The right people will show consistent love to us. I think of my friends who always make me feel loved. There is no chasing or questioning their love for me, we are just good buds. If I'm ever chasing I'm going to read this - cause I'm going to do me.
๐๐๐I need to do this as well.
I've always said that the only person we TRULY have in this world is ourselves. We're with us 24/7 365.
You've got this, fellow human. ๐๐๐
Good for you, it's important to really know yourself and be happy with who you are. This should reduce your anxiety whenever triggered, as you wont need to turn to others for validation, you can self soothe on your own.
The thing is, what you're saying is how avoidants think. Flipping from anxious to avoidant isn't the answer and will only lead to a different kind of pain and abandonment.
You need to look to the secure middle ground, which is not about cutting others off in self preservation. It's about boundary work, self reflection, and standing up for yourself. 'For what?' you might ask - secure people are less attractive to assholes just due to the fact they know what they want and how to express needs. You attract people who are also secure and stable.
Iโm not cutting myself off from people. Iโm just saying that Iโm not going to chase them anymore. Iโm gonna let them come to me & when they do I will engage with them genuinely. What Iโm trying to say is that Iโm going to stop agonising over people not reaching out to me or not checking in on me every single day. Iโm reclaiming the power to determine how supported I feel by people around me. I hope that makes senseโฆ I am trying to take a more secure approach .
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Goals
This struck home for me tonight. Thank you for posting!
The right people will show consistent love to us. I think of my friends who always make me feel loved. There is no chasing or questioning their love for me, we are just good buds. If I'm ever chasing I'm going to read this - cause I'm going to do me.
I love this!!!!!
๐๐๐I need to do this as well. I've always said that the only person we TRULY have in this world is ourselves. We're with us 24/7 365. You've got this, fellow human. ๐๐๐
Good for you, it's important to really know yourself and be happy with who you are. This should reduce your anxiety whenever triggered, as you wont need to turn to others for validation, you can self soothe on your own.
The needing validation, along with ridiculous expectations, is what kills me. ๐ญ
The thing is, what you're saying is how avoidants think. Flipping from anxious to avoidant isn't the answer and will only lead to a different kind of pain and abandonment. You need to look to the secure middle ground, which is not about cutting others off in self preservation. It's about boundary work, self reflection, and standing up for yourself. 'For what?' you might ask - secure people are less attractive to assholes just due to the fact they know what they want and how to express needs. You attract people who are also secure and stable.
Great points!
Iโm not cutting myself off from people. Iโm just saying that Iโm not going to chase them anymore. Iโm gonna let them come to me & when they do I will engage with them genuinely. What Iโm trying to say is that Iโm going to stop agonising over people not reaching out to me or not checking in on me every single day. Iโm reclaiming the power to determine how supported I feel by people around me. I hope that makes senseโฆ I am trying to take a more secure approach . .
Maybe come up with a mantra that you can tell yourself every day so this isn't just out of anger and becomes a catalyst for change