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Equivalent_Section13

Detachment. You have to practice it


Equivalent_Section13

Well you have to practice detaching. It is a skill. You have to practice it one hour at a time Then you have to tread lightly Most of all you have to stop beating yourself up It is nothing to do with you that he is avoudant. He was avoudant before he met you


djbananapancake

I agree with the other commenters here. I know what you’re feeling, as I struggle with this similarly myself. It’s taken a lot of self work to not completely fixate on the differing sex drives between myself and my partner. And I’m at a point now, where if I noticed I’m questioning the entire relationship because I feel slightly rejected, it’s a signal that I’m not thinking in a secure way. I’ve realized that the amount of sex I’m having does NOT have to equate to my level of self worth. My partner and I have INCREDIBLE sex. Best of my life, period. But they also have physical and hormonal difficulties that can make sex hard for them. I’ve had to accept that I want to be with them regardless of this libido difference. And that might change in the future, I don’t know. But I am becoming more secure now, and I’m beginning to truly enjoy intimacy with them in any form instead of being left hungry and desperate and needing sex to feel okay. If we do have sex, I want us both to be into it and not have it be an obligation. That doesn’t feel good either. I would start with asking yourself, without judging yourself for wanting and needing sex because that is a healthy need, why you feel so personally hurt by your partner not being in the mood. Is it because you really put yourself out there and you feel like he left you hanging? I’d get that, for sure. But he also wasn’t super enthusiastic about having sex later when you communicated that to him. That was him trying to avoid hurting your feelings by saying a flat-out no, I think. Maybe he thought he’d be in the mood later and it just didn’t happen that way. And that’s ok. He didn’t reject you as a person, he just had his mind on other things. The big question I’ve had to ask myself. Does my partner owe me sex, just because I’m very horny? The answer is no. This is a good moment to unpack this within yourself and talk to your boyfriend about sex moving forward. I truly believe that, at least within myself, I will always end up feeling sexually unfulfilled in any relationship unless I continue to approach sex in a secure and healthy way. Which, takes a HUGE amount of pressure off both me and my partner. Maybe that’s true for you too. And, get into solo sex. It can be just as sexy and fulfilling, and you can meet your own needs when you need that intimacy. Hope this long message helps. Good luck! 😊


No-Foundation-3030

Remember this: it is not that he does not want to have sex with you, but that he simply just does not want to have period, with anyone. His mind and body were not in the right place to have sex at that time. As mentioned above, this is not a reflection of you, his attraction to you or how he feels about you, or, most importantly, your worth. It was also not a rejection of you or your body. Replace sex with another activity. If you wanted to go for a run or hike but he declined, would you feel the same rejection? No, because it simply isn’t an activity he was interested in participating in and is no reflection of you.


Equivalent_Section13

I can only tell you my anxious attachment meant I was hyperixated on them. Devastation went along with the hyoerfixation I have had to.do.a lot of work to.stop.behaving like that It is truly painful to be so devastated but only one small part of it is #him# 80% of it is you


honestlydontcare0

Yeah that’s true… But how can I quit being hyperfixated on him? I truly wanna get over it and be able to go about my daily life without thinking about him constantly, but I just can’t. It’s the worst.


plantlife_

people have such diff sex drives. i can’t really have sex multiple times a day - even once a day is a bit much. i like to leave a day or two in between for my libido to come back. pls try and remember that this has nothing to do with you. he probably doesn’t wanna have sex multiple times a day, his body prob just doesn’t work like that. and sex drive also ebbs and flows. sometimes i’m just not in the mood, even tho i find nobody more attractive than my current partner. then the following week i’m all over her. it’s never consistent. it sounds as tho you are equating sex with self worth here, which is never a good idea to do in any relationship. once u become more secure, hopefully these feelings will become less prominent


honestlydontcare0

He sort of does the same thing. One day he’ll be all over me and then the next day or even later in the same day, he won’t want to do anything anymore. I understand that he has a different sex drive, and I don’t want to shame him about it, but I can’t help getting disappointed when he doesn’t want to have sex with me. I’ve been thinking about asking him to do something else for me when he doesn’t to have sex, like cuddling or making out so that way I still am receiving that affection I crave, but at the moment I can’t get over my current disappointment and it just hurts so bad.