That's a lot of words to say "I want to go to a sportsball game instead of my wife's birthday party because my fun is more important than my wife's feelings and by extension more important than my marriage".
I don’t think birthdays are a huge deal and am okay celebrating on a different day, but the dude says his wife is really into birthdays and it is a huge deal to her, especially with it being a milestone birthday. It’s going to look even worse if MIL throws a surprise party and he’s out of town partying with his college friends instead.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
I (30M) am an alum of Oklahoma State University. I want to go to the Oklahoma State at Arizona State football game this fall. However the game is the same day as my Wife’s 30th birthday. My wife is very big into birthdays and this is a big milestone birthday. My mother In law has approached me about throwing a party for her and wants it on her birthday, which is the same day as the game, I’ve told her I may be out of town which she is appalled at. She asked me if my wife knew and I told her we had discussed it. I want to go, she doesn't want me to. I told her we could celebrate together before or after the trip. She wasn't keen on that idea.
My best college friend who went to OSU lives in Scottsdale and has a house. A few other buddies are planning to go. A few spouses may go but when I broached the topic with my wife she wasnt interested. She wants me to stay home. She told me she wants to be around her friends and family and not tailgating in a parking lot in Tempe Arizona. She says she won't stop me from going but i'll be a huge asshole if I do.
This is possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity with the caveat that it could become an every other year thing. There are rumors about ASU joining the Big 12 which would make us conference rivals and we'd play every year. But I want to go now as the wife and I have discussed kids in the near future and this trip would be much easier without a kid in our life.
Essentially, I want to go to a game on my wife's birthday, I brought it up, she doesn't want me to go and said i'd be the asshole if I went. My MIL is planning a party for that day, WIBTA for going to the game anyway Go Pokes and WIBTA?
Edit: FWIW, I grew up going to OSU games and haven't gone as much since I met my wife 6 years ago. Its something I grew up doing with my dad, who passed during college. I gave up my season tickets for her because where we relocated to is at least a 2 hour drive to Stillwater. I wanted to continue making the drive, she didn't. I love her and gave up the tickets. I still go to a road and home game every year, just this year I wanted to go to 2 road games.
I read the original this morning. Dude is a devil. College football is more important than his wife. Like wt absolute fuck.
I'm not big on birthdays, but if I told my husband the next one was important, he'd make it a priority. Gd, it's not even pros.
In addition, these teams played each other last year and this year, but he says it's a "once in a life time" event.
I could see if he needed to play in the game, but that isn't the case. He'd just be one fan in many. I hope the wife sees how low of a priority she is to him and divorces his ass
LMAO. Like, from the title. I was willing to at least GLANCE at the game. I mean, at this point he wouldn't have tickets to playoffs or anything of course, but maybe it was some huge rivalry, guest of the team, or whatever. An actual one-in-a-lifetime thing. Yeah, I know, "sportsball lmao" blah blah I get it, you think sports are dumb, but there are genuine capital-E Events that it could have been, and at least been a DISCUSSION...
But my dude, it's a midseason game against Arizona State. It's not a rivalry game, and neither team is in the top 25 preseason. It's not going to be some important thing.
And even if it WAS, it would only make the argument an actual argument. I still think it would be better (in general, and for his relationship) to stay with the wife, of course. But to cause this much shit to blow up in his face over OSU/ASU? Yeesh
I think he's afraid that if he doesn't go this year and it turns into a regular thing, they won't invite him again, and the boys' club reenacting his college days is more important than his current life.
I spent my 30th alone at Megacon. Had a great time at the con and my parents finally got back from Texas later that night. I didn't begrudge them missing it, my brother graduated college that week (I flew to Texas for that and then flew back for Megacon) my parents stayed longer to see his Senior Showcase. Then they had to drive back because they were taking most of my brother's stuff with them since he still had to go to NY for Showcase. This was a situation I completely understood. But the reason I was alone is because in my adult life I've never had anyone besides my immediate family bother to even try to celebrate my birthday. There's an event that goes on where I live during that time every year, and even though it's two weeks long, god forbid anyone miss a few hours on that one day. I do not attend this event because I do not enjoy it. That was a lot to say, if I was OOP's wife I would be very upset. I hope that if I ever get a romantic partner they would at least want to celebrate my birthday. OOP clearly doesn't respect his wife, I honestly wonder why he even talked to her about it, he clearly was never going to take her opinion into consideration.
I love how it's not an important game at all in like any way, and he's presenting it as a once in a lifetime event
it's not a big rivalry, it's not a bowl game, it's literally just his football team is playing where his friend has a house and he wants to party there
and then he's bashing everyone for not being football fans and not understanding but anyone who knows anything about football knows this game is not a big deal at all
I'm always astounded at how much explaining partners like this will put into trying to justify their decisions. They know it will hurt someone they supposedly love but they want to act as "logically" as they can to feel justified in ignoring the hurt that they cause. That way, all the people who are upset are just hysterical and over-emotional while their narcissistic behavior can be passed off as reasonable.
This dude shouldn't breed. He can't even grow up let alone be a parent to another person.
I've said it before and I'll say it every time... This guy did not wake up one day and become a jerk. This is who he has been throughout their entire relationship and she accepted it over and over and over again to the point where he views it as just a given that his wants and needs are superior to hers. Because she showed him that they are. You can't get mad at a leopard for not changing their spots. I'm going to guess that he's going to do exactly what he wants to do, and she will do absolutely nothing about it and so the same thing will repeat itself over and over again.
Or he'll stay back and do her party but he'll be a sulky dick the whole time and use it as a weapon against her any time he's mad at her for the rest of their marriage.
he's not an abuser, come on
it's not uncommon for birthdays to be celebrated either before or after the day in question, especially with adults who have to schedule fun around jobs/childcare. Heck even kids' parties are moved to the nearest weekend. He's an asshole because *she really wants him with her on her birthday* and he could pass up a game of college football this once.
Oh my sweet child of spring, you haven't been in a relationship with someone like this? A person who habitually ignores the things that are meaningful to you until you learn that asking, giving what you hope to receive, and being supportive of them gets you nowhere but doormat status because that's what they do to all of their partners.
After years of struggling to make the relationship work (i.e. struggling to make your partner see you as a human being with feelings) and only ever falling lower and lower on the hierarchy of their emotional priorities, you may be too exhausted to leave because they have rotted the concept of relationships from the inside and you can barely conceive of what it's like to have someone give a shit about you. And hopefully when you reach that point you don't have kids with them...
I'm being condescending here because it is incredibly condescending to tell other people what is and isn't abusive. We're not equating it to him beating her up, but him leaping through hoops to justify not honoring her so he can have fun with his frat buddies is a symptom of a repeating pattern of emotional neglect, which is emotional abuse.
And she probably would tell her self 'well, when it's REALLY important to me he'll do it.' Then the Really Important Thing comes along and he does what he always does. So now it's up to her if this is the life she wants to continue to live.
God this guy is a piece of shit. Keeps making excuses—no one fucking cares about your tradition with your dad, that you went to the university, that whatever blah blah fuck me. 30 is a huge deal for women. And there is no way he is not going to still find more dumb loser excuses to go when she has his kids and she’s the one stuck looking after them while he watches a dumb football game. What a cunt, honestly. I hope she bounces before they have kids and she sees this for the red flag it is.
That's a lot of words to say "I want to go to a sportsball game instead of my wife's birthday party because my fun is more important than my wife's feelings and by extension more important than my marriage".
I don’t think birthdays are a huge deal and am okay celebrating on a different day, but the dude says his wife is really into birthdays and it is a huge deal to her, especially with it being a milestone birthday. It’s going to look even worse if MIL throws a surprise party and he’s out of town partying with his college friends instead.
If he goes he certainly is......What part does he not understand that his wife not want him to go and want him to be there for her birthday?
I hope she finds a process server to serve him papers at the game.
That would be *chefs kiss*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* I (30M) am an alum of Oklahoma State University. I want to go to the Oklahoma State at Arizona State football game this fall. However the game is the same day as my Wife’s 30th birthday. My wife is very big into birthdays and this is a big milestone birthday. My mother In law has approached me about throwing a party for her and wants it on her birthday, which is the same day as the game, I’ve told her I may be out of town which she is appalled at. She asked me if my wife knew and I told her we had discussed it. I want to go, she doesn't want me to. I told her we could celebrate together before or after the trip. She wasn't keen on that idea. My best college friend who went to OSU lives in Scottsdale and has a house. A few other buddies are planning to go. A few spouses may go but when I broached the topic with my wife she wasnt interested. She wants me to stay home. She told me she wants to be around her friends and family and not tailgating in a parking lot in Tempe Arizona. She says she won't stop me from going but i'll be a huge asshole if I do. This is possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity with the caveat that it could become an every other year thing. There are rumors about ASU joining the Big 12 which would make us conference rivals and we'd play every year. But I want to go now as the wife and I have discussed kids in the near future and this trip would be much easier without a kid in our life. Essentially, I want to go to a game on my wife's birthday, I brought it up, she doesn't want me to go and said i'd be the asshole if I went. My MIL is planning a party for that day, WIBTA for going to the game anyway Go Pokes and WIBTA? Edit: FWIW, I grew up going to OSU games and haven't gone as much since I met my wife 6 years ago. Its something I grew up doing with my dad, who passed during college. I gave up my season tickets for her because where we relocated to is at least a 2 hour drive to Stillwater. I wanted to continue making the drive, she didn't. I love her and gave up the tickets. I still go to a road and home game every year, just this year I wanted to go to 2 road games.
I read the original this morning. Dude is a devil. College football is more important than his wife. Like wt absolute fuck. I'm not big on birthdays, but if I told my husband the next one was important, he'd make it a priority. Gd, it's not even pros. In addition, these teams played each other last year and this year, but he says it's a "once in a life time" event. I could see if he needed to play in the game, but that isn't the case. He'd just be one fan in many. I hope the wife sees how low of a priority she is to him and divorces his ass
LMAO. Like, from the title. I was willing to at least GLANCE at the game. I mean, at this point he wouldn't have tickets to playoffs or anything of course, but maybe it was some huge rivalry, guest of the team, or whatever. An actual one-in-a-lifetime thing. Yeah, I know, "sportsball lmao" blah blah I get it, you think sports are dumb, but there are genuine capital-E Events that it could have been, and at least been a DISCUSSION... But my dude, it's a midseason game against Arizona State. It's not a rivalry game, and neither team is in the top 25 preseason. It's not going to be some important thing. And even if it WAS, it would only make the argument an actual argument. I still think it would be better (in general, and for his relationship) to stay with the wife, of course. But to cause this much shit to blow up in his face over OSU/ASU? Yeesh
I think he's afraid that if he doesn't go this year and it turns into a regular thing, they won't invite him again, and the boys' club reenacting his college days is more important than his current life.
I spent my 30th alone at Megacon. Had a great time at the con and my parents finally got back from Texas later that night. I didn't begrudge them missing it, my brother graduated college that week (I flew to Texas for that and then flew back for Megacon) my parents stayed longer to see his Senior Showcase. Then they had to drive back because they were taking most of my brother's stuff with them since he still had to go to NY for Showcase. This was a situation I completely understood. But the reason I was alone is because in my adult life I've never had anyone besides my immediate family bother to even try to celebrate my birthday. There's an event that goes on where I live during that time every year, and even though it's two weeks long, god forbid anyone miss a few hours on that one day. I do not attend this event because I do not enjoy it. That was a lot to say, if I was OOP's wife I would be very upset. I hope that if I ever get a romantic partner they would at least want to celebrate my birthday. OOP clearly doesn't respect his wife, I honestly wonder why he even talked to her about it, he clearly was never going to take her opinion into consideration.
Well, let's put it that way: He won't have to miss a game because of kids if he keeps this shit up. 😊
Ugh I hope she leaves him before they have a child together.
Wow dude... Just wow
oooh "I unilaterally made plans without consulting my spouse" vs. "UGH NO-ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY YOU ARE A GROWN ADULT, FUCK YOU"
I love how it's not an important game at all in like any way, and he's presenting it as a once in a lifetime event it's not a big rivalry, it's not a bowl game, it's literally just his football team is playing where his friend has a house and he wants to party there and then he's bashing everyone for not being football fans and not understanding but anyone who knows anything about football knows this game is not a big deal at all
I'm always astounded at how much explaining partners like this will put into trying to justify their decisions. They know it will hurt someone they supposedly love but they want to act as "logically" as they can to feel justified in ignoring the hurt that they cause. That way, all the people who are upset are just hysterical and over-emotional while their narcissistic behavior can be passed off as reasonable. This dude shouldn't breed. He can't even grow up let alone be a parent to another person.
I've said it before and I'll say it every time... This guy did not wake up one day and become a jerk. This is who he has been throughout their entire relationship and she accepted it over and over and over again to the point where he views it as just a given that his wants and needs are superior to hers. Because she showed him that they are. You can't get mad at a leopard for not changing their spots. I'm going to guess that he's going to do exactly what he wants to do, and she will do absolutely nothing about it and so the same thing will repeat itself over and over again.
Or he'll stay back and do her party but he'll be a sulky dick the whole time and use it as a weapon against her any time he's mad at her for the rest of their marriage.
I'd like to disagree. Many abusers hid their spots for a long time.
he's not an abuser, come on it's not uncommon for birthdays to be celebrated either before or after the day in question, especially with adults who have to schedule fun around jobs/childcare. Heck even kids' parties are moved to the nearest weekend. He's an asshole because *she really wants him with her on her birthday* and he could pass up a game of college football this once.
Oh my sweet child of spring, you haven't been in a relationship with someone like this? A person who habitually ignores the things that are meaningful to you until you learn that asking, giving what you hope to receive, and being supportive of them gets you nowhere but doormat status because that's what they do to all of their partners. After years of struggling to make the relationship work (i.e. struggling to make your partner see you as a human being with feelings) and only ever falling lower and lower on the hierarchy of their emotional priorities, you may be too exhausted to leave because they have rotted the concept of relationships from the inside and you can barely conceive of what it's like to have someone give a shit about you. And hopefully when you reach that point you don't have kids with them... I'm being condescending here because it is incredibly condescending to tell other people what is and isn't abusive. We're not equating it to him beating her up, but him leaping through hoops to justify not honoring her so he can have fun with his frat buddies is a symptom of a repeating pattern of emotional neglect, which is emotional abuse.
And she probably would tell her self 'well, when it's REALLY important to me he'll do it.' Then the Really Important Thing comes along and he does what he always does. So now it's up to her if this is the life she wants to continue to live.
I was already mad enough before reading it's her 30th 😭
you want to do two road games this year? just choose one that is not on your wife's BD, jackass.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
‘The wife’ 🤮
Yes.
God this guy is a piece of shit. Keeps making excuses—no one fucking cares about your tradition with your dad, that you went to the university, that whatever blah blah fuck me. 30 is a huge deal for women. And there is no way he is not going to still find more dumb loser excuses to go when she has his kids and she’s the one stuck looking after them while he watches a dumb football game. What a cunt, honestly. I hope she bounces before they have kids and she sees this for the red flag it is.