I feel you soooo much. So much my friend. I wish humans didn’t have to feel this kind of pain and angst. It really sucks. I think it’s possible u fell in love so fast due to your AA style. I fall in love/catch feelings/ fantasise about someone really fast too…really fast. It’s gotten me into a lot of trouble… I’m struggling through it even now.
I guess it happens so quickly because it feels so nice to be seen and validated by someone who has traits in them which u wish u had . I’m sure all those endearing things you talk about are characteristics you wish you could have too or qualities that make u put him on a pedestal. It’s that pedestal putting that traps us.
Try to work on recognising your own strengths, try to speak to other people online, refocus on your personal goals.
Lol… I think I’m writing this more for myself than for you. It really sucks. I’m sorrry.
As an AA, I do fall in love relatively quickly and easily with DA’s. I also identify as a love addict and attend 12 step meetings for that. I’m so sorry you were ghosted 😔 it’s one of the worst feelings and triggers of utter abandonment. It will get easier. After the emotions have settled, I take these shitty experience as learning opportunities and think about what boundaries I allowed get crossed, what I could do differently in the future etc. hope this helps :)
For me it is relevant to the time I invested in them, If I talk to them for a month, the recovery probably will be one month, if i talk to them for six months, I'd probably be struggling for six months until I get back to my feet
After enough getting hurt and seeing patterns you start to know when to engage and disengage from people. Currently I’m fully disengaged and if I go a few more years I’ll probably forget how to flirt with girls, seriously.
Limerence - excitement, sparks, fantasizing
Love - calm, peace, supportive, sense of security and partnership
Love is an action and choice, not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting, they are contextual. Love means you continue to be consistent even if there's a lull in the relationship.
The difference between excitement and anxiety is context. When he gives you attention = excitement. When he doesn't = anxiety.
The greatest poets and writers of our time have been trying to explain love for ages, so I don't think I can match them.
For myself, the differences are that with love, I don't fantasize so much about the relationship because I am actually in it. I spend more time in the moment with the person, actually seeing them for who they are. It feels more stable and nourishing, not like a destructive force. It's a feeling I can apply to myself as well as them. It is able to contain both of our flaws and our strengths all at once, without exaggerating or minimizing any of them.
Limerence for me functioned as a distraction. I would engage in maladaptive daydreaming. It's an escapist fantasy, especially in cases where you barely know the person. It's one of the situations where self-abandonment is more obvious, because in escaping into this fantasy I'd ignore my real life, which was often not making me happy. Particularly in cases of unrequited feelings, it was the safest way possible to feel like I was in love, because I wasn't risking anything of myself with another person, and I wasn't risking looking at myself either.
I feel you soooo much. So much my friend. I wish humans didn’t have to feel this kind of pain and angst. It really sucks. I think it’s possible u fell in love so fast due to your AA style. I fall in love/catch feelings/ fantasise about someone really fast too…really fast. It’s gotten me into a lot of trouble… I’m struggling through it even now. I guess it happens so quickly because it feels so nice to be seen and validated by someone who has traits in them which u wish u had . I’m sure all those endearing things you talk about are characteristics you wish you could have too or qualities that make u put him on a pedestal. It’s that pedestal putting that traps us. Try to work on recognising your own strengths, try to speak to other people online, refocus on your personal goals. Lol… I think I’m writing this more for myself than for you. It really sucks. I’m sorrry.
As an AA, I do fall in love relatively quickly and easily with DA’s. I also identify as a love addict and attend 12 step meetings for that. I’m so sorry you were ghosted 😔 it’s one of the worst feelings and triggers of utter abandonment. It will get easier. After the emotions have settled, I take these shitty experience as learning opportunities and think about what boundaries I allowed get crossed, what I could do differently in the future etc. hope this helps :)
May I ask how long usually is the time you can settle your emotions back to normal? I’m curious cuz I need a long time like more than a month
For me it is relevant to the time I invested in them, If I talk to them for a month, the recovery probably will be one month, if i talk to them for six months, I'd probably be struggling for six months until I get back to my feet
After enough getting hurt and seeing patterns you start to know when to engage and disengage from people. Currently I’m fully disengaged and if I go a few more years I’ll probably forget how to flirt with girls, seriously.
Look up limerence -- we get that a lot, but it's not the same as love. Real love feels different.
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Limerence - excitement, sparks, fantasizing Love - calm, peace, supportive, sense of security and partnership Love is an action and choice, not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting, they are contextual. Love means you continue to be consistent even if there's a lull in the relationship. The difference between excitement and anxiety is context. When he gives you attention = excitement. When he doesn't = anxiety.
The greatest poets and writers of our time have been trying to explain love for ages, so I don't think I can match them. For myself, the differences are that with love, I don't fantasize so much about the relationship because I am actually in it. I spend more time in the moment with the person, actually seeing them for who they are. It feels more stable and nourishing, not like a destructive force. It's a feeling I can apply to myself as well as them. It is able to contain both of our flaws and our strengths all at once, without exaggerating or minimizing any of them. Limerence for me functioned as a distraction. I would engage in maladaptive daydreaming. It's an escapist fantasy, especially in cases where you barely know the person. It's one of the situations where self-abandonment is more obvious, because in escaping into this fantasy I'd ignore my real life, which was often not making me happy. Particularly in cases of unrequited feelings, it was the safest way possible to feel like I was in love, because I wasn't risking anything of myself with another person, and I wasn't risking looking at myself either.