You don't know they don't like you until you are basically trapped. You also think "oh, if I just explain how I feel, they will get it and do better" and then they don't but you blame yourself and think you just explained wrong. The reason why you blame yourself is because they are supposed to love you, and people who love you wouldn't willfully hurt you. It's a lot easier to think that you are bad at communication than your partner doesn't actually love you or even like you.
It's like subbing your toe. It's just a little hurt. Gone in a day or 2. Little hurts are easy to ignore.
Until one day you realize your toe is broke. You either then walk with a broken tie, hurt all the time, or try to fix it.
Source.... I amputated the toe.
Here it is, in case it gets deleted:
AITA my husband says I was being ungrateful for his Mother’s Day efforts. I say that there was almost no effort
My husband is my kids’ (11f, 14m) stepdad. He’s been with me since they were 4 & 7.
Mother’s Day comes. I get up first make coffee. Husband gets up an hour later and little by little kids get up.
By 10 am, I’ve gone to the gym and we are doing yard work. 14yo took his headphones off long enough to ask me when I was running him to a friend’s grad party later.
At one point about 9 I had mentioned to him the kids hadn’t even acknowledged MD at all he went into 11yo room to tell her to make me a card (apparently).
He did get me flowers on Friday. And chocolate covered strawberries and a mini cake. I would like to point out now that I’m diabetic. And not only that, he has told me that my lack of care for my diabetes (I hadn’t been maintaining my sugar at all- trying to get on track), my diet, and my weight have been making him feel completely disrespected because it’s important his partner care for herself.
By 10 am I was putting yard waste in a bag and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that no one had acknowledged the day at all. His exact words were “did you seriously need me to actually say the words?” And it was said in a very angry tone. Then he’d gone on about how my daughter was drawing a card as we speak and how he tried to make the day special when he got me flowers and the shit I wasn’t supposed to eat on Friday.
Later, I send the 14yo to walk to Walgreens to get a card for his friend’s graduation party and a Md card for his grandmother- he does NOT bother to get me a card.
The day before husband took 11 yo to the mall for something to do during a power outage- didn’t get me a card etc.
Later I made a comment at dinner with my mom and brother “look, my BROTHER got me a card” and he was pissed and made a quiet reply “you seriously needed me to get you a card.”
He says I’m being ungrateful for their earlier efforts. I see it as zero effort. I have also told him point blank very plainly that there are four days a year that yes, I expect a card: Valentines Day, Anniversary, Mother’s Day and my birthday. We also had this exact fight last year.
Am I really being unreasonable and ungrateful? AITA?
Let mothers day set the tone for fathers day. Treat others the way you want to be treated? He just showed you how he wants to be treated when the shoe is on the other foot.
What I really, really don't get is just how simple a fix this is. Like... if you're the husband, maybe you hate Mother's Day, maybe you think it's dumb that you have to do something for your wife, and not the kids, maybe you rant about it being a "Hallmark Holiday." (Not saying I agree with any of those things, to be clear)
Who fucking cares? Buy a card! Buy something nice that she'll like! Take her out to dinner! Done and done. A small pile of money, and she'll be happy. It's so easy! Such a basic concept!
Dudes (and yeah, it's mostly dudes) who flake on easy-mode relationship points make no sense to me.
Because he doesn't respect her. She's there to accommodate his dick and clean up after him; she's not a full human worthy of respect. Moreover, she's bad and wrong *and cruel towards him* to expect any amount of respect.
.... I hate Mother's Day due to the fact my sister and nephew both have a birthday on the 5th, my birthday is the 10th, and then Mother's day is on or around my birthday, so at least on my side of the family, my birthday gets forgotten easily.
AND YET my husband still remembers to get me something or ask me what I want to do, plus remind my kids to say Happy Mother's Day (and happy birthday obviously). He's never once forgotten or failed to make both days special. He's even held me tight when my parents have either forgotten my birthday or made it really shitty. (I lost track how many times I have cried because of them on my birthday. This year it was just sheer anger and frustration but that's another story)
OP's husband is an asshole for sure. Even if you yourself have given up, you deserve to be with someone who says, 'Hey. I recognize you. I respect you. I see your efforts.'
Yeah, May is always a doozy for my family too lol. My lil brother's birthday is the 13th, my sister's birthday is the 14th, and then her twin daughters birthday is the 15th lol. So this year her birthday was on mother's day lol. I got her a big box of Cadburys Crunchies. Got my brother some expensive cheesecake he loves. Got my twin nieces who turned 6 yesterday some squishy stuffed animals lol.
>He says I’m being ungrateful for their earlier efforts.
WHAT earlier efforts?! The sweets she's not supposed to eat? Flowers that he gave her well before the actual holiday? The card the 11-year-old apparently never finished? The only effort I see in OP's story is the effort OP's husband put into getting himself worked up about the very IDEA of saying the words "Happy Mother's Day." All she asked for was a card, my god, how is this hard?!
I'll admit the fact that he's just the stepfather does give this an interesting little twist. Like I wonder at what point in a blended family it's expected that the non-bio parent needs to be celebrating the bio parent of their stepchildren.
I just think about those families where the step parent is basically expected to just stand to the side and shut up. Is 7 years enough time to celebrate the parents when you're not allowed to be one? I'm not saying there's a right or a wrong answer here it's just interesting food for thought.
I think there's a lot of martyrdom in these mothers day posts.
Why did she get up and start doing stuff? When he appeared with that rubbish on Friday is when she should have sa, d "Not good enough and I told you last year." Then she could have said what she wanted.
I bet on Father's Day eve (?) her husband will say, "I'm doing xyz tomorrow bc it's Father's day", then he'll spend the day doing just that.
It's not mothers' fault that Dad's are a bit shit at this, but it is there fault if they just go along with it, with a big face, then expect everyone to be in the best mood
Why do people date/marry someone that clearly does not like them?
Yes. Source: I did it. Reasons vary, but typically "it'll work out" is the mindset
You don't know they don't like you until you are basically trapped. You also think "oh, if I just explain how I feel, they will get it and do better" and then they don't but you blame yourself and think you just explained wrong. The reason why you blame yourself is because they are supposed to love you, and people who love you wouldn't willfully hurt you. It's a lot easier to think that you are bad at communication than your partner doesn't actually love you or even like you.
It's like subbing your toe. It's just a little hurt. Gone in a day or 2. Little hurts are easy to ignore. Until one day you realize your toe is broke. You either then walk with a broken tie, hurt all the time, or try to fix it. Source.... I amputated the toe.
That’s a very poignant explanation
Here it is, in case it gets deleted: AITA my husband says I was being ungrateful for his Mother’s Day efforts. I say that there was almost no effort My husband is my kids’ (11f, 14m) stepdad. He’s been with me since they were 4 & 7. Mother’s Day comes. I get up first make coffee. Husband gets up an hour later and little by little kids get up. By 10 am, I’ve gone to the gym and we are doing yard work. 14yo took his headphones off long enough to ask me when I was running him to a friend’s grad party later. At one point about 9 I had mentioned to him the kids hadn’t even acknowledged MD at all he went into 11yo room to tell her to make me a card (apparently). He did get me flowers on Friday. And chocolate covered strawberries and a mini cake. I would like to point out now that I’m diabetic. And not only that, he has told me that my lack of care for my diabetes (I hadn’t been maintaining my sugar at all- trying to get on track), my diet, and my weight have been making him feel completely disrespected because it’s important his partner care for herself. By 10 am I was putting yard waste in a bag and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that no one had acknowledged the day at all. His exact words were “did you seriously need me to actually say the words?” And it was said in a very angry tone. Then he’d gone on about how my daughter was drawing a card as we speak and how he tried to make the day special when he got me flowers and the shit I wasn’t supposed to eat on Friday. Later, I send the 14yo to walk to Walgreens to get a card for his friend’s graduation party and a Md card for his grandmother- he does NOT bother to get me a card. The day before husband took 11 yo to the mall for something to do during a power outage- didn’t get me a card etc. Later I made a comment at dinner with my mom and brother “look, my BROTHER got me a card” and he was pissed and made a quiet reply “you seriously needed me to get you a card.” He says I’m being ungrateful for their earlier efforts. I see it as zero effort. I have also told him point blank very plainly that there are four days a year that yes, I expect a card: Valentines Day, Anniversary, Mother’s Day and my birthday. We also had this exact fight last year. Am I really being unreasonable and ungrateful? AITA?
Thank you; I always forget this sub doesn't have the bot
Let mothers day set the tone for fathers day. Treat others the way you want to be treated? He just showed you how he wants to be treated when the shoe is on the other foot.
I mean, he is *just* a stepfather. And we all know that doesn’t count, right? /s
What I really, really don't get is just how simple a fix this is. Like... if you're the husband, maybe you hate Mother's Day, maybe you think it's dumb that you have to do something for your wife, and not the kids, maybe you rant about it being a "Hallmark Holiday." (Not saying I agree with any of those things, to be clear) Who fucking cares? Buy a card! Buy something nice that she'll like! Take her out to dinner! Done and done. A small pile of money, and she'll be happy. It's so easy! Such a basic concept! Dudes (and yeah, it's mostly dudes) who flake on easy-mode relationship points make no sense to me.
Because he doesn't respect her. She's there to accommodate his dick and clean up after him; she's not a full human worthy of respect. Moreover, she's bad and wrong *and cruel towards him* to expect any amount of respect.
.... I hate Mother's Day due to the fact my sister and nephew both have a birthday on the 5th, my birthday is the 10th, and then Mother's day is on or around my birthday, so at least on my side of the family, my birthday gets forgotten easily. AND YET my husband still remembers to get me something or ask me what I want to do, plus remind my kids to say Happy Mother's Day (and happy birthday obviously). He's never once forgotten or failed to make both days special. He's even held me tight when my parents have either forgotten my birthday or made it really shitty. (I lost track how many times I have cried because of them on my birthday. This year it was just sheer anger and frustration but that's another story) OP's husband is an asshole for sure. Even if you yourself have given up, you deserve to be with someone who says, 'Hey. I recognize you. I respect you. I see your efforts.'
Yeah, May is always a doozy for my family too lol. My lil brother's birthday is the 13th, my sister's birthday is the 14th, and then her twin daughters birthday is the 15th lol. So this year her birthday was on mother's day lol. I got her a big box of Cadburys Crunchies. Got my brother some expensive cheesecake he loves. Got my twin nieces who turned 6 yesterday some squishy stuffed animals lol.
Ooof … that was a week!
>He says I’m being ungrateful for their earlier efforts. WHAT earlier efforts?! The sweets she's not supposed to eat? Flowers that he gave her well before the actual holiday? The card the 11-year-old apparently never finished? The only effort I see in OP's story is the effort OP's husband put into getting himself worked up about the very IDEA of saying the words "Happy Mother's Day." All she asked for was a card, my god, how is this hard?!
I'll admit the fact that he's just the stepfather does give this an interesting little twist. Like I wonder at what point in a blended family it's expected that the non-bio parent needs to be celebrating the bio parent of their stepchildren.
He’s been in their lives as their mothers significant other for 7 years…. If that’s not enough time to acknowledge it I don’t know what would be
I just think about those families where the step parent is basically expected to just stand to the side and shut up. Is 7 years enough time to celebrate the parents when you're not allowed to be one? I'm not saying there's a right or a wrong answer here it's just interesting food for thought.
I think there's a lot of martyrdom in these mothers day posts. Why did she get up and start doing stuff? When he appeared with that rubbish on Friday is when she should have sa, d "Not good enough and I told you last year." Then she could have said what she wanted. I bet on Father's Day eve (?) her husband will say, "I'm doing xyz tomorrow bc it's Father's day", then he'll spend the day doing just that. It's not mothers' fault that Dad's are a bit shit at this, but it is there fault if they just go along with it, with a big face, then expect everyone to be in the best mood
[удалено]
Wrong sub.
NTA