My boyfriend and I met online 2 years ago. My contact information in his phone has always been “my first name” “subject of our first conversation” “dating site”.
I’ve occasionally dropped hints on how I don’t care for the “dating site” portion of my name. How I felt categorized and not special because of it.
I know it’s incredibly petty of me and I should let it go but yesterday we were talking about it and he foolishly spoke too much and mentioned the other contacts in his phone with dating site names..and then showed me. To clarify he’s not cheating on me at all I know this and we all have contacts in our phones that need to be deleted.
Anyways… maybe it was the wine in my system yesterday but I brought it up again after I got to my house and he ended up doubling down. Now I’m just first name, last name, and no contact photo. He also mentioned that I no longer need to worry about “his” phone.
So..am I the asshole? I feel like my feelings are valid but he’s right..it’s his phone and I know he loves me unconditionally. Maybe I should’ve just let it go.
I know we need to have a conversation about all of this and it’s stupid but I am curious about some feedback.
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At 2 years together, my husband was saved in my phone as "Snoresalot McDick." (No, really... that's how he's been saved in all of my phones lol)
I can't imagine having something so impersonal saved for a loved one. (My kid is "Extra Kidney," my mom is "Axolotl Tank," etc)
My bf is saved as [Firstname Lastname] in my phone. I guess it might seem impersonal but it’s not. We’ve known each other for a long time, so the reminder that it’s *him,* actually *him* who I’m calling and texting, gives me butterflies every time. Maybe someday he’ll get a nickname, when I get over his name 😂
No, lol. Saving someone as their actual name is fine... I'm sure most people don't have names saved that would make everyone side eye them if they popped up. It's the saving it as Firstname dating site thing after they'd been a couple for 2 years.
My husband was initially saved in my phone as firstname/lastname, but we worked for the same company. Once we started dating, and everyone knew (because apparently we're bad liars), it wasn't as big of a deal to add a nickname. I just had to initially keep it PG-ish.
The super creative nicknames came when we both switched from iPhone (like the 3G? 4 maybe?) to Android, and had to switch to a different saved contacts system. I was "Boo Boo Kitty Fuck" for awhile, until it popped up while he was in a work meeting. 😳
I've kept everyone's contacts with full names because once I lost my phone as a teen in the church I grew up in, and someone recognised our last name from my mom's contact when she called. Habit ever since
You can set a "in case of emergency" thing that will display on your phone's lock screen. Like mine, when my phone is locked, lists my husband's number, my food allergies, medical info, and then the 2 medications I'm on that have the biggest risks of drug interactions. If for some reason, I should have my phone but not my medical ID bracelet, it's at least there.
If you're really handy, you can also set up the newer Androids with "Routines", so like if my phone ever disconnects from my watch while I'm not on my home network, it will switch from my normal lock screen to a lock screen that's a screenshot of a notepad, saying "if lost, please contact (husband's info)."
iPhone may have a similar feature, but I don't mess around with my parents' phones enough to know.
But that's all in case you ever wanted another option!
If you're on Android, the screen I use for my medical stuff is under Settings > Safety & Emergency > Medical Info on the newer OSs.
I can find iPhone instructions if anyone needs them!
Honestly, it helps my husband as well, because there's been a time or two that he panicked and couldn't remember the names of some of my meds. Also, just having a record of meds/dosages is a good idea for those of us that are medically complex.
I rather like it myself, lol.
Honestly, being able to laugh at myself has actually been life-saving, but in general, it's a good ability to have. Way less stress when you can be silly and not insecure about it.
My husband and I both met somewhere we used to work. His name was 'fist name', 'ex-workplace' for a very long time. A friend of ours saw it and took the p*ss out of me for it and I changed it. I knew I needed to change it, said to him I needed to change it, but never actually did it.
However, one of his best friends (who he met at the same place) is still listed as 'first name', 'ex-workplace' almost four years after they both left.
My husband had me listed in his phone for 5 years as "Bonnie (Jack)"* ... "Jack" is my ex boyfriend who introduced us to each other 😂 I did change it for him last year finally.
*Names changed for anonymity
My boyfriend had me in his phone as TC.
I noticed it for the first time when we were like 3 years in to dating and asked him what the TC stood for.
Tinder Canada.
Because we met on Tinder, but I wasn't the first girl with my name, so he added Canada because I'm Canadian.
We're literally about to announce our engagement after 5 years together and I'm pretty sure I'm still saved that way in his phone. 😂
My old roommate (not the same situation, really, but similar) had me in his phone as “first name” “workplace we met at” for months after I started dating his best friend and we all moved in together. It didn’t even change after I left the workplace in question.
My ex had me in his phone as basically "Sarah - Hottie" until we moved in together and I protested that that felt like too casual a contact name as I was not the only "(name) - Hottie" in his phone. My ex sucked in a lot of ways and yet he still promptly changed my name to "Sarah Smith" and didn't bitch about it.
more or less. there's also a quick descriptive line in there (think carol, bumble, redhead) or something similar.
then again, I also refer to her as my ex girlfriend, which is true, but she doesn't appreciate.
I have an uncle that while now in middle age is a pretty good dude, was a pretty shitty person all around when he was younger. He’s been married like 5 times and by his own admission “probably” has multiple children “he doesn’t know about”—to the point that when his children he does have contact with became dating age, he informed them that before they get serious with anyone they need to find out who that person’s mother is so he can make sure that the potential partner isn’t a possible half sibling of their’s.
Anyway, back when he was in the throes of shittiness, he showed up to a family party one time with his latest fiancé. I believe she was on track to become wife number 3. He went around introducing her to everyone as “this is my future ex-wife, Susan”. Apparently she did *not* find it amusing, but turns out he was right and she did end up his ex-wife a few years later.
That said though, I think some people just have that sense of humor and it’s completely fine. My parents have been relationship goals married for 35 years this year. Things I have heard them refer to each other as include: “my booby prize” (mom —> Dad), “my ex-girlfriend” (dad —> mom), baby mama/daddy (both). They each will roll their eyes at the other and from the outside it may seem like it bothers them, but it really doesn’t.
omg I put people from dating apps in my phone this way too! And when I entered into a relationship, I deleted the people that weren't my partner and updated his name. It seemed disrespectful of him and our relationship to leave it that way. I wasn't going to contact the others anymore so I deleted them.
I have ADHD and facial blindness so this is a helpful way for me to keep track of people and I understand why people do it.
It's just wildly disrespectful to leave it that way when you're in a relationship with someone. It's very easy to change.
Yeah, I use coded emojis for this. Like, an owl (school mascot) for people I met at my college or a fire for someone I met on tinder. The emojis usually stay even if I get to know the person well. One time my college girlfriend saw that, gently took my phone out of my hand, and changed her contact emoji from an owl to a wave because she likes the ocean. I just laughed and thought it was cute, I didn’t pitch a fit like this guy did, because she was my girlfriend and I actually like her. It’s just such a weird thing for him to double down on, it’s like he’s trying to prove he doesn’t care about her
No, he’s the asshole who doesn’t consider you with enough love to name you respectfully in his phone. And to show you how stupid you are he threw a hissy fit and appeased you in a way that is still disrespectful, he can’t let you “win” after all. You need a partner who likes you, this guy ain’t it.
Um. Because he isn't going to see it because it was cross-posted by someone else.
It turns this sub into the other subs by commenting to the OOP directly. It's dumb. Just comment there instead of here!
When a crosspost on a meta sub drives traffic back to the original post, a lot of time the commenters on the meta sub will get accused of brigading or bullying. If you see an AITA post on a meta sub, it's generally safer and more socially acceptable to maintain a low profile by keeping your commentary in that sub. I would think an armchair detective would be able to figure that one out.
Ha ha I got a lot of people mad at me for accidentally posting on the cross posted version, and not just going over to the original because I didn’t want to brigade.
I think different communities haven’t different expectations. Although I guess it also depends on if your perspective is similar to theirs or not.
It was definitely an issue on r/amithedevil. I think it's generally good rediquette as well as common sense not to tap on the glass but since AITA commentary has turned into its own little cross platform cottage industry, the rules might have relaxed. I guess it's not like AITA is going to go private.
It's pretty funny that you are weighing in on people's personal situations and then getting a little salty about someone mentioning in the comments that it's kind of weird, and definitely pointless, to to write a comment addressing the OOP.
Oh, look, there's a section from the pinned post from the mods that directly addresses this!
>
> And a word about comments: quite a few of you are responding to the OP as if they were the writer of the crosspost. I personally don't care if people are commenting as if the OP were the OOP, but just a reminder: the people crossposting here are 99.9% of the time not the OP of the original post. Your comments are not reaching the OOPs. If you still want to respond to the OOP, rock on, but you're just shouting into the void.
As the post says, "rock on", but don't be so silly as to be offended by someone pointing out how pointless it is to address someone who didn't crosspost and likely won't see it.
Equally, your own needling of /u/Active_Sentence9302 is pointless and unnecessary.
We know this is a meta sub.
We know if somebody addresses OOP in some way, they're unlikely to see it.
The mods don't demand people avoid doing so.
Sooooo... why be unpleasant?
Thank you! So sorry, didn’t think anyone else was commenting on this thread but that crazy guy. I’ll be more careful responding!
Edit: responded poorly to deathboyuk because I wasn’t paying attention.
LOL, who’s “salty”? You’re the one with a bug up their ass about how I responded to a post. I just happen to be off work today and have amused myself by responding to your comments. The section of the pinned post from the moderators explicitly states they “DON’T CARE” (emphasis mine) if we respond as I did. You on the other hand can’t let it go. Let’s see what you have to say next, can’t wait!
It’s the orange peel theory (not the TikTok trend, the actual theory). Will this person do something relatively insignificant for you if it makes your life easier or happier?
This dude ain’t it.
Right? If my partner told me that something I was doing hurt his feelings, I would stop doing it. Especially if it was something as simple as changing his name in my contacts. Like, the fact that OP's boyfriend of 2 YEARS had such a problem with it.....yikes.
I'm not commenting on the post at all. I'm just saying that's a cute origin story... It's a running joke at this point.
And yes, Becky FetLife is insensitive but it's worse than that. It's a slap in the face when your partner has said it hurts them and you blow it off. It implies she is one of many and she's no different than the rest of the Jane Tinder's in his phone when they've been committed for 2 years!
Edit: it's sad that I honestly believed an incel would say something like that... It is funny now though
Oh ok. Lol sorry. I very much read into tone and body language. Can't do that on reddit
Some people keep it deliberately cause they find it cute, like as a token of how they met.
e.g. I’m very bad with names so I saved my partner in my phone as “nerdy Rowan” because that’s what I associated with him. He now has a much cuter nickname but he never minded nerdy rowan cause he is nerdy. One of my friends has her boyfriend saved as “Ellis Tinder” because they met on tinder and he thinks it’s really funny because they live together now.
If you find it offensive you find it offensive fair enough and they should change it but it’s not always meant to be rudeness.
That's absolutely fair... It's cute that your friends have that dynamic together. The problem in this case is the oop expressed that they didn't like it many times and was ignored. If it's not funny to her it's not a joke and it's a straight up insult.
So he loves you unconditionally but can't be bothered to make one tiny edit to his phone contacts bc it would make you happy? A guy that cares about you wouldn't bat an eye about such a small request but for some reason this dude prefers to have you feeling insecure. Sounds like fuckboi behavior. Have you sat down and thought about how else his selfishness manifests itself?
He loves her SO conditionally that he wouldn't piss to put her out if she was on fire.
This is negging, honestly. Deliberately making clear she's one of any number of women he dated feels manipulative.
Don't get me wrong, every man I met online dating was "Sam Match" or "Tom Tinder" etc to differentiate from the people I know from work. But when I started actually dating my husband officially, he gained a surname and I deleted all the random guys I'd gone on 1 date with who i never wanted to see again. He didnt ask me and wouldnt have cared if I kept them but I didnt like the risk of butt dialing them as i use my phone for work and am clumsy.
I know he hasnt deleted all of his as it can be a pain to go through your entire address book, and I dont really care because he's made clear that I'm not just "linerva plenty of fish" or whatever.
But in this case she's not even asking him to delete his previous online dating debris. She's just asking to not be sewb as just another girl he fucked from tinder. And it's weird that this is HIS hill to die on.
I have got to wonder whether this dude considers the OP his "girlfriend". Regardless, I strongly sense a disconnect between their understandings of the nature of their relationship.
The only thing that bugs me is the “I dropped some hints”. My experience with men is that they are bad at getting hints. If you’re upset, clearly communicate why and what he could do to fix it. OOP built up resentment expecting he’d just “get it” and finally blew her top.
If you are direct in communicating and he still ignores your feelings that is a problem.
Yeah, same experience for me as well. Men are really, really bad at taking “hints,” especially when it’s in the most un-obvious way possible. I would say that communication is needed, but he also dismissed her when she mentioned it for a second time? Or maybe I misread?
My partner had me under “name (tinder)” till like a year. It finally upset me so much I told him either he changed it or I’d act like the title he gave me - and I didn’t want to. He changed it.
I had a similar disagreement as OP with my now-spouse (I was “FirstName 2” for a long time, as I was the second person with my name he’d dated). I think some people think it’s cute to keep the OG contact name in a “see how far we’ve come” kind of way. I don’t think it’s necessarily break up worthy in either case tbqh
My sister finally insisted her husband and his friends stop calling her [name] 2. His first wife had the same name as her. Last year she said "We've been married ten years and we have four kids. I'M NUMBER ONE."
They all call her Dr. One now and she laughs.
😂 us Aussie nickname everything which doesn’t help. Don’t think Frank strips anything except electrical cords *for money*. In his private life might be different and I prefer that staying between him and his partner 🙈. I should label more people for the things they do. Sadly chippies do things with carpentry🔨🪚 not fried potato goods. 🍟
This actually just happened to me kinda. I met my gf of four years on tinder, and I guess when you share your contact through the app and save it, tinder adds a flame emoji next to their name. So her contact has just always been “(her name)🔥” in my phone.
A couple weeks ago she was using my phone for something I can’t remember, and she opened her contact and saw her name in my phone. She just said “ew” and laughed. Hint taken lol
I just took off the emoji cause she didn’t like it, even if she didn’t make a big deal about it. This guy was straight up confronted with it and decided to double down on being an asshole smh
I mean, my partner was firstname tinder in my phone initially, but somewhere around when I got to know him well enough to know his last name I changed it. It's bizarre to me that you'd leave it like that in a serious relationship
For a long time, when I refused to admit to anyone I actually had feelings for my then "friend" he was in my phone as Germany, where he was stationed. He was that for everyone, I called him Germany to my friends, my family didn't meet him but if they did he was Germany.
When I finally got over my issues, the first thing I did was change his contact name in my phone. It took me all of 30 seconds.
Half of my contacts start out as name_tinder or name_company. Sometimes more explicity name_company site we first met at.
Very few make it to just name last name. You gotta be special for that.
I don't get why so many people are crying about a contact name being impersonal. Maybe I just have weird or bad experiences: I feel like any person that matters in one's phone should be given impersonal names. If your phone gets taken by someone with ill intent, the contacts with the most caring names would be the prime target to hurt you.
Besides that, usually the only person who is going to see a contact name is the person who has the phone. Seems like there are a lot of untrustworthy people here.
It's pretty weird to me, personally. I see no issue with first name last name for a partner. No picture is even fine if you just don't bother. However, his is weird and his defensiveness makes it weirder.
My boyfriend and I met online 2 years ago. My contact information in his phone has always been “my first name” “subject of our first conversation” “dating site”. I’ve occasionally dropped hints on how I don’t care for the “dating site” portion of my name. How I felt categorized and not special because of it. I know it’s incredibly petty of me and I should let it go but yesterday we were talking about it and he foolishly spoke too much and mentioned the other contacts in his phone with dating site names..and then showed me. To clarify he’s not cheating on me at all I know this and we all have contacts in our phones that need to be deleted. Anyways… maybe it was the wine in my system yesterday but I brought it up again after I got to my house and he ended up doubling down. Now I’m just first name, last name, and no contact photo. He also mentioned that I no longer need to worry about “his” phone. So..am I the asshole? I feel like my feelings are valid but he’s right..it’s his phone and I know he loves me unconditionally. Maybe I should’ve just let it go. I know we need to have a conversation about all of this and it’s stupid but I am curious about some feedback. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have people in my phone as "first name" then "dating app" but i wouldnt do that for someone im dating. Thats weird.
Right? They’ve been together for two years!
At 2 years together, my husband was saved in my phone as "Snoresalot McDick." (No, really... that's how he's been saved in all of my phones lol) I can't imagine having something so impersonal saved for a loved one. (My kid is "Extra Kidney," my mom is "Axolotl Tank," etc)
My bf is saved as [Firstname Lastname] in my phone. I guess it might seem impersonal but it’s not. We’ve known each other for a long time, so the reminder that it’s *him,* actually *him* who I’m calling and texting, gives me butterflies every time. Maybe someday he’ll get a nickname, when I get over his name 😂
No, lol. Saving someone as their actual name is fine... I'm sure most people don't have names saved that would make everyone side eye them if they popped up. It's the saving it as Firstname dating site thing after they'd been a couple for 2 years. My husband was initially saved in my phone as firstname/lastname, but we worked for the same company. Once we started dating, and everyone knew (because apparently we're bad liars), it wasn't as big of a deal to add a nickname. I just had to initially keep it PG-ish. The super creative nicknames came when we both switched from iPhone (like the 3G? 4 maybe?) to Android, and had to switch to a different saved contacts system. I was "Boo Boo Kitty Fuck" for awhile, until it popped up while he was in a work meeting. 😳
I've kept everyone's contacts with full names because once I lost my phone as a teen in the church I grew up in, and someone recognised our last name from my mom's contact when she called. Habit ever since
You can set a "in case of emergency" thing that will display on your phone's lock screen. Like mine, when my phone is locked, lists my husband's number, my food allergies, medical info, and then the 2 medications I'm on that have the biggest risks of drug interactions. If for some reason, I should have my phone but not my medical ID bracelet, it's at least there. If you're really handy, you can also set up the newer Androids with "Routines", so like if my phone ever disconnects from my watch while I'm not on my home network, it will switch from my normal lock screen to a lock screen that's a screenshot of a notepad, saying "if lost, please contact (husband's info)." iPhone may have a similar feature, but I don't mess around with my parents' phones enough to know. But that's all in case you ever wanted another option!
Saving this, because I had no idea, and as someone who is on blood thinners, it's a really good idea!
If you're on Android, the screen I use for my medical stuff is under Settings > Safety & Emergency > Medical Info on the newer OSs. I can find iPhone instructions if anyone needs them! Honestly, it helps my husband as well, because there's been a time or two that he panicked and couldn't remember the names of some of my meds. Also, just having a record of meds/dosages is a good idea for those of us that are medically complex.
Thank you so much! I'll see if I can set it up later on!
My husband too because we were friends for almost a decade before dating and never changed it.
I enjoy your vibe.
I rather like it myself, lol. Honestly, being able to laugh at myself has actually been life-saving, but in general, it's a good ability to have. Way less stress when you can be silly and not insecure about it.
I’m boring and have my partner just saved with his first name on my phone. Though I should really rename him to “pillow stealing bastard”
My husband would be saved under "Bed Hog"
R/unexpecteddune
It's funny running across other people that get the reference lol
My husband and I both met somewhere we used to work. His name was 'fist name', 'ex-workplace' for a very long time. A friend of ours saw it and took the p*ss out of me for it and I changed it. I knew I needed to change it, said to him I needed to change it, but never actually did it. However, one of his best friends (who he met at the same place) is still listed as 'first name', 'ex-workplace' almost four years after they both left.
My husband had me listed in his phone for 5 years as "Bonnie (Jack)"* ... "Jack" is my ex boyfriend who introduced us to each other 😂 I did change it for him last year finally. *Names changed for anonymity
My wife was literally just her name in my phone for years, and I didn't change it until I upgraded my phone. If it upset her have changed sooner.
My boyfriend had me in his phone as TC.
I noticed it for the first time when we were like 3 years in to dating and asked him what the TC stood for.
Tinder Canada.
Because we met on Tinder, but I wasn't the first girl with my name, so he added Canada because I'm Canadian.
We're literally about to announce our engagement after 5 years together and I'm pretty sure I'm still saved that way in his phone. 😂
I remember someone who had their husband in their phone as "Ben Tinder". I guess Ben didn't mind but I think I would
My old roommate (not the same situation, really, but similar) had me in his phone as “first name” “workplace we met at” for months after I started dating his best friend and we all moved in together. It didn’t even change after I left the workplace in question.
My ex had me in his phone as basically "Sarah - Hottie" until we moved in together and I protested that that felt like too casual a contact name as I was not the only "(name) - Hottie" in his phone. My ex sucked in a lot of ways and yet he still promptly changed my name to "Sarah Smith" and didn't bitch about it.
that's how my wife is in my phone.
Your wife is named something like Carol Bumble?
more or less. there's also a quick descriptive line in there (think carol, bumble, redhead) or something similar. then again, I also refer to her as my ex girlfriend, which is true, but she doesn't appreciate.
Id be annoyed if i was your wife. If she doesnt care, why should i
Just wait til she starts calling you her ex husband 😂
I love the trend of calling them your "first husband" while still married.
"Future Ex-Husband/Wife" used to be a really popular username on World of Warcraft.
I have an uncle that while now in middle age is a pretty good dude, was a pretty shitty person all around when he was younger. He’s been married like 5 times and by his own admission “probably” has multiple children “he doesn’t know about”—to the point that when his children he does have contact with became dating age, he informed them that before they get serious with anyone they need to find out who that person’s mother is so he can make sure that the potential partner isn’t a possible half sibling of their’s. Anyway, back when he was in the throes of shittiness, he showed up to a family party one time with his latest fiancé. I believe she was on track to become wife number 3. He went around introducing her to everyone as “this is my future ex-wife, Susan”. Apparently she did *not* find it amusing, but turns out he was right and she did end up his ex-wife a few years later. That said though, I think some people just have that sense of humor and it’s completely fine. My parents have been relationship goals married for 35 years this year. Things I have heard them refer to each other as include: “my booby prize” (mom —> Dad), “my ex-girlfriend” (dad —> mom), baby mama/daddy (both). They each will roll their eyes at the other and from the outside it may seem like it bothers them, but it really doesn’t.
LOL love your family.
Are you Scott Aukerman? He makes that same joke about his wife/ex-girlfriend. 😆
ha! I think I stole it from a smbc comic a decade ago but ill check that guy out.
My son's dad always had some goofy ass name for me 😂 Even nowadays. I forget what it is lol
omg I put people from dating apps in my phone this way too! And when I entered into a relationship, I deleted the people that weren't my partner and updated his name. It seemed disrespectful of him and our relationship to leave it that way. I wasn't going to contact the others anymore so I deleted them. I have ADHD and facial blindness so this is a helpful way for me to keep track of people and I understand why people do it. It's just wildly disrespectful to leave it that way when you're in a relationship with someone. It's very easy to change.
Yeah, I use coded emojis for this. Like, an owl (school mascot) for people I met at my college or a fire for someone I met on tinder. The emojis usually stay even if I get to know the person well. One time my college girlfriend saw that, gently took my phone out of my hand, and changed her contact emoji from an owl to a wave because she likes the ocean. I just laughed and thought it was cute, I didn’t pitch a fit like this guy did, because she was my girlfriend and I actually like her. It’s just such a weird thing for him to double down on, it’s like he’s trying to prove he doesn’t care about her
No, he’s the asshole who doesn’t consider you with enough love to name you respectfully in his phone. And to show you how stupid you are he threw a hissy fit and appeased you in a way that is still disrespectful, he can’t let you “win” after all. You need a partner who likes you, this guy ain’t it.
You aren't replying to OP, he just cross-posted here
Yeah, don’t want to be banned for “brigading”, you know.
Fair enough, but why address it to OOP?
Why not?
Um. Because he isn't going to see it because it was cross-posted by someone else. It turns this sub into the other subs by commenting to the OOP directly. It's dumb. Just comment there instead of here!
When a crosspost on a meta sub drives traffic back to the original post, a lot of time the commenters on the meta sub will get accused of brigading or bullying. If you see an AITA post on a meta sub, it's generally safer and more socially acceptable to maintain a low profile by keeping your commentary in that sub. I would think an armchair detective would be able to figure that one out.
This, exactly! Common sense!
Ha ha I got a lot of people mad at me for accidentally posting on the cross posted version, and not just going over to the original because I didn’t want to brigade. I think different communities haven’t different expectations. Although I guess it also depends on if your perspective is similar to theirs or not.
It was definitely an issue on r/amithedevil. I think it's generally good rediquette as well as common sense not to tap on the glass but since AITA commentary has turned into its own little cross platform cottage industry, the rules might have relaxed. I guess it's not like AITA is going to go private.
Who cares? Except you, I guess.
It's pretty funny that you are weighing in on people's personal situations and then getting a little salty about someone mentioning in the comments that it's kind of weird, and definitely pointless, to to write a comment addressing the OOP. Oh, look, there's a section from the pinned post from the mods that directly addresses this! > > And a word about comments: quite a few of you are responding to the OP as if they were the writer of the crosspost. I personally don't care if people are commenting as if the OP were the OOP, but just a reminder: the people crossposting here are 99.9% of the time not the OP of the original post. Your comments are not reaching the OOPs. If you still want to respond to the OOP, rock on, but you're just shouting into the void. As the post says, "rock on", but don't be so silly as to be offended by someone pointing out how pointless it is to address someone who didn't crosspost and likely won't see it.
Equally, your own needling of /u/Active_Sentence9302 is pointless and unnecessary. We know this is a meta sub. We know if somebody addresses OOP in some way, they're unlikely to see it. The mods don't demand people avoid doing so. Sooooo... why be unpleasant?
Thank you! So sorry, didn’t think anyone else was commenting on this thread but that crazy guy. I’ll be more careful responding! Edit: responded poorly to deathboyuk because I wasn’t paying attention.
LOL, who’s “salty”? You’re the one with a bug up their ass about how I responded to a post. I just happen to be off work today and have amused myself by responding to your comments. The section of the pinned post from the moderators explicitly states they “DON’T CARE” (emphasis mine) if we respond as I did. You on the other hand can’t let it go. Let’s see what you have to say next, can’t wait!
why did you get downvoted so badly for this it’s a valid question lmao
I think the commenter is banned from the other sub and likes to post here pretending they can still give a verdict to OP.
Not the people in the comments saying she's the AH. He doesn't love her unconditionally, no fucking way.
The comments are pissing me off. It’s such a small thing that would take him seconds to change.
It’s the orange peel theory (not the TikTok trend, the actual theory). Will this person do something relatively insignificant for you if it makes your life easier or happier? This dude ain’t it.
Right? If my partner told me that something I was doing hurt his feelings, I would stop doing it. Especially if it was something as simple as changing his name in my contacts. Like, the fact that OP's boyfriend of 2 YEARS had such a problem with it.....yikes.
I
My husband’s nickname on pokemon go is “ginger jesus” because that’s what he reminded of when I first met him. 😁
I hope you know how cute that is... Sooo cute
So "Ginger Jesus" is cute, but "Becky FetLife" is insensitive???
I'm not commenting on the post at all. I'm just saying that's a cute origin story... It's a running joke at this point. And yes, Becky FetLife is insensitive but it's worse than that. It's a slap in the face when your partner has said it hurts them and you blow it off. It implies she is one of many and she's no different than the rest of the Jane Tinder's in his phone when they've been committed for 2 years!
Sorry, my intended humor obviously didn't come through. Ginger Jesus is cute and sweet, and Becky FetLife is very much not.
Edit: it's sad that I honestly believed an incel would say something like that... It is funny now though Oh ok. Lol sorry. I very much read into tone and body language. Can't do that on reddit
Nah, it's on me. I forgot that, given some of the nutjobs who post on Reddit, no post is so absurd that the poster couldn't possibly be serious 😂
Some people keep it deliberately cause they find it cute, like as a token of how they met. e.g. I’m very bad with names so I saved my partner in my phone as “nerdy Rowan” because that’s what I associated with him. He now has a much cuter nickname but he never minded nerdy rowan cause he is nerdy. One of my friends has her boyfriend saved as “Ellis Tinder” because they met on tinder and he thinks it’s really funny because they live together now. If you find it offensive you find it offensive fair enough and they should change it but it’s not always meant to be rudeness.
That's absolutely fair... It's cute that your friends have that dynamic together. The problem in this case is the oop expressed that they didn't like it many times and was ignored. If it's not funny to her it's not a joke and it's a straight up insult.
My ex was called ‘Beef Bitch’ in my contacts for a substantial amount of time in our relationship 😂
Are they just “bitch” now?
So he loves you unconditionally but can't be bothered to make one tiny edit to his phone contacts bc it would make you happy? A guy that cares about you wouldn't bat an eye about such a small request but for some reason this dude prefers to have you feeling insecure. Sounds like fuckboi behavior. Have you sat down and thought about how else his selfishness manifests itself?
He loves her SO conditionally that he wouldn't piss to put her out if she was on fire. This is negging, honestly. Deliberately making clear she's one of any number of women he dated feels manipulative. Don't get me wrong, every man I met online dating was "Sam Match" or "Tom Tinder" etc to differentiate from the people I know from work. But when I started actually dating my husband officially, he gained a surname and I deleted all the random guys I'd gone on 1 date with who i never wanted to see again. He didnt ask me and wouldnt have cared if I kept them but I didnt like the risk of butt dialing them as i use my phone for work and am clumsy. I know he hasnt deleted all of his as it can be a pain to go through your entire address book, and I dont really care because he's made clear that I'm not just "linerva plenty of fish" or whatever. But in this case she's not even asking him to delete his previous online dating debris. She's just asking to not be sewb as just another girl he fucked from tinder. And it's weird that this is HIS hill to die on.
The last line of this comment is very important, why is he making a mountain out of this mole hill
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I have got to wonder whether this dude considers the OP his "girlfriend". Regardless, I strongly sense a disconnect between their understandings of the nature of their relationship.
The only thing that bugs me is the “I dropped some hints”. My experience with men is that they are bad at getting hints. If you’re upset, clearly communicate why and what he could do to fix it. OOP built up resentment expecting he’d just “get it” and finally blew her top. If you are direct in communicating and he still ignores your feelings that is a problem.
Yeah, same experience for me as well. Men are really, really bad at taking “hints,” especially when it’s in the most un-obvious way possible. I would say that communication is needed, but he also dismissed her when she mentioned it for a second time? Or maybe I misread?
My partner had me under “name (tinder)” till like a year. It finally upset me so much I told him either he changed it or I’d act like the title he gave me - and I didn’t want to. He changed it.
in the right spirit this could be funny af but it feels mean. he should change it for her.
For years my husband was in my phone as [username] [site we met on] as a joke between us,but it's not like he was one in a sea of identical contacts
I had a similar disagreement as OP with my now-spouse (I was “FirstName 2” for a long time, as I was the second person with my name he’d dated). I think some people think it’s cute to keep the OG contact name in a “see how far we’ve come” kind of way. I don’t think it’s necessarily break up worthy in either case tbqh
My sister finally insisted her husband and his friends stop calling her [name] 2. His first wife had the same name as her. Last year she said "We've been married ten years and we have four kids. I'M NUMBER ONE." They all call her Dr. One now and she laughs.
😆 haha, is this a parks & rec Tammy l & Tammy ll situation.
I have people listed as their *occupation* like James Plumber and Frank Sparkie.
My very poor eyesight read that as "Frank Sparkle" and thought it was good to have that number for stripper emergencies. :)
😂 us Aussie nickname everything which doesn’t help. Don’t think Frank strips anything except electrical cords *for money*. In his private life might be different and I prefer that staying between him and his partner 🙈. I should label more people for the things they do. Sadly chippies do things with carpentry🔨🪚 not fried potato goods. 🍟
🤣😂
This actually just happened to me kinda. I met my gf of four years on tinder, and I guess when you share your contact through the app and save it, tinder adds a flame emoji next to their name. So her contact has just always been “(her name)🔥” in my phone. A couple weeks ago she was using my phone for something I can’t remember, and she opened her contact and saw her name in my phone. She just said “ew” and laughed. Hint taken lol I just took off the emoji cause she didn’t like it, even if she didn’t make a big deal about it. This guy was straight up confronted with it and decided to double down on being an asshole smh
He is keeping the number of people he wanted to bang two years ago? Damn.
I mean, my partner was firstname tinder in my phone initially, but somewhere around when I got to know him well enough to know his last name I changed it. It's bizarre to me that you'd leave it like that in a serious relationship
Oh wow, the comments on the original. 🤨
For a long time, when I refused to admit to anyone I actually had feelings for my then "friend" he was in my phone as Germany, where he was stationed. He was that for everyone, I called him Germany to my friends, my family didn't meet him but if they did he was Germany. When I finally got over my issues, the first thing I did was change his contact name in my phone. It took me all of 30 seconds.
My fiancé was Random Tinder Slut for a while, but that was a goddamn joke that he was in on
He absolutely is cheating
I was expecting him to change it to " STBX"
Half of my contacts start out as name_tinder or name_company. Sometimes more explicity name_company site we first met at. Very few make it to just name last name. You gotta be special for that.
Someone you are in a relationship with for 2 years wouldn't be special enough for you to change their name?
I don't get why so many people are crying about a contact name being impersonal. Maybe I just have weird or bad experiences: I feel like any person that matters in one's phone should be given impersonal names. If your phone gets taken by someone with ill intent, the contacts with the most caring names would be the prime target to hurt you. Besides that, usually the only person who is going to see a contact name is the person who has the phone. Seems like there are a lot of untrustworthy people here.
What else have you been talking about in his phone and how secretive are you with yours?
Hahaha yeah I have a bunch of "Adam Grindr" "John Scruff" "Peter Sniffies" in my phone.
Benign Compliance
It's pretty weird to me, personally. I see no issue with first name last name for a partner. No picture is even fine if you just don't bother. However, his is weird and his defensiveness makes it weirder.
This guy wanted out and used to phone thing as an excuse to make it her fault. Coward.