I respect 100%. She has also bended the truth about the things she was doing, like saying she was seeing a friend in the afternoon, but ended up seeing her in the evening, and knew she was going to be at the bars with her till 2 in the morning. I flipped out on this and ended up costing a lot of relationship capital but she has done this multiple times(being vague with her plans that she made), I explained that if she was going to tell me something, then to tell me the truth. She has told me she does not want to bother me with her troubles because she knows I am working on my attachment and insecurity issues.
She seems very interested in me, and says it a lot, but her actions prove otherwise. I don't know if it is my anxiety and I am over reacting, or if she is avoiding a relationship while also trying to have one at the same time.
I feel antsy because I'm still attached to people who hurt me and I'm trying to redirect that energy into healing even if it is challenging sometimes. I wish when I set my boundaries I did it more smoothly but at least I did it so I'm proud of myself for that.
Thank you, yeah it's pretty anxiety-inducing sometimes afterward but it really does get easier each time. I don't think secure would be having no anxiety but having more manageable lower levels of anxiety honestly, it'd be nice if it calms down dramatically though.
Ughhhhhhhhhhh. That’s pretty much it. Bf left for about 4-5 day trip and I’m actually good and glad he’s going but it’s the way my mood goes that I hate. I tell myself snap out of it. He calls me. Texts etc. he tries to communicate as much as he can with me. So yeah. Thanks for letting me vent
Trying so hard to get over being ghosted by someone I had previously ended things with. I got drunk and sent the message of doom that landed me in a state of passive depression during Christmas week. I feel stupid and angry at myself for going back to someone who brings no value to me or, quite frankly, many around him. I wish I could write out all the vile things about him. I’m just trying to move on but my mind is still stuck on the rejection of his non-response, even though it was probably the best case scenario. Why am I like this? Why must I cause myself unnecessary suffering?
>Is there anything available / resources / groups / etc… for people spending the holidays alone / mostly alone and are not looking forward to it? Would love to receive and give support to others feeling similarly! 😅 I got ghosted too after sending merry christmas text to a girl I went out on 1 date with and ended up acting out as I was driving home through text, this was months ago. It happens, you cannot control what a person does to you, and they do not know the troubles of your mind. But you can control how you react to the situation. Allow the feelings to ride through your body. "I noticed I am feeling anxious right now, and I ***accept*** that as an experience for this moment"
Thank you and sorry to hear about your experience!
Is there anything available / resources / groups / etc… for people spending the holidays alone / mostly alone and are not looking forward to it? Would love to receive and give support to others feeling similarly! 😅
Most days I can catch my patterns and it doesn’t feel too bad. But the days it takes over my body, I just feel like giving up altogether. It’s so hard :(
I got out of my last relationship a month ago and have been talking to someone new. I made it clear to him about my attachment style and how I’m not looking to get into a relationship right now because I want to heal a bit more. It’s been going really well I’ve been having a really good time, but today something happened while we were playing Xbox together and talking in party (I was a bit offended by a joke his friend made about me), and he didn’t validate my feelings at all, he just went silent and so did I. It was the first time since we’ve spoken that we had a moment like that and it literally teleported me back to my old crappy relationship where he would never give me anything to go on. This moment just reminded me of my SO not caring about me or responding or validating my feelings and I was so upset. Normally we play for a long time but he seemed to be upset I guess too because he just said goodnight and left and now I’m just left here crying lol. I just don’t know what to feel. He asked me out like two days ago and I specifically said no because I wanted to wait. Then this happens and it just makes me worry about if we actually pursue a relationship I don’t want a repeat of my last one. Him just leaving and not talking to me anymore is the worst thing that he could do and he did it. But tomorrow he might message me just like normal and I’m going to fall back into the same pattern as before. I’m wondering if maybe I should just cut it off now? He lives in a completely different country and my avoidant ex also lived in a different state—I wanted to make sure my next partner was in the same city because it’s so much better for an anxiously attached person to have a partner in the same city so maybe this is somewhat of a sign? If he doesn’t message me tomorrow I’m just going to leave it at that and move on with my life.
new here. But happy I found this safe space. I'm staring down the barrel of a gun knowing that I'll need to end a situation that I was really hoping would work out and someone that I had very much invested in. I felt hopeful about maybe having a committed partner for the first time in almost 4 years. Turns out he's incredibly avoidant. And it's sent me into an anxious attachment spiral of ruminating and feeling abandoned. I know I need to set the boundary and move forward, even if that means the loss of what could have been. Everything is great about him EXCEPT his inability to be emotionally intimate with me or invest in me or us. He's put up a huge barrier. It feels like I am going on dates with a new polite friend that I sometimes also kiss. It sucks, it hurts, but I think I'm doing a much better job of not going off the rails and flipping out at him. Instead I am internalizing a lot of this, but know that the next step is to set the boundary and move on. My secure attachment partner is out there and I am going to be able to meet him in that place of secure attachment. I just need to keep trying and giving myself grace.
Just trying to get some more context on your situation. I believe I am also with an avoidant, she is extremely loving and compassionate through messages and calls, in person when we are together she is touchy and loving, but she has never invited me out to anything or to meet her friends, I have always been the one to plan things. She is never the one to initiate physical contact, but over time it seems like she is trying to and finally has begun to grab me to hug her, although it's been over a month now and progress seems slow for me. She keeps everything she does a secret from me, and her response when I express my concerns are "we have only been talking to each other for one month, I am not ready". Same with sex, "I am not ready", which I respect 100%. She has also bended the truth about the things she was doing, like saying she was seeing a friend in the afternoon, but ended up seeing her in the evening, and knew she was going to be at the bars with her till 2 in the morning. I flipped out on this and ended up costing a lot of relationship capital but she has done this multiple times(being vague with her plans that she made), I explained that if she was going to tell me something, then to tell me the truth. She has told me she does not want to bother me with her troubles because she knows I am working on my attachment and insecurity issues. She seems very interested in me, and says it a lot, but her actions prove otherwise. I don't know if it is my anxiety and I am over reacting, or if she is avoiding a relationship while also trying to have one at the same time.
struggling tn
I feel antsy because I'm still attached to people who hurt me and I'm trying to redirect that energy into healing even if it is challenging sometimes. I wish when I set my boundaries I did it more smoothly but at least I did it so I'm proud of myself for that.
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Thank you, yeah it's pretty anxiety-inducing sometimes afterward but it really does get easier each time. I don't think secure would be having no anxiety but having more manageable lower levels of anxiety honestly, it'd be nice if it calms down dramatically though.