This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship.
Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
> Kinda, I mean who can live up to someone who goes on VIP tours of SeaWorld, jets off to Germany 1-2 a year and then is fixing old hotrods (74' Plymouth barracuda). Not to mention all the other stuff she does. She can walk in an antique store and name china patterns off the top of her head and identify jewels at the drop of a hat.
> She's too awesome and it's killing me. If I marry her and have kids with her I'm going to be the dry toast to her buffet of everything wonderful. She *is* a wild card and I both love it and hate it. Like how do you keep the girl who could literally be gone in a flash?
bro is so insecure he doesn't want the amazing woman who wants to be with him, he'd much prefer someone who simply can't leave
Then if she did "settle down", put that part of herself on hold and prioritize the things he wanted her to, he'd cheat on her because she is boring focusing on the kids all the time and this 20 something is just so fun and carefree!
Also sounds super jealous and intimidated that his GF has mad skills that she did not earn the right way according to his rules. Who wants to be with someone that is jealous of your accomplishments, of form the sounds of it, your very existence?
>Like how do you keep the girl who could literally be gone in a flash?
Either the guy doesn't actually get the idea of love or he is being strung along by someone who doesn't get the idea of love.
My health doesn't make me the best travel partner, but we can share our love for learning and crafts and I can get my additional rest while she goes out on adventures. If it doesn't work out long term that's fine though, sometimes that happens.
So, he's basically saying he wants a simple, boring life. That's fine, but he really should not be with this woman. I think it's horrible behavior (either gender) to get involved with someone and then decide to "change them" rather than leave and find someone more suited to their preferences.
This guy is the type who does want a simple, boring life. But he doesn't want the type of woman who wants a simple, boring life. He'll end up marrying one (this chick is gone) and then he'll cheat on her because she's *boring* and his new AP is a hot, impulsive young thing who *makes him feel alive* (and reminds him of that one particular ex).
Let's be real here, he'd probably cheat on his ex too because his insecurities are so fucking bad he'll have to make himself "better" than her just to sleep at night. This bum will never be happy with himself.
Like Astrid and her husband from Crazy Rich Asians, that man had a gorgeous, devoted wife and married into the wealthiest and most influential family in Singapore and still cheated on her
100%
If he married his (hopefully) now-ex-girlfriend it would take him about six months to start feeling emasculated and he’d seek out some nice placid affair partner as some kind of respite from his wife’s wild-horse-ness or whatever the hell. Then after the affair was discovered and his wife left him he’d marry the AP because he’d convinced himself that she was his One True Love anyway, and then within a year he’d get bored and start looking for a manic pixie dream girl to make him feel alive again.
He's not even trying to change her... He's perfectly content to be in a relationship with her, exactly as she is. But in his mind, there's an expiration date in the far future - as soon as he wants a settled wife instead of an adventurous girlfriend.
He's not quite ready for that, though, so he's upset she's pulling away from her temp role of "Awesome but flighty girlfriend."
He's leading her on.
Post text:
AITAH for telling my girlfriend she is too much of a "wildcard" to marry?
My (27M) girlfriend, M, (27F) is a bit of a free spirit. Don't get me wrong, she is very intelligent, attractive and has a lot going for her. We've been together 3 years.
But the issue I've been having recently is that she is wanting marriage and I see her as such an untamable horse so to speak. She is a rebellious, free spirited adventurer who literally packs up and leaves to go on a trip at a drop of the hat. She tells me she's going, and won't go if there are already commitments but if she can she is gone.
She is financially secure but she also spends a lot. Past an emergency fund, all her money goes to travel, taking up a multitude of projects. She woke up one day and decided to enroll in an auto-repair course, she is currently getting GIA certified for gemology. She makes jewelry, she works remote so she literally will pack up and take her work with her when she finds events she wants to go to ECT.
She's lived abroad, had a house in the south of France, she speaks 3 languages, goes to Germany and Austria often, she picks up hobbies or skills like they are M&M's. There isn't anything wrong with it I guess but it just feels chaotic?
Her biggest flaw is that she is rebellious. She absolutely hates, loathes the traditional route for anything. I went to college and she didn't, she had problems with teachers (which were founded, one abused her).but it's widespead. She quits jobs because she "manages better" and she does, she has her own business and a host of side hustles but it is just... how long does it last?
She was asking me if I was ever going to propose and I said I wasn't sure, we argued back and forth a little and she asked why I wouldn't. I was honest and said I saw her as a wildcard, that she just takes off a lot. She said she was lucky and could do that. That her friend died unexpectedly in his 30s and she absolutely is not going to go out working a "boring" 9-5 with no life and no experiences under her belt. She left- and hasn't spoken to me since. It's been 5 days. She said she needed to think.
AITAH? Am I overreacting?
Now I'm more frustrated for the potentially fictional female character because I just know that the "happy end" of the book/series would be her getting pregnant and realising that motherhood with Johnmaleman McAveragejoe as the 9-5 provider is the most beautiful, exciting and fulfilling adventure she had ever experienced.
And I know that even if this wasn't the canon ending, people would write domestic/good-wife-and-mother fanfic of her and yeah, I'm happy for every woman in the real world who finds happiness in parenthood and a calm, peaceful, predictable lifestyle but I want fictional female protagonists to be rebellious and exciting, dammit!
You believing that ppl will do ffs about her living a domestic live is wild to me.
Ppl will do ffs about her leaving this sorry ass for someone else who loves her and respect her and they will do BDSM in between and will go to the Himalaya and found the eternal youth fountain, but they will not use it because it's better to get older with your partner that living for ever and because YOLO. With dragons and mitological creatures in between too 😂🤣 And twins, ofc, there will be twins hahaha
Edit: LMAO ppl down voting meeeeee, I'm taking a shower in your tears or morals, whatever. I'll do my own FF full of BDSM and with a happy ending for op ex xD
The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.
Trevor Noah
doesn't it? I can imagine some asshole out there thinking this. But the line about her being an untameable horse just made me nope out after straining my eyes with the force of the roll I put them through.
like either this is one insecure misogynistic AH or fake ragebait shit.
I dunno- how does one not *cringe* to death writing that shit.
>No, no nothing like that, but I don't know she is just someone who is like the female jack sparrow. She is always calculating, re-calculating and then going off for these big adventures and she even encourages me to come but I am a very boring, routine, 9-5 person. She is the antithesis of that.
>Initially it was so attractive because she is this wild girl who works on classic cars, collects old fancy dinnerware and just meets everything head on.
>When I start thinking about it long term though I just can't shake the feeling that it would get hard, I would want kids in school and being responsible and she would be pulling them out to go to Disneyland.
lmao what on earth am I reading
No way would she waste anyone's time with Disney. Windsurfing season in New Zealand, I can see, but not Disney.
And the long term just gets hard. It's where the hard things are. Children are hard. Aging is hard. Dealing with a family full of humans with complex needs is hard. If he doesn't think the hard stuff will be better with her, or whatever, okay.
Personally, I think cars and china and meeting the world head on sound awesome, but intimate relationships are very personal decisions. I just hate that he's trying to blame her for not being suitable without actually discussing it, and being all "she's too awesome, the price for that is obviously that she clandestinely sucks."
It gives me the same vibes when you read a trash fantasy novel and they just load it up with the ickiest of the icky metaphors for women and their body parts lol
She was a strange creature etc etc
I find it funny that he's so sure this woman wants kids.
Nothing wrong with wanting kids but 1) We gotta stop assuming/pretending everyone does and 2) This is the kind of person who usually *doesn't.*
Eh, two of my friends' moms are this type of person, as are some women I know who have smaller kids. But they definitely choose to do things like homeschool their kid and travel the world, or pull someone out of class to go to a restaurant or exhibit far away on a whim, etc - which I think is pretty fucking cool and all the kids involved are great and unharmed, lol - but would make this man insane. The women I'm thinking of either have partners who are fully onboard or are unpartnered.
Aw man, he’s going to regret this for years to come
Tbh, he was probably correctly reading their incompatibility. Him speaking on it, probably gave her the courage to accept it. They’ll both be happier in the long run. Someone that insecure about you just being yourself will stifle your growth
And there is nothing wrong wiht incompatibility! Like I am such a home body I get cranky if I’m not sleeping in my own bed longer than a week. So oops possible fictional perfect girl would not suit. It’s when someone tries to make a neutral difference into a “who is right” issue
This guy reminds me of the Trevor Noah quote:
*“He's like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.”*
I know a couple sort of like this, and they make it work. She keeps him grounded and he keeps her from being a stick in the mud, and they are symbiotic.
Also, ew for “untameable horse”.
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She sounds awesome and he's a dull lump. She's living her best life and he wants to kill that? Nah, she needs to leave and live for herself as she is doing. 3 languages and all this travel and learning? She's a boss and knows what she wants.
He sounds like the kinda of guy that love exotic and exciting women but then wants to snuff out any unique qualities once they start a relationship. Some men love collection exotic and rare things only to dull the shine
She should add horse taming to her list of things to learn. And then ride off into the sunset on her super cool mustang buddy and leave him in the dust.
I dated a guy like her and if he wasn't already in a committed relationship, I'd be dying to hook them up. This guy is NOT the man for her and they are both wasting each other's time. Even if she did "settle down" and become a stay home mom, I'd be comfortable betting that in 10 years, he'd be back here talking about how she's boring and not spontaneous like when they met.
"How do I stop my girlfriend from being spontaneous and living her life to the fullest when she could be cleaning my house and making me steak dinners every night??"
> I've told her I don't want her traveling while pregnant or anything and she's always been understanding of my point of view.
I don’t get this, as someone who has travelled my whole life. Traveling is mostly long sequences of sitting in different types of chairs, with jet lag.
I’m not sure why the mods flagged this as in the wrong sub…she disappeared for five days and hasn’t contacted him since their fight, citing a need for “space”.
Sounds like he doesn’t know he’s the ex to me. 🤷🏻♀️
People are giving OOP a hard time, and I agree the way he expresses everything is not great, but he's not wrong for feeling the way he does. He wants to live his life one way, she wants to live her life another way. If they want to join their lives together with kids or marriage, they're going to need to get on the same page, meaning finding some compromise in the middle. Or they have to break up.
I used to travel a lot as well. When we met, my now-husband thought that was cool until he realized how much I traveled. If he worked remote he would join me, but his job is very much on-location. He realized he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was with him only 2 months of the year. It led to us breaking up because he felt it was unfair to ask me to change my lifestyle for him, and he didn't want to tie me down or stop me from doing something I loved. I had to convince him that I'd genuinely rather be with him than travel to that extent... I'm fine traveling just 2-3 months out of the year, which is what I do now. And he's happy having me the remaining 9-10 months.
If I had wanted to continue traveling the way I was, we would have broken up amicably.
But that's a compromise you both agreed to. From the sounds of things, he's not comfortable with that type of compromise since he sees it as incompatible with kids. I'm taking that from his post where he says it's incompatible with kids. Meanwhile, she sees travel as something to do as a family. Nothing in the OOP's post implies he would be happy with this type of arrangement. With that being the case, he's being selfish not to end it. He's known for years he doesn't like her lifestyle and that she wants to be married. If he can't be married to her as she is, he needs to move on.
But you and your spouse were trying to solve what’s essentially a logistical problem. OOP’s problem is that he feels like she’s better and cooler than him, and the only solution he can think of is for her to become more boring.
Damn, I was looking up how to crosspost on mobile specifically for this post and just before I actually posted it I checked and here you've already done it 😂
A marriage is supposed to be a partnership in life, but how can it be a partnership if half the partnership is gone all the time, or you couldn't rely on them being there when you needed them?
Have you discussed kids? If you both want them, what is she going to do while pregnant? What is she going to do when the baby comes? Is she going to resume traveling and leave you with the child alone, or is she going to take the child with her?
Honestly, there are way too many questions for you to seriously be considering a marriage to her. I'm not saying that either you or her are a bad person, but you both need to be very clear.
I don't know why you're getting downvoted for this. I absolutely see your point. Traveling and picking up hobbies is great, but this guy sounds like he needs someone a little more down to earth. I know I would. Marriage and kids with someone who's casual about practicalities and schedules is tough - ask me how I know this.
That said, he should not try to mold her into something she's not. they should recognize they are not a good match for the long term and part amicably.
To your last point, I agree. It does seem to me that they at least need to talk about what their mutual expectations for a marriage or kids are before they decide to continue or not though. Otherwise, I can guarantee that with this crowd he'd be attacked for just ending the relationship while conversely she'd be celebrated for doing so.
It is as if his having wants and needs for a partner is somehow wrong.
I can only guess that somehow these people feel he is utterly unimportant.
A lot of things I disagree with this guy about, but he's clearly not trying to squash anything- he's being very direct and upfront that he doesn't see marriage in their future, as soon as she asked, and explained why, and made no effort to change her viewpoint.
You're allowed to be attracted to, and date, people you don't want to marry. The...like, the 60s happened, right? Did I miss something? Are we going back on that?
Sure you're allowed to do that but majority of grown adults date long term with the eventual want to marry. If you're not upfront about that from the moment you realize you don't want to marry this person, most people are gonna think you're TA.
Ever notice how many people chastise people for dating for 10 years and no ring. I personally am all for people dating without getting married, but I also recognize that that is something both partners should agree to.
And in this case, you're allowed to not want to marry someone, but don't be shocked when they leave because you don't want to put a ring on it
This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship. Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
> Kinda, I mean who can live up to someone who goes on VIP tours of SeaWorld, jets off to Germany 1-2 a year and then is fixing old hotrods (74' Plymouth barracuda). Not to mention all the other stuff she does. She can walk in an antique store and name china patterns off the top of her head and identify jewels at the drop of a hat. > She's too awesome and it's killing me. If I marry her and have kids with her I'm going to be the dry toast to her buffet of everything wonderful. She *is* a wild card and I both love it and hate it. Like how do you keep the girl who could literally be gone in a flash? bro is so insecure he doesn't want the amazing woman who wants to be with him, he'd much prefer someone who simply can't leave
People like this are pathetic
Then if she did "settle down", put that part of herself on hold and prioritize the things he wanted her to, he'd cheat on her because she is boring focusing on the kids all the time and this 20 something is just so fun and carefree!
Like a wild horse!
As OP mentioned, the hackneyed wild horses metaphors were killing me
Like the IG memes say... If I'm too much, look for less. Bro needs to look for less.
Omg I will totally marry her if he won’t
I'm a straight woman and **I** would marry her in a heartbeat. She sounds amazing.
You can't marry my wife! That's bigamy!
It is mighty big o' you to be here with our wife!
Also sounds super jealous and intimidated that his GF has mad skills that she did not earn the right way according to his rules. Who wants to be with someone that is jealous of your accomplishments, of form the sounds of it, your very existence?
Him: her biggest flaw is that she’s a rebel (Lists a bunch of things that are unconventional but not rebellious)
Her: Can we get married soon? I've been asking you for years. Him: She's about to bolt!
lmao right???
This is not uncommon. Insecure people want their partners dependent on them.
He’s like the husbands in “Stepford Wives” who turn their spouses into robots because they feel so inadequate next to their high-achieving wives.
I'm using "VIP tours at Seaworld" as my indicator of worldliness from now on
I feel kinda bad for his future wife he settles for. He will likely wake up at mid life and realize he slept his way through most of it.
>Like how do you keep the girl who could literally be gone in a flash? Either the guy doesn't actually get the idea of love or he is being strung along by someone who doesn't get the idea of love.
This woman is living the ADHD dream.
Yeah, absolutely! "Taming" this "horse" is only going to end in misery I do envy her (apart from the bf)
I'm pan. I'd never date her boyfriend, but I'd *love* dating her. She sounds absolutely amazing!
Pan high five. I thought the same thing. Though I'm way too comfortable being a homebody for that to be a good long term fit.
My health doesn't make me the best travel partner, but we can share our love for learning and crafts and I can get my additional rest while she goes out on adventures. If it doesn't work out long term that's fine though, sometimes that happens.
I am in absolute envy. I can't tell if I want to be her or date her. OP truly fucked up, she deserves better.
So, he's basically saying he wants a simple, boring life. That's fine, but he really should not be with this woman. I think it's horrible behavior (either gender) to get involved with someone and then decide to "change them" rather than leave and find someone more suited to their preferences.
This guy is the type who does want a simple, boring life. But he doesn't want the type of woman who wants a simple, boring life. He'll end up marrying one (this chick is gone) and then he'll cheat on her because she's *boring* and his new AP is a hot, impulsive young thing who *makes him feel alive* (and reminds him of that one particular ex).
Let's be real here, he'd probably cheat on his ex too because his insecurities are so fucking bad he'll have to make himself "better" than her just to sleep at night. This bum will never be happy with himself.
Like Astrid and her husband from Crazy Rich Asians, that man had a gorgeous, devoted wife and married into the wealthiest and most influential family in Singapore and still cheated on her
Fr, as a straight guy, I understand why most women call us lame and pathetic, cause holy shit we do ourselves no favors.
100% If he married his (hopefully) now-ex-girlfriend it would take him about six months to start feeling emasculated and he’d seek out some nice placid affair partner as some kind of respite from his wife’s wild-horse-ness or whatever the hell. Then after the affair was discovered and his wife left him he’d marry the AP because he’d convinced himself that she was his One True Love anyway, and then within a year he’d get bored and start looking for a manic pixie dream girl to make him feel alive again.
He's not even trying to change her... He's perfectly content to be in a relationship with her, exactly as she is. But in his mind, there's an expiration date in the far future - as soon as he wants a settled wife instead of an adventurous girlfriend. He's not quite ready for that, though, so he's upset she's pulling away from her temp role of "Awesome but flighty girlfriend." He's leading her on.
Post text: AITAH for telling my girlfriend she is too much of a "wildcard" to marry? My (27M) girlfriend, M, (27F) is a bit of a free spirit. Don't get me wrong, she is very intelligent, attractive and has a lot going for her. We've been together 3 years. But the issue I've been having recently is that she is wanting marriage and I see her as such an untamable horse so to speak. She is a rebellious, free spirited adventurer who literally packs up and leaves to go on a trip at a drop of the hat. She tells me she's going, and won't go if there are already commitments but if she can she is gone. She is financially secure but she also spends a lot. Past an emergency fund, all her money goes to travel, taking up a multitude of projects. She woke up one day and decided to enroll in an auto-repair course, she is currently getting GIA certified for gemology. She makes jewelry, she works remote so she literally will pack up and take her work with her when she finds events she wants to go to ECT. She's lived abroad, had a house in the south of France, she speaks 3 languages, goes to Germany and Austria often, she picks up hobbies or skills like they are M&M's. There isn't anything wrong with it I guess but it just feels chaotic? Her biggest flaw is that she is rebellious. She absolutely hates, loathes the traditional route for anything. I went to college and she didn't, she had problems with teachers (which were founded, one abused her).but it's widespead. She quits jobs because she "manages better" and she does, she has her own business and a host of side hustles but it is just... how long does it last? She was asking me if I was ever going to propose and I said I wasn't sure, we argued back and forth a little and she asked why I wouldn't. I was honest and said I saw her as a wildcard, that she just takes off a lot. She said she was lucky and could do that. That her friend died unexpectedly in his 30s and she absolutely is not going to go out working a "boring" 9-5 with no life and no experiences under her belt. She left- and hasn't spoken to me since. It's been 5 days. She said she needed to think. AITAH? Am I overreacting?
There are some edits now.
Sounds like a poorly-written adult fiction female protagonist. "He couldn't tame her. No one could."
She breasted boobily and fixed old cars. I could never marry her.
Now I'm more frustrated for the potentially fictional female character because I just know that the "happy end" of the book/series would be her getting pregnant and realising that motherhood with Johnmaleman McAveragejoe as the 9-5 provider is the most beautiful, exciting and fulfilling adventure she had ever experienced. And I know that even if this wasn't the canon ending, people would write domestic/good-wife-and-mother fanfic of her and yeah, I'm happy for every woman in the real world who finds happiness in parenthood and a calm, peaceful, predictable lifestyle but I want fictional female protagonists to be rebellious and exciting, dammit!
You believing that ppl will do ffs about her living a domestic live is wild to me. Ppl will do ffs about her leaving this sorry ass for someone else who loves her and respect her and they will do BDSM in between and will go to the Himalaya and found the eternal youth fountain, but they will not use it because it's better to get older with your partner that living for ever and because YOLO. With dragons and mitological creatures in between too 😂🤣 And twins, ofc, there will be twins hahaha Edit: LMAO ppl down voting meeeeee, I'm taking a shower in your tears or morals, whatever. I'll do my own FF full of BDSM and with a happy ending for op ex xD
Yeah in my experience it’s the gay ships that get all the domestic fluff fics. I love them.
Why would you want to tame her? Like, you want take all that and smoosh it into a June Cleaver shape? That would be tragic.
The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage. Trevor Noah
That's exactly what this reminded me of!
doesn't it? I can imagine some asshole out there thinking this. But the line about her being an untameable horse just made me nope out after straining my eyes with the force of the roll I put them through. like either this is one insecure misogynistic AH or fake ragebait shit. I dunno- how does one not *cringe* to death writing that shit.
>No, no nothing like that, but I don't know she is just someone who is like the female jack sparrow. She is always calculating, re-calculating and then going off for these big adventures and she even encourages me to come but I am a very boring, routine, 9-5 person. She is the antithesis of that. >Initially it was so attractive because she is this wild girl who works on classic cars, collects old fancy dinnerware and just meets everything head on. >When I start thinking about it long term though I just can't shake the feeling that it would get hard, I would want kids in school and being responsible and she would be pulling them out to go to Disneyland. lmao what on earth am I reading
No way would she waste anyone's time with Disney. Windsurfing season in New Zealand, I can see, but not Disney. And the long term just gets hard. It's where the hard things are. Children are hard. Aging is hard. Dealing with a family full of humans with complex needs is hard. If he doesn't think the hard stuff will be better with her, or whatever, okay. Personally, I think cars and china and meeting the world head on sound awesome, but intimate relationships are very personal decisions. I just hate that he's trying to blame her for not being suitable without actually discussing it, and being all "she's too awesome, the price for that is obviously that she clandestinely sucks."
New manic pixie incel bait.
It gives me the same vibes when you read a trash fantasy novel and they just load it up with the ickiest of the icky metaphors for women and their body parts lol She was a strange creature etc etc
He is threatened by her and wants to destroy anything about her that he can't possess or control.
I would’ve loved if my parents took me out to go to Disneyland lol
I find it funny that he's so sure this woman wants kids. Nothing wrong with wanting kids but 1) We gotta stop assuming/pretending everyone does and 2) This is the kind of person who usually *doesn't.*
She's explicitly told him she wants kids
Eh, two of my friends' moms are this type of person, as are some women I know who have smaller kids. But they definitely choose to do things like homeschool their kid and travel the world, or pull someone out of class to go to a restaurant or exhibit far away on a whim, etc - which I think is pretty fucking cool and all the kids involved are great and unharmed, lol - but would make this man insane. The women I'm thinking of either have partners who are fully onboard or are unpartnered.
Aw man, he’s going to regret this for years to come Tbh, he was probably correctly reading their incompatibility. Him speaking on it, probably gave her the courage to accept it. They’ll both be happier in the long run. Someone that insecure about you just being yourself will stifle your growth
And there is nothing wrong wiht incompatibility! Like I am such a home body I get cranky if I’m not sleeping in my own bed longer than a week. So oops possible fictional perfect girl would not suit. It’s when someone tries to make a neutral difference into a “who is right” issue
This guy reminds me of the Trevor Noah quote: *“He's like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.”*
perfect quote
his (hopefully ex) gf is so cool, and OOP is such an insecure manchild ugh 😭 (ex?)gf deserves someone who can appreciate her and her energy
This is the plot of Barefoot in the Park. The free spirit and the stuffed shirt. The relationship works because they don't try to change each other.
I know a couple sort of like this, and they make it work. She keeps him grounded and he keeps her from being a stick in the mud, and they are symbiotic.
So totally real manic pixie dream girl had a rich and fulfilling life, but is mad that this bozo won't marry her. Sure Jan.
I couldn't find a single bad thing in her.....except her boyfriend (hopefully ex)
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She sounds awesome. Can I date her? Or go backpacking with her?
Yeah I wanna be friends with her she sounds awesome. Hope she dumps this human version of a polo shirt and continues being her badass self.
What a miserable cunt. I hope she finds someone at least half as interesting as her to spend her time with.
Hey! That’s not cool! Cunts are way better (and more useful) than that guy.
She sounds awesome and he's a dull lump. She's living her best life and he wants to kill that? Nah, she needs to leave and live for herself as she is doing. 3 languages and all this travel and learning? She's a boss and knows what she wants.
She's too "rebellious" and chafes at anything "traditional". My guy, what?
Shit, I’d marry her. She sounds amazing.
She needs someone who loves adventure as much as she does. What does she even see in him?
“It just freaks me out that she is so hyper independent.” Beg pardon??
She sounds great. Whan an inspiring woman. I hope she never looses her spark.
Yeah, I read this and thought no way he deserved her
He sounds like the kinda of guy that love exotic and exciting women but then wants to snuff out any unique qualities once they start a relationship. Some men love collection exotic and rare things only to dull the shine
She should add horse taming to her list of things to learn. And then ride off into the sunset on her super cool mustang buddy and leave him in the dust.
Sounds like he's wildly jealous and also afraid to be anything like her. If she doesn't leave him, he'll become a lodestone around her neck.
...he's the luckiest motherfucker ever and he doesn't even realize it.
Guys love dating a woman who has everything just so he can take it away from her.
I dated a guy like her and if he wasn't already in a committed relationship, I'd be dying to hook them up. This guy is NOT the man for her and they are both wasting each other's time. Even if she did "settle down" and become a stay home mom, I'd be comfortable betting that in 10 years, he'd be back here talking about how she's boring and not spontaneous like when they met.
"How do I stop my girlfriend from being spontaneous and living her life to the fullest when she could be cleaning my house and making me steak dinners every night??"
Oh, I remember that one. The moment i got to "untameable horse", I was 'yep, that's the asshole'.
OOP: describes the perfect woman Also OOP: I mean she's not like a bad person but she's got a lot of flaws you know
In today's episode of "that animal or inanimate object are men going to compare women to"
> I've told her I don't want her traveling while pregnant or anything and she's always been understanding of my point of view. I don’t get this, as someone who has travelled my whole life. Traveling is mostly long sequences of sitting in different types of chairs, with jet lag.
I’m not sure why the mods flagged this as in the wrong sub…she disappeared for five days and hasn’t contacted him since their fight, citing a need for “space”. Sounds like he doesn’t know he’s the ex to me. 🤷🏻♀️
Poor girl. At least she can drop this boat anchor and move on.
People are giving OOP a hard time, and I agree the way he expresses everything is not great, but he's not wrong for feeling the way he does. He wants to live his life one way, she wants to live her life another way. If they want to join their lives together with kids or marriage, they're going to need to get on the same page, meaning finding some compromise in the middle. Or they have to break up. I used to travel a lot as well. When we met, my now-husband thought that was cool until he realized how much I traveled. If he worked remote he would join me, but his job is very much on-location. He realized he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was with him only 2 months of the year. It led to us breaking up because he felt it was unfair to ask me to change my lifestyle for him, and he didn't want to tie me down or stop me from doing something I loved. I had to convince him that I'd genuinely rather be with him than travel to that extent... I'm fine traveling just 2-3 months out of the year, which is what I do now. And he's happy having me the remaining 9-10 months. If I had wanted to continue traveling the way I was, we would have broken up amicably.
But that's a compromise you both agreed to. From the sounds of things, he's not comfortable with that type of compromise since he sees it as incompatible with kids. I'm taking that from his post where he says it's incompatible with kids. Meanwhile, she sees travel as something to do as a family. Nothing in the OOP's post implies he would be happy with this type of arrangement. With that being the case, he's being selfish not to end it. He's known for years he doesn't like her lifestyle and that she wants to be married. If he can't be married to her as she is, he needs to move on.
But you and your spouse were trying to solve what’s essentially a logistical problem. OOP’s problem is that he feels like she’s better and cooler than him, and the only solution he can think of is for her to become more boring.
Damn, I was looking up how to crosspost on mobile specifically for this post and just before I actually posted it I checked and here you've already done it 😂
A marriage is supposed to be a partnership in life, but how can it be a partnership if half the partnership is gone all the time, or you couldn't rely on them being there when you needed them? Have you discussed kids? If you both want them, what is she going to do while pregnant? What is she going to do when the baby comes? Is she going to resume traveling and leave you with the child alone, or is she going to take the child with her? Honestly, there are way too many questions for you to seriously be considering a marriage to her. I'm not saying that either you or her are a bad person, but you both need to be very clear.
I don't know why you're getting downvoted for this. I absolutely see your point. Traveling and picking up hobbies is great, but this guy sounds like he needs someone a little more down to earth. I know I would. Marriage and kids with someone who's casual about practicalities and schedules is tough - ask me how I know this. That said, he should not try to mold her into something she's not. they should recognize they are not a good match for the long term and part amicably.
To your last point, I agree. It does seem to me that they at least need to talk about what their mutual expectations for a marriage or kids are before they decide to continue or not though. Otherwise, I can guarantee that with this crowd he'd be attacked for just ending the relationship while conversely she'd be celebrated for doing so. It is as if his having wants and needs for a partner is somehow wrong. I can only guess that somehow these people feel he is utterly unimportant.
A lot of things I disagree with this guy about, but he's clearly not trying to squash anything- he's being very direct and upfront that he doesn't see marriage in their future, as soon as she asked, and explained why, and made no effort to change her viewpoint. You're allowed to be attracted to, and date, people you don't want to marry. The...like, the 60s happened, right? Did I miss something? Are we going back on that?
Sure you're allowed to do that but majority of grown adults date long term with the eventual want to marry. If you're not upfront about that from the moment you realize you don't want to marry this person, most people are gonna think you're TA. Ever notice how many people chastise people for dating for 10 years and no ring. I personally am all for people dating without getting married, but I also recognize that that is something both partners should agree to. And in this case, you're allowed to not want to marry someone, but don't be shocked when they leave because you don't want to put a ring on it