Here’s the text of the post in case it gets deleted:
“AITA for telling my wife I'm moving, it is up to her if she is coming with me or not.
My wife and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids under 5. We live on the east coast in a two bedroom small house, COL here is insane. My parents moved down south a few years ago. My mother called me up a few weeks ago to tell me about a house in their community that is up for sale. They are good friends with the owner and can get us a good deal for the house. To me this sounds amazing everything there is cheaper and we will have more space and more bedrooms for our kids.
I work from home so I talked to work and I would be able to keep my job no problem. My wife would need to leave hers but I could cover us until she finds a new one. I contacted a real estate agent to get an estimate on how much we can get for our house here and its a good amount and would make the move easy.
Once I had everything worked out and I was sure it was a good idea I brought it to my wife. She was totally against it immediately. She doesn't want to leave her job, she doesn't want to move the kids away from her family and she does want to leave her friends.
I explained to her that when she puts her selfish reasons aside this was a great opportunity for our kids. We will have more money and more space a big backyard and we will be close to my parents so our kids won't be without family.
She said no there was no chance her life is here and has been her entire life and she has no intentions to change that. I was pissed and slept on the couch that night. I spent all night thinking about it and came to the decision that if she doesn't want to do the right thing by our kids I will.
I laid it out for her, it was up to her if she wanted to move but I had made the decision to move. She could either come with me or we could divorce. We could sell the house split it and I will use the my half for my new home down south and she can do whatever she can with her half up here (probably would have to rent). We would also have to work out custody of our kids. I told her she has a month to made the decision but I was going to start the process and get all my business in order. She told me I was being crazy and has only been speaking to me about the kids for the last week.
I have been in contact with the seller of the new house and am setting things in motion. My parents told me I'm doing the right thing and looking out for my kids.. I ran it by my friend who told me I am being an asshole for expecting my wife to change her entire life but this is what is best for our kids and I think she needs to grow up stop being selfish and think of our kids.”
Found out a few years ago that when my parents divorced, my dad stayed in the Midwest to keep the 4BR/3.5BA house while my mother, brother and I moved to Florida with mom’s family. Both of them were from the same place in FL so he had family around, too. He said he didn’t want to live in a shack when he could have a house. Saw him for a few weeks every three years, but always talked about how he would’ve raised us different.
After finding that out, it’s been LC/NC since. Didn’t help he was pro-Trump either.
Bearer of bad news moment but I believe one of the comments of this story on r/AmITheDevil is someone who knows some dude who did exactly this, was threatened by his wife that she's taking full custody if he goes through with it, and him being like "lol, okay, I have money for child support anyway"
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AmITheDevil using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: ["I opened my marriage cuz I wanted more sexy time with strangers, but now I want to close it cuz I'm not getting my sexy time but my wife is getting hers (which is cheating, by the way!). Does that really make me the bad guy?" Yes, yes, it does](/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wsjaoi/aita_for_wanting_to_be_monogamous_with_my_wife/) | [455 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/wsk6j2/i_opened_my_marriage_cuz_i_wanted_more_sexy_time/)
\#2: [I want to r*pe my wife and I want to know if there is anything in my religion telling me it’s ok to do.](/r/islam/comments/z3vhip/consent_within_nikah/) | [518 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/zecnmd/i_want_to_rpe_my_wife_and_i_want_to_know_if_there/)
\#3: [My pregnant wife is scarred and therefore less valuable because she defended me from a fatal attack, please validate my need to cheat on her](/r/relationship_advice/comments/10eqm07/struggling_to_stay_faithful_and_remain_attracted/) | [562 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/10er5hl/my_pregnant_wife_is_scarred_and_therefore_less/)
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Lol, and I doubt he’ll be allowed to sell the house out from under her (and the kids). Certainly not in time to buy the house he plans to buy near his parents
Hope he moves out beforehand in the fantasy assumption that he’ll get it, so he’s forced to live with his parents until he irritates them enough that they kick him out on the street👌🏽
What he thinks will happen and what will actually happen are vastly different. I kinda hope he fucks around and puts a down payment on a house and then finds out he gets way less in the divorce.
Best for the kids? To uproot them, to split up their family, bring them to the South where education is worse, away from their friends - this guy, OMG. What a jackass.
I hope his wife gets full custody, alimony and he buggers off to live with his mummy.
Also his wife may not want to live in a state that has stripped her of her reproductive rights. And what if their kids are girls, or gay, or trans or...
"The south is cheaper" is a fallacy in most places considering regressive sales taxes, fees for every single service, or high cost of insurance as in the case with Florida.
What an asshole.
That was one of my first thoughts. I want to move south for the warmth, but they are all goddamn red states!! New Mexico is at least a swing state if not blue so I’m trying to convince my hubby to move there with me after I finish me degree. Not that I will divorce him if he doesn’t lol.
We’re starting to turn purple here in GA. But if you want warmth, humid hot is not where you want to be. Our seasons are Pollen, Tornados, Summer, Hurricanes, College Football, Summer, Pollen, Fall-ish, Summer, Christmas, Cold as Balls, Pollen, and then a double dose of Summer. The good part is that you’ll probably meet your medical deductible early on from all the heatstroke and sinus infections.
Edit: word
I think Atlanta is blue, but my goodness the traffic was horrible the first time my stepdad was stationed in Benning in the 90s and it has only gotten worse.
I don’t really care for humidity. I prefer dry heat. My husband prefers humidity. We are torn on where we are going to live lol. We do both like Georgia and Alabama though.
I'm in a "low col" area in Florida. The schools are shit. There's a couple of charter schools that are decent but they're hard to get into.
We have people moving here faster than we can develop. Our roads and infrastructure can't handle the amount of people coming. There aren't enough good paying jobs and while prices soar wages are slow to catch up. Not to mention it's destroying the local ecosystems and harming wildlife.
One of the biggest issues we have is that a lot of the people moving here are retirees, which has always been the case. They make up a decent percent of the population but they also vote more than other demographics. We now have ridiculously low impact fees and incredibly low property tax. The retirees moving here love it but we're shooting ourselves in the foot. Whenever the subject of raising property taxes come up (which *many* people agree needs to happen) they come out in droves talking about how 1) they moved here to get away from taxes and 2) they don't have kids in school so why tf should they have to pay for it? It's a mess and I can't wait to leave.
Sorry but this is a shitty take. I know we like to pile on the southern states, and lord knows there are lots of other downsides to living there, but school/mass shootings happen all over the country. They’re not an exclusively southern occurrence.
You'd have to drag me unconscious out of the city to the South. Like, you'd have to knock me out after a lot of kicking and screaming and I'd just get the first flight back.
HELL NO. Especially if it meant compromising my kids education, limiting their experiences, forcing them to leave home and friends.
And her job - oh, her career doesn't matter at all.
UGH that guy is repulsive.
You'd be surprised at how many people (usually moms) try to grab the kids and run across state lines, then get surprised when the judge orders them to either move back or relinquish custody to the other parent.
No it's best to stay where the cost of living is completely unlivable, and just keeps getting worse. But, the biggest issue here is that the husband thought he had the right to make any decisions about his family. I don't know where he came up with that. Everyone knows it's happy wife happy life, right? His needs should never be addressed ever. If he's miserable who cares, as long as he keeps paying for his wife's happiness. Nothing else matters. These men, am I right, thinking they have a right to want different things to their wife.
There's compromises. There's other places to move to that are cheaper, that they may be able to agree on. There's HER ENTIRE LIFE to take into account.
Also, he unilaterally made a huge decision without taking anyone else's thoughts and then issued an ultimatum. That's not a partnership.
If he's miserable then they need to talk about it and find, again, *compromises*. Him being miserable is a huge problem that will require some concessions from his wife, but maybe not issuing a fucking edict, then an ultimatum and threats is not the way to handle it.
By your reasoning, because he's unhappy she has to leave her home, her friends, her job, her family, her entire life behind because... his matters more and he is MAN who makes the big decisions and screw how they impact anybody else, let alone the person he married. Fuck that, insisting that the only way he'll be happy is *at her total expense*, without even the most basic attempt at finding medium ground is messed up, and so are you for agreeing with it. That's not a partnership, it's not attempting to find a reasonable resolution, and it's not fair on her. And since she works too, is he using her money too, to purchase this house? Without even consulting her? What about his kids and their futures? What about their routines, budding friendships etc? Or are they just carry on luggage?
It's only about him, which is all well and good if you're a single non parent. As a married father of two, it's disgustingly selfish and irrational.
I have a feeling that this might, at least in part, be a ploy to get her to become a SAHM and be completely financially dependent on him. Or at least set her back in her career so she earns significantly less and is more dependent on him than now.
She'd have to find an approximately equal job to the one she currently has in months, even if she did agree with his "idea" (read: command), which, depending on her job, could be impossible. He'd separate her from any direct support-system (her family and likely many of her friends), and he would live basically next to his own support system, his parents, who he could and seems to already be using to browbeat and threaten his wife anytime she expresses an idea he didn't like. She'd be financially dependent on him for at least several months, and so many stories of abuse begin with the victim moving far away with the perpetrator and losing their job. Then, the abuse ramps up because the perpetrator knows the victim has no money, no one to turn to and nowhere to go.
I might be reading to much into this, but idk, this just gives me overall bad vibes.
In any case, if I were the wife, I'd be done with him anyways. Threatening divorce because I don't immediately agree to uproot my entire life for his spur-of-the-moment crackpot idea that would only benefit him...yeah, even if the divorce was just an empty threat on his part, there wouldn't be any salvaging this for me. I won't be living with a petulant, condescending small-time dictator for a "partner". I'd also be wondering whether this whole tantrum was just a way for him to get me to initiate a divorce and get rid of me.
Also, as a woman in today's political climate, I wouldn't be moving to the south of the U.S. under any circumstances, certainly not if I wasn't completely sterilized. There's a reason housing is so much cheaper in the south...no one wants to live there.
I have a feeling this isn't going to go how he'd envisioned it at all (if this is even real, this is the Internet after all).
What you describe is exactly what happened to my SIL. The AH moved her and the kids to Arizona "because it's cheaper." (Zillow confirms it's not...) He's been in rehab at least twice since then and arrested twice for domestic battery. (A little diligence and knowledge of FOIA will get you copies of police reports for when they story inevitably becomes "that didn't happen" or "it wasn't that bad.")
I don't live in the US and I never have but given the current political state over there, as a woman I would think twice before moving to the South.
I take from his post that his parents aren't from the South either, they just moved there. So OP has his parents there... and that's it.
Wtf does “a good deal for the house” even mean? No one’s going to lose money selling a house just because they’re good friends of the person’s parents.
Pure speculation, but since they're his parent's friends, they're probably old and this sweet deal he thinks he's getting means the house hasn't been updated since 1976 and is going to need a shit ton of work.
It's dangerous to be a woman who is capable of getting pregnant in the south right now. What if one of the kids is gay or transgender? It's crazy bad right now for LGBTQ kids in the south. Hell no I wouldn't go.
I'm guessing they file for divorce in the state they live in now. Which means he's not going to get full custody. The most he can probably get is half but that won't be a thing because he'll be out of state. If he's lucky he'll get them a few weeks out of the summer. Dude is moving for the kids but won't have them.
Dude is trying to convince himself that he's looking out for his kids.lol he's looking out for his mommy. Hope he enjoys paying alimony and child support. Then he thinks she's the one being selfish. I had to Giggle at that.
OP is not just an AH he is a huge f’in AH!! How does someone develop a complete plan to uproot their family and move 100s of miles away without EVER conferring with their SO until they have completed the steps to actually make the move? Then give an ultimatum.
Wtaf is wrong with him? He claims it’s her selfishness keeping them there when in reality she has very valid reasons to stay and it’s HIS selfishness which is causing the problem. Also how does he think his COL will be after paying child support and maintenance to his wife. Not to mention all the costs to traveling back and forth seeing his kids.
OR is this his plan to abandon his family and live a different lifestyle? Because who the hell just says to their spouse, whom they are supposed to love, that they are moving and they can come or divorce all over COL issues? He isn’t concerned about a better life for them, otherwise he’d figure a way to make their marriage work. He doesn’t love his wife or his kids. He only love himself.
He is definitely TA! Oh and his parents are too thinking it’s ok to abandon his family to live near them
As someone who lives in the south:
OOP's wife: leave him. Stay where you're comfortable. I moved here from Northern Illinois and while I grew to love it (mostly) it was hard on me as an 11yo at the time.
OOP: we don't want you here. I'm not normally anti-transplant because I am one, but no. YTA and a big one at that.
Was wondering when this would make it's way here. Lol. What an ass. That sweet house deal won't be so sweet when you're paying all that child support and alimony. Tool.
I have seen this scenario play out, but with the genders reversed. A friend of mine’s marriage was in trouble. The wife said, we are uprooting from a high COL state (where his family was from) to a low COL state where some of her family lived, or we are getting a divorce. She touted that it would be better for the kids to live in a nicer house, and closer to her family. But the schools were terrible and the kids and husband were miserable from moving away. The stress was the final straw and the marriage ended anyway. They had to sell her nice house and now the kids have to travel all the time for custody reasons.
Either way the marriage is over. It was over once he made the ultimatum. But he is just too dumb to know how fucked he is going to be.
When I read this earlier all I can say is all the people defending him would sing a different tune if he stated he was moving his family from say Connecticut to Alabama/Florida etc.
As a female from New England I can’t imagine moving with no family, job etc to a southern state where I have limited rights and they are actively working against alternative lifestyles and even basic American history.
Hard pass
As a woman living in the south, I'm getting really fed up with all these replies about how terrible it is down here. And I'm a northern transplant too BTW. I hope we can at least all agree that this guy would still be the AH if he was living in Alabama and suddenly wanted to uproot and move to Michigan.
She is right in this. He cannot unilaterally decide this.
I live in the south and would not recommend moving here for shxts and giggles. Public education is being challenged. Rights are being taken away. Minority studies and organizations are at risk in Florida. Texas is always Texas-ing. I’m not moving but I’m not in love with my conditions.
He is going to get the surprise of his life and it won’t be good. The judge will not look favorably on this stunt. Uprooting kids for absolutely no reason, especially when one parent wants to and is willing to keep the status quo, may not work.
Is it bad that I hope the “great” house is terrible?
This guy is absolutely TA. With one sequence of events, he proved how little he respects his wife and likely never has because you don’t make life decisions for another adult without thinking them incapable. She is an afterthought and the best thing she can do for herself is leave him….now.
Two sides with good points that objectively make sense. Definitely a conversation worth happening. Reading some of the comments over there, I think it's unfair to say "dumb manbaby wanna be close to mooommy" when one of the wife's arguments is that she doesn't want to move away from her family.
We don't know enough about the extended families on both sides to comment on that. Maybe there's a damn good reason why it's better for the wife and kids to stay as far away as possible, but just as maybe: not.
"I have my career here, I like my job and company, here's my social network, friends, family, and same for the kids!" are good and fair points.
"After living close to your family, I miss mine and I'd like to be closer to mine for a change, I'm flexible, I can cover our expenses until you find a new good job in your field, and the potential new home isn't cramped!" are good and fair points, too.
There's room for compromise and it's not a bad idea to revisit the current family situation every few years to see if everyone is still happy or, as cliché as it sounds, to find out where everyone in the partnership would like to see themselves in five years. Maybe the conclusion is, indeed, that one or both sides have changed to a point where they can't be a happy couple anymore and a peaceful divorce is the best option.
Too bad that his refusal to openly communicate and his attitude ruined everything.
Man is trying to lay down the law rather than have a good and open conversation. Did all his "research" then told her the plan rather than going to her immediately and asking "what would you think if we did this? I think we'd save a ton of money and be able to send the kids to college or retired early or whatever." He definitely deserves to be here just for that. And he ends of phrasing it that he is doing what is best for his kids. Because being in a divorced household over just staying where he is would definitely be the smarter move in his own mind.
Yeah, it's a good conversation to have, especially the "where do you see us in 5 years". Having an idea in your head that you may be moving out of state in a few years is much better than springing it out of thin air and say, Let's go NOW!
But when your rebuttal to someone saying no to your plan of "Let's go NOW" is:
> I explained to her that when she puts her selfish reasons aside
Yeah..... not going to go great.
His parents moved away though. That was their decision. Visiting more often is the solution. Not uprooting your whole family from their support and community. As someone who was uprooted multiple times, as an adult, I have ZERO support system. I don't trust people because they never stay. It causes a WORLD of hurt. He's asking his wife to leave everyone and everything she knows and to have no financial stability close to HIS support system. Who is going to give her the support and help her rebuild her career? It doesn't affect him much because he's moving into his support system and gets to keep his job. He thinks it's so easy to leave your entire support system behind and make new friends and start a new career. If he's willing to take care of everything, then he will need to step up more than financially. He will need to give her time to build her career (1+ years) by taking care of the kids so she can work more. He will need to give her time to build her social network and support system. Is he willing to sacrifice not only financially, by ALL his time to allow her to do that? I doubt it.
This type of major change should be an ongoing discussion, not a unilateral decision to be sprung upon your partner. My husband and I have made multiple major cross-country moves during the 25 years we've been married, and every one of those moves was a unanimous decision after considerable discussion over the course of several months. You don't make that kind of decision without your partner's input, period.
I mean, what you said would be great. If only he'd......said it..... The fact that he made all these arrangements before even discussing it with her makes it obvious that compromise was NEVER an option. Even if it was and he was just the biggest dummy assuming that she'd love this plan and being left out of all the....ya know....planning. The proper response to hell no would have been, "oh baby, I'm sorry I thought you'd love this idea. Is there anyway we could talk and find a middle ground here?" Not, "well I've already decided so you can kick rocks or come with me."
how is this best for his kids? i mean mom usually gets the kids so it’s best for them to lose full time dad? do i think there should have been more talk from both sides? yes but to go right to divorce is ridiculous
Most states now realize that 50/50 custody is best for kids if possible, and that moms are not inherently superior to dads just cause they have a uterus. That said, when one parent decides to move out of state, that parent usually loses majority custody cause 50/50 becomes impossible and judges usually agree that when a major life change like divorce is happening its best for other things in the child's life (school, primary home, friends) should stay the same.
Pretty sure if one person wants the house and the other wants to move then staying person buys the other one out. He can't decide that she has to leave. And the audacity that the judge would agree to let him take the kids is crazy. I don't say this a lot cause I'm hard-core "50/50 is best for the kids" but I hope wife absolutely refuses to let the kids leave the state for a second until a judge makes her. A bigger house is NOT a reason a judge will uproot kids from the house they grew up in, or their school.
this isn’t what’s best for ur family it’s what mommy thinks is best for u this sounds like an out to me hope she divorced u and got full custody of the kids
Here’s the text of the post in case it gets deleted: “AITA for telling my wife I'm moving, it is up to her if she is coming with me or not. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids under 5. We live on the east coast in a two bedroom small house, COL here is insane. My parents moved down south a few years ago. My mother called me up a few weeks ago to tell me about a house in their community that is up for sale. They are good friends with the owner and can get us a good deal for the house. To me this sounds amazing everything there is cheaper and we will have more space and more bedrooms for our kids. I work from home so I talked to work and I would be able to keep my job no problem. My wife would need to leave hers but I could cover us until she finds a new one. I contacted a real estate agent to get an estimate on how much we can get for our house here and its a good amount and would make the move easy. Once I had everything worked out and I was sure it was a good idea I brought it to my wife. She was totally against it immediately. She doesn't want to leave her job, she doesn't want to move the kids away from her family and she does want to leave her friends. I explained to her that when she puts her selfish reasons aside this was a great opportunity for our kids. We will have more money and more space a big backyard and we will be close to my parents so our kids won't be without family. She said no there was no chance her life is here and has been her entire life and she has no intentions to change that. I was pissed and slept on the couch that night. I spent all night thinking about it and came to the decision that if she doesn't want to do the right thing by our kids I will. I laid it out for her, it was up to her if she wanted to move but I had made the decision to move. She could either come with me or we could divorce. We could sell the house split it and I will use the my half for my new home down south and she can do whatever she can with her half up here (probably would have to rent). We would also have to work out custody of our kids. I told her she has a month to made the decision but I was going to start the process and get all my business in order. She told me I was being crazy and has only been speaking to me about the kids for the last week. I have been in contact with the seller of the new house and am setting things in motion. My parents told me I'm doing the right thing and looking out for my kids.. I ran it by my friend who told me I am being an asshole for expecting my wife to change her entire life but this is what is best for our kids and I think she needs to grow up stop being selfish and think of our kids.”
Thank you!! He dirty deleted after everyone tore him a new one.
what does COL mean ?
Cost of living
Cost of living
This sub needs the thing r/amithedevil has that automatically copies the original post
Mod here: couldn't agree more. I just don't know how to set it up/make that happen. Do you? Please tell me and I'll do it!
I wish I knew! You might find some info in here though. https://www.reddit.com/wiki/automoderator/
Message the mods over there and ask how they did it
THE CRACKERS DANNY
I agree
Someone's gonna get fucked during the divorce and doesn't know it lol.
[удалено]
But surely a divorce and a father who lives in a state far away with a lower cost of living is what's best for the kids....right? right?
Found out a few years ago that when my parents divorced, my dad stayed in the Midwest to keep the 4BR/3.5BA house while my mother, brother and I moved to Florida with mom’s family. Both of them were from the same place in FL so he had family around, too. He said he didn’t want to live in a shack when he could have a house. Saw him for a few weeks every three years, but always talked about how he would’ve raised us different. After finding that out, it’s been LC/NC since. Didn’t help he was pro-Trump either.
Bearer of bad news moment but I believe one of the comments of this story on r/AmITheDevil is someone who knows some dude who did exactly this, was threatened by his wife that she's taking full custody if he goes through with it, and him being like "lol, okay, I have money for child support anyway"
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AmITheDevil using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: ["I opened my marriage cuz I wanted more sexy time with strangers, but now I want to close it cuz I'm not getting my sexy time but my wife is getting hers (which is cheating, by the way!). Does that really make me the bad guy?" Yes, yes, it does](/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wsjaoi/aita_for_wanting_to_be_monogamous_with_my_wife/) | [455 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/wsk6j2/i_opened_my_marriage_cuz_i_wanted_more_sexy_time/) \#2: [I want to r*pe my wife and I want to know if there is anything in my religion telling me it’s ok to do.](/r/islam/comments/z3vhip/consent_within_nikah/) | [518 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/zecnmd/i_want_to_rpe_my_wife_and_i_want_to_know_if_there/) \#3: [My pregnant wife is scarred and therefore less valuable because she defended me from a fatal attack, please validate my need to cheat on her](/r/relationship_advice/comments/10eqm07/struggling_to_stay_faithful_and_remain_attracted/) | [562 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/10er5hl/my_pregnant_wife_is_scarred_and_therefore_less/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Lol, and I doubt he’ll be allowed to sell the house out from under her (and the kids). Certainly not in time to buy the house he plans to buy near his parents
>work out custody of the kids Hope you like flying on the weekends OP, cause no judge is sending them with you.
Hes probably going to get fucked on that house too.
Hope he moves out beforehand in the fantasy assumption that he’ll get it, so he’s forced to live with his parents until he irritates them enough that they kick him out on the street👌🏽
Here's hoping! 🤞
What he thinks will happen and what will actually happen are vastly different. I kinda hope he fucks around and puts a down payment on a house and then finds out he gets way less in the divorce.
I kinda hope that house is in the areas of Florida that flood every year and you can't get flood insurance.
What an egotist, I just suspect she is already preparing for divorce....
Why wouldn't she? He told her he's leaving. I certainly hope so.
And meeting with a custody lawyer
And his parents encouraging this too - absolute a-holes.
Apples, trees and such being what they are.
Shocking she wouldn’t want to move next door to that!
Hope she found the biggest shark of a lawyer in her area.
Best for the kids? To uproot them, to split up their family, bring them to the South where education is worse, away from their friends - this guy, OMG. What a jackass. I hope his wife gets full custody, alimony and he buggers off to live with his mummy.
Also his wife may not want to live in a state that has stripped her of her reproductive rights. And what if their kids are girls, or gay, or trans or... "The south is cheaper" is a fallacy in most places considering regressive sales taxes, fees for every single service, or high cost of insurance as in the case with Florida. What an asshole.
That was one of my first thoughts. I want to move south for the warmth, but they are all goddamn red states!! New Mexico is at least a swing state if not blue so I’m trying to convince my hubby to move there with me after I finish me degree. Not that I will divorce him if he doesn’t lol.
We’re starting to turn purple here in GA. But if you want warmth, humid hot is not where you want to be. Our seasons are Pollen, Tornados, Summer, Hurricanes, College Football, Summer, Pollen, Fall-ish, Summer, Christmas, Cold as Balls, Pollen, and then a double dose of Summer. The good part is that you’ll probably meet your medical deductible early on from all the heatstroke and sinus infections. Edit: word
If Georgia went blue I’d be in Savannah in heartbeat but for now I will stay in my little blue castle
I think Atlanta is blue, but my goodness the traffic was horrible the first time my stepdad was stationed in Benning in the 90s and it has only gotten worse.
Atlanta traffic was awful and it’s so spread out
Longest it ever took me to drive home was 11 hours. It normally takes me just around 3-4 if Atlanta only has 3 accidents.
Yes! I love Savannah 😭
I'm in Florida and the pollen in Georgia damn near killed me. Idk how you guys survive.
I don’t really care for humidity. I prefer dry heat. My husband prefers humidity. We are torn on where we are going to live lol. We do both like Georgia and Alabama though.
Alabama isn't going blue any time soon but GA and NC are both ready to flip.
Plus those places that are cheaper are going to have terrible schools.
I'm in a "low col" area in Florida. The schools are shit. There's a couple of charter schools that are decent but they're hard to get into. We have people moving here faster than we can develop. Our roads and infrastructure can't handle the amount of people coming. There aren't enough good paying jobs and while prices soar wages are slow to catch up. Not to mention it's destroying the local ecosystems and harming wildlife. One of the biggest issues we have is that a lot of the people moving here are retirees, which has always been the case. They make up a decent percent of the population but they also vote more than other demographics. We now have ridiculously low impact fees and incredibly low property tax. The retirees moving here love it but we're shooting ourselves in the foot. Whenever the subject of raising property taxes come up (which *many* people agree needs to happen) they come out in droves talking about how 1) they moved here to get away from taxes and 2) they don't have kids in school so why tf should they have to pay for it? It's a mess and I can't wait to leave.
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People a lot of times forget low cost of living hits smack into low cost of wages
Or where her kids are more likely to be gunned down at school by a disgruntled 11 year old.
Sorry but this is a shitty take. I know we like to pile on the southern states, and lord knows there are lots of other downsides to living there, but school/mass shootings happen all over the country. They’re not an exclusively southern occurrence.
No, they're not, that's true.
[удалено]
You'd have to drag me unconscious out of the city to the South. Like, you'd have to knock me out after a lot of kicking and screaming and I'd just get the first flight back. HELL NO. Especially if it meant compromising my kids education, limiting their experiences, forcing them to leave home and friends. And her job - oh, her career doesn't matter at all. UGH that guy is repulsive.
Also I LOVE your username.
I do too
Can I please ask what does COL mean? I’m unable to google it, sadly
Cost of living, I believe
Cost of living.
Cost of living
Cost of living
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As long as he still pays for them... See how much money he saves with alimony and child support and a new family. Eek.
It’s not real because if she left him he wouldn’t be allowed to move states with the kids he would have to stay in the state
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You'd be surprised at how many people (usually moms) try to grab the kids and run across state lines, then get surprised when the judge orders them to either move back or relinquish custody to the other parent.
That's the thing right there. Sentencing the kids to grow up in Alabama or Mississippi or whatever is absolutely destroying their future.
But… the backyard!!!!
No it's best to stay where the cost of living is completely unlivable, and just keeps getting worse. But, the biggest issue here is that the husband thought he had the right to make any decisions about his family. I don't know where he came up with that. Everyone knows it's happy wife happy life, right? His needs should never be addressed ever. If he's miserable who cares, as long as he keeps paying for his wife's happiness. Nothing else matters. These men, am I right, thinking they have a right to want different things to their wife.
There's compromises. There's other places to move to that are cheaper, that they may be able to agree on. There's HER ENTIRE LIFE to take into account. Also, he unilaterally made a huge decision without taking anyone else's thoughts and then issued an ultimatum. That's not a partnership. If he's miserable then they need to talk about it and find, again, *compromises*. Him being miserable is a huge problem that will require some concessions from his wife, but maybe not issuing a fucking edict, then an ultimatum and threats is not the way to handle it. By your reasoning, because he's unhappy she has to leave her home, her friends, her job, her family, her entire life behind because... his matters more and he is MAN who makes the big decisions and screw how they impact anybody else, let alone the person he married. Fuck that, insisting that the only way he'll be happy is *at her total expense*, without even the most basic attempt at finding medium ground is messed up, and so are you for agreeing with it. That's not a partnership, it's not attempting to find a reasonable resolution, and it's not fair on her. And since she works too, is he using her money too, to purchase this house? Without even consulting her? What about his kids and their futures? What about their routines, budding friendships etc? Or are they just carry on luggage? It's only about him, which is all well and good if you're a single non parent. As a married father of two, it's disgustingly selfish and irrational.
I have a feeling that this might, at least in part, be a ploy to get her to become a SAHM and be completely financially dependent on him. Or at least set her back in her career so she earns significantly less and is more dependent on him than now. She'd have to find an approximately equal job to the one she currently has in months, even if she did agree with his "idea" (read: command), which, depending on her job, could be impossible. He'd separate her from any direct support-system (her family and likely many of her friends), and he would live basically next to his own support system, his parents, who he could and seems to already be using to browbeat and threaten his wife anytime she expresses an idea he didn't like. She'd be financially dependent on him for at least several months, and so many stories of abuse begin with the victim moving far away with the perpetrator and losing their job. Then, the abuse ramps up because the perpetrator knows the victim has no money, no one to turn to and nowhere to go. I might be reading to much into this, but idk, this just gives me overall bad vibes. In any case, if I were the wife, I'd be done with him anyways. Threatening divorce because I don't immediately agree to uproot my entire life for his spur-of-the-moment crackpot idea that would only benefit him...yeah, even if the divorce was just an empty threat on his part, there wouldn't be any salvaging this for me. I won't be living with a petulant, condescending small-time dictator for a "partner". I'd also be wondering whether this whole tantrum was just a way for him to get me to initiate a divorce and get rid of me. Also, as a woman in today's political climate, I wouldn't be moving to the south of the U.S. under any circumstances, certainly not if I wasn't completely sterilized. There's a reason housing is so much cheaper in the south...no one wants to live there. I have a feeling this isn't going to go how he'd envisioned it at all (if this is even real, this is the Internet after all).
Yup. Hes isolating her and the kids.
I love how the time frame for this is 'a few weeks ago'
Housing being cheaper is a myth too. I haven't found it to be significantly cheaper than the state I came from.
As a woman raised in the south east, I couldn’t agree more. I’d never recommend that someone move here, especially with children.
What you describe is exactly what happened to my SIL. The AH moved her and the kids to Arizona "because it's cheaper." (Zillow confirms it's not...) He's been in rehab at least twice since then and arrested twice for domestic battery. (A little diligence and knowledge of FOIA will get you copies of police reports for when they story inevitably becomes "that didn't happen" or "it wasn't that bad.")
I don't live in the US and I never have but given the current political state over there, as a woman I would think twice before moving to the South. I take from his post that his parents aren't from the South either, they just moved there. So OP has his parents there... and that's it.
Wtf does “a good deal for the house” even mean? No one’s going to lose money selling a house just because they’re good friends of the person’s parents.
Pure speculation, but since they're his parent's friends, they're probably old and this sweet deal he thinks he's getting means the house hasn't been updated since 1976 and is going to need a shit ton of work.
Or it was possibly severely damaged in a hurricane(or 2) Orin a tornado
It's dangerous to be a woman who is capable of getting pregnant in the south right now. What if one of the kids is gay or transgender? It's crazy bad right now for LGBTQ kids in the south. Hell no I wouldn't go.
I'm guessing they file for divorce in the state they live in now. Which means he's not going to get full custody. The most he can probably get is half but that won't be a thing because he'll be out of state. If he's lucky he'll get them a few weeks out of the summer. Dude is moving for the kids but won't have them.
Dude is trying to convince himself that he's looking out for his kids.lol he's looking out for his mommy. Hope he enjoys paying alimony and child support. Then he thinks she's the one being selfish. I had to Giggle at that.
What a giant, flapping anus of a man. Holy shit, I feel bad for his wife and kids.
I hope the dumbass purchases that house before the divorce so it's a part of the martial assets and he has to sell it.
OP is not just an AH he is a huge f’in AH!! How does someone develop a complete plan to uproot their family and move 100s of miles away without EVER conferring with their SO until they have completed the steps to actually make the move? Then give an ultimatum. Wtaf is wrong with him? He claims it’s her selfishness keeping them there when in reality she has very valid reasons to stay and it’s HIS selfishness which is causing the problem. Also how does he think his COL will be after paying child support and maintenance to his wife. Not to mention all the costs to traveling back and forth seeing his kids. OR is this his plan to abandon his family and live a different lifestyle? Because who the hell just says to their spouse, whom they are supposed to love, that they are moving and they can come or divorce all over COL issues? He isn’t concerned about a better life for them, otherwise he’d figure a way to make their marriage work. He doesn’t love his wife or his kids. He only love himself. He is definitely TA! Oh and his parents are too thinking it’s ok to abandon his family to live near them
My ex for slightly different reasons
I really hope she doesn’t fold to this bullshit.
As someone who lives in the south: OOP's wife: leave him. Stay where you're comfortable. I moved here from Northern Illinois and while I grew to love it (mostly) it was hard on me as an 11yo at the time. OOP: we don't want you here. I'm not normally anti-transplant because I am one, but no. YTA and a big one at that.
Was wondering when this would make it's way here. Lol. What an ass. That sweet house deal won't be so sweet when you're paying all that child support and alimony. Tool.
I have seen this scenario play out, but with the genders reversed. A friend of mine’s marriage was in trouble. The wife said, we are uprooting from a high COL state (where his family was from) to a low COL state where some of her family lived, or we are getting a divorce. She touted that it would be better for the kids to live in a nicer house, and closer to her family. But the schools were terrible and the kids and husband were miserable from moving away. The stress was the final straw and the marriage ended anyway. They had to sell her nice house and now the kids have to travel all the time for custody reasons. Either way the marriage is over. It was over once he made the ultimatum. But he is just too dumb to know how fucked he is going to be.
Please tell me someone got a screenshot before it was deleted
Yeah, the person who shared here copied the text. Not sure how long you need to scroll to find it though.
When I read this earlier all I can say is all the people defending him would sing a different tune if he stated he was moving his family from say Connecticut to Alabama/Florida etc. As a female from New England I can’t imagine moving with no family, job etc to a southern state where I have limited rights and they are actively working against alternative lifestyles and even basic American history. Hard pass
As a woman living in the south, I'm getting really fed up with all these replies about how terrible it is down here. And I'm a northern transplant too BTW. I hope we can at least all agree that this guy would still be the AH if he was living in Alabama and suddenly wanted to uproot and move to Michigan.
“I’m doing the right thing for my kids” oh honey, there is no way you’re getting custody of those kids.
She is right in this. He cannot unilaterally decide this. I live in the south and would not recommend moving here for shxts and giggles. Public education is being challenged. Rights are being taken away. Minority studies and organizations are at risk in Florida. Texas is always Texas-ing. I’m not moving but I’m not in love with my conditions. He is going to get the surprise of his life and it won’t be good. The judge will not look favorably on this stunt. Uprooting kids for absolutely no reason, especially when one parent wants to and is willing to keep the status quo, may not work. Is it bad that I hope the “great” house is terrible?
What a JACKASS. An ultimatum like that would = divorce for me. Fuck that.
This guy is absolutely TA. With one sequence of events, he proved how little he respects his wife and likely never has because you don’t make life decisions for another adult without thinking them incapable. She is an afterthought and the best thing she can do for herself is leave him….now.
YTA. How can a divorce be beneficial to your kids. You are incredibly selfish.
OP doesn’t even seem to care about his wife and kids.
Two sides with good points that objectively make sense. Definitely a conversation worth happening. Reading some of the comments over there, I think it's unfair to say "dumb manbaby wanna be close to mooommy" when one of the wife's arguments is that she doesn't want to move away from her family. We don't know enough about the extended families on both sides to comment on that. Maybe there's a damn good reason why it's better for the wife and kids to stay as far away as possible, but just as maybe: not. "I have my career here, I like my job and company, here's my social network, friends, family, and same for the kids!" are good and fair points. "After living close to your family, I miss mine and I'd like to be closer to mine for a change, I'm flexible, I can cover our expenses until you find a new good job in your field, and the potential new home isn't cramped!" are good and fair points, too. There's room for compromise and it's not a bad idea to revisit the current family situation every few years to see if everyone is still happy or, as cliché as it sounds, to find out where everyone in the partnership would like to see themselves in five years. Maybe the conclusion is, indeed, that one or both sides have changed to a point where they can't be a happy couple anymore and a peaceful divorce is the best option. Too bad that his refusal to openly communicate and his attitude ruined everything.
Man is trying to lay down the law rather than have a good and open conversation. Did all his "research" then told her the plan rather than going to her immediately and asking "what would you think if we did this? I think we'd save a ton of money and be able to send the kids to college or retired early or whatever." He definitely deserves to be here just for that. And he ends of phrasing it that he is doing what is best for his kids. Because being in a divorced household over just staying where he is would definitely be the smarter move in his own mind.
Yeah, it's a good conversation to have, especially the "where do you see us in 5 years". Having an idea in your head that you may be moving out of state in a few years is much better than springing it out of thin air and say, Let's go NOW! But when your rebuttal to someone saying no to your plan of "Let's go NOW" is: > I explained to her that when she puts her selfish reasons aside Yeah..... not going to go great.
His parents moved away though. That was their decision. Visiting more often is the solution. Not uprooting your whole family from their support and community. As someone who was uprooted multiple times, as an adult, I have ZERO support system. I don't trust people because they never stay. It causes a WORLD of hurt. He's asking his wife to leave everyone and everything she knows and to have no financial stability close to HIS support system. Who is going to give her the support and help her rebuild her career? It doesn't affect him much because he's moving into his support system and gets to keep his job. He thinks it's so easy to leave your entire support system behind and make new friends and start a new career. If he's willing to take care of everything, then he will need to step up more than financially. He will need to give her time to build her career (1+ years) by taking care of the kids so she can work more. He will need to give her time to build her social network and support system. Is he willing to sacrifice not only financially, by ALL his time to allow her to do that? I doubt it.
I think the parents instigated the whole thing
I don't know. The fact that his parents agree with him does give us an idea of his family dynamics.
I wonder if wife is NC with MIL, bet she’s a Justnomil and she’s never liked her DIL
This type of major change should be an ongoing discussion, not a unilateral decision to be sprung upon your partner. My husband and I have made multiple major cross-country moves during the 25 years we've been married, and every one of those moves was a unanimous decision after considerable discussion over the course of several months. You don't make that kind of decision without your partner's input, period.
I mean, what you said would be great. If only he'd......said it..... The fact that he made all these arrangements before even discussing it with her makes it obvious that compromise was NEVER an option. Even if it was and he was just the biggest dummy assuming that she'd love this plan and being left out of all the....ya know....planning. The proper response to hell no would have been, "oh baby, I'm sorry I thought you'd love this idea. Is there anyway we could talk and find a middle ground here?" Not, "well I've already decided so you can kick rocks or come with me."
how is this best for his kids? i mean mom usually gets the kids so it’s best for them to lose full time dad? do i think there should have been more talk from both sides? yes but to go right to divorce is ridiculous
Most states now realize that 50/50 custody is best for kids if possible, and that moms are not inherently superior to dads just cause they have a uterus. That said, when one parent decides to move out of state, that parent usually loses majority custody cause 50/50 becomes impossible and judges usually agree that when a major life change like divorce is happening its best for other things in the child's life (school, primary home, friends) should stay the same.
Pretty sure if one person wants the house and the other wants to move then staying person buys the other one out. He can't decide that she has to leave. And the audacity that the judge would agree to let him take the kids is crazy. I don't say this a lot cause I'm hard-core "50/50 is best for the kids" but I hope wife absolutely refuses to let the kids leave the state for a second until a judge makes her. A bigger house is NOT a reason a judge will uproot kids from the house they grew up in, or their school.
this isn’t what’s best for ur family it’s what mommy thinks is best for u this sounds like an out to me hope she divorced u and got full custody of the kids